1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:03,080 Be honest, if nothing changed, would you be happy with your 2 00:00:03,080 --> 00:00:06,680 life one year from now? Like same job, same relationship 3 00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:09,720 patterns, same everything. Like would it actually feel 4 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:11,640 good? Don't answer out loud, just 5 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:15,000 notice how your body feels. This episode is a mirror and 6 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,240 it's also a road map. This is one of our most shared 7 00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:21,280 episodes because it gives a way for you to get honest and be 8 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:23,640 honest without blowing up your entire life. 9 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:26,880 And we're bringing it back right now because this is the time 10 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:29,440 where people are making the decisions that shape their next 11 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:31,520 year. We heard from you guys and you 12 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:35,080 said that this episode changed your lives, so we're bringing it 13 00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:38,080 back for the new year. And this applies to anyone, no 14 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:40,800 matter where you are in your journey, stop settling. 15 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:44,040 Hi, Tiger fam, I'm Cherie. And I'm Jean. 16 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:47,200 We are your Wall Street and Silicon Valley Big Sisters. 17 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:50,560 And we're a top business podcast that talks about money, power 18 00:00:50,560 --> 00:01:00,440 and love. So the new year is here, and 19 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:03,200 this is such an important time to take stock of your life and 20 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:05,640 see where you're settling. Yeah, because I feel like the 21 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:07,160 new year is kind of a crossroads. 22 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:09,720 You can either take all of your old habits and all of your ways 23 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:12,600 of being from the previous year and just roll it into the new 24 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:15,400 year, or this is an opportunity to go down a new path. 25 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:19,080 OK, so mini exercise right before we get started, take 10 26 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:21,760 seconds and rate yourself in these categories. 27 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,480 The first number that comes to mind. 28 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:28,640 So rate your alignment one to 10 in career, relationship and 29 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:30,360 identity. And here's the rule. 30 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:34,320 Anything under 7 is actually a yellow flag, but it doesn't mean 31 00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:36,680 you have to panic. It's more so just data that you 32 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:40,400 can take in for yourself. It's a good exercise to check in 33 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,200 with yourself because then you can see how aligned or 34 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,840 misaligned you are in those three categories. 35 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:47,440 Yeah. And actually my favorite 36 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,080 framework is the 12 month projection framework where you 37 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:53,080 think ahead and you say if I were to do everything and 38 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:56,280 continue on this path in 12 months, would I be happy? 39 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:59,360 We use that self reflection question in all different parts 40 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,760 of our decision making, like in work, in our career and in our 41 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,480 relationships. So as you're listening, don't 42 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,160 just nod along. Pick one exercise and do it. 43 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,000 OK, let's get into it. The first thing we're going to 44 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,280 talk about is the symptoms of settling. 45 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:15,680 Yeah, I think a lot of times people think settling is 46 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:18,560 something that's like, really dramatic, and when you're in it, 47 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,720 you feel terrible, but it doesn't always feel like 48 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,520 straight misery. Sometimes you just feel fine, 49 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:27,240 like you're in a job that you know is going fine, or you're 50 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,640 dating someone that looks perfect on paper but it's not 51 00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:32,760 actually great, or you're shrinking yourself to keep the 52 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:34,000 peace. It's fine. 53 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:39,040 Everything's fine. According to a Harvard Business 54 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:42,960 Review article, 85% of people worldwide feel actively 55 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,600 disengaged at work. And that's not just burnout, 56 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,680 that's people waking up, going through the motions and calling 57 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,240 it a career. And that's settling. 58 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,320 Yeah, I think that's very common for people. 59 00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:58,400 They basically choose something that's comfortable, which is 60 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:00,640 kind of the equivalent of settling, but they don't realize 61 00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:02,840 they're kind of killing off their future self. 62 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,000 Is that dramatic? Kind of. 63 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,560 It's been very dramatic. But it's kind of true. 64 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,000 If you're like looking back on yourself at times when you were 65 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,920 settling, don't you feel like, oh, what was I doing? 66 00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:17,880 I almost like closed off this whole amazing life that I have 67 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:21,160 for myself if I kept going in that path. 68 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:24,440 So how can you figure out if you're settling then? 69 00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:28,240 So the mini exercise is think about where you are today and if 70 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:31,440 you were to continue in this path for the next 12 months, 71 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:33,680 would you be happy with where you end up? 72 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:37,200 And if the answer is no, or if you just feel yourself kind of 73 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:40,400 like shrinking away from the answer and unhappy with it, that 74 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,840 means you're settling. OK, so now that we've talked 75 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:45,280 about how to know if you're settling, we're going to talk 76 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:49,880 about why women and men settle. So high achieving people, 77 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,440 especially women, are trained to endure. 