1 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:14,800 Honey, we need to chat. Welcome to another chit chat 2 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:18,480 episode on the podcast. Welcome. 3 00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:21,280 And we have maintained our swapped seats. 4 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:23,680 Because I have and I've maintained the same close. 5 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:26,560 Yes, well, this is the day after we recorded the previous one, so 6 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:29,400 let's not judge too hard, including the fact that my eye 7 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:32,000 is now a lot more red, so I'm not going to look at you. 8 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,240 He's. Going to look at me. 9 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:37,280 Yeah, so we are, we are still switched, but that's OK. 10 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:40,040 Anyway, welcome to our chit chat, to DD chat. 11 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:43,680 We have an exciting kind of interactive episode today. 12 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:47,640 Yeah, because do you wanna lead the explanation on what's 13 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:49,720 happening today? So are we gonna do word for 14 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:51,600 word? Because we. 15 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,080 EB Games. Voucher. 16 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:57,000 Whoop 4. EB Games. 17 00:00:57,080 --> 00:01:00,400 For a new. OK, we received one of our 18 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:05,319 chatters was so so kind and sent us an EB Games voucher for that 19 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:08,120 Zing part of EB Games I think Zing or was it? 20 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:13,400 Or was that to get us new mugs for our tea chat time? 21 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:16,640 The chatter heard our cry, our plea for help when we said we 22 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,600 wanted new mugs. Look, we haven't got sponsors 23 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,320 yet, but. We do have. 24 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:22,560 Chatters. Anyway, but we don't know what 25 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:24,600 we've got in each other, so that's gonna be our tea time. 26 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:27,880 Part of it was he requested that I get Amy's and Amy gets wine. 27 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:29,520 Yeah. So that's what we've done. 28 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:30,800 Yeah. So let's get into that. 29 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,360 Cool. All right, I have yours, but 30 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,280 I've. It's covered with crackers and 31 00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:36,480 our toddlers shoes because we want you to see inside the bag. 32 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:39,240 So it's gonna take these out. I also note that your bag is a 33 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:42,280 lot larger than my bag. That's interesting. 34 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:44,360 Yep. That's right. 35 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,040 Maybe, yeah. OK, I'll take that out. 36 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:51,480 One more thing and then here is the mug that I picked out for 37 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:52,800 you. So this was actually a bit 38 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:58,160 harder because in Zing zipped up is less things that I think you 39 00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,960 would actually enjoy. So I did. 40 00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:03,840 I've got the thing that I thought you would most enjoy. 41 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,600 Yeah, cool. That's all. 42 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:11,920 All right, this is a classic unboxing. 43 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:16,480 This is a big Oh, Nightmare Before Christmas. 44 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:18,880 Yes. I actually really like it. 45 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:20,200 Yeah. I haven't seen this. 46 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:21,160 Haven't you? No. 47 00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:22,800 But I really like. Oh. 48 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:25,200 I thought you had seen. It no, I want to see it. 49 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,840 I need that I have some significance at some. 50 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:32,200 Point I am into scary vibey things so I actually really 51 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:33,880 appreciate this baby. But it's quite. 52 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:35,760 Cool. So yeah, I also like how explain 53 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:36,280 it? I will. 54 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:37,280 I'm just trying to get the lid out. 55 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:39,840 That noise, That noise. There we go. 56 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,160 Oh, it's got a little spoon. Got it, got it. 57 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:45,080 It's got like little Styrofoam stuck to it. 58 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:48,600 That is so cool. I love how interactive this mug 59 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,880 is. That is so cool. 60 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,080 How cool is that? I love that. 61 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:53,680 Yeah. Thank you, Chad. 62 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:55,560 Thank you. Let me put the spoon in, I 63 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:57,800 wonder. What it's like to drink out of. 64 00:02:57,840 --> 00:02:59,520 Yeah, I know. I love this it. 65 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:01,600 Looks cool. If you're looking for a cool 66 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,160 mug, this is the kind of mug you know well. 67 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:06,320 Mine's not quite as interactive, but it I did. 68 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:12,520 Oh, oh, smash, take that. This means someone else would 69 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,200 have to send us a voucher to get some more. 70 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:17,120 I walked around and like you said, there was a lot more 71 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:22,400 things that were valid for you. There was a Mandalorian mug and 72 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:23,760 I was like, not going to get that. 73 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:25,080 You already had a Mandalorian mug. 74 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,280 There was a feature on some of the mugs and I was like, I 75 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,200 really want one of those. Oh, really? 76 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,080 As in, do you know what I'm saying? 77 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,480 Yeah, there's this. So some of the mugs are just 78 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:39,240 mugs and then some of the mugs, when you put hotness in them, 79 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:42,920 they show a different thing. And so there was two hours 80 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:47,600 picking between this one was the most valid to you. 81 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,800 And it'll look cooler when the when there's heat in it, I 82 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,880 believe. Hey, what is this horse? 83 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:58,880 Light stars a light Sabre 10 So when it's hot the light Sabre is 84 00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:00,640 down. When it's what? 85 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,000 No, when the when you put hot stuff in the lightsaber is light 86 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,640 up. Light up, That's cool. 87 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:10,800 So try and I'll try and do a put the camera out before we fill 88 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:14,160 these out and then I'll put up to the camera after. 89 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:17,560 So we're actually going to break now really quickly and we're 90 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:22,040 going to make some tea and then we're going to go come back and 91 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:24,160 how about tea and our new mugs? Thank you so much. 92 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,560 Shout out, that is. Also thank you guys. 93 00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:27,920 Let me get up to close to the camera. 