1 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:08,520 Welcome to the Stop to Think podcast with me, Pete Cohen and 2 00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:12,400 Doctor Ray Sylvester. This episode is called When Life 3 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:16,480 Changes Everything. But before we begin this 4 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:18,680 episode, I just want to say a few words. 5 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:22,640 The conversation you're about to hear was recorded just a few 6 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:24,560 months after my wife had passed away. 7 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:28,320 And of all the conversations we've shared from this period, 8 00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:31,840 this is the one that is the most personal and emotional. 9 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:34,760 If you've been following this series from the beginning, 10 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:38,720 you'll know that these podcasts document a real journey. 11 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:41,440 They weren't created looking back with the benefit of 12 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:44,160 hindsight. They weren't recorded as a way 13 00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:48,760 of living through one of the most challenging periods of my 14 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:52,120 life. In this episode, you'll hear me 15 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:56,080 become emotional a couple of times, and I wanted to leave it 16 00:00:56,080 --> 00:01:00,000 in because it's real. Those emotions came from a 17 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:04,120 profound realization that was beginning to emerge. 18 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:08,160 One of the central ideas behind Stop to Think is this. 19 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:13,560 Where you are isn't who you are. My wife Hannah really, really 20 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:18,640 understood this and she got to know who she was by the most 21 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:22,360 challenging season in her life. Long before cancer became the 22 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:26,120 defining circumstances of her life, she had discovered 23 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:30,760 something much deeper. She knew that she was a creator, 24 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:34,280 but didn't really create. She had a nine to five job that 25 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:38,960 she liked, but through her becoming I'll, it really made 26 00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:41,840 her look at what she was doing with a fresh pair of eyes and 27 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:45,240 she became a quilter. She became known as the bespoke 28 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:48,680 quilter. She found meaning in creating, 29 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:52,000 giving and loving. She knew who she was and she 30 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:56,920 fought with everything she had to continue living that life and 31 00:01:56,920 --> 00:02:00,840 doing what she loved. But the heartbreaking reality is 32 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:04,880 that despite her courage, she eventually became a victim of 33 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:08,080 where she was, not because she lacked hope or strength, but 34 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:12,240 because sometimes life brings circumstances that no amount of 35 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:17,880 determination can overcome. That realization really hit me 36 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,080 incredibly hard. It also strengthened my 37 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:23,480 conviction that one of the most important things any of us will 38 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:27,520 do is discover who we are beneath our circumstances, 39 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:32,080 beneath our roles, beneath our achievements, and beneath our 40 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:36,760 struggles. This is a commitment behind Stop 41 00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:42,280 to Think to help people slow down, step back, reflect, and 42 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:47,080 discover who they really are. I hope this conversation 43 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:52,480 encourages you to do the same. I'll see you with this podcast I 44 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:58,800 recorded just over three years ago in November 2023. 45 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,800 I want to just share a few things with with you, whether 46 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:22,200 you're listening to this podcast for the first time, a little bit 47 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:25,000 about, you know who I am, because I think that that's the 48 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,320 greatest discovery that any of us will ever go on. 49 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:30,320 The greatest journey, the greatest exploration to boldly 50 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:33,520 go where no man has gone before. But that's what they say in Star 51 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:34,960 Trek. But are we going to a place that 52 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:36,840 we've not gone before? Or are we going to a place 53 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:40,280 that's always been there, but we just have not gone there or been 54 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:43,120 frightened to go there? Or we've gone through certain 55 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,320 things in our life. Maybe that's some form of 56 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:51,720 institutions, education, family, community, environment, culture 57 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:55,400 that has perhaps shaped you to a point where who you are isn't 58 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,320 who you are. You know, I talked about this at 59 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,080 an event the other day. I was, I was talking about when 60 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:01,640 you meet someone for the first time, you know, what's the first 61 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:03,720 information that you glean from someone? 