1
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:15,440
Honey, we need to chat. 
Hey, welcome back to another 

2
00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:17,120
episode of Honey, We Need to 
Chat. 

3
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:20,600
This is the podcast to go to 
about communication in a 

4
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:22,080
relationship. 
So we're all about the 

5
00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:23,680
communicator. 
We believe that when 

6
00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:26,960
communication dies in a 
relationship, bad things happen 

7
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,160
in a relationship. 
So we discussed a lot of 

8
00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,240
different topics, a lot of 
different tools and tips to help

9
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,320
us with that conversation, 
either navigating through 

10
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:38,960
specific issues in the 
relationship or just identifying

11
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:41,240
things for yourself. 
And the way that we receive 

12
00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:44,160
information, the way that we 
communicate to strengthen that 

13
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:45,600
and that will strengthen the 
relationship. 

14
00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:48,120
And just by being here today, we
know something actually about 

15
00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:49,960
you, which is really exciting 
for us. 

16
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:53,520
So what this tells us about you 
is that you're someone that's 

17
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,680
not just interested in just 
going through your relationship,

18
00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:58,840
not just surviving it. 
You've actually clicked on this 

19
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:02,160
episode on this podcast because 
you actually want to know more. 

20
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:05,200
You want to grow, you want to 
develop, you want to just be 

21
00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:06,920
intentional with your 
relationship. 

22
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,160
And that's really exciting to 
ask because that's that's what 

23
00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:11,760
we're here for. 
You know, we want to be Amy and 

24
00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:13,640
I are growing in our 
relationship and the fact that 

25
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,320
you're growing with us is 
really, really exciting. 

26
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:17,840
So thank you so much for tuning 
in. 

27
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:21,640
If you do get something from 
this episode, if you do find 

28
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:24,320
value in this and you would love
to help us out, the way that you

29
00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:27,720
can do that is the classic like 
share, subscribe. 

30
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:31,040
This helps us out a lot, but 
also we want to be reaching more

31
00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:34,440
people like you, you know, those
that are intentional, those that

32
00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:37,080
are like looking for something 
to help build up their 

33
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:39,520
relationship and their own 
personal skills and 

34
00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:41,960
communication. 
So share it on to someone else. 

35
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:45,560
Like let's get this going on 
further than just you and I. 

36
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,120
So thank you so much for being 
here. 

37
00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:50,200
So what are we doing today? 
This is a different one. 

38
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:51,920
Today's a different one and a 
fun one. 

39
00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:55,720
So we've been sharing about how 
Amy's been coaching some women 

40
00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:58,280
and we get the question like 
what is a coach? 

41
00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:01,480
And that's really hard to 
explain just by telling you 

42
00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:05,240
explaining it, explaining it. 
But the way that we've been 

43
00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:06,600
trying. 
So we're gonna show you. 

44
00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:10,280
And now this is AI don't really 
know what Amy's gonna be doing. 

45
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:12,120
He she's gonna be coaching me 
today. 

46
00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:13,920
I don't know the topic. 
I don't know what we're gonna be

47
00:02:13,920 --> 00:02:15,560
discussing. 
And we want to just give you 

48
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:18,080
that example of well, this is 
what Amy does. 

49
00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:21,600
So then if you are interested, 
go along to our our website or 

50
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,760
your website which is. 
Yeah, it's linked on both 

51
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:29,680
www.nextchaptercoachingyep.com.auipausedtherebecause
as Blair gets on my back about 

52
00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,920
saying WWW. 
Yes, I was going to say it. 

53
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,600
I bit my. 
Tonguenextchaptercoaching.com 

54
00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:36,560
dot AU, but it's also linked on 
our website. 

55
00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:39,840
Honey, we need to chat.com. 
So there's information there and

56
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:41,120
we'll put it in the show notes 
as well. 

57
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:42,600
Absolutely. 
But yeah, this is just an 

58
00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:46,200
example of what you could expect
in a coaching session because a 

59
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,120
lot of people don't know what 
coaching is and what makes it 

60
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:49,880
different. 
Yeah. 

61
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,440
So, yeah, for sure. 
And you've done this with me 

62
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:55,800
once and it, I don't know if 
you've noticed, but for me, I 

63
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:59,880
feel like so much is shifting 
that area, which was amazing, 

64
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,680
just very practical. 
And I just was able to realise 

65
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:05,440
like I can, I can do this. 
Like, yeah, I've got all the 

66
00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:06,560
things I. 
Need to put a lot of things in 

67
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,000
place from there. 
Yeah, absolutely. 

68
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,280
Yeah, we did do a few last 
season. 

69
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:13,280
We did a few coaching sessions 
as well and we have some free 

70
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,880
resources on the website that go
along with those sessions too. 

71
00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:19,960
So if you enjoy this kind of 
this kind of a process, check 

72
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:22,200
those other episodes out, which 
we will link as well. 

73
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:25,880
And those resources, because 
they're free, they're there, 

74
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:27,120
they're accessible to you right 
now. 

75
00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:29,160
There's things that you can 
implement in your relationship 

76
00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:32,560
and in your own personal life 
right now, so it's worth having 

77
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:35,000
a look at. 
And we want to be more than just

78
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,960
a podcast. 
That's, that's our desire. 

79
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:40,000
Like eventually we want to be 
doing retreats and so forth. 

80
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:43,600
But in the meantime, you know, I
mean, there's a lot of work and 

81
00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:47,080
putting out resources and doing 
this coaching stuff to really be

82
00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:49,080
more than just noise. 
We don't want to be noise. 

83
00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,160
We want to have action behind 
what we're doing. 

84
00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,320
We want to equip you as we equip
ourselves. 

85
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,160
So get onto that. 
There's some really cool 

86
00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:56,880
resources. 
Sign up to our website. 

87
00:03:56,880 --> 00:04:00,240
And you can also get any, any 
new stuff that comes out. 

88
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,520
We'll just go straight to you. 
But before we dive in today's 

89
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:06,160
episode, we've been sharing a 
lot about what you're doing. 

90
00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:10,120
And today you had a mini freak 
out of like, wow, this is soon. 

91
00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:13,920
A few a week and a half we'll be
in the theatre getting ready for

92
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,120
our show. 
Come From Away. 

93
00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:19,360
Yeah, the next three weeks are 
going to be really intense for 

94
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,160
us. 
So really excited about this 

95
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:22,600
show. 
It's coming together so well in 

96
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,320
rehearsals. 
It's Come From Away. 

97
00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:27,680
If you haven't heard of it, you 
can hear us go into to more 

98
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:30,240
depth in the other episodes 
we've shared, or you can check 

99
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,760
out the link that we'll put in 
this these show notes as well. 

100
00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:36,040
But such a beautiful show about 
humanity. 

101
00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:40,760
It's really light hearted. 
It's really, really high skill, 

102
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:45,160
complex, fun and unique. 
So if you're local, we would 

103
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,840
love to have you there. 
Come watch as it come from away 

104
00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:49,480
always. 
We got that joke. 

105
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:54,400
We'll put the link in the show 
description and in our BIOS as 

106
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:54,960
well. 
Yeah. 

107
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,280
And I've, I've actually 'cause 
you've done a couple of 

108
00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:59,240
recordings of that on your phone
and it's, it's. 

109
00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:00,600
Rehearsals. 
Really. 

110
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:01,480
Cool. 
I love it. 

111
00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:03,000
I can't wait. 
Yeah, it's gonna be fun. 

112
00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:04,840
Cool. 
Well, coach me, babe. 

113
00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:07,240
All right, well, we are. 
As we said, we're diving into 

114
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,520
something a little bit different
today and this coaching session 

115
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,400
is all about trying to identify 
some of the things that sit 

116
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:15,440
behind our behaviours and our 
patterns, the things that drive 

117
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:19,040
us in our everyday lives. 
Because we all work out of these

118
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,360
things. 
They all play out in our 

119
00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:25,240
everyday life, but a lot of the 
time we don't have intentional 

120
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:29,360
time set aside to look into what
it is that's driving us in these

121
00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:32,920
areas. 
So identifying them can be 

122
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,400
really helpful, especially if 
there are patterns or behaviours

123
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,960
that you're experiencing that 
you just can't shift or that 

124
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:41,560
keep repeating and you're trying
to see life change. 

125
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:45,320
If you can dig into what's 
driving you behind them, then it

126
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,760
helps you kind of get a bit more
clarity and it helps you put 

127
00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:50,480
some practical things in place 
to just shift them into a more 

128
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,920
resourceful way of behaving and 
living. 

