What's good, everybody? It's Dave.
Please check out this new episode from Chat Suey, the new
podcast from me, Garrett and Casey, and then give us a follow
at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and wherever you listen to podcasts.
Thank you, Hit. The record button hit.
The record button hit.
The record button Hit, hit, hit, hit the record button.
Hit. The reading record recording.
Hey, what's good, all you fuckers?
And welcome back to another episode of.
We can't say that. No, no, chat suey.
That's what we are. We're chat suey now.
So the reason why we are now chat suey is because I was at
work the other day, right? And I was talking to one of the
guys and they're like, oh, you got the you got the new episode
up, right. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah,
let's you know, he's like, oh, let me check it out.
He like puts it in, he searches it.
He's like, this ain't you guys. I'm like, what are you talking
about? And he says, who are these guys?
Yeah, yeah, no. No free plugs.
On the plug, I'm just saying,
all right, don't. So I was like, let me see that.
And I look at the thing and they're like, they posted five
days before we did their very first episode.
So I'm not a big on sharing, right.
So I'm not going to have our people say hey, go check us out
at this name. And then these other people pop
up. So now they're getting, you
know, yeah. Our people.
I'm with you. I like Chatsui.
Chatsui grew on me before when we were deciding.
Yeah, so Chatsui was actually the first name that we came up
with, but then we were like let's do something funny and
like whatever, but here we go, we're back to chat Suey but.
I will say this, I do not like American chop suey.
You don't like American chop? Nope.
Goulash.
Nope, That's that's that's what I like to call trailer park food
right there. American chop suey.
That's to clean out the fridge
on a Sunday or a you know what I mean at the end.
Of the American chop suey is fucking amazing.
No, it's just. Like, oh, I have some tomatoes,
I have some hamburger meat. It's basically spaghetti with I
have some elbow. Noodles.
Yeah, it's no, it's like, let's just throw everything in a pot.
Are you talking it's fucking spaghetti with macaroni?
Nope. It's gross.
It's gross and I'll die on that hill all day.
Help me out here, Casey. I.
We got some red sauce, some tomato paste, whatever.
Fucking. Spaghetti with macaroni noodles.
That's all it is. That's the only difference.
Nope, I'll die on that hill. You're a fucking weirdo.
Yeah, I eat everything so. Speaking of weirdo, what?
Look at this guy's coffee. What?
Is there anything in it? It's my cherry Chai latte.
Guy has two stevies. Cherry.
Chai latte. It took him.
Cherry 4. Days to get it from the
Starbucks. Drive through it took me 4 days
to get no like lit the jet not it took me 20 minutes to get
through the fucking drive. Through not only is it
questionable, he also is rocking 2 stevias in here too.
Leave my shit alone. Is it tasty?
It's fucking tasted just like cherries.
But anyway, yeah, it took me like 20 minutes to get through
the fucking drive through, right?
And I'm like, what the fuck is taking so long?
And as I get closer, I hear that recognizable voice of the guy
that works at the fucking Starbucks.
Oh. Yes, I know.
Exactly who you're talking about, you know?
Yeah, yeah. He's actually very nice guy.
He's very nice. He's just a little.
He kind of floats around the Starbucks.
Yeah, he's he. He twinkles around the.
Store. He twinkles around the store.
Hey, very nice seeing you. Nice dude though.
Like great dude. Purple hair.
He's got the gauges in his ears and stuff.
Typical Portland barista. Portland Barista Yep.
And as I was pulling up, I'm like, oh, This is why it's
taking so long to drive through because.
He chats you up. He chats up everybody at the
window. It's great, great service, dude,
right? Starbucks you deserve.
You got to pay that guy some more extra money.
Right. And you know what?
Amazing Cherry Chai fucking latte.
So worth the wait. Worth the wait we're at.
The week all right, for those of you joining us for the second
time or even the first time, this is chat suey and we're
going to be talking about a potpourri of fucking topics and
a lot of those topics are going to have a lot of cuss words.
They're going to have a lot of sexual innuendos and we're going
to be talking about the gay barista at Starbucks.
So if any of that offends you, that's a you problem.
But one of the things that we also discuss is confessions.
Confessions. I can't believe you use my kid
as the intro kids getting dead old and you use my.
Kid. All right, so this is
confessions with Father Ojari. Sorry, sorry.
Oh my God. Oh, man, Father O Charlie,
Father Jerry. Jerry All right, so this this is
going awful. All right.
So you were asking the question earlier about priests?
Yeah, I, I how what's the process to become an actual
priest, Not like an ordained minister or like one of the, the
like a real true Catholic priest with the collar the whole night.
Well, I had to go through a lot of ideology.
Shut up. Yeah.
What did you go through, Father Ojari?
I went through Amazon to get my to get my shirt.
Oh, you never heard of the parish Amazon?
That's where I studied abroad. Saint Amazon Basilica No.
Did Jesus speak to you? And that's how you found your
calling and. He did.
You wanted to go into. The priesthood.
Yeah, you do. You do pull it off a little bit.
I could see it. If you ever like, go through a
midlife crisis, don't buy a Corvette.
Like try to become a priest or? Something go to theology school.
Is that really what they have to do?
Yeah, my, my uncle was a priest for 35 years.
And are you joking? No.
Like white colored and everything priest.
I don't know the difference. And he had a doctorate's in
theology from Notre Dame University V Notre Dame.
Notre Dame. Notre Dame University.
Yes. So it's almost blasphemous that
I'm fucking. I'm sorry, uncle.
All right, here we go. All right, so our confession for
today, they write, 3 years ago, I won $1 million in the lottery
and never, never told anyone. OK, how do you pull the?
How do you keep that a secret? I don't know I it'd be so hard.
The first thing I did was contacted an estate planning
attorney, and he helped me set up a trust and claimed the
winnings for me with the said trust and true anonymity.
Where's my mustache? Hold on.
Yeah. So he also helped me plan half
of it on a hedge fund where it's being managed and has constantly
grown. The other half I invested in
Bitcoin, all of it. That's right.
When Bitcoin was at its lowest, it had been a long time and I
put almost $500,000 into it. I held it all this time and with
the recent election causing a live crypto boom, I sold.
I bought Bitcoin when it was at 30 K and sold he.
Made some money. Soared over 100K.
He made some. Money.
No one in my life knows, not even my family or friends.
I haven't spent a dime, I've only been working and letting my
money grow while continuing to live modest modestly off of my
salary. After the money I made from
crypto, I'm starting to reconsider things.
I'm thinking about retiring in a couple of years at the age of 35
and as of right now my entire estate is over $10 million.
Very lucky and I've tried to be very smart with what I've been
given. I haven't touched it other than
to pay taxes on the money I've made investing because of it.
At this point I can't afford the taxes with what I'm making
currently off of my job. I'm not sure what to do.
I'm not sure what I wanted to do with my life.
I have a lot more money and opportunity than I ever thought
I would have. I'm really torn between trying
to make a difference in the fucked up world or trying to
remove myself from it and go live on an island somewhere.
Well, you definitely choose the island. 10 million, like 10
million's unfathomable in my mind, but in the grand scheme of
things, you're not going to change the world with 10
million. Dollars.
You're not. But you can change a person's
life. It's kind of like that star,
that starfish story. You're like, why are you
throwing all the starfish in? You're not, you're not going to
make a difference. And he's like, I mean, a
difference to that one, yeah. Well, that's kind of corny, but
yeah, I get it. What?
I get it. No, no, no, I'm with.
You all right? All right.
So honestly, honest question, if you had $10 million, yeah, right
now, what would you do with it? See, I this is actually a great
conversation for these three of us in this room right now,
because me and you, who we, you know, we spend outside of our
means. I'm not going to I don't we, we,
we're here, we live fast. The whole point is live fast.
Die young for me and Dave Jarry over here.
And we have Casey Moore, who is like a investment banker who
saves everything, will not get the steak over the chicken
because the the steak's expensive.
So it's it's very, I would be extremely hard for me to not.
Just blow right through it I. Wouldn't say blow right through
it because you got to set yourself up to at least be fine.
It's like, I'm going to get the steak, you know what I mean?
I'm going to get the steak. I can't take any of this with
me, so why? Not and that's dude, that's how
I that's how I look at it. Like what's what's the point?
This guy could have done all this and then have a heart
attack. OK.
So very, very first, very first thing, what are you doing?
10 million, I don't know. That's, I still don't think
that's enough to like just, I mean, you could definitely
retire off of it. It'd be good.
