1 00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:04,120 Have you ever walked into a room and been completely drawn into 2 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:07,080 someone's personality? They were like almost kind of 3 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:11,360 magnetic and so charismatic and you're like, what do they have? 4 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:14,720 And how can I have some of that? This episode we're going to 5 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:16,840 discuss. How to talk to? 6 00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:19,200 Anyone already? Let's dive in. 7 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:34,760 Let's do it. Hi, I'm Jean and I'm Cherie and 8 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:40,280 and we're the Tiger Sisters. Welcome to the season finale of 9 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:42,200 Tiger Sisters. Yay. 10 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:44,720 I can't believe it's been 10 episodes. 11 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:45,920 Yeah, it went by. Really. 12 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,480 Fast. Yeah, it went by really fast. 13 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:51,200 I am excited about the evolution of topics. 14 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:52,240 Yeah. Discovered. 15 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:55,240 Yeah, I think. I think like some of the more 16 00:00:55,240 --> 00:01:01,040 recent episodes have been a lot more like fun and not just like, 17 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,440 informative. And hopefully the audience is 18 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:05,040 enjoying that. Yeah, I think. 19 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:08,160 We've covered a lot of like, professional stuff in the 20 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:11,560 beginning, mixed in some personal stuff and yeah, it's 21 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:13,160 just been such an amazing season. 22 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,880 You've done really well. Thank you. 23 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:15,680 I know. Thank you. 24 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:17,440 My first. Season your first season, first 25 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:20,200 time podcasting. Yeah, and 10 kind of just like 26 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,240 flew by. Yeah, and I feel like I'm also 27 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:26,880 just getting more comfortable with, like, speaking on camera 28 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:33,280 and being more candid and just being more, like vulnerable and 29 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:36,000 honest. I love that for you, Thanks. 30 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:40,680 OK so before we go any further, please like, comment and 31 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,640 subscribe if you haven't already. 32 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:46,480 We have such an amazing season 2 planned out and if you haven't 33 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:50,200 seen the season 1 episodes like they, some of them I honestly 34 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,920 will say are so, so good. I'm so proud of them. 35 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:57,000 Yeah, and then also Jean and I read every single comment that 36 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:58,880 you guys leave on our YouTube videos. 37 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,840 And so if you have any suggestions, comments or 38 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:05,280 questions, leave them down below and we'll respond to them and 39 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:09,360 maybe even bring them into our next mailbag and our next season 40 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:10,840 and episodes. Yes. 41 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,440 So, Speaking of Mailbag. Mailbag. 42 00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:19,400 Bag OK, so the inspiration for this episode, it actually came 43 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:24,120 from a mailbag. So Jamie Coleron said I would 44 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:27,760 like to see the Tiger Sisters talk about how to talk to anyone 45 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,400 and how to be a better communicator for the next 46 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,240 episode. You got it Jamie. 47 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:33,880 You got it Jamie from. Riyad. 48 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:36,560 Does anyone get that reference? Yeah, it's from Full House. 49 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:39,640 Yeah, I don't know it. I I dabbled. 50 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:42,520 You watched Full House? Yeah, I had the biggest crush on 51 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:43,920 Uncle Jess. Oh, my God. 52 00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:45,760 Everyone did. John Stamehouse. 53 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,800 I'm kidding. It was like the definition of 54 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:50,880 like 90s dreamy. Oh, for sure. 55 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,920 OK. I think a good way to start out 56 00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:59,480 this topic is to focus first on, like, work and career aspects of 57 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:00,760 how to talk to anyone. Yeah. 58 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:02,320 And then we can, you know, devolve into. 59 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,840 Whatever our topic is podcast my attorney. 60 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:10,240 But let's start with, like, what are some tips you have for 61 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:14,160 talking to older people or more like, senior people, meaning, 62 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:18,760 like, leaders in the company and, like, execs or maybe even 63 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:22,480 people you feel intimidated by? I feel like you're a really good 64 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:25,280 person. This is a big topic because you 65 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,920 can talk to anyone. And, yeah, like, I feel like 66 00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:30,800 it's one of your superpowers. Oh, thank you. 67 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:35,000 Yeah, I think I really struggled with this when I first graduated 68 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:38,400 because when you're like a 22 year old in the workplace and 69 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:41,200 you're like, Oh my God, so much of myself worth is tied to what 70 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:44,600 I say and how I present myself. It was really nerve wracking. 71 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,800 But I think just getting more repetitions in and getting more 72 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:51,800 practice and talking to people who are older than you, who have 73 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,960 more like years of experience than you and like getting those 74 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:58,640 reps in really helps. But I think honestly, it's a 75 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:01,720 mindset shift for me where you're just like, even if I'm 76 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:05,000 talking to someone who's like 5 levels above me or the CEO of a 77 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:08,360 company, at the end of the day, they are just a person. 78 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,160 Yeah. And like if you can connect on a 79 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:15,120 human to human level, like no sucking up, no like ass kissing. 80 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,320 It's like how do you connect with another person and 81 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,839 genuinely be curious in them and what their story is and what 82 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:23,800 they care about? Then I feel like that's where it 83 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:27,000 becomes less scary. Well, on the topic of getting 84 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:30,800 Rep, getting your reps in and like getting exposure, I feel 85 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:33,000 like one of the ways you did that was through your 86 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,120 internships and at Morgan Stanley. 87 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:39,360 I remember you interned there when you were in college and one 88 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:44,400 of your specific assignments was to interview all these like VPS 89 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:46,520 and other sort of leaders at the company. 90 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,600 For the project that you're working on, you're making like 91 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:51,880 an internal directory of information or something like an 92 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:53,880 internal resource director. Exactly. 93 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:57,400 And as part of my internship, it was my like role, my job, my 94 00:04:57,400 --> 00:05:02,480 project to talk to a bunch of Morgan Stanley technologists and 95 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:05,720 vice presidents in their very, like, specific domain. 96 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:09,480 And a lot of it is just like asking questions, being curious, 97 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:12,240 and then also knowing that you yourself have something to 98 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:14,120 offer. I think that's like a comment I 99 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:17,680 see quite often on social media. It's just like, Oh my God, like, 100 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:20,080 you know, I'm in high school, I'm in college or like I'm a new 101 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:22,920 grad. Like talking to these people who 102 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:24,840 are much more experienced is kind of scary because. 103 00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:27,960 Like, what do I have to offer? Well, but so like how when you 104 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:31,240 were doing it, were you like, were you nervous or were you 105 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:32,840 like, oh, it's just my assignment. 106 00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:35,960 Like I was told to do this. I was definitely nervous because 107 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,240 I wanted to make a good impression. 108 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:39,440 Like, I didn't want to like, sound like an idiot, but I think 109 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,280 before even talking to the person doing, like a lot of 110 00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:46,280 research, okay. And like every conversation, it 111 00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:50,200 goes well because I'm prepared. Like I've done research on the 112 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,120 person. I know what their purview is. 113 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:55,760 And it's not like I'm asking like, you know, level 1 114 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:57,880 questions that I can just Google. 