Hi, guys. Hey and welcome and chatters.
Thank you, Shane. It's suggestion.
We love it. I think that works.
Well, that's what we're gonna go with for now.
So since you're one of our founding shadows, do you get the
right? You got the.
Right, props to you. Mate to you mate.
We've just gone through five love languages on our main
episode, but we thought we'd dig a little bit deeper and kind of
go through our results in a little bit more detail and check
in and see how we're going. Yeah, yeah.
So I mean straight off the top. So gifts is my top one.
You haven't got me a gift in a long time, but I it's not like
it's taken me to be filled, if that makes sense.
I feel like again, I mentioned about the mug, but it's I feel
like I've got stuff around like even the setup here, like this
was still a gift to me and I feel like I've got a lot of
things around there. Reminds me of your love, if that
makes sense. So gives us gifts is quite good.
He said I haven't got you a gift in awhile because I was thinking
I get you gifts all the time and you haven't gotten me a gift
more. Oht Really.
Yeah. I I get you like lollies and
stuff. When I go shopping I'm like, oh,
that's a special thing for Blair.
So I'll get you like lollies or I got you that gift when we got
10,000. Yeah, so that's actually really
good because, and this is what I was reading through, this is
it's the token. So if it's something that
disappears, it's not a actual impactful gift.
It's a nice gesture, but the love feels like again going back
to Mark goodness, actually right here yeah is I see it yeah.
So it's that ongoing thing. So it's something that can keep.
It's not expensive at all It's not about the price.
It's about what like the thought behind them.
But it's like continually remember if it's food or
anything that can consume or it's gone in a moment like a
ticket to the movies. It's not a gift like that.
They. Haven't done a ticket?
No, no. You haven't, but it's like if
that was your gift, it'd be nice gesture, but it wouldn't be the
token of your. Off.
That's funny cause I've been like those times when I do that
is because I'm like, I need to get something for Blair.
This is my intentional gift, really.
Yeah. That's like he doesn't do that
for me anymore. Yeah, cause I mean, yeah, I
think. I mean.
Yeah, yeah, I like, I got you where I was just, I was just
small cause I, I watched you as well to see what you're doing.
Because it's either you're doing it, I feel like it's either
you're starting to do these things because you're empty on
it. And so I start to like watch
what you're doing and like, oh, you're getting me stuff.
I'll get you some wine, you know, that's why I did that, but
I didn't actually realise the gifts was higher than you are
higher for you now. It was more that I wonder if
that's low for you at the moment like you're tanking in that area
was. Lunch.
I think it could be the same thing.
Yeah, possibly. I think that it could come out
higher because my tank is lower. The gifts are still higher for
me, but my tank doesn't feel like, yeah, you know, I mean,
so. Words of affirmation and some
feel low to me, but still my highest.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, so it's.
Cool. Well The funny thing is though,
because I've been giving you those gifts thinking because you
look really excited when I get it for you.
So I don't know if you are or if you're just saying you're
excited. Oh no, I still like the gifts.
Like again, I like the token of appreciation rather.
Than a gift because I speak. To my language.
That wouldn't be, that would be the same for me because I'll be
like, oh, that's nice. Especially alcohol.
I just like something about people buying me alcohol that I
like. I don't know.
I don't know why. I just, yeah, your dad does
really well with that. He gets me alcohol that I don't
necessarily love, you know? It's very.
Lovely. But what I'm trying to say is on
the guest part, which was really interesting to me because I've
got a little chart here and it says it's got heartfelt and
practical on one side, so it's going to scale there and then
it's got extravagant and simple on another scale, and mine are
practical, so not heartfelt. That's why Flowers to me has
never. Been because I remember I used
to get you chocolates and flowers I mean you like.
Chocolates would be a nice taken but flowers are not.
Yeah, so expensive. Like if you had spent that money
on Mac and cheese for me, Yeah, I know then that genuinely.
It was funny cause I took out your sister.
Yeah, his sister the other day and they were like, you've just
finished a play and she wanted to show you give your gift to
say well done. And I took her around and we got
you or she got you off my recommendation.
