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Do you ever feel like you're 
speaking two different languages

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in your relationship? 
Or do you wonder why your 

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partner shuts down when you 
bring something up? 

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Today we're talking about how 
understanding each other's 

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wiring can really transform your
relationship. 

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We're really pumped about 
today's guests, Sam and Liv from

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Silly Stories for Kids. 
These are our kids heroes, so 

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getting them onto our podcast is
really exciting. 

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Silly Stories has been the 
number one downloaded podcast 

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for kids and families category 
and we get to hear from them 

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today about communication in 
their relationship. 

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So stay tuned. 
This is going to be a good one. 

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Honey, we need to chat. 
The main memory I have of you 

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that I don't even know if is 
real. 

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I need you to confirm for me 
because. 

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I think you've heard the story. 
The only thing I can remember is

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1 rainy day, being in the locker
Bay, there's a crowd of our 

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classmates and and they're 
cheering on this guy. 

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And I was like, what are you 
guys doing? 

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And then this boy jumped onto 
the railing of the steps and 

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slipped down and whacked his 
head and got taken away in an 

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ambulance. 
Is that is that an accurate 

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story? 
100% the funniest thing about 

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that story is my memories of it 
'cause literally the last thing 

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I remember I was standing on top
of a picnic table with the whole

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you level there chanting do it, 
do it, do it and one guy being 

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like don't do it man, you gotta 
gotta mess yourself up. 

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And I literally the last thing I
remember is me turning to him 

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and saying no I'll be. 
Fine, I remember I was at the 

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back and I came in and I was 
like, you guys are so stupid. 

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And I was like, why are we all 
telling him to do this? 

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And then you fell and you 
whacked your head. 

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It was like look so traumatic. 
And I was like, This is why do 

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you know you don't do this? 
There was a rumour going around 

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that I died. 
When I came back, one of the 

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guys was like, I heard that you 
died. 

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I'm like, sorry to disappoint, 
no. 

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The teacher chanting. 
Mystic. 

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Do you remember him? 
The next thing I remember after 

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standing on top of the table, 
just being on the ground under a

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space blanket with miss standing
over the top of me chanting 

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chicks dig scars, bone will 
heal. 

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And I remember just going what 
what happened? 

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And the ambulance people were 
like, that's the seventh time 

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you've asked that. 
Now we're starting to get a 

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little bit worried. 
And I was like, but seriously, 

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what what happened? 
But the best part is I made it 

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to a a formal that knot. 
And so I remember none of it, 

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but supposedly I was a lot of 
fun. 

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You're very happy in the photos 
the. 

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Painkillers were strong, so. 
Welcome back to Honey. 

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We need to chat. 
We are so excited today. 

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We've got 2 incredible guests 
joining us. 

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This is a really special guest 
episode for our family because 

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our kids are obsessed with Sam. 
Sam and Liv are joining us. 

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Sam and Liv Ramson and you may 
or may not have heard of Silly 

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Stories for Kids. 
It's a podcast that skyrocketed,

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and I can't wait to hear more 
about that whole incredible 

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journey. 
But our kids are obsessed with 

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it. 
It's such a good podcast for 

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kids. 
And they write letters, they 

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write stories. 
They talk about all the 

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different characters all the 
time. 

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They were so bombed that they 
were going to be at school when 

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we were doing this interview to 
the point where our oldest was 

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trying to convince him, convince
us to keep him home from school.

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Yeah. 
And our and our second oldest 

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woke up with a limp this morning
quotations and couldn't walk 

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properly. 
And so they come up with any 

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excuse, like we'll just stay 
home and meet you mate. 

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But yeah, they've got this video
they can watch back. 

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They also were very confused why
Sam from Silly Stories would be 

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wanting to be on our podcast. 
Yeah, why would he come on your 

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podcast? 
As I said, I mentioned when 

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we're in drawing, but yeah, 
anyway, so we're really excited 

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to have Sam and we're also super
excited to have his wife live 

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join us because as you know, 
we're a podcast all about 

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communication and relationships.
And these concepts that are the 

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foundation of relationships are 
so important and we're so 

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passionate about them. 
So we love chatting to other 

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couples and seeing how they've 
navigated it in their marriages 

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and also in their different 
seasons of life. 

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And you guys have a lot going 
on. 

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So we can't wait to learn more 
about you guys. 

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Thank you for finding the time 
and thank you. 

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It's been a long time coming and
so I really appreciate your 

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patience with finding a date and
actually being here. 

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That's such a a helpful thing 
when we're trying to navigate 

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these things. 
So thank you for being here, 

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guys. 
Thanks for having us. 

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We're really excited to come on.
We love what you guys do, so 

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it's fun to feel a part of it. 
And you can tell your kids that 

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I feel very special to be on 
your podcast. 

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Great. 
That's. 

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Good, great. 
I'm gonna clip that and they're 

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gonna that's gonna be played 
before every single silly story.

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Kids at night time when they go.
Every time they disagree with us

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like Sam from Silly Stories. 
Sam said we're cool. 

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Yeah, yeah, absolutely. 
But say, say it at the end of 

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the episode, and then we'll 
really know you're telling the 

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truth. 
I'll send you some clips from 

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the different characters telling
your kids how amazing you are. 

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So anytime they give you some 
grief, you can you can play 

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something some of the characters
and be like, oh, remember. 

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Parenting gold right there. 
That would be, I guess, 

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parenting. 
Oh man, we're really excited to 

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have you guys here, so thank you
for joining us. 

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Also your studio if anyone's 
watching the videos, your studio

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looks so cool. 
So much nicer than ours. 

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So much nicer than ours. 
Yeah, I've got some jealousy it.

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Normally looks terrible. 
You guys were the inspiration to

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go, oh, I should try and make 
this look good and it it might 

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make me start recording some 
video stuff for my podcast as 

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well. 
You. 

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Should you've done it very well 
and we've been working on our 

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studio for a very long time and 
haven't achieved that yet. 

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So I'm kind of jealous now to 
start us off though, we'd love 

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to hear about you guys, if you 
could introduce yourselves, what

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you do, your family. 
I mean, we'd also love to hear 

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how the silly stories world 
unfolded for you and what that's

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looked like for your family and 
your marriage as well. 

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One at a time, though, I did 
just like, yeah, hydrant of 

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questions, but if you can 
remember all of them, perfect. 

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Leave, leave. 
You can fill them in on who we 

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are and I'll I'll jump on the 
silly story stuff. 

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I probably know much more about 
that one, so. 

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So I'm Liv AKA misses silly 
stories for kids as all the 

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school families know me and a 
lot of the kids know me. 

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So we've been married for 11 1/2
years, a long time. 

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It's gone quick and in that time
I've had four beautiful little 

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girls. 
So we've got an 864 and a 19 

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month old. 
So we're nice and busy. 

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Samuel runs an electrical 
company five days a week and 

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also silly stories on the side. 
So after hours and in any time 

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we can make it fit between 
mummy. 

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I'm also a cardio respiratory 
physiotherapist, so I'm the 

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physio that no one really knows 
about. 

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I work in intensive care. 
I didn't even know that I would 

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exist when I started doing 
physio. 

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Yeah, but fell in love with it. 
So I work with ventilated 

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patients and yeah, in the ICU. 
So I really love that. 

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So I do that two days a week and
that is enough because between 

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4:00 kids and two days of work 
with less than the fact that my 

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mum can look after the girls 
those days that I work. 

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But that's my life maxed out. 
Absolutely. 

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We both do a little bit of 
volunteer stuff down at a local 

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church in a few different 
capacities. 

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I do some youth work there. 
We've done some teaching and 

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things. 
But on the silly story side, 

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that's that's been a wild little
adventure that I don't think 

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either of us ever expected. 
It wasn't our idea. 

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We didn't think of it at all. 
But having kids, bedtime's 

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always been one of those things 
that you kind of just, it's 

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damage control a lot of the 
time. 

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And we found that something that
worked for us was me laying down

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on the floor and just, I have a 
very wild busy brain and I used 

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to just lay on the floor and 
just make up stories for our 

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kids. 
And my father in law, Liv's dad 

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was actually listening to them 
all. 

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And he told Liv, one day, I need
you to get your kids looked 

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after. 
I need to speak to you and your 

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husband. 
And we were both like, Oh no, 

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what have we done? 
What have we forgotten? 

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Do we owe the money or that 
we've forgotten about or 

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something? 
And they're like full panic 

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stations. 
And he took us out to a local 

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pub and sat us down and said, 
hey, I listen to you tell these 

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stories for a while. 
I want you to turn it into a 

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podcast. 
Like what are you talking? 

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About and then he brings out the
stats like my dad's a very, he's

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very entrepreneurial minded. 
So he brings everything out. 

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He's researched it, and he's 
like, there's nothing in this 

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space that's like what you do. 
So he'd heard it because it 

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started when Holly Eldest was 
one. 

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Yeah. 
So he'd been telling them for 

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about 6:00 or so years. 
And he can just rattle them off 

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without thinking. 
So he sits and just goes, I'm 

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going to talk about popcorn and 
just tells this story. 

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And when we started timing them,
they all went for like 11. 

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And 1/2 it was really 12. 
Minutes. 

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Just naturally found into the 
rhythm. 

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Wow, yeah. 
Seriously. 

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But yeah, we kicked it off and I
started, I'm someone who likes 

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to do things well. 
So once I decided I was going to

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do it, I went down the rabbit 
hole of all like the YouTube 

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videos and everything of like, 
how do you start a podcast? 

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Let's get addicted to technology
and work out what different 

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microphones. 
As you can see, this is like 2 

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of like the five microphones 
I've got. 

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I just like to hear what they 
all sound like and play with all

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the different things. 
And it's like a bit of a, it's a

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bit of a focus point for me. 
I just love learning about all 

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that kind of stuff. 
But I honestly thought I was 

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recording them for our kids to 
hopefully show their kids one 

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day of like, hey, this was when 
your grandpa went insane kind of

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thing. 
But as it kind of got running, 

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all of a sudden people were 
listening and then people 

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overseas were listening. 
And then we started showing up 

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on the weird one was all of a 
sudden I opened up this app that

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kind of tells you where you're 
ranking in different countries 

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and stuff. 
And we were number one in 

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Israel. 
I was like, what the heck is 

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killing? 
And it was just this moment of 

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realisation. 
This thing was turning into a 

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lot more than what we ever 
expected. 

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And so it just kept growing and 
growing and growing and just 

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opened random doors and just 
given me so many opportunities 

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to use creativity that I'd never
got to use previously in my 

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electrical business or anything 
like that. 

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So fun little adventure. 
Little is maybe the questionable

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word there, but yes, fun 
adventure for sure. 

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It's fun. 
It's so much fun. 

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It's one of those things, the 
more you kind of just step out 

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and give something a go, it's 
exciting to see where it goes. 

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And even if it all flops at some
stage, what an exciting little 

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journey to have some fun with at
the time. 