It sounds crazy when I'm saying not enough, but it's, I don't
know, 10 million. What would you do?
My first thing I would do is I would take a large portion.
I don't know. How much I don't know depends on
after taxes and everything. I would give a significant
portion of it to Saint Jude's Children's Hospital.
That's nice tax write off. Wow.
You're saying you're doing something nice, but you're also
helping yourself out. Here I am thinking about saving
children, and you're thinking about writing it off your taxes.
I'm just saying it's great smart ideas.
Smart, I just said after taxes. Oh, OK, yeah, well, no, you you
still gotta. Oh, you still can write it off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I would blow right
through it. I'd blow through the rest.
Dude, I want to go hang out with Dave.
Can you Can you spend $5,000,000 in 24?
Hours. I could, 100%.
I could easily, yeah, easily. There's not even like that's
easy. I would yeah.
Indoor golf simulator. I'd build a six like and a
whole. I'd do the whole night.
We'd go crazy. Well we were just looking at
that mansion that was for sale in Norwich for 3.5 fucking
million already. $1 million home in.
Gorwich, Connecticut. You, you just buy a fucking
house, buy a couple cars, whatever, Go on a fucking world
vacation. Yeah, I would.
I would, I would try to grow some probably put half until
like, you know, investment portfolios or whatever, and then
the rest would just I'm, I got to celebrate the fact that I
won, right? That's how I look at things.
I got to, we're going on a, a family vacation for sure for at
least a month. We're traveling.
Well, that's the celebration for winning the money.
So are are you going to are you going to be the one that claims
it or are you going to have like this guy did?
I'd. Probably use to shout out to DCG
media to claim the through the LLC but I actually give him
credit to not tell. Like nobody knows.
That's insane. Like dude if I hit the the
Powerball you guys would know before I even got to work.
The whole world would die. What about you Casey?
As someone who has. Investing in money.
As frugal, you could say the guys that bleep this out.
Oh, hey, hey, come on. Oh, sorry.
Sorry, we're at odds here. And you got to cackle that out,
all right? You got.
To Oh, yeah, I got it. I got it.
All right, Casey, what would you
do? Yeah, I for sure you would not
be able to hide the fact that you won $10 million or the
Powerball or whatever. No, no, no.
Shot you. You probably wouldn't even show
up to work. I would.
And I would, I would, I would show up just to let everybody
know. Yeah, you would show.
You would show up the gloat and. And then be.
Peace. You'd be like fuck you, fuck
you, fuck you, you're cool, you're cool, fuck you.
Fuck you, I'm out straight, I'm half baked style.
Yeah, no, $10 million is a a good chunk of money.
You probably got like 5.6 after taxes.
And you know, the, the nice thing about that number is it'll
allow you to, it'll buy you your freedom.
You, you probably won't have to really work too much anymore.
Or at a minimum, you can, you can take some time off and
figure out what you want to do. Do a little travelling.
Sure. You know, I definitely wouldn't
go crazy with it. I'm not, you know, call me cheap
or whatever. I'm just not materialistic.
Like I'm a very. Yeah, you live simply like
minimal. You know, don't get me wrong.
So this is the difference between me and you.
You went out and bought supplies or whatever for your car to fix
it. Right, I just I fixed my my you.
Replaced your brake line? Yeah, me.
I would have said fuck the brake line, I'm buying a new car.
Brake line. Brake line.
Fuck that. The new jeeps look pretty nice.
Yeah, you got a you got a nice Jeep.
Yeah, No, I the. Why do I look like I'm about to
make a pizza? Yeah, you look like a Mario
priest. He looked like a an Italian
plumber that turned into a cause.
My mustache is upside down that. Way you've flipped it around
that's right. It looks good either way.
There we go. But that's.
A little better. Yeah, Casey's always been as
much as we know. He's just like the smartest
person when it comes to managing his money.
I don't remember. I'd appreciate a good steak.
Absolutely. OK.
But yeah, there's a good chance if you see me eating a steak at
home, I probably got it 'cause it was about to expire at the
grocery store. And it was like a dollar off.
You know, you know when you're looking through like salad bags
in the grocery store and you always grab the one in the back
'cause. It's the freshest thing.
Casey does it the opposite. He goes through the meat
section. He goes through the meat
section, it looks for that yellow tag, looks for that
yellow tag that says cook or freeze today.
All right. Guess we're having steak
tonight, babe. And.
It tastes even better 'cause you got it on sale.
No, there's no way. There's no way.
I'm a strong believer that the price tag on something means
it's better. One regardless, one of these
days we're going to have to grab like a $100 steak and.
Oh, you can 100% tell. Like a $10 steak and we're going
to film it and we're going to just see which steak you prefer.
There is no shot that you. Could there is no comparison?
There is not. Steak is the one thing that's a
bad. That's a bad like comparison
thing. It's all about the cut.
Yeah, because if you get like $100 steak.
You can tell the difference. Oh, wait, wait, are we talking
like $100 steak from like Hell's Kitchen?
I mean versus versus just the same cut from.
Yeah, it would probably have to be the same.
Well, you, you're gonna get it. You're gonna get it cheaper.
Yeah, you're gonna be able to buy it cheaper from from
somewhere than you would if someone made it for you, right.
You know. 'Cause if you're doing like a
rib eye versus. Yeah, like a 12 year dry age rib
eye safety tower. You know, like there's a total
difference. I don't.
Know you it, I'd be curious even if it was a different cut.
You would 100. Percent no, no, like, hey, good
for you if you got that kind of a pallet.
It's not even that pallet, that's just it's.
You'd be surprised. Like there, there's lots of
people out there that. I do, they don't have.
They don't have the ability to do that.
Yeah, I guess. And I don't.
I don't need enough steak and stuff like that.
I don't know if I'd be able to tell the difference.
Add that to the key when we have our first guest Kirk Winslow at
or I shouldn't say it's full government like that when we
have Kirk on hi, hi, hi, hi when we do are catching up with Kirk
segments. Catch up with Winslow.
Winslow would definitely not know the difference between
other dollar steaks. So you're I'm, you're like, it's
just fro. He's gonna take his teeth out
and fucking. Chew the steak.
Yeah, you can't even eat steak. That's a pen.
You'd rather have hamburger like a.
Ground ground hamburger. You'd rather be.
He would take the fucking $100 steak and ground it up now.
I want a 12 year dry aged rib eye right now.
So here's another thing, like for our listeners and viewers at
home, one thing you can't see. So another difference between
how Garrett and I spend versus how Casey spends.
I have the top of the line iPad. We have all these cameras and
and microphones and everything, all brand new, top of the line
shit. And Casey is over here with a
ThinkPad 13 inch screen that's still running Windows XP.
He's got he's got the trackball in the middle.
Of the He brought in the old the Commodore 64 plopped it on the
desk. And it works great.
Yeah, I've had it for like 12 years.
It works great. Great, I wish I could live like
that as well. I wish.
I wish I had the self-control as.
Long as you don't do anything with it other than like.
I have such web. I also, I feel like that's the
ADD that we both have too, where it's just like we we like get
on. You got to have new yeah, or
something fresh. Oh, piece of candy you got to
get. You got to hit that dopa bean
hit. Yeah, Ethan, he texted me the
other day. I was at work and he's like.
Jarry son, by the way. You got another package.
It was probably 10 days in a row that I got a package for.
It was. That's my household.
Just fucking random shit. I'm just, I'm like, oh, I might
use that one day. Yeah, click.
I'm gonna so. 2/2 of the three cameras we have are mine
actually. Yeah, here we go.
Yeah. So and actually.
But that's your hot. That's what you enjoy
filmmaking. Well, I, I enjoy it.
I never do it. Our skits are, hence why I'm on
the show. But the thing that you did the
other day, you bought randomly while we're at work, you bought
a $300.00 brand new driver, which isn't like crazy. 300
bucks for a driver. Not that.
But the the thing that blew my mind, the thing that I could
never do is spontaneously out of nowhere, just order a driver
because someone was talking about going golfing in your
vicinity. Agreed.
It would take me years before I pulled the.
Trigger on it was years though to be honest.
Garrett, I got your back it. Was it was years to be honest.
I needed I needed new clubs. I got you.
I got your back on this. So we were actually at work and
two people that we work with, we're talking about golfing.
And the way they were talking about it, I haven't played golf
in decades, like over 20 years. And they were talking.
I'm like, you know what? I I'm.
