1 00:00:05,290 --> 00:00:07,790 Honey. We need to chat. 2 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:14,980 Hello. Well, I was halfway through you 3 00:00:14,990 --> 00:00:18,850 and hello, welcome to another chat. 4 00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:21,940 Another chit chat. On Honey, we need to chat. 5 00:00:22,220 --> 00:00:25,600 This is a bit of a different intro because we were just 6 00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:29,190 edited well, I was just editing next week's episode and realised 7 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:34,190 that we made a Boo Boo and you can literally see it in the 8 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,900 video. I'll make a real out of it 9 00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:39,970 eventually. We just knock the mic out, my 10 00:00:39,980 --> 00:00:43,900 cord mic cord out as we moved things around, and then the rest 11 00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:48,630 of the video is recorded on Blair's laptops sound, so it's 12 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:51,250 not great quality. But it's great. 13 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:53,210 It's a great conversation. Experience. 14 00:00:53,260 --> 00:00:56,410 It's great experience. We'll learn and we'll become 15 00:00:56,420 --> 00:00:58,990 better from it, but we thought we don't want to lose the 16 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,970 conversation because it is a really important conversation. 17 00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:05,060 We recognise that the sound quality is probably going to 18 00:01:05,069 --> 00:01:05,960 not. Be. 19 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,810 Great for everybody. So if it's something that just 20 00:01:08,820 --> 00:01:11,500 is too irritating to listen to, that's totally fair enough. 21 00:01:11,540 --> 00:01:15,210 But we wanted to hop on and do a little intro anyway in our 22 00:01:15,220 --> 00:01:19,980 normal setup with our normal sound to just ease you in, give 23 00:01:19,990 --> 00:01:22,880 it a little bit of normalcy and then just let you know. 24 00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,720 What's coming up? It's a great conversation. 25 00:01:24,730 --> 00:01:27,470 We talk all about love languages and we're gonna be diving into 26 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:30,460 those over the next few weeks anyway, a bit further. 27 00:01:30,470 --> 00:01:33,160 But please do stay tuned for the rest of the episode because it 28 00:01:33,170 --> 00:01:36,970 is worth it. But apologies ahead of time, we 29 00:01:36,980 --> 00:01:39,850 won't make that mistake again. To ease us into the episode, we 30 00:01:39,860 --> 00:01:43,540 thought we would do one chat jar question extra. 31 00:01:44,590 --> 00:01:47,120 So give me. What moment in our relationship 32 00:01:47,130 --> 00:01:49,010 do you think about when you need to feel happy? 33 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:53,330 Ohi definitely, definitely the morning after our wedding. 34 00:01:53,340 --> 00:01:58,030 Hmm, like that specifically was amazing that morning. 35 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:01,330 Like that moment when you wake up, you like, oh man, I've got 36 00:02:01,340 --> 00:02:03,410 nothing. To organise I've got nowhere. 37 00:02:03,420 --> 00:02:05,970 To be I've got nothing to worry about because we had. 38 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:09,789 We had a day. Or like a night, two nights in 39 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:13,690 Saint Kilda and yeah, we had on that second day we had nothing 40 00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:16,440 to do and it was amazing, so. Tired. 41 00:02:16,450 --> 00:02:18,620 Yeah. And we're married. 42 00:02:19,980 --> 00:02:21,730 Nice. Yeah, yeah, that's what I think 43 00:02:21,740 --> 00:02:22,870 of. What do you think of? 44 00:02:23,220 --> 00:02:28,450 I think the the first days in the hospital after all of our 45 00:02:28,460 --> 00:02:33,210 kids, which Blair doesn't like in terms of the. 46 00:02:33,260 --> 00:02:38,310 Discomfort and experience. So like first one was emergency 47 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:40,730 caesarean, but all of them have been caesareans. 48 00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:42,750 It's not being comfortable for me. 49 00:02:45,340 --> 00:02:47,130 For me. That's from the grass. 50 00:02:47,220 --> 00:02:49,730 No, I just I. I could relive the 1st. 51 00:02:49,740 --> 00:02:52,150 Day of meeting our babies over and over and over. 52 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,490 If that's all it meant to have more kids, I. 53 00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:56,920 Would have. That moment over and over, 54 00:02:56,930 --> 00:02:58,240 that's the best moments of my life. 55 00:02:58,250 --> 00:03:00,870 Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, meeting our new little 56 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,470 buddies. Yeah, and they keep waking up 57 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:06,150 tonight, so they're not. So good, but he's. 58 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,690 Right now. Well, we hope you enjoy this 59 00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:12,210 episode you'll magically see. Blair's beard grow back. 60 00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:17,510 In a minute, so magic. But it is a really great 61 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:19,950 conversation and an important conversation, so we hope you 62 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,540 stick around. Check it out. 63 00:03:21,930 --> 00:03:24,510 Thanks guys. This week we have a really 64 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:26,690 interesting topic, something that's been really impactful for 65 00:03:26,700 --> 00:03:28,610 us, which is the Five Love languages. 66 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:32,540 The Five Love Languages was created by Doctor Gary Chapman. 67 00:03:32,730 --> 00:03:36,160 He is, they say here he is the one who originated the love 68 00:03:36,170 --> 00:03:39,760 language concepts. And it's been a tool that's been 69 00:03:39,770 --> 00:03:43,200 incredibly helpful for us in understanding ourselves and 70 00:03:43,210 --> 00:03:47,760 understanding our partner, how we love, how we receive love. 71 00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:49,840 It's not something that is set in stone. 72 00:03:49,850 --> 00:03:51,420 It's not a box that you fall into. 73 00:03:51,430 --> 00:03:53,760 And then that's what it is. It's something that's actually 74 00:03:53,770 --> 00:03:58,890 changed for us over time too. So it's not a prescription, it's 75 00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:01,290 just a tool that's been really helpful for us. 76 00:04:01,300 --> 00:04:04,210 So we wanted to share about it here because we think that lots 77 00:04:04,220 --> 00:04:06,210 of people can benefit from. Because we definitely. 78 00:04:06,220 --> 00:04:09,770 Have we've benefited huge Even just having it as a vague 79 00:04:09,820 --> 00:04:13,390 understanding of how someone might be working even outside of 80 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,350 our marriage, I found at times where I'm like to think about a 81 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:18,310 friend or workmate or even our kids as. 82 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:20,570 Well, I was going to say, even trickling down to our kids now 83 00:04:20,579 --> 00:04:22,010 we're starting to have that focus. 