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So. 
And I was just gonna say it's 

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easy in like you guys would 
understand, for kids, life is 

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very, very busy. 
And as they're getting older, 

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you're adding all the 
extracurriculars and all these 

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things. 
And for something that, like, 

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Samuel was recording in a 
cupboard, like literally in a 

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cupboard after hours with some 
blankets and a microphone, it 

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was so easy to release him to do
that because it excited me so 

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much to see him using the way 
that he's wired, his creativity,

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the joy it would bring him and 
the life it would bring him. 

227
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,760
It was in regards to counting 
the cost of what it took at home

228
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,920
for me to, you know, put the 
kids down and do a bit of 

229
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:39,920
tidying up while he was ducking 
out to the cupboard to record. 

230
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:44,560
It was easy to do because it was
so life giving to him and so 

231
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:48,920
exciting just to see, yeah, how 
he was using, how he's wired. 

232
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:52,400
It's just amazing. 
Wow, that story is incredible. 

233
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:56,000
And I love that because it could
be really easy for something 

234
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:59,840
that was started off as kind of 
a, let's see how this goes and 

235
00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:03,120
then blows up like that to be a 
sore point in a marriage because

236
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:06,720
you are having to then sacrifice
some of your time and some of 

237
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:09,320
your energy to make him free to 
do that. 

238
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,480
And so I love that. 
That's such a life giving thing 

239
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,240
for both of you. 
You're watching him enjoy that, 

240
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,520
and him having that creative 
outlet is huge. 

241
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,960
And because Samuels, don't get 
me wrong, he's a great 

242
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:23,760
electrician, but he's in 
electrical because he loves 

243
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:27,640
people that he comes home and he
talks about from work is I got 

244
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:30,120
to go into this house today and 
I had this conversation with the

245
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,640
homeowner and our apprentices. 
You know, we had all these 

246
00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:35,600
amazing conversations and just 
seeing him invest in people, 

247
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:37,880
that's what he loves, that's 
what he loves doing. 

248
00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:41,800
So this podcast just gives him 
such an outlet to positively 

249
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:44,960
impact other people's families. 
And selfishly, I'd held that for

250
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,200
seven years. 
And that's what my dad said to 

251
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,480
me. 
He's like, you can't keep this 

252
00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:53,120
gift just to yourself because 
giving me 11 1/2 to 12 minutes, 

253
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,480
probably about 1520 minutes by 
the time you got the girls in 

254
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:59,640
said or told them a story, what 
I could achieve in our house in 

255
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:03,320
15 minutes of peace to reset. 
Whether it was, you know, 

256
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,880
loading the dishwasher or, you 
know, clearing table or getting 

257
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:10,320
just toys off the floor or it 
enabled me that when the girls 

258
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:13,240
were then in bed and Samuel came
back out, we had a space where 

259
00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:15,200
we could actually sit with each 
other. 

260
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,320
So it was such a gift to then be
able to give that to other 

261
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,600
families and what the ways that 
we've heard from other families,

262
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:24,080
how they're using it in their 
own lives, whether it's just, 

263
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:27,800
you know, kids with anxiety, not
being able to get to into the 

264
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,440
classroom. 
They pop headphones on them and 

265
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:32,560
they can listen to a story from 
the drive to school to walk into

266
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:34,440
the classroom and take it off to
get into the classroom. 

267
00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:37,480
Like gifts like that, That's 
such an incredible thing, to be 

268
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:39,920
able to allow other people the 
joy of doing so. 

269
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,480
One of my favourites was a dad 
who came up to me and he's like,

270
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:43,840
I need to thank you. 
I'm like, why is that? 

271
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:47,360
And he goes, because my kids 
will be in rat bags. 

272
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:49,840
And I was ready to see how far 
they could fly. 

273
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:54,000
And, and I was, I could feel 
that anger building up inside of

274
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,720
me. 
And instead of an outburst, I 

275
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:59,680
just said, go listen to Sam. 
And they went off and they 

276
00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:02,080
turned on their little speaker 
and they started listening. 

277
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:05,280
And he said, I took some time 
just to pause and come calm down

278
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:08,240
and come back as a better dad. 
And I was like, oh hell, what is

279
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,040
that like? 
To be able to create some 

280
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:13,840
opportunity for people to have 
more positive interactions? 

281
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,560
It's a massive blessing to be a 
part of that. 

282
00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:17,640
Absolutely, mate. 
And like I said to you earlier, 

283
00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:20,240
before we start recording, you 
know, like to get you onto our 

284
00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:22,920
podcast, it's more than just 
like, oh cool, we've got this 

285
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:24,880
guest speaker on. 
He's done something, you know, 

286
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:28,360
really cool out there for kids. 
It's way more than that because 

287
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,120
as a parent, it's like knowing 
the impact it's had on my kids, 

288
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:33,960
like helping them go to sleep or
when they've had a low day or 

289
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:36,840
whatever else like that, that 
person that can go to that just 

290
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:39,400
brings that spark and that 
skipping their step, whatever 

291
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:43,680
that has a, a special part for, 
for us to as parents. 

292
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:47,640
And so, you know, like I, I will
be honest, there's only so much 

293
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:49,680
I can listen to with the 
stories, All right. 

294
00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:52,800
So like, like, like any, any 
children's show, right? 

295
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:54,640
There's only so much I can cope 
with. 

296
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:56,920
But it's been really, really 
amazing, man. 

297
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,440
And you saw the way that my 
daughter reacted and my kids 

298
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,040
were up late last night writing 
cards and stuff for you. 

299
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:05,880
Because it's not just this is a 
famous person. 

300
00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:08,520
It's like, no, this is Sam. 
We know Sam, we know these 

301
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,960
characters and these these 
characters had an impact on our 

302
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,040
life, which is really, really 
special. 

303
00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:14,240
Mate. 
What have you learnt? 

304
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:17,440
Like, so, you know, do your kids
listen to this podcast to to 

305
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,760
your podcast? 
No, no, to your podcast. 

306
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:21,800
To your podcast. 
They still all they want is a 

307
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,840
live story because they feel 
like they're getting treated 

308
00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:25,200
when they listen to dad on a 
speaker. 

309
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,640
Yeah, yeah, they like they do 
listen to it. 

310
00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:31,000
We drove so we have a family 
holiday house in Bright, so 3 

311
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:34,320
1/2 hour drive and our kids are 
like let's start at the start 

312
00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,600
and see how far we can get. 
And I was like really? 

313
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:40,120
And we did. 
We listened to it for 3 1/2 

314
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:41,200
hours straight. 
Wow, I. 

315
00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,040
Wasn't in the car. 
He wasn't in the car. 

316
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:48,000
I called Sam and I'm like, I 
love you so much, but if I need 

317
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:53,120
to listen to that intro one 
more, I'm going to go in name 

318
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,960
you. 
Literally said when you arrive, 

319
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,760
please just don't speak for a 
little bit. 

320
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:00,280
Just wave, man. 
Just wave. 

321
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:04,080
Yeah, hugs and wave. 
It's been for us, though, the 

322
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:08,040
learning journey has been a 
really exciting kind of thing of

323
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,960
looking to inspire different 
forms of creativity in their own

324
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,000
kids. 
So understand how much joy there

325
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:17,160
is for me in getting to use my 
brain as it kind of is wired 

326
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:20,200
rather than trying to push it 
into doing what everyone else 

327
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:23,160
wants it to do for once. 
Finding those areas where you 

328
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:26,680
can release a person to do what 
it is that brings them real joy 

329
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:29,880
rather than try and push them 
into a little box and kind of 

330
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:31,360
make them do what they need to 
do. 

331
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,040
Looking for opportunities for 
that with our kids because like,

332
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,520
I don't know what it's like with
your for, but I didn't realise 

333
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,840
there was 4 forms of opposite 
until we had our kids. 

334
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:45,160
So they're all so different and 
so like amazing, but you got to 

335
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:46,960
kind of look at it from age as 
individuals. 

336
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,280
If you try and replicate the 
same kind of stuff from one to 

337
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:50,560
the next, it just doesn't work 
so. 

338
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:52,880
So how is that actually played 
out into your story? 

339
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:55,360
So you've got four different 
kids and this is where the base 

340
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,200
is. 
You know how you sort of started

341
00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:00,000
up telling these stories for 
your kids, but as you said, you 

342
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,840
know you have 4 different types 
of opposites. 

343
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:06,120
So you learning each one of your
kids and what they respond to 

344
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:07,640
and so forth. 
How did you go about that 

345
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:10,680
process? 
Within the stories, man, it's, 

346
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,240
it's tricky to kind of 
articulate because I don't 

347
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:17,520
actually think, to be honest, 
whenever I'm recording a story, 

348
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:20,480
it's just like taking the brakes
off and seeing where it runs. 

349
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,120
So for me, it feels like I'm 
very much experiencing the story

350
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,960
as it's coming out rather than 
the one telling it, which is 

351
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,360
quite strange because I often 
forget that it's me telling it 

352
00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:30,640
and I find myself listening and 
going, oh, that's kind of, 

353
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:32,400
that's kind of funny. 
I'm like, oh, hang on, that's 

354
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:33,840
you. 
Like you got to cut. 

355
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,360
It out a few of this kind. 
Of stuff. 

356
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:40,560
I've learned that so much stuff 
in natural life just changes the

357
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:43,440
little bits inside of me so that
what naturally comes out in 

358
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:46,160
those moments is different. 
So the more I get to understand 

359
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:50,560
my kids and what they find funny
and who they are, then naturally

360
00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:54,320
in those moments where I'm not 
consciously thinking, it changes

361
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:57,480
what comes out in those moments 
just because of over time what 

362
00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,120
I've learned. 
Because all of a sudden what's 

363
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:00,960
in me is different than it was 
before. 

364
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,280
When you squeeze something, 
what's going to come out of it 

365
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,119
is only what was already in 
there in the 1st place. 

366
00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:07,640
So the more information that we 
can put in about who our kids 

367
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:10,960
are and how they react and what 
they enjoy and what they don't 

368
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:14,760
enjoy, it will naturally when 
you take the brakes off and let 

369
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,920
it run, it'll come out 
differently the more you put in.

370
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,319
We were actually talking about 
this the other night when I was 

371
00:17:20,319 --> 00:17:22,839
saying one of the things I think
we've really had to learn with 

372
00:17:22,839 --> 00:17:27,400
our kids is that we've needed to
be good students of each child 

373
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,800
that we have. 
We need to learn who they are 

374
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,120
and we can't treat them all the 
same. 

375
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:34,800
And in regards if we're talking 
specifically about creativity, 

376
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:38,600
one of our children really, 
really struggle to sit and focus

377
00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:40,400
and write. 
They're so creative, like you 

378
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:44,200
talk to them and they are witty 
and sharp and quick and just the

379
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,760
funniest girl. 
And but she really struggles to 

380
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:49,360
get that down on writing. 
And last holidays I bought her a

381
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:52,000
book and I tried to encourage 
her and it just became so hard 

382
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,600
for her. 
And then a couple of days later 

383
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:59,320
I gave her a laptop with voice 
to text and she wrote this eight

384
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:04,280
page script for a play which she
took to school to teach all of 

385
00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,000
her friends. 
She gave them all parts and the 

386
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:09,880
way she formatted it. 
So knowing how she's wide and 

387
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:13,240
not forcing her to do something 
to try to express who she is in 

388
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,600
a way that's really hard for 
her, but finding what works for 

389
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:19,040
her, it was amazing. 
Then to see what actually came 

390
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:20,080
out of her. 
It blew my mind. 