115 00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:01,360 I'm asking level 10 questions that only this specific person 116 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,720 in this specific domain would have the answer to. 117 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,080 Yeah. It's kind of funny because I 118 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:11,280 feel like Cherie's Corner was like an evolution of like 119 00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:14,200 looking back on it now, right? Like have you ever had that 120 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:15,600 song? No, I haven't. 121 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,080 That's what you do for Cherie's corner. 122 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:22,120 So for Cherie's Corner, Cherie's other podcast that is wrapping 123 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,520 up its. Last season, her other podcast. 124 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:26,720 Was wrapping up its last season so she could focus fully on 125 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,320 Tiger Sisters. Yeah, she has interviewed some. 126 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:34,040 Like true, like Titans of industry, like people who are 127 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:38,240 just like, I don't know, like single name people kind of yeah, 128 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:40,840 in a way. And but you do a so much 129 00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:42,160 preparation. Yeah. 130 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:45,160 And that's what I think people don't see is how much behind the 131 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:50,200 scenes goes into these. I mean, the podcast obviously, 132 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,840 but then also just like having like one-on-one coffee chats 133 00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:56,080 with people, like never ever go into a coffee chat. 134 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:59,360 Like cold bare minimum is spending 5 minutes on their 135 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:02,240 LinkedIn profile to know more about them. 136 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:05,280 And that's like the bare minimum I would say, especially if 137 00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:10,680 you're the person who is asking for the coffee chat and you know 138 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:14,160 it in the like power differential is asking for help. 139 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:15,600 Yeah. I feel like that's a very good 140 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:17,000 practical tip. Yeah. 141 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:21,600 I think one of the most powerful ways to talk to anybody is to 142 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:25,880 identify what your shared interests are or like, even 143 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:29,160 better, like, over time, like, cultivate some sort of, like, 144 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:32,040 shared interests and shared experience together. 145 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:35,520 Like, I feel like you have like, so much to say about that. 146 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:39,320 When I was in school, one of the big things that I did and I 147 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:43,120 would suggest that other people do as well, is like join clubs 148 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:45,800 or get involved in groups where you can like find a common 149 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:48,360 interest. For example, in the last few 150 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:52,680 months of my time at Stanford, I helped organize, Co organize the 151 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:56,320 Stanford Women's Golf Clinic. And it was just, you know, a few 152 00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:59,520 of us ladies where we got together and we created a 153 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:04,080 three-week series to bring other Stanford women in business to go 154 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,840 all learn golf together. And we got so much feedback from 155 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:08,360 these ladies that they're like, this was amazing. 156 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:09,960 I've never played golf before. It's so safe. 157 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:11,520 It was just like a good environment. 158 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:14,280 And then also, like, for example, we had like a mini 159 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:17,320 creator club at Stanford. And it's just like common 160 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,240 interest. And it's not just at school. 161 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:21,640 Too, It's at work, right? And a lot of companies, they're 162 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:24,120 different sort of affinity groups that you can join. 163 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,800 And even outside of that, like some of the things that I've 164 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:30,560 done is remember like I've created this with my friends, 165 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:34,679 like this annual retreat with my HBS girlfriends where we get 166 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:39,360 together every year in Newport and it's about like 20 of us. 167 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:43,880 And we basically like have this weekend of like learning and 168 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,320 growing together, like reconnecting and bonding. 169 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:51,880 It's like creating you can like you can actively create these 170 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:55,240 experiences where you can like bond with people and like get to 171 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:57,520 know them better. Well, I think it also starts 172 00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:01,240 from like a shared understanding to like we all have a common 173 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,480 something. And then from there you create 174 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:06,360 the shared experiences where you dive in even deeper. 175 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:09,760 And one way we were able to do this at Stanford DSB that I 176 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:12,160 absolutely loved was going on trips together. 177 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:16,840 Big proponent of traveling together to experience things in 178 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:20,480 a new way. And Speaking of trips, you may 179 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:24,440 have seen that Cherie and I recently announced our Trova 180 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:28,440 trip to Japan together, which we kind of put together because we 181 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:31,320 wanted to create this opportunity to bond with and 182 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,000 build community with all of you guys. 183 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:37,800 So you can find more information in the description in this 184 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:39,920 video. But basically it's going to be 185 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:42,720 Jean and I as the host of this trip. 186 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:46,360 But we will definitely have someone on the ground in Japan 187 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:48,560 leading us and guiding us through all the different 188 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:50,880 points. We'll be in Tokyo and then also 189 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:54,360 near Mount Fuji. And we'll have up to 15 people 190 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,600 join us on this trip and like to spend time with you guys. 191 00:09:56,640 --> 00:10:00,840 I'm so excited because I've never been to Japan before 192 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:05,920 somehow, but Sheree has been and she's like a total, I feel like, 193 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,800 expert on Japan now because you've spent some Japan on fire. 194 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:11,800 Yeah. And so I'm like super excited to 195 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:16,480 like, get to know Japan and like experience it and also like have 196 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:20,120 like her expertise and her personal experiences to guide us 197 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,800 as well. And I just think it's going to 198 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:29,920 be a totally magical experience. And I can't wait to meet you 199 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,720 guys and to, like, get to actually spend time together 200 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:36,400 face to face as opposed to just like, messaging and like, you 201 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,480 know, DM ING and like responding to comments. 202 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:41,280 Yeah. So excited for this and check 203 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,240 out the link in the description for more details. 204 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:47,280 Speaking of exposure therapy, I feel like another way that we 205 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,240 had exposure therapy was just kind of the environment and 206 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:51,920 neighborhood that we were in growing up. 207 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,280 So Sheree and I grew up on Long Island. 208 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:57,840 Well, actually, I grew up in Brooklyn and then I moved to 209 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,240 Long Island in the middle of 4th grade. 210 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,000 I was born in Brooklyn. Yeah. 211 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,600 And then Sheree moved when she was like, I don't know, three or 212 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:10,160 four years old or something. Really young, but we grew up in 213 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:15,160 what was essentially like a very white and affluent community. 214 00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:21,800 And so I feel like, yes, there were many, many times where I 215 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:26,480 never felt fully comfortable because I was like one of one 216 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:30,480 Asian people, like in my not just in my friend group, but 217 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:33,520 like in my entire grade, maybe one of two actually. 