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Welcome back to the Stop to 
Think podcast. 

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Today's episode is called Stand 
Up for Your Authenticity. 

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Over the last few episodes, 
Doctor Ray, Sylvester and I have

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been exploring some of the 
biggest questions we can ever 

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ask ourselves. 
Questions that really require us

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to reflect, to slow down, to 
step back, to pause, and to even

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stop. 
Questions like who am I? 

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Why do I think the way I do? 
What am I attached to? 

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How do I become more authentic? 
And what in my life is really 

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important to me now? 
These conversations, they 

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weren't planned. 
They have unfolded and they 

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started as I was facing the most
challenging season of my life 

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and Doctor Ray, who's my friend,
my coach and my mentor really 

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went out of his way to help me 
and we recorded a number of 

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these conversations and this is 
where Stop to Think was really 

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born this episode brings some of
those conversations together. 

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We explore why attachment helps 
us to survive, but authenticity 

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helps us to thrive. 
We talk about the stories we've 

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inherited, the beliefs we've 
carried for years, and why 

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creating space to stop, think, 
and reflect allows us to become 

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the author of our own lives. 
Now, as always, this isn't about

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having all of the answers. 
It's just an invitation to 

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become more curious about 
yourself. 

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So wherever you're listening 
today, welcome to Stop to Think.

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I'll see you with Doctor Ray in 
Indianapolis in 2024. 

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The greater things that are 
We're recording Ray. 

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We are. 
We are. 

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On another beautiful day as we 
take our first steps. 

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So yesterday we recorded a 
podcast, which was very deep and

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we talked about a number of 
different things in depth, but 

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there was a couple of things 
that really I thought, what's 

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the word? 
It would be nice to poignant, 

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poignant topics around identity,
but also attachment and 

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authenticity. 
And I, I, I love identity. 

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And I know that's something that
you, it's something you're 

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really, really into. 
In fact, when you looked at my, 

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my 365 of all those years ago, a
couple of years ago, or nearly 

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three years ago actually, and 
you're going my, am I, my 

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intentions now delivered 
intention became a really big 

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word for me. 
Years before that, it was all 

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about identity. 
And actually the red dot above 

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the eye, if you look at our 
logo, for me, that was like when

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you know who you are, your 
identity is such a, it's such a 

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wonderful thing when you know 
who you are and you stand, you 

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stand for something. 
So it would be nice to, and I 

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know a few weeks ago when we 
talked about doing another 

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season of podcasts, you talked 
about identity. 

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And I know it's a very, very 
deep conversation to have. 

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It's a deep subject, right? 
It is identity formation, 

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probably what I would start it 
on, because identity in of 

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itself is very complex. 
Is it what you say you are? 

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Is it what someone else is? 
Yeah. 

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Is it a mixture of the two? 
So the first thing I say, 

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there's no clarity to identity. 
It's something that you have to 

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be comfortable. 
You're holding your hand firm 

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enough that you've got in your 
hand, but loose enough that 

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you're open to change. 
Because one thing's guaranteed 

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in life that your identity both 
tangibly as we age and 

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intangibly as we mature and 
sometimes become more immature, 

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the emotional intelligence 
aspect, it's really complex. 

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So I suppose the question is, 
within that field, what do we 

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decide to talk about today? 
Because there's really no, we 

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can't sign off his identity, 
start and stop. 

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It's just an element of it 
really today. 

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So I suppose, what's on your 
mind? 

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Attachment and authenticity 
around identity I think is. 

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Well, yeah, again, massive 
fields, but we can, we can go 

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through the what I would say are
the basic tenants of that that 

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are men, mankind, humankind. 
By definition, particularly in 

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the mammal Kingdom, there's a a 
nurturing period where the young

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are nursed by their mothers. 
And that process in the whole 

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animal Kingdom, not least 
obviously the human race, 

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there's an attachment and it 
seems it's for protection, 

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nurturing, growth and maturity. 
I think for me, what I would say

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in this just initial overview is
that attachment is absolutely 

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necessary. 
It's part of the survival 

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mechanism. 
So you survive through 

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attachment. 
But you don't. 

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Thrive through attachment. 
Thriving is when you become 

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authentic through your own 
decision about what you're going

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to stand for. 
Perhaps your values, your 

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interests, your purpose. 
So I, I think we've discussed 

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this largely is something that 
many people never discuss is 

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what attachments have they 
garnered over time, which 

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they're an unconscious level 
exists and then they can be 

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quite triggered into actions 
because there's a stirring of 

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emotions. 
And sometimes they don't 

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actually know what the origin is
from because it's deeply laid 

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down from an infant age all the 
way through. 

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So again, a complex area, but 
one we can attempt to cover some

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headlines on and and suggestions
for people. 

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So I think it's mammals, birds 
and us. 

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I mean, we really are born into 
a world where there are massive,

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you know, it's like it's 
everything, all right? 

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We are our attachments, right? 
And I like what when you when 

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you talk about how complex it 
is, it is, you know, but you 

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actually said something a few 
weeks ago to me. 

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And I really thought about that,
about how difficult it is to be 

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a human just by the way that 
we're made the way that we with 

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our brain and our body and our 
mind that to try and make sense 

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of the world and to find peace 
and contentment and fulfillment.

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What it seems unhappiness, what 
most people are looking for. 

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It's it's a challenge, I think 
for most of the people I've met 

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in my life and definitely for 
myself to actually stop, which 

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is another theme that you and I 
have talked about and to, to 

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look at the attachments that we 
have and to realise maybe you're

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more than your attachments that 
whatever you're attached to. 

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But I do really like the 
conversation and I I enjoy and 

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I've known I've met a few people
over the last few months because

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I've been talking more and more 
about this. 

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You see, there's a real, what's 
the word when it's, it's quite 

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inspiring to, to be able to look
at your, what you're attached to

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in a way where you become 
empowered because you realise, 

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oh, I realise where that comes 
from and what attached. 

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Do you think people perhaps 
unaware of that are impacting 

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their lives? 
Well, the first thing to say 

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there, Pete, is all attachments 
are connected to our interaction

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with the world around us. 
Yeah. 

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So the obvious thing here is to 
really make reference to the 

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five senses because that's how 
we make sense of the world. 

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And as babies we suckle this 
touch, yeah, taste and smell. 

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And they 3 predominate in the 
nurturing of a a baby. 

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And then as their their visual 
field improves and their audible

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understanding, comprehension of 
parents and those around are 

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shaped and formed and normed. 
And I often say that, you know, 

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I ask people often, you know, 
who have you worked with the 

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director of running strategic 
planning and Vision? 

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Oh, no, no, I haven't done that.
Well, we all have. 

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Our parents, our guardians have 
given us a name and that's part 

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of the attachment process. 
And it's really deeply sewn into

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us. 
And it can be good or bad. 

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So yeah, let's remember that you
can be attached to something and

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perceive it's good, but it can 
have a limiting impact on you. 

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And then obviously trauma is 
more widely recognised as 

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something that can inhibit you, 
but basically understanding how 

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you formed your attachments or 
recognising them. 

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And then normally in your 
interactions with family and 

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friends and schooling and 
nurturing, there's an aspect of 

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that. 
But it's obviously sometimes. 

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One thing I will say is that 
this is baby steps in taking it 

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and you need to not make rash 
decisions or judgements on 

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yourself. 
Yeah, because what we're really 

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talking about because it it's 
the art and science of identity.

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And I would say that 
scientifically would say you 

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chronological age and but the 
art of the way in which two 

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people twin studies have shown 
this 22 individuals can 

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experience the same stimuli but 
respond in different ways 

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because we're all individuals. 
Yeah, So attachment is really 

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our way. 
Of navigating around this world.

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I think authenticity is less to 
do with navigating around the 

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world, and it's more to do with 
finding a deeper sense of 

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purpose and who you are and what
you you feel you you're called 

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to contribute to the world, if 
that's a frame of reference. 

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For you, yeah, I was a frame of 
reference. 

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I'm sorry about the noise 
policing. 

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We're going back past some 
construction. 

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There's a house being built and 
lots of things being attached to

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it. 
I mean, if we all just took a 

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moment and and realize that 
that's really the only way that 

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we have survived to the point 
where we are in our lives now 

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because of, you know, a baby is 
born. 

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If it was just left, it would 
just die. 

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It has to have attachment. 
And again, you said something 

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when we were discussing this the
other day that, that the, the 

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need for attachment is stronger 
than the need for authenticity. 

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I, I like the authenticity. 
If you think about, you know, if

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you're in the middle of a in a 
dangerous situation even 

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thousands of years ago, you'd 
want your authentic self to to 

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help you record, give you that 
sensation or that feeling or 

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that voice that you're in 
danger. 

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Well, yeah, one of the things I 
would say on that, Pete, and 

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it's a space I spent some time 
in working with young people, 

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asking them what they want to do
or having relatives and say what

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do you want to do when you grow 
up is a really good question. 

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Yeah. 
And a really frustrating one for

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many young people because they 
spent all their life being 

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attached. 
And then someone out of nowhere 

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says. 
What do you want to do when you 

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grow up? 
Which is really. 

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About them making their own way.
And it's part of the challenge 

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for education right now is what 
is education? 

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Is it to seed critical thinking 
and help people to fortify a 

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foundation of purpose, or is it 
just to follow what everyone's 

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done and think largely modern 
education in recent years, 

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higher education, it's. 
Was a straight line. 

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You go to college, you get your 
degree, you get a job. 

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It was attachment. 
I think where we are with higher

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education, and this is where 
there's this question is it 

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shouldn't be attachment. 
It should be you're going there 

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to free and loosen up 
attachments and discover what do

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your skills, your talents, your 
abilities mean to you. 

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And that's a scary space. 
And I've had the privilege of 

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working for many years with 
people in that space. 

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And if they do develop a sense 
of inquiry exploration, they do 

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actually come out the other side
in a much better shape than just

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following almost a painting by 
numbers formed. 

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Formula for living. 
God, that's sorry, it's just I 

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was just reflecting on my own 
time in university and thinking,

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well, what what did I find? 
Did I find my true self? 

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And I, I suppose I part found 
that working in fitness, having 

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got a job and health club and 
being able to get up in front of

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people and teach. 
And, but I, I want to just go 

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back a little step around 
attachment. 

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And we've been talking about 
what I was attached to and I 

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loved you. 
You suggested a podcast I 

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listened to, which I've listened
to twice actually was a Stephen 

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Bartlett podcast that he did 
with the biographer of Elon Musk

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and, and Steve Jobs. 
And I love what he said to Elon.

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He's, you know, Elon, he asked 
him, Elon, if he could do the 

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book. 
And Elon said yes. 

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And then the guy said, well, 
fine, but you're going to have 

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no rights to look at what I'm 
doing. 

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I've got a free reign. 
And Elon said yes. 

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So he, you know, he got, he got 
a chance to see who he really 

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was and to see his, you know, 
his life, his attachments, his 

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authenticity. 
But for me, I know I was 

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attached to an idea that I'm not
enough. 

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I was attached to that idea from
a very early age. 

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It was a had a big impression on
me. 

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I think I was five years old and
I was in a class and I remember 

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it specifically. 
I was being naughty. 

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I was just being disruptive and 
not concentrating. 

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And the teacher pointed at me 
and stood me up and took me into

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the class that was a year 
younger. 

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And I remember sitting in the 
middle of the room around two 

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00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:39,400
people that were younger than me
thinking what, what am I doing 

227
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:40,120
here? 
Why? 

228
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:43,560
And it was, you know, she did it
to try and teach me a lesson, 

229
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:45,520
but definitely an idea that 
sewed. 

230
00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:47,200
And then I was diagnosed with 
some. 

231
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:50,440
I was diagnosed. 
I, I was assessed at 5:00 with 

232
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:53,960
learning issues. 
But the woman who assessed me 

233
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:57,120
didn't believe in dyslexia and 
told my mum, yeah, he's got 

234
00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:59,040
learning difficulties, learning 
challenges. 

235
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,440
Then I was then I was assessed 
again at 10. 

236
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:03,920
And I remember this like it was 
just an imprint. 

237
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:06,160
I don't know whether it is 
exactly what happened, but in my

238
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:10,200
mind, that's how I remember it. 
And they did this assessment and

239
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:13,720
then the woman that spoke to my 
mum and I'm in the room and she 

240
00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:18,720
says to my mum, listen, he we've
done this and he's got a fairly 

241
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:23,480
high IQ, but his dyslexia is so 
severe that, you know, O levels,

242
00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:26,000
he's going to struggle. 
A levels are out of the question

243
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:30,240
and higher education is just 
that's not going to be his his. 

