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Never in a million years did I 
think I would say this. 

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I am so effing grateful for my 
ex. 

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You don't get the luxury of a 
normal breakup when you still 

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share the same Slack channel. 
I'm not even 33, I'm 30 and I'm 

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imagining one of my 33 year old 
friends I know going on a date 

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or the 20 with a 20 year old. 
I'd be like, excuse me if one of

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my guy friends did that. 
I'd be like, you are no longer 

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my guy friend, because that's 
just. 

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He played in my face. 
That's crazy. 

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And you kind of just went with 
it. 

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You weren't there for the 
Japanese bonds conversation. 

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And thank God I wasn't. 
I would have told you to beat 

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it. 
These hoes ain't. 

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Loyal. 
I'm Cherie, I'm Jean, and we're 

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the Tiger Sisters. 
We are your Wall Street and 

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Silicon Valley big. 
Sisters and we're a top ten 

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business podcast bringing late 
night sister talk meets 

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boardroom strategy. 
Buckle up, Tiger fam. 

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Today is a juicy episode where 
we're diving in to the top five 

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lessons that we've learned from 
our exes. 

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Because today's episode is a 
little bit different than what 

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we usually talk about on money, 
power and career, and we're 

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actually honing in on the love 
angle of our show. 

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We're diving deep into the 
mistakes, the red flags we 

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ignored, and the things that we 
wish people had told us earlier.

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Because chances are, you've been
there too, and we want to help 

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you save time and energy and get
your love life. 

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Relationships are one of the 
biggest forces in a person's 

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life, and they can affect you 
emotionally, financially, and 

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even professionally. 
So today we are combining our 

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own personal lived experience 
with research and psychology to 

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give you the top five lessons 
we've learned from our exes. 

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You can think of this episode as
a public service announcement to

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our younger selves. 
And as Jean said, we don't 

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normally talk strictly about 
love, but money, power, love, 

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career, these things are all 
super intertwined because let's 

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be real, money is emotional and 
love can also be strategic. 

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So these things come together 
and we're excited to dive in 

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today. 
And the way you know this is a 

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Tiger Sister special is because 
for each love lesson, there is 

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also a business lesson. 
So lesson #1 is do not put 

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anyone on a pedestal. 
This is a lesson that Gene and I

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have actually both had to learn 
the hard way. 

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Gene, could you please share a 
little bit more? 

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Absolutely. 
So the first thing I'll say is 

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that once you've decided someone
is extraordinary in your brain, 

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you kind of start editing out 
all the reasons why they're not 

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extraordinary and you continue 
to convince yourself that they 

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are extraordinary. 
So let me tell you guys a little

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story about this guy who cheated
on me. 

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Guys, this is a true candid 
moment because Gina's actually 

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never told me this before, so 
I'm hearing it for the first 

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time as you guys are hearing it.
So Sheree knows this guy. 

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She's met him, obviously, 
because he was my boyfriend. 

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But you were really young. 
I mean I was in high. 

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School. 
Yeah. 

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So like, I wasn't going to tell 
you this when you were in high 

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school. 
It wasn't relevant. 

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To you, why not? 
I wanted to know the team maybe.

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You had to like study for your 
Sats. 

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OK, fair. 
I couldn't distract you but OK. 

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So the story is this is a guy 
that I dated obviously a long 

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time ago and he was my 
boyfriend. 

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And early on in the 
relationship, I found out that 

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he when he was younger, he had 
cancer and he obviously went 

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through a huge ordeal and he 
beat cancer. 

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So in my mind, that was kind of 
the defining fact about him, 

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right? 
That was like his story. 

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And of course, I didn't realize 
this at the time, but I 

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immediately put him on a 
pedestal in my mind. 

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I was like, Oh my God, he is so 
mature. 

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He knows so much about life 
because he has beat cancer, 

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right? 
Like he knows what's important 

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and I really just like looked up
to him as a default. 

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Yeah, once you put someone on a 
pedestal, it's really hard to 

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see them in a different light, 
no matter what they do. 

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Oh, absolutely. 
So the fact that he had faced 

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his mortality, it kind of 
colored every single thing about

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him. 
So in reality, he was a very 

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playful but also incredibly 
immature guy. 

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And even like he would say 
things to me. 

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He literally said to me like, 
oh, I just always assumed I 

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would die at the age of 24. 
So that's how I live my life. 

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So like, he was kind of a crazy 
guy. 