391
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:23,360
I was not even I when Samuel was
like, look at this, like this is

392
00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:27,160
actually, it's incredible. 
But I think when we were talking

393
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,560
about that, I said that was 
actually something we had to do 

394
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:32,480
at the start of our marriage. 
And I think that works 

395
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:34,920
seriously, really, really well 
for us is we had lots of 

396
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:39,000
opportunities early on because 
we got married when I was 21, No

397
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,560
22, just turned 22. 
Yeah. 

398
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:42,400
And Samuel, just 23. 
Yeah. 

399
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:43,760
Oh, we're about to turn. 
Oh, I don't know. 

400
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:45,720
We were young. 
We were young when we got 

401
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:50,280
married, but we had lots of 
opportunities early on to do a 

402
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:53,080
few things that we did pre 
marriage counselling, which was 

403
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:54,600
fantastic. 
We did it with about 3. 

404
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,720
We did like a formal one and 
then two couples who we would 

405
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,680
just catch up with and chat 
with, which was really, really 

406
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,080
valuable. 
And then we also did another 

407
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:03,200
course. 
It was old. 

408
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:06,320
Do you remember? 
No, so, so too. 

409
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:09,440
So it was just a course, which 
what it did is you looked at 

410
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:14,200
things like family ties, family 
of origin, Unbearable Feelings 

411
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:18,200
was a really, really big one 
that worked really well for us. 

412
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:21,320
Where you look at what, what is 
an emotion that is or a 

413
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:24,760
situation that is unbearable for
you and how do you respond in 

414
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,720
that situation? 
So we walked away from that 

415
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,080
learning that I myself, I was a 
bottler. 

416
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:31,800
So I, but neither of us lack 
confrontation. 

417
00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:35,160
We don't like to raise things or
do something that's going to 

418
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,520
cause friction. 
But the difference we learned 

419
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,600
between us is that I'm a bottler
in that I won't react to the 

420
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:43,680
conflict or start conflict, but 
I will hold it and I will build 

421
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:46,360
and build and build and build 
and get to the point where it 

422
00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:48,400
comes out in my emotions. 
Not that because Samuel and I, 

423
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,120
we don't, we've just sort of had
to think. 

424
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:52,520
We don't yell at each other, we 
don't call each other names. 

425
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:54,720
We don't we, we don't really 
argue in that regard. 

426
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,560
But I would get to a point where
it would come out in sort of 

427
00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:59,920
all, I'll just get overwhelmed 
with emotion. 

428
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:02,200
And Samuel's the opposite in 
that he doesn't approach 

429
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:05,360
conflict well at all, but he 
just avoids. 

430
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:08,080
So while I'm sitting there 
bottling, he's just totally 

431
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:11,240
suppressing and avoiding. 
So when I when we would then 

432
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,800
talk about something and this is
I think we want to be good 

433
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,480
students of each other early on 
through all these opportunities 

434
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,160
is that I learnt if I was to the
point where my bottling. 

435
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:22,360
Was to the Max and then I would 
come to him overwhelmed he would

436
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:25,200
just walls up and not want to 
even go there. 

437
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,920
I wouldn't want to deal with the
conflicts and would suppress 

438
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:30,320
suppress suppress so I had to 
learn early on to acknowledge my

439
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,240
bottling humble myself remove my
pride in them. 

440
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:36,000
I would have to come to him and 
give him the grace in that time 

441
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,480
to I approached him with 
something, give him time to 

442
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:42,160
process it and to come back and 
I could easily have act up, I 

443
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:43,760
think and been like he's not 
responding. 

444
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:44,960
He's emotionally cut off from 
me. 

445
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:48,760
He's but by knowing him well and
how he's wired, I was able to go

446
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:50,360
OK, I need to hold space for 
him. 

447
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:52,240
We had. 
To have some conversations in 

448
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:55,280
the times when it was really, 
really casual to be able to 

449
00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:58,960
explain how we think. 
I think a big thing for us was 

450
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,440
when, because we used to, if 
there was something serious that

451
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,640
we were trying to talk about a 
we did the dumb thing. 

452
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:06,080
We talked about it too late at 
night, but livid raised 

453
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,640
something. 
And then I would sit there in 

454
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:13,120
dead silence because the way 
that my brain works is I will 

455
00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:16,760
sit there and I will run every 
scenario of everything that I 

456
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:19,160
can possibly say all at the same
time. 

457
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:22,880
And if my brain can't come up 
with a positive scenario that 

458
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:26,080
leads in the direction that I 
think it needs to go, then I'm 

459
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,680
incapacitated to say anything. 
So. 

460
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:33,200
Literally says nothing. 
Literally nothing so learning 

461
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,880
and spending some time together 
when we were just chatting 

462
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:38,680
normally and saying, hey, this 
is how it works and kind of 

463
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,200
chatting about it and going, 
well, how do we how do we deal 

464
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,360
with that if that's the reality 
of the way that my brain works? 

465
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:45,920
And so we just kind of put 
something together where Liv 

466
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:49,200
just said, I'm I'm happy for you
just to start talking. 

467
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:52,440
And I will give you the grace 
knowing that what comes out at 

468
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:54,880
the beginning most likely won't 
be what you're actually trying 

469
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,920
to say. 
And a lot of the times it's not 

470
00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:00,480
and some and I have to really be
in the right mind frame to be 

471
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:03,160
like whatever comes out of his 
mouth, I need to give him time 

472
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,360
to refine that and not take 
offence to it. 

473
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:08,920
I cannot hold that and I cannot 
bring that back up because I 

474
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:12,840
know for him he needs time and 
space to work out exactly what 

475
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:14,800
he's thinking. 
And it's harder for him to do 

476
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:16,880
that internally if he just 
starts. 

477
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,240
It's much easier to say 
something and then say, 

478
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:20,720
actually, no, that's not what I 
mean. 

479
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:24,720
Let me think about it more. 
And the hard thing is though, 

480
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,680
not taking offence to that. 
And I had to learn to be like, 

481
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:30,640
OK, he does not mean what that 
sounds like. 

482
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:32,400
I need to allow him to refine 
that. 

483
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:36,200
And I think a lot of 
communication in regards to 

484
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:39,720
conflict for us has been 
humbling and it's been me not 

485
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:44,200
framing things in a way that 
makes me believe a narrative 

486
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:45,640
that's not true of the 
situation. 

487
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:48,080
So I could very easily take 
offence straight away to what 

488
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:49,880
Samuel saying, talk myself down 
a path. 

489
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:51,880
This is what he means, this is 
what he's thinking, which would 

490
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:55,160
not be of benefit for either as 
individually or for our marriage

491
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:57,560
together. 
I think the only reason that 

492
00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:01,200
kind of communication tactic 
works for us is because we 

493
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,480
actually have so much trust 
within our relationship. 

494
00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:06,680
And the way Liv responds to me 
because sometimes the first 

495
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:09,640
thing that comes out of my mouth
is dumb and not what I'm trying 

496
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:13,240
to say at all. 
And to be able to know that she 

497
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:15,800
loves me and she's always 
looking for the best. 

498
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,160
She's not looking to be 
offended, She's not looking to 

499
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,160
attack me. 
She's actually looking for the 

500
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,240
best. 
So even when I say the dumbest 

501
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:25,280
thing and I'm sitting there 
going idiot, that was wrong and 

502
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,000
going, that's not what I'm 
trying to say. 

503
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:30,080
The fact that she actually gives
me the grace because it would be

504
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:33,200
so easy for her to hold on to 
that and use it against me. 

505
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:36,000
And if she did, that 
conversation would be dead. 

506
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,440
There'd be no way to redeem it. 
So. 

507
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,280
Damaging. 
But it's that like, we actually 

508
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:41,640
genuinely really love each 
other. 

509
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:44,360
And we're actually trying to 
look at these kind of things as,

510
00:23:44,360 --> 00:23:47,120
hey, we're working this for the 
best for both of us. 

511
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:49,880
So she knows that if she gives 
me the grace to be able to 

512
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,880
communicate well, that it will 
be better for the both of us. 

513
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,920
And I know that even though it's
super uncomfortable, if I start 

514
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:59,040
talking, we'll get to a better 
understanding of what's actually

515
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,360
going on here. 
So it's a team game. 

516
00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:03,640
Like if you're not on the same 
team, this kind of stuff is 

517
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:07,120
really hard. 
Yeah, that's a huge part of our 

518
00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:10,680
approach to the podcast and just
our marriages, the curiosity and

519
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:13,480
like and trying to figure out 
what's going on for your 

520
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,080
partner. 
And that I love what you guys, 

521
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:19,040
how you described it when you're
you said being a student of your

522
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,240
kids or of your partner. 
I think that's so important 

523
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,040
because if you take things at 
face value and just assume 

524
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:27,440
everybody functions the same 
way, you're going to find so 

525
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:31,480
many misunderstandings and hurts
and like mismatched everything's

526
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:33,400
because we don't all function 
the same way. 

527
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:37,200
And so we've, we often read 
Reddit stories on the podcast 

528
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:40,520
and so often it's like they just
don't have the ability to think 

529
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:43,920
about what their partner, where 
they're coming from or what 

530
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,200
might be sitting behind it or 
why they might be acting that 

531
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,000
way. 
And sometimes it is really 

532
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,000
horrible behaviours. 
And so it's like, Yep, that's 

533
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,400
fair. 
But just having your brain like 

534
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:56,640
trained to think about what's 
going on for them is such a 

535
00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:58,600
tool. 
It's just such a helpful tool 

536
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:01,520
because it, it'll help you 
navigate anything that you come 

537
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:04,120
up against. 
So I love, I love that. 

538
00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:06,280
I think that's a beautiful way 
of navigating it. 

539
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,840
A question that I love as well 
and I find it actually really, 

540
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,560
really helps with this kind of 
stuff. 

541
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:14,240
And I'll, I'll ask this question
to a lot of people. 

542
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:16,440
Because anyone in the street who
we start talking to. 

543
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:21,000
It's super interesting, but 
asking them to describe what it 

544
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:24,040
feels like to think because if 
you can get an understanding of 

545
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:27,640
what someone sees their own 
thinking and thought processes 

546
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:30,720
like, it gives you so much of 
more of an understanding into 

547
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:32,680
how they operate. 
And it helps. 

548
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:35,800
You to look at moments and go, 
no, they're not actually being 

549
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:37,760
rude. 
They're actually processing this

550
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:41,080
or they're running through this 
and you get some wild like I 

551
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:43,800
still haven't got a single 
answer that's been the same out 

552
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:46,920
of anyone that I've spoken to. 
It's it's wild. 

553
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:50,040
And like when I described for 
Liv the first time what it felt 

554
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:52,640
like for me to think, I remember
this look on her face of like, 

555
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:54,400
how do you? 
How do you exist? 

556
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,320
My brain must be like crickets 
for Samuel. 