78 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:57,040 We're trained to not want too much, to be grateful and to wait 79 00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:59,040 our turn. And we end up internalizing 80 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,360 that. Oh yeah, and there are so many 81 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:04,400 studies that support this. So the one that comes to mind 82 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:09,120 for me is most recently in 2020, Stanford did the study about 83 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:13,840 women and basically how they put themselves up for promotion or 84 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,680 how they don't put themselves up for promotion. 85 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:18,519 So the take away is that women in leadership consistently 86 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:22,320 underestimate their readiness for promotion, even though 87 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:25,400 objectively for all the women in the study they actually were 88 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:29,440 outperforming their male peers. So it's not just lack of 89 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,680 opportunity for women, a lot of times it's more so this sense of 90 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:36,880 lack of self belief, which is also reinforced by our existing 91 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,320 patriarchal systems. Yeah. 92 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,280 And I think the really hard part about that, and especially about 93 00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:45,520 hearing that study is that settling isn't always like a 94 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:49,000 dramatic thing that you see in the workplace or in your 95 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,240 personal life. It can feel like a like steady 96 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:55,520 drift into settling and not realizing that you're there 97 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:57,080 until you're actually there. Right? 98 00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:58,400 I. Feel like that's actually why 99 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:00,560 it's even more dangerous. Nefarious. 100 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:02,120 Yeah. It's like insidious. 101 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:03,880 Yeah. You don't realize you're 102 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:08,400 settling until you watch this episode and we ask you, are you 103 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,840 settling? Yeah, and it's like an also an 104 00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:13,640 uncomfortable thing, like an uncomfortable conversation to 105 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,960 have with your friends too. Because I think from the 106 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:18,480 outside, if you see one of your friends settling in the 107 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:21,200 workplace or in their like personal lives in a 108 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,080 relationship, it's also a really hard thing to call out. 109 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:25,720 So I don't think it's like talked about, no. 110 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,480 Way no one would ever call someone out for settling. 111 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:31,480 I mean it's even like a harder it's even a hard conversation to 112 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:34,040 have with yourself. Yeah, it actually reminds me of 113 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:38,440 this concept called value drift. And it's this concept that 114 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:42,480 people slowly disconnect with what really matters to them, and 115 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,680 they don't even realize it, but they're feeling all these side 116 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:48,480 effects, which are burnout, resentment and loss of identity. 117 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:51,400 So have you ever called me out on settling before? 118 00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:54,040 Not that I can remember, but it seems like you. 119 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:57,880 Well, I mean, not not like explicitly, but I feel like I've 120 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:02,200 always like, pushed you to do more than you thought you wanted 121 00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:06,120 to do at times, right? But that's not settling. 122 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:09,640 I feel like that's me not knowing my potential or 123 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:12,680 understanding my potential and you widening my horizons. 124 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:17,480 I don't settle. I'm just kidding like some I 125 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:20,360 have in relationships when I didn't realize that like, like I 126 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,920 thought this was a good thing on paper, but then like, you know, 127 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:26,440 in reality it wasn't exactly what I needed or wanted. 128 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:28,960 Yeah, but did I ever call you out? 129 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:32,440 I I can think of one time I sort of called you out for settling 130 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:33,520 Ish. OK. 131 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:35,560 Would you OK? I'm nervous. 132 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,200 Well. No, it was when. 133 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:40,600 Maybe this is again, back to the potential thing, but it was when 134 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:45,640 after you had gotten into Stanford, GSP and you had 135 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:47,200 already LinkedIn. Yeah. 136 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:49,920 And you had the whole summer and I was like, and you had that job 137 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:53,400 offer to work at Bain Capital Ventures, which I was like, 138 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,640 hello, this is incredible. And yeah, like, well, I don't 139 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:58,720 know, like I was planning to just. 140 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:03,460 Create content Yes, I wanted to pursue my content career full 141 00:07:03,460 --> 00:07:05,000 time I thought you. Were just going to hang. 142 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:09,000 No, well, I wanted to create content full time before school 143 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:12,600 started to like, experiment and see if that was a viable career 144 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,240 path. And lo and behold, here we are. 145 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:17,680 But I think to my take at the time was I was like, well, this 146 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:19,680 is an incredible way to create content. 147 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:24,320 Like once you have this internship as AVC intern, like 148 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:27,400 what an amazing way to, you know, show show everyone in the 149 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:28,880 world like what it's like to do this. 150 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:32,360 Yeah, no, I think that's that's as close to calling me out as 151 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:34,400 possible. Have you ever called me out? 152 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,480 Yeah, I have. Do you know what I'm going to 153 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:41,280 say? No, maybe. 