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Honey, we need to chat. 
Hey guys, welcome back to 

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another episode of Honey. 
We need to chat. 

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The podcast all about 
communication in relationships, 

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and we believe that when 
communication dies, bad things 

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happen. 
Oh cheesy, can we be Giggity? 

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Yep, we are just your everyday 
couple now. 

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They're getting through your 
everyday struggles and we hope 

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that this podcast will show you 
that you can do it too. 

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That's what we're about. 
Yeah, we have some big news, 

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guys, big news this episode. 
If you saw my recent Instagram 

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story, which if you aren't 
following us on Instagram and 

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you are on Instagram, highly 
recommend hopping over there, 

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especially following what we're 
about to say. 

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We are going to be going on a 
season break. 

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Whoa, season one complete. 
Season 1 complete and it's not 

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because we want to move into a 
second season necessarily, it's 

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because we are suddenly moving. 
So we have a couple months ahead

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of us that are just going to be 
massively hectic getting our 

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current house ready to sell and 
hopefully finding another one. 

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Yeah. 
And that means that every ounce 

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of energy that we have is gonna 
be going into painting our walls

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and cleaning our house and 
decluttering. 

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Regrouting. 
Regrouting all of the above, 

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which is really exciting and 
something that we didn't 

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actually anticipate until like 
literally a month ago being an 

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option for. 
Us even a month so. 

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Maybe not. 
Even, Yeah, when we had this, as

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this is our first house and 
we're so grateful for it, you 

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know, and we've mentioned here 
before, it's just, it's quite 

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tiny and for a family of 6, it 
gets quite claustrophobic. 

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And we both work from home, 
yadda, yadda. 

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And so in our minds, we're like,
oh, look, we got to, we're going

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to be here for another couple of
years. 

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Yeah, we're going to keep saving
up. 

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We've got to keep, you know, 
chugging along. 

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Anyway, we're like, oh, look, 
we, we're basing all of this off

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assumption. 
We don't really know. 

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So we caught up with our broker 
and yeah, it was really 

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surprising to know actually we 
can do something now, which is 

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great. 
You know, just the next step in 

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the, the housing market. 
But it's really, really exciting

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for us. 
But at the same time, it's a lot

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of work. 
So we're going to be doing, you 

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know, this. 
When we got this house, it was 

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pretty shabby and it still is. 
We haven't really done much to 

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fix that up. 
Living in the house with a 

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family of six and a toddler 
especially doesn't really give 

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you that flexibility to do that 
sort of stuff. 

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But now we're smashing it down. 
Now we're getting everything 

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done in one month that we wanted
to do in the last three years, 

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but that's OK. 
Yeah. 

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So it's a huge privilege. 
We're really excited. 

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We're very overwhelmed, and 
we're learning everything as we 

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go. 
But the we made the hard 

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decision that it probably just 
wasn't going to be manageable 

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for us to maintain weekly 
episodes while we're doing this,

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largely because we don't even 
know where we're going to be or 

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where we could record. 
Yeah. 

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And two, I just don't have time 
in the evenings to get the edits

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done and listed while we're 
doing this. 

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So. 
Yeah. 

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So we're going to be moving back
into my mum's period of time. 

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There'll be a bit of a flip. 
Flop. 

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Yeah, but but what's what's 
exciting too though, is it's 

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we've already got plans for 
season 2. 

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Like we've already got 
interviews lined up, which is 

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really exciting. 
So we're going to get all those 

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sorts of things. 
We're still going to be 

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recording. 
We're just not going to be 

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editing and releasing for a 
period of time. 

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So we'll be recording like here 
at my mum's house, I don't know,

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in the car somewhere, wherever 
we can get some quiet space. 

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Yeah. 
So we'll still be recording. 

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But yeah, do follow us along on 
Instagram because you'll be able

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to follow our journey on that. 
But also the different things 

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that are coming your way will be
available mainly on Instagram 

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because we've got stories and so
forth. 

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Like, yeah, we we definitely 
want to still be present on the 

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community platforms that we've 
got going. 

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So social media and we'll see 
what capacity we've got for 

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that. 
But if you're going to catch us,

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that's probably where we'll be. 
And what we're going to run 

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through today in this chit chat 
is a second kind of segment to 

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the relationship programme that 
we started last chit chat. 

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And so we there's a couple 
things we really want to 

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challenge you guys for over this
little break. 

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One is take this time to run 
through these two modules that 

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we're going to have on our 
website as a couple and really 

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start to just implement some of 
these things in a date night or 

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in in a regular check in, 
whatever that might look like 

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for you guys. 
Take this time to set those 

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foundations for intention, what 
you wanted to work on. 

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And then when we come back, 
we'll be coming back with more 

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resources in that space. 
Secondly, take this time to 

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spread the word about honey. 
We need to chat because we have 

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huge guests that we're really 
excited about that we're coming 

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back with and we'll be launching
with on the other side of this 

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break. 
So absolutely watch this space. 

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We've got some. 
We've got a world renowned 

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podcaster that we're going to be
talking to one of our very own 

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here in Australia. 
He's done really well. 

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We've got someone that's going 
to be an author, a world 

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renowned author as well, talking
about sex and intimacy with us. 

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We've got people coming to talk 
about addiction, people coming 

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to talk about toughest 
challenges they're facing in 

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their relationship. 
We've got someone talking about 

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intimacy. 
What that means from a guy's 

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perspective. 
What that means from a female's 

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perspective? 
Yeah, well, we've got some 

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really huge topics, even more 
than that, that we're ticking 

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away at and getting organised in
the background. 

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So don't sleep on this little 
break. 

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Take it as an opportunity to get
yourself prepared for the 

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content that's coming and help 
us to reach as many people as we

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can during this break so that 
when it launches again, we can 

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hit the ground running and other
people can have these resources 

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because we believe they're 
really valuable. 

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Yeah, and, and as well, look, 
this is the perfect opportunity 

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for you to head over to Patreon 
as well, because there's so much

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content the majority of you 
haven't even heard yet. 

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So if you're still wanting 
something to listen to in the 

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season break, head over to 
Patreon, check out all the stuff

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over there, join the community 
over there, join in the 

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conversations over there, and 
just get yourself prepped for 

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Season 2. 
Yeah. 

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Yeah, absolutely awesome. 
Well, that's our little, not 

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little massive, our massive news
TBC in terms of how long the 

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break will be. 
But I'm thinking at least a 

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month and a half, probably 
getting us through October and 

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into November, which is when 
hopefully life starts to calm 

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down for us. 
But. 

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Getting ready for touch. 
Base with us, then maybe we can 

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launch back on my birthday. 
Oh no, we'll see. 

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And then we're going to be into 
Christmas. 

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Oh my gosh. 
Anyway, don't even worry about 

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it. 
It's not your problem. 

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Not your monkey, not your 
circus. 

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All right, so let's dive into 
the second segment. 

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So Blair doesn't know what this 
is going to be. 

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No, this this segment works a 
lot better for a chat. 

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If you heard our last chitchat, 
you'll see that we started to 

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record that. 
But the the balance Wheel of 

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life or balance Wheel of 
Relationship, sorry, is very 

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visual and very independent. 
And so working through it on an 

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episode didn't pan out the way 
we wanted to do. 

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But check it out. 
But check it out and yeah, 

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download that resource because 
it's there, it's free. 

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All you need to do is just pop 
your details in and you can 

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download it straight away. 
If you have any issues with 

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that, contact us as well. 
Definitely check that out 

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because it's a great 
foundational tool to set you up 

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for these following Bing modules
basically. 

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So we're gonna work off what we 
did do. 

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We identified at the end of that
episode areas we wanted to work 

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on and I think we landed on 
communication. 

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So we're gonna, for the example 
of this module, we're gonna work

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on communication. 
Nice. 

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It's communication. 
It's almost appropriate for the.

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Podcast. 
I get it. 

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So today's module is on the very
well known tool called the GROW 

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tool. 
Have you heard of it before? 

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No, Yeah. 
So GROW stands for goals, 

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reality, options and way 
forward. 

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And it's a really helpful tool 
for helping you understand where

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you are now and where you want 
to be and then how you can start

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moving forward. 
So we've identified that when we

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did our balance wheel, we were 
like communication could have 

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some work and it's something we 
want to strengthen. 

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And so whatever area you have 
identified on that, use that as 

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your your foundation for this. 
This is what you're this 

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specific area is what you're 
addressing. 

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If you come into holistically, 
like if you're trying to take 

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into account a bunch of 
different areas, it can get 

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overwhelming and and maybe lose 
a bit of its efficiency because 

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you're not able to get super 
specific. 

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So although we believe all of 
these areas are really important

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to relationship, don't worry, 
you can work on those later, but

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just start with this one that 
you've identified as a as a way 

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forward. 
And I think you just trust me 

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that that will be more effective
for you than trying to take too 

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many on board at the same time. 
So this goal, this model, sorry,

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guides us through four key 
areas. 

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Like I said, your goals, your 
reality, your options, and your 

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way forward. 
So we're going to take a little 

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time to explore that. 
I'm going to start with a quote 

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from Tony Robbins. 
Tony Robbins says the quality of

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your life is determined by the 
quality of your relationships. 

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And I think that's a really 
impactful truth because if you 

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think about your relationship, 
especially if your parents, but 

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regardless if your parents are 
not it, it impacts every area of

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your life. 
How quality your relationship is

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is kind of a foundational piece 
to the rest of how everything 

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else is going. 
You might be able to fake it in 

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the other areas that you're 
happy or that you're doing all 

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right. 
But really deep down inside, if 

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your relationships in a bad 
place, it does feed into feed 

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into the other areas. 
Yeah. 

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And especially when you have 
children that that really feeds 

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into there. 
It adds an extra layer. 

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So it's important to be doing 
this work. 

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So let's dive into goals. 
I'm going to ask you this 

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question first, baby. 
So what motivates you to improve

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in this area of communication? 
What motivates me to improve in 

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the area of communication? 
In our relationship, Why? 

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Why do you want to improve in 
communication? 

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Because I see it as my biggest 
weakness. 

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And I see that the biggest thing
that when we wrestle, not 

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physically, when we no, when we 
have struggles in our 

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relationship, it always comes 
down to to a communication 

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issue. 
So it's like either my way of 

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explaining something or my way 
of understanding something. 

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Either way, it's a communication
thing. 

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So yeah, that's why, because I 
see it as like a if we get 

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better at communication, we get 
better in a lot of other areas 

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because we can navigate through 
those other areas. 