244
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,040
Part of your journey. 
And I'm sure anyone who listens 

245
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:36,760
to this can understand that I 
was attached to an idea and I 

246
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:39,320
think so many people must have 
gone through things in their 

247
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,280
life where. 
So can we touch upon that? 

248
00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:44,040
Of course, Of course. 
You know when you say that, I 

249
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:47,080
quickly jumped to someone called
Richard Branson. 

250
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,320
Yeah, Yeah. 
Who's also quite profoundly 

251
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,400
dyslexic and often the spoken 
about the fact that when it 

252
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:56,680
comes to numbers and words, he 
really finds himself not someone

253
00:13:56,680 --> 00:13:59,360
he would go to himself for any 
advice. 

254
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:03,400
But what he has to do is he's a 
savant in terms of relationship 

255
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:06,480
building, enthusiasm, making 
things happen. 

256
00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:10,040
What I'm thinking about as you 
speak, Pete, is when we're at 

257
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:14,200
that young age, formative years,
we are reliant on the 

258
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,360
information we receive from 
others. 

259
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:17,160
Yeah. 
Why is that? 

260
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:18,120
What? 
Why is that? 

261
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:18,440
Do you? 
Think. 

262
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:20,480
Well, that's. 
Part of the nurturing aspect 

263
00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:24,480
we're in attachment and we're 
growing but at some .1 has to 

264
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:28,640
then say to themselves my own 
views of myself the a simulated 

265
00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:32,000
information from both outside of
myself and internally is 

266
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,520
important. 
So in social psychology, there's

267
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:37,120
a people might call a micro 
theory, a concept called 

268
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,600
symbolic interactionism. 
Without boring you with the 

269
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:43,920
technicality, it's basically a 
very dichotomous assessment of 

270
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:46,120
identity. 
There's the I what you say to 

271
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:50,360
yourself, and then there's a me,
your social self and someone who

272
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,760
came out of that. 
George Herman me talks about we,

273
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:55,040
we are all social product. 
Now, what's interesting, most 

274
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:58,000
research in this area and 
largely he's got some 

275
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:01,200
interpretive elements to it. 
So those people that like big 

276
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:04,080
data and stuff are not fans of 
this proposition. 

277
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:07,120
I, I happen to have a lot of 
appreciation for it, is that you

278
00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:10,400
can see that largely when you're
young, you're very influenced by

279
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,760
what other people tell you and 
it helps to shape you. 

280
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,760
Now, if that's the case, if 
you're exposed to trauma 

281
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,520
consistently through your young 
life, that leaves some scar 

282
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,840
tissue. 
And that's why, you know, having

283
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:23,560
this conversation is, you know, 
it's just opening up. 

284
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,120
It's not straightforward. 
Well. 

285
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:28,400
We, we, we spoke yesterday, 
didn't we, About this is that 

286
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,520
all of us has to give. 
We have to give us ourselves 

287
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:34,560
permission to be able to reflect
on ourselves and find quiet 

288
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:36,520
time. 
And that quiet time reveals 

289
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:39,120
things about us. 
And people talk about gratitude 

290
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:42,000
journals and meditation and 
prayer. 

291
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:45,520
But when we're in that space, 
that the whole point of that 

292
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:49,680
situation, the parasympathetic 
nervous system, it exists and 

293
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:53,120
it's designed for rest. 
It's designed around digestion. 

294
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,600
It's when the body recuperates, 
rebuilds on itself. 

295
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,880
So it's a space we're supposed 
to use. 

296
00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:00,840
Yeah. 
And I do believe it's a space 

297
00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:03,600
that helps us move into 
authenticity because in that 

298
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,200
quiet time, but in the busy 
being busy, as we've covered 

299
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:09,160
before, you have no time to 
discover who you are because if 

300
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:12,040
you're addicted to attachment, 
you're addicted to your social 

301
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:13,800
self. 
What have other people told me I

302
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,880
am. 
And you've never dared to spend 

303
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:18,600
quiet time with yourself. 
In fact, many people in their 

304
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:21,160
high anxiety will say I can't 
cope being alone. 

305
00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:24,360
And what that really is is an 
indicator that someone is 

306
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:27,200
dependent upon their social 
identity. 

307
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,160
Other people telling them that 
they're good. 

308
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,120
Yeah. 
Other people reinforcing them. 

309
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:33,800
And detachment is saying. 
I love and appreciate other 

310
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:35,560
people, but that's only half the
picture. 

311
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,400
What am I fighting? 
What do I? 

312
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,760
What have I? 
Discovered about myself when I 

313
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:41,840
spent time with me. 
Well, I am. 

314
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:45,320
I remember one of the 
celebrities I used to know and I

315
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:48,600
make a statement about that once
she goes actually to 

316
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,160
celebrities. 
I remember them saying something

317
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:55,080
very, very similar around I 
can't be on my own for more than

318
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:58,480
5 minutes. 
And I also really struggled with

319
00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:02,200
being on my own because I think 
what, what I find interesting 

320
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:06,240
about I totally understand why 
for a lot of people, they 

321
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,760
wouldn't want to stop. 
And because we live in a world 

322
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:12,440
that almost is, it's not 
encouraging us to do that, 

323
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,040
right? 
We live in a world where we're 

324
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:16,920
on, we're on being on busy being
busy. 

325
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:20,000
And I was definitely busy being 
busy for huge periods of my life

326
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,400
to the point where I told you 
the other day, I, you know, I 

327
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,560
burnt out. 
I was diagnosed with chronic 

328
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:28,560
fatigue and ME in my 20s because
I was attached to the idea of 

329
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:32,520
I'm not enough. 
And I sought value through other

330
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:35,400
people's recognition of me. 
And even when I got recognition 

331
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,080
and all that didn't make any 
difference at all. 

332
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:43,480
But it was only really through 
burning out that I kind of, I 

333
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:47,640
suppose, started to stop. 
It was almost a forced stop, if 

334
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:50,480
you like, because there were 
times I just didn't even get out

335
00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:53,840
of bed. 
I was thinking today about in 

336
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,160
power. 
And I love that word, as you 

337
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:59,920
know, because the etymology of 
it actually means the EN means 

338
00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:03,360
in inside the power within, the 
power to look within, and of 

339
00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:06,840
course, facing what's going on 
inside yourself. 

340
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:10,000
And I think if if I'm being 
honest, I look inside myself. 

341
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:14,920
What do I see? 
I see attachments and I see my 

342
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,320
authentic self. 
And having been here now for the

343
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:21,600
third time and spent many times 
talking, recording conversations

344
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:26,680
like this, some for podcasts, 
some for just for me, it's been 

345
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:29,720
awesome because now I see and I,
you said something and I 

346
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:33,160
listened to it back and you said
something which I just thought, 

347
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,520
wow, that's just so profoundly 
said you. 

348
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:40,520
You said to me, you've never had
such a longing to be your true 

349
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:45,160
self. 
And I just thought, wow, you're 

350
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,880
right. 
I've never, ever, ever felt like

351
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:51,960
all I want to be is me. 
I don't want my attachments or 

352
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,400
many of my attachments, so I 
have to thank you for that. 

353
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:58,320
And I thought today maybe we 
could talk about authenticity 

354
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,840
and your authentic self and who 
you are. 

355
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:04,560
But yeah, anything you want to 
say and what I've just said. 

356
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:11,360
So what I would, I would equally
say it's been third visit really

357
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:14,600
quite deep and profound 
experience. 

358
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:19,400
And it's an example in the sense
of authenticity because we've 

359
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:26,840
stopped and it's a week where we
stop suspending the outdated 

360
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:31,720
performance if you want. 
And what does that really mean? 

361
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,920
Outdated performance? 
Yeah, If I go back to 

362
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:39,880
attachments, we've we've created
an association through 

363
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:44,600
storyboards, through 
experiences, and they have 

364
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:49,800
packed full of meaning 
association and we learn from 

365
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:51,680
them. 
And those learnings can be 

366
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:56,600
positive, they can be negative. 
But a lot of the time 

367
00:19:56,600 --> 00:20:00,160
attachments are designed for one
thing, survival. 

368
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,320
Yeah. 
So it isn't a rational. 

369
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,240
Let me have a long way round 
because I'm going to enjoy the 

370
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:10,000
walk around this attachment. 
No, our attachments are just 

371
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,960
things that satisfy the criteria
for survival. 

372
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:18,360
And it means that, for example, 
when you often hear people. 

373
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:20,680
Say they they don't like 
conflict. 

374
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:23,520
For example, someone may have 
attached themselves to the fact 

375
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:26,960
that conflict is associated with
negative outcomes. 

376
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:31,320
They may have trauma from their 
past, so they they close it off.

377
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:35,560
Now, on the outside that may 
seem a really good thing, but 

378
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:38,280
actually, if they're in a 
relationship and that 

379
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:43,240
relationship requires open, 
honest discussion, then there 

380
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:45,440
may not be a threatening 
situation there. 

381
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:49,560
There's an opportunity to grow 
in depth with someone, but it's 

382
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:52,800
actually already been blocked 
because of a prior experience. 

383
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:57,320
So one of the things I would say
is that what we're doing here 

384
00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:01,320
and what I advocate that we 
should all do is update. 

385
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:05,920
And I I've mentioned this in a. 
Previous podcast, but again, we 

386
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:10,840
may have new listeners as we 
start to expand out into 

387
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:14,680
different parts of the world. 
And thank you for the analytics 

388
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,960
you send through P they're 
really insightful. 

389
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:20,400
But I would say is that most 
people now have technology in 

390
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:26,000
their pocket, access to it and 
that that gets updated software 

391
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:26,720
update. 
Yeah. 

392
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,400
And in fact, effectively what 
we're talking about is a 

393
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:33,600
software update. 
But we're the chief programmer. 

394
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:37,640
So for me, when we're talking 
about coding and making sure 

395
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:40,200
that there are any glitches in 
the software, what we're doing 

396
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:42,520
is we're looking at our 
attachments and say, are there 

397
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:47,160
any attachments there that 
actually without being conscious

398
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,320
at a subconscious level, they've
been grafted in. 

399
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,440
And there are going to be 
someones that are very obvious 

400
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:55,680
and there'll be some that may be
hidden for the rest of your life

401
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:57,920
or. 
Sorry, go on. 

402
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,800
I was going to say, let's not 
get it over complicated. 

403
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:04,840
You're just doing an audit, 
whatever you see, whatever you 

404
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:08,320
might hear from someone or those
very close to you. 

405
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,080
You can spend. 
Time. 

406
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,760
But the only way you do it is in
time and contemplation. 

407
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,960
So attachments are connected to 
our five senses. 

408
00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:19,400
There are navigation around the 
world. 

409
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,440
Our five senses are critical for
our survival. 

410
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:26,160
So let's get this right. 
We're not saying where you are, 

411
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,440
it's a bad thing. 
It's part of your human 

412
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:31,640
experience. 
What we're saying is how do you 

413
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:37,920
accrue meaning about the way you
survive and if it's obsessive 

414
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:41,440
with surviving, particularly 
people that suffer trauma, you 

415
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:43,920
can look at groups of people 
that have suffered victim, you 

416
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:48,560
have group think victimhood, and
that's because real things have 

417
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:51,320
happened to real people. 
But actually we've seen they can

418
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:53,080
be passed down through 
generations. 

419
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,760
They can be. 
Disproportionate attachments 

420
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,640
that have a, a negative impact 
on someone's progress. 

421
00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:05,200
So authenticity is making that 
decision to say, actually, I 

422
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,360
need to pause. 
I want something different. 

423
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:11,880
It's the David Goggins moment 
when he says I'm putting down 

424
00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:14,640
and taking off my pest control 
outfit. 

425
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:18,320
I need, I want, I desire 
something different. 

426
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:23,200
This is not who I truly AM. 
And he will talk and say I'm 

427
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:24,880
not. 
And for those of you who don't 

428
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:28,680
know an exceptional ultra 
athlete, multi millionaire best 

429
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:30,640
selling author. 
Etcetera, etcetera. 

430
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,280
But what he actually says is. 
I'm not a great athlete, but I 

431
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:37,760
made a determined effort. 
What would happen if I was 

432
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:39,960
resilient enough? 
How far could I go? 