94 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:41,280 Put some music over this design. All right, time to take your 95 00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:42,600 first sip. I actually think that's going to 96 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,640 be a very annoying cup to drink out of. 97 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:46,320 For you, it might be a challenge, but it's like a 98 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,920 funny. It's a funny thing. 99 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:51,920 Yeah, all right, sipping. So the the lightsaber is slowly 100 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:55,520 lit up. Lit up, that's a good cup of 101 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:57,240 Joe. But even though it's tea. 102 00:04:57,240 --> 00:05:00,080 That's a good cup of peppermint tea, all right. 103 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,560 Oh, I got to test mine and take off my lid. 104 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,160 I won't usually keep the lid and the spoon, but I just think it's 105 00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:07,600 such a cool spoon. Here we go. 106 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,520 When is it? Coming. 107 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:18,400 It's like such a big mug. It didn't. 108 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:19,280 Work. Yeah, I did. 109 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:19,920 It's not. Bad. 110 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,640 It's not bad, it's. More, it's more that I I know 111 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,080 my. Teeth really, really hot. 112 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,480 Cool. Well, thank you so much again 113 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:28,520 Chatter, you know who you are, we know who you are and we are 114 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:31,520 so grateful and we are waiting. Everybody else's gift card. 115 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:36,160 Yes, that plea for help was actually totally unintentional. 116 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,840 We did not expect this at all and really, really appreciate. 117 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,400 It but we're actually we're very thankful, sorry, and we're gonna 118 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:42,640 we're gonna manipulate that again. 119 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:46,800 So yeah, it's good. Alrighty, let's get into today's 120 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,840 episode. So today's episode is carrying 121 00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:53,680 on a little bit from last week's chit chat episode where we were 122 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:58,600 reading out some writings from some of our chatters and yeah, 123 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,440 so we're gonna get into that. So we're sort of merging a 124 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:03,520 couple of of our chatter questions. 125 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:08,760 So first one is and this is going to kind of be T chat 126 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,600 merged into this. Whole episode's a bit of a T 127 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:14,520 chat answering question kind. Of yeah, and a bit more of a 128 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:15,640 bigger question at the end there. 129 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:18,320 So stick around for that. But first one is regrets. 130 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:21,640 What are some regrets that you and I have, or things we'd wish 131 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:25,160 we'd done sooner? I said to you when we were 132 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:29,160 brainstorming before, I don't regret anything in the normal 133 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,040 definition of the word. It's not like I'm like, I really 134 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,520 regret this. There's decisions I've made that 135 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,880 I wish I hadn't made. But I really believe you learn 136 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:39,320 from everything and everything that you experience is kind of 137 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:40,560 what makes you who you are. This. 138 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:42,800 One said the mug looks really good in the camera. 139 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,600 Oh, it does, doesn't it? Well, you're welcome. 140 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:48,200 The only things that come to mind is there's a few things I 141 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:52,400 wish that we had been slower to. We went right into trying to 142 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:54,200 have kids. Yeah, really early on. 143 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:56,640 And there was a reason like we were, we both knew we wanted to 144 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:59,160 be parents. We actually thought that we had 145 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,120 been pregnant at one stage. And then we were disappointed. 146 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:02,760 And that was kind of what triggered us being like, well, 147 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:04,720 if we're disappointed that we're not pregnant, why don't we just 148 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,080 try? But because it took us a little 149 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:09,440 while to get pregnant and I ended up needing to go on 150 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:11,920 medication and stuff like that, it just because. 151 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,400 You've got, you've got policies. That's got policies, ovaries and 152 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,000 yeah, so. For people to understand what 153 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:19,520 that is, that's pretty much your cycle is not as predictable. 154 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:24,600 So, and it's just such a big, it can be a big gap in between. 155 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:26,080 Cycles and stuff like that. So. 156 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,240 Yeah, it's, it's a lot harder to plan and. 157 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:32,840 Thankfully mine's not like severe, some people it's causes 158 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:34,880 a lot more problems. But yeah, for me it was mostly 159 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:39,000 the predictability, knowing when to try and you run out of steam 160 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:42,880 trying all the time. So it was a very all consuming 161 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:46,080 first year for many reasons, but including that. 162 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:49,080 And I think obviously would never regret any of the kids we 163 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:50,360 have. The timing of all that has 164 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:53,920 worked out in a way we would never, ever, ever, ever, ever go 165 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:56,120 back on. But I do wish that we had. 166 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,920 I do think we could have had more adventure or just even more 167 00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:02,440 time to just be instead of rushing. 168 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:05,560 That's something I feel like I, I struggle with is just being 169 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:08,840 and enjoying the present. I think actually probably right 170 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:11,960 now is the first time I've really just relaxed. 171 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,600 Like we were hanging out with our baby earlier and I said it's 172 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:18,120 so nice to just be free to just enjoy him being a baby. 173 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:21,360 Even with all the other kids. I just felt rushed to like have 174 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,440 another kid or move on to the next stage or whatever. 175 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:25,880 And this time it's just it's we've got like this kind of 176 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,000 peace. So yeah, I think stuff like 177 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:31,880 that, not rushing to have kids, maybe prioritising. 