129
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:56,240
So yeah, this is a coaching tool
that people will implement with 

130
00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:58,760
their clients and that I've 
implemented with my clients when

131
00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:02,200
they feel a little bit stuck and
they just aren't really sure why

132
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,760
they can't see life change. 
You probably have experienced 

133
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,560
moments where you've been like, 
I'm going to put this in place 

134
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:10,720
and then you just kind of resort
back to what you've been doing 

135
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:15,800
previously and those well 
intentioned big goals fall a 

136
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,920
little bit apart. 
So that's what we're doing 

137
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,360
today. 
We're going to dive into what's 

138
00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,880
driving you. 
Oh yeah, let's do. 

139
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:26,120
It and these are all, this is a 
framework that all kind of works

140
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:30,360
on some of our core needs. 
So it's a helpful tool in terms 

141
00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:33,720
of identifying these patterns. 
As with everything, it's just a 

142
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,040
tool. 
So you take what you find 

143
00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,520
helpful and you apply what you 
find helpful. 

144
00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:42,440
And we also hold it loosely as a
tool that's just there to be 

145
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:45,960
used in a constructive way. 
So let's dive into your core 

146
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:48,280
needs. 
Everybody has core needs. 

147
00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:50,920
There's 6 core needs in this 
framework that have been 

148
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,120
identified, and they're broken 
into two categories. 

149
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,440
So the first one is like your 
everyday survival core needs 

150
00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:59,960
that people will be filling in 
their lives through different 

151
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:02,760
actions as a core need on the 
regular. 

152
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,920
Then there's two other ones that
are called the needs of the 

153
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:07,760
spirit, and they're a little bit
more lofty. 

154
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:11,000
So they're kind of the needs 
that will come into place if 

155
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:14,840
you're for personal everyday 
kind of core needs are working 

156
00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:16,240
well. 
So you might have seen the 

157
00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:19,880
hierarchy of needs triangle 
before in whatever you might 

158
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:21,960
have seen out of school when you
were learning or just heard 

159
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:25,040
about it, you might not have. 
And it's, it's a similar 

160
00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:27,520
framework, slightly different 
framework, but similar kind of 

161
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,480
concept, which is where the 
bottom is your survival. 

162
00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:32,840
So you need things like food, 
water, shelter. 

163
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:35,960
And then once those are met, 
then you can start to think 

164
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,440
about relationship, connection, 
that kind of thing. 

165
00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:41,280
If you're someone who doesn't 
have food, clothes and shelter, 

166
00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,320
you're probably not sitting 
there having relationship 

167
00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:47,120
crisises or not not spending 
much time emotionally in that 

168
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:48,960
because you just don't have the 
resources for it. 

169
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,520
And then as you, as you go up 
that triangle with the needs 

170
00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:55,400
being met, then you've got other
needs that start to, to play 

171
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,200
into things. 
So it's a similar kind of thing.

172
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,520
6 core needs. 
This is a framework that looks 

173
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,880
at the ones that are are driving
you every day. 

174
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:05,440
The they're called the purse, 
the needs of the personality, so

175
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,840
their everyday core needs. 
Then there's two others that are

176
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:11,840
also core needs that are needs 
of the spirit and they come in. 

177
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:15,880
Once those personality needs are
met, they are to run through 

178
00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:19,360
them just quickly before we dive
in certainty, which is like 

179
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,920
safety, comfort, predictability,
control. 

180
00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:24,200
Then there's variety as the 
second one. 

181
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:27,800
So that's things like surprise, 
excitement, change, spontaneity,

182
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,400
adventure, those kinds of 
things. 

183
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:32,039
Then there's a third one called 
significance. 

184
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:35,720
Significance is a feeling of 
importance, a feeling of being 

185
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,919
seen as a feeling of having self
worth. 

186
00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:42,400
And then the 4th one of the 
initial 4 needs of the 

187
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,000
personality is connection and 
love. 

188
00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,520
And that's belonging, closeness 
and intimacy. 

189
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:50,800
So it's relationships, it's it's
your connection and your love 

190
00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:54,760
with the people around you. 
Then when those are met and 

191
00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:58,120
they're functioning well, you 
also can introduce the needs of 

192
00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,800
the spirit, which is growth. 
So the growth is learning, 

193
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:03,640
evolving personal development. 
People that are, you know, 

194
00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:05,720
trying to better their lives, 
trying to have personal 

195
00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:09,000
development, they're inputting 
into themselves to become better

196
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,920
at things and to kind of 
function from a more healthy 

197
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:13,520
space. 
So that's growth. 

198
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:16,280
And then the 6th 1 is 
contribution, which is giving 

199
00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,880
back, helping others. 
Impact is the bigger picture, 

200
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:23,160
kind of like charity based work 
or or volunteer based work, work

201
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:25,560
for the betterment of the 
greater good. 

202
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:28,480
So those are the six that we're 
going to work on, but we're 

203
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:32,240
really going to look mostly at 
the needs of the personality, 

204
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:35,280
the 1st 4, certainty, variety, 
significance, connection and 

205
00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:36,760
love. 
All right. 

206
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:41,480
So those first four tend to 
drive our everyday actions. 

207
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:47,880
And The thing is that we are 
driven in these needs and we act

208
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:52,320
out of these needs and we fill 
these needs either in a 

209
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:55,680
resourceful way that's helpful 
or we fill them in an 

210
00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:58,480
unresourceful way. 
So we're always filling them. 

211
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:00,600
We're always meeting these 
needs. 

212
00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:03,800
It just depends on how we're 
meeting them, if it's 

213
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:05,520
resourcefully or 
unresourcefully. 

214
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,560
And if it's resourcefully, 
that's positive, healthy, that's

215
00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:10,600
building us up and it's helping 
us move forward. 

216
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,800
If it's unresourcefully, it's 
usually where you see those 

217
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:16,080
habits that you've been trying 
to shift that do not move you 

218
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,520
forward. 
They're not healthy, They're not

219
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,080
good for you. 
They're not good for the greater

220
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:20,720
good. 
They're not good for others. 

221
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:25,360
So where this whole process is 
trying to assess when you're 

222
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:28,040
meeting your core needs, are you
meeting them in a way that's 

223
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,080
resourceful or in a way that's 
unresourceful? 

224
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,880
And how can we shift the 
unresourceful ones? 

225
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:36,800
So I've listed them now and 
given you a very brief overview 

226
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,080
of what they might be. 
So certainty, variety, 

227
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:42,200
significance, connection, and 
then we're going to say growth 

228
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:43,920
and contribution as the other 
two as well. 

229
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,400
Hearing those, just those words 
in the brief description, do any

230
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:50,640
of them stand out to you as what
you think might be your top 2 

231
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:51,560
drivers? 
Yeah. 

232
00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:55,040
I mean, I see something in all 
of them, but in, yeah, I was 

233
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:58,480
reflecting as you're talking and
I feel like certainty is 

234
00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:01,840
probably #1 you said about the 
predictability, the controls. 

235
00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:04,040
I have stuff. 
I don't like not being in 

236
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:08,720
control, not like not that I 
like to be over controlling, but

237
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,640
I don't like to be out of 
control of a situation. 

238
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:15,040
And because I've noticed when 
I'm not like my attitude shifts 

239
00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:16,920
and I get stressed, all those 
sorts of things. 

240
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:20,320
And I, I'm in between variety 
and connection. 

241
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,640
I'm not too sure out of those 
two variety, I feel like because

242
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:26,120
I what's tripping me up a little
bit is you say that we always 

243
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:30,400
feel our needs and I, well, I 
don't know if I feel my variety.

244
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:33,680
Well, I don't know. 
I feel like I don't meet that as

245
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:36,320
much, but I know what it feels 
like when I do. 

246
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,040
So that's why I wasn't sure if 
it's variety or connection. 

247
00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:41,720
Maybe connection? 
So you've said that you think 

248
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:45,960
you can see certainty, variety 
or connection being your top 2. 

249
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,880
Just as a brief overview, is 
there a time you can think of 

250
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:52,600
where one or more of them were 
really driving your behaviours? 

251
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,160
Yeah, absolutely. 
How did that play out for you? 

252
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:59,040
Well, again, certainty I can 
think is probably the biggest 

253
00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:04,640
one like if I like if I think of
work or or even in like 'cause I

254
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,280
played volleyball last night. 
So for example like even go 

255
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:11,400
something not not work wise, 
like if I feel like I'm not in 

256
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:14,120
control of my game, if I would 
feel like I'm not playing well 

257
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,120
or something, I get really 
irritated. 

