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I like, I know there's a lot of 
great guys out there and you're 

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doing an awesome job, but I know
there's a lot of guys that are 

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struggling with this. 
And what I want to do is not 

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shame you. 
I want to encourage you. 

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And again, I'm not perfect at 
it. 

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We're still growing. 
That's why we're doing this to 

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grow. 
Grow with us. 

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Come on this journey with us. 
Welcome to honey, we need to 

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chat. 
This is a podcast all about 

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communication. 
What's our motto? 

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To communicate or not 
communicate. 

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Funny. 
Funny. 

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Excuse me, buddy. 
She uses 1 song. 

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Funny. 
All right, we're just wrestling 

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with our golden retriever at the
moment that is trying to push 

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Amy off her seat. 
What is happening? 

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There's no space for you up. 
Here. 

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Funny. 
Come on, there's no space. 

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Funny. 
All right. 

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Well, welcome. 
Welcome to my job. 

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Yeah, of course. 
Now that's amazing. 

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OK, we're all about 
communication here. 

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We believe that when 
communication dies, bad things. 

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Happen. 
So anyway, welcome. 

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We are really excited to be 
here. 

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We haven't recorded for a little
while. 

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I feel like it's been a while. 
Two weeks. 

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Two weeks. 
Yeah, because I've been doing my

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production of Sound of Music, 
which in which I was just a nun 

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and don't get excited, but it 
was very fun. 

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Just a nun. 
You were the nun. 

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One of the 20th. 
The the the nun wasn't the main 

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nun. 
That's who you. 

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Were one of the non main nuns. 
Yeah, I'm still doing it. 

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I'll be back tomorrow and the 
next three days, which is the 

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last few days of the run but 
very exciting. 

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It just has meant that we've 
been extremely busy family wise 

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so haven't recorded. 
Yeah, we do have our New Zealand

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trip coming up, which we're 
really, really excited about. 

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So if you're not already, go 
follow us on Instagrams, the 

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socials. 
Yeah, and follow along that 

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journey with us. 
It'd be really, really cool. 

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I'm actually really looking 
forward to that. 

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Yeah, it'd be awesome. 
It'd. 

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Be exciting. 
And not to date this episode too

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much, but we've had a really 
exciting week with the podcast. 

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Oh yeah, Because our listener 
group has expanded drastically. 

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Massively due to. 
Blair being sickly sweet on a 

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tick tock, but we addressed it. 
Yeah, we. 

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Yeah. 
So just. 

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Beautiful. 
For context, for those that 

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didn't see the If you weren't a 
part of the 2 million views 2. 

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Million Tiktok so far, but we 
don't know when this comes out. 

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Yeah, yeah, I know. 
How many? 

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I there was a moment in the 
episode that came out where Amy 

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was making the point of what 
generalised beauty is. 

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In that moment, just in the way 
that she was saying, you made 

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the comment of you don't even 
think that I see you as the most

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beautiful person in the world. 
I know that's not what you were 

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saying, but I could not I 
couldn't just let you say it, 

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but it just was really grinding 
inside of me. 

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Yeah, just just hearing you say 
that. 

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And so I just communicated. 
Well, actually, you know, Amy is

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the most for woman in the world 
to me and I explained why her 

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being the mother of my children,
my best friend, I really do 

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think you're beautiful. 
Anyway, that blew up and I've 

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got a lot of praise over that. 
We came out with a follow up 

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video essentially just saying, 
man, what I did in that video is

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actually the bare minimum of 
what I should be doing to 

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express my love for you. 
And even then, like I said, nice

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words. 
And this, this was one big point

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of the video, though, was that 
unless you feel those words, 

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they're just words, you know? 
And so that's one. 

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Unless you feel and also act 
them out. 

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Exactly right. 
And but it was just really, 

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really sad. 
We had a lot of comments come 

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through about how people hadn't 
felt that from their partners 

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and everything else. 
And it's really, really sad. 

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And so I put out a bit of a 
challenge for guys and just to 

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just to be clear that I haven't 
always treated Amy like this. 

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Words of affirmation did not 
come naturally to me as 

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something that we have grown in 
together. 

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The more that I've, I've known 
you, the more that we've been 

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intentional about growing in, in
me understanding who you are. 

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So it's through the growth of 
our relationship. 

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If I've been able to speak to 
you that way. 

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It's not a natural thing. 
Yeah, just we wanted to make 

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that really, really clear 
because we're getting some 

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comments about, oh, where do I 
find a man like that? 

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Well, you didn't find me like 
that. 

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We've worked on that together. 
I mean you are and always 

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worried before I met you of just
very ready to learn and very 

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ready to be a good husband and a
good dad. 

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Doesn't mean you knew 
everything. 

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Neither did I, No. 
And I think that's the key is 

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you work as a team and that team
has to be a safe and healthy 

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place for her to be fostered. 
But you were always a very 

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switched on man. 
But I think you're someone who's

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willing to be intentional 
though. 

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I think that's a key factor in 
that. 

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But we all are capable of being 
intentional. 

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Every single person is capable 
of being intentional. 

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So it's interesting though, one 
comment that really stood out to

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me, I don't know if we've even 
spoken. 

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On the screenshot last night, 
what was it? 

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He. 
Said she's a yapper. 

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She's a yapper. 
She's lucky to have him we've 

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had. 
Some, like out of the two 

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million that we've seen so far, 
there's been like 10 that have 

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been silly. 
Yeah. 

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And we've you've deleted a few 
of. 

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Them some, some of them have 
been just nasty. 

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I'm like, I don't need you on 
here. 

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No, no. 
Yeah, but no, that's not the 

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comment I was going to talk 
about. 

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What I was gonna talk about was 
a guy had had commented and said

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the man set the bar up on the 
moon and I was like, he set the 

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bar on the moon. 
Yeah. 

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Excuse me. 
Yeah, this is. 

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Like again. 
He hasn't lifted the bar. 

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Yeah, this bar is like this bar 
is where it should be and 

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someone's saying he's set the 
bar to the moon. 

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I'm sorry, is it really that 
unreasonable to think about 

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saying something like that to 
your partner? 

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I think that is just mind 
boggling. 

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So it's been very educational 
this week, but also super 

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encouraging in terms of the 
podcast and the engagement. 

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So thank you for being here and 
thank you for liking and 

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following and all of the above. 
It's been amazing. 

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00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,040
Well, this is a Reddit week, 
Reddit story week, but 

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excitingly, we actually have a 
couple of listener writings 

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What? 
And we have to actually just 

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Reddit we. 
Have to do like open air 

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questions and stuff. 
Yeah, I'm just saying. 

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Oh yeah, cool. 
Just given, given, say girl. 

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Yeah. 
But before we do that, we'll do 

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some opening questions and 
stuff. 

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Well, it's also from Patreons. 
Oh yeah, yeah, we got a couple 

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from Patreon. 
So Patreon guys, thank you so, 

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so much for support. 
We've just activated Patreon. 

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We've got our first few Patriot 
honours. 

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We're going to come up with a. 
Fine name with a better name, 

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and if you have suggestions, let
us know because it's not just 

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Patreon, we've also got Spotify 
subscription. 

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So just let us know. 
It's a bit complicated yeah. 

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I don't want to call them the 
patties, the honeys, the. 

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Patries the. 
Our honeys. 

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We could call them our honeys, 
not the pat. 

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No, we got many names. 
I've got. 

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I've got. 
So many names, we could call 

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them our chatter boxes. 
Chatterbox. 

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Chatterbox. 
Anyway, so we do have some. 

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So my opening question is if you
had all the money in the world, 

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you didn't have to worry about 
anything, Would you decide to 

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live in on a beach like in in a 
different country like Greece? 

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Like would you like to raise a 
family? 

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Yeah, right. 
In the mountains or in the city?

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In the mountains, if I had all 
the money in the world. 

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Really. 
Yeah. 

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Easy. 
What do you mean? 

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100% thought you would have said
New York. 

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Not to raise a family. 
Heck no. 

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Heck no. 
To the techno. 

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Yeah, no, Yeah, Mountain's easy.
That's some secluded, little 

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like off the grid you. 
I've spoken about this for 

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years. 
Well, now, now you've thrown me 

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to get a legit thought. 
You would have said New York. 

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No, it's a city. 
Do you? 

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Do you know me? 
I do love New York, it's my 

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favourite city. 
But that's not. 

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Well, because you But you would 
always talk about how you wish 

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you lived in New York. 
I know you've said stuff about 

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the mountains, but you haven't. 
I don't feel like you've 

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expressed your views of the 
mountains the way that you've 

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expressed your views of the 
city. 

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I think family, raising a family
is a totally different thing. 

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If I was a single woman or even 
in a couple, then maybe living 

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in New York would be really cool
for a while, but even then I 

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wouldn't want to live there for 
my whole life. 

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Yeah, there you go. 
Learn something new everyday 

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you. 
Me mountains, absolutely. 

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I just love the mountains in 
general. 

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Yeah, I mean the beach would be 
nice, but it would just be is so

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touristy or so like holiday. 
I feel like the mountains you 

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can like. 
I do love the beach. 

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I do love the beach, but I think
I just enjoy the mountains more.

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I think because in my head when 
I think of mountains, I think of

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like the videos you see on 
Instagram and tick tock and 

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stuff about the like the house, 
the tree houses, like the actual

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legit tree houses and it's it's 
raining and it's like waterfall 

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coming down next with that. 
You need that. 

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To me, it's really just about 
where I would be the most hidden

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from zombies. 
Yeah, so that's right. 

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00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:36,240
And that's only partially a 
joke. 

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00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:39,320
And you? 
Oh, wait, no, you're ready. 

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00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,280
Yeah, but I wanna be away from 
zombies too, yeah. 

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Yeah, Yeah. 
Actually, just in case it does 

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happen, guys, I'm not going to 
tell you our plan. 

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00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:48,560
Don't. 
Tell them about plan. 

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00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:50,200
They become the zombie. 
They're going to know where we. 

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00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:52,320
Are and I'm not joking when I 
say we have planned it. 

202
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:55,920
Yeah, so legit, when we used to 
watch The Walking Dead a lot and

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00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:59,200
we every time we go for a drive,
like, Oh yeah, we'll go here, 

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00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:02,400
here, here, and we plan out the 
whole, the whole thing, the 

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00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,280
whole shebang. 
But if you have a plan you want 

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00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:07,880
to share with us, wasn't it 
might be as good as us. 

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00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:08,920
What's the next? 
Question. 

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00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:13,720
Simple one pineapple on pizza. 
Yay or nay? 

209
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,880
Nay. 
Nay, nay, what about you? 

210
00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:19,360
I am on the fence. 
Really, I am on the fence. 

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00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:26,320
I mostly nay, but I could double
if I could double with some 

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00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:30,480
pineapple and ham. 
That sound could go so many 

213
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,480
ways. 
Yeah, if I turn it into a tick 

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00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:36,280
tock, I like pineapple. 
Yeah, I love pineapple. 

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00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,200
I don't want it on savoury 
stuff. 

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00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,680
I don't get that. 
I don't like. 

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00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:44,040
It on burgers and it's a no no 
go on burgers and again, most of

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00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:47,600
the time it's a no, but I will 
say that sometimes a little 

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00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,360
nibble is nice. 
Again, I'll try. 

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00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,520
I'll try to think of how many 
times I could in many ways I 

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00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:56,000
could say this innuendo. 
Your way through, yeah, yeah, 

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00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:00,200
No, I said no, I'm going to say 
no with like 1/2 yes from blue 

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00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:02,240
the. 
First question was by our 

224
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,520
Patreon. 
Gaz, Thank you so much, mate, 

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00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,560
for your support and the pizza 
one. 

226
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:08,640
Shane, thank you so much. 
Shane. 

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00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:09,760
Thank you. 
Really appreciate you mate. 

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00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:13,120
And I'm just gonna do another 
chat chat jar. 

229
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:15,880
I'm gonna do a chat jar. 
In what ways do you want us to 

230
00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:18,240
grow in our communication? 
It's. 

231
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:24,280
An area of strength for us now. 
I think probably I want to grow 

232
00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:27,520
in being more upfront with how 
I'm feeling with things. 

233
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:31,760
The issue is I'm not always sure
how I feel until I've like 

234
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:34,640
worked it out a bit. 
So it's a bit hard to do that. 

235
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:38,920
And the other issue is being 
upfront can come across blunt or

236
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:43,960
inflammatory, which I have 
observed in my lifetime a lot. 

237
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,840
And so that's why I tend not to 
do that. 

238
00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:49,760
But I do wish I was a little bit
better at saying I think I'm 

239
00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:51,840
getting better, but just saying 
what I really think. 

240
00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:53,360
I think you're. 
Getting a lot better at saying 

241
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:55,040
it. 
Yeah, for sure, I get a. 

242
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,320
Lot better at telling what I 
need. 

243
00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,440
Tell me what's what? 
What about you? 

244
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:04,360
For me, I think the way that I 
would like us to communicate 

245
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:07,040
better, I was not ready for this
question to get it out of the 

246
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:08,840
jar. 
Yeah, I think this is a hard one

247
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:11,920
for me to answer because we are 
working on stuff. 

248
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:14,600
So it's not like, oh man, it's 
not like that. 

249
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,280
We don't have anything to work 
on. 

250
00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:19,320
But we're we are working on, 
we're already actively working 

251
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,440
on it. 
So it's hard to pinpoint 

252
00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:24,440
something. 
This might sound funny, but I 

253
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:29,240
genuinely mean this. 
I want to get better. 

254
00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:32,240
I'd be able to communicate 
nicely in the mornings. 

255
00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:35,880
Yeah, like. 
At the kids and everyone like in

256
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:39,280
the morning, I'm not a morning 
person at all and I'm very 

257
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,920
cranky. 
And so when there's yelling and 

258
00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:44,000
these things aren't going 
forward or if they've, you know,

259
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:48,360
they've can't find their shoes 
like this morning, I get very, 

260
00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,720
very cranky. 
So what? 

261
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,680
So when it comes to 
communication with us, I don't 

262
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:56,760
know how that fits, but I think 
it's something like maybe I 

263
00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:59,160
don't know our communication 
about how supporting each other 

264
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,960
when we're cranky with the kids 
or something, Yeah. 

265
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:04,800
Yeah. 
That's a good one. 

266
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:05,920
That's the one I got. 
Nice. 

267
00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:10,880
So just out of a transparency, 
that stupid chat jar, that 

268
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:14,080
question. 
Yeah, that question just sparked

269
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,880
up a lot of stuff for us. 
So we had to be real. 

270
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:20,320
And that was a conversation that
Amy and I always had to have a 

271
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:23,040
break. 
We had to chat that out and it 

272
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:23,920
was good. 
It's hard. 

273
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:26,800
Still married. 
We are still married today. 

274
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,080
No, but it's good. 
We just, we had to have that 

275
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:33,080
break and as to, to chat through
that, that's something we're 

276
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:36,320
going to keep private for now. 
We will cover that in another 

277
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:39,400
episode, I think, because I 
don't think that it's unique to 

278
00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:41,320
us. 
I genuinely don't. 

279
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:44,920
Oh, I know it's not, but it's 
still a sensitive 1. 

280
00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:49,800
And so yeah, we'll, we'll share 
with you guys in the future raw 

281
00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:52,000
and processed. 
So yeah. 

282
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:55,280
Absolutely, anyway. 
Here we are. 

283
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,160
So he's. 
At the moment shall. 

284
00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:59,280
We dive into the stories. 
Yes, I'll do it. 