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Yeah. 
Yeah, I would say exactly the 

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same thing. 
It's it we have children home on

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school holidays, hence the 
lovely Yeah, it it if 

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communication is in a healthy 
place, if it's functioning like 

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a well oiled machine, you can 
tackle so many areas. 

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Doesn't mean that they magically
disappear. 

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But being able to communicate 
through all the other areas I 

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think really gives you a the leg
up in terms of navigating them 

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in a constructive way. 
Because how do you navigate them

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in a constructive way if you're 
not communicating? 

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Hence why we decided that this 
podcast was going to be on 

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communication. 
Great, So that's the why. 

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So where do you feel you are now
with communication and what 

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00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:55,560
would be the ideal version of 
yourself if you were in the 

230
00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:57,760
place you want to be? 
In comparison to when we first 

231
00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:01,280
started dating Like how am I now
in in comparison or? 

232
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,840
Just where are you right now? 
Yeah, in comparison, if you want

233
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:06,000
to, but right now in your 
communication, where are you? 

234
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:10,040
In, in comparison to, because I 
need to think back from where 

235
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:13,200
you know, from recognising the 
need for growth and 

236
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,720
communication. 
I definitely believe I've grown 

237
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,840
a lot significantly. 
So back then there was this 

238
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:25,000
drive for me to understand women
more because I recognise that it

239
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,040
didn't. 
I just did not have any clue. 

240
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,120
And then that grew from an 
understanding to be able to then

241
00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:34,560
like for to understand, I 
realised was an ongoing process 

242
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,760
of working through it and then 
through communicating through 

243
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:39,760
that. 
And I was very like, just get to

244
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,680
the point, you know, like, let's
just get to it, let's just 

245
00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:42,560
wrestle with it. 
Come on. 

246
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:46,040
We just got to hash it out. 
And it didn't take long to 

247
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:49,560
figure out that that's hurtful. 
My approach, not intentionally, 

248
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:53,120
but in terms of just bluntness 
and not, I was more concerned 

249
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,920
like I was more focused on the 
process, like in terms of 

250
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,400
getting to the main point and 
wrestling through the main point

251
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,640
rather than the process of 
getting to that, you know, and 

252
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:04,040
understanding that was more, 
there's a lot more intertwined 

253
00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:07,080
in the process than just the one
topic that you're talking about.

254
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:10,200
So I think there, I just didn't 
understand that and I didn't 

255
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:13,040
understand, you know, that 
people process things 

256
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,600
differently and communicate 
differently and need things in 

257
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:20,920
communication differently. 
So where I'm at now, I, I still 

258
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:25,200
struggle with it for sure. 
Like I, because my natural way 

259
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:29,960
of it is just like, just because
I'm such a verbal processor is I

260
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:33,000
just, I say what I think, but 
not in terms of just trying to 

261
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,800
put it on you. 
I'm actually trying to make 

262
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,000
sense of it. 
Yeah. 

263
00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:38,960
So I still wrestle with that 
whole thing. 

264
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:43,960
But just now the the value of 
growth or just the value of 

265
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:48,560
communication in general is 
high, extremely high compared to

266
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,560
what it was when I before I 
realised it. 

267
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:54,360
Where I want to be is, I think I
mentioned this in the previous 

268
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:57,600
episode as well. 
Where I want to be is I want to,

269
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:03,200
I want to have a, an awareness 
in my communication. 

270
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,800
Yes, the things that need to be 
said, but the way that you need 

271
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:09,280
to receive it. 
So usually when I mean we're 

272
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:12,400
having a conversation, I'm just,
and not in a selfish way, but 

273
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:16,600
just in a processing way, I 
communicate from my style. 

274
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,080
Like the way that I communicate 
that that's just what I do, 

275
00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:21,040
right? 
But I want to communicate in a 

276
00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:23,880
way that I know you're going to 
receive it in the way that you 

277
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:26,120
need it. 
So I've got you in mind while 

278
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:29,960
I'm communicating because, you 
know, when we're trying to work 

279
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:33,200
something out, we're trying to 
work it out. 

280
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,920
And so we're focusing our energy
and our attention on the thing 

281
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,080
we're trying to work through 
rather than the way the person 

282
00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:40,800
receives it. 
I want to have both of those in.

283
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:44,280
Balance. 
Yeah, yeah, I, I would say where

284
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:48,960
I am now with communication is 
I'm better at raising things 

285
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:52,080
that I need to raise in the 
moment rather than holding them 

286
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,000
for a long time. 
Because I really used to 

287
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,600
struggle to like I would sit on 
it for a long time, like 

288
00:13:57,600 --> 00:13:59,480
something that was relatively 
small. 

289
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:03,320
And so I am better at that. 
But I think what I now struggle 

290
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,960
with is knowing how to do that 
in a way that's not going to 

291
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:09,240
feel critical or not going to 
like put you on the defensive. 

292
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,160
And sort of similar to what you 
said, like in a way that you're 

293
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:15,680
going to hear it the best way, 
but also in a way that I, I'm 

294
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:20,200
removing the your reaction in 
some way, I'm removing the 

295
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:24,160
ownership of that from myself 
because yes, I need to be doing 

296
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:25,600
it in a way that is best for 
you. 

297
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:29,160
How you react and how you take 
that is your responsibility. 

298
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,320
And I think this, this is valid 
for you as well. 

299
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:35,440
Always doing it in a way that's 
going to be that is caring and 

300
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:38,040
with you in mind, like as in 
with each other in mind as a 

301
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,800
philtre, but also knowing you're
going to react the way you 

302
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:42,120
react. 
And because that's one thing 

303
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:45,880
that I've wrestled with in my 
past is taking on how people 

304
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:49,200
feel about things. 
And I really struggle to set 

305
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,240
aside how someone's reaction is 
to something or how, how I 

306
00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:53,960
perceive someone's reaction 
maybe. 

307
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,440
So I just sit there and like, 
yeah, it's a horrible mix. 

308
00:14:57,160 --> 00:15:00,720
And so I've needed to learn how 
to be like, that's their journey

309
00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:04,360
and that's valid, but it's not 
my thing to like, take it on as 

310
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,920
if it's my own. 
And so there's been a few things

311
00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:09,000
like we talked about the 
engagement ring, for example, 

312
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,600
you know, that should have been 
raised ages ago. 

313
00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:15,360
And so that's, that's the, the 
difficulty there. 

314
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,600
I needed to let you react how 
you needed to react. 

315
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,120
And I needed in that time, 
although it was hard and I'm not

316
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:24,680
sure I succeeded, to be able to 
just like let you be like, 

317
00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:26,560
that's your reaction. 
From my perspective, I think you

318
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,840
did succeed in. 
That it was, I mean, internally 

319
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:32,080
is is different to externally, 
but yeah, but I needed to raise 

320
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:35,000
it in a way that was as loving 
as I could. 

321
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:39,120
And again, I'm not sure how 
successful that was, but it's, 

322
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:43,200
that's what I want to work on 
is, is bravely, boldly saying 

323
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:46,160
what I need to say, but in a way
that's caring to you, but also 

324
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:48,840
just saying it or being able to 
communicate it in a way that's 

325
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:52,400
I'm doing my responsibility and 
I can also let you do your 

326
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,080
responsibility. 
And so, yeah, in terms of what 

327
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,280
that would look like, I think, I
think having a much more gentle 

328
00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:00,880
approach, but also a like a 
consistent approach, like just 

329
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:04,760
almost regularly checking in 
rather than it being this thing.

330
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:06,760
And I still do struggle with 
this being like, I need, I need 

331
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:07,840
to talk about this and talk 
about this. 

332
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,000
And then I sit there and I just 
like it becomes bigger than it 

333
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,920
needs to be. 
Alright, so second, third 

334
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,680
question. 
So now we've talked about where 

335
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,320
we wanna be. 
We've pictured where we wanna 

336
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:17,040
be, what, what we want that to 
look like. 

337
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:21,360
And you can get super detailed 
on this like go to like how you 

338
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:24,040
want to hold yourself when 
you're talking or like what the 

339
00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,320
vibe should be, what you like 
you said you can get super 

340
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:28,680
detailed what kind of candle you
want to like, what kind of like 

341
00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:31,440
music you want to play. 
And the more detailed, the 

342
00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:33,800
clearer you get, the better the 
impact. 

343
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,440
So just to say that for you guys
when you're doing this at home. 

344
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:40,320
And then what I want to do is 
rephrase what you've just said 

345
00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:43,840
about where you'd like to be and
talk about it in positive terms 

346
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:49,040
as if it's already happened. 
So, but instead of like, yeah, 

347
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,200
I'd really like to be able to be
more bold. 

348
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:56,000
But also like with you in mind, 
communication, be like I'm I'm 

349
00:16:56,760 --> 00:17:01,360
glad for the boldness that I 
have and the fact that I can say

350
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,359
it knowing that I'm listed that 
I'm caring about you, but I'm 

351
00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:07,560
saying in a way that is going to
benefit us both in terms of not 

352
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,960
building up. 
So you take it on almost like a 

353
00:17:10,319 --> 00:17:14,119
mantra if you want to put a 
thing to it, like I am doing 

354
00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:16,359
this and I'm saying in a 
positive way instead of the 

355
00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:18,920
negatives because our brains 
don't know the negatives and 

356
00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:22,119
claiming it basically as this is
what we're working for. 

357
00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:26,599
This is what I'm doing now. 
So what specific positive 

358
00:17:26,599 --> 00:17:27,800
outcomes? 
And I know this sounds a bit 

359
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,080
repetitive, but these are 
important. 

360
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:32,840
What specific positive outcomes 
do you want to achieve in our 

361
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:34,480
relationship? 
What positive? 

362
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:37,720
Specific and positive, Yeah, 
with the lens of communication, 

363
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,800
but doesn't have to be only 
communication related. 

364
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,160
The podcast is one of these 
things that's been helping with 

365
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:45,280
this, actually thinking through 
that is that that intentional 

366
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:48,800
time where we grow in 
communication, You know, and 

367
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:51,160
this is the podcast has actually
been there for us. 

368
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,160
And that was sort of that 
intentional thing of this is a 

369
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,200
weekly thing that we'll sit 
again, we'll do and we'll 

370
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,320
discuss stuff and it's just 
growing. 

371
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:01,920
It's not necessarily speaking 
about ourselves, but it's just 

372
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,640
working on that communication. 
So that intentionality behind 

373
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:06,240
the growth of communication is 
good. 