154 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:43,160 I don't know. I've only called Gina out once 155 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:46,440 in her life. Yeah, honestly, for settling, 156 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:49,000 and it was with her last relationship. 157 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:55,560 If you see a friend or someone you care about who is settling, 158 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:57,440 it is. And the reason why I said it's a 159 00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:01,240 hard conversation is because it's really hard because one, 160 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:05,280 you don't want them to feel any resentment for you for bringing 161 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,480 something up. That might be like a really hard 162 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:10,160 truth to swallow. Especially when it's a Type 1 163 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:13,360 irreversible decision, which we talked about on one of our other 164 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:14,240 episodes. Yeah. 165 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:18,000 So it was in her last relationship where I I saw some 166 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,600 things, I observed some things and I wanted to bring it up to 167 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,160 Jean. And I did. 168 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,000 And only like maybe once or twice. 169 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:26,200 It wasn't something I brought up on a weekly basis because I knew 170 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:29,080 how the importance and the weight of my words and how to 171 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:31,040 navigate the situation very carefully. 172 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:35,679 So I did bring up and settling wasn't quite how I phrased it, 173 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:38,960 but that's how I felt in the bottom of my heart. 174 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:42,039 So I brought it up to you and how? 175 00:08:42,039 --> 00:08:43,360 Do you phrase it? I don't remember. 176 00:08:43,919 --> 00:08:45,520 Well, I was just like, I'm really concerned. 177 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:47,480 This is coming from a place of concern. 178 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:51,120 I see some things after like, you know, observing time spent 179 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:54,520 with you and this other person. And here are some things that I 180 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,960 just don't think are are good objectively as your sister, as 181 00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:01,560 objective as I can be. And I think you deserve more and 182 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:03,760 better. And it was really, really tough 183 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,080 for me to say and I think even tougher for you to hear, 184 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,960 especially because if your friend or your loved one is 185 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:14,000 settling it's and you want to bring it up, you don't want, you 186 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,800 don't want to be wrong. You know. 187 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:20,040 And like, yeah, yeah. Like if you tell like a friend, 188 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,240 you're like, I think you're settling with the person that 189 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:24,200 you're about to marry and they end up marrying that person. 190 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:25,880 And like you have to go to the wedding and see. 191 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,520 Them. That was a close one. 192 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:29,960 That was a close one. We did get engaged. 193 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:33,080 Yeah, but like that's also just not easy in it of itself. 194 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,120 Like that's not a good conversation or like a fun 195 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:39,720 conversation to have. But I also think it's also kind 196 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:43,160 of saying like, not that I don't trust you, but I you might have 197 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,760 a blind spot. That's what was really hard 198 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:47,040 about it. I trust you to make the 199 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,800 decision, but this is something you might not see that I'm 200 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,600 seeing from the outside. That's why it was hard. 201 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:55,760 I mean, it's also hard in general because it's probably 202 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,720 something they don't want to confront about themselves. 203 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:01,120 I mean, it's, it must be, yeah. Yeah. 204 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:05,400 Fun. Times. 205 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:10,520 Really fun times. So yeah, this podcast is real 206 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:13,040 personal. Well. 207 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,680 It was a happy ending in the end. 208 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:21,680 And I think another reason why, like myself and a lot of people 209 00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:24,160 don't actually confront it is because it's been shown that 210 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:27,080 high achievers are very good at rationalizing. 211 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:30,520 And so I wrote down some of the lines that people say. 212 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:34,680 So I'm lucky to have this. It's not that bad. 213 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:39,120 Everyone would kill for this job or this relationship. 214 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,160 Yeah. So like if you've ever heard 215 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:44,240 yourself saying those those words to yourself or like 216 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,960 thinking them in your head, it might be another sign that 217 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:50,040 you're settling and you're not admitting it to yourself yet. 218 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:51,960 Yeah. And I think it's really hard. 219 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:55,280 One thing that we talked about a few minutes ago was that, like, 220 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:58,800 if everything looks good from the outside, like if it looks 221 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:01,480 right on paper, yes. If everything you know is like, 222 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:05,120 beautiful and like, shiny and Instagramable, yeah, it's even 223 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:08,080 harder to let that go because there's that cognitive 224 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:10,160 dissonance of like, it looks good, but it doesn't. 225 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:11,320 Feel good? Yes. 226 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,600 And what do other people think and perceive? 227 00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:17,640 OK, so I have another example that is not about my love life, 228 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:20,160 it's about my work life. Can you make it about your love 229 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:21,120 life? Just kidding. 