285
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:03,240
So this week's theme is kind of 
following along the mental load 

286
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:04,800
episode, the chit chat about 
mental load. 

287
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,560
So this theme is a similar one. 
It's processing some mental 

288
00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:10,520
load, but the the actual theme 
is going to be basically when 

289
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:13,720
you feel alone in something of 
your relationship. 

290
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,520
So feeling alone in those 
things. 

291
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:19,640
And as I mentioned earlier, 
we've got some exciting listener

292
00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:22,600
writings. 
To talk through which is the. 

293
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:24,920
First time ever. 
So please guys, I love it. 

294
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,200
If you have a story you want us 
to workshop on the podcast, 

295
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:30,520
please message us. 
You can contact us via the 

296
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:34,200
website at 
www.honey.whathoneywe. 

297
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:37,960
Need to chat.com honey? 
We need to chat.com or you can 

298
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:41,680
just email us at www.honey. 
We need to chat, not WWWW. 

299
00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:46,160
You don't need to say WWW ever. 
See if they just go to Google 

300
00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:51,760
and you need. 
To say it, just email us at 

301
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:54,760
honeymoonchat@gmail.com. 
Jeez Louise. 

302
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,960
Even if they go to Google, they 
just type in honey, we need to 

303
00:13:57,960 --> 00:13:58,520
chat. 
Yeah, OK. 

304
00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:00,760
Whatever, just mess it up 
anyway. 

305
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:01,960
We're here. 
You'll find us. 

306
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:02,760
OK? 
We didn't. 

307
00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,120
Have another moment. 
Sorry guys, honey. 

308
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:18,200
We need to chat. 
We would love to, we would love 

309
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:22,320
to workshop any stories you feel
inclined to share with us 

310
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,520
because we love building this 
community. 

311
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:28,400
So excited to talk through a 
couple of these that have been 

312
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,400
written in from listeners. 
Thank you for those. 

313
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:33,760
But firstly, we're going to 
start with the one story from 

314
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:35,400
our slash relationships on 
Reddit. 

315
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:39,760
It is titled Irrationally angry 
over something my 29 female 

316
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,840
partner, 35 male said bothers 
him. 

317
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,400
My partner told me last night 
that the state of the house 

318
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:48,840
lately is really bothering him. 
He said he can handle untidiness

319
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,960
but draws the line at dirty. 
The night prior, he walked past 

320
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,800
the bathroom and one of my kids 
had torn up a small amount of 

321
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,120
toilet paper and evidently 
thrown it on the floor. 

322
00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,720
He got angry, made some passive 
aggressive remarks about the 

323
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:02,280
bathroom, stomped around the 
house, and then deep cleaned the

324
00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:03,960
bathroom. 
This is the first time since he 

325
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:06,400
moved in 2.5 years ago that he 
has cleaned it. 

326
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,480
I have always done a majority of
the housework. 

327
00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:11,600
For the first two years I did 
90% even when I was working and 

328
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:13,640
studying. 
About 12 months ago he stepped 

329
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:17,600
up unprompted and now the split 
is roughly 70% me and 30% him. 

330
00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,680
He will do the dishes close to 
half the time, he'll sweep and 

331
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:23,880
wop, sometimes takes the bins 
out and maintains the lawns. 

332
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:28,040
I cook 99% of the time and I do 
99% of the laundry. 

333
00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:30,600
I clean the bathrooms and do 
everything else mentioned above 

334
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,000
when he doesn't feel like doing 
it. 

335
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,560
I also carry 100% of the mental 
load and do all grocery shopping

336
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,160
etcetera. 
His comment last night really 

337
00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:40,520
hit a nerve. 
The reasons it did I think is 

338
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,640
because one, although he has 
stepped up, he gets to pick and 

339
00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:45,920
choose when he helps. 
If he doesn't feel like doing 

340
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:49,080
the dishes for a week, he won't.
If I didn't do the dishes for a 

341
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,480
week he would make me feel 
guilty. 

342
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,920
I've never actually done this. 
The dishes are done every single

343
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:56,240
night. 2 The house isn't dirty. 
We've had three kids birthdays 

344
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,960
in the last 1.5 months and it 
has become cluttered and 

345
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:00,960
disorganised. 
But I never leave food out or 

346
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,280
anything unhygienic. 3 When he 
lived alone, he bragged that he 

347
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:07,080
only cleaned on Thursdays. 
He left everything, including 

348
00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:09,400
dirty dishes sitting from Friday
to Thursday. 

349
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:12,880
But now he claims he has such 
high cleanliness standards 4. 

350
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:15,760
He spends his days off doing 
whatever he wants while I'm 

351
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:19,080
expected to spend mine cleaning,
and five, I obviously still hold

352
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,560
resentment for doing all of it 
for the first two years. 

353
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:25,040
I will admit the bathroom is 
overdue for a deep clean. 

354
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,960
I had done it three weeks prior 
and it was untidy, dusty, and 

355
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,440
there was some toothpaste in the
sink. 

356
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,360
I've done a few toilet cleans 
and surface wipes in those three

357
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,760
weeks and I do not think it was 
unhygienic in any way. 

358
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,440
I transitioned to working full 
time this year and also quit 

359
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:39,440
smoking. 
This combination has made it 

360
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,040
hard for me to keep on top of 
things. 

361
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:43,880
I clean every day, but with 
limited time and no longer 

362
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,560
having the reward of a 
cigarette, I'm not deep cleaning

363
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,080
as often as I used to. 
All of the deep cleans I did 

364
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,720
fortnightly are now more like 
every three to four weeks, and 

365
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,320
I'm vacuuming about four times a
week instead of every day. 

366
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,560
Anyway, I'm extremely angry and 
resentful over what he said and 

367
00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:58,760
I don't know how to move 
forward. 

368
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:01,840
I feel personally attacked, like
he was accusing me of being a 

369
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:04,680
bad partner and a mom. 
He did say we need to do better 

370
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,920
but the reality is anything he 
does is considered helping. 

371
00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:10,359
Well it's all considered my 
responsibility. 

372
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:12,960
How do I process what he said 
and move past it? 

373
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:13,920
So. 
Is it? 

374
00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:17,640
It's not his kids right? 
I'm assuming he's moved in it. 

375
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,160
Sounds like they're his 
stepchildren. 

376
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,680
Yeah, because he's only been in 
the house for 2 1/2 years. 

377
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:23,560
Yeah. 
Yeah, and they've got three 

378
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,400
kids. 
Yeah, this one gets me kind of 

379
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,520
frustrated. 
All right, so for, for this, I, 

380
00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:32,320
I obviously think it needs to 
come back to the conversation. 

381
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:36,240
So if you, if I came at you, I 
know that this wouldn't be the 

382
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,760
end of the conversation, right? 
If I came at you and said, I'm 

383
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:42,600
sick of this, you know you that 
would not end there. 

384
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,000
You'd be like, no, this is not 
OK. 

385
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:48,640
It's OK if you're frustrated 
over the mess, but it's not OK 

386
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:49,960
that you're bringing it back to 
me. 

387
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:53,480
And one thing that we would talk
about is OK, well, what does 

388
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:55,920
this look like for us to make 
the change? 

389
00:17:55,920 --> 00:18:00,440
So if he says US, that's good, 
but where's the action to back 

390
00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:02,920
that up? 
So, you know, straight off the 

391
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:06,120
bat, it would be put a roster in
place like if you need to, and 

392
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:09,240
we've done that before that we 
hold on to very we haven't 

393
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:13,600
touched again since, but it's we
you know, we struggle to keep on

394
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,080
top of the mess with the four 
kids. 

395
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:19,600
And but when we do put a roster 
in place, we kick butt, you 

396
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,120
know, we clean the place 
together. 

397
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:24,040
We actually make it fun. 
We put music on. 

398
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,320
It's a dance party, everything 
else. 

399
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,800
But yeah, I don't know. 
I don't think either of us would

400
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:33,160
just take it if that was the way
that was communicated to us. 

401
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:36,280
We would bring it back. 
Like, all right, that's fine 

402
00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:38,560
that you struggle with that. 
First of all, don't talk to me 

403
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:41,600
like that. 
But two, what are we gonna what 

404
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:44,640
are we going to do about that? 
Yeah, yeah, I. 

405
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:47,680
Think the fact that he said we I
would kind of call him on it 

406
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:51,320
yeah and and or like turn it 
around not to be manipulative, 

407
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,120
but be like what would you like 
to do yeah with this like ask 

408
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:57,000
him OK what it what would be the
standard that you would like to 

409
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:00,320
step up to kind of thing. 
He might have he might have not 

410
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:03,120
meant he might have done it in 
that like backwards way of 

411
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:04,880
saying it really needs to be 
her. 

412
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:07,560
But he said we. 
So I would I would hold him to 

413
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,200
that. 
There's so many things that come

414
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:13,160
into this and this is the 
perfect mental load example 

415
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:18,240
because she is feeling like she 
can't express everything she 

416
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,160
does. 
And he's got a moment of 

417
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,040
frustration at the house, which 
even reading her story, I was 

418
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,480
like, Oh my gosh. 
He cleans every three to four 

419
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,240
weeks. 
Good job. 

420
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:31,000
She's doing very well if this is
legit. 

421
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,200
And I definitely have times 
where I'm just, I'm like, this 

422
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:38,040
house is so messy. 
But I just can't genuinely think

423
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:40,840
of an instance where I look at 
the house being a mess. 

424
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:42,480
And I think this house is so 
messy. 

425
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,600
And my anger is directed at you 
because it's not you. 

426
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,840
And especially when you have 
kids, it's your children. 

427
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:54,520
It is a really tough dynamic 
when it is a stepparent because 

428
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:59,520
I can imagine that there would 
be really difficult tensions 

429
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:04,360
that go on where you would feel 
an element of responsibility 

430
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:08,320
over your children individually,
even though that parent 

431
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:12,040
hopefully is, is very much 
embracing the role and I maybe 

432
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:15,160
some of these kids are his, who 
knows, I think you would feel a 

433
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:17,800
sense of responsibility 
individually about your children

434
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,880
and. 
And maybe even defensiveness. 

435
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,360
So I think that definitely 
muddies the conversation. 

436
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:24,800
It could could make it a little 
bit more complicated in terms of

437
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,960
figuring out where each person 
is coming from because it would 

438
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:33,240
be very dynamic, very complex. 
And when you have entered into a

439
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:37,960
space with children that hasn't 
been like when we had kids, we 

440
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:40,680
had them together. 
And so we both start at the same

441
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:44,000
point and we've both kind of 
grown through that process. 

442
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,600
So we've kind of slowly been 
introduced to the things that 

443
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:50,760
need to happen as a family. 
When you enter into a family 

444
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,240
that has children already, 
you're jumping into them at a 

445
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:56,000
certain level. 
And so catching up mentally with

446
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,480
that is really complicated, I'm 
sure. 

447
00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:00,080
I can imagine. 
So that is like one factor that 

448
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:02,480
I think could be adding tension 
there. 

449
00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:05,200
But I think it's a really 
important conversation to have 

450
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,680
and it comes back down to that 
mental load thing. 

451
00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:12,520
He may not really see the 
dynamics at play for you. 

452
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,080
He might not see what's 
happening every day, those 

453
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:16,280
little things that you are 
doing. 

454
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,560
So I think I would sit you down 
and say I understand that you're

455
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:20,840
stressed about the house. 
I feel you. 

456
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:23,000
Like I don't like the house 
being in this state either. 

457
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,880
I'm feeling a little bit 
overwhelmed though, because this

458
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,200
is what I'm having to do. 
This, this is in this. 

459
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,240
One thing I think is really 
important to point out, which 

460
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,280
we've highlighted a lot through 
our marriage is what she says at

461
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:35,440
the end here where it's her 
responsibility and he's helping.

462
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:40,240
I think that is a really 
important clarification point. 

463
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:43,360
It is not her responsibility and
he's helping. 

464
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,600
They need to do it. 
It's their responsibility. 

465
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:48,120
And it's the same with 
parenting. 

466
00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:51,440
You're not babysitting your 
kids, you are just their dad. 

467
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:54,120
So when you take them, when I'm 
out, it's not because you're 

468
00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:56,320
doing me a favour, it's because 
you are their father. 

469
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:58,920
And so I think I think that's an
important thing to explore 

470
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:01,120
together. 
Yeah, and making sure that 

471
00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:02,840
you're both. 
It could, because you couldn't 

472
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,280
really subconsciously take on 
those things. 

473
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:06,080
Oh. 
Absolutely. 

474
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,920
And especially in that step 
family environment, you know, I 

475
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,280
could easily see him coming into
that space. 

476
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:15,520
Again, we're we're speculating 
here, but I could easily see him

477
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:18,160
coming into that space to be 
like, these are your kids. 

478
00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:20,160
You need to clean up after your 
kids. 

479
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:25,040
But honestly, mate, like if you 
go into a family, go into that 

480
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,520
family, like become part of that
family. 

481
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:30,360
And I know that's going to be a 
lot easier said than done, but 

482
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:34,080
especially in something like 
this, you know, like it it's. 

483
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:35,400
Yeah, you need to connect in 
there. 

484
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:35,800
Yeah. 
I. 

485
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:38,160
Think it's interesting because 
he would have entered into a 

486
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:41,080
space as a helper, yeah. 
So he would have the times when 

487
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:45,040
he started to clean the 1st 
instances, it would have been 

488
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:46,760
categorised as him helping her, 
yeah. 

489
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:48,960
And that's, and that's still, 
that's still something really 

490
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:52,320
important to point out because 
it's, it's like that transition 

491
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:54,760
hasn't happened. 
And that transition, you know, I

492
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,640
think sometimes we expect that 
transition will just happen. 

493
00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,760
Yeah, but in, in many different 
ways, right? 

494
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:02,800
And we think transitions will 
just happen naturally and 

495
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,720
naturally. 
But again, experience tells us 

496
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:07,840
they don't, Yeah, unless we can 
clearly communicate what the 

497
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,720
problem is. 
But also be a part of that 

498
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,200
together. 
I work through that together. 

499
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:15,200
It's not smooth. 
It's just like this jarring 

500
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,320
thing. 
Then you have arguments because 

501
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:20,040
you've got expectations, you've 
got assumptions, you've got all 

502
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:21,600
these sorts of things that come 
into the mix. 

503
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,440
And then it's just, yeah, it's 
just messy, yeah. 

504
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,600
Absolutely. 
I think conversation could 

505
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:28,600
really help this. 
I think there were there are 

506
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,840
lots of dynamics at play 
specifically for this situation.

507
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:35,320
But this this is a common issue 
regardless of your family 

508
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:38,560
structure. 
A common, common issue and the 

509
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,880
things that you point I'm glad 
that this person has stepped 

510
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,280
through the things that she 
thinks is like impacting why 

511
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:46,000
she's so frustrated by it 
because that's really helpful 

512
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,120
That's really good conversation 
points yeah. 

513
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,240
And as we've said before, if she
comes into the conversation and 

514
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,520
says you this, this, this and 
this, it's actually going to 

515
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:54,520
shut him down. 
Yeah, he'll put. 

516
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:57,280
His barriers up if. 
Instead, you can come to the 

517
00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:59,960
conversation, be like, hey, I 
just wanted to say I was really 

518
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:02,080
wrestling with how you brought 
that up the other day. 

519
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,880
I felt very much like you were 
upset at me. 

520
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:07,880
I was wondering why it like 
threw me so much. 

521
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,640
So I think these are the reasons
I I struggle with this. 