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Like he would do all these wild 
things, but I would just totally

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ignore it because the prevailing
principle or fact about him in 

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my head was that he beat cancer.
He's so mature, like, and 

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everything he did in the face of
that, that was is extremely 

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immature. 
I would just ignore, you know, 

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and then he did turn out to be 
unfortunately extremely 

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manipulative guy. 
And he would say all these 

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things to me. 
Like I don't think I even told 

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you this, but you know, once he 
said to me you would be perfect 

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at 112 lbs, which was a total a 
number he totally pulled out of 

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his ass. 
That's so weird. 

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He didn't even know how much I 
weighed. 

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Like I never even told him he 
just made-up that number. 

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Weird, right? 
Isn't that so weird? 

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And like all these other things,
like he quit his job and so he 

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was going to work from home. 
This was before working from 

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home was a thing. 
So he tried to convince me to 

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also quit my job so that I could
work from home with him. 

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Like, odd. 
So odd. 

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And, like, very manipulative. 
And like I mentioned earlier, he

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cheated on me. 
So the irony is that this was a 

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guy who, while I was dating him,
all my friends would be like, 

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you are so out of his league. 
Like, that's not something that 

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people really say. 
So when they say it, they mean 

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it. 
They really mean it. 

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Yeah. 
But I just could never see it 

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because I'd always put him on 
this pedestal of, like, this 

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amazing mature guy who beat 
cancer. 

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Yeah. 
That's really he, I mean, 

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unfortunate. 
And I didn't know that he 

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cheated on you. 
Which also adds just like, fuel 

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to the fire of all the other red
flags that had so on. 

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Yeah. 
It was in my face too, because 

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he the person he cheated on me 
with was an ex-girlfriend and I 

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thought they were just friends. 
So I like didn't I knew it was 

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his ex-girlfriend, but I was 
like whatever, I'm like chill 

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girl and I'm not really a 
jealous person naturally. 

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So like I didn't care that they 
were hanging out, but he like 

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brought her around. 
I like lent her a dress of mine 

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00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:06,840
to wit. 
I know that's crazy. 

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00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:09,880
I knew this really beautiful 
designer dress to like wear to 

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this formal we all went to. 
Wait. 

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That's insane. 
I know, I know. 

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He played in my face. 
That's crazy. 

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And you kind of just went with 
it. 

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I know because like, I'm a, I'm 
naturally a very trusting 

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person. 
Yeah. 

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And because I assigned this like
really high level of morality to

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him for kind of not no reason, 
but. 

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A reason of the past, like 
something that doesn't have to 

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00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:35,760
do with him in the present 
state. 

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Yeah, exactly. 
So please guys learn from my 

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mistake. 
OK, also, I know who this person

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is, and I will say about a 
decade later, I was in San 

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Francisco and I saw this weirdo 
guy who cheated on Gene. 

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I guess now that I know that he 
cheated, but this weirdo guy at 

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a club when I'm like, I'm 
literally, you know, 10 years 

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younger than you. 
What are you doing at the same 

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00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,280
club as me? 
Like you're weird and old and 

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creepy and I'm like here with my
cute friends. 

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And so I'm just like, no, no, so
I have that. 

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00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,960
I have that to share. 
So I think the lesson here 

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applied to love is that 
pedestals are dangerous. 

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Putting someone on a pedestal 
because you fell in love with 

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the story of them, which is what
I did. 

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I fell in love with this guy, 
and his kind of hero narrative 

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is something that can totally 
cloud your judgement for the 

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duration of your relationship. 
I just think putting people on 

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pedestals is really dangerous in
love and also in your career 

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too. 
In the professional world, if 

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you have a mentor or a manager, 
especially if you're very early 

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00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,160
on in your career, you can be 
like, this person is so amazing,

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I really look up to them. 
But in reality, they're just a 

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person and they have faults of 
their own that might come out in

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the workplace or that might be 
in their personal lives as well.

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So like, putting people on 
pedestals sets you up for 

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disappointment, which is sure to
come. 

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And I don't even mean that in 
like a bad way, but like, yeah, 

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you will be disappointed. 
So just don't put someone on a 

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pedestal and expect them to live
out this grand vision you have 

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for them. 
And the business lesson here is 

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around the decision making 
lesson. 

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In the business world, this is 
called the Halo effect. 

