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It's pricking in insecurity and 
I know that. 

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And we've, we've shared 10 years
of that journey, right? 

3
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It's not any easier to bring up 
and it's actually something I 

4
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wanna keep talking about because
I don't know how to support you 

5
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in this way. 
This is actually something I 

6
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don't know how to support you 
in, but I really do want to 

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welcome guys. 
To Honey, we need to chat. 

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Yeah, the podcast where we 
believe communication is 

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important. 
Very important. 

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And that when communication 
dies, bad things happen. 

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Yeah, yeah. 
What Danny Guy song do you have 

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in your head currently? 
I'm a robot singing robot. 

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I had a different one, but now 
you start singing that now. 

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But Danny Go is on repeat. 
Yeah, it's the only show that 

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our baby will sit still. 
For every other show, he kind of

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just loses interest really 
quickly. 

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But Danny go, he just sits there
and mesmerised. 

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So it's been the soundtrack of 
our week. 

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I wish we had a show that our 
feline no not. 

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Feeling OK? 
9 canine child would sit still. 

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Too well, she sits still. 
She just also, she's everything.

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And he's not sitting still right
now. 

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Right now she's confused why she
can't have cuddles up on us as 

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she normally. 
Would think some in her seat. 

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She's being very gracious, 
letting you sit. 

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There. 
Thank you, Madam. 

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Also, we got new uniforms. 
Hey, yeah. 

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Blank hoodies. 
No brand. 

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No brand hoodies. 
Thank you, Kmart. 

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Thank you, Kmart. 
I guess they are a brand. 

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Yeah, they're just not super 
visible. 

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What brand? 
But yes, we you'll see a lot of 

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plain coloured hoodies appearing
in the next few weeks slash for 

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the next rest of the year, let's
be honest. 

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Hopefully without gravy stains 
this time. 

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Grabby signs adds character. 
Yeah, well, it definitely adds 

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clickbait. 
Hello. 

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Not even that. 
Maybe engagement of people being

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like, what's on his shirt. 
Do they? 

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No, no. 
But I hope they do. 

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One can wish. 
Anyway, welcome to this week. 

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We're going to be diving into 
some Reddit conversations, 

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Reddit stories. 
But before we do that, we're 

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going to break some ice. 
I am probably an 8 but I feel 

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very foggy yeah coming into 
this. 

46
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. 
I am Arkansas 7:00 because of 

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the fog. 
You feeling foggy day? 

48
00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:25,640
Yeah, feeling tired? 
Yeah. 

49
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But be good, feeling good but 
tired. 

50
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And the tiredness is getting me 
to A7. 

51
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Gotta wake up and shake up. 
Wake up and shake up. 

52
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Alright cool. 
So Cha Cha has been opened and 

53
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the question that's come out of 
the Cha Cha is if we could 

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instantly learn one skill or 
hobby together, what would it 

55
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be? 
Ohk that's a really good 

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question. 
Hmm, I reckon dancing. 

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Yeah. 
Yeah. 

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Hmm. 
Cause then we could do that 

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together in so many different 
contexts. 

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Like which contexts? 
TikTok Dancing with the Stars 

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dance when we get famous enough 
to be invited. 

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For me, the skill or hobby as my
mind is going too practical. 

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I'm like man, like I would like 
to take like what is to both 

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take up jet skiing or not jet 
skiing, wakeboarding, but we 

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need a boat and a wakeboard and 
it's costing much money. 

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I'm like, what about skiing? 
And same thing, we need stuff 

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for the cost. 
Too much money. 

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Do you reckon we would get the 
most enjoyment out of a hobby 

69
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like that though? 
Like that's why I was thinking 

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something like dancing, so like 
applicable to so many instances.

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This is the thing you say. 
You say that and I'm I still 

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question. 
Tick Dutch, I heard. 

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He answered. 
That's one instance, you know, I

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reckon skills or hobbies. 
I think the skill of I was gonna

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be sarcastic and the skill of 
doing a podcast. 

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That would be handy. 
Oh man, come out like. 

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What about marketing? 
Just instantly amazing and 

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marketing. 
Yeah, PR. 

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One certainly if hobby. 
Crochet. 

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That's it. 
I'm not gonna crochet. 

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I wish we could both be awesome 
at crochet. 

82
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,840
Is this just? 
Very legit because yeah, yeah, 

83
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Remember I told you I've knitted
before I watch. 

84
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You do crochet. 
I don't have the motivation to 

85
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learn crochet. 
I'm like, you know, when we sit 

86
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down and watch TV or a movie or 
something, I have to do 

87
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something, right? 
And I've been playing that, like

88
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colouring in game on the iPad. 
Yeah, that I need that. 

89
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But I don't want to do that when
they cough and crochet. 

90
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I wanna do crochet well, but I 
don't want to do. 

91
00:04:38,290 --> 00:04:40,340
Bonnie is really not wanting to 
just relax. 

92
00:04:40,350 --> 00:04:43,720
She's just all over the place. 
Tonight she ate our baby's 

93
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dummy, which he doesn't use. 
He just found today and he used 

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it and he used it today. 
Dude, come on. 

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We also had comments that you 
weren't visible last week. 

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Relaxed, gone. 
So you're making up for it 

97
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today. 
Look at her little head in the 

98
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corner. 
If you can't see her because 

99
00:05:02,730 --> 00:05:05,390
you're listening, you should hop
on onto YouTube. 

100
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Get some dog. 
Onto the tube. 

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Dog loving video OK. 
What? 

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What did you want to do for a 
job when you were little? 

103
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Well, I've actually spoken 
extensively about what? 

104
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I've learned drama. 
Oh, that's the only thing I 

105
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wanted to that literally the 
only thing I ever want to say 

106
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any. 
I mean, there was a time where I

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was reading a book series and 
every it was like, I think it 

108
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was like 7 kids in this family, 
adult kids and each one had a 

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different crazy job. 
So as one was a cop like, but 

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not just a cop, it was like a 
homicide investigator or 

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something like that. 
One was an paramedic, paramedic,

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one was a paramedic, paramedic, 
paramedic, paramedic. 

113
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One was a paramedic, one was 
like a an author. 

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Like all those things. 
Every book I read, I wanted to 

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do the thing of the person I was
reading the book of. 

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00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:01,530
But I thought you wanted to 
become an author too. 

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I think you want to write books 
and. 

118
00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:04,390
Stuff, yeah. 
I mean, I've always anything 

119
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creative, like making movies, 
acting, being a singer, 

120
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songwriter, being a musician, 
writing a book. 

121
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Anything creative like that I've
had a moment of wanting to do, 

122
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but there's nothing that I was 
like, actually this is exactly 

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what I want, like acting. 
Have also wanted to be an actor 

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and an author. 
Well, here we are. 

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What? 
This is all a show, living at 

126
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our dreams, worried at all 
acting and I told. 

127
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,020
Them all the stuff, yeah. 
Yeah. 

128
00:06:33,140 --> 00:06:34,750
Come up with a whole story and 
everything. 

129
00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:37,110
I started writing it. 
I think I've got 3 words and 

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00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,750
I'm. 
Like classic, this isn't for me.

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Yeah, well, this, there's a few 
things like that in our past 

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that we've had the same 
interest, which is weird because

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we're such different people and 
we've discovered it every time. 

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00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:52,030
One being that we both played 
bass guitar, bass guitar, bass 

135
00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:54,750
clarinet, Yeah. 
Which is so random, yeah. 

136
00:06:55,630 --> 00:06:57,940
Yeah, I didn't know that. 
I did not do that. 

137
00:06:57,950 --> 00:06:58,840
That's right. 
Cause I did. 

138
00:06:58,850 --> 00:07:02,260
I was in like music class and I 
think I know I started with 

139
00:07:02,270 --> 00:07:06,200
keyboard and everywhere in music
class everyone wanted the 

140
00:07:06,210 --> 00:07:09,400
keyboard and by the time I got 
to an instrument that like was 

141
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left it was the base. 
Current Well, I play bass 

142
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clarinet all through high 
school, so I was a little more 

143
00:07:14,290 --> 00:07:17,410
accomplished, but I am very 
proud that we've we played the 

144
00:07:17,420 --> 00:07:20,460
same clarinet now. 
I didn't own one ever. 

145
00:07:20,550 --> 00:07:24,050
Yeah, so I did. 
You you owned a bass clarinet? 

146
00:07:24,060 --> 00:07:26,520
Think so. 
I think your bold face lying 

147
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:28,720
right now. 
Where's the bass clarinet? 

148
00:07:28,730 --> 00:07:35,270
Bold face lying. 
Alright, well, that's great. 

149
00:07:36,710 --> 00:07:40,270
I think I did. 
I think I owned it but. 

150
00:07:40,940 --> 00:07:43,360
You maybe you rented it like I 
did from school, I don't 

151
00:07:43,370 --> 00:07:44,770
remember. 
They're very expensive, like 

152
00:07:44,780 --> 00:07:47,270
$5000. 
Maybe I rented it. 

153
00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:49,420
Yeah, I borrowed it. 
From We could always ask you 

154
00:07:49,430 --> 00:07:52,710
mom, No. 
Anyway, ice has been broken. 

155
00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:54,610
We're going to dive into these 
conversations. 

156
00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:58,770
We're going to take a little 
break for a second and get some 

157
00:07:58,780 --> 00:08:06,530
energy. 
Honey, we need to chat. 

158
00:08:12,110 --> 00:08:12,970
Whoa. 
Welcome back. 

159
00:08:12,980 --> 00:08:14,040
We are back. 
Good. 

160
00:08:14,050 --> 00:08:16,940
We're back. 
Girl, we've got all the energy, 

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00:08:16,950 --> 00:08:17,880
girls. 
We're good. 

162
00:08:17,950 --> 00:08:19,540
We're getting there. 
Yeah, yeah. 

163
00:08:19,550 --> 00:08:21,720
Sorry about that. 
Speaking to you, make it am I. 

164
00:08:21,730 --> 00:08:25,040
Right, have 4 kids, they said. 
It'll be fun, they said. 

165
00:08:25,270 --> 00:08:29,940
No one said that, but it is fun.
But I'll say, all right, let's 

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00:08:29,950 --> 00:08:33,400
dive into these stories, Reddit 
stories on the topic of those 

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00:08:33,409 --> 00:08:37,470
hard conversations. 
We have hard conversations that 

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people navigate in relationships
that are sometimes necessary, 

169
00:08:42,059 --> 00:08:43,890
sometimes maybe not as 
necessary. 

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00:08:43,900 --> 00:08:47,510
But having the hard conversation
is a really important skill and 

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00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:49,950
not something that everybody 
knows how to tackle. 

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So we're going to discuss some 
of these. 

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Well, like a lot of people, 
steer away. 

174
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,350
From a boy. 
Too hard, I can't be bothered, 

175
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I'm too tired or whatever else. 
And yeah, for us, we want to 

176
00:09:01,740 --> 00:09:05,190
keep on pressing into those in 
the right way and in the right 

177
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:06,110
time. 
Exactly. 

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00:09:06,180 --> 00:09:07,440
Yeah. 
For the right motivation. 

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00:09:07,450 --> 00:09:08,530
Yeah. 
Yeah. 

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00:09:08,540 --> 00:09:12,860
So we're just gonna touch on 
these stories and explore how we

181
00:09:12,870 --> 00:09:15,310
might navigate them and explore 
a few angles. 

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00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:18,790
Dive right in. 
First story from our slash 

183
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,520
relationship. 
All of these stories will be our

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00:09:20,530 --> 00:09:24,150
slash relationship on Reddit. 
How do you tell your partner 

185
00:09:24,250 --> 00:09:26,780
that you need to hear them say 
something without feeling like 

186
00:09:26,790 --> 00:09:28,470
they're reading a script when 
they say it? 

187
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:32,850
Male 30 and female 22. 
I don't feel like my partner 

188
00:09:32,860 --> 00:09:35,370
cares or thinks about me. 
She keeps insisting that I 

189
00:09:35,380 --> 00:09:37,750
should just tell her what I 
need, but I don't need specific 

190
00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:39,150
things. 
I need evidence that she's 

191
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,610
thinking about me. 
Today she suggested we watch a 

192
00:09:41,620 --> 00:09:43,540
show we're currently watching 
together. 

193
00:09:43,740 --> 00:09:46,310
I was excited too, but then she 
remembered she wanted to run 

194
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:48,620
some errands. 
While at the grocery store, she 

195
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:50,690
overheard some teenagers making 
fun of her. 

196
00:09:51,020 --> 00:09:53,530
When I tried to console her, she
said it felt like a parent 

197
00:09:53,540 --> 00:09:56,370
talking to a child and she 
didn't want to be spoken to like

198
00:09:56,380 --> 00:09:58,530
that. 
It wasn't my intention and I 

199
00:09:58,540 --> 00:10:01,210
don't know how else to speak, so
I excused myself to our spare 

200
00:10:01,220 --> 00:10:03,930
bedroom. 
I texted her that I was done for

201
00:10:03,940 --> 00:10:06,090
the day and invited her to watch
the show by herself. 

202
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:08,260
I really want her to tell me 
that she doesn't want to watch 

203
00:10:08,270 --> 00:10:11,460
the show without me and I want 
to tell her that that's what I 

204
00:10:11,470 --> 00:10:13,800
need from her. 
But she's a people pleaser and I

205
00:10:13,810 --> 00:10:16,890
don't think I can believe her if
she repeats back to me what I 

206
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:19,860
have said I wanted to hear. 
How do I tell her what I what to

207
00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:21,680
say without telling her what to 
say? 

208
00:10:22,870 --> 00:10:27,400
I just want to say this is an 
example story. 

209
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:31,200
The actual story itself bit more
layers to it. 

210
00:10:31,740 --> 00:10:35,140
We'll discuss it, but I think 
this touches on something that 

211
00:10:35,150 --> 00:10:38,120
I've I resonate with a little 
bit and I think is pretty common

212
00:10:38,190 --> 00:10:41,250
where there's a certain thing 
that you need from your partner,

213
00:10:41,290 --> 00:10:45,170
but asking them for that feels 
like you're taking away some of 

214
00:10:45,180 --> 00:10:48,390
the authenticity of it and how 
to have that conversation 

215
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,910
without losing that. 
I'm a little bit confused over 

216
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,960
the story because multiple 
parts. 

217
00:10:55,270 --> 00:10:59,400
Can you break it down again? 
OK, so basically basically he 

218
00:10:59,410 --> 00:11:00,790
doesn't feel like she loves her 
very much. 

219
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,530
He doesn't feel like she shows 
her love for him very often. 

