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It starts small. 
Your partner does something that

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gets under your skin. 
So do you say something in risk 

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and argument, or do you say 
quiet and let it simmer? 

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That's the pattern that so many 
couples get stuck in. 

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So today we're gonna be looking 
at real Reddit stories of 

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couples stuck right in that 
moment. 

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Couples that just aren't sure 
how to speak up without wrecking

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the moment. 
We'll read these stories, 

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workshop them from our 
perspective, and give you some 

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tools that you can actually use 
in your relationship. 

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Honey, we Need to chat. 
Welcome back to Honey We Need to

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Chat, The podcast all about 
communication and relationships.

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My name is Amy. 
This is my wife, Blair. 

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I just, I just because Blair 
usually does this part. 

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As you can see, my wife Blair is
back with me. 

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I'm back. 
He's back this week. 

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I'm back and we have a little 
present. 

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We we have a third person 
joining the podcast. 

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And and you only can see this if
you're on YouTube to get on 

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YouTube, but it's our award that
we won last week. 

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Yeah. 
So for those that don't know 

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that didn't TuneIn last week, 
Amy soloed last week's episode, 

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did a coaching course with you 
guys and it was fantastic to go 

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check that out. 
But I was MIAI was up in the 

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Gold Coast. 
Amy and I were nominated for an 

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emerging talent award and man, 
what a ride we were like we 

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legit we're looking at the 
nominees and we're like, look, 

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there's no way we're going to 
win. 

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You know, like we're just not 
that big. 

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We're not that known. 
There's no way we're going to 

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win. 
We're like, oh, look, it'll be a

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really good investment for us to
network and get to know people. 

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And so people are going, we're 
nominated. 

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So people are going to, you 
know, know the name a little bit

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more now. 
So I went up there and we're 

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sitting, I was sitting in the 
awards night thing and we got, 

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we won. 
It was just so weird. 

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Like we just weren't expecting 
that at all. 

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And we just won. 
So that helped networking. 

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Yeah, And it was so funny 
because I'm like, in my pyjamas 

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on the bed, like refreshing, 
refreshing, refreshing the live 

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stream. 
And I missed it. 

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Yeah. 
And. 

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So mad. 
The one segment that I missed 

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was ours, but I was like, this 
is so weird to be across the 

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country looking the way I'm 
looking and winning an award. 

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Blair. 
Blair represent I. 

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Wrapped it so check out this 
week's vlog as well. 

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Actually, it's going to be last 
week's vlog by the time this 

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podcast episode comes out so 
check out last week's vlog. 

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I think it's vlog number 7 and 
you're going to see that whole 

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trip. 
So I filmed majority of it, 

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yeah, just to show you guys as 
well. 

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So go check. 
That out I haven't even seen. 

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I haven't finished it. 
Well, I haven't seen the clips. 

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No, that's true. 
Yeah. 

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So I also will be checking it 
out. 

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Yes. 
Well, on this podcast, if you've

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been around for a little while, 
you will have heard us say that 

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when communication dies, bad 
things happen. 

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That's the kind of tagline that 
we go with. 

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And even this week, we've seen 
news articles indicating just 

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how true this is. 
When communication dies, bad 

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things happen. 
It's so important for 

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communication to stay alive in 
order for us to be functioning 

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in a constructive way, 
regardless of the area. 

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And we've seen that in politics 
this week, some really sad 

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stuff. 
We've seen that across the world

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in global situations, in big 
corporations. 

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And we see that more intimately 
in relationships. 

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And that's why we do what we do.
And we talk about this on a on a

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smaller, more intimate family 
personal level. 

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But when communication dies, bad
things happen, things breakdown,

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patterns get destroyed, you 
know, grand scheme, we see this 

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politics dissolve, humans become
divided, defensive, dehumanised.

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And then on this more intimate 
level, we see relationships 

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breaking down, we see families 
breaking down, we see systems 

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from the ground floor breaking 
down. 

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And so that's why we're so 
passionate about a communication

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workshopping, how to do that 
constructively, and just the 

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power and the freedom that comes
from being able to talk, being 

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able to communicate. 
And so that's why we're going to

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dive through this this Reddit 
series today. 

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We're going to be looking at 
just a classic Reddit episode 

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with a bunch of Reddit stories, 
and we're going to workshop how 

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we would communicate through 
some of these things. 

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It's just an example to show how
many times in relationships, how

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often through relationships 
there's decisions to build 

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communication or decisions to 
avoid it, and how quickly those 

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little decisions that might not 
feel that big can build into a 

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bigger pattern. 
I had someone comment to me just

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recently about how they're, 
they're finding themselves in 

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this frustrating pattern with 
external family members that are

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difficult. 
And they're in this pattern 

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where they have to always find 
excuses, always avoid seeing 

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these people because they're a 
difficult family member. 

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And I was just thinking as they 
were sharing this with me, this 

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family member is really 
difficult to be around. 

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So I can understand that. 
But I wonder how different it 

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would be, how different this 
pattern would be if way back at 

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the beginning, communication had
been focused on clear, honest, 

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raw communication had been 
focused on how different would 

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that pattern be now? 
And hindsight is 2020. 

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We don't know. 
We can't predict the future. 

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It's really hard to project that
stuff. 

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And it's easier to look back and
be like, oh, look at where we've

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come. 
But this is kind of an example 

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of what we talk about here. 
If we can implement constructive

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communication as soon as 
possible, then these patterns 

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can be avoided. 
Doesn't mean that this difficult

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family member becomes easy to be
around. 

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Sometimes that just means much 
clearer boundaries. 

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But what's more important when I
think about this area is the 

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freedom that you feel to show up
honestly as yourself, knowing 

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that you're being as 
constructive as you can be as an

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individual. 
Or else we find ourselves in 

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these patterns years down the 
track where it's really 

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complicated and there's also a 
blurring of ownership. 

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It becomes a different problem. 
It morphs from one problem to 

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another and it shifts that 
ownership. 

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And so those are the things that
only breakdown and kill 

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communication. 
They kill relationship. 

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So today we're going to talk 
about that in some of these 

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Reddit stories. 
We're going to dive into these 

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stories. 
We're going to workshop how we 

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would navigate it. 
These are real people, real 

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situations and where real people
just workshopping how we might 

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tackle these things as we go in.
And before we do go on, I want 

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to just mention as well, I mean,
I've, we've got some feedback. 

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We've got it a while ago asking 
the question like, do you guys 

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actually struggle as well? 
And the answer is absolutely 

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like this podcast is really down
to we've had, we've been really 

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blessed to have a lot of people 
speak into our relationship. 

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There's a lot of things that I 
mean, I've had to work on too. 

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And that's where a lot of this 
comes out of is the things that 

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we work on. 
We realised when we got asked 

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that question is like how 
disconnected some people might 

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feel from us being able to 
actually relate to your 

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situation. 
And because we're people behind 

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the mic. 
And So what we've done is we 

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wanted to help bring you behind 
the scenes a little bit more, 

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get to know us a little bit 
more. 

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And so if you're not on our 
socials, go follow Instagram, 

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TikTok, Facebook, but make sure 
you go check out YouTube to on 

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YouTube. 
We have weekly vlogs as well. 

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We're also going to be coming 
out with more small coaching 

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clips that will go on there 
specifically for help you work 

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through what it is you're 
working through. 

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I also want to plug our website,
honey, we need to chat.com on 

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there. 
We have a bunch of resources 

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that will tie down to specific 
episodes as well to help you 

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actually navigate through it. 
So one thing you're listening, 

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we don't want to just be more 
noise out there. 

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There's so much noise, positive 
and negative noise, but we want 

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to help you actually work 
through that personally. 

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So go check out our website, 
download the free work resources

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and you it'll help you navigate 
through that and wrestle through

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that as well. 
Yeah, definitely. 

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Cool. 
Let's dive into some Reddit. 

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Stories. 
Let's Reddit. 

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Reddit Story Reddit story #122 
Male with 22 female new 

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relationship. 
How do I raise concerns about 

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her childlike behaviour and baby
talk? 

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I'm a 22 male and recently 
started dating a 22 female. 

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She's kind, smart, loving and 
beautiful. 

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Everything I could want in a 
partner. 

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We've been together for a short 
while and I genuinely care about

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her. 
However, she often talks to me 

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in a baby voice and behaves in 
ways that seem overly childlike.

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For example how she dresses, the
way she speaks. 

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At first I thought it was cute 
and playful, but now it's 

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starting to affect the way I see
our connection. 

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It sometimes feels like she sees
herself as a child, which is a 

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bit unsettling. 
She also doesn't put much effort

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into dressing up or creating 
romantic spark moments, and I 

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worry that we might grow apart 
if I don't address it. 

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How can I bring this up kindly 
and respectfully without hurting

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her or making her feel judged? 
I want our relationship to grow 

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in a healthy way and 
communication is important. 

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I just don't want to mess it up.
This one I think is really 

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important, like sensitively. 
So you know, straight away I'm 

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like, man, I would struggle if 
that was. 

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You're like a baby. 
You're like a baby. 

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I would just genuinely really 
struggle. 

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But I know if you did that and I
just came straight out and said 

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can you stop talking like a 
baby? 

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You would be that would be like 
a shock to you. 

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And I could just see like a 
whole that is just so much room 

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for insecurities and everything 
to come into that space. 

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Especially like how long have 
they been dining for? 

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Very recently, very recently, I 
think they said exactly. 