Gonna Start learning how to. Golf Dave Jarry Right now, in
this very moment, I'm going to learn how to golf and I
immediately went online and bought an entire fucking set of
golf clubs, but. You bought like Kirkland brand
golf clubs. Yeah, you did.
They're callaways. Are they callaways?
They're the edge series I think. The starters edges.
Still. OK.
No, Calloway is good. Man, I I.
Feel good, Somebody told me you bought like.
Yeah, from a Costco. Costco.
Yeah, yeah, they're the Costco. They have Callaway.
They it's a Costco brand. It's not like a fucking $1000
fucking Callaway driver or. Anything.
It's their edge series all. Right.
So, but that's what you're supposed to do.
Like when you're starting small. Yeah, when you're, when you're
starting out golfing, Yeah. You, you don't, you don't buy
top line clubs. You buy, you buy the the store
clubs. I know how to play golf though,
I used to golf a lot back in the day.
I just need new club you. Used to know how to flag.
That's true. I this is going to be a no but
hey. So the entire set was like 600
bucks. Yeah, no, that's, that's that's
still a lot of money, man. I don't know if I could.
Yeah, see driver shut. Up.
See, but like like I said, in my mind, the way my mind works, I
didn't buy. I was looking at the new one.
I was like, I really want the the the best of the best, but
driver's driver to me it doesn't matter.
Even you can use a like the M2 like I'm not going to get this,
but the older drivers are still just.
Hopefully, hopefully are only using it 18 times.
Exactly. When you're playing around so.
I didn't like I'm going out. Definitely did that the other
day it just was like you know what now's the time brand new
driver new bag let's. Go it did the same exact thing,
although when I went I didn't really use my driver, I used my
hybrid. Five your five rescue, your five
would. Yeah, because I'm not a, I'm not
a, I'm not a strong hitter. Yeah, you, you hit with what
you're comfortable with, right? I'm not a strong hitter, I just
want to keep it in front of. If you get up to the TI.
Think you could easily you have like that you got the acoustic
strength I think a little bit in there somewhere.
Acoustic strength. What is?
That no, the acoustics I'm trying to be, you know, I'm not
trying to get in. Trouble.
You know what I mean? You got what?
I'm saying yeah, yeah, you got that strength in you, buddy.
Like you have to like channel. But you got to have the
confidence. You got to have the confidence
when you get up to the tee box, you got the ball there, you're
looking at it and you're looking down the fairway and it's a
narrow fairway and you got a bunker on your left. 100% going
into the trees. You got to have a club you're
comfortable with, even if it means giving up some yards.
You got to be confident. Yeah, that's that's all.
I want to keep it in front of me.
I don't care about driving 300 yards.
You can get there though. You got, I think you got, you
can get this. I mean, yeah, I'm sure with the
Proctor. So crank it.
You just got to get that swing down a couple times.
I can see you sending it. Yeah.
But anyway, yeah. Yeah.
So yeah, you know, I'd, you know, buy myself some freedom
and, you know, try to relax, maybe go on vacation, but live
pretty modestly and. He would, he would literally be
this guy. He would 100% be this guy on.
Yeah, just keep it a secret. That would be not tell anybody.
We would if you. Can yeah, like it's obviously
it's going to be tough with close friends and family
because, you know, if you do buy anything nice for yourself,
it's, you know, and you know, money.
Money makes family and friends weird.
Makes it weird. Yeah, and.
And that always happened. Everyone's like, no, it will
never happen to me, but it always does.
There's always some sort. Of money changes everybody.
I don't care what you say, it changes everybody.
Yep. So, All right, well, that was a
interesting confession that went off into 14 different directors,
so I liked it. Yeah.
So what we got next, We got a little mail call.
Mail call. So this is actually going by
pretty smooth today, you know? Not like.
Last. It was feeling nice.
Man, I was fucking wrecked at the end of that episode.
I was like, hey, by the way, I fucked that doll back there.
You're supposed to you're supposed to keep that.
You're supposed to be the always the question.
It was set up perfect. It's in behind a shot.
She's behind right there. Go back to Dave's shot.
She's in, right? And then the audience was
supposed to think the entire time was Dave's penis inside
that, and now you ruined it. Or make actually, you might have
made it worse. I might have made it worse.
Because now everybody knows. Yep.
I mean. Here it is.
You know, in Dave's defense, you know, we that that was an early
start for us. We were here for like over 8
hours. Yeah, just working on stuff.
Right now, if we had, if we had recorded when we originally said
we were going to record, I was only one or two Ipas in.
Yeah, by the time, yeah, by then we started recording.
You guys did what we ordered more.
Yeah, we we ordered. Because by the time we started
recording, all the all the beer was gone.
He was. Like my beer is gone.
I need more beer. I need more beer.
Hey, it's like once you start, it's like Pringles.
Once you pop, you can't stop. You're like Garrett, you think
they'll give the beer to your kids?
Yeah, so we should try. We thought that we were like, we
should try to send the kids is. Your daughter 21 yet?
We should we should try to see if they'll actually hand it
over. Right.
And then I answered the door with the with the breezy ass
Father Ojari fucking outfit. The poor DoorDash guy looked
crazy. It's like a Belgian Malinois ran
out of the door. Breeze guy came out.
I'm like, hey, could you call her back in here?
He's like. Oh, no, he's like, oh, she's
gonna bite me. Yeah, you're good, dude.
All right, so here we are. We're a mail call.
So mail call. We all know the rules.
You send in some information to us.
You ask us a question. Doesn't matter what it is.
Good, bad, indifferent. Anything.
No holds barred, and we got a
couple today and Casey's going to read them off to us, all
right. Let's see how we do.
All right, we have a mail call from our friend Haberdasher 91
Haberdasher and they sent us some.
Wait, Mimi's Haberdasher? What's that from?
The Hateful 8. I fucking Britain, Tarantino.
Yes, I love that movie. Have you ever seen That was
quick? You never saw that.
That was quick. It was almost like.
It was quick. Mimi's Haberdachery, yeah.
Although. Yeah, I did.
Great movie by the way. Sorry.
It was almost as if this question was asked before.
It took a little bit longer to answer.
Mimi's habitatry. Anyone should watch it
hatefully, it's very good. Hatefully good.
Good show. All right, here we go.
So Haberdasher 91 Yep, they he sent us.
I'm assuming it's. It could be anybody.
Can we change my camera view because my bag is like hanging
around? No, I just, I just saw ball.
I'm not going. Really.
How's that my iPad? Should this be our mail call?
I I like it when I talk to one. One day we're going to get a
camera for me. Yes, you need it.
We need a webcam. We need it.
After and I'll get that webcam as soon as I upgrade my, you
know, we'll spend more money 'cause I gotta get money, I
gotta get a new edge. I wanna buy a monitor so fucking
bad. See.
That impulse, mind boy, this. Monitor is fine, we should.
Have brought that up then he won't let us buy a new monitor
when? We were setting up this studio
when when Casey first started, when Casey first joined us,
'cause back in the day, this. Is gonna become a segment, yeah.
Casey's frugal. Yeah, Casey's frugal fuckery or
whatever, I don't know. So we first set this up, Casey.
I'm like, what do you need, Casey, so we can set you up, you
know, proper like, And he's like, oh, we need a monitor.
And like all these things. I'm like, all right, well, I
don't know what the fuck monitor I'm getting.
So I actually got this off a Facebook marketplace for $15.
This monitor here, it's perfect. Yeah, he's like, this is great.
It's got a 1980s AV plugin it. Has a.
It has a VGA input. Yeah, it's great.
Yeah, I don't know, it works fine.
I don't know. We got, we got, we got to spruce
it up a little bit. We have the ability to add a
camera. We got to add 1 so that I'm not
just some guy, all right? The man behind the curtain the.
Voice of God, the frugal. Voice of God the.
Frugal don't spend your money. All right, what's the first?
What's the mail call? Save for a rainy day, yeah.
OK, go. What's wrong with that?
All right. Because one day you're gonna
die. And what's what's gonna happen
with that money? Yeah.
Am I in your will? No.
Fuck.
All right. Sorry.
That's OK. Do you actually have a will?
I, I, you know. Do you have a will?
What's wrong with having a will? Do you really have a will?
Well, all right, look, damn. I'm not gonna give anyone
advice, but at a minimum, you should at least set up
beneficiaries for your bank accounts so that if you do.
Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. And if you know if you have life
insurance and things like that, but.
I'm worth more dead than I am, all right?
Same the. Same bull.