220
00:11:03,540 --> 00:11:05,850
Hmm. 
And she always says if you need 

221
00:11:05,860 --> 00:11:08,070
something, you tell me. 
But he doesn't necessarily know 

222
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:11,000
what he wants or how to ask it 
for from her. 

223
00:11:11,110 --> 00:11:13,670
Today he was excited about 
spending time with her because 

224
00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:15,360
she said she wanted to watch 
their show together. 

225
00:11:15,430 --> 00:11:18,040
She had to go grab something 
from the grocery store before 

226
00:11:18,050 --> 00:11:20,530
that and while she was there, 
something happened. 

227
00:11:20,540 --> 00:11:22,380
This is what It's a bit 
confusing to you too. 

228
00:11:22,690 --> 00:11:26,050
She ever heard people teasing 
her and then she got upset about

229
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:28,150
that he was trying to console 
her. 

230
00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,270
He got frustrated at how he did 
that. 

231
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:34,090
So he he was frustrated that 
this is where the layers come 

232
00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:36,190
in. 
Removed himself, Master Tran 

233
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,270
said. 
I don't want to watch the show 

234
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,760
with you tonight. 
You can watch it on your own 

235
00:11:38,860 --> 00:11:40,020
and. 
Only went to the spare. 

236
00:11:40,030 --> 00:11:41,330
Bed. 
He went to spare bedroom to do 

237
00:11:41,340 --> 00:11:43,960
that. 
All he wanted her to say was 

238
00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:45,600
that she didn't want to watch it
without him. 

239
00:11:45,650 --> 00:11:48,010
Even how I'm explaining this is 
just complicate you understand? 

240
00:11:48,020 --> 00:11:48,900
Hopefully. 
I think. 

241
00:11:48,910 --> 00:11:51,600
I think I'll get it now. 
Yeah, I'm going to break it down

242
00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:54,890
to a few different sections. 
I think that how they're 

243
00:11:54,900 --> 00:11:58,830
functioning has a few issues in 
it that are playing into this. 

244
00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:01,830
So there's there's probably more
topics than just the like the 

245
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:05,210
question that he asks, which is 
how do you get them to say 

246
00:12:05,220 --> 00:12:07,310
something to you that doesn't 
feel like a script? 

247
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:12,230
Basically, they are playing 
games in how how they're 

248
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:14,230
interacting. 
Well, at least he's playing 

249
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:18,770
games. 
Yeah, because he is reacting 

250
00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:20,970
very obviously. 
We didn't see the conversation. 

251
00:12:20,980 --> 00:12:23,590
In my opinion, he's reacting 
strangely over the. 

252
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,410
Top and coming sounds a bit 
childish. 

253
00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:28,120
It's like he's going and sulking
because she told him that she 

254
00:12:28,130 --> 00:12:31,070
doesn't want to be parented in 
the way he was comforting her. 

255
00:12:31,140 --> 00:12:33,790
And maybe she said that in a 
really rude way. 

256
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:34,780
Like, who knows? 
I don't know. 

257
00:12:34,790 --> 00:12:37,750
But I don't think there's ever 
been a time where we've removed 

258
00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:43,270
ourselves to have our moment, 
then held it against like, then 

259
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:45,660
played a game with it. 
Sort of like texting you to say.

260
00:12:46,690 --> 00:12:48,270
Can you? 
Watch it with you by yourself. 

261
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:50,570
Yeah, yeah, sending you a text 
from another. 

262
00:12:50,580 --> 00:12:52,720
Room, that's such a bizarre 
behaviour. 

263
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,440
Like I'm sure there's been times
around like I'm not in the mood 

264
00:12:55,450 --> 00:12:57,830
for this anymore. 
Like the the shifted, I'm not in

265
00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:00,870
the mood and that's OK. 
But I think all of these 

266
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,060
different things is playing into
this picture that's building in 

267
00:13:03,070 --> 00:13:04,670
my head where it's just a little
bit childish. 

268
00:13:04,980 --> 00:13:09,180
There's some weird stuff going 
on communication wise, so I 

269
00:13:09,190 --> 00:13:11,860
think there's stuff they'd have 
to iron out before this one 

270
00:13:11,870 --> 00:13:14,900
thing is, if that's how it's 
played out, you know, she's been

271
00:13:14,950 --> 00:13:17,140
upset by whatever it is she 
overheard. 

272
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:19,800
Then he was kind of babying her 
when he was consoling her. 

273
00:13:19,810 --> 00:13:20,850
And she's like, no, I don't like
that. 

274
00:13:20,860 --> 00:13:24,230
And then he's gone and sulked in
the room and texted her that he 

275
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:26,640
doesn't want to show. 
It's highly unlikely by that 

276
00:13:26,650 --> 00:13:28,500
stage that she's going to say 
no, I don't want to watch it 

277
00:13:28,510 --> 00:13:30,140
without you. 
Like who's gonna like you're 

278
00:13:30,150 --> 00:13:31,840
already, she's already 
frustrated and. 

279
00:13:31,850 --> 00:13:34,140
Supposed to be more frustrated. 
Yeah, I'd be like, OK, good. 

280
00:13:34,150 --> 00:13:35,460
I didn't wanna watch it with you
anymore. 

281
00:13:35,470 --> 00:13:37,690
Like you talking in your bedroom
in the spare bedroom. 

282
00:13:37,700 --> 00:13:41,140
Yeah. 
So I I think it's wishful 

283
00:13:41,150 --> 00:13:43,660
thinking that she's gonna just 
say that on her own. 

284
00:13:43,670 --> 00:13:47,700
Yeah, removing all of that 
background stuff, removing the 

285
00:13:47,710 --> 00:13:49,100
rest of the story that they've 
said. 

286
00:13:49,410 --> 00:13:53,540
If we just focus on the question
he's asked us, which is how do I

287
00:13:53,550 --> 00:13:57,700
get her to say this thing that I
want her to say without it then 

288
00:13:57,710 --> 00:14:01,470
feeling like a script? 
The reality is there will be 

289
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:03,880
times that we've spoken about 
this when we've referred to love

290
00:14:03,890 --> 00:14:07,580
languages where it will feel 
like a bit of a forced process, 

291
00:14:07,710 --> 00:14:10,340
receiving the love from your 
partner in the way that you 

292
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,670
wanted to. 
And I've definitely experienced 

293
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:15,700
this with you and I'm sure you 
felt this with me as well. 

294
00:14:15,710 --> 00:14:18,000
Like the gifts, for example, 
when I first started giving you 

295
00:14:18,010 --> 00:14:21,620
gifts, I'm sure it was just 
like, actually first gift ever. 

296
00:14:22,930 --> 00:14:24,650
Second head scratching. 
Yeah. 

297
00:14:24,660 --> 00:14:26,330
Yeah. 
Glare on our first Christmas 

298
00:14:26,340 --> 00:14:29,030
ever. 
But to be fair to me, we hadn't 

299
00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:30,580
discussed whether we're gonna do
presents. 

300
00:14:30,590 --> 00:14:32,430
And I don't think we're 
officially dating at that stage 

301
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:32,970
either. 
I think. 

302
00:14:32,980 --> 00:14:34,610
Or maybe we had been for a day 
or two. 

303
00:14:35,180 --> 00:14:41,190
He got me a $400.00 spa voucher 
for one of the local spas, and 

304
00:14:41,270 --> 00:14:44,830
which is incredible. 
And I had thought I had really 

305
00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:46,540
wrestled because I knew gifts 
were important to you. 

306
00:14:46,550 --> 00:14:49,590
And I was like, we haven't said 
we're going to do them, but I'm 

307
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:51,790
going to get him something 
anyway, so I'm to go without. 

308
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,970
I had bought him one of these 
little head stretch of things 

309
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:56,130
from like like a really cheap 
one. 

310
00:14:56,140 --> 00:14:57,940
I think it was a vibrating one, 
but it didn't. 

311
00:14:57,950 --> 00:15:01,290
Work. 
And, and I got it from like one 

312
00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:04,030
of these pop up stores in the in
the in the shops. 

313
00:15:04,340 --> 00:15:07,690
And then you had to give them to
each other on Christmas Day. 

314
00:15:07,780 --> 00:15:09,950
And didn't smash my window. 
That. 

315
00:15:10,380 --> 00:15:12,710
Yeah, because I was mowing your 
lawns. 

316
00:15:12,820 --> 00:15:13,930
But that wasn't my. 
Fault. 

317
00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:18,850
Well, no, but you caused pain. 
Cause pain anyway. 

318
00:15:18,860 --> 00:15:23,490
So I'm sure at the early stages 
the presence felt forced. 

319
00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:26,790
It was the same with there's 
times where, you know, words 

320
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,230
like we've spoken about weren't 
a natural way for you to show me

321
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:30,420
love. 
So there's times where those 

322
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:33,450
would have felt forced. 
And I think there has to be an 

323
00:15:33,460 --> 00:15:35,310
element of grace when you're 
learning those things. 

324
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:39,050
If you're one of your partner to
succeed in this area, you have 

325
00:15:39,060 --> 00:15:40,530
to have grace for them to be 
clunky. 

326
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:44,370
Absolutely you need grace, but 
you need to have that, that 

327
00:15:44,380 --> 00:15:47,010
teamwork in growing that, you 
know, I mean, because a lot of 

328
00:15:47,020 --> 00:15:49,290
the times where we're 
discovering things about 

329
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:52,450
ourselves. 
So for me to expect for you to 

330
00:15:52,460 --> 00:15:55,690
know exactly what I need, when I
need it, how I need it, whatever

331
00:15:55,700 --> 00:15:59,050
else, that's not fair. 
I don't think we could actually 

332
00:15:59,060 --> 00:16:02,980
communicate clearly in a if we 
didn't communicate clearly, you 

333
00:16:02,990 --> 00:16:05,550
know, I mean, like, I don't 
think, I don't think my needs 

334
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:09,480
would be clear to you if I don't
help you understand them. 

335
00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:10,750
Yeah. 
Doesn't make sense. 

336
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:11,570
Yeah. 
Yeah, Yeah. 

337
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:13,630
So, yeah. 
That that was all I was gonna 

338
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:14,060
say. 
Yeah. 

339
00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:18,870
So I think if the point is not 
just a matter of showing grace, 

340
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:23,330
we need to be aware that you 
need to have the conversation. 

341
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:27,270
You need to be able to share 
what you need because that's the

342
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:28,890
teamwork. 
That's the team growing. 

343
00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:31,770
Yeah. 
And I think this is, I think as 

344
00:16:31,780 --> 00:16:33,990
well, you need to remove 
yourself from the instance 

345
00:16:34,420 --> 00:16:37,920
because if his whole whole aim 
is that in this moment, this 

346
00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:40,250
night, she's going to message 
him and say, no, I can't wait. 

347
00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:42,140
I don't, I don't want to watch 
this without you. 

348
00:16:42,180 --> 00:16:46,000
And that's always focused on and
that will be the win for him or 

349
00:16:46,010 --> 00:16:50,020
the loss, depending on how it 
goes, that is is likely to fail,

350
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,520
especially because of the story 
we've just heard. 

351
00:16:53,110 --> 00:16:57,420
If his aim is it hurts when she 
doesn't say these things to me. 

352
00:16:57,470 --> 00:17:01,180
So I'm going to, we need to 
then, like you said, work as a 

353
00:17:01,190 --> 00:17:04,920
team in discovering what it is 
that I'm needing ongoing. 

354
00:17:04,930 --> 00:17:08,349
So in the future when this 
happens, she will know, oh I 

355
00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:10,880
actually need to hear from her 
that she enjoys having me there.

356
00:17:10,990 --> 00:17:12,420
Yeah, absolutely. 
Yeah. 

357
00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:15,460
So it's not you're not going to 
fix that environment that 

358
00:17:15,470 --> 00:17:18,060
moments not gonna be not a 
script. 

359
00:17:18,069 --> 00:17:20,050
If she's going to say it, it's 
going to sound like a script. 

360
00:17:20,060 --> 00:17:23,480
Thank if we have a look at this 
and kind of talk about how we 

361
00:17:23,490 --> 00:17:27,579
would talk about it. 
So he starts it off by saying I 

362
00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:29,780
don't feel like my partner cares
or thinks about me. 

363
00:17:29,790 --> 00:17:32,020
She keeps insisting that I 
should just tell her what I 

364
00:17:32,030 --> 00:17:33,840
need, but I don't need specific 
things. 

365
00:17:33,850 --> 00:17:36,360
I need evidence that she's 
thinking about me. 

366
00:17:36,410 --> 00:17:39,730
So that to me straight off the 
bat is a conversation about love

367
00:17:39,740 --> 00:17:41,460
languages. 
It's a conversation about that 

368
00:17:41,470 --> 00:17:44,660
kind of exploration together. 
And it sounds like they're not 

369
00:17:44,670 --> 00:17:47,100
having conversations. 
You know, I mean, it's a lot of 

370
00:17:47,170 --> 00:17:50,730
expectations and assumptions. 
Yeah, well, expectations on 

371
00:17:50,740 --> 00:17:53,030
assumptions. 
So it's like, I expect you to 

372
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:55,900
know this about me. 
I expect you to want to do this 

373
00:17:55,910 --> 00:17:58,330
stuff for me. 
But there's just no evidence 

374
00:17:58,340 --> 00:18:00,330
that they're actually exploring 
that together and growing in 

375
00:18:00,340 --> 00:18:00,840
that. 
Together. 

376
00:18:00,890 --> 00:18:04,360
Yeah, exactly. 
So he's saying she's like, tell 

377
00:18:04,370 --> 00:18:06,870
me what you need. 
And he's like, I don't need 

378
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:08,860
anything specific, I just need 
to know that you're thinking 

379
00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:10,230
about me. 
I don't think that's true. 

380
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:11,790
I think he does need something 
specific. 

381
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,970
So probably words, because it 
sounds like words are a thing 

382
00:18:14,980 --> 00:18:17,510
for him, but he needs to explore
that himself, obviously. 

383
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:21,870
Yeah, I mean words, quality 
time, you know, could be a bunch

384
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:25,100
of different things for sure. 
Yeah, just from this story, 

385
00:18:25,110 --> 00:18:26,740
that's what it sounds like to 
me. 

386
00:18:26,870 --> 00:18:30,380
So I think it's important. 
If if this was me, I would be 

387
00:18:30,390 --> 00:18:33,080
saying, and I have we have had 
this conversation where I've 

388
00:18:33,090 --> 00:18:36,570
said to you that I don't 
necessarily feel that you, I 

389
00:18:36,580 --> 00:18:38,380
don't feel your love. 
Hmm. 