84 00:04:22,019 --> 00:04:23,550 Exactly. And a lot of people have heard 85 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:25,720 of five love languages. It's not a new concept, but we 86 00:04:25,730 --> 00:04:28,890 thought we would just kind of dive into it a little bit 87 00:04:28,900 --> 00:04:30,880 because of how impactful it's been to us. 88 00:04:30,890 --> 00:04:34,990 Yeah, and this is not a sponsored episode by 5 Love 89 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,540 Languages at all. Again, this is just something 90 00:04:37,550 --> 00:04:41,890 that we found helpful for that check in time and starting the 91 00:04:41,900 --> 00:04:44,470 conversation like we get a lot of people ride in. 92 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:46,350 How do you start the conversation? 93 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:49,260 It's like, well, you need to build that environment. 94 00:04:49,270 --> 00:04:52,470 You need to build that into the culture of your relationship. 95 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:55,170 I don't think you can just start a conversation because that's 96 00:04:55,180 --> 00:04:56,730 where I'm walls go up and everything. 97 00:04:56,740 --> 00:05:00,020 So this is we want to encourage you guys do this together day 98 00:05:00,030 --> 00:05:03,130 and night. Just gonna fivelovelanguages.com 99 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:07,110 and do the free quiz or the paid one. 100 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:11,330 This is we've got the extended, the full the full kitten 101 00:05:11,340 --> 00:05:13,740 caboodle here. There will be going through, but 102 00:05:13,750 --> 00:05:15,810 there will be going through this over a couple of episodes. 103 00:05:15,820 --> 00:05:19,050 We won't go through it in all today, but we're going to break 104 00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:23,170 down the overall what we've got from it and so forth. 105 00:05:23,420 --> 00:05:25,910 Before we do, I'm gonna ask question. 106 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:28,420 And I'm also I'm back to the doctor. 107 00:05:28,430 --> 00:05:31,050 The doctor is not going on. That OK, OK. 108 00:05:33,290 --> 00:05:36,540 Last time we did. Chat Jar turned into a big 109 00:05:36,550 --> 00:05:38,440 discussion that we didn't include on the episode. 110 00:05:40,010 --> 00:05:41,940 I'm not. Never know, it wasn't that big 111 00:05:41,950 --> 00:05:46,240 of a deal, but just something that was a bit unfillable, so 112 00:05:46,250 --> 00:05:47,650 hopefully that doesn't happen again today. 113 00:05:48,540 --> 00:05:51,450 If we were to start a business together, what would it be and 114 00:05:51,460 --> 00:05:53,570 why? I think we should start a 115 00:05:53,580 --> 00:05:56,340 podcast. It's not really business 116 00:05:56,350 --> 00:05:59,940 because, well. It could be down the track. 117 00:05:59,950 --> 00:06:01,360 Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. 118 00:06:01,410 --> 00:06:06,220 Well, our dream is that this, this podcast, is one of the 119 00:06:06,230 --> 00:06:10,320 things that we do in this area. So our dream is that one day 120 00:06:10,330 --> 00:06:14,660 we'll put together a retreat for couples to come and explore 121 00:06:15,150 --> 00:06:17,500 relationships and communication together. 122 00:06:17,570 --> 00:06:21,050 That's a dream that we have. So that's the business that I'm 123 00:06:21,060 --> 00:06:23,380 going to do. I'm glad to do public speaking 124 00:06:23,390 --> 00:06:25,540 stuff. I'd love to do other things 125 00:06:25,550 --> 00:06:29,180 around this area, maybe books one day. 126 00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:32,820 Multiple. Multiple PPT. 127 00:06:32,970 --> 00:06:35,600 Yeah, exactly. If we were to answer this 128 00:06:35,610 --> 00:06:37,380 outside of honey, we need to chat. 129 00:06:37,490 --> 00:06:40,950 We actually talk about business stuff all the time together 130 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:44,980 because we both kind of have just a bit of a, well, blinds 131 00:06:44,990 --> 00:06:49,180 really strategic and I tend to be creative, so we kind of just 132 00:06:49,190 --> 00:06:51,400 naturally work this way. I think if we were to create a 133 00:06:51,410 --> 00:06:53,000 business outside of Honey, we need to chat. 134 00:06:53,010 --> 00:06:55,370 It would be something along the lines of communications and 135 00:06:55,380 --> 00:06:58,520 marketing, which I already have dabbled in. 136 00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:01,900 Blair would absolutely be my strategist. 137 00:07:03,020 --> 00:07:05,240 Yeah, taking care of the business side, which is what I'm 138 00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:08,730 kind of doing with the podcast as well and and where you're 139 00:07:08,740 --> 00:07:11,930 driving majority of the content and and what we discuss in 140 00:07:11,940 --> 00:07:13,880 because that's just your strength. 141 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,820 Think that's super quick and personal at all? 142 00:07:18,530 --> 00:07:21,240 Come on, Amy. Cause conversation needs to be 143 00:07:21,250 --> 00:07:22,760 controversial. Does need to be? 144 00:07:22,970 --> 00:07:25,440 If it's not controversial, is it even conversation? 145 00:07:26,410 --> 00:07:29,400 OK, what is one thing you wish you knew about each other before 146 00:07:29,410 --> 00:07:32,260 we started dating? An interesting question. 147 00:07:32,470 --> 00:07:35,100 We didn't know a lot about each other before we started dating, 148 00:07:35,430 --> 00:07:38,340 and I'm not sure there's much that we didn't know. 149 00:07:38,350 --> 00:07:43,480 Any big like surprises that came up after dating that we hadn't 150 00:07:43,490 --> 00:07:45,200 at least vaguely touched on beforehand? 151 00:07:45,210 --> 00:07:48,160 Do you have anything? I think that the question would 152 00:07:48,170 --> 00:07:50,170 probably be better. What's something that we wish we 153 00:07:50,180 --> 00:07:51,840 knew about ourselves before we started? 154 00:07:52,020 --> 00:07:53,360 Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, I like. 155 00:07:53,370 --> 00:07:57,820 That and for me it would be, I think, I wish I had a better 156 00:07:57,830 --> 00:08:02,380 understanding of what my experiences were going to bring 157 00:08:02,390 --> 00:08:05,160 into the relationship, my anxieties. 158 00:08:05,170 --> 00:08:07,980 I mean, I didn't know a bit of that, but but I didn't 159 00:08:07,990 --> 00:08:11,660 necessarily kind of understand how impactful that would be in 160 00:08:11,670 --> 00:08:14,860 how I react to you or how I react to scenarios. 161 00:08:15,470 --> 00:08:17,160 I wish I had a better understanding of that. 162 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:22,750 I, I think the thing that comes to my mind is the impact of the 163 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:26,850 burnout that I had, you know, and it's not that I wish I knew 164 00:08:27,020 --> 00:08:33,470 I would have a burnout, but I wish I was more intentional 165 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:39,429 about being prepared for mental health and just the awareness of 166 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,789 mental health and everything became mentioned in other 167 00:08:41,799 --> 00:08:43,970 episodes. I just didn't get it when people 168 00:08:43,980 --> 00:08:45,950 struggle with mental health because I just hadn't had that 169 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:49,190 experience until my burnout. And now, and now it's been a, 170 00:08:49,580 --> 00:08:50,790 you know, for the last five years. 