1 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:14,680 Honey, we need to chat. Hello and welcome back to Honey. 2 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:17,720 We need to chat. This episode is a little bit 3 00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:20,160 different and if you're watching the video, you'll immediately 4 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:21,840 know why. But for those of you that are 5 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:25,320 just listening, we have a bit of a different format today because 6 00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:28,160 Blair is a way for work. He is up in Queensland. 7 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:32,080 And instead of trying to cram in a recording session in the very 8 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:35,880 limited time we got together this week and or delaying the 9 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:39,040 episode next week, we thought what about we look at this like 10 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,000 a fun little activity and try a bit of a different format. 11 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,560 So this week we're recording separately. 12 00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:46,240 We do not know each other's answers. 13 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:48,240 We don't know how each other have responded. 14 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,840 And I'm just going to stitch it all together in editing and 15 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:52,760 we'll see how it goes. So it should be a little bit of 16 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,880 fun. It might be a little bit of 17 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,640 messy, but that's OK. We're here for that. 18 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:00,120 Sorry for the different format. We just thought it would be fun 19 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:03,200 to be a bit creative and make it work with our schedule because 20 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:05,680 life happens and you guys get that. 21 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:08,400 So let's dive right in. We've got some questions we're 22 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:10,120 going to be answering. Got a Reddit story that we're 23 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:12,840 reflecting on. We'll also have a rapid fire 24 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,200 mini quiz later of who is more likely. 25 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,760 So keep an ear out for that one because that would be really fun 26 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:19,560 for you to do as a couple as well. 27 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:23,200 And then we've also got at the very end, as per usual, a 28 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:26,360 reality check challenge. Just a short one this week to 29 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:29,520 reflect on separately, but you guys get the benefit of hearing 30 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:31,960 both of our answers after I edit it all together. 31 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:35,200 So let's dive right in. All right, firstly, we're going 32 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:38,320 to go through some questions. Where am I and what am I doing? 33 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:42,000 Well, I'm in the usual location other than sitting in Blair's 34 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,680 chair. I'm at home and I've just been 35 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,120 working. So I have taken a little break 36 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:49,520 to record this episode. Blair will have a different 37 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,760 answer, obviously, because he is not here, but it's been all 38 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:54,000 right. It hasn't been too bad. 39 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:55,920 Solo parenting. I've actually had quite a bit of 40 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:57,680 help from my mother in law, which is amazing. 41 00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:59,680 She's helping again tonight with some babysitting. 42 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:01,040 For the most part, it's really good. 43 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,200 It's just when everyone needs something at the same time that 44 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:08,360 is pretty exhausting and I'm not very good at self discipline in 45 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:11,120 terms of getting to bed on time. So when Blair is not here, I 46 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:14,920 become a bit of a loose cannon and I say up way too late and 47 00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:18,120 then I have the consequences of that the next morning. 48 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:21,720 So that is probably the most chaotic or worst part of it. 49 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,360 The only other thing I do walk around a little bit like a 50 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:27,320 zombie when I I walk around like a zombie when I've been 51 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:31,760 parenting in general, when I get to, like, rehearsal for my show 52 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:34,400 or if I go out to the shops and I'm suddenly engaging with other 53 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:37,600 people other than just my children or my husband, I do 54 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:39,040 walk around like a little bit of a zombie. 55 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:41,680 But it's probably tenfold when Blair's not here and my brain's 56 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,960 just, like, so full of stuff that I need to be doing. 57 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:48,800 So my little funny, chaotic moment of the day is that, yeah, 58 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,840 I did not go to bed early. And when I say early, I mean I 59 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:54,040 didn't go to bed until it was early. 60 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,760 Sorry, babe. Hey guys, I am currently on a 61 00:02:56,760 --> 00:03:00,200 work trip. I flew up here into Rockhampton 62 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,440 on what was it? I think it was Wednesday. 63 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,680 I thought he, Well, yeah, early Wednesday morning, flew up here 64 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,040 just for a little. We had a progress report 65 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:11,160 meeting, fun stuff with our projects happening up here with 66 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:14,280 my organisation. I work for Dad's group, the 67 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:17,840 nonprofit organisation. And then today we had a big like 68 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:21,000 networking collaboration, meeting with all the different 69 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:25,280 organisations in this region, talking about how we can, you 70 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:28,080 know, work together better, but also how can we have a greater 71 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:31,280 impact together or even individually and, and sort of 72 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,280 navigating through some of the challenges that we're having, 73 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,920 let's say the for all of us, right, in this mental health 74 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:40,840 space, the biggest challenge that we all find is engaging 75 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:43,280 dads, right? We want to support dads because 76 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:47,520 we know that the more supported dads are the greatest support 77 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,840 the family gets. So the importance of dads 78 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:52,360 getting support and encouraged and equipped and all of that 79 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,600 sort of stuff is really sure, it's really important. 80 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:59,640 But like, so for example, a stat that we talk about is one in 10 81 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,920 dads suffer from post fatal depression. 82 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,520 Now a lot of majority of people don't know dads can get post 83 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:07,560 fatal depression. And all of those one in 10 dads, 84 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:12,080 56% of them don't go help, don't go seeking help and support. 85 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,680 And so yeah, like that's a big thing. 86 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:17,959 It's not even just unique to us as an organisation as to all 87 00:04:17,959 --> 00:04:20,640 organisations. Supporting dads is is really 88 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:23,080 hard because it's not dads, sorry, it's men. 89 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,600 Supporting men in the mental health space is very hard 90 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:29,960 because there's a lot of stigma around support for guys. 91 00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:32,640 There's no other stuff. So we looked at about how high 92 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:36,480 percentage of men see getting help with support as a sign of 93 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:38,280 weakness. And then, then with that comes 94 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:41,240 pride and all that's really thing if it's just really sad 95 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:44,400 because like I, I know for myself when I'm, you know, 96 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:47,840 trying to figure stuff out and I can make no sense of things and 97 00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:50,960 I make things worse. It's just very isolating and 98 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:54,080 difficult situation. But now that I'm in this place 99 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:57,360 where, you know, I do get help, I've seen counsellors and stuff 100 00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:01,480 before and I'm a part of my dad's group and and so forth. 