374
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:11,120
What where I want to be in like 
a growth point in that too is, 

375
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,680
you know, we've spoken before. 
I want to do no technology 

376
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,280
retreats, you know what I mean? 
And because I really believe 

377
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:19,280
that's going to help with our 
communication as well, because 

378
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:22,240
it's like remove distraction and
just be present. 

379
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:26,040
There's no agenda. 
There's no topics like what 

380
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:28,240
we're doing on the podcast. 
There's nothing else. 

381
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:32,000
It's just you and me and where 
the conversation goes. 

382
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:35,120
That's what I would love to do. 
Like I have that as something 

383
00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:36,440
that we do. 
I would love to do that 

384
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,840
annually. 
But that's that's my goal. 

385
00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:40,840
My dream is annual retreat with 
you. 

386
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,680
No technology. 
Yeah. 

387
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:46,720
Yeah, I think a, a really 
specific positive outcome is I 

388
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:50,640
would want to just feel that we 
are both, we both feel just so 

389
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:53,000
safe. 
Like we just both feel very 

390
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,200
carried, but not in a way that's
like we're dependent. 

391
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,880
But just like I can trust that 
if there's something I don't 

392
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,440
have to second guess that you're
wrestling with something, you're

393
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:03,240
going to bring it up and you're 
going to bring it up in a way 

394
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:04,960
that's because you want us to be
stronger. 

395
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:08,560
And same for me. 
You can trust that if I'm 

396
00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:10,280
raising something, it's not 
because I'm trying to be 

397
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,520
nitpicky or I'm in a mood or I'm
trying to like get my way, it's 

398
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,040
because I want us to be 
stronger. 

399
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:18,680
That's the like that's the tone 
of communication that I really 

400
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,640
want us to get to. 
And I think we're we get that 

401
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,920
way. 
Then there's times where it's 

402
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,040
rocky, like it will be for 
everybody. 

403
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:27,600
But that's I think, yeah, just 
being like instead of there 

404
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:31,640
being any kind of internal 
turmoil about it, just be like, 

405
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:35,000
OK, yeah, I trust, I trust him 
in this and I trust myself in 

406
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,280
this or you trust me in this. 
And there's probably a whole 

407
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:38,880
bunch more. 
So you get like list as many as 

408
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:40,800
you like. 
So now we're moving on to the 

409
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,320
reality side. 
So we've spoken about the goals.

410
00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,280
Now we're going to move on to 
the reality. 

411
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:49,600
What aspects of your current 
self, so who you currently are 

412
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:54,440
or our relationship indicates 
that this area of communication 

413
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,320
needs work? 
What stands out to me is when 

414
00:19:56,520 --> 00:20:01,080
it's because I still get 
defensive, like I still offend. 

415
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,440
I still like, not even just with
you, like in general, right? 

416
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,120
Like so. 
Manage a bunch of teams and and 

417
00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:10,960
people and I can still 
communicate to them in a way 

418
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,360
that's blunt and to the point 
and whatever else. 

419
00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:15,880
I don't have them in mind. 
Like I still do that. 

420
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:19,480
So for me, like I'm sort of 
looking at this as in two sort 

421
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:21,600
of lenses. 
I'm looking at my communication 

422
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:24,240
in general and then my 
communication with you. 

423
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,760
I feel like my communication 
with you is a lot more 

424
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:28,640
intentional. 
And I think through it more 

425
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:32,680
because it weighs on me so much 
more than I do with everyone 

426
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:35,480
else. 
But I feel like if I can focus 

427
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,280
on everyone else too, as a 
general thing like each 

428
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:42,920
individual, it helps me with my 
growth in my communication with 

429
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:44,400
you. 
Yeah, well, you're just focusing

430
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:47,040
on your communication, not on 
anyone else. 

431
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:48,920
It's how you communicate. 
Yeah. 

432
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,320
Yeah, I'm the same. 
The defensiveness for me like 

433
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:53,960
that, I still get defensive and 
I still get like, yeah, 

434
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:55,560
defensive. 
It's all under defensive. 

435
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,680
Like what? 
But you do this or I do this or 

436
00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:58,880
I know, but you didn't see me do
this. 

437
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:01,160
Like, I don't like, I don't like
that. 

438
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:03,760
And I wish that that wasn't a 
part of it. 

439
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,000
And I think that I still 
wrestle. 

440
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,640
I still sometimes have that. 
Like, I don't know how to raise 

441
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:13,120
this, or I sit there and dwell 
without mentioning it for too 

442
00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:15,640
long. 
What specifically? 

443
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:19,400
Again, repetitive questions, but
what specifically are you 

444
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:22,440
dissatisfied with right now and 
how you approach this part of 

445
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:24,440
yourself? 
Something I want to just mention

446
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:26,480
really quickly before I go there
and I'm going to have to ask you

447
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,760
to repeat it again because I 
zoned out because I was thinking

448
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:34,440
of this other thing is my mind. 
I find it hard to stay one 

449
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,760
track. 
These are very repetitive, but 

450
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:40,080
the repetitiveness is so 
important because it's you don't

451
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:43,200
just want questions that you 
like you blitz through. 

452
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:47,000
The purpose of these questions 
is to get that self reflection 

453
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:50,960
happening, to slow you down and 
answer the question pretty much 

454
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:54,480
over and over and over again to 
really get down to the nitty 

455
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:58,080
gritty of it because that's 
where you can, you know, if you 

456
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,600
just ask one question and answer
it, that's going to be out of 

457
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:01,840
your mind tomorrow. 
Yeah. 

458
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:05,560
If you ask the same question in 
a different way multiple times, 

459
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:07,880
it's going to be more ingrained 
and you're going to be like, oh,

460
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,720
that's right. 
You're going to remember more 

461
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:11,880
and it's going to help you with 
things you're doing. 

462
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:14,560
So yes, it is repetitive. 
Stick with it. 

463
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:17,120
I know a lot of people will look
at this with stuff of like, I 

464
00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:19,040
can't be bothered, you know, 
whatever else, but I want to 

465
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,880
challenge you and encourage you 
dive into this. 

466
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:26,480
Be intentional, be focused, be 
curious about yourself so that 

467
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:29,280
you can be a better partner to 
your partner. 

468
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,360
It also helps to identify what's
underlying these things. 

469
00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:34,120
So you might, your first 
reaction might be, Oh yeah, I 

470
00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:37,800
get defensive. 
And then if I ask the same 

471
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,760
question, slightly different, it
might be like, oh, actually it's

472
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,240
not that I get defensive. 
It's that I don't trust that you

473
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:47,640
trust me or I don't trust or I'm
too scared to become like one of

474
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:50,400
my parents or I'm too, I'm 
triggered because of a previous 

475
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:52,600
like there, there could be so 
many things sitting under I get 

476
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,440
defensive. 
And if we're just answering 

477
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,840
surface level, like you've said,
we're not engaged fully in that 

478
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:02,200
reflection internally. 
Yeah, so very important and good

479
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:03,960
point. 
And, and just as well to the 

480
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:07,160
guys listening in, there's a 
stats out there talking about 

481
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:11,120
over 50% of guys don't get the 
help that they need. 

482
00:23:11,360 --> 00:23:13,200
They might recognise something 
within themselves. 

483
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:17,080
They don't do anything about it.
Don't be one of those 50%, you 

484
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:20,240
know, I mean, if you recognise 
something, don't even do it for 

485
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:21,720
yourself. 
I feel like there's something 

486
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:26,200
with guys where we don't if 
we're the motivator for 

487
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,360
ourselves to be happier or 
whatever else, it's kind of like

488
00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:31,880
a takes a back seat. 
But if we have our partner in 

489
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,160
mind or our kids in mind or 
whatever are someone else in 

490
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:38,320
mind for that driving force. 
You know, you, if you invest in 

491
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,840
yourself, you're going to make 
other people better. 

492
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:42,920
You're going to build up other 
people, you're going to make 

493
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:44,880
them happier, you're going to 
make them more supportive. 

494
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,080
You're going to be able to, you 
know, all these different 

495
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:50,000
things. 
So if you're recognising this 

496
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,160
within yourself, actually do 
these steps is really. 

497
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:54,600
Important. 
And you're also helping the next

498
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:58,400
generation. 
Yeah, start from ahead, 

499
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,440
basically from where we did, 
yeah. 

500
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:04,360
So the repeat of the question, 
what specifically are you 

501
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:07,520
dissatisfied with right now in 
how you approach this part of 

502
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,040
yourself, this communication, 
so. 

503
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:14,400
That I switch on and switch off 
with, with my focus on it. 

504
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,040
You know, I mean, it's not and 
not that it needs to be all 

505
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,400
encompassing. 
It's more that like, you know, 

506
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,160
even with like, you know, with 
me reading the Bible and stuff 

507
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:23,520
like that, right. 
Like I'll go through these 

508
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:26,920
moments where I'm like really, 
really keen on it and I'll read 

509
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:28,560
it every single day. 
Then there'll be moments where 

510
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,720
I'm just like, it's doesn't even
enter my mind. 

511
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:34,520
That's sort of similar like I 
with my communication, like I, 

512
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:39,000
I'm intentional with it and then
I just forget to be intentional 

513
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,200
with it for periods of time. 
Yeah. 

514
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:44,600
And even though we're doing this
podcast, it's still easy to come

515
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:48,000
in and sit down and be 
intentional with the podcast, 

516
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,520
but then walk away and not take.
Away, not leave that in. 

517
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:53,240
Yeah, I agree. 
It. 

518
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:55,160
There's a phrase, there's not a 
phrase. 

519
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:58,360
There's a framework that I'm 
going to probably mention a lot,

520
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:02,160
which is conscious competence, 
and I was explaining this to you

521
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:04,520
yesterday. 
When you're learning different 

522
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,840
things, what you're on a 
different scale in terms of like

523
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:10,040
where you're at with a certain 
skill, for example. 

524
00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:11,680
And driving is a good example of
this. 

525
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:15,160
Babies don't know how to drive. 
They are unconsciously 

526
00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:18,360
incompetent. 
They're not even aware that they

527
00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:21,160
don't know how to drive. 
Once you become a teenager, 

528
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,520
you're aware, you're now 
conscious that you don't know 

529
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:27,360
how to drive. 
And then you move, you move into

530
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:31,160
the competence, competence, Oh, 
I can't say competence seaside 

531
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,040
where you are learning. 
So you're a learner driver. 

532
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:37,240
You're now very aware that 
you're learning. 

