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Hey guys welcome to Honey. 
We need to chat. 

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We have had a day. 
One evening we've had an. 

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Evening, we did have an evening.
Yeah, we had one. 

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It's still in that. 
We're still having an evening, 

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yeah. 
So we've been, yeah, well, it's 

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it's not too late, which is good
as nine. 

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Getting up to 930. 
I had work tonight at a meeting.

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You had to take the kids to A. 
Award tonight, and I didn't 

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remember about it until I picked
them up from school and they're 

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very excitedly told me that we 
were coming back to school at 

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6:00 PM. 
So that was fun. 

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I was very glad that you filmed 
it. 

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Yes, it was very cute. 
Hmm, Yep. 

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So something. 
It's tough. 

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I really try and get to which my
work usually allows for. 

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Then, well, you don't normally 
have night time things on, so 

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that's helpful. 
Anyway, we're set up now, so 

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tonight is a regular chat or no 
chat. 

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Well, it's a regular there's. 
Not regular. 

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Because we've got two different 
types, and the regular is both 

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types because they're both. 
Regular. 

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I think we need to find either a
name for this type of episode, 

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or just regular, normal, that 
kind of thing. 

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This is a Reddit chat, so these 
in these episodes Amy will go on

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to Reddit and grab a bunch of 
topics that have been discussed 

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on there. 
Bring it to the podcast and we 

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will discuss it either what 
would we do in that situation or

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how could we avoid that 
situation happening. 

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When we think about we really 
try and bring it from our 

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perspective rather than talk 
about what just about what they 

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should do. 
But what would we like to do in 

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that situation? 
So I don't know what these 

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topics, so it's gonna be 
surprise surprise for all. 

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But before we start we brought 
I've brought out a chat jar 

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because we love to do Ice 
Breakers to get us into the 

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mood. 
Hmm, the chatting mood. 

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So I have got a bunch of 
questions up on this jar. 

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Did you show them your art on 
the jaw? 

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It's very pretty. 
Chat. 

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Jar and And even the paperwork 
on the outside, Yeah, the the 

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very intentional. 
Ripping. 

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Ripping of the Whatever Passata 
or whatever it was sticker. 

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So I'm just going to grab 
questions out of here. 

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I'm going to ask 2 questions. 
You think you're amazing? 

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Yeah. 
When you think so, I'm in charge

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of the Ice Breakers. 
Yeah, Just so you know, that's 

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my job. 
All right. 

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What's one thing you thought 
you'd never do until you met me?

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What's one thing I didn't really
think I'd eat? 

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Like hella penny pennies. 
Jalapeno jalapenos. 

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I don't know her side. 
The spicy thing. 

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Yeah, jalapenos. 
Filipinos, But I got into them a

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little bit. 
What do we what do you have with

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it? 
You have jalapenos and something

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it's not by itself. 
Well, usually I'll have it with 

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when we go to tacos, Tacos, 
tacos. 

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I have wood chips and that 
Chipotle, I think it's Chipotle 

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sauce, whatever it is so good, 
so good. 

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Now I want that. 
The thing I thought I would 

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never do until I met you was get
into was it called the show San 

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Parks and Rec and Parks? 
And well, the. 

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Office. 
No, No, no, no, no, no, no. 

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Like England. 
Old times. 

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Downton Abbey. 
Yeah, that's the one. 

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I never thought I would get into
shows like Downton Abbey. 

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So we've just finished the. 
Yours are not working Gilded 

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Age. 
And I really got into it. 

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I actually really loved it. 
And I would never have. 

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Got You Got into it more than I 
did. 

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Yeah. 
At first I got into at the end 

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because I was editing our 
episodes while we watched it. 

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Question one down? 
No, just throwing. 

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Down just threw it on the 
ground. 

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My job If you could pick any 
character from a book or movie 

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that reminds you of me, who 
would it be? 

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So there's a few. 
Nick from New Girl reminds me of

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you. 
Yeah. 

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Yeah, I I reckon if there's any 
character from the guy that 

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everyone. 
Be nice. 

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Yeah. 
Yeah. 

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He's the best. 
He's. 

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You're just a little bit of like
this cranky, older than your 

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age, man. 
And just similar vibe, but also 

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the guy from Sorry fluttering in
the best way. 

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That's what makes Nick 
endearing. 

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And then the guy from I Can't 
I'll Pimento. 

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I think his name is. 
It's like don't know. 

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If I should be insulted or 
honoured by that, but I'm 

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actually strangely honoured. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's a he's a 

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good character. 
Brooklyn's crazy. 

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If you don't know who he is, 
he's crazy. 

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And there someone actually said 
it to us. 

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One of our good friends is like,
you look exactly like Pimento. 

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Think it was her that said it 
first. 

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And then I couldn't not see 
everything he's in. 

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Actually, that guy. 
I could just see your eyes and 

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some of your face. 
What about? 

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Me, I I don't have like a movie 
or TV character, but I remember 

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when I saw you your. 
Smile. 

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And I've said this ever since. 
Like your smile. 

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Like your jawline and 
everything. 

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Remind me of like Reese 
Witherspoon. 

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Hmm. 
But don't know. 

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Why? 
Which is so weird to me. 

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Yeah, but I've had another 
person say that. 

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Yeah, as well. 
Yeah, I don't know why, but 

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yeah, just your your jawline and
your smile reminds me of her. 

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So I guess like she's a she's 
in, but rather than a particular

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character. 
Is there anybody by personality,

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that or character that reminds 
you of me? 

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No, because we don't really 
watch shows like that. 

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Like, I feel like a lot of the 
shows we watched are extreme. 

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I guess every character you've 
said about me is extreme and my 

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extreme. 
No, but you know what I think it

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might be is this is probably a 
hot take, controversial a lot of

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shows. 
The girl characters in my 

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opinion are very weak 
characters, so or they're kind 

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of annoying and potentially some
people love them. 

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But I'm like I'm listing off our
favourite ones in my head right 

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now and all of my favourite 
characters are the guy 

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characters. 
Yeah, because they're even 

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though they're some of them are 
extreme, like Dwight for example

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from The Office. 
He's extreme but he's so you 

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feel so much affection towards 
him. 

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Whereas like Pam, she's nice, 
but she's kind of just like a. 

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I said I like Penny and she has 
some great moments, but it's 

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like it's she's, how I say, too 
dull to be like you. 

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But I love her. 
Character. 

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But it's not you. 
I will take it. 

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That's the safest answer you 
could possibly have given. 

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Thank you. 
Yeah, well, that all that gets 

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you off the hook of having to 
try and think of someone says 

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good, yeah. 
Break the head into the topics. 

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Yeah well firstly I just want to
say even though this is this 

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dates this episode a little bit,
we have been so excited to have 

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launched. 
Yeah cause cause we pre record 

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so this won't come out until 
weeks after we've launched. 

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But we launched this last week 
in real time and it's been so 

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incredible and humbling and the 
feedback has been amazing. 

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And I was saying to Blair when I
was preparing for this episode, 

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I just want to, like, record and
then release like, straight away

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because it feels weird to like, 
yeah, it's away. 

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And also because we've learned 
so much in the episodes, we've 

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recorded that, like, now we're 
doing things that we didn't do 

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at the beginning. 
So I'm still having to edit our 

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early ones and be like, yeah, 
And even now we're still. 

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It took us like an hour to get 
more longer to get ready just to

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try and brainstorm some stuff. 
But anyway, we're really 

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excited. 
It's been amazing. 

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Thank you so much for everyone 
that has supported us, shared 

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like subscribe and all of that. 
But also I just want to say 

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thank you so much for those that
have written in my dad's been oh

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man, they're just warms our 
hearts, wants our souls. 

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Just to get that feedback that 
it's been relevant to you guys. 

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It's been so encouraging 
because, yeah, especially when 

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you start out, you don't know 
the impact that you could have. 

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You just like, hey, this would 
be fun, but we hope we can help 

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people. 
But until we actually hear it's,

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yeah, you just don't know. 
So that was probably the biggest

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thing is like, oh, we just going
to be another podcast that just 

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chats nothing news, but it 
hasn't been that. 

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And so we want to thank you so 
much for those that have written

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in and we want to keep 
encouraging that. 

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So yeah, please tell us your 
stories, share with us. 

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I would go on this journey with 
us as we as we grow, we want to 

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grow with you guys. 
So we just want to thank you 

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again. 
For all of the. 

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Support. 
It's been very, very 

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encouraging. 
Of us have been on podcast 

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previously like hosted podcast 
previously and the one that I 

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did with a good friend of mine 
was a beautiful podcast and I 

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love it And if you are a mom 
check it out this this is our 

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village. 
But we did it for two full years

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and so many times we're like we 
can see people are listening 

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like I said we'd say on our 
episodes like if you're 

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listening let us know we'd put 
like surveys out and we got such

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few responses, which is fine. 
I was like, I know there's 

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people listening, I can see it 
And then after we finished the 

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podcast we'd have people come up
and say Oh my gosh, I listened 

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to every episode. 
It was really encouraging but I 

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was like I wish I'd known like I
wish I'd known cause it was 

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really hard. 
So it's been so nice to have 

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feedback. 
So the first weekends, yeah. 

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Like we, we launched Friday, 
yeah. 

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And then by Sunday we're 
getting. 

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Feedback and. 
Which is amazing. 

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Yeah, absolutely. 
And like Blair said like 100%. 

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If you're sitting there like, 
oh, I really enjoy the podcast. 

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But I don't really wanna message
or I feel awkward messaging or 

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they'll think it's weird or like
like we love hearing that that 

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means everything to us and it's 
really easy to fall into moments

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of being like is this even worth
doing or like do people even 

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care about this. 
And so whenever we've had those 

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messages, even in the last since
Friday, which is not even a 

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week, I've had so many ups and 
downs of being like, this is not

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going to do anything. 
It's not going to be important. 

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And then I'll get a message and 
it's boosted that. 

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So please do continue. 
Yeah. 

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Anyway, so yes, as Blair alluded
to, we have a theme for the 

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stories that I've collected. 
Sometimes it's hard to find 

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stories that are fully and a 
theme, especially because 

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they're so like each story, so 
unique. 

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But I think I've gotten a vague 
theme and I'm just going to say 

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it's probably not using English,
right. 

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00:10:01,510 --> 00:10:03,400
And that's fine. 
The theme is. 

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English is overrated. 
As we go on to our English 

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speaking podcast, yes, the theme
is the taboo of it all, meaning 

208
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those things that are hard to 
talk about when you're married. 

209
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But they sometimes do sit there 
under the surface and we need to

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chat. 
Alright, so the first one is. 

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These are all from R Slash 
relationships on Reddit. 

212
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The first one is called. 
My boyfriend said that he likes 

213
00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:47,280
me when I was skinny. 
Straight away. 

214
00:10:47,290 --> 00:10:49,800
Right away in the guns in the 
gut. 

215
00:10:49,810 --> 00:10:51,740
And I was, yeah, I was just 
gonna read it. 

216
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Me, 21, female, and my 
boyfriend, 22 male, were out for

217
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dinner and talking about 
celebrities that had gained 

218
00:10:57,350 --> 00:10:59,240
weight. 
He said he didn't like them 

219
00:10:59,250 --> 00:11:02,090
anymore because they got fat. 
So I asked him, do you think 

220
00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:05,200
that about me too? 
When we met five years ago, I 

221
00:11:05,210 --> 00:11:07,800
was skinny and pretty, but I've 
gained a lot of weight because 

222
00:11:07,810 --> 00:11:10,630
of COVID, some family issues and
other things in life that have 

223
00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,700
caused me stress. 
Now I'm huge and I don't like 

224
00:11:13,710 --> 00:11:15,930
myself, but he has never said 
anything about this. 

225
00:11:16,020 --> 00:11:18,410
I hate this language, but I'm 
just going to read this story 

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00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:22,240
like the persons written it 
after I asked the question, he 

227
00:11:22,250 --> 00:11:23,980
said. 
I still like you, but if you're 

228
00:11:23,990 --> 00:11:28,250
asking me if I prefer you now or
before, I'm gonna say before the

229
00:11:28,260 --> 00:11:29,900
whole world just collapsed 
around me. 