101 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:05,960 Like I've just seen the benefits of that support and I don't, you 102 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:08,880 know, my story and my struggles are not unique to myself. 103 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:11,600 And so, yeah, saying that from other people has been really 104 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:14,680 fantastic. It's been, it's hard. 105 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:17,440 I always find it very hard to go away for work. 106 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,680 I'm really tired. I'm, you know, some great 107 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,160 stuff's happening. It's exciting in the work front 108 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,680 what's happening. But you know, I always just get 109 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:29,120 this sense of guilt whenever having to leave the family and, 110 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:32,760 and things. So it's not really chaotic 111 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,840 wouldn't be the right word I would say, but it's difficult. 112 00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:39,960 I don't enjoy leaving the family to go away for work. 113 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,960 All right. The next one is 3 things I 114 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,440 appreciate about you, Blair today. 115 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,440 So today I went to the shops after I dropped the kids at 116 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,040 school. I had to get some clothes for 117 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,800 our baby, who is actually 2 today, which is really exciting, 118 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:53,320 except for the fact that Blair's not here. 119 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:56,480 And when I was walking out of one of the shops, somebody came 120 00:05:56,480 --> 00:06:00,400 out of a shop ahead of me and he kind of had the same body. 121 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:01,640 What is it called? Demeanour. 122 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:02,760 That's not the word I'm trying to say. 123 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:06,280 But the way that he held his body as gate, maybe gate as 124 00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:07,680 Blair. And all of a sudden when I saw 125 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,040 it, I was like, oh, I miss Blair. 126 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:12,560 So that's one thing I appreciate about him just being here, 127 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:13,960 something I appreciate about him. 128 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:18,760 Another thing is he is so good at maintaining the house and 129 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,400 doing stuff with the kids. I've been making lunches for the 130 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,640 kids, obviously in the mornings. And that has actually become his 131 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:27,360 job for the last, I don't know how many months, maybe six 132 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:30,640 months now. So just having to think about 133 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:34,760 things like getting the lunches done is just another task when 134 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:36,800 you're trying to get all the kids out the door for school. 135 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:40,360 And it's stuff like that, that when he's not here, I finally, 136 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,520 not finally, because I do appreciate it at the time, but 137 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:46,360 I, I can really feel the absence of the stuff that he just 138 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:49,480 naturally does that isn't super easy to notice at the time. 139 00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:53,520 So things like getting dinner ready, things like, you know, 140 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:57,520 him just being able to put one or more of the children down so 141 00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:59,760 that I can put one more one or more of the children down and we 142 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:01,600 don't have to do the whole task ourselves. 143 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:03,600 The dishes piled up very quickly. 144 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:07,040 So that was it too, him not being here to help with some of 145 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:09,200 those things, which he's, he tends to be a little bit more 146 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:12,520 natural at than me anyway. So yeah, definitely stuff like 147 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:16,400 what he feels in the house, just not being here is something that 148 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,160 I appreciate a lot about him when he's not here. 149 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:21,200 And then the other one, which I already alluded to, is the 150 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:24,280 rhythms that he brings. I do not like going to bed. 151 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,240 I just don't like it. I don't like going to bed. 152 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,120 I like being in bed, but I don't like going to sleep. 153 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,400 It's probably a better way of saying this. 154 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:36,040 And my little rebellious 18 year old still exists inside of me 155 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:38,640 where it gets late and then I just want to stay up later. 156 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:41,880 And I definitely enjoy the late hours of the night. 157 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:44,760 Blair is much, much better at being like we should go to bed 158 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:48,840 and then going to bed. So when he's not here, I am. 159 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:51,160 I really am a loose cannon. I also sometimes just float 160 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:54,720 around a little bit, like I'm not sure what I'm doing or who I 161 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:55,840 am. Yeah, definitely. 162 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,200 That's another thing that I appreciate is his consistency 163 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,200 and his rhythms. Even though on the nights when 164 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:03,600 he is here and he's saying we should go to bed, I don't always 165 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:06,320 feel like I appreciate it in that moment, but I do appreciate 166 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,880 it the next morning. So that's what I appreciate 167 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:11,840 about you, babe. One thing I will say on top of 168 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:16,120 that is I, I'm a bit of an, well, I am an introvert and I do 169 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,200 enjoy a lot of time to myself. A lot of the time when people 170 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:21,440 talk about things like quarantine for COVID. 171 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:25,080 And I know this is so naive. I remember being like 14 days in 172 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:27,360 a hotel room by myself. Yes, please. 173 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:30,240 And I would go loopy if I did that. 174 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:32,320 But the idea of it sounds really good. 175 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:34,919 And every now and then I hear these stories of people doing 176 00:08:34,919 --> 00:08:36,760 things on their own. And I'm like, yes, please. 177 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:40,240 Or, you know, Mother's Day treat for me is that Blair sends me 178 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:42,640 out of the house to go do something by myself. 179 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,960 And that's just who I tend to be. 180 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:49,960 But when he's not here, I do realise how much I rely on that 181 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:53,640 consistent presence around me. And I do get a little bit loopy. 182 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:58,200 Like I do start talking to myself and sometimes I walk 183 00:08:58,200 --> 00:08:59,640 around the house and do weird things. 184 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:03,720 So like just weird facial expressions or I don't even want 185 00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:08,000 to dive too much more into that because all my respect from you 186 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,120 guys will go right out the window. 187 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,840 But yes, I definitely, I definitely miss when he's not 188 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:15,440 here, his presence and the grounding that comes with that. 189 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:19,480 So I love you, baby. So now we've got a choose your 190 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,280 own big question segment. So I don't know which one player 191 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:24,360 will have responded to, but I'm choosing the question. 192 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,720 What's something you wish you were better at right now? 193 00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,760 Something that I wish I was better at right now? 194 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:32,760 It's a big answer and it's kind of hard to explain, but 195 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:35,120 definitely something that I have been working on in terms of my 196 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:38,040 mental health over the last my whole life, but especially the 197 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:42,360 last like six months to a year is recognising some of the stuff 198 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:44,960 that goes on for me. And I have definitely alluded to 199 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:49,560 it on the podcast before, but I really wish I was better at 200 00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:52,760 setting aside some of the weight that I carry inside. 