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Especially, I mean, especially 
always, especially especially if

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you first started dating because
you're still getting, you're 

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still building that trust with 
each other. 

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So the fact is, you know, you 
know how people use humour a lot

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in situations. 
I can see it's something 

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similar, right? 
Like, so my issue is I get too 

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jokey. 
I joke too much because that's 

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just the way that I never get 
through difficult situations or 

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try and deal with boredom or 
whatever. 

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But I do it too much. 
So if you just said stop trying 

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to joke all the time, like that 
would be to me, like, I don't 

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know what to do with that, 
right? 

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Like this is just what I do. 
And so it would be feeling like 

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you're attacking a bit of me, 
even though it's not me. 

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I would feel that. 
Well, I immediately think a 

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similar thing, but that this 
baby talk might be from 

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insecurity from the first place.
So the new relationship like 

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probably a little bit awkward 
still navigating getting to know

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each other and may or may not 
have been in many relationships 

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in the past. 
Like she's pretty young and so I

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can imagine there being a little
bit of like, like not sure how 

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to act. 
And so pointing it out, it's a 

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sort of the similar with the 
joking thing, right? 

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Like pointing it out is 
important, but how you point it 

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out. 
And I guess as we always say, 

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the curiosity about why and 
being very careful about how you

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how you are curious about it can
be really important, I think, to

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figure out what's making that 
happen. 

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Yeah, exactly. 
So asking the question like, 

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don't, I wouldn't come straight 
out and say stop talking like a 

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baby. 
Like like even just jokingly, 

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like, why do you do that? 
Like, what is that Like, you 

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know, be have fun with it. 
You know, I mean, like, I know 

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it might get irritating, but 
have that exploration be fun. 

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Don't you don't need to be so 
strict. 

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And that's probably something 
you got to put aside as well as 

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put away. 
Like put aside your frustration 

229
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:37,920
with it or the cringiness of it,
whatever you're feeling. 

230
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:39,560
Yeah. 
Try and have fun with it as 

231
00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:41,800
you're exploring it and then 
work through it together. 

232
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:43,400
Yeah. 
Something that comes to my mind 

233
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:46,600
about the the clothes though. 
Yes, when we first started 

234
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:49,440
dating and he wore Doc Martins. 
Oh yeah. 

235
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,760
This is so I was like, this is 
so funny because like, I'm like,

236
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:56,120
I I just made a comment. 
I don't like Doc Martins. 

237
00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:57,480
They're big. 
They're bulky. 

238
00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:59,560
It's not his vibe. 
It's not my vibe, right? 

239
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:00,960
They were Amy. 
Vibe. 

240
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,880
They were Amy's vibe. 
I just made one comment. 

241
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,160
That is it. 
I made one comment. 

242
00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,040
I think it was. 
I didn't even know what I said. 

243
00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:10,800
He said I, I think he said I 
didn't expect you to dress so 

244
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,120
emo. 
You know, something along. 

245
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,120
Those lines, I mean, I thought 
it was going to be smoother than

246
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:18,400
that. 
Anyway, I said one thing and Amy

247
00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:20,800
got rid of them like she did not
wear them. 

248
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:22,640
I have never seen her in DOC 
minds. 

249
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:26,680
And we were very fresh dating. 
Yeah, we went on a date. 

250
00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,040
We went. 
On our first date first. 

251
00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:30,040
Date. 
Yeah, and like, I felt sorry 

252
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:31,640
back because that was not my 
intention. 

253
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:34,680
It was just not being aware of 
the words that I was using. 

254
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,920
And even how did you feel in 
that when I said that? 

255
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,160
I mean, do you remember back 
that? 

256
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:42,040
Far I didn't feel. 
I think I was like, oh, this is 

257
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:44,000
not his thing. 
I thought it looked. 

258
00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,840
I liked that look or I liked 
that look back then, but it 

259
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,920
wasn't like closely tied in. 
If I was like fully invested in 

260
00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,080
that, yeah, then I probably 
would have been a little bit 

261
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,560
more insecure about it. 
I don't love that That's how it 

262
00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:57,440
played out if I think about it 
in like hindsight. 

263
00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:59,680
I hate that, yeah. 
Like even recently I was like, 

264
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:02,400
oh, I could do with some Doc 
Martens, but I know you know 

265
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,800
I'll. 
Just tell you like do not know 

266
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,120
I. 
Wouldn't know and we I had this 

267
00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:08,720
conversation, I don't know, a 
couple months ago yeah I was 

268
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,200
like, well, I would get them, 
but you don't like I was just 

269
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,040
joking. 
You would disown me or something

270
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:14,480
and then you're like, I wouldn't
disown you. 

271
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:20,480
But it's a good conversation 
because where And it's I don't 

272
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:23,440
know the answer to this. 
Like where is preferences? 

273
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:26,400
Where's the line with that? 
And I think for us, it was so 

274
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:29,520
low on my priority list that I 
was like, oh, I'll get rid of 

275
00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:30,880
them. 
I'm not yeah, I'm not gonna wear

276
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:34,000
things, especially early on that
I know is not his vibe. 

277
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,400
If you had made a comment about 
my body or something, that would

278
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,440
be totally, totally different 
because that's something I can't

279
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:40,800
change. 
And I and if again, if it was 

280
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:44,400
like a really intense, like if 
it was like, you know, I love my

281
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,520
hair purple. 
Like I just love my hair being 

282
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,080
purple. 
And you made comment about it 

283
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:51,200
and that that would be probably 
more problematic, but to me it 

284
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,440
was like a give or take. 
And I was like, OK, whatever, 

285
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,280
I'll get rid of them. 
And I just noted you're not a 

286
00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:59,600
emoy dude. 
And that's kind of how I was 

287
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:03,520
when I was younger, so. 
I can think through too like so 

288
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,920
if if you were so we've never 
really had issues with each 

289
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,160
other's clothes, but being more 
the opposite. 

290
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,360
Like I want to dress in a way 
that you'd like. 

291
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:14,200
Like that's that's sort of my 
style, which is not really a 

292
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:16,120
style to be. 
Well, neither of us are super 

293
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:17,280
styled. 
I think that's so. 

294
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:20,720
The clothes 1 is a little bit 
hard, but I can see how if you, 

295
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:24,240
if I was to have comments on 
your clothes like how that could

296
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:27,680
affect you though, like you're 
trying to live a life of 

297
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:30,320
impressing me, I think is not 
healthy. 

298
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:34,400
So with the clothes being, I 
mean, it's her style too, like 

299
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,360
like that's that's fine. 
You know, if she's not, if she's

300
00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:40,320
not wearing the clothes that you
want, I think you'll be very 

301
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,080
careless. 
This fine line of sharing what 

302
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:46,280
you like and you know, dressing 
for each other, whatever and 

303
00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:51,280
just trying to change her. 
I just, I think the changing 

304
00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:53,920
sort of stuff is probably not 
the healthy bit about it, but 

305
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:57,000
the conversation. 
The conversation's important, 

306
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,200
but I think almost a curiosity 
with yourself as well. 

307
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:02,640
So this story is interesting and
I think this is probably more 

308
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:04,920
relevant to us, he says. 
She also doesn't put much effort

309
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:07,440
into dressing up or creating 
romantic spark moment. 

310
00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:08,960
So I don't know what, I don't 
really know what he means. 

311
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:10,920
I was gonna have comments on 
that in a little bit, so you. 

312
00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:13,240
Yeah, well, so they're not 
putting much effort into 

313
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,960
dressing up and she talks in a 
baby voice to me. 

314
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:20,560
I struggle to put effort in. 
Like if I'm low, I my lowness 

315
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,200
emotionally plays out on my 
external. 

316
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,800
I don't, I struggle to put 
effort into how I look. 

317
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,520
I struggle to get out of that 
hole, especially if I've like 

318
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:32,120
got when and I always do. 
I always have had like body 

319
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:35,200
insecurities or what's it called
self esteem, stuff like that. 

320
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,920
And so it just builds a picture 
for me. 

321
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:41,320
If she's not putting effort in, 
especially early in a 

322
00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:45,160
relationship, for me, that would
flag that potentially there's 

323
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:48,920
like more evidence for 
insecurities or more evidence 

324
00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:50,480
for some mental health stuff 
going on. 

325
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,720
Maybe she's just like a very 
chill dresser and she doesn't do

326
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:55,680
that anyway. 
But that with the baby voice, it

327
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:58,840
just I'm like, it's building a 
picture for me that that she 

328
00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:00,240
might be navigating these 
things. 

329
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:03,680
And that's a tricky one because 
if I think about my experience, 

330
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:07,000
like I want to put effort in, 
not just for you anymore. 

331
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,360
Like I think earlier on it was 
more about you. 

332
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:13,000
And now as we've gotten older, 
it's more about also myself, but

333
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:14,320
I want to be able to put effort 
in. 

334
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:18,240
But when I feel bad about myself
and I'm in this hole, it's 

335
00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:21,320
really complicated because if 
you were like, you haven't 

336
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:24,360
really dressed up nicely, that 
would just like pile more on. 

337
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:26,200
It's like such a delicate 
balance. 

338
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:30,600
And so your curiosity about 
which we've never had this kind 

339
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,440
you, we've literally never had 
this conversation. 

340
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,880
But if if you were wanting to 
raise something like that, your 

341
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:38,000
curiosity about what's going on 
for me would be more important, 

342
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,560
I think than you saying you 
don't put much effort in being 

343
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,880
like, how are you feeling? 
You seem low or like what's 

344
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:46,480
going on and exploring that 
stuff and then time together is 

345
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,440
what helps you have that because
you understand each other 

346
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,000
better, you know each others 
patterns better. 