533
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:40,520
So it's a very intentional 
having to be really like, I'm 

534
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:43,320
paying attention to everything. 
And that's called conscious 

535
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:46,080
competence. 
And then eventually you switch 

536
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:50,480
into unconscious in unconscious 
competence, which is where 

537
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:53,720
people that have been driving 
for years no longer have to be 

538
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:56,360
like on top of every tiny little
thing that they're doing is just

539
00:25:56,360 --> 00:25:57,440
natural. 
It's default. 

540
00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:00,560
And I think with this, This is 
why we do stuff like this. 

541
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,520
We're moving ourselves up that 
and what you've just said is 

542
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,480
probably a really good example 
of you, you needing to be really

543
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:10,440
consciously competent in this 
area or you default back into 

544
00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:13,600
the consciously incompetent or 
even maybe subconscious 

545
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:17,000
unconscious incompetence. 
But like the defaulting back, 

546
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,880
it's like, yeah, you're, you're,
you're in that stage where 

547
00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:22,160
you're having to be really 
conscious of your competence. 

548
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:25,920
It's like not quite default yet.
Some areas probably are default.

549
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,000
Actually, that's probably a 
better place where you're 

550
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:29,840
learning. 
You probably are switching 

551
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:34,480
between unconsciously competent.
So your default I'm really good 

552
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,600
at communicating with me. 
You've had to put a lot of work 

553
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:39,000
in. 
So for the most part you are 

554
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,280
pretty intentional. 
And then moments where you 

555
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:43,880
switch back into or if I'm not 
conscious of it, it's not going 

556
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:45,920
to happen. 
That's actually a really helpful

557
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:48,880
thing to think through because, 
you know, it's so easy to look 

558
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,920
at that question and be like, oh
man, I'm doing so bad in this 

559
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:55,000
area, you know, and you focus on
the negative part. 

560
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:58,120
But then when you, when you kind
of have that lens of, well, 

561
00:26:58,120 --> 00:27:01,120
actually, I'm improving. 
I'm, I'm on this journey of 

562
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:03,080
getting better. 
When you understand that you're 

563
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,720
on a journey and it's not from 
like bad to good, it's a lot 

564
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:10,440
more empowering and he's full to
be honest. 

565
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,880
Yeah, and nobody just randomly 
hops into. 

566
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:14,280
Yeah, exactly. 
You don't just. 

567
00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:15,680
Get there. 
It's a process, yeah. 

568
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:17,880
You work towards it. 
And you're actually in the most 

569
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,520
active and probably most 
difficult, but in a challenging 

570
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,880
way stage of it because you're 
having to intentionally learn 

571
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:25,560
it. 
But it's not always gonna be an 

572
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:28,040
intentional learning. 
It's gonna hopefully it will 

573
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,120
move into default. 
Yeah, yeah. 

574
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:32,480
So that's really interesting 
that way that you put that, that

575
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:37,720
you're that it switches on and 
off for me, I think I my, the 

576
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:40,440
specific thing that I'm 
frustrated about is that I will 

577
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:45,560
spend a lot of time being very 
aware of what motivates people 

578
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:48,560
in what they do. 
Like I just, that's how I think.

579
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:50,760
I'm like, yeah, I reckon they 
feel this way because of this. 

580
00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:52,800
And so I'll spend a lot of time 
identifying that. 

581
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:56,640
But when I am in the moment of 
being like communicated about 

582
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:58,280
something that's that makes me 
defensive. 

583
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:02,280
I lose that that like lens. 
It's not, it's not like where is

584
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:04,160
he coming from? 
I have to be again, really 

585
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:07,880
consciously competent of that 
because I like I will default 

586
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:11,760
into how am I feeling? 
How dare that person do this 

587
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:15,080
thing rather than I think he's 
probably feeling unloved through

588
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:16,600
that. 
I can see how he'd feel unloved 

589
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:21,080
and that I that specifically 
annoys me, especially because of

590
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:23,920
the time I spent outside of 
those moments being like, I 

591
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:25,760
think that's probably why 
they're feeling this way. 

592
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:28,840
Cool. 
All right, So have you tried to 

593
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:30,880
make changes in this area 
before? 

594
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:33,560
And if yes, what were those 
attempts like? 

595
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:37,240
Absolutely. 
You know, this is a hard one 

596
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:40,560
because we, we're always, we've 
always been trying to work on 

597
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:45,280
this and the attempts have just 
been trying to understand other 

598
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:50,360
people in general, like through 
courses or books or, or input 

599
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,720
from mentors or whatever else. 
It's just been that continual 

600
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:56,280
journey of learning more about 
others. 

601
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:59,920
Because there's a thing is, you 
know, even communication in 

602
00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:03,560
general for me, like I said, I, 
I process and I communicate from

603
00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:07,920
my perspective of things and my 
understanding of myself and what

604
00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:10,640
I, what I'm trying to make sense
of the topic or the 

605
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:13,280
conversation, whatever else. 
I very rarely have other people 

606
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:15,160
in mind when I'm, when I'm 
communicating. 

607
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:18,080
What it's been like is like, 
it's been very, very insightful 

608
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:20,800
and it's helped me and it's 
definitely helps to my growth in

609
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,800
my communication. 
But I think with communication 

610
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:27,240
and my leadership, my like, my 
leadership has grown 

611
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:30,080
significantly as well because my
communication is absolutely. 

612
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:31,960
And so you learn how to 
communicate with people, but 

613
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:34,040
there's still a lot of room to 
grow, you know? 

614
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:38,760
Yeah, yeah, I, I feel like my 
work that I put towards it is 

615
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:40,960
outside of the moments of my 
emotions. 

616
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:43,880
I'm like, yeah, actually I can 
see where he's coming from. 

617
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,560
And I think about it there and I
try to like come back to things 

618
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:51,800
and try to communicate about why
I was defensive or why I reacted

619
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:54,360
the way that I did. 
But when the emotions come, it 

620
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:57,440
kind of goes out the window. 
Maybe less, maybe actually not, 

621
00:29:57,440 --> 00:29:59,520
maybe definitely less than when 
we were first together. 

622
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:03,240
It's slowly that muscles be 
being built I think as well, 

623
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:06,720
especially in the area of like 
taking like taking a long time 

624
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:09,440
to raise things or taking on 
someone's reaction or what I 

625
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:10,680
think their reaction is going to
be. 

626
00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:13,880
That area I've had to do so much
work in because it's just been a

627
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:17,840
really hard thing for me to feel
like I'm getting making moves in

628
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:21,560
because it's such a, an 
ingrained defence mechanism that

629
00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:24,000
I've got going on. 
And so I, especially in the last

630
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:27,640
year, have really tried to put a
lot of like effort into trying 

631
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:30,480
to even visualise like throwing 
the basketball back. 

632
00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:33,280
Like someone throws me their 
thing and I just throw it back 

633
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:36,520
mentally. 
Like I try to like really get a 

634
00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:38,720
handle on that. 
And that's probably the place 

635
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:40,600
that I've had to put a lot of 
work into. 

636
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:44,800
Actually had my cousin mention a
really interesting phrase that 

637
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:46,040
for some reason has worked so 
well. 

638
00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:47,880
And I don't know why these 
things sometimes work and they 

639
00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:50,920
don't in other ways because it's
exactly the same as everything 

640
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:53,120
else I've worked on, like 
everything else I've tried to 

641
00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:56,400
say to myself, But he said, it's
not my task to do that for you. 

642
00:30:56,400 --> 00:31:00,000
And I was like, Oh my gosh, like
using that in the last few weeks

643
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:03,520
has actually been so helpful. 
So thank you, Dan, if you heard 

644
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:05,960
that it's. 
And so I don't know why that 

645
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:07,680
phrasing all of a sudden has 
just been like, that's not my 

646
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:10,040
task to do that. 
And that's helped me feel, 

647
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:14,000
helped me hold things with less 
intensity, which then helps me 

648
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:15,120
communicate better. 
Yeah. 

649
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:18,040
So it all like snowballs. 
Who knows about snowballs in 

650
00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:19,440
Australia? 
So it's Denver snows. 

651
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:22,080
Great. 
So who in your life, This is the

652
00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:24,120
last question for the reality 
side. 

653
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:26,680
Who in your life supports your 
growth in this area? 

654
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:29,840
And who could be a helpful 
resource if they're not yet 

655
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:35,320
being that resource? 
So my mates and my Co workers 

656
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:39,360
are helpful resources. 
And so I'm, you know, we talk 

657
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:42,200
about who we, that quote you 
mentioned earlier, sort of like 

658
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:48,360
who we surround ourselves with. 
And my mates are very open and 

659
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:51,000
transparent about growth. 
And it's like we're all trying 

660
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:53,920
to grow and even my Co workers, 
you know, the, the organisation 

661
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:56,760
I work with, we're all we're 
trying to bring greater support 

662
00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:58,600
for dads in that perinatal 
period. 

663
00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:02,160
And but in doing that, we're 
growing ourselves. 

664
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:05,200
So the conversations really 
coming from ourselves, it's like

665
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:09,160
we discuss our stuff and then 
it's like others are going to be

666
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:10,960
struggling with that too. 
That's what we need to be 

667
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:14,120
addressing within our programmes
and with our organisation, you 

668
00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:17,280
know, so they're, they're the 
things that are investing in me 

669
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:20,560
already. 
What can, what can help would be

670
00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:24,160
people in the next life stage. 
And I've spoken to you about 

671
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:26,200
this. 
I want to be surrounding myself 

672
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:28,880
with more people in the next 
life stage where the kids are, 

673
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:32,400
you know, either late primary 
school, early high school sort 

674
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:34,840
of stage, because that's a whole
other area that I'm not there 

675
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:36,240
yet. 
And I want to learn that I want 

676
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:38,240
to be ready for that as much as 
possible. 

677
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:40,480
So that's, I reckon they're the 
people that would help. 

678
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:43,600
And also people like, you know, 
we, we've also spoken. 

679
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:45,680
Oh, that's probably going off 
tangent from communication, but 

680
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:48,680
I'm like entrepreneurs, like we 
want to be around people to 

681
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:49,920
help. 
US resonate, yeah. 

682
00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:53,360
Like and help us, you know, grow
the podcast and grow your 

683
00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:56,560
coaching courses and stuff like 
that is something we want to be 

684
00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:57,760
surrounding ourselves with too, 
yeah. 

685
00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:02,960
I never feel as like light and 
like capable as I do around 

686
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:06,720
people that have the same goals 
or the same kind of like drive. 