201 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,120 He was having a little reflection moment the other 202 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:57,000 night actually, while Blair was gone. 203 00:09:57,520 --> 00:10:00,360 And I just was like, sometimes I just have this glimpse of 204 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:05,680 lightness and joy and, you know, freedom or like just fun, just 205 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:08,080 light joyfulness. Sometimes, like there'll be a 206 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:10,960 moment that that just is injected into me for whatever 207 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,160 reason, whether something fun has happened, good has happened 208 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:14,640 to watch just one of those moments where you're like, oh, 209 00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,560 look at my family. Like I experienced that. 210 00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:20,760 And when I experienced that lightness inside is when I'm 211 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:24,000 really aware of the heaviness that I carry all the time. 212 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:28,760 And I am, I really am determined to figure out a way to be 213 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:33,360 carrying myself and the things around me a lot lighter than I 214 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,560 do. Because it's not when heavy 215 00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:36,800 things happen, heavy things happen. 216 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,840 You're going to be stressed or overwhelmed, anxious, whatever 217 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:41,320 you want to say with that. But it's not just that. 218 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:44,040 It's not just when something heavy and big is going on. 219 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:47,720 It's often when there's nothing. If you look on paper, it doesn't 220 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:50,000 look like anything should be weighing that heavily. 221 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,600 But I just allow these little things to weigh really heavily. 222 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:56,120 And then unfortunately, that trickles out into my family. 223 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:59,720 I'm very aware that that influences how I act with my 224 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,920 kids or with Blair, influences the vibe of the house, 225 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:06,640 influences my my priorities and my motivation. 226 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:10,920 And I also just really believe that we are called to and 227 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:14,640 allowed to enjoy joy regardless of circumstances. 228 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:17,960 And that's part of our Christian faith is, is that element. 229 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:21,000 But also just in general, I believe that, and I am trying to 230 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:24,280 work on getting that without having to wait for those 231 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:26,040 special, really special little glimmers. 232 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:29,160 I think they call it glimmer moments where you're like, oh, I 233 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:33,240 want that more often and I want the heaviness much less often. 234 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:37,320 So that is something I wish I was better at for a plethora of 235 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:40,080 reasons. So what does staying connected 236 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,360 actually look like when life is busy? 237 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:45,600 That's a great question and something that, you know, Amy 238 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:47,960 and I have definitely put time in. 239 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:51,920 We, we are quite intentional, but at the same time, it's very 240 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:56,840 easy to be too busy to think about, you know what I mean? 241 00:11:56,840 --> 00:12:00,480 Like it's something that we definitely continue to work on. 242 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:03,800 We're constantly going up and down with busy stages of life, 243 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:07,880 either with kids or work or podcasting or, or whatever else. 244 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:11,840 It is like Amy's has done an amazing job setting up new 245 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:15,120 coaching business, which is absolutely fantastic, but in 246 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,800 that comes a real sense of busyness. 247 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:22,400 And she's also doing a theatre, she's doing a show at the 248 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:25,920 theatre, in our local theatre. And I'm, you know, doing 249 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:30,440 volleyball once a week as well. And, you know, we've got quite 250 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:34,040 busy lives. And, and I think for us, we have 251 00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:36,880 really had to, you know, we always keep catching ourselves. 252 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:39,640 We, we notice like there, we go through a long period in that 253 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:42,000 business where we haven't been intentional. 254 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,800 We haven't really connected well. 255 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:46,840 And I think, you know, for us, we've just recently gone on our 256 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:50,560 10 year wedding anniversary. We went away and we were able to 257 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:53,840 reflect on that sort of stuff. We're able to reflect on or how 258 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:57,640 are we going? How you know, what can we do 259 00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:59,560 differently? What can we do going forward? 260 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:01,200 What's important in that connection? 261 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:04,400 Like what does connection actually look like When we went 262 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:07,200 through a number of different things, different topics and 263 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:10,880 ideas and so forth. But so when I when it says like 264 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,840 when the question is what does stay connected actually look 265 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,000 like when life is busy, it varies. 266 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,720 You know, we might go through times of like, you know, date 267 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:22,200 nights could be, could be that it might be what we need or just 268 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,400 being physically intimate, you know, it might be what we need 269 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:29,800 in that time or just, you know, close, just spending time. 270 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,560 It might be just relaxing watching a movie or whatever 271 00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:35,200 else might be going for a walk or whatever. 272 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:39,320 There's is not one thing. It's down to what are we needing 273 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:42,040 in that moment? Maybe it's a massage, you know, 274 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:45,200 I mean, like whatever it's, it's really having that conversation. 275 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,920 We've had to have those conversations to identify what 276 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:51,000 we need in those moments. Think first of all, it's 277 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,400 identifying that we're hey, we're not connecting, we're 278 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,120 busy, we're not connecting. We haven't had that intentional 279 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,400 time with each other. Then it's about a matter of 280 00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,480 like, cool, well, what does that look like for you? 281 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,080 And I would share what it looks like for me. 282 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,960 And then putting things in place based on what our needs are in 283 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:09,120 that moment. But yeah, it's not one thing. 284 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:10,840 It's whatever's needed in that moment. 285 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:14,080 But what it looks like actually, to go back to it, is in 286 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:17,640 everything we keep saying, having the conversation, being 287 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:20,640 aware of it, having the conversation and then and 288 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:22,800 putting something in place to go forward. 289 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:27,200 All right now mini memory lane, share a random or nostalgic 290 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,720 memory from your relationship. Bonus if it's funny or awkward. 