171 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:54,040 I'm very intense lesson have been learning, but it's been 172 00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:57,060 kind of a shock like OHT what's happening, what's going on? 173 00:08:57,070 --> 00:09:00,220 Why why am I reacting this way? So it's yeah, I think just the 174 00:09:00,230 --> 00:09:03,130 awareness around just to start with and which is what we're 175 00:09:03,140 --> 00:09:05,380 going to do in this podcast and also what we're doing with our 176 00:09:05,390 --> 00:09:06,090 job. So. 177 00:09:07,090 --> 00:09:10,980 You could probably also add to that like the the cost of 178 00:09:11,030 --> 00:09:14,240 pushing yourself too hard. I think a lot of people don't. 179 00:09:14,410 --> 00:09:17,560 Even for me, I feel the same. Not that I've necessarily burned 180 00:09:17,570 --> 00:09:20,850 out like you, but just the cost of pushing so hard. 181 00:09:21,820 --> 00:09:24,230 Yeah, I think that's you don't really learn that until after. 182 00:09:24,340 --> 00:09:26,130 Yeah, exactly. Hindsight, 2020. 183 00:09:26,140 --> 00:09:31,030 You know 2024. 2024 hindsight 2024, maybe 2024 should just be 184 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:34,650 called hindsight for the whole world. 185 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,170 Alright, thanks. Good Chacha. 186 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:41,340 Alright, so we're going to dive into the five love languages. 187 00:09:41,350 --> 00:09:44,350 So how actually works is going to the website, like I've said 188 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:48,670 earlier, and you it takes you through a quiz and it's just you 189 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:51,300 sort of slide to one or two and it gives you a bunch of 190 00:09:51,310 --> 00:09:54,230 different scenarios. Do you feel love like more this 191 00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:55,990 way or this way and that scenario? 192 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:59,330 Next question this way or this way next question to keep going 193 00:09:59,340 --> 00:10:02,450 on until you finished and then it will come up with different 194 00:10:02,460 --> 00:10:04,930 results. So the five love languages are 195 00:10:04,940 --> 00:10:09,380 gifts giving. How do you receive gift giving? 196 00:10:09,670 --> 00:10:13,310 Words of affirmation. Quality time, physical touch, 197 00:10:15,190 --> 00:10:16,530 Words of affirmation. Period. 198 00:10:16,540 --> 00:10:19,460 He said that you know you weren't giving. 199 00:10:19,470 --> 00:10:22,400 Quality time whereas papermation, physical touch, and 200 00:10:22,470 --> 00:10:24,210 acts of service. Access service, that's the one. 201 00:10:24,220 --> 00:10:24,780 Yeah, yeah. Cool. 202 00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:26,660 Online of affirmation. Words of affirmation. 203 00:10:27,050 --> 00:10:29,680 The one I don't like. Exactly. 204 00:10:29,690 --> 00:10:32,120 So it shows you and then it shows you through like, alright, 205 00:10:32,130 --> 00:10:35,750 so you're really high on this one and you really this is where 206 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:39,400 the other ones sit. This one, you're low on it. 207 00:10:39,410 --> 00:10:42,420 It gives an explanation through like, So what does that mean to 208 00:10:42,430 --> 00:10:43,660 you? And we're going to break that 209 00:10:43,670 --> 00:10:47,490 down a little bit today, just what it means for us and what 210 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:49,560 we've learned from them this this. 211 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:54,330 Assessment. Assessment and others have been 212 00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:59,210 really, really valuable to us as a couple, but also me as an 213 00:10:59,220 --> 00:11:01,490 individual for a lot of these questions. 214 00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:05,580 I, so I went through this test twice and the first time I kind 215 00:11:05,590 --> 00:11:08,080 of just went through and answered the questions and I 216 00:11:08,090 --> 00:11:10,650 realised, oh, I don't know if that's accurate. 217 00:11:10,660 --> 00:11:12,510 Like the end result, I don't know if that's accurate. 218 00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:15,580 And so I went through and did it again and I really sat through 219 00:11:15,590 --> 00:11:19,290 and thought about the questions beforehand and I put myself into 220 00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:21,150 scenarios. So like, so for example, there 221 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:24,670 was a question with something like, you know what, how do you 222 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:29,680 feel more loved if you wrote me a note or got me gift? 223 00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:31,080 And I don't really think about that. 224 00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:33,600 I'm like words about formation is my lowest by far. 225 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:36,120 By the way, I'm just not a words guy. 226 00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:40,720 But I really had to think through how do I actually feel 227 00:11:40,730 --> 00:11:42,500 in the moment when Amy's done that? 228 00:11:42,510 --> 00:11:45,320 But also it's not even just is it a gift? 229 00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:48,080 It's kind of what type of gift? And that's other questions that 230 00:11:48,090 --> 00:11:51,800 come into it as well, which is good too because it helps me. 231 00:11:51,810 --> 00:11:54,460 Then why not identify that for myself? 232 00:11:54,470 --> 00:11:56,450 But then through the conversation that we have when 233 00:11:56,460 --> 00:11:59,400 we unpack, it is now you know that about me. 234 00:11:59,630 --> 00:12:03,230 So I could say, look, my love language is gifts, which it is. 235 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:06,610 When you go out and buy me a new car, well, that's gonna be 236 00:12:06,620 --> 00:12:07,540 freaking awesome. Yeah. 237 00:12:07,550 --> 00:12:12,840 I mean, so cold, but but he's not gonna be really meeting be 238 00:12:12,850 --> 00:12:15,570 where I'm at. Like, what is it about the gift 239 00:12:15,620 --> 00:12:19,130 that's makes me feel loved? What is it about the words that 240 00:12:19,140 --> 00:12:20,910 makes you feel loved And so forth. 241 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:23,440 And I thought being really, really powerful for me. 242 00:12:23,550 --> 00:12:25,380 And that's actually what happened because at the 243 00:12:25,390 --> 00:12:28,750 beginning of our relationship, I knew gifts were a thing. 244 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:32,150 And for me, that's because gifts weren't a thing for me at that 245 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:34,620 stage. So I was just like, OK, gifts, 246 00:12:35,310 --> 00:12:37,590 but it's not just any. It's a gift that shows I've 247 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,780 thought about you, yes, really impactful. 248 00:12:39,790 --> 00:12:43,340 So what we'll do now, let's just, we'll just share our 249 00:12:43,350 --> 00:12:46,100 results. Yeah, we won't dive too much 250 00:12:46,110 --> 00:12:50,550 into them, but maybe we can just explain how like what we, what 251 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:54,140 those results mean to us, you know, So you stop us. 252 00:12:54,150 --> 00:12:57,640 Yeah, cool. So my top result, which has 253 00:12:57,870 --> 00:13:02,770 stayed fairly consistent, consistent through since I've 254 00:13:02,780 --> 00:13:06,550 known myself is words of affirmation that was 75%. 255 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:11,550 So in the most preferred zone by 2nd result is receiving gifts, 256 00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:14,420 which was really surprising to me because I think the first 257 00:13:14,430 --> 00:13:16,140 time we did this, that was the lowest. 