522
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:12,520
I struggle with this. 
These are things I've thought 

523
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,640
about and have that be like 
you're entering into the 

524
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:17,360
conversation with an attitude of
curiosity, which I've said a 

525
00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:19,040
lot. 
No, and I'm probably going to 

526
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:22,800
keep saying you're not coming to
attack him, you're not coming to

527
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,600
correct him. 
You're coming to become closer 

528
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,160
as a team. 
And so you're coming to the 

529
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:31,160
conversation with curiosity at 
yourself, curiosity about why 

530
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:33,400
you're feeling the way you're 
feeling, curiosity about why 

531
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,000
he's reacting the way he's 
reacting, and curiosity about 

532
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:39,000
how you guys can be a better 
team going forward. 

533
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:41,440
Catch phrase of honey, we need 
to chat. 

534
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,200
Think about five years from now,
where do you want to be? 

535
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:47,320
Where does it, where team 
dynamic do you want to have, if 

536
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,560
you're happy for this to 
continue to be a wedge that 

537
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:53,560
slowly gets more and more 
reinforced, All right, probably 

538
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:54,920
not worth bringing it up. 
You're happy with that. 

539
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:58,560
If you're not happy, if you want
to be a a more cohesive team 

540
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:01,280
that's working together, that 
owns the stuff together, 

541
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,720
especially if you are in that 
kind of step parent step 

542
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:06,240
relationship, like forming a new
family. 

543
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:09,360
This is really important because
you need to be directional with 

544
00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:12,480
how you're going, and those 
conversations can be incredibly 

545
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:14,400
important. 
And incredibly hard. 

546
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:16,400
They can be hard, you know, 
again, because we've just had 

547
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,880
this conversation through one of
the chat jars. 

548
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:22,720
They're not easy conversations, 
but they're so important to have

549
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:25,560
and they're intentional. 
You know, it was, it was a lot 

550
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:27,640
of that understanding where 
you're coming from, where I'm 

551
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:29,800
coming from, It's exactly the 
same here. 

552
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:33,320
And I think again, we didn't 
solve it in that conversation. 

553
00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:35,040
You know, I mean, this is 
something that we're going to be

554
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:38,000
going on like for a while now. 
And I think that's another big 

555
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,560
thing to to bring up. 
You know, you just pointed out 

556
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,720
picture what your relationship 
is in you want it to be like in 

557
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:45,800
five years. 
I know for me sometimes I'm 

558
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,600
like, I don't want to wait five 
years mate, like now. 

559
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:51,960
But things take a while. 
And if you're invested in in 

560
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:55,440
your relationship, investments 
aren't always fast. 

561
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:58,760
And this is one that is OK for 
them to go for a while. 

562
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:03,600
You know, I don't know any of 
our situations we've had to work

563
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:07,120
through that have been fast, but
I know for a fact everyone we 

564
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:09,120
have worked through has made our
relationship stronger. 

565
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:12,600
Well, you don't see results 
quickly like long lasting 

566
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:16,360
results in almost any area of 
life is not achieved quickly, no

567
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:17,440
SO. 
Enough said. 

568
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:20,240
Yeah, enough said. 
But you're not alone. 

569
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:24,280
Yeah, this is going to. 
Be yeah, this is be triggering 

570
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,840
for a lot of people I think. 
Also, it's important to say what

571
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:28,880
you've kind of just said on this
podcast. 

572
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:32,120
It might look like conversations
are fun and easy and light and 

573
00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:34,800
they should just go smoothly and
we should just be willing to 

574
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:36,040
hear the other person all the 
time. 

575
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:37,760
That's not always the case for 
us. 

576
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,040
I wish we could just make it, 
like, super raw. 

577
00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:42,600
You saw all of the difficult 
stuff. 

578
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:44,600
It wouldn't necessarily be 
helpful. 

579
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:46,720
It'd probably just be more like 
reality TV. 

580
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:49,720
Yeah, we're not about that. 
No, we're not about that. 

581
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:52,760
But just to be really clear, 
these things aren't neat and 

582
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:53,680
easy. 
No. 

583
00:26:54,120 --> 00:26:56,760
If they were you, there would be
no point of having a podcast 

584
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:58,240
like this anyway. 
Moving right along. 

585
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,160
Yeah, So was. 
That Did someone write that one 

586
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:00,480
in? 
No. 

587
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:02,560
That was that was our slash 
relationships. 

588
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,240
Yeah. 
But now we're going to move on 

589
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:07,960
to a listener, write in what? 
Wow. 

590
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,880
So anonymous listener right in. 
Thank you. 

591
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:13,280
Let's dive right in. 
Let's do it. 

592
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:17,640
Me, 26, female, and my partner, 
30 male, have been together for 

593
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:19,760
six years. 
We'll use Pete as a pseudonym 

594
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,760
for my partner. 
Throughout our relationship, 

595
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:23,160
Pete has been a wonderful 
partner. 

596
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:25,840
We have not had any major 
conflicts and have been able to 

597
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:28,640
work through anything together 
and we are a very united couple.

598
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:31,200
The only issue within our 
relationship that we haven't 

599
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:34,200
been able to work through has 
been Pete's mother the entire 

600
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,760
time we have been together and 
my experience has been that I've

601
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:39,160
been bullied by her. 
Pete shuts down during conflict 

602
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:40,720
and says that he doesn't want to
get involved. 

603
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:42,440
Whenever things are at their 
worst. 

604
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:44,960
We lose contact with him for a 
few months and then things are 

605
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:46,920
just back to normal and never 
resolved. 

606
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:49,080
Pete doesn't want to lose his 
relationship with his parents, 

607
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:51,600
which I understand, but I feel 
like I've been forever fighting 

608
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,360
my own battle with his parents 
alone. 

609
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:57,920
We have just recently had a baby
together and we I have had more 

610
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,880
criticism by them which left 
Pete angry although he didn't 

611
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:04,080
want to get involved. 
Quotation marks I'm feeling very

612
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:06,880
alone within this battle. 
I want to feel like a priority 

613
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,760
to Pete though when I bring up 
this he feels as if I'm making 

614
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,680
him choose between his family 
and myself. 

615
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:14,480
This is a really tough one. 
That is a. 

616
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:18,080
Tough one, can we give a name 
for the person that wrote in 

617
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:19,480
Let's? 
Call her Laura. 

618
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,280
Laura. 
It's not Laura, but let's just 

619
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:25,880
call her Laura, OK? 
It's not unique to Laura, this 

620
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:29,320
situation. 
I think I think we've touched 

621
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:32,160
base on something similar to 
this one of our previous 

622
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:35,720
episodes with the mother in law 
and it wasn't about the bullying

623
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:41,800
stuff, but just about how, you 
know, the the partner whose mum 

624
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:45,240
it is just wasn't really helping
the situation. 

625
00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:46,800
And I think that's definitely 
something. 

626
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:49,920
OK. 
So we, we've had situations with

627
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,880
both of our parents where we've 
had to navigate through, right. 

628
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:54,160
Yeah. 
And everybody will. 

629
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:57,240
Have them exactly. 
And full respect for our 

630
00:28:57,240 --> 00:29:00,080
parents. 
There's been times where there's

631
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,720
been times where you've had to 
say something to your parents or

632
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:04,000
you've had to have that 
conversation. 

633
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:07,120
I've had to talk to my parents 
and I had the conversation. 

634
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:09,040
But there's also times where 
I've had to have the 

635
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:11,600
conversation with your parents 
vice versa. 

636
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:13,360
And we've had to do it together.
Yeah, right. 

637
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,160
There's been the different 
levels. 

638
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:15,920
Levels. 
Yeah, right. 

639
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:21,160
I think definitely, I think it's
worth Pete talking to his mum 

640
00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:24,360
about it again, like, and this 
is the hard thing. 

641
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,760
Then when you bring you bring 
your own parents involved with 

642
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:30,360
this and mum, I know you listen 
and and we're very on the same 

643
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:31,840
page of this. 
We've had this conversation 

644
00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:34,080
before, but it's very hard 
because there's so many more 

645
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:36,640
triggers and everything involved
in those conversations. 

646
00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:37,840
What has to do with your 
parents? 

647
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:41,720
And because there's so much 
familiarity, it's so much easier

648
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:44,120
to have a heated conversation 
with your parents, right? 

649
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:46,440
Because you know them for so 
much longer. 

650
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:49,440
And I don't know, it's just it's
so much easier to get crankier 

651
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:50,800
parents than anyone else. 
I guess. 

652
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:54,000
I think that he needs to have 
that conversation with his mum 

653
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:57,920
in the softest way possible. 
This is the ideal situation and 

654
00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:01,240
this would be so hard, but I 
believe that we would do this 

655
00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:03,680
too. 
Let's let's just pretend I'm 

656
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:06,240
just talking to you, right? 
And, and with our relationship, 

657
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,720
OK, so remove the mum son side 
of stuff. 

658
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:11,240
How would I want to talk to you 
about this sort of thing? 

659
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:16,040
And I think it would be again, 
it's creating that safe space. 

660
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:18,480
But again, like, if he comes out
and heated, like every 

661
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:22,280
conversation we've talked about 
her walls is going to go up and 

662
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:24,840
like the conversations don't go 
nowhere. 

663
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:27,720
It won't go anywhere. 
But he needs to create that safe

664
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:29,520
space. 
A picture of five years from now

665
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:32,400
and do this with Pete, Laura, 
like from five years from now. 

666
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:35,600
What do you both want this 
relationship to look like with 

667
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:39,160
his mom and picture that and 
then work back from there. 

668
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:40,840
OK, cool. 
That's what we want. 

669
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:44,560
And even voice that with her, as
awkward and as cheesy as that 

670
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:47,720
can be, exactly what I'd be 
doing with you because that's a 

671
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,520
lot of what we're talking about 
in this podcast. 

672
00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:52,320
Like, yeah, we talk about 
couples majority of the time, 

673
00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:56,360
but it it goes beyond just the 
couple of the things that we're 

674
00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:58,240
talking about. 
I think this sounds like a 

675
00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:03,680
complicated 1 though because it 
sounds to me like Pete has a bit

676
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:07,640
of a an attachment style issue 
going on with his parents which 

677
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:11,760
I resonate a lot with. 
So it sounds to me like he knows

678
00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:15,640
that this happens, but he does 
not know how to communicate with

679
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:18,080
his parents about this. 
And so it it, it doesn't seem 

680
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:21,400
like just it doesn't seem like 
the same dynamic as if this was 

681
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:24,200
us playing this out. 
I think what would be more 

682
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:27,720
similar is if we flipped it and 
if you were feeling bullied by 

683
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:31,320
my dad, for example, back, let's
say when we first got together, 

684
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:34,240
because obviously there's been a
lot of work in between me 

685
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:38,920
confronting my parents and 
navigating that dynamic was a 

686
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:43,680
lot more complicated in some 
ways because of just attachment 

687
00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:46,280
that was happening. 
And if there's any kind of 

688
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:49,320
anxiety or any kind of like 
communication style that's 

689
00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:51,840
happened in the past, that's 
meant that you can't, you don't,

690
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:54,720
you just don't know how to 
interact with them in a neutral 

691
00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:56,200
and healthy and constructive 
way. 

692
00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:59,760
And so it sounds to me from 
this, it's a short story, but it

693
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:02,280
sounds to me like he shuts down.
Well, she says he shuts down 

694
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:04,320
during conflict and he doesn't 
want to get involved. 

695
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:07,560
That doesn't sound like someone 
who's just like, I'm super 

696
00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:08,680
neutral. 
I couldn't care less. 

697
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:10,560
It actually sounds like someone 
who's really wrestling with a 

698
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:13,280
lot of stuff that's that's 
impacting how he talks to his 

699
00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:15,240
parents and how he engages with 
conflict. 

700
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:18,560
And so I totally agree with you 
about sitting down together. 

701
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:22,240
So Laura and Pete sitting down 
together and I think it's really

702
00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:25,960
valid for you, Laura, to say to 
him, I actually can't just keep 

703
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:29,760
going in this dynamic with your 
mom in this way. 

704
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:32,160
Like that's not a journey that 
can keep going this way. 

705
00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:34,560
It's not healthy. 
It's not going to, it doesn't 

706
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:36,560
end well. 
We've got a child now and it's 

707
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:38,880
just ramped up. 
So I think it's a very valid 

708
00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:41,280
conversation to have. 
It might not be a fun one, like 

709
00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:42,880
we said before, but really 
valid. 

710
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:46,720
So I think sitting Pete down and
saying, hey, I know you're he's 

711
00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:48,640
been recently angry about some 
of the criticism. 

712
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:50,560
So he's seen it, he's aware of 
it. 

713
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:52,840
He doesn't want to get involved,
but he's aware of it. 

714
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:55,400
So sitting him down and saying 
something like, I know you've 

715
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:56,880
seen it. 
I know you don't know how to get

716
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:58,040
involved. 
I know you don't want to get 

717
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:00,360
involved, but I need to tell 
you, this is extremely important

718
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:02,280
to me and I can't keep going 
this way. 

719
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:04,960
And so we do need to figure out 
what we're going to do about it.

720
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:08,320
And then doing that, where do we
want to be in five years time as

721
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:12,680
your own core family unit? 
Because really you do as you 

722
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:15,960
become a unit, you do remove 
from your parents and you don't 

723
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,160
hopefully it doesn't have to be 
no relationship with them, but 

724
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:20,880
it does change and it needs to 
change. 

725
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:22,960
That transition is really tough 
for people. 

726
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:24,920
For some, it's tougher than it 
is for others. 

727
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:28,760
And so I think sitting down and 
saying we've got a child now in 

728
00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:31,080
five years time, where do we 
want to be as our unit? 

729
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:33,280
Where do we want to be with your
mom? 

730
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:35,560
It's no longer. 
And we've had this conversation 

731
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:38,080
with our parents as well. 
It's no longer how we interact 

732
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:39,440
with them and who they are to 
us. 

733
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:41,800
It's actually also we are 
fostering who they're going to 

734
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:45,560
be to our kids. 
And parents are just like us. 

735
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:49,080
They're just humans with things 
that they've experienced and 

736
00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:50,480
have made them into who they are
as well. 

737
00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:53,440
And so they can work out of 
those traumas. 

738
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:56,280
They can work out of those 
experiences in a constructive or

739
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:58,720
in a deconstructive way, in a 
toxic way. 

740
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:01,720
And they can find themselves 
stuck in ruts as well. 

741
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:05,520
But a lot of parents actually 
would love to be really 

742
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,199
beautiful blessings to their 
kids, really beautiful blessings

743
00:34:08,199 --> 00:34:10,080
to their grandkids. 
And so I think it's really 

744
00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:14,480
important for you as a family to
get very clear on in five years 

745
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:15,800
time, where do we want to be 
with this? 

746
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:18,239
In five years time? 
Where do we want our kids 

747
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:20,719
relationship to be with her, 
with this grandma? 

748
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:23,840
How? 
And if you sit down and you make

749
00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:26,679
that clear, it helps you figure 
out what you what steps you need

750
00:34:26,679 --> 00:34:30,760
to take to get to that place. 
If nothing is communicated, 

751
00:34:31,679 --> 00:34:33,000
nothing will get better. 
Yeah. 

752
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:37,080
Yeah, yeah, I like your answer 
better, I think. 

753
00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:39,360
The other really important thing
to highlight is she's she calls 

754
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:40,520
it bullying. 
Yeah. 

755
00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:44,120
And so there are absolutely 
times where it's just not 

756
00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:46,120
healthy to be around a certain 
person. 