390
00:18:38,590 --> 00:18:41,940
And I've also said actually 
almost exactly this, where I 

391
00:18:41,950 --> 00:18:43,860
don't feel like I take up much 
space in your head. 

392
00:18:43,870 --> 00:18:46,180
Sometimes There's been times 
where I felt that way. 

393
00:18:46,430 --> 00:18:49,210
And so that's like a really 
valid thing for him to raise 

394
00:18:49,220 --> 00:18:53,590
with her, I think. 
And then I can imagine as well 

395
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,880
receiving, will you tell me what
you need then is probably like a

396
00:18:56,890 --> 00:18:58,980
bit of a could be a brush off 
feeling as well. 

397
00:18:58,990 --> 00:19:00,590
Like also you just put it back 
on me. 

398
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,830
You just need me to tell you 
what I need, which is kind of 

399
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:05,430
Fair. 
Like you do need that person to 

400
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:09,170
tell you what they need. 
Like we've said, it's until you 

401
00:19:09,180 --> 00:19:12,490
can communicate what's going on 
for you, it's not really fair to

402
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:14,270
expect it back from your 
partner. 

403
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:18,450
But if I was his partner, I 
would want to explore that with 

404
00:19:18,460 --> 00:19:19,930
him. 
I wouldn't necessarily just be 

405
00:19:19,940 --> 00:19:24,080
like, tell me what you need. 
I'd be like, well, like what? 

406
00:19:24,090 --> 00:19:26,620
What has made you felt the love 
the most, which is conversation 

407
00:19:26,630 --> 00:19:28,010
we've had? 
Like what things have stood out 

408
00:19:28,020 --> 00:19:29,210
to you? 
You've told me about the mug 

409
00:19:29,220 --> 00:19:30,870
that you love. 
Not this one. 

410
00:19:32,370 --> 00:19:33,940
It's a good one. 
It is a good one. 

411
00:19:34,030 --> 00:19:36,120
It's the second good one. 
Yeah. 

412
00:19:36,590 --> 00:19:39,860
So I think I would start there, 
start with that conversation, 

413
00:19:39,870 --> 00:19:41,870
exploring it. 
What is it that's made you feel 

414
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:45,820
loved before? 
If she loves him, she would want

415
00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:47,220
him to feel loved. 
Hmm. 

416
00:19:47,260 --> 00:19:49,690
So it should be a challenge that
they take on together. 

417
00:19:51,150 --> 00:19:54,740
Yeah, and I, I just see it 
easily falling into complacency,

418
00:19:54,890 --> 00:19:57,200
you know, in her response. 
So we were saying, yeah, if this

419
00:19:57,210 --> 00:20:01,740
was us in this position. 
Alright, so I don't know if you 

420
00:20:01,750 --> 00:20:05,200
wanna do role playing. 
Right. 

421
00:20:06,940 --> 00:20:08,540
Alright, so you're the guy. 
Hmm. 

422
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:13,510
On the girl, let's flip that. 
You can say the girl outside the

423
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:14,070
guy. 
Yeah. 

424
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:17,710
I think first of all, there's 
different layers. 

425
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:20,160
So how would we address this? 
I think the first thing that we 

426
00:20:20,170 --> 00:20:23,890
would have actually addressed is
his response and just leaving, 

427
00:20:23,940 --> 00:20:25,450
walking away and not coming 
back. 

428
00:20:25,460 --> 00:20:28,830
That's it's escaping, it's 
moving on. 

429
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:30,450
It's not addressing. 
It's. 

430
00:20:30,510 --> 00:20:32,750
Yeah, I think that would be the 
first thing that we talk about 

431
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:36,110
is no, we need a process. 
This is obviously something that

432
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:37,950
we need to work on, so let's 
work on it. 

433
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:41,100
Let's not just leave it and be 
like I'm sulking now. 

434
00:20:41,310 --> 00:20:43,100
I'm not even gonna sleep in the 
same bed as you. 

435
00:20:43,210 --> 00:20:46,040
Yeah. 
It feels so minor of a thing for

436
00:20:46,050 --> 00:20:49,960
that to be the response. 
Yeah, but it's one either he 

437
00:20:49,970 --> 00:20:54,240
could be a bit sensitive and 
dramatic or it could be actually

438
00:20:54,250 --> 00:20:57,200
there's quite a lot of things 
building up in here and he's 

439
00:20:57,210 --> 00:21:00,070
it's just hurting him, right. 
Either way, I don't think I 

440
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:03,660
response is the right response 
and we neither of us would be OK

441
00:21:03,670 --> 00:21:05,380
if either of us did that to each
other. 

442
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,920
Then I think it would be a 
matter of OK, both of them are 

443
00:21:08,930 --> 00:21:13,430
having communication issues. 
One, he's saying that she's not 

444
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,890
speaking love to him. 
He's not feeling that from her. 

445
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:19,170
So it is a love language 
conversation. 

446
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:22,890
Yeah, to she's saying that she 
doesn't like the way that he 

447
00:21:22,900 --> 00:21:25,570
spoke to her about comforting 
her and stuff like that too. 

448
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,210
So I feel like there's and 
there's other courses and, and 

449
00:21:28,220 --> 00:21:30,070
things we could look into the 
future. 

450
00:21:30,140 --> 00:21:34,030
There's the love languages, but 
there's also an apology language

451
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,350
as well. 
There's all these different 

452
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:40,240
things and again, the way that a
big thing that I've had to learn

453
00:21:40,250 --> 00:21:43,790
again, and a lot of guys do 
don't fix it for you. 

454
00:21:43,830 --> 00:21:47,720
You know what I mean? 
And again, I learn that and, and

455
00:21:47,730 --> 00:21:51,240
still am very much learning that
cause my mind constantly goes to

456
00:21:51,250 --> 00:21:53,930
fix it mode and I am learning 
that through the conversations 

457
00:21:53,940 --> 00:21:57,030
that we're having. 
So that's the layers that I'll 

458
00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:59,080
break it down to. 
It's actually a great story to 

459
00:21:59,090 --> 00:22:02,940
start off to today's episode 
because it's it's just 

460
00:22:02,950 --> 00:22:05,460
highlighting again that the 
conversation isn't happening. 

461
00:22:05,470 --> 00:22:07,780
And from his response, it 
doesn't sound like he's willing 

462
00:22:07,790 --> 00:22:11,870
in that moment. 
And for us, we would press in in

463
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:15,030
the right time, in the right way
and address it. 

464
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:16,870
Address it like, not just drop 
it off. 

465
00:22:16,930 --> 00:22:18,570
So I think that's a big thing 
for this one. 

466
00:22:18,580 --> 00:22:20,150
Yeah, it's a good one to start 
with. 

467
00:22:20,220 --> 00:22:23,710
Yeah. 
Hey guys, just wanted to pop in 

468
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,930
and take a SEC to talk about the
extra content you can find over 

469
00:22:26,940 --> 00:22:29,190
on our Patreon and our Spotify 
subscription. 

470
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:32,020
We have a fun little community 
growing over there with extra 

471
00:22:32,030 --> 00:22:34,610
episodes, extra stories. 
We're also going to have 

472
00:22:34,620 --> 00:22:38,050
resources, messages back and 
forth, and also submitting 

473
00:22:38,340 --> 00:22:40,730
listener stories through that 
portal as well. 

474
00:22:40,740 --> 00:22:44,430
So sorry outro. 
Themes If you want to be a part 

475
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:47,890
of our closer knit community 
here at Honey, we need to chat. 

476
00:22:47,900 --> 00:22:52,010
Please hop on over to Patreon or
Spotify subscriptions and join 

477
00:22:52,020 --> 00:22:53,430
us there. 
We would love to see you. 

478
00:22:53,540 --> 00:22:54,920
Thanks guys. 
Thanks. 

479
00:22:56,740 --> 00:22:59,680
Well, on to the second one then.
Yeah, what's the 2nd? 

480
00:22:59,690 --> 00:23:02,540
One second one is fiance won't 
stop talking about weight. 

481
00:23:02,610 --> 00:23:05,380
What should I do to get her to 
stop bringing it up constantly? 

482
00:23:06,700 --> 00:23:09,020
The tough one. 
And a big one. 

483
00:23:09,030 --> 00:23:09,720
Huge one. 
Yeah. 

484
00:23:10,530 --> 00:23:15,680
So my 28 male girlfriend, 25 
female, is not as skinny as she 

485
00:23:15,690 --> 00:23:18,460
was a few years ago. 
She keeps saying that she's fat,

486
00:23:18,470 --> 00:23:20,690
but she is not. 
I'll admit she's not skinny, but

487
00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:23,320
she's not overweight. 
Yesterday she told me a coworker

488
00:23:23,330 --> 00:23:26,560
at her new job that she worked 
with a few years ago said she 

489
00:23:26,570 --> 00:23:29,990
was fat now. 
Then again today I told her that

490
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,700
that wasn't the case and that 
this coworker who she barely 

491
00:23:32,710 --> 00:23:35,920
knows is insane and incredibly 
insecure to bring it up twice 

492
00:23:35,930 --> 00:23:39,550
within less than 24 hours. 
I've already discussed lifestyle

493
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,000
changes that we can both make so
we can look our best for our 

494
00:23:42,010 --> 00:23:44,570
wedding in six months. 
She's probably brought this up 

495
00:23:44,580 --> 00:23:46,550
around 10 times in the last 
three months. 

496
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,830
I want to be understanding but 
nothing I say makes it better. 

497
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,600
She knows it's a sore subject 
but still brings it up. 

498
00:23:52,780 --> 00:23:55,370
I listen, but it's kind of 
driving me crazy when I have to 

499
00:23:55,380 --> 00:23:57,510
deal with her calling herself 
fat when she isn't. 

500
00:23:57,900 --> 00:24:00,690
It hurts me to see a beautiful 
person beat herself up when she 

501
00:24:00,700 --> 00:24:02,490
looks great. 
Maybe she needs therapy. 

502
00:24:02,500 --> 00:24:06,630
I have no idea what to do. 
This is a really common issue. 

503
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:10,260
Yeah, yeah. 
So for so many reasons. 

504
00:24:10,650 --> 00:24:14,390
I'm actually really looking for 
this conversation because this 

505
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,540
has been like knowing how to 
talk about this topic has been 

506
00:24:17,550 --> 00:24:18,780
really, really hard. 
Yeah. 

507
00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:23,290
And I think it is for a lot of 
guys as well to know how to have

508
00:24:23,300 --> 00:24:26,180
a conversation, you know, 
because it's such a sensitive 

509
00:24:26,270 --> 00:24:30,320
thing and rightly so. 
But I want I want to hear from 

510
00:24:30,330 --> 00:24:34,180
your perspective on a lot of 
your thoughts on this topic. 

511
00:24:35,540 --> 00:24:38,670
So layered this topic and that's
why it's so complicated. 

512
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:41,290
And I think each story is going 
to be different. 

513
00:24:41,300 --> 00:24:45,100
So his story is coming out from 
a perspective of she isn't fat. 

514
00:24:45,110 --> 00:24:47,550
She keeps saying she's fat and 
she's bringing it up all the 

515
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:48,570
time. 
I don't know what to do. 

516
00:24:48,940 --> 00:24:51,110
I don't know how to tell her to 
stop talking about this kind of 

517
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:53,780
thing. 
And also that he has suggested 

518
00:24:53,790 --> 00:24:57,910
practical ways to work on the 
weight, but she hasn't taken 

519
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,550
those up. 
And that's the classic trying to

520
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:02,210
fix. 
Something exactly. 

521
00:25:02,290 --> 00:25:05,270
So there's in this instance, 
there's a few things that come 

522
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:07,680
to mind right away. 
It is obvious that she's 

523
00:25:07,690 --> 00:25:10,070
insecure about this. 
The first thing is it's an 

524
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:13,310
insecurity and an insecurity is 
separate to facts. 

525
00:25:13,770 --> 00:25:16,960
So there's a fact that she has 
gained weight. 

526
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:22,550
There's a fat, fat, you know 
it's gonna do that. 

527
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:27,370
Nothing on it. 
There's a fact. 

528
00:25:29,050 --> 00:25:33,740
There's a fact that she is not 
overweight as his perspective at

529
00:25:33,750 --> 00:25:35,600
least. 
The fact is she isn't 

530
00:25:36,030 --> 00:25:38,940
overweight, but she's also not 
skinny. 

531
00:25:38,950 --> 00:25:41,750
So there's a facts, there's a 
separate to the emotional side 

532
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,350
of things and then there's 
insecurities. 

533
00:25:44,570 --> 00:25:52,150
And we have walked this journey 
from from my side many times in 

534
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:54,130
many different ways. 
And we'll probably continue to 

535
00:25:54,140 --> 00:25:57,630
do that because it's such a 
complicated issue. 

536
00:25:57,740 --> 00:26:01,100
And we have our own children and
one of those is a daughter. 

537
00:26:01,110 --> 00:26:04,310
And doesn't mean it's only girls
navigate this, but it's just 

538
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:08,320
seems more common in that area, 
so we're probably gonna walk in 

539
00:26:08,330 --> 00:26:10,960
that way too. 
When you're navigating your 

540
00:26:10,970 --> 00:26:14,540
partner in an insecurity, it is 
a different thing to navigating 

541
00:26:14,550 --> 00:26:21,310
a fact. 
So he's aware of the facts and 

542
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:24,260
he's hopefully aware that she's 
insecure because if someone's 

543
00:26:24,270 --> 00:26:27,440
raising it this many times, that
sounds insecure, so he should be

544
00:26:27,490 --> 00:26:30,670
reading those signs. 
So there's a whole different way

545
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:33,040
of going about it when you're 
talking about that insecurity. 

546
00:26:33,050 --> 00:26:37,140
And I think the biggest thing 
for me is the curiosity that we 

547
00:26:37,150 --> 00:26:41,290
mentioned a lot on the podcast, 
because if you come in trying to

548
00:26:41,300 --> 00:26:44,490
fix it when someone's insecure 
about something, about their 

549
00:26:44,500 --> 00:26:48,300
physical appearance and often 
wait, then you get tripped up in

550
00:26:48,310 --> 00:26:50,350
this thing where it's like, oh, 
so you do think of that. 

551
00:26:50,390 --> 00:26:51,270
Yeah. 
Yeah. 

552
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:52,550
So you do think I've got a 
problem. 

553
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:55,270
So you do think that I shouldn't
be the way that I am or I'm not 

554
00:26:55,280 --> 00:27:01,150
as valuable the way that I am 
and it just is a big trap, which

555
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:03,810
is really upsetting because it 
shouldn't necessarily be that 

556
00:27:03,820 --> 00:27:05,310
way. 
But it is. 

