1 00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:07,040 Welcome to the Stop to Think podcast. 2 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:12,240 Today's episode is called The Person Behind the Performance. 3 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:16,200 The conversation you're about to hear was recorded a few years 4 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:19,080 ago, just a few months after my wife had passed away, and 5 00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:23,320 looking back now, I can hear that something much bigger than 6 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:26,160 either of us realised was beginning to emerge. 7 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:29,960 Stop to Think was being born at the time. 8 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:32,800 We weren't trying to build a framework or create a movement. 9 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:36,840 We were simply two friends walking, talking, and trying to 10 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:41,440 make sense of life after one of my life's greatest challenges. 11 00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:44,960 Over the last few episodes, we've explored some powerful 12 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:47,560 ideas. The distinction between where 13 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:52,280 you are and who you are, why our circumstances don't have to 14 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:56,480 define us, and the importance of slowing down in a world that 15 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:59,760 never stops. Finding contentment instead of 16 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:04,000 constantly chasing more, and discovering that some of life's 17 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:09,280 greatest transformations begin when we stop long enough to 18 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:11,840 reflect. As I listen back today, it's 19 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:17,120 clear why this episode carries its title 1 theme that stands 20 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:21,840 out more than ever is the person behind the performance. 21 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:25,840 For so much of my life, I'd be known as a performance coach. 22 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:29,800 But through these conversations, I was beginning to realize that 23 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:34,680 lasting transformation doesn't come from focusing solely on 24 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:38,880 what we do. It begins by understanding who 25 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:42,240 we are. You'll also hear another idea 26 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:48,080 beginning to emerge, one that becomes a cornerstone of stop to 27 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:51,680 think, the importance of our thought life. 28 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:55,560 The way we think shapes the way we experience ourselves, our 29 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:58,080 relationships, and the world around us. 30 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,920 Our thoughts are one of the greatest treasures we possess 31 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:05,400 because they are the vehicle through which transformation 32 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,440 becomes possible. If we can become more 33 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:11,520 intentional with our thoughts, we begin to change the way we 34 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:14,960 experience life itself. As always, we're not here to 35 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,920 tell you what to think or what to believe. 36 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:21,320 We're simply here inviting you to become curious enough to slow 37 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:25,240 down, step back, and look at your life with a fresh pair of 38 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,680 eyes. We hope this conversation gives 39 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:32,240 you space to stop, to think, and perhaps discover that the 40 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:36,400 greatest transformation doesn't begin by changing your 41 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:40,360 circumstances. It begins by discovering the 42 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:46,080 person behind the performance. I'll see you with Doctor. 43 00:02:46,080 --> 00:03:08,400 Ray after this. Good morning for me. 44 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:11,520 Good afternoon to. You and yes, I, I flew back, I 45 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:15,400 didn't sleep a wink. I came back to to my home and 46 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:20,520 I've had jet lag, feeling a word my wife used to say a lot 47 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:23,760 discombobulated. But I've just really enjoyed 48 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:30,480 spending time really listening back to actually some of the 49 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:34,320 podcasts that we've done and just really immersing myself in 50 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:40,080 in where I am right now based on who I am. 51 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:45,840 It's almost like I have a much deeper appreciation of who I am 52 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:47,920 and feel completely. Different. 53 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,840 I wonder what your kind of reflection is on that. 54 00:03:55,160 --> 00:04:00,520 I think the journey that we had together on the break was 55 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:06,480 fascinating because we had time on our hands just with no agenda 56 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,960 apart from just to listen to each other. 57 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:14,160 And I think one of the emerging things I, I think I've taken 58 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:17,920 from you coming over and having the privilege to have that time 59 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:22,760 is that in the space of time when you allocated to it, you 60 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:26,360 can create or that creativity exists. 61 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:30,960 I won't even go down the line of your creating or give any 62 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,560 logical function. It just happens. 63 00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:40,240 And I've, I think I've witnessed you be just really increasingly 64 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:46,360 being comfortable with who you are and less shaken up by where 65 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,760 you are. And that's not to diminish any 66 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:52,440 situation reason that you or anyone else might find 67 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:56,920 themselves in, but there's this little sparkles that are are in 68 00:04:56,920 --> 00:05:01,120 your your Vista and your vision line and you're going, oh, and 69 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:02,880 there's an increase in confidence. 