757
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:48,760
And so I think that's, again, in
that conversation you have with 

758
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:52,400
Pete, it's really important for 
you to define what the what the 

759
00:34:52,679 --> 00:34:54,480
interactions are. 
Obviously we don't know what 

760
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:58,240
these interactions are, but 
define what it is that makes it 

761
00:34:58,240 --> 00:35:01,880
feel like bullying, what it is, 
how it impacts you, and figure 

762
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:03,600
out a way. 
If there's boundaries you can 

763
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:08,680
put in place, which may and 
probably will be not taken, 

764
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:12,240
well, that's never fun to have 
boundaries put in place. 

765
00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:14,240
But they are really important. 
And I really believe that 

766
00:35:14,240 --> 00:35:16,960
boundaries in the long run 
benefit everybody. 

767
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,240
So whether your mother in law is
happy about the boundaries or 

768
00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:23,560
not is a different conversation,
but it's really not the deciding

769
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:26,040
factor. 
But I do think in the long run, 

770
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:29,560
if it helps make the 
relationship smoother, it's 

771
00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:32,960
really important. 
So in terms of what conversation

772
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:35,120
or what steps to take, I think 
it's really important to be 

773
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:39,000
clear with what you've 
experienced and with Pete and 

774
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:40,800
say this behaviour is 
unacceptable. 

775
00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:43,720
It's not just being with her 
that's unacceptable. 

776
00:35:43,720 --> 00:35:45,960
It's not just this random vague 
thing. 

777
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:49,000
It's this is what she's been 
doing that's hurting me and 

778
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:51,160
that's unacceptable. 
So we need to actually put a 

779
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:53,720
safe boundary in place in that 
regard. 

780
00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:56,360
So once you're when you're 
having this conversation, you're

781
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:58,960
like, OK, where do we want to be
in five years time as our own 

782
00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:01,320
insular little family? 
Where do we want to be? 

783
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:04,440
And part of that is going to 
include figuring out what you're

784
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:06,440
OK with and what you're not. 
And we've had to put boundaries 

785
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:10,320
in place and every area of life,
like we've had to put boundaries

786
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:13,000
in place because there are some 
patterns that just are not 

787
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:15,360
healthy. 
And it means that if not, if 

788
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:18,040
they go unaddressed, they're 
just going to lead us further 

789
00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:19,760
and further apart. 
And so this is a really 

790
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,800
important that if there's 
something that she, whatever is 

791
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:25,600
going on for her that makes her 
bully you, which is a weird 

792
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:28,720
behaviour for an adult, there's 
obviously something there. 

793
00:36:28,720 --> 00:36:31,720
So either you know, she's got 
mental health stuff going on, 

794
00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:34,600
either there's some kind of 
dynamic tension, defensiveness, 

795
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:37,760
whatever is happening for her, 
it's not a healthy behaviour and

796
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:39,160
there does need to be a boundary
around that. 

797
00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:41,000
And it actually will help in the
long run. 

798
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:43,640
At least you're into your 
family, if not the whole 

799
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:46,960
extended family. 
Yeah, to put that in place and. 

800
00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:49,480
And Pete, I don't know if you 
listened to this podcast. 

801
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:51,880
I hope you do 'cause I hope you 
guys can listen to this 

802
00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:54,440
together. 
It's, it's gonna take a lot of 

803
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:58,160
breathing from you pretty much, 
you know, just to, to hear and 

804
00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:00,720
to receive what Laura is 
feeling. 

805
00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:02,160
He's gonna be really 
challenging. 

806
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:05,560
And it is you guys, this could 
be a real tense conversation for

807
00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:07,800
you. 
What I would love to encourage 

808
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:12,080
you guys to do is just commit to
the journey of, of trying to 

809
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:14,360
work this out. 
You probably you, I know you 

810
00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:16,080
won't work it out in one 
conversation. 

811
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:19,280
And when things do start to get 
heated, just pause and say, 

812
00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:21,760
let's come back to this. 
Take deep breaths, go for a 

813
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:25,640
walk, do all those things that 
can help you calm down because 

814
00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:27,880
if you're not already in a good 
spot with communication, 

815
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:31,920
hopefully this is the start of 
such a strong strength for you 

816
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,000
guys to develop a strength of 
communication. 

817
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:37,520
So yeah, I would love to just 
encourage you guys to commit to 

818
00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:40,960
the the journey. 
Commit to listening and hearing 

819
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:44,400
each other and pausing when need
to and just take that breath. 

820
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:47,360
Move on, come back to another 
point, but just commit that you 

821
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:49,880
will come back another point and
keep going forward with it. 

822
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:52,400
And really exciting just to see 
that. 

823
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:54,880
It sounds like you guys have a 
pretty united relationship. 

824
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:57,400
Yeah, apart from this issue. 
So that's awesome. 

825
00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:00,720
That's a huge foundation, yeah. 
And how great for you to model 

826
00:38:00,720 --> 00:38:02,640
that for your kids, 100. 
Percent, that's that's the 

827
00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:05,200
biggest influence for us is what
we're modelling to our kids. 

828
00:38:05,720 --> 00:38:08,240
And yeah, there's a lot of stuff
we bring from our own childhood,

829
00:38:08,240 --> 00:38:10,760
but that doesn't mean we have to
just carry that on. 

830
00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:13,120
I think we can be really 
intentional what we want to 

831
00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:15,400
carry on. 
And if there is some kind of 

832
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:19,960
anxious relationship attachment 
style style thing going on, 

833
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:22,640
breaking that for the sake of 
your children is really 

834
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:23,760
important. 
Yeah, absolutely. 

835
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:25,560
Working on it, breaking it, 
being intentional. 

836
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:26,240
Cool. 
It's good. 

837
00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:27,760
All right. 
Thank you so much for writing 

838
00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:28,480
in. 
That's awesome. 

839
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:33,160
That's the first write in. 
Hey guys, just wanted to pop in 

840
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:36,360
and take a SEC to talk about the
extra content you can find over 

841
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,480
on our Patreon and our Spotify 
subscription. 

842
00:38:38,720 --> 00:38:41,440
We have a fun little community 
growing over there with extra 

843
00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:43,920
episodes, extra stories. 
We're also going to have 

844
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:47,440
resources, messages back and 
forth and also submitting 

845
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:50,320
listener stories through that 
portal as well, so. 

846
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:52,720
Outro. 
Themes. 

847
00:38:52,720 --> 00:38:56,000
There's lots to be gained. 
If you want to be a part of our 

848
00:38:56,240 --> 00:38:58,840
closer knit community here at 
Honey, we need to chat. 

849
00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:03,040
Please hop on over to Patreon or
Spotify subscriptions and join 

850
00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:04,320
us there. 
We would love to see you. 

851
00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:05,600
Thanks. 
Guys, thanks. 

852
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:09,280
And on to another one. 
This is actually not a written 

853
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:12,800
in story. 
This is actually a shared reel. 

854
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:18,800
But listeners, very, very loyal 
and faithful and helpful 

855
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:22,840
listeners, sent us a real 
following episode about mental 

856
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:24,880
load. 
Yeah, really interesting, Real. 

857
00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:27,200
And I'm just going to quickly 
describe it, I've actually seen 

858
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:29,200
hundreds of them in the same 
exact vein. 

859
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:30,240
So it's not you. 
I'm glad. 

860
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:32,760
You're going to explain it 
because I'm like, how am I going

861
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:33,960
to explain this? 
Yeah. 

862
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:36,680
Yeah, I will explain it. 
Basically it's a real and it's 

863
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:39,760
from the point of view of the 
man and it's comedic, it's 

864
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:41,160
lighthearted. 
And he said. 

865
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:43,800
I think it was like POV, you 
have a wife or something like 

866
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:46,440
that and it's her. 
What's? 

867
00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:50,960
POV mean I'm a senior citizen 
these days. 

868
00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:54,400
I'm not in with the lingo. 
What did you just say before 

869
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:55,920
that you're so old with 
technology. 

870
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:58,560
Oh, I was. 
Trying to take a photo a video 

871
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,800
of Bonnie and I ended up just 
taking two photos the. 

872
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:03,280
Post that he just made about 
Bonnie. 

873
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:06,640
I heard him from the bathroom 
talking and I was like, oh, he's

874
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:09,000
making a video. 
And then I heard him do it 

875
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:10,160
again. 
So I thought it was just free, 

876
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,040
but no, he'd just taken 2 photos
instead. 

877
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,880
Anyway, POV means point of view.
Yeah. 

878
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:21,960
And it's used on social media as
like a this is the the point of 

879
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:24,760
view to come to the video with. 
So you think about that 

880
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:26,920
perspective. 
Yeah, so funny. 

881
00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:28,680
I. 
Seriously, I just see something 

882
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:31,760
like POV POV. 
I have a wife POV so kind of 

883
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:33,360
mean. 
Oh my gosh. 

884
00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:37,040
Well, POV. 
I've got a wife and it's from 

885
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:40,960
the POV of the husband. 
Basically it starts with he's 

886
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:44,240
like watching TV or something 
and then she's like hey and he 

887
00:40:44,240 --> 00:40:47,040
looks over at her and she's like
can you please take out the 

888
00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:48,280
pants? 
No worries, give me 5 minutes. 

889
00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:50,800
Turns back to the TV and then he
like turns back quickly to her 

890
00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:51,840
and she's taking the rubbish 
out. 

891
00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:52,840
She's like that's fine, I'll do 
it. 

892
00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:54,920
And then she said, can you 
vacuum? 

893
00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:56,920
And he goes to plug in the 
vacuum. 

894
00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:58,520
And then he turns back. 
By the time he's plugged in the 

895
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:00,080
vacuum, she's doing it. 
She's like, it's fine, I'll do 

896
00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:02,200
it. 
And then she asks for a drink 

897
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:03,880
and he goes to get one out of 
the fridge. 

898
00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:05,600
And then he brings it back to 
her and she's already gotten 

899
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:07,000
herself one. 
It's it's funny. 

900
00:41:07,240 --> 00:41:09,280
Yeah, but it's common. 
Yeah. 

901
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:13,520
And it was sent in by listeners 
as like a what do you think of 

902
00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:15,240
this type thing? 
Is that right? 

903
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:18,560
Yeah, yeah, I think it was a bit
of a joke, bit of a joke because

904
00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:20,560
we've just. 
Been talking about mental load, 

905
00:41:21,240 --> 00:41:24,000
but it was interesting because 
straight away we had a quick 

906
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:27,320
chat about it and there's so 
much that sits into that reel. 

907
00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:31,920
Yeah, so, so much. 
And from a really brief look, 

908
00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:34,400
it's a funny video. 
It's like, Oh yeah, this is 

909
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:36,400
definitely a dynamic that has 
played out with us. 

910
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:39,480
Yeah, sometimes not too much, 
but there have been things. 

911
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:42,120
And usually like she had a bit 
of an attitude while she was 

912
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:43,400
doing her stuff. 
So you could tell she's like, 

913
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:46,160
it's fine, I'll do it. 
Usually if I do something like 

914
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:48,240
this, I just actually can't be 
bothered waiting, so I'll just 

915
00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:49,800
do it. 
It's not not normally an 

916
00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:53,440
attitude thing, but I think 
there would be so many reasons 

917
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:57,160
from a wife's perspective that 
you might just give up waiting 

918
00:41:57,160 --> 00:41:59,800
for them to do something, even 
if it's only for 5 minutes. 

919
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:05,080
And the first one that comes to 
mind is how often are you having

920
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:08,960
to ask him to do this stuff? 
And why are you having to ask 

921
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:11,360
him to do this stuff? 
It's asking in the 1st place. 

922
00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:13,600
I think that gets me. 
And again, like I know this was 

923
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:16,760
sent in as a joke, so please 
don't get all up and arms and 

924
00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:17,960
we. 
Did like it was a. 

925
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:21,720
Funny, we weren't like meme, but
but in the back of my head as 

926
00:42:21,720 --> 00:42:25,160
well, because just seeing so 
many writings, comments, all 

927
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:27,680
this sort of stuff that is 
revolved around this. 

928
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:29,920
Yeah. 
It I can't just have it as a 

929
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:33,760
joke anymore because it's just 
so in our world now as topics. 

930
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:36,400
And I think in the 1st place 
straight away I'm like, well, 

931
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:37,600
why? 
Yeah, why is she asking? 

932
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:41,000
Like why would you even have to 
ask him to take out the rubbish 

933
00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:43,200
There's? 
A difference between I'm doing 

934
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:45,520
something right now and there's 
something helpful you could do. 

935
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:48,120
So bins, let's use bins as an 
example. 

936
00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:50,960
I might be, I might be cleaning 
the kitchen and the bin is full 

937
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:53,040
and I know it needs to go out. 
And if I say to you, hey, can 

938
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:55,360
you take the bin out, that's 
because at that point I'm 

939
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:56,840
cleaning the kitchen. 
It would be really helpful for 

940
00:42:56,840 --> 00:42:58,680
the bin to be cleaned as well. 
It's not something that you 

941
00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:00,120
should have just known I needed 
you to do. 

942
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:00,520
Yeah. 
Yeah. 

943
00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:02,680
Yeah, it's. 
Something I'm saying neutrally, 

944
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,120
well, can you do that for me 
because I'm doing the kitchen? 

945
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:08,520
If you said, Yep, just give me 5
minutes, fine. 

946
00:43:08,720 --> 00:43:10,760
If you said give me 5 minutes 
and then you didn't do it, 

947
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:13,280
that's been annoying because 
having to be your mom a little 

948
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:14,280
bit and be like, hey, can you 
take? 

949
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:16,640
I'll probably would have just 
done it to be honest, by the 

950
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:18,880
time it got to me realising you 
hadn't. 

951
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:23,480
But there have been times where 
the bin is overflowing and I 

952
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:26,320
have said can you do bins and 
then it hasn't been done. 

953
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:29,480
That's more of like AI shouldn't
have had to have asked you to do

954
00:43:29,480 --> 00:43:31,720
bins. 
And I need to be really clear. 

955
00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:35,880
We are equals in cleaning. 
Like that's I'm not like the one

956
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:37,400
that does all the cleaning and 
you don't do it. 

957
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:39,920
This is not a normal thing. 
Just to give Blair some. 

958
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:41,560
Yeah. 
I'm like, oh, I'm going to look 

959
00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:43,400
bad at this. 
No, no, this is not a normal 

960
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:45,280
thing. 
But but if I had asked you to do

961
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:47,920
it and you still didn't do it, 
and you should have actually 

962
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:50,400
noticed that the bin was full 
and just done it yourself 

963
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:52,120
because you're a part of the 
family. 

964
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:56,160
That's exhausting. 
And again, with the mental load,

965
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:59,360
like the that's one tiny thing. 
Then you think about all the 

966
00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:01,040
other things that this person 
might have on their head. 

967
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:02,800
Yeah, that they're then having 
to navigate. 

968
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:05,880
And so yes, it might be kind of 
funny, but it's actually not 

969
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:08,600
that funny when it's also the 
bin, the bathroom, the toilet 

970
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:10,760
paper, the groceries, the kids 
stuff. 

971
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:12,640
It's that's not very funny. 
It's actually just really 

972
00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:13,520
exhausting. 
Yeah. 

973
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:17,240
I think the other thing as well 
is looking at the patterns in 

974
00:44:17,240 --> 00:44:19,920
the family. 
So if you are sitting on the 

975
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:23,240
couch watching TV or scrolling 
on your phone and I've been 

976
00:44:23,240 --> 00:44:25,920
cleaning for an hour and I ask 
you to do something, I might be 

977
00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:27,200
a little frustrated. 
Yeah. 