687
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:08,920
Yeah yeah. 
So that's slightly off, but 

688
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:10,920
similar. 
I think it does somehow it does 

689
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:13,680
really impact the whole even 
things like communication and 

690
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:17,240
relationship for me same thing 
like who could help is 

691
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:19,040
absolutely someone just a bit 
ahead. 

692
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:22,760
I I think and it's really hard 
to like. 

693
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:26,240
I don't even necessarily have a 
person that I, I've got a few 

694
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:28,440
people that kind of are in that 
stage, but I don't necessarily 

695
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:30,520
have a person like, oh, this 
person would be really good. 

696
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:33,640
And I, I'd love to find somebody
like that because I do think 

697
00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:35,880
there's so much value from 
someone who's just a few steps 

698
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:39,120
ahead of you and that has had 
the same heart in terms of like,

699
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:42,240
we want to really grow together.
I think sometimes you think 

700
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:44,960
about like people a number of 
steps ahead. 

701
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:47,360
And I'm not sure when you're 
that far ahead. 

702
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:49,800
There's absolutely so much 
wealth of knowledge, so much 

703
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:53,880
wealth of knowledge, but it'd be
almost like that far removed 

704
00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:56,360
that I kind of want to step my 
way up here. 

705
00:33:56,960 --> 00:34:00,280
But yeah, my my friends, I've 
got some really beautiful, 

706
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:03,160
constructive, encouraging, 
helpful friends around me that I

707
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:08,960
can, that are very safe to bring
my thing that I'm challenged by 

708
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:12,960
to and know that I'm going to be
given advice that's or given 

709
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:16,400
support and advice and in a way 
that's going to bring a 

710
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:19,400
constructive thing. 
So absolutely agree with you. 

711
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:22,600
And so this, if this is you and 
you're like, oh, I don't have 

712
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:25,960
anyone, what would be really 
good is to be like identify who 

713
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:29,520
you do have people, whether it's
you know, people that you know, 

714
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:32,920
or resources like this, like a 
podcast, books around you, 

715
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:35,920
recommendations, community 
forums, There are there are 

716
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:38,360
people you have. 
So take a take a moment to try 

717
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:41,880
and especially if you're 
struggling with this question as

718
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:44,199
neutrally as possible, be like, 
who do I have? 

719
00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:47,800
And then also if you're like, 
actually, I really would like 

720
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:50,880
more resource in this place, 
more people feeding in. 

721
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:54,280
What might be cool is to sit 
there and be like, who do I 

722
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:55,679
want? 
And instead of picturing a 

723
00:34:55,679 --> 00:35:00,720
person, get really clear on this
ideal person that could speak 

724
00:35:00,720 --> 00:35:03,040
into your life, like who do I 
want in my life in this space? 

725
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:04,720
And just get clear. 
Like I'd really like, like 

726
00:35:04,720 --> 00:35:08,080
we've, we've just done someone a
few steps ahead of us kids early

727
00:35:08,520 --> 00:35:11,880
LA primary school or high school
and, and in a relationship where

728
00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:14,360
they're focused on this, like 
identify those things and get 

729
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:17,960
kind of a goal person in your 
mind so that you can be. 

730
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:21,640
It's almost like a, a clarity in
terms of who you want to be 

731
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:23,000
around and surround yourself 
with. 

732
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:25,520
It won't be an immediate like 
you don't go shop for a friend, 

733
00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:29,000
but you can start to be like 
when you're wading through who 

734
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:31,520
you're building community around
wherever you might have 

735
00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:35,120
community be like, these are the
people that don't really help me

736
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:37,480
towards what I feel is valuable 
and important. 

737
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:40,440
So I'm probably not going to use
them as an authority in the 

738
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:43,240
space because I don't feel 
uplifted or constructed in that.

739
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:45,760
And instead these people 
actually do kind of have this 

740
00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:47,680
real good vibe, constructive 
vibe in this space. 

741
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:50,280
And I, I think I'm going to try 
and in like put a bit more 

742
00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:54,800
effort into engaging with them. 
And another start for you all. 

743
00:35:55,680 --> 00:36:02,000
So 5747, sorry, percent of, of 
guys view struggles as a sign of

744
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:04,640
weakness, right? 
So like depression or anxiety or

745
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:06,320
whatever else is a sign of 
weakness. 

746
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:10,600
And, and this is something that 
I was so, and then I was 

747
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:12,880
definitely in that boat as a 
younger guy, right? 

748
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:15,080
I was definitely in that, in 
that place of just not 

749
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:18,800
understanding what it meant, but
also the, the, I was in that 

750
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:24,240
place of prioritising self 
growth, not practical growth 

751
00:36:24,240 --> 00:36:28,480
like career growth. 
But like myself, I, I just 

752
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:31,240
didn't see the value in that. 
And that's a big thing that I've

753
00:36:31,240 --> 00:36:34,560
been really chatting to some 
guys about is, you know, getting

754
00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:36,400
help. 
Is that for me a sign of 

755
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:38,760
strength? 
Because to do that is a level of

756
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:41,800
vulnerability that we're not 
used to is a lot of guys, right?

757
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:45,280
And that is scary for a lot of 
guys to be vulnerable is there's

758
00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:47,760
a fear element to it. 
So we won't do it. 

759
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:49,800
And that's why I was saying 
before about that, you know, 50%

760
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,200
of guys don't get the help. 
And So what they need, because 

761
00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:54,800
there's a fear element to it, 
because there's a vulnerability 

762
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:58,160
that we're not used to. 
This is, I want to really 

763
00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:01,800
challenge you guys. 
Like if you want to grow, if you

764
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:04,880
want to grow, we need to go to 
the hard places. 

765
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:08,200
Like we see difficulty is 
physical difficulty for a lot of

766
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:10,960
people, you know, I mean, it's, 
but it's, it's so much more than

767
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:13,280
that. 
And the reward for you going to 

768
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:17,120
an emotionally difficult place 
is so much greater than any 

769
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:19,880
physical challenge you'll ever 
achieve. 

770
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:21,960
You know, I mean, like the 
reward from a physical challenge

771
00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:25,880
is great, but the reward from 
going through an emotional 

772
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,400
challenge is greater. 
You will be able to, you'll be 

773
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:31,160
so much more emotionally 
intelligent. 

774
00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:34,640
You'll be so much more 
emotionally stronger and healthy

775
00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:37,280
to be able to support those that
you love, right? 

776
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:39,240
Like we, we're in relationships,
guys. 

777
00:37:39,240 --> 00:37:42,720
We, it's not just this buddy 
that we hang out with at our 

778
00:37:42,720 --> 00:37:46,160
home, but this is our, our 
spouses, our partners, people 

779
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:48,400
that we love. 
It's going to impact our kids. 

780
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:51,840
It's going to impact our, our 
friends, like the growth that we

781
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:55,200
do is, is going to be impacting 
people way more than just 

782
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:57,080
ourselves. 
So I just want to put that I 

783
00:37:57,080 --> 00:37:59,040
want to keep bringing those 
challenges out there because I 

784
00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:01,760
know a lot of our audience are 
males and these are the things 

785
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:04,200
that we wrestle with. 
We do. 

786
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:08,560
And these stats are so clear, 
50% of, of those two stats that 

787
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:11,040
I mentioned before. 
This is a real challenge for a 

788
00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:13,560
lot of guys. 
And then also just to help fit 

789
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:17,040
our female audience too, to help
you understand guys more as 

790
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:19,000
well. 
It's like, it's not that we just

791
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:22,160
have this stubbornness of, you 
know, going to an emotional 

792
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:24,360
place. 
We've never seen it for a lot of

793
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:27,880
us, we've never, ever seen that 
other male go to an emotional 

794
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:29,480
place. 
So for us to be able to go there

795
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:33,000
too, it's not that we the lack 
of want, it's the lack of 

796
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,560
knowledge of how like, how do 
you do that? 

797
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:37,960
How do you share that? 
How do you process that 

798
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,240
information? 
How do you process the as 

799
00:38:40,240 --> 00:38:43,200
emotions? 
I know it kind of sounds a bit 

800
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:45,720
weak, maybe possibly from a 
female's perspective. 

801
00:38:45,720 --> 00:38:47,680
The guys just don't know how to 
do that. 

802
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:52,440
But the reality is, is we don't.
And this is the the culture that

803
00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:54,800
is changing. 
The culture is changing because 

804
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:56,800
more and more guys are stepping 
up to the plate. 

805
00:38:57,040 --> 00:39:00,800
They're stepping up into that 
that vulnerable space because 

806
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:04,240
they know they see the impact. 
People are starting to see that 

807
00:39:04,240 --> 00:39:06,280
more. 
Yeah, absolutely. 

808
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:08,840
I love that so much. 
And I think what you, when 

809
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:10,560
you're talking about like 
working on the emotional 

810
00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:14,360
vulnerability that underpins 
everything, the strength that 

811
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:17,920
you get from something like that
makes you stronger physically in

812
00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:19,440
the long run. 
It helps you with those 

813
00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:20,840
challenges. 
It makes you better. 

814
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:25,000
It makes you be able to better 
tackle your work goals or your 

815
00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:27,640
whatever goals. 
It's actually you're you're 

816
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:31,400
doing yourself a disservice by 
ignoring those things. 

817
00:39:31,720 --> 00:39:34,520
And that's why that first quote 
about like the quality of your 

818
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:36,960
life is determined by who the 
quality of your relationships, 

819
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:41,720
100 percent, 100%. 
All right, so moving on to 

820
00:39:41,720 --> 00:39:45,120
options. 
Now, the O of grow, we're going 

821
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:49,120
to list, I want you to list 
ideas or possibilities that will

822
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:53,000
move you closer to your goal in 
communication, big and small 

823
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:56,520
steps. 
And think of it from this lens, 

824
00:39:56,520 --> 00:39:59,640
If fear was playing no role, 
like there was No Fear. 

825
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,080
In your decisions, what could 
you improve exactly? 

826
00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:04,360
Yeah, it's a green lighting, so 
everything. 

827
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:06,200
'S green lighting everything. 
'S possible, right? 

828
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:09,000
So going to the moon is possible
next. 

829
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:11,160
And that's the thing too, like 
going to the moon is possible, 

830
00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:13,560
but that's a huge step. 
So what's the next steps that 

831
00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:16,600
could be helping me do this? 
I think the next steps is 

832
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:20,360
naming, naming people that I 
will go out and speak to about. 