62 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:07,080 It's really, you know, what's your name, But you know, are you 63 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,360 your name? What your name was given to you, 64 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:12,800 unless of course, you've changed your name, but you're not your 65 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:13,960 name. Your name was given to you. 66 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,079 You're more than your name. And then you'd ask for someone 67 00:04:16,079 --> 00:04:18,880 what they do for a living. And are you do, are you what you 68 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:21,040 do for a living or is there more to you? 69 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:23,240 And then people would say, you know, where do you live? 70 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:27,440 And this is such an important thing that I really want to 71 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:29,400 touch on. You know, where do you live? 72 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,440 And I'm not talking about where you live in the world. 73 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:32,840 You know, where do you live in you? 74 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,360 You know, you live in this body, right? 75 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,440 You live in this mind. We live in this thing that we're 76 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:40,720 carrying around with us, this thing that it's very easy just 77 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:45,080 to not really appreciate what your body and your mind can do. 78 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:49,800 And I think what's happened for me is the last few months have 79 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:54,760 been, you know, the biggest game changing moments, the biggest 80 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:58,600 stop moments in my life. And I don't know how many months 81 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:04,000 it is now, but you know, since my wife Hannah passed away in 82 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:09,480 May this year, I mean, it's been a real, I don't know what the 83 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:11,040 word is. I'm trying to find the word. 84 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:14,920 I suppose anyone that's ever dealt with grief of someone 85 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:18,160 who's very close to them, you know that it's, it's not 86 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,720 straightforward. It's not, it's not a straight 87 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:24,880 line. Five years ago, my, my mother, 88 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:28,120 my dad passed away. And then two years ago my mum 89 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,440 passed away. And then in May this year, my 90 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:33,920 wife passed away. And this experience with my wife 91 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:36,880 has been so much harder. It's been something which has 92 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:38,440 been quite hard to make sense of. 93 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:41,640 And that's one of the reasons I've had endless conversations 94 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,000 with Doctor Ray and my brother and other people. 95 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:47,480 I I was speaking to a psychotherapist before my wife 96 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,120 actually died. When it got to the point where I 97 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:53,000 knew that there was no coming back from where she was, I 98 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,640 really needed some help because I found myself in a position 99 00:05:55,800 --> 00:06:00,000 that I'd never been in before. And it was really helpful. 100 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:03,040 And then since she passed away, I've had another one session 101 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:06,040 with that person. But Doctor Ray is someone that I 102 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:10,040 have had a lot of time to try and make sense of this 103 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:11,600 experience. And then also my really good 104 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:16,240 friend Dale White, who's head of Suzuki here in the UK and 105 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:17,800 Ireland. And he also lost his wife 106 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,480 recently. And just this whole shared 107 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:24,400 experience, because I think life is a lot easier when you've got 108 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:28,160 great people around you, when you've got people that genuinely 109 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:30,120 care for you. Now listen, you might be 110 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:32,120 listening to this. I know people listen to our 111 00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:34,880 podcast all over the world. And I don't know where you are 112 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:38,680 in the world right now, but wherever you are, I want you to 113 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,480 know that whoever you are, I care for you. 114 00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:46,480 And I'm sure Doctor Ray is the same because let me let me just 115 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:49,200 go a little bit deeper into a few things here. 116 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:54,080 So First off, the last few months I have travelled to so 117 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,080 many different places. I have been to Dallas, I've been 118 00:06:57,080 --> 00:07:00,200 to Houston, I've been to Indianapolis where I said I've 119 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:01,400 been. I've been to Florence, I've been 120 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:04,520 to Portugal, I've been to Ireland a couple of times. 121 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:07,480 I'm sure I just came back from Spain. 122 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,600 I'm going to Indianapolis. When when you listen to this or 123 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:13,160 chances are when you're listening to it, when it goes 124 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:15,880 live, I will be on a plane going over to Indianapolis. 