Snow jacket, Mac and cheese, a bottle of wine, chocolate and
chocolate, right. How was?
That so good. Yeah.
You know what was the most exciting about cheese and
cheese? And I just eaten a whole box of
Mac and cheese in the last two weeks.
It's not like something I haven't had that's so funny.
But someone getting that for me or I think you've gotten it for
me from my stopping before. Yeah.
That is Christmas stocking. Yeah.
Christmas stocking. Yeah.
That is the most out of all of those things.
And then the alcohol is the 2nd and then the chocolate.
Love the chocolate and the snow jacket.
Very practical, but also not me immediately applicable.
So it was like, well I don't have one.
Not not super special necessarily at this point in
time, but will be really helpful down the track.
Fans of the way that you received it, like the Mac and
cheese was like the love. That was the love thing.
It's so. Funny.
So on mine it's it's more practical and and it's equal,
extravagant and simple. So Mac and cheese is simple, but
the the best it's still it is a love gift, but it's still that
kind of Tony love gift because now it's gone she straight.
Away via liked markers in Jesus as much as you did, it still
wouldn't be Yeah, the thing that it's gone.
Yeah, but they, the gifts you've given me that I've been the most
impactful are things like that, even though I never use it, my
tripod thing for my phone because it's just you.
It's extravagant. I love technology.
So anything technology. You got me a Google Home on
Christmas. You've got me a lot like my
first mic for when I start my, my first podcast.
All that sort of stuff has been my favourite gifts that's there
kind of more extravagant, but they're also practical.
They're Yeah, Amy likes this. I like GI, have a feeling you
hate that. I love that but I never use it
because it's complicated and it's it's stressing my brain out
to figure. Out.
So that's why I'm like, oh, that wasn't a good one because it
was. It's too complicated.
It's a good one, it's the actual work outworking of it which is
just a system thing on their part, not you at all.
Like it's a perfect gift for. My favourite gift I ever
received from any extended family ever was my Nana and
grandpa who don't usually get us Christmas gifts.
I don't even know why they did. This year they bought me a pod
coffee machine which blew a bunch of coffee pots just from
ALDI. It was a cheap one.
Wasn't super cheap, but it wasn't like huge And my mum had
suggested it to them and I just, I've never felt as excited about
any gift I've ever received from extended family as that
conference. And it wasn't because it was
huge. It just was like, I love coffee.
This is my own thing because ours is still like a young
adult. I don't really own anything of
my own like that. And I was like, this is a
basket. And I don't know that they
really understand how much I love the coffee machine.
Anyway, that's very deep dive on the gift side.
Yeah, that's. Gone.
So for you, what did the gifts come up with on that chart?
It's on page all of my page 7. Years, but I disagree with this
so yeah. So I disagree with this.
So you could say Gifford is heartfelt and extravagant is
most likely to warm your heart and connect you to the gift
giver. So do you think heartfelt and
maybe medium between extravagant and simple or do you think more
simple because or do you think more?
Practical. You land in the.
Middle, I think I land in the middle and and that's part on
the thing. It's like it's literally just
over the line, like, you know, and I was thinking through it go
so to say, like you got me that tripod right, which I would just
not use. I because I have to maintain.
I have to learn out. I just it would know the mug
gangsta swag there is so simple. I don't have to do anything with
it. I clean it and I use it and
that's it. Like it's it's like a high
maintenance thing. So I guess me something that's
like high maintenance. Yeah, I I lose interest because
it doesn't. Yeah, it's going to be
practical, simple and and yeah, it doesn't have to be expensive.
Speaker once. I love that.
Yes, it straight away.
Yeah, don't think what other more extravagant gifts.
I can't even think of the gifts I get you every year.
They're sorely out of my head. Would you give me last
Christmas? I got you 01 time.
One time. I got you Ray-ban speakers.
I get extra. I tend to go like above and
beyond. Yeah, sure.
How much you appreciate a heads up with the speakers in them?
They they were good, but not yeah, I don't know where they
are. I would say I think you probably
ended. Up.
Sorry. Yeah, I think because they
thought they were cool in theory.