My kids are going to be fucking set when I'm fucking kick it.
Damn, that's literally what it's I'm worth way more dead than I
am alive. Yeah, A. 100% All right.
What are we doing? We're doing milk.
All right, Alcohol. Alcohol.
All right.
Mimi's habitatry. All right, Mimi, Mimi's
habitatry. I had one.
Fantastic movie, please watch it.
All right, here we go. I got some rapid questions.
Rapid fire questions. Got it.
All right, So wait, how do you want to do this?
Do you want to like? We'll both nail it.
Yeah, just just ask. Ask a question.
What was your first job? I working at the post office
sweeping the parking lot. McDonald's and I got fired for
giving out too much free food. Tell my friends.
That's awesome. Yeah, they, they, they, I got
called into the, the manager's office and they were like, hey,
what's this? And there was so many because we
used to have a promo button and then you're supposed to put the
promo, the coupons underneath the cash register.
I had like 25 promos within a week of work and no coupons in
the because all my friends would go through the drive through and
I just promo out their food. There's no way they still do
that for their employees. What free food?
No, you get one free meal. They've always done that.
I know. I well, actually I don't know
now, but I'm pretty sure they do.
You get low, your lunch is paid. It's so expensive now though.
So I used to have a friend in high school who worked at
McDonald's, did a drive through. It's my first job and I'd go
through and I order like a large fry and you know how like at the
bottom of the bag there's always a few fries that cuts the
fucking full off he'd. Just dump them.
He'd put like fucking 3 or 4 scoops directly into the fucking
bag and I'm just like just mount on fucking fries for like ever.
But yeah, it was good. What'd you do at the post
office? So I don't know if that was
technically my first job. I didn't get paid for it but I
was like 12. No, no, I I would first job
where you're actually like taking taxes out.
You know what I mean? I was.
Like, how did you? How did that even come about?
You're 12 and you're working at the post office.
Did you get kidnapped? Well, I grew up.
I grew up. Crate getting shipped overseas,
go to Jeffrey Empties Island. Let him out of the cage?
No. So I I grew up in Sterling, CT.
Which? We're actually going to talk
about a story from Sterling here later in the episode.
Yeah, this is going to be a good 10.
Yeah, just where Dave grew up. I.
Forgot, yeah, back in Sterling and back then there was like 17
people in my town, but we did have a little bit more than
that, like 19, but we had the post office.
So it was like one of those typical small towns where
everybody knew everybody and, and I don't know, my mom went
down to the post office and the guy was like, hey, one of your
boys want to sweep the parking lot and those sidewalks and
stuff. And she was like, OK, so.
Yeah, take Jhari, get rid of. Him.
Yeah. So I made like $10 a day or some
stupid shit. Manual labor?
Yep. Child.
Child labor from the federal government, yeah.
I like that. That's kind of cool.
But my first actual taxable job was working at the supermarket
that was A. I don't know what they call them
now, but the term back then was bag boy A.
Bag person. Bag person.
Well, that's what I said back then.
It was bag Boy did. You double bag.
No, you're stingy. With the bags it was.
Paper, paper or plastic. And I remember one time I was
sleeping and I say paper and plastic so many fucking times
that when my mom woke me up for school and she's like David, I'm
like paper and plastic. I like woke up.
I'm like, oh fuck yeah, I'm not there.
You have like a certain way you had to put stuff in there.
Yeah, you put the eggs first, the eggs and the bread in first,
and then you put the canned goods on top of them.
I thought for a second I thought you were being serious.
Like what do you mean eggs first?
Did anyone ever come up to and like, complain about how you
bagged their groceries? A. 100% absolutely.
Dude, I was fucking 16. Of course it.
Did some old lady, some white freaking haired Karen just.
The blue hairs, the blue haired, Yeah.
Were you were? You respectful to them and like,
oh, I'm, I'm very sorry. Dude, he worked.
He worked in a small town grocery.
Store. I'm trying to get in the mind of
a 16 year old Dave Jarry. Oh, you, you don't want to be in
that mind. No, no, I was.
I was, I was OK. Yeah, I'll be like, oh I'm
sorry, but under my breath I'm like fuck you, you fuck stupid
asshole. There's going to be a serial
killer around here one day, and it's going to be.
Me. They're going to call me the New
England serial killer. All right.
Next question. That was.
It was. Supposed to be rapid fire.
So what's your? Favorite month?
June. June.
October. Oh, summer, Halloween, that kind
of thing. I like, I like Halloween
activities like I like fall shit I.
Like fall shit. I like fall shit.
You know what? Like Apple?
Picking and the pumpkin spice that.
Dunkin spice change. That weather, that cold.
October night put the. Flannel on.
Oh yeah, finally, hoodie season. The hoodie season.
I just love it. I love that time of year.
And then Christmas. I love Christmas.
Don't get me wrong. It's my favorite holiday, but I
hate Christmas. But it's like that October, you
can feel it coming. Plus you know that Christmas is
in a little bit. It's just a good time.
October is a good time. Yeah, I like it.
So this TV that we have up in the back here is a little
distracting because rather than being in the moment with
Garrett, talking with him, I'm watching him on some people
talking to you. I'm still talking to you.
But then again, also, if we're on camera, we don't want to be
like this the whole time. I love looking into your eyes,
thanks. Buddy, I know I have.
Beautiful big eye contact. Beautiful green baby, so watch
me. Summer beach going.
Well, June's my favorite month because it's my birthday and we
have banging parties here at Garrett's.
House the last last year's was pretty good.
Last year your your 50th was fun, yeah.
I was good. I, I, I I was good up until they
broke out the tequila. Yeah, tequila was.
It once the tequila came, once you switch to liquor, it's
fucking game over. Yeah, I was actually letting you
pick my drinks 'cause I, I had the Coronas, I had the Ipas,
dude. Yeah, before you even started.
Then when you showed up, you said, hey, you're in my control.
Don't get, I mean, you get too drunk and you, you had to come
and ask me if you could have this.
Drink like I was your. Dad, I brought three different
kind of drinks. I brought Coronas, I brought the
Ipas and I brought the Fishers Islands.
Yeah, Fishers was a no go. And I was like you choose I.
Started up. I said, all right, you're
starting with 1 Fisher and then we're we're switching off and
then you're having a bottle of water before did.
It was it, Kelly? Like what about water?
That sounds like something she would say.
I'm like, fuck water, there's water in the pool.
Whatever. All right, go ahead.
Next question. Favorite animal?
Cheetah. So I want to say snow leopard,
love Snow leopard, Snow leopard, Snow leopard, I'll go.
But there I was going to remember we talked about the
weasel. The other day, the weasel.
Yeah, I forgot what they're called.
I couldn't even. Think Show my cheetah.
Oh, see rain, There it is. Cheetah.
Yeah, I'm going. Snow leopard.
Yeah. Majestic.
Your hold on. Go back to Garrett's.
Go ahead. All right, your form, it looks
like the fisting dildo that you can you.
Got to have the point though. They always have.
They always have an entry point right there.
They're never like this. It's they're always they.
Got the Yeah, you got to have the point.
And they're too realistic. They got the veins on them and
stuff. Now I'm like, what?
You guys are trying too hard at the dildo factory.
What's going on? Yeah.
All right. Next question.
What's your favorite color? Black or Gray?
Black's not a color. Gray.
Is Gray a color? Yeah, I don't know.
How is Gray color? Have you saying Black's not a
color? I don't know.
I don't know how that works. I'm not smarter is what a color?
I think Gray is my color. I think black is a color too.
I'm just saying people will like there's always that person who's
like actually black and white are not actual colors and.
So then Gray's not a color. Well, for the purposes of this
segment. We do have a producer that could
Google if Gray and black and white is OK.
But not on his fucking Windows fucking 13, whatever the fuck
that is. If I had Internet.
Got to use this trackball to get up.
Takes him too long to scroll to the search bar.
If I had Internet down here, maybe I could.
That is true. Yeah, I'm going Gray too.
There's a good matte gun. Metal Gray.
Oh, it's so sexy. I'm Gray.
Gray and black. Yeah, yeah.
What's your favorite word cunt? I was about to say.
It I love fucking cunt. I was about to say the other one
we were talking about earlier. No cunt is good.
Favorite word? God, I don't know what do I say
a lot I. Don't know.
You say I don't know a lot. Yeah, I say.
I don't know. I don't know.
Next. That's three words.
All right, what word do you have a hard time pronouncing?
Oh. Wishes.