258 00:13:16,150 --> 00:13:18,860 That's why when we got together I was like, Oh my gosh, gifts 259 00:13:18,870 --> 00:13:22,570 are just so outside of mine. Too, like I remember because 260 00:13:22,580 --> 00:13:25,380 Christmas was stress you out stressful because you like what 261 00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:26,770 do I get? Like what do I get? 262 00:13:26,780 --> 00:13:30,560 And and again, this is the process of learning me for me, 263 00:13:30,570 --> 00:13:33,390 for myself too, because I, I didn't know how to articulate to 264 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:37,820 you as well what sort of gifts I want, right. 265 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:40,490 Yeah. So that was, that was really 266 00:13:40,500 --> 00:13:43,650 helpful, was packed and you started having more confidence 267 00:13:43,660 --> 00:13:45,460 in the guests that you get. Yeah. 268 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:50,340 They honed that skill slammed. The third one is quality time. 269 00:13:50,350 --> 00:13:52,240 That's 50%. And that's not surprising as 270 00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:53,470 well. That's always been at the top 271 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:56,460 for me. Then Acts of Service is number 4 272 00:13:56,680 --> 00:14:00,330 and that's one of the highest for Blair, or at least was, I 273 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,550 don't know, it still is. And that again, was a mismatch 274 00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:05,440 for us. That specific one was like, Oh 275 00:14:05,450 --> 00:14:08,830 my gosh, I, I don't find that a loving gesture. 276 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:12,150 I don't find it unloving. I just don't find it special. 277 00:14:12,420 --> 00:14:15,130 And he does. So how do I navigate that? 278 00:14:15,260 --> 00:14:17,840 And the lowest is physical touch at 25%. 279 00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:21,370 And I, I think that was up closer to the top when I first 280 00:14:21,380 --> 00:14:23,370 did it too. So this result has been really 281 00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:26,810 interesting for me because it's shifted a lot since we first did 282 00:14:26,820 --> 00:14:30,310 it, except for a few. And something that we've learned 283 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,430 along the way, which I'm assuming we'll probably dive 284 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:36,710 into a bit later more, is your love languages. 285 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:40,480 When you complete a quiz, it's probably going to look different 286 00:14:40,490 --> 00:14:42,580 depending on how much of something you're receiving. 287 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,120 Your love. Tank your love tank. 288 00:14:45,130 --> 00:14:46,640 Yeah, I'll break inside in a minute. 289 00:14:46,650 --> 00:14:47,160 Awesome. Yeah. 290 00:14:47,170 --> 00:14:50,100 So how full that is in that area and how not full that is. 291 00:14:50,410 --> 00:14:54,520 So physical touch. I have four children and a 292 00:14:54,530 --> 00:14:57,740 husband. You're always talked and I have, 293 00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:00,800 you know, been pregnant and breastfeeding for the last like 294 00:15:00,850 --> 00:15:04,220 six years, on and off, seven years, seven years. 295 00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:07,900 So I'm not in any way lacking in that. 296 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:10,720 In fact, if anything, I'm just like please. 297 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:13,730 Space. Give me space. 298 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:17,850 Espacio Portable So yeah, that's why I think that's kind of 299 00:15:17,860 --> 00:15:20,690 jumped down. Whereas gifts is not something 300 00:15:20,700 --> 00:15:23,430 other than Christmas is not something because I've never had 301 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,380 it as a priority. It's not something that's been a 302 00:15:25,390 --> 00:15:29,350 priority in terms of communication with people's love 303 00:15:29,420 --> 00:15:31,750 and your love. So I think that's probably a a 304 00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,130 lower tank at this stage than the rest of them are. 305 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:39,300 Take and and this is the cool thing too, is and this is where 306 00:15:39,310 --> 00:15:43,210 you have to do the quiz every time, but this is just the check 307 00:15:43,220 --> 00:15:45,270 in you right. So it's like, how is your love 308 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:47,430 tank at the moment? How are you doing in these 309 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:49,920 areas? Because these change, right, 310 00:15:49,930 --> 00:15:54,030 because it's like I can focus. So my lowest, I'll just jump 311 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,160 straight to that is words of affirmation. 312 00:15:56,220 --> 00:16:00,470 But what we've identified, if I didn't know affirmation, I don't 313 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:03,030 feel loved, you know, so it's not saying like I never have to 314 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,730 worry about that. It's actually like it's it's 315 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:10,240 much faster to fill my my affirmation tank than my gifts 316 00:16:10,250 --> 00:16:12,750 tank, you know, made. So I'm the impact is different 317 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:14,910 as well. So we still have to be looking 318 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:17,960 at that. How am I, you know, how my 319 00:16:17,970 --> 00:16:19,720 farming you? Am I ever touching you? 320 00:16:19,730 --> 00:16:22,360 You know, I mean, I guess your lowest, but if I never touch 321 00:16:22,370 --> 00:16:24,660 you, you wouldn't feel something else. 322 00:16:24,790 --> 00:16:27,890 If I remember he words from you about formation, it's going to 323 00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:29,740 feel off, right. So this is a thing. 324 00:16:29,810 --> 00:16:35,290 And even through these results, we unpack more because the 325 00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:38,640 results aren't 100% accurate, because I'll be like, actually, 326 00:16:38,690 --> 00:16:40,360 you know, I feel this is a little bit different. 327 00:16:40,370 --> 00:16:41,550 All this is a little bit different. 328 00:16:41,690 --> 00:16:45,060 What this is doing is helping facilitate the conversation, 329 00:16:45,660 --> 00:16:50,020 making that really clear. OK so mine receiving gifts is 330 00:16:50,030 --> 00:16:52,370 the top one and this was a hard one for me. 331 00:16:52,380 --> 00:16:57,740 The first find out when we first did it hasn't changed because 332 00:16:57,750 --> 00:17:00,850 I'm like I just feel greedy and like selfish, right. 333 00:17:00,860 --> 00:17:03,530 I just want one things and it was really, really funny. 334 00:17:03,540 --> 00:17:07,490 My favourite gift that Amy has got me is literally this mug. 335 00:17:07,839 --> 00:17:11,329 It's a Mandalorian mug, coffee mug right now. 336 00:17:11,339 --> 00:17:14,230 I am honest, I am not really a Star Wars fan. 337 00:17:14,510 --> 00:17:18,510 I know I wasn't really a Star Wars fan until the Mandalorian 338 00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:20,470 came out. I just really liked that show. 339 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:25,089 I was just a big fan and that was my Star Wars journey won't 340 00:17:25,099 --> 00:17:28,460 be right, but even assuming that's a fair of the movies. 