347
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,000
Yeah, exactly. 
So going that's going really 

348
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,040
into the spark element for me 
that he talks about. 

349
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:58,960
So he says she doesn't put much 
effort in dressing up all 

350
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:02,800
creating romantic spark moments.
And I worry that we might grow 

351
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:06,200
up high if I don't address it. 
It's funny to bunch the clothes 

352
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:08,080
and the spark thing up. 
So I'm not. 

353
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:11,880
This is me trying to read 
between the lines and trying to 

354
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,520
interpret what I think he might 
be saying. 

355
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,400
So I'm going to try and separate
the two there. 

356
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:19,000
So I'm dressing up and the spark
moments. 

357
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,720
I think the spark moments are 
important. 

358
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,680
Yeah, I think I really do. 
I think the spark moments are 

359
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,000
important. 
Not in terms of you've always 

360
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:29,080
got to be having that spark 
every moment, every time, but 

361
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:32,080
being intentional with trying to
create that spark moment. 

362
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:34,200
So what? 
OK, let me clarify what I mean 

363
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:37,480
by a spark moment. 
So a spark moment is like dates 

364
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:40,720
like, you know, putting in 
effort into, you know, so it's 

365
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,760
not like, so for example, if I 
was the only one that ever put 

366
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:45,680
in effort for a date night, that
would be hard. 

367
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:47,640
Yeah. 
If I was the only one that put 

368
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:50,600
in efforts to give you cuddles 
or words of affirmation or 

369
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,880
whatever else it is, that would 
be harder, right? 

370
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:55,080
When it's one sided, that is 
hard. 

371
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:57,680
So the spark moment because 
that, that, you know, that's 

372
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:01,880
with our feeds into our romance,
It feel it feeds into our time 

373
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:04,880
together. 
I think it, it feeds into the 

374
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:06,680
way that we dress as well in a 
weird way. 

375
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,359
Like if we go out for a date 
night, we are dressing up when 

376
00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:13,200
we are putting in that effort a 
bit more because we, you know, 

377
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,480
we're not wanting to go out for 
dinner in our track suits 

378
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:17,720
because we're wanting that 
special moment together. 

379
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:20,720
So I, I think it's really 
important to do and definitely 

380
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,800
something that's probably one of
the easiest things to dwindle 

381
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:27,560
after relationships being 
together for too long and 

382
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:30,440
especially relationships that 
haven't really been able to 

383
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,840
communicate through things or 
prioritise things in that 

384
00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:36,640
relationship. 
Yeah, and again, I, because I, I

385
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,040
just can kind of play this out 
for myself because I've seen 

386
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:43,160
these patterns when I'm low, I 
think I do have on my side, I, I

387
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:46,000
assess what's going on for 
myself, but some people really 

388
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:50,200
struggle to do that. 
And if I felt insecure, 

389
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:53,640
especially early on. 
So an example I have is one of 

390
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,800
my other boyfriends, my my first
boyfriend. 

391
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:59,440
Not her other current boyfriend,
yeah. 

392
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:02,120
My first boyfriend in high 
school, I thought like, I'd 

393
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:03,640
never been in a relationship 
before. 

394
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:05,160
And I thought, oh, this is going
well. 

395
00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:08,240
And then he raised something 
like, I don't know, a couple 

396
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,520
months in or something. 
That was really interesting. 

397
00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:12,480
And at the time I felt really 
embarrassed by it. 

398
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:15,440
But he's like, you always agree 
with me, like you, you can say 

399
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:17,800
what you think. 
And I realised I really had been

400
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,120
like, like anything he said I 
was like, Yep, that's right. 

401
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:22,720
And I was like, I must have been
like a brick wall or something, 

402
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:27,400
or just like a personality less 
person because I just, I just 

403
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:29,280
thought in my head, I don't want
to rock the boat and I don't 

404
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,440
want to say the wrong thing and 
I'm feeling insecure. 

405
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:33,200
And so I just kind of held it 
back and it was really 

406
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:34,680
interesting. 
He raised it gently. 

407
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,960
It was like, kudos to him. 
He did, he did well with that. 

408
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,600
But he's like, you can disagree 
with me. 

409
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:43,760
And I was like, can and I think 
it's sort of the same thing. 

410
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:46,840
Like I can, even when we got 
together, I was a bit older 

411
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:49,240
than, I mean, I was older than 
what I was dating this person. 

412
00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:52,720
So, you know, five years and I'd
lived out of home for a little 

413
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,640
bit in that time. 
So I'd had more life experience.

414
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:58,520
But even then I still struggled 
in, in the face of your 

415
00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:01,600
confidence and your independence
because you'd been out of the 

416
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,680
house and been working and like 
been an independent adult for so

417
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,960
long. 
I still struggled sometimes just

418
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,280
with this like thought of, I 
don't know what's going on. 

419
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,840
Like you're so confident and I 
don't really know what's going 

420
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:13,560
on. 
And I I had to really force 

421
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:16,360
myself and it probably took a 
little while, It's taken years, 

422
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:18,880
but to recognise, OK, what do I 
think about this? 

423
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:21,480
What should I say about this? 
And I think or even like, what's

424
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:25,480
my preference in this moment and
spark moments like organising 

425
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,000
something. 
I think it's easy when you're 

426
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,400
insecure to just float because 
you're like, I don't know what's

427
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,080
going on and there's whatever it
is that you're navigating 

428
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,000
internally can just make you 
want to float. 

429
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,800
And you're like, I'll just do 
what they want to do and I blah,

430
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:38,600
blah, blah. 
Yeah. 

431
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:42,120
So I can imagine the young Amy 
just floating along with 

432
00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:45,120
whatever you wanted to do, like 
whatever date you wanted to do, 

433
00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:47,640
whatever event you wanted to do,
whatever you wanted to be 

434
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:51,080
affectionate and not feeling 
confident that I can be that on 

435
00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:54,200
my own. 
And, and, and maybe that's like,

436
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,400
I can imagine that baby voice 
coming through, 'cause I'm like,

437
00:19:57,120 --> 00:20:01,200
I'm gonna, I'm gonna hide behind
my baby voice when I'm trying to

438
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,560
say things. 
And so I think it's just. 

439
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,360
Screaming and insecurity there 
of what? 

440
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:09,080
Whatever kind, I don't know. 
And I think when you're 

441
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:12,000
navigating these things, 
curiosity is your first point. 

442
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:15,440
Like first point is curiosity, 
gentle curiosity, and then 

443
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,640
asking yourself what's happening
for you. 

444
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,920
So there's another whole topic, 
a whole different tangent we 

445
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,000
could go on, which we're not 
going to right now, which is 

446
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,400
when people get the ick. 
Have you heard that phrase? 

447
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:27,920
I got the ick. 
And it's so descriptive. 

448
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:30,600
It's like when you all of a 
sudden see something from a 

449
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:34,400
different like way or some like 
awkward thing and you're like, I

450
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,960
can't get that picture out of my
head now. 

451
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:39,440
So there's some examples of like
I saw them trying to change 

452
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,280
their pants and they're like 
hobbling around. 

453
00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:45,680
All of a sudden you're like, oh,
I got the ick and shaking that. 

454
00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:49,360
Like it's hard to shake that. 
This is a little bit off topic, 

455
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,960
so we won't spend too much time 
on this, but something you said 

456
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:54,520
before, I'm like, oh, that's 
really interesting too. 

457
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,480
Is that. 
Yeah, there's definitely that. 

458
00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:00,160
I remember that shift that you 
did where you're like, no, I 

459
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,680
need to start speaking my mind 
more. 

460
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,480
Yeah. 
And then it was a whole thing 

461
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:07,080
learning on how do you speak 
your mind because there was this

462
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,920
elements of when you were 
processing through that. 

463
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:12,320
Yeah, exactly. 
It was this like, you know, you 

464
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:15,640
mentioned you didn't share your 
mind as much, was more just sort

465
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:18,240
of going along with the flow. 
Then it was this recognition of 

466
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,600
I do that too much. 
I need to speak up more than it 

467
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:24,000
was just like it was just like 
extremely other way and it 

468
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,040
wasn't. 
And then we had to work on 

469
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,040
together of like, well, how do 
you communicate though? 

470
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,800
That's great communicate. 
We want more communication, but 

471
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,080
then it's really about how do 
you communicate? 

472
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:35,960
There's it's and and a lot of 
that was just navigating 

473
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,680
through, but you would actually 
just say like, look, this is 

474
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:40,440
going to come out blunt. 
I need to get it out. 

475
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,800
I just need to get it out. 
So you would give me a warning 

476
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:47,000
beforehand and it helped me get 
my, my, my defence down. 

477
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:50,600
So I didn't get all defensives 
like, hey, on this is not right.

478
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:53,680
If this was vice versa, you'd be
having all these issues with how

479
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,640
I would be speaking. 
It started that like that, then 

480
00:21:56,640 --> 00:22:00,080
we recognise that pattern and 
then then we had the words in 

481
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:01,800
the language to actually 
navigate through that. 

482
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,760
And now like we are still 
working through that, but we're 

483
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:06,680
very, it's very, very different 
now. 

484
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,320
So I just wanted to state that 
because it's like just if 

485
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,680
someone's listening and you're 
like, yeah, I don't speak up 

486
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:12,760
enough. 
That's great. 