230 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:25,000 You know, so my other example is just my last job where, you 231 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,240 know, finally I had worked so hard. 232 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:30,760 I had, you know, worked 15 years in my career to get to this 233 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,640 dream job. So like if you had told me, you 234 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,680 know, five years ago, 10 years ago, that I was going to be the 235 00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:39,240 head of product for augmented reality shopping and 236 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:42,640 monetization at Snapchat, I would have been like, holy shit, 237 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:43,560 like what? That's insane. 238 00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:46,880 That's my dream job. But like, by the time I was like 239 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:52,400 actually in that role and in earnest doing that role, I was, 240 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,680 I was really disengaged by the end like I was. 241 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:58,680 Like 85% of the worldwide population is actively 242 00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:01,040 disengaged, according to Harvard Business Review. 243 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:04,360 But no, it's it was crazy. Like I I almost couldn't even 244 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:06,120 reconcile it with myself because. 245 00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:07,280 You worked so hard to get there I. 246 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:10,040 Worked so hard to get there. And then finally I was in this 247 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:15,240 position where honestly, I was doing less actual work than I 248 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:19,200 had ever done in my entire life. Like, a lot of my, my job was 249 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,560 just to like, tell people what to do and like, you know, try to 250 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,560 make things happen, etcetera, which is hard in and of itself. 251 00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:27,280 But it was less like actual work than I'd ever done. 252 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:31,440 But I was so tired from it. Like I was so, so drained. 253 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:35,360 And I couldn't figure out why. Yeah, I mean, I think I knew 254 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:37,880 deep down, but again, I wasn't admitting it to myself. 255 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:40,600 Yeah, because of the shiny exterior, because of the title, 256 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,080 because of the pay, because I'd. Worked because I'd worked so 257 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:45,040 hard to get there. Some cost. 258 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:47,600 Yeah, yeah. Kind of when you're there, when 259 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,600 you've been working so hard to get there and your head's down, 260 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:53,800 it's just like, now what? Well, and also, like, in my 261 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:57,440 instance, I felt like I had sort of like, defied all the odds to 262 00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,840 get there, too. Like I felt like I had to, yeah, 263 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:03,240 like fight tooth and nail and like, fight against a lot of 264 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,720 things. The Patriarch being one of them. 265 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,560 Wasn't going to say it again, but yeah. 266 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,680 Yeah. And we have a mini exercise to 267 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:14,240 help you figure out if you're settling and why. 268 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:17,680 So the mini exercise for this section is to complete the 269 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:21,160 sentence. I'm scared to walk away because 270 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,440 because when you finish the sentence, your fear will show 271 00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:27,640 where you've tied your worth and once you name and label it, it 272 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,600 can make it much easier to figure out if you are actually 273 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,320 settling. OK, so Next up is the science of 274 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:35,840 why we stay too long. Right after this quick break, 275 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,880 this episode of Tiger Sisters is brought to you by Reed. 276 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,760 AI, yes, and it's not just another note taker. 277 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:46,320 It's like an AI AI copilot that can read, transcribe and 278 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:50,440 summarize your meeting notes. It reads the energy and vibe of 279 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:53,480 your meetings to give you the next smart steps. 280 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:55,120 I'm. Obsessed because it's like 281 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,960 having a chief of staff that manages your inbox, your work 282 00:13:57,960 --> 00:13:59,960 meetings, basically your entire. Work life. 283 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,120 Yeah. Last week I missed a meeting and 284 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,520 I was able to type. What did I miss And read? 285 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:08,520 AI was able to give me the top takeaways, the key points and 286 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,800 also the sentiment. It was kind of like magic. 287 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:15,680 And it works across Gmail, Teams, Notion, Salesforce, Zoom, 288 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,560 basically wherever you do your work. 289 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,720 And you know me, I never give apps access to my Gmail because 290 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:23,160 that's super private. But I actually made an exception 291 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:26,800 for Read AI because I personally know the founder, David Shim, 292 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,880 because we used to work together at Snapchat. 293 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:32,040 And you guys might remember we actually interviewed David Shim 294 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,800 on Season 3 of Tiger Sisters when he was talking about his 295 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:38,840 new startup, which is actually. Read AI and now Read has over 4 296 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:41,440 million users. Wow, wow. 297 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:45,520 And they're giving Tiger Sisters listeners a 30 day enterprise 298 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:50,080 trial, which is worth $30 and that does not require a credit 299 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:52,400 card to sign up. We don't know how long this 30 300 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:55,600 day free offer is going to last, so if you're at all curious, try 301 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:56,520 it right now. Go to 302 00:14:56,520 --> 00:15:02,840 www.read.aislashtigersisters for a free 30 day extended trial and 303 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:03,960 you don't need to put in your credit. 