291 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:33,200 Now I accidentally overheard one. 292 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:36,880 Like I'm saying 2 seconds of Blair's video because I just 293 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:39,760 wanted to check that the audio was OK when it came through and 294 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:43,600 I just happened to overhear him talking about I think this 295 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:48,680 question. Unfortunately now the only story 296 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:51,960 I can think of is the one I heard him saying and or ones in 297 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:55,000 the same vein. So apologies for the repeating 298 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:58,560 theme that's probably going to come out. 299 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:02,360 I am not a grot, I just need to make that clear. 300 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,080 One thing I will say, this isn't really a memory necessarily. 301 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:09,480 We are not. We do not wind in front of each 302 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,200 other. It's just neither of us have 303 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,080 been really, you know, those really farty kind of people. 304 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,040 This is so gross or even like really loud burpers or anything 305 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:20,320 like that. We we just individually before 306 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,840 we were together, we weren't really into that. 307 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:26,280 And then when we got together, we both aren't into that. 308 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:28,960 So it just got reinforced in our relationship. 309 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,200 And we don't do that most of the time in front of each other. 310 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:35,000 I remember early on, just before we got married, I was at a hens 311 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,480 party and there's a bunch of other women there that I knew 312 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:39,880 they were also about to get married or had just gotten 313 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,160 married. And they could not believe that 314 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:43,800 we didn't fart in truck in front of each other. 315 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:47,080 They couldn't believe it. And like I know it was all 316 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:50,000 lighthearted and fun. I did have, I think some people 317 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:53,160 were actually genuinely concerned that we wouldn't do 318 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,960 that and that that might be a red flag in a relationship. 319 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:59,880 I'm here to say it's not a red flag and I know that I can if I 320 00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:01,640 need to. I just don't like doing that in 321 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,960 general. Just anyway, if you think it's a 322 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,080 red flag, that's fine. And to those that are really 323 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:08,760 comfortable in front of each other, I love that for you guys. 324 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,160 I love that for you guys. Genuinely, I think it's very 325 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:13,800 beautiful. It's not, it's not a lack of 326 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,160 comfort necessarily, it's just it's just something that we're 327 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:18,160 not into. Anyway, that's my little context 328 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:19,640 to it. And I'm sure this is going to 329 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:22,320 resonate through his story as well, considering what I heard 330 00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:26,080 him quickly saying. But there's a few instances 331 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:31,120 where with that lens in mind, it's been very funny and hasn't 332 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:35,800 been made for a more made a very funny memory because of kind of 333 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:38,720 our culture as a couple. And one of the times being when 334 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:43,320 I was induced with at first, like I had my contractions, it 335 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:46,320 was quite intense. And so they, I quickly decided 336 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:49,240 to go with an epidural. And so once the epidural 337 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,960 happened, I just could not start fart, stop farting. 338 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,000 I was like, oh, I'm, I'm farting. 339 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,880 I was in the hospital bed and I was just farting. 340 00:16:57,880 --> 00:17:00,880 And I, it was because I couldn't, I physically didn't 341 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:04,680 feel like I had much control of my muscles on the lower half of 342 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:08,520 my body because of the epidural. And there was just a lot of gas 343 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,319 and stuff going on in my stomach. 344 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:13,640 And so I was, I was just sitting there with Blair and our student 345 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:15,599 midwife and all the other midwives that were coming in. 346 00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:17,520 Doctors were coming in. And I just had to kind of laugh 347 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:19,680 about it because, yeah, I couldn't hold that in. 348 00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:22,520 So there's that. There's a few other stories. 349 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:25,200 I'm sure Blair will be sharing one of them. 350 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:30,040 Another thing actually on the another memory on that day where 351 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:34,920 we were in the hospital having our son, our first child, I was 352 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,960 when I was, I was addicted to the gas. 353 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:40,160 The gas was my lifeline. I loved it so much. 354 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:44,040 I've never ever done anything that has made me feel like the 355 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:46,440 gas has made me feel. I'll just put it that way. 356 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:49,920 And so when I was on the gas, partially because of the pain 357 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:53,480 relief it gave me, but also just the trip that it gave me, I was 358 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:56,200 living my best life. And then I was very scared about 359 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:59,800 the idea of getting an epidural. So when I did agree to it, I 360 00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:03,520 demanded that I be allowed to continue sucking on that gas 361 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,960 while they did it. Now knowing what I know, because 362 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:12,160 I've now had four caesareans and four spinal blocks and plus the 363 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:16,080 epidural, I now know how how much you need to sit still. 364 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:21,240 But at the time I didn't realise how difficult someone high on 365 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,960 gas would be to get them to sit still. 366 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,840 And so poor Blair was sitting there holding me as still as he 367 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,840 possibly could as this lady was giving me the epidural. 368 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:33,280 And I just was off in La La land. 369 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:36,480 And in my mind, I literally was picturing this. 370 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:40,840 There was this little tubby Dr cartoon person that had bounced 371 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:44,360 into my little cartoon world and was this like cranky little 372 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:47,680 doctor giving me an epidural. And I was, I was off with the 373 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:50,840 fairies, but Blair was having to hold my back very, very still 374 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:52,960 while they put this into my spine. 375 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,920 So that was also funny because I, I, I wasn't just like feeling 376 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:58,240 good. I was having full on stories 377 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,920 playing out in my mind of these little cartoon characters and, 378 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,720 and I didn't have to read the, the consequences of it. 379 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:06,720 He did. So he was there holding me and 380 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:08,520 keeping me safe. Thank you again, babe. 381 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,000 Another thing I'm appreciative of. 382 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:13,720 Many memory lines share a random or nostalgic memory from your 383 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,760 relationship. Bonus if it's funny or awkward. 384 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:21,120 I remember, I think, you know, I remember early on when, I mean, 385 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:24,000 I was saying that and I, I mean, feel free to cut this out if 386 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:27,680 this is too embarrassing for you, but I remember early on, I 387 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:29,840 mean, I, we went to the drive in movies. 388 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,480 I think we're date, we're dating at a time. 389 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:35,040 We went to the drive in movies, kind of all we were watching. 