258
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:19,120
Same with work actually. 
I mean, every area I get really 

259
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:22,520
irritated when I'm not in 
control of the situation. 

260
00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:24,520
Yeah. 
Like when we got Bonnie, our 

261
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:27,800
golden retriever, like that was 
so frustrating because it's so 

262
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,880
out of, she's so out of control 
when she's a puppy. 

263
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:31,840
Like, I can't control that 
situation. 

264
00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:34,240
I can't control her not peeing 
in the house. 

265
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,000
Like, so I get really 
frustrated. 

266
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:37,400
It comes out in frustration a 
lot. 

267
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:38,520
Interesting. 
Yeah. 

268
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:42,320
So there's a table with more 
information that I'm not going 

269
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:45,000
to go into each one because it's
not going to be relevant and it 

270
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,400
would take too long. 
But looking at certainty, so 

271
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,960
it's got examples of how you 
might meet certainty 

272
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:52,320
resourcefully and examples of 
how you might be meeting it 

273
00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:55,560
unresourcefully. 
So when you are meeting 

274
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,640
certainty resourcefully, it 
comes out in things like 

275
00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:01,880
planning, in good use of your 
diary, in feeling confident, 

276
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,720
having control of your 
resources, of your time and your

277
00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:07,760
money, feeling certain of your 
place in the world. 

278
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:11,200
So I can see that for you, when 
it's met unresourcefully, it 

279
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:14,120
comes out as needing to control 
everything and freaking out if 

280
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:16,640
you can't. 
Having strict rules in your life

281
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:19,840
to create safety, needing to pre
plan everything. 

282
00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:21,160
So you think that? 
Really. 

283
00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:23,480
Absolutely. 
I see that even in some of our 

284
00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:27,520
conversations about finances. 
And if we get takeaway right, 

285
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,640
like, you know, like in my mind 
is like, well, no, because 

286
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:33,280
finances and this and this. 
And it's like the spontaneous 

287
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:36,760
decision of it, it throws me so 
much because I was like, no, we 

288
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:38,880
got, we got all these things 
coming up like we got, you know,

289
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,560
yeah. 
Which we, it's, this is not what

290
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:43,720
I would do in a coaching session
because I'm not usually married 

291
00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:46,760
to the person that I'm coaching,
but usually not usually every 

292
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,760
now and then, but that plays out
for us. 

293
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,320
And, and that's one of the 
things with these, these 

294
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:55,840
frameworks, every time you learn
a new part of how somebody 

295
00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:58,800
works, you're understanding why 
they act the way they do. 

296
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,520
So I see, and we've had these 
conversations recently. 

297
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:06,000
I see that control element 
playing out and I see the 

298
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:09,680
results of it and I I feel the 
results of it until I recognise 

299
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:12,400
why. 
It just feels like a personal 

300
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:14,160
attack. 
But if I recognise what's 

301
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:16,880
sitting behind it for you, it 
makes so much more sense. 

302
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:19,240
Yeah, and This is why I love 
doing this because like I said, 

303
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,800
this isn't the first time you've
taken me through one of your 

304
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,760
coaching sessions. 
And this is a completely 

305
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:26,080
different session, by the way. 
So Amy does a lot of different 

306
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:28,280
ones. 
But what I love about this is it

307
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:31,880
helps me understand myself like 
A and, and that helps me 

308
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:34,560
navigate those difficult 
conversations that you and I 

309
00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:37,080
might have or me and my 
workmates or whatever might 

310
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:38,680
have, right? 
Or even with the kids. 

311
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:42,000
So when we have this greater 
understanding of our self, we're

312
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:45,640
actually equipped to deal with 
more situations like the 

313
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:48,880
negative situations or positive 
situations with confidence to 

314
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,040
know that, well, I'm going to 
respond like this. 

315
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:54,920
So I'm going to catch that, 
identify the need that I have in

316
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:57,520
this situation and address it 
and and then I am to address it 

317
00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:00,440
in a positive way. 
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. 

318
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:03,160
And The funny thing is like, I 
think certainty is my thing. 

319
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,480
That plays out for me too. 
And I see that in different 

320
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,160
control things as well. 
So it's funny. 

321
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,520
I can have that and there's a 
need and I can still not 

322
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:11,880
recognise it in you, in your 
actions. 

323
00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:15,120
I'm going to read through the 
four person needs of the 

324
00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:17,920
personality, which are the four 
core kind of survival ones, just

325
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:20,880
because I think they're more, 
for one thing, you've you've 

326
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,200
noted three of them, so I might 
as well read all four. 

327
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,640
But also they're more applicable
across the board. 

328
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,440
So you listening can be like, Oh
yeah, I can see how that would 

329
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:31,040
play out for me. 
Whereas the other two are, like 

330
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,440
I said, they're a bit more the 
lofty things that come into play

331
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:36,600
after these coordinates, these 
foundational needs. 

332
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:39,160
So the other thing you said was 
you weren't sure you were 

333
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,920
tossing it between variety 
potentially or connection. 

334
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,880
I wrote down connection. 
OK, yeah. 

335
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,960
So I'll read connection first 
then. 

336
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:49,880
So how you might meet Connection
resourcefully is connecting in a

337
00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:52,560
healthy way with the people 
around you with appropriate give

338
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,440
and take. 
That's a really important point 

339
00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:58,160
for some people because you can 
be like, I connect great, but 

340
00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:00,040
you give all the time and you 
don't take. 

341
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,000
This is so funny. 
I feel like this is everything I

342
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,360
talk to you about with people. 
I get so sick of people because 

343
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,720
I'm like, I give so much and I 
get nothing back and I'm like, 

344
00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:09,120
well, I'll cut you off like 
it's. 

345
00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:11,000
Well, yeah, interesting this 
way, until we get to the 

346
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:12,360
unresourceful. 
Oh no. 

347
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:16,240
Having a variety of healthy, 
loving relationships, finding 

348
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,720
connection through nature or 
faith or something else. 

349
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,440
So that's how you can meet 
connection resourcefully. 

350
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:25,120
If you're meeting connection 
unresourcefully, you might be 

351
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,800
connecting through drama, 
gossip, problems, and sad 

352
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:29,360
stories. 
So things like I'm always so 

353
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:33,200
stressed and busy, poor me. 
Or needing constant contact with

354
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:36,560
others, codependent 
relationships, sacrificing our 

355
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:40,040
needs to take care of others. 
Or fixating on relationships, 

356
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,840
which I don't see a lot of those
playing out for you, no. 

357
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,840
I was trying to think through. 
I could see hints of them, but 

358
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:48,480
nothing strong. 
Yeah, but what's also 

359
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:51,160
interesting, and we'll get to 
this a bit more later, is they 

360
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:54,720
all lean on each other. 
So I'll read through the other 

361
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:56,720
ones too. 
So variety is the other thing 

362
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:59,680
that you flagged might be one of
your top ones. 

363
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:03,520
So meeting variety resourcefully
would be things like enjoying 

364
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:06,560
variety, adventure and 
excitement, enjoying new 

365
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:10,640
challenges, being OK to go with 
the flow and loving things that 

366
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,280
are new. 
And then meeting them 

367
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,760
unresourcefully is creating 
chaos and drama when things get 

368
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:20,000
boring, being an adrenaline 
junkie, changing just for the 

369
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,800
sake of change and always 
seeking a bigger high, which 

370
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:27,119
again, I don't necessarily. 
See that's The thing is I but I 

371
00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:30,240
see more similar we'll see more 
things in that and in the 

372
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:33,960
negatives than connection. 
Yeah, OK, so let's read it's. 

373
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,040
Interesting, I can't nail down 
the second. 

374
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:37,800
Yeah, yeah, that's right. 
That's right. 

375
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:41,240
Because we'll as we go into, 
you'll see how they play off 

376
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:43,800
each other. 
So the 4th 1 is significance and

377
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:47,040
this is the one I think most 
people don't want to admit that 

378
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,960
they that probably plays a 
bigger part. 

379
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,360
The thing is all of these play a
part in all of us all the time. 

380
00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:55,400
So it's it's not it's like the 
love languages. 