We're just wishes. Wishes, wishes wishes Wishes
Wishes shush. Hypothesis.
Hypotenuse.
Hypothesis.
There is one I can't fucking
think of. It I know I I got a couple of
that I always check up but I can't think of them.
On the top it's it's, yeah, that's a I'm sorry, no.
It's just my independent spent fuel storage insulation.
Oh, Jesus. OK.
All right, where did you go on your last vacation?
Gettysburg. Little civil war.
Mexico. Mexico.
That's where you almost got killed, that.
Yeah. Yeah, we've told that story on
criminal AF. Yeah, all.
Right. What do you what is your go to
pastime? Master.
It's a whole, it's a it's a whole day, you know, I mean,
plans his day around it. Yeah.
Like the candles put down the pictures of the kids.
You like what? No, put down like, you know, you
know what I mean it like that. Like cover your picture.
You don't mean like? The picture on the House, I
don't have the costume on anymore.
You know what I'm saying? You put the put the family
pictures down so that we can look at you like the candles.
Put sets of music. Yeah, the hell it goes.
Then you take Vanessa out out of her, out of her, change her
outfit. Well, I can't do it anymore.
She's here in. She's here in the studio now.
Yeah. Favorite pastime?
What did you? What is it actually?
Netflix. Video games baby for.
Sure. That sounds about right for you,
Yeah. You and your world of what is
it? What is that thing?
You're playing World. Of Warcraft, it's been a 25 year
addiction and anybody who actually plays that's listening
to this understands no. What's your character?
I have a lot of characters. I'm saying right now I'm a level
60 mage and hardcore. You guys are fucking weird.
I don't play video games, you know.
No, they're too expensive. I which is crazy because of the
year that he the fact that he doesn't play games in the like
he's our age. Like every dude around 30 to 32
started that addiction. Yeah, I like women so.
I'm married with two kids. What are we talking about?
She felt sorry for you. That's my.
That's my 10 year beard, my 10 year beard that I've been living
OK. All right.
Favorite subject in school? Gym.
History for sure.
I was going to be a gym teacher. Jim is a crazy answer.
Why? I was going to be a gym teacher.
What gym teacher diddled you? That you.
Were I fucking love Jim. I did love Jim.
I did love Jim so. I was like.
Basketball back in high school. And they were like, oh.
Square dancing. I liked Arch when they had
archery. Oh man, that was awesome.
But even the days where they're just like, hey, we're just
playing basketball today. I used to fucking.
Love floor hockey? Yeah, floor hockey was good.
Spike in the ball and the girl who didn't change his face,
remember, they didn't like, like there's always a girl who just
would never change and not do anything to participate.
And you just go hard as hell, make her cry 'cause she got hit
in the face of the ball. So I was, I was a a rambunctious
teenager, right? You needed that express that
energy. That was before all this ADHD
shit came out. So basically I was what they
considered back then as the class clown, you know, very
disruptive, you know, trying to flirt with all the girls, all
this kind of stuff. So my math teacher, she, she
absolutely loved me, like thought I was the greatest thing
since sliced bread. However, she did not want me in
her class because I was so disruptive, right?
So every day I would show up for math class and she would write
me a pass to Jim. That's actually a sick ass too.
The fact that she was so sick of you that she would write a pass
to get you out of the class is amazing.
Yeah. So I would.
Yeah. Why?
Did you pass that class with? What was your grade?
Fuck, I don't know. Did she like, throw you an A
anyway? Oh, she yeah, she hooked.
Me up, she hooked you up, squeaked you by with AC while
you were in gym. Yeah, Yep.
So I'd say Jim. Jim was my favorite.
I thought you were going to say lunch.
Lunch. Not you, Jarry Garrett.
No me lunch. No.
I did love the lunch table though.
We always had. Or like recess the cool table.
And you're part of the cool table.
It's high school is not that bad.
Well, wait, wait wait. You're part of the cool table.
Honestly, middle school was probably peak lunchtime middle
school tables. Were.
I think you're delusional because if you were playing
World of Warcraft, you probably. Times have changed.
You probably got the books knocked out of your hand and
stuff and a lot. Changed.
Times have changed. Hate to break it.
It's like, what was the movie with?
Jump 21. Jump 21.
That literally is how it is though.
How? Just like everything where he
was like the 80s. Jumps are not cool.
Yeah, you only wear one strap on your back though, and he's.
Like what the fuck is this guy doing?
Yeah, stupid. He's like EW bro, why are you?
Why are you so why are you? I love.
That movie, All right, What do you got?
All right, let's try to do these more rock set.
All right. Real, real fast.
OK. Yeah, yeah, we're all.
Right. Ready.
We're dragging. Where'd you grow up?
Sterling. Right here in Norwich, CT.
Where do you live now? Montville.
Norwich, CT. The boy who never left his town.
What's your Social Security number?
No, I just these are getting personal.
What is your favorite word in another language?
Gazuntite. Gazuntite's good.
Mine's going German too. Crockenwagen.
Crockenwagen, Crockenwagen. Oh, little drum and dance party.
Dance party. Dance party Favorite dessert?
Dessert. I'm going to go with a pumpkin
pie. Sticky toffee pudding from
Hell's Kitchen all. Right favorite breakfast?
Buttered Pop Tarts. I'm doing 3 poached eggs, white
toast. See how simple I am?
See how simple we got Mr. Boot? I'm Oh, I got fucking Hell's
Kitchen and fucking poached. Eggs, man of finer things.
If it's not eggs Benny, but the the, the, how do you say it?
That's what. No, it's it.
Is a word. You can't fucking pronounce it.
That's. What I'm saying, I was going
back call back, is it holidays? Hollandaise.
Hollandaise.
If the hollandaise sauce is good, eggs Benny.
If not, 3 poached eggs over white toast with a little bit of
sausage and missing some gravy. Gravy.
I like that if. You had to change your your
first name. What would you change it to?
Caleb what? The fuck was?
There's no way you answered that fast.
What? Why?
I don't. Know I like, I like.
David, Caleb. Jarry.
Why Caleb? I don't, I just, oh, I like the
name Caleb. Why don't you name one of your
kids your sons? I wanted Ethan to be a Caleb or
a Noah, but we had this thing I named Gavin she named.
That's that's what happened with mine because Grayson should have
been Knox. I tried so hard and Kelly
wouldn't, but I thought it was sick.
She's like, no, that sounds stupid.
I'm like, it's it's so strong. It's a strong name.
No one has that name. Knox KNOKNOX, Knox Quarter.
It sounds like a first a first string quarterback.
It does it. Tell me that does it.
Thank God Garrett spelled that out for me because I had no idea
how to spell Knox. Like people were like, oh.
Your favorite class was Jim so. But no, that doesn't sound like
a first string quarterback. Knox, Knox quarter.
That sounds all right, all right.
What? What?
Which one is yours? Oh, Knox.
Knox. No, no.
That's it. Doesn't work for me, you just
hyped it. Up it doesn't work for me if I
could change. My name.
World of Warcraft Fucking name. No, no.
Sir Garfunkel. Her uncle is crazy.
I don't know. I don't have a If I could change
my name, I'd I'd go. You said it way too fast.
I didn't even think about it like that.
Let's go. So can I.
I'll go into a tyrant. My my dad fucked my The reason
why my name is Garrett. Your dad fucked what?
My dad fucked up my name. Oh, OK.
All right. My mom wanted to call me
Jarrett, so I'll go Jarrett. All right.
Switch it up. But he was like, oh, Jarrett
Garrett sounds nice. And she goes, oh, you fucked it
up. But I like that better.
You have a four letter word that starts with the letter B.
Bear Big burly Bear B. OK.
What's your favorite type? What's your I don't know, What's
your favorite type of weather? Summer, Fall.
Fall. Fall, Fall.
What's your What is the best non curse word one word insult?
God, I only knew curse words. Droop, droop.
Yeah, when you call someone a droop.
Drader. OK, what's your favorite store?
Spencer's favorite. Spencer's.
Really. Spencer's.
Spencer's is. Like, you know what's hilarious?
Spencer's now is like half adult.
Yeah, it's just it's just a sex shop with with some T-shirts in
the. Front.
Yeah, that's all it is. A couple T-shirts.
And mugs. Got mugs and T-shirts in the
window and everything. Else just.
Dildos, vibrators and anal plugs.
You know what's funny? I am not a like outdoorsy guy or
a Mr. Fix. A guy you marry.