978
00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:28,560
Yeah. 
Like, And not that that's 

979
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:31,880
necessarily fair because just 
because I choose to clean at 

980
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:33,440
that point doesn't mean you need
to. 

981
00:44:33,440 --> 00:44:35,920
Yeah, yeah, Yeah. 
But if that's a regular rhythm 

982
00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:39,840
in the family where one person 
is doing all this stuff and 

983
00:44:39,840 --> 00:44:43,760
you're just watching TV because 
you want to after a while, 

984
00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:47,120
again, that's exhausting. 
That's a really out of balance 

985
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:48,880
thing. 
So I think looking at the 

986
00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:51,720
rhythm, the natural rhythms that
happen in your family and being 

987
00:44:51,720 --> 00:44:54,440
like, is this something I 
actually normally do while she's

988
00:44:54,440 --> 00:44:55,840
cleaning? 
That's important. 

989
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:57,200
That's maybe why she's 
frustrated. 

990
00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:00,520
And here is a joke a lot too, 
like, oh, I just need to get the

991
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:02,840
dishes done before I get in 
trouble, like from a lot of the 

992
00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:04,840
guys. 
And so it's funny, like I 

993
00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:07,480
genuinely laugh every time, but 
I'm like at the same time. 

994
00:45:08,240 --> 00:45:09,720
Yeah, 2. 
Dishes, man. 

995
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:11,560
Why? 
Do you think because you guys 

996
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:12,400
are capable? 
Yeah. 

997
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:14,640
Like, you are such a capable 
person. 

998
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:17,200
Yeah. 
I just, I honestly baffles me a 

999
00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:20,000
little bit because for one 
thing, there's roles within a 

1000
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:21,920
family. 
And so you'll fall into natural 

1001
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:23,480
roles. 
Some will be kind of really 

1002
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:26,000
traditional, some will be a bit 
more like equal, whatever you 

1003
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:28,320
want to call it. 
But someone might be working 

1004
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:29,760
full time. 
Someone might be home with the 

1005
00:45:29,760 --> 00:45:34,000
kids so I can understand why 
tasks would fall under that. 

1006
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:39,240
What I can't understand is the 
household care all falling to 

1007
00:45:39,240 --> 00:45:44,280
one person or the response like 
this person before was saying it

1008
00:45:44,280 --> 00:45:46,360
being that person's 
responsibility and the other 

1009
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:48,880
person as a helper. 
I just don't understand that 

1010
00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:50,120
dynamic. 
No. 

1011
00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:53,080
And I think it's again, it 
sounds the conversation too 

1012
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:56,320
right, because I don't think we 
ever really struggled with. 

1013
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:58,200
I'm trying to think, well, you 
were. 

1014
00:45:58,200 --> 00:46:00,320
Living out of home before we get
together. 

1015
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:02,280
Yeah, yeah. 
So I've been out of. 

1016
00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:06,240
Home since I was 16 so I'm I'm 
used to looking after myself and

1017
00:46:06,240 --> 00:46:08,720
and whatever else I think. 
There are blind spots for people

1018
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:12,720
and unfortunately they can go 
unaddressed. 

1019
00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:17,040
Yeah, I don't think it's a bad 
thing that there is a blind spot

1020
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:19,560
in the initial part. 
I don't think it's a bad thing 

1021
00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:24,040
that one partner has to identify
a blind spot to their partner 

1022
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:27,080
and say, hey, this is tough, can
you help me with this? 

1023
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:29,640
I don't think that's a bad thing
that's going to happen from both

1024
00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:32,520
sides all the time. 
I think it is really 

1025
00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:36,360
disappointing when that has been
identified and it is either 

1026
00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:41,080
faced with criticism or 
complaint whininess like from an

1027
00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:42,240
adult. 
Come on. 

1028
00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:45,560
Or it's just ignored, it's not 
addressed. 

1029
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:47,520
Or you may. 
Feel like you're made to feel 

1030
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:48,120
stupid. 
Yeah. 

1031
00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:50,880
Something now, yeah. 
Yeah, you're going to know about

1032
00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:53,400
that, Yeah. 
It's a very strange thing. 

1033
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:55,120
Yeah. 
And I don't think that's fair. 

1034
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:59,840
So I I think addressing issues 
that are an issue is a teamwork 

1035
00:46:59,840 --> 00:47:02,200
thing. 
Like we've spoken about many 

1036
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:04,600
times on the podcast, if you 
have a problem, you need to be 

1037
00:47:04,600 --> 00:47:06,000
able to communicate that to your
partner. 

1038
00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:07,880
Yeah, that needs to be the first
step. 

1039
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:09,920
It's your responsibility till 
that's communicated. 

1040
00:47:10,720 --> 00:47:13,920
Once that's communicated, it 
needs to become the collective 

1041
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:17,440
responsibility and that partner 
needs to buy into that. 

1042
00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:22,760
Because if your team that's 
working to be a unified couple, 

1043
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:27,120
a unified family, it's not going
to be constructive to have those

1044
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:29,800
things landing on one person, 
yeah. 

1045
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:32,320
I don't know why it is a lot of 
guys struggle with this sort of 

1046
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:34,200
stuff. 
I don't have the answer, but if 

1047
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:36,320
someone was struggling with 
that, how would you approach it?

1048
00:47:36,720 --> 00:47:37,800
I. 
Would have a conversation about 

1049
00:47:37,800 --> 00:47:40,480
mental load, I'd say. 
I know it doesn't look, I know 

1050
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:43,080
it's not in your face. 
It's not clear, It's not obvious

1051
00:47:43,080 --> 00:47:45,400
that I'm carrying a lot, but 
there's a lot of things that I'm

1052
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:46,840
carrying and I'm really 
struggling. 

1053
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:48,760
So I need to talk about this. 
Yeah. 

1054
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,400
I would use the Tik Toks and 
reels that we've made as 

1055
00:47:51,400 --> 00:47:52,360
excuses. 
They knew it. 

1056
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:54,600
Found this podcast talking about
this thing. 

1057
00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:57,520
Look at this video. 
It's a new concept. 

1058
00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:00,440
What about low on? 
And I would be like, this is 

1059
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:01,600
something I've never really 
thought about. 

1060
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:03,480
I haven't had words for it, but 
this is something that I 

1061
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:04,560
struggle with. 
Yeah. 

1062
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:08,240
And because I've got all these 
little pieces floating around, 

1063
00:48:08,240 --> 00:48:11,600
they have to keep balancing. 
I need a little bit of help. 

1064
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:15,520
And I think that what would be 
bad is if you then put like push

1065
00:48:15,520 --> 00:48:17,840
that on the guy, I think they 
would shut down. 

1066
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:21,160
From what I've observed, if 
something's dumped on a guy, 

1067
00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:25,360
majority of the time the guy 
will shut down and they'll get 

1068
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:27,440
overwhelmed. 
So a lot of things that guys 

1069
00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:30,160
operate like responses is that 
of insecurities. 

1070
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:34,680
But I think we go silent, we go 
inwards, we shut down and it's 

1071
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:37,560
like we don't care. 
I don't think that's true. 

1072
00:48:37,840 --> 00:48:41,440
I think it's actually more down 
to securities and overwhelmness 

1073
00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:44,640
or whatever else because we 
haven't been brought up how to 

1074
00:48:44,800 --> 00:48:47,920
deal with emotions, deal with 
stress till we don't get told, 

1075
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:50,160
we get told to suck it up and 
push through it. 

1076
00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:54,480
So when something is brought to 
us, it's I think we shut down. 

1077
00:48:54,480 --> 00:48:56,440
I think that's just our natural 
response. 

1078
00:48:56,720 --> 00:48:59,120
I don't think there's going to 
be a guy that's happy with 

1079
00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:01,360
letting their partner just go 
around the house and doing 

1080
00:49:01,360 --> 00:49:03,360
everything for them and being 
the mum of the house. 

1081
00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:05,160
I don't think guys are, I don't 
know. 

1082
00:49:05,160 --> 00:49:08,160
But if that's you, suck it up 
mate, you got to do something 

1083
00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:10,280
about it. 
But I don't think most guys 

1084
00:49:10,280 --> 00:49:12,200
would be happy with that. 
They do struggle with that. 

1085
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:16,200
You know, we, we spoke about, 
we've spoken a few times about 

1086
00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:18,920
how when you're exhausted or you
don't know how to do something 

1087
00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:21,080
and you shut down. 
Like you've spoken, you know, 

1088
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:23,800
you did the dishes today for the
first time in, in three days, 

1089
00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:25,200
right? 
Because I didn't help, you know,

1090
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:28,160
just to be clear. 
So I was struggling too, to keep

1091
00:49:28,160 --> 00:49:30,320
on top with all the mess. 
And you were saying about how 

1092
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:33,360
you were so tired and you kind 
of just shut down and you just, 

1093
00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:36,320
you kind of become incapable of 
doing things. 

1094
00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:38,640
Like people do become incapable 
of doing things. 

1095
00:49:38,640 --> 00:49:42,240
I think that's actually more 
common for guys because we don't

1096
00:49:42,240 --> 00:49:45,160
work through stuff. 
I see this a lot with dads with 

1097
00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:47,360
work. 
We, we shut down dads, like a 

1098
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:50,280
lot of dads disconnect, they 
retreat, they'll move away, 

1099
00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:51,840
they'll leave, you know what I 
mean? 

1100
00:49:51,840 --> 00:49:55,200
Because it's, it's a fight or 
flight response because they 

1101
00:49:55,360 --> 00:49:56,600
just don't know how to 
communicate. 

1102
00:49:56,760 --> 00:49:59,040
They don't know how to process 
that, what they're feeling. 

1103
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:02,920
I don't think the upbringing is 
on the side of the man in terms 

1104
00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:04,640
of teaching them. 
I mean, I'm talking about the 

1105
00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:08,320
collective upbringing, generally
speaking, in terms of teaching 

1106
00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:11,120
them how to naturally fall into 
these places. 

1107
00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:14,840
But hearing you say that sounds 
exhausting from a woman's 

1108
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:17,440
perspective. 
Hearing that and be like, OK, so

1109
00:50:17,440 --> 00:50:20,040
now not only do I have, I'm not 
know how I'm feeling, just to 

1110
00:50:20,040 --> 00:50:22,360
clarify. 
But not only do I have to do all

1111
00:50:22,360 --> 00:50:25,400
this stuff, I also then have to 
like pussyfoot around my husband

1112
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:28,840
when I talk about it so that he 
doesn't feel overwhelmed kind of

1113
00:50:28,840 --> 00:50:30,000
thing. 
I can imagine that being a 

1114
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:33,120
reaction like, yeah, OK, you get
overwhelmed, but I'm doing 

1115
00:50:33,120 --> 00:50:35,320
everything. 
So like, so now I have to take 

1116
00:50:35,320 --> 00:50:37,280
on board. 
You're overwhelmed in in 

1117
00:50:37,280 --> 00:50:40,360
navigating as well. 
And I can imagine that that 

1118
00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:44,240
would be exhausting. 
So I think it's 100%, as we've 

1119
00:50:44,240 --> 00:50:47,560
talked about before, when you 
come to an issue, it's really 

1120
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:48,960
important to know who you're 
addressing. 

1121
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:50,760
It's really important to know 
what the goal of the 

1122
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:51,880
conversation is. 
Yeah. 

1123
00:50:52,240 --> 00:50:54,720
So if your goal is to be 
constructive, your goal is to be

1124
00:50:54,720 --> 00:50:56,240
a team at the end. 
Yeah. 

1125
00:50:56,240 --> 00:50:58,280
And you know that your husband 
or your partner is not something

1126
00:50:58,280 --> 00:51:00,360
that he's natural at or they're 
natural at. 

1127
00:51:00,360 --> 00:51:02,680
I wanna make it more general 
than just men and women, too, 

1128
00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:04,720
'cause I know this wouldn't 
always fall into this category. 

1129
00:51:04,720 --> 00:51:07,520
You need to think about how you 
want the conversation to go and 

1130
00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:09,120
address it in a way it's gonna 
be constructive. 

1131
00:51:09,240 --> 00:51:10,480
Yeah. 
It is exhausting. 

1132
00:51:10,640 --> 00:51:11,920
Yeah. 
That is not easy. 

1133
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:12,400
No. 
Hey. 

1134
00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:15,200
Again, I'm probably more 
speaking to the guys that listen

1135
00:51:15,240 --> 00:51:18,640
to this episode more than the 
women is helping us to 

1136
00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:21,840
understand why do we shut down? 
You know, I mean, why do we 

1137
00:51:21,840 --> 00:51:23,600
respond that way? 
And I think there's still a 

1138
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:26,640
responsibility for the couple to
ask that question as well. 

1139
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:27,560
Oh, 100. 
So it's not. 

1140
00:51:27,560 --> 00:51:28,600
Ask the question. 
Yeah, yeah. 

1141
00:51:28,600 --> 00:51:29,560
So. 
It's not a matter. 

1142
00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:32,200
So it was me. 
It's good for you to know that. 

1143
00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:36,480
That's how I respond by shutting
down doesn't mean now you don't 

1144
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:38,800
talk to me about stuff. 
But he's going to navigate the 

1145
00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:40,800
conversation that we have and 
the way that we have it. 

1146
00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:41,400
Yeah. 
Right. 

1147
00:51:41,520 --> 00:51:43,240
And that's. 
What that was probably more my 

1148
00:51:43,240 --> 00:51:46,160
point is if you just come to me 
and say you're not doing enough 

1149
00:51:46,160 --> 00:51:47,760
around the house, you're doing 
on this, you doing that, you 

1150
00:51:47,760 --> 00:51:50,760
doing this, you doing that, I'm 
going to shut down and that's 

1151
00:51:50,760 --> 00:51:53,360
not okay. 
I'm not excusing that reaction, 

1152
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:55,800
but I'm saying that that is a 
reaction that a lot of guys will

1153
00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:58,280
have. 
So what I'm trying to encourage 

1154
00:51:58,280 --> 00:52:00,880
is bring that into the 
conversation, the way that might

1155
00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:02,440
react. 
Feel like a lot of the things 

1156
00:52:02,440 --> 00:52:06,440
that we talk about, again, we 
hear about how my, my, my 

1157
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:07,680
husband would never talk like 
that. 

1158
00:52:07,680 --> 00:52:09,720
I could never have this 
conversation with my partner and

1159
00:52:09,720 --> 00:52:12,520
so forth. 
I I genuinely think because guys

1160
00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:15,360
don't know how to, you know, and
that's so important to bring 

1161
00:52:15,360 --> 00:52:18,440
into this conversation because 
we're trying to build a 

1162
00:52:18,440 --> 00:52:22,200
community that is intentional 
about working on communication. 

1163
00:52:22,600 --> 00:52:26,040
Guys, we really need to 
understand and be reflective of 

1164
00:52:26,040 --> 00:52:28,400
ourselves. 
Why do we respond that way? 

1165
00:52:28,400 --> 00:52:31,640
Why do we shut down? 
Why do we not clean? 

1166
00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:34,440
You know, that's a question we 
have to be asking ourselves, but

1167
00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:36,960
don't let it overwhelm us. 
Just be, again, what we said 

1168
00:52:36,960 --> 00:52:39,040
before. 
Yeah, just what we said before 

1169
00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:42,400
with a lawyer, like commit to 
the growth, you know, like just 

1170
00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:46,840
be curious, be aware, unpack 
that. 