125 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:22,760 I'm also going to supposedly we'll see Tibet Pakis not sorry, 126 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:27,040 sorry, Tibet, Hong Kong, China, and in January I'm going to 127 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:30,960 Uganda and someone someone was saying to me other day, you 128 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:32,160 know, do you think it's a good idea? 129 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,040 You know, aren't you just kind of not dealing with what maybe 130 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:37,520 you need to deal with? And look, I'm definitely dealing 131 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:41,040 with what I need to deal with. I just find it very therapeutic 132 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:44,320 to see the world. I love the world, I love people. 133 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:48,000 I, I love to help people stop. And I think what's happened for 134 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:51,800 me is this, this journey, this hard yards that I have been 135 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:55,920 through and going through have made me really stop and look at 136 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:58,440 who I am. And I have a much higher 137 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:02,280 appreciation though I am. I think if you listen to my 138 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,280 podcast years ago, you'd see a different person. 139 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:08,840 And for those of you that have followed my work for so many 140 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:11,560 years, I mean, look, people also ask me about books. 141 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:14,000 Someone asked me about which one of your 20 books should I read 142 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,240 And I, I said, I don't think any of them, to be honest. 143 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:20,440 I mean, there's one which is inspirators, which I think is a 144 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:23,160 really, which is a good book. But all the others pretty much I 145 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:27,440 don't really agree with a lot of what I was saying because I have 146 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,440 evolved. I'm not where I was. 147 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:32,720 I'm, I'm a different person now and I look at so many things 148 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:34,760 differently through experience, through studying. 149 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:41,000 And I have always wanted people to just know how great they are. 150 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:46,080 And I think that's one of my, my skills as a coach is to 151 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:49,360 genuinely help people stop and look at where they are. 152 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:52,080 And that's also something that Doctor Ray, I remember where I 153 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:54,200 was because I've also been to tries in Italy. 154 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,160 I've also been to Vienna recently. 155 00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,000 I remember having a conversation with Doctor Ray. 156 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:02,080 I remember exactly where I was And I, I stopped in my tracks 157 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,920 when I was walking because he's one of those people. 158 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,160 Like any great, what people would call a coach, they 159 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:09,640 wouldn't really tell you, you know, they're they're kind 160 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:13,040 enough to give you the space to work things out for yourself. 161 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:17,840 But he said, Pete, I think really what your onlyness is is 162 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:21,720 your ability to help people stop, just stop and look and 163 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,800 look at things differently. And it was, it was interesting 164 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:27,240 because he just told me something that I already know, 165 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:29,880 but I didn't know it at the level that I know it now. 166 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:33,720 And then you listening to this podcast, I'd love you maybe just 167 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:36,040 to be able to stop, even if you're walking or cooking or 168 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:41,120 cleaning and, and just stop and look within and maybe realize 169 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:44,120 that there's more to you than meets the eye. 170 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:47,440 I've mentioned this before, but for so much of my life, I was 171 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:49,840 looking for validation. I was looking for people to tell 172 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:53,000 me that I was something that I didn't believe about myself. 173 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:56,400 And it was a hiding to being burnt out. 174 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,800 It was a hiding to not really enjoying where I was. 175 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:02,640 And through the passing of my wife, I've really gone on a 176 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:07,680 journey of looking at who I am. And I was in Malaga, I think 177 00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:12,040 yesterday, yesterday in Marbella and I actually started my 178 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:16,000 presentation to a whole load of entrepreneur business owners, 179 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,360 fantastic group of people. We had them for three days. 180 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:22,080 I've, I've never seen such hungry people in the looks of 181 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:25,000 their eyes to grow and advance and make a difference. 182 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,720 It was truly an amazing experience. 183 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,480 And you should have seen the look on their faces when I got 184 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:31,720 on stage and said, is it OK for me to ask you a question? 185 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,400 And they all kind of said, yeah. I said, who are you? 186 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:41,520 And of course, as you can imagine, the room went silence 187 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,680 as it. That's a deep question to ask. 188 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,120 So how about another question that maybe is not so 189 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:48,560 challenging? What's the meaning of life? 190 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:53,480 And again, you know, you could hear the pin drop. 191 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:57,440 So I said, maybe the meaning of life is the meaning you give it. 192 00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:00,040 Maybe that's something you agree. 