I'm I'm a call a guy. Eastern Mountain Sports.
No, like a Cabela's. I love.
Cabela's I love. I don't.
Or Tractor Supply for some reason.
I'm not that type of person. I just love those stores.
I don't know why. What time do you wake up?
Oh God. Who knows?
It could be anyway. It could be 2:00 in the morning.
It could be 7:00 AM. Yeah.
Well, night shift life is different.
Well, I'm gonna double that up. Night shift life plus not having
any responsibilities, like no children, no whatever, you know
what I mean? So I don't have a bedtime, I
don't have a wake up time I don't have.
I'm a big boy. I'm.
AI get them I can go to bed whenever I want I'm.
A big boy. I got no responsibilities.
Yeah, I probably would too. Say I'm way later at night.
But the kids kind of keep being checked.
So on our days off, I usually wake up earlier, but I still try
to sleep in. Yeah.
OK. That was the last one, but we do
have another mail call. OK, OK.
I'll leave it on. Both you guys.
So this is from Mr. Bigglesworth, 1997. 1997.
When was he born? Mr. Bigglesworth, Yeah.
The cat I don't know 1997 Nineteen. 97 sure he wants to
know how much money would it take for you guys to quit your
jobs right now? The lowest amount.
So I 'cause I always say anyone can say a billion.
Or a billion dollars, the lowest amount.
I'm trying to think what like like reasonably like what would
it take for me to I'd probably say 100 grand cash non tax like
directly deposit into the bank account A. 100.
Because that gives you, I could pay up, pay up some bills, 100
grand and then I can figure out what I want to do with my life.
I don't know. It gives you some time.
You can find another job. You can still like work.
I'll go to Costco and stock shelves for a little bit while.
How you figure it out? Yeah, I don't know.
It might be more to be honest. I would say probably 1:50 to
2:00. Yeah, I think 200's a safer
number. That gives me a little bit more
time to find something else I wouldn't have to worry about
much. Yeah, but then you got to think
about health benefits and all that kind of shit.
But I wouldn't just quit. I'd get fired.
I'm collecting. I'm collecting unemployment.
Well, that get fired, that takes risk out of it, then that
doesn't. No, I take my 200 and then I get
fired. What would?
You do to get fired. Well, I'm not.
We can't really talk. It can be pretty generic.
It can be generic, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
You know, you know, I just start messing up at work.
Just stop showing up like. No, I just, you know, miss
things and just 'cause everybody else other pain.
Yeah, you can't. You can't just not like stop.
You just can't stop showing up because and that's considered
job abandonment. Basically, yeah, you got to.
And you can't, you can't fight that for.
They can fight it because. You just call out without time
or whatever. Yeah, you know, every, every
mess up in the book. I think that's how I would do
it. So nothing would change then.
Pretty. Much.
Yeah, I would say 150 to 200 2. Hundreds of reasonable.
I'll be 200 for me too. I wanna, I wanna be have enough
you. Wanna be able to go golfing and
have a good steak? Yeah, yeah.
Right. Yeah, yeah.
While I'm trying to work at Costco.
Costco or have your fancy breakfast.
Fancy breakfast. It's not crazy.
All day's having some pop tarts. Yeah, having buttered Pop Tarts,
My kids won't eat buttered Pop Tarts.
Have you ever had buttered Pop Tarts?
No way. What?
Put butter on pop tarts? Yeah, it sounds it does.
I get it. I've never, just never tried it.
It's good. Like what kind of pop tarts?
Any kind but brown sugar Brown. Sugar with a little drizzled
butt, Melted butter on top. Yeah, that sounds good.
That sounds good. I might make one of those
tomorrow. Yeah, even the blueberry.
Like blueberry with butter. I love butter.
It's like a buttery blueberry muffin, right?
All right. Yeah.
All right. That was 150 to 200. 1:50 to
200. Well, that one does that.
Now we're going to jump into, you know, so we had like a
little nice discussion here, but we're going to jump into
something a little bit more serious and disgusting and
downright repulsive, so. So call back to criminal AF,
yeah? Sure.
So in in my hometown, like I said, I grew up in Sterling, CT
and recently as recent as April 16th.
So 2 days ago, three days ago, 2 individuals from Sterling, CT
were arrested in connection with an animal abuse case, right?
Oh dude I don't I can watch a murder all day.
I don't want to look at for animals getting abused.
Sounds like keep keep it up. Keep it up on Windsor.
Catching up on Windsor. Yeah.
So on April, on Wednesday, April 16th, around 5:20 PM, troopers
from Troop D in Danielson responded to an act of
disturbance out of Sterling Residence.
At the scene, they identified 22 year old Nicole Denoirs.
I hope I'm pronouncing that. Actually.
I really don't care if I'm fucking pronouncing that fucking
douche who also goes by Oscar. That's insane.
Nicole Slash Oscar had an active arrest warrant and was taken
into custody without incident and transported to Troop D for
processing later that evening around 7:30 PM. 50-6 year old
Kelly de Noyer. I hope I'm butchering your name
too you fucking bitch. Voluntarily turned herself in a
Troop D on an active warrant stemming from the same
investigation. What's going on in Sterling?
The arrest followed A lengthy investigation into animal
cruelty led by the Northeastern Connecticut Council of
Governments, otherwise known as niikog.
It's making up abbreviations at this point.
Neacog. I.
Know it's just come on, it's too long.
The resulting warrants were submitted to Danielson's
Superior Court and later transferred to Troop D for
service. Kelly faces 35 counts of animal
cruelty while Nicole Slash Oscar was charged with 40 counts.
Both were were released on $20,000 court set bonds and are
scheduled to appear in Danielson's Superior Court on
April 30th. NEACOG Coordinator Jennifer
Hutchins previously reported that the agency seized a total
of 33 living animals, including six kittens, 2 Guinea pigs, 5
rats, 1 pony, 14 dogs, one bearded dragon, one goat, one
chicken, one rooster, and two pot bellied pigs.
Additionally, 8 animals were found deceased, 2 Guinea pigs, 1
squirrel, 3 cats, and two unidentified animals.
What the fuck does that mean? Picking on the little guys is
what it is. What?
Is it they don't know what the animals were?
They were just rotted, like, yeah.
What the dude? Imagine what that house smelled
like. Well, we actually have some
photos. Yeah.
Can we cue that up? That's cue from your Windows XP.
All right, so there you are. So look.
At it. Look at that chicken coop.
That's the huge. So we're gonna go from the front
yard to we're gonna move into the house here.
So what, the front yard just has piles of actual fucking shit.
I. Think I can pause it too if you.
Want Yeah, how do? People actually live like that?
Yeah, that's a girl on the right.
Yes, that's well, Yeah. Aw.
Dude. That's Nicole.
Hang on. A second, this is all right.
They have a picture of Darth Maul.
Where in the in the bottom here, right here.
Oh yeah, yeah. Star Wars man, shout out to my
Star Wars fans. Darth Maul what?
I love how you just pick that out.
Out of the Tell me that wasn't like one of the coolest things
when you were nine years old. Darth Maul and Darth Maul.
Popped up. That's a that's a villain and a
half. Wow dude, I couldn't even.
Oh. Yeah.
How do you where do you go to bathroom on top of the TV?
Box they had a bottle of Clorox bleaching the.
Smell in that house. Have you ever been in like a
house that people have like beach animals and it just smells
like. Cat Yeah.
So they actually had the arrest document.
They they said as as soon 'cause they they've they've went a few
times to serve this, to get access to the house, to look at
the pets. And those are maggots.
They were, yeah, they were refused every single time.
So one of the times they went back and the door was cracked
open a little. Bit poor guy.
Poor guy. What the fuck?
Yeah, there were three dogs in one cage.
Yeah. So anyway, they said that when
the door was cracked open a little bit, all you could smell
was a permeating ammonia smell. Dude, Oh, he's got red eyes.
Coming from the from the house. So these are gradually going to
get a little bit more worse. So just a warning, fair warning.
So these are the some of the 14 dogs that were taken.
Dude, yeah, that's like, that's got to be like, there's got some
mental illness there right at that point.
Like these people aren't normal old, Yeah.
So. Oh my.
God, yeah. So those are the rats that were
a rat. Yeah, Yeah.
Now, all of these animals were infested with fleas.
Some had were riddled with arthritis.
There's. The you know, the goats in the
house. There's the goat, yeah, 'cause
they're probably, but that's mange, right?
Is that mange where the hair is just all whatever?