218 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:38,680 But and I always felt like I was very like defined by my 219 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:43,280 ethnicity. But the, like, flip side of that 220 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:47,800 is that I feel like I had to learn how to become very 221 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:51,960 comfortable with people who were different from me. 222 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:55,480 Yeah, yeah. I have like, I have girlfriends 223 00:11:55,480 --> 00:12:00,560 who have told me who have grown up in California and they've 224 00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:02,840 like, grown up with mostly Asian people. 225 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:06,720 And they're like, yeah, I just don't feel, I like to this day, 226 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:09,600 I still just, I just don't feel like fully, fully comfortable 227 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:13,000 talking to white people, like, or as comfortable as I feel 228 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:16,120 talking to to Asian people. So that's something I feel like 229 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,720 never really gets like talked about. 230 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:21,760 Totally. I mean, there's so much to dig 231 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:26,880 in there, perhaps with a therapist for us, but like I, I 232 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,200 loved. I have other higher priority. 233 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,040 I know we have other things to talk about in therapy, but 234 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:33,840 underneath the surface, that is one thing. 235 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,120 But yeah, I mean it. There's both pros and cons. 236 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:39,080 Like Gina and I grew up in a nice neighborhood. 237 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,600 Even though we didn't come from that world, we were very much, 238 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:48,160 like, exposed to that world and exposed to, I know the latter, 239 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:50,680 like, behave. Yeah, that world as a Christian. 240 00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:53,520 Still ways of speaking the expectations. 241 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:55,560 Some people would see that as a Jurich though. 242 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:57,880 For like oh you need a code switch. 243 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:04,400 I mean, you know me, I'm like, the world is the world, right? 244 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:07,400 Are you going to exist in the world today? 245 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:12,040 And how can you change the world if you're not going to like? 246 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:13,400 Be a part of it. Yeah. 247 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,760 And if you're not going to make yourself into a person of 248 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:19,840 influence in the world today in order to affect change, that's 249 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,200 my perspective. I agree. 250 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,600 With that, but I I also see the other side as well. 251 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:27,520 But I guess all of that to say, like it was a really good 252 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,160 experience to be exposed to that. 253 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:32,160 So then we can kind of. Yes. 254 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:35,880 Like looking back at it, like at the time, like did I enjoy being 255 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:39,360 like feeling alone and being bullied when I was growing up? 256 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,040 Like no. But now. 257 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:46,520 Yeah. But now, now I like see the 258 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:50,160 value of having been put into that situation. 259 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:54,040 So maybe one take away out of all of this is that that wasn't 260 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:57,240 something that we like opted into, but it is something that 261 00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:00,720 you can opt into. Like basically you can choose to 262 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:04,120 put yourself into situations that are outside of your comfort 263 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:05,000 zone. Yeah. 264 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:10,800 In order to kind of like learn more about different cultures. 265 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,440 Yeah. And, and honestly, it just goes 266 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,680 back to like how to talk to anyone. 267 00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:17,920 Like, I think that is a strength if you're able to relate to many 268 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,800 different types of people, especially if it's outside of 269 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:22,600 the environment that you're comfortable with. 270 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,440 And I think it'll be good professionally. 271 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:28,760 It'll it'll be good personally. It'll widen your worldview. 272 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:31,760 And I think like, yeah, like talking to some and this very 273 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,320 this specific stories like some of our Asian girlfriends who are 274 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,720 not comfortable with it. Like you can stay in the 275 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,560 comfortable spot or you can like lean into the discomfort and 276 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:43,440 like grow in different ways. And I I would argue it would 277 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:46,200 help your career to do so. Yeah. 278 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:52,360 And one specific example I have of this is or like one or like 279 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:56,880 one specific method you can do at work is you can seek out sort 280 00:14:56,880 --> 00:15:00,160 of like opportunities to interact with different people, 281 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,640 especially senior people. If you feel nervous about 282 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:05,520 connecting with or you don't know how to talk to them, seek 283 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,720 out opportunities to interact with them that are outside of 284 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:12,600 your typical like meetings or like super like straightforward 285 00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,880 interactions where you're like presenting to them or like, you 286 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,120 know, not the like cut and dry work interactions. 287 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:23,160 So like, what's an example? When I worked at Goldman, one of 288 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:26,600 the things that my group did every year, I don't know why, 289 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:31,240 but one of the things that we did was we put together this 290 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:35,080 like a holiday music video. And do you? 291 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:38,960 Still have access to it. No, but it honestly was so 292 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:41,240 freaking good. It was like, I was like so proud 293 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,040 of it. We and we like made ourselves 294 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:46,000 like little awards for it too. But anyway, it was one of the 295 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,400 things that we did and it was like day-to-day. 296 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,560 Like we thought we day-to-day, like the work was so serious. 297 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:53,600 Like everyone. We literally thought we were 298 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,600 doing God's work because that's what Lloyd had said to us. 299 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,000 Lloyd Blankfein. Yeah, he he was like, we're 300 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,960 doing God's work. And I was like, yes, we are 301 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,200 because I was like 2021 and I was like, I'm doing God's work. 302 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:05,840 Everyone took everything so seriously. 303 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:11,360 But we had this holiday video and I like, volunteered or was 304 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:15,240 volunteered, I don't remember, to become one of the producers. 305 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:19,400 And so my job was to help like write the scripts. 306 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:22,960 It was like an SNL thing to like write the scripts and like help 307 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:28,200 like direct and have and like make the MD's and VP's like lip 308 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:29,760 sync to all these different songs. 309 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,200 They're like it's. My job, you have to lip sync 310 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,320 Taylor Swift. Yeah. 311 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:35,720 And I would like, give them these, like, costumes. 312 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:40,240 And it was just, like, so fun. And it was a way to interact 313 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:41,760 with each other. Oh, I love that. 314 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,800 That was not work, yeah, but it was work. 315 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,800 But like it wasn't work. No, it was, it was fun, it was 316 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:52,560 silly, and you're able to like bring a fun side out of the VPS 317 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,840 and MD's as well. Yes, and then they get to like 318 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:59,440 see me for a person too, not just like a robotic minion got 319 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:04,040 in the machine, the machine. But yeah, so like, I would just 320 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:06,800 encourage even like other like now that I'm thinking about it, 321 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:13,200 like other little things, like we had this annual baking 322 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:17,880 competition and like me, like, you know, me, I'm not a Baker, 323 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:21,520 much less a cook at all. But for some reason, me and my 324 00:17:21,599 --> 00:17:26,359 my, my friend slash fellow first or second year, I don't remember 325 00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:28,359 which year this was fellow first year Christine. 326 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:31,040 We were like, let's enter the competition together. 327 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:35,640 And we made these sticky toffee pudding cupcakes. 328 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:38,800 I will never forget this and we won. 329 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,360 Yeah, I know. My God, I. 330 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,000 Was. Shocked. 