833
00:40:20,720 --> 00:40:22,880
I'm not going to go to them and 
say, Hey, can you help me? 

834
00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:25,400
You know, I want to be friends 
because I want to get better at 

835
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:28,000
this. 
But just like, you know, who can

836
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:31,000
I want to catch up with, like a 
coffee with or get our kids to 

837
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,480
catch up and have a play date 
with whatever else, I think 

838
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:35,800
that's the next thing. 
And then, you know, and this is 

839
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:38,720
the beauty of of relationship. 
You and I can help each other do

840
00:40:38,720 --> 00:40:41,280
this, right? 
So naming people and then naming

841
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:45,400
their action, the guys need 
action with like just catching 

842
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:48,440
up and just talking is not 
something that guys naturally 

843
00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:49,840
do. 
We need to always be doing 

844
00:40:49,840 --> 00:40:51,560
something. 
So either it could be coffee or 

845
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:53,400
I went out for a mate with a 
mate last night. 

846
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:55,880
We had a meal. 
Just gonna be doing something, 

847
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:58,320
yeah, catching up with some 
other guys soon. 

848
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:01,400
And we're going to do like a 
virtual reality golf thing, 

849
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:03,920
which is going to be fun, but 
we're going to be doing 

850
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:05,880
something. 
We won't just go out and catch 

851
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:06,920
up. 
We're going to be doing it. 

852
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:09,280
So what could that be? 
So I think stepping it out like 

853
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:11,600
that, yeah, I think that's the 
next steps, Naming who it is and

854
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:13,840
naming what we can do. 
Yeah, yeah. 

855
00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:17,760
Following that up. 
Yeah, For me, I would be same 

856
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:20,880
naming people that I could 
surround myself with and then 

857
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:23,520
putting myself out there to 
invite them for coffee or 

858
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:27,240
whatever green lighting I would 
be doing like like seeing a 

859
00:41:27,240 --> 00:41:30,600
psychologist again or a 
counsellor just to help me with 

860
00:41:30,600 --> 00:41:35,040
really like nailing down this, 
like removing the emotional 

861
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:39,440
difficulties I've got with it. 
I would be, I think one thing I 

862
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:41,920
want to say, which this is this,
I'm literally telling you right 

863
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:45,040
now, this is what I want to do. 
So it's not relevant to us, but 

864
00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:48,520
it could be you listening to 
this and thinking, Oh yeah, I 

865
00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:51,200
want to work on this, but I 
don't even know how to tell my 

866
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:53,160
partner. 
I think telling your partner 

867
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:56,320
like being if, if pretending we 
hadn't had this conversation, 

868
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:58,760
getting really clear with you 
and saying, I want to work on 

869
00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:01,120
this. 
So I just want you to know that 

870
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:03,440
I'm being intentional. 
I want to be really intentional 

871
00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:06,280
with my communication to you. 
And just naming that like if 

872
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:08,960
fear was removed, vulnerability 
was removed. 

873
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:12,400
And that might not be the way 
that your relationship navigates

874
00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:15,600
or the dynamics you have. 
That kind of vulnerability can 

875
00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:19,920
be a game changer to how your 
partner takes on this challenge 

876
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:23,000
as well. 
And it's funny, like, you know, 

877
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,280
I'll say again, I was saying to 
my mate last night and we're 

878
00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:28,080
saying about how for a lot of 
guys, they don't know how to 

879
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:29,480
start. 
They don't know how to be 

880
00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:32,040
vulnerable, right? 
You don't know how to be to 

881
00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:34,120
communicate with your partner 
about the things that you're 

882
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:36,120
working on. 
It can be quite internal. 

883
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:38,400
And then some of females, I'm 
assuming we would struggle with 

884
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:41,400
the same thing. 
And it's a matter of like the 

885
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:44,920
first step is just telling your 
partner, hey, I'm struggling to 

886
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:47,520
be able to communicate. 
That's communicating like that. 

887
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:50,440
Is it like that's where you 
start is like, hey, I'm really 

888
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:53,200
struggling like to to 
communicate with you about my 

889
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:54,480
struggles. 
I want to get better. 

890
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:57,360
Start there. 
And it's like if they ask more 

891
00:42:57,360 --> 00:42:59,200
questions, yeah, be honest. 
I don't know. 

892
00:42:59,240 --> 00:43:01,560
Yeah, I don't know. 
And that's, that's the 

893
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:07,840
vulnerability of in that space 
is so easy and it's so doable 

894
00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:10,040
and the impact is great. 
If that's all you've done, you 

895
00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:12,040
haven't had anything before that
do it. 

896
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:15,120
You know that's so worth it. 
I've had to do this before 

897
00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:18,520
because sometimes I get really 
like AI patternize or something.

898
00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:19,880
I don't know what the heck goes 
on in my head. 

899
00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:23,080
And I get like, I, I know 
there's something and I am 

900
00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:24,920
wrestling with it, but I don't 
know what it is and I don't know

901
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:26,720
how to say it. 
And so there have been times 

902
00:43:26,720 --> 00:43:29,480
where I'm like, you've been, 
you've asked me if I'm OK or 

903
00:43:29,480 --> 00:43:32,560
whatever is going on and I have 
had to say I am just trying to 

904
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:34,000
figure something out and I don't
know how. 

905
00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:36,720
Yeah. 
And it almost then like relieves

906
00:43:36,720 --> 00:43:38,840
because if you're anything like 
me, it's like the conversation 

907
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:41,120
has to be perfect. 
I have to know exactly why and 

908
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:43,240
what and how I'm feeling and how
to bring it up. 

909
00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:45,440
But that's not how a 
relationship works. 

910
00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:49,000
And, and it's going to put off 
doing the thing. 

911
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:51,360
And so that's what I would, 
yeah, I would just stumble out 

912
00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:53,840
and be like just, you know, say 
it's communication, be like 

913
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:56,000
just. 
So I just wanna let you know 

914
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:58,400
that I really wanna talk to you 
about how I wanna work on 

915
00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:00,040
something, but I don't know how 
to talk to you about it. 

916
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:01,640
So I'm just saying it. 
So then that's you. 

917
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:03,920
Can say that to me sometimes 
you're still processing it but 

918
00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:06,720
this is yeah, can you put it 
there a little nugget and we 

919
00:44:06,720 --> 00:44:07,840
just. 
Pick it up. 

920
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:10,240
Yeah, it's almost like that text
message of honey, we need to 

921
00:44:10,240 --> 00:44:12,320
chat when you're at work. 
And I don't do something like 

922
00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:12,760
that. 
That's or. 

923
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:15,160
Just send a podcast episode. 
Send the podcast. 

924
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:16,640
Be passive aggressive. 
Yeah. 

925
00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:20,320
Be like, listen to this. 
Yeah. 

926
00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:23,480
And the next question is, what 
would you do if you knew you 

927
00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:25,400
couldn't fail? 
And it's a similar type of 

928
00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:27,960
question again, the repetitive 
but different angle. 

929
00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:30,840
What would you do if you knew 
you couldn't fail? 

930
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:35,200
I don't see that as a struggle 
of mine as a as a thing of like 

931
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:37,360
I couldn't fail. 
Yeah, yeah. 

932
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:40,000
Because it's. 
So I'm finding it hard to answer

933
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:41,440
that question because I'm like. 
You don't. 

934
00:44:41,600 --> 00:44:43,520
That's not a factor for you. 
That's not a factor for me. 

935
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:45,320
It's such a factor for me the 
other day. 

936
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:46,880
Oh yeah, yeah. 
Because the other day, remember 

937
00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:49,520
there was a question that we had
for our broker. 

938
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:52,920
Yeah. 
And I was like, I I'm so nervous

939
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:54,760
to send this question. 
I just literally need to put 

940
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:58,080
your name at the end of the 
email and I'll even write it and

941
00:44:58,080 --> 00:44:59,520
send it. 
But there's just something about

942
00:44:59,520 --> 00:45:02,440
like it being someone else 
that's asking the question. 

943
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:04,120
Yeah, it's. 
Actually so interesting because 

944
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:06,840
there's so many times where you 
can't send a message. 

945
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:09,720
Yeah, and it makes sense because
there's a fear of failure. 

946
00:45:09,720 --> 00:45:12,000
But in my hand, I no, it's not 
failure. 

947
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:13,840
Like failure is never in the 
equation for. 

948
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:16,600
It's not failure necessarily, 
it's more like looking silly or 

949
00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:19,720
looking looking vulnerable or 
putting myself out there and 

950
00:45:19,720 --> 00:45:23,280
being rejected. 
So for you, I'm you ask and you 

951
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,400
receive and there's people that 
I was saying this to a friend 

952
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:27,760
recently. 
The people that succeed in life 

953
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:29,240
are the people that ask for what
they want. 

954
00:45:29,240 --> 00:45:31,720
And they, they either get what 
they want or they don't, but 

955
00:45:31,720 --> 00:45:33,560
they've asked. 
And I was like, if you never 

956
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:36,760
ask, you literally never get it.
And that's a bit of a, a 

957
00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:38,840
different thing, but it's just 
sort of the same. 

958
00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:42,120
Like if you don't put yourself 
out there, you might be 

959
00:45:42,120 --> 00:45:45,440
rejected, but you also will 
never receive. 

960
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:47,480
If you don't put yourself out 
there, you're never going to get

961
00:45:47,480 --> 00:45:50,560
where you want. 
And I think people really value 

962
00:45:50,560 --> 00:45:51,880
when you do put yourself out 
there. 

963
00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:53,680
And I really struggle to look 
silly. 

964
00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:56,800
I really struggle to not know 
what I'm asking or not have a 

965
00:45:56,800 --> 00:45:58,800
clarity. 
So things like selling a house 

966
00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:01,840
is extremely vulnerable for me 
because I'm like, I don't know 

967
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:04,080
what to do. 
But you ever since the 

968
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:05,880
beginning, like there was things
that you wanted to learn. 

969
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:07,080
So you just ask someone for 
help. 

970
00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:10,280
You just ask them for input. 
You just ask them to do these 

971
00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:11,360
things. 
And I was always like, Oh my 

972
00:46:11,360 --> 00:46:14,280
gosh, I don't know if I could, 
like, put myself out there. 

973
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:17,240
Yeah, yeah. 
Yeah, so that's valid that 

974
00:46:17,240 --> 00:46:19,960
that's not that's not really a 
challenge for you. 

975
00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:23,040
For me, it would be inviting 
certain people out for coffee. 