390 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,920 And anyway, we, we parked the car. 391 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:41,920 It's lovely, beautiful night. Like I'm, I'm falling for this 392 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,480 girl. She's absolutely amazing. 393 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:47,000 And then next minute I realised you're in the movie, she's 394 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,240 falling asleep. I'm like, all right, well that's 395 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:51,440 rude, but whatever. No, what? 396 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,840 I didn't care. I don't remember what movie it 397 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,680 was, so it wasn't that impactful, but she fell asleep 398 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,080 and I'm still watching the movie. 399 00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:01,080 The next minute, just out of nowhere, she just freaks out. 400 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,080 She wakes up, freaks out, opens the door. 401 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,880 I thought she was going to go running out the door, but she 402 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,560 doesn't. She's just like, oh, she's just 403 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,880 woken up all of a sudden realised she's just freaked out. 404 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:13,280 We're laughing and stuff. I'm like, oh man, she just must 405 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,680 have, you know, had a weird dream and woken up and nearly 406 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:18,920 ran out the door. And it wasn't until maybe years 407 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:22,640 later that Amy actually told me that she farted in her sleep and 408 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,280 she woke up freaked out that it was gonna smell bad, so she 409 00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:28,320 quickly wanted to open the door so I wouldn't smell stinky out 410 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:29,680 of the car. It didn't. 411 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,440 I had zero idea and I thought she just had a crazy dream. 412 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:35,240 So yeah, that's it. My wife's a fart off. 413 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:38,800 All right, so moving on to rapid fire mini quiz, who is more 414 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,560 likely? So I'm going to rapid fire 415 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:44,120 through these things and say who I believe is more likely to do 416 00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:47,240 these things. OK, who is most likely to forget 417 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:50,880 an anniversary? I feel like it depends if it's a 418 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,120 relate. If it's an anniversary to me, 419 00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:56,440 like one of my marriage anniversaries, I feel like Amy's 420 00:20:56,440 --> 00:21:00,440 more unlikely to forget, and I feel like I've had a good track 421 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,240 record of remembering our anniversary. 422 00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:05,960 If it's anything else though, like other people's birthdays or 423 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,600 whatever else, it's never me. I'm trash, I'm terrible at it. 424 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,360 I can't remember things. Blair is more likely to forget 425 00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:14,920 an anniversary. He doesn't mostly, but he is 426 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,200 more likely to do that, put systems in place. 427 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,760 Because I know I'll forget. So I just have a lot of systems 428 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:23,800 around things like that that keep it on the top of my mind. 429 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,800 But he is more likely to forget it, I believe. 430 00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:28,440 Who is more likely to cry during a movie? 431 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:30,680 Blair is more likely to cry during a movie. 432 00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:33,680 I actually feel like I'm a little bit cold hearted. 433 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:37,080 He cried at our wedding. It was beautiful and I didn't. 434 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:40,520 He cries at the thought of a lot of things that I don't, 435 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:44,320 partially because I protect myself. 436 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,760 So if I start to feel too emotional sometimes I just shut 437 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:49,440 that part off. And then also because, I don't 438 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:52,640 know, I just, I haven't a different way of empathy to him. 439 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:56,760 And he feels things, I'm very emotional, but he feels things 440 00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:00,280 very differently to me. And so he is, I think, more 441 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,600 likely to cry in a movie. It's a hard one. 442 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,600 I I don't know. I think most likely Amy, but it 443 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:08,200 wouldn't surprise me if she says me. 444 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:11,320 Who is more likely to make the first move after an argument? 445 00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:14,720 I'm assuming this means first move for like saying sorry. 446 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:18,760 I think it's 5050. I think actually no, probably me 447 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:20,640 because I'm probably the one that's in the wrong in the 448 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,200 argument. So I'm like, yeah, you're right, 449 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:25,600 my bad. I don't know who I don't know. 450 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:28,040 I think both of us would. It depends on the argument, and 451 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:31,280 it depends over like when it is, who started it, what it was, and 452 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:34,960 what our circumstances are. But we both do eventually. 453 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:38,520 Who is more likely to overpack for a weekend away? 454 00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:40,640 And that would be me. That is definitely Amy. 455 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:42,400 Amy would overpack for the weekend away. 456 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,200 I would underpack. I would forget things. 457 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:46,920 So I don't know what's worse. I don't know if overpacking or 458 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:50,440 underpacking is worse, but now Amy absolutely overpacks. 459 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:52,240 There's nothing else to say about that. 460 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,680 Actually, that's not true. I mean never takes their 461 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,480 appropriate clothing. She's either too cold or too 462 00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:59,640 hot. She never dresses appropriately. 463 00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:02,280 Who is more likely to text I love you randomly? 464 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:05,560 Probably also me, but not in a bitter way. 465 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:08,720 I think he would do it as well, he's just not on his phone as 466 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,760 much. He he we both throughout the day 467 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:13,960 randomly say I love you in person. 468 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:17,000 So it's probably the text element that makes it more 469 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,240 likely that I would be doing it. Amy. 470 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:21,320 Amy would be the first one to text that. 471 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:23,440 Who's more likely to stay up late? 472 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:25,480 I mean, none of us need to answer this question because 473 00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,840 we've just heard it in the episode, but it is me. 474 00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:30,720 Amy, she's a night owl. Ridiculous. 475 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:34,280 When we first got together, she was like, man, that like, she 476 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:37,000 would easily stay up to 123 in the morning. 477 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:39,040 And well, I was bricklaying at the time. 478 00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:42,560 I was a tradie, so I got up early, like sometimes 4:00 AM or 479 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,600 earlier. And yeah, it was hard and it was 480 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:48,200 hard. Who is more likely to forget 481 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:51,920 where they put their keys? And that is Blair 1000%. 482 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:55,360 And this is a bitter 1 because we have a key hook. 483 00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:59,760 Just again, I, I have built my systems to relieve myself of 484 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,760 stress because I have experienced being like, where is 485 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:03,520 it? I've got no idea. 486 00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:07,480 But his keys, his Sonny's, his wallet often are on repeat. 487 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:08,480 Where is this? Where is this? 488 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:11,360 Sometimes even his phone. Actually, a lot of the time even 489 00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:14,200 his phone. Amy 1 Hope No, I'm joking. 