230
00:11:29,910 --> 00:11:32,340
I started crying and I asked 
what don't you like about me 

231
00:11:32,350 --> 00:11:34,920
now? 
And he said I liked your skinny 

232
00:11:34,930 --> 00:11:38,110
face and your body in general. 
We went home after that and I 

233
00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:41,200
was crying a lot at home. 
I kept crying and he started 

234
00:11:41,210 --> 00:11:43,800
saying that he still likes me 
and loves me and that gaining 

235
00:11:43,810 --> 00:11:45,420
weight didn't change his 
feelings. 

236
00:11:45,490 --> 00:11:48,930
But he just wanted to answer the
question honestly, I don't know 

237
00:11:48,940 --> 00:11:51,100
what to think. 
Our sex life didn't change when 

238
00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:53,270
I gained weight. 
It maybe even got better, which 

239
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:56,430
is why I was so shocked. 
Our relationship is fine, of 

240
00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:58,870
course we fight, but not about 
love or attraction. 

241
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:01,400
I just think that when you love 
somebody, you don't care about 

242
00:12:01,410 --> 00:12:03,240
their body. 
If they're fat, skinny, chubby, 

243
00:12:03,250 --> 00:12:04,830
etcetera. 
You just love them for who they 

244
00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:06,980
are. 
If you've experienced something 

245
00:12:06,990 --> 00:12:09,900
like this, tell me what to do 
and what to think about this. 

246
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:13,670
Hmm. 
So as I was preparing these 

247
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:15,420
stories. 
Thank you for the easy. 

248
00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:17,260
Talk. 
I just dived right in. 

249
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:20,040
They're all a bit like this. 
That's the taboo of it all. 

250
00:12:20,470 --> 00:12:22,900
As I was preparing for these 
stories, I was saying to Blair, 

251
00:12:23,430 --> 00:12:26,960
I think there's two layers that 
I'm kind of going for, at least 

252
00:12:26,970 --> 00:12:29,410
right now. 
One is the story, which is the 

253
00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:32,040
whole thing in its own, and then
the other is the conversation 

254
00:12:32,050 --> 00:12:35,360
that sits behind it. 
So addressing it slightly 

255
00:12:35,370 --> 00:12:38,540
separately, yeah, yeah, just 
that's the kind of context of 

256
00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:40,710
it. 
Well, cause again, what we wanna

257
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:44,230
do is look at this scenario and 
put ourselves in our position, 

258
00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:46,230
right? 
So we're not gonna come out from

259
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:49,680
what he should and shouldn't 
have done straight up he 

260
00:12:49,690 --> 00:12:53,470
shouldn't have done. 
It he has said in his story, in 

261
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,130
the story that she's written, I 
still love you. 

262
00:12:56,140 --> 00:12:58,430
Like it hasn't changed what I 
feel about you. 

263
00:12:58,580 --> 00:13:01,890
In my thinking when I read this,
I for one thing, they're 21 and 

264
00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:08,260
22, so they're young. 
I think potentially he said 

265
00:13:08,270 --> 00:13:10,240
something stupid, not 
potentially he has said 

266
00:13:10,250 --> 00:13:12,770
something stupid and potentially
he didn't think through it very 

267
00:13:12,780 --> 00:13:16,960
much when he first said it. 
Whether he I, I think it's very 

268
00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:21,040
possible to still love somebody 
completely and have some 

269
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:24,800
negative feelings about stuff 
like how their body has changed.

270
00:13:24,910 --> 00:13:27,060
I don't know that it's important
to say that to them. 

271
00:13:27,110 --> 00:13:29,080
She did ask him. 
It's just one of those delicate.

272
00:13:29,090 --> 00:13:30,980
Things. 
That's where I was going to go. 

273
00:13:31,050 --> 00:13:34,750
Alright, so I just want to say 
some facts. 

274
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:36,210
Facts. 
Facts. 

275
00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:40,670
I mean, COVID, I don't know 
where they were, but we put on 

276
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:43,690
weight in covered like oh man, 
what was our triggers we had. 

277
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:45,910
We would go into a circle cycle 
cycle. 

278
00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:50,550
We would go too much alcohol and
too much food and bought. 

279
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,530
Sorry, much dumb. 
Stuff. 

280
00:13:53,870 --> 00:13:54,950
And too much alcohol. 
Too much? 

281
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,560
Food. 
So it would do one and then we'd

282
00:13:56,570 --> 00:13:58,230
move to the other, so we'd eat, 
overeat. 

283
00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:01,230
That's what it started with. 
I think we're like ordering like

284
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:04,120
menu log all the time. 
Also, it was a really depressed 

285
00:14:04,130 --> 00:14:06,130
time, like you were like burnt 
out. 

286
00:14:06,140 --> 00:14:08,230
It was horrible. 
So I no down. 

287
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:11,830
I'm just saying, like, yeah, 
COVID was a time of putting on 

288
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:12,610
weight. 
Right. 

289
00:14:12,620 --> 00:14:15,630
Ovary moved to alcohol, moved to
buying, moved to overeating. 

290
00:14:15,700 --> 00:14:17,330
Yeah. 
And as well, putting family 

291
00:14:17,340 --> 00:14:19,850
stuff in there too, like there's
other things that are in there 

292
00:14:19,940 --> 00:14:23,240
now what? 
What I want to ask you because 

293
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:27,770
I, I hear this law from a lot of
guys, like, they don't wanna lie

294
00:14:27,870 --> 00:14:28,910
about it. 
Right. 

295
00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:31,010
So this was us. 
Hmm. 

296
00:14:31,050 --> 00:14:34,790
How would you have wanted me to 
respond if you were asking me? 

297
00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:38,250
Because that's The thing is OK, 
like, just to say facts, right? 

298
00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:40,630
You've had four kids. 
When? 

299
00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:44,250
After you gave birth, you did 
not look like what you did. 

300
00:14:44,260 --> 00:14:46,330
Like, straight after you gave 
birth, you did not look like 

301
00:14:46,340 --> 00:14:48,390
what you did when we got 
married. 

302
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,090
Right. 
Now, I've said to you very 

303
00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:54,130
truthfully, my love for you and 
everything had not changed. 

304
00:14:54,140 --> 00:14:57,860
And it had not, my attraction to
you had not changed at all. 

305
00:14:57,870 --> 00:15:01,410
I genuinely mean that. 
But if it's this person and 

306
00:15:01,420 --> 00:15:05,030
I've, I've just heard a lot of 
guys say comments on like 

307
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,900
specific comments and I'm just 
like, why? 

308
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:12,270
Like obviously, obviously you 
know that you don't look the 

309
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:15,370
same as you did before having 
kids, right? 

310
00:15:15,910 --> 00:15:18,460
Like straight after babies. 
I'm talking about obviously you 

311
00:15:18,470 --> 00:15:20,960
knew that. 
How would you have liked me? 

312
00:15:21,070 --> 00:15:22,780
How are you asking me this 
question? 

313
00:15:22,790 --> 00:15:24,400
How would you like me to 
respond? 

314
00:15:24,470 --> 00:15:28,900
So the question that she asks in
this is he's they're talking 

315
00:15:28,910 --> 00:15:30,690
about celebrities that have 
gained weight and he's saying I 

316
00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:32,170
don't like him anymore because I
got fat. 

317
00:15:32,180 --> 00:15:35,650
I think it's the first dumb 
comment. 100% like. 

318
00:15:35,740 --> 00:15:39,760
Also, they don't like you 
either, so not down there 

319
00:15:40,670 --> 00:15:43,190
anyway, but so they're already 
talking about that. 

320
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,610
So he's saying I don't like them
because they gained weight. 

321
00:15:45,620 --> 00:15:50,350
This is what she's written in. 
And then she says she's like, 

322
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:52,770
well, I've gained weight. 
Do you think that about me too? 

323
00:15:52,900 --> 00:15:55,990
Then he says I still like you, 
but if you're asking me if I 

324
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,720
preferred you now or before. 
Yeah, right. 

325
00:15:59,450 --> 00:16:03,060
I would say before. 
So that is that is the thing. 

326
00:16:03,070 --> 00:16:06,640
So if I was to say to you, have 
I gained weight and you said no,

327
00:16:07,490 --> 00:16:10,030
I'd be like well, you're lying 
because I know that I have. 

328
00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:13,440
There's no, I don't think 
there's any benefit in lying to 

329
00:16:13,450 --> 00:16:15,790
somebody. 
But I also don't think. 

330
00:16:16,820 --> 00:16:19,430
I also didn't think if I had 
said, have I gained weight. 

331
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:22,370
And you're like, yes, that 
wouldn't be helpful either. 

332
00:16:22,460 --> 00:16:25,210
I think if you said, yeah, I 
mean your buddies changed, your 

333
00:16:25,220 --> 00:16:27,170
buddies changed a lot, you've 
had four babies. 

334
00:16:27,370 --> 00:16:29,870
And then reinforce that to me. 
And also, like, the neutrality 

335
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:33,310
of it, rather than it being 
like, yeah, you have, you know, 

336
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,730
or like, yeah, Yeah. 
Like there's like a there's a 

337
00:16:35,740 --> 00:16:38,090
neutral park where it's like, 
yeah, your body's changed. 

338
00:16:38,940 --> 00:16:40,970
I wouldn't want you to lie 
because for one thing, it would 

339
00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:42,310
make me not trust you. 
Yeah. 

340
00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:46,310
And it's not necessary. 
Also it's my I've asked the 

341
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:49,910
question, hmm, if I said to you,
do you not like me anymore as 

342
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:51,690
well, like you don't like these 
celebrities? 

343
00:16:51,700 --> 00:16:55,270
And you said if you're asking if
I preferred you before or now, 

344
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:58,670
and you said you preferred me 
before, see. 

345
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,750
But the reason I brought this up
is not to just smash this guy 

346
00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:04,770
cause he said something stupid 
it he'll probably be digging 

347
00:17:04,780 --> 00:17:06,480
himself out of that grave for a 
long time. 

348
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,869
The reason I brought it up is 
people's bodies change. 

349
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:11,569
Hmm. 
And especially for women, when 

350
00:17:11,579 --> 00:17:14,990
they've had children, there's a 
huge insecurity around their 

351
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,349
body changing. 
How do people navigate that? 

352
00:17:18,859 --> 00:17:20,770
That's kind of the underlying 
question. 

353
00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:22,490
Well, how have you? 
That's probably a good question.

354
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:23,960
Have you never got it that 
right? 

355
00:17:23,970 --> 00:17:27,290
That's been a journey for you 
for for many years now. 

356
00:17:28,610 --> 00:17:31,470
Such a big question like is in 
there's not like an easy answer 

357
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:34,250
we can do in one episode, but 
instead of the insecurity side 

358
00:17:34,260 --> 00:17:36,350
of it because we'll deal with 
it, I'll talk about that in a 

359
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:38,550
SEC. 
There's also the side of can a 

360
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:42,590
partner's attraction to someone 
waiver based on their physical 

361
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,530
appearance? 
And then I guess the other 

362
00:17:44,540 --> 00:17:48,130
question is what is attraction? 
Because I think as you get 

363
00:17:48,140 --> 00:17:51,860
older, everybody's body changes 
right and and breaks down. 

364
00:17:51,870 --> 00:17:55,160
And in most cases and 
everybody's case, as you get 

365
00:17:55,170 --> 00:17:56,680
older, your body starts to 
breakdown. 

366
00:17:56,750 --> 00:17:59,300
Some people get fitter as they 
get older and that's incredible.

367
00:17:59,350 --> 00:18:02,300
But you change, you get wrinkly,
you get old. 

368
00:18:02,350 --> 00:18:06,760
So traction can't be fully based
on how you look, has to be 

369
00:18:06,770 --> 00:18:09,840
something else as well. 
So I I so when you said that I 

370
00:18:09,850 --> 00:18:12,800
had to take a deep pause because
I feel like I've got a couple of

371
00:18:12,810 --> 00:18:15,530
different conversations in my 
head that I'm like how would 

372
00:18:15,540 --> 00:18:17,880
that conversation go like well 
that scenario be. 

373
00:18:17,970 --> 00:18:21,620
I believe that it's down to what
you're entertain your mind with.

374
00:18:21,630 --> 00:18:24,560
Yeah, right. 
If if you allow your mind to 

375
00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:31,080
hold physical appearance above 
other elements of your partner, 

376
00:18:31,130 --> 00:18:35,700
hmm, then yes, I think you could
lose attraction to your partner,

377
00:18:35,710 --> 00:18:38,880
right. 
But if that's, I think that's a 

378
00:18:38,890 --> 00:18:42,160
very shallow thing to hold on to
because like you said, we were 

379
00:18:42,170 --> 00:18:44,180
going to change. 
Like, you know, in 40 years 

380
00:18:44,190 --> 00:18:45,860
we're going to look very 
differently. 