193 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:03,200 That's what I believe that mean. The meaning of my life is the 194 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:06,800 meaning I give it, and the meaning I give my life right now 195 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:11,080 is it's an opportunity as challenging as it is for me. 196 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:13,040 And I know this is very self indulgent. 197 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:16,480 I'm talking a lot about myself here and I appreciate you 198 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,000 listening. But maybe in you listening to 199 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,360 what I'm saying, it'll maybe help you to look at where you 200 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:25,560 are differently because where you are isn't who you are. 201 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:31,480 Yes, I am a widower. Do I want to be a widower? 202 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,040 No, of course not. I would want nothing more than 203 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:39,080 for my wife to be here. I miss her like, like I've never 204 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:43,480 missed anything. I don't think of all the things 205 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:46,080 you could think you could miss in your life that you like, a 206 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:50,560 cup of coffee or, I don't know, chocolate or whatever it is in 207 00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:53,000 your life is you. Do I really miss that or miss a 208 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:56,480 person? I miss so many people that 209 00:11:56,480 --> 00:12:06,600 aren't here anymore. I miss my dad, I miss my mum and 210 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,800 this number of my friends that aren't here anymore. 211 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,560 Now it's not a competition to say who wins, who you miss the 212 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:16,320 most. But of course I miss my wife. 213 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:22,800 She was incredible and I married her, not for a day or a week, 214 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,400 but it was for the rest of my life. 215 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:34,080 But I tell you, of all the people I know, all the people 216 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:42,400 I've ever met in my life who I've known personally, who 217 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:50,200 didn't let where she was define who she was, What do I mean by 218 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:51,720 that? When you're not given long to 219 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:56,400 live, when you know that you're facing death and you still say 220 00:12:56,400 --> 00:13:00,560 I'm not accepting this. I'm not accepting where I am 221 00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:08,280 because it is not who I am. And that's what this whole 222 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:11,280 journey has done for me. It has really made me think 223 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:14,360 about who I am and what is really important. 224 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:19,280 And of course, it's difficult. And for anyone out there that's 225 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:24,040 lost someone, I love you and I appreciate you and my thoughts 226 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:26,360 are with you. I met a man yesterday in the 227 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:30,160 hotel, very successful person who's come from nothing. 228 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:34,480 Who made a business from selling fish and sold it for millions. 229 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:37,320 And then his son has copied him and built an even bigger 230 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:38,760 business. And we were talking and then we 231 00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:41,160 realised we knew some of the same people. 232 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,440 And he told me his wife died a few years ago. 233 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:50,720 And you see this common humanity of humans when we come together 234 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,920 and we care for each other, what we can do for each other. 235 00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:59,000 Isn't that amazing? What we can do for each other, 236 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:02,080 isn't that just the most amazing thing that you can be there for 237 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,440 someone? You can love someone because, 238 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:10,600 you know, I think, I believe deep down humans we're just a 239 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:15,960 couple of things apart from matter and molecules and atoms. 240 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:19,920 And I just think we're love. I think humans are love. 241 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:22,400 As I really, I said that yesterday to a group that was 242 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:27,840 predominantly men and I see them are green. 243 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:31,240 We are just love. And as I reflect back on the 244 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:34,440 work that I've done for the last five years at least about future 245 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:39,520 self and now have a renewed awareness around that because I 246 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:42,200 know and we've seen this in studies where you put people in 247 00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:44,800 fMRI machines and you wire their brains up and you ask them to 248 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,040 think of themselves. We see a region of the brain 249 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:50,880 light up. We ask people to think of a 250 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:52,440 stranger. We see a different region of the 251 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:56,240 brain light up. We ask people to think of a of a 252 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:59,320 straight someone in the future, like a year in the future, and 253 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:02,200 what we see is the stranger part of the brain lights up. 254 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,920 People don't really identify if I said what are you doing 255 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,120 tonight or tomorrow or next week? 256 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:11,880 Maybe you have an idea, maybe that in your mind exists, but to 257 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:15,080 helping people see a future self they want to go out and create, 258 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:17,600 I think is one of the most powerful thing as a coach you 259 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,520 can understand if you're coaching someone, you want 260 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:21,960 someone to come on a journey or you want to go on their journey 261 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:23,600 with them. However you look at it, the word 262 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,400 coach comes from a coach and horses, right? 