70 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:06,160 And that's so good to see. Yeah. 71 00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:11,120 But it it is actually and it was fascinating to spend 10 days 72 00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:12,480 with you. I was thinking we were pretty 73 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:15,200 much inseparable apart from me going to bed fairly early. 74 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:18,480 We were just living in each in each other's pockets. 75 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:24,520 When I reflect back on the time that we spent, it was again a 76 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:29,320 whole series of stop. Moments and. 77 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:33,200 I I, I I. I realise Ray and I'm. 78 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,720 Curious as to. Whether people have this same 79 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:39,640 kind of level of awareness that. In life, we. 80 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,480 We all go through. Difficult things, but when we 81 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,440 look at. How did we get through the 82 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:47,240 difficulties that we've faced? Is it? 83 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,240 We got. Through the difficulties because 84 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:54,440 we kind of really. Tapped into who we are, You know 85 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,400 the essence, the the the. Power. 86 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:58,800 That that. Humans have to overcome. 87 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:02,040 Things that are difficult because nothing really. 88 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,400 Ever is forever. Everything changes and that's 89 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:06,880 what I've really worked out about. 90 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:07,960 You know where we. Are. 91 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:12,080 Where is it? It's circumstantial. 92 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:15,240 It it nothing ever stays the same, but the the the most 93 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:17,800 constant. Thing that I can. 94 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:21,320 Be is to be who I really AM, and it's. 95 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:28,400 It's been very cathartic. It's been a real eye opener just 96 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,280 to realize. Even within the season of my 97 00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:32,200 wife passing. Away and as difficult. 98 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,320 As that is coming back. Home and you. 99 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,760 Know when I'm here, she's more on my mind. 100 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:40,400 But even even now. Just realizing well this. 101 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,760 Is the season but. I'm getting to know. 102 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,440 Who I am. And that's what we discussed on 103 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:47,760 the last podcast. I have a greater sense of who I 104 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:50,560 am and what I'm, what I can do and what I'm here to do. 105 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:57,360 I totally agree. We, we briefly talked about this 106 00:06:57,360 --> 00:07:00,040 and we can use different propositions for it, but really 107 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:05,480 in crude terms, I see 3 levels. We can operate in our physical 108 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:09,440 domain and that dictates, you know, satiating our appetite, 109 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:13,360 getting sufficient sleep, having warmth, the things about the, 110 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:17,440 the physical condition. Then there's a psychological 111 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:22,840 condition, the way we think can have a, a big impact and, and 112 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:27,360 neuroscience shows that the way we think has a, a direct 113 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:35,840 implication on, you know, neuro health and how that translates 114 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:40,360 into a biological health and the chemical balance in our body. 115 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:43,800 And you'll find that lots of people advocate thinking, right? 116 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:47,000 There are lots of thought leaders out there at the moment 117 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:51,440 that are doing some phenomenal work related to this area. 118 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:55,520 So you're looking then at the way we think and the way that 119 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:57,240 impacts our body, the way we feel. 120 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:00,280 Yeah. But I've, I've never been shy in 121 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,880 sharing this, but there is a third level to me, which is the 122 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:06,320 the metaphysical aspect. So you got physical, 123 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:09,920 psychological and metaphysical or spiritual if you're 124 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,080 comfortable with that term. But I, I don't want to put 125 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:16,760 anyone off, but in that realm, if you so choose. 126 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:20,880 And, and you'll find the people in various religions will have a 127 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:24,360 deity, a focus or a belief is something they cannot see. 128 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:28,120 And faith by definition is being sure of what you hope for and 129 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:31,200 certain of what you cannot see. Now, this isn't for everyone. 130 00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:34,520 And if you're not in that space or you're not comfortable with 131 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:37,240 it, then what I would say is definitely all the science leads 132 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:41,720 to start to be a little bit more disciplined in your thinking. 133 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,600 Because in most of the major religions in the world, and 134 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:47,520 definitely in the realm of Christianity that I can speak 135 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:51,640 more fully to the Bible is listed with the fact that we 136 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:56,320 should be we should treat our thinking and we should regard it 137 00:08:56,320 --> 00:09:00,120 as a really important treasure. And it is the for 138 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:03,280 transformation. So, you know, terms like be 139 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:05,400 transformed through the renewal of your mind. 140 00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:10,680 Aren't there by chance. So the mind sits in there and it 141 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:15,760 has a really important function. And I would say, Pete, that if 142 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:21,000 we look at your physical body, you keep yourself remarkably 143 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:24,560 fit. You, you, you have good regard 144 00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:29,480 for your diet. You try to sleep well if you 145 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:32,000 wear that ring. Tracks my sleep and. 146 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:34,320 Tracks my steps, yeah? Yeah. 147 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:38,040 So all of those things are actually great insights for 148 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:39,920 longevity. And again, there are lots of 149 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:43,240 people out there talking about the impact of, you know, diet, 150 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:48,400 exercise, sleep, relationships. And you speak about those, we 151 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:52,320 speak about those, but them and of themselves are not enough. 