304 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:06,440 Card sign up through our link because then they'll know that 305 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,840 we sent you. We're obsessed with Read AI and 306 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:10,160 we think you're going to love it too. 307 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:13,320 And we're back. So let's talk about a term 308 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:17,840 called cognitive dissonance, which was first coined in a 1957 309 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,240 Stanford study. And it's about the feeling that 310 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:24,360 you have in your mind and your body when your actions don't 311 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:28,240 align with your values. So when you value growth but you 312 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:32,040 stay in a job that you hate or a relationship that you know 313 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:35,840 that's not right for you, your body and your brain signals 314 00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:39,160 distress. That's why you get irritable. 315 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,920 That's why you have anxiety. It's literally your body telling 316 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,160 you something is not right here. Right. 317 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:48,200 And the question of why we stay too long, a lot of it can be 318 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,920 answered by the things we've talked about already. 319 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:54,960 So fear of regret, some cost fallacy and external validation. 320 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:58,200 Like everyone thinks this job is so amazing, Like everyone thinks 321 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:01,520 my relationship is so great. Those are like the main reasons. 322 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,720 So one way to think about it, if you're afraid of leaving, what 323 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:08,800 if you were afraid of staying? It could be much more scary or 324 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:13,640 dangerous in the long term. So next we have another mini 325 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,840 exercise and I'm really excited about this one. 326 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:20,680 OK, So this one is to rate your alignment on a scale of 1 to 10 327 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:25,040 in three different areas, career, relationships and your 328 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:28,640 personal identity. And anything under A7 is 329 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:33,240 actually a beige to red flag to sort of re evaluate that area. 330 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,600 This is actually something that I do quite often. 331 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,200 It's not like a monthly activity, but maybe like every, 332 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:42,760 I try to do it every three months or every quarter just to 333 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:46,960 feel like, to ask myself, like, am I In Sync with what's going 334 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:48,880 on in my life? Is everything like in 335 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:51,320 homeostasis? And oftentimes the answer is no. 336 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,920 Like sometimes I'm feeling like, you know, in my relationship, 337 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:56,240 I'm not like 100. I'm not like 10 out of 10. 338 00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:59,200 If I am a 7 out of 10, like, then I like, I'm like, wait, why 339 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:02,320 do I even feel that way? Like, what is the reason? 340 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:05,040 And I can dig deeper. Excuse me, God bless you. 341 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:10,680 And I can dig deeper if I have like the mental capacity to, the 342 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:13,680 time to and the willingness to. And that's OK if I don't right 343 00:17:13,839 --> 00:17:16,680 at that point, but it's just making sure I ask myself. 344 00:17:16,839 --> 00:17:20,800 Excuse me, she can dig deeper. Dig deeper. 345 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,280 I didn't. I didn't realize you did it so 346 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:24,079 often. Yeah. 347 00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:26,800 You must be in the like top 1% of people who are. 348 00:17:27,319 --> 00:17:32,000 Probably. Who are like re evaluating 349 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:35,920 themselves if you do it every quarter, yeah, that's a lot. 350 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,400 But yeah, I don't even need this mini exercise. 351 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:41,040 It sounds like a lot, but it doesn't have to be a lot. 352 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,240 It doesn't have to be like you sit down for like an hour and a 353 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:45,720 half and like journal for all that time and meditate. 354 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,280 No, it's kind of just like asking yourself like, am I happy 355 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:51,720 in my career right now And like being OK that like the answer 356 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:55,080 can be no and it doesn't have to be like yes, I'm so happy all 357 00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:56,280 the time. Like life is great. 358 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:59,200 Like it's OK that the answer is no, but then asking yourself 359 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,760 afterwards, like a follow up, like why is it no? 360 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,840 Like are there things that I can because I want to be happy? 361 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:08,480 Are there things that I can do to make it better for myself? 362 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:10,640 And are there things that are within my control or is it out 363 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:12,320 of my control? Or is this seasonal? 364 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:15,560 Like it's OK to ask those questions and like have an 365 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,240 answer that you're not satisfied with. 366 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:17,920 Right. Yeah. 367 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:21,200 So just like the mini exercise, I just described that, that's 368 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,480 what I'm saying. I like doing that. 369 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,200 Yeah, that's cool. Yeah. 370 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,880 It's something you are already doing. 371 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:28,720 Yeah, as a practice in your life. 372 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:31,040 Yeah. OK, so now we've talked about 373 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:34,880 the symptoms of settling, why people settle, and why we stay 374 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:37,000 for too long. Now let's talk about how to know 375 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,320 if it's actually time to move on. 376 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:41,640 So you know it's time to move on when you ask yourself these 377 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:45,440 three questions. The 1st is, does this version of 378 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,840 me only exist to serve other people's comfort? 379 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:54,000 The second is, am I becoming someone that I admire? 