381
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,560
We all play out the love 
languages all the time, just to 

382
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:01,040
different degrees. 
So it's not a bad guy, but it 

383
00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:04,280
just sounds like on on face 
value it's a little bit like but

384
00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:08,080
100% this is me. 
And so significance met 

385
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:11,760
resourcefully, it's a strong 
sense of of self, healthy self 

386
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:14,840
esteem, taking satisfaction and 
pride in your work and the 

387
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:17,360
results in life, feeling good 
about who you are. 

388
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:21,880
Met unresourcefully, It's 
constantly seeking attention, 

389
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,320
putting others down to lift 
yourself up, always needing 

390
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,960
others to validate and admire 
you, and creating ways to be at 

391
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,920
the centre of activities. 
So those are the ways that you 

392
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:34,960
may see these needs playing out.
Sounds like certainty. 

393
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,400
You're very sure? 
You're very certain. 

394
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,320
Yeah, I'm very certain. 
Plays out for you and that some 

395
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,520
of the pieces of a few of these 
other ones. 

396
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,000
I've seen myself on all of the 
other ones, so yeah, it's. 

397
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:48,560
Valid because you are in all of 
the other ones just like 

398
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:52,000
everybody else. 
So if any of these resonated, 

399
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,800
just take note of what one it 
like kind of relates to because 

400
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,400
it's helpful to kind of 
recognise as you go. 

401
00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:01,440
So let's let's look back again 
and think about your work and 

402
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:03,160
relationships. 
You said you see this play out 

403
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:06,480
all across the board. 
What patterns do you see that 

404
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,360
really play out with these needs
for you so to? 

405
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:12,000
Start with certainty. 
Yeah, which is any of them. 

406
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,280
What patterns flagged from this 
stuff? 

407
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:18,120
Well, I think so, yeah. 
Again, like I can see all of 

408
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:19,840
them. 
So first one that came to my 

409
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,520
head with was variety. 
Like I'm, I've always got this 

410
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:25,600
sort of craving to go for a 
walk, like, you know, like down 

411
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,160
the wetlands and stuff like 
that. 

412
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:30,000
Like, you know, the adventure 
side of things is always there, 

413
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,600
but I feel like it's more of an 
unmet thing and that's on me. 

414
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:36,640
That's not on anyone else. 
The certainty, yeah, the control

415
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,480
stuff really stood out as you're
sharing through that. 

416
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,120
I can see that in a lot of 
areas. 

417
00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:44,040
I feel like the good part of it 
is I have a big work ethic. 

418
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:49,240
A, you know, I, when, when that 
works well, I, I get stuff done,

419
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,960
you know, I really get stuff 
done and I love that feeling. 

420
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,200
I, I kind of operate on a high 
in that feeling. 

421
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:58,120
But then when it doesn't work 
well is my lowest points, like 

422
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:01,320
either either in work or in 
family or relationships or 

423
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,600
whatever. 
When I when I'm out of control, 

424
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,520
I get really. 
Really low. 

425
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,120
And you've seen that too. 
Like when I have a day, I'm 

426
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:11,120
like, I just feel unproductive 
and I just can't get the things 

427
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:15,360
done that I want to get done. 
I take a huge dip when I snap at

428
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:17,040
the kids. 
It's because I'm out of control,

429
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:18,960
like of the situation. 
And I hate that. 

430
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,800
And I mean, I'm really low on 
myself or with Bonnie or with, 

431
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:23,520
you know, my workmates or 
whatever. 

432
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:26,240
I like It's that's, that's the 
big one that I see there. 

433
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,000
Yeah. 
So there are a lot of the habits

434
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:30,000
that I see. 
Yeah. 

435
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:33,360
Even with hobbies, like I'll get
sick of a hobby if I feel like 

436
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:36,480
I'm out of control but I feel 
like I can't control it I I just

437
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:37,480
won't enjoy it. 
Yeah. 

438
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:43,520
Well, one of the interesting 
things is that these drivers are

439
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:45,360
see source to each other 
certain. 

440
00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:49,040
You can't have 100% certainty 
and have 100% variety because it

441
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:49,800
doesn't work. 
Yeah. 

442
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,440
So it's interesting that those 
are the two that you're kind of 

443
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,000
playing off because they see 
sauce. 

444
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:57,200
If you have too much certainty, 
you're gonna get really. 

445
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,560
And I feel like that's where you
really see sauce. 

446
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:02,120
Yeah, 'cause I, you know, you 
and I've been chatting before 

447
00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:05,360
this as well about how I'm 
trying to find that balance of 

448
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:08,120
rest and work and like play and 
work. 

449
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:10,880
And because I feel like that 
play stuff that needs to be the 

450
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,880
variety things. 
And that's where I feel like I'm

451
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:17,000
struggling currently is that is 
an unmet need that I have. 

452
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:19,200
And so that's where I'm, that's 
why I was tossing up between 

453
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,760
variety and connections 'cause 
I'm like, well, I just, I feel 

454
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:25,360
like I actually am more variety,
but I'm just not doing that 

455
00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:28,760
well. 
And so I need to spend more time

456
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:30,080
there. 
Yeah, interesting. 

457
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:33,000
So when you're feeling like 
that, out of control feeling, 

458
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:36,960
what is it that you need to feel
grounded in your control, like 

459
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:43,320
to feel back to calm? 
What I currently do and, and 

460
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,800
again, this is the exploration 
that we're doing at the moment 

461
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:49,080
is what do I need in that time? 
Like how am I going to navigate 

462
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:51,040
through that better? 
So that's what I'm exploring at 

463
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:53,560
the moment. 
So I don't have that certainty 

464
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:57,160
of what this is, but you know, 
going for a walk, getting out of

465
00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:59,240
the house, changing my 
environment, which is the 

466
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:02,560
variety side of things. 
You know, like I so in the 

467
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:05,080
certainty when I'm stressed or 
whatever, like I have to mix 

468
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,440
that up. 
Yeah. 

469
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:11,040
So that's what I've been trying 
to do in that definitely talking

470
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:12,520
about it. 
I'm a verbal processor, but a 

471
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,080
big thing is, is it's what 
getting control back. 

472
00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:18,640
So coming up with a plan and 
that's what a big thing of what 

473
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,960
I do is planning. 
So that here's a situation, 

474
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:24,080
here's the struggle. 
This is a issue at first, like 

475
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:27,400
the other night, I was losing 
sleep over a work situation. 

476
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:30,320
I couldn't sleep and, and the 
next day I'm like, cool, all 

477
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,800
right, well, here's the plan. 
I come up with a plan and then 

478
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:34,120
I'm like, sweet, I've got a 
plan. 

479
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,240
So even though it's out of my 
control, the plan is in place. 

480
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:40,440
And if the plan works, I'm in 
control, you know, And so the 

481
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:44,640
fact that I can see the way 
forward helps a lot, but variety

482
00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:48,200
actually helps a lot. 
I It makes so much sense because

483
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:52,160
if you're out of control in your
certainty, resourcefully meeting

484
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:55,000
your variety, so going for a 
walk, doing something healthy, 

485
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:59,320
maintainable, manageable, that 
kind of thing would make sense 

486
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:02,200
that that would bring back a 
sense of like balance or a sense

487
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:06,280
of like groundedness as you're, 
then you're lifting your variety

488
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,360
in a healthy way. 
You're doing something. 

489
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,800
And I know that you've seen this
play out because you've talked 

490
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:14,960
about this as well, where you've
seen variety play out in an 

491
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,400
unhealthy way. 
So needing to fill it with other

492
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:21,040
things that that aren't healthy 
and they aren't sustainable and 

493
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:23,800
they don't help bring it 
resourcefully back to balance, 

494
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,920
it just feels good temporarily 
to kind of counteract that. 

495
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:29,720
Yeah, really interesting. 
And The funny thing too is it's 

496
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:33,760
a real tension because planning,
planning is resourceful. 

497
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:35,440
So you're planning. 
That's resourceful. 

498
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:39,280
If your plan starts to move into
needing to control everything, 

499
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:41,360
that's where it can become 
unresourceful. 

500
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:42,320
Yeah. 
So that's going to be the 

501
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,120
delicate balance for you and. 
That that's been playing out, 

502
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,520
you know, even with work, we are
identified that I, the way that 

503
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:51,480
I'd set stuff up was there was a
lot of control from me and a lot

504
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:54,240
of dependence from the team. 
And so I had to control a lot of

505
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,560
things, which was, I was, you 
know, I enjoyed, but it was too 

506
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,320
much. 
It was becoming, it's not 

507
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:01,120
resourceful. 
And I was getting way too 

508
00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:02,640
stretched. 
And that's when I started to 

509
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,880
spiral because then I felt like 
because I was dropping things 

510
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:06,600
and then I became out of 
control. 