557
00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:01,080
Like I have one voice and 1 
clear thought and logic and 

558
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:05,120
order and process and he has 
like 8 voices at once with he 

559
00:26:05,120 --> 00:26:07,280
explains like these things 
swirling around on the outside 

560
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,080
that he sometimes grabbed. 
And if one's in front of him 

561
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:10,760
then another one has to be 
pushed out of the way. 

562
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:12,600
Like his brain works so 
differently. 

563
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:14,920
So for example, if we talk about
that late night conversation 

564
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:18,440
again, I sit there in my head 
with my single voice saying why 

565
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:20,440
isn't he answering me? 
Like how? 

566
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:23,800
And he's. 
There, like I'm chatting to 30 

567
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,080
people. 
I'm writing a song where I'm 

568
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:29,080
like wondering how you actually 
get the toaster to run at the 

569
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,720
right number so that actually 
comes out correct. 

570
00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:35,040
My brain still 50 things at the 
same time. 

571
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:38,920
And so for us getting to 
understand that and going, OK, 

572
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:41,080
what actually works here, what 
do we need to do? 

573
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:42,720
It's great. 
It's a really fun question. 

574
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:44,760
I love it so. 
And that's allowed me to be a 

575
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,480
good shit and Samuel, but also 
for him to understand how I 

576
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:49,760
work. 
So again, just knowing that he's

577
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:51,720
wide that way doesn't excuse 
things. 

578
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:55,160
No, for like 1 of the biggest 
things, I whenever anyone asks 

579
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,600
what's the hardest thing in your
marriage, I would say it's this 

580
00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:01,240
really like silly mundane thing.
But the one thing that Samuel 

581
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:07,720
always does is he leaves his wet
towel on the carpet and I just I

582
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,120
can't understand how 11 1/2 he's
in. 

583
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:17,000
He still just can't pick it up. 
But I know that he's not leaving

584
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:22,240
that on the ground because he 
internally is like, she can pick

585
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:25,440
this up and links there or 
thinks that I'm the one who 

586
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:29,800
looks after the household or I, 
but I know that he, his mental 

587
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:33,680
load is so, so high that for 
him, he doesn't even realise 

588
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:35,960
that it's on the ground. 
And there are times where 

589
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:38,800
depending on what's happening in
life, I might look at that towel

590
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,240
and I might go, you know what? 
I'm actually going to go out and

591
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:42,400
tell him that he's left it on 
the ground. 

592
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,840
Or I might go this time I'm just
going to serve him and I'm just 

593
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:46,600
going to pick it back up and put
it on the hooks. 

594
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:50,000
At the end of the day it's a 
towel on the ground and I can 

595
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,640
fix that in 2 seconds. 
But I'm not going to excuse the 

596
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:57,160
behaviour so that our time and I
could come out and say you know,

597
00:27:57,280 --> 00:27:59,400
you've done it again, your 
towels on the ground. 

598
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:02,680
Or I could come out and say hey 
Ram, like I just noticed the 

599
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,720
towels in The Walking road. 
Do you mind picking it up and 

600
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:06,480
hanging? 
And he'd be like, oh I'm so 

601
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:07,720
sorry. 
Yeah, I'll go and grab it and 

602
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:08,960
he'll go and get it straight 
away. 

603
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:12,560
So I'm not a doormat. 
I'm not, you know, he's slave 

604
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:16,320
and servant, but sometimes he 
does just need that prompting. 

605
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:18,360
And there are things like, 
that's one that just won't 

606
00:28:18,360 --> 00:28:22,000
stick. 
He's like, you know, I'm not 

607
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,520
always prompting and always 
needing to be his mum in that 

608
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:26,760
sense to get him to do things. 
There are things where he has 

609
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:28,840
changed and picked up and he 
does see things now that he 

610
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,840
didn't say earlier, but it's 
just the way that his brain 

611
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:33,360
works. 
And I could hold that against 

612
00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:36,720
him or I can, yeah, actually 
just serve him in or prompt him 

613
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:40,160
to go and do it. 
And what I found is that 9 times

614
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,880
out, well actually probably I 
could say 10 out of 10, is that 

615
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:44,960
when I do ask him to do 
something, he's more than happy 

616
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:46,520
and willing to do something 
straight away. 

617
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:49,560
It's just that he hasn't seen it
in the first place. 

618
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:53,000
And I can, I can imagine one of 
our listeners like hearing that 

619
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:54,960
and being like, well, you 
shouldn't have to say anything 

620
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:57,000
in the 1st place. 
Like that is not your role. 

621
00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:00,080
But I think what's special about
what you're sharing though, is 

622
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:02,600
there's times when we show up 
for each other, though. 

623
00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:04,920
It's not that, you know, you 
shouldn't be, like you 

624
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,080
mentioned, you don't have to be 
his mother or anything else like

625
00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:09,520
that. 
But for if I look at our, my 

626
00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:12,880
name is relationship, you know, 
we'll do that for each other in 

627
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:14,160
different ways. 
We are. 

628
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:17,200
And what I love about what 
you're sharing is, you know, his

629
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,880
mental load is so big. 
So this is the way that I can 

630
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:23,360
show up for him in this moment. 
And we do that for each other. 

631
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:25,280
And that's the teamwork of 
relationships. 

632
00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:28,640
I think it's really, really 
important to to identify that as

633
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:30,200
well. 
It's not you being the mother, 

634
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,640
it's you supporting your your 
partner in a small way and 

635
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:36,320
frustrating way as well. 
Yeah, sometimes, yeah. 

636
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:37,760
Yeah, yeah. 
I would say one of the most 

637
00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:40,240
romantic things that Samuel's 
ever done, which actually made 

638
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:44,160
me cry, which is ridiculous when
I think about it, is because he 

639
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:47,400
knows that we had floorboards in
our first house and they were 

640
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:49,000
forever. 
Just, I was felt like I was 

641
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:50,800
vacuuming all the time or 
sweeping all the time. 

642
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:54,600
And he's just so busy with work 
that it was that I was home 

643
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:56,360
more. 
So because I was home more, I 

644
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:59,160
was doing a lot more of that 
housework because he was out 

645
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:02,600
quite a bit coming in late. 
And one night he rocked up with 

646
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:06,280
a robot vacuum because he knew 
that he physically couldn't do 

647
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,400
the work, but he could find a 
solution in how to help me. 

648
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:11,240
And I actually sat on our couch 
and cried over a robot. 

649
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:14,560
Like how? 
Particular, he loves his robot. 

650
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:20,280
I felt so seen in something so. 
That's awesome and. 

651
00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:23,160
So third in that, you know, and 
he got one that he could link 

652
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:25,120
from his phone. 
So there'd be some days right 

653
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:26,360
home. 
And then all of a sudden, I just

654
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:28,080
hear the vacuum ground. 
I'm like, oh, Samuel thought of 

655
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,120
me. 
And he set the vacuum off from 

656
00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:31,720
his phone. 
Like, yeah. 

657
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:34,440
You know, they're the moments I 
was, I was trying to capture 

658
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:36,160
before. 
So I don't know how clear or 

659
00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:39,160
that came across, but I think 
that's, it is like, again, what,

660
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:42,480
what, in what ways can we show 
up for our partner in small ways

661
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:45,320
or big ways? 
I think the, the what you just 

662
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:49,320
said then again is you feel 
seen, You know, I mean, I went 

663
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:51,120
through this love language 
period, right, where we're 

664
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:53,840
really trying to understand each
other's love languages, but how 

665
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:55,680
like understand the other person
more. 

666
00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:59,400
And we went through this process
of like gifts, rights of mine 

667
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:01,720
are gifts. 
And she would go out and try and

668
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:04,160
get these gifts. 
I'm like, why are these not 

669
00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:07,680
having the impacts that I, you 
know, I'm supposed to have from 

670
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:09,120
doing this test? 
I'm meant to be gifts. 

671
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:13,160
And then she got me a mug one 
time and it was it was just a 

672
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:14,960
mug. 
It was a Star Wars mug. 

673
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:17,960
Look, before this mug, I wasn't 
massively into Star Wars. 

674
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:19,240
It was actually Mandalorian, 
right? 

675
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:22,240
And I started to really get into
this show and the fact that she 

676
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:24,600
got me something. 
It was so much smaller than what

677
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:27,720
she was getting me previously, 
but it was that moment of being 

678
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:31,000
seen, right? 
Like so And that has so much 

679
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,280
more weight behind it than the 
extravagant sometimes. 

680
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,400
I mean, robot vacuum cleaner is 
pretty, pretty nifty. 

681
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:37,480
I'm not going. 
To lie the meaning for you is 

682
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:40,600
what that what that helps yeah 
and same with the mug the. 

683
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:42,760
Scene element is is really 
important. 

684
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:44,920
Exactly. 
That's why understanding your 

685
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:48,600
partner and what makes them tick
and what sits behind their 

686
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:51,240
behaviours and their needs and 
that kind of thing is so 

687
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:54,560
important because then you know 
how to address those things. 

688
00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:57,880
And I think another thing that 
we really love to focus on in 

689
00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:00,760
the podcast is wanting your 
partner to succeed. 

690
00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:04,320
So it would be easy in what you 
guys have described, Liv, if you

691
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:07,280
were like, I've said this so 
many times as Sam and I'm just, 

692
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:09,240
I'm done, like I'm done. 
And I'm not going to keep 

693
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:10,960
telling you about this wet towel
kind of thing. 

694
00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:14,520
It'd be easy to do that. 
But we also, I think a lot of 

695
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:17,520
the time we miss this piece of 
like wanting them to succeed 

696
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:19,840
because we want our marriage to 
be stronger and we want to be 

697
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:22,640
closer together. 
And ideally, the goal is in 10 

698
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:25,920
years time, we're working closer
and closer together, not further

699
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:27,640
and further apart. 
And when we've got that 

700
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,560
mentality, I think it helps with
those things and that grace that

701
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:34,040
we give to our partner because 
we're on the same team and we 

702
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:36,560
want them to succeed and we want
them to feel loved and we want 

703
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:39,800
them to learn and grow because 
all of us are learning and 

704
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:41,960
growing. 
So you can extend that grace in 

705
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:43,520
a better way, which is really 
beautiful. 

706
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:47,680
And it's the difference between 
a relationship that is caring 

707
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:49,960
about the other person versus a 
relationship that's 

708
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:51,280
transactional. 
Yeah. 

709
00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:54,320
So if Liv was being 
transactional with me and 

710
00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:57,080
saying, well, I've done this for
you, therefore you should be 

711
00:32:57,080 --> 00:33:00,400
doing this for me, it would 
actually be negative for both of

712
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,280
us. 
But I think the big thing within

713
00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:05,680
our relationship is that we make
sure that our focus isn't on 

714
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:07,800
ourselves. 
And if I do this, what will I 

715
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:10,120
get? 
You have to kind of check your 

716
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:13,160
reasoning and check your purpose
behind it and go, why am I doing

717
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:15,160
this? 
And if it's not for her benefit 

718
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:18,320
and it is deceptively for my 
benefit, then don't do it. 

719
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:20,480
Find something that is actually 
about her. 

720
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:23,440
Because as soon as you get into 
that space of I did this, 

721
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:26,680
therefore you should do this, 
all of a sudden, it just changes

722
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:28,680
your perception around 
everything that you're doing. 