487
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:15,320
That's really, really good to 
identify and that also put in 

488
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:16,960
effort on how you start 
speaking. 

489
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:18,880
Up I think with that though, 
because I remember being 

490
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:22,080
conscious of this when it when 
we were going or I was going 

491
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:23,000
through it or we went through 
it. 

492
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:27,120
I think there was an element of 
I was saying things like having 

493
00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:29,960
to figure out that delicate 
balance, but also I was rocking 

494
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:34,080
the boat in a way I hadn't been.
I don't think now that same talk

495
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,000
would feel as shocking as it did
back then because I was also 

496
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,400
changing the dynamics. 
So I think there's a bit of 

497
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:43,200
like, whoa, like this is so off 
putting because it's not how 

498
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:46,400
we've navigated. 
So I think it's, it's a, it's a 

499
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:49,280
learning thing for both or 
everybody in in that 

500
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:53,800
relationship environment because
you have to, you had to learn a 

501
00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:56,680
different side of me all of a 
sudden or not different side, 

502
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:59,760
but just like a more vocal, like
transparency. 

503
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:02,720
I don't know how to word that 
and a different interaction. 

504
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,680
And I had to learn how to do 
that interaction well. 

505
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:08,160
And so it's just everyone was 
like transitioning a little bit 

506
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,760
and then into the new space. 
Yeah. 

507
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:15,040
So I think you have to figure 
out when you're navigating, 

508
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:18,480
bringing stuff like this up, 
what it is for you, what might 

509
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:21,600
be going on for them. 
And then just gently, not just 

510
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,200
coming out and being like, I 
don't like this, don't like 

511
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,200
this, don't like this. 
I don't like your baby voice. 

512
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,520
You don't dress nice and you're 
not doing romantic things. 

513
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,120
You're not being, you're not 
being sparking. 

514
00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:32,080
You're not sparking. 
Just doing it gently, one bit at

515
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:36,040
a time, and figuring out what is
important for me to navigate. 

516
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,920
Chances are baby voice isn't 
going to last into your 30s and 

517
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,120
40s like if you stay in this 
relationship. 

518
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:45,320
So is that the main thing to 
navigate, or is there something 

519
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:49,200
else sitting behind that and 
figuring out how to curiously 

520
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,160
explore those things together? 
I wonder if it's an element of 

521
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:54,800
embarrassment for him. 
Like it's embarrassing. 

522
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:56,880
It's. 
Embarrassing, she talks like 

523
00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:58,520
that, she doesn't dress a 
certain way. 

524
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:02,120
So he might have like for him 
because I feel like it's a big 

525
00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:04,960
thing too for a lot of people, 
that pressure of like what other

526
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:07,520
people are going to think. 
So it's like that elevates the. 

527
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:11,120
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. 
Being being almost embarrassed 

528
00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:12,960
by what other people are seeing,
yeah. 

529
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,320
And that's a good thing to be 
curious about as well. 

530
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,960
If you're bringing that into how
you're navigating it. 

531
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,840
That's important to be aware of.
We actually spent way more time 

532
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:23,280
on that story than I thought we 
were going to. 

533
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:26,000
There's a good one, man. 
Like, I think it's like there's 

534
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,440
a lot in that. 
I I think there's more, there's 

535
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:31,640
more to chat about that which 
is, yeah, just how what's 

536
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:35,680
preference, what's what's 
important, what's like like a 

537
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:39,760
make or break and what's. 
What's what's like like having a

538
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:43,000
curiosity towards why she's 
acting like that, but also 

539
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:46,160
having an an attitude of 
curiosity to why is that an 

540
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,320
issue fan. 
Yeah, and what do you want long 

541
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:49,320
term? 
Because you're in an early 

542
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:51,760
relationship, and early 
relationships are important for 

543
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:55,600
exploring what works and what 
isn't working so great. 

544
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:59,560
So yeah, interesting, 
interesting dilemma, but I'm 

545
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:04,880
sure they've got it all right. 
Reddit story #2I-32 female 

546
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:08,400
sometimes feel like my boyfriend
32 male doesn't prioritise me. 

547
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,240
How do I raise it without 
nagging? 

548
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:14,360
My boyfriend, 32 male and I-33 
female have been together for 

549
00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:16,400
nearly a year but we don't live 
together. 

550
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,920
When we first met, COVID 
restrictions were in place so 

551
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:21,560
aside from work and family 
commitments there was wasn't a 

552
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:25,000
lot else that took up our time. 
Now things are back to normal 

553
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:28,040
ish where we live and we spend 
less time together. 

554
00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:31,240
He has sporting commitments 3 
nights a week and two half days 

555
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:33,480
on the weekends. 
No, he's not a pro athlete but 

556
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:35,960
plays and coaches in his sports 
at amateur level. 

557
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:39,000
He says he enjoys being on the 
go and feeling productive by 

558
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,320
doing a lot. 
Conversely, I like to take 

559
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:44,880
things at a slower pace and 
enjoy deeper than what going to 

560
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:46,720
five different things in a day 
allows. 

561
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:49,800
This week we had dinner together
one night, breakfast for an hour

562
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:53,000
one morning, and then about 3 
hours together over 2 days this 

563
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,040
weekend. 
I love him and I want a future 

564
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,600
with him, which we've talked 
about, but lately I feel like 

565
00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:59,800
he's just fitting me in around 
all his other commitments, 

566
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:02,680
seeing me and then rushing off 
to go to training or something. 

567
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:04,960
I've been thinking of saying 
something to him but realised 

568
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:06,800
that I raised the same thing a 
month ago. 

569
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:09,640
When I told him I was conscious 
of either coming across as too 

570
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:12,640
needy or not attentive enough, 
he affirmed I wasn't either of 

571
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,000
those things. 
I don't want to nag him, but 

572
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,880
when I was reviewing some emails
to a friend I realised I've had 

573
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:21,240
the same issue almost monthly 
for five of the last seven 

574
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:23,560
months. 2 times ago when I 
mentioned it he brought me 

575
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:25,240
flowers and gave me a lovely 
note. 

576
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:28,160
Last month he told me he never 
wanted me to be unhappy. 

577
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,880
He goes out of his way to see me
but I feel like it's just for an

578
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:34,280
hour amongst other things. 
Is it that I'm just sensitive 

579
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:37,480
around the same time every month
or nothing's changing and the 

580
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:39,480
issue isn't going away? 
Could be both. 

581
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:42,560
I really think this is so we've 
done an episode on unmet 

582
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:45,640
expectations. 
I think this is one of a classic

583
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,680
case of that. 
And it's like really 

584
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:51,240
communicating that, which makes 
sense for this podcast. 

585
00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:53,400
But yeah, it's really just 
navigating that. 

586
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:56,440
I don't think it's naggy. 
It's I think one thing that 

587
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:59,320
you've brought up a couple of 
times is about how you won't 

588
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:03,040
bring something up because you'd
feel like it will like have a 

589
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:05,320
negative impact on our 
relationship, right? 

590
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,080
So you'll sit on it. 
And this was like going back to 

591
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,280
what we just spoke about, you 
know, you just wouldn't speak 

592
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,600
sometimes about things and but 
it wasn't until we realised 

593
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,080
actually, no, you're not 
bringing it up is means that 

594
00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:18,480
it's going to have a negative 
impact on our relationship 

595
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:21,200
because it's going to make you 
feel more negative towards the 

596
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:22,960
situation. 
And I'm just going to be 

597
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,360
oblivious to it. 
So it's going to come across 

598
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:27,760
like I don't care, but I'm 
really just not aware. 

599
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,800
It's not a a care or anything. 
It's an awareness thing. 

600
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:34,560
And like with this, his 
responses seem very positive in 

601
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:39,040
regards to look his his response
seems very positive in regards 

602
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:42,200
to when when she brings it up, 
he brings her flowers and you 

603
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:45,360
know, notes and stuff like that.
Now, the negative thing here, 

604
00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:48,800
and this is the sad part of it 
for a lot of guys, and I'll put 

605
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:51,200
myself on this too. 
I'm not going to remove myself 

606
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:54,600
from this is just because you've
brought something up does not 

607
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:56,560
mean now it's, it's gonna 
change, right? 

608
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:58,400
Like I, you've brought something
up. 

609
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:01,840
Now I'm, I'm a little bit more 
aware of it, but now I'm like, 

610
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:05,160
well, it takes about like 60 
days or something to, to make a 

611
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:08,120
habit, right? 
So if you bring it up once, if 

612
00:28:08,120 --> 00:28:10,320
you just bring it up, if you 
just say like, hey Blair, like I

613
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,160
struggle that you wear your hat 
all the time. 

614
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:13,360
Yeah, I really do. 
Yeah. 

615
00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:16,880
Same Amy smiling and joking by 
the way, she would never have an

616
00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:18,280
issue with. 
People that are only listening 

617
00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:19,960
don't know you're wearing. 
Yeah, that's true. 

618
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,520
Watch out YouTube. 
And you brought up that up with 

619
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:26,480
me once, right? 
Is this sort of a, not a passing

620
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:28,560
comment, but just like, hey, 
I'll just struggle with how much

621
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:30,120
you wear your hat. 
It's like, cool. 

622
00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:32,520
Well, now this is all I put into
interpretation for me. 

623
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:34,680
Does that mean you don't want me
to wear my hat in the mornings? 

624
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:36,560
Does it mean that you don't want
me to wear my hat at all? 