178 00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:34,679 I really wish we'd understood more about buying houses when we 179 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:36,440 were younger. There's a few things that 180 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:39,280 happened that meant we delayed it and we actually could have, 181 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:41,760 and I'm not even sure how. Like we went to a broker and it 182 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:43,720 just was confusing. We definitely could have 183 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:46,440 afforded it better than we did when we ended up buying one. 184 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:50,880 So I kind of wish we'd felt more confident and clear in those 185 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:54,480 kinds of life things and explored it a little bit slower 186 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:59,920 and more than we did. But I don't regret any of that. 187 00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:02,680 It's just if I could look back and test that out, that would be 188 00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:05,840 something that I'd look into. Yeah, yeah, I don't have any 189 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:08,200 regrets. I have these moments where like 190 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,800 in my head, I sort of cringe over. 191 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:14,400 So, you know, my burnout and the impact that's had on the family, 192 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:17,800 That's what that's had on you. And just that ongoing mental 193 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,400 health issues that have have come from that burnout. 194 00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:22,240 That's something, it's not the regret. 195 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:24,280 It is what it is, but it's one of those things that really 196 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:27,680 stands out to me and just pops its head back up from time to 197 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:30,160 time. And even now, like I, you know, 198 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:34,840 my overwhelmness and everything too, I still bring back to that 199 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:38,960 burnout, which is it's, it's like something just was broken 200 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,400 at that stage. It's really strange and it's, 201 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:43,320 it's been such a recovery ever since then. 202 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:48,280 But anyway, that is what it is. And what I do like is that we've 203 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:51,560 been so intentional with that, that process and it's, it's 204 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:54,480 never been excusing the situation, but being 205 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:57,280 understanding of the situation and then the difficulty in this 206 00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:01,320 of it and the realness of it. And it's just unintentional side 207 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:03,360 of things of growing and and working through those sorts of 208 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,120 stuff. One of the things I wish we'd 209 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:08,440 done sooner, though, is get professional help. 210 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:12,120 You know, I think it took us so long to, or it took us until it 211 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,680 was too late, you know, I mean, like I was already burnt out. 212 00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,080 I was already, my mental health was really, really bad. 213 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:19,960 Yours then became really bad. But just getting that 214 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:24,440 professional help before to just understand some small things and 215 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,600 just understand what professional help actually is 216 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:31,160 and wasn't tired of it because I think before I really saw it as 217 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:33,640 a weakness. I saw it as, oh, I didn't need 218 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:34,840 to go there. I'm not that bad. 219 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,000 Yeah. And so I think, oh, I've just 220 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,840 got a very different point of view of that now. 221 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:41,920 Yeah. So we should do that. 222 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,480 Yeah, it's definitely not something that's like a, oh, 223 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,440 you're a week for going to see this person or you're really on 224 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:49,760 the rocks for going to get some extra input. 225 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,520 Yeah, unfortunately, lots of people wait till that stage. 226 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:56,080 Yeah, it is it it? Well, how, how intentional were 227 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:57,600 we when we started dating, Right. 228 00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:58,800 Yeah. Getting help and input. 229 00:10:58,840 --> 00:10:59,960 Yeah. And then you just get into that 230 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,800 complacent stage. It's like, oh, no, we're married 231 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:03,320 now. We've already got all that. 232 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,400 We've, you know, we've, we've gone through that period, we've 233 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:08,080 sought help. We've had other people input and 234 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:10,360 then you just don't, you just don't do that anymore. 235 00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:13,120 And that's where it's like it's only been, you know, since my 236 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:16,560 burnout that now we're continually getting help and 237 00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:19,200 professional help and seeking more support and trying to grow 238 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:22,080 a lot more intentionally. Not that we we're never 239 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:25,760 intentional about our growth, but there's just that that 240 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:30,200 period where they the external input I think was just wasn't 241 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:31,280 there. Well, I don't think it was a 242 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:32,760 Val. I don't think it was a priority, 243 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:35,720 didn't feel pressing and especially the busier we got, 244 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:38,240 the less it kind of took up space, so. 245 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,280 Yeah, Yep. I'm gonna take another sip and 246 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,160 it might be a bit of a saga, so yeah. 247 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:45,360 OK, you take your time. Did you get anything? 248 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:49,560 Did you drink any? No. 249 00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:51,720 Great. So things you think you think 250 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:54,200 were done really well and you wouldn't change. 251 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,680 But again, I wouldn't change anything. 252 00:11:57,680 --> 00:12:00,720 Like even what you said before about us having more adventures 253 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,440 and stuff, I'm like, oh, yeah. Like I would have loved to do 254 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,760 more international travel with you before we had kids. 255 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:10,120 That would been amazing because we've had the the travel bug for 256 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:13,560 ages now, but we just can't financially do it right and 257 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:16,360 practically do it with the kids. So that's something I wish we 258 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,120 did do earlier, but I wouldn't change that at all because the 259 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,280 life we've had has been amazing, you know, even through the 260 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:25,720 difficult Venus, the that has really shaped a lot of the 261 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:27,400 culture within our family. Yeah, absolutely. 