263 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,600 So you ask somewhere you want to go somewhere where do you want 264 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,920 to go and wherever you want to go, What does that look like 265 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,880 where you've gone? You want to be slimmer, fitter 266 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,080 and healthy. You want to build a business. 267 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:38,360 What does that look like? Well, who's the person that's 268 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:42,760 done it? And, and helping people realize 269 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:47,080 that that person already exists. But now I realize that that 270 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:50,720 journey of becoming your future self for me personally, the way 271 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:54,800 I look at it is so much easier when you know who you are 272 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,720 already because who you are already. 273 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:02,200 And that's what I have to thank massively for Doctor Ray is to 274 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:06,240 really encourage me to stop. And we will continue to have 275 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:09,960 more conversations around this because we've really enjoyed 276 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:13,720 spending time together talking about this. 277 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:16,480 And next week, we will record a few more podcasts to share with 278 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:18,160 you. And if you're one of those 279 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,080 people that wants to continue that journey of self, 280 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:24,520 discovering the essence of who you are and bringing that into 281 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,040 the world. See, as challenging as it's 282 00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:29,960 been, I am in some respects better than ever. 283 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,200 I am a better speaker in some respects. 284 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,200 I'm happier than ever. Which sound crazy to people. 285 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:40,280 It doesn't mean I don't have true really challenging moments 286 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,600 like coming back in my home, which I'm here for a few days. 287 00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:48,200 I have a beautiful picture of my wife with the Angel wings and I, 288 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:53,720 I see her and I, I miss her. And you know, today, right now, 289 00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:56,360 I'm actually looking at my phone because I've got this ring thing 290 00:16:56,360 --> 00:17:00,080 on it where if someone rings, I've got a really special 291 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,960 delivery coming today. And it's, it's really, really, 292 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:05,640 and it almost didn't not look like it was coming. 293 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:07,839 And I have to tell you what this is like, one of my heroes is 294 00:17:07,839 --> 00:17:10,920 Michael Jordan. Someone asked me yesterday, why, 295 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:12,760 why do you love Michael Jordan so much? 296 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,920 And I told him when I was at university, one of my friends 297 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:20,720 had a poster that was very wide. It wasn't very high, but it was 298 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:22,560 wide. It was Michael Jordan's arms. 299 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,680 And I was holding a basketball in one arm, one hand. 300 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:28,560 And I told who I said, who is this? 301 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:29,480 Because I didn't know who he was. 302 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,240 And he told me. And then just by chance, 303 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,160 basketball was on television here in the UK on Channel 4. 304 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:35,840 And I used to watch, I used to watch him. 305 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:38,440 And I thought this guy because I was amazed by I was studying 306 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:41,840 sports science, I was really into sport and I became obsessed 307 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:43,600 by this person. I've been obsessed with him ever 308 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,520 since. Right now I'm wearing a Michael 309 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,360 Jordan T-shirt, Michael Jordan top. 310 00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:49,640 I'm wearing Michael Jordan tracksuit bottoms. 311 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:52,800 I am all over Jordan. And I collected every shirt that 312 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:56,560 Michael Jordan wore, every single shirt from being at 313 00:17:56,560 --> 00:18:00,600 school to highs to university to playing for America for wearing 314 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:04,720 23, wearing 45, wearing 9 for the USA team. 315 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:07,640 I mean, look, this might be boring the pants off you, but I 316 00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:09,480 collected every shirt. And you know what? 317 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:13,840 All of those shirts were just gathering dust in a bag 318 00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:18,120 somewhere. And I just said to my wife, I 319 00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:20,160 said, hammer, you know what? I'd love it if you could help me 320 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:22,520 with this because my wife became a quilter. 