625
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:39,560
Like there's so much vagueness 
to that conversation. 

626
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:42,080
Kind of like the Doc Martens. 
Yeah, pretty much like the Doc 

627
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:47,400
Martens. 
Well, moving on, I think what's 

628
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:49,800
important here is if we're 
looking in the situation, it's 

629
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:52,400
like we'll call like laying out,
but what is it that she's 

630
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:56,720
wanting not just what is she not
happy with now? 

631
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:59,760
On the flip side of that, when 
someone raises something with 

632
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:02,560
you and if she's done this 
multiple times, I agree his 

633
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:05,880
responses seem pretty like 
constructive or or positive. 

634
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:08,320
Not that he's not like you're so
naggy and that's why she doesn't

635
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:10,480
want to nag him. 
But if she's raised it multiple 

636
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:14,360
times, I think it's naive for 
the person who's received that 

637
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:17,600
comment to then just be like, 
I'll do this thing and then it's

638
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:19,600
fine. 
And unless she raises it again, 

639
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:21,840
it's fine. 
So it's you have to have buy in 

640
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:25,360
from both sides, right? 
So you raise the thing and then 

641
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:27,040
the person that you've raised it
with. 

642
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:30,360
And we talk about this like, if,
if I don't voice my concern, 

643
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:32,320
then it's my problem until I 
voice it. 

644
00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:33,720
And then it's our problem 
together. 

645
00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:36,600
And so the person that has 
raised it needs to be clear 

646
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:38,800
around that and needs to 
continue that communication 

647
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:41,440
because again, it's you know, 
it's one time mentioned of 

648
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,480
something is not really fair to 
expect a whole pattern to 

649
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:46,800
change, especially if it's a 
vague thing. 

650
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:48,400
It doesn't have clarity around 
it. 

651
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:51,280
Hat is different. 
I feel like a hat would actually

652
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,240
be easier because then you're 
like, oh, she doesn't like the 

653
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:54,840
hat. 
So yeah, which that's a whole 

654
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:57,920
other topic, but just. 
Drop the Doc Martens again. 

655
00:29:58,400 --> 00:29:59,080
Drop it. 
Doc. 

656
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,200
Doc Martens. 
Yeah, she's raised something, 

657
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:04,760
and it can be really hard to 
raise things where especially 

658
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:08,480
when you're not feeling loved, 
it's really hard to say I don't 

659
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:10,520
feel loved. 
It's really, really hard to say 

660
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:13,200
I need more of you. 
I need more of your time because

661
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:16,920
that feels like a burden. 
And so to muster the emotion to 

662
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:20,760
raise that end and voice it in 
whatever way she has previously,

663
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:25,280
the recipient should see that 
and be like, OK, I'm gonna now 

664
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:27,280
also keep tracking this 
conversation. 

665
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:28,840
She said she's not feeling 
loved. 

666
00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:31,280
And then so I'm not just gonna 
do something to make her feel 

667
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:33,320
loved and then never ask her 
again. 

668
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:34,840
How are you feeling about our 
time together? 

669
00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:37,000
Like, that's where the curiosity
comes in. 

670
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:39,480
Be like, oh, my partner said she
didn't feel like we had great 

671
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:41,360
time together. 
Maybe I should check in. 

672
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:43,720
Is it feeling better now? 
Maybe I should be more aware of 

673
00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:45,280
those things. 
So it's an ownership on both 

674
00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:47,560
sides. 
Yeah, and just I'm not sure if I

675
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:49,800
made myself clear before when I 
said I put myself in that 

676
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:51,840
position too. 
I said, this is the sad thing 

677
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:53,680
about it. 
If you bring it up to guys, I 

678
00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:57,080
was, I was pretty much wanting 
to say what you just said about 

679
00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:01,400
like to that point of like, 
well, what's reality and what's 

680
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:03,600
wishing so? 
And it's like, well, okay, 

681
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:09,040
reality is a lot of people that 
we've spoken to, the guy is more

682
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:13,320
likely to hear something but not
do much about it, right? 

683
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:15,720
Would you agree? 
Well, yeah, I think it's they 

684
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:18,880
hear something and they don't 
grasp the seriousness. 

685
00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:21,560
Yeah, yeah, for whatever reason,
for whatever reason it is. 

686
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:23,840
And that's what more what I was 
trying to bring across is like, 

687
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:25,760
but no, a home percent agree 
with you. 

688
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:27,680
There needs to be that 
ownership. 

689
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:30,560
I think what's important is 
though, like you mentioned 

690
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:33,640
before, you know it's it's your 
responsibility until you bring 

691
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:35,720
it up. 
But it's not now that you've now

692
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:37,880
brought it up and now it's their
responsibility. 

693
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:41,000
It's both responsibility like in
what you're just saying, saying 

694
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,920
he looked before as well. 
And that's that's what I was 

695
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:45,720
trying to communicate. 
Sadly, that's not usually the 

696
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:47,640
case. 
So if you're a guy and you're 

697
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:50,040
hearing this and you're thinking
through that thing that your 

698
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:53,520
partners brought up with you and
say, you know, whatever it is, 

699
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:56,600
do something about that or just 
touch base with them again to 

700
00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:59,360
say, Hey, I remember that and 
this is what I'm doing about it.

701
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:02,880
So a lot of times, especially 
for us early on, we would bring 

702
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:05,000
something up and I can't, I 
don't have any specific 

703
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:08,120
situations, but I know this was 
definitely us in the early the 

704
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:10,240
earlier days. 
You would bring something up and

705
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:12,760
I'm like, sweet, I've got that. 
I've got like locked away. 

706
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:14,880
I'm going to work on it. 
Then you bring it up again. 

707
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:16,960
You're like, why are you not, 
you know, why are we still 

708
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:18,120
talking about this sort of 
thing? 

709
00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:20,840
I'm like, I'm doing stuff like, 
why can't you see that? 

710
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:22,160
I'm actually putting an effort 
here? 

711
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:26,400
And the thing was, is like all 
my working on, it was all 

712
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:28,800
internal. 
It was none of it was external. 

713
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:32,480
So for you, you're seeing 
nothing really changing. 

714
00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:37,000
For me, I'm doing so much effort
and I'm trying so hard, but when

715
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:38,720
we don't talk about it, you 
don't see any. 

716
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:40,240
It's. 
More you're trying hard to be 

717
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:43,440
aware of the things like there's
some things and this is hard to 

718
00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:45,960
put these in generalised 
statements because sometimes 

719
00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:48,240
when you raise something it is 
the other person. 

720
00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:49,640
So like it depends on what it 
is. 

721
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:52,840
This is a very mutual like the 
dynamic of your relationship and

722
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:54,120
that's something you build 
together. 

723
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:56,960
But I think a lot of the stuff 
that gets raised in early 

724
00:32:56,960 --> 00:32:59,680
relationships is an awareness 
element. 

725
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:03,120
And so I can't see what you're 
aware of unless you vocalise it.

726
00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:04,920
And that's that, that's that 
part that you're trying to say 

727
00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:07,600
is like bringing people in on 
that conversation and the 

728
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:09,840
curiosity. 
And I just feel like I need to 

729
00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:13,600
get a tattoo of curiosity. 
Just be like where? 

730
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:14,600
I don't know what where to put 
it. 

731
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:16,680
You wouldn't see it if it was I.
Just put it on my like lip or. 

732
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:17,880
Something you wouldn't see that 
either. 

733
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,360
I wouldn't, but other people I 
could just be like anyway. 

734
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:21,640
So you're reminding them to be 
curious? 

735
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:22,080
Yeah, OK. 
Not. 

736
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:26,200
Really curious enough. 
Sometimes the curiosity is so 

737
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:30,000
important because it's you have 
to explore. 

738
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:31,760
We like, I totally get what 
you're saying. 

739
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:34,280
There has to be like an 
ownership on the, on the person 

740
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:36,960
hearing and exploration. 
We've talked about this though, 

741
00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:39,520
like you might think you've 
communicated something really 

742
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:41,560
clearly. 
Explore whether you have or not.

743
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:43,800
Don't just sit there and be 
like, I feel like I've said this

744
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:45,920
as a recipient, Explore what's 
going on. 

745
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:47,560
Your partner might have said 
something that you don't really 

746
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:49,960
fully grasp. 
Explore that, like ask some 

747
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:53,520
questions about it and in that 
conversation, explore together. 

748
00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:56,280
So this couple, it's one thing 
to be like, I don't feel like we

749
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:57,920
have much time together. 
I'm so sorry. 

750
00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:00,920
I'll get you some flowers and 
then a month later, I, I don't 

751
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:02,160
feel like we have much time 
together. 

752
00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:03,600
I'm so sorry. 
I'll get you some flowers. 

753
00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:06,520
Like have that conversation, be 
like, I'm really struggling with

754
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:10,000
how like our time together and 
I'm feeling a little bit pushed 

755
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:11,800
to the side because of all your 
commitments. 

756
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:13,639
My, my battery is lower than 
yours. 

757
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:16,719
My energy battery is lower. 
I can't take on as much as you, 

758
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:18,679
but you can obviously take on a 
lot. 

759
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:21,520
That's valid information and 
it's not right or wrong. 

760
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:24,199
So you just communicate and be 
like, why do you feel that way? 

761
00:34:24,199 --> 00:34:27,080
Like what is it that's making 
you feel like a not priority? 