557
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:06,770
It is that way. 
Yeah. 

558
00:27:06,780 --> 00:27:09,610
But I can see from his 
perspective and from a guy's 

559
00:27:09,620 --> 00:27:12,100
perspective, your perspective, I
can see how complicated it must 

560
00:27:12,110 --> 00:27:14,750
be to navigate this because, you
know, the times where you've 

561
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:17,710
heard me complain about my 
weight and then in your head 

562
00:27:18,230 --> 00:27:19,930
been like, well, I can't tell 
her. 

563
00:27:19,940 --> 00:27:22,910
Like, maybe we should start 
walking or something like that. 

564
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:24,570
Like, you can't. 
It's you. 

565
00:27:24,580 --> 00:27:27,090
I would feel like my hands were 
tied a lot in these 

566
00:27:27,100 --> 00:27:29,890
conversations. 
Imagine it would be. 

567
00:27:29,900 --> 00:27:31,570
Complicated. 
Can I paint a scenario like 

568
00:27:31,580 --> 00:27:35,690
yeah, Arsenal. 
Yeah, so and you guys might 

569
00:27:35,700 --> 00:27:39,470
remember a couple of weeks ago 
and I mentioned the chat Jai 

570
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,820
came up with a question was what
something is hard to bring up 

571
00:27:42,830 --> 00:27:45,770
and this was it for me. 
Is this was the the hard thing 

572
00:27:45,780 --> 00:27:47,250
to bring? 
Up, not the weight. 

573
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,810
Not, not the weight is. 
Amy mentions about how she wants

574
00:27:50,820 --> 00:27:52,930
to walk in the mornings and so 
forth. 

575
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:56,710
And I encourage you to walk in 
the mornings, but you don't do 

576
00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:59,190
it. 
And then I'm like, well, I, I 

577
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,440
know that five start going down 
this line. 

578
00:28:01,450 --> 00:28:05,040
If I bring it up again, it's 
going to cause it's, it's, it's 

579
00:28:05,050 --> 00:28:07,910
pricking in insecurity. 
And I know that and we've, we've

580
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:09,790
shared 10 years of that journey,
right? 

581
00:28:10,860 --> 00:28:14,890
It's not any easier to bring up.
And it's actually something I 

582
00:28:14,900 --> 00:28:18,360
wanna keep talking about because
I don't know how to support you 

583
00:28:18,370 --> 00:28:19,910
in this way. 
This is actually something I 

584
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:22,730
don't know how to support you 
in, but I really do want to. 

585
00:28:23,580 --> 00:28:25,630
But it's not even just a matter 
of supporting. 

586
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:28,030
It's a matter of how do I even 
have the conversation? 

587
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:35,280
Because every time I do, it's 
like not, not the yellow, not 

588
00:28:35,290 --> 00:28:40,330
that you've exaggerated or blown
up, but it does it. 

589
00:28:40,380 --> 00:28:42,810
The conversation turns into 
something that it wasn't meant 

590
00:28:42,820 --> 00:28:44,050
to be. 
A lot bigger. 

591
00:28:44,100 --> 00:28:47,390
Yeah, exactly. 
So I brought up like, well, you 

592
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:49,140
know, I don't know how to talk 
to you about walking in the 

593
00:28:49,150 --> 00:28:52,240
mornings and that just trickled 
a whole other thought for you. 

594
00:28:52,250 --> 00:28:54,290
I'm like, no, literally, cause 
you mentioned do you want to 

595
00:28:54,300 --> 00:28:56,190
walk in the mornings and you 
haven't been doing that. 

596
00:28:56,200 --> 00:29:00,910
How can I support you in that? 
My response is, well, all you 

597
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:02,850
need to do, Amy, you need to 
send alarm. 

598
00:29:02,860 --> 00:29:04,850
You need to get that. 
We've got a dog now. 

599
00:29:04,860 --> 00:29:07,960
It helps you, you just go for a 
little walk everyday. 

600
00:29:07,970 --> 00:29:11,060
Just focus on and I'll go 
straight down to the, the 

601
00:29:11,070 --> 00:29:15,520
practicalities and the the facts
of what you need to do. 

602
00:29:15,590 --> 00:29:19,100
And that's not what you need. 
I know it's not what you need, 

603
00:29:19,110 --> 00:29:21,940
but I can't get my brain out of 
that mode. 

604
00:29:21,990 --> 00:29:24,520
So This is why it's so hard. 
It's not just a matter of how 

605
00:29:24,530 --> 00:29:27,140
you respond. 
I just know the what, the way 

606
00:29:27,150 --> 00:29:29,300
that I want to approach it is 
not helpful. 

607
00:29:29,790 --> 00:29:32,740
And as well, I'm someone like I,
I'm sitting on this for a couple

608
00:29:32,750 --> 00:29:36,860
of days and because I was 
literally walking the dog one 

609
00:29:36,870 --> 00:29:40,110
day and I was thinking through 
it, I'm like, oh man, I know 

610
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:42,630
that Amy, how can I support Amy 
in this? 

611
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:46,290
How can I encourage her to do 
the things that she wants to do?

612
00:29:46,340 --> 00:29:49,620
You've been on an amazing 
fitness journey for the whole 

613
00:29:49,630 --> 00:29:52,110
time that I've known you. 
You've really worked hard the 

614
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:54,450
motion at this year and last 
year, right? 

615
00:29:54,460 --> 00:29:55,990
You've been doing really, really
great. 

616
00:29:56,080 --> 00:30:00,550
And we've spoken about our goals
we want to achieve in fitness so

617
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:03,950
that when we are older, we are 
capable, like we can move and, 

618
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:06,830
you know, we're not bound to the
seat because we can't get up, 

619
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:09,870
right. 
So that's what's in my mind on 

620
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:12,150
this walk. 
And like, I, I really want to 

621
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,230
encourage you, but I don't know 
how to bring it up. 

622
00:30:15,300 --> 00:30:17,410
Yeah. 
And then I brought it up because

623
00:30:17,420 --> 00:30:21,410
it was a question from the chat 
jar and the conversation wasn't 

624
00:30:21,420 --> 00:30:23,710
great. 
You know, I mean, it was, it was

625
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:28,110
a good ending, but we didn't 
actually discuss the thing 

626
00:30:28,180 --> 00:30:30,530
because. 
Yeah, the conversation wasn't 

627
00:30:30,540 --> 00:30:36,090
bad, that the reason that that 
conversation got derailed is so 

628
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:38,530
it's so dynamic. 
I know. 

629
00:30:38,540 --> 00:30:40,730
And this is, I wanna have this 
conversation now, I don't want 

630
00:30:40,740 --> 00:30:42,850
to be wrong cause I know, I 
know. 

631
00:30:42,860 --> 00:30:46,550
It's, it's how I've said it too.
And I can't get out of my head. 

632
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:49,190
Yeah, I get it on how to say it 
and I wanna learn that. 

633
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:51,130
How do I bring this up? 
How do I support? 

634
00:30:51,140 --> 00:30:54,650
You but that's why I'm laughing 
is because literally, literally 

635
00:30:54,860 --> 00:30:57,760
you saying it carefully 
irritates the crap out. 

636
00:30:58,060 --> 00:31:01,120
So like you being like how? 
Because this is how you brought 

637
00:31:01,130 --> 00:31:04,390
it up daily. 
I want to know how to talk to 

638
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:07,240
you about walking. 
So to me, I'm just like, Oh my 

639
00:31:07,250 --> 00:31:11,500
God, like if you had said I want
to know how to talk to you about

640
00:31:11,950 --> 00:31:14,610
like going for your morning 
walks, I still probably would 

641
00:31:14,620 --> 00:31:17,480
have been like sensitive to it, 
but it just but. 

642
00:31:17,490 --> 00:31:20,380
And so you do this not always 
keep getting better at it, but 

643
00:31:20,390 --> 00:31:22,380
when you're trying to bring up 
the thing that's kind of hard, 

644
00:31:22,390 --> 00:31:28,930
you'll say you said you didn't 
want to get takeout or something

645
00:31:28,940 --> 00:31:30,950
like that. 
And so then I'm more irritated 

646
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:33,230
at the attitude behind it 
instead of being like you said 

647
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:36,040
you didn't want to get take up. 
But I totally get why you. 

648
00:31:36,050 --> 00:31:39,170
Trying to be sensitive. 
Sensitive thing. 

649
00:31:39,180 --> 00:31:45,730
So I'm gonna be like you said, 
you didn't wanna and so it's I 

650
00:31:45,740 --> 00:31:51,230
understand how unfair it is. 
Like I really get that it's such

651
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:55,690
a dynamic thing because if 
there's a hint that my value is 

652
00:31:56,060 --> 00:32:00,330
dependent on my fitness or my 
weight or that I am, I'm a 

653
00:32:00,340 --> 00:32:05,070
better person or I'm a more, I'm
morally better or I'm like, I'm 

654
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,990
just the, the better. 
I don't know what other words 

655
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:11,830
put to it because I'm doing hard
work with my fitness or I'm 

656
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:15,310
doing hard work my nutrition, 
I'm making wise choices with my 

657
00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:19,070
activity. 
It really, because I'm so these 

658
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:22,400
insecurities are so deeply 
ingrained into who I am, it 

659
00:32:22,410 --> 00:32:25,320
really triggers that for me and 
for me, my response to those 

660
00:32:25,330 --> 00:32:28,540
things is not work harder, which
some peoples it is some people 

661
00:32:28,550 --> 00:32:30,430
that are insecure to these 
things would be like, yeah, no, 

662
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:32,700
I gotta work harder. 
And they get like more, more 

663
00:32:32,710 --> 00:32:35,680
intense with the thing, which is
also a problem. 

664
00:32:35,730 --> 00:32:38,640
It just looks positive, but 
really deeply it's, it's a 

665
00:32:38,650 --> 00:32:40,660
problem. 
But for me, my reaction is I 

666
00:32:40,670 --> 00:32:43,680
shut down and I, I get real like
stuck in my head and just like 

667
00:32:43,690 --> 00:32:46,160
feel like I can't do anything. 
So then I'll do even less. 

668
00:32:46,570 --> 00:32:51,310
And so it's just such a 
complicated issue that really I 

669
00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:54,800
think the major thing is just 
the continual work on the inside

670
00:32:54,810 --> 00:32:58,860
stuff and how you support me 
through that is, is really 

671
00:32:58,870 --> 00:33:01,380
tough. 
And I, I don't know the answer 

672
00:33:01,650 --> 00:33:03,720
for those things. 
I. 

673
00:33:03,940 --> 00:33:05,900
Completely get that. 
And that's The thing is like, 

674
00:33:05,910 --> 00:33:07,700
alright, well, how do we move 
forward? 

675
00:33:07,830 --> 00:33:11,530
Do you know? 
I mean, like, I, yeah, I, I, I 

676
00:33:11,540 --> 00:33:14,020
do try and be very sensitive to 
it. 

677
00:33:14,030 --> 00:33:17,560
And I just, I don't know, just 
hearing you say the way that I 

678
00:33:17,570 --> 00:33:18,820
say I'm like, yeah. 
I do. 

679
00:33:20,100 --> 00:33:25,030
I'm, I'm so cautious and so 
aware of how it affects you and 

680
00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:28,930
I'm trying my hardest to say it 
in the right way. 

681
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:32,510
Yeah, I know as I'm saying it, 
it's not the right way, but I'm 

682
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:34,510
like, I have no clue. 
Like. 

683
00:33:34,580 --> 00:33:38,610
Yeah, it's, it is. 
The reality is it is an unfair 

684
00:33:38,620 --> 00:33:40,930
expectation that you're just 
going to know how to navigate. 

685
00:33:40,940 --> 00:33:45,100
I don't know how to navigate. 
So it's would be even harder for

686
00:33:45,110 --> 00:33:49,010
someone who's not in the same 
headspace to navigate that. 

687
00:33:49,310 --> 00:33:53,450
So it's, I believe it's a really
unfair thing that a lot of guys 

688
00:33:53,460 --> 00:33:58,430
get stuck with this complicated 
dance that people have to do 

689
00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:01,520
with insecurities, I think. 
And like, I think when you're in

690
00:34:01,530 --> 00:34:03,370
a relationship, you have unfair 
things. 

691
00:34:03,420 --> 00:34:07,180
You do have to carry different 
burdens for each other, but I 

692
00:34:07,190 --> 00:34:09,719
think the unfair side of it is 
the attitude that some people 

693
00:34:09,730 --> 00:34:13,120
have about it where it's like, 
oh, guys, guys will never know 

694
00:34:13,130 --> 00:34:15,600
how to communicate about this. 
No, they probably don't because 

695
00:34:15,610 --> 00:34:18,620
they're they're not gonna say 
like it would be so complicated 

696
00:34:18,670 --> 00:34:21,330
to be trying to have that 
conversation from an external. 

697
00:34:21,340 --> 00:34:26,270
I totally understand how 
difficult it is purely because I

698
00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:28,760
don't even know how to have it 
and I'm the one navigating it. 

699
00:34:29,290 --> 00:34:31,750
I feel like a lot of women 
struggle to talk to women about 

700
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:32,969
it too. 
Yeah, right. 

701
00:34:32,980 --> 00:34:36,830
Cause again, I, I see a lot of 
comments and things that women 

702
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:40,920
talking about society puts this 
pressure on women in media puts 

703
00:34:40,929 --> 00:34:43,350
this pressure on women to look 
at certain look a certain way 

704
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:45,070
and so forth. 
So there's all this external 

705
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,830
pressure that even women don't 
know how to navigate that 

706
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:50,409
conversation too. 
So of course guys struggle with 

707
00:34:50,420 --> 00:34:53,150
it. 
But at the same time, like you, 

708
00:34:53,159 --> 00:34:55,409
you mentioned, you know, it's, 
it's unfair to put that burden 

709
00:34:55,420 --> 00:34:57,520
on. 
I mean, we all bring our stuff 

710
00:34:57,530 --> 00:35:00,070
though. 
Do you mean like it's not a fair

711
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:01,260
thing? 
Well, that's what I mean. 

712
00:35:01,270 --> 00:35:04,100
Relationships aren't fair. 
It's exactly. 

713
00:35:04,110 --> 00:35:08,240
So for me, it's like, well, no, 
this is I think last episode we 

714
00:35:08,250 --> 00:35:13,700
spoke about how how I feel like 
I put more on our family because

715
00:35:13,710 --> 00:35:18,020
a lot of my stuff is external. 
You know, I mean, this is still 

716
00:35:18,030 --> 00:35:21,060
a very internal thing for you. 
And that's where it's hard to 

717
00:35:21,070 --> 00:35:25,710
bring up to because I know it's 
such a real thing for you, but I

718
00:35:25,720 --> 00:35:27,730
know it's internal for you. 
Yeah. 