380 00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:58,120 And the third is, would the woman I want to be say yes to 381 00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,560 this? These are pretty intense 382 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,840 questions. They're big questions, yeah. 383 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:07,360 And what if the answer is no? Then you have your answer, and I 384 00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:09,720 think that's a very good thing to understand about yourself. 385 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:13,720 These are not questions I think to shy away from. 386 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:18,240 It's scary, but it's only for the better that you know. 387 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:21,960 And actually, we have this great case study about someone that I 388 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:25,720 think she probably asked herself these questions and it's about 389 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:28,680 Reese Witherspoon who founded Hollow Sunshine, which is a 390 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,560 company that we really look up to. 391 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:34,160 And we think that, you know, Tiger Sisters can eventually be 392 00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:37,480 in that ilk. But the story behind Reese is 393 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:41,680 that she obviously was this incredibly talented and super 394 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:46,480 commercially successful actor, and she kind of sort of like 395 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:49,480 threw that all away to start Hello Sunshine because she 396 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:52,920 wanted to create roles and wanted to work with people that 397 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:54,720 were telling stories that she cared about. 398 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:58,040 So like mostly women? Yeah, and I really love this 399 00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:01,440 story of Hello Sunshine one because it's super successful 400 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:02,960 now. So it's like fun to look at a 401 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:06,680 success story, but also that it was born out of. 402 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,640 Kind of like a problem that broke her heart in the way that 403 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:13,720 like, there weren't roles that she was getting that she wanted 404 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:16,240 to play. And so if that's not in the 405 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:19,320 environment that she's in, she created an environment and 406 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:21,880 created a game that she wanted to play herself. 407 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,520 And I think that's so cool, yeah. 408 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:26,640 So she was like, I want to create this version of Hollywood 409 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:29,200 that I want to be in. Like she was like, we're getting 410 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,920 away from the place that I want to work. 411 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,320 Yeah, she was anti settling. Yeah. 412 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,480 You know, she, she like, realized that it was not what 413 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:40,200 she wanted and she did something really big about it and created 414 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:41,840 like a massively successful studio. 415 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,720 Yeah, it actually reminds me of this other like concept I'll 416 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,360 just talk about really quickly, which is that this idea of like 417 00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:49,600 zone of excellence versus zone of genius. 418 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,960 So she obviously was in her zone of excellence because she was an 419 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:56,320 award-winning actor, but she wasn't in her zone of genius 420 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:59,320 because she wasn't doing something that she really like, 421 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,520 cared about and wanted to dedicate her life to. 422 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:06,360 So she sort of like, threw it all away and started anew, doing 423 00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:07,400 something she'd never done before. 424 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:10,720 Be a founder, be a producer, be a director. 425 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:15,600 It's really incredible. And on this idea of zone of 426 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:19,400 excellence, I think it sounds like a good thing, but it can be 427 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:23,960 quietly like nefarious. Because if you are really good 428 00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:27,120 at something and it looks shiny, kind of like we were saying 429 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:30,160 before, shiny and good on the outside, you're like excelling 430 00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,360 in a field that other people are looking up to you for. 431 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:36,360 But if you do not feel fulfilled or feel like you are in your 432 00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:40,480 zone of genius at the same time, it can be really easy to then 433 00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:43,040 settle. One quote I like is sometimes 434 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:46,080 power means letting go of the thing you've built to build 435 00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:49,600 something even bigger. And I think the reason I like it 436 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,640 is because it's about you. It's about me. 437 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:52,920 I feel like that's what I've done. 438 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:58,280 Like I sort of threw away this 15 year long, really successful 439 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:02,760 corporate career to start over with just the two of us and 440 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:06,000 build this thing that I've never done before, like I'd never been 441 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,400 on camera before this. Hopefully I'm doing OK job. 442 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,120 Leave a comment below. Please give her success like 443 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,640 give her comments. Give her. 444 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:17,280 Compliments and comments on how she's, you know, doing well. 445 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,040 They mean a lot and she reads all of them honestly. 446 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:22,760 I really do. She needs the help with the 447 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:26,440 validation. I do the validation, but yeah, 448 00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,840 that's what it really resonates with me, that one. 449 00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:33,320 So the last mini exercise for this video is to write a letter 450 00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:37,480 to yourself, but imagine that it's coming from you five years 451 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,200 in the future. What did she have to let go of 452 00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:43,960 to become who she is now? And I really like this exercise. 453 00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,400 This is just like write a mini letter doesn't have to be long. 454 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,920 I've done a couple of like meditation and like 455 00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:54,320 manifestation exercises, yes, where I literally like close my 456 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:57,920 eyes and I imagine myself in the future. 