381
00:18:45,870 --> 00:18:48,670
And we suddenly. 
Gonna be the issue there. 

382
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:51,440
It's going to be can I actually 
get Ben money, you know? 

383
00:18:51,450 --> 00:18:56,040
Like, can you do it? 
Yeah, and but even like, even 

384
00:18:56,050 --> 00:18:59,240
not that you could be in a car 
crash and have or get horribly 

385
00:18:59,250 --> 00:19:01,130
burnt suddenly. 
Like it's something totally 

386
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,410
outside of your control. 
Could totally change how you 

387
00:19:03,420 --> 00:19:04,680
look suddenly. 
Yeah. 

388
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:07,320
And that's and I think that's 
The thing is like So what are 

389
00:19:07,330 --> 00:19:09,610
you investing in with your 
relationship, right. 

390
00:19:09,620 --> 00:19:12,710
And again, the importance of 
communication, the importance of

391
00:19:12,780 --> 00:19:15,890
investing in the in our 
relationship, getting to know 

392
00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:20,160
each other and that being the 
the beauty of the relationship 

393
00:19:20,170 --> 00:19:21,650
rather than to attractive 
people. 

394
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,420
Hmm. 
Yeah, I'm like attraction is 

395
00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:26,130
still a big part of that. 
Hmm. 

396
00:19:26,270 --> 00:19:29,140
But it's not the the. 
I don't know. 

397
00:19:29,310 --> 00:19:32,010
It's it's no, no, no, no, no, 
no, I'm not. 

398
00:19:32,020 --> 00:19:34,070
I'm looking No, no, no. 
You didn't say anything wrong. 

399
00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:36,750
I'm looking because it's such a 
it's such a hot take. 

400
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:41,090
It's such a complicated. 
Thing to say it but I I feel 

401
00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:43,770
pretty strongly about that. 
I feel pretty strongly that it's

402
00:19:43,780 --> 00:19:46,610
it's really down to what are you
holding on to in that 

403
00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:49,830
relationship in the in terms of 
the values thing whatever else. 

404
00:19:49,870 --> 00:19:54,310
You know if we take it covers 
for example we put on a lot of 

405
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,410
weight in COVID me included and 
you just you just had our 

406
00:19:57,420 --> 00:19:59,630
daughter you had a lot more of 
an excuse than I did. 

407
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,990
For me putting on that weight 
was more than just me putting on

408
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,170
weight right. 
And she said herself she was 

409
00:20:06,180 --> 00:20:08,490
going through stuff. 
Then she put on weight. 

410
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:12,380
And again, like I think of. 
When he's focusing on that, it's

411
00:20:12,390 --> 00:20:14,340
like he was looking for an 
excuse to say something. 

412
00:20:14,350 --> 00:20:16,160
About exactly. 
And that's where all this sort 

413
00:20:16,170 --> 00:20:19,750
of getting to be like cringy 
about cause he's focusing on the

414
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,170
wrong thing there. 
Like, I don't think the focus is

415
00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:24,970
the weight and we've had health 
conversations you and that's 

416
00:20:24,980 --> 00:20:27,110
very different than awake 
conversation. 

417
00:20:27,180 --> 00:20:30,000
It's tied in, but it's not. 
It's not the thing. 

418
00:20:30,060 --> 00:20:31,870
No. 
And so we've had health 

419
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:34,950
conversations and then but it 
was really focusing on the 

420
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,410
underlining issues of what was 
going on. 

421
00:20:38,020 --> 00:20:41,330
I think the what. 
So to answer my question, I just

422
00:20:41,340 --> 00:20:45,290
asked you the attraction thing. 
Similarly, in a previous episode

423
00:20:45,300 --> 00:20:48,910
we spoke about this your 
attitude, so like bitterness. 

424
00:20:49,340 --> 00:20:52,850
Similarly to that what you like.
You said what you entertain in 

425
00:20:52,860 --> 00:20:55,210
your head is where your focus is
going to be. 

426
00:20:55,260 --> 00:21:00,410
I think that physical attraction
is an element of romantic love. 

427
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:05,190
But physical attraction is in 
the eye of the beholder because 

428
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:08,720
there are so many people that I,
my friends, would say would be 

429
00:21:08,730 --> 00:21:10,270
attractive. 
And I'm like, I don't see it. 

430
00:21:10,430 --> 00:21:12,170
I don't see it at all. 
And the people that I found 

431
00:21:12,180 --> 00:21:14,460
attractive that they wouldn't 
see as attractive. 

432
00:21:14,530 --> 00:21:17,500
So you can see attraction, 
attractive qualities in somebody

433
00:21:17,770 --> 00:21:21,640
outside of them looking perfect 
because nobody looks perfect for

434
00:21:21,650 --> 00:21:23,780
one thing, you can find 
attractive qualities in people. 

435
00:21:23,790 --> 00:21:25,170
You can be attracted to 
different things. 

436
00:21:26,050 --> 00:21:30,120
If that's purely based on their 
size of their body, then that's 

437
00:21:30,250 --> 00:21:31,510
flimsy. 
Hmm. 

438
00:21:31,550 --> 00:21:33,550
That's not a statement on them. 
For one thing. 

439
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,800
That's not a statement on this 
girl having gained weight like, 

440
00:21:35,810 --> 00:21:37,140
oh, she's lost her 
attractiveness. 

441
00:21:37,150 --> 00:21:41,420
That's actually statement on how
3D his perception of attraction 

442
00:21:41,430 --> 00:21:43,190
is. 
If that's what has happened, if 

443
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:46,500
he's lost his attractive 
attraction to her because she's 

444
00:21:46,510 --> 00:21:51,050
gained weight, his attraction 
was very weak and very like, 

445
00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:52,110
shallow. 
Shallow. 

446
00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:54,900
Yeah, it's not deep. 
It doesn't have multiple 

447
00:21:54,910 --> 00:21:58,690
dimensions to it and so that's 
more on him than it is on her. 

448
00:21:58,820 --> 00:22:01,690
The other thing with this is 
what you focus on is what you 

449
00:22:01,700 --> 00:22:03,230
get. 
You can, you can look at 

450
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:06,080
somebody and be like there 
getting bigger and bigger and 

451
00:22:06,090 --> 00:22:08,500
you can become so obsessed with 
that for whatever reason. 

452
00:22:08,510 --> 00:22:11,310
It could be because of them 
changing or because of the 

453
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:13,410
lifestyle that sits around it. 
And that's probably more of a 

454
00:22:13,420 --> 00:22:16,620
thing for us in our conversation
has been more of like what's the

455
00:22:16,630 --> 00:22:19,270
lifestyle that we're sitting 
there sitting around, the 

456
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:22,370
health, the physical changes. 
So you know, not moving. 

457
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:24,730
That's a lifestyle that comes 
with other things. 

458
00:22:24,740 --> 00:22:28,050
So like, you know, you're not 
like you could be depressed, for

459
00:22:28,060 --> 00:22:30,650
example, and there's a whole 
bunch of stuff that plays into 

460
00:22:30,660 --> 00:22:32,880
that. 
What you focus on is what's 

461
00:22:32,890 --> 00:22:35,880
gonna fill your brain. 
And so I think if you are 

462
00:22:35,890 --> 00:22:38,300
sitting there like obsessed 
about the fact that your partner

463
00:22:38,310 --> 00:22:40,410
is gaining weight, you're gonna 
be obsessed with the fact that 

464
00:22:40,420 --> 00:22:42,310
gaining weight, you probably 
gonna find yourself struggling 

465
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,530
to feel physically attracted to 
them. 

466
00:22:44,860 --> 00:22:47,590
You can also change that and 
focus on the things that are 

467
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,020
beautiful about them. 
And I think everybody has things

468
00:22:50,030 --> 00:22:54,050
that are beautiful about them. 
And so I think that's a personal

469
00:22:54,060 --> 00:22:58,450
attitude challenge on them. 
The other thing about this is 

470
00:22:58,460 --> 00:23:00,640
what is he wanting to gain from 
this conversation? 

471
00:23:00,770 --> 00:23:02,400
What is your outcome that you 
want? 

472
00:23:02,750 --> 00:23:04,910
Do you want them to know you 
actually gained weight? 

473
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:06,920
I want you to lose weight, like 
is that what cause that kind of 

474
00:23:06,930 --> 00:23:08,130
sounds like what he was trying 
to do. 

475
00:23:08,140 --> 00:23:11,510
Like he said, he found a moment 
so you just like answered so 

476
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:13,760
that he could get. 
He could finally say the thing 

477
00:23:13,770 --> 00:23:16,400
he wanted to say. 
If you want to build up your 

478
00:23:16,410 --> 00:23:19,550
partner and help them be the 
best person that they can be, 

479
00:23:20,650 --> 00:23:23,240
there's a way to go about this 
conversation that is not this 

480
00:23:23,250 --> 00:23:25,760
way, especially if you know 
they're insecure. 

481
00:23:25,810 --> 00:23:28,120
Absolutely. 
And yeah, I don't know. 

482
00:23:28,130 --> 00:23:30,180
I just think back to the 
conversations we've had. 

483
00:23:30,190 --> 00:23:33,660
Cause again, weight has been a 
big topic of conversation for 

484
00:23:33,670 --> 00:23:35,250
us. 
And I'm not perfect. 

485
00:23:35,260 --> 00:23:38,020
Like I I say dumb stuff all the 
time, but never about weight. 

486
00:23:38,090 --> 00:23:42,000
I don't think that's such a 
universal struggle for guys and 

487
00:23:42,010 --> 00:23:43,560
girls. 
Like, I don't think it's just 

488
00:23:43,570 --> 00:23:45,320
women. 
Well, she's insecure about it. 

489
00:23:45,910 --> 00:23:48,000
She actually feels the same way,
yeah. 

490
00:23:48,390 --> 00:23:50,770
So it's easy to make him look 
like a villain because he said 

491
00:23:51,070 --> 00:23:55,100
and he shouldn't have said it, 
but she also feels the same way,

492
00:23:55,150 --> 00:23:57,740
like she's got the same deal 
going on. 

493
00:23:57,750 --> 00:24:02,640
It's just in the insecurity 
basket rather than the being 

494
00:24:02,650 --> 00:24:05,050
rude basket. 
Yeah, and I wanna say like as 

495
00:24:05,060 --> 00:24:10,020
well for for me and for the guys
listening into you know, I 

496
00:24:10,030 --> 00:24:12,930
remember there was a moment so I
was like, alright, so I'm 

497
00:24:12,940 --> 00:24:14,920
struggling with this stuff, what
can I do about it? 

498
00:24:15,050 --> 00:24:19,360
And I think what you said to was
focusing in on, you know, the 

499
00:24:19,370 --> 00:24:21,740
the beauty of that person. 
You know that that's where you 

500
00:24:21,750 --> 00:24:24,040
focus and actually be 
intentional about that focus 

501
00:24:24,050 --> 00:24:27,200
too. 
I remember when I felt like 

502
00:24:27,210 --> 00:24:31,060
there was a flip, a switch that 
was flipped for me in terms of 

503
00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:35,120
my intentionality of becoming 
the man, becoming the husband, 

504
00:24:35,130 --> 00:24:38,440
the dad I wanted to be. 
And I and I think, you know, I'm

505
00:24:38,450 --> 00:24:41,980
talking about like it was a 
series of sermons talking about 

506
00:24:42,850 --> 00:24:46,880
pretty much had a love a woman 
in a way, in a non sleazy way. 

507
00:24:47,830 --> 00:24:50,630
And it was the real challenge to
me because I think growing up 

508
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:55,290
too and I didn't. 
I'm a, you know, a family of me,

509
00:24:55,300 --> 00:24:56,990
my brother and my dad and my 
mum, right? 

510
00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:00,040
So my, the influence of how to 
speak to women and stuff like 

511
00:25:00,050 --> 00:25:02,490
that was very minimal for me. 
I didn't have. 

512
00:25:02,570 --> 00:25:04,640
There wasn't many women around. 
No, exactly right. 