331 00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:45,560 I would have been shocked that you'd want a bacon. 332 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:49,520 But we like beat all of the like EAS and admins who had all these 333 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,760 like amazing like pass down wrestlers. 334 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:55,360 But anyway, that was just like another way for us to like like 335 00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:58,520 did we think we were good cooks or good bakers? 336 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:00,760 Like no, but we're like, OK, let's just do it. 337 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,960 And then it's like another way to like, interact with people 338 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:07,400 and like, have connections and also, like, make little jokes, 339 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,120 right? And like be and like. 340 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,600 It also helps if you're the one organizing the event as well. 341 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:16,080 Yeah, because then you can bring people together and everyone can 342 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:19,680 see you and then come to you because you are the organizer. 343 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:24,440 Yeah, I organized a baking competition at LinkedIn for my 344 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:27,840 larger like team and like org. Get copier. 345 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:32,120 I didn't even know you won your your sticky toffee cupcakes. 346 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:36,000 But yeah, I organized this baking competition and got like 347 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:39,800 engineers on our team and like sister teams to like sign up and 348 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:40,880 it really brought people together. 349 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,680 We were able to vote and everything. 350 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:46,120 I've actually done it twice and they were mega successes. 351 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:51,320 People loved it and it was a way for like us to engage. 352 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:53,880 It was a way for me to engage with people who were not on my 353 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:57,440 team but on partner teams and in different roles because it was 354 00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,480 super cross team, cross functional. 355 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:03,560 So designers came, engineers came, data scientists came, and 356 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,680 it was a way to also talk to people but then also be known. 357 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:08,600 Obviously it was for baking, It wasn't for like. 358 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:10,640 She was known. But it was also a way to. 359 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,000 Known for. It was a way to get known, you 360 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,360 know? OK, yeah. 361 00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:16,200 Or I was like, I was kind of making fun of it. 362 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:17,760 But you're right, you know, it is. 363 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:21,280 It's a way, yeah. It's a way for you to like put 364 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:25,920 your name out there that is kind of like low stakes or it's just 365 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,320 like a reason for. People to like know your name 366 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,320 and also like talk to you to engage in conversation in the 367 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,960 next time I was in the micro kitchen and someone who like I 368 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,080 literally don't need to remember because since you're the 369 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:38,120 organizer, there's like so many people you're dealing with. 370 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:39,400 They're like, oh, you organized it. 371 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,680 I was like, oh, did you partake? And like it was a conversation. 372 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:43,600 They're like I for sure partook I. 373 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,240 Was like, did you make something? 374 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:48,560 Yeah, no, I first it was forsake. 375 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:53,000 Is. Anyways, yeah, those are good 376 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:55,040 memories. Memories. 377 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:59,240 It's funny how like I'm like, Oh my years at Goldman Sachs all I 378 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,600 remember so fun music video and the baking contest. 379 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,520 Yeah, seriously, those were probably like micro snippets out 380 00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:07,680 of your. I know it was like 1% of my 381 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,520 time, but it is. I mean, it is, yeah. 382 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,640 It's funny how that's what I remember about what I remember 383 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:17,200 it, all right? What about communicating as a 384 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:21,080 woman in the workplace? This is a juicy one. 385 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,800 To have thoughts. Yeah, I do. 386 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,160 It's tough. It also depends on the 387 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:30,040 environment that you're in and the workplace situation, like 388 00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:33,320 especially if it's a super male dominated field like finance, 389 00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:38,480 tech, I don't know, gaming, like those oil and gas. 390 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,840 Yeah, they're super heavily male dominated. 391 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:45,920 It's hard sometimes as a woman to be able to have your voice 392 00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:47,560 heard. And there's like many, many 393 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:50,600 studies on this on like why that is, especially in like 394 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,400 workplaces with that dynamic. I would say if you find yourself 395 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:59,960 there, my #1 tip is to find male allies who will be able to pull 396 00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:02,760 you into conversations. These are the people. 397 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:05,480 It could be your boss, it could be a mentor, it could just be 398 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:08,400 someone who's in meetings with you that you just really trust. 399 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:13,880 And for me, this was my my boss, Albert, who we had a very close 400 00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:17,560 like relationship and like we would be back channeling all the 401 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,280 time. And then he would give me such 402 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:22,360 good advice that like in a meeting, if it's like quiet and 403 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:24,960 someone like ask something, he's like, it's jump ball. 404 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,400 He would like coach me afterwards and before it's jump 405 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,920 ball, meaning like anyone can like chime in and like someone 406 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,000 like lobbed a question in the air chime. 407 00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:36,240 Wow, like, you know, grab the ball and, you know, take it. 408 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,760 So and then there be times where there be conversations happening 409 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:43,640 in meetings and like I would have like specific knowledge on 410 00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:46,000 an answer, but I'd be like too nervous to speak up. 411 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:49,480 And then Alba would be like D Ming me on slack be like, go 412 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:50,760 take this and you know this, blah, blah, blah. 413 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:54,480 Like, wow, a male ally who is not only encouraging me to take 414 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:57,320 the jump bowl, but then sometimes even putting like a 415 00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,120 layup for me anyway to like dunk it and then he'd pass it over 416 00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:00,400 to. Me. 417 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,760 That's amazing. So it was not only him being a 418 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:06,240 male ally, but it's also me wanting to have like that, 419 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,600 wanting that exposure and wanting to speak up. 420 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:12,440 OK, but then how do you how do you cultivate that? 421 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,720 Like let's say didn't have Albert because I'm like, okay, 422 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,280 he sounds like the best boss in the world. 423 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:20,760 Like, not gonna lie, he really. Was Albert? 424 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,880 If you're watching this, you're a homie for life. 425 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,080 Living his best. Life I know he is. 426 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:29,920 I need to I need to text him. But like, let's say, OK, Albert, 427 00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:31,480 decide. Let's say he was this, like 428 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:32,520 outlier. Yeah. 429 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,920 What? Did you have other male allies 430 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,400 that weren't your boss? I do cultivate them. 431 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:42,720 Yeah, I would say for this, one very tactical thing to do is 432 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,640 that, like, figure out who you admire in the workplace. 433 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,120 It could be a woman, it could be a man. 434 00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:50,680 But if you're looking for male allies who are already in the 435 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:53,960 room and already have influence, like find someone that you 436 00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:55,840 trust, like, and that can be through. 