1171
00:52:47,040 --> 00:52:50,040
And, and, and ladies like, I 
just want to encourage you 

1172
00:52:51,120 --> 00:52:54,240
create that safe space for your 
partner to explore that. 

1173
00:52:54,240 --> 00:52:57,160
I don't want to excuse any 
behaviour, but just create the 

1174
00:52:57,160 --> 00:52:59,680
safe space, be intentional. 
Again, I just see it so many 

1175
00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:02,800
times with guys. 
I'm working a lot with with dads

1176
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:05,160
and it's just a big thing that 
we just struggle with how we do 

1177
00:53:05,160 --> 00:53:07,600
that, how we work through that, 
how we grow. 

1178
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:11,120
I think it's really important in
your relationship to be having 

1179
00:53:11,120 --> 00:53:13,200
conversations about how each of 
you work. 

1180
00:53:13,600 --> 00:53:16,160
Yeah. 
Why each of you work the ways 

1181
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:18,880
that you work, learning about 
each other, having that attitude

1182
00:53:18,880 --> 00:53:21,720
of curiosity so that when you do
come to issues like this, it's 

1183
00:53:21,720 --> 00:53:24,120
not a matter of not only are we 
not navigating the problem, 

1184
00:53:24,120 --> 00:53:26,200
we're also now having to 
navigate who you are and to 

1185
00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:30,200
learn who you are. 
The trap that I hear in that is 

1186
00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:34,160
if a man is like, we shut down 
when we when we're faced with 

1187
00:53:34,160 --> 00:53:35,960
these things. 
And that's the extent of it. 

1188
00:53:36,200 --> 00:53:37,280
And I love what you've just 
said. 

1189
00:53:37,320 --> 00:53:39,880
I love what you've just said. 
Isn't like the onus is on that 

1190
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:42,440
man to understand themselves, 
but if you've had to bring the 

1191
00:53:42,440 --> 00:53:46,000
same thing up three or four or 
five times, coming at it really 

1192
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:48,320
gently is obviously not being 
effective. 

1193
00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:51,240
As in, sometimes you do have to 
be a bit more like I need this 

1194
00:53:51,240 --> 00:53:53,040
from you. 
I've brought this up what's 

1195
00:53:53,040 --> 00:53:55,320
happening, like what's happening
for you, but I'd. 

1196
00:53:55,400 --> 00:53:59,320
Also say, like the yes, it would
be tiring, but it's not like I 

1197
00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:02,360
could easily see that as a 
response of like, you know, why 

1198
00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:03,640
would I bother bringing this up 
with you? 

1199
00:54:03,640 --> 00:54:04,720
It's too tiring. 
Yeah, yeah. 

1200
00:54:04,720 --> 00:54:05,800
And. 
Pulling into bitterness. 

1201
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:07,880
Exactly and. 
That's, that's the other side of

1202
00:54:07,880 --> 00:54:10,640
the trap. 
And I think what we, we've been 

1203
00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:13,840
saying in this episode 
especially is that it is hard. 

1204
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:17,240
It is a commitment and it is 
tiring. 

1205
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:20,840
You know, especially early days.
I had to really learn how to 

1206
00:54:20,840 --> 00:54:22,520
talk with you because I'm blunt,
right? 

1207
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:27,360
And, and I would hurt you. 
It was so exhausting and tiring 

1208
00:54:27,360 --> 00:54:30,480
and to be like, think of every 
word that came out of my mouth. 

1209
00:54:30,760 --> 00:54:32,720
It was so hard then. 
It still is now. 

1210
00:54:32,720 --> 00:54:35,160
Like, I mean, we again, we, we 
were still working on the way 

1211
00:54:35,160 --> 00:54:39,680
that I communicate and stuff, 
but it's worth that it's. 

1212
00:54:39,720 --> 00:54:42,080
A good struggle. 
It's a good struggle to have, so

1213
00:54:42,960 --> 00:54:44,480
I think that's the other point 
I'm trying to make and if. 

1214
00:54:44,480 --> 00:54:47,120
I had been in that situation 
when we were learning that 

1215
00:54:47,120 --> 00:54:48,320
stuff. 
If I'd have been like, yeah, 

1216
00:54:48,320 --> 00:54:49,720
well, I just get mad when you 
talk to me like that. 

1217
00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:50,880
I get mad. 
I shut down. 

1218
00:54:50,880 --> 00:54:52,520
Oh yeah. 
It's never an excuse, Oh no. 

1219
00:54:52,640 --> 00:54:53,880
I'm I'm not saying that's what 
you're saying. 

1220
00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:56,120
I'm just exam like following 
that example through. 

1221
00:54:56,120 --> 00:54:57,320
If I was like, yeah, that's how 
I am. 

1222
00:54:57,320 --> 00:54:58,920
I get I get triggered when you 
talk like that. 

1223
00:54:59,040 --> 00:55:02,040
And I never took time to be 
like, why do I get so triggered?

1224
00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:04,640
Yeah, instead of you just being 
like, OK, I know she's triggered

1225
00:55:04,640 --> 00:55:06,360
when I talk like this. 
I know she's triggered when I 

1226
00:55:06,360 --> 00:55:07,640
took this. 
So I'm going to just like dodge 

1227
00:55:07,640 --> 00:55:10,200
those things or I'm not going to
bring up anything in that 

1228
00:55:10,200 --> 00:55:12,960
category. 
It's a conversation of like us 

1229
00:55:12,960 --> 00:55:15,400
figuring that out. 
Me being curious about myself, 

1230
00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:17,760
be like, why am I so triggered? 
So then I can be like, I think 

1231
00:55:17,760 --> 00:55:20,640
I'm triggered because I feel 
like when you say stuff like 

1232
00:55:20,640 --> 00:55:23,520
that, you're criticising me or I
feel like because of this 

1233
00:55:23,520 --> 00:55:25,920
experience, this makes me think 
this kind of thing. 

1234
00:55:26,080 --> 00:55:28,600
It needs to be a constant 
conversation. 

1235
00:55:28,760 --> 00:55:32,000
It needs to be constant 
curiosity about yourself 1st and

1236
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:36,560
about your partnership, the 
dynamics together 2nd, and then 

1237
00:55:36,560 --> 00:55:37,880
how you can work through that as
well. 

1238
00:55:37,880 --> 00:55:42,160
Because you can fall into one 
partner is carrying the load of 

1239
00:55:42,160 --> 00:55:45,040
figuring that out, but they're 
also not getting the buy in of 

1240
00:55:45,040 --> 00:55:46,800
the other partner. 
So if you had been carrying that

1241
00:55:46,800 --> 00:55:49,160
load of figuring out how to 
communicate to me, but I hadn't 

1242
00:55:49,160 --> 00:55:53,240
been exploring that for myself 
as well, you would not be in. 

1243
00:55:53,240 --> 00:55:55,320
You'd be in a better place. 
You'd be in a place where you're

1244
00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:57,640
avoiding all the things that 
trigger me because you know they

1245
00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:00,120
trigger, but you've got no 
conversation. 

1246
00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:05,200
The heart of all of this is both
partners need to input into 

1247
00:56:05,200 --> 00:56:06,920
their marriage. 
Into their partnership. 

1248
00:56:07,400 --> 00:56:10,360
They have to input like you 
can't have one partner be like, 

1249
00:56:10,360 --> 00:56:13,200
we should work on this, we 
should work on this for the rest

1250
00:56:13,200 --> 00:56:15,240
of your life. 
It's just not going to work. 

1251
00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:17,360
It's not going to work because 
either you end up you stay 

1252
00:56:17,360 --> 00:56:20,840
together and you're just in 
really bitter separate places or

1253
00:56:20,840 --> 00:56:22,520
you don't stay together. 
Things fall apart. 

1254
00:56:22,520 --> 00:56:24,760
It doesn't work. 
It does not work that way. 

1255
00:56:25,120 --> 00:56:27,880
And so at the core of it, these 
conversations are important 

1256
00:56:27,880 --> 00:56:31,600
because we're figuring out how 
we can be a team in this. 

1257
00:56:31,920 --> 00:56:35,680
And that's why that's like 
seriously, my heart behind this 

1258
00:56:35,680 --> 00:56:38,480
podcast, man. 
I, I really want guys to step 

1259
00:56:38,480 --> 00:56:40,840
up. 
Like I really, really do. 

1260
00:56:40,840 --> 00:56:44,280
I really want guys to be 
invested, passionate about 

1261
00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:50,320
growing as as men, but also as 
partners, you know, like in 

1262
00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:53,600
investing in what it means to be
in a relationship. 

1263
00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:55,520
I was thinking about this 
recently. 

1264
00:56:55,520 --> 00:56:57,640
There's a lot of stuff coming 
out at the moment about how 

1265
00:56:57,640 --> 00:56:59,400
bringing masculinity back, 
right? 

1266
00:56:59,680 --> 00:57:01,840
And see if around. 
And then what it is is pretty 

1267
00:57:01,840 --> 00:57:04,200
much like, Oh, I'm teaching my 
boys how to fix a car. 

1268
00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:06,280
I'm teaching them how to fish 
and camp and all that sort of 

1269
00:57:06,280 --> 00:57:07,600
stuff. 
I'm like, all right, cool. 

1270
00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:09,840
I want to teach my kids that 
sort of stuff as well. 

1271
00:57:10,200 --> 00:57:12,280
But for me, I'm like, all right,
well, the part that you're 

1272
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:17,800
missing is OK, cool, fix a car, 
make a meal, go fishing, love 

1273
00:57:17,800 --> 00:57:20,000
your wife. 
Like where's those lessons 

1274
00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:23,360
coming in for, for masculinity? 
Why does masculinity have to be 

1275
00:57:23,360 --> 00:57:27,840
the, the rough and tumble stuff?
Why can't it be how to look 

1276
00:57:27,840 --> 00:57:30,000
after your household? 
How do you look after your 

1277
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:33,240
partner? 
I want this for my boys and I 

1278
00:57:33,240 --> 00:57:36,400
know that I can't teach my boys 
this without you. 

1279
00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:43,080
I need their mom to help me to 
teach our boys how to treat 

1280
00:57:43,640 --> 00:57:47,840
their future partners and for 
our daughter to not settle for 

1281
00:57:47,840 --> 00:57:50,560
anything less than what we can 
model for her and teach her. 

1282
00:57:50,560 --> 00:57:52,840
Do you know what I mean? 
Like, but I can't do that on my 

1283
00:57:52,840 --> 00:57:54,440
own. 
We have to do that together. 

1284
00:57:54,760 --> 00:57:58,120
And I don't know what the 
studies, it's around like 50% of

1285
00:57:58,120 --> 00:58:02,880
marriages end in divorce, right?
And if we can't be intentional, 

1286
00:58:03,080 --> 00:58:05,400
you know, we're not perfect at 
this. 

1287
00:58:05,400 --> 00:58:07,400
We are not perfect at 
communication. 

1288
00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:10,720
We're wanting to get better 
because we see the value in it. 

1289
00:58:10,920 --> 00:58:13,120
We don't want to be another one 
of those 50% that ended in 

1290
00:58:13,120 --> 00:58:14,840
divorce. 
We don't want our boys to grow 

1291
00:58:14,840 --> 00:58:17,040
up and mistreat women. 
We don't want our daughter to 

1292
00:58:17,040 --> 00:58:19,680
settle with whatever guy finds 
her interesting. 

1293
00:58:19,680 --> 00:58:22,520
We wanted to find a man that's 
going to look after her, care 

1294
00:58:22,520 --> 00:58:24,800
for her and partner with her in 
the future. 

1295
00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:26,360
And we want our boys to do the 
same. 

1296
00:58:26,560 --> 00:58:29,120
So we need to be on the same 
page in our relationship to 

1297
00:58:29,120 --> 00:58:32,000
model to our kids on what that 
looks like. 

1298
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:34,480
Yeah. 
And it's not because you should 

1299
00:58:34,480 --> 00:58:36,720
do this. 
It's because it's hard work and 

1300
00:58:36,720 --> 00:58:38,400
you should do hard work. 
It's not. 

1301
00:58:38,400 --> 00:58:41,240
It's because it is beautiful. 
Yeah. 

1302
00:58:41,320 --> 00:58:45,200
The harmony of working together 
and being unified and being a 

1303
00:58:45,200 --> 00:58:51,160
team and it is beautiful. 
It is, it is so life giving and 

1304
00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:54,400
it's worth it. 
And I genuinely, when I see 

1305
00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:57,800
couples that fall into this 
dynamic, it makes me heartbroken

1306
00:58:57,800 --> 00:59:00,440
because they aren't experiencing
that beauty. 

1307
00:59:01,040 --> 00:59:04,680
And so for if it's the guy 
that's just not connecting and 

1308
00:59:04,680 --> 00:59:07,360
just not stepping up in that 
space, he's actually missing 

1309
00:59:07,360 --> 00:59:08,400
out. 
He's actually missing. 

1310
00:59:08,440 --> 00:59:10,560
Out if that. 
Is you, you're actually missing 

1311
00:59:10,560 --> 00:59:13,840
out and it's not that hard to 
start moving this direction. 

1312
00:59:13,840 --> 00:59:15,760
It's actually small little steps
at a time. 

1313
00:59:15,800 --> 00:59:18,000
It's not a massive the big task 
in one big go. 

1314
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:21,200
It's it's a small like 
adjustment so that in five years

1315
00:59:21,200 --> 00:59:24,000
time you are more in that 
harmonious space. 

1316
00:59:24,000 --> 00:59:27,040
In 10 years time you are more in
that harmonious space and you 

1317
00:59:27,040 --> 00:59:29,200
can do it so. 
This started by the video, 

1318
00:59:29,200 --> 00:59:29,640
right? 
Yeah. 

1319
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:32,080
OK. 
So to round it up, because we've

1320
00:59:32,080 --> 00:59:34,320
covered a bit the video. 
It was funny, all right, just to

1321
00:59:34,320 --> 00:59:37,200
be clear. 
But I think it just captures a 

1322
00:59:37,200 --> 00:59:40,080
lot of our heart behind what 
we're trying to do here. 

1323
00:59:40,080 --> 00:59:43,440
Emphasise the teamwork, 
emphasise the intentionality. 

1324
00:59:43,440 --> 00:59:45,560
It came from a male's 
perspective. 

1325
00:59:46,400 --> 00:59:48,880
I like, I know there's a lot of 
great guys out there and you're 

1326
00:59:48,880 --> 00:59:52,480
doing an awesome job, but I know
there's a lot of guys that are 

1327
00:59:52,480 --> 00:59:55,000
struggling with this. 
And what I want to do is not 

1328
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:57,040
shame you. 
I want to encourage you. 

1329
00:59:57,280 --> 00:59:58,520
And again, I'm not perfect at 
it. 

1330
00:59:58,640 --> 01:00:01,040
We're still growing. 
That's why we're doing this to 

1331
01:00:01,040 --> 01:00:02,760
grow. 
Grow with us. 

1332
01:00:02,880 --> 01:00:05,200
Come on this journey with us 
right in like, I want to 

1333
01:00:05,200 --> 01:00:08,360
encourage you as much as I can 
for the guys that are riding in.

1334
01:00:08,360 --> 01:00:10,120
I love it, you know, keep it 
going. 

1335
01:00:10,600 --> 01:00:12,320
I want to keep going on this 
journey with you. 

1336
01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:14,760
Iron sharpens iron. 
Yep. 

1337
01:00:14,760 --> 01:00:18,200
All right, so the last one and 
then we can have an extra 1 for 

1338
01:00:18,320 --> 01:00:20,280
Patreon and Spotify 
subscription. 