262 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,200 And in our relationship. So I just, I wouldn't change any 263 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:31,760 of it. But I think something that we've 264 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,240 done really well. We've we've always been a team. 265 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:37,320 You know, I think just having that team mentality of I 266 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:41,120 actually need to understand you more so that I can do my role as 267 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:43,640 husband better. You know, it's not just a matter 268 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,760 of like I need to well, you know, learn more about what a 269 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:50,080 good husband is. I need to learn more about what 270 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:53,320 is a good husband to you, you know, like, what do you need in 271 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:54,640 a husband? And I think that's something 272 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,240 that we've done really well is start to unpack each other's 273 00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:00,600 side of stuff like the good, the bad, the ugly, and but then how 274 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,840 does that work together? So it's always had that team and 275 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:04,000 tell us. I think that's something that 276 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,440 we've that's been really good for us. 277 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:08,720 Yeah. Yeah, I think pretty similar to 278 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,440 that. We spent a lot of time really 279 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:14,280 early on just getting to know each other about, like, what has 280 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:17,800 made us us and not just the, oh, this, you know, this. 281 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:19,160 I went to school when I was this old. 282 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:22,800 It was like the more serious kind of difficult conversations 283 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:26,520 so that when we did continue into our relationship, it wasn't 284 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,360 that I was just like, why does Blair do this? 285 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,080 I mean, there was stuff that I was still learning, but I 286 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:35,120 understood, oh, he's got this experience, and this is his 287 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,440 values, and this is probably why he's reacting this way. 288 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:39,360 This is, you know, this is the clash. 289 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:41,840 I think that context really helped. 290 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:44,680 Yeah, yeah. So I think that's a really good, 291 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:46,640 I'm glad that we did it that way. 292 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:49,880 And I think with parenting, we really, we have never had a 293 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:53,840 solid parenting technique. Like we haven't been subscribed 294 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:57,080 to this type of parenting. And there's so many things that 295 00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:00,720 we're like, I've got no idea. But I do think what something 296 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:04,400 that's we've done well is, again, that being a team in it 297 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:08,400 and just kind of taking it as it comes and dealing with it and 298 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:11,840 not almost not boxing ourselves in. 299 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:14,680 Yeah, which helps with flexibility. 300 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:17,120 Yeah, things need to change 'cause I think that's one trap 301 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:20,080 that people fall into. And it also helps with grace, 302 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,760 knowing, oh, we've made a mistake. 303 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:23,160 Yeah, we can kind of work on that. 304 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:25,560 Yeah, but it's just the attitude of like, oh, no, we're gonna 305 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,400 keep working on that. Yeah, You know, it's not like, 306 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,080 oh, we've got that sorted now. So no, no, it's a continual 307 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,400 growth, continual learning. This is a lifelong journey. 308 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:37,160 It's not a, yeah, you know, a month thing like it's, it's 309 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:38,600 forever. We're going to keep going in 310 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,160 this. And then that can be quite 311 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:42,880 daunting at times as well. Like, man, is it always going to 312 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:46,320 be like this? And my, my view on it is like, 313 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,400 no, it's going to get easier because the longer that we've 314 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,400 actually been married and working through that, the easier 315 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:54,040 the conversations have been. So the turn around is better and 316 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,680 and greater, you know. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. 317 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,080 Next one What are each other's green flags? 318 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:07,240 I I love how you're always so ready to help like you are just 319 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:14,040 there's I can rely on you just 120% like I just I don't I don't 320 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:17,080 have to ask. I don't have to like second 321 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:20,280 guess if you're on my corner or if you're there to support me or 322 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,400 anything else, like even in a practical sense, right? 323 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,880 You know, the fact that I'm not working today, well, this 324 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,920 afternoon is because you've helped me so much with my actual 325 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:30,120 job, right? And you're just so willing to 326 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:33,200 jump to that and stuff that you, because you know me, you know 327 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,400 the things that stress me out, you know that you can do this 328 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,280 better. And I know you can do this 329 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,240 better. And it's not a matter of like, 330 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:40,440 I'm going to help. And it's actually the 331 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,160 sacrificial side of you that you're like, no, I want to do 332 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:46,000 this because I love you. And that's just a one as well. 333 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,160 You speak until my love language too. 334 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,520 And you're so just ready for that you. 335 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,320 And even with the kids, you're so ready for what's needed in 336 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,760 those moments. And and you'll. 337 00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,720 Yeah. So that's a huge green flag for 338 00:15:58,720 --> 00:15:59,640 me. Thanks baby. 339 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:04,120 Mine is that you've let me help you know, my, I think for you, 340 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:08,040 the biggest green flag, one of the biggest green flags is that 341 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:10,280 I've noticed from the beginning and is still the case is that 342 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:15,600 you're, you're so willing to be vulnerable and to be intentional 343 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,640 and work on things like you've never had this. 344 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:22,040 You've always from the very beginning had this ability to be 345 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,440 like, Oh, no, I need help in this, or I want to be better in 346 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:28,040 this and, and not this attitude of like, I am good now. 347 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,400 Like why do I need to work on anything or I don't need to let 348 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:31,960 people in. And that's been so helpful in 349 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,280 our relationship. It's been incredibly helpful for 350 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:38,600 your work because you've gotten into roles and positions in your 351 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:43,200 jobs that are incredible because of your willingness to learn and 352 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:46,160 to rely on and to kind of not look silly. 