976
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:25,280
That would be the big if I knew 
I couldn't fail and I wasn't 

977
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:27,280
going to be rejected, I would 
just message people. 

978
00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:29,720
There's multiple people on the 
top of my head and ask them to 

979
00:46:29,720 --> 00:46:31,360
go out for coffee with me. 
Yeah, yeah. 

980
00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:34,120
Because for me, I'm like, OK, 
Because, you know, I've 

981
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:36,560
mentioned one person that I want
to do this with me I've already 

982
00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:38,560
told you about. 
Like they turn around and say 

983
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:40,200
no, cool, he's the next person. 
Yeah. 

984
00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:41,960
That's yeah. 
But for me, that's like, Oh my 

985
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:43,800
gosh, I click collapse in the 
heap. 

986
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:45,880
I'm so awkward. 
Every time I see them, there's 

987
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:47,520
like a whole story to why 
they've done it. 

988
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:50,480
Yeah. 
Anyway, so 100% I would just put

989
00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:52,320
myself out there with people. 
I want to spend more time with 

990
00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:52,560
it. 
It's. 

991
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:56,000
So funny because as well the 
name that you have, you've met 

992
00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:57,480
with them a few times. 
Yeah, I know. 

993
00:46:58,240 --> 00:46:59,480
And you still can't get past 
that. 

994
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:01,240
Yeah, because I'm like, do they 
even like me? 

995
00:47:01,600 --> 00:47:03,040
Don't ask me why, it's just how 
it is. 

996
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:04,960
I don't know why. 
It's the health, it's self 

997
00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:06,240
esteem. 
If there's so many things, we'll

998
00:47:06,240 --> 00:47:07,760
play into it when this is not 
what this is on. 

999
00:47:07,760 --> 00:47:09,560
But that's what I would do if I 
knew I couldn't fail. 

1000
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:13,520
If I knew I couldn't fail, I 
would, I would say and, and hold

1001
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:15,720
firm boundaries. 
This is not just with you, by 

1002
00:47:15,720 --> 00:47:18,520
the way, but I would hold firm 
boundaries and say what I knew 

1003
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:24,200
was was valuable for me and my 
family and for my my piece and 

1004
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:27,600
for what we needed and what was 
going to get us the best place 

1005
00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:31,320
in the future without worrying 
that I was going to disappoint 

1006
00:47:31,320 --> 00:47:33,600
everyone or they're going to 
like be upset at that or 

1007
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:34,800
whatever. 
And I would just be like, no, 

1008
00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:36,240
that's actually not 
constructive. 

1009
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:39,080
There's so many things. 
There's so many things that I 

1010
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:42,120
would be much firmer on in terms
of like, no, this is the 

1011
00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:44,240
constructive way. 
This is what I believe is going 

1012
00:47:44,240 --> 00:47:47,080
to get us stronger, but I just 
don't know how to be. 

1013
00:47:47,600 --> 00:47:50,520
So that's what I would do. 
All right, So imagine that deep 

1014
00:47:50,520 --> 00:47:52,880
down you already know exactly 
what to do next. 

1015
00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:56,920
What would that be? 
Didn't we just say that though? 

1016
00:47:57,320 --> 00:47:58,560
Remember. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

1017
00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:01,640
Deep down, you know exactly what
the next step is. 

1018
00:48:01,680 --> 00:48:03,680
What is it? 
Message Message. 

1019
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:06,280
Yeah, cool. 
Now that message them, yeah, 

1020
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:08,200
well, I think the next yeah. 
But when would you do that? 

1021
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:10,680
Next step is now where I'm 
getting because I'm like, oh, 

1022
00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:12,600
time, we're just about to get 
the house sorted and. 

1023
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:14,360
OK, that's a good. 
That's a good challenge. 

1024
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:15,560
Yeah. 
Because that's life. 

1025
00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:17,200
Yeah, not everyone's moving, 
but. 

1026
00:48:17,240 --> 00:48:19,680
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 
OK, so the next step then? 

1027
00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:21,760
You're asking me? 
Yeah, well, I'm asking you and 

1028
00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:23,960
I'm thinking about it. 
Myself yeah to message them and 

1029
00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:27,800
and to organise them play date 
yeah cool with with their kids 

1030
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:31,000
as well. 
Not you, Yeah, same. 

1031
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:33,960
I think message, I think so as 
well. 

1032
00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:36,240
I just raised like we've 
actually got a crazy couple 

1033
00:48:36,240 --> 00:48:38,960
months as we've told you. 
So then straight away it's like,

1034
00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:40,480
but if we message now, then 
whatever. 

1035
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:43,360
So I think if I deep down you 
what the next step would be be 

1036
00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:45,400
like, hey, I would love to catch
up with you. 

1037
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:47,680
We're moving, so probably 
afterwards, but just letting you

1038
00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:51,040
know, let's find time at this 
stage. 

1039
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:53,680
You do that next step, yes. 
Good job. 

1040
00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:55,560
All right. 
So way forward, last step of 

1041
00:48:55,560 --> 00:48:57,560
grow. 
Looking at the options you've 

1042
00:48:57,560 --> 00:49:01,160
explored, which ones truly move 
you forward in communication? 

1043
00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:04,920
So this is OK, what I really 
think is going to truly move us 

1044
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:07,560
forward if like, it'll be nice 
to get other people to speak 

1045
00:49:07,560 --> 00:49:09,120
into our relationship and so 
forth. 

1046
00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:12,720
But what I really feel is going 
to move us forward are these no 

1047
00:49:13,080 --> 00:49:16,640
technology retreat weekends. 
I think that is going to be the 

1048
00:49:16,640 --> 00:49:18,640
big thing for us moving forward.
Yeah. 

1049
00:49:19,240 --> 00:49:21,160
But then it's then. 
But the way I got caught up is 

1050
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:22,960
like, when would we do that? 
Yeah. 

1051
00:49:23,680 --> 00:49:26,840
But still that's and. 
But it's saying it is now 

1052
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:28,800
putting that as more of a 
priority in my head. 

1053
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:31,760
Yeah, but even the retreat, like
if there's because other people 

1054
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:34,720
may have things that are 
similar, there's not convenient 

1055
00:49:34,720 --> 00:49:36,920
times for things. 
So either booking something 

1056
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:40,480
that's like whatever ahead or 
being like, OK, I can't do that 

1057
00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:43,160
big thing now what can I do now 
that's going to be the same. 

1058
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:47,080
It's going to give a a glimpse 
or at least move me towards 

1059
00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:50,240
that. 
We could be, we could be one day

1060
00:49:50,240 --> 00:49:53,080
that we have where we're just 
hanging out, no things or 1 

1061
00:49:53,080 --> 00:49:55,080
evening that we we turn 
everything off We're not. 

1062
00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:58,640
Well, we've spoken about that. 
So it's like no technology on a 

1063
00:49:58,920 --> 00:50:01,480
Sunday or something, you know, 
like we've spoken about putting 

1064
00:50:01,480 --> 00:50:02,840
those things in place. 
So I think that would be the 

1065
00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:04,280
next step is putting that in 
place. 

1066
00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:07,280
Yeah. 
I think for me, the ones that 

1067
00:50:07,280 --> 00:50:11,240
would truly move me forward 
would probably be more things 

1068
00:50:11,240 --> 00:50:15,600
like, yeah, I think probably 
just like removing distractions,

1069
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:17,720
same as you removing 
distractions. 

1070
00:50:17,720 --> 00:50:20,880
Whatever it is that distracts me
or like for me, I get really 

1071
00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:22,920
overwhelmed when I've got too 
much in my head. 

1072
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:26,560
And a lot of the time if there's
something on my phone like 

1073
00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:28,920
messengers or I'm waiting for a 
message or I'm listening to 

1074
00:50:28,920 --> 00:50:32,760
something music even like 
sometimes like the layering, I, 

1075
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:34,840
my communication skills are 
like. 

1076
00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:37,000
Yeah. 
So yeah, putting so. 

1077
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:38,920
That's cool too. 
Like So what you said then is 

1078
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:41,360
like we're working on our 
communication overall, but then 

1079
00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:44,680
we're also helping out, you 
know, the, the times where our 

1080
00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:47,680
communication skills drops. 
So for you, when there's a 

1081
00:50:47,680 --> 00:50:52,400
simulation of, of stuff around 
like, you know, sounds or you 

1082
00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:56,720
know, distractions around, your 
skills are just not there. 

1083
00:50:57,600 --> 00:50:59,760
Another thing that popped into 
my head was like almost 

1084
00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:02,560
identifying like a safe word 
that I could say to you when 

1085
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:03,560
pineapples. 
Yeah. 

1086
00:51:03,600 --> 00:51:05,560
Why is always pineapples? 
I don't know. 

1087
00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:08,520
It's always pineapples anyway, a
safe word that I could say to 

1088
00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:12,280
you that that was that. 
I like that let you know that 

1089
00:51:12,280 --> 00:51:14,800
I'm I have something I want to 
talk to you about. 

1090
00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:17,120
I'm not sure how to do it And 
and I need to do it. 

1091
00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:19,280
So it gets you in the right 
space so that you're like, all 

1092
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:21,400
right, this is a a heavier thing
that she needs to talk to me 

1093
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:23,600
about and she's wrestling. 
It's not like out of the blue. 

1094
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:25,880
I'm like, what about this thing 
that we've done or this thing 

1095
00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:29,240
that you did to me? 
And but it also like kind of 

1096
00:51:29,240 --> 00:51:32,000
burst that bubble of of the 
tension of when do I bring it 

1097
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:33,000
up? 
Yeah, yeah. 

1098
00:51:33,080 --> 00:51:35,240
That's another idea. 
So thinking outside of the box 

1099
00:51:35,240 --> 00:51:37,440
as well, depending on what your 
area is. 

1100
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:40,480
OK, what preparations do you 
need to make to take those 

1101
00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:42,200
steps? 
This is good for the no tech 

1102
00:51:42,200 --> 00:51:44,400
thing. 
What preps preparations do we 

1103
00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:47,520
need to do for that? 
Well for me it's saying it like 

1104
00:51:47,520 --> 00:51:51,240
it's because if we say no tech 
on Sundays, it's just now. 

1105
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:53,800
Or maybe it's a matter of we get
a box for our phones. 

1106
00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:56,440
Yeah, there's some pretty cool, 
yeah, things that you can do. 

1107
00:51:56,440 --> 00:51:58,840
Yeah, a box, like any box would 
work as well, but. 