490 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:17,800 That is 100% me and I always do this. 491 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:21,200 I always put things down. My sunglasses, wallet, keys, 492 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:23,440 hats. I've got a I've got a place for 493 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:24,720 them all, but I never put them there. 494 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:27,360 I don't know why. I know there's a lot of pointing 495 00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:32,360 the fingers here and like tus tusking, I know I need to get 496 00:24:32,360 --> 00:24:34,720 better. OK, who is more likely to start 497 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:36,880 a deep conversation 5 minutes before bedtime? 498 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,080 That is me. He. 499 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,600 That was one of the things we had to adjust to when we were 500 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,920 early married because I was like, we're in bed. 501 00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:45,440 We're just like the lights are off. 502 00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:47,040 So your brain just starts to like think. 503 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:49,480 And I'm like, what deep conversation can we have? 504 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,280 And he's already like half asleep. 505 00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:52,960 Once he's in bed, he's ready for bed. 506 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,800 And when he's tired, you've, you've probably seen it in some 507 00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:59,240 of our episodes, but you can see that he his brains just like in 508 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:01,360 sleep mode. So I would bring up these deep 509 00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:05,120 things, especially early on when I would finally, it's like I 510 00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:07,600 finally had the courage to bring up the thing that was upsetting 511 00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,560 me or the thing I thought was upsetting him. 512 00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:12,600 And then I'd bring it up and it was an important conversation 513 00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:16,360 and it was a bad time. And that was never helpful. 514 00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:19,720 So once I figured that out, things have been a lot better. 515 00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:23,480 And he tried, he really does try when that happens to engage with 516 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:28,000 it, but he also just physically has difficulties with that. 517 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:32,080 Amy, it's a problem. All right, last one is who is 518 00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:35,240 more likely to bail on social plans to stay home and chill? 519 00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:39,320 I'm going to say Blair again. He's become more and more of a 520 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:43,840 homebody introvert over the years and social plans take a 521 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:45,600 lot from him when he's already really tired. 522 00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,720 They actually have gone the opposite way and become more 523 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:51,760 excited about social things. In saying that, though, there's 524 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:54,480 not many times where social planning gets cancel it. 525 00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:56,600 And I'm upset. Like I think when you've got 526 00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:59,400 kids and when you're an older adult, like you're not older, 527 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:03,000 but you know, when you're not a young adult, you've got kids, 528 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:05,680 you're working, there's these things that just mean that any 529 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:07,560 free time you have is such a blessing. 530 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:10,200 And I feel like that just kind of has this almost this 531 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:13,240 disclaimer over anytime anything gets cancelled, I'm like, you 532 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:15,320 know what, that's fine. I'm just going to watch my show 533 00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:17,960 or I'm going to get done the 500 things that I wanted to get 534 00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:19,640 done. So I think it's probably more 535 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:22,200 likely to be Blair at this stage, but I think both of us 536 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:26,360 are in the same boat. Amy like we would be both on 537 00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:30,000 same of wanting to do that, actually doing that. 538 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:33,400 Maybe me and that's that's changed quite a lot since 539 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:36,440 becoming a parent because I was like such a social butterfly, 540 00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:39,400 like I'm like always wanting to be out, always wanting to be 541 00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:43,640 with people. Amy might want to like bail, but 542 00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:46,360 she would actually stick to it where I would more likely, and I 543 00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:48,280 don't. I don't think I've done it the 544 00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:50,560 last time I've done that, but I think I'd be more likely to do 545 00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:52,040 it. All right, so there we go. 546 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:54,440 That's a rapid fire mini quiz so you guys can answer that at 547 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,240 home. Who's more likely to forget an 548 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,440 anniversary? Who's more likely to cry during 549 00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:00,360 a movie? Who is more likely to make the 550 00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:03,520 first move after an argument? Who's more likely to overpack 551 00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:06,160 for a weekend away? Who's more likely to say I love 552 00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:08,800 you in a text randomly? Who's more likely to stay up 553 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:10,600 late? Who's more likely to forget 554 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:13,120 where they put their keys? Who's more likely to start a 555 00:27:13,120 --> 00:27:15,200 deep conversation 5 minutes before bedtime? 556 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:18,000 And who is more likely to bail on social plans and stay home 557 00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:19,920 and chill? Now we're going to dive into a 558 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,160 Reddit story reflection. So first I'm going to read the 559 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:24,120 story and then I'm just going to give some thoughts on it. 560 00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:27,360 So this is titled Is it weird to not miss your partner when they 561 00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:29,320 leave? My partner is gone like he is 562 00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:31,520 right now. I don't really miss him and I'm 563 00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:32,920 feeling a little guilty about it. 564 00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:36,200 I don't even care that much to have long talks with him, just 565 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:37,880 quick catch UPS are enough for me. 566 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:41,000 I remember I used to pine over my partners if they were on a 567 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:43,080 trip and call them and text them constantly. 568 00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:46,000 With my current partner I'm enjoying being alone and being 569 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:49,280 able to make whatever I want for food, sleep on my schedule, 570 00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:52,400 crochet and watch my own shows and just be alone. 571 00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:54,960 I feel like I should miss him but I honestly don't. 572 00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:58,240 This was not written by me babe, just in case you thought that 573 00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:01,440 because I also crochet and I also like being on my own. 574 00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:03,760 So is it weird to not miss your partner when they leave? 575 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,040 I don't think it's weird to not miss. 576 00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:08,480 I think it comes down to the definition of what missing is. 577 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:13,960 Would it be weird to be happy and have no emotional connection 578 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:15,160 to the fact that your partner's gone? 579 00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:18,560 Maybe a little bit weird. I miss Blair when he's gone. 580 00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:21,400 Like I said in my early reflections, you know, I saw 581 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:23,880 someone today for a second, it just made me think it was him 582 00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:26,240 and it wasn't. And it that's when I have the 583 00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:28,680 moments of like, Oh my gosh, I miss Blair. 584 00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:32,000 And often, like, you know, by the end of a trip, it's very 585 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:33,360 much like, I just want you home now. 586 00:28:33,360 --> 00:28:35,400 I miss the routine. I miss having someone here. 587 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,800 I miss having my person. I miss everything that he brings 588 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:40,480 to the family. So I do miss those things. 