341 00:17:28,470 --> 00:17:32,670 But anyway, I mean, went out one day and she just came back with 342 00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:35,390 Mark. It wasn't my birthday, it wasn't 343 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:36,820 Christmas or anything else like that. 344 00:17:36,830 --> 00:17:39,180 She had just gone out and got being this mug. 345 00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:42,340 And for me, this is actually out of all the gifts that she's 346 00:17:42,350 --> 00:17:45,320 gotten me that are way more expensive than this, this is my 347 00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:50,040 most cherished present gift because it was so I'm getting 348 00:17:50,050 --> 00:17:54,070 emotional. It was, it was really thoughtful 349 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:58,260 like, and it's just like she's gone out and she's thought of me 350 00:17:58,270 --> 00:18:00,360 and it's like it's nothing major. 351 00:18:01,250 --> 00:18:04,040 It's just the thought behind it. And that was the best thing. 352 00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:08,210 So the way that it is sort of explained is it's a token of her 353 00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:10,650 love for me. And so I drink out of this the 354 00:18:10,660 --> 00:18:11,990 most. It's gotta chip in it and. 355 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,670 I have to get rid of. I'm refusing to get rid of it 356 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:18,830 because it's just a cup. But for me, it's I'm when I 357 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:20,450 drink out of this, I think of you. 358 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:22,650 And that's why this is so special to me. 359 00:18:23,730 --> 00:18:25,240 Maybe. Right up. 360 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,970 Oh, and. Don't buy your spots, Amanda. 361 00:18:31,660 --> 00:18:33,830 So receiving gifts. So that's my top one. 362 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:40,040 My next one is our quality time. So, and this was when I first 363 00:18:40,050 --> 00:18:43,790 did my did the first quiz. This was actually my highest and 364 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,340 it wasn't that I started was off, but I started thinking 365 00:18:46,350 --> 00:18:49,720 through and like, no, I just love doing stuff with you. 366 00:18:49,730 --> 00:18:52,520 So it was different. What how the way that I receive 367 00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:56,270 a gift is different to the way that I feel when we spend time 368 00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,270 together. I love spending time with you 369 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:01,280 and there's actually no one that I want to spend time with more 370 00:19:01,290 --> 00:19:02,360 than I want to spend time with you. 371 00:19:02,370 --> 00:19:04,280 If we go on an adventure, I want you there. 372 00:19:04,290 --> 00:19:06,560 If I'm doing something fun, I want you there. 373 00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:10,800 You know, one of the questions was, you know, I come up with 374 00:19:10,810 --> 00:19:14,170 the alternative, but it was something like, I bet you find 375 00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:16,830 interest in the things that I'm doing and like, yeah, that's, 376 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:19,090 that's like that. I really, really enjoy that. 377 00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:25,010 But what I feel when you've got me like a mug is different to 378 00:19:25,020 --> 00:19:27,950 when we're just hanging out and we're doing stuff together. 379 00:19:28,020 --> 00:19:29,510 I just want you there all the time. 380 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:33,110 It's it's just like the love feeling is, is different, but 381 00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:34,370 it's still very, very high for me. 382 00:19:34,540 --> 00:19:38,350 The next one is Acts of Service. It's lower than quality time. 383 00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:42,590 I think quality time is up high. And now, because I think that's 384 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:45,750 just something that we do, we do a lot of stuff together and I 385 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:47,530 love that. But I was thinking about quality 386 00:19:47,540 --> 00:19:49,740 time because mine has dropped down. 387 00:19:49,850 --> 00:19:52,880 I think we do a lot of stuff together. 388 00:19:53,010 --> 00:19:55,280 So we're always, we work from home, both of us. 389 00:19:55,290 --> 00:19:57,740 So we have always together, which is awesome. 390 00:19:57,750 --> 00:19:59,800 And I love that. And I don't know how we'd go for 391 00:19:59,870 --> 00:20:01,320 that change. I don't know how I'd go if that 392 00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:04,380 changed. But we don't get as much 393 00:20:04,390 --> 00:20:07,720 one-on-one quality time. So I reckon that's why equality 394 00:20:07,730 --> 00:20:10,070 times are higher for you at the moment because yes, we do spend 395 00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:13,950 time together all the time, but we don't get much time compared 396 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,470 to like even two years ago, three years ago, we don't 397 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,060 actually get much one-on-one time anymore. 398 00:20:19,150 --> 00:20:21,900 Well, they're very close active service and quality is on the 399 00:20:21,910 --> 00:20:25,760 very close and I think the the reason is so it was up higher 400 00:20:25,770 --> 00:20:29,740 last time and I think the reason actually it's lower now is 401 00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:33,760 because just podcast. Yeah, I you know, so we're 402 00:20:33,770 --> 00:20:37,320 getting this is very, very quality time for me and the 403 00:20:37,330 --> 00:20:39,920 conversations that we've had outside of these podcasts are 404 00:20:39,930 --> 00:20:43,180 continuing on from these episodes is really quality. 405 00:20:43,270 --> 00:20:44,920 Our conversations are really quality. 406 00:20:44,930 --> 00:20:48,020 The way that we discussed stuff, disagree workshop things 407 00:20:48,030 --> 00:20:53,050 together is, is very quality, but I think the reason why it's 408 00:20:54,010 --> 00:20:59,990 still up there is because it's very serious quality time and 409 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,890 we're lacking then the fun, adventurous quality time. 410 00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:06,150 Yeah. So that's so, yeah. 411 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:07,850 See active service and that's just been one. 412 00:21:07,860 --> 00:21:12,350 I just I, I love the way that you love your family, but I what 413 00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:14,850 you do, you know, that's something that even I know the 414 00:21:14,860 --> 00:21:17,050 kids appreciate that. They even say like, oh, mum, 415 00:21:17,060 --> 00:21:19,690 thank you for making dinner. Like that sort of stuff is, is 416 00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:22,610 really, really cool physical touch for me. 417 00:21:22,940 --> 00:21:26,110 It's, it's actually quite close to words of affirmation. 418 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,850 I think. Physical touch, yeah. 419 00:21:28,860 --> 00:21:32,770 Cause you know, obviously not as much as you, but having four 420 00:21:32,780 --> 00:21:35,990 kids and a dog, you always touched our baby at the moment 421 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,650 is always wanting to be held and things. 422 00:21:37,660 --> 00:21:40,440 So I think we're just very touched in a nice way, but it's 423 00:21:40,450 --> 00:21:42,270 just like an. Empty. 424 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,970 Time empty and bit of information like we said, I'm 425 00:21:45,980 --> 00:21:51,790 just not a words guy, but if I don't get words, I'll struggle, 426 00:21:51,860 --> 00:21:56,590 you know, just won't feel loved. So yeah, so it's a love tank as 427 00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,070 well. It's talks about like, you know, 428 00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:03,730 we wanting to create a culture in our relationship where we can 429 00:22:03,740 --> 00:22:06,270 communicate right and we can work on these things. 