723
00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:31,360
And it actually leads to more 
divisiveness within the 

724
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:33,840
relationship than actual 
strength together. 

725
00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:37,720
And so it's one of those things 
that we've choosing to pick up 

726
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:39,080
my towel. 
And because for me, it's 

727
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:42,000
something that as soon as I 
literally take that towel off my

728
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:44,360
shoulders, it disappears. 
It's not in my world anymore 

729
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:45,960
because there's too much going 
on in my head. 

730
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:48,600
It's just gone. 
But if she chose to be 

731
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:51,240
transactional about it and go, 
well, I'm always picking up your

732
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:54,640
towel, you need to do this for 
me and made it about herself. 

733
00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:57,680
It would be a really different 
conversation and her picking up 

734
00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:00,440
that towel and me noticing when 
she picks up that towel and 

735
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:04,560
going all of a sudden, it would 
either be tied to guilt or shame

736
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:07,520
or something like that. 
But at the moment, it's one of 

737
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:10,000
those things that I go, I wish I
could remember that more, but 

738
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:13,239
how blessed am I that I have a 
wife that loves me so much that 

739
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:15,920
she does this without grumbling 
and without trying to make me 

740
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:18,480
feel horrible. 
What can I do to show my wife 

741
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:21,480
love and value? 
It's it drives something in me 

742
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:24,639
that wants to see the good in 
her, but it's not an expectation

743
00:34:24,639 --> 00:34:27,320
on her behalf at all. 
She's doing it because she loves

744
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:30,159
us and she's making a decision 
that moves us closer together. 

745
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:33,120
It's one of those things, so 
often we chat, like we chat with

746
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:35,800
a few different people with 
different complex relationships 

747
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,159
and stuff. 
And the thing that we've learned

748
00:34:38,159 --> 00:34:40,560
from chatting with people, and I
guess we apply it to our own 

749
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:43,000
marriage a lot at the time, is 
you can actually only change 

750
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:46,040
what you can change. 
The thing that you can change is

751
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:49,000
your own responses and your own 
attitudes to any given 

752
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,159
situation. 
And what that enables the other 

753
00:34:51,159 --> 00:34:53,480
person to be able to do is 
astronomical. 

754
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:56,679
So when people are sitting in a 
position of going well, I'm not 

755
00:34:56,679 --> 00:34:58,840
going to give my best until they
give their best. 

756
00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:01,880
Well, you're putting yourself in
a really tough situation. 

757
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:05,520
But if you go actually, I love 
my partner and I actually want 

758
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:06,960
what's best for this 
relationship. 

759
00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:10,320
Therefore no matter what they're
doing, I'm going to choose this.

760
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:13,960
It actually enables them to be 
able to make better decisions 

761
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:17,760
themselves when choosing to love
me and to see the best in me 

762
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:21,480
even when I do dumb stuff. 
Enables me to be a better 

763
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:25,040
husband in our relationship so. 
Yeah, One of the things that we 

764
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:28,200
talk about a lot is sitting on 
the same side of the table. 

765
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:30,240
Yeah. 
We're not opposing each other in

766
00:35:30,240 --> 00:35:32,920
everything we do. 
And I can see it early on before

767
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:35,400
we had kids. 
I can probably even see it more 

768
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:38,280
so now that we do have kids. 
And one of the easiest ways to 

769
00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:42,720
probably show it is like if we, 
we always say to our kids, you 

770
00:35:42,720 --> 00:35:45,160
know, mum and dad are a team. 
If dad says something, I'm not 

771
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:47,040
going to say anything different.
Or if mum says something or if 

772
00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:49,120
our kids come and ask us 
something, we'll always ask them

773
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,240
straight away. 
Have you spoken to mum or dad 

774
00:35:51,240 --> 00:35:54,720
first just to hear and see if 
they haven't come into play each

775
00:35:54,720 --> 00:35:56,520
other because. 
That's how I got a puppy as a 

776
00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:58,720
kid. 
Mum said no, so I went to dad 

777
00:35:58,720 --> 00:35:59,880
and he was like, oh I don't see 
why. 

778
00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:04,560
Not they went to the pet shop. 
And we were, we were prepared 

779
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:05,840
not to get caught out by that 
one. 

780
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,720
Because I have your genetic. 
Yeah, exactly. 

781
00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:12,840
You've had a lot. 
But even in front of the kids, 

782
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:15,920
if there's a discipline 
situation and Samuel says 

783
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:18,280
something or says to our kids, 
because this has happened, this 

784
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:20,040
is a consequence for it. 
And this is unfortunately what 

785
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:21,680
it's going to be. 
And in my head, even if I don't 

786
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,560
agree with that, I need to sit 
there quietly for that moment 

787
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:29,040
and be on Dad's team. 
And and then away from the kids,

788
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:31,440
I can either say to Samuel, you 
know, I actually think that was 

789
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:34,640
a bit too much or, or I don't 
know if you were aware that this

790
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:37,120
was actually the precursor to 
why that happened. 

791
00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:39,080
Yeah. 
And if something does need to 

792
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:41,320
change, Samuel will then come 
back to the kids in front of 

793
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,120
them and say, do you know what? 
I didn't have the full picture. 

794
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:46,000
I'm really sorry that that's 
what I said. 

795
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:47,280
We're actually going to change 
it for this. 

796
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:50,640
So even being that united front,
our children know now that 

797
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:53,560
there's no way that we're going.
They're going to get one thing 

798
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:55,560
from dad different to what they 
get from mum. 

799
00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:57,720
They know that we're working 
together, the same team. 

800
00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:00,960
And even if it's not for 
parenting, but just in regards 

801
00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:03,000
to our marriage, we're going to 
be for each other. 

802
00:37:03,240 --> 00:37:05,880
We're not against each other. 
Nothing that Samuel does if he 

803
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:09,520
says he's going to be home at 
4:45 and it's 6:15 and I'm not 

804
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:11,960
going to think he's only trying 
to avoid dinner time and bards 

805
00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:14,520
and because it's easier to be 
out of the house, that's a wrong

806
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:15,960
framing for me. 
He's on my side. 

807
00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:18,000
We're on the same team. 
Something's obviously happened. 

808
00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:19,880
We just held him up for that 
little bit extra time. 

809
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:22,400
I can attack him, Hey, where the
heck are you in a message or I 

810
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:24,240
can send a message saying, hey, 
is everything OK? 

811
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:27,480
Like there's ways in which you 
can be on the same team in all 

812
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:30,400
situations. 
That I love that, that 

813
00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:34,400
curiosity, that always assuming 
the best, the, you know, it 

814
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:37,600
allows us to approach even 
issues of conflicts in a more 

815
00:37:37,720 --> 00:37:40,480
humble way rather than a way 
that's looking at ourselves 

816
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:43,080
being like, I'm offended by this
and I need to know why it's 

817
00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:43,760
happened. 
Yeah. 

818
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:45,720
Yeah, yeah. 
Love that. 

819
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:47,920
That's so good. 
And I, I just love the way that 

820
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:50,440
you guys are speaking about, you
know, just for each other and 

821
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:52,400
you know, it's all about the 
assumptions, right? 

822
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:55,760
And I think we can get too 
easily offended by a lot of 

823
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:58,360
things like you mentioned before
of like, you know, if he's, if 

824
00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:01,360
he's half an hour late from, 
from work, I could picture 

825
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:05,080
myself like, I could see myself 
getting offended of like Amy 

826
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:07,160
hasn't got home. 
And this is, you know, I'm 

827
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:10,560
taking this personally now, but 
I love that just reframing of 

828
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:13,480
your mind and, and Amy's really 
brought that curiosity into our 

829
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:16,160
relationship, you know, having 
that attitude of curiosity 

830
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:19,120
first. 
And that's been huge for us. 

831
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:22,560
Another thing that you guys 
mentioned is the saying sorry 

832
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:24,280
part. 
You said it for like 2 seconds, 

833
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:30,440
but I think it's really, really 
important is being able to say 

834
00:38:30,440 --> 00:38:33,640
sorry, you know, going back 
later, that reflection to your 

835
00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:35,480
kids, but also to you to each 
other. 

836
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:38,960
Like actually upon reflection, 
I'm sorry. 

837
00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:41,880
I, I realised I've either 
reacted this way or I haven't 

838
00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:43,680
had the full picture or whatever
else. 

839
00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:48,520
I feel like sometimes where we 
can put our heels in too much of

840
00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:51,000
like, well, I can't go back now.
I've said what I've said and 

841
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,680
then I can't go back. 
I was like, no, you can and and 

842
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:55,560
we should a lot of the times as 
well. 

843
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:58,560
So that reflective part I think 
is really important and 

844
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:00,120
valuable. 
Especially in parenting I feel 

845
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:02,400
like that happens. 
Yeah, in parenting in front of 

846
00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:04,680
your kids, like even not to your
children, but to each other. 

847
00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:09,000
Yeah, like to say sorry to each 
other in front of our children 

848
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:12,000
and then to go and say it to 
them and to own. 

849
00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:14,080
Yeah, to be responsible for your
own actions. 

850
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:17,600
Like to say, do you know what? 
Mummy was really frustrated. 

851
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:20,160
Just saying I'm sorry I spoke to
you so sharply. 

852
00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:22,800
Please forgive me. 
That's what I want them to be 

853
00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:25,600
able to say to each other, That 
when one snatches the toy off 

854
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:28,680
the other and 1 screams and 
gives her a little wallet back. 

855
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:33,120
You know what I I owe my my 
response. 

856
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:34,680
I was feeling frustrated by 
that. 

857
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:37,360
I responded in the wrong way. 
Can you please forgive me? 

858
00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:40,080
They're only going to do that. 
We can't expect that of a child 

859
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:41,560
if they've never seen that 
model. 

860
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:43,680
Exactly. 
Yeah, a lot of these things, I 

861
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:46,280
think when we became parents, 
they became even more. 

862
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:49,120
They're important to us before 
being parents and they're even 

863
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:52,440
more so important because of 
what it models to them and what 

864
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:55,760
it shows them and especially the
intentionality and relationship.

865
00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:59,080
I think that that like just 
knowing that our kids, we don't 

866
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:01,040
know what their lives are going 
to be like or what's going to 

867
00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:03,760
unfold for them, but knowing 
that we have done our bit to 

868
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:08,320
show them what it looks like to 
be intentional and and have this

869
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:11,360
curiosity mindset and have this 
sacrificial mindset in 

870
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:14,400
relationship is. 
Really encouraging because we 

871
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:16,160
know that that's what we can 
give them. 

872
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:20,840
Yeah, I love that idea of like 
your family ties or the lucky 

873
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:23,800
family of origin. 
And Samuel and I are very 

874
00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:29,680
blessed to have come from 2 very
solid, loving families and both 

875
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:33,120
families that didn't yell or 
didn't raise voices, treated 

876
00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:35,120
each other respectfully. 
We've had that modelled really 

877
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:37,000
well from both our families 
separately. 

878
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:40,920
So I think coming together in 
some ways it was easier for us 

879
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:42,880
to have this relationship. 
We are all for marriage. 