513
00:25:04,650 --> 00:25:08,150
And I was in a very man's man 
world growing up and stuff like 

514
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:10,850
that too. 
And not to blame that, but it 

515
00:25:10,860 --> 00:25:14,020
was. 
It was actually when I saw there

516
00:25:14,030 --> 00:25:16,970
was something different in a 
different way to do it and and 

517
00:25:16,980 --> 00:25:20,330
an honourable way to be a a 
husband and dad and stuff like 

518
00:25:20,340 --> 00:25:21,770
that. 
I'm like oh man, that's 

519
00:25:22,140 --> 00:25:25,770
something I want to do. 
But it took that moment for me 

520
00:25:25,780 --> 00:25:28,490
to see something different, to 
realise that I need something 

521
00:25:28,500 --> 00:25:30,770
different. 
So the same time we want to show

522
00:25:30,780 --> 00:25:33,150
grace. 
This guy 100% be like look dude 

523
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,720
you're young man yeah you know 
and but also the challenge at 

524
00:25:36,730 --> 00:25:39,630
the same time. 
But do something about it like 

525
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:44,540
you you do something about that 
you have a choice to to fix this

526
00:25:44,550 --> 00:25:47,640
to or not fix it. 
But you have a choice to stay 

527
00:25:47,650 --> 00:25:53,290
down with path and be shallow or
be a man and and suck it up and 

528
00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:56,100
like change your views. 
And see the deeper things. 

529
00:25:56,110 --> 00:25:58,690
Exactly right. 
Yeah I think something I want to

530
00:25:58,700 --> 00:26:03,330
say is well is she's obviously 
insecure so and that's that is 

531
00:26:03,340 --> 00:26:06,580
such a common story especially 
for girls, I think for everybody

532
00:26:06,590 --> 00:26:08,810
but especially for girls and 
especially around white and 

533
00:26:08,820 --> 00:26:11,890
physical appearance. 
The best way you can ever 

534
00:26:11,900 --> 00:26:15,910
encourage your partner to be a 
the best version of them is to 

535
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:19,650
be uplifting and encouraging. 
So the I think the you would get

536
00:26:19,660 --> 00:26:22,230
way better results and that 
sounds so weird what I'm saying 

537
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:25,970
like I hear it but way better 
results with the parenthesis, 

538
00:26:25,980 --> 00:26:30,430
the quotations by being super 
encouraging, making her feel 

539
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:33,610
super loved, making her feel 
really valuable, making her feel

540
00:26:33,620 --> 00:26:36,590
very safe that's going to. 
I've the times where I've 

541
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:40,920
struggled with my motivation in 
any way have been when I'm like 

542
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:44,550
I'm feeling low, I'm stuck on 
the couch and I'm. 

543
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,710
I feel lower and lower. 
Like that just makes it harder 

544
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:51,440
and harder for me to get out of 
a rut of whatever kind. 

545
00:26:51,550 --> 00:26:56,180
The best times are when I feel 
empowered and uplifted and safe 

546
00:26:56,250 --> 00:26:58,530
and I'm able to get out of that.
Then I'm actually able. 

547
00:26:58,540 --> 00:27:02,020
It's like my brain opens up to 
these other concepts like health

548
00:27:02,070 --> 00:27:07,240
and that took me years, like 
taking pride in how I look like 

549
00:27:07,250 --> 00:27:09,920
that kind of thing isn't. 
It's like it's like survival 

550
00:27:09,930 --> 00:27:12,210
mode in your head. 
When you're in that place and 

551
00:27:12,220 --> 00:27:14,160
when you're in survival mode, 
you don't have the capacity to 

552
00:27:14,170 --> 00:27:17,260
think about how your physical 
appearance like or how to 

553
00:27:17,270 --> 00:27:20,740
prioritise how your physical 
appearance is or how your health

554
00:27:20,750 --> 00:27:23,410
fitness is, that kind of thing, 
that's not what you put your 

555
00:27:23,420 --> 00:27:26,020
brain into. 
Your energy goes into survival. 

556
00:27:26,370 --> 00:27:29,160
So until you're kind of helps to
get out of that and then your 

557
00:27:29,170 --> 00:27:32,650
brain can kind of like then you 
can like expand your mind and 

558
00:27:32,660 --> 00:27:35,770
think about health, think about 
how you might feel better 

559
00:27:35,780 --> 00:27:37,040
physically and that kind of 
thing. 

560
00:27:37,050 --> 00:27:39,310
Like once you're when you're 
stuck in that clutch of 

561
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:43,070
insecurity driven stuff, it 
doesn't get better. 

562
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:45,260
Even if she was to lose a tonne 
of weight, that wouldn't fix 

563
00:27:45,270 --> 00:27:48,250
this problem at all. 
But you can. 

564
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:50,130
Like you can't work on this 
together. 

565
00:27:50,180 --> 00:27:55,660
You could work on it. 
Um, but this is not the way, to 

566
00:27:55,670 --> 00:27:58,840
say the least. 
It's such a I think this is just

567
00:27:58,850 --> 00:28:01,030
such a big topic we can talk. 
About for ages. 

568
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:04,580
I mean, and I think we we should
recover back another point just 

569
00:28:04,590 --> 00:28:06,740
for sharing, maybe in a chitchat
episode. 

570
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,250
Yeah, it's a big, big topic. 
It's hard to know what to cover 

571
00:28:09,260 --> 00:28:12,100
in this. 
We might move on to the next 

572
00:28:12,110 --> 00:28:13,310
one. 
Let's do it again. 

573
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:16,110
No, that's a bad accident. 
Yeah, man, what we say there are

574
00:28:16,120 --> 00:28:19,940
lost when you start off with my.
House. 

575
00:28:19,950 --> 00:28:23,990
Say about this, this is huge. 
That's why, that's why I said I 

576
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,660
want to just talk about these 
things that like that's just 

577
00:28:26,670 --> 00:28:29,490
something that sits under 
relationships. 

578
00:28:29,580 --> 00:28:30,750
People don't want to talk about 
it. 

579
00:28:30,790 --> 00:28:33,710
Maybe shouldn't be talked about 
sometimes, but there is a 

580
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:35,730
conversation there. 
Yeah, absolutely. 

581
00:28:37,380 --> 00:28:40,470
Hey guys, we just wanna pause 
for a second here just to ask 

582
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:43,530
you guys for a huge favour. 
Can you please like, share, 

583
00:28:43,540 --> 00:28:46,550
subscribe this episode that goes
a huge way and supporting us, 

584
00:28:46,660 --> 00:28:49,590
helping us reach more people and
to build this awesome community 

585
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:53,530
of people to be continually 
growing in our relationships 

586
00:28:53,620 --> 00:28:57,210
with our spouses, with our 
partners and with you guys as 

587
00:28:57,220 --> 00:28:59,130
well. 
So thank you very much. 

588
00:29:01,330 --> 00:29:05,470
So next one. 
I, 21, female, feel like I am 

589
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:08,660
emotionally cheating on my 
boyfriend, 21, male, again, 

590
00:29:08,670 --> 00:29:12,800
young, just to note the ages. 
So my boyfriend, male, 21, and 

591
00:29:12,810 --> 00:29:15,620
I, female, 21, have been 
together for a little over a 

592
00:29:15,630 --> 00:29:17,130
year. 
Things haven't always been 

593
00:29:17,140 --> 00:29:18,560
great. 
We've had our fair share of 

594
00:29:18,570 --> 00:29:21,680
disagreements but always managed
to meet each other halfway. 

595
00:29:22,050 --> 00:29:25,300
He's very committed to me and 
really wants to take care of me 

596
00:29:25,310 --> 00:29:28,540
and have a family someday. 
He's also quite attractive. 

597
00:29:28,610 --> 00:29:31,140
We will both have a great income
in a few years because of our 

598
00:29:31,150 --> 00:29:34,790
education, so starting a family 
even as early as 25 is very 

599
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,160
possible. 
Now here's where my problem 

600
00:29:37,170 --> 00:29:39,740
began. 
Recently I've been in two. 

601
00:29:39,810 --> 00:29:43,860
I've been into two specific men 
I know one of them is 40 plus, 

602
00:29:43,870 --> 00:29:45,920
and my relationship is nothing 
but professional. 

603
00:29:45,930 --> 00:29:48,380
So in my mind it's a crush and 
nothing I won't forget in a 

604
00:29:48,390 --> 00:29:50,660
couple weeks. 
It's just a harmless crush, 

605
00:29:50,670 --> 00:29:52,900
probably induced by his talent 
and confidence. 

606
00:29:53,470 --> 00:29:57,240
The other guy, I'll call him A, 
is where I start to worry, 

607
00:29:57,750 --> 00:29:59,550
although not in the way you 
might think. 

608
00:29:59,910 --> 00:30:02,920
This man is almost 40. 
He's absolutely gorgeous, and I 

609
00:30:02,930 --> 00:30:05,040
mean sex symbol kind of 
gorgeous. 

610
00:30:05,350 --> 00:30:08,230
He is one of those guys knows 
how good he looks and how smart 

611
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:10,590
he is, so his confidence really 
shines through. 

612
00:30:10,660 --> 00:30:14,030
He's also really successful. 
I've known a for a few years and

613
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:16,970
about two years ago I noticed he
started flirting with me. 

614
00:30:17,060 --> 00:30:19,470
I was single back then and 
hadn't even met my boyfriend 

615
00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:22,760
yet, so I subtly flirted back. 
This happened for just a little 

616
00:30:22,770 --> 00:30:25,390
while until I found out he was 
married, so I immediately backed

617
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:28,390
off, even though he still 
continues to flirt very openly. 

618
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:31,130
I mean, before I knew he was 
married, the chemistry was there

619
00:30:31,140 --> 00:30:33,240
for sure. 
Now I know this might look bad, 

620
00:30:33,250 --> 00:30:35,530
but it's not what you think. 
I would never get involved with 

621
00:30:35,540 --> 00:30:37,570
married men, even if I was 
single. 

622
00:30:37,740 --> 00:30:40,510
I love my boyfriend and I don't 
have any intention to hurt him, 

623
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:43,750
but every time one of these men 
crossed my mind or flirt with me

624
00:30:43,980 --> 00:30:46,210
in parentheses, she says, I 
don't flirt back. 

625
00:30:46,260 --> 00:30:49,920
I can't help but feel guilty. 
If I hadn't found out he was 

626
00:30:49,930 --> 00:30:51,850
married two years ago, I 
probably would have gotten 

627
00:30:51,860 --> 00:30:54,560
involved with him back then. 
I see him around quite often, 

628
00:30:54,570 --> 00:30:57,560
especially the last few months. 
Even thinking about these things

629
00:30:57,570 --> 00:31:00,320
makes me feel like I've somehow 
cheated on my boyfriend, like he

630
00:31:00,330 --> 00:31:02,970
doesn't deserve this. 
A is still messing with my head.

631
00:31:03,030 --> 00:31:05,530
I just need some solid advice on
what might resolve the 

632
00:31:05,540 --> 00:31:06,820
situation. 
OK. 

633
00:31:06,910 --> 00:31:11,040
So there's a B&C, there's three 
guys, is that right? 

634
00:31:11,050 --> 00:31:12,750
Well, so. 
Like one being her husband or 

635
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:13,730
her boyfriend. 
Girlfriend. 

636
00:31:13,740 --> 00:31:16,320
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so. 
So there's the first guy is just

637
00:31:16,330 --> 00:31:18,240
so much she works with and she 
thinks he's great. 

638
00:31:18,250 --> 00:31:20,450
But she's not really worried 
about that. 

639
00:31:20,500 --> 00:31:23,910
She says. 
Yeah, second one is this guy a, 

640
00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:26,460
she calls him and he's the one 
that's married and they've known

641
00:31:26,470 --> 00:31:29,110
each other for a few years and 
she was flirting with him before

642
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:30,330
she realised that he was 
married. 

643
00:31:33,410 --> 00:31:36,240
So again, there's two sides to 
this conversation. 

644
00:31:36,290 --> 00:31:41,410
One is this conversation and her
question around what to do with 

645
00:31:41,420 --> 00:31:45,440
that and the other is how you 
navigate attraction in marriage.

646
00:31:45,650 --> 00:31:48,020
And it sort of plays off the 
last question because what is 

647
00:31:48,030 --> 00:31:52,640
attraction sort of thing? 
My first thoughts on this is I 

648
00:31:52,650 --> 00:31:56,220
can't remember or figure out if 
she knows these guys from work. 

649
00:31:56,330 --> 00:31:58,600
That's what I couldn't figure 
out what her context was around.

650
00:31:58,610 --> 00:32:00,300
I don't think she said it in her
story. 