430 00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:11,810 And when our tanks are empty, the communications are a lot 431 00:22:11,820 --> 00:22:14,190 harder. So this is what's really cool is 432 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:17,190 when we start off with a a test like this, like what we've done 433 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,530 or other other quizzes whenever you want to do. 434 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:22,690 And it helps facilitate the conversation when we can get a 435 00:22:22,700 --> 00:22:26,010 more of a gauge of like, how do you receive love? 436 00:22:26,020 --> 00:22:29,480 Like, you know, how do I best show you that I love you and how 437 00:22:29,490 --> 00:22:31,780 do I receive it too? Because we need to be able to 438 00:22:31,790 --> 00:22:34,500 have that conversation or we need, we need to be 439 00:22:34,510 --> 00:22:35,840 communicating to each other through it. 440 00:22:35,850 --> 00:22:38,130 Love. It really helps bring those 441 00:22:38,140 --> 00:22:40,260 walls down. It gives you that conversation 442 00:22:40,270 --> 00:22:44,020 starting point. And from there, over time, we 443 00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:47,740 can learn to communicate better because it's not just about the 444 00:22:47,750 --> 00:22:50,980 conversation, it's about how you're feeling in that moment 445 00:22:50,990 --> 00:22:52,960 too. If you're not feeling loved and 446 00:22:52,970 --> 00:22:56,760 I come to you with a topic that's hard to talk about, your 447 00:22:56,770 --> 00:23:01,110 reaction is gonna be a lot more heartfelt and hurt. 448 00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:04,020 Possibly because she's already still not feeling you, already 449 00:23:04,100 --> 00:23:07,300 feeling loved by me. So this is really important to 450 00:23:07,310 --> 00:23:09,410 help set that tone. Except that scene, you're 451 00:23:09,420 --> 00:23:11,520 learning more about each other, learning how to love each other. 452 00:23:11,530 --> 00:23:15,000 And the conversations are easier to have from that place. 453 00:23:15,250 --> 00:23:19,480 And there's another part too. It's sort of assesses how you're 454 00:23:19,490 --> 00:23:21,580 going. They call it your love skills, 455 00:23:21,650 --> 00:23:23,000 right? So they break it down into three 456 00:23:23,010 --> 00:23:26,500 different categories. So how good you are with 457 00:23:26,550 --> 00:23:29,760 listening, showing empathy and being curious. 458 00:23:29,810 --> 00:23:31,720 So, your curiosity? Is in the large. 459 00:23:31,730 --> 00:23:34,200 Test this in large test and the deeper test. 460 00:23:34,210 --> 00:23:37,240 Yeah, to the full test. And these are like, especially 461 00:23:37,250 --> 00:23:40,450 curiosity is something that we continually try and encourage. 462 00:23:40,460 --> 00:23:43,310 Big curious, you know, don't just be like, oh, cool, good for 463 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:45,750 you man. But like be curious about your 464 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,730 partner, be curious about yourself. 465 00:23:47,740 --> 00:23:52,090 I try and understand more and show empathy towards, you know, 466 00:23:52,100 --> 00:23:55,010 the struggles that we have and the differences that we have and 467 00:23:55,020 --> 00:23:57,100 so forth. And really listening through 468 00:23:57,110 --> 00:23:58,450 those things, which is really cool. 469 00:23:58,460 --> 00:23:59,930 We're going to break down into that. 470 00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:03,090 Again, this is more of an overview episode and something 471 00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:05,630 to encourage you guys to do together as a couple. 472 00:24:06,020 --> 00:24:09,300 One big thing is this quote, this is old proverb. 473 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:13,390 It's old Hebrew proverb that says life and death is in the 474 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:17,120 power of the tongue. We can kill a relationship by 475 00:24:17,130 --> 00:24:20,240 the way we talk to each other or we can give our relationship 476 00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:23,920 life. And I would actually, yeah. 477 00:24:23,930 --> 00:24:28,140 So I can really hurt you by what I say, but I can actually make 478 00:24:28,150 --> 00:24:32,340 you feel very loved whether your love language is worth or not. 479 00:24:32,410 --> 00:24:36,060 But I would say with a lot of things too, is that what can 480 00:24:36,070 --> 00:24:38,760 kill a relationship is if you just don't feel loved. 481 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:42,060 So that's again, a very important thing about quizzes 482 00:24:42,070 --> 00:24:46,020 like these or very helpful things, is that if you don't 483 00:24:46,030 --> 00:24:49,920 feel love from me, the relationship's going to really, 484 00:24:49,930 --> 00:24:52,700 really suffer and struggle. Yeah, and I've heard this 485 00:24:52,710 --> 00:24:56,220 actually quite a few times where there's this kind of argument of 486 00:24:56,230 --> 00:24:58,660 like, I don't feel loved and then the other person's like, 487 00:24:58,670 --> 00:25:00,080 but I am loving you. Yeah. 488 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:03,380 It's just a mismatch of it's just a mismatch of understanding 489 00:25:03,390 --> 00:25:07,680 what that means. It's and can feel like such a an 490 00:25:07,690 --> 00:25:10,720 attack from either side and it can feel like you're being 491 00:25:10,730 --> 00:25:13,280 dismissed as well because you can say I don't feel loved, you 492 00:25:13,290 --> 00:25:15,140 know, person like I am loving. You. 493 00:25:15,770 --> 00:25:17,420 And then you're like, OK, well, you're not listening to. 494 00:25:17,430 --> 00:25:20,380 It and this is really that's actually really key because when 495 00:25:20,390 --> 00:25:24,050 we first did this, it was an eye opener for me because 496 00:25:24,540 --> 00:25:25,510 information. Yeah. 497 00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:27,890 And you are yeah. I would always want get you 498 00:25:27,900 --> 00:25:31,640 stuff to show my love for you And but just wasn't like 499 00:25:31,650 --> 00:25:33,570 scratching your itch or anything like car. 500 00:25:33,580 --> 00:25:38,310 Oh yeah, you know, and it wasn't meaning where you need to be 501 00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:40,570 met. And that was such an eye opener 502 00:25:40,580 --> 00:25:43,730 for me because it was so it was actually so hard for me to do 503 00:25:43,740 --> 00:25:45,960 words of affirmation because it's my lowest. 504 00:25:46,060 --> 00:25:48,810 So it's not natural. I had to learn and we've worked 505 00:25:48,820 --> 00:25:50,730 over the years on what that would look like. 506 00:25:50,780 --> 00:25:53,450 But even doing this again, I'd be really challenged. 