880
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:44,680
We love marriage. 
It's like being married to some 

881
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:48,320
of these the best thing, like I 
can't actually put words. 

882
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:51,200
I just and we want this for 
other people, but having that 

883
00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:53,920
understanding for ourselves 
through all that work we did 

884
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:57,200
early on, I think it's made us 
more aware of the type of 

885
00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:59,720
household we want to model for 
our children as well. 

886
00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:03,400
And even something I hear Samuel
say to our girls quite often, he

887
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:06,880
says, you know, how do your 
friends speak about their 

888
00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:08,560
brothers and sisters because 
they, you know, in the 

889
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:10,480
playground, there's all these 
things, you know, such and such 

890
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:12,800
as older sister came down and 
they're so annoying and they're 

891
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:15,160
this and they're that. 
And then and we say, you know, 

892
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:16,960
how do your friends talk about 
their family? 

893
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:19,040
Because, you know, the way they 
talk about their family gives 

894
00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:21,800
you a really good idea of how 
they're going to treat their 

895
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:25,080
family when they're older. 
They're starting to equip our 

896
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:28,000
kids with this. 
I guess it's like an emotional 

897
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:31,440
intelligence and intelligence 
and other people and how they're

898
00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:34,600
wide and what you can see as 
fruits in other people's lives 

899
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:36,400
is actually what's going to come
out of them later. 

900
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:38,640
Samuel spoke earlier on about, 
you know, when you squeeze 

901
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:40,320
something, what's going to come 
out when pressures on is what's 

902
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:42,000
inside it. 
You want to be able to be 

903
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,440
looking for these things. 
And we want to be modelling to 

904
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:47,240
our kids in our home, hopefully 
things that they're going to 

905
00:41:47,240 --> 00:41:48,600
catch. 
You know you can't. 

906
00:41:48,720 --> 00:41:50,840
You can tell. 
You can lecture your kids as 

907
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:52,920
much as you want, but what 
they're actually going to take 

908
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:55,680
with them is the things that 
they see and experience and 

909
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:58,000
feel. 
Yeah, consistency just also 

910
00:41:58,000 --> 00:41:59,720
increases trust. 
So. 

911
00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:03,320
Like for me within our 
relationship, like one of the 

912
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:08,040
big things is that what live 
sees of me when it's just us is 

913
00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:11,160
the exact same person that 
should exist everywhere else. 

914
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:15,160
Pretend to be something within 
our relationship and then go out

915
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:19,080
And like a big thing that I 
really can't stand and it's a 

916
00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:22,240
bit of a bug bear for me is guys
that complain about their wives 

917
00:42:22,240 --> 00:42:25,560
or partners. 
And so for me, like, I just want

918
00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:29,720
Liv to always be 100% clear that
the way that I speak to her 

919
00:42:29,720 --> 00:42:33,040
about like with my friends is 
the exact same way that I would 

920
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:35,120
speak to her. 
And it's one of those things of 

921
00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:38,960
like even for our kids, we want 
them to see a consistency of 

922
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:42,560
character in US in every single 
situation, whether it be 

923
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:45,760
chatting to new kids at a 
podcast event or doing youth 

924
00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:48,640
ministry or hanging out with 
just them. 

925
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:52,360
I want them to see us as us, not
different versions of the same 

926
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:56,440
person, but consistency in 
character so that they have 

927
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:58,920
comfortability and trust in who 
they're dealing with and 

928
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:03,480
encourages them to actually get 
to know who they are and then be

929
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:05,800
consistent with that. 
Because with a lot of young 

930
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:08,960
children, like, and as they get 
older and hit teens and that 

931
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:11,680
sort of thing, like identity and
who you are is something that is

932
00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:15,240
really complicated. 
And so for them actually getting

933
00:43:15,240 --> 00:43:18,560
the understanding of you do not 
need to be someone different in 

934
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:22,200
different circumstances. 
You actually just need to be who

935
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:24,320
you are and the best version of 
who you are. 

936
00:43:24,720 --> 00:43:27,480
And that will be fine in every 
situation. 

937
00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:31,360
And so that's the kind of thing 
that we we lack consistency of 

938
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:33,400
character in our own 
relationship because it gives 

939
00:43:33,400 --> 00:43:36,560
confidence and stability. 
But at the same time, we want to

940
00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:39,320
display that to our kids so that
as they get older, they know 

941
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:42,280
that it's completely OK to be 
consistent. 

942
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:44,680
You don't need to pretend to be 
one person with your friends and

943
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:47,800
then pretend to be a different 
person at home and all those 

944
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:51,120
other things. 
You can actually be confident 

945
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:55,360
and comfortable in who you are 
and be consistent across all 

946
00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:57,640
areas of your life. 
Yeah, that's so good. 

947
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:00,320
And we actually spoke just 
recently about attachment 

948
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:01,840
styles. 
And one of the things with 

949
00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:05,400
attachment styles that people 
navigate is it's the consistent 

950
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:08,360
relationship or interactions 
they had with their caregivers 

951
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:10,480
when they were children that 
usually sets that up. 

952
00:44:10,720 --> 00:44:13,400
So it's not about like sometimes
they're extremely affectionate 

953
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:14,800
and then other times they're 
really distant. 

954
00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:17,640
It's actually what they saw 
consistently that was more 

955
00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:20,560
impactful to them. 
So that's a really, that's a big

956
00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:23,240
challenge. 
And I love that approach and I 

957
00:44:23,240 --> 00:44:26,440
love the lesson that that gives 
for kids because you're right, 

958
00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:28,880
it is so complex. 
Identity is so complex. 

959
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:31,160
And it's something we've been 
navigating with our kids, what 

960
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:33,360
everybody does. 
But like trying to think, how do

961
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:36,880
we get ahead of this as they're 
younger now and they're not yet 

962
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:40,360
in high school where the 
pressures are 10 times more? 

963
00:44:40,560 --> 00:44:43,400
How do we get ahead of this in 
terms of really helping them 

964
00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:47,360
understand who they are and what
their worth is and what they can

965
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:49,520
offer people and how to treat 
people? 

966
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:53,960
And I think this is a really 
good approach to that. 

967
00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:55,960
That's a really, I love that 
framework. 

968
00:44:56,360 --> 00:44:57,880
It's challenging. 
You've got to be intentional, 

969
00:44:57,880 --> 00:44:59,800
don't you? 
It's actually, parenting is 

970
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:03,280
exhausting very much really is. 
You feel like a broken record. 

971
00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:04,960
You've said things 10 times 
over. 

972
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:07,800
You, you know, but it's that 
consistency. 

973
00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:11,640
It's actually, we say to be 
clear is to be kind and setting 

974
00:45:11,720 --> 00:45:14,760
the example, explaining to kids 
exactly what's going to happen 

975
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:16,720
and you feel like a broken 
record because you've said it 

976
00:45:16,720 --> 00:45:18,920
five times over. 
But that's actually the kindest 

977
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:20,520
thing for them because they know
what's coming. 

978
00:45:20,720 --> 00:45:23,480
They know what they can expect. 
They know that if something goes

979
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:25,960
wrong in our household, they 
don't need to be fearful about 

980
00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:29,640
our response because they've 
consistently seen how we handle 

981
00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:32,040
and deal with things over time. 
They don't need to be worried 

982
00:45:32,040 --> 00:45:34,920
about our emotions. 
And it's hard to, you know, take

983
00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:37,640
have the self control at times 
when you guys were there for 

984
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:39,640
kids, you're stressed. 
It's you just want them to get 

985
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:42,680
into bed. 
You just, it's really tiring. 

986
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:45,560
Yeah. 
But it's the kindest thing for 

987
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:47,640
them, isn't it? 
And then apologising when you 

988
00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:50,200
get it wrong, as you inevitably.
Do we do? 

989
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:53,960
And no way at all does Samuel 
and I have a a perfect marriage.

990
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:56,840
We are two people who make 
mistakes over and over and over 

991
00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:58,360
again. 
But we're willing to be humble 

992
00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:00,520
enough to come to each other and
say I am actually really sorry 

993
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:01,840
for that. 
I'm going to own that behaviour 

994
00:46:02,720 --> 00:46:04,520
and apologise for it. 
I know that we are. 

995
00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:08,760
Well, we are long game 
parenting. 

996
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:10,480
Yeah, exactly parenting for the 
here and now. 

997
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:14,600
We are trying to instil and 
build character and encourage 

998
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:17,480
our kids to help them become who
they are. 

999
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:20,160
They're also different, but the 
best versions of themselves. 

1000
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:22,480
Not for today and tomorrow to 
make it easier for that, they'll

1001
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:24,480
eat their food and go to bed and
brush their teeth. 

1002
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:26,760
But to know that when we're 
sending them out of our house 

1003
00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:29,640
one day that they are going to 
be people who know who they are,

1004
00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:34,400
who love each other and who are 
willing to, I guess, even be 

1005
00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:35,760
willing to listen to 
instruction. 

1006
00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:37,000
That's one of the biggest 
things. 

1007
00:46:37,040 --> 00:46:39,720
And by being being clear and 
kind and consistent, they're 

1008
00:46:39,720 --> 00:46:43,320
more likely to to turn to you 
for advice or for anything. 

1009
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:44,200
Like that? 
Absolutely. 

1010
00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:46,480
Find people they trust. 
Yeah. 

1011
00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:50,040
Well, so you guys are, as we've 
heard a little bit in your intro

1012
00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:53,920
here, in a really, really busy 
season and you've got 4 kids. 

1013
00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:58,240
How do you find yourselves 
finding time to connect and 

1014
00:46:58,240 --> 00:47:01,960
spend time as a married couple 
in that quality space? 

1015
00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:03,400
Because. 
You, you, you're talking a lot 

1016
00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:06,400
about intentionality and it's 
like, where do you find the time

1017
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:09,000
for that intentionality? 
For kids podcasts. 

1018
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:10,680
Electrical Work. 
You know. 

1019
00:47:11,080 --> 00:47:13,280
Physio work. 
Yeah, we've been living with my 

1020
00:47:13,280 --> 00:47:16,040
parents for 12 months because 
we've had a huge insurance job. 

1021
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:18,600
At our. 
House, yeah, even that we're 

1022
00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:21,880
like, we don't even have like 
the individual family space that

1023
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:25,880
we normally have too. 
So what would you say that's 

1024
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:28,760
huge? 
I think, I think I'm someone 

1025
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:31,520
time for me is one of the most 
valuable things I think that 

1026
00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:34,080
there is. 
Time is something that if not 

1027
00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:38,520
used well, feels quite wasted. 
And so as busy as we are, I 

1028
00:47:38,520 --> 00:47:43,120
really value moments and time. 
And so it's one of those things 

1029
00:47:43,120 --> 00:47:47,120
that in the busyness, choosing 
to redeem the moments that there

1030
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:50,600
are because we see it so often. 
So many people have such a 

1031
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:52,800
different definition of what 
busy looks like, and that's 

1032
00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:55,000
completely fine. 
The reality of what busy is for 

1033
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:57,360
them might be what different to 
what busy is for us. 