762
00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:30,040
I think I'm not feeling like a 
priority because you don't seem 

763
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:31,920
excited with me. 
Like you always seem ready to go

764
00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:33,639
to the next thing. 
Oh, I'm really sorry you feel 

765
00:34:33,639 --> 00:34:35,600
that way. 
Like, how can I make the time 

766
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:39,000
with you feel exciting? 
Actually, if we factor in a 

767
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:42,400
scheduled thing every week and 
it and it's like you're going to

768
00:34:42,679 --> 00:34:44,880
plan it because you've got this 
high battery or you're going to,

769
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:46,880
you know, I don't know, do 
something to make it more 

770
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:49,360
important. 
Maybe I'd feel more loved all 

771
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:50,760
the time and I'd feel more 
secure in that. 

772
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:52,440
Like, yeah, I'm really sorry 
that it made you feel that way. 

773
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:55,280
Like that kind of conversation, 
you don't just have the, you 

774
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:58,480
don't mention it and then leave 
it for either side of this, this

775
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:00,480
situation, because that's so 
complicated. 

776
00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:01,520
You don't mention it and leave 
it. 

777
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:04,600
You don't hear it and leave it. 
You mention it and you explore 

778
00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:07,080
what's going on for yourself, 
what's going on in your 

779
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:09,120
relationship, what's going on 
for your partner. 

780
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:11,560
He might be reacting because 
he's been in lockdown and he's 

781
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:15,920
just like, and he's got a high 
battery and he's an, you know, 

782
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:18,600
an external person and that's 
valid. 

783
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:20,480
So looking through this too, 
like so looking through that 

784
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:23,640
story again, she's talking about
how they've had dinner one night

785
00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:27,680
together, breakfast for one hour
1 morning and then three hours 

786
00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:30,640
over 2 day weekend, right. 
So that's that's actually quite 

787
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:34,120
a lot in terms of time together.
But what would like what would 

788
00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:36,680
be important for her to talk 
about is like, well, what one, 

789
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:38,840
what would be good amount of 
time together? 

790
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:41,960
What's her expectations? 
But two, the other part that she

791
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:45,800
mentions here is she feels like 
she's he's fitting her around 

792
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:48,320
other commitments. 
So how like that's that 

793
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:50,480
conversation they can have 
together is what would it look 

794
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:54,040
like for her to be the most 
important thing for that day or 

795
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:55,680
whatever it is, right. 
So what does that actually look 

796
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:57,720
like? 
The other thing that I noticed 

797
00:35:57,720 --> 00:36:00,760
too is if you look at these two 
different things, 1 I feel like,

798
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:04,240
and if you haven't listened to 
our episode on the five love 

799
00:36:04,240 --> 00:36:08,000
languages, go check that one out
because I see that this she 

800
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:10,840
could be really a quality time 
person. 

801
00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:14,200
So quality time isn't just time 
together. 

802
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:17,680
It's quality, it's feeling that 
you actually want to be here 

803
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:19,560
with me. 
I'm a quality time person. 

804
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:24,360
So the other day I came out from
work and this is not a disc. 

805
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:26,960
Like this was just what it was. 
It was yesterday, I think. 

806
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:29,640
Yeah, it was yesterday and you 
had to get some work done or you

807
00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:31,960
were tired or something. 
And I was working. 

808
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:34,640
The kids come home and we just 
sometimes give them the screen 

809
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:37,320
time when they get home. 
I finished work early because I 

810
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:39,760
was like, I just really want to 
be with my family right now. 

811
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:42,640
I was craving that quality Time 
came out and because they were 

812
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:45,080
in front of the screen, I'm 
like, I was on there. 

813
00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:46,160
No one wanted to. 
Hang out. 

814
00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:47,760
I had a migraine so I was trying
to nap. 

815
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:48,600
That's right. 
That's what it was. 

816
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:49,800
Yeah. 
I had a migraine. 

817
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:52,080
And we have these things for 
survival mode. 

818
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:53,280
We don't care about survival 
mode. 

819
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:55,680
All our priorities go out the 
window in survival mode. 

820
00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:58,320
So that was was a really big 
thing for me because it's like I

821
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:01,240
made a funny deal about it, but 
I'm like, I just felt so 

822
00:37:01,240 --> 00:37:03,120
restless. 
I'm like, I just want to be with

823
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:05,440
my family. 
And so quality time is really, 

824
00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:07,920
really important. 
So I, I get that level from what

825
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:10,920
she's talking about. 
The other thing too, is it feels

826
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:14,720
like he could possibly be gifts 
and words of affirmation. 

827
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:17,960
So do you see in the way that he
responds in that moment? 

828
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:19,920
He's like, oh, cool, you have a 
need. 

829
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:23,840
I'm going to respond out of the 
way that I receive and I'm going

830
00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:26,800
to respond to you with gifts. 
And so for him, he's like, look,

831
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:28,680
I've shown you that you're quite
like that. 

832
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,040
You're important to me. 
I've shown you that you're a 

833
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:33,600
priority to me because I've 
given you something. 

834
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,440
That's how he receives, not the 
way that she receives. 

835
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:38,760
And that's the mismatch in 
understanding each other's love 

836
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:42,400
languages and the way that each 
other receive that love. 

837
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:44,840
Again, all important 
conversations to have. 

838
00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:46,680
And you, you have these 
conversations. 

839
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:49,560
You don't it's, it's really easy
to go into an argument to say 

840
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:51,280
you do this or you don't do 
this. 

841
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:55,400
Going in with that attitude of 
curiosity and saying, well, why 

842
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:57,760
is this so important to me? 
Why do I feel that? 

843
00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:00,320
Why do you buy me flowers when I
said I wanted more time? 

844
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:03,120
I like flowers. 
Yeah, anyway. 

845
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:05,600
Yeah. 
And what I actually, I actually 

846
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:10,240
love this story because I 
there's only red, not red flags,

847
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:12,080
There's only green flags about 
it. 

848
00:38:12,240 --> 00:38:14,760
Like there's only space for 
getting closer and closer. 

849
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:17,680
Nothing about anything she's 
described to me sounds like a 

850
00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:21,720
concern, like a like a worry. 
Everything sounds like what a 

851
00:38:21,720 --> 00:38:24,880
cool, like how much growth 
you've got ahead of you guys 

852
00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:28,040
because a couple really 
important conversations, a 

853
00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:31,480
couple key understandings of 
yourselves and of your partner, 

854
00:38:31,720 --> 00:38:34,720
like we'll transform this. 
Like you'll feel so much freer. 

855
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:38,680
Nothing about this is like, Oh 
yeah, no, it doesn't sound good.

856
00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:41,640
And I, I think that's what we, 
that's one of the reasons I love

857
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:44,640
doing this podcast is like these
little things that we look at 

858
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,240
these little parts of I think a 
few weeks ago I talked about 

859
00:38:47,240 --> 00:38:50,240
it's like under the hood of a 
car, each different system that 

860
00:38:50,240 --> 00:38:53,240
we're checking on and fixing and
adjusting it all just builds 

861
00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:55,880
such a stronger vehicle. 
And that's the same thing here. 

862
00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:59,560
It's just little things that 
they can do that will just be 

863
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:02,240
small adjustments of 
understanding and bring so much 

864
00:39:02,240 --> 00:39:04,160
value. 
All right, so let's move on to 

865
00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:07,720
the next Reddit story. 
Girlfriend 30 female thinks it's

866
00:39:07,720 --> 00:39:11,200
normal for her, her to raise her
voice during arguments and that 

867
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:14,760
I 29 male have unrealistic 
expectations because that 

868
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:17,040
bothers me. 
This is my first relationship. 

869
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:19,840
My girlfriend, who's been living
with me for some time now, is 

870
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:23,120
rather quick to raise her voice 
when we have a disagreement, big

871
00:39:23,120 --> 00:39:25,080
or small. 
She doesn't start to exactly 

872
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:28,080
yell, but her tone is still 
significantly more intense and 

873
00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:29,920
loud than what I find 
comfortable. 

874
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:32,640
I always try to remain calm and 
collected, but it's hard to 

875
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:35,800
maintain focus because I often 
feel like I'm being interrogated

876
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:37,880
or scolded. 
Situations like this happen 

877
00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:40,360
several times per week, 
sometimes even daily, and have 

878
00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:42,440
been draining my energy 
significantly lately. 

879
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:45,440
I explained it to her that while
I don't expect all arguments to 

880
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:48,840
be cordial and diplomatic, the 
the frequency of such tone 

881
00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:51,840
raising incidents was still too 
much for me to tolerate. 

882
00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:55,240
She told me that such arguing is
perfectly normal for couples and

883
00:39:55,240 --> 00:39:57,840
that my expectations of calm 
discussions in case of 

884
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:00,920
disagreement or conflict were 
childish and unrealistic, and 

885
00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:04,160
that I should be more resilient.
Loud arguing is hard for me and 

886
00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:06,880
I've tried very hard not to 
drift away emotionally 

887
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:09,880
afterwards, while she can switch
back to being fully affectionate

888
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:12,920
not long after such a dispute 
and expects me to be able to do 

889
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:15,200
the same. 
Am I being unrealistic if I 

890
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:17,400
expect most conflicts to resolve
in a calm? 

891
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:20,120
Tone without loud arguing. 
How often do you raise your 

892
00:40:20,120 --> 00:40:22,880
voice at your significant other?
If you've had this problem, how 

893
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:26,000
did you solve it? 
This one and you gave me options

894
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:28,600
as before, of which one we I 
wanted to talk about too many. 