1108
00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:03,560
I've I've heard of something 
where it's a charging box and 

1109
00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:05,920
locks on it. 
Yeah, and it's a game as well. 

1110
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:08,000
Is that the thing I was showing?
Oh, maybe that's it's a game. 

1111
00:52:08,040 --> 00:52:10,240
So then like when one person 
puts their phone in it, it 

1112
00:52:10,240 --> 00:52:12,560
starts taking up time and it 
notifies the other person that 

1113
00:52:12,560 --> 00:52:14,760
this person's doing their 
whatever you call it. 

1114
00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:17,840
And then it's like a whoever 
wins the most time in the box. 

1115
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:20,480
Yeah, it's very expensive. 
But they also have an app 

1116
00:52:20,480 --> 00:52:22,040
actually. 
So there's apps that you could 

1117
00:52:22,040 --> 00:52:23,400
do that would have similar kind 
of things. 

1118
00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:25,760
But yeah, I think something like
that would be really good for 

1119
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:28,480
me, getting really clear on what
it's not. 

1120
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:31,720
Just don't be on your phone. 
It's like my phone's sitting on 

1121
00:52:31,720 --> 00:52:33,400
its charger or my phone goes in 
the box. 

1122
00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:39,280
Or literally from 12:00 AM on 
Saturday or Sunday morning till 

1123
00:52:39,440 --> 00:52:41,120
this time on Sunday. 
No tech. 

1124
00:52:41,240 --> 00:52:45,320
And then I know then I can relax
and be like, outside of that, 

1125
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:46,200
it's fine. 
We're not. 

1126
00:52:46,200 --> 00:52:48,040
It's fine. 
But, you know, like once it 

1127
00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:49,880
takes over this time, then I'm 
good. 

1128
00:52:49,880 --> 00:52:52,920
And it's something about that in
my brain makes it more doable 

1129
00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:54,640
than just like, let's not do 
tech on Sunday. 

1130
00:52:55,320 --> 00:52:56,320
Yeah, I think that's really 
good. 

1131
00:52:56,440 --> 00:52:59,080
Identify someone you trust. 
When will you share your 

1132
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:01,600
intentions and commitment to 
your planned actions with them? 

1133
00:53:01,600 --> 00:53:05,080
And I think we've just 
identified for us that we want 

1134
00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:06,880
more people speaking into this 
space. 

1135
00:53:07,080 --> 00:53:11,960
So if that's the case, that's a 
a different challenge, but who's

1136
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:15,640
someone that you trust and and 
inputs you trust and is safe 

1137
00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:18,800
right now that you could say to 
them, hey, I'm working on this. 

1138
00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:20,400
I just want to let someone know 
I'm working on this. 

1139
00:53:20,480 --> 00:53:23,640
He's a safe person, one of my 
mates, yeah. 

1140
00:53:23,640 --> 00:53:24,840
Yeah, same. 
Yeah, Yep. 

1141
00:53:25,240 --> 00:53:28,720
And a good one would be if, like
we said, you haven't said this 

1142
00:53:28,720 --> 00:53:30,520
to your partner, they would be a
good person. 

1143
00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:32,040
Yeah, Oh. 
No, I think that should. 

1144
00:53:32,480 --> 00:53:34,000
I was going to say. 
Like you, but you're right. 

1145
00:53:34,040 --> 00:53:36,800
Yeah. 
Yeah, they would be the first 

1146
00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:40,240
person within a safe space. 
Obviously everyone's 

1147
00:53:40,240 --> 00:53:43,560
relationship is different that I
would be like encouraging people

1148
00:53:43,560 --> 00:53:45,800
to have this conversation. 
Focus on you. 

1149
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:49,920
When you're having that 
conversation is if they see you 

1150
00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:52,160
putting in the effort, they're 
not going to not be able to put 

1151
00:53:52,160 --> 00:53:54,080
in the effort themselves. 
Like it's going to be setting 

1152
00:53:54,080 --> 00:53:55,680
the tone for your relationship. 
Exactly. 

1153
00:53:56,360 --> 00:53:58,320
All right. 
What obstacles stand in your way

1154
00:53:58,840 --> 00:54:01,120
and what strategies can you 
overcome these with? 

1155
00:54:01,200 --> 00:54:05,640
Obstacles would just be, I think
discipline would be 1 and and I 

1156
00:54:05,640 --> 00:54:07,080
don't have a box like getting 
one. 

1157
00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:10,000
I mean, yeah, to get one. 
And with discipline, I think 

1158
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:13,760
it's just a matter of I think 
getting the the the tools will 

1159
00:54:13,760 --> 00:54:15,960
help with their discipline 
because it's that process. 

1160
00:54:15,960 --> 00:54:17,720
It's like this is where it goes.
It's not. 

1161
00:54:17,720 --> 00:54:19,960
Just don't use it. 
Like you said, this is where it 

1162
00:54:19,960 --> 00:54:23,120
goes. 
Yeah, I think for me, the tone 

1163
00:54:23,120 --> 00:54:25,120
that I address it with like if 
it's like, oh, we really 

1164
00:54:25,120 --> 00:54:28,960
shouldn't use our phones, that 
totally dislike disengages me. 

1165
00:54:29,320 --> 00:54:32,760
If it's like, oh, Sundays are 
are no no phone days or no tech 

1166
00:54:32,760 --> 00:54:35,040
days. 
And then making it so it's not 

1167
00:54:35,040 --> 00:54:38,320
just it's not just a choice. 
Actually, we get to do this 

1168
00:54:38,320 --> 00:54:40,800
instead. 
And so Sundays, no tech days, 

1169
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:44,280
but it also means no obligation 
or like, you know, like, or we 

1170
00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:47,640
play this game or we do this 
kind of a lunch or whatever it 

1171
00:54:47,640 --> 00:54:50,840
is that would work for us, 
making it not a chore, making it

1172
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:54,560
an exciting thing. 
I think as well that timeline 

1173
00:54:54,560 --> 00:54:58,560
for me being like from here to 
here and there in this box, from

1174
00:54:58,560 --> 00:55:00,800
this to this and this in that 
box or during the day, your 

1175
00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:02,120
phones here or whatever it might
be. 

1176
00:55:02,320 --> 00:55:04,560
Getting really clear on that. 
I think boredom would be the 

1177
00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:07,160
biggest obstacle for me. 
Boredom being like, that's not 

1178
00:55:07,160 --> 00:55:08,920
very fun. 
And then being like, actually, 

1179
00:55:08,920 --> 00:55:11,240
this is what we're going to do 
to make it fun, make it special,

1180
00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:14,800
make it doable. 
Last one really important. 

1181
00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:17,280
How are you going to celebrate 
this success? 

1182
00:55:17,320 --> 00:55:22,000
Celebrating your success along 
the way, not success like, oh, 

1183
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:24,760
we've achieved perfect 
communication success like your 

1184
00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:26,840
little wins. 
How are you going to celebrate 

1185
00:55:26,840 --> 00:55:28,320
that? 
And that could be actually 

1186
00:55:28,840 --> 00:55:31,400
following what I've just said 
instead of being like, oh, 

1187
00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:32,680
Sunday's going to be our notary.
Day. 

1188
00:55:32,680 --> 00:55:35,480
Oh thinking the exact same thing
is like cool you it's pizza day 

1189
00:55:35,560 --> 00:55:37,040
or something. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

1190
00:55:37,320 --> 00:55:39,320
Whatever. 
Find a way that you're going to 

1191
00:55:39,320 --> 00:55:40,440
celebrate your success. 
Yeah. 

1192
00:55:40,840 --> 00:55:42,760
I think something like that 
works really well for us. 

1193
00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:45,920
For me at least, straight away I
want pizza so that works. 

1194
00:55:45,920 --> 00:55:48,040
Pizza's not open on Sundays. 
Damn it. 

1195
00:55:49,120 --> 00:55:50,600
Yeah. 
So you get really specific. 

1196
00:55:50,600 --> 00:55:53,080
How are you going to celebrate? 
This is a fun process. 

1197
00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:56,600
This is a good challenge. 
Celebrate together as a couple 

1198
00:55:57,440 --> 00:56:02,600
and and be approaching it with a
positive like, yes, we're doing 

1199
00:56:02,600 --> 00:56:06,120
this and every like we talked 
about that conscious competence 

1200
00:56:06,120 --> 00:56:10,080
to sub unconscious competence. 
We're celebrating that process, 

1201
00:56:10,080 --> 00:56:11,600
the little bits that get us 
closer there. 

1202
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:14,080
And I'm going to finish with one
little quote from Audrey 

1203
00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:16,280
Hepburn. 
The best thing to hold on to in 

1204
00:56:16,280 --> 00:56:19,400
life is each other holding on to
this relationship and putting 

1205
00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:23,720
intentionality, the pride and 
the foundation and the enjoyment

1206
00:56:23,720 --> 00:56:26,280
that you will get from actually 
intentionally addressing your 

1207
00:56:26,280 --> 00:56:30,120
relationship is invaluable. 
There's actually no value to put

1208
00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:32,800
on it. 
It can't be bought, it can't be 

1209
00:56:33,160 --> 00:56:35,440
fabricated. 
It is from hard work. 

1210
00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:37,880
But for the best, return. 
Well, thank you for sitting 

1211
00:56:37,880 --> 00:56:41,240
through this grow session. 
Grow with relationships in 

1212
00:56:41,240 --> 00:56:43,280
relationships. 
Like we said, we are going to be

1213
00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:46,400
going for a little while, so 
this is the last time you'll 

1214
00:56:46,400 --> 00:56:49,240
hear from us for a while, but 
watch our socials. 

1215
00:56:49,240 --> 00:56:50,640
Please do follow along. 
And. 

1216
00:56:51,480 --> 00:56:53,200
Chat with us, chat with us. 
We want to keep going. 

1217
00:56:53,400 --> 00:56:56,840
Yeah, thank you for those that 
entered our giveaway last week 

1218
00:56:56,840 --> 00:56:58,560
as well. 
We really appreciate it and we 

1219
00:56:58,560 --> 00:57:00,160
want to keep hearing from you 
guys as well. 

1220
00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:04,120
Please reach out, please share 
the podcast, be really excited 

1221
00:57:04,120 --> 00:57:06,320
for the awesome guests and 
interviews we're going to have 

1222
00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:10,920
when we come back. 
TBC Yeah, Season 2 good chat 

1223
00:57:10,920 --> 00:57:11,720
guys guys.