1034
00:47:57,840 --> 00:48:02,080
But even in the busiest of busy,
you still have time and it's 

1035
00:48:02,080 --> 00:48:06,160
about how you use that time. 
And so for us, we often will 

1036
00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:09,600
look forward and we will go, 
hey, we get got the kids into 

1037
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:10,640
bed. 
Well done. 

1038
00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:14,360
It's still this time, whatever. 
Let's just be together and being

1039
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:17,840
intentional about that time and 
intentional about moments and 

1040
00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:21,480
looking for opportunities to 
create time together and create 

1041
00:48:21,480 --> 00:48:24,560
time as a family and just 
constantly checking in. 

1042
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:27,760
And so it lives really good at 
that of going, Hey, I feel like 

1043
00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:30,280
we need an actual something 
together. 

1044
00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:33,600
We're going to do this. 
And for me it's, it's hard 

1045
00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:35,080
because I'm like, I'm always on 
the run. 

1046
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:39,040
I'm always doing something. 
If I'm not being productive, it 

1047
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:41,920
hurts. 
So I think someone who is there 

1048
00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:46,680
watching me as well and going, 
hey, I think we need to do this.

1049
00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:48,840
I think we need to do this is 
really, really helpful. 

1050
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:52,080
But it's it's about choosing 
what you do in the moments for 

1051
00:48:52,080 --> 00:48:52,360
us. 
I. 

1052
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:56,160
Was gonna say Samuel is really, 
really good that he will never 

1053
00:48:56,680 --> 00:49:00,120
leave the house or leave me 
without coming and giving a kiss

1054
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:02,160
and a hug. 
He tells me he loves me. 

1055
00:49:02,280 --> 00:49:04,600
I don't even know how I couldn't
probably count it so many times 

1056
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:06,640
in the day, whether it's in a 
text message or a quick phone 

1057
00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:09,320
call or, you know, we'll be home
and forever. 

1058
00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:11,400
He'll just touch my arm. 
And he's such a physical touch 

1059
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:14,200
person that for him, you know, 
if we do have a moment on the 

1060
00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:18,160
couch, me putting my hand on his
foot is like, that's it just 

1061
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:22,160
builds that form of connection. 
So he's really good that in 

1062
00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:25,760
every moment, every hello, every
goodbye is super intentional. 

1063
00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:28,120
And that whole thing about 
feeling seen, I can see I'm 

1064
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:30,720
prioritised even in the 
busyness. 

1065
00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:34,080
So even in the flybys of a great
thing that sort of, it's just 

1066
00:49:34,080 --> 00:49:37,120
sort of formed this year with 
extracurriculars and sports and 

1067
00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:40,440
things is that Samuel really 
owns the trainings, the games, 

1068
00:49:40,440 --> 00:49:42,640
that all that stuff for sport. 
One of our daughters really 

1069
00:49:42,640 --> 00:49:44,600
wanted to do piano and we did 
not have a night. 

1070
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:47,640
So on a Tuesday morning we found
a friend who was willing to give

1071
00:49:47,640 --> 00:49:50,200
her a lesson before school. 
So Samuel leaves extra early to 

1072
00:49:50,200 --> 00:49:53,240
get her to piano, do that. 
He's sort of taken all that. 

1073
00:49:53,240 --> 00:49:56,520
So we fly by each other quite 
quickly and time disappears very

1074
00:49:56,520 --> 00:49:58,840
quickly. 
But even in all those moments, 

1075
00:49:58,840 --> 00:50:00,800
all those drop offs or, you 
know, he picks one kid up from 

1076
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:04,480
me and takes him to training or 
I always feel very valued. 

1077
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:07,880
Even in those seconds. 
He always comes to me, always 

1078
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:10,840
ask me how I am or always give 
me some form of touch, a kiss, a

1079
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:13,560
hug, anything like that at all. 
So we even have that. 

1080
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:17,360
I think that we don't live as 
like housemates. 

1081
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:21,200
We still very much live valuing 
each other first. 

1082
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:24,240
And we do see that we we do put 
our marriage at the top. 

1083
00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:26,160
And then there are the kids 
priorities I. 

1084
00:50:26,240 --> 00:50:28,880
Was going to say priorities. 
This is such a big one because 

1085
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:32,800
The thing is as busy as we are, 
we could be so much busier if we

1086
00:50:32,800 --> 00:50:36,800
chose different things. 
And it's the reality of for me, 

1087
00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:39,080
it's all about value. 
Like what is the most valuable 

1088
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:41,240
thing you've like? 
You've probably heard the big 

1089
00:50:41,240 --> 00:50:43,480
rocks, little rocks thing. 
Get the important things in 

1090
00:50:43,480 --> 00:50:45,960
place first and then whatever 
you can squeeze in around it, 

1091
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:49,160
great. 
But for me, family and my wife 

1092
00:50:49,240 --> 00:50:52,960
are always going to be the most 
important thing, so they get the

1093
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:55,400
priority. 
Even in my electrical business, 

1094
00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:58,080
if there's a wild day, that is 
ridiculous. 

1095
00:50:58,080 --> 00:51:00,440
But I need to be here for my 
family. 

1096
00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:03,560
The big thing that I've learned 
is even people that kick and 

1097
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:05,960
scream and treat you like 
rubbish because they think 

1098
00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:07,600
they're so important, they're 
still just people. 

1099
00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:11,120
And the reality is I actually 
really value my people, which is

1100
00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:14,160
my wife and my family. 
And so I will make those 

1101
00:51:14,160 --> 00:51:16,640
choices. 
And it's that thing of you do 

1102
00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:20,000
what you love most. 
And so for me, what I love most 

1103
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:22,040
is actually my family. 
So I'm always going to choose to

1104
00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:25,440
do the family things first. 
And then whatever we do around 

1105
00:51:25,440 --> 00:51:27,320
that is great. 
It's all extra stuff. 

1106
00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:30,320
And wherever we can kind of plug
in and add some value to 

1107
00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:32,160
everything that we're doing is 
fantastic. 

1108
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:35,160
But at the same time, I also 
have the confidence that Liv 

1109
00:51:35,160 --> 00:51:38,840
will say to me, hey, you're not 
giving enough time to our family

1110
00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:41,520
if it ever gets to that point. 
And if she said it, that would 

1111
00:51:41,520 --> 00:51:43,840
be me going, cool, what are we 
dropping? 

1112
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:47,720
And it's that being of like, 
because it is the priority, she 

1113
00:51:47,720 --> 00:51:51,400
has full confidence to be able 
to tell me at any given time, we

1114
00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:53,720
need to cut something and I'll 
be all for it. 

1115
00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:57,800
And so it's just, I know that 
our marriage and our life is so 

1116
00:51:57,800 --> 00:52:00,200
much different to a lot of 
people, but it's actually what 

1117
00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:03,480
works for us. 
Because he's Samuel's always 

1118
00:52:03,480 --> 00:52:07,200
been this way and so consistent 
in that prioritisation that if 

1119
00:52:07,280 --> 00:52:12,200
there is a time where he is 
super busy or he can't come home

1120
00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:16,720
because of the past, because of 
his track record, I know and I 

1121
00:52:16,720 --> 00:52:19,200
can fully trust that clearly 
this is something that really 

1122
00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:22,680
needed to happen so often. 
So willing. 

1123
00:52:22,680 --> 00:52:24,880
If he does have space, he'll 
call me and say I can do pick up

1124
00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:27,040
today or I can. 
And being your own boss, it's a 

1125
00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:28,560
bit, we're a bit more flexible 
with that. 

1126
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:31,440
But running a company, it takes 
a lot of time. 

1127
00:52:31,560 --> 00:52:35,680
It's very fine balance, but I 
can trust in how he's proven 

1128
00:52:35,680 --> 00:52:38,600
himself. 
I thought to that over time that

1129
00:52:38,600 --> 00:52:41,880
if he is busier for a season, it
is for a good reason. 

1130
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:46,000
And it's not because he's 
necessarily deprioritizing us, 

1131
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:48,960
it's just that something is very
clearly a high priority that 

1132
00:52:48,960 --> 00:52:51,040
needs. 
Communicating the why behind. 

1133
00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:54,160
It as well, yeah. 
So if I can say, hey, the next 

1134
00:52:54,160 --> 00:52:57,080
couple of weeks are going to be 
really, really busy because of 

1135
00:52:57,240 --> 00:53:01,640
AB and C, I've declared why? 
And all of a sudden it's not 

1136
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:04,280
just a, oh, you're not here or 
I'm seeing less of you. 

1137
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:06,920
It gives reasoning behind it, 
which helps to see the best in 

1138
00:53:06,920 --> 00:53:10,400
those moments. 
But in that as well, going once 

1139
00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:13,120
it's all done, we should go away
for a weekend. 

1140
00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:16,000
We should take the kids to the 
zoo or something and can look 

1141
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:19,000
for those special little events 
to kind of go, hey, it's going 

1142
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:22,840
to be tricky for a bit. 
I'm really sorry, but let's do 

1143
00:53:22,840 --> 00:53:25,920
this at the end of it and kind 
of just because like I, I hate 

1144
00:53:25,920 --> 00:53:29,720
when I don't get to see my wife.
Like a bit of a side note. 

1145
00:53:29,720 --> 00:53:33,960
I I've been a little bit unwell 
with a few bits and pieces and 

1146
00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:37,840
spent the night in hospital, not
last night, the night before. 

1147
00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:42,680
And yeah, my, my heart wasn't 
playing friends, but it's all 

1148
00:53:42,680 --> 00:53:46,240
part of the fun. 
But it was that moment of being 

1149
00:53:46,240 --> 00:53:48,160
separate even for that one 
night. 

1150
00:53:48,720 --> 00:53:50,560
I hate it. 
I really hate it. 

1151
00:53:50,560 --> 00:53:53,720
Like my desire is to be with my 
wife and my family. 

1152
00:53:53,760 --> 00:53:56,920
And so when I'm not with them, 
I'm wanting to be with them. 

1153
00:53:56,920 --> 00:53:59,320
There's never that moment of 
like, oh, I'm so glad to get 

1154
00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:02,000
away from them. 
And I think we've knows that, 

1155
00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:05,160
which actually adds to the fact 
of when I'm not there, she 

1156
00:54:05,160 --> 00:54:07,440
actually knows that my desire is
actually to be there. 

1157
00:54:07,720 --> 00:54:09,680
I would love to be there if I 
could so. 

1158
00:54:10,080 --> 00:54:12,000
No, I get that. 
We call it like so we do a bit 

1159
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:16,240
of travel for for our work and 
and majority of our dads and we 

1160
00:54:16,240 --> 00:54:20,040
call it the dad guilt like we 
just being away is is very, very

1161
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:22,080
hard. 
And because you feel guilty, you

1162
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:24,760
know, it's like 1, I want to 
spend time with you, but two, I 

1163
00:54:24,760 --> 00:54:27,960
know now you, I'm sort of 
dumping stuff on you too, which 

1164
00:54:27,960 --> 00:54:33,240
is, which is hard, but just 
really admire you guys. 

1165
00:54:33,240 --> 00:54:36,440
I admire your intentionality, 
your way to communicate. 