437 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:57,760 You have coffee with them, you vibe. 438 00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:01,120 And then after you're in a meeting together, pull them 439 00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:04,080 aside immediately when the meeting ends and then ask them 440 00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:06,160 for feedback. And be like. 441 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:09,400 That sounds so scary. I mean, it's scary in the sense 442 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,840 that like your ego might be. Hurt because you're like, oh, 443 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:15,120 I'm like seeking feedback, but it's only for growth, especially 444 00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:16,640 if you trust this person. Not even that. 445 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,640 Even just like I could imagine someone being like, Oh my God, 446 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:22,760 like I couldn't imagine like going up to someone more senior 447 00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:26,120 and being like like even like pulling them aside, even like 448 00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:27,320 pushing them. But that's something you have to 449 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,480 like work up to I guess. It's something you have to work 450 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,960 up to, but it's just like you're in a meeting together and you 451 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:35,040 want to get better. You've already had a coffee chat 452 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,120 with this person. Like they know that you have an 453 00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:39,960 interest in growing. You have like a growth mindset. 454 00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:42,040 And then like, you know when everyone's packing up their 455 00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,400 laptops and then everyone's leaving when the meeting's over. 456 00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,800 Like you can't, you like you walk out of the meeting room 457 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:48,800 with someone by your side and you have small talk. 458 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:50,080 Yeah. So what would you say? 459 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:53,400 Pretend it's be. I'd be like, hey James, hey 460 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:58,760 Bert, I walk out. I'd be like, Hey, James. 461 00:23:59,360 --> 00:24:02,120 How that way, Cherie? Hello. 462 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:04,040 This is based off of someone I know in the world, OK? 463 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,160 I'll be British. Hello there. 464 00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:11,280 I'm like, hey, so do you have a second perhaps for you? 465 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,640 Well, in this meeting, I just wanted to grab your feedback 466 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:18,440 really quick. If you had a couple of thoughts 467 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:22,200 on how I presented myself, what I said and how you think I 468 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,040 could, you know, perhaps have more influence in the next 469 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:26,560 meeting. Like what do you think? 470 00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:31,960 What's a thoughtful question? I will most definitely give you 471 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:34,560 feedback. Yeah, and and and, you know, if 472 00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:37,280 James is running off to lunch or has another meeting, be like, no 473 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:38,520 stress. You don't have to answer this 474 00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,760 now, but if you can jot down like three thoughts, like I'll 475 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:41,680 catch you later. Yeah. 476 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:44,640 OK. As as like a manager. 477 00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:46,080 Yes. Thinking about it now as a 478 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:47,680 manager in a former like team leader. 479 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,720 I would be receptive to that. Yeah. 480 00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:54,720 I'd be like, oh, wow, like what a thoughtful young person or 481 00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:56,640 just like, what a thoughtful person who, like, actually 482 00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:58,840 really wants to grow. I have some thoughts on it. 483 00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:02,120 They're not fully formed. About communicating in the 484 00:25:02,120 --> 00:25:05,680 workplace as a woman. Yeah, I think the like reality 485 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:07,320 of it. I feel like I'm like always the 486 00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:09,520 one that's like the cold reality of the world. 487 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:11,160 The cold art truth. You don't. 488 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,360 Know what this world is like? Yeah, like you don't. 489 00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:14,560 You don't. You don't even. 490 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:17,520 Know you're not ready for the truth, but God no. 491 00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:20,480 But like I am, you know, I am like half a generation older 492 00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:25,240 than Cherie. So I do think the reality of it 493 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:30,560 is that you may not necessarily to be in control of everything, 494 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:33,720 right? Like as a woman, like, you are 495 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:37,720 still existing in a broader context, and you exist in the 496 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:38,560 context. Of. 497 00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:40,760 Coconut. You think you just fell out of a 498 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:41,960 coconut. Exactly. 499 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:45,280 I think what I'm trying to say is that it's helpful to also be 500 00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:47,880 aware of how other people perceive you. 501 00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:50,480 And it may not even be specific to you. 502 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,600 It may be like you as a category, right? 503 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:58,280 Like you as a 25 year old woman, how are you perceived? 504 00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:04,000 You as a 30 year old, not single woman, how are you perceived 505 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:05,760 like? You know how there's been a lot 506 00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:09,240 of discussion about the idea of the Manic Pixie Dream girl? 507 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:12,600 I feel like there's a version of it that carries over to the 508 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:17,200 workplace as well, where like when you are a certain age and 509 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:20,200 you act a certain way, you're kind of viewed as more of like 510 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,440 the ingenue. Like you're like new to the 511 00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:23,920 world. Like you're new. 512 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:28,040 You're young enough that people don't perceive you as a threat. 513 00:26:28,360 --> 00:26:30,920 And they don't take you seriously like you're, you're, 514 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:32,720 you're fresh out of school. Great. 515 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,280 You have all this fresh energy. Good job, right? 516 00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:39,120 So that's like kind of, but also it's to your benefit, right? 517 00:26:39,120 --> 00:26:41,600 Because if you go up and ask someone senior like, oh, can you 518 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:45,320 give me feedback, they will be fully honest with you and be 519 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:46,800 like trying to help you. Yeah. 520 00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:50,240 As opposed to when you reach a certain point, when you're no 521 00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:55,920 longer like viewed as the ingenue and you are like a 522 00:26:55,920 --> 00:27:00,960 little bit more senior in your career, like those same tactics 523 00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:05,520 may or may not go over the same way because then you kind of 524 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:07,920 start to be viewed as like competition. 525 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:11,000 Yeah, totally. So it's kind of like you get 526 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,720 some beginners like leeway. Yeah. 527 00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:17,760 So that's just something that I've seen that I've myself and I 528 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:22,240 and my, like, fellow millennial women, I feel like we've like 529 00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:25,760 been working our way through. And I don't really have an 530 00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:28,760 answer to that, but it's just something that I can be like, 531 00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:33,360 watch out for, like be aware of it and like understand how 532 00:27:33,360 --> 00:27:37,160 you're being perceived by the people you interact with. 533 00:27:37,360 --> 00:27:40,680 Totally, I think. I mean, I goes it's especially 534 00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:42,600 we're talking on the context of women in the workplace, but I 535 00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:46,000 think like men as well, especially maybe minority men as 536 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:49,360 well, like like are placed in some sort of like stereotype. 537 00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:53,520 Yeah, I know one of my friends who worked in venture capital, 538 00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:58,080 he was one of like the youngest partners at AVC firm amongst 539 00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:01,240 like other people who are probably like 20 to 35 years 540 00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:03,880 older than him. And then he had gotten married. 541 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:06,440 But then he, like, very specifically, like, wanted to 542 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:11,240 get married and have a ring to seem older than he actually was. 543 00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:14,680 And he was very mature and like, But like, in that way, it's like 544 00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:17,160 understanding your reputation and how do you manage it? 545 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:20,160 And then perhaps surprise people if, you know, they have a 546 00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:22,200 stereotype of you and you completely break out of that in 547 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,240 a good way. Yeah. 548 00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:28,440 And I do feel like that sort of benefit that men get in the 549 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:31,320 workplace of like, being married and like having kids. 550 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:34,520 Like just think about your own perception of like a man with 551 00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:37,160 kids, like you're automatically like, Oh my God, he's a great, 552 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:38,760 he's a good person because he's a fun. 553 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:43,840 Like he's responsible. He is, you know, like thoughtful 554 00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:47,880 etcetera. Versus like women don't get that 555 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:52,040 same sort of. Benefit of the doubt or like 556 00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:56,920 immediate? Positive shift in perception? 