433
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:43,600
Well, and he said he can't. 
He goes beyond his own 

434
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:47,360
comprehension, how far he's come
to, how far he's come in 

435
00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:51,440
learning about himself. 
Because you can't out learn your

436
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:54,560
potential. 
Your potential is always a scope

437
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,560
of expansion of self that you 
can't reach. 

438
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:00,720
Well, let's give that guy a 
shout out. 

439
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:02,960
I'm sure we're going to listen 
to this podcast. 

440
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:04,640
The guy we met yesterday in the 
running shop. 

441
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,480
You know, this is a guy who was 
what, £250, right? 

442
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:12,440
And you know, he, you can see 
how much he's invested in, in, 

443
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:17,360
in what I would say, you know, a
reinvention of, of self or, you 

444
00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:20,120
know, detaching himself from his
attachments. 

445
00:24:20,120 --> 00:24:22,920
In fact, that's a really great 
way of looking at this. 

446
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:28,080
And of course, this is this is, 
it's a big things that we're 

447
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:29,800
talking about here. 
And like you said, with the 

448
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:31,760
phone, you could look at your 
phone, you could take out your 

449
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,360
phone and you could look at 
things that you used to be 

450
00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:36,040
attached to on the phone that 
you don't use. 

451
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:38,520
And it's easy. 
You can just, you know, delete 

452
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,520
them. 
With ourselves, it's harder, I 

453
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,400
think for a couple of reasons. 
One, often we don't really see 

454
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,560
what's really going on. 
That's why I appreciate our 

455
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:51,040
relationship so much, because 
you make me aware of things that

456
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:55,360
I am I either unaware of, or you
also make me aware of things 

457
00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:57,240
that maybe I don't want to let 
go of. 

458
00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,200
So you're kind of holding me 
accountable for. 

459
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,320
This is why I think everyone 
thought so many people benefit 

460
00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:04,240
from a relationship where 
someone is holding them 

461
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:07,000
accountable and you and you 
really, really hold me 

462
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:09,480
accountable in a way that I'm, 
you know, you. 

463
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:13,640
I don't even think you realize 
just how grateful I am for that.

464
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:16,120
But I just think it's so 
important to point out once you 

465
00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:19,160
get, once again, this is an 
auditing process and to be able 

466
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:22,560
to do it in a way where you're 
detached from blame, shame and 

467
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:25,840
criticizing, that's I'd say 
that's not particularly easy. 

468
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,680
We're emotional creatures. 
And I would also say that it can

469
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:31,960
be quite a scary place to kind 
of look at your attachments, 

470
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,760
especially if they're a huge 
part of your life and other 

471
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:37,960
people are so associate you to, 
to the person that you were. 

472
00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:41,200
So be, be kind to yourself, be 
loving to yourself, which is 

473
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:43,680
also something else that you 
really have woken me up to 

474
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:47,720
around the power of love, the 
power of loving what you do, 

475
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:49,040
right? 
Because if you don't love what 

476
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,520
you do, you're not going to 
continue it. 

477
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:55,920
So to love yourself enough that 
you're prepared to stop and, and

478
00:25:55,920 --> 00:26:01,320
look at yourself and learn to 
become more or to become get 

479
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:04,120
more aware and want to work 
through this stuff, whether 

480
00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:05,840
that's on your own or with other
people. 

481
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:09,360
I just think, you know, This is 
why we continue to do this, 

482
00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:11,960
right? 
We continue to make these 

483
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:17,760
podcasts is because we want to, 
Well, I, I want, I suppose it's 

484
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:20,000
a selfish thing is in many 
respects. 

485
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,200
This is a slight aside, but I 
just wanted to say in case I 

486
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:26,280
forget, which is what a 
beautiful thing that you and I 

487
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:29,880
have been on this this journey 
and we've recorded it. 

488
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:31,080
We're walking on this bridge 
now. 

489
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,120
The first time I came here, this
bridge hadn't been finished. 

490
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:37,080
And now look how high the water 
is because of the, the rain 

491
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:39,320
yesterday. 
But we're walking on this now 

492
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:42,720
for the third time and this 
parts of this journey has been 

493
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:45,640
recorded that people could 
listen to this for what a what a

494
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:50,480
wonderful opportunity that we 
have to work through something 

495
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:52,680
that we can share with others 
that might help other people. 

496
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:56,440
So if you are genuinely being 
helped by this or this inspires 

497
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:59,840
you in some way, shape or form, 
don't keep that to yourself 

498
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:02,480
unless of course, you want to. 
But you can share this with us. 

499
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:06,560
You can contact us through 
LinkedIn or you know, however, 

500
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:10,000
that you might want to do that 
Instagram and let us know if 

501
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:13,000
this is a journey you're on or 
this is a journey you want to 

502
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,240
start or this is a journey that 
you want to share. 

503
00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:20,400
I was just in being in staying 
at Ray's house and he he just 

504
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:22,680
you went and had a conversation 
with your wife and on the 

505
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:25,440
television, there was a podcast 
with Stephen Bartlett and this 

506
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:29,120
guy who was a former spy and 
Ray, I just was watching that. 

507
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:34,280
I was just blown away by this 
spy because when we think about 

508
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:37,360
who we are, where we are, Can 
you imagine if you're a spy? 

509
00:27:37,360 --> 00:27:40,440
This is why that they're going 
to, they decide who you're going

510
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:44,440
to be and they're going to strip
away everything that you that 

511
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:46,800
that you thought you were 
because they want you to be 

512
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:49,360
somebody else. 
And I mean, this is also quite a

513
00:27:49,360 --> 00:27:52,760
deep conversation in terms of 
who society wants you to be 

514
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:54,960
rather, who do you actually want
to be? 

515
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:58,720
Who do you want to be? 
And that's what I'd like to kind

516
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:02,560
of talk about, about your 
authentic self and meaning and 

517
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:06,280
onlyness. 
And so, yeah, you can tell I'm 

518
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:07,960
very, very passionate about all 
of this. 

519
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:15,040
So I have to thank you. 
Yeah, No, I I think the most 

520
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:18,080
important thing for me is to 
make sure there's a healthy 

521
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:20,960
distinction between two vital 
parts of who we are. 

522
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:25,000
Our attachments are the way we 
navigate the world. 

523
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:28,000
They exist. 
I don't want anyone listening, 

524
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,920
thinking, oh, I've got to 
nullify those. 

525
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:34,960
No, what we're saying is they 
have to be healthy as possible. 

526
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:41,200
And the pursuit of Wellness is 
being sure that the patterns 

527
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:46,040
from the regularities and your 
associations, the meanings you 

528
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:49,520
attach to your connection with 
the world and your connection 

529
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:55,080
with the world is largely driven
by these five senses and what 

530
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:58,480
you see, what you hear, what you
taste, what you smell, what you 

531
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:01,080
touch. 
Now, this might seem silly, but 

532
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:06,880
those like a look of dismissal 
by a parent, a guardian, a 

533
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:08,960
teacher. 
Growing up, you can be 

534
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:11,440
transformative. 
Some people, you've spoken about

535
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:12,680
it. 
Pete, your school days weren't 

536
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:14,960
great. 
A lot of that would have been 

537
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:20,240
unconscious communication, body 
language, eye contact, tone of 

538
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:23,000
voice from a teacher. 
But it's enough for you to say 

539
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:24,600
to yourself and build up a 
narrative. 

540
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:27,920
I don't like school. 
I'm not academic. 

541
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,480
Yeah. 
So we have to be very guarded. 

542
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:34,800
What have we told ourselves 
about ourselves in relation to 

543
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:38,200
our environment and authenticity
is just saying, well, hold on a 

544
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:42,240
minute, I actually have a stake 
in making a decision. 

545
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:47,080
And as we've talked about people
and we both had a fascination 

546
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:51,440
with personal professional 
development over the years, you 

547
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,360
can start to see that people 
that make a difference aren't 

548
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:57,200
any more special than anyone 
else apart from. 

549
00:29:57,520 --> 00:30:00,880
And it's a bigger part, by the 
way, is they've made a conscious

550
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,120
decision to be conscious. 
Yeah. 

551
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:06,040
What do I want? 
And they face the their own 

552
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:08,720
fears. 
They've not allowed the the 

553
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:12,960
dogma of self talk, which 
accrues over time. 

554
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:18,080
This is the other thing. 
Our self talk accrues by default

555
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:21,280
through our experiences. 
So here's the choice you have. 

556
00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:26,080
You either just exist and every 
experience you have is 

557
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:32,640
registered and you live with it,
or you regularly update your 

558
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:37,080
conscious software and say, OK, 
I've got this meaning this makes

559
00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:38,640
me feel uncomfortable. 
What has happened? 

560
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:40,600
How does that factor into my 
life? 

561
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:44,160
So you talked about wanting to 
talk about authenticity today. 

562
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:48,680
I think the vehicles to 
authenticity is a deliberate 

563
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:52,600
commitment to time with self. 
Yeah. 

564
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:56,720
And we had a long conversation 
about this yesterday. 

565
00:30:57,280 --> 00:31:02,680
That and yeah, I, it's a 
difficult conversation, but 

566
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:05,880
we've been in this space where 
we've had some real frank 

567
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:08,760
conversations and there's been 
periods when you've been back at

568
00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:13,320
home and your home has just been
a symbolic representation of 

569
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:16,360
what you don't have any more 
because you're in a home and 

570
00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:18,000
Hannah's not there anymore. 
Yeah. 

571
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:22,080
And we spoke about it at length 
yesterday and I said, Pete, you 

572
00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:24,800
know, not sure of moving and 
creating a whole new 

573
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,080
environment, which may be an 
option. 

574
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:29,520
It's. 
What would your home look like 

575
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:34,640
if it if it became the place and
the space and a sanctuary for 

576
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:40,400
you and it was the very place 
where you found time to reflect 

577
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:42,840
on who you were? 
It's got that opportunity and 

578
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:47,480
and you seemed intrigued by that
perspective and you're kind of 

579
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:49,680
really up. 
I don't know whether having 

580
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:52,680
slept on it, you've changed your
no attitude, but you're like, 

581
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:54,680
you know, I'm going to go back 
and I'm going to make some 

582
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:56,760
changes. 
I I already was looking on 

583
00:31:56,760 --> 00:32:01,000
Amazon today for big pic. 
I was looking like big massive 

584
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:06,280
pictures so I've already been 
thinking excuses. 

585
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:11,680
Just to let you know, every, 
every time at 11:00 on a Friday,

586
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:15,000
they test the tornado alarm 
system. 

587
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:19,120
So it will go off in a a moment.
But I live in a an area where 

588
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:24,120
tornadoes are a thing. 
In the eight years I've been 

589
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:26,320
here, I've been blessed that we 
haven't been exposed to one 

590
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:29,440
directly, but there's always a 
possibility. 

591
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:31,320
Well, there was actually one 
yesterday. 

592
00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:34,280
It wasn't far from here and you 
and I went out for a walk as 

593
00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:38,000
we're walking right now. 
And I mean that, that, that the 

594
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:41,480
heavens open, but they seem to 
open around us as opposed to 

595
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:45,080
right on us as Thunder. 
It was, it was remarkable. 

596
00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:48,160
It was like one of those, but 
maybe this side is just this for

597
00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:50,120
all of us, just as a stop, just 
to stop. 

598
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:54,920
And you know, I'm, I, I, this is
the question I'd love to ask 

599
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:58,120
people is when are you most 
aware of who you are? 

600
00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:01,480
You know, and I know that sounds
like a big, big question, but 

601
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:04,600
for me, Ray, I, I sent you a few
things this morning that I 

602
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:07,200
wanted to share with you, but 
one of them was my Wim Hof 

603
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:11,600
practice. 
So I can be very intentional or 

604
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:15,400
I can be very, I think you can 
be very unintentionally 

605
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:17,680
intentional. 
And there's many different 

606
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:20,360
meanings around this. 
But what I mean is you want to 

607
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:22,520
be intentional with something, 
but you're doing it 

608
00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:24,440
unintentionally. 
You're focusing on something 

609
00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:27,800
else as opposed to really, 
really focusing on something as 

610
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:29,520
best as you can. 
And if you see your mind 

611
00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:33,560
wandering off like this 
conversation I noticed back 

612
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:35,960
there, my mind wandered off for 
a for a second and then I 

613
00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:38,040
thought, no, bring it back. 
Focus, be where you are. 