Like I love technology stuff they'll call in theory but
practise they'll just paying the bike.
Yeah, yeah, because my theory was like, oh, you wear Sunny all
the time when you work, so you might as well listen all you
work anyway. But yeah, that's what he was
working in trade. It's interesting.
It'd be good outside of this because it just will take too
long for us to look back at the stuff that we've gotten and and
literally like almost list out what has been the most obviously
the mug for you. It's one of them.
Like what the other things have meant.
Because it does still stress me out at Christmas.
Don't want to? Get about what to get because I
know that in theory it seems like a simple thing for it to
not have to be extravagant but just mean something.
But then I'm like but it has to mean something to figure out
what means something, and that feels complicated for me because
mine is more practical. Yeah, so we could do is get
going through all the gifts that you've done.
I can say like how it's been a meaningful scale and we go
through there because. I mean, the mug is which I just
bring it up because right there and there's other stuff that's
being meaningful to Yeah, but the that I use every day.
So that's where it's easier to say that.
But so then just quickly to go through my words of affirmation,
sorry, my highest one, which is why it's affirmation.
I thought it was really interesting because I've known
words about formation is high, but I also knew it wasn't just
people saying I actually get quite uncomfortable sometimes.
And in my head I was like, well, maybe I got uncomfortable
because it's so significant to me that it almost makes me a bit
like weirded out. And I also find it really hard
to be vulnerable with like not to be vulnerable.
I find it really easy to be open and talk about whatever.
But if I'm with a friend and even with us when we first like
like we're together, I find it really hard to admit how
significant someone is to so even the phrase of like, oh,
you're my best friend. Like that to me was really just
a really like weird thing to do. But this deeper quiz for the
five love languages broke down the types of words that are
important. And I thought this was really
helpful because encouragement, which is things like like, oh,
you can do it, you can do it. That's actually the lowest for
me. It's like 13%.
That's actually not, I've never, those things don't mean much.
So I think that was for me part of it like anything that's a
little throwaway or like a little like what's the word like
cliche or not really about me is not significant.
In fact, it kind of is a bit like repelling the people that
are like, Oh, I love you. I love you.
Like I, I love that. Obviously our in within our
family is different, but when it comes to friends, I had friends
that were really like, oh, I love you, I love you.
And they say to everyone, oh, you're my best, you're my best.
You was like, who's your bestie? I couldn't figure out which ones
your bestie cause you said about 5 different people.
And then, you know, they're all like, oh, I love you.
And I'm like, yeah. But you're throwing that around
so much, it's lost its meaning to.
Those things throw me off. I don't do those naturally.
I've had to really work out getting better at that because
they don't seem specific and but then there's appreciation, which
is at 38% for me, which is an expression of value, worth and
significance. So they've got examples here.
They say thank you for always listening or I'm grateful for
your perspective. Thank you for being so reliable.
These are pretty broad. Like those examples don't really
resonate with me, but I think appreciation for what I've done.
So our oldest son commented recently and is he said that I
found out he said the same thing to you time.
It felt special. He was like, mom, I want to, I
want to celebrate you because you do everything for us.
He hasn't said that's amazing. He said he wants to.
He looks for any of the she needs to celebrate someone.
Yeah, but he said to me something different.
But yeah. Cause he's like, I was like,
what do you mean? I do everything.
He's like, you do everything. Like you made the office and you
did the lounge room and he remembers things really well.
And he's like, can you cook us dinner and you make us lunch?
And just all these things that he was listening.
And that was really significant to me because I was like, he
notices the things I do and back sort of to that mental loan kind
of thing. There's a lot that I do.
There's a lot that everybody does and you just don't see
them. Hmm.
And so when they're noticed or appreciated, that's really
significant to me. Then the top one is compliments,
and this is a really interesting, it is polite and
positive expressions of praise. I think you could have a really
unheard felt compliment. I think someone like, oh, you're
so nice, you're so clever or you're so pretty, like and and I
can hear that and be like, OK, yeah.
But if someone says you are really good at this thing, I
crave that. If someone's like Amy's really,
if here's someone calling out what I'm good at or what I do
well at or something positive about me to someone else in a
really real way, that means so, so much to me.