321 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:27,160 See who my wife was was a very intentional human being who 322 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,720 could create. She was an amazing creator, but 323 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:32,320 it was crazy what she went through because it was only 324 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:36,080 through having a brain tumor in 2011 game not been given long to 325 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:39,480 live, making this incredible recovery, refusing to accept, 326 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:44,960 refusing to accept that what she was facing, refusing to accept 327 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:48,360 it. And it's amazing because through 328 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:51,680 that she decided and I never forget that when she today she 329 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,920 told me, she said I want to get this machine. 330 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,040 It's got a long arm quilting machine. 331 00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,800 You know, it's a serious expensive piece of kit that she 332 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:02,240 could start quilting. And it was amazing what she did. 333 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:06,120 She was known as the bis bespoke quilter. 334 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:09,280 So people would send her like Liverpool shirts. 335 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:13,080 One lady, a lady called Anne Gash, had collected a liver, 336 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:16,040 bought a Liverpool shirt for her son every year from the year of 337 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:20,720 1 and Hannah made a quilt from every single shirt all the way 338 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,240 up to 18. She made quilts from people that 339 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:26,360 have passed away from the shirts that the wife had kept, the 340 00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:29,920 shirts of the husband. She made so many amazing things 341 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,480 and some of you are lucky enough in this world to have some of 342 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:36,080 her work. But the last job that she wanted 343 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:40,840 to do was to make this quilt, this Michael Jordan thing into a 344 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:44,920 quilt. But all she was able to do was 345 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:48,160 cut them up. That was all, that was all she 346 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:52,160 was able to do. But she had amazing people 347 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,360 around her. That's what I'm waiting for. 348 00:19:54,800 --> 00:20:01,560 I'm waiting for the postman to bring it, to bring it to me. 349 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,760 I'm waiting. I'm looking right now on the 350 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:08,280 phone which is showing outside my front door. 351 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:15,800 And hopefully he'll be here soon because her friend Sarah. 352 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:21,400 Who lives locally? To us, Hannah reinvented 353 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,920 herself. It's a crazy story. 354 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:27,080 I mean, it's a story of common humanity. 355 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:30,360 It's a story of someone facing something difficult. 356 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:35,360 Hannah not only made quilts, but she wanted to teach people how 357 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:36,920 to cook. She wanted to teach people how 358 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:40,080 to make things. So Sarah, who had a sewing shop 359 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,200 near where we live, they became friends. 360 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,200 Hannah started teaching classes in there. 361 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:49,080 Hannah became sick. I just, what was that maybe two 362 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:52,360 years ago now, a year and a half ago and she wasn't able to teach 363 00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:54,280 and that's all she want. Not many things she wanted to 364 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:57,120 do. But then we went to Germany, 365 00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,680 which is what we were doing this time last year. 366 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,400 But we were going backwards and forwards to Germany and she was 367 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:06,080 fighting to live and she made an incredible recovery. 368 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:14,280 She was not where she was. Where she was was not who she 369 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,040 was. She was a fighter, she was a 370 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:21,320 creator. She sewed it all together and 371 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,400 then we sent it to a few different people who were going 372 00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,840 to quilt it, but they wouldn't quilt it because it was just too 373 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:27,600 thick. It wasn't something they felt 374 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:32,960 comfortable doing. And then two amazing people, Liz 375 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:36,560 and Peter from Pinhole Quilting, I think that's the name of their 376 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:40,200 business, who Hannah bought her quoting machine from. 377 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:49,760 They became really good friends. She quilted it yesterday. 