614
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:42,600
So when do you feel, when are 
you most aware of kind of who 

615
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:44,720
you are? 
Are there things that you do, 

616
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:47,600
whether that's I don't know 
what, what are the things that 

617
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:49,800
you do when you think you know? 
I'm so aware of who I am. 

618
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:53,440
So to be honest, I'm still 
wrestling with that type of 

619
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:55,200
statement. 
Who are you? 

620
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:59,160
Because it's it's an art as well
as a science. 

621
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:05,320
Because you can say, who am I? 
Well, I'm a male in my 50s and 

622
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:09,400
there's some scientific aspects,
the intangible things that are 

623
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:11,880
more difficult. 
Who do I want to be? 

624
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:15,400
Who do I want to show up as? 
And that's a conscious effort 

625
00:34:15,679 --> 00:34:18,400
comes a lot to connected with 
emotional intelligence. 

626
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:22,600
How do I manage self in 
environments and how do I 

627
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:24,560
respond to others in 
environment? 

628
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:29,000
Yes. 
So you become very aware and in 

629
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,760
the moment because it has to 
become habitual. 

630
00:34:33,199 --> 00:34:38,360
And going back to our gentleman 
that we met yesterday in the 

631
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:41,040
restroom and he said to me where
I've been through quite a 

632
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:44,320
transformation. 
I was £250. 

633
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:48,440
And I said wow. 
And I said and, and he's a Gen. 

634
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:50,880
XR. 
I think he said he was in his 

635
00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:55,199
late 40s or early 50s and he's 
running. 

636
00:34:55,880 --> 00:35:03,600
He was five, 550 miles. 
Now I know enough about running 

637
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:07,720
miles that he's going some to do
that, particularly from where he

638
00:35:07,720 --> 00:35:09,480
was. 
And. 

639
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,640
And he said I really had a 
struggle. 

640
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:16,000
I was plateauing and I purged 
through. 

641
00:35:16,240 --> 00:35:20,000
But as we left yesterday, he 
said I've hit another plateau. 

642
00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:22,440
Yeah. 
Well, he hasn't hit another 

643
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:23,360
plateau. 
Yeah. 

644
00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:27,120
He's just hit life. 
Life is this cycle. 

645
00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:30,880
The fact that we have an 
expectation that we reach a 

646
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:34,680
summit or we reach a point and 
there it is, is untrue. 

647
00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:38,760
It's a constant iterative state.
And you're only as good as the 

648
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:41,600
moment you're in that you say, 
where am I today? 

649
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,280
You can't. 
The moment you go back to 

650
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:47,440
yesterday and say, oh, this is 
good enough, you're going back 

651
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:49,760
to an attachment and the 
attachment then is with the 

652
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:53,280
past. 
But true authenticity for me, 

653
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:57,840
and it's rawest, it is being you
in a moment and being conscious 

654
00:35:57,840 --> 00:36:00,400
of it. 
So with that guy yesterday, 

655
00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:03,840
there's a few things there. 
First off, I'm so glad we went 

656
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:06,760
in there and I got those nice 
pair of shoes and you got a pair

657
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:08,560
of shoes. 
And because we do a lot of 

658
00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:12,120
walking and we're going to do a 
lot more walking when I go home.

659
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:16,720
And you carry on on your path 
and I carry on on my path with 

660
00:36:16,720 --> 00:36:19,520
him. 
When you said that he is that 

661
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:22,520
he's a type of person who I, you
know, I just love to work with, 

662
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:26,400
with, with people who, who do 
want to go on this, this inner 

663
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:28,960
journey. 
When you find people like that, 

664
00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:32,960
that have already done some 
major transformation work and 

665
00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:35,040
there's that, there's that 
conversation, that narrative. 

666
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:38,120
I've hit a plateau. 
It's a fascinating thing from my

667
00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:39,680
experience of working with 
people. 

668
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:43,080
You want the plateaus. 
Because what I have found from 

669
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:46,200
just, again, from my experience 
is that when you lean into the 

670
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:49,480
plateau and you lean into 
whatever it is that you do that 

671
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:53,760
gives you, you know, you, you've
benefited from like running, 

672
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:57,920
keep leaning into it, keep going
because plateaus never last. 

673
00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:00,520
You know, they, there's always, 
but what a lot of people do is 

674
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:02,080
they kind of back off a little 
bit. 

675
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:04,040
You know, it's like, oh, I'm not
making any progress. 

676
00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:07,360
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, 
no, no, just keep going. 

677
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:08,800
Just keep going. 
And. 

678
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:14,200
What that relates to and in 
psychology, it's a, it's a 

679
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:16,080
proposition that's been used a 
few times. 

680
00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:22,200
But if you take a child, 
generally you watch toddlers 

681
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,840
running around, bumping around, 
etcetera. 

682
00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:28,600
They're unconsciously 
incompetent. 

683
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:31,560
And we laugh at kids running 
into things, rolling over 

684
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:35,440
because actually they've not 
grafted themselves into any 

685
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:38,520
pattern or regularity. 
They're kind of living in the 

686
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:40,240
moment. 
They'll cry. 

687
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:43,040
And if you distract them, you 
can stop them cry and you can 

688
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:45,680
actually make them laugh 
straight away because they've 

689
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:48,680
actually not formulated a 
system. 

690
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:52,800
But when you start to become 
conscious of your incompetence, 

691
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:56,760
which happens largely for many 
people in their socialisation at

692
00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:59,920
school, all of a sudden you 
start to be shaped, formed and 

693
00:37:59,920 --> 00:38:03,720
normed, not by you, but the view
that others have. 

694
00:38:03,720 --> 00:38:05,680
Oh, yeah. 
And you've spoken about that 

695
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:09,600
now, those people that have been
involved in athletics or any 

696
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:13,040
professional pursuits. 
And what you're talking about, 

697
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:15,600
Pete here is when someone's 
accomplished something, they've 

698
00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:20,120
become consciously competent. 
They're now conscious of the 

699
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:24,120
ability to become competent for 
that's exactly where plateaus 

700
00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:26,920
come in and you have to fall 
through. 

701
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:31,240
And that's A season now when 
people talk about goats, you 

702
00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:35,320
have to walk around there. 
We're talking largely about 

703
00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:38,440
people that arguably have 
practiced so hard at their 

704
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:41,080
competence greatest. 
Just for those who don't know 

705
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:43,760
what a goat is, we're talking 
about the greatest. 

706
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:46,760
Of all time. 
Sorry for my UK listeners. 

707
00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:51,800
Yeah, typical term in America. 
They, you know, David Beckham, 

708
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:58,280
UK based LeBron James, these are
people that habitually practice 

709
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:01,360
irrespective of people going, 
wow, you're super talented. 

710
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:03,760
They don't stop. 
Guess what, they're continuing 

711
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:07,360
to update the programme and it 
means that they've practiced so 

712
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:11,080
much. 
Tiger Woods, Tom Brady, whoever 

713
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:14,080
you may look up to, they've 
reached that plateau and they 

714
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:18,400
become in the crux of 
competition, the people that do 

715
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:21,720
things extraordinarily and they 
reach the 4th level, which is 

716
00:39:21,720 --> 00:39:25,280
they become unconsciously 
competent or muscle memory. 

717
00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:29,240
They know where they are. 
And here's the thing, the more 

718
00:39:29,240 --> 00:39:35,440
time you spend with self really 
grappling with a deep sense of 

719
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:40,080
peace and centredness, you're 
able better able to cope with 

720
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:44,120
everyday world because you 
become unconsciously competent. 

721
00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:50,680
So people that have the ability 
to be active listeners and to 

722
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:53,080
really engage with empathy and 
with other people. 

723
00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:57,200
It's a gift and not everyone is 
blessed with that gift, but it 

724
00:39:57,200 --> 00:40:02,760
means for me on some level, they
have been able to detach their 

725
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:08,000
own requirements so they can 
really hear what someone else is

726
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:10,440
saying. 
Now there is a caveat to this. 

727
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:14,360
And the big caveat is what's the
origin of that gift? 

728
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:16,880
Because this is how complicated 
it is. 

729
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:20,360
They can have that gift that's 
centred in attachment. 

730
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:23,240
I must be liked. 
I must be loved. 

731
00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:27,840
So what I do is I sacrifice self
so that I feel good around other

732
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:30,400
people. 
That's not particularly healthy 

733
00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:32,840
here for me. 
It's when you authentically say 

734
00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:34,800
no. 
This is how I want to show up, 

735
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:40,600
because this is what I believe 
makes me a better human being, a

736
00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:45,760
better contributor to my 
network, my space, my ecosystem.

737
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:48,400
Well, let's let's use you as an 
example again because you've 

738
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:50,920
you've heard this story before, 
but I think there's another 

739
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:54,040
light on it when you were 
obviously very gifted at judo, 

740
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:56,440
right? 
So some people from the outside 

741
00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:57,600
would think, look how good you 
are. 

742
00:40:57,600 --> 00:41:00,480
You're going to be an Olympic 
medallist, you're going to blah,

743
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:03,040
blah, blah. 
And this is, this is brilliant, 

744
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,880
you know, well done. 
But there was something in you 

745
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:08,040
that went well. 
No, this isn't actually me. 

746
00:41:08,240 --> 00:41:11,520
Can you, can you shine some 
light on that for us? 

747
00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:15,320
Well, that's a big one. 
I think there's a lot of people 

748
00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:18,280
that were involved in the sport.
Do you know that? 

749
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:21,480
Probably quite easily. 
And what quite rightly say, ah, 

750
00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:25,400
he was never going to make it. 
Yeah, Because actually all I did

751
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:28,440
was nothing. 
But you had talent. 

752
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:30,840
I had talent, but I turned up to
tournaments. 

753
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:34,840
Now the sad reflection on that 
is to reach the heights I did 

754
00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:40,320
with the level of training was 
absurdly ridiculous. 

755
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:42,560
Yeah. 
And as I said, I think the best 

756
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:45,960
thing, going to national squad 
training and filling in a 

757
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:47,880
timetable. 
They gave us about training 

758
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:52,080
schedules and I had no 
competence or knowledge. 

759
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:58,600
And I just wrote down Monday 
night Irish club and that was 

760
00:41:58,600 --> 00:41:59,640
it. 
Yeah. 

761
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:04,400
And sometimes I've missed them. 
The the, the, the, the British 

762
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:08,880
squad manager at the time who's 
actually bronze medallist 

763
00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:11,480
actually bizarrely known for his
own laziness, but that's another

764
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:14,160
story, said you don't deserve to
be here. 

765
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:18,280
And I was quite offended because
I was focused on where I was. 

766
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:20,320
Well, I've got the skills I'm 
here. 

767
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:26,160
But deep down, I knew 
authentically I wasn't in a 

768
00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:28,760
space that was directly 
proportional to my efforts 

769
00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:32,320
because I wasn't putting the 
effort in. 

770
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:36,360
When you start, when you start 
to get deeper in there, there's 

771
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:39,440
a fear factor. 
And my attachments were things 

772
00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:41,680
came easy to me athletically. 
Yeah. 

773
00:42:41,720 --> 00:42:44,880
So when things come easy, you've
never had to try hard. 

774
00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:46,920
What happens when you do have to
try hard? 

775
00:42:48,160 --> 00:42:49,600
You've got the. 
Spectre of not. 

776
00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:51,760
Winning. 
You've got the spectre of people

777
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:54,440
being better than you. 
Then you've got the spectre of 

778
00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:57,600
asking yourself, well, can I 
lean in to see where my 

779
00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:00,720
potential is? 
And when we make our attachments

780
00:43:00,720 --> 00:43:04,640
based on competition, we limit 
our own potential because that's

781
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:06,480
all we've got is our own 
potential. 

782
00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:12,920
So I didn't have the freedom to 
say I will train, focus, commit 

783
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:16,320
and be the best I can be and see
what happens. 

784
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:19,960
There was a contingency and this
was the narrative. 

785
00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:24,360
I was attached to the principle.
I'm really good at this and I'm 

786
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:28,600
getting some. 
Success, but the investment was.

787
00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:32,480
Not large at my age and stage 
now I'm really comfortable to 

788
00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:35,880
think of and reflect on that 
because it's actually what came 

789
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:39,880
out of that was my true 
authenticity, which was to speak

790
00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:43,160
on these matters and work with 
individuals, work with young 

791
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:47,760
people in terms of understanding
who they are authentically. 