557 00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:01,040 I mean, if anything, it could be like the other way. 558 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:03,800 Oh, yeah. True, true. 559 00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:07,040 That's so unfair. Yeah. 560 00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:09,360 So I I don't know that that wasn't like a. 561 00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:12,080 Fully, fully formed. Thought but it's like something 562 00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:13,760 there's something there. Yeah. 563 00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:17,080 I mean, so I guess the main take away is that like be aware of 564 00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:20,680 what how you may be perceived for whether it's fair or not 565 00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:24,200 like in the workplace. And many times, perception can 566 00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:28,080 be reality. What? 567 00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:29,720 You weren't You weren't ready for that truth. 568 00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:33,520 Bomb, Yeah. So what do you think about 569 00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:37,320 communication when it comes to dating and flirting? 570 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:43,200 Thoughts. Thoughts I. 571 00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:51,840 Think OK, I think even the kind of like, precursor to explicit 572 00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:54,080 communication is like your energy. 573 00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:58,160 Because vibes. Yeah, because I feel like 574 00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:01,280 something. Why are you laughing? 575 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:05,800 Communicating through energy. Well, more energy, more energy, 576 00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:09,000 more energy, more passion, more passion, more passion. 577 00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:14,240 No, but I just feel like for myself and my own experience, I 578 00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:17,560 feel like in the last like few months, like something has 579 00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:21,840 shifted in my energy, whereas like I'll be going back to the 580 00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:23,920 same exact places and situations. 581 00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:28,440 But now all of a sudden like people are like approaching me 582 00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:34,080 and like people are like coming up to me and like speaking to 583 00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:36,680 me, you know. Oh, I. 584 00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:37,920 Love that. Yeah. 585 00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:40,200 You're like more. You're more open, I think. 586 00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:43,080 So you're like radiating. You're magnetic. 587 00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:46,480 Or maybe I'm just not and wearing an engagement ring 588 00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:49,360 anymore. That might be that. 589 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:52,480 That might be part of it. But no, I, I don't know. 590 00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,400 I think it's not, it's not just that. 591 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:58,320 I think it's more like my energy has shifted. 592 00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:01,200 Yeah. And also it's like both my 593 00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:04,400 energy that I'm putting out, but then also like my energy within 594 00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:08,120 myself. Whereas now I am like more like 595 00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:11,600 aware of the world around me. I'm like almost like seeing the 596 00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:14,600 world through like a different perspective. 597 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:16,960 I love that. I think it's energy that you put 598 00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:19,400 out and then also the energy to receive as well. 599 00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:21,360 So that like if. People come up to you and talk 600 00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:22,760 to you. You're not going to be closed 601 00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:24,240 off. Yeah, Yeah. 602 00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:28,720 And I feel like for me, I'm like, very much like sometimes 603 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:33,120 I'm in like a state of like mind or energy where I'm like, nobody 604 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:35,320 better talk to me like I'm not here. 605 00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:38,080 I do not wish to be. I do not. 606 00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:39,880 Yes, exactly. Seriously. 607 00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:40,600 Really. Yeah. 608 00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:42,880 Whereas like you're different. Like you're. 609 00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:45,360 Much and like perceive me everyone, you're more. 610 00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:49,160 Like open all the time. It's about your energy. 611 00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:51,160 So maybe it like kind of like starts there. 612 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,480 Yeah, I think. You can also perceive people's 613 00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:58,320 energy too, before they even, like, open up their mouths like 614 00:31:58,320 --> 00:31:58,880 you could. Yeah. 615 00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:01,320 Before they speak. You're like, oh, do you have 616 00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:03,560 like a positive? Like, are you smiling? 617 00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:07,040 Are your eyes glistening with for the future in the world? 618 00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:08,200 Do you? Glimmer, yeah. 619 00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:10,960 Do you, Glimmer, do you shimmer? Like I, I really believe in 620 00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:13,320 that, that energy. And you can feel it in someone 621 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:17,360 even if you're just like, interacting with them briefly. 622 00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,400 Yeah. But then what about? 623 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:23,640 OK, energy aside, what are your thoughts? 624 00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,360 You guys already know if you've seen the dating episode. 625 00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:30,040 I've said it once and I'll say it again. 626 00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:31,400 What? What'd you say? 627 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:34,880 I love the banta. Oh, OK, I love yeah, me too. 628 00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:39,200 I think so in terms of communicating with like someone 629 00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:43,680 romantically or dating, like I think it's really attractive. 630 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,040 Obviously when people are intelligent and I saw this from 631 00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:49,080 a like a TikTok video. So if you guys know who it's 632 00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:53,760 from, like definitely at them, but they're just like women in 633 00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:55,760 general. This was a gross generalization, 634 00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:58,360 but I agreed with it. Women are, at least myself, like 635 00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:01,120 really are attracted to people who are intelligent. 636 00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:04,600 And one way to demonstrate intelligence is through like 637 00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:08,000 jokes and being funny. And if you can like engage in 638 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:12,840 like the witty humor, the banter, the banter, then like I 639 00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:15,440 find that super attractive and it draws me in as well. 640 00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:18,280 Totally. Like it demonstrates that. 641 00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,200 It actually, it like demonstrates several things 642 00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,280 because it demonstrates that you're smart enough to like, 643 00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:27,040 pick up on and like make jokes in the moment, but also that you 644 00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:33,600 have enough EQ deliver it in a way that's like funny. 645 00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:35,640 And you're like, oh, this kind of joke will connect with this 646 00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:36,720 person. Yeah. 647 00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,080 And like, it's going to land. They have the context for this 648 00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:41,760 like blah blah blah. Yeah, it's actually quite 649 00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:46,680 complicated to be funny, I think in a in a good way. 650 00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:49,040 Yeah, it's hard to be funny. It's hard to be funny because 651 00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:51,680 then you have to like, know the other person and what they find 652 00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:54,760 funny and understand what context they have for the jokes 653 00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:56,360 that you're going to make. It's a is it a cultural 654 00:33:56,360 --> 00:34:01,040 reference, a historic reference? It's like, you know, So yeah, I 655 00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:05,880 think being funny, can someone fain humor or being funny? 656 00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:10,000 It's hard. No, I don't think you can. 657 00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,440 I think usually a joke will like fall flat and people can 658 00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:14,679 immediately be like that was awkward. 659 00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:18,639 Yeah. I mean, also, like, you like 660 00:34:18,639 --> 00:34:20,679 leading with humor. Like if you are leading with 661 00:34:20,679 --> 00:34:24,080 jokes, you can really, like, understand a person, like pretty 662 00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:27,000 quickly. Like you can be like, oh, like 663 00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:30,040 what kind of references are they picking up or not picking up? 664 00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:34,520 Like what is their response to my like jokes in my banter? 