353 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:49,480 But just like it might for some people, it feels silly to be in 354 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:52,080 that vulnerable place. But it's actually a really 355 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:55,880 strong stance to make and super, super helpful with your 356 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:58,520 parenting and your input and all the stuff that we talk about on 357 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,040 the podcast all the time, you know, the mental load 358 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:05,079 conversations and even the other days when manipulative. 359 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:09,200 What incompetence? Like, all of that stuff 360 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:13,440 weaponized. Yeah, all that stuff that can so 361 00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:16,960 easily be generalised and categorised to men, you've been 362 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:21,760 so willing to learn in it and listen and have conversations 363 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:26,400 and be challenged on things and then also challenge back, but in 364 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:30,040 a constructive way. So I think that's pretty pretty 365 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,280 much made the foundation of our family. 366 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,360 That set the tone for our family, which is huge. 367 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:41,760 Teamwork now The Muppet we we fist bumped cool what do you 368 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:45,520 wish you'd so speaking is sometimes very hard you do this 369 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:49,480 very well for the podcast it is so hard to read and. 370 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,040 It's really hard. What do you wish you'd known 371 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,800 sooner about each? Other I don't think there's 372 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:57,720 anything I wish I'd known sooner because I feel like we knew the 373 00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:02,560 basics really quickly. I think I probably wish that I 374 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:06,840 understood each of our triggers better or or the extent of our 375 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:10,440 not the casual like normal times, the more like extreme 376 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:12,960 points. But even then, knowing that 377 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:16,040 sooner would have just I'm not sure that sooner really fixes 378 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,200 that. Yeah, it's, it's come out when 379 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:20,360 it's needed to come out. Yeah, 'cause that's The thing is 380 00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:23,000 the journey has actually been so instrumental in our growth. 381 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,520 So sooner I was like, well, the journey might have been shorter 382 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,920 and the impact might have been less, but I think something 383 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:32,080 that's I, it's not even necessarily what I knew about 384 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:36,120 you earlier. It was more about how I wish I 385 00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:38,960 knew the growth that we had to take sooner. 386 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,720 So we, I, I didn't get myself by surprise. 387 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,680 Do you mean like, because when we first started dating, we're 388 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:46,680 doing the internship together and we, we, we're finding out 389 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:49,960 like after a while that it's because we're so different. 390 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:54,160 Like I wish I just, you know, in hindsight and it's doesn't get 391 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,360 me down or anything, but what would have been cool is actually 392 00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:59,720 went into that relationship knowing that look, you're going 393 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,360 to have to work on all this sort of stuff because I think it 394 00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:05,480 would just would have just made. I just wish I would knew that 395 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:08,800 this is the the stages that we go down or the path we go down 396 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:12,640 so that I could be like, yeah, cool rather than get irritated. 397 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:13,480 Yeah. About. 398 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:15,480 Different things and whatever else, but it's I'm just trying 399 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:16,840 to find something to throw out there. 400 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:19,240 So I don't really have anything like that either. 401 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:22,880 I think just like knowing each other's values is another one. 402 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,880 I think if we understood those things earlier, but we, again, 403 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:28,400 we never knew we needed to know them to exactly know them. 404 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,880 So it's hard, but I think that could have helped us navigate 405 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:32,680 those conversations and tensions. 406 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,680 Hey guys, just wanted to pop in and take a SEC to talk about the 407 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,800 extra content you can find over on our Patreon and our Spotify 408 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,000 subscription. We have a fun little community 409 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,040 growing over there with extra episodes, extra stories. 410 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,880 We're also going to have resources, messages back and 411 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:51,320 forth and also submitting listener stories through that 412 00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,280 portal as well, so. Outro. 413 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:58,080 Themes If you want to be a part of our closer knit community 414 00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:01,240 here at Honey Media Chat, please hop on over to Patreon or 415 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,760 Spotify subscriptions and join us there. 416 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:05,440 Love to see you. Thanks guys. 417 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:09,080 Thanks. How did we decide on baby names 418 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:13,160 and any tips with that process? Well, honestly, the 1st. 419 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:17,160 So I pretty much picked our boys, our three boys, and you 420 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:20,160 picked our daughter's name and we don't you really use our kids 421 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,240 names on this podcast. So we're not really going to go 422 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:25,360 down the line of their names and what their names are. 423 00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:29,040 But the way that we did it was pretty different. 424 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:32,800 So the first one was the old YouTube clip. 425 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:36,240 Very well known YouTube. Like very, very old YouTube clip 426 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,840 and like when YouTube was sort of coming out sort of when only 427 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:42,360 a couple of things went viral rather than a new viral thing 428 00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:44,480 every day, right? It was it was one of those and 429 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,400 it just stuck out of my head and I quoted it and we're like, oh, 430 00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,200 what about that name? That's a cute name. 431 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,640 And then we did it. That's how we we did that name 432 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:52,840 and that was pretty much a lock in. 433 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:57,480 But what we would do as well, we would go for drives and we'll 434 00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:59,640 just say names. Yeah, I would just read out 435 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:00,680 lists. And you, yeah. 436 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:03,360 And you would write them down. And so, I mean, we would go on 437 00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:05,040 like websites, right? And. 438 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:06,640 What would you do? Baby names? 