457 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,480 I imagine what I look like. I imagine the house that I'm in, 458 00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:03,800 I'm in. It's an amazing exercise and it 459 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,120 was a guided meditation and it like made me like burst out into 460 00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:10,960 tears because your future self is asking your current your way. 461 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,440 So your current self is asking your future self a bunch of 462 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:16,320 questions and future me is so knowledgeable. 463 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:20,800 She's calm and she's. Amazing skin. 464 00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:26,800 Confident and it's really powerful to do this exercise 465 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:30,880 because then you can kind of see what can be if you are not 466 00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:34,400 afraid of going out of your comfort zone and doing, you know 467 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:37,080 the hard reflections that we've kind of prompted you guys to do 468 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,720 in this video. So I think if you can write a 469 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,880 letter to yourself, imagine kind of your greatness, like step 470 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,280 into that power. Imagine your greatness in five 471 00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,280 years because it's there. It's like you have all the 472 00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,120 answers with it within you, inside you. 473 00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:53,520 Do that exercise and I think you'll you'll learn some things 474 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:56,600 about yourself that you might not realize like this very 475 00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,200 second. Should Sharif be a motivational 476 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:02,960 speaker? That was really good, isn't? 477 00:24:03,120 --> 00:24:06,120 It yeah, I believe in, I think these exercises are so helpful 478 00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:07,800 for mindset. Yeah, yeah. 479 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:10,440 And feeling grounded and realizing what you want. 480 00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:12,800 Yeah. OK. 481 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,720 And the very last part is just some really quick practical 482 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:18,880 steps to stop settling. You don't need to blow up your 483 00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:21,640 entire life, but you do need to start listening to your 484 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,560 intuition and your gut. And you could do this with just 485 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:27,320 starting with micro moves, doesn't have to be a huge thing. 486 00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:32,240 So you can book an exploratory call or ask yourself these 487 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,840 uncomfortable questions from the many exercises. 488 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:37,960 Or, you know, spend an hour acting like the version of 489 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,240 yourself who knows exactly what she wants. 490 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,800 I think if you're watching this episode and you decided to open 491 00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:46,920 this up, like I think your gut already knows that you are 492 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:50,640 settling in some part of your life, Let this episode give you 493 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:52,480 permission to do something about it. 494 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:56,360 Like I think it's even worse to just sit back, feel that you're 495 00:24:56,360 --> 00:24:58,560 settling, know that you're settling and literally not do 496 00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:00,840 anything about it. Like take one of these many 497 00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:02,880 exercises. Maybe it's 5 minutes, maybe it's 498 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,280 10 minutes. Like think about it and then do 499 00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:08,000 something to then kind of bring yourself like give yourself a 500 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,480 little momentum to like take the first step to get unstuck and 501 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:14,040 then to stop settling. I'm going to give the listeners 502 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:17,280 a little bit of grace actually, and say that like a lot of 503 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:20,480 times, sometimes I think the hardest thing to do is actually 504 00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:22,480 admit to yourself that you're settling. 505 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:26,800 Like, I think for me, that's a step that took years in some 506 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:30,880 cases perhaps. And so I think if that's 507 00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:34,040 something that you haven't even done yet, that might be the most 508 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:38,720 important thing that you can do. That is sort of the the output 509 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:40,400 or the next step of this episode, right? 510 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:44,640 Like actually admit it to yourself and like fully embody 511 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:46,080 that. And then like bookmark the 512 00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:49,160 episode. Come back to the episode in a 513 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:52,360 few days or a week, or once you've like really settled with 514 00:25:52,360 --> 00:25:55,800 that sort of realization in your body, come back to the episode 515 00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:57,600 and then do all the mini exercises. 516 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,440 What is this good cop, bad cop? Why did I have? 517 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:02,440 Why did I have to give the tough love? 518 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,000 And then you have to give the nice advice so. 519 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:05,640 Next time I'll give a tough love. 520 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:09,440 OK, It's just our styles. You're mean and I'm nice. 521 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,920 No. Yeah. 522 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:15,520 And so I mean, be that as it may, like, yes, I was just the 523 00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:19,960 good cop, but I do still want to say and give some realism here 524 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:23,040 that like, think about yourself in a year, in five years, in 10 525 00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:26,000 years, if you're looking back and you're like, hey, I'm still 526 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:29,000 in the same place in this specific area that I feel like 527 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:30,720 I've been settling. Would you be happy with 528 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:32,400 yourself? No, right. 529 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,640 So take whatever first step it is for you, whether it's 530 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,800 actually acknowledging to yourself that you're settling or 531 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:40,840 doing all these mini exercises and taking the action to break 532 00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:44,360 out of your sort of settling mode and and do it today. 