589 00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:44,880 For me, a lot of my things like this, missing things, missing 590 00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:47,920 people, grieving, a lot of that is very logical and sits in my 591 00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:51,400 head rather than in my emotions. Whereas I think some people feel 592 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:54,600 things really physically like that and I I just don't for 593 00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:57,000 whatever reason. It's the same with our kids when 594 00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:59,160 we go away and we haven't had them around. 595 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:02,640 I miss them logically and I know I miss them emotionally, but if 596 00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:06,360 I'm honest, I don't feel this deep craving for them that I 597 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:07,880 think some other people experience. 598 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:11,720 I would after, after, you know, more than three days, I'm sure 599 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:14,760 that I would be feeling that. And especially if something's 600 00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:17,320 gone wrong, like when we went away to New Zealand, our baby 601 00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:20,240 got sick and that really I really struggled being away when 602 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:24,640 that was happening. But I am OK at having at knowing 603 00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:27,920 that I'm going back to them and I don't have that. 604 00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:31,240 I don't have that like deep drive all the time to be with 605 00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:32,280 them. When are we gone? 606 00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:36,520 And I think it's the same with Blair, like I really love having 607 00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:39,480 him here and I would always prefer to have him here, but I 608 00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:43,280 also appreciate time to myself. And so when he is gone, I don't 609 00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:46,800 necessarily walk around in a big bowl of missing him or this kind 610 00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:50,600 of like dependency I would have when I was younger and I did 611 00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:52,600 when I was younger. And I wonder if there's 612 00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:54,880 something to say, something to be said for ageing. 613 00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:57,240 And like I said earlier, like just becoming a bit more 614 00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:58,960 established as an adult. You've got work, you got 615 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:03,840 routines, you like get deeper and deeper into the sacrificing 616 00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:07,000 side of relationships or the effort side of relationships. 617 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:10,720 So like as a mother, a lot of my relationship is a lot of work 618 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:14,240 with my kids because I am completely responsible for them. 619 00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:16,120 I love them and they're so life giving. 620 00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:19,120 But I also can see the side of it being when you can finally 621 00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:21,800 you've got a little moment to be like, oh, I can choose what I 622 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:22,960 want to eat. That's one of my favourite 623 00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:25,000 things when Blair goes away is being like, I'm going to choose 624 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:27,720 what I want to eat. Unfortunately, right now I'm on 625 00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:31,360 a strict diet so I can't really just eat whatever I want, but I 626 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:33,160 get to pick. We've got different and taste in 627 00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:35,880 food, we've got different tastes in bed times, we've got 628 00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:37,280 different tastes in what we watch. 629 00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:40,000 We've also got similarities, overlaps and that's where we 630 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,000 normally exist. But I think when he's gone, it's 631 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:44,240 like that's the moment that I can kind of have that time to 632 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:47,120 myself. And so I don't think that in and 633 00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:49,400 of itself this story sounds like it's weird. 634 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:53,240 I don't think it's not surprising to me that she might 635 00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:55,840 be experiencing something different with this partner than 636 00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:57,720 she did with her partners from when she was younger. 637 00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:01,520 And I think that's got more to do probably with the life stage 638 00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:03,800 that you're in. I think what would be weird is 639 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:06,400 if you prefer to be alone. And I think what would be weird 640 00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:08,560 is if you never missed to them, like if they're gone for more 641 00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:10,800 than a week and you didn't have the thought of I just want you 642 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:12,560 back. It would maybe make me question 643 00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:14,520 some stuff more if that's the case. 644 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:17,480 But if it's they're gone for a short trip and you're just 645 00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:20,520 enjoying that time to yourself without feeling this pang of 646 00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:22,520 like, oh, I should, I should want them here. 647 00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:25,120 I don't think that's necessarily concerning. 648 00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:28,480 It's the outworking of it and it's the deeper meaning of it 649 00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:30,240 for yourself. And there's nothing we can say 650 00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:32,800 about somebody else's story. But just from my own personal 651 00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:37,000 experience, I resonate with enjoying this time to myself and 652 00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:40,200 and being responsible for my own schedule. 653 00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,400 I'm curious to see what Blair said in his. 654 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:45,840 Yeah, I mean, obviously we we have 0 context to the rest of 655 00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:48,120 their relationship. Or from what she's well, all 656 00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:49,640 we've got is what she's written here. 657 00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:54,040 She says she has, I'm guessing Pine means like miss some. 658 00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:55,680 I don't even remember. I don't even know what that 659 00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:57,000 means. Well, I'm going to assume it 660 00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:00,200 means that she has missed other partners when they're on a trip 661 00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:02,440 and call them and text them constantly. 662 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:04,040 I wonder if that's a telling thing. 663 00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:06,880 You know, I wonder if that's something they're like why she 664 00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:11,360 missed them and not this guy. I had no idea if they're like 665 00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:13,760 been dating for a long time or whatever. 666 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:17,720 I have no idea of any of that. I think that it's a bit weird. 667 00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:20,080 I find a bit weird that she doesn't miss him at all. 668 00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:24,840 You know, maybe they're in friend zone, maybe. 669 00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:28,040 I don't know. There's so many things that it 670 00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:30,160 could be and there's not enough information here. 671 00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:33,760 I think it's a little bit weird. I think either that she's just 672 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:35,280 not. I wonder what it's like when 673 00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:38,160 he's actually around though. That's probably when I would ask 674 00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:39,680 her what's it like when he is around? 675 00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:43,360 Does does she love him being around or is she looking forward 676 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:45,320 to him going away? Then it's a real issue. 677 00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:47,280 If she's looking forward to him to go away. 678 00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:50,040 There's a real issue. If it's just that she's not 679 00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:52,760 missing him while he's gone, still see it as an issue, but 680 00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:55,320 not as much of 1. I don't know. 681 00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,840 Like I like I said, I really struggle to be away when I'm 682 00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:01,680 away. I have no idea if Amy misses me 683 00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:04,480 or if it's just so busy and chaotic there that it's just, 684 00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:09,160 you know, she just doesn't think about it. 685 00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:16,720 But I I really hate being away. So I miss Amy, I miss my family. 