378 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:54,120 She got to the one of her colleagues got to the post 379 00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:58,600 office and it was too late. They said we can't post it you, 380 00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:01,320 it's too late. But with a bit of persuasion, I 381 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,760 didn't think it was now going to come until maybe Monday and 382 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:05,840 maybe I'll be gone to America. So I wouldn't see it till I got 383 00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:14,800 back. But it's coming and I'm waiting 384 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,760 and I'm looking. I'm sure you can imagine it's 385 00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:20,920 going to be quite emotional, opening up this thing the Hammer 386 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:24,120 started and all these other people put their energy into. 387 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:33,000 Because I see that humans have just such an opportunity to make 388 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:34,440 a difference to other people's lives. 389 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:38,680 And I've always prided myself on that, maybe for years, not even 390 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:43,320 knowing that that's what I was doing, just what my parents 391 00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:52,080 showed me how to do, which was to be kind, to listen, to learn. 392 00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:57,920 I'm not perfect, but this whole experience has really given me a 393 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:02,760 deeper sense of who I am. Who are you? 394 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:06,440 I'd love to help you and support you and you just realizing how 395 00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:10,960 flippin amazing you are and maybe stop looking outside of 396 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,760 yourself and go on that journey within. 397 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,520 And it's not always the easiest journey, but it's a wonderful 398 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:19,840 journey. And I look at people perhaps 399 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:22,960 thinking me and watching me over the last three days. 400 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:25,120 You're talking to everyone. Why are you doing this? 401 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:28,960 Because it's an honour to be in people's lives. 402 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,320 It's an honour to listen. It's an honour. 403 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:35,600 What an honour. Because one day I'll be gone and 404 00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:38,480 one of the things will be left is these podcasts. 405 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:43,880 This is part of my legacy and I just want to thank you for 406 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:49,760 listening. But I also just encourage you 407 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,680 just to stop and just realize just how freaking awesome you 408 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:57,080 really are. You know, this young lady who I 409 00:23:57,080 --> 00:24:02,000 know is talking to me about not being intelligent and, you know, 410 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:06,520 not being having gone to university and you know that 411 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:10,440 kind of, I'm less than. There's no one who's less than 412 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:13,920 or more than anybody else. We are all equal. 413 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:16,520 I am the people's coach and I know that. 414 00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:20,480 I know that no one is better than anyone else. 415 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:25,640 Everyone has a right to be here. God, does the world need so many 416 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:29,840 of us to be more loving and kind and look to be there for each 417 00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:35,440 other, as Gandhi said, to be the change that you want to see in 418 00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,200 the world. He knew deep down who he was, 419 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:43,160 but he also knew who he had to become in becoming that better 420 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:46,280 version of himself. I want to thank you for 421 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:51,400 listening to this and allowing me to be just real, real. 422 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:55,120 And thank you, Doctor Ray, for encouraging me to do it, because 423 00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:57,800 I wouldn't have done this if you hadn't have encouraged me to do 424 00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:04,800 it. So if you are listening to this 425 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,680 wherever you are, feel free to reach out to us whether it's on 426 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:16,840 Instagram or LinkedIn and tell us who are you and how can we 427 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:21,200 help you? Massive thanks to all of you, 428 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,760 wherever you are in the world. I I have so much love for you 429 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:30,520 and I'm looking forward to learning and growing with you. 430 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:37,960 Lots more conversations to have. Thank you for listening. 431 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:40,400 And if there's one thing I'd love you to take away from this 432 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:44,280 conversation, it's this. Where you are isn't who you are. 433 00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:48,320 Life will take all of us through seasons we never expected. 434 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:51,440 Some will bring us joy, others will bring us heartbreak. 435 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:56,600 But beneath every circumstance is the person you truly are, and 436 00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:59,720 that person is definitely worth discovering. 437 00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:03,520 If this episode has resonated with you, I'd encourage you to 438 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:07,840 spend a few moments today simply stopping, stepping back, reflect 439 00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:10,880 and ask yourself, who am I beneath everything that's 440 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:14,880 happening in my life right now? And as always, thank you for 441 00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:17,680 being a part of this journey. Feel free to follow us on 442 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,280 LinkedIn, the Stop to Think newsletter. 443 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:24,240 Follow Doctor Ray and myself on LinkedIn or on Instagram. 444 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,680 But until next time, keep being you.