533 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:49,840 I think the scariest thing is a future of regret, regret for 534 00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:52,880 having not done something. So I think today is probably the 535 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,720 day to like, if you feel like you are stuck or you are 536 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,600 settling, like do something today. 537 00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:01,360 Take that first step so that you don't feel that regret in the 538 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:03,640 next year, in five years and in 10 years. 539 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:07,120 And honestly, with with hard things like getting unstuck, 540 00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:10,680 it's not going to be easy. It's gonna get like life gets 541 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,560 hard when you make a big change in your life, life gets harder 542 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:15,640 before it gets easier. If you need to go through a 543 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,840 breakup, going through that process says going through a 544 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:21,000 breakup, life sucks for a little bit and then it gets easier. 545 00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:24,040 If you're changing jobs, life sucks for a little bit and then 546 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:25,920 it gets easier. And so I realized it is going to 547 00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:27,120 be hard. But that's something you should 548 00:27:27,120 --> 00:27:30,680 confront now because in the next year, five year, 10 years, you 549 00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,240 won't regret it. Thank you for that, Cherie. 550 00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,760 And don't do this alone. A lot of people, well, Gene and 551 00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:41,200 I have like personal board of advisors. 552 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:43,480 So that like when we're, you know, having these existential 553 00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:46,880 questions which are pretty hard to answer, like you can call 554 00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:49,280 someone up, call a friend up, have this conversation with 555 00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:51,840 them. And also, as we said before, we 556 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:54,800 read every single comment and we'd love to see, you know, some 557 00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,720 of you guys move through these mini exercises, any questions 558 00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:00,040 that you guys have and how you're thinking through these 559 00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:02,280 things. And we'll read through them and 560 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:03,680 try to answer as many as possible. 561 00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:05,320 Yeah. Treat the comments section like 562 00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:07,040 your board of advisors. True. 563 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:10,240 Thank you guys so much for tuning in to this episode of The 564 00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:13,240 Tiger Sisters. If you found it helpful, please 565 00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:16,360 make sure to like, comment, and subscribe. 566 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:20,560 And when you subscribe, you get notified when a new episode is 567 00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:22,680 released. Yes, and if you have some 568 00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:25,680 friends who you think they might be settling or playing small or 569 00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:27,960 not selling at all, but you would just want to share Tiger 570 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,920 Sisters with them, then please share this episode with them. 571 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:34,800 And we'd so appreciate it if you can give us a five star review 572 00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:38,920 on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It takes literally 3 seconds and 573 00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:41,280 it helps Tiger sisters get discovered. 574 00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:44,720 Yes, and if you have 10 seconds, actually write a review, because 575 00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,200 I've heard that those also make a huge difference in people 576 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:48,840 deciding to listen to the episodes. 577 00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:51,320 Thanks guys. We'll see you next time. 578 00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:53,000 Thanks. Bye. 579 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:55,480 OK. So watching that episode, it's 580 00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:58,520 kind of crazy to see because it's still so relevant. 581 00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:02,000 Yeah, In the last six months, I've been so much better at kind 582 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:05,040 of catching myself when I'm settling, even when it's 583 00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:07,080 something really small. Like I'm just being like, oh, 584 00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:09,000 like this is fine. And I'm just being sort of like 585 00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:12,120 non confrontational now. I notice it ever since we did 586 00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:14,480 this episode. And one of the biggest things 587 00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,840 that I've learned since recording this episode is that 588 00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:20,080 your body feels it before your brain does, like that cognitive 589 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:22,960 dissonance, uncomfortable feeling that lets you know that 590 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:25,720 you're actually settling. So if you felt kind of like a 591 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:28,280 tightness in your chest or just like a little bit uncomfortable 592 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:31,160 as you were listening to this episode, take note of that. 593 00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:33,360 That is information you can act on. 594 00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:36,440 And don't ignore that information or that data from 595 00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:37,960 yourself. And if you're listening in 596 00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:41,040 January, take advantage of that clean slate energy. 597 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:44,360 Pick one exercise from the episode and and do it this week. 598 00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:46,920 And like we mentioned in the episode, make sure you're 599 00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:49,960 subscribed to Tiger Sisters and you leave us a five star review. 600 00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:54,320 It only takes a few seconds to do and it really helps with the 601 00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:57,280 growth and survival of Tiger Sisters podcast. 602 00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:00,520 And next week, we're back with a brand new episode to kick off 603 00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:02,400 the season. We'll see you then. 604 00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:03,080 Bye.