152 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:55,280 You've then got to think about what do I spend my day thinking 153 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,600 about when I wake during the day and before I go to bed? 154 00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,560 Because the way you think has an impact on the quality of your 155 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:06,800 sleep, your own patterns, because we work things out that 156 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:10,400 we don't work out in the day through sleeping, rapid eye 157 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,280 movement. And you're living things out. 158 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:17,920 And you can reduce the instances of, let's just say toxic dreams, 159 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:20,760 nightmares or anything because sometimes they're a sign that 160 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,520 there are things that have not been dealt with. 161 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:26,400 But for me, there's another element that goes above that. 162 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:29,080 And what are people doing in that space? 163 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,720 Well, Pete, you, you're incredibly successful in that 164 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:33,280 space already. Meditation. 165 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:36,760 And could you just share, you know, for those that don't know 166 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:40,880 the type of traction that has been found through some of the 167 00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:45,920 meditative programs that you've been involved in? 168 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,680 Yes. First off, thank you for once 169 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:53,760 again sharing your perspective on things and just being mindful 170 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:57,680 that with with some people have got a different way of viewing 171 00:10:57,680 --> 00:11:01,000 themselves and what they believe in, whether you're a Christian, 172 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:04,320 whether you're a Buddhist, whether you don't believe in any 173 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:08,800 deity. I think it's that stopping and 174 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:13,120 looking at the experience of being yourself and just being 175 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,720 more curious about that. And I think it, we do live in a 176 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:19,000 world where it's quite challenging to do that. 177 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:23,280 I said to you when I was with you, if I had grown up now with 178 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:26,280 technology the way that it is, I really think I would have really 179 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:29,080 struggled because I've got a very active mind. 180 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:33,400 So being able to stop and observe what is the experience 181 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,400 of being me? That's, you know, with the 182 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,360 Greeks talked about that, you know, But Socrates, to know 183 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:43,200 thyself, to be aware of self is really where I think everything 184 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,000 starts. And that starts with a stop, 185 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:48,240 because you can't do that while you're doing something else. 186 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,720 To be able to. Just step back and again, 187 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:55,000 meditation has been spoken about from all different schools of, 188 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:59,440 of, of thought, just being aware of the mind, what the mind is 189 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:04,720 doing. And I love meditating and become 190 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:08,160 aware of peace and quiet. And then I can also hear that 191 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:11,000 voice that's, that doesn't want me to stay where I am. 192 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:15,960 It wants me to engage and I like to just know myself and I. 193 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:18,840 Think when you how. Else can you get to know who you 194 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:22,120 are if you don't do that journey within? 195 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,720 I don't see that there's any other way. 196 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:30,080 How do we get to know ourselves if we don't stop and take time 197 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,920 to consciously look at the experience of being ourselves? 198 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:37,880 It seems, Ray, that when we get to know who we are is in most 199 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:41,040 cases, through adversity. And I think what we're both 200 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,800 advocating here is that life is going to be difficult and 201 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,640 challenging. And maybe some of the things 202 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,880 that you've been through in your life have been signposts for you 203 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,200 in which you have changed and you have transformed. 204 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,040 But why wait for these things to happen? 205 00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:59,240 Why not consciously start to create your life based on who 206 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,840 you are? I wonder what your thoughts are 207 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:02,520 on that? Right. 208 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:08,960 I think it speaks directly to the name of the podcast. 209 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:14,720 It's really an important platform that actually you make 210 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:18,360 a commitment to being intentional on a daily basis. 211 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:24,320 And when you do that, it doesn't stop any oncoming traffic that 212 00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:26,720 may be coming your way. That's going to be a challenge. 