439 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,880 I'd just search baby names. And then if we had like a vibe 440 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:12,960 we were looking for, so like our kids middle names were until 441 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:15,840 this baby short, kind of different. 442 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,120 Edgy. Yeah, different. 443 00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:20,920 And so, you know, I'd look up like short, one syllable middle 444 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:25,720 names or yeah, if we had kind of a vibe we were looking for, I 445 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:27,680 would search up that type of name and then go through the 446 00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:31,720 list and the Blair will be, yes, Blair was a lot, a lot more 447 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:35,320 picking than I was, a lot more picking than I was, which is 448 00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:37,320 good because we've landed in a good place. 449 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:42,400 But yeah, so he it would be a lot of no, no, no, no, heck no. 450 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:43,560 But. Sometimes you would say to him 451 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:44,760 again, I'm like, Oh yeah, what about that one? 452 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,280 You always said no to that one. That would actually happen quite 453 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,320 a bit, like months later it would come up again. 454 00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:50,400 You'd be like, oh, that's not too bad. 455 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,960 But I think all the ones we actually landed on, we were 456 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,320 straight up when we first heard it. 457 00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:57,680 We're like, that's great. Or when we first considered it, 458 00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:59,920 every other one that we were kind of like, maybe maybe we 459 00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:02,080 never really stuck with. Yeah, the only one. 460 00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:06,320 So I found our daughter's name on Facebook one time before we 461 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:07,680 were even married. I think we're dating. 462 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,080 I don't. Even think we're dating because 463 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,040 I'm I'm pretty sure when we started talking about kids you 464 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,480 just always. No, we were dating. 465 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:14,040 Yeah, we're. Probably dating I think is where 466 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:15,440 we were working. It was a friend. 467 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:18,200 It was a friend of the son of the person I worked with. 468 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:21,120 And no, I was not stalking, probably. 469 00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:23,920 I probably was scrolling through Facebook just like seeing who's 470 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,000 friends with who. Anyway, the name popped up and 471 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:29,240 I'd never heard of before, and I was like, that name is so 472 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:31,760 beautiful. And it just haunted me until we 473 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:34,040 chose to call our daughter that. Yeah, however many. 474 00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:34,960 Years. Well, I didn't really have a 475 00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,560 choice. You had no choice, Yeah. 476 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:38,960 But I'd love the name. I will say though, because we 477 00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:43,000 had two boys and then we had her and so by the time we were 478 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,120 actually pregnant with her, we didn't know with any of the 479 00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:48,080 first three what we were having. I was like, I'm not, I'm not 480 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:49,280 sure if I want that name anymore. 481 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:52,120 We'd said it so much for so many years and it was good because 482 00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:54,280 you're like, you need to use the name because if we don't, you'll 483 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:56,680 just kick yourself. And I'm so glad now because it 484 00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:58,960 is a beautiful, beautiful. Name and her nickname. 485 00:22:58,960 --> 00:22:59,880 Too. And her nickname. 486 00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:02,200 Nickname. She's got so many nicknames. 487 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:03,840 Yeah, and I. Wish we could tell you guys 488 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:06,040 because they're so cute, but because there's even names that 489 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,200 she's called herself trying to say her name and. 490 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,520 Actually, it started with our oldest trying to call her what 491 00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:12,760 he calls her. Yeah. 492 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:16,320 Which as a little baby and it came out wrong anyway, every 493 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,720 time we meet another one of her because it's not a very common 494 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:20,120 name, but it is getting more common. 495 00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:22,320 It's like the most exciting thing ever because our boys 496 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,600 names are all very common, but they're cool. 497 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:28,280 And then the last one was we had so many names because we had a 498 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,160 miscarriage before we had our baby as well. 499 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,560 So we'd had quite an extended period of expecting during that 500 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,280 time. And so we'd had, I think we went 501 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,680 to through three or four that we were like, no, this is what it's 502 00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:39,560 going to be. And then the last, I don't know, 503 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,400 like in the last few months, I think it was of our pregnancy 504 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,840 with him, there was a character. In a. 505 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,040 In a. Show that we were watching which 506 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,800 is so funny because it wouldn't be it's not like we're like this 507 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,640 character is amazing but no if anyone asks that's where we got 508 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:53,840 the name from so it. Was just like, I think I just 509 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:55,840 threw it down. I'm like about this name. 510 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,200 And the name is like, yeah, yeah. 511 00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,080 And that was it. And that was, that was the name 512 00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:00,600 there. We go. 513 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:02,640 So that's nice and vague for you because. 514 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:06,720 YouTube and TV and Facebook, that's how we got our names. 515 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:09,080 Yeah. But honestly, it was lists. 516 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,000 And we'll just, we'll just go through them again. 