719
00:35:27,820 --> 00:35:30,190
And that's where it's hard to 
talk about cause like, how do I 

720
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:33,330
draw that out so we can work on 
it? 

721
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:36,880
But at the same time, I don't 
wanna just draw it out. 

722
00:35:36,890 --> 00:35:40,560
Yeah, I wanna draw it exactly. 
I wanna, I wanna lift you up 

723
00:35:40,750 --> 00:35:42,580
because the end of the day it's 
not. 

724
00:35:42,670 --> 00:35:46,270
I don't want you to come across 
of like, I think you are the 

725
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:48,300
most unfit person. 
I think you should do this, 

726
00:35:48,310 --> 00:35:50,550
that, this, that. 
I was like, no, actually, I know

727
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:53,670
the goals that you set for 
yourself and I wanna be the guy 

728
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:55,770
on the sidelines cheering you 
on. 

729
00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:59,070
And I wanna carry you if I can, 
you know, jump the sidelines and

730
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:02,070
come and carry you if I can. 
But I have no clue how to do 

731
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:04,140
that in the way that's actually 
going to lift you up. 

732
00:36:05,110 --> 00:36:09,780
So I, well, what do you think we
could do going forward from here

733
00:36:09,790 --> 00:36:10,970
then? 
Cause like you said, you don't 

734
00:36:10,980 --> 00:36:12,600
even know what to do. 
What? 

735
00:36:12,610 --> 00:36:15,620
What can we do? 
I think the reinforcement of my 

736
00:36:15,630 --> 00:36:17,980
value, hmm. 
And that would be I think the 

737
00:36:17,990 --> 00:36:20,620
case across the board. 
Similarly to when I was like, 

738
00:36:20,670 --> 00:36:22,780
I'm not, I know you don't think 
I'm the most beautiful girl in 

739
00:36:22,790 --> 00:36:24,460
the world. 
And then you went on to explain,

740
00:36:24,470 --> 00:36:27,820
actually you are because of who 
you are to me. 

741
00:36:27,890 --> 00:36:30,060
And all of that is what beauty 
is. 

742
00:36:30,370 --> 00:36:32,950
So it wasn't just you're the 
most beautiful person in the 

743
00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:35,960
world and that's it and move on.
Hmm. 

744
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:39,170
Because This is why. 
So I think when you're 

745
00:36:39,180 --> 00:36:42,780
navigating someone who's 
insecure in a space, continuing 

746
00:36:42,790 --> 00:36:47,310
to reassure them of how valuable
they are to you is really 

747
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:50,240
important. 
So the times are you reassure me

748
00:36:50,250 --> 00:36:54,330
of how I am, how beautiful I am 
to you, or how valuable the 

749
00:36:54,340 --> 00:36:58,460
things that you draw out about 
my value outside of my looks. 

750
00:36:58,510 --> 00:37:02,480
It's huge for me because when 
you've got an insecurity that's 

751
00:37:02,490 --> 00:37:10,130
physical, whether it's like 
valid or not, Hmm, It, it is so 

752
00:37:10,140 --> 00:37:12,650
changeable. 
It's so like vulnerable feeling 

753
00:37:12,660 --> 00:37:17,080
because I have found even when I
got fitter and I lost weight, my

754
00:37:17,090 --> 00:37:20,550
insecurities didn't disappear. 
That they're separate issues. 

755
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:24,050
So the facts that she's, she's 
not skinny, but she's not 

756
00:37:24,060 --> 00:37:26,830
overweight is a separate issue 
to her thinking she's fat. 

757
00:37:27,100 --> 00:37:29,780
They're there are two things to 
navigate. 

758
00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:35,610
And so if you can continue to 
encourage and and uplift me in 

759
00:37:35,620 --> 00:37:38,840
those spaces on my values, not 
my my appearance, your 

760
00:37:38,850 --> 00:37:42,780
appearance doesn't change your 
attraction because appearance 

761
00:37:42,830 --> 00:37:47,340
being what your attraction is 
based on is the most stupid, 

762
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:52,660
like vulnerable, crumbly thing 
because everybody ages and 

763
00:37:52,670 --> 00:37:55,380
everybody changes. 
So like no one can avoid that. 

764
00:37:55,390 --> 00:37:57,720
And if you try to avoid it, you 
end up looking totally different

765
00:37:57,730 --> 00:37:59,580
as well. 
So it's if that's where that's 

766
00:37:59,590 --> 00:38:02,860
sitting, that's just so 
vulnerable and honestly mind 

767
00:38:02,870 --> 00:38:06,020
boggling to me. 
So the more that that someone in

768
00:38:06,030 --> 00:38:09,450
a relationship with someone 
who's insecure can reassure them

769
00:38:09,460 --> 00:38:13,250
of their value outside of their 
appearance, outside of their 

770
00:38:13,260 --> 00:38:16,210
insecurity, can point out the 
things that are the opposite. 

771
00:38:16,220 --> 00:38:19,170
So you pointing out the things 
that I add value to that have 

772
00:38:19,180 --> 00:38:21,850
nothing to that have just to do 
with my internal self, like who 

773
00:38:21,860 --> 00:38:24,950
I am rather than how I look 
super helpful. 

774
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:28,530
And you do that. 
And then in terms of goals, I 

775
00:38:28,540 --> 00:38:32,080
think fitness goals, health 
goals, internal external health,

776
00:38:32,090 --> 00:38:34,390
like all of the health stuff 
that's all tied in together, 

777
00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:38,160
those are like holistic things. 
And so when I navigate them for 

778
00:38:38,170 --> 00:38:41,630
myself holistically and I'm 
like, I just want to be the best

779
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:43,390
person I can be. 
Not because I want to look this 

780
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:47,180
way because I'm just so narrow 
focused that I have to have this

781
00:38:47,190 --> 00:38:49,230
kind of body. 
If it's because I want to live 

782
00:38:49,240 --> 00:38:52,410
longer, I want to like you 
reminding me of the long term 

783
00:38:52,420 --> 00:38:54,490
goals of our health is huge as 
well. 

784
00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:56,330
Because I want to be able to 
play with my kids. 

785
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:58,370
I want to not be tired all the 
time. 

786
00:38:58,710 --> 00:39:02,680
I wanna be in 20-30 years time, 
I wanna be able to run around 

787
00:39:02,690 --> 00:39:05,050
with my grandkids. 
Like those things are really 

788
00:39:05,060 --> 00:39:07,680
important too because they're 
again, they're not based on my 

789
00:39:07,690 --> 00:39:09,860
looks, they're not based on my 
value as a person. 

790
00:39:09,870 --> 00:39:12,060
They're based on a goal to work 
towards together. 

791
00:39:12,150 --> 00:39:17,260
So in terms of the insecurity 
then hmm, my role like what is 

792
00:39:17,270 --> 00:39:19,320
my role like? 
So this is still unpacking that.

793
00:39:19,610 --> 00:39:22,570
So yes, I can say all these 
things without help with your 

794
00:39:22,580 --> 00:39:25,390
own security shouldn't mean like
how will that navigate? 

795
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:28,420
Because I can, I can talk about 
the future. 

796
00:39:28,530 --> 00:39:32,660
I can talk about, you know, 
you're worth to me, all that 

797
00:39:32,670 --> 00:39:34,300
sort of stuff. 
And that's gonna make you feel 

798
00:39:34,310 --> 00:39:37,120
good and it's gonna show my love
to you, all that sort of stuff. 

799
00:39:37,130 --> 00:39:39,190
But is it gonna help with your 
own security? 

800
00:39:39,870 --> 00:39:43,990
And if not, again, this isn't 
helping me understand, well, 

801
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:47,820
what's my role to play? 
Is this something where, look, 

802
00:39:47,830 --> 00:39:50,580
it's just too sensitive and I 
don't have a role here because 

803
00:39:50,590 --> 00:39:54,420
it's too hard to talk about or 
what? 

804
00:39:54,430 --> 00:39:57,540
Like what is my role in that in 
that situation? 

805
00:39:58,110 --> 00:40:00,560
I think the curiosity is a huge 
thing. 

806
00:40:00,770 --> 00:40:04,900
You are. 
Mostly curious, but you also 

807
00:40:04,970 --> 00:40:07,820
don't necessarily investigate 
me. 

808
00:40:07,870 --> 00:40:10,920
Yeah, the way that I investigate
you, which is a personality 

809
00:40:10,930 --> 00:40:14,320
thing, Absolutely. 
But so I think, and The thing is

810
00:40:14,330 --> 00:40:16,820
like all these conversations 
we've had, so it's not a matter 

811
00:40:16,830 --> 00:40:21,810
of now discovering this, but I 
think you, your role in the 

812
00:40:21,820 --> 00:40:26,500
insecurity side of it, in my 
thinking is about helping draw 

813
00:40:26,510 --> 00:40:29,880
out where it came from, 
exploring what that meant for 

814
00:40:29,890 --> 00:40:34,010
me, how it made me feel, the 
little comments that stood out 

815
00:40:34,020 --> 00:40:35,550
to me. 
Those kinds of things, I think 

816
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:40,250
is probably just being part of 
that journey is most helpful for

817
00:40:40,260 --> 00:40:41,070
me. 
Yeah. 

818
00:40:41,140 --> 00:40:44,120
So how do you, cause I'm trying 
to learn from you cause I gotta 

819
00:40:44,130 --> 00:40:47,740
see you do such a great job with
this, just this curiosity and 

820
00:40:47,750 --> 00:40:50,710
you, you dig into that stuff and
it's like, it's not just a 

821
00:40:50,720 --> 00:40:52,390
question, It's a question with 
care. 

822
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:55,870
I think that's such a great 
gift, gift that you have with 

823
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:58,250
people, which is where people 
just feel so safe with you. 

824
00:40:58,260 --> 00:41:00,170
They feel so seen with you, 
right? 

825
00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:02,710
How do you do that? 
We've, we've spoken about all 

826
00:41:02,720 --> 00:41:04,570
these things before. 
We've spoken about the path, 

827
00:41:04,580 --> 00:41:06,220
we've spoken about these 
insecurities. 

828
00:41:06,230 --> 00:41:09,190
We've asked these questions. 
What does that look like 

829
00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:11,740
ongoing? 
Is it continually asking the 

830
00:41:11,750 --> 00:41:14,150
same question? 
Is it? 

831
00:41:15,540 --> 00:41:16,600
I don't know. 
I, I, I. 

832
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:18,280
What does that look? 
Like we've had so many 

833
00:41:18,290 --> 00:41:23,050
conversations about each other 
and I, for me, it's like you're 

834
00:41:23,060 --> 00:41:24,790
still a puzzle. 
I've got most of the picture of 

835
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:26,480
you. 
There's still some blank spots 

836
00:41:26,490 --> 00:41:27,730
or there's parts that don't 
connect. 

837
00:41:27,740 --> 00:41:29,390
And I'm not quite sure where 
that comes from. 

838
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:31,100
And it's just my head ticking 
over. 

839
00:41:31,180 --> 00:41:34,260
And so when I asked those 
questions, I'm like, it's almost

840
00:41:34,270 --> 00:41:36,100
the same story. 
Like I've heard that kind of 

841
00:41:36,110 --> 00:41:38,740
most of that story, but I've 
never asked this question, which

842
00:41:38,750 --> 00:41:41,100
kind of connects one puzzle 
piece to another. 

843
00:41:41,370 --> 00:41:43,940
And then all of a sudden when we
have that conversation, even 

844
00:41:43,950 --> 00:41:46,050
though we've almost had the 
exact same conversation before, 

845
00:41:46,060 --> 00:41:48,100
it's like everything clicks into
place and that part of the 

846
00:41:48,110 --> 00:41:51,160
puzzle is clear. 
And so that's how I view the 

847
00:41:51,450 --> 00:41:56,020
curiosity when I talk about 
curiosity and podcast ever, it's

848
00:41:56,030 --> 00:41:57,650
that kind of thing. 
It's not just a matter of being 

849
00:41:57,660 --> 00:42:01,770
like, I'm sitting with someone 
and I need to show curiosity 

850
00:42:01,780 --> 00:42:02,840
them. 
So I'm going to think of a 

851
00:42:02,850 --> 00:42:05,440
question I can ask and then they
answer me and like, that's nice.

852
00:42:05,510 --> 00:42:08,010
And that's just gone. 
It's a matter of like, you're 

853
00:42:08,020 --> 00:42:10,830
looking at a puzzle. 
There's a bunch of pieces in 

854
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:14,200
different places and you don't 
have a clear picture yet, so 

855
00:42:14,210 --> 00:42:15,440
you're trying to put those 
together. 

856
00:42:16,140 --> 00:42:20,800
And when it's your partner, 
that's your forever person. 

857
00:42:20,850 --> 00:42:23,060
So that puzzle should be the 
most intense. 

858
00:42:23,070 --> 00:42:24,920
If it's a friend, you'll 
probably just kind of like 

859
00:42:25,150 --> 00:42:27,720
slowly tick away and maybe not 
get a full picture ever. 

860
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:29,140
That's what happens for me in my
head. 

861
00:42:29,210 --> 00:42:30,660
And that's such a specific 
thing. 

862
00:42:30,670 --> 00:42:33,240
I don't know that something that
people can learn. 

863
00:42:33,290 --> 00:42:36,100
I really believe people can 
learn it because my mind is 

864
00:42:36,110 --> 00:42:40,080
thinking through like I feel 
like guys are very block minded,

865
00:42:40,090 --> 00:42:41,400
right? 
It's like I've asked that 

866
00:42:41,410 --> 00:42:43,920
question that that block 
complete now that block 

867
00:42:43,930 --> 00:42:47,660
complete, that block complete. 
And we go through the different 

868
00:42:47,670 --> 00:42:52,060
questions and when we inquire 
like, OK, inquiry complete where

869
00:42:52,070 --> 00:42:53,660
your mind doesn't really 
complete. 

870
00:42:53,710 --> 00:42:56,080
Yeah, you know, I mean, like 
it's well, it's not just that it

871
00:42:56,090 --> 00:42:59,140
doesn't complete, it's like you 
haven't completed that yet 

872
00:42:59,150 --> 00:43:02,420
because there's a whole, it's 
not a bunch of different boxes. 

873
00:43:02,430 --> 00:43:04,660
It's actually a whole 
masterpiece, like and that's 

874
00:43:04,730 --> 00:43:06,620
that's the level that you're 
looking at. 

875
00:43:06,730 --> 00:43:09,340
And I I really believe you can 
learn to do that. 