792
00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:50,280
So all I wouldn't be having this
conversation with you without 

793
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:52,560
that learning that that's a that
makes sense. 

794
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:54,040
Of course it does. 
And once again. 

795
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:58,200
You know, we have these 
conversations and it just opens 

796
00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:01,560
things up because it's not, it's
not black and white. 

797
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:05,160
It's not. 
It's it's more complicated. 

798
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:09,280
Than that you threw in the thing
about fear, which I again, which

799
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:12,120
I, I again I forgot about. 
Of course, that's an element of 

800
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:13,920
like, oh, I might, I might lose 
it. 

801
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:16,600
I don't want to lose. 
And you also threw in the thing 

802
00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:18,680
about, well, if you hadn't done 
that and gone through that 

803
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:21,240
experience, you probably 
wouldn't and ended up doing what

804
00:44:21,240 --> 00:44:23,480
you're doing now where you've 
have much more of an 

805
00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:25,320
appreciation for where other 
people are. 

806
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:29,480
And I, I, I, but you know, I go 
back to that. 

807
00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:33,560
And to be vulnerable. 
As I said, the last the last 

808
00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:35,920
tournament I competed was the 
British Championships where I 

809
00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:41,960
placed it out of bronze medal 
and the winner of it was ended 

810
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:45,040
up being a European champion and
Olympian. 

811
00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:48,840
But I'd beaten him. 
The bronze medalist with me was 

812
00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:50,640
a Commonwealth champion. 
I'd beaten him. 

813
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:54,880
But I remember particularly the 
Commonwealth champion, I went to

814
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:58,080
tournament, beat them probably 
in less than 10 seconds in the 

815
00:44:58,080 --> 00:44:58,960
final. 
Yeah. 

816
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:02,840
And I remember going back to a 
training camp and a a very well 

817
00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:06,160
known person who was provided 
some coaching support for me. 

818
00:45:07,760 --> 00:45:12,080
I felt I was kind of ridiculed. 
And I can remember the feelings 

819
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:16,800
as we're discussing this when he
said you beat so and so. 

820
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:18,080
Well, yeah. 
Wow. 

821
00:45:18,720 --> 00:45:21,240
And there was this, like, kind 
of look of disbelief on his 

822
00:45:21,240 --> 00:45:21,960
face. 
Yeah. 

823
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:26,760
And all of a sudden I'm 
questioning my own ability and 

824
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:27,680
saying well. 
Am I? 

825
00:45:27,680 --> 00:45:30,240
Really good enough. 
And it's an example of being 

826
00:45:30,240 --> 00:45:35,200
defined and being attached to 
someone who is absolutely 

827
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:39,000
exceptional in the sport. 
And I was like, question, wow. 

828
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:42,120
Well, if they say that, well, 
can I be any good? 

829
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:46,680
Yeah. 
By process, the evidence was. 

830
00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:51,200
There's lots of potential and 
one of my coaches who's sadly 

831
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:55,560
passed recently, dear dear 
friend and coach. 

832
00:45:56,640 --> 00:46:00,520
He often spoke about just 
believing and another coach 

833
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:03,840
who's was. 
Very significant in my life as. 

834
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:08,840
Well, was constantly and he he 
was a former European junior 

835
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:13,120
champion and he referenced, you 
know, the mindset and he had 

836
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:19,000
this steely mindset, what we 
might call, you know, what do 

837
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:20,280
they call it? 
Mental toughness. 

838
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:22,320
Yeah, yeah. 
Mental Brazilian. 

839
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:25,680
Brazilian, he just I've. 
I've never had that in a 

840
00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:31,120
sporting capacity and the weak 
link was because I relied on my 

841
00:46:31,120 --> 00:46:36,240
natural God-given athleticism, 
nothing else fascinating. 

842
00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:40,200
Yes, I trained, yes, I was 
relatively fit because that came

843
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:44,000
naturally to me to do that. 
But when it came to going, when 

844
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:46,160
I think about, I'll give you an 
example, Tom Brady. 

845
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:49,600
Tom Brady was like a third 
string quarterback, wasn't up 

846
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:52,560
there, no one thought anything. 
His bio mechanics weren't good. 

847
00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:58,000
He didn't have real strength and
he then decided proactively to 

848
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:01,560
develop a team of people to 
strengthen his core, his 

849
00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:06,360
flexibility, his strength, the 
flexibility in his shoulder, his

850
00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:08,960
vision, peripheral thinking the 
same thing. 

851
00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:10,880
It's funny enough. 
Guess who's adopted them? 

852
00:47:11,720 --> 00:47:14,880
Sorry to bore those in the UK 
with American football. 

853
00:47:15,080 --> 00:47:19,000
Tom Brady is AI think a six time
winner of the Super Bowl. 

854
00:47:19,320 --> 00:47:23,800
So he's like a super grazable 
time super goat but. 

855
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:27,600
There's. 
Mahones now who's just won the 

856
00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:32,080
NFL again, and he's doing 
exactly the same regime with a 

857
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:34,520
team of people. 
I think he's even on a Netflix 

858
00:47:34,520 --> 00:47:36,560
documentary. 
Yeah, No, I've, I've, I've seen.

859
00:47:37,200 --> 00:47:38,880
And what that shows for me is 
I've got. 

860
00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:40,960
Talent. 
But that isn't enough. 

861
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:44,320
Now I need people to help me 
with my plyometrics, my 

862
00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:48,560
flexibility, my core. 
So we're going to a next level 

863
00:47:49,240 --> 00:47:53,120
of preparation and I suppose 
we're talking about elite sport 

864
00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:55,880
here, but we bring it back to 
everyday people. 

865
00:47:56,320 --> 00:47:59,920
There are things that you are 
just letting. 

866
00:47:59,920 --> 00:48:03,720
Pass you by because. 
This is where it is, and this is

867
00:48:03,720 --> 00:48:06,560
what I do. 
And I think what we're talking 

868
00:48:06,560 --> 00:48:11,640
about here is human potential. 
What are we doing? 

869
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:14,840
I I didn't, I've been asked for 
years and I've done several 

870
00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:18,760
podcasts over the years here and
I contemplated, should I do a 

871
00:48:18,760 --> 00:48:22,040
podcast? 
We met and you were pressing and

872
00:48:22,040 --> 00:48:23,360
say, oh, do you want to do 
something? 

873
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:27,960
And then eventually with 
everything with dear Hannah 

874
00:48:27,960 --> 00:48:30,160
happened, I said, look, come 
over, you need some respite. 

875
00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:33,200
You came over and you said, can 
we do a couple of podcasts 

876
00:48:33,480 --> 00:48:35,760
because you were here because it
was easy. 

877
00:48:35,840 --> 00:48:40,120
Let me be honest right now. 
And OK, And then you said, you 

878
00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:42,760
know, and you your expectation, 
perhaps you might do one every 

879
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:45,640
one every two months or so. 
I said, yeah, yeah, I'm open to 

880
00:48:45,640 --> 00:48:47,400
that. 
Guess what I was doing right 

881
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:50,160
there? 
Non commitment, non updating the

882
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:53,240
program because my thought was, 
well, I, I don't want to be too 

883
00:48:53,240 --> 00:48:57,160
inconvenient. 
But yet when I did it, I then 

884
00:48:57,160 --> 00:49:00,720
spent some good time reflecting 
on our subjects and what we were

885
00:49:00,720 --> 00:49:04,120
talking about. 
I came back to you and said we 

886
00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:05,520
should do this on a weekly 
basis. 

887
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:08,520
And I think you paused from a 
Well, this is a bit of a change.

888
00:49:08,800 --> 00:49:10,400
Yeah, I was. 
I was quite surprised. 

889
00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:13,240
By how much you were driving it.
Because normally I, you know, as

890
00:49:13,240 --> 00:49:16,520
I thought I'm driving this, but 
then I saw a commitment from you

891
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:18,760
when I. 
And I'd say, and you shared your

892
00:49:18,760 --> 00:49:21,280
delight in that, Yeah, then I 
got to say, well, this is who 

893
00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:25,560
Ray is. 
And you know, this is so. 

894
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:29,120
Important. 
And it again, it opens up lots 

895
00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:31,240
of different roads. 
We could go down around this 

896
00:49:31,520 --> 00:49:36,000
thing about performance and and 
we're learning about this. 

897
00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:40,680
Through ourselves with an 
audience listening, that there 

898
00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:43,680
were so many reasons why, like 
you said, I was going through a 

899
00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:46,920
job transition and I thought 
about all the excuses. 

900
00:49:46,920 --> 00:49:51,240
And I literally ended up saying 
these are just excuses, you 

901
00:49:51,240 --> 00:49:53,760
know, Did I enjoy it? 
Have I got something to say? 

902
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:59,040
You spent years working with 
clients and students, and do you

903
00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:01,720
want to share your thoughts? 
Is there anyone out there that 

904
00:50:01,720 --> 00:50:03,640
wants to hear what you've got to
say? 

905
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:08,440
Yeah, and go back to the 
attachments from being a an 

906
00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:11,200
elite athlete. 
But actually even when I say it 

907
00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:15,560
now smiling because elite 
athlete by rankings but not by 

908
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:18,400
effort. 
Does that mean yeah, and and 

909
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:21,080
and. 
And so what's the true north is 

910
00:50:21,080 --> 00:50:23,720
someone. 
Who rolls their sleeves up and 

911
00:50:23,720 --> 00:50:28,560
and says, this is what I want? 
And we all appreciate as parents

912
00:50:28,560 --> 00:50:32,400
more adults when we see young 
athletes that are giving their 

913
00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:35,280
all. 
And we already know when we see 

914
00:50:35,280 --> 00:50:38,640
young athletes who've Got Talent
that they actually have never 

915
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:42,680
worked the muscle of 
perseverance, which is why 

916
00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:44,720
Angela Duckworth talks about 
grit. 

917
00:50:45,200 --> 00:50:48,840
And grit is the attempt to say, 
where can I go? 

918
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:52,800
And basically the science 
suggests it's got nothing to do 

919
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:54,440
with talent. 
And I agree with that. 

920
00:50:54,720 --> 00:50:57,280
Talent is just a seed. 
And some people have a bigger 

921
00:50:57,280 --> 00:51:01,080
seed than others, but actually 
every seed has the capacity to 

922
00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:05,320
grow way beyond its own size 
through perseverance and 

923
00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:08,400
passion. 
And that to me is fascinating. 

924
00:51:09,760 --> 00:51:11,040
It's where you are at the 
moment. 

925
00:51:11,040 --> 00:51:15,200
The world would tell you, Pete, 
you might need to change your 

926
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:17,000
job. 
You know, how can you speak 

927
00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:19,160
about how can you be a 
motivational speaker? 

928
00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:22,400
How can you be an author? 
How can you think about going 

929
00:51:22,400 --> 00:51:25,760
back onto TV or doing anything 
and have the energy and 

930
00:51:25,760 --> 00:51:29,000
enthusiasm when effectively, 
let's be honest, your world has 

931
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:32,040
been turned upside down by the 
loss of your parents and what 

932
00:51:32,240 --> 00:51:35,480
the world tells you that. 
And you're attempting to face 

933
00:51:35,480 --> 00:51:40,920
that and say to yourself, no, 
actually I'm going to embrace 

934
00:51:40,920 --> 00:51:45,560
that because those people are 
epicenters of love that have 

935
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:47,960
helped me in my identity 
formation. 

936
00:51:48,280 --> 00:51:51,840
And every single one of them, as
you shared with me, would expect

937
00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:57,400
me to bounce forward with my 
head upright and say, yes, I've 

938
00:51:57,400 --> 00:52:02,040
loved and lost in this life. 
They're important, fantastically

939
00:52:02,040 --> 00:52:04,200
important attachments. 
They're in my life. 

940
00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:08,200
But actually my commitment to 
life is so big that there are 

941
00:52:08,200 --> 00:52:12,920
other positive attachments that 
are going to be reflected in who

942
00:52:12,920 --> 00:52:15,600
I am. 
This is a massive game changer 

943
00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:18,800
for me. 
And this phrase, you know, it's 

944
00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:20,320
not so much where you are, it's 
who you are. 