213 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:29,160 But what it does do is prepare you. 214 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:33,600 You're better able to manoeuvre around things. 215 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:39,120 And when you do get hit hard like you have been with the dear 216 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:43,320 loss of Hannah, you are still in this incredible space to have a 217 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:47,920 conversation about it. Someone who's been frozen. 218 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:52,160 And we often talk about hand cells, fight or flight. 219 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:55,640 And if you take the opera historic perspective, 220 00:13:55,640 --> 00:14:00,600 Neanderthal man either runs from a Sabre toothed tiger or runs 221 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:04,080 towards it because it's so hungry or just fed up with 222 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:07,120 running. But in the modern age, speaking 223 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:11,000 to your point being with the modern technology, it's freeze. 224 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:13,320 So it's not just fight, flight or freeze. 225 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:18,600 And freeze means that people are living through events as if 226 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,000 there was a Sabre toothed tiger in their life attacking them, 227 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,360 but they're not moving. And that's happening over and 228 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:28,040 over again. And you're you're seeing very 229 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:33,680 dangerous levels of chemical balances in the body being 230 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:38,280 skewed towards people being ready to fight, but they're not 231 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,960 doing anything. Yeah, being busy, being busy. 232 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,280 Being busy and. They can be busy, they can be 233 00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:47,240 frozen with busyness. And I think our time together 234 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:51,280 was a time of introspection and reflection, but also our time 235 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,800 after you've left is equally just as important. 236 00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:57,320 So we've had a few days and we've just had a preamble talk 237 00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:01,200 before this podcast and they all connect because they're all 238 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:05,280 intentional. So I do think that the, the MI, 239 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:10,240 my intention is 365 days a week is a kind of foundational 240 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:14,640 principle and that stopping enables you to become 241 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:19,200 intentional because by stopping you start to find out the 242 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:24,160 priority of things. And meditation form prayer is a 243 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:29,160 form, you know, people can find ways to calm themselves. 244 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:31,960 And you know, when you were here, I like to understand the 245 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:35,000 science behind things. And you know this distinction 246 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:39,920 between the sympathetic and the parasympathetic nervous system, 247 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:42,440 They're out of balance at the moment. 248 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:44,880 And really all that means to anyone here is there are things 249 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:48,200 in your body that happen naturally, like breathing as an 250 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:52,120 example, but there are other things are geared towards you 251 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:55,360 reacting, fight or flight, the Saber toothed tiger. 252 00:15:55,720 --> 00:16:00,680 But what happens is the program, the the wonderful natural design 253 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:03,040 we are. Those two work to complement 254 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,760 each other, but when they start to get out of sync and conflict 255 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,400 with each other, there's a problem. 256 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:14,560 Stopping allows you to almost enable a reset and most research 257 00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:18,200 says it doesn't matter what age or stage you are in life, you 258 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:22,560 can reset your your body through deliberate and intentional 259 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:27,760 stopping and just creating a new action plan. 260 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:32,040 So I don't want anyone listening here thinking this is only for 261 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:34,520 someone of a particular age, etcetera. 262 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,840 Yeah, it's not the case. Well, you've. 263 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:38,960 You know when. We, when we started working 264 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:43,080 together, you immediately, well, very quickly said, look, you are 265 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,320 the people's coach. And I, I grappled with that a 266 00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:47,920 little bit because I think, well, am IA people's coach, you 267 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:51,040 know, the coach of the people or am IA performance coach, you 268 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,520 know, because I've done a lot of high performance coaching. 269 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:57,560 But I think at the heart of who I am, I am the people's coach. 270 00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,040 I've always been that person, the person of the people. 271 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:03,080 You know, when someone would join a gym and you know, they 272 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:06,440 were overweight and not in a particularly good way, that was 273 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:09,720 someone to me, one, one of, you know, an everyday person. 274 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,359 All the work I've done on television and, and really all 275 00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:15,000 the books I wrote, I think they were much more aimed at trying 276 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,560 to demystify and simplify things for people so everyone has a 277 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:22,200 chance to improve their life. Because, you know, the heart of 278 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:26,040 who Pete Cohen is, is yeah, I'm, I'm one of those people that's 279 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,400 very good at giving people a different perspective of where 280 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,160 they are. I am a coach. 