651
00:32:00,390 --> 00:32:02,920
So for the first thing on my 
mind is, well, what context are 

652
00:32:02,930 --> 00:32:04,660
you seeing them in? 
Is it something you can avoid? 

653
00:32:04,670 --> 00:32:09,020
And if it is, avoid it, 
especially the married guy, like

654
00:32:09,070 --> 00:32:11,870
avoid Big Red, avoid that. 
If it's something you can't 

655
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:14,260
avoid, that's a that's a 
different dynamic and something 

656
00:32:14,270 --> 00:32:16,540
you have to work out because we 
don't always have control 

657
00:32:16,550 --> 00:32:18,160
around. 
Like if we're working with 

658
00:32:18,170 --> 00:32:21,910
someone, for example, we do have
control at the very like base of

659
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:24,160
it all, we could be like, OK, 
that's it, there's too much of a

660
00:32:24,170 --> 00:32:27,810
thing I gotta leave for tell my 
boss or something like that. 

661
00:32:27,860 --> 00:32:30,400
For until it gets to that 
extreme, it's not very easy to 

662
00:32:30,410 --> 00:32:32,730
control who you're around and 
that that sphere. 

663
00:32:32,740 --> 00:32:34,870
So I don't know what the context
is here. 

664
00:32:34,980 --> 00:32:37,570
If she's got control over how 
much she's seeing them, my first

665
00:32:37,580 --> 00:32:41,410
thing is thinking is if you're 
feeling that way and you're a 

666
00:32:41,420 --> 00:32:43,250
little nervous about it, you're 
nervous enough to write 

667
00:32:43,260 --> 00:32:46,190
interpreted about it, then you 
should be probably trying to 

668
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:48,410
remove the contact with that 
person. 

669
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:51,630
So we have been. 
You and I have been wide 

670
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:55,130
districts like with this in 
terms of not this ever happened 

671
00:32:55,140 --> 00:33:00,500
to us, but we would take drastic
measures like no room for 

672
00:33:00,510 --> 00:33:03,030
anything to come into our 
relationship at all. 

673
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:05,340
Like that's that's the thing 
like even to the point where we 

674
00:33:05,350 --> 00:33:08,820
would change jobs, we would like
if and that's The thing is like 

675
00:33:08,830 --> 00:33:12,760
even if he she worked with him, 
even if it is a work context and

676
00:33:12,770 --> 00:33:15,400
I was not as easy, but we would 
do that. 

677
00:33:15,410 --> 00:33:18,350
We would remove ourselves from 
that workplace if that was not a

678
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:22,330
healthy place for us to be in. 
If there's any room is something

679
00:33:22,340 --> 00:33:25,250
coming to between our marriage, 
our relationship, we would 

680
00:33:25,260 --> 00:33:27,590
remove. 
That which is I wanna just note,

681
00:33:27,660 --> 00:33:30,510
is really easy for us to say 
when we're not having to do that

682
00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:33,870
cause absolutely obviously the 
reality of changing jobs is 

683
00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:36,870
especially right now, hectic as.
Yeah, absolutely. 

684
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:37,870
That's what I'm saying. 
Like, yes. 

685
00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:40,590
That's a very daunting thought. 
But priority what? 

686
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:44,150
I'm saying is like, I know I'm 
still gonna stick to my guns on 

687
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:46,240
that. 
Though it's really easy, no, I 

688
00:33:46,250 --> 00:33:49,710
totally agree with. 
You, I would like stress that 

689
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:54,240
the level of boundary and yeah, 
action that needs to be taken 

690
00:33:54,250 --> 00:33:56,700
place or something like that, 
something entering into between 

691
00:33:56,710 --> 00:33:57,880
the relationship with someone 
else. 

692
00:33:57,890 --> 00:33:58,920
Cut it off. 
Yeah. 

693
00:33:59,010 --> 00:34:01,660
Again much, much easier to be 
said than done. 

694
00:34:01,710 --> 00:34:05,900
Yeah. 
The other part is I think if if 

695
00:34:05,910 --> 00:34:09,719
that was you, I would have 
expectations. 

696
00:34:09,730 --> 00:34:14,510
So again depending on where what
level was at and if if it wasn't

697
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:18,909
too far down that line if like 
she says in there the hunky 

698
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:23,090
bunky was flirting with her and 
she wasn't floating back, I 

699
00:34:23,100 --> 00:34:25,949
would expect you to say 
something to him. 

700
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:27,590
So actually that's 
inappropriate. 

701
00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:32,600
Again I yeah. 
It's there's no excuse like 

702
00:34:32,610 --> 00:34:36,420
there's no. 
I know she's like he's doing the

703
00:34:36,429 --> 00:34:38,110
one thing. 
It's like she's she's putting it

704
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:39,310
off to some It's not it's not 
me. 

705
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:40,630
I'm not doing it. 
I'm not doing this. 

706
00:34:40,639 --> 00:34:41,889
I'm not doing that. 
Like, yeah, you're. 

707
00:34:41,900 --> 00:34:43,230
Not she can't stop thinking 
about. 

708
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:45,429
Them exactly. 
And she's entertaining it still,

709
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:47,870
by the sounds of it. 
And she's allowing it still 

710
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:51,929
because she, you know, my guess 
is that she likes that feeling. 

711
00:34:51,940 --> 00:34:54,489
So you know, it's nice when 
someone shows you that 

712
00:34:54,500 --> 00:34:56,940
attention. 
It is nice, but that's a no go 

713
00:34:56,949 --> 00:34:58,950
zone if you've got another 
relationship. 

714
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,590
Yeah. 
Drastic measures, it's not OK. 

715
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:03,810
There's never OK, never allow it
in. 

716
00:35:04,240 --> 00:35:06,750
So I think that's it. 
I would say, like what I would 

717
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:09,650
expect you to do is say to him 
that's inappropriate. 

718
00:35:09,660 --> 00:35:12,900
I'm in a relationship and he 
might be like, Oh no, it's fine,

719
00:35:12,910 --> 00:35:14,040
it's fine. 
Doesn't matter. 

720
00:35:14,110 --> 00:35:17,990
I don't appreciate it. 
Yeah, doesn't matter if you have

721
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:20,980
a crush on him or not. 
The word crush of someone else 

722
00:35:20,990 --> 00:35:22,440
in relationship to me. 
Just. 

723
00:35:22,550 --> 00:35:23,700
It's annoying. 
Yeah. 

724
00:35:23,710 --> 00:35:28,340
Yeah, I totally agree. 
And I think one thing that and 

725
00:35:28,350 --> 00:35:31,060
we've spoken about this specific
thing before, but because you 

726
00:35:31,070 --> 00:35:35,480
were a pastor, it was almost 
like amplified the need to put 

727
00:35:35,490 --> 00:35:37,500
boundaries in place. 
I think we would have done it 

728
00:35:37,510 --> 00:35:40,960
anyway, but it was good like to 
have that extra pressure because

729
00:35:40,970 --> 00:35:45,000
it was just obviously pastors 
need to be extra super careful 

730
00:35:45,010 --> 00:35:46,900
because of other stuff that's 
been going on. 

731
00:35:46,910 --> 00:35:51,920
But I think you need to as a 
couple. 

732
00:35:52,050 --> 00:35:54,990
It's really important across the
board to figure out what your 

733
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:56,680
values are and your priorities 
are. 

734
00:35:56,940 --> 00:36:01,100
And especially in this area, you
need to sit down as a couple and

735
00:36:01,110 --> 00:36:04,270
you need to be able to say like 
you need before it happens. 

736
00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:06,540
You need to have already put 
boundaries in place about like 

737
00:36:06,550 --> 00:36:09,040
what is appropriate and what 
isn't and what would you do and 

738
00:36:09,050 --> 00:36:12,100
what wouldn't you do. 
And I think if if your genuine 

739
00:36:12,110 --> 00:36:16,020
answer to the question is like 
if your question is what do you 

740
00:36:16,030 --> 00:36:20,160
want the outcome to be for your 
relationship, for this 

741
00:36:20,170 --> 00:36:24,130
situation, whatever and your 
your genuine answer is I want us

742
00:36:24,140 --> 00:36:27,200
to be like me and my partner, to
be stronger. 

743
00:36:27,210 --> 00:36:28,880
I want nothing to come in 
between that. 

744
00:36:28,970 --> 00:36:33,270
I don't want even like the hint 
of that temptation. 

745
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:36,370
Then there's things that need to
be like then that's your value. 

746
00:36:36,420 --> 00:36:38,690
So then you need to figure out 
your behaviour from here. 

747
00:36:38,740 --> 00:36:40,750
First thing is, I don't know 
that she's spoken to her 

748
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:42,430
partner. 
So that's one thing that I think

749
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:44,410
for me that would be the first. 
Thing. 

750
00:36:44,420 --> 00:36:47,290
For only a year. 
And so also to put in here, they

751
00:36:47,300 --> 00:36:50,070
are just dating so which is and 
they're young. 

752
00:36:50,620 --> 00:36:53,050
Not to say that in dating that 
that's fine because it's still 

753
00:36:53,060 --> 00:36:56,290
not fine that to me, I'm like, 
if you're moving on emotionally,

754
00:36:56,300 --> 00:36:59,110
you need to either decide if 
you're going to stay with him or

755
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:00,850
move on emotionally. 
You don't just drag him on. 

756
00:37:02,350 --> 00:37:04,910
Already in How stable is this, 
this relationship? 

757
00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:07,540
Yeah, I mean, I have that 
confidence that he would be. 

758
00:37:07,670 --> 00:37:08,430
Still there. 
Yeah. 

759
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:10,960
We've had through exactly. 
And it is a lot easier when you 

760
00:37:10,970 --> 00:37:14,560
have a commitment to your 
partner to kind of fall back on 

761
00:37:14,570 --> 00:37:16,880
and be like OK, well, when it 
when the rubber hits the road, 

762
00:37:16,890 --> 00:37:19,750
this is where our line is. 
And I know that you've got my 

763
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,170
back and I know that I've got, 
I've got your back kind of 

764
00:37:22,180 --> 00:37:24,090
thing. 
But yeah, have the conversation.

765
00:37:24,100 --> 00:37:25,990
That's the first thing I would 
do in this situation. 

766
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:28,540
It would be so hard. 
And I think I'd be like, I don't

767
00:37:28,550 --> 00:37:30,490
wanna make Blair freaked out, 
but we have had these 

768
00:37:30,500 --> 00:37:33,180
conversations. 
Well, not quite this 

769
00:37:33,190 --> 00:37:35,630
conversation, but like 
conversations in this arena 

770
00:37:35,820 --> 00:37:38,110
where we've had to say 
uncomfortable things and be 

771
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:41,850
like, this is something I just 
want to make you aware of and 

772
00:37:42,180 --> 00:37:43,290
what are we going to do about 
it? 

773
00:37:43,300 --> 00:37:45,210
Kind of thing or just even just 
talking about it. 

774
00:37:45,220 --> 00:37:48,190
So it's out like we've spoken 
about on the podcast before, 

775
00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:51,550
things that are dark, like in 
the darkness, in the like dark 

776
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:54,320
parts of your brain just sit 
there in there faster. 

777
00:37:54,390 --> 00:37:58,000
They don't get better, no. 
So especially when it's 

778
00:37:58,010 --> 00:38:00,040
something that you need to work 
on together, I think having that

779
00:38:00,050 --> 00:38:01,800
conversation together is really 
important. 

780
00:38:03,240 --> 00:38:06,980
I know of some people that have 
been in this situation though, 

781
00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:10,990
and again, it's so hard and I 
don't want to come across like 

782
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:15,160
it's easy at all. 
Their fear is like, but then my 

783
00:38:15,170 --> 00:38:17,930
good friend too, and we're gonna
lose that relationship. 

784
00:38:17,940 --> 00:38:21,530
And when I heard them, I'm gonna
hurt my my husband, I'm gonna 

785
00:38:21,780 --> 00:38:24,350
lose that friendship, all that 
sort of stuff. 

786
00:38:24,460 --> 00:38:27,350
And yeah, it's, I mean, it's 
going to be so hard. 

787
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:31,950
But again, we just have that no 
compromise. 

788
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:34,630
Well, what does compromise do? 
Is the question that I'd have in

789
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:36,050
that situation. 
Cause what? 

790
00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:40,210
Yeah, you keep a friendship with
somebody and but if it's already

791
00:38:40,220 --> 00:38:42,420
crossing boundaries, it's 
already getting blurry. 