665 00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:38,440 Yeah, I think it also can if you're not like a naturally 666 00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,360 funny person. I think two things that can 667 00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:42,800 help. One watching like comedy shows 668 00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:45,360 and like picking up on other comedians and figuring out what 669 00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:48,679 do you find funny. And then the second thing is 670 00:34:48,679 --> 00:34:51,400 also self deprecating jokes. Like when you're making jokes, 671 00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:53,560 you never want to like punch down on someone. 672 00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:56,960 You know, if someone that's what they say for like stand up 673 00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:59,240 comedian, you want to like make fun of yourself and you can also 674 00:34:59,240 --> 00:35:03,520 punch up as well. Yeah, or like you, first you can 675 00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:05,960 like make fun of yourself and then you can make fun of someone 676 00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:08,800 else. Yeah, I also, I like being 677 00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:13,000 teased. I think being teased it's it can 678 00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:15,760 be cute. What about the role of like 679 00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:21,280 gossip or tea? Like where does that fall in how 680 00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:24,040 to talk to anyone? I think it's an important part. 681 00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:27,920 Like I think people who believe they're like self-righteous and 682 00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:30,040 like, oh, I don't gossip. I don't, you know, especially 683 00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:32,120 like harmless gossip. I don't gossip. 684 00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:34,880 I don't gossip. I think people who like claim to 685 00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,480 be self-righteous in that sense. You're just kidding yourself and 686 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,480 you're honestly hurting yourself for making connections with 687 00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,320 people. I think hurtful, harmful gossip, 688 00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:45,280 like that's a different thing. But if it's like harmless gossip 689 00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:51,480 and like just a little bit of T sipping can be fine, I think 690 00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:52,920 like. Specifically outside of friend 691 00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:56,560 groups, like on the topic of how to talk to anyone, like a little 692 00:35:56,560 --> 00:36:02,640 bit of harmless gossip is a great way to like breakthrough 693 00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:07,160 like 3 layers of like small talk to then like have like kind of 694 00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:09,960 this like inside joke between the two of you. 695 00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:12,200 Inside jokes also are so powerful. 696 00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:14,920 I was like listening to something the other day on 697 00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:20,240 TikTok where someone was like, oh, like one of the one of the 698 00:36:20,240 --> 00:36:23,120 best hacks to like befriend someone. 699 00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:25,520 It's to like make an inside joke with them right away. 700 00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:28,600 And I was like, oh, yeah, I freaking love that. 701 00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:30,600 Like, I love when people do that with me. 702 00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:33,200 And I also enjoy doing that with other people because then you 703 00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:36,320 have this like little like harmless little secret. 704 00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:38,840 And there's like this little inside joke and it's like, so 705 00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:40,720 like fun. Yeah. 706 00:36:41,720 --> 00:36:43,160 Yeah. But it's kind of like, I feel 707 00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:45,680 like there's a kind of like a spectrum between like harmless 708 00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:48,640 gossip and inside joke. It's like, can sometimes be like 709 00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:50,120 one in the same. So it's a spectrum. 710 00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:54,640 It's like A and then diagram or something like that, but like, I 711 00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:59,920 don't know, One example is like I was at the gym and then I was 712 00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:03,840 talking to one of the managers and I was like, oh, like I heard 713 00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:07,920 this happen with like the CFO, which is like someone then I 714 00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:10,000 have no idea. Like I've never met this man. 715 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,640 Like, you know, this guy like probably barely knows him and it 716 00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:16,080 was just and he just all of a sudden he like, you know, broke 717 00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:18,720 the 4th wall or like just like broke the actor who's like, Oh 718 00:37:18,720 --> 00:37:21,040 my God, like yes, like this is what happened. 719 00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:24,240 This is blah, blah, blah. And it's like totally harmless. 720 00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:28,400 But it was it or it was great to like just like connect about 721 00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:30,240 something and then now like every time we see each other, 722 00:37:30,240 --> 00:37:32,920 we're like Tiki. Yeah, yeah, it's kind of it. 723 00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:35,560 It builds relationships. Yeah, yeah. 724 00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:39,840 It's the yeah, the power of normal gossip. 725 00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:45,400 Next, we're going to talk about ways to invite people to talk to 726 00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:48,560 you without having to talk to them or without having to 727 00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:52,760 initiate. One of the great things that 728 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:57,080 Gene and I share is our love for fashion, and in this specific 729 00:37:57,080 --> 00:38:01,800 instance, fashion and statement pieces as a conversation 730 00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:03,920 starter. So if have you ever seen a 731 00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:07,000 person who's just wearing something so freaking cool, it's 732 00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:10,080 a cool blouse. A cool, a pair of jeans or shoes 733 00:38:10,240 --> 00:38:12,160 and you're like, Oh my God, that's amazing. 734 00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:13,880 Sometimes when I see these people walking down the street, 735 00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:17,040 I will stop them and I'll be like, you look in fantastic and 736 00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:18,280 like, where did you get that from? 737 00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:22,320 And so I think if you can incorporate that into your life 738 00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:24,640 and like there are things that you really enjoy that are like 739 00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:28,640 specialty or statement pieces, it really does invite people in 740 00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:31,240 to ask you about it. Yeah, I love a statement piece. 741 00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:36,680 So like especially if you enjoy fashion, like I think that's 742 00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:39,960 something to lean into because that's like a way that you can 743 00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:42,880 express yourself and other people can perceive you and like 744 00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:46,440 sort of like understand who you are without you even opening 745 00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:48,400 your mouth, right? Like without even saying 746 00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:50,920 anything. You're sort of like having a 747 00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:54,280 conversation with them through the way that you choose to like 748 00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:58,400 dress, especially if you have something that is more of a 749 00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:01,320 statement or like more like noticeable or more like cute. 750 00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:05,680 So that's like, that's kind of like informed sort of the way I 751 00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:10,640 shop because I just like, also like, I love like statement 752 00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:13,360 pieces. Like I love like a whimsical 753 00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:18,760 like bag or like a really like unexpected detail or something 754 00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:20,560 like that. Well, that's also why you do a 755 00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:24,920 lot of shopping like abroad as well, because then like want to 756 00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:28,360 commemorate your trip as like, but then like there's a story 757 00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:31,360 behind like what you're wearing. And when people ask you about 758 00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:34,320 it, Oh, my God, My biggest flex, and I am so annoying about this, 759 00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:37,760 like, And I know it is that when I buy things in thrift stores or 760 00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:43,000 consignment shops abroad, I am incredibly insufferable. 761 00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:45,040 And for a good reason because it's so cool. 762 00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:47,840 Yeah, that I got this, like, scarf from. 763 00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:52,040 It was like, it's like a Van Gogh print on a scarf from a 764 00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:54,240 thrift store in Australia and Sydney. 765 00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:56,720 And I've gotten so many compliments on it because I wear 766 00:39:56,720 --> 00:39:59,080 the scarf as a top and then, like, I tie it around on 767 00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:00,880 different things. And people like, oh, my God, I 768 00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:02,120 love your top. Like, where's it from? 769 00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:04,800 And I'm like, yeah. Yeah, it's from A and it's also 770 00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:06,520 like one-of-a-kind because it's from a thrift store. 