517 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,240 And then we did. So we pick a first name, then 518 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:16,880 pick a second name like a middle name, and then obviously use our 519 00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:19,080 last name. And we just went through that 520 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,760 for the month and it was, we found that fun. 521 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:22,920 We love. Yeah, we did it before we were. 522 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:26,200 I think we were looking at baby names like early on, even maybe 523 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:27,560 before we were married. Right. 524 00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,720 And I've shared that list with so many people. 525 00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:33,160 Yeah, since they've, since we've stopped having kids, just being 526 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:34,960 like, these are some names because we have lots of friends 527 00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:37,040 that have ended up having their baby and not having a name for a 528 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:38,960 while. I'm like, we have so many names 529 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:40,440 on a list, I can share them for you. 530 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:42,680 No one's used them yet. Anyway. 531 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:44,840 That's a good question. Great. 532 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:46,480 All right. So this last one is a bit more 533 00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:49,120 of a heavier one and I think it's an important one. 534 00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:52,680 So we've done a lot of questions about our sensitive questions 535 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:54,760 about us and this is a bit more generalised, right? 536 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,520 So we could kind of see this as a, this was actually a write in, 537 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:02,480 but as a question, do you believe in don't go to bed angry 538 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:05,480 after conflict? Why or why not, if you're 539 00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:11,240 comfortable sharing? Yeah, I grew up hearing that. 540 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:13,360 I can't remember if my parents would say it or not. 541 00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:16,240 And so I grew. Up they're. 542 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,880 Slowly losing their power. I grew up believing that that 543 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:21,080 was something that needed to happen. 544 00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:23,520 There's actually a Bible verse that says don't let the sunset 545 00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:25,160 on your anger, I think is what it is. 546 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:28,640 But my understanding now is that that's actually a 547 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,560 misinterpretation. It's it's less about don't go to 548 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:35,640 sleep angry and it's more about don't let don't let your sunset 549 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:39,360 on your anger, meaning don't let things finish in anger. 550 00:25:39,360 --> 00:25:42,680 So not about the time you know of the day necessarily, more 551 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,000 just about don't let things just linger in anger because that's 552 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:48,760 not going to go anywhere. I think it can be damaging if 553 00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:51,400 you like, we've just had a massive argument and we're going 554 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:52,800 to sleep and we can't go to sleep angry. 555 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:56,320 I just don't think that how he's supposed to not be angry unless 556 00:25:56,320 --> 00:26:00,000 you're just like magically come up to a conclusion, which is 557 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,520 great if you do. Yeah, I think it's each of their 558 00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:03,720 own, right. And again, this is a 559 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:05,880 conversation and a value that you would have to come up with 560 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,000 your partner to discuss that together because yeah, so for 561 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,960 me, you know, more for more for you actually. 562 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,320 But for our circumstances, sometimes you just need that 563 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:18,120 space and then we come back to it and allowing that space. 564 00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:21,960 Something that I needed though, because in our early days, this 565 00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:23,920 was a big thing. I wanted to talk about it right 566 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:26,440 then and there because I was just sitting in my head and I 567 00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:27,920 just, I just wanted to talk about it. 568 00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:31,960 And I think like, yeah, I just did not want to be a couple 569 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:35,520 where things were unsaid, you know, and then we just brushed 570 00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:38,800 it off and ignored issues. I'm like, no, I want to, I want 571 00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:41,200 to work through this. So what something that was given 572 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:44,000 to us, which is actually a really good piece of advice was 573 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:48,160 that if I may need space, like I need to give her space, but she 574 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:50,200 needs to promise that we'll come back to it. 575 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,160 So and. I need to bring it back and. 576 00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:55,040 You need to bring it back. So the responsibility was on you 577 00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:59,560 actually then because it's not in a Amy, come on sort of a way, 578 00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:02,160 but it's actually not, you know, this is a value for me. 579 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:03,400 You know, I need to talk about this. 580 00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:06,320 You know, this is a value, a fear of mine, of what this could 581 00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:09,200 turn into. We're in a conversation. 582 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,080 Amy says I just can't talk about it right now. 583 00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:13,200 I need to respect that. Give her the space that she 584 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:14,480 needs. And if that's overnight, then 585 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:15,960 that's overnight. That's going to sleep. 586 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:17,520 You know, if you're so frustrated, divine, so 587 00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:20,560 frustrated, whatever else, but you just seen the promise to 588 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,160 come back and and that's works really well for us. 589 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:23,960 Yeah. Yeah. 590 00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:25,600 So it's, I don't think it's about the time of the day. 591 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:29,560 It's just that commitment to not bury the issues because like 592 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:32,000 we've said earlier, the issues come back alive. 593 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,280 You know, they're buried alive and they come back, they always 594 00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:37,360 come back in different ways and stuff. 595 00:27:37,360 --> 00:27:41,960 So, yeah, I, I think look, if you can deal with it before 596 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,400 going to bed, great. But I don't think that's a law. 597 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:46,880 I don't think that's. No, and I think that I think it 598 00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:50,040 can be either used. It can either become a pressure 599 00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:54,040 that you put on yourself to resolve things prematurely or it 600 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,440 can be a manipulative thing that someone can put out there. 601 00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:58,360 One partner can be like we can't go to bed angry. 602 00:27:58,360 --> 00:28:00,400 We got to talk about this. The other person's not ready. 603 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:03,600 I don't I in saying all of that, we don't go to bed angry. 