895
00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:30,520
We had too many stories down 
here. 

896
00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:33,960
And I said this one because I'm 
the female in this in this 

897
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:37,440
story. 
So I, I'm just a loud person in 

898
00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:41,640
general and I've had a history 
of, you know, before kids and 

899
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:45,520
before Amy, I've had a real 
history of anger problems and 

900
00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:48,160
regulating emotions and all that
sort of stuff. 

901
00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:50,560
And so this has been a real 
journey for me. 

902
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:52,720
And I want to just share 
something that happened the 

903
00:40:52,720 --> 00:40:54,520
other day. 
Actually, when I became a 

904
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:57,400
Christian, this was something 
that God, I believe that God 

905
00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:01,720
really worked on me with and is 
still working on me for, but I'm

906
00:41:01,720 --> 00:41:04,960
just such a different person now
than than what I was. 

907
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:08,760
But when I struggle, this is 
something that does come back 

908
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:11,080
up. 
So five years ago now, I 

909
00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:13,600
experienced a significant 
burnout and I've been quite open

910
00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:16,320
about that. 
And one of the things was when I

911
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:20,040
was down and out, like I just, I
just could not regulate my 

912
00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:21,960
emotions. 
I would just respond. 

913
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:26,080
I would explode and never hit 
anyone or anything in my family,

914
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:28,560
but I would just yell. 
And because I just couldn't 

915
00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:31,600
control my emotions. 
I couldn't regulate what I was 

916
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:33,800
feeling. 
And I was even at a point. 

917
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:36,880
And again, this is at a full 
transparency here and this is 

918
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:39,560
not an easy thing to share, but 
it was a point where Amy 

919
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:43,040
actually took the kids away one 
weekend because I just was not 

920
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:44,720
coping. 
And I was a little bit of a fear

921
00:41:44,720 --> 00:41:46,280
in the way that I was 
responding. 

922
00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:49,040
So I'm just, This is why I want 
to talk about this because this 

923
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:51,160
is something that I've really 
struggled with. 

924
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:57,040
So the other day we were sitting
down for dinner and one of our 

925
00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:59,640
kids, I might have been tired, 
I'm not too sure, but one of our

926
00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:02,720
kids was not listening really 
well. 

927
00:42:02,720 --> 00:42:05,040
And I just got more and more 
frustrated. 

928
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:09,920
And my side I try and start calm
and then I get more and more 

929
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:12,480
frustrated. 
And then I just yelled like I 

930
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:15,960
wasn't aggressive. 
I just, I just raised my voice 

931
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:18,120
and not to, not to lower that, 
but I, I did. 

932
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:21,760
I raised my voice and the my kid
turned to me and he was just 

933
00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:24,040
crying. 
He's just like, stop talking so 

934
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:27,360
meanly to me. 
And it just, it hits you hard, 

935
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:30,240
you know, And I'm like, man, I 
did not mean to do that. 

936
00:42:30,240 --> 00:42:34,000
I did not mean to hurt him. 
I just wanted him to listen. 

937
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:36,920
Like for me, like I was just, I 
wasn't in control of my 

938
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:39,440
situation at that time. 
I wasn't in control of my 

939
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:43,600
volume, of my voice. 
My intent was not to hurt him in

940
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:47,000
any way possible, but it did. 
And he was just crying and we 

941
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:50,560
hugged it out and I apologise 
and, and whatever else. 

942
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:54,560
And so when I read these sorts 
of stories, what I want to say 

943
00:42:54,560 --> 00:42:58,440
is it actually, it's not normal.
You know, if it's, if the way 

944
00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:02,040
that we are talking is impacting
the other person in a 

945
00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:06,560
significant way or even even in 
in a little way, that's on us. 

946
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:09,760
You know, I, I can see this as 
in the way that she's responding

947
00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:11,360
in this story as a bit of a cop 
out. 

948
00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:15,040
You know, we, Amy and I are 
really strongly against the 

949
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:17,120
phrase. 
Well, this is just who I am. 

950
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:20,840
We're really against that 
because who we are, we get to 

951
00:43:20,840 --> 00:43:22,560
choose all of the things that we
are. 

952
00:43:22,720 --> 00:43:25,760
We get to choose to work on the 
lot of things that we don't want

953
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:28,400
to be and react in the ways that
we don't want to react. 

954
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:31,920
We can work on those things. 
And so for this story, I does 

955
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:35,920
trigger me a little bit because 
of my own issues and you know, 

956
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:38,720
my own things that I've been 
working on. 

957
00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:41,800
So that's why I picked this one 
over the other ones because I 

958
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:45,520
think it's so important, you 
know, the way that we disagree, 

959
00:43:45,720 --> 00:43:50,040
we want to do that in a Safeway.
You know, if I'm not being safe 

960
00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:53,160
with my kids in the tone of my 
voice, emotionally, emotionally 

961
00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:55,360
safe. 
Sorry if I'm not being 

962
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:58,000
emotionally safe with the tone, 
if I'm raising my voice and that

963
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:01,880
if they feel emotionally unsafe 
or that I'm being mean or 

964
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:04,720
whatever else, then that is 
going to be impacting our 

965
00:44:04,720 --> 00:44:08,760
relationship, you know, and now 
I have a lot of commending to do

966
00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:10,840
in this situation. 
I'm committed to that. 

967
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:14,320
You know, I did apologise, but 
now it's now my responsibility 

968
00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:17,280
to follow up with that. 
Like, and how am I growing that 

969
00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:20,960
relationship and, and growing 
that trust back, right? 

970
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:26,120
Like as every trust is hard to 
grow easily to be broken and 

971
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:28,560
even with my own son, I want to 
be making sure that I'm putting 

972
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:30,000
in that effort to grow that 
trust. 

973
00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:32,960
So the way that we talk is 
extremely important. 

974
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:37,600
And if it's received in specific
way, it the excuse is never OK 

975
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:39,680
of this is just who I am. 
Deal with it. 

976
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:41,800
You need to get better, you need
to toughen up. 

977
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:44,400
That's just not not good in my 
opinion. 

978
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:48,360
Yeah, we've we've worked on 
recognising when we're saying 

979
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:52,320
you're making me angry. 
Yeah, Or those kinds of things, 

980
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:55,720
like you're making me angry or 
it's too loud, you're making me 

981
00:44:55,720 --> 00:44:58,840
frustrated, or you're making me 
overwhelmed, like you're making 

982
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:01,720
me something because it's not 
true. 

983
00:45:01,720 --> 00:45:04,360
Like we are in control of our 
person. 

984
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:06,160
We should be in control of our 
person. 

985
00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:08,960
And so the stimuli that's 
happening can make it harder. 

986
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:13,240
But we're still as grown adults,
like in we're responsible for 

987
00:45:13,240 --> 00:45:15,640
how we react in that place. 
And so it's really easy as 

988
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:17,400
parents. 
And when I say we've been 

989
00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:20,200
working on this, I mean, like I 
say it and then I'm like, I 

990
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:21,840
shouldn't be saying it that way 
all the time. 

991
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:24,440
It's something that's really 
hard to change your terminology 

992
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:26,960
around. 
But you're making me angry is 

993
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:31,360
not fair because whatever they 
do can't make me angry. 

994
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:34,880
I'm getting angry because I'm 
allowing myself to get angry, 

995
00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:38,200
and I'm getting angry because of
my regulation of this situation.

996
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,720
You're not exercising the things
that you've been working on. 

997
00:45:40,720 --> 00:45:44,720
You, you can be in a highly over
stimulating situation, but 

998
00:45:44,720 --> 00:45:48,240
you're still responsible for 
navigating what's going on. 

999
00:45:48,240 --> 00:45:50,800
And even if that means removing 
yourself from that situation 

1000
00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:54,000
because you know, or right now 
you just don't have the mental 

1001
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:57,440
capacity to control your 
emotions and your responses 

1002
00:45:57,560 --> 00:45:59,320
remove yourself, but you're 
still responsible. 

1003
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:01,880
And so we've been trying to 
implement that into how we 

1004
00:46:01,880 --> 00:46:05,560
communicate because it's 
important for the kids to see 

1005
00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:08,960
and hear us. 
Not saying you're making me 

1006
00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:12,640
angry like even last night or 
something, our kids at bedtime. 

1007
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:16,360
I just it's the most periodic 
time and I think it's because 

1008
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:18,040
I'm so close to the finish line 
and I'm. 

1009
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:20,520
Like, yeah, it's like this is 
my. 

1010
00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:24,000
Life and then it's just like 
they just anyway I was feeling 

1011
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:27,680
very frustrated as I do most 
nights now and I. 

1012
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:29,960
Was out. 
I was at a men's dinner for 

1013
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:32,120
church. 
Yeah, and I said, I said to the 

1014
00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:35,880
boys, I was like, in a minute, 
I'm gonna be very frustrated. 

1015
00:46:35,880 --> 00:46:39,440
And I really wanted to say, 
you're making me so mad. 

1016
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:42,800
But I was like, in a minute, I 
can feel my resolve slipping. 

1017
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:44,880
I didn't say this these words, 
but that's I was like in a 

1018
00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:46,320
minute. 
And then halfway through I was 

1019
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:48,680
like, mommy's going to be very 
cranky. 

1020
00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:51,120
And I was just like, so I need 
you to go to bed. 