876
00:43:10,530 --> 00:43:12,970
And I think the beauty and 
something I really, really 

877
00:43:12,980 --> 00:43:16,710
appreciate with you is you give 
me the space to learn that, you 

878
00:43:16,720 --> 00:43:20,560
know, and, and I identifying 
that we do think differently and

879
00:43:20,570 --> 00:43:22,800
we do have different strengths 
and different weaknesses. 

880
00:43:22,930 --> 00:43:27,580
And I know a lot of people, guys
and girls, don't give each other

881
00:43:27,970 --> 00:43:30,550
that space to learn because they
have that expectation that we 

882
00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:31,680
saw in the. 
First story. 

883
00:43:31,690 --> 00:43:33,540
Yeah, you should know this about
me. 

884
00:43:33,550 --> 00:43:35,640
You should know to do this. 
Why don't you do this? 

885
00:43:35,650 --> 00:43:39,220
Yeah, a lot of it is learning. 
Well, we gotta learn how to 

886
00:43:39,230 --> 00:43:41,380
paint that picture. 
And that's what I'm doing now. 

887
00:43:41,390 --> 00:43:42,670
And I, I still need to learn 
that. 

888
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:45,240
Cause in my head I'm like, I 
don't even know what question I 

889
00:43:45,250 --> 00:43:48,240
could ask to help paint a bigger
picture for me. 

890
00:43:48,290 --> 00:43:51,180
I just, I just like come to my 
head and that's not a cop out. 

891
00:43:51,260 --> 00:43:53,990
That's now cool. 
That's my that's my growth point

892
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:55,240
right now. 
This is what I want to work on 

893
00:43:55,250 --> 00:43:57,510
the most is how do I paint a 
bigger picture? 

894
00:43:57,580 --> 00:44:01,100
Yeah, of the story of Amy and, 
and everything that's involved 

895
00:44:01,110 --> 00:44:04,470
with you so. 
Yeah, In my head, it's like if 

896
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:07,310
someone asked me about you, I 
wanna have all the answers 

897
00:44:07,350 --> 00:44:09,160
eventually. 
And I don't have all the 

898
00:44:09,170 --> 00:44:11,650
answers, but I want to be able 
to be like, oh, yeah, actually. 

899
00:44:11,660 --> 00:44:14,330
Because when he was like in high
school, something happened to 

900
00:44:14,340 --> 00:44:17,210
him and he like, it messed up 
his knee. 

901
00:44:17,220 --> 00:44:18,850
And so he wasn't able to do 
this, this and this. 

902
00:44:18,860 --> 00:44:21,920
Like I just, I want to be able 
to answer the like when we're 

903
00:44:21,930 --> 00:44:24,220
becoming one, which is what I 
believe marriage is. 

904
00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:27,850
I want that to mean that we're 
more and more becoming the 

905
00:44:27,860 --> 00:44:30,130
stories the same. 
Like it's like your story, my 

906
00:44:30,140 --> 00:44:31,490
story. 
I can recall things that I 

907
00:44:31,500 --> 00:44:33,510
wasn't there for because we've 
spoken about them and I 

908
00:44:33,520 --> 00:44:36,810
understand how they impact you. 
And when you react suddenly out 

909
00:44:36,820 --> 00:44:40,870
of something, it's not because 
you're just being like annoying.

910
00:44:40,940 --> 00:44:43,210
It's because of whatever is 
triggered that for you. 

911
00:44:43,220 --> 00:44:46,390
You're a person like me who has 
emotions and positives and 

912
00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:48,850
negatives. 
And most people, unless they're 

913
00:44:48,860 --> 00:44:53,270
like narcissistic or they've got
some kind of mental health thing

914
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:57,640
going on that means they're 
incapable of being functioning 

915
00:44:57,650 --> 00:45:01,140
normally, most people are going 
to function the same way as us 

916
00:45:01,150 --> 00:45:03,440
in different ways. 
And so if someone's acting weird

917
00:45:03,450 --> 00:45:05,920
or someone's got a strange 
reaction or someone's being 

918
00:45:05,930 --> 00:45:08,150
juvenile or immature or 
something, it's not just. 

919
00:45:08,990 --> 00:45:10,940
That's who they are. 
That's who they are and that's 

920
00:45:10,950 --> 00:45:13,720
how they're gonna be like. 
I think that doesn't mean we 

921
00:45:13,730 --> 00:45:15,910
have to fix it. 
Like if that's happening in a 

922
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:18,920
relationship, it's fair to be 
like, actually, no, I'm not 

923
00:45:18,930 --> 00:45:22,040
really OK with that. 
But when you're committed to 

924
00:45:22,050 --> 00:45:25,910
somebody and you love them, I 
want to know that person. 

925
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:27,720
Yeah. 
As if I wanna know what makes 

926
00:45:27,730 --> 00:45:29,720
you react that way. 
So yeah. 

927
00:45:29,730 --> 00:45:31,210
I think this is really, really 
important. 

928
00:45:31,220 --> 00:45:33,560
I know for a fact a lot of our 
male listeners are gonna be 

929
00:45:33,570 --> 00:45:36,210
listening to this episode and 
like, and, and just really 

930
00:45:36,220 --> 00:45:38,930
appreciating your vulnerability 
and sharing that because a lot 

931
00:45:38,940 --> 00:45:42,070
of what guys are trying to do 
is, is getting to the mind of 

932
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:44,210
our partners, right? 
Like, what do you value? 

933
00:45:44,220 --> 00:45:47,190
Because again, like we just 
think so differently because 

934
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:50,490
even then I'm like, I, I could 
answer, I could answer any 

935
00:45:50,500 --> 00:45:52,450
question someone had about you, 
but it'd be all 

936
00:45:52,460 --> 00:45:55,770
compartmentalised, you know, I 
mean, all we block information 

937
00:45:55,780 --> 00:45:59,150
be that category, that category 
where with you, it's all tied in

938
00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:01,170
together. 
And that's what I'm trying to 

939
00:46:01,180 --> 00:46:03,030
improve on. 
And I really believe I can and I

940
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:04,850
know want to. 
They really important thing 

941
00:46:04,860 --> 00:46:07,370
though, is that you the way your
brain works isn't wrong. 

942
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:10,490
No, I'm just the same way as 
like when I'm taking it all 

943
00:46:10,500 --> 00:46:12,690
these little pieces. 
That's why I get so anxious or I

944
00:46:12,700 --> 00:46:15,580
get so overwhelmed. 
You know, I get so stuck in not 

945
00:46:15,590 --> 00:46:17,610
being like, we had something 
other day where I was like 

946
00:46:17,720 --> 00:46:21,590
frustrated or like whatever at 
this person and I just, but I 

947
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:23,830
also couldn't like communicate 
about it. 

948
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:26,060
And it's all just communicate 
the way that they communicate 

949
00:46:26,070 --> 00:46:28,010
bloodly. 
Exactly. 

950
00:46:28,020 --> 00:46:29,730
But I can't do that because of 
this. 

951
00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:31,990
Like my brain just gets, it's 
too overwhelming. 

952
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:33,790
Yeah. 
So I think the beauty of 

953
00:46:33,800 --> 00:46:37,030
relationship is you're not 
working with one person isn't 

954
00:46:37,040 --> 00:46:39,630
becoming like the other person. 
You're both coming like each 

955
00:46:39,640 --> 00:46:40,680
other. 
So learning that 

956
00:46:40,690 --> 00:46:43,310
compartmentalization is so 
important as well. 

957
00:46:43,370 --> 00:46:45,310
Absolutely. 
If your partner is insecure 

958
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:50,150
about something, you need to 
remove the logic and the facts 

959
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:52,690
and the fixing and all that 
stuff from that conversation. 

960
00:46:52,700 --> 00:46:57,580
You need to enter it curiously, 
gently, not in a patronising 

961
00:46:57,590 --> 00:46:59,560
way. 
If you want to be able to 

962
00:46:59,570 --> 00:47:02,040
communicate with them clearly, 
you need to come in gently, 

963
00:47:02,050 --> 00:47:03,980
curiously. 
I think that's a good way to 

964
00:47:03,990 --> 00:47:05,950
start. 
Just instead of being like, 

965
00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:09,300
tiptoed to awkward and they know
it's awkward and I'm going to 

966
00:47:09,310 --> 00:47:10,820
just say it or I'm not going to 
say it. 

967
00:47:10,870 --> 00:47:12,400
Yeah, yeah. 
Be like, just have a 

968
00:47:12,410 --> 00:47:14,590
conversation with them. 
Like that's kind of the tone 

969
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:16,910
that I'm talking about. 
Honestly, a lot of guys weren't 

970
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:19,200
and I wouldn't. 
Yeah, because we know it's such 

971
00:47:19,210 --> 00:47:21,700
a sensitive thing. 
And we will get so much in our 

972
00:47:21,710 --> 00:47:25,520
head of, like, again, we want 
our partners to feel the most 

973
00:47:25,590 --> 00:47:27,630
beautiful. 
Yeah, but there's an issue 

974
00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:29,970
there. 
And like with this, you know, 

975
00:47:29,980 --> 00:47:31,710
she's saying she's fat. 
We wanna dress that. 

976
00:47:31,720 --> 00:47:34,600
I have no clue how. 
Yeah, that's not. 

977
00:47:34,610 --> 00:47:36,830
It's like either say no, you're 
not fat or don't talk about. 

978
00:47:36,840 --> 00:47:38,380
It Yeah, exactly. 
Yeah. 

979
00:47:38,390 --> 00:47:41,850
And well, I know from a lot of 
the conversations I've had with 

980
00:47:41,860 --> 00:47:46,120
guys, we shut down, yeah, man. 
But it, it niggles at us because

981
00:47:46,130 --> 00:47:48,610
it was like, I don't want to 
leave it there, but it's, I 

982
00:47:48,620 --> 00:47:50,690
could do so much damage in this 
space. 

983
00:47:50,700 --> 00:47:54,870
And, and a lot of guys and girls
have done so much damage to, to 

984
00:47:54,940 --> 00:47:57,940
both men and women, but mainly 
women in this space too. 

985
00:47:57,950 --> 00:48:01,880
And so that's why it's such a 
sensitive thing and and such a 

986
00:48:01,890 --> 00:48:04,300
desire for guys to learn how to 
have that conversation. 

987
00:48:04,310 --> 00:48:06,770
Yeah. 
And I'll just say as well, if 

988
00:48:06,780 --> 00:48:08,960
you think you're avoiding the 
conversation because you're not 

989
00:48:08,970 --> 00:48:10,330
talking about it, you're not 
avoiding it. 

990
00:48:10,470 --> 00:48:12,500
You're actually having a very 
loud conversation. 

991
00:48:13,230 --> 00:48:15,380
It's just not the conversation 
you got any control over it. 

992
00:48:15,390 --> 00:48:17,480
And that would be the same 
across the board with any of 

993
00:48:17,490 --> 00:48:20,540
these hard conversations, though
it is complicated. 

994
00:48:20,610 --> 00:48:24,100
I think being, I think your 
honesty has been the biggest 

995
00:48:24,110 --> 00:48:25,830
thing where you're like, I don't
know how to talk to you about 

996
00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:27,070
this. 
So that conversation we had the 

997
00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:30,190
other week on the podcast wasn't
a bad conversation, wasn't mad 

998
00:48:30,200 --> 00:48:32,390
hard bringing up. 
It was a hard conversation. 

999
00:48:32,480 --> 00:48:34,510
But you said, I don't know how 
to talk to you about this. 

1000
00:48:34,520 --> 00:48:37,870
I was about how it started. 
And so the difficulty in that 

1001
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:40,970
conversation was exploring why 
it is that I'm so triggered. 

1002
00:48:41,040 --> 00:48:43,760
And so the actual you bringing 
it up was on the issue. 

1003
00:48:43,770 --> 00:48:47,330
And I think if you come in with 
an honesty about it and say, I, 

1004
00:48:47,720 --> 00:48:49,710
I don't want to say the wrong 
thing, but I'm just wondering 

1005
00:48:49,720 --> 00:48:52,550
how this is for you or where did
it start for you or where are 

1006
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:53,760
you at with this and that kind 
of thing. 

1007
00:48:53,770 --> 00:48:57,180
I think that kind of. 
Honestly curiosity is a really 

1008
00:48:57,190 --> 00:48:58,650
good place to start. 
Hmm. 

1009
00:48:58,690 --> 00:49:03,300
Not fixing it, not factual, not 
logical, not irritated or 

1010
00:49:03,310 --> 00:49:07,180
triggered yourself. 
Like yeah, not fun. 

1011
00:49:07,190 --> 00:49:08,800
That's a good, really good 
conversation. 

1012
00:49:08,810 --> 00:49:12,330
Actually really appreciate that 
conversation cause it's very 

1013
00:49:12,340 --> 00:49:14,620
real and. 
Very relevant. 

1014
00:49:14,630 --> 00:49:17,430
And it's very vulnerable if you 
just share that. 

1015
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:19,210
Yeah. 
And so I appreciate no worries 

1016
00:49:19,470 --> 00:49:21,530
and I wanna keep exploring it. 
Thanks. 

1017
00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:24,630
I think just to quickly to wrap 
up the story that is connected 

1018
00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:27,450
to that started it all. 
He's his question is fiance 

1019
00:49:27,460 --> 00:49:29,430
won't stop talking about white. 
How can I get her to stop 

1020
00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:31,810
bringing it up? 
The reality is you're not going 

1021
00:49:31,820 --> 00:49:34,910
to get her to stop bringing it 
up until you are understanding 

1022
00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:36,710
her and walking that journey 
with her more. 

1023
00:49:36,720 --> 00:49:39,050
I think if your focus is, how 
can I get her to stop talking 

1024
00:49:39,060 --> 00:49:40,460
about this? 
You're missing the. 

1025
00:49:40,470 --> 00:49:41,860
Mark, yeah, you're missing the 
point. 

1026
00:49:41,930 --> 00:49:43,870
Missing the issue is Yeah, yeah.
Exactly. 

1027
00:49:43,940 --> 00:49:49,350
OK, last hard conversation. 
Yeah, just to keep them coming. 

1028
00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:52,870
Keep them coming. 
Wife sex drive is nonexistent. 

1029
00:49:53,140 --> 00:49:56,490
My wife 27 female has low sex 
drive. 

1030
00:49:56,720 --> 00:49:59,480
This person's way of writing as 
well is just very comical so I'm

1031
00:49:59,490 --> 00:50:00,720
going to read it the way they 
write it. 

1032
00:50:03,250 --> 00:50:07,460
Wife has low sex drive fullstop 
causing problems fullstop. 