If I hear, if you tell me something that I've done,
especially in a work kind of way or something about who I am
inside, like my abilities and that kind of thing, that means a
lot to me. If you say that's why that quote
went so viral and why it was so significant to me, it wasn't.
You've told me I'm beautiful many times, and you telling me
that I'm beautiful is great. You tell me why I'm beautiful
was huge and it's the same as like you.
If you you know, if I come out and I'm all dressed up and
you're oh, you look nice. That's great.
But if I come out and be like, wow, you look really nice, or I
can see that you're living out town.
Max that look. Stop.
You just keep coming up behind me, giving me cuddles anyway.
Then back to me is like, oh, I know that he's appreciating me
and that is different. So I thought it was really
interesting to break it down into those because again, you
could just be like, oh, she likes words, so I'm just going
to say words like. I genuinely in my hair like I
need to write you notes. Yeah, you're the best, you know,
Yeah, when you. Talk about the notes and the
other thing, like actually wouldn't.
If I get a note that says I love you, you're the best, it's like,
oh, that's cute, but it's not actually going to need.
Yeah, If you said, and I hear you do it all the time, which is
really lovely. You'll talk about me on your
meetings, like at work and because I work with Blair and
you'll say, oh, yeah, he's really good at this or
something. When you sell me to someone else
or when I hear you appreciate what I am capable of as an
individual, that's different to other people, that really means
a lot. I say it.
Louder so you can hear, yeah, hear that loud.
What is your? Because I know this is your
lowest. Yeah.
So my lowest is in complement. Interesting SO.
That's your highest then? It's very close to 20%
compliment than 27% encouragement.
Yeah, and 53% appreciation. Interesting.
So once. Appreciation and.
Yes, I'm trying to figure out the difference between the two.
So compliment is polite and positive expression of praise.
Appreciation is an expression of value, worth and significance.
So I guess they're like work thing.
Probably fits into appreciation rather than compliment.
Like so for example. This is hypothetical.
So my work's got a big award and my boss went up and it's like,
you know, thank you for this award.
I really relied on player to do this, this, this like that.
Done acknowledgements as well of that, yeah.
I don't know, I feel like it's similar to what you're saying is
yours, but I'm trying to work out on the differences between
the two I. Think especially because comma,
if we use so low, yeah. So it's kind of important.
There's a there's a little like compliments often help you stay
motivated to excel when you know they come from the heart.
Sure, you enjoy all of them to some extent, but verbal
expressions highlighting your positive qualities like your
good decision maker, your actions you are gifted when it
comes to interacting with children, your achievements.
I'm impressed by the way you saw the project to the finish line
or even your appearance. Your fashion sense is an
inspiration is no one ever say that to me because it's not, but
also because it wouldn't mean anything.
Compliments boost your spirit, convey affection, compulsory
relationships. So that's, I guess what they're
putting under compliments. I don't know.
Yeah. Interesting.
It'd be interesting to dive into that a little bit more than
figure out the difference. Really interesting.
But it's good again, like even for us, we haven't revisited
this properly for years now. So this has been really cool
down because I've I've learned more about you and you've
learned more about me, about my gifts and why I want and the
words that you actually, you know, want to hear from me like
just like that. Now that's great.
And the things that I've been intentionally doing or we've
been intentionally doing, thinking it's loving, but it's
and it is loving because that something you haven't dived
into, but we will require is also it's not just a matter of
what that person. It's a matter of understanding
how you naturally show up and then also understanding how that
person actually understands love.
Because they will mismatch and you could be like, Oh they love
this but also not recognise what you're giving.
And I think they break it down as well as you're giving of
love. So what I give out as love is
different to what I receive in as love.
Yeah. And yeah, it's like a whole big
web, yeah. Yeah, it's good.
It's really, really impactful. I love these conversations.
Really encourage you guys to check it out.
Love language. fivelovelanguages.com.
Yeah, you got the free version or the paid version that both
are good. Check it out guys.
Thanks Chinese. Chatters next time we chat, bye
bye.