945
00:52:20,320 --> 00:52:22,640
I've used for years. 
I said, I've said it this week a

946
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:25,360
number of times. 
It was transformed when I met 

947
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:28,200
you because I was challenged. 
Well, hold on, What does this 

948
00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:30,800
statement mean? 
That's really what does it mean 

949
00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:31,640
when. 
This real life. 

950
00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:33,240
Shows up. 
Yeah. 

951
00:52:33,240 --> 00:52:35,520
And then that's why we love. 
Those stories of whether it be 

952
00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:39,280
people like, you know, Nelson 
Mandela or whoever it is, all 

953
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:42,840
these stories or even fictional 
characters when we see them look

954
00:52:42,840 --> 00:52:45,480
at the injustice of where this 
person is and what they do. 

955
00:52:45,960 --> 00:52:48,280
Like you said, the Spider man 
thing, you know, with great 

956
00:52:48,280 --> 00:52:50,040
power comes great 
responsibility. 

957
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:52,600
But as you said, well, no one's 
actually been bitten by a 

958
00:52:52,600 --> 00:52:56,120
radioactive spider that we 
actually know and has had then 

959
00:52:56,120 --> 00:52:59,920
been given this power. 
I think with, as I've learnt, we

960
00:52:59,920 --> 00:53:02,640
have great responsibility. 
I really think as as human 

961
00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:04,080
beings we have great 
responsibility. 

962
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:05,960
We do. 
And I must the caveat. 

963
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:09,960
Is I must give a big shout out 
shout out to Mark Manson, who's 

964
00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:13,960
the first person they made 
reference to swapping the spider

965
00:53:13,960 --> 00:53:17,120
man statement over because 
again, authentically, I don't 

966
00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:19,280
want anyone to think I love the 
statement. 

967
00:53:19,280 --> 00:53:21,880
I I use it in OverDrive in lots 
of capacities. 

968
00:53:22,240 --> 00:53:25,560
But there is a gentleman who's 
got a best selling book by 

969
00:53:25,560 --> 00:53:29,360
Manson, the satellite of not 
even an F word. 

970
00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:32,880
You can look it up read it. 
I would recommend it, but again,

971
00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:36,160
sponging it in all those people 
that are agitating and getting 

972
00:53:36,160 --> 00:53:40,320
me to think is important and 
think. 

973
00:53:40,320 --> 00:53:43,360
Going back to this notion of. 
Authenticity, which is linked to

974
00:53:43,720 --> 00:53:47,120
who you are. 
There's a cliche when people are

975
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:50,960
younger, they may be familiar 
with remembering from parents or

976
00:53:50,960 --> 00:53:53,280
something. 
You can be anything you want to 

977
00:53:53,280 --> 00:53:58,800
be and what's interesting about 
that, I think. 

978
00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:02,520
About Oprah, who I know. 
That you were really into. 

979
00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:06,680
She's really an epitome of 
someone who became something 

980
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:09,440
that she dreamed about because 
not many people know her 

981
00:54:09,440 --> 00:54:14,560
biography, but she was a 
debating champion, a very gifted

982
00:54:14,560 --> 00:54:17,720
at high school after some early 
trauma in her life, and her 

983
00:54:17,720 --> 00:54:21,160
father who asked her to commit 
to those things. 

984
00:54:21,560 --> 00:54:25,760
And she went to Chicago, where 
Donahue was, who dominated 

985
00:54:25,760 --> 00:54:30,840
syndicated daytime chat show. 
And she transformed it against 

986
00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:34,120
all the odds. 
So when we come to this notion 

987
00:54:34,120 --> 00:54:37,720
of who you are, is there any 
limit on it? 

988
00:54:38,040 --> 00:54:39,520
So I love what you said there 
about the. 

989
00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:42,360
Odds, you know, because if you 
think about it, what came to 

990
00:54:42,360 --> 00:54:45,440
mind there is every day, if you 
like, you know that there are 

991
00:54:45,440 --> 00:54:48,280
certain things that you could do
that you would benefit from. 

992
00:54:48,800 --> 00:54:51,520
Are the odds in your favour that
you will actually do those 

993
00:54:51,520 --> 00:54:53,600
things? 
Yeah, that's, that's something. 

994
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:58,080
But in, in and an answer to the 
to to question is First off, the

995
00:54:58,080 --> 00:55:03,840
thing about author authenticity,
it's it again, it's just a word,

996
00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:06,240
but it originates from the word 
author. 

997
00:55:06,240 --> 00:55:08,920
And I was just thinking, if we 
are All authors of our life, 

998
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:10,680
right? 
So every day we're what I'm 

999
00:55:10,680 --> 00:55:15,880
doing is is I'm I'm doing 
something with my life, but do I

1000
00:55:15,880 --> 00:55:18,000
stop? 
Do I stop? 

1001
00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:19,440
Writing the story of. 
My life. 

1002
00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:22,640
Well, I think we all stop it 
when we. 

1003
00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:26,040
Well, some people would say some
people when, when you die in the

1004
00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:28,760
physical form that that part of 
your life is over. 

1005
00:55:28,760 --> 00:55:31,720
But as we're living our life 
today, we're, you and I today 

1006
00:55:31,720 --> 00:55:34,840
we're we're creating a story. 
Is there any limit to the 

1007
00:55:34,840 --> 00:55:37,000
potential that we have? 
As I think was your question 

1008
00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:40,880
right, Yes, I don't. 
Know, but I want to find out. 

1009
00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:44,320
I don't know, I I'd like to 
think no, I there is no. 

1010
00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:46,920
Are there limits? 
I suppose put the other way 

1011
00:55:46,920 --> 00:55:48,360
round. 
The Tom Brady's. 

1012
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:53,080
The Oprah's, well, you look at 
stories, Margaret Thatcher, you 

1013
00:55:53,080 --> 00:55:55,920
know, growing up in in a grocery
store, the people that have 

1014
00:55:55,920 --> 00:56:00,280
overcome where they were, most 
of them have a degree and a 

1015
00:56:00,280 --> 00:56:03,800
fortitude of a determination. 
Margaret Thatcher often talks 

1016
00:56:03,800 --> 00:56:06,720
about she wanted to get into 
parliamentary politics. 

1017
00:56:06,720 --> 00:56:08,840
She was told a woman could never
be a leader. 

1018
00:56:08,840 --> 00:56:11,520
Yeah, but she had these 
aspirations and she changed 

1019
00:56:11,520 --> 00:56:13,960
history. 
So the question then is there 

1020
00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:18,240
are more examples of people who 
have overcome and become than 

1021
00:56:18,240 --> 00:56:21,760
there are those who just were. 
Well, well, that to me what 

1022
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:23,840
comes. 
There is about what's what's the

1023
00:56:23,840 --> 00:56:28,320
driving force and I don't often 
think it's one, but I love this 

1024
00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:35,560
quote around pain or discomfort,
pushes and vision pulls. 

1025
00:56:35,960 --> 00:56:37,680
Right, so pain. 
Pushes, vision pulls. 

1026
00:56:37,680 --> 00:56:40,400
I think that's a good way of 
looking at it because a lot of 

1027
00:56:40,400 --> 00:56:43,440
people, they have been pushed 
away out of circumstances of 

1028
00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:45,960
where they were. 
I love what you, what you said. 

1029
00:56:45,960 --> 00:56:48,600
Again, it was a big massive 
penny drop where you said, 

1030
00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:51,240
listen, when you know where you 
are, where you are, you can see.

1031
00:56:51,480 --> 00:56:54,720
When you know who you are, you 
have vision to see beyond where 

1032
00:56:54,720 --> 00:56:58,120
it is that you are. 
And I think that isn't that 

1033
00:56:58,120 --> 00:57:01,800
amazing that someone like Tom 
Brady could say, well, OK, this 

1034
00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:03,000
is where I am, these are my 
results. 

1035
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:06,760
This is what if I want to do 
this or this is, well, who do I 

1036
00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:08,160
need to be? 
What do I need to do? 

1037
00:57:08,160 --> 00:57:11,720
And then it's like the owning of
all of the different elements. 

1038
00:57:11,720 --> 00:57:13,880
And, and I suppose ultimately 
then we have to ask ourselves a 

1039
00:57:13,880 --> 00:57:17,400
question, is it worth it? 
Can I be bothered, you know, 

1040
00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:19,200
because it might not work, I 
might fail. 

1041
00:57:19,720 --> 00:57:23,600
And I, I've always admired that 
quality and people that go, I 

1042
00:57:23,600 --> 00:57:25,880
don't know, but I'm going to 
find out. 

1043
00:57:26,440 --> 00:57:29,720
I'm going to give it a go. 
And I don't know, what do you 

1044
00:57:29,720 --> 00:57:31,920
think? 
Do you think that deep down 

1045
00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:37,520
within people that there is a 
real desire to outperform what 

1046
00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:42,160
you did or a desire to improve 
or a desire to get better or, or

1047
00:57:42,160 --> 00:57:45,840
is that just in certain people? 
Well, it's a great question. 

1048
00:57:46,320 --> 00:57:50,800
It's the classic in management 
science thinking is are born, 

1049
00:57:51,040 --> 00:57:57,320
are leaders born or created and 
you're going to get consensus or

1050
00:57:57,360 --> 00:58:00,200
position statements from both 
sides of the argument. 

1051
00:58:00,640 --> 00:58:02,760
What I would say to you. 
It's the way. 

1052
00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:07,760
I've worked this thing through 
and it's given me the best scope

1053
00:58:07,760 --> 00:58:09,840
of it. 
As we're talking about people, 

1054
00:58:10,080 --> 00:58:13,760
I've been committed for a long 
time to biographies, 

1055
00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:19,080
understanding the story of 
people, people in the spotlight.

1056
00:58:19,160 --> 00:58:26,080
So more recently, Stephen Barla,
diary of the CEO, I've been 

1057
00:58:26,080 --> 00:58:32,000
intrigued by his story because I
get snippets of his story, this 

1058
00:58:32,120 --> 00:58:35,720
mixed race to an American sense 
biracial person brought up in I 

1059
00:58:35,720 --> 00:58:40,280
think Plymouth or Portsmouth 
there's. 

1060
00:58:40,440 --> 00:58:42,800
Not a lot, but there's. 
Some working through of him 

1061
00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:47,040
trying to work out a sense of 
identity going on and finding 

1062
00:58:47,040 --> 00:58:50,360
himself. 
Manchester met but pulling out 

1063
00:58:50,760 --> 00:58:55,400
but pulling out at the right 
time and whatever drove him into

1064
00:58:55,400 --> 00:58:58,080
taking a risk. 
I know a lot about social media,

1065
00:58:58,080 --> 00:58:59,800
but guess what? 
The commercial world doesn't 

1066
00:58:59,800 --> 00:59:03,160
know a lot about social media. 
I've got a competitive advantage

1067
00:59:03,520 --> 00:59:07,200
and at such a young age to 
recognise I've got a competitive

1068
00:59:07,200 --> 00:59:09,480
advantage. 
Now, I don't know the detail, 

1069
00:59:09,480 --> 00:59:12,680
but I think there's probably a 
lot more to that story because 

1070
00:59:12,680 --> 00:59:16,520
Seneca, we go back a couple of 
1000 years, talks about, you 

1071
00:59:16,520 --> 00:59:20,760
know, luck or success being 
predicated on preparation and 

1072
00:59:20,760 --> 00:59:24,000
opportunity. 
Well, it's clear Stephen 

1073
00:59:24,000 --> 00:59:27,160
Bartlett and those who are 
around him, he found himself in 

1074
00:59:27,160 --> 00:59:32,320
a position of opportunity, but 
he was prepared and I'm 

1075
00:59:32,320 --> 00:59:36,040
interested in that preparation. 
He's articulated briefly, and 

1076
00:59:36,480 --> 00:59:40,440
again, I'm only giving a loose 
frame around what I know is 

1077
00:59:40,440 --> 00:59:44,120
that, you know, he loves social 
media and at a time when it was 

1078
00:59:44,120 --> 00:59:47,640
very, very natural. 
For young people to. 

1079
00:59:47,640 --> 00:59:51,280
Engage and he was that a 
generation of millennial coming 

1080
00:59:51,280 --> 00:59:54,400
up and engaging in something in 
a new way. 

1081
00:59:55,120 --> 00:59:59,000
And he had an opportunity and it
gave him a disproportionate 

1082
00:59:59,640 --> 01:00:03,200
return. 
And what's interesting, his 

1083
01:00:03,200 --> 01:00:06,160
commitment to the diary of the 
CEO fascinates me. 