1033
00:50:08,190 --> 00:50:12,360
My wife 27 female and I 26 male 
have a terrible sex life. 

1034
00:50:12,410 --> 00:50:15,800
She knows it and I hate it. 
I have tried in the past to get 

1035
00:50:15,810 --> 00:50:22,920
on it OHS I've tried in the past
to get it on OK and not not much

1036
00:50:22,930 --> 00:50:25,090
different and she doesn't ever 
want it. 

1037
00:50:25,140 --> 00:50:26,740
She doesn't like being cuddled 
in bed. 

1038
00:50:26,750 --> 00:50:28,330
She doesn't like me asking for 
it. 

1039
00:50:28,620 --> 00:50:30,550
She says oh we'll do it 
tomorrow. 

1040
00:50:30,620 --> 00:50:34,090
Tomorrow comes too tired. 
I know this sounds like a blame 

1041
00:50:34,100 --> 00:50:36,550
game but my sex drive is high 
and hers is low. 

1042
00:50:36,900 --> 00:50:39,670
The compromise for me would be 
to do it a little bit but that 

1043
00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:42,330
doesn't happen. 
I've just worked away for two 

1044
00:50:42,340 --> 00:50:44,070
weeks. 
I expected to come home and 

1045
00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:47,270
heard a wanted a little bit. 
Not even a mention of it dot dot

1046
00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:49,840
dot. 
We go on dates a lot and we show

1047
00:50:49,850 --> 00:50:52,500
affection in other ways so I'm 
not sure why it doesn't happen. 

1048
00:50:52,790 --> 00:50:55,140
I'm starting to think she isn't 
attracted to me anymore. 

1049
00:50:55,430 --> 00:50:58,220
We don't have any kids. 
I'm at my end and struggling to 

1050
00:50:58,230 --> 00:51:00,720
see a way through. 
It causes a lot of arguments. 

1051
00:51:00,950 --> 00:51:02,720
Please does anyone have any 
ideas? 

1052
00:51:05,110 --> 00:51:10,220
I am. 
I, I feel there's a whole other 

1053
00:51:10,230 --> 00:51:12,600
level. 
And this is another one to where

1054
00:51:12,610 --> 00:51:15,340
it's just hard. 
A lot of learning for guys, I 

1055
00:51:15,350 --> 00:51:20,970
think, and me as well, about not
just a sex drive, but what goes 

1056
00:51:20,980 --> 00:51:25,090
on for a woman's body too, 
because there's hormonal stuff. 

1057
00:51:25,100 --> 00:51:27,200
There's a lot of things going 
on. 

1058
00:51:27,210 --> 00:51:32,220
It's not just she won't do it. 
Yeah, could be. 

1059
00:51:32,290 --> 00:51:34,200
I don't know. 
Maybe he's ugly. 

1060
00:51:34,210 --> 00:51:37,860
I don't know like. 
As we said, attraction is not 

1061
00:51:37,910 --> 00:51:39,220
all physics. 
Exactly. 

1062
00:51:40,240 --> 00:51:42,650
So I don't think it's, I don't 
know. 

1063
00:51:42,660 --> 00:51:44,910
I think again, it's a lot of 
questions and a lot of 

1064
00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:47,730
exploring. 
Like is she OK with how it is? 

1065
00:51:47,860 --> 00:51:50,050
He said she knows it, he hates 
it. 

1066
00:51:50,260 --> 00:51:53,050
I feel like when you get the 
extra pressure on it, you know, 

1067
00:51:53,060 --> 00:51:56,150
it's like it could be more 
deterring for her. 

1068
00:51:56,410 --> 00:51:58,570
That's 100%. 
I, I feel like it's an 

1069
00:51:58,580 --> 00:52:01,750
exploration because it might be 
a medical thing too. 

1070
00:52:01,820 --> 00:52:07,110
And I don't think guys have that
understanding of women's bodies.

1071
00:52:07,640 --> 00:52:12,930
And I definitely don't to a 
level of empathy towards what 

1072
00:52:12,940 --> 00:52:14,830
they could be going through, 
what you guys could be going 

1073
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:17,530
through too. 
You know, I don't wanna derail 

1074
00:52:17,540 --> 00:52:22,070
on this too much, but I, I, A 
real eye opener for me was when 

1075
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:24,490
I listened to a podcast. 
It was a mental health podcast, 

1076
00:52:24,500 --> 00:52:28,610
but it's this one episode was on
an applause. 

1077
00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:32,410
And it was such an eye opener 
for me cause I was like, wow, 

1078
00:52:32,420 --> 00:52:36,330
like your bodies. 
I don't have to deal or think 

1079
00:52:36,380 --> 00:52:42,360
about any of this stuff. 
And so when when I hear guys 

1080
00:52:42,370 --> 00:52:45,460
talk about she won't do this, 
she won't do that, I might do 

1081
00:52:45,470 --> 00:52:47,180
you. 
You just don't know. 

1082
00:52:47,190 --> 00:52:49,800
Like, I don't know. 
I heard one podcast and it blew 

1083
00:52:49,810 --> 00:52:52,830
my mind. 
So yeah, so much exploration 

1084
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:56,460
there to do for a couple in this
area rather than they won't put 

1085
00:52:56,470 --> 00:52:59,000
out. 
Yeah, I think we've got a really

1086
00:52:59,050 --> 00:53:03,740
interesting perspective on this 
because at the beginning of our 

1087
00:53:03,750 --> 00:53:07,020
marriage, your drive was a lot 
lower than mine. 

1088
00:53:07,130 --> 00:53:09,820
And so we had that journey to 
navigate. 

1089
00:53:09,910 --> 00:53:15,680
Now my drive is a lot and yours 
and there's so many factors that

1090
00:53:15,690 --> 00:53:19,720
we would have to do more than 
three podcasts on it to talk 

1091
00:53:19,730 --> 00:53:21,200
about what goes into those 
things. 

1092
00:53:21,210 --> 00:53:24,680
But you're so right. 
It's not just it's not just 

1093
00:53:24,730 --> 00:53:26,610
physical in that moment. 
She doesn't wanna do it. 

1094
00:53:26,680 --> 00:53:28,800
Hmm. 
I don't know the physiological 

1095
00:53:28,810 --> 00:53:35,220
stuff, but in my understanding, 
loosely, guys can be in the mood

1096
00:53:35,230 --> 00:53:37,120
very quickly, out of mood very 
quickly. 

1097
00:53:37,130 --> 00:53:39,160
It's like sort of just like, Oh 
yeah, I might do it now. 

1098
00:53:39,170 --> 00:53:39,650
Yep. 
Cool. 

1099
00:53:40,310 --> 00:53:44,730
For the most part, women also 
physiologically, a lot of the 

1100
00:53:44,740 --> 00:53:47,800
time I think it's like 20% of 
women just to get super 

1101
00:53:47,810 --> 00:53:49,140
detailed. 
So mom, if you're listening, 

1102
00:53:49,150 --> 00:53:51,560
please block your ears. 
I mean, you should know this 

1103
00:53:51,970 --> 00:53:54,740
anyway. 
We've had sex, you should know 

1104
00:53:54,750 --> 00:53:56,180
this. 
We have 4. 

1105
00:53:56,190 --> 00:53:57,120
Children. 
No. 

1106
00:53:57,490 --> 00:54:01,060
I think it's something like 20% 
of women will actually have an 

1107
00:54:01,070 --> 00:54:05,180
orgasm during sex, like during 
intercourse. 

1108
00:54:05,190 --> 00:54:07,660
I don't know what else to say 
during that kind of part of it. 

1109
00:54:09,080 --> 00:54:11,600
Good detail. 
So when a mummy in a very low 

1110
00:54:11,610 --> 00:54:13,860
it's Alabama. 
The reason I'm getting so clear 

1111
00:54:13,870 --> 00:54:17,660
on that is in, at least in my 
understanding as I grew up, I 

1112
00:54:17,670 --> 00:54:20,820
was like, that's kind of I knew 
that that that was the main 

1113
00:54:20,830 --> 00:54:22,860
piece that was like, oh, that's 
sex. 

1114
00:54:23,350 --> 00:54:27,180
Those elements are sex. 
And I didn't really kind of put 

1115
00:54:27,190 --> 00:54:31,690
together that the whole process 
around it is what you would call

1116
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:36,430
what you should call sex because
one of those processes is not 

1117
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:39,310
very if that, if that was all 
that sex was, is 1 sided. 

1118
00:54:39,360 --> 00:54:43,500
It's one sided. 4 for like 80% 
of women, it's one sided. 

1119
00:54:43,620 --> 00:54:45,650
So that's not how it's going to 
work. 

1120
00:54:47,310 --> 00:54:50,560
So there's like a whole big 
picture that goes into N4N four 

1121
00:54:50,570 --> 00:54:53,380
woman to actually enjoy it 
physically. 

1122
00:54:53,470 --> 00:54:57,050
Not I shouldn't say enjoy it for
a woman to have an orgasm it 

1123
00:54:57,060 --> 00:55:00,240
takes a lot of mental stuff. 
Yeah, so much mental stuff, 

1124
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:03,900
physical stuff like like energy 
wise, all of that stuff. 

1125
00:55:04,110 --> 00:55:08,580
So it is so easy for someone who
doesn't have to think about that

1126
00:55:08,640 --> 00:55:10,230
to just be like why isn't she 
doing it? 

1127
00:55:10,470 --> 00:55:14,390
There could be so many factors 
like how is there mental load at

1128
00:55:14,400 --> 00:55:16,140
home? 
That's a huge thing. 

1129
00:55:16,150 --> 00:55:18,820
How is she going hormonally? 
How does he talk to her and 

1130
00:55:18,830 --> 00:55:20,760
treat her outside of that? 
The pressure that he's putting 

1131
00:55:20,770 --> 00:55:23,940
on it, like you said, that if 
there's pressure, that's like so

1132
00:55:23,950 --> 00:55:25,980
much harder to. 
Do like you said, it's it's a 

1133
00:55:25,990 --> 00:55:27,360
lot of stuff in. 
Your head as well. 

1134
00:55:27,370 --> 00:55:28,840
Exactly. 
And even you struggled with 

1135
00:55:28,850 --> 00:55:30,700
that. 
When we first got married, I was

1136
00:55:30,710 --> 00:55:32,040
really like, why don't you want 
it? 

1137
00:55:32,050 --> 00:55:35,420
No, it's like a big, big issue 
between us for a little while. 

1138
00:55:35,510 --> 00:55:38,320
And you were exhausted because 
you were waking up at 4:00 AM 

1139
00:55:38,410 --> 00:55:41,450
and there was other stuff that 
had gone on in your journey that

1140
00:55:41,460 --> 00:55:42,890
was kind of impacting it as 
well. 

1141
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:46,280
And so, but the more that I put 
pressure on, I remember you 

1142
00:55:46,290 --> 00:55:48,480
saying to me, the more I put 
pressure on, the harder it was 

1143
00:55:48,490 --> 00:55:50,740
for you to actually engage in 
it. 

1144
00:55:50,810 --> 00:55:55,470
And the the inequality is that 
if a man is not mentally ready 

1145
00:55:55,480 --> 00:55:57,030
to do it, it's just not gonna 
happen. 

1146
00:55:57,080 --> 00:55:58,640
Yeah. 
If a woman's not mentally ready 

1147
00:55:58,650 --> 00:55:59,950
to do it, often they'll just do 
it. 

1148
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:01,610
Yeah. 
And so then you can find 

1149
00:56:01,620 --> 00:56:04,630
yourself years down the track 
having just done it because the 

1150
00:56:04,640 --> 00:56:06,900
guy wants to do it. 
And then depending on how your 

1151
00:56:06,910 --> 00:56:08,760
relationship is, probably get to
the stage. 

1152
00:56:08,770 --> 00:56:10,890
You're like, I'm tired of just 
doing it because you want to do 

1153
00:56:10,900 --> 00:56:12,720
it. 
He says they haven't got kids, 

1154
00:56:13,530 --> 00:56:16,000
but especially people that do 
have kids as well, like we've 

1155
00:56:16,010 --> 00:56:18,380
talked about being touched out 
before, like you're just kids on

1156
00:56:18,390 --> 00:56:21,620
me all day long and I'm not 
really enjoying the process. 

1157
00:56:21,630 --> 00:56:24,280
Why would I want? 
This is not IE by the way. 

1158
00:56:24,610 --> 00:56:28,280
This is like pathetically, but I
mean it is. 

1159
00:56:28,290 --> 00:56:30,300
So yeah, I'm thinking about and 
I'm processing at the moment 

1160
00:56:30,310 --> 00:56:33,240
because my drive is a lot lower 
and I have had a baby within the

1161
00:56:33,250 --> 00:56:37,150
last 14 months, but into post 
Natal I think takes two years to

1162
00:56:37,160 --> 00:56:39,270
recover. 
But like still it is something 

1163
00:56:39,280 --> 00:56:42,920
I'm thinking about because I am 
not satisfied with us just 

1164
00:56:42,930 --> 00:56:45,820
having a so so sex life. 
I don't want that for the rest 

1165
00:56:45,830 --> 00:56:48,400
of our lives. 
And I'm also not satisfied with 

1166
00:56:48,410 --> 00:56:50,970
this culture that I see where 
it's like women are like, I 

1167
00:56:50,980 --> 00:56:52,380
can't be bothered. 
He just wants it all the time. 

1168
00:56:52,390 --> 00:56:55,550
I can't be bothered. 
And that's just an OK, healthy, 

1169
00:56:55,560 --> 00:56:59,010
accepted thing. 
I think it is fully OK for you 

1170
00:56:59,020 --> 00:57:02,030
to not be OK doing it right now 
and should be in a place where 

1171
00:57:02,040 --> 00:57:03,600
like I am. 
I'm not just going to make 

1172
00:57:03,610 --> 00:57:05,590
myself do it because he wants to
do it right now. 

1173
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:08,760
Especially because there's a 
myriad of reasons I always said 

1174
00:57:08,770 --> 00:57:12,890
that could be impacting that. 
I don't think it's OK long term 

1175
00:57:13,890 --> 00:57:17,810
for a couple to not be working 
on this aspect of their lives. 

1176
00:57:17,970 --> 00:57:20,260
And I'm right there like I'm 
right there where I'm like, I, I

1177
00:57:20,270 --> 00:57:22,340
don't think it's OK for me to 
stay this way and. 