507 00:25:53,510 --> 00:25:56,010 And I see I've seen you do this with the kids. 508 00:25:56,020 --> 00:25:59,070 You'll put little notes in the kids lunch boxes and stuff to 509 00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:01,520 say I love you. And it's been such a conviction 510 00:26:01,530 --> 00:26:03,400 to me. Like I stopped doing that for 511 00:26:03,410 --> 00:26:04,980 you. I remember I started when we 512 00:26:04,990 --> 00:26:07,400 first did this, putting notes on the mirror and stuff for you. 513 00:26:07,510 --> 00:26:09,840 I've randomly and I just haven't done that. 514 00:26:09,850 --> 00:26:12,380 And I'm like, oh man, that's, that's good. 515 00:26:12,390 --> 00:26:14,940 I love checking you on this again, because I know that I 516 00:26:14,950 --> 00:26:18,700 want you to feel like that I adore you. 517 00:26:18,990 --> 00:26:22,420 And and not that I don't tell you, not that I don't do things 518 00:26:22,430 --> 00:26:24,840 for you, not that I, you know, any of those things, but I don't 519 00:26:24,850 --> 00:26:28,940 go out of my way for the area that hits you the most, you 520 00:26:28,950 --> 00:26:31,260 know, and that's been a big conviction for me. 521 00:26:31,270 --> 00:26:34,370 So I really want to work on that and get better at that and this 522 00:26:34,380 --> 00:26:37,580 is been great to review that and to check in on that. 523 00:26:38,350 --> 00:26:41,740 And I think there's a couple just having a check in time 524 00:26:41,750 --> 00:26:45,060 where you can be like, because we've said as it, as it morphs 525 00:26:45,070 --> 00:26:47,900 and changes, it's not always just going to be linear. 526 00:26:47,910 --> 00:26:50,020 So having a check in time would be like, what would be the most 527 00:26:50,030 --> 00:26:52,460 loving thing for you? Doesn't have to be right now. 528 00:26:52,470 --> 00:26:54,510 It's not like you're saying, what can I say to you right now? 529 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:55,500 This is going to make you feel loved. 530 00:26:55,510 --> 00:26:57,780 And then that person has to come up with something and then that 531 00:26:57,790 --> 00:26:59,220 person says it. And it's like, well, I don't 532 00:26:59,230 --> 00:27:02,700 feel sincere, but just being like checking in so that you can 533 00:27:02,710 --> 00:27:06,660 kind of have a lens to look at the next little time, whatever 534 00:27:06,670 --> 00:27:10,380 time that might be in how to like show your love when you 535 00:27:10,390 --> 00:27:13,230 have those moments because everybody has those moments 536 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:15,770 where you reflect. And yeah, I love my spouse and 537 00:27:15,780 --> 00:27:18,520 it'll come out in some way. But I think having a more 538 00:27:18,530 --> 00:27:23,230 targeted way to address that, we really helpful on our 539 00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:26,090 subscriptions which we've decided to call our. 540 00:27:26,100 --> 00:27:28,710 Chatters, chatters. Thanks to feedback. 541 00:27:30,150 --> 00:27:32,650 These shadows. Guys, we're going to dig a 542 00:27:32,660 --> 00:27:35,950 little deeper into the extended version of this quiz. 543 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:38,690 And it's really cool because it breaks down each one of the 544 00:27:38,700 --> 00:27:41,970 things. And one example being that 545 00:27:41,980 --> 00:27:45,510 there's like on receiving gifts, for example, it's not just 546 00:27:45,580 --> 00:27:47,750 receiving gifts. This one has a chart and it 547 00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,990 shows you, is it practical or is it heartfelt? 548 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,050 Is it extravagant or is it simple? 549 00:27:53,060 --> 00:27:55,650 And it shows you kind of where your results land on there. 550 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:57,130 And that was really helpful for me. 551 00:27:57,140 --> 00:27:58,450 So I was like gifts, that's weird. 552 00:27:58,500 --> 00:28:01,520 But then when I saw my chart, it was like, oh, that makes sense. 553 00:28:01,530 --> 00:28:03,610 We're going to dig a little deeper on the chatters episode 554 00:28:03,620 --> 00:28:08,320 there and just kind of go there a little check in as we kind of 555 00:28:08,370 --> 00:28:11,920 suggested to you guys with ourselves on how we're feeling 556 00:28:12,150 --> 00:28:14,240 this area. So if you're interested in that, 557 00:28:14,250 --> 00:28:16,770 hop on over to that and have a look. 558 00:28:16,780 --> 00:28:18,020 We've got. Extra become a shout. 559 00:28:18,030 --> 00:28:20,180 Out become a chat. Actually helps us out a lot to 560 00:28:20,190 --> 00:28:23,160 you guys and we really, really helps us, so we'd love be 561 00:28:23,170 --> 00:28:27,960 supporting that area too. Wrapping up a little bit, one 562 00:28:27,970 --> 00:28:30,430 thing that had we had suggested to us, I think it was in our 563 00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:33,950 premarital counselling was to literally, and I know it sounds 564 00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:36,910 corny, but when it comes to strengthening your marriage, 565 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:41,570 sometimes the corny simple things that same prescriptive 566 00:28:41,580 --> 00:28:44,460 are actually really helpful. So the suggestion was you write 567 00:28:44,470 --> 00:28:46,910 a list of things that you find really impactful that make you 568 00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:48,870 feel loved and you just put it on your fridge. 569 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:50,580 So you've got a list for both of you. 570 00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:52,350 And it's like, I love getting flowers. 571 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:54,820 I do not like getting flowers, but if someone wants to, they 572 00:28:54,830 --> 00:28:57,480 could have it on there. Or I love when you bring me 573 00:28:57,490 --> 00:29:00,550 coffee in bed or I love when you surprise me with breakfast out 574 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:02,640 or something like that. And you just have a list that 575 00:29:02,650 --> 00:29:04,350 you've thought of outside of the moment. 576 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:06,530 You're not trying to say that your partner that they haven't 577 00:29:06,540 --> 00:29:08,520 been doing these things. It's just a neutral moment where 578 00:29:08,530 --> 00:29:11,120 you're listing these things and you have it somewhere where you 579 00:29:11,130 --> 00:29:14,930 can see it regularly and you can as individuals check on it every 580 00:29:14,940 --> 00:29:16,460 now and then. You're like, oh, have I done any 581 00:29:16,470 --> 00:29:19,060 of these things recently? Maybe I can do that. 582 00:29:19,070 --> 00:29:22,580 So that's a good option that I think would be really helpful. 583 00:29:22,590 --> 00:29:23,860 Even for us, it might be helpful. 584 00:29:23,870 --> 00:29:26,140 We haven't done that yet, but I think it's a good suggestion. 585 00:29:26,210 --> 00:29:29,080 And the other thing that we've alluded to a few times on the 586 00:29:29,090 --> 00:29:34,430 podcast is setting these kind of conversations can be hard. 587 00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:37,070 To. Just dive right into if it's not 588 00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:40,080 how you normally talking, if it's not kind of the culture you 589 00:29:40,090 --> 00:29:42,590 have within your relationship, it can be hard to find a time to 590 00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:45,910 get real deep about stuff like this or to even suggest doing 591 00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:49,350 this stuff together. And so we've alluded to, and 592 00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:51,550 we're going to continue to do so because it's really helpful 593 00:29:51,820 --> 00:29:55,510 setting aside a time every week that you can check in so that 594 00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:57,310 you know that that check in time is there. 595 00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:00,590 It can be weekly, fortnightly if you need it to be, but just a 596 00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:02,780 time at home it's not. You don't have to go out and 597 00:30:02,790 --> 00:30:05,650 make it anything expensive or extravagant just to check in 598 00:30:05,660 --> 00:30:07,800 time that you set aside. Intentionally. 