1021
00:46:51,240 --> 00:46:54,760
And like, I such a wrestle 
because even that wasn't the 

1022
00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:57,200
right way of doing it. 
But I'm just like, I'm wrestling

1023
00:46:57,200 --> 00:47:00,160
with my frustrations. 
And this like sometimes I look 

1024
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:03,040
at them with the things they're 
coming out to tell me and I'm 

1025
00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:04,160
just like. 
Yeah. 

1026
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:07,720
Like our daughter will come out 
be like one more, just one more 

1027
00:47:07,720 --> 00:47:10,240
thing and then I'm like this 
better be good. 

1028
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:12,320
It's never good, never good, 
never good. 

1029
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:15,720
I think whatever I. 
Think it's more butterfly today?

1030
00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:20,200
Yeah, and like, I just, I can't 
expect any parent probably knows

1031
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:24,400
what I'm talking about, but I'm 
still in control of that. 

1032
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:28,160
And and I don't like how I show 
up in those times and I don't 

1033
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:30,760
want my kids to see me as an 
adult. 

1034
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:34,720
So out of control of myself just
because of kids doing what kids 

1035
00:47:34,720 --> 00:47:37,320
do. 
And also it's super predictable.

1036
00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:39,880
Like I have had this every 
single night for the last 

1037
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:43,160
however many years. 
I should know, the bedtime is 

1038
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:45,240
predictably a really stressful 
time. 

1039
00:47:45,240 --> 00:47:47,600
So what am I implementing to 
make myself navigate that 

1040
00:47:47,600 --> 00:47:49,200
better? 
And it's a really important 

1041
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:52,760
conversation. 
So how you show up and how you 

1042
00:47:52,760 --> 00:47:56,320
react is 100% your 
responsibility. 

1043
00:47:56,320 --> 00:47:58,560
Straightaway when we read 
through a story, I was like, 

1044
00:47:58,560 --> 00:48:01,440
it's, it's got to be their 
family of origins. 

1045
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:04,360
And that is such a hard thing to
weed through as you become a 

1046
00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:07,120
couple and you build your own 
life together because you're 

1047
00:48:07,120 --> 00:48:10,320
bringing your family dynamics, 
what you've seen as normal. 

1048
00:48:10,320 --> 00:48:12,960
She seems to be reacting like 
this is this is normal. 

1049
00:48:12,960 --> 00:48:14,680
Like it's normal to talk this 
way. 

1050
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:18,640
And to be fair to her, it is a 
process to navigate changing 

1051
00:48:18,640 --> 00:48:22,440
that pattern like it really is. 
So it, it's one of those 

1052
00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:23,520
examples we talked about 
earlier. 

1053
00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:25,720
It's not going to be, oh, he's 
mentioned it once and all of a 

1054
00:48:25,720 --> 00:48:27,240
sudden she never gets away 
again. 

1055
00:48:27,240 --> 00:48:28,920
It has to be an ongoing 
conversation. 

1056
00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:32,360
But I also recognise, I also 
reckon from this conversation 

1057
00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:36,160
that he has either his family 
never raised their voices, so 

1058
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:39,760
he's really thrown by it or he's
got some kind of experience with

1059
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:42,360
that that was quite traumatic 
because he seems very sensitive 

1060
00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:45,080
to it as well. 
And so and that's so common to 

1061
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:46,880
have people from totally 
different backgrounds. 

1062
00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:51,440
So figuring out that way to 
navigate it together and have 

1063
00:48:51,440 --> 00:48:53,280
that curiosity around it is 
really important. 

1064
00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:54,920
But there has to be an ownership
part. 

1065
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:58,720
And it's her saying that he's 
silly or childish because he 

1066
00:48:58,720 --> 00:49:01,720
thinks it's not appropriate. 
He's going to shut that down 

1067
00:49:01,720 --> 00:49:04,680
straight away until you can be 
open to, oh, I'm making my 

1068
00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:07,720
partner feel this way and 
exploring what's normal or 

1069
00:49:07,720 --> 00:49:10,200
what's not there, You're not 
going to have that conversation.

1070
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:14,040
It's not going to be able to 
continue anyway in for conscious

1071
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:15,560
of time here. 
We're going to wrap the story 

1072
00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:17,240
up. 
But we know this is some of 

1073
00:49:17,240 --> 00:49:19,640
these are intense things, 
especially this last one. 

1074
00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:23,360
So watch this space for more 
resources to navigate these 

1075
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:24,720
things. 
But just some practical tips 

1076
00:49:24,720 --> 00:49:27,440
when you're navigating 
disagreements or bringing things

1077
00:49:27,440 --> 00:49:28,920
up that you're not sure how to 
raise them. 

1078
00:49:29,240 --> 00:49:30,720
Here's some practical ways to go
about it. 

1079
00:49:30,720 --> 00:49:33,080
First and foremost, curiosity. 
We've talked about that. 

1080
00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:37,040
Enter everything with curiosity 
and this last story that that 

1081
00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:40,280
man entering that conversation 
with her in a gentle, curious 

1082
00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:42,720
way. 
I wonder how that would assist 

1083
00:49:42,720 --> 00:49:46,040
her response, like openness to 
communicating about it and and 

1084
00:49:46,040 --> 00:49:48,440
recognising the pattern. 
Get clear before you 

1085
00:49:48,440 --> 00:49:50,800
communicate. 
So don't and I think when you're

1086
00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:52,640
getting clear, be curious about 
yourself. 

1087
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:54,840
So go, if you're having this 
thing that you're like, oh, I 

1088
00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:59,320
need a talk about this, even if 
it's, you know, the baby talk or

1089
00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:02,880
it's the tone of voice when 
you're arguing, get clear about 

1090
00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:06,440
what is going on for you first 
and then raise it with them. 

1091
00:50:06,640 --> 00:50:09,680
And then important with that is 
choosing your timing 

1092
00:50:09,680 --> 00:50:11,720
intentionally. 
Do not raise it with them in the

1093
00:50:11,720 --> 00:50:13,920
middle of that argument. 
That's not going to be the best 

1094
00:50:13,920 --> 00:50:15,720
time to talk about it. 
Probably just escalate. 

1095
00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:19,000
Do not raise it with them like 
the baby we talk 1 Don't raise 

1096
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:20,840
it with her right after she's 
baby talked. 

1097
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:23,600
If it's a serious conversation, 
don't be like, what is that baby

1098
00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:26,520
talk like? 
That's usually not the most 

1099
00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:28,080
constructive time to be doing 
that. 

1100
00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:30,560
Leading with I language so 
you're clear on what it is 

1101
00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:33,560
that's going on for you and then
leading with that communication.

1102
00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:36,440
So you're saying I struggle with
this or I've noticed this 

1103
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:40,760
pattern or I feel this way and 
that is that helps ease the 

1104
00:50:40,760 --> 00:50:43,280
conversation in. 
Invite the conversation and the 

1105
00:50:43,280 --> 00:50:45,600
exploration together, that 
curiosity together. 

1106
00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:48,920
So you don't just say I struggle
with the time we're spending 

1107
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:52,320
together. 
You say I'm feeling a little bit

1108
00:50:52,320 --> 00:50:55,800
left to the side And so I just 
want to talk about like maybe 

1109
00:50:55,840 --> 00:50:58,480
our love languages or figure out
how we can better make each 

1110
00:50:58,480 --> 00:51:00,680
other feel supported. 
You're inviting that 

1111
00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:02,000
conversation between the two of 
you. 

1112
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:04,640
You're not just coming with your
side and being like, pick that 

1113
00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:07,240
up and deal with it. 
And then last but not not least 

1114
00:51:07,240 --> 00:51:10,320
is collaborate to don't corner. 
So you're not the same sort of 

1115
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:11,520
thing. 
You're not coming in to be like,

1116
00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:13,320
you're the problem here. 
Fix it. 

1117
00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:16,400
You're coming in to say I've 
been navigating this. 

1118
00:51:16,520 --> 00:51:19,560
This is what I've figured out. 
I want us to work as a team and 

1119
00:51:19,560 --> 00:51:21,920
you got to figure out where do 
you want to be in five years 

1120
00:51:21,920 --> 00:51:22,880
time? 
We used to say that all the 

1121
00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:24,360
time. 
Where do you want to be? 

1122
00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:25,720
Do you want to be closer 
together? 

1123
00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:28,440
If so, the conversation is 
important and you need to work 

1124
00:51:28,440 --> 00:51:31,840
as a team towards that goal. 
And then I believe every single 

1125
00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:34,160
one of these examples and the 
ones we didn't read today 

1126
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:36,840
because we didn't have time, you
can work closer to get none of 

1127
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:40,720
them are a make or break If 
you're willing to be curious and

1128
00:51:40,720 --> 00:51:42,920
work through these things. 
This is what couples navigate. 

1129
00:51:43,160 --> 00:51:45,240
This is what the strong couples 
that you have in your life that 

1130
00:51:45,240 --> 00:51:48,160
you see and you wish you could 
have a relationship like. 

1131
00:51:48,160 --> 00:51:50,680
That's what they've navigated to
get to where they are. 

1132
00:51:50,720 --> 00:51:52,360
Everyone has these things that 
they navigate. 

1133
00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:56,120
So it's an important and an 
exciting part of relationships 

1134
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:59,040
to explore these things. 
So that is Reddit stories. 

1135
00:51:59,160 --> 00:52:02,000
Reddit stories on how can I 
raise this issue? 

1136
00:52:02,240 --> 00:52:04,000
Thank you for being with us. 
Until next time. 

1137
00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:05,880
Thanks guys, good chat.