281 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,440 You know, coaches are interested in helping you go from where you 282 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:36,800 are to where you want to be. But I'd say, you know, where 283 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:40,560 where you are, who you are and now who you want to be. 284 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,920 You know, and, and you've really just helped me refresh actually, 285 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:49,040 and, and, and kind of add some really powerful perspectives and 286 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:52,920 now tools as well that you know, something that, that you've 287 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:54,680 created on the back of our conversation. 288 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:59,280 And I know over the next few weeks, we will dive more deeply 289 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:03,760 into what you have created on the back of what we have been 290 00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:05,960 through together. Because this isn't a journey 291 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,800 that I've been on my own for the last few years. 292 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:11,760 You've really been there holding my hand through the darkest and 293 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:13,440 most challenging times of my life. 294 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,560 And I just wanted to to share 1 aspect. 295 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:18,720 Of this. And we can, we can pick this up 296 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:21,240 again, which I'm sure we will, but. 297 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,960 Can I share something as we come to an end here? 298 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:27,600 Yes, of course, of course. So again, thank you for your 299 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:31,640 input. The reason I suggested a 300 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:36,240 people's coach is that's more to do with where you and real 301 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,840 people are. Performance coach is someone 302 00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:41,800 that gets someone ready for an event or an experience. 303 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,680 Yeah. You look at much of the 304 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:47,680 biography of very successful people, you'll find that people, 305 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:52,880 when they reflect back on tremendous accomplishments, 306 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:58,480 many, and when I say many, the majority feel empty because all 307 00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:01,680 they've done is live their life focused on performance. 308 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:05,800 I would translate that in they focus their life on where they 309 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,080 are. So they put everything into 310 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,280 that. If you're a businessman and you 311 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,080 speak up, where am I? I'm a CEO, I'm a powerful, I'm a 312 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:16,120 partner, I'm doing all of these things, but at what expense? 313 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:20,560 I see your heart and I've seen it demonstrated time and time. 314 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:23,560 You care about people. So that's you care about where 315 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:27,400 who people are and where their real potential is. 316 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:31,360 And it's not in what I would call a limited, limited markers. 317 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,720 And that's no disrespect for the coaches out there saying I can 318 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:39,120 help you earn 100 X or whatever X they're talking about or I can 319 00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:41,280 transform this or transform that. 320 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:45,720 Ultimately, I believe you and I have a a similar path and a 321 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:49,480 similar value system. We literally care about people 322 00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:54,320 really comfortable with who they are and finding a sense of peace 323 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,520 in that. And then from that platform, 324 00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:58,960 performance is inevitable. You can do whatever you want, 325 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:03,480 but you're not defined by that. So hear me well when I say this, 326 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:08,200 This isn't about accumulation of wealth, of success or losing 327 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,520 weight, all of those things. There's nothing wrong with those 328 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,880 in of themselves. But they shouldn't be your 329 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:17,040 priority. Your priority knowing who you 330 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:18,320 are. I hope that makes sense. 331 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:19,320 No, it does. It makes. 332 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:21,520 It actually makes perfect. Sense and once. 333 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:23,920 Again, it really just highlights, you know, I know you 334 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,920 don't welcome me. Referring. 335 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,600 To you as my. Coach or my mentor? 336 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:34,040 I mean, putting a label on it is, you know, it's not, it's not 337 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:38,880 necessary, but you are definitely helping me. 338 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,240 First and foremost, you know we're friends. 339 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:45,880 But you also just make me appreciate the role I play when 340 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,400 I'm coaching people, and sometimes we all need someone to 341 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,280 make us. Realize who? 342 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,920 We are what we're doing, especially when you get really 343 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:56,040 close to someone, you, you start to see all sides of people and 344 00:20:56,040 --> 00:21:00,720 you've just made me go a bit deeper inside and made me really 345 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:04,560 appreciate who I actually AM and, and how good. 346 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,000 I remember we had a conversation when you, you know, because 347 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,240 we've kind of done a little map of my life and we were talking 348 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:13,600 about when I was 5 and I was diagnosed with dyslexia and, 349 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:16,600 and, and some other challenges around learning. 350 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:20,600 And then you said you compensated that or you found a 351 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:24,600 way to connect with people. You found a way to engage with 352 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:26,480 people, to communicate with people. 