792
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:45,320
What is the benefit like? 
What is the long term outcome of

793
00:38:45,330 --> 00:38:47,430
that friendship? 
What is the long term goal? 

794
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:49,690
And that's always helps me when 
I'm trying to figure stuff out. 

795
00:38:49,700 --> 00:38:52,930
Is like what I want long term. 
What's the dynamic I want long 

796
00:38:52,940 --> 00:38:56,780
term? 
And if it's that I am OK with, 

797
00:38:56,790 --> 00:38:59,720
like, potentially just 
continuing to face over and over

798
00:38:59,730 --> 00:39:05,470
slippery slopes of temptation in
this area, All right, yeah, but 

799
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:07,820
that's not normally gonna be 
people's answer. 

800
00:39:07,830 --> 00:39:11,430
It freaks me out a little bit. 
Like when when I hear that, it's

801
00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:15,410
like, oh man, just nothing 
should be more important than 

802
00:39:15,420 --> 00:39:17,000
your relationship with your 
partner. 

803
00:39:17,010 --> 00:39:19,840
Like no other relationship 
should be more important, so 

804
00:39:20,660 --> 00:39:23,640
prioritise that. 
Like every relationship is 

805
00:39:23,650 --> 00:39:28,190
secondary by far. 
You know, there's a there's a 

806
00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:31,590
phrase from one of my favourite 
podcasts which is F politeness. 

807
00:39:31,820 --> 00:39:34,640
I'm just going to say F 
politeness, because that's who I

808
00:39:34,650 --> 00:39:37,440
am. 
Fridge politeness. 

809
00:39:37,670 --> 00:39:39,640
F politeness. 
And they're talking about it 

810
00:39:39,650 --> 00:39:41,920
from your safety perspective, 
because especially for women, 

811
00:39:41,930 --> 00:39:45,180
like, we tend to struggle to be 
impolite. 

812
00:39:45,190 --> 00:39:48,080
If someone's like even like, 
hitting on you or something and 

813
00:39:48,090 --> 00:39:50,580
you don't like it, it's hard to 
just be like piss off. 

814
00:39:51,010 --> 00:39:52,870
But this is the same sort of 
thing here, too. 

815
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:57,660
Like, it could feel, it would 
feel so uncomfortable to have to

816
00:39:57,670 --> 00:40:00,080
say something to him. 
It would feel so uncomfortable 

817
00:40:00,090 --> 00:40:02,510
because what if he turns around 
and he's like, I'm not flirting 

818
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:04,870
with you and you're like, Oh my 
gosh, I'm so sorry. 

819
00:40:05,710 --> 00:40:07,750
I didn't think that like that 
would be so uncomfortable. 

820
00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:11,980
But you know what F politeness. 
Because if he is flirting with 

821
00:40:11,990 --> 00:40:14,680
you, if his intentions are 
different, even if he turned 

822
00:40:14,690 --> 00:40:16,660
around and said I was not 
flirting with you, which is 

823
00:40:16,670 --> 00:40:19,280
likely what he would say, 
because who would? 

824
00:40:19,290 --> 00:40:21,940
Who would fess up to it? 
Yeah, especially as a married 

825
00:40:21,950 --> 00:40:24,510
man. 
You're not losing anything you. 

826
00:40:24,580 --> 00:40:26,230
It's an uncomfortable 
conversation. 

827
00:40:26,420 --> 00:40:29,850
You are drawing your line, you 
are showing where your 

828
00:40:29,860 --> 00:40:32,710
boundaries at. 
You're calling him on it, even 

829
00:40:32,720 --> 00:40:35,110
if he if even if he gaslights 
you in that moment, he's like, 

830
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:37,770
no, I wasn't doing that. 
You're making it all up in your 

831
00:40:37,780 --> 00:40:40,210
head. 
You've lost nothing like you 

832
00:40:40,220 --> 00:40:42,650
have lost nothing because 
someone like that is not 

833
00:40:42,660 --> 00:40:44,650
actually worth your friendship 
and effort. 

834
00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:47,090
If they're gonna do that, if 
they're willing to compromise 

835
00:40:47,100 --> 00:40:49,860
their marriage because of that, 
that's not in my mind. 

836
00:40:49,940 --> 00:40:56,280
That's not someone who I want to
put my polite energy towards and

837
00:40:56,290 --> 00:40:59,600
if it's at the compromise of my 
partner, it's just not worth it.

838
00:40:59,810 --> 00:41:01,740
I mean, they're talking about 
kids and stuff. 

839
00:41:01,750 --> 00:41:05,000
You talk about having a family. 
Get into it like you know. 

840
00:41:05,010 --> 00:41:07,900
Don't get into it. 
Get out of it and get into him, 

841
00:41:07,950 --> 00:41:10,820
you know, for him. 
OK, yeah, alright. 

842
00:41:10,830 --> 00:41:13,660
So that's, that's that one. 
I think the other element of it 

843
00:41:13,670 --> 00:41:16,410
is attraction in relationship, 
which sort of just ties into 

844
00:41:16,420 --> 00:41:19,420
what we've said. 
And that is, for me, that's the 

845
00:41:19,430 --> 00:41:21,520
same thing like you will people 
are attractive. 

846
00:41:21,590 --> 00:41:23,810
They're people that you'll find 
more and more, more or less 

847
00:41:23,820 --> 00:41:27,040
attractive. 
I think again, what you put your

848
00:41:27,050 --> 00:41:29,480
brain to is where it stays. 
You looking at someone like 

849
00:41:29,490 --> 00:41:32,210
they're pretty attractive and 
then you turn away and you go on

850
00:41:32,220 --> 00:41:34,480
with your life is one thing 
that's going to happen. 

851
00:41:34,490 --> 00:41:36,750
You can't control that. 
Looking at someone like they're 

852
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:41,300
pretty attractive, so pretty 
attractive. 

853
00:41:41,350 --> 00:41:43,160
And then walking away and be 
like they were really 

854
00:41:43,170 --> 00:41:44,900
attractive. 
Yeah, that's a whole different 

855
00:41:44,910 --> 00:41:46,780
thing. 
Like that's where that stuff 

856
00:41:46,790 --> 00:41:47,560
starts. 
Yeah. 

857
00:41:47,570 --> 00:41:49,730
And that's where you're in 
control of your attitude and 

858
00:41:49,740 --> 00:41:53,790
your brain. 
You don't just stumble into love

859
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:56,290
with somebody you don't just 
like randomly all of a sudden be

860
00:41:56,300 --> 00:41:58,630
like, I can't get this person 
out of my head because they're 

861
00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:00,330
so attractive. 
You have control over what's 

862
00:42:00,340 --> 00:42:03,050
going on in your head. 
If we didn't, we'd all be 

863
00:42:03,060 --> 00:42:05,330
walking around like toddlers, 
just snatching things off 

864
00:42:05,340 --> 00:42:07,650
people. 
Cool. 

865
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:09,570
There's Dang toddlers. 
Hmm. 

866
00:42:09,940 --> 00:42:12,370
OK, I'm gonna read him the 
titles to you and you can tell 

867
00:42:12,380 --> 00:42:13,700
me which one you want to talk 
about. 

868
00:42:13,820 --> 00:42:17,220
I want to pursue gymnastics, but
my boyfriend isn't comfortable 

869
00:42:17,230 --> 00:42:18,850
with it. 
Should I drop gymnastics? 

870
00:42:20,030 --> 00:42:22,320
Let's do that one. 
Yeah, yeah, cause it's light. 

871
00:42:22,390 --> 00:42:24,380
No, because I think we can 
relate. 

872
00:42:24,390 --> 00:42:25,780
To it, Yeah. 
That's why I put it in there. 

873
00:42:25,830 --> 00:42:28,820
Yeah, cool. 
All right, last story. 

874
00:42:29,670 --> 00:42:33,480
I19 female want to pursue 
gymnastics, but my boyfriend 

875
00:42:33,530 --> 00:42:36,230
male twenty of one year isn't 
comfortable with it. 

876
00:42:36,270 --> 00:42:39,700
Should I drop gymnastics? 
I've had gymnastics as a hobby 

877
00:42:39,710 --> 00:42:42,180
and a passion for a while now 
and I've always wanted to get 

878
00:42:42,190 --> 00:42:44,740
back to it as I dropped it for a
while because I was too busy. 

879
00:42:45,190 --> 00:42:48,000
I found a place that is near my 
work but the trainers are men. 

880
00:42:48,330 --> 00:42:50,740
My boyfriend, after learning 
that they will be touching me to

881
00:42:50,750 --> 00:42:53,260
support my back while training, 
didn't really like that and 

882
00:42:53,270 --> 00:42:55,680
started making jokes about how 
all these men will be touching 

883
00:42:55,690 --> 00:42:57,640
me and how they are going to be 
on top of me. 

884
00:42:58,030 --> 00:43:00,180
I didn't like what he said and 
it got me upset. 

885
00:43:00,690 --> 00:43:02,260
I felt like he wasn't supporting
me. 

886
00:43:02,310 --> 00:43:04,560
Later, when I told him I didn't 
like what he said, he started 

887
00:43:04,570 --> 00:43:07,400
telling me it was just a joke, 
but that he was right about how 

888
00:43:07,410 --> 00:43:09,820
I shouldn't go to a place where 
all the trainers are men. 

889
00:43:10,310 --> 00:43:13,050
Keep in mind there's no other 
place around the area, so I'm 

890
00:43:13,060 --> 00:43:15,650
going to have to drop the idea 
of getting into gymnastics again

891
00:43:15,660 --> 00:43:18,350
if I do listen to him. 
So here are my questions. 

892
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:21,450
One, is it fair for him to think
that I shouldn't do gymnastics? 

893
00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:24,310
And two, should I drop 
gymnastics because he doesn't 

894
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:28,510
like it? 
Scenario where we're coming from

895
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:30,030
with this. 
The context. 

896
00:43:30,100 --> 00:43:31,730
Context. 
Yeah. 

897
00:43:32,240 --> 00:43:34,580
And the lens while we're coming 
from from this. 

898
00:43:34,590 --> 00:43:41,050
So our our scenario was Amy got 
accepted into acting school in 

899
00:43:41,060 --> 00:43:43,830
Hawaii when we met just after we
met. 

900
00:43:44,230 --> 00:43:46,190
And I had applied before I met 
you. 

901
00:43:47,310 --> 00:43:50,700
And it's a bit different here, 
though, because one was in a 

902
00:43:50,710 --> 00:43:55,060
different country and I didn't. 
I wasn't ready to do long 

903
00:43:55,070 --> 00:43:58,820
distance when we first met. 
So I'm someone that was like, I 

904
00:43:58,830 --> 00:44:01,960
was never interested in the 
girlfriend, you know, I've never

905
00:44:01,970 --> 00:44:03,430
been interested. 
Yeah. 

906
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:04,980
Just have. 
To just have a girlfriend that's

907
00:44:04,990 --> 00:44:08,420
always like I'm looking for a 
wife, This is something that I 

908
00:44:08,430 --> 00:44:11,500
always wanted. 
And so for me, I'm like, look, 

909
00:44:11,510 --> 00:44:14,180
long distance. 
It's just it's not for me, you 

910
00:44:14,190 --> 00:44:15,750
know. 
So that's that into it. 

911
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:19,710
That's where it's different. 
I I did have issues with you 

912
00:44:19,780 --> 00:44:21,790
pursuing. 
Acting. 

913
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:24,280
I wanna get your feedback on 
this too. 

914
00:44:24,290 --> 00:44:26,150
I'm not saying what I've done is
right. 

915
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:27,990
Yeah, I wanna get your 
perspective cause we haven't 

916
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:30,150
really had this conversation for
years now. 

917
00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:31,910
Yeah. 
Yeah. 

918
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:34,190
I wasn't really OK with you 
doing acting school. 

919
00:44:34,200 --> 00:44:35,730
One. 
I really didn't want you to be 

920
00:44:35,740 --> 00:44:39,530
kissing another guy again. 
That's that's my job. 

921
00:44:39,580 --> 00:44:42,150
You know that's I'm the only guy
that you did that with that that

922
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:43,750
was very strong on that. 
Yeah. 

923
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:47,930
Even pretend relationship I just
wasn't OK with, you know, 

924
00:44:47,940 --> 00:44:53,560
especially back then And yeah, I
just, I don't know. 