511
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:10,240
Yeah, really interesting. 
The same with having good 

512
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:13,240
control of your resources of 
time and money and that kind of 

513
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,800
thing. 
But the unresourceful way is 

514
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,640
having strict rules in your life
to create safety and needing to 

515
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,960
pre plan everything. 
So it's just a constant like 

516
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:25,040
checking that your that is 
resourceful. 

517
00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:27,640
So checking in what is 
resourceful and what's not a 

518
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:31,360
good way to kind of identify 
that is that resourceful, 

519
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:34,760
resourceful ways of meeting your
things are sustainable ways that

520
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:37,720
are good for you and the people 
around you and the greater good.

521
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:39,440
So that's things like the 
environment, society and 

522
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:43,360
community. 
So if you're setting up a plan 

523
00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:45,280
for work, is it good for 
everybody? 

524
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:47,200
Is it good for the greater good 
with work? 

525
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:49,000
Is it good for you? 
That will be a good way to 

526
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:50,840
check. 
This is a resourceful plan I'm 

527
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,680
putting in place. 
If it's just good for you or 

528
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:56,680
it's just good for the greater 
good for work, but it's not 

529
00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:58,280
actually good for you because 
it's going to burn you out. 

530
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:01,520
It's going to burn people out. 
Then that's not a resourceful 

531
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:04,640
like that's a, an unresourceful 
control kind of thing. 

532
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:07,920
And same with your having good 
control over your finances and 

533
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:09,320
your resources and that kind of 
thing. 

534
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:12,600
If that's good for you, the 
greater good and the people 

535
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:16,600
around you, awesome if it's good
for you and not the greater 

536
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:17,680
good. 
So you can see this playing out 

537
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:21,080
with people that are like really
wealthy and super, super strict 

538
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:23,480
with their money. 
They don't give as much. 

539
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,440
Do you hear that kind of 
rhetoric all the time? 

540
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:30,520
That's an unresourceful meeting 
of their control because it's 

541
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:32,080
not good for the people around 
them. 

542
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:33,120
It's not good for the greater 
good. 

543
00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:35,000
They're probably burnt their 
families out in many ways 

544
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,280
because they've worked so hard. 
They're not generous with their 

545
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,040
time and money and working 
towards the greater good. 

546
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:43,240
A lot of the time, some of their
their financial gain may have 

547
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:45,720
come from ways that isn't good 
for the greater good, that kind 

548
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:47,520
of thing. 
That's when you can tell it's 

549
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:50,400
switched to the other side. 
So that's super fascinating that

550
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,560
and that's going to be your 
delicate balance to walk. 

551
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,640
So when you're seeing yourself 
stressed and burnt out in these 

552
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:57,800
areas, let's talk about 
certainty and variety. 

553
00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,760
How do you see it playing out? 
And you've said this already 

554
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:03,200
needed to control everything. 
How else have you seen it 

555
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:06,080
playing out in your behaviours 
in your day to day when you've 

556
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:08,440
been You're not in balance, 
you're not meeting them 

557
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:09,200
resourcefully. 
Escape. 

558
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:14,400
Like I would escape like So what
dopamine hit can I get, You 

559
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:16,520
know, that's going to distract 
me from the situation that. 

560
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:17,960
'D be like the adrenaline 
junkie. 

561
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,640
Yeah, yeah, so. 
And in an unhealthy way though. 

562
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:25,000
Like, so yeah, I'll just go into
a downward spiral I guess, and 

563
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:28,560
either get really depressed or 
frustrated or whatever. 

564
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:30,560
But yeah, I'll just try and 
escape it. 

565
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:33,320
Yeah, yeah. 
So breaking this down again, 

566
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:37,160
things like certainty can show 
up as planning and preparation. 

567
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:39,680
Awesome. 
Or as control and rigidity. 

568
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:43,000
Variety can look like adventure 
or chaos and restlessness. 

569
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,520
Yes. 
I think it is. 

570
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:47,200
I think variety and what we're 
digging into. 

571
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:48,760
I think variety is my second 
one. 

572
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:51,800
Yeah, I have a connection. 
Significance might mean healthy 

573
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:55,440
pride, the healthy sense of 
self, or needing validation and 

574
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:59,520
one upping everybody around you.
Connection could mean intimacy 

575
00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:01,440
or it can move into 
codependence. 

576
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:06,160
Growth might mean showing up as 
learning, or it could be 

577
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:09,120
consuming without acting, which 
is probably another thing that I

578
00:27:09,120 --> 00:27:12,000
fall into as well. 
Consuming and not following 

579
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:15,720
through contribution might look 
like generosity, or it could 

580
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:17,880
look like doing too much to feel
needed. 

581
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,360
So that's that's as well. 
We're like, we haven't even 

582
00:27:20,360 --> 00:27:21,880
dived into this needs of the 
spirit. 

583
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:25,640
But when you're contributing to 
the greater good, there's a 

584
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,840
delicate balance there too. 
When you're growing, you're 

585
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:31,640
putting self development and 
growth in place, there's a 

586
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:35,560
delicate balance there as well. 
So can you think of how are your

587
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:37,880
your top two ways? 
I guess you'd say that you do 

588
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:40,680
meet your needs resourcefully on
a regular basis and you've just 

589
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:42,360
implemented a bunch of these 
recently. 

590
00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:46,200
So that's awesome to see how 
it's been impacting you. 

591
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:48,560
Yeah. 
So how have you been meeting 

592
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:51,920
your certainty healthily? 
You've been putting things in 

593
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:53,800
place at work. 
Yes, I've been putting things in

594
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:56,280
place in work and and fitness 
has been the big thing. 

595
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:59,320
So going for those walks and 
that's the variety stuff, I 

596
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:02,840
think, as well as the fitness, 
like fitness has been helping me

597
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:06,400
because fitness is healthy. 
It's a healthy way to approach 

598
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:07,880
things. 
But I think it's just been that 

599
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:10,760
unmet need that I shared with 
you about changing things up. 

600
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:12,680
So I started volleyball and 
we're not serious. 

601
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:15,160
It's, it's really about the fun 
sort of stuff. 

602
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,200
We're not like an amazing team 
or anything. 

603
00:28:17,360 --> 00:28:19,600
And we're not even in, in 
amazing division or anything. 

604
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,240
But it's more about the social, 
the fun, the mixing it up. 

605
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:26,080
Like changing my environment 
even like we had a, we, you and 

606
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:28,560
I had a, a work meeting. 
We went down, Yeah. 

607
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:30,480
And did it to a cafe to have 
that. 

608
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,080
So moving my environment rather 
than just staying, Yeah. 

609
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:35,640
Which is really important when 
you're working from home. 

610
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:38,520
Especially a lot of what we do, 
even the things that we don't 

611
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:40,680
feel good about, these 
behaviours that we've said 

612
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:43,240
aren't resourceful, they're 
actually filling a need. 

613
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:44,480
They've been serving us in a 
way. 

614
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,280
So it's really easy to look at 
the things we've done 

615
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:50,560
unresourcefully and be like, I'm
so frustrated by these patterns 

616
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:52,640
I fall into. 
Especially the Control 1 I feel 

617
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:55,040
like is what's standing up to me
the most. 

618
00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:58,640
It's easy to look at that and be
like, why do I have to control 

619
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:00,280
everything? 
Why am I that kind of person and

620
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:03,920
be really low on it? 
But The thing is, it's served a 

621
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:05,840
purpose for you. 
It has actually played a role 

622
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:07,480
for you. 
And so it's kind of important 

623
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:10,480
when you're navigating these 
things not to just be like, I 

624
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:12,320
want to cut it off. 
I want to get rid of it and kind

625
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:14,360
of like pushing it out. 
It's actually really important 

626
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:17,600
to almost thank it for what it 
has been serving for you and 

627
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:20,840
then consciously and 
intentionally replace it with 

628
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:24,360
what is resourceful instead. 
So I think that's where a lot of

629
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:27,320
people fall into this trap where
they don't have much grace for 

630
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:30,000
themselves and they're just, 
they look at patterns that they 

631
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:33,960
hate and they'll just kind of 
force it away and it doesn't 

632
00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:36,400
actually help in terms of 
getting long term growth and 

633
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:38,680
moving forward. 
So everything we do, whether 

634
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:41,080
it's work, relationships, 
habits, or even things we wish 

635
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:44,160
we could stop doing, our meeting
in need on some level. 