599 00:30:07,810 --> 00:30:10,680 Intentionally. To spend time together, make it 600 00:30:10,690 --> 00:30:13,480 special in some way, make a, make a hot chocolate or have 601 00:30:13,490 --> 00:30:15,640 dessert together or something like that. 602 00:30:15,690 --> 00:30:18,740 Set the mood like you're home date nights that we've suggested 603 00:30:18,910 --> 00:30:22,420 and have a list of things that you check in on weekly. 604 00:30:22,490 --> 00:30:26,600 So that instead of feeling this urgency throughout the week to 605 00:30:26,610 --> 00:30:29,990 bring something up because it's hurt you or to, to bring 606 00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,100 something up that you want to do as a relationship and just 607 00:30:32,110 --> 00:30:33,920 feeling uncomfortable about it because that's not how you 608 00:30:33,930 --> 00:30:36,780 normally talk. You know that there's this time 609 00:30:36,830 --> 00:30:40,720 every Monday night at 7:30 after the kids are in bed that we 610 00:30:40,730 --> 00:30:42,980 intentionally sit down and we literally ask each other, do you 611 00:30:42,990 --> 00:30:44,100 have anything you want to talk about? 612 00:30:44,180 --> 00:30:47,350 It eases that stress a bit. And I feel like doing something 613 00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:48,620 like this. If this is a concept that you 614 00:30:48,630 --> 00:30:50,950 like, I would love to do this, but my partner would be weirded 615 00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:53,350 out if I suggested it. Don't feel like you have to 616 00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:56,690 start by being like, I think we need to get really deep, never 617 00:30:56,700 --> 00:30:58,330 deep, but we're just going to do this now. 618 00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:01,810 Instead, stop by suggesting that you have that time set aside so 619 00:31:01,820 --> 00:31:03,710 that you can communicate what you need to. 620 00:31:04,020 --> 00:31:06,110 They've got a time to communicate what they need to. 621 00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:08,710 You're outside of all the emotions because it's not live. 622 00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:10,730 It's not something you have to respond to in the time. 623 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,290 And you can start bringing things in like the love 624 00:31:13,300 --> 00:31:17,310 languages and other concepts, other helps resources that might 625 00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:18,970 help. You can start bringing those 626 00:31:18,980 --> 00:31:22,010 into those nights as well. And if you've already got 627 00:31:22,020 --> 00:31:24,890 something in place like that where you've done the five love 628 00:31:24,900 --> 00:31:28,420 languages and you're just not feeling like you're meeting each 629 00:31:28,430 --> 00:31:31,120 other's needs in that area, having that check in points is 630 00:31:31,130 --> 00:31:33,040 really helpful. So that it's not just, oh, we've 631 00:31:33,050 --> 00:31:35,350 done the test. Now we know what we are going to 632 00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:37,440 leave it forever because that's who we are and we're in a box. 633 00:31:37,450 --> 00:31:40,200 Like that's not how we work as humans and it's not how 634 00:31:40,210 --> 00:31:42,620 relationship works. So just having that kind of 635 00:31:42,710 --> 00:31:45,720 point where you feel able to do it without it being super 636 00:31:45,730 --> 00:31:47,100 uncomfortable. I think it's really. 637 00:31:47,110 --> 00:31:48,400 Helpful. Yeah, absolutely. 638 00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:51,500 That's my suggestion to you. Taking a Leave it. 639 00:31:51,930 --> 00:31:57,090 So this is languages. We will be digging into these 640 00:31:57,100 --> 00:32:01,350 into age 5 love language as we go in other episodes, but this 641 00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:04,850 is just an overview. You share what it is and just 642 00:32:04,860 --> 00:32:07,880 encourage you to check it out or other quizzes and assessments 643 00:32:07,890 --> 00:32:10,950 against about being intentional and providing resources that 644 00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:14,230 help start a conversation or facilitate conversation. 645 00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:16,830 If you approach it with curiosity, I don't think it can 646 00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:21,270 harm open mind, curiosity and the intention to love each other 647 00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:22,590 better. I think it's a really helpful 648 00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:25,410 tool regardless of if it's mind blowing to you. 649 00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:33,020 So to finish us off ChatGPT I have I have a different format 650 00:32:33,030 --> 00:32:36,980 today because I said to tragedy BT and I am suspicious so we 651 00:32:36,990 --> 00:32:40,440 need your feedback on this. I said chat to PT give us an 652 00:32:40,450 --> 00:32:45,020 outro that Genz and Jezza in Gen Z speak is what I. 653 00:32:45,030 --> 00:32:48,640 Said. And Zed speak and they gave me 654 00:32:48,650 --> 00:32:51,430 an untrue I don't believe it. So then I asked another one. 655 00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:54,670 I said make it more, Jen said. And to be honest it sounds like 656 00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:56,170 a boomer trying to talk on genset. 657 00:32:56,700 --> 00:32:58,910 Sorry, it's tragic. It's not. 658 00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:03,310 Me, it's a boomer. Younger peoples, which we've had 659 00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:07,210 a bit of a boost in recently, younger people in those 660 00:33:07,220 --> 00:33:12,130 generations. Does this translate this? 661 00:33:12,140 --> 00:33:16,990 Yeah, so here we go. And that's the tea fan. 662 00:33:17,180 --> 00:33:19,470 If we've spilled all the dates in today's sash. 663 00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:23,680 So don't ghost us head up that subscribe button if you want to 664 00:33:23,690 --> 00:33:27,640 stay in the loop with bowl our real talks slide into our DMS 665 00:33:27,650 --> 00:33:32,770 and slide into our DMS with your stories cuz with the zed because 666 00:33:32,780 --> 00:33:34,530 we legit love hearing. From you. 667 00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:39,030 Keep those combos going, keep it 100 and remember good vibes only 668 00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:41,130 catch you on the flip side. He sell. 669 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:43,450 Sucks my friends. Yeah, well then I said to it, 670 00:33:43,500 --> 00:33:47,950 don't believe you, make it more genz slash Gen alpha, and this 671 00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:53,070 is what I came up with. And yo, that's the stitch and 672 00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:56,570 you know, that's the side squad. We've just dropped all the juicy 673 00:33:56,580 --> 00:33:58,890 deets and you gotta keep their survive alive. 674 00:33:58,940 --> 00:34:00,150 Smash that. Subscribe. 675 00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:03,850 Just stay on this wild ride with us, slide into our DM's or hit 676 00:34:03,860 --> 00:34:06,930 us up with your own stories because your voice is key. 677 00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:08,620 It's got that in quotation marks. 678 00:34:09,159 --> 00:34:13,469 Keep it 100 in an emoji. Not the word 100, just an emoji. 679 00:34:13,820 --> 00:34:16,780 Roll with the good vibes and go. Don't be a stranger. 680 00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:19,630 Catch you later fam, Out. Out. 681 00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,010 Chat out. I don't believe Chachi PT on 682 00:34:22,020 --> 00:34:26,800 either of these that let us know, let us know. 683 00:34:27,290 --> 00:34:29,080 Thanks guys, Shut out.