771 00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:08,560 I mean, I'm sure you can find it online, but who's going to find 772 00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:08,800 it? It's. 773 00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:10,680 Like, maybe you won't. Like, who knows who makes it 774 00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:11,200 even? Yeah. 775 00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:15,480 And then also like your vintage leather long jacket from Paris 776 00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:18,240 The Don. Paris Thrift store in Paris at 777 00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:20,760 17. Dollars also like for me like I 778 00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:26,840 also like to buy like special purchases abroad because then 779 00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:30,200 it's like a way to cover commemorate the trip and then 780 00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:32,240 also. It's something that people can 781 00:40:32,240 --> 00:40:36,160 ask you about and then you can tell them the story behind it 782 00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:38,120 and then perhaps they'll purchase it or just like have a 783 00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:40,240 conversation. Or even if they don't ask you, 784 00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:42,400 it's not like they'll like be like, where did you get that? 785 00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:44,120 They'll just be like, oh, like I like your bag. 786 00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:45,600 You'd be like, Oh my God, thanks so much. 787 00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:51,480 Like I got this like on a trip last year in Lisbon or something 788 00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:53,560 like that, or like I got this in Barcelona. 789 00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:56,840 And they'll and then like that's like you like responding to them 790 00:40:56,840 --> 00:40:58,400 with like a little piece of information. 791 00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:01,440 And then that's how you kind of like get into yes, conversation. 792 00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:04,840 And then they're like, Oh my God, like if I was Barcelona or 793 00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:07,640 like I was just there last year, like, blah, blah, blah, yes. 794 00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:10,960 It's such a good conversation starter, yeah. 795 00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:14,880 Especially if there's a story behind it that you care about. 796 00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:18,320 They can sense that excitement that you bring into the 797 00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:20,560 conversation. I think also part of it is that 798 00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:25,640 like I, I genuinely love fashion and have like a true passion for 799 00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:27,720 it. So like passion for fashion, 800 00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:30,760 yeah. So like it whenever people do 801 00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:33,440 ask me about it, like I'm really excited to talk about the topic. 802 00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:38,320 So like maybe that's something that like either if it's not 803 00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:41,040 like natural to you, you can like try it out like little by 804 00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:44,080 little. Or maybe there's like other ways 805 00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:48,120 to convey like things that you're passionate about in like 806 00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:50,600 what you wear or like how you present yourself. 807 00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:54,920 Like if you love golf, like you could be, I don't know, wear 808 00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:58,320 like whatever you go golfing, like buy some of the memorabilia 809 00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:00,320 and wear it and then we'll ask you about it. 810 00:42:00,360 --> 00:42:03,400 Yes, like. Where if you go to Bandon Dunes, 811 00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:05,920 like get a little sweater that's like Bandon Dunes like. 812 00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:08,800 Totally. Or like one of my friend, my 813 00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:11,680 classmates who goes to golf courses around the world, you 814 00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:13,120 always get the little hat. Yeah. 815 00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:16,880 That sent the golf course now. I love buying hats, right caps, 816 00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:20,120 kind of for this reason, yeah, because then you can wear it and 817 00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:21,960 then you can wear it. You can wear it the next time 818 00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:24,920 you play golf in like a normal place, and then it'll strike up 819 00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:28,160 conversation with people, especially if you're already on 820 00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:30,960 the golf course where other people have similar interests to 821 00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:32,840 you and you're like, Oh my God, you went there. 822 00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:34,440 I went there, or I've always wanted to go there. 823 00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:36,000 What like recommendations do you have? 824 00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:38,160 Yes. Or even like, a lot of times 825 00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:41,880 people if they go to like a hotel or something, they'll 826 00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:43,920 like, buy a hat from the hotel. Really. 827 00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:47,080 Yeah. Is that kind of cheesy? 828 00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:50,400 Well, it depends on like the hotel, like people will do it 829 00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:53,200 for like Amangani or like Amangiri or? 830 00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:56,040 People do that for like rest, like the restaurant and not 831 00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:58,240 restaurants, but like dive bars, you know, that's a good. 832 00:42:58,240 --> 00:43:00,480 Yes, yeah. Like something that you like 833 00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:04,360 associate yourself with or like an experience that you had. 834 00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:07,880 And then like other people, I don't know, it's like social 835 00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:09,920 signaling, right? Like. 836 00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:14,480 It's like when I went to the apprais at Shammies in Palisades 837 00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:16,120 Tahoe. You better believe I got a 838 00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:18,880 Shammies hat and I wear it around, you know, if you know, 839 00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:24,760 you know. Shamwa Shamwa, the other part of 840 00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:26,520 the memorabilia that you pick up at Different. 841 00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:27,680 Places. Is that it? 842 00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:32,720 Also kind of as a way of signal signaling to people what sort of 843 00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:37,440 groups you belong to or like what sort of common interests 844 00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:39,640 you may have. So like, why do people buy so 845 00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:43,360 much gear from their undergrad or from their grad schools? 846 00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:47,360 Like why does Sheree have like 50 pieces of Stanford clothing? 847 00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:49,080 It's because one, she's obsessed with Stanford. 848 00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:52,800 I love Stanford and also she has tons of stuff from Barnard in 849 00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:55,000 Columbia too. So she just like obviously she 850 00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:56,720 just like loves it. She's passionate about it, but 851 00:43:56,720 --> 00:44:00,480 like also it's like subconsciously a way of being 852 00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:03,480 like, hey, like this is part of my identity and then you. 853 00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:05,400 Can see it right away when you see me. 854 00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:07,760 And that's also a conversation starter, too, especially if 855 00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:11,080 you're an alum or you'd, you know, you live in Palo Alto or 856 00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:12,280 you're in from the surrounding area. 857 00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:15,200 Like I'm when I'm wearing like a Stanford sweatshirt, like people 858 00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:16,840 can see it. And if they bring it up, I'm 859 00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:18,520 like, obviously I'm going to talk to you about it. 860 00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:20,400 Yeah. You're like you wanted to Zimmer 861 00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:21,360 in Me too. Me too. 862 00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:23,800 What year are you? Oh my God, I was stammered. 863 00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:27,880 Well, I. I'm not a lot of now or if you 864 00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:29,520 go to a concert. That's why people love buying 865 00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:31,280 concert. Anne Marabelia Yeah. 866 00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:34,080 Because it shows you the music that you're into and then you 867 00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:35,960 actually went to the concert. Yeah. 868 00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:40,040 So yeah, there's lots of ways, even if you're not like obsessed 869 00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:42,560 with fashion, like us, to kind of like express who you. 870 00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:46,240 Are without words and then have people come to you. 871 00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:50,920 How to talk to anyone? Yeah, start a conversation with 872 00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:53,160 no words. How to start a conversation 873 00:44:53,160 --> 00:44:56,040 without saying a single word? It's the energy. 874 00:44:57,480 --> 00:45:00,280 Thank you guys so much for tuning in to this episode of 875 00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:03,040 Tiger Sisters. Hope this was helpful. 876 00:45:03,240 --> 00:45:05,760 There's some topics that you know could be discussed further. 877 00:45:05,760 --> 00:45:09,560 They're open discussion, yes. And so Please remember to like, 878 00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:12,960 comment and subscribe. And we would so appreciate it if 879 00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:15,600 you could share this video with someone who might find it 880 00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:17,000 helpful. We'll see you next time. 881 00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:18,080 Thanks. Bye.