686 00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:20,000 I want to be with them. So This is why I find this one a 687 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:23,800 bit weird. I think asking the question of 688 00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:27,600 why is probably important for her, you know, I mean, your own 689 00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:30,480 space is good. And and if it's if he's not away 690 00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:33,480 often, if he's only away for like a day or so, like maybe 691 00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:34,680 it's fine. Like it's, I don't know. 692 00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:36,920 There's too many unknowns about this topic here. 693 00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:41,200 If yeah, I would say she needs probably asked the question, why 694 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:43,760 would she not miss him? I thought it weird. 695 00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:45,200 I don't know. I don't have much more to say 696 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:46,480 about that. I think it's a bit weird. 697 00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:48,760 What do you guys think? Do you guys think it's weird? 698 00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,040 I'd love to hear from you. All right now, just the last 699 00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:52,800 little bit here. We're going to go into the 700 00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:58,520 reality check corner and today is just a little reflection that 701 00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:01,320 you can do with yourself and or with your partner later. 702 00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:03,160 And we're going to obviously be doing it separately to each 703 00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:05,640 other this week too. So the reflection is, what's one 704 00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:07,960 way I could show up better in our relationship right now? 705 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:12,040 I, I think I need to check in more about how Amy's love tank 706 00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:14,800 is going. Like I, we've talked about a 707 00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:17,880 lot, we've spoken a lot about love, love languages. 708 00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:23,040 And I know Amy's is words of affirmation or it used to be. 709 00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:26,040 And the more I know about love languages, the more I've been 710 00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:28,440 learning about them. I know that things can change. 711 00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:31,920 And so I'm not sure where that fits. 712 00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:33,840 And I don't know how I'm going with that because I haven't 713 00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:37,840 asked, but I think just being more aware, creating space to 714 00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:42,920 actually ask those questions and to be curious in that way would 715 00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:44,920 be good. I know she, we've spoken 716 00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:48,360 recently about how she, you know, I've asked her recently 717 00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:52,760 like, oh, bye, be more actively listening or something. 718 00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:55,239 And it was, that's ironic because I'm, I can't remember 719 00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:57,880 what she, we were actually talking about, but I remember 720 00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:00,880 she was saying about, you know, asking more questions about her 721 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:03,040 interests. And so even though they're not 722 00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:06,400 my interests, but being curious about hers was something that 723 00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:09,200 she would like more of. Now I feel like I've been trying 724 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:12,400 to do that, but I, I, I don't know how I'm going and that's 725 00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:13,600 something that I would like to improve. 726 00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:14,800 Like I want to know how I'm going. 727 00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:18,000 So she's mentioned that she wants me to show more interest 728 00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:19,640 in her interests. Cool. 729 00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:22,680 I've been trying to do that. Now, is that clear to Amy that 730 00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:26,040 I've been trying to do that, or is that me just assuming that 731 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:27,720 I'm on the right path? You know, I mean, we haven't 732 00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:29,760 spoken about it again since. So I want to know, I want to 733 00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:31,880 know how I'm going with that. I think that's something I 734 00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:35,160 definitely want to increase in my intentionality on. 735 00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:38,040 I think something that I could do better is being more thankful 736 00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:43,000 and more verbally appreciative of Blair, but also just even 737 00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:45,600 mentally taking that time, setting aside that time to 738 00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:47,520 notice what I appreciate about him. 739 00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:50,040 Like the exercise earlier in this episode, I think is really 740 00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:53,000 helpful. And we we can find ourselves in 741 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,880 routines and rhythms that go. We just go without doing that 742 00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:59,440 stuff unless you're prompted. And so I think, yeah, having 743 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:03,200 having time where I'm intentional about just taking a 744 00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:06,520 few extra seconds to look at him and appreciate him or noticing 745 00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:09,440 what he does and then verbalising that to where 746 00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:12,440 appropriate as well. So that my attitude is an 747 00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:15,400 attitude of thankfulness. And my approach to him is an 748 00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:18,080 approach of thankfulness because there's always going to be 749 00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:21,280 things to nitpick about your situation or your family or your 750 00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:24,760 partner, but there's also things to appreciate about them. 751 00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:27,640 And if you can appreciate that, if that can be your default to 752 00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:31,240 be appreciating, then the nitpicky things won't feel so 753 00:36:31,240 --> 00:36:33,000 big. Well, guys, I know this is a bit 754 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,320 of a weird episode, and I just want to say thank you so much 755 00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:38,080 for sticking to the end. You know, this has just been one 756 00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:40,520 of those ones. We want to give you a little bit 757 00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:43,800 more insight into our lives and to who we are and a little bit 758 00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:46,240 of our journey as we're trying to, you know, we're wanting to 759 00:36:46,240 --> 00:36:50,520 be here on the podcast and we wanted to be here on YouTube and 760 00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:53,760 all the socials, but we also have jobs and we're passionate 761 00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:55,720 about our jobs. You know, there's more to us 762 00:36:55,720 --> 00:36:58,240 than just what you see on each episode. 763 00:36:58,240 --> 00:36:59,920 So we wanted to give you a little glimpse of that. 764 00:36:59,920 --> 00:37:01,560 We want to thank you so much for being here. 765 00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,440 We want to challenge you and encourage you do that rapid fire 766 00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:06,400 question. It's actually fun to try and 767 00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:10,240 think through our partners and and it's it actually makes me 768 00:37:10,240 --> 00:37:11,720 giggle, you know, going through that. 769 00:37:11,720 --> 00:37:15,400 So check it out, try that out with you, with your partners and 770 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:18,000 even ask yourself self the question as well with this 771 00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:21,520 reality check corner. What's one way that you could 772 00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:24,400 show up better in your relationship right now? 773 00:37:24,720 --> 00:37:28,000 We would love to hear from you. So send us an email, let us know 774 00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:31,360 what's one way that you would like to do better in your 775 00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:34,040 relationship right now. All right guys, thanks so much 776 00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:36,720 for being with us. I hope you enjoyed this random 777 00:37:36,720 --> 00:37:38,440 little honey we need to chat corner. 778 00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:42,680 We'd love to hear your responses to the Reddit story, the reality 779 00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:45,040 check corner and the Rapid Fire mini quiz if you're keen. 780 00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:46,920 Thanks guys, I'll catch you next week. 781 00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:47,920 Good chat, bye.