Those are the kittens. Dude, I do want to get a cat.
I might go find out where one of these cats are then we can call
them. Like what?
I don't know, I can't think of it at the time.
Like something to do with a disgusting house though 'cause
you know how good cat names are, right?
You got to call him something stupid.
You can't call him people. This is a pot bellied pig.
Oh, there's a Little Pony. The mini horse.
Oh, right, there's a Peter Dry. Wow his cage looks nice.
That was obviously the the favorite.
All right, so now warning, warning, these are dead animals
that were found. Oh, OK, What's the pig?
It's. Not that.
Crazy. Well, there's the kittens.
Most of these were found in the freezer.
I'll pause that right there. Go back.
Oh, no, that's fine. One of the kittens was in a
McDonald's bag in the freezer. What?
Yeah, it's dude. There's mental.
You know what I mean? Mental health shit going on.
Why do you have a? Squirrel.
Yeah, I don't know. But yeah, so there's my hometown
for ya. Fucking pieces of shit $20,000
Bon. I mean, what do you, what do you
think about that? Would would that be two grand to
get out? Right.
Yeah, 10%, yeah. That's not bad.
I don't think they have it. No, they don't think they have
it or family. No, they're they're they're out.
They were released. Oh were.
They, oh, it was probably on the bail bondsman.
They still probably owe. They're still coming back.
They have to. Yeah, I know.
That's yeah, they probably didn't.
Yeah, the. Bail bondsman, Yeah, that's.
They pay it in little payments or whatever.
The installments. Installments, yeah.
Well, usually you have to put collateral up.
Yeah, so I don't. But what do you have?
Do you want this? They have a lot of animals do.
You want you want this, this mini horse.
Yeah, so apparently this was like, I mean, obviously this is
a huge fucking deal, right? Like somebody, somebody who can
fucking live like that and and treat the animals that way and
whatever. But apparently this has been
going on for quite some time. Yeah, you can tell House doesn't
get like that overnight. Well.
I I know some people from back home, you know, and who are
familiar with the situation and knee cog OK, because basically
what knee cog is is they have their own animal control, right?
But because all the towns up in the quiet corner there are so
small, each town doesn't have their own animal control.
So knee cog, northeastern Connecticut, whatever the fuck
they are, they have animal control for the group of towns.
OK, so just. Like how resident state
troopers. Right, right.
So they kind of oversee several towns.
Now, these guys were called numerous times to this
residence. And from what I've been told,
they've all walked away saying that the animals were not in
serious. Well, we talked about with with
the little boy there with criminal AF, how DCFDCF was
called all these times. He wasn't in immediate danger.
So we're going to leave him in the house kind of thing.
Well, this is the same thing. Like, they showed up and they're
like, Oh, well, we didn't really witness any, you know?
Has hoarding been classified as an actual mental illness like
it? Or is it just like, oh, they're
just a hoarder? It has been like, it's been
like. Yeah, no, it's, it's it's OCD.
OK. So it falls under the umbrella
because it's it's definitely, it definitely like that is a
situation. Like composing, like you collect
animals you collect, like put like leaving your dead animals
in the freezer. Yeah, because you're like,
you're collecting them. You're you're saving them for
something, whatever the fuck it is.
There's some weird love thing there, like connection.
Yeah, it's weird, weird energy. I just can't believe like if I
was, if I lived in the house next door, I'd be so pissed
looking at that every day. Right.
Well, not only. Yeah, because.
Because you have a. Like my neighbors judge me if I
don't, if I wait too long to cut my grass.
Like I have to take their hate and like disgusting looks is the
only reason why I cut the grass the way I do.
Like I couldn't imagine trying to live.
Well, usually there's like blight ordinances, right?
Yeah, you have to keep up with. Like town rules like like you
can't have more than you can't have like 2 under registered
cars in your yard or something like you know what I mean?
So the the fact that this house look like look like that and
nobody got involved. That front door?
Yeah, that front. That front door picture looks
insane. You know, so I don't know, I
just wanted to share that because it's, you know, it is
kind of close to home literally because I, I was raised there,
but it's not that far from us. It's like a 30/20/20 to 30
minute drive away. So I don't know.
Speaking of close to home, yeah, our criminal AF fans will
appreciate. I don't know what they're going
up there. Listen, this is this $3000
studio and there's they're upstairs our in our penthouse.
Studio in New York City, our upstairs neighbors.
Are a little rowdy. Upstairs neighbors, yeah.
They're filming Double Dare upstairs.
Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?
Yeah, Speaking of goes to home, we do have an active maybe,
maybe. Maybe.
An active serial. Killer, we do.
Around our neck of the woods. And remember back then I always
said if people started ending up dead around this area, there's
only one person that you guys should be looking at.
That's right. So yeah, so we have a potential
serial killer coming around. I don't know, it's looking like
it. I got AI, got the article here,
and it says there is growing concern in New England about a
potential serial killer following the discovery of 6
bodies across Connecticut, Massachusetts, and Rhode Island
within a short period of time. While authorities have not
officially linked any of these cases, the proximity and timing
have led to public speculation. So the cases that they're
talking about is Paige Fannin, 35.
She was found in Norwalk, CT on March 6th, 2025.
I believe she was found in a river, an unidentified woman
between the age of 40 and 60. She was discovered in a suitcase
near a cemetery in Groton, CT. The sub base.
On March 19th, 2025. Now this woman, it was only her
torso that was found. Yeah, that's, that's the red
flag for me. But I'm like, like it.
That's not just like, oh, I accidentally killed somebody, or
they just stashed the body or. Or like, oh, I came across a
pile of bones her. Body was butchered like.
The Bluff Point Butcher unidentified remains were
located in Plymouth, MA on March 6th, 2025.
Denise Leary, 59, was found in New Haven, CT on March 20th.
Michelle Romano discovered in Foster, RI on March 26th and
just across the border back in Connecticut.
In Killingly, Connecticut, remains were found on April 9th.
What in Danielson too, right? Killingly.
Oh, I thought there was a Danielson one too.
That's can't Danielson killing kind of like a Norwich Taft.
Yeah, for people that aren't familiar with like the quiet
corner of Connecticut and down where we live, it's it it sounds
like, oh, it remains found in Mass, Rhode Island and
Connecticut. That's that's they're so far.
It's not far apart at all. It's all within 40. 5 minutes
where these bodies were found. So the Killingly killer kill the
Killingly killer. Yeah, we're trying to get Casey
hasn't sneaked that one. Yeah, He's been trying so hard,
so hard. The killing killers are work.
We're trying to, yeah, we're trying to rebrand the name
'cause New England killer, serial killer sounds.
Yeah, so, so they have this like Facebook group page and people
are going around the New England serial killer.
It's fucking lazy. Yeah, right.
So I, I put a post out on Facebook and I'm, I said, you
know what, We gotta be more. Yeah, you know, he had like the
Night Stalker, the Coed killer, the freaking Gainesville Ripper,
like the New England serial killer, Like shut the fuck up.
No, we need the quiet coroner. The quiet.
So Garrett came up with the quiet coroner.
I came up with the Bluff Point Butcher.
I like that one because Bluff Point is in Groton and that's
where the torso was found. Yeah, plus also there's been
reports of hooded men, a man wearing like a a full hood that
pulled out a knife on somebody in Bluff Point.
Just recently. So that's why you're like, oh,
everything would be. And then he ended up running,
right? He picked up a rock, I think he
said yeah and was like, I'm not the guy to fuck.
No, the guy to fuck with. And then just ran me on the
beach. I don't know.
It was weird you. I don't know why he was out
there on during a rainy day. He said that guy said he was
going to spread his ashes, right?
Or spread something. Or he had like his father's
ashes and he was, he's been placing them in certain spots.
But I mean, he made that a point, Yeah.
But he was just standing there in his raincoat on a rainy day.
Bluff point in the middle of nowhere.
I'm like, bro, so are you. Yeah.
Well, no, he said. He, like, emerged out of the
woods. Yeah, he said.
It was weird. Yeah, so I came up with the
bluff point pusher and killing Casey came up with the killing
lead killer. It's.
Too, It's too matchy matchy for me.
The killing lead killer. I like the symmetry.
Imagine being in that situation though.
Imagine being in that situation with that guy where you're just
standing at like. In this range of a Cliff.
And then some guy comes up with a.
Knife You're on a bluff and the guy just like tries to back you.
And all you have is a rock. You.
Know you know Well, that wouldn't be me, but.
Yeah. That dude would have been.