925
00:44:53,570 --> 00:44:57,840
I think for me the the lack of 
security that is like it's just 

926
00:44:57,910 --> 00:45:00,270
such a gamble. 
So you hear stories of people 

927
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:03,540
that have gone out and want to 
be an actor and they go there 

928
00:45:03,550 --> 00:45:05,620
for years and just nothing ever 
happens. 

929
00:45:05,630 --> 00:45:09,800
I mean I'm not I'm not ready to 
have that life like, you know, 

930
00:45:09,810 --> 00:45:13,760
to to try it for a number of 
years because the investments 

931
00:45:13,770 --> 00:45:17,300
you need to try and make it. 
I wasn't ready for that kind of 

932
00:45:17,310 --> 00:45:19,620
you need to choose in a way. 
I don't remember the exact words

933
00:45:19,630 --> 00:45:22,040
I said, but it was along those 
lines. 

934
00:45:22,190 --> 00:45:26,170
And you aid, hmm. 
You didn't give me an ultimatum.

935
00:45:26,180 --> 00:45:28,170
It wasn't. 
Well, it wasn't like we had. 

936
00:45:28,240 --> 00:45:30,490
We weren't even officially 
dating when this happened, for 

937
00:45:30,500 --> 00:45:32,250
one thing. 
Just to give context. 

938
00:45:32,260 --> 00:45:34,970
More context. 
And you weren't like, what is 

939
00:45:34,980 --> 00:45:36,030
it? 
My way or the highway? 

940
00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:39,330
It would have been like, as in, 
like, we wouldn't have dated if 

941
00:45:39,380 --> 00:45:43,610
I had decided to go to Hawaii. 
But also, like, I wouldn't have 

942
00:45:43,620 --> 00:45:45,500
wanted to either. 
Like, I would it would have 

943
00:45:45,510 --> 00:45:48,650
been, oh, that's my life, that 
I'm pursuing them. 

944
00:45:49,660 --> 00:45:53,040
And so I, it wasn't like my 
boyfriend telling me I'm going 

945
00:45:53,050 --> 00:45:54,510
to break up with you if you go 
over there. 

946
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:56,850
That's a different situation. 
That was more like we were 

947
00:45:56,860 --> 00:45:59,930
getting to know each other and 
these were the things we're kind

948
00:45:59,940 --> 00:46:01,830
of exploring. 
And you were like, well, if 

949
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:03,370
that's what you want to explore,
that's fine. 

950
00:46:03,380 --> 00:46:05,340
But that's probably not what my 
journeys. 

951
00:46:05,470 --> 00:46:07,380
Yeah. 
And so that was just part of it.

952
00:46:07,430 --> 00:46:10,340
It's really interesting because 
there's two, two things I've 

953
00:46:10,350 --> 00:46:13,890
really wanted to do in my life. 
Like for my whole life, that's 

954
00:46:13,900 --> 00:46:16,440
what two things that I've been 
super passionate about. 

955
00:46:16,510 --> 00:46:19,120
One is I always wanted four 
kids. 

956
00:46:19,130 --> 00:46:21,430
I just wanted a family. 
I wanted kids, like ever since I

957
00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:22,680
was little. 
That's the thing. 

958
00:46:22,690 --> 00:46:25,780
I was like, I just want to be a 
mom and I want 4 kids and I want

959
00:46:25,790 --> 00:46:28,910
to be married. 
And that was literally one of my

960
00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:30,580
life goals. 
And I'm not like a super 

961
00:46:30,590 --> 00:46:32,580
maternal person. 
I'm not someone who's like 

962
00:46:32,630 --> 00:46:34,280
obsessed with babies or anything
like that. 

963
00:46:34,290 --> 00:46:37,590
But I knew that I wanted that. 
He struggled to be a stay at 

964
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:38,740
home. 
Mom and I struggled to be a stay

965
00:46:38,750 --> 00:46:39,330
home mom. 
Yeah. 

966
00:46:39,340 --> 00:46:42,050
I'm not someone who's like the 
classic oh she's such a mum. 

967
00:46:42,100 --> 00:46:46,170
Like that's just not who I am. 
But I love having kids and and 

968
00:46:46,240 --> 00:46:48,450
that literally was one of my 
things that I was like that's 

969
00:46:48,460 --> 00:46:50,410
what I want. 
And the other thing was acting 

970
00:46:50,500 --> 00:46:55,190
and it's ever since I was 13 I 
watched it was ironically is 

971
00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:58,820
literally Reese Witherspoon that
like yeah, literally Legally 

972
00:46:58,830 --> 00:46:59,850
Blonde. 
Yeah, yeah. 

973
00:46:59,860 --> 00:47:02,850
So when I watch Legally Blonde I
like deep die. 

974
00:47:02,860 --> 00:47:04,930
I was at a friends house. 
I remember so clearly. 

975
00:47:04,940 --> 00:47:07,270
I was at a friend's house, 213. 
I was having a sleepover with 

976
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:09,210
her. 
We watched Legally Blonde and we

977
00:47:09,220 --> 00:47:12,760
deep dived into the, like, 
behind the scenes special stuff 

978
00:47:12,770 --> 00:47:16,170
that you got on DVD's back then.
And I was just like, Oh my gosh,

979
00:47:16,180 --> 00:47:19,360
this May, This lady is amazing. 
She had started her own, like, 

980
00:47:19,420 --> 00:47:21,380
movie production company. 
I was like, I'm going to do that

981
00:47:21,390 --> 00:47:23,880
because I'm not going to like do
what everyone wants me to do. 

982
00:47:23,890 --> 00:47:27,110
Like I didn't want to be naked 
and that kind of thing. 

983
00:47:27,180 --> 00:47:29,480
The chilli is like a light bulb 
had turned on for me when I was 

984
00:47:29,490 --> 00:47:32,590
13 and I saw this movie. 
I I don't even know if I'd ever 

985
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:34,890
considered acting before. 
I was like, I'm going to be an 

986
00:47:34,900 --> 00:47:37,730
actress and that just followed 
me through my entire life. 

987
00:47:37,740 --> 00:47:39,990
Like, I still feel that way. 
Now I'm doing it. 

988
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:41,770
Now I'm in. 
I'm doing it now I'm. 

989
00:47:41,780 --> 00:47:43,830
I'm a nun in Sound of Music, but
I am. 

990
00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:46,230
I'm like, drama is a huge 
passion of mine. 

991
00:47:46,860 --> 00:47:50,300
And so those are the two things 
very, very clear, very distinct 

992
00:47:50,310 --> 00:47:52,440
in my head that I was like, 
these are the two things that I 

993
00:47:52,450 --> 00:47:54,280
want to do with my life. 
But they weren't. 

994
00:47:54,410 --> 00:47:59,260
Like, I always knew that if I 
wanted to pursue acting and 

995
00:47:59,270 --> 00:48:02,510
actually pursue, pursue it, like
do it the way that I would need 

996
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:05,020
to do it to get anywhere, I 
wouldn't be able to have a 

997
00:48:05,030 --> 00:48:06,190
family. 
Or at least I wouldn't be able 

998
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:09,100
to have the picture of a family 
that I wanted when I wanted it, 

999
00:48:09,110 --> 00:48:13,700
which was as soon as possible. 
And so even before I met you, I 

1000
00:48:13,710 --> 00:48:17,100
even had this super clear voice 
in my head, which to me is God. 

1001
00:48:17,250 --> 00:48:18,990
Everybody has different views on
that. 

1002
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:21,540
But for me, it was very clearly,
this is God telling me you can 

1003
00:48:21,550 --> 00:48:23,830
do acting or you can have your 
family. 

1004
00:48:23,900 --> 00:48:26,290
And I was like, I've already 
applied for the school. 

1005
00:48:26,360 --> 00:48:28,070
And I met Blair literally like 
two weeks after. 

1006
00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:29,790
I think I was in the process of 
doing it. 

1007
00:48:29,960 --> 00:48:32,430
And then I heard back from them 
as we were starting to get to 

1008
00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:34,670
know each other. 
And I very clearly was like, I 

1009
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:36,670
could pick. 
Blair was like straight away 

1010
00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:39,770
when we saw each other, just 
kind of knew that we. 

1011
00:48:39,780 --> 00:48:41,830
Were tell that story. 
We'll tell that story in more 

1012
00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:46,260
detail, but it was very like, it
wasn't just a random thing. 

1013
00:48:46,310 --> 00:48:49,100
It was very intentional from the
very beginning for both of us. 

1014
00:48:49,780 --> 00:48:54,610
And so I knew you were 
significant, and I knew drama 

1015
00:48:54,620 --> 00:48:57,250
was significant, but that there 
was two separate lives and I 

1016
00:48:57,260 --> 00:48:59,300
could just totally, I'm just 
totally telling my whole life 

1017
00:48:59,310 --> 00:49:01,330
story right now. 
But that's good that I could 

1018
00:49:01,340 --> 00:49:04,240
choose, basically. 
I felt very clearly I can choose

1019
00:49:04,250 --> 00:49:06,490
either. 
None of neither of them was bad.

1020
00:49:06,620 --> 00:49:10,830
And I chose to stay. 
And yeah, and not just to stay 

1021
00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:12,460
and be with you. 
Like that wasn't my whole 

1022
00:49:12,470 --> 00:49:14,810
identity all of a sudden. 
But there's other things I'm 

1023
00:49:14,820 --> 00:49:18,530
interested in, other things that
I've explored, like a community 

1024
00:49:18,540 --> 00:49:21,110
that I like, my friends and my 
family and everything. 

1025
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:23,310
That there was a whole bunch of 
reasons to stay here. 

1026
00:49:23,380 --> 00:49:26,080
There was a whole bunch of 
reasons to go to Hawaii, but I 

1027
00:49:26,090 --> 00:49:28,520
chose to stay here and. 
Here we are. 

1028
00:49:28,570 --> 00:49:31,040
Wham bam, 4 kids. 
And four kids later. 

1029
00:49:31,820 --> 00:49:37,040
So it's hard, yeah, to say this 
because there's a couple of 

1030
00:49:37,050 --> 00:49:39,660
things going on in this story. 
One is he's not comfortable with

1031
00:49:39,670 --> 00:49:41,960
a bunch of guys touching her 
body all the time. 

1032
00:49:42,290 --> 00:49:43,960
I understand being uncomfortable
about that. 

1033
00:49:43,970 --> 00:49:46,270
And the kissing thing is a good 
example of this is kind of the 

1034
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:49,820
same like you wouldn't have been
comfortable with your wife 

1035
00:49:49,870 --> 00:49:55,150
kissing random guys or kissing 
guys just for her job. 

1036
00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:58,370
Same as if someone, if you were 
to do that for your job, if 

1037
00:49:58,380 --> 00:50:01,430
something to do with working 
with dads meant you had to kiss 

1038
00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:03,980
all these women. 
Well, he's. 

1039
00:50:03,990 --> 00:50:07,370
Back or cancel these dads? 
I would be super uncomfortable 

1040
00:50:07,380 --> 00:50:09,600
with that. 
So it's totally fair to be 

1041
00:50:09,610 --> 00:50:11,640
uncomfortable with your partner 
doing that. 

1042
00:50:12,030 --> 00:50:14,460
I don't think it's fair for the 
boyfriend to say you need to 

1043
00:50:14,470 --> 00:50:17,660
drop gymnastics. 
I think it's fair for him to say

1044
00:50:17,670 --> 00:50:19,890
I'm not comfortable with my 
girlfriend being touched by a 

1045
00:50:19,900 --> 00:50:22,980
bunch of boys, so that's a 
conversation we need to have if 

1046
00:50:22,990 --> 00:50:25,380
you're gonna pursue this. 
So that's, I think, the 

1047
00:50:25,390 --> 00:50:27,790
distinction. 
We and again it was gonna say is

1048
00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:30,830
it's a conversation to be had. 
You know it's not a you know 

1049
00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:33,170
she's like oh should I dropped 
gymnastics Well that's what 

1050
00:50:33,180 --> 00:50:36,510
you've got that she's gonna come
to the conclusion of We had 

1051
00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:39,750
conversations it wasn't again. 
I didn't give the ultimatum I 

1052
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:43,070
want you to drop acting like 
look this isn't for me this 

1053
00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:45,450
isn't what I want. 
And he could be the same thing 

1054
00:50:45,460 --> 00:50:49,620
like this is not the path that I
want to go down and and it is a 

1055
00:50:49,630 --> 00:50:53,640
little bit of an ultimatum but I
mean again I think there at that

1056
00:50:53,650 --> 00:50:56,480
age where that's they get to 
work that out. 