1178
00:57:22,350 --> 00:57:24,580
We've spoken about this though 
too, though, you know, I mean, I

1179
00:57:24,590 --> 00:57:26,960
think when it's not OK is when 
you haven't had the 

1180
00:57:26,970 --> 00:57:28,640
conversation. 
You haven't had the conversation

1181
00:57:28,650 --> 00:57:29,520
or. 
Not willing to have the 

1182
00:57:29,530 --> 00:57:32,140
conversation and that's where 
I'm OK because we've had the 

1183
00:57:32,150 --> 00:57:34,080
conversation, we're having the 
conversation. 

1184
00:57:35,130 --> 00:57:37,700
I feel I feel like it's on what 
you're saying there about just 

1185
00:57:37,770 --> 00:57:43,130
so we can move off orgasms, but 
there's this one story, the 

1186
00:57:43,140 --> 00:57:49,120
success of my mind. 
It was old boss of mines wifes 

1187
00:57:49,130 --> 00:57:52,490
friend. 
So it was like third, third part

1188
00:57:52,500 --> 00:57:56,050
telling me the story. 
The conversation went about. 

1189
00:57:56,110 --> 00:57:58,330
Let's just call that that that 
friend. 

1190
00:57:58,370 --> 00:57:59,880
I was gonna say Sarah. 
We know too many Sarahs. 

1191
00:57:59,890 --> 00:58:01,140
There wasn't. 
There wasn't a Sarah. 

1192
00:58:01,150 --> 00:58:04,700
Wasn't Sarah? 
Like, let's call it Dorothy, 

1193
00:58:04,970 --> 00:58:08,710
Dorothy and Wally. 
OK, husband and wife, Dorothy 

1194
00:58:08,720 --> 00:58:11,660
and Wally, they didn't have a 
great sex life. 

1195
00:58:11,730 --> 00:58:15,320
And he said, look, if I don't 
get it twice a week, I'm 

1196
00:58:15,330 --> 00:58:17,120
actually gonna go elsewhere. 
Oht my. 

1197
00:58:17,130 --> 00:58:20,820
And I think that was for me and 
and it was it's a whole 

1198
00:58:20,830 --> 00:58:22,830
conversation. 
And I think guys, we need to 

1199
00:58:22,840 --> 00:58:24,860
check the way that we talk about
this sort of stuff too. 

1200
00:58:24,870 --> 00:58:29,320
And our our entitlement to sex 
and someone else's body is is 

1201
00:58:29,330 --> 00:58:33,580
something that can be not a lot.
I don't I don't hear it anymore.

1202
00:58:33,590 --> 00:58:36,740
But if you struggle with that, 
man, we need to, we really need 

1203
00:58:36,750 --> 00:58:39,160
to tighten that up like that 
cannot be the way that we 

1204
00:58:39,170 --> 00:58:45,080
communicate or of you sex. 
And they were joking about it 

1205
00:58:45,090 --> 00:58:47,800
and it was it. 
This was I was young, I was a 

1206
00:58:47,810 --> 00:58:49,960
teenager and I still wasn't OK 
with it. 

1207
00:58:49,970 --> 00:58:51,880
I was like, this does not sound 
right. 

1208
00:58:51,890 --> 00:58:54,540
So not saying that this is this 
guy that we're talking about. 

1209
00:58:54,630 --> 00:58:57,200
I feel like there's so many 
different things that we can 

1210
00:58:57,210 --> 00:59:00,920
speak into this space. 
But I big thing is for me, what 

1211
00:59:00,930 --> 00:59:04,780
I've been really learning about 
is women's bodies. 

1212
00:59:04,830 --> 00:59:11,230
Man, you guys are miracles. 
Secondly, how much guys can 

1213
00:59:11,240 --> 00:59:14,600
struggle with entitlement and, 
and how much that is not OK. 

1214
00:59:14,610 --> 00:59:18,980
And yeah, it's if it's about us,
we're gonna get bored. 

1215
00:59:19,070 --> 00:59:20,880
You know it. 
We're just missing out on so 

1216
00:59:20,890 --> 00:59:24,460
much if it's about you, where 
it's actually so much better. 

1217
00:59:24,510 --> 00:59:26,640
Yeah. 
And more fun for both parties. 

1218
00:59:27,110 --> 00:59:29,460
I think there's a reason that 
our bodies work the way they do,

1219
00:59:29,950 --> 00:59:33,710
because I think it makes a lot 
of sense that it's easy on one 

1220
00:59:33,720 --> 00:59:35,650
side and really complicated on 
another. 

1221
00:59:36,080 --> 00:59:41,750
But if, if one partner isn't, If
the male partner is not taking 

1222
00:59:41,760 --> 00:59:45,000
the time to figure out that 
complicated puzzle, then that 

1223
00:59:45,010 --> 00:59:46,980
complicated puzzle is going to 
shut up and not be there. 

1224
00:59:47,040 --> 00:59:50,160
Yeah, gosh, shop, shop, shut up 
shop. 

1225
00:59:50,230 --> 00:59:53,930
And yeah, I think it's, it could
be looked at like something 

1226
00:59:53,940 --> 00:59:56,050
that's just too complicated to 
work on. 

1227
00:59:56,060 --> 00:59:57,890
So there's again, the avoidance 
thing. 

1228
00:59:57,900 --> 00:59:59,900
You can find yourself in a rut 
where either you're not doing 

1229
00:59:59,910 --> 01:00:02,270
anything at all or she's doing 
it out of obligation. 

1230
01:00:02,280 --> 01:00:05,860
But the bigger conversation is, 
is what's happening for you? 

1231
01:00:05,870 --> 01:00:09,330
What's going on? 
Again, the curiosity, curiosity.

1232
01:00:09,340 --> 01:00:12,850
I think it's just if you can 
have that attitude about these 

1233
01:00:12,860 --> 01:00:15,390
things, you're just going to 
have a way better conversation. 

1234
01:00:15,540 --> 01:00:19,370
Actually saw a post recently on 
a a group that I'm a part of and

1235
01:00:19,380 --> 01:00:21,820
I commented on it because the 
person said. 

1236
01:00:22,570 --> 01:00:25,680
We have sex about once a month 
and I've been telling my my 

1237
01:00:25,690 --> 01:00:28,100
husband that this is normal and 
he thinks it's not normal. 

1238
01:00:28,110 --> 01:00:29,640
He wants it more. 
And so I've been saying 

1239
01:00:29,650 --> 01:00:31,140
everybody, this is really 
common. 

1240
01:00:31,150 --> 01:00:34,020
So I wanna, I wanna ask on this 
group, how often do you guys do 

1241
01:00:34,030 --> 01:00:35,090
it? 
So all these people were 

1242
01:00:35,100 --> 01:00:37,390
commenting on it and they were 
saying how often they did it. 

1243
01:00:37,400 --> 01:00:39,520
Some people were like, I do like
three or four times a week. 

1244
01:00:39,600 --> 01:00:41,940
And others were like, yeah, we 
maybe do it once a fortnight. 

1245
01:00:42,050 --> 01:00:45,560
But I commented and I said the 
issue isn't actually how often 

1246
01:00:45,570 --> 01:00:47,300
you do it. 
This is something I've had to 

1247
01:00:47,310 --> 01:00:49,620
learn through. 
Like actually this podcast I 

1248
01:00:49,630 --> 01:00:52,120
listened to in books I've read 
and also just friends and our 

1249
01:00:52,130 --> 01:00:53,880
journey. 
But like, it's actually not 

1250
01:00:53,890 --> 01:00:58,030
about how often you're doing it.
The issue is about how you both 

1251
01:00:58,040 --> 01:01:00,570
are feeling about that. 
So if there's a mismatch in 

1252
01:01:00,580 --> 01:01:03,130
that, that's actually the bigger
problem than how regularly 

1253
01:01:03,140 --> 01:01:05,950
you're having sex. 
And so there is a conversation 

1254
01:01:05,960 --> 01:01:08,280
to be had there. 
If he's feeling this way about 

1255
01:01:08,290 --> 01:01:10,260
their relationship, that's not 
invalid. 

1256
01:01:10,330 --> 01:01:13,720
And yes, there's like 100% 
there's this unfortunate 

1257
01:01:13,730 --> 01:01:17,700
cultural entitlement that seems 
to have been the case from the 

1258
01:01:17,710 --> 01:01:19,900
man's side. 
And for women, that has been 

1259
01:01:19,910 --> 01:01:23,560
really damaging, really damaging
to the point where I feel like 

1260
01:01:23,570 --> 01:01:27,880
women have gone almost too far 
now to be like, if we don't want

1261
01:01:27,890 --> 01:01:29,280
it, we don't, we don't have to 
have it. 

1262
01:01:29,290 --> 01:01:31,030
We're just not even gonna 
explore it. 

1263
01:01:31,040 --> 01:01:32,670
Yeah, we're not even gonna look 
into. 

1264
01:01:32,920 --> 01:01:35,450
I don't think that the 
healthiest option is that a 

1265
01:01:35,460 --> 01:01:37,590
couple is just not doing it. 
Hmm. 

1266
01:01:38,320 --> 01:01:40,510
With their if they are capable 
of doing it. 

1267
01:01:40,520 --> 01:01:42,300
And if it's safe? 
And if it's safe and everything 

1268
01:01:42,310 --> 01:01:45,160
like that, I think the 
healthiest option is that you 

1269
01:01:45,170 --> 01:01:47,450
are exploring it together and 
you're working on it and growing

1270
01:01:47,460 --> 01:01:49,410
in whatever way looks best to 
you guys. 

1271
01:01:49,480 --> 01:01:52,930
So I think that goes both ways. 
The entitlements gonna damage 

1272
01:01:52,940 --> 01:01:55,330
it. 
And then the defensiveness of 

1273
01:01:55,340 --> 01:01:58,730
being like, you can't tell me 
you need it or you can't like 

1274
01:01:58,740 --> 01:02:00,870
put pressure on me to need it. 
I'm just not going to do it at 

1275
01:02:00,880 --> 01:02:02,990
all. 
Either way is damaging. 

1276
01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:06,770
And so you, the bigger issue is 
if there's a mismatch in that, 

1277
01:02:06,960 --> 01:02:08,730
there needs to be conversations 
in that. 

1278
01:02:08,780 --> 01:02:10,200
There has to be a bunch of 
grace. 

1279
01:02:10,210 --> 01:02:12,650
There has to be a lot of 
understanding that there's 

1280
01:02:12,660 --> 01:02:14,740
probably a lot of things playing
into it. 

1281
01:02:14,870 --> 01:02:17,940
And if you're wanting it, if 
this guy's wanting it, he also 

1282
01:02:17,950 --> 01:02:20,680
then has to be willing to put in
the work in those other places 

1283
01:02:20,690 --> 01:02:22,680
when they do have this 
conversation and those come out 

1284
01:02:23,420 --> 01:02:25,860
to work on that. 
He can't expect that those are 

1285
01:02:25,870 --> 01:02:29,070
just going to be ignored. 
And it, to me, screams that 

1286
01:02:29,080 --> 01:02:31,310
there's a lot of stuff going on.
Yeah, yeah. 

1287
01:02:31,360 --> 01:02:32,410
Cool. 
I think that's it. 

1288
01:02:32,420 --> 01:02:34,720
I mean, huge conversations. 
And the reason I picked these 

1289
01:02:34,730 --> 01:02:37,830
stories was I think they're 
relevant to so many people in 

1290
01:02:37,840 --> 01:02:40,070
different ways. 
And and they're hard 

1291
01:02:40,080 --> 01:02:42,880
conversations and we want to 
encourage and, and you and I are

1292
01:02:42,890 --> 01:02:45,440
people want to pressing into 
those hard conversations. 

1293
01:02:46,180 --> 01:02:49,550
They are hard. 
They're not always fun, but man,

1294
01:02:49,560 --> 01:02:51,330
I grow so much closer. 
To you, So we do. 

1295
01:02:51,340 --> 01:02:53,960
Have those conversations. 
So yeah, we encourage you guys 

1296
01:02:53,970 --> 01:02:56,050
to do the same. 
Thank you guys so much for 

1297
01:02:56,060 --> 01:02:58,550
checking in. 
If you would, if you wanna hear 

1298
01:02:58,560 --> 01:03:01,070
more of these stories, we do 
have a patron episode where 

1299
01:03:01,160 --> 01:03:03,730
gonna record next. 
I'd go along the page here and 

1300
01:03:03,740 --> 01:03:05,550
check out our extra content 
there. 

1301
01:03:05,560 --> 01:03:07,530
It's really, really good. 
We get really personal with a 

1302
01:03:07,540 --> 01:03:10,190
lot of stuff as well and the 
support would go a huge way 

1303
01:03:10,200 --> 01:03:12,340
guys. 
So thank you so much for your 

1304
01:03:12,350 --> 01:03:14,010
support that you've been showing
already. 

1305
01:03:14,320 --> 01:03:17,700
Please remember to like, share, 
subscribe that would love to be 

1306
01:03:17,710 --> 01:03:21,020
able to encourage more and more 
people and take you guys on the 

1307
01:03:21,030 --> 01:03:22,890
journey with us. 
So thank you so much. 

1308
01:03:22,990 --> 01:03:27,160
Yeah, should be outro as well. 
Let's do an outro. 

1309
01:03:27,230 --> 01:03:31,680
Over to you, Chachi beauty. 
Yeah, OK. 

1310
01:03:32,500 --> 01:03:36,410
And that's a wrap on today's 
dive into the deep end of tough 

1311
01:03:36,420 --> 01:03:39,150
conversations. 
We've navigated the tricky 

1312
01:03:39,160 --> 01:03:42,170
waters together, and now it's 
your turn to steer the ship in 

1313
01:03:42,180 --> 01:03:44,910
your own chats. 
Ship in your own. 

1314
01:03:44,920 --> 01:03:48,470
Chats stir the. 
Sheets. 

1315
01:03:48,480 --> 01:03:50,870
In your own shit. 
It works on so many. 

1316
01:03:50,880 --> 01:03:54,030
Levels does. 
Remember, courage isn't about 

1317
01:03:54,040 --> 01:03:57,470
not feeling scared, it's about 
speaking up even when you are. 

1318
01:03:57,840 --> 01:04:01,330
Take these tools, build your 
bridges, and transform those 

1319
01:04:01,580 --> 01:04:05,760
tough talks into triumphs. 
Thanks for tuning into honey. 

1320
01:04:05,770 --> 01:04:08,550
We need to chat. 
Keep talking, keep listening, 

1321
01:04:08,560 --> 01:04:12,380
and above all, keep growing. 
Until next time, keep does 

1322
01:04:12,390 --> 01:04:14,640
conversations real and 
heartfelt. 

1323
01:04:15,580 --> 01:04:17,490
Thanks guys. 
Good chat. 

1324
01:04:17,540 --> 01:04:18,060
See ya.