636
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:47,000
And that's why unhelpful 
behaviours can be hard to let go

637
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:48,920
of because they're actually 
doing something for us. 

638
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:52,080
So the goal isn't to stop 
needing these things, it's to 

639
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:55,520
find better ways to meet those 
needs than the ways we've been 

640
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:58,880
resorting to, ways to actually 
support our well being, our 

641
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:01,560
relationships and our future 
that we're wanting to build and 

642
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:03,520
move towards. 
So thinking of a behaviour 

643
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,520
pattern in your life that you 
don't love, what is something 

644
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:09,480
that you'd love to change and 
what might need to be the 

645
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:12,080
behaviour you're trying to meet?
Wait, hang on, what need might 

646
00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:13,840
that? 
Yeah, thinking of the behaviour 

647
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:16,480
pattern in your life that you 
don't love, what's something you

648
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:18,960
would want to change? 
I think more intentional with 

649
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:22,240
the variety because I feel like 
if I, I feel like if I can work 

650
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:25,840
on the variety and this is off 
very little time reflecting and 

651
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:28,360
processing this because being 
very, very helpful. 

652
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:31,880
I feel like if I can dig into 
the variety more, it's going to 

653
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:35,560
help my control, if that makes 
sense Because I feel like that 

654
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:39,280
is the positive of the variety 
helps the negative of my 

655
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,960
certainty. 
Does it make sense? 

656
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:44,520
So I think that's where I want 
to focus more on. 

657
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:49,240
OK, So what is the behaviour 
that's been unresourceful in 

658
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:52,480
your variety that you think 
you'd like to change to a more 

659
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:55,400
resourceful way? 
Definitely restlessness is the 

660
00:30:55,400 --> 00:31:00,000
top one and then that leads. 
Chaos is quite an extreme word. 

661
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:04,080
So I don't know, but it's, it's 
like, because my restlessness 

662
00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:08,080
then leads to frustration, you 
know, when I'm out of control, 

663
00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:11,120
it leads to frustration. 
Like it's it sort of feeds 

664
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:15,440
itself when I'm restless. 
Even some of the, and I think 

665
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:18,200
this would be both certainty and
variety playing out, but some of

666
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:21,160
the, like you said, when you 
snap at the kids, it's because 

667
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:22,960
of feeling out of control and 
that kind of thing. 

668
00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:25,760
I wonder if there's an element 
of that's the chaos. 

669
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:27,720
Like, it's not like you're like,
I'm going to go into this room 

670
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:30,040
and cause chaos. 
No, that's what I meant. 

671
00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:32,080
That's what I want. 
So the word chaos sounds 

672
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:34,120
extreme. 
So it's like chaos towards the 

673
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:37,080
kids, like just sounds nuts. 
But it's just like, no, it's 

674
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:40,400
more frustration, but it's, 
that's the chaos part. 

675
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:43,360
Taking it out on them, not 
intentionally going in and being

676
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,920
like I'm going to take it out on
them, but it's just like I'm 

677
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:48,800
feeling restless, I'm feeling 
out of control and I'm just 

678
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:51,160
going to work. 
Because of even a value with the

679
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:54,360
kids and with the family is the 
adventures that we have, right? 

680
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:57,000
Like I've shared that with you. 
I love going on adventures as a 

681
00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:00,320
family, but the times where I 
really struggle with that is 

682
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:03,040
that when I'm out of control on 
those adventures. 

683
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:05,400
And this is like, man, this is 
such an amazing thing. 

684
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:06,600
Why am I travelling? 
So much. 

685
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:07,960
You've been really excited about
it. 

686
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:08,920
Yeah. 
Control. 

687
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:09,960
Yeah. 
Because it's kids and they're 

688
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:13,560
not easy to control. 
Yeah, that's really fascinating.

689
00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:17,000
I think even some of some of 
these words are off putting at 

690
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:19,200
first, I think. 
So things like adrenaline 

691
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:20,120
junkie. 
I don't think you're an 

692
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:22,440
adrenaline junkie. 
I do think you chase dopamine 

693
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,720
and so do I, and so do most 
people. 

694
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:27,560
I don't think you always seek a 
bigger high. 

695
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,360
That's like quite an intense way
of putting it. 

696
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:33,600
But I do think that we've seen 
times where we've had the 

697
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:36,400
patterns we've done are like, 
what's a high I can chase? 

698
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:37,920
Like food things. 
Yeah. 

699
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,840
We've talked about our cycle and
COVID and alcohol, food buying 

700
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:42,280
things, alcohol, food buying 
things. 

701
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:44,720
And it was just like, we'd get 
better at 1:00 and then we'd 

702
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:47,080
move to the next. 
So I think that's how these 

703
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:49,560
things are. 
A little more adaptable than the

704
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:52,760
words chaos or drama. 
Also like creating drama when 

705
00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:54,840
things get dull. 
I don't think you you're, you 

706
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,080
hate drama. 
Like you hate the drama that 

707
00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:03,080
other people enjoy, like me, but
you you do have conflict a lot. 

708
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:05,760
So when things feel out of 
control, even in the workspace, 

709
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:11,240
it can become a conflict quicker
then someone else might might 

710
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:13,800
escalate that to there. 
So I wonder if there's if that's

711
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:17,720
your version of creating drama 
even though it's not, you know, 

712
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:20,040
creating a, a love triangle. 
No, exactly. 

713
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:23,320
And I think that that feeds into
my my out of control though, 

714
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:27,080
like I usually, I usually spark 
the drama if you want to use 

715
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:30,200
those words when I'm out of 
control because it's something 

716
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:32,520
that frustrated point and that 
causes the drama. 

717
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:33,800
Yeah. 
Yeah, interesting. 

718
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,800
Which causes the chaos and then 
drama and. 

719
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:38,840
Interesting. 
Interesting. 

720
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:41,320
Married a monster. 
I'm just kidding. 

721
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:43,680
I'm exactly the same in 
different ways. 

722
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:44,680
Awesome. 
Yeah. 

723
00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:50,240
So you've identified that you 
want to move your variety into a

724
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:53,560
more resourceful place because 
that seems like more of a key to

725
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:56,160
helping certainty also be 
resourceful. 

726
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:58,600
And your biggest thing that 
you're finding is unresourceful 

727
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:02,760
currently is restlessness. 
And that's that need to change 

728
00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:05,800
or or fill that restlessness 
kind of feeling. 

729
00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:10,480
So in that case, what is a way 
that you want to intentionally 

730
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:14,760
implement a more resourceful 
variety into your routine in 

731
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:17,520
place of that? 
Yeah, I don't have that answer 

732
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:20,600
off the top of my head because 
that's where it's because that 

733
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:23,600
one's hard for me because I feel
like I've got to schedule it. 

734
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:25,600
Yeah, you know, that's the 
control side. 

735
00:34:25,639 --> 00:34:27,639
Yeah, exactly. 
So I've got to sit down and 

736
00:34:27,639 --> 00:34:29,760
look, I've got to come up with 
that proper plan where this will

737
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:32,239
actually be sustainable. 
I don't want to do that thing 

738
00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:33,880
where it's like, this will be 
nice, let's do that. 

739
00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:36,080
And then it because if like if 
it doesn't work, I'm going to 

740
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:39,440
get frustrated that my plan 
didn't happen, you know, So I 

741
00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:44,040
can't just give her off the cuff
answer, but it needs to be 

742
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:46,560
intentional and I need to be in 
control because otherwise it 

743
00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:48,960
won't feed the purpose. 
Yeah. 

744
00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:53,400
So just going back a step then 
you said that restlessness is 

745
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:57,240
your unresourceful behaviour in 
variety. 

746
00:34:57,240 --> 00:34:59,520
What do you think that 
restlessness has been meeting 

747
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:01,240
for you? 
What need has it been filling? 

748
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:03,160
How has it been filling the need
for you? 

749
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:06,520
Historically I. 
Mean it can lead me to being to 

750
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:08,880
moving to being productive and 
proactive. 

751
00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:12,600
Like it could lead to that. 
Yeah, maybe it pushes you 

752
00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:16,080
towards the unresourceful. 
Well, like more recently, like 

753
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:18,240
if I'm in a good space, I get 
restless. 

754
00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:21,040
And I went and did the laundry 
the other day, like the other 

755
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:22,120
night, right? 
I was like, oh, that's some 

756
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,120
energy. 
And I just was just restless. 