353 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:28,720 As a way. Of expressing myself. 354 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:32,040 And I did, and I've been doing that for a very long time and 355 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:37,440 engaging with people because I'm curious about who they are and 356 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:39,800 I'm curious about everyone who listens to this podcast, 357 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:41,800 wherever you are. In the world. 358 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:45,720 We are very curious. About you and we would love to 359 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:51,000 help you and support you to tap into the the power or tap into 360 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,040 the essence of, of, of who you are. 361 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:54,200 What? What? 362 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:57,440 Is there anything that? You would like our listeners to 363 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:02,920 to hear from you today. I think you've articulated it, 364 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:06,160 Pete, in this conversation, but I I'll reemphasize it. 365 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,800 We are more interested in you the person than you the 366 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:15,520 performer. And it's the reason why I think 367 00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:18,960 that Pete is a people's coach and not a performance coach. 368 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:23,880 Now again, anyone who's a high performer in a sport or a 369 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:28,920 station in life, we see through history from the Greeks and many 370 00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:33,200 civilizations, the celebration of people that have prowess and 371 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:38,040 ability in an area, but those abilities in of themselves do 372 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:40,320 not secure contentment and fulfilment. 373 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:44,360 So we're interested in you, the person. 374 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:50,760 All of your performances are important, but that the apex of 375 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:53,960 the triangle that is you, is you, the person. 376 00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,400 And that's really what we want you to do. 377 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:59,800 And then everything can cascade down when you're comfortable 378 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:04,320 with who you are, and then you are meaningfully prepared to 379 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:06,440 deal with life events. Yeah. 380 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:12,440 Well, we will continue to explore and continue to have 381 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:16,040 these conversations and hopefully tonight I'll get a 382 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:21,280 proper night's sleep and I'm looking forward to tomorrow. 383 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:23,560 I've got an event tomorrow I'm speaking at. 384 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:27,480 And I'm I'm really looking forward to continuing. 385 00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:30,160 On this journey with you. So I I. 386 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:34,920 Appreciate you, Ray. And enjoy the rest of your day. 387 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:37,320 Absolutely. On that note, though, I would 388 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,960 say that you've always been present, Pete. 389 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:44,760 All you're doing is creating clear, identical, identifiable 390 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:48,880 distinctions between performance Pete and the person Pete. 391 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:50,720 That's really. I agree. 392 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:53,720 I think that's also a really important point there. 393 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:56,960 It's not like I'm finding someone who wasn't there. 394 00:23:56,960 --> 00:24:02,000 I've always been there. That's just appreciating it more 395 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:07,120 and, and, and loving, loving myself, you know, but we've 396 00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:10,240 definitely got some good, more good, good stuff to come and 397 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:14,760 enjoy the rest of your day, Ray. Likewise, take care, bye for 398 00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:19,320 now, bye. Thank you for joining us for 399 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,040 another episode of Stop to Think. 400 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:24,360 Perhaps the greatest invitation today isn't just to think 401 00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:28,080 differently, but to become more curious about your thought life. 402 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,640 What occupies your mind each day? 403 00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:33,600 Are your thoughts moving you towards peace, purpose and 404 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,840 possibility, or keeping you in survival mode? 405 00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:42,200 Many of us spend more time than we realise in fight, flight or 406 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:46,880 freeze, reacting, anticipating, trying to stay ahead. 407 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:50,240 Yet our bodies were never designed to live there 408 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:53,080 constantly. What if pausing for a few 409 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:56,440 moments each day allowed your mind and body to reset? 410 00:24:56,720 --> 00:25:00,160 What if awareness of your thoughts was the beginning of 411 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:03,360 real change? We're not here to tell you what 412 00:25:03,360 --> 00:25:06,280 to think, only to encourage you to notice your. 413 00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:09,000 Thoughts. How they shape your experience 414 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:12,840 and whether they're helping you become who you truly are. 415 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:16,880 If this has resonated with you, then we would love to hear from 416 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,040 you. We ask you to subscribe to the 417 00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:23,120 podcast, share it with someone who might benefit, and join the 418 00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:25,760 Stop to Think newsletter on LinkedIn. 419 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:29,160 Until next time. Remember, transformation doesn't 420 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:31,440 begin by changing your circumstances. 421 00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:35,560 It begins with awareness of your thoughts and discovering the 422 00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:40,840 person behind the performance. We'll see you next time.