604 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:06,000 I'm trying to think if we had, yeah. 605 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:08,880 Honestly, probably it's mostly me in the middle of the night 606 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:11,000 just sitting there getting angry about something new all of a 607 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:12,880 sudden and then I talk to you about it the next day or. 608 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:17,200 You go to sleep, have a dream, wake up angry. 609 00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:20,680 Yeah. That's yeah, navigate. 610 00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:25,800 If they become an anger thing, which is more intense than it is 611 00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:28,920 kind of in the in that moment or it's it's navigated until it's 612 00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:32,240 sorted. It's not usually there for 613 00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:33,680 multiple days on a ring. No, no. 614 00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:35,600 I. Don't think we. 615 00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:37,480 I don't think we've had more than a day. 616 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:39,400 Yeah. But sometimes we'll talk about 617 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,720 something and then come back to it again, like it's something, 618 00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:45,600 something is like, it's still not sitting right with me or I 619 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:48,560 forgot to mention this part of the situation, whatever else. 620 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:50,280 So it's not. Yeah. 621 00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:53,120 It's. I think having a conversation 622 00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:56,680 before going to bed helps that journey keep going rather than 623 00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:58,480 just festering. And then you come back again, 624 00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:02,880 you're like. Yeah, yeah, I think if you're I 625 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:04,680 think like you said, it's each their own. 626 00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:06,280 You find something that works for you guys. 627 00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:09,200 You find what rhythm works for you in terms of being able to 628 00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:13,240 talk about things in a clear, neutral, encouraging, uplifting, 629 00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:16,520 whatever way so you're not in the moment angry. 630 00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:21,600 But you also you figure out what restrictions need to happen in 631 00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:22,960 terms of not just letting it linger. 632 00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:25,200 Anyway, each their own. They have to you have to figure 633 00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:28,280 out what works for you guys. And then if you need a rule that 634 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:31,560 helps you make sure that it's done by the time you just 635 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:35,000 decided on together, great. If you find that's actually 636 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:38,000 restrictive, or can be manipulative, or can be extra 637 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:40,080 pressure that's not helpful, then that's really important 638 00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:41,240 too. Yeah, they're good. 639 00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,320 So thank you so much Shadows for writing that in. 640 00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:45,040 That's awesome. Really good. 641 00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:47,480 I love sort of unpacking that for ourselves. 642 00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:51,080 So because sometimes we just go through emotions and completely 643 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,440 forget about our journey and all the different things that we've 644 00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:56,160 had to learn and and grow through and continue to go 645 00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:57,720 through. So it's good and we love doing 646 00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:01,040 that with you guys. Just also on our chatter episode 647 00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:03,120 to follow this, we're going to go through some funny 648 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:05,160 relationships. Yeah, we want to try something 649 00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,400 different and so we're going to go to our chatters for that. 650 00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:09,720 So if you would like to be part of this community where you get 651 00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:12,960 to input into these conversations, input into this 652 00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:15,400 podcast and all the things that we're doing head on over there 653 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,240 because we would love to, you know, we would love to add to 654 00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:20,880 our awesome group of people over there that are already doing 655 00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:21,440 that. Yeah. 656 00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:24,360 So yeah, go to Patreon or go to our website. 657 00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:27,000 Go to our website, you can see where to get the extra content 658 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:29,200 there. I thought I might read 1 funny 659 00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:32,840 relationship story to close us off and do a little like taster. 660 00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:35,640 Yeah, exactly. So this is a thread on our slash 661 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:38,040 dating over 30. Don't really know why it's on 662 00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:39,800 dating over 30. I think it's applicable to 663 00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:40,760 anyone. That's offensive. 664 00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:44,080 But it's funny dating stories question mark and there's one I 665 00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:48,920 read when I was getting ready to put this together that made me 666 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,280 laugh a lot. So a few years ago I was going 667 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:53,840 out on a tonne of dates. Anyway, I set up a dinner date 668 00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:55,960 with a guy. I got there first and decided to 669 00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:58,800 just go ahead and get a table. A couple minutes after being 670 00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,200 seated I looked up and see my date coming towards me. 671 00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:03,920 I get up and say hello. I give him a big hug. 672 00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:06,480 I sit down and ask him how his weekend is going. 673 00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:09,560 He just stands there and says good with a smile on his face. 674 00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:10,960 And then he asked me how I'm doing. 675 00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:13,720 I answer but I'm like why is this guy not sitting down? 676 00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:16,280 We chit chat about something else for a minute and then I 677 00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:19,360 suddenly realised this guy is not sitting down because he's 678 00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:25,400 the waiter. I could tell quickly that the 679 00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:27,920 waiter was trying to place me, he thought we must know each 680 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:30,840 other. Anyway, I was so embarrassed and 681 00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:33,440 just decided to play along. My date arrived, he got a hug 682 00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:37,320 too and at the end of the dinner at the waiter and was like it 683 00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:41,360 was so good to see you again. That's awesome. 684 00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:44,880 That's a good one, anyway. So head on over to the Chatters 685 00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:47,480 episode for more of those stories, but we'll talk to you 686 00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:48,720 guys next week. Thanks. 687 00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:49,920 Good. Chat thanks guys.