757
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:25,800
And I'm like, oh, I'm just. 
That's a resourceful way. 

758
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:27,680
That's a. 
Resourceful way of dealing with 

759
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:30,200
the the restlessness. 
Yeah, yeah, that's good. 

760
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:31,520
That's a resourceful behaviour 
then. 

761
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:35,040
But it's like when I but the, 
the issue is like the 

762
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:37,720
restlessness. 
There's restlessness and then 

763
00:35:37,720 --> 00:35:40,840
there's like working from home 
restlessness, which is like, 

764
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:42,560
well, to meet that is to get 
out. 

765
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:44,920
You know, that's where 
volleyball has been meeting that

766
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:47,760
more. 
That's one night a week and then

767
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:50,200
and but we've been quite busy on
weekends. 

768
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:53,320
But even me thinking about this 
Saturday coming up, we thought 

769
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:55,520
we did have stuff on. 
I'm like, cool, well, that's 

770
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,160
going to meet that. 
I'm, I've got something, I'm 

771
00:35:57,160 --> 00:35:59,800
going to actually have something
on, which is good because if I 

772
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:03,480
don't, I've been really aware of
like I will sit on the couch and

773
00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:05,120
I won't move. 
And then that's when the 

774
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:07,800
restlessness really builds and I
get really frustrated. 

775
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:09,920
I get irritated. 
I don't like that I'm not 

776
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:12,560
feeling productive. 
So that's why I was asking you 

777
00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:13,840
the other day. 
I'm like, we're free on 

778
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:15,760
Saturday, right? 
Like, you know, because we both 

779
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:18,440
thought we had that birthday 
party on And, but now I'm 

780
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:20,840
thinking like, all right, well, 
what can we do Saturday then? 

781
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:24,320
Like I, I I will need to do 
something because I know what it

782
00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:26,960
will lead if I you don't. 
Yeah, it's interesting because 

783
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:30,120
restlessness is the 
unresourceful side of variety. 

784
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:34,040
And so it sounds like when 
you're restless in the 

785
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:37,400
unresourceful patterns, not when
it's helped you be resourceful. 

786
00:36:37,720 --> 00:36:42,320
When you're restless and it and 
you're meeting, you're trying to

787
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:44,720
use that to meet a need. 
You're actually you like seem to

788
00:36:44,720 --> 00:36:47,080
pinball it pinball it. 
Yeah, pinball it. 

789
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:50,160
We'll go with it. 
This is a really surprised that 

790
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:52,560
it made sense. 
All of a sudden I had the old 

791
00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:54,800
like Windows pinball game popped
into my head. 

792
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:57,000
I went to a different place. 
Anyway, it seems like you 

793
00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:00,880
pinball it to meet the certainty
need. 

794
00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:04,280
So it's like I'm restless. 
So I'm going to pinball it to 

795
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:07,240
meet certainty, but instead of 
meeting it resourcefully, which 

796
00:37:07,240 --> 00:37:10,000
you some when you're 
intentionally you do, you're 

797
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,680
pinballing it to frustration and
overwhelm. 

798
00:37:12,720 --> 00:37:15,640
And it's not just like I'm 
restless, I'm restless. 

799
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:17,280
It's like that. 
I'm frustrated. 

800
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:19,120
I'm going to get snappy or I'm 
going to feel like I need to 

801
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:22,360
over control or I'm going to 
feel like I need to over plan or

802
00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:25,800
pre plan and that kind of thing.
Until you've implemented these 

803
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:29,720
ways of having that restless 
trigger be like I'm feeling a 

804
00:37:29,720 --> 00:37:32,840
bit restless, unresourceful in 
my variety. 

805
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:36,040
How can I change that up into a 
healthy? 

806
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:39,880
Or I've identified that I, I 
know I could feel that. 

807
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:42,960
Like I said, this Saturday, 
we're now all of a sudden free. 

808
00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:45,360
It's like, oh, that's that's. 
A trigger for me. 

809
00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:47,880
Trigger for me and so I want to 
make sure that I've got 

810
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:50,440
something there that I don't go 
down that line. 

811
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:54,520
Yeah, fascinating baby. 
So once we realise these 

812
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:57,920
behaviours, we can start to 
intentionally choose what 

813
00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:00,080
resourceful ones we want to put 
in place instead. 

814
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:03,200
And like you've just described 
really well, we can also project

815
00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:06,400
what might become a problem 
because of regular patterns and 

816
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:09,520
regular triggers, and put things
in place to help meet those 

817
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:12,240
things resourcefully before we 
get to the point where we're 

818
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:15,720
meeting them unresourcefully. 
And what's what's really helpful

819
00:38:15,720 --> 00:38:17,840
about this is like this is news 
for you. 

820
00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:20,760
Like a lot of the stuff that I'm
sharing, not not completely. 

821
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:22,680
It's like we've been sharing 
about some of this, but some of 

822
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:25,560
this would be light bulb moments
for you too, as they're light 

823
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:27,560
bulb moments for me. 
And this is a lot of what 

824
00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:32,120
coaching is, right is like I've 
been, you know, not to this 

825
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:33,480
extent. 
I think this has just equipped 

826
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:35,560
me so much more with 
understanding. 

827
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:40,840
So it makes me make it helps me 
make sense of how I operate so I

828
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:43,800
can feel more in control of of 
the things that I'm, you know, 

829
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:45,680
struggling with, which is what I
need, right? 

830
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:48,560
And which is how I operate in 
this way. 

831
00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:52,560
But even then, I'm like, that's 
why I've been so asking you so 

832
00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:54,320
many questions about what if we 
did this on Saturday? 

833
00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:56,760
Could I do this on Saturday? 
Like, you know, like checking in

834
00:38:56,760 --> 00:39:00,080
my because I'm, I'm identifying,
but that's an issue for me. 

835
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,400
But I hadn't wasn't really aware
of it until right now. 

836
00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:03,880
Yeah, right. 
Like I I was doing. 

837
00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:06,680
Anything. 
Yeah, and even with the finance 

838
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:09,560
stuff, right, I'm like, why am I
so controlling with finances? 

839
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:12,480
Why like why is it such an issue
for me when it's like, oh, 

840
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:15,480
that's, that makes sense now. 
And it helps me to now have 

841
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:18,680
confidence and be aware of that.
Like sweet, alright, cool. 

842
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:22,080
I don't wanna be that guy. 
I wanna be empowering. 

843
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:25,520
I don't wanna be controlling. 
Like controlling it has as good 

844
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:27,920
as as negatives, positives and 
negatives. 

845
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:29,680
So like how now can I work 
through that? 

846
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:32,480
And that will be that would be 
the follow up from this is like,

847
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:36,560
you know, us working together on
how do I positively do that? 

848
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:40,120
You know, The thing is with with
coaching is like you identify a 

849
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:43,080
lot and then you work with 
people on those things that they

850
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:46,440
identify, which is awesome. 
Absolutely. 

851
00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:49,720
And it's, yeah, we've done so 
many of these things, so many of

852
00:39:49,720 --> 00:39:52,840
these things, and still there's 
so much to learn and there will 

853
00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:55,120
be for the rest of our lives, 
which is a a good thing. 

854
00:39:55,120 --> 00:39:57,280
Like it. 
It just gives more potential for

855
00:39:57,280 --> 00:40:00,920
growth and development and 
understanding each other more 

856
00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:02,760
intimately. 
And that's really important in 

857
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:08,000
relationship. 
So the really key thing here is 

858
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:10,040
once you've identified the 
behaviours that aren't 

859
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:12,160
resourceful, it's not a matter 
of cutting them out, it's a 

860
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:14,560
matter of. 
Choosing which resourceful way 

861
00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:17,960
you want to meet it. 
So a challenge for you is you 

862
00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:21,520
identified that restlessness is 
unresourceful because of what it

863
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:24,400
leads to. 
Instead of cutting out trying to

864
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:27,040
be adding variety to your life, 
you choose a way that's more 

865
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:29,880
resourceful than restlessness. 
So while it's good that it's 

866
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:33,200
kind of balancing out with 
certainty, it also is important 

867
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:36,920
for you to implement the 
resourceful variety things as 

868
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:38,320
well. 
But yeah, it's a, it's about 

869
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:41,880
giving you that intentional 
moment to be able to pick what 

870
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:45,760
you'd rather be playing out 
rather than just cutting it off 

871
00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:49,240
altogether. 
So the the balancing part of it 

872
00:40:49,240 --> 00:40:52,440
is another layer to this because
they're on either end of the 

873
00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:55,520
seesaw certainty, variety, 
significance, connection. 