1084
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:10,000
A young man. 
What what is it about that that 

1085
01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:12,680
intrigues me? 
And I think for me, I pour the 

1086
01:00:12,680 --> 01:00:16,040
onion skins back and perhaps one
day we'll have an opportunity to

1087
01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:20,080
have a conversation with him. 
Is his interest in those who 

1088
01:00:20,480 --> 01:00:24,240
have been able to achieve 
something, whether it be in, you

1089
01:00:24,240 --> 01:00:28,880
know, sport, politics? 
Or thought leaders in particular

1090
01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:31,360
areas. 
There is definitely a hunger for

1091
01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:33,760
him to to know more in that 
space. 

1092
01:00:34,240 --> 01:00:37,600
And I'm sure that's directly 
proportional to the curiosity 

1093
01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:42,680
that actually gave him his path.
Well, it's it's. 

1094
01:00:42,680 --> 01:00:43,960
Fascinating, isn't it? 
Because. 

1095
01:00:46,000 --> 01:00:47,600
As you know, I introduced him at
an. 

1096
01:00:47,600 --> 01:00:51,680
Event and then he's spoke on 
stage and then I went up to 

1097
01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:55,600
Martha's because he said one of 
those really profound things 

1098
01:00:55,600 --> 01:00:58,280
that when you you know, when you
hear something like many of the 

1099
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:00,000
conversations we've had, they're
so profound. 

1100
01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:03,360
This morning I got up early and 
I re listened to something we 

1101
01:01:03,360 --> 01:01:06,160
said yesterday and I there's so 
many profound things like 

1102
01:01:06,160 --> 01:01:09,600
standing up for your 
authenticity, you know, rather 

1103
01:01:09,600 --> 01:01:13,000
than sitting on your attachments
and just starting to unpack that

1104
01:01:13,400 --> 01:01:16,680
what he said. 
He said when he was young, he 

1105
01:01:16,680 --> 01:01:21,040
knew who he was pursuing. 
And I thought, wow. 

1106
01:01:22,000 --> 01:01:24,280
And he was, he was in, you know,
he talks about being at 

1107
01:01:24,280 --> 01:01:28,000
university and was in pain and 
the fact that he didn't didn't 

1108
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:29,720
want to be there. 
And he calls his mum and says, 

1109
01:01:29,720 --> 01:01:31,840
you know, I'm, I'm going to 
leave this. 

1110
01:01:31,840 --> 01:01:34,040
And mum said, if you do that, 
I'll never talk to you again. 

1111
01:01:34,360 --> 01:01:38,800
But yet he still could see 
something beyond where he was of

1112
01:01:39,200 --> 01:01:42,600
what he had to do and who he had
to become. 

1113
01:01:43,000 --> 01:01:45,720
I my reflection actually on 
listening to him is, I mean, 

1114
01:01:46,160 --> 01:01:48,880
and, and I've listened to many 
of his podcasts and I'm very 

1115
01:01:48,880 --> 01:01:51,640
grateful because he's had some 
really interesting conversations

1116
01:01:51,640 --> 01:01:54,800
with some, some people, like the
guy who did the biography for 

1117
01:01:55,040 --> 01:01:58,160
Elon Musk and for Steve Jobs. 
And I've listened to that twice,

1118
01:01:58,720 --> 01:02:01,840
you know, do a deep dive. 
But I think part of his, what 

1119
01:02:01,840 --> 01:02:04,280
he's doing is he's getting to 
know who he is. 

1120
01:02:04,760 --> 01:02:06,760
I would agree, you know. 
And I would agree. 

1121
01:02:06,920 --> 01:02:11,440
And I'm very grateful to that. 
And I'm very grateful. 

1122
01:02:12,240 --> 01:02:14,240
Well, that's another 
conversation about gratitude. 

1123
01:02:14,240 --> 01:02:18,680
You know, why it's so important 
to to be to be grateful. 

1124
01:02:18,680 --> 01:02:23,360
But I think in terms of 
authorship and authenticity, 

1125
01:02:24,840 --> 01:02:27,800
what I think we've done in the 
last few days, you know, I leave

1126
01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:31,760
on Sunday, it's Friday today. 
I think what we've done in in a 

1127
01:02:31,760 --> 01:02:36,240
beautiful way is really start to
look at authenticity, look at 

1128
01:02:36,240 --> 01:02:38,720
authorship. 
Do you think we're all born? 

1129
01:02:38,720 --> 01:02:41,240
Let's let's kind of maybe round 
this up a little bit and maybe 

1130
01:02:41,240 --> 01:02:44,760
we can continue this 
conversation tomorrow, but 

1131
01:02:44,760 --> 01:02:47,760
around authenticity. 
Do. 

1132
01:02:48,680 --> 01:02:54,080
You do you believe that we're 
all born with this kind of 

1133
01:02:54,080 --> 01:02:58,640
uniqueness, that things that 
only we can do, that that's a 

1134
01:02:58,640 --> 01:03:02,080
gift for something that I'd love
to. 

1135
01:03:02,080 --> 01:03:03,240
Get your take on that. 
I've got. 

1136
01:03:03,240 --> 01:03:05,400
A few opinions about that, I'd 
love to hear what yours. 

1137
01:03:05,400 --> 01:03:09,960
I believe everyone that walks. 
The earth is distinctive, Yeah, 

1138
01:03:09,960 --> 01:03:13,680
and that comes from my faith. 
Everyone is unique. 

1139
01:03:13,800 --> 01:03:17,800
And if you're unsure about that,
go and take your fingerprints 

1140
01:03:18,160 --> 01:03:21,000
and then attempt, if you will, 
if you've got the energy to find

1141
01:03:21,000 --> 01:03:23,080
anyone in the world that's got 
the same fingerprints. 

1142
01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:26,640
Yeah, even twins. 
So the first propositions were 

1143
01:03:26,640 --> 01:03:30,680
all distinctive. 
However, I think we have some 

1144
01:03:30,680 --> 01:03:37,120
responsibility to take that 
distinctiveness and make it 

1145
01:03:37,120 --> 01:03:40,840
firstly compelling to ourselves 
and then to others. 

1146
01:03:41,400 --> 01:03:45,440
And what I mean by compelling is
you have a deep seated 

1147
01:03:45,800 --> 01:03:50,160
understanding of who you are and
it's compelling to you and it's 

1148
01:03:50,160 --> 01:03:52,360
the recipe for you to engage 
with others. 

1149
01:03:52,800 --> 01:03:56,960
And the last constituent is that
the sustainability comes from it

1150
01:03:56,960 --> 01:04:00,360
being relevant to people. 
So I do believe at this age and 

1151
01:04:00,360 --> 01:04:03,960
stage that Stephen Butler is 
relevant to his audience. 

1152
01:04:03,960 --> 01:04:07,200
Audience. 
Seth Rogen is in the podcast 

1153
01:04:07,200 --> 01:04:10,120
game. 
We are two guys that randomly 

1154
01:04:10,120 --> 01:04:12,080
met and we've got a unique 
perspective. 

1155
01:04:12,640 --> 01:04:16,840
And history will dictate where 
this podcast goes relative to 

1156
01:04:16,840 --> 01:04:19,040
that. 
But my engagement is that I 

1157
01:04:19,040 --> 01:04:21,680
already know. 
And my benchmark is if one 

1158
01:04:21,680 --> 01:04:26,280
person finds these conversations
relevant, then I feel fulfilled.

1159
01:04:26,920 --> 01:04:30,880
And I am absolutely sure that 
everyone listen to this podcast.

1160
01:04:30,880 --> 01:04:34,520
If you want to start to see 
transformation, the 

1161
01:04:34,520 --> 01:04:37,160
transformation comes from the 
renewal of your mind. 

1162
01:04:37,320 --> 01:04:39,000
Yeah. 
And the renewal of your mind 

1163
01:04:39,000 --> 01:04:42,160
only comes when you're not 
distracted by the world around. 

1164
01:04:42,160 --> 01:04:44,040
Can I, Can I Yeah. 
And I think the. 

1165
01:04:44,040 --> 01:04:47,920
Renewal is, it's a for me, it's 
a daily operation certainly and 

1166
01:04:48,360 --> 01:04:51,840
it's up to people to find, but 
it's not the dominant. 

1167
01:04:51,840 --> 01:04:55,600
It's not even the dominant. 
Part of the day it's 1%. 

1168
01:04:55,640 --> 01:04:57,760
It could. 
Be 1% a day, 14 minutes. 24 

1169
01:04:57,760 --> 01:04:59,840
seconds, But there must be that 
investment. 

1170
01:04:59,840 --> 01:05:03,560
In fact, let's be honest, the 
majority of people in the world 

1171
01:05:03,560 --> 01:05:07,200
do not even spend 1%, fourteen 
minutes and 24 seconds of their 

1172
01:05:07,200 --> 01:05:12,520
day in a a prayer for a 
meditative state. 

1173
01:05:12,960 --> 01:05:16,600
And again, let's examine the 
quality of that time. 

1174
01:05:16,880 --> 01:05:20,120
That time isn't, Oh yeah, I pray
for 10 minutes, but it's become 

1175
01:05:20,120 --> 01:05:23,880
habitual. 
It needs to be in the moment you

1176
01:05:23,880 --> 01:05:27,400
are actually in conversation. 
If you're someone of faith, 

1177
01:05:27,680 --> 01:05:31,560
you're in conversation with your
God. 

1178
01:05:31,560 --> 01:05:35,400
Whatever the faith might be for 
me, I'm going to be praying and 

1179
01:05:35,400 --> 01:05:38,640
my faith relationship will be 
through Jesus Christ. 

1180
01:05:38,640 --> 01:05:39,920
That's just the way. 
I'm wired. 

1181
01:05:39,920 --> 01:05:42,920
I'm I, I don't. 
Again, I will say not preaching 

1182
01:05:42,920 --> 01:05:45,200
and and I always appreciate you,
Pete, you giving me the room. 

1183
01:05:45,200 --> 01:05:48,280
Of course, that's who you are. 
It's who you are. 

1184
01:05:48,320 --> 01:05:51,600
It's like whoever you are, yeah.
And whatever you're doing, 

1185
01:05:51,600 --> 01:05:55,800
please spend some good quality 
time because in that quality 

1186
01:05:55,800 --> 01:05:59,600
time, you're going to find 
yourself that you know so many 

1187
01:05:59,600 --> 01:06:02,240
people that. 
Are frightened or ashamed or 

1188
01:06:02,240 --> 01:06:06,320
concerned or whatever of sharing
who they are and and faith has a

1189
01:06:06,320 --> 01:06:09,480
big one of those that if you you
know a lot of people I'm sure if

1190
01:06:09,480 --> 01:06:12,680
they say you know I'm I'm 
Christian but people will judge 

1191
01:06:12,680 --> 01:06:17,880
them for that as if to say they 
know you or they make an opinion

1192
01:06:17,880 --> 01:06:22,200
based on what they think and 
it's what a wonderful quality to

1193
01:06:22,800 --> 01:06:26,360
let someone be who they are what
what better gift could you ever 

1194
01:06:26,360 --> 01:06:30,640
give anyone and I think. 
I would encourage anyone, if 

1195
01:06:30,640 --> 01:06:34,120
they're listening for the first 
time, to go back through some of

1196
01:06:34,120 --> 01:06:36,760
the episodes with us because I 
think one of the best ways for 

1197
01:06:36,760 --> 01:06:40,200
people to understand where we're
coming from is to test it over 

1198
01:06:40,200 --> 01:06:44,200
time. 
You know, 10 months worth of 

1199
01:06:44,200 --> 01:06:47,120
recording that's been broadcast 
probably for the last eight 

1200
01:06:47,120 --> 01:06:50,360
months, July or June. 
June and July, but we started 

1201
01:06:50,360 --> 01:06:52,960
recording. 
A little earlier than that, but 

1202
01:06:52,960 --> 01:06:55,600
all of that time there's a 
sustained commitment to 

1203
01:06:55,600 --> 01:06:59,080
something that we see. 
But we're in these, we're in the

1204
01:06:59,080 --> 01:07:02,560
baby steps and I'm loving every 
little step, not knowing where 

1205
01:07:02,560 --> 01:07:04,920
it's going to go. 
But anyone listening, please, 

1206
01:07:05,480 --> 01:07:08,040
you know, and and triggering. 
Here's the interesting thing. 