1339
01:00:20,320 --> 01:00:22,560
Get on. 
The Patreon and sub sorry. 

1340
01:00:22,560 --> 01:00:25,760
Last one from our slash 
relationships. 

1341
01:00:26,080 --> 01:00:30,320
Wife 29, female struggling to 
stay with 29 male husband due to

1342
01:00:30,320 --> 01:00:33,560
hobby being top priority. 
Using a throwaway because my 

1343
01:00:33,560 --> 01:00:39,920
husband, we'll call him Randy. 
Yeah, I thought it was so funny.

1344
01:00:40,360 --> 01:00:42,800
So Blair. 
Blair calls himself Randy. 

1345
01:00:42,800 --> 01:00:49,160
Ramble on twitch and on TikTok. 
I thought it was so funny 

1346
01:00:49,160 --> 01:00:52,680
because it sounded like I've 
written in this story but I'm 

1347
01:00:52,680 --> 01:00:55,600
not 29 so can't be me. 
You wish, I wish. 

1348
01:00:56,440 --> 01:00:59,000
Using a throwaway because my 
husband, we'll call him Randy, 

1349
01:00:59,040 --> 01:01:01,960
is on Reddit quite a bit. 
We have been married for going 

1350
01:01:01,960 --> 01:01:04,080
on four years. 
We knew each other and dated 

1351
01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:06,240
briefly in high school. 
Found our way back to each other

1352
01:01:06,240 --> 01:01:08,200
ten years later and ended up 
getting married. 

1353
01:01:08,720 --> 01:01:11,800
Now, Randy is an avid gamer. 
I don't just mean enjoys the 

1354
01:01:11,800 --> 01:01:15,040
occasional video game, I mean 
spends 10% of his life working, 

1355
01:01:15,040 --> 01:01:18,160
10% of his life sleeping, and 
the other 80% is on the game. 

1356
01:01:19,320 --> 01:01:21,560
I mean wakes up and the first 
thing he does is hit the power 

1357
01:01:21,560 --> 01:01:23,200
button. 
The moment he comes home from 

1358
01:01:23,200 --> 01:01:26,640
work, he hits the power button 
every literally waking second he

1359
01:01:26,640 --> 01:01:28,240
is stationed in front of that 
computer. 

1360
01:01:28,600 --> 01:01:31,080
Video games just aren't my 
thing, never have been. 

1361
01:01:31,080 --> 01:01:33,360
I'm not good at them and it's 
never really intrigued me. 

1362
01:01:33,840 --> 01:01:36,480
I knew about his love for games 
when we met and I guess part of 

1363
01:01:36,480 --> 01:01:39,480
me just assumed maybe he'd cut 
down some of that time for me. 

1364
01:01:39,520 --> 01:01:41,920
But he hasn't. 
He doesn't ask me to go out. 

1365
01:01:41,920 --> 01:01:44,720
He doesn't plan anything. 
If he had his way, he would stay

1366
01:01:44,720 --> 01:01:47,080
at home in front of that screen 
every second of every day. 

1367
01:01:47,560 --> 01:01:50,160
I honestly think it's borderline
and addiction, but maybe I'm 

1368
01:01:50,160 --> 01:01:52,280
being dramatic. 
Either way, we're approaching 

1369
01:01:52,280 --> 01:01:54,320
year 4 of marriage and nothing 
has improved. 

1370
01:01:55,160 --> 01:01:57,480
We've had multiple 
conversations, fights, etc about

1371
01:01:57,480 --> 01:02:00,000
the amount of time he spends on 
the game and how little effort 

1372
01:02:00,000 --> 01:02:03,000
he puts into spending time 
together or with me or just our 

1373
01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:05,320
marriage in general. 
I spent a decent chunk of money 

1374
01:02:05,320 --> 01:02:08,160
on a gaming PC because I wanted 
to make an attempt at gaming 

1375
01:02:08,160 --> 01:02:11,400
with him or getting into it in 
the off chance I could save our 

1376
01:02:11,400 --> 01:02:14,280
marriage, but I just can't. 
I work on a computer and 

1377
01:02:14,280 --> 01:02:17,160
spending 8 hours a day in front 
of a computer to get off work 

1378
01:02:17,160 --> 01:02:19,640
and move to a different one just
doesn't work for me. 

1379
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:22,080
I like to go out and experience 
things. 

1380
01:02:22,080 --> 01:02:25,120
Movies, museums, dinners, theme 
parks, literally anything. 

1381
01:02:25,400 --> 01:02:27,960
But getting him to go anywhere 
or do anything is like pulling 

1382
01:02:27,960 --> 01:02:29,640
teeth. 
Especially because I know he 

1383
01:02:29,640 --> 01:02:32,480
doesn't want to go or do those 
things and it just makes me feel

1384
01:02:32,480 --> 01:02:34,560
guilty for dragging him out when
where I'd rather be. 

1385
01:02:35,200 --> 01:02:37,680
In previous relationships I had 
to become comfortable with my 

1386
01:02:37,680 --> 01:02:39,800
own company and in many ways I 
am. 

1387
01:02:40,240 --> 01:02:42,280
If I want to go out and do 
something, generally I'll just 

1388
01:02:42,280 --> 01:02:44,080
do it. 
But I feel so lonely when I have

1389
01:02:44,080 --> 01:02:47,160
a whole husband at home. 
After four years and many talks 

1390
01:02:47,160 --> 01:02:50,680
about the issue with no changes 
or improvements, just sorry and 

1391
01:02:50,680 --> 01:02:53,040
I'll try and do better. 
Should I just admit that we 

1392
01:02:53,040 --> 01:02:56,040
aren't compatible and move on? 
I've tried and tried to convince

1393
01:02:56,040 --> 01:02:59,000
myself I'm OK with being on my 
own even in this marriage, but I

1394
01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:01,800
just don't think I really am. 
I love this man to the end of 

1395
01:03:01,800 --> 01:03:04,920
the earth, but is it worth being
by myself and practically every 

1396
01:03:04,920 --> 01:03:07,320
aspect of my life? 
And then she has a little edit 

1397
01:03:08,040 --> 01:03:09,920
that says I guess I did leave 
out some things. 

1398
01:03:09,920 --> 01:03:12,320
Just so just to clear up. 
A lot of people have asked why I

1399
01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:15,520
married him or how I love him 
when we have nothing in common. 

1400
01:03:15,760 --> 01:03:18,640
We actually have quite a bit in 
common other than the gaming be 

1401
01:03:18,640 --> 01:03:20,960
like similar movies, music, 
food. 

1402
01:03:21,160 --> 01:03:23,320
We both enjoy D&D. 
We have a lot of similar 

1403
01:03:23,320 --> 01:03:26,760
ideologies and had similar goals
during the time we dated and got

1404
01:03:26,760 --> 01:03:29,440
engaged. 
We didn't just shotgun wedding 

1405
01:03:29,440 --> 01:03:31,920
at random. 
We used to go on vacations, we 

1406
01:03:31,920 --> 01:03:34,920
went on dates regularly. 
If I was leaving the house to 

1407
01:03:34,920 --> 01:03:36,960
run errands or just going 
shopping, he'd offered to tag 

1408
01:03:36,960 --> 01:03:38,680
along. 
We'd go on walks to the lake, 

1409
01:03:39,040 --> 01:03:41,120
etcetera. 
He didn't make it appear that it

1410
01:03:41,120 --> 01:03:43,840
was a chore to be around me. 
Maybe I changed, maybe I did 

1411
01:03:43,840 --> 01:03:46,800
become a chore to be around, or 
maybe he really did what he felt

1412
01:03:46,800 --> 01:03:49,120
necessary to keep me. 
And once he knew he had me, 

1413
01:03:49,120 --> 01:03:51,200
those things slowly became less 
and less frequent. 

1414
01:03:51,520 --> 01:03:53,080
I didn't marry him with the 
intent to change him. 

1415
01:03:53,080 --> 01:03:55,240
I wasn't upset that he enjoyed 
gaming and I didn't have a 

1416
01:03:55,240 --> 01:03:58,080
problem with it because before 
marriage it was more balanced. 

1417
01:03:58,720 --> 01:03:59,160
Cool. 
Yeah. 

1418
01:03:59,160 --> 01:04:02,760
So I relate specifically with 
the name. 

1419
01:04:03,720 --> 01:04:05,520
No, I do relate. 
We we relate to that. 

1420
01:04:06,160 --> 01:04:10,400
I've had a few addictions in my 
past and gaming has definitely 

1421
01:04:10,400 --> 01:04:13,960
been one of them. 
And and by the sounds of it, 

1422
01:04:13,960 --> 01:04:16,160
yes, I would say this guy's 
addicted to gaming. 

1423
01:04:16,440 --> 01:04:19,120
Yeah, I would say, and I would 
actually say, I don't know what 

1424
01:04:19,120 --> 01:04:22,240
people think of this. 
I believe gaming can be an 

1425
01:04:22,240 --> 01:04:26,840
addiction. 
So what I would say is like, 

1426
01:04:26,840 --> 01:04:28,640
cool, he obviously needs to 
chat. 

1427
01:04:28,640 --> 01:04:32,520
He needs a conversation, but 
also understanding that I 

1428
01:04:32,520 --> 01:04:36,160
neglize that whose partners have
left them private gaming because

1429
01:04:36,160 --> 01:04:38,920
of their gaming. 
So it's for him. 

1430
01:04:38,920 --> 01:04:42,200
Like, dude, seriously, you need 
to think about like, well, you 

1431
01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:46,960
value more the game or your 
wife, but at the same time, 

1432
01:04:46,960 --> 01:04:49,320
like, man, need to put in 
brakes, you know? 

1433
01:04:49,320 --> 01:04:52,000
And I think having that 
conversation like, so for those 

1434
01:04:52,000 --> 01:04:54,560
whose partner is is really big 
into gaming is not having that 

1435
01:04:54,560 --> 01:04:56,920
time with them. 
Have the conversation what we've

1436
01:04:56,920 --> 01:04:59,520
done before, like come up with 
boundaries. 

1437
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:01,680
You mentioned this earlier. 
Boundaries are really, really 

1438
01:05:01,680 --> 01:05:04,600
important. 
And I have to revisit those 

1439
01:05:04,600 --> 01:05:08,600
boundaries from time to time. 
So I still play video games. 

1440
01:05:08,600 --> 01:05:11,600
We play sometimes together. 
When we first got married, that 

1441
01:05:11,600 --> 01:05:13,680
was what we did. 
We didn't really play watch TV. 

1442
01:05:13,680 --> 01:05:18,120
We just played Call of Duty, you
know, one every time, you know, 

1443
01:05:18,520 --> 01:05:20,920
so it has its place. 
I find it relaxing. 

1444
01:05:20,960 --> 01:05:25,400
I'm a very social person and I 
can socialise over gaming, but I

1445
01:05:25,400 --> 01:05:28,760
know I can get too much. 
For me, I can get very invested 

1446
01:05:28,760 --> 01:05:31,680
in it. 
I can get very hooked, whatever 

1447
01:05:31,680 --> 01:05:33,680
else. 
Not saying that gaming is bad 

1448
01:05:34,440 --> 01:05:37,320
most of the time, but for me it 
can be. 

1449
01:05:37,320 --> 01:05:39,000
So I will put those boundaries 
in place. 

1450
01:05:39,280 --> 01:05:41,840
It's been issues for us in the 
past and you've been able to say

1451
01:05:41,840 --> 01:05:43,880
to me, hey, I think it's 
becoming an issue call. 

1452
01:05:43,880 --> 01:05:47,120
We'll go back to the boundaries 
that we've set in place if it 

1453
01:05:47,120 --> 01:05:50,280
continues to become an issue for
us, like if it's something that 

1454
01:05:50,320 --> 01:05:54,320
is like it's just not getting 
better, then times I've just 

1455
01:05:54,400 --> 01:05:56,520
deleted all games. 
Like there's there's a big 

1456
01:05:56,520 --> 01:05:58,480
period of time where I don't do 
it. 

1457
01:05:58,560 --> 01:06:00,680
You know, it's not worth it. 
And so we don't do it. 

1458
01:06:01,600 --> 01:06:05,320
And I think that would be the 
conversation to have like have a

1459
01:06:05,320 --> 01:06:08,560
break for six months. 
If they cannot do that, if they 

1460
01:06:08,560 --> 01:06:11,360
cannot have a break from a 
computer game for six months or 

1461
01:06:11,360 --> 01:06:12,440
something wrong. 
Yeah. 

1462
01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:14,880
And there probably. 
Would be supports for people in 

1463
01:06:14,880 --> 01:06:15,960
that too. 
Yeah, absolutely. 

1464
01:06:16,200 --> 01:06:17,560
Yeah. 
Category. 

1465
01:06:17,560 --> 01:06:19,120
I know they've got Alcoholics 
Anonymous. 

1466
01:06:19,120 --> 01:06:20,840
They might have something like 
Gamers Anonymous. 

1467
01:06:20,840 --> 01:06:23,040
Well, I mean. 
You actually you don't need to 

1468
01:06:23,040 --> 01:06:26,120
do Gamers Anonymous. 
It's like go see a counsellor. 

1469
01:06:26,120 --> 01:06:30,040
It's in, it's not, you don't 
have to find a specific thing 

1470
01:06:30,040 --> 01:06:33,560
for a gaming person. 
It's, it's what's going on for 

1471
01:06:33,560 --> 01:06:35,160
them. 
You know, I mean, for a lot of 

1472
01:06:35,160 --> 01:06:37,640
addictions that comes from 
escapism, right? 

1473
01:06:37,640 --> 01:06:40,160
We're trying to get out of 
something, we're trying to run 

1474
01:06:40,160 --> 01:06:42,040
away from something. 
It's something we have to deal 

1475
01:06:42,040 --> 01:06:43,880
with, right? 
So it's not necessarily the 

1476
01:06:43,880 --> 01:06:47,400
addiction to the game, it's the 
escape from reality. 

1477
01:06:47,640 --> 01:06:50,480
So I would say, you know, and 
again, if you're in Australia 

1478
01:06:50,960 --> 01:06:52,680
and you know, someone that's 
struggling with this sort of 

1479
01:06:52,680 --> 01:06:55,000
stuff, ask if they'll be 
interested in going to see their

1480
01:06:55,000 --> 01:06:58,600
GP going to mental health plan, 
you know, you know, if they're 

1481
01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:01,640
not in, if it, if that makes 
them a bit nervous, offer to go 

1482
01:07:01,640 --> 01:07:05,520
with them, you know, and just to
say, Hey, let's let us when you 

1483
01:07:05,520 --> 01:07:08,280
can bring in that camaraderie to
the conversation. 

1484
01:07:08,640 --> 01:07:12,560
It removes a lot of the shame 
because there's so much shame to

1485
01:07:12,560 --> 01:07:15,440
addiction. 
There's so much shame to these 

1486
01:07:15,440 --> 01:07:19,440
sorts of things. 
You know, you know, I, I lied to

1487
01:07:19,440 --> 01:07:21,360
you many times over my 
struggles, right? 

1488
01:07:22,440 --> 01:07:25,040
And it's not that I obviously 
want to lie. 

1489
01:07:26,000 --> 01:07:30,680
I am so ashamed of myself that 
that's more the driving to the 

1490
01:07:30,680 --> 01:07:32,640
lies. 
Like I'm just so ashamed. 