874
00:40:55,520 --> 00:41:00,480
You can't be fully significant, 
like fully invested there and be

875
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:03,000
really connected with other 
people because they just are two

876
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:06,120
of the two sides of the same 
seesaw really. 

877
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:08,440
And so certainty and variety are
opposites. 

878
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:11,680
So significance in connection. 
And you can't be 100% about 

879
00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:13,960
control and also fully 
spontaneous. 

880
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:17,280
You can't be all about being 
seen and also about blending in 

881
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:18,720
with people and connecting with 
people. 

882
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:21,320
So it's important you're looking
at what needs are driving your 

883
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:23,560
behaviours and recognising how 
they're playing out 

884
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:26,520
resourcefully and resourcefully.
You're also looking at how is 

885
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:30,640
that balance going between the 
two pairs as well and is 

886
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:34,400
something out of whack there and
what can you do to bring that a 

887
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:36,960
little bit more into balance? 
So there's a lot of layers to 

888
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:39,440
these things and it will play 
out so differently. 

889
00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:41,680
And certainty is definitely a 
top driver for me. 

890
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:46,360
And so even though I have that 
play out, I plays out completely

891
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:48,120
differently to the way it plays 
out for you. 

892
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:51,000
And, and I think it's important 
for us to be aware of that 

893
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:53,000
because I think they could be 
conflicting ways. 

894
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,200
In fact, I know they're 
conflicting ways in a lot of 

895
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:57,040
different things. 
So us just being aware of that 

896
00:41:57,040 --> 00:42:01,560
alone is helpful because you can
now we've got terminology to put

897
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:04,000
to it be like, is this a 
resourceful way? 

898
00:42:04,240 --> 00:42:06,920
Like even us just checking in 
and saying that like, is this a 

899
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:09,440
resourceful plan or is this a 
unresourceful plan? 

900
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:12,880
It's just a gentle way of being 
like is this a healthy, 

901
00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:17,120
sustainable forward focus one or
is it something out of a need to

902
00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:20,640
kind of fill this out of balance
part of your area of your life? 

903
00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:24,440
So this is the six coordinates. 
This is what's driving us. 

904
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:27,520
When we can understand what's 
driving us, we can stop reacting

905
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:31,760
and just start choosing. 
We don't have to be a product of

906
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:33,920
our reactions. 
We can actually be intentional 

907
00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:38,400
and and have a little bit more 
control in that area and choose 

908
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:41,280
how we want to behave. 
We can see that even frustrating

909
00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:43,840
stuff in our life is usually 
trying to serve a purpose, which

910
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:46,840
is an important thing to notice,
and that we have the power to 

911
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:49,280
meet our needs in a way that 
supports our well being and our 

912
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:52,080
relationships. 
We are capable of those things. 

913
00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:56,040
So identifying these ways that 
these play out for you isn't a 

914
00:42:56,040 --> 00:43:00,520
really important activity so 
that you have a better sense of 

915
00:43:01,160 --> 00:43:03,600
ownership of your life. 
You've also got a better sense 

916
00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:06,400
of grace for yourself and why 
you might be acting the way you 

917
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:08,560
are instead of just like, why do
I keep doing this? 

918
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:10,480
So it helps you make sense of 
your patterns. 

919
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,840
Nice, that was awesome. 
I love that and again, like I 

920
00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:17,280
mentioned about like now I, I 
feel like and this is what 

921
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:19,360
happened last time you did this 
with me too. 

922
00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:23,720
I'm like sweet, I've I I know 
what I can do from here. 

923
00:43:23,720 --> 00:43:26,480
Like it's not because otherwise 
this is like, oh, I'm stuck in 

924
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:28,320
this place. 
I want to work on this. 

925
00:43:28,720 --> 00:43:30,040
I don't know how to work on 
this. 

926
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:32,080
I don't know what to do. 
I don't know where to go. 

927
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:35,000
And it just like a lot of what 
you do is you just make me 

928
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:37,680
realise like, no, I can, you 
know, I can do all of those 

929
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:39,040
things. 
Like I've got everything I need 

930
00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:41,880
to do to take those steps. 
And you do this already with 

931
00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:43,320
your clients. 
You have the initial 

932
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:45,880
conversation. 
You help identify what they're 

933
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:48,040
working through or what they're 
wanting to work through, even if

934
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:50,720
they don't know like, like I 
didn't know what we're going to 

935
00:43:50,720 --> 00:43:52,960
talk about today. 
I didn't know this is where the 

936
00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:55,680
conversation was going to go. 
But you drew that out of me. 

937
00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:57,480
It's like, great, well, this is 
a need. 

938
00:43:57,640 --> 00:43:58,840
Let's work on that. 
Yeah. 

939
00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:01,560
And then so I just want to say 
to you guys, if women, if you 

940
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:05,040
want, if you can give an hour a 
week, if you want to work on 

941
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:07,480
certain things or don't know 
where you want to work on, but 

942
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:10,320
you know, you want to work on 
something, get in contact. 

943
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:13,640
You know, this is what Amy does 
and she's really, really good at

944
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:15,520
it. 
You've just finished another 

945
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:18,240
session on Wednesday night. 
That's all finished up on the 

946
00:44:18,240 --> 00:44:22,240
group coaching and again, just 
the responses coming out of that

947
00:44:22,240 --> 00:44:24,520
was just awesome. 
So go check it out. 

948
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:28,360
Amy does a free one on one 
clarity session. 

949
00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:29,720
Can you share about what that 
is? 

950
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:32,240
Yeah, it's basically the first 
part of the initial session I do

951
00:44:32,240 --> 00:44:35,160
with any client and it's 
essentially a few. 

952
00:44:35,360 --> 00:44:38,560
They feel very random, but 
questions to try and just get an

953
00:44:38,560 --> 00:44:43,760
indication of where you're at in
life and where things might feel

954
00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:45,360
a little stuck or where you 
might need a little bit more 

955
00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:49,080
clarity, hence the name, and 
shift up some of your thinking 

956
00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:51,080
to kind of see it from a 
different perspective. 

957
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:54,560
So it's helpful because it a lot
of people will be like, yeah, I 

958
00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:58,040
feel stuck, but I don't really 
know why or where or they 

959
00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:00,440
haven't had, you know, 
frameworks like this to kind of 

960
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:04,720
help them identify where it is. 
So it's just the first part of 

961
00:45:04,720 --> 00:45:07,160
that first session as a 
complementary thing so that 

962
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:09,680
people can experience what 
coaching is like and they can 

963
00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:12,480
experience a little bit of like 
a shift up in terms of how 

964
00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:16,040
they're approaching these areas.
They're needing more clarity and

965
00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:18,320
all these areas they're wanting 
to develop because they may or 

966
00:45:18,320 --> 00:45:20,000
may not have that clarity 
already. 

967
00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:21,360
So that's what it is. 
Yeah. 

968
00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:24,120
So if you if you want to find 
out more information or if you 

969
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:27,080
want to reach out to Andy, you 
can go to Next Catch, next 

970
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:30,560
catching, next coaching chapter.
Oh, you say it. 

971
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:33,320
Yeah, you can go to next. 
Blair tried to say this too many

972
00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:34,600
times. 
I'm not gonna include them all, 

973
00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:38,200
but it was very funny. 
So the website is www.you. 

974
00:45:38,240 --> 00:45:41,960
Don't need to. 
Www.nextchaptercoaching.com dot 

975
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:44,800
AU but also you can go to our 
website, it's on there as well. 

976
00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:47,560
It's on our website. 
She's also on Instagram so you 

977
00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:49,360
can reach out to us on socials 
as well. 

978
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:52,440
If the website's too hard to 
remember, it's the same as the 

979
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:54,880
Instagram account anyway, but. 
Honey, we need to chat. 

980
00:45:54,880 --> 00:45:57,040
Yeah, yeah, go that one too. 
Yeah, definitely. 

981
00:45:57,120 --> 00:45:59,000
Awesome. 
Thanks so much for being with us

982
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:00,760
today, guys. 
Thanks so much for learning all 

983
00:46:00,760 --> 00:46:01,720
about this. 
Beautiful. 

984
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:06,280
Now, everybody, now you've got a
world of accountability. 

985
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:09,440
Love that. 
Anyway, have a good week guys. 

986
00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:10,360
Good. 
Chat guys. 

987
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:10,800
Yeah, bye.