1057
00:50:56,550 --> 00:51:00,820
You know like the still young to
be dating for a year working out

1058
00:51:00,830 --> 00:51:03,940
like this is so she needs to 
work out called Why? 

1059
00:51:03,950 --> 00:51:06,320
What's more important to me in 
this relationship or this 

1060
00:51:07,250 --> 00:51:08,870
career. 
Yeah. 

1061
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:11,290
And what also, I know she's 
saying there's nowhere else for 

1062
00:51:11,300 --> 00:51:13,940
me to go, but in my head I'm 
like, are you thinking 

1063
00:51:13,950 --> 00:51:15,350
creatively? 
Like, are you trying to work 

1064
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:17,700
around? 
There could be compromise there.

1065
00:51:17,770 --> 00:51:20,070
I think ultimatum has a bad 
connotation. 

1066
00:51:20,370 --> 00:51:24,340
People are like, oh, but I 
actually don't think ultimatums 

1067
00:51:24,350 --> 00:51:27,120
in the right context have to 
always be bad. 

1068
00:51:27,170 --> 00:51:30,560
Like, I don't think they have to
be some selfish, pushy thing all

1069
00:51:30,570 --> 00:51:32,700
the time. 
I think if you're making an 

1070
00:51:32,710 --> 00:51:35,940
ultimatum on someone because 
you're like exactly what we've 

1071
00:51:35,950 --> 00:51:39,220
said, this is not what I am 
comfortable with from my partner

1072
00:51:40,200 --> 00:51:43,010
so we can chat about it. 
But that's not probably the 

1073
00:51:43,020 --> 00:51:47,390
journey for me that's that does 
mean she has to be like OK do I 

1074
00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:50,250
stay with you or do I pursue 
this thing so that in that sense

1075
00:51:50,260 --> 00:51:52,350
it is an alternative. 
But it's not like him being like

1076
00:51:53,140 --> 00:51:55,650
drop gymnastics. 
Like I hate that you're doing 

1077
00:51:55,660 --> 00:51:57,210
gymnastics. 
You can't do gym like 

1078
00:51:57,220 --> 00:52:01,010
controlling. 
He's got every right to say he 

1079
00:52:01,020 --> 00:52:04,860
doesn't wanna be dating someone 
who's touched by all these men. 

1080
00:52:04,870 --> 00:52:08,000
I think it's personally I don't 
feel like. 

1081
00:52:08,150 --> 00:52:10,540
It sounds exaggerated. 
It sounds exaggerated. 

1082
00:52:11,050 --> 00:52:13,020
It's not what I would do 
necessarily. 

1083
00:52:14,570 --> 00:52:18,530
Like, whatever her decision is, 
she can't do that grudgingly. 

1084
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:20,230
She has to do it for herself, 
yeah. 

1085
00:52:20,240 --> 00:52:21,370
Yeah. 
And it was the same thing for 

1086
00:52:21,380 --> 00:52:22,530
me. 
I could not have done that 

1087
00:52:22,540 --> 00:52:26,270
because you told me not to. 
Like I couldn't have been like 

1088
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:28,300
Blaze told me not to do it. 
So I'm not going to do it. 

1089
00:52:28,340 --> 00:52:30,920
I had to be comfortable with 
that decision and I had to own 

1090
00:52:30,930 --> 00:52:33,800
that decision because otherwise 
I would be better. 

1091
00:52:34,510 --> 00:52:38,400
And there's been times that I've
been like I wish I had pushed 

1092
00:52:38,410 --> 00:52:40,720
harder to do acting, not gone to
Hawaii. 

1093
00:52:40,730 --> 00:52:42,440
That was just like a long 
distance. 

1094
00:52:42,450 --> 00:52:46,790
Hell no, no. 
But like, I wish I'd push harder

1095
00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:50,070
to do acting in some capacity or
to just bring drama into my life

1096
00:52:50,140 --> 00:52:54,150
in the nice the theatre sense. 
I have plenty of drama in other 

1097
00:52:54,160 --> 00:52:56,940
ways, but to bring that in in 
other ways, like I didn't have 

1098
00:52:56,950 --> 00:52:59,650
to drop it completely, which I 
did for a long time. 

1099
00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:02,580
But yeah, I think, yeah, you're 
so right. 

1100
00:53:02,590 --> 00:53:04,030
You need to make the decision 
for yourself. 

1101
00:53:05,140 --> 00:53:06,350
When you're married is 
different. 

1102
00:53:06,360 --> 00:53:07,790
Hmm. 
You're making a decision for 

1103
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:10,150
your family. 
But when you're dating, 

1104
00:53:10,210 --> 00:53:12,560
especially in this situation, 
you need to make a decision for 

1105
00:53:12,570 --> 00:53:14,880
yourself and you need to own 
that decision or you will find 

1106
00:53:14,890 --> 00:53:19,250
yourself bitter down the track. 
And you've brought that up quite

1107
00:53:19,260 --> 00:53:23,710
a lot about acting. 
I think something in reflection.

1108
00:53:23,720 --> 00:53:26,510
I could have encouraged you more
in that. 

1109
00:53:26,520 --> 00:53:29,230
I think I was just quite, you 
know, this is me trying to think

1110
00:53:29,240 --> 00:53:31,620
on the spot here, but I just 
think I was like, yeah, do it. 

1111
00:53:31,630 --> 00:53:33,860
If you want to do it, do it like
in theatre stuff, like local 

1112
00:53:33,870 --> 00:53:37,490
theatre things not like 
Hollywood sort of stuff. 

1113
00:53:38,950 --> 00:53:41,530
So I think that for that I 
probably could have been more 

1114
00:53:41,540 --> 00:53:44,920
encouraging like hey let's 
alright, let's let's look into 

1115
00:53:44,930 --> 00:53:48,820
it, let's you know, because I 
think yeah, you definitely were 

1116
00:53:48,830 --> 00:53:51,220
keen on doing stuff but never 
really followed through with it 

1117
00:53:51,230 --> 00:53:54,480
after that too. 
I don't think you understood you

1118
00:53:54,490 --> 00:53:55,200
were. 
No, I don't. 

1119
00:53:55,210 --> 00:53:56,740
I'm sorry. 
From A different world, like 

1120
00:53:56,750 --> 00:53:59,640
yeah, now you understand a lot 
more cause you've gone into 

1121
00:53:59,650 --> 00:54:02,330
musicals and stuff, which is 
like Hamilton. 

1122
00:54:03,350 --> 00:54:05,450
Have gone into me. 
You've gotten in, like hasn't 

1123
00:54:05,460 --> 00:54:07,800
gotten interested in, yeah, 
yeah, yeah. 

1124
00:54:07,870 --> 00:54:10,200
Whereas at the time there was 
like such a foreign thing. 

1125
00:54:10,210 --> 00:54:12,910
For you, I went to the first 
musical like Trees and. 

1126
00:54:13,640 --> 00:54:16,820
Matilda or something. 
Else, maybe it was before we had

1127
00:54:16,830 --> 00:54:18,840
our oldest. 
But anyway, we're married so I 

1128
00:54:18,850 --> 00:54:20,990
was like you introduced me two 
theatre. 

1129
00:54:21,250 --> 00:54:22,980
But before then, yeah, I'd 
never. 

1130
00:54:22,990 --> 00:54:26,620
Not even your whole world, like 
your whole everything was just 

1131
00:54:26,630 --> 00:54:31,280
so the absolute opposite of 
where I do feel like, if I'm 

1132
00:54:31,290 --> 00:54:33,730
honest, I feel like you are a 
little bit embarrassed by me 

1133
00:54:33,740 --> 00:54:35,270
wanting to be accepted into 
acting. 

1134
00:54:35,280 --> 00:54:37,710
And that makes me, it doesn't 
make me sad now. 

1135
00:54:37,720 --> 00:54:41,750
It it made me feel understood a 
little bit, which has been 

1136
00:54:41,760 --> 00:54:44,090
something that we've worked 
through as we've gone and like, 

1137
00:54:44,100 --> 00:54:47,270
even now, like you haven't seen 
me act ever. 

1138
00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:49,090
I'm super excited. 
Yeah. 

1139
00:54:49,100 --> 00:54:51,790
I have 0 embarrassment. 
I'm telling people to come with 

1140
00:54:51,800 --> 00:54:54,770
me to come watch, you know, like
it's but again yeah and that's 

1141
00:54:54,780 --> 00:54:56,290
that's something I apologise 
for. 

1142
00:54:56,300 --> 00:54:59,360
Like I I genuinely was, but 
because again, I was just so 

1143
00:55:00,180 --> 00:55:02,850
didn't get it. 
Like I was just so and I had a 

1144
00:55:02,860 --> 00:55:06,050
specific view of it in my head 
which is so not true. 

1145
00:55:06,120 --> 00:55:08,730
As well, which like is thank you
for apologising, but the 

1146
00:55:08,740 --> 00:55:10,890
situation wasn't because you 
were embarrassed. 

1147
00:55:10,900 --> 00:55:13,070
I didn't decide not to do it 
because of that. 

1148
00:55:13,140 --> 00:55:17,570
I think I didn't pursue it more,
maybe slightly because of that. 

1149
00:55:17,660 --> 00:55:20,250
I just, I think there's a lot of
stuff in my life that I felt 

1150
00:55:20,260 --> 00:55:23,910
either I haven't communicated it
well or people just don't get 

1151
00:55:24,040 --> 00:55:27,630
how significant it is to me. 
And so I just won't kind of go 

1152
00:55:27,640 --> 00:55:30,000
there for a while. 
But we're in a really good place

1153
00:55:30,010 --> 00:55:31,660
with that now. 
When you were super encouraging 

1154
00:55:31,670 --> 00:55:35,840
for this production that I'm in 
and totally encouraging to our 

1155
00:55:35,850 --> 00:55:38,400
kids to explore that stuff and 
everything too, yeah, which is 

1156
00:55:38,410 --> 00:55:39,780
cool. 
Anyway, that's my whole life 

1157
00:55:39,790 --> 00:55:42,840
story about theatre and drama. 
But that's why I put the story 

1158
00:55:42,850 --> 00:55:44,200
in there because I thought it 
was relevant. 

1159
00:55:44,240 --> 00:55:46,830
And the taboo side of that, just
to tie back into the theme as we

1160
00:55:46,840 --> 00:55:49,660
finish up, is like the exactly, 
it's conversation. 

1161
00:55:49,670 --> 00:55:53,390
Where is the balance between 
putting influence into what your

1162
00:55:53,400 --> 00:55:56,380
partner does for certain 
boundaries and that kind of 

1163
00:55:56,390 --> 00:55:58,420
thing with something she's 
passionate about, her partner is

1164
00:55:58,430 --> 00:56:00,400
not comfortable with it. 
Where is that balance and how do

1165
00:56:00,410 --> 00:56:02,620
you navigate, which I think we 
explored. 

1166
00:56:02,710 --> 00:56:05,500
Yeah, it's through 
communication. 

1167
00:56:05,510 --> 00:56:08,780
Communicate well. 
Thank you for all the other 

1168
00:56:08,790 --> 00:56:12,380
thing that we implemented if you
didn't catch our last episode 

1169
00:56:12,390 --> 00:56:16,340
was we've decided that ChatGPT 
is going to write our corny 

1170
00:56:16,350 --> 00:56:18,590
outros for us. 
So every week, we'll come up 

1171
00:56:18,600 --> 00:56:20,620
with a different corny altro. 
Well. 

1172
00:56:21,590 --> 00:56:26,280
PT Will Sorry, So brace yourself
every week for a very exciting 

1173
00:56:26,330 --> 00:56:32,630
AI generated outro. 
Folks, we've wrapped up another 

1174
00:56:32,640 --> 00:56:36,790
gab fest at Honey. 
We need to chat like a bear to 

1175
00:56:36,800 --> 00:56:38,630
honey. 
We hope you stick around for 

1176
00:56:38,640 --> 00:56:42,350
more sweet talk next time, 
Chowskie. 

1177
00:56:43,320 --> 00:56:45,170
Excuses, I wanna say no I 
didn't. 

1178
00:56:46,810 --> 00:56:49,840
That's super corny and some 
Blair. 

1179
00:56:50,360 --> 00:56:51,700
Alright, bye. 
Bye.