1491
01:07:32,680 --> 01:07:35,320
And I'm not excusing this by the
way, hearing on that like 

1492
01:07:35,320 --> 01:07:39,480
there's no excuse for lying, but
I'm so ashamed with what I've 

1493
01:07:39,480 --> 01:07:42,120
done. 
And, and it actually makes me go

1494
01:07:42,120 --> 01:07:45,480
into a more of a spiral because 
then I want to escape the shame 

1495
01:07:45,720 --> 01:07:49,120
and I go down and down and down 
and I'm just in this hole and I 

1496
01:07:49,120 --> 01:07:51,640
can't get out. 
And I had to get professional 

1497
01:07:51,640 --> 01:07:53,400
help and I still struggle from 
time to time. 

1498
01:07:53,400 --> 01:07:54,680
We have those boundaries in 
place. 

1499
01:07:54,960 --> 01:07:58,200
We do things about it and we've 
got, you know, we're, we're a 

1500
01:07:58,200 --> 01:08:01,040
lot more open about those 
struggles now and we can do 

1501
01:08:01,040 --> 01:08:05,200
things about it. 
But yeah, so there's the things 

1502
01:08:05,200 --> 01:08:06,760
that you can do. 
I'm not sure what you can do in 

1503
01:08:06,760 --> 01:08:09,200
America. 
I don't know what's there, but 

1504
01:08:09,200 --> 01:08:10,600
I'm sure there'll be stuff. 
Yeah. 

1505
01:08:11,320 --> 01:08:14,520
I think the first thing I would 
do in this situation is, again, 

1506
01:08:15,240 --> 01:08:18,240
have a conversation with 
curiosity and just like what's 

1507
01:08:18,279 --> 01:08:21,000
happening for you, like 
identify. 

1508
01:08:21,000 --> 01:08:23,120
This is a lot of gameplay. 
Yeah. 

1509
01:08:23,240 --> 01:08:25,399
Like, just to be really clear, 
this is what's happening. 

1510
01:08:26,040 --> 01:08:29,080
What's happening for you? 
Like is it just that you enjoy 

1511
01:08:29,080 --> 01:08:30,560
it? 
Just kind of explore what's 

1512
01:08:30,560 --> 01:08:33,399
happening behind the scenes? 
Because as we've mentioned, a 

1513
01:08:33,399 --> 01:08:36,439
lot of this stuff, when it does 
fall into the addiction 

1514
01:08:36,439 --> 01:08:39,399
category, it's not just the 
thing. 

1515
01:08:39,439 --> 01:08:43,920
It's actually an escapism, like 
you said, from a number of stuff

1516
01:08:43,920 --> 01:08:45,880
going, a number of things that 
could be happening. 

1517
01:08:46,439 --> 01:08:49,359
This screams mental health 
issues to me, screams mental 

1518
01:08:49,359 --> 01:08:54,120
health issues to me. 
So like, if this was us, I would

1519
01:08:54,120 --> 01:08:56,240
be trying to explore what's 
going on with your mental health

1520
01:08:56,760 --> 01:08:59,160
because it is not normal to 
spend that much time on 

1521
01:08:59,160 --> 01:09:02,120
something, especially when you 
are in a relationship where 

1522
01:09:02,120 --> 01:09:06,960
there is like an external draw. 
Outside of that, it's not normal

1523
01:09:06,960 --> 01:09:09,279
to spend that much time, 
especially if you're cutting 

1524
01:09:09,279 --> 01:09:11,399
yourself off from out outside 
stuff. 

1525
01:09:11,399 --> 01:09:13,880
Like there's a lot of mental 
health things that could be 

1526
01:09:13,880 --> 01:09:16,359
impacting that. 
As we said with the dishes, like

1527
01:09:16,359 --> 01:09:19,520
I don't, I just like get in a 
slump and I, I can't get on top 

1528
01:09:19,520 --> 01:09:23,399
of it until I can get out of it.
And so I feel like this could be

1529
01:09:23,399 --> 01:09:25,560
the same kind of thing, like 
whatever it is that's going on 

1530
01:09:25,560 --> 01:09:28,720
for this guy, he's in a slump 
and this is his his like 

1531
01:09:28,720 --> 01:09:31,640
escapism from that. 
This numbs his brain. 

1532
01:09:31,720 --> 01:09:33,560
This fills his brain with what 
is is oxytocin. 

1533
01:09:33,560 --> 01:09:35,760
Oxytocin. 
Yeah, it like I don't. 

1534
01:09:36,120 --> 01:09:37,080
Know dopamine. 
Dopamine. 

1535
01:09:37,080 --> 01:09:38,399
Sorry, it gives him that rush. 
Oxytocin. 

1536
01:09:38,640 --> 01:09:41,479
Is the healthy thing, Yeah. 
So it gives him a rush, it gives

1537
01:09:41,479 --> 01:09:44,760
him an escapism, it gives him a 
sense of maybe community, maybe 

1538
01:09:44,760 --> 01:09:47,120
purpose, maybe there's something
that's drawing him there that 

1539
01:09:47,399 --> 01:09:50,840
that makes him feel all of the 
above. 

1540
01:09:51,560 --> 01:09:56,320
There's 100% I can confidently 
say something sitting behind 

1541
01:09:56,320 --> 01:09:58,480
this. 
I don't think anybody that's in 

1542
01:09:58,480 --> 01:10:02,640
a healthy space falls into this.
And I think it is really valid 

1543
01:10:02,640 --> 01:10:05,760
to have a conversation with him,
especially if you are at this 

1544
01:10:05,760 --> 01:10:08,480
place where you're thinking this
is like make a break at the 

1545
01:10:08,480 --> 01:10:10,560
stage. 
You've communicated with him 

1546
01:10:10,560 --> 01:10:12,560
about it before. 
I think it's really important to

1547
01:10:12,560 --> 01:10:16,880
dig, dig, dig with him 
curiously, gently into what is 

1548
01:10:16,880 --> 01:10:19,560
sitting behind this. 
And I also think it's really 

1549
01:10:19,560 --> 01:10:22,440
important and what I would be 
doing in this situation to make 

1550
01:10:22,440 --> 01:10:24,880
it very clear where you're at 
and what this is doing. 

1551
01:10:24,880 --> 01:10:28,160
Like how this is impacting you 
and what this is making you feel

1552
01:10:28,160 --> 01:10:30,120
like. 
If you're thinking I'm actually 

1553
01:10:30,120 --> 01:10:31,960
close to being like, I need a 
coalesce. 

1554
01:10:32,320 --> 01:10:33,560
That's important for him to 
know. 

1555
01:10:34,600 --> 01:10:39,720
He sometimes people do need to 
know what they're about to lose 

1556
01:10:39,880 --> 01:10:42,000
in order to be like, I need to 
snap out of this. 

1557
01:10:42,680 --> 01:10:44,880
He might need to know that 
that's where you're at, that 

1558
01:10:44,880 --> 01:10:47,640
that's how you're feeling. 
Reassuring him that you love 

1559
01:10:47,640 --> 01:10:49,120
him. 
And you say in your post that 

1560
01:10:49,120 --> 01:10:51,200
you have so many things that you
enjoy doing with him. 

1561
01:10:51,240 --> 01:10:53,520
You love him so much. 
You love him to the ends of the 

1562
01:10:53,520 --> 01:10:57,440
earth, but you're so alone. 
Like you feel so, so alone. 

1563
01:10:57,960 --> 01:11:00,040
So reassuring him that you want 
to be with him. 

1564
01:11:00,040 --> 01:11:02,280
You love him. 
You enjoy that time with him, 

1565
01:11:03,120 --> 01:11:04,720
but you're at the point where 
you can't keep going. 

1566
01:11:04,720 --> 01:11:08,280
Like this is really important so
that he knows the severity of 

1567
01:11:08,280 --> 01:11:10,720
it. 
And like you have said, working 

1568
01:11:10,720 --> 01:11:14,720
as a team in that. 
So it's not just all right now 

1569
01:11:14,720 --> 01:11:18,000
you need to go fix this. 
Yeah, I want you to fix this or 

1570
01:11:18,000 --> 01:11:20,560
I'm gone. 
It's how can we work on this 

1571
01:11:20,560 --> 01:11:22,800
together? 
I think that's a really 

1572
01:11:22,800 --> 01:11:25,480
important key, so. 
A big thing is like, again, go 

1573
01:11:25,480 --> 01:11:28,160
the drastic mile, right? 
If he's like, I'll stop doing 

1574
01:11:28,160 --> 01:11:30,920
it. 
It's a you a drug addict, right?

1575
01:11:30,920 --> 01:11:33,200
You're not going to keep any 
drugs in the house, right? 

1576
01:11:33,280 --> 01:11:35,320
You know, you, just to be clear 
on that, you're not going to. 

1577
01:11:35,960 --> 01:11:38,240
Yeah, leave drugs around the 
house for them to get to. 

1578
01:11:38,240 --> 01:11:39,880
They're an addict. 
They're struggling with this. 

1579
01:11:39,880 --> 01:11:43,840
They won't stop, right? 
You got to remove it all Oh it's

1580
01:11:43,920 --> 01:11:47,920
the same with the with the 
gaming consoles right You know, 

1581
01:11:47,920 --> 01:11:51,400
I know people that have had to 
literally get rid of it get rid 

1582
01:11:51,400 --> 01:11:55,400
of those temptations and I. 
Think as well, like just getting

1583
01:11:55,400 --> 01:11:59,120
rid of the games isn't going to 
make it better all of a sudden. 

1584
01:11:59,280 --> 01:12:01,400
It's definitely a good step, but
it's not going to make it better

1585
01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:04,680
because what we've found in the 
past is we'll move from 1:00 

1586
01:12:05,280 --> 01:12:08,240
escapism to another. 
And so unless you're addressing 

1587
01:12:08,240 --> 01:12:11,440
what is happening, unless you're
actually intentionally digging 

1588
01:12:11,440 --> 01:12:15,360
deeper than just the surface 
level out working of it, you'll 

1589
01:12:15,360 --> 01:12:20,040
probably just find the same 
anxieties get transferred into a

1590
01:12:20,040 --> 01:12:22,000
different thing. 
Yeah, you latch on a different 

1591
01:12:22,000 --> 01:12:23,720
way. 
And it might not be gaming, but 

1592
01:12:23,720 --> 01:12:25,720
it might be alcohol. 
Well, COVID. 

1593
01:12:25,880 --> 01:12:28,200
Again, we went through our three
things, right? 

1594
01:12:28,200 --> 01:12:30,720
We went from eating a lot. 
Yeah, we ate a lot. 

1595
01:12:30,720 --> 01:12:32,640
Then we drank a lot. 
Then we bought a lot. 

1596
01:12:32,840 --> 01:12:34,520
Yeah. 
Then we ate a lot and we would 

1597
01:12:34,520 --> 01:12:35,720
stop one. 
We're like, oh, we're gonna stop

1598
01:12:35,720 --> 01:12:37,680
doing that, and we just go 
straight to the other one. 

1599
01:12:38,000 --> 01:12:40,240
We just went on those 3 
rotations. 

1600
01:12:40,280 --> 01:12:41,960
Yeah. 
And that's, it's been genuinely 

1601
01:12:41,960 --> 01:12:44,440
difficult to break, genuinely 
difficult to break. 

1602
01:12:44,960 --> 01:12:48,240
But we needed to figure out why 
we were doing that in order for 

1603
01:12:48,240 --> 01:12:49,880
us to even identify what was 
happening. 

1604
01:12:49,880 --> 01:12:52,080
Because it wasn't just like, oh,
we should stop spending money. 

1605
01:12:52,760 --> 01:12:55,520
It was like if we'd done that, 
we would have just gone into 

1606
01:12:55,520 --> 01:12:58,160
alcohol. 
And we did unknowingly. 

1607
01:12:58,200 --> 01:13:02,200
But being able to identify that 
was a key for us to working 

1608
01:13:02,200 --> 01:13:04,600
through it. 
I think there's so much that can

1609
01:13:04,600 --> 01:13:06,560
be done. 
It's it must be really 

1610
01:13:06,560 --> 01:13:09,440
difficult. 
It would be really crappy, but 

1611
01:13:09,440 --> 01:13:12,320
it doesn't mean that this is, 
this is dead in the water. 

1612
01:13:12,320 --> 01:13:15,400
It's not going to go anywhere. 
It's actually if if you can both

1613
01:13:15,400 --> 01:13:17,600
get on board with working 
together on it, you can be a 

1614
01:13:17,600 --> 01:13:20,120
really beautiful and again. 
It's not to put it all on her. 

1615
01:13:20,120 --> 01:13:21,640
No. 
He has to buy in. 

1616
01:13:21,720 --> 01:13:24,880
Yeah. 
And and just an encouragement 

1617
01:13:24,880 --> 01:13:28,120
for her to recognise that he's 
probably not just in a logical, 

1618
01:13:28,120 --> 01:13:31,800
clear space. 
So if she's a poaching, it just 

1619
01:13:31,800 --> 01:13:36,440
come at it from a a gentle, 
curious mindset. 

1620
01:13:38,160 --> 01:13:40,040
Yeah, well, that's that. 
That's good. 

1621
01:13:40,120 --> 01:13:41,520
Was it a painting? 
Episode to. 

1622
01:13:41,520 --> 01:13:43,920
Do now we do. 
And there's like a sleep sleep. 

1623
01:13:44,400 --> 01:13:45,800
Maybe this outro will wake you 
up. 

1624
01:13:45,800 --> 01:13:46,840
Gonna do a. 
Dance. 

1625
01:13:47,280 --> 01:13:50,840
All right, I did a theme and I 
don't remember the name of the 

1626
01:13:51,200 --> 01:13:54,640
style of the theme. 
And there we have it, folks. 

1627
01:13:54,760 --> 01:13:58,320
Another episode of Honey We Need
to Chat concludes Leaving the 

1628
01:13:58,320 --> 01:14:02,240
world forever changed because 
clearly our words carry the 

1629
01:14:02,240 --> 01:14:07,800
weight of global transformation.
Return next week as we solve all

1630
01:14:08,040 --> 01:14:11,800
relational Well, we're going to 
solve all relational conundrums.

1631
01:14:11,800 --> 01:14:15,280
Conundrums. 
With the sheer power of our 

1632
01:14:15,280 --> 01:14:16,920
microphones, we're going to do 
it. 

1633
01:14:17,000 --> 01:14:18,000
Wow. 
Chat GPP. 

1634
01:14:18,520 --> 01:14:23,440
Hey, until then keep your 
conversations is exaggerated and

1635
01:14:23,520 --> 01:14:27,040
Thea Thea theatrical. 
I have this outro. 

1636
01:14:27,320 --> 01:14:30,280
Remember, you're not discussing 
it on a podcast. 

1637
01:14:31,440 --> 01:14:35,080
If you're not discussing it on a
podcast, is it even worth 

1638
01:14:35,080 --> 01:14:38,800
talking about? 
Not a day chatty my friends, I 

1639
01:14:38,800 --> 01:14:40,440
bet. 
The thing was exaggerated and 

1640
01:14:40,440 --> 01:14:42,640
the no no. 
No, no, it's an S word. 

1641
01:14:44,280 --> 01:14:46,880
Satirical. 
No, I don't. 

1642
01:14:46,880 --> 01:14:48,640
Remember Circus? 
No. 

1643
01:14:49,360 --> 01:14:50,480
All right, it's up. 
There, I love it. 

1644
01:14:52,160 --> 01:14:53,480
All right. 
Well, that's all guys. 

1645
01:14:53,480 --> 01:14:54,280
Bye. 
Good shot. 

1646
01:14:54,280 --> 01:14:55,120
Thanks guys.