He would have went on a hunt. Swiss cheese.
I hope nobody tries to come at me today.
Just go to Bluff Point every day in the.
By yourself? Yeah.
Oh, there's a guy going around terrorizing people at Bluff
Point. Yeah, let's go for a hike.
Let's go for a hike. Want to bring the family?
Let me go take the dog for a walk.
So we actually know somebody who knows somebody who discovered
the remains in Groton. It's insane.
I think that person's house is like right there, right?
Yeah. So basically prior to the
discovery of the remains in Groton in the suitcase, the
person reported that there was a man because the the the remains
were found like kind of like on a Stonewall or it.
Was very like left, deliberately left, right, that's what.
So there was a man who was laying down with the suitcase
underneath their head. They're wearing there was a, a
hooded sweatshirt. They couldn't see the guy.
They couldn't tell who the guy was, but they noticed that when
they looked out their window, there was a guy just laying
there with the suitcase resting on their under their head.
It was like they were like taking a nap and they were
laying there for like 45 minutes and then the guy just eventually
just got up and walked away and left the suitcase.
So the person went out was like, why did he leave his bag?
So he went out to go check the bag to see if there was like any
identification or whatever. And that's when they were like,
it's a fucking torso. Holy shit, yeah, there's no
there was no Ring cameras, no nothing.
I. Don't know, I guess that damn,
but imagine, imagine that just seeing the guy, whoever the guy
was, was comfortable enough to just sit there and take a nap on
a resting resting their head on a suitcase.
Dude, I'm calling the torso the. Police around this area are not
releasing like no, this we don't we don't have any evidence that
it's dude. It's getting a little weird at
this point. Like the first couple bodies,
everybody was like talking about it.
And that's, that's no, but at the point now, at this point
now. Well, some of some of these
remains that have been recently discovered have been there for
quite some time, correct? You know, like the, I think the
ones in in killing me, they were bones.
Decomposed. Yeah, Now this Michelle Romano,
the one from Foster, she went missing in the fall.
Denise Leary went missing in the fall.
And the other woman? I think we have a picture of the
three Casey. Have they done DNA testing on
the torso yet? Not yet.
So those are the three. So the first one there is Paige
Fanning, she's 35. The second one in the middle,
that's Denise Leary. She's the one that was found in
New Haven. And the last one is Michelle
Romano. She was the one that was found
in Foster, so yeah. So those are the three ladies
there. The other ones are have yet to
be identified, but they do believe that the one in Groton,
the torso had a condition which basically I, I don't know how to
politely describe this, but basically your body is kind of
contorted and deformed. I can't remember the name of the
of the disease, but basically the person would have been short
in stature with a boxy kind of look, like a thick neck, thick
shoulder. Like that's interesting.
It it's, it's some sort of a, a genetical genetic disease that
you that people are born with. But basically I'm trying not to
be rude here, but like deformity, you know, kind of
like whatever, you know. But yeah, so that's what we know
right now. And right now police are saying
none of these are connected or or they're saying that there's
not enough information to say that they're connected, but I
don't know what. What do you think?
You think? I think it's just interesting
that we end we took a hiatus from criminal AF.
And then all this. Shit.
And then no, no, I'm just, I'm just saying, you know what I
mean. I left Dave alone for a little
bit of time and all of a sudden we haven't checked in on Dave.
He's been on opposite. We don't know what he's doing on
his days off. There's bodies dropping all over
the place. I've.
I've said. This.
I have said this since probably episode 2 that if there's
everybody start dropping finding around here and it's just
coincidence that we took a little hiatus from criminal AF.
Look what happened. I mean, we haven't had a a
serial killer in a while, yeah. I mean, Michael Ross, right,
That was. Michael Ross was.
The only one. Right.
In the 80s, No, we've had a few, but yeah, Michael Ross was the
latest. Yeah, in the 80s.
I wonder if it's that that clitoris cannibal guy.
Clitoris Cann. The clitoris cannibal strikes
again. Yeah, we.
Got to do it in 1950s like newsreel.
The clitoris cannibals. Thanks again.
Rock your doors. Protect your kids and wives from
the clitoris, cannibal. We might have to do a criminal
EF episode if they Oh yeah, if they catch a guy if that.
Actually goes out. Yep.
Maybe we can interview some some of the folks involved in the
case. Yeah.
I mean, we, we right here in grind, we know.
We know some people, yeah. I mean, yeah, we, we got direct
access to the person who found the suitcase.
So yeah, yeah, she would you, she thinks she'll want to come
on and talk about it. Or you think probably freaked
her out a little bit. Probably freaked.
I don't know.
Especially if they don't know who the guy who did it, you
know? Yeah.
Like, I don't know if you want to come out in public.
Yeah, show your face and then get a visit right one night by a
guy with a knife. From the Bluff Point Butcher
from. The bluff point.
I like the sub sub base. The sub base slash.
Yeah. We got a sub bass right there.
Yeah, yeah. But hey, so we talked about a
couple of dark stories here. What do we got to sign us off
here with some upbeat. So we can do a little guess the
song, OK? Yeah, yeah, we did some.
We did some killer stuff, yeah. Some killer stuff, some animals,
some animals. Your stories I'm.
Just. Gonna play the music.
Pick this up. It's gonna.
Countdown from 10 or whatever. Yeah, you're just gonna hear it.
OK, guess the song. I have no idea what what's gonna
play. I'm just pulling this off the
Internet. OK, ready to go?
Yep, pretty girl, see ya. Don't get chandelier.
And when I learn, I can sit down.
Yeah. 123123. Thank you, Ariana Grande.
Thank you. Next.
Thank you, Next. Thank you Next.
Thank you. Next.
Easy. Well.
Thank you, Next. Thank you.
Next. Easy.
Oh shit, a bad guy, Billy Eilish.
I'm a bad yeah bad girl bad guy, bad guy bad.
Guy, bad guy. Bad guy?
Yeah. From.
That type I seduce you. That type I'm the bad guy.
Duh, duh. We should do a different job or
make that too. Like all different.
The fuck is this? I don't have no idea what this.
Oh shit, OK. Yeah.
Throw me off a little bit. Who brought this mother?
Is this an ad? No, this is the song 4 seconds.
Sounds. Like.
One Direction. Weren't you a fan in One
Direction? Yeah.
Yeah, You Casey. Casey Moore.
Yeah. He's.
A big guy. Oh yeah, Lady Gaga.
Shallow and the other dude, Brad Valley Cooper.
Katy Perry. The fuck is it is.
That lonely Justin Bieber. This song is actually from her
to her younger self. Price.
Oops, Old Town Rd. Old Town Rd. is.
It I. Suck this Dick on the old.
Town Road Billy Ray Cyrus. All the conservatives changing
their idea once they found it. Wait, I don't like that.
Rihanna, yeah. Shine bright like a diamond,
Rihanna. Shine bright like a diamond.
Like diamonds in the sky. Shine bright like a diamond.
Oh, happy.
Crazy what? I'm.
About. To.
Say Neptunes. What's that?
No Pharrell. Pharrell, right?
You are so. We're all happy.
Is. This your boy?
Oh, Gangnam Style. Oh, is it?
Yeah. Sigh, right.
That's right. Sigh.
Yeah. He's actually fucking huge in
Korea. Gangnam Style.
He's like a billionaire. Yeah.
Oh. Yeah.
That'll be great, Lizzo. Yeah, she got.
I've got this family just like I got this dude.
Anybody who hasn't seen trolls used to go watch that for kids
who's awesome love. Oh shit.
Greetings loved ones. Katy Perry, let's take a
journey. She's with the space.
Girl squad takes off. She just went to space.
She was up there for 15 seconds. We're doing so much for women.
Women. Oh shit, Cardi B.
Cardi B, the best part is she went up there and then some back
in front of a camera and was like blowing like bubbles.
Look out the window. That's all she wrote.
That's it, That's it. All right.
Well, that'll that'll wrap that up for episode 2, the second
episode by. Chatsui.
Sui, sui. All right, signing off.
I'm Dave Jarry. I'm Garrett Gorder.
And I'm Casey. We need a camera for this
fucking guy. A little fucking guy.
Give. Us a little bit of energy.
Let's do this again, alright? Signing like it's like a like a
2010 YouTube, Yeah, signing out guys from Studio Chloroform.
Signing off, I'm Dave Jarry. I'm.
Garrett Quarter, I'm KC Moore. Hey.
We gotta here. Stay to till next time.
See you. The.