1207
01:07:08,520 --> 01:07:11,840
Triggering happens. 
When you're attached to meaning 

1208
01:07:11,840 --> 01:07:15,160
and association, it's a 
shortcut, and basically it 

1209
01:07:15,160 --> 01:07:17,520
reveals if you get triggered by 
something. 

1210
01:07:17,520 --> 01:07:20,120
You can say ah, that's connected
to an. 

1211
01:07:20,120 --> 01:07:22,160
Attachment now. 
That attachment may be really 

1212
01:07:22,160 --> 01:07:26,320
positive. 
It may be, you know, traffic 

1213
01:07:26,320 --> 01:07:30,840
lights or the traffic signals as
they might say in the US are 

1214
01:07:30,840 --> 01:07:33,840
changing. 
You have to slow down, obvious. 

1215
01:07:34,280 --> 01:07:39,640
But what's interesting in that I
say to any of you, we cannot 

1216
01:07:39,760 --> 01:07:43,720
ignore traumas, pains, hurts and
hang ups we've ever been 

1217
01:07:43,720 --> 01:07:46,640
through. 
They're there, but there is 

1218
01:07:46,640 --> 01:07:52,360
ability to change the trigger 
into a tremor and the tremor is 

1219
01:07:52,360 --> 01:07:55,720
in that space of knowing who you
are and also. 

1220
01:07:55,920 --> 01:07:58,720
To be like you said with the, 
you know, the example of the 

1221
01:07:58,720 --> 01:08:02,640
judo to be, you know, this has 
happened rather than to me, this

1222
01:08:02,640 --> 01:08:04,640
has happened for me to be able 
to do that work. 

1223
01:08:04,640 --> 01:08:07,440
That's some of the work I love 
to do where you can help people 

1224
01:08:07,760 --> 01:08:09,920
look back, do that inner work 
and and then real. 

1225
01:08:09,920 --> 01:08:13,160
I'm so glad that happened to me 
because I am who I am because of

1226
01:08:13,160 --> 01:08:14,960
that. 
And that's the the biggest. 

1227
01:08:14,960 --> 01:08:19,240
Challenge to that and Full 
disclosure to everyone I I am 

1228
01:08:19,240 --> 01:08:22,880
constantly sharing with Pete, as
difficult as the season is, that

1229
01:08:22,880 --> 01:08:26,640
he has to celebrate everything 
associated with Hannah because 

1230
01:08:26,640 --> 01:08:29,880
it was a true blessing in his 
life the. 

1231
01:08:29,880 --> 01:08:31,439
World was saying. 
Well, you can't do that. 

1232
01:08:31,479 --> 01:08:34,000
She's gone. 
We want you to focus on the 

1233
01:08:34,000 --> 01:08:38,040
loss, not on the celebration. 
Of that, I must admit that it 

1234
01:08:38,040 --> 01:08:38,720
is. 
It is. 

1235
01:08:39,080 --> 01:08:42,240
You know, it is a big challenge 
to do that, but it's like 

1236
01:08:42,240 --> 01:08:45,720
grooving something where her 
life if if I want her life to be

1237
01:08:45,720 --> 01:08:49,000
a celebration. 
Well, I mean it's. 

1238
01:08:49,000 --> 01:08:50,319
So if this isn't a. 
Choice. 

1239
01:08:50,399 --> 01:08:54,960
So much of this stuff is so 
obvious and again, I love this 

1240
01:08:54,960 --> 01:08:57,520
quote of, you know, what is 
common sense? 

1241
01:08:57,520 --> 01:09:01,080
It isn't always common practice,
but to make common sense, common

1242
01:09:01,080 --> 01:09:02,560
practice. 
And maybe it doesn't make sense 

1243
01:09:02,560 --> 01:09:05,399
to people and that's fine. 
But to me, what you say, why on 

1244
01:09:05,399 --> 01:09:08,120
earth would celebrate my well, 
surely I this is what I should 

1245
01:09:08,120 --> 01:09:10,359
do. 
No, I don't want to continue to 

1246
01:09:10,359 --> 01:09:14,160
feel that that loss. 
I want to feel the celebration 

1247
01:09:14,160 --> 01:09:16,880
of the life that I have. 
It's a practice for me. 

1248
01:09:16,880 --> 01:09:18,560
It's a practice. 
Well, you've just said it there.

1249
01:09:18,760 --> 01:09:21,200
You're not. 
Celebrating the loss, you're 

1250
01:09:21,200 --> 01:09:23,680
celebrating the life. 
Yeah, and when you? 

1251
01:09:23,680 --> 01:09:26,240
Often see people going. 
To a funeral and they go, we're 

1252
01:09:26,240 --> 01:09:27,920
going to celebrate the life of 
this person. 

1253
01:09:28,359 --> 01:09:31,080
But it's almost sometimes 
unfortunate, just a facade 

1254
01:09:31,520 --> 01:09:35,840
because it's for that period, 
but really truly the ongoing 

1255
01:09:35,840 --> 01:09:37,960
aspect. 
The healthiest people I've seen 

1256
01:09:37,960 --> 01:09:41,319
in bereavement are those that 
celebrate the life of someone, 

1257
01:09:41,479 --> 01:09:44,840
the impact they've had and their
commitment to allowing that 

1258
01:09:45,800 --> 01:09:49,800
experience to continue to live 
in them, which is conscious. 

1259
01:09:50,080 --> 01:09:52,560
It's deliberate. 
I did a post on. 

1260
01:09:52,560 --> 01:09:56,880
Instagram and I I talked about 
what my Raphael, my coach said 

1261
01:09:56,880 --> 01:09:58,960
to me years ago. 
They goes look at the word life 

1262
01:09:59,280 --> 01:10:01,920
LIFE. 
He said just put a big cross 

1263
01:10:01,920 --> 01:10:05,720
through the if and look at the L
and the E so that the legacy of 

1264
01:10:05,720 --> 01:10:08,480
your life is that when your life
ends, it exits. 

1265
01:10:08,840 --> 01:10:10,920
You loved your life, you 
celebrated your life. 

1266
01:10:11,200 --> 01:10:13,800
You know, if I'd done and I have
done this, I've gone, oh, if I 

1267
01:10:13,800 --> 01:10:16,840
did this and if I did that and 
that doesn't, that doesn't help 

1268
01:10:16,840 --> 01:10:18,040
me. 
And I think the, the last thing 

1269
01:10:18,040 --> 01:10:21,880
I want to say before we walk 
back into some more noise is, 

1270
01:10:22,280 --> 01:10:24,400
you know, the uniqueness of us. 
I love what you said there 

1271
01:10:24,400 --> 01:10:25,800
about, you know, the, the 
fingerprint. 

1272
01:10:25,800 --> 01:10:28,200
There's, there's only one. 
And I think through our 

1273
01:10:28,200 --> 01:10:31,360
survival, through how we're 
made, you know, we all had to 

1274
01:10:31,360 --> 01:10:33,560
have some things that we could 
do that would keep the the 

1275
01:10:33,560 --> 01:10:35,800
species moving forwards for us 
to. 

1276
01:10:35,800 --> 01:10:38,200
And this was the word that I had
a dream about this last night. 

1277
01:10:38,640 --> 01:10:41,920
It's funny how we're ending the 
podcast evolution for something 

1278
01:10:41,920 --> 01:10:44,960
to evolve. 
Well, until next time. 

1279
01:10:45,240 --> 01:10:48,360
Until next time. 
Yes, have a. 

1280
01:10:48,360 --> 01:10:53,840
Great day. 
Thank you so much for listening.

1281
01:10:53,840 --> 01:10:56,760
To this podcast, if you've been 
with us throughout the whole 

1282
01:10:56,760 --> 01:10:59,320
series, thank you. 
If this is the first episode 

1283
01:10:59,320 --> 01:11:02,440
that you've listened to in the 
Stop to Think series, thank you 

1284
01:11:02,480 --> 01:11:04,880
as well. 
These conversations really 

1285
01:11:04,880 --> 01:11:07,320
changed my life. 
They started during the most 

1286
01:11:07,320 --> 01:11:11,600
challenging season of my life 
and they've truly helped me to 

1287
01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:15,240
stop and look at my life with a 
fresh pair of eyes. 

1288
01:11:15,520 --> 01:11:20,080
Doctor Ray has been hugely 
helpful in just helping me look 

1289
01:11:20,080 --> 01:11:23,320
at myself in a way that I 
probably wouldn't have looked 

1290
01:11:23,320 --> 01:11:26,080
at. 
The passing of my wife was most 

1291
01:11:26,200 --> 01:11:31,200
definitely the most challenging 
season, but it has also been the

1292
01:11:31,200 --> 01:11:33,760
making of me. 
I couldn't outrun my grief. 

1293
01:11:34,200 --> 01:11:39,080
It really forced me to stop and 
look at things in a way that 

1294
01:11:39,320 --> 01:11:41,280
life can never be the same 
again. 

1295
01:11:42,200 --> 01:11:43,880
These conversations. 
We've talked about. 

1296
01:11:43,880 --> 01:11:45,560
Grief. 
We've talked about identity. 

1297
01:11:45,560 --> 01:11:49,160
We've talked about success and 
purpose and what it really means

1298
01:11:49,480 --> 01:11:53,440
to become the person that we are
all capable of becoming. 

1299
01:11:54,280 --> 01:11:56,560
My hope is that. 
These conversations have 

1300
01:11:56,560 --> 01:12:01,520
encouraged you to ask better 
questions about your own life, 

1301
01:12:01,960 --> 01:12:04,920
too. 
Remember, you are more. 

1302
01:12:05,680 --> 01:12:08,600
Than what has happened to you. 
You are more than your 

1303
01:12:08,600 --> 01:12:11,160
achievements. 
You are more than your 

1304
01:12:11,320 --> 01:12:15,040
attachments. 
The invitation is simply to 

1305
01:12:15,040 --> 01:12:17,240
become more of who you truly 
are. 

1306
01:12:18,040 --> 01:12:21,600
Now look, if these conversations
have resonated with you, then 

1307
01:12:21,600 --> 01:12:23,720
please feel free to share them 
now. 

1308
01:12:23,720 --> 01:12:27,400
We will record a few more 
podcasts, but most of these were

1309
01:12:27,400 --> 01:12:33,280
recorded in 2023 and 2024. 
And some incredible things have 

1310
01:12:33,280 --> 01:12:36,360
happened as we find ourselves 
now in 2026. 

1311
01:12:36,360 --> 01:12:40,040
And I want to share more of that
with you, specifically about 

1312
01:12:40,040 --> 01:12:44,040
what Ray said about celebrating 
in your suffering. 

1313
01:12:44,640 --> 01:12:48,160
When he first said that to me, I
really didn't understand what he

1314
01:12:48,160 --> 01:12:52,440
meant. 
But over time, I realized 

1315
01:12:52,440 --> 01:12:56,920
something I had to do, which was
to create the documentary 

1316
01:12:57,360 --> 01:13:00,360
Hannah's Story that many of you 
have perhaps already watched. 

1317
01:13:00,360 --> 01:13:05,880
If you haven't watched, you can 
see it in the show notes and 

1318
01:13:05,880 --> 01:13:07,240
what's. 
Incredible, especially. 

1319
01:13:07,240 --> 01:13:11,040
If you've listened to the 1st 4 
episodes, you'll see what 

1320
01:13:11,040 --> 01:13:13,400
actually happened at this film 
that I made, which was a very 

1321
01:13:13,400 --> 01:13:18,040
difficult thing to do, has won 
eleven film festivals around the

1322
01:13:18,040 --> 01:13:21,960
world and Hannah's story has 
gone on to inspire so many 

1323
01:13:21,960 --> 01:13:24,840
people, but it's really inspired
me. 

1324
01:13:25,680 --> 01:13:28,680
Hannah's legacy is playing out 
right now with you listening to 

1325
01:13:28,680 --> 01:13:32,120
this podcast. 
Once again, Doctor Ray and I 

1326
01:13:32,920 --> 01:13:36,760
would love to thank you for 
taking the time out to stop, to 

1327
01:13:36,760 --> 01:13:38,920
pause and look at things 
differently. 

1328
01:13:39,320 --> 01:13:43,080
We really appreciate you and we 
will see you again. 

1329
01:13:43,600 --> 01:13:44,440
Thanks for listening.