1166
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:40,000
What you're communicating about 
is just so clear and 

1167
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:42,840
encouraging. 
And so thank you so much for 

1168
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:44,880
that. 
And I think, you know, like you 

1169
00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:47,680
said, 11 1/2 years, you guys 
have been married and you don't 

1170
00:54:47,680 --> 00:54:49,760
have the perfect marriage as 
you've mentioned, but you've 

1171
00:54:49,760 --> 00:54:51,720
definitely learnt a lot of 
things on the way. 

1172
00:54:51,720 --> 00:54:54,000
You've been so intentional along
the way. 

1173
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:56,040
And so, but you weren't always 
like that. 

1174
00:54:56,040 --> 00:54:59,160
You definitely started 
somewhere, so if you could look 

1175
00:54:59,160 --> 00:55:02,760
at all the things that you've 
learned up until today, if you 

1176
00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:06,480
could go back in time, meet 
yourselves when you just got 

1177
00:55:06,480 --> 00:55:09,280
married or just started dating, 
what's the biggest advice you 

1178
00:55:09,280 --> 00:55:11,680
would give each other? 
For me, I think the biggest 

1179
00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:15,720
thing that I would tell my 
younger self in my relationship 

1180
00:55:15,720 --> 00:55:19,280
with Liv is humility will 
actually lead to the best 

1181
00:55:19,720 --> 00:55:23,960
because the more that I can 
humble myself and pull myself 

1182
00:55:23,960 --> 00:55:26,720
out of the picture and what that
naturally does is encourages me 

1183
00:55:26,720 --> 00:55:30,280
to put her first, it actually 
leads to a much stronger 

1184
00:55:30,280 --> 00:55:33,840
relationship. 
I think early on, like we dated 

1185
00:55:33,840 --> 00:55:37,680
as 16 year olds and then broke 
up and then got back together 

1186
00:55:38,320 --> 00:55:40,760
later in life and then got 
married and we had to do a lot 

1187
00:55:40,760 --> 00:55:43,600
of growing up over it. 
And so if I was talking to 16 

1188
00:55:43,600 --> 00:55:47,480
year old me about relationships 
when we were together, I would 

1189
00:55:47,480 --> 00:55:51,960
be saying this relationship 
isn't about you, it is about her

1190
00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:54,880
and bringing out the best in her
so that together you can have 

1191
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:56,920
the best life. 
And that's the same thing. 

1192
00:55:56,920 --> 00:55:58,320
Like you learn it more and more 
and more. 

1193
00:55:58,320 --> 00:56:01,920
The more you put your wife or 
your partner first, the easier 

1194
00:56:01,920 --> 00:56:04,880
your relationship becomes 
because you're seeking their 

1195
00:56:04,880 --> 00:56:07,440
good and enabling them to be 
able to be the best that they 

1196
00:56:07,440 --> 00:56:10,400
can be as well. 
And so it's one of those things 

1197
00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:13,160
I would just continuously tell 
myself, take your eyes off you 

1198
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:17,920
and give your wife your very 
best continuously for no other 

1199
00:56:17,920 --> 00:56:20,080
reason than you love her and 
care for her. 

1200
00:56:21,200 --> 00:56:24,400
One of your like family, your 
family mottos has very much been

1201
00:56:24,640 --> 00:56:26,000
how are you going to be 
outwardly focused? 

1202
00:56:26,000 --> 00:56:28,200
They spoke about that all the 
time over and over and over. 

1203
00:56:28,720 --> 00:56:31,240
And I've seen that in Samuels 
life over and over and over. 

1204
00:56:31,240 --> 00:56:34,960
He's always I eyes up and out 
and not on himself and looking 

1205
00:56:34,960 --> 00:56:37,800
for others. 
I guess for me, I being so young

1206
00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:40,800
when we got married, even though
we were friends for a very long 

1207
00:56:40,800 --> 00:56:42,960
time. 
So I felt like I knew Samuel so 

1208
00:56:42,960 --> 00:56:45,560
well before we even got married,
which was a gift and I think 

1209
00:56:45,560 --> 00:56:48,640
that's helped us a lot. 
I would just tell myself that my

1210
00:56:48,640 --> 00:56:51,160
emotions can deceive me. 
My emotions actually don't tell 

1211
00:56:51,160 --> 00:56:55,360
me the true narrative and that 
things always feel better in the

1212
00:56:55,360 --> 00:56:59,760
morning in that you sort of just
need that space and that time 

1213
00:56:59,760 --> 00:57:03,480
and you need you need someone 
wise around you who's older than

1214
00:57:03,480 --> 00:57:06,600
you, not you, not not a peer no,
I could go to my girlfriends and

1215
00:57:06,600 --> 00:57:09,760
I could it would turn into it 
could turn into a complaint 

1216
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:12,280
fest, but we've made that call 
that we don't complain about 

1217
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:14,440
each other at all. 
We talk to each other, but 

1218
00:57:14,440 --> 00:57:17,960
having someone ahead of you who 
has walked what you've walked, 

1219
00:57:17,960 --> 00:57:20,840
even though it might look 
different, having someone who 

1220
00:57:20,840 --> 00:57:23,400
has knowledge and wisdom, who 
can speak truth into your 

1221
00:57:23,400 --> 00:57:26,960
emotion, who knows both of us 
doesn't just know me and will 

1222
00:57:26,960 --> 00:57:29,400
side with me, but someone who 
knows Samuel as well. 

1223
00:57:29,400 --> 00:57:32,040
That was so beneficial. 
And just to hold to those 

1224
00:57:32,040 --> 00:57:35,520
relationships, to walk your 
journey with people like it is, 

1225
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:37,840
it's hard. 
It's hard having two people with

1226
00:57:37,840 --> 00:57:40,240
flaws coming together, trying to
build something which is going 

1227
00:57:40,240 --> 00:57:42,800
to be long lasting and have 
positive impact on others. 

1228
00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:45,320
Yeah, you need support and you 
need people around you. 

1229
00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:47,880
Don't trust your own emotions. 
Have wise insight and wisdom 

1230
00:57:47,880 --> 00:57:50,400
from others. 
And just that long game, you're 

1231
00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:52,720
on the same team. 
Yeah, that's awesome. 

1232
00:57:53,320 --> 00:57:55,560
Well, guys, we could talk to you
for hours because this has been 

1233
00:57:55,560 --> 00:57:57,440
such an incredible. 
Kind of actually did a mini 

1234
00:57:57,440 --> 00:57:58,440
episode before. 
We first. 

1235
00:57:58,560 --> 00:58:00,800
Recorded. 
Sorry. 

1236
00:58:00,960 --> 00:58:04,760
Guys don't get to hear that and 
this has been so good having you

1237
00:58:04,760 --> 00:58:06,720
on the podcast. 
And again, we're so honoured 

1238
00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:09,880
that you would take the time to 
chat with us, especially during 

1239
00:58:09,880 --> 00:58:11,520
the day. 
This is daytime hours. 

1240
00:58:11,520 --> 00:58:14,240
So this is parenting slash work 
hours. 

1241
00:58:14,240 --> 00:58:17,440
So really, really appreciate you
setting aside this time and the 

1242
00:58:17,440 --> 00:58:20,080
wisdom that you've shared and 
the stories that you've shared. 

1243
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:21,720
It's been incredible and 
encouraging. 

1244
00:58:21,720 --> 00:58:24,640
And we wanted to just finish off
as well and say if anyone wanted

1245
00:58:24,640 --> 00:58:27,720
to get in contact with you, Sam,
or follow along with what's 

1246
00:58:27,720 --> 00:58:30,880
going on in the silly story 
world, Yeah, what would they do?

1247
00:58:30,880 --> 00:58:33,360
Where would they find you? 
Best place to start is on 

1248
00:58:33,360 --> 00:58:35,280
Instagram. 
If you look for silly stories 

1249
00:58:35,280 --> 00:58:38,080
for kids you'll be able to find 
everything from there. 

1250
00:58:38,080 --> 00:58:40,480
Which is, yeah, it's been a wild
little journey. 

1251
00:58:40,480 --> 00:58:42,440
I'm not normally a social media 
person at all. 

1252
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:45,680
I'm trying to learn it as I go 
and it is a complex base. 

1253
00:58:45,680 --> 00:58:47,440
But it is at the. 
Same time. 

1254
00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:49,920
It's it's probably the best 
starting point. 

1255
00:58:49,920 --> 00:58:53,160
It's a fun time to get involved 
because I feel like we're, we 

1256
00:58:53,160 --> 00:58:56,640
feel very much like we're 
standing on the precipice of 

1257
00:58:56,640 --> 00:58:58,400
something and we don't know what
it is. 

1258
00:58:58,400 --> 00:59:01,280
We've got a podcast that has 
grown over time. 

1259
00:59:01,280 --> 00:59:04,760
We're doing some music, we've 
written a few books and it's 

1260
00:59:05,200 --> 00:59:09,240
audiobook coming out as well. 
And it's at this moment of like,

1261
00:59:09,560 --> 00:59:12,480
it's really exciting to see 
where it goes next. 

1262
00:59:12,480 --> 00:59:15,760
So if you wanna join us along 
the journey, jump on Instagram, 

1263
00:59:15,760 --> 00:59:19,280
find silly stories for kids and 
you can witness what a bad 

1264
00:59:19,280 --> 00:59:23,160
Instagram looks like. 
Slowly gets a little bit better,

1265
00:59:23,160 --> 00:59:25,400
but. 
Any podcast platform as well? 

1266
00:59:25,400 --> 00:59:27,760
You're on all of. 
It yeah, Spotify podcast all of 

1267
00:59:27,760 --> 00:59:31,280
it but at the same time if if 
you do have young kids and. 

1268
00:59:31,280 --> 00:59:33,520
They will love it. 
They will, but. 

1269
00:59:33,760 --> 00:59:36,480
I also want to encourage parents
to really use their own 

1270
00:59:36,480 --> 00:59:39,480
creativity with their kids 
because my brain is 1 type of 

1271
00:59:39,480 --> 00:59:42,520
creative and who they might be 
might be a different kind of 

1272
00:59:42,520 --> 00:59:45,400
creative that they're your kids.
Like the reality is they've got 

1273
00:59:45,400 --> 00:59:47,640
some of your genetics. 
They'll be creative stuff in you

1274
00:59:47,640 --> 00:59:51,480
that they will resonate in with.
So well, be encouraged and 

1275
00:59:51,480 --> 00:59:54,160
equipped just to do something 
and give it a go because it's 

1276
00:59:54,160 --> 00:59:57,160
really, really fun to connect 
with your own kids through that 

1277
00:59:57,160 --> 00:59:59,320
creativity and through those 
kinds of things. 

1278
00:59:59,320 --> 01:00:01,160
And the way that you are in your
family is. 

1279
01:00:01,480 --> 01:00:04,240
So as much as the podcast is fun
and I'd love to share it with 

1280
01:00:04,240 --> 01:00:06,640
anyone that wants to, I'd love 
for them to be sharing within 

1281
01:00:06,640 --> 01:00:09,920
their own family as well, so. 
Yeah, I love that. 

1282
01:00:09,920 --> 01:00:11,560
Thanks again, Sam and Liv for 
joining. 

1283
01:00:11,560 --> 01:00:12,520
Thanks for having us.