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It's when one impressive trait 
outshines all the other red 

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flags that someone might have. 
So in Jean's case, it's, you 

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know, her ex who survived cancer
but also cheated on her and also

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said all these like extremely 
manipulative and egregious 

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statements that don't excuse 
like it doesn't excuse his 

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behavior. 
Also, if someone is super 

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charismatic in the workplace, 
you know, they're great on 

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stage, they have great presence.
It's really easy to be charmed 

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by them or really look up to 
them. 

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But I think just like grounded 
in reality, like everyone has 

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faults and don't look up to 
people because they will end up 

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disappointing you. 
Yeah, this is truly the Tiger 

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Sisters special because you are 
relating, you're taking my 

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trauma and my love lesson and 
applying it to business. 

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Because you're right. 
This is something that I think 

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people put business people on 
pedestals all the time, 

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especially in the founder world,
right? 

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00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:07,280
Like founders of startups, like 
think about Elizabeth Holmes, 

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00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:11,000
right, of Theranos or Adam 
Newman of We Work. 

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00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:13,760
They were kind of held up as 
these almost like God and 

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00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:17,320
Goddess like people who they're 
like, wow, I can't believe they 

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00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:19,600
like came up with this business 
structure where they came up 

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with this invention and all the 
other red flags. 

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Think about all the things that 
were came out afterwards, about 

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the way that they acted within 
their companies and everyone 

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00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:32,160
just ignored them. 
Well, also the fact that like 

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00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:35,040
Elizabeth Holmes, like went to 
Stanford and dropped out 

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00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:38,560
following the similar path of 
like Mark Zuckerberg, who 

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00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:40,960
dropped out and then Steve Jobs 
who dropped out. 

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00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,800
Like they're like, wait, this is
a pattern that we can recognize.

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00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,840
Let's ignore all the other red 
flags. 

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00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:48,800
Even I think her like 
documentary or maybe it wasn't a

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00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,680
document. 
The movie made about her, the TV

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00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:52,320
show made about her is called 
The Dropout. 

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00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:53,960
Like that's what people focused 
on. 

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00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:59,880
And it was this like pedigree 
that they held so highly when 

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00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:03,120
they should have done a lot more
diligence on the background. 

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00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:06,160
Pattern matching facts. 
Yeah, exactly. 

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00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:11,000
And so I guess to wrap up this 
section, be very careful of the 

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00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:15,440
pedestal effect and the Halo 
effect and know yourself. 

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00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:17,720
Yeah. 
So I think the take away here is

209
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:22,040
that often times when the story 
gets too good, people stop doing

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00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:25,200
their diligence, whether it's 
emotional diligence in a 

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00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:28,280
relationship or investor 
diligence in business. 

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00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:31,160
So Sheree, how do you think 
about your checkings and savings

213
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:33,720
account? 
Because for me, checkings is 

214
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,520
money that I need to use in the 
next three to four months and 

215
00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:39,440
then savings is everything after
that, like long term. 

216
00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:42,360
And because of that, I feel like
most of us don't think about the

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00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:44,520
interest that we could be 
earning on those accounts. 

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00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,880
Well, the problem is most banks 
give you next to nothing. 

219
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:50,640
Like a fraction of a percent. 
And all the while they're making

220
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:53,840
money off of your deposits. 
So that's where today's sponsor 

221
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:56,760
Sofi comes in. 
When you open a Sofi checkings 

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00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:59,480
and savings account and set up 
direct deposit, you actually 

223
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:03,520
earn a competitive APY and there
are no account fees. 

224
00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:05,880
And that means your money isn't 
just sitting there, it means 

225
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,720
it's working. 
Right, that's the part most 

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00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,920
people miss, having a bank. 
Work for you? 

227
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241
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And now, back to the show. 
To that end, we have a bit of a 

242
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,560
mini exercise for you guys to 
ask the right questions. 

243
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:06,120
Yes. 
So if you find yourself in this 

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00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:08,080
situation, you're listening to 
this part of this podcast and 

245
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:10,640
you're like, oh, shoot, am I 
putting someone on the pedestal?

246
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,520
Here are some questions to 
clarify. 

247
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:16,240
So if you're obsessing over 
someone who has an amazing job 

248
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:19,560
or resume or went to an 
incredible school, ask yourself,

249
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:24,000
do I actually like this person? 
What do I like about them? 

250
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,920
Aside from their resume values, 
the things that we can see on 

251
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:32,000
the surface, have they exhibited
any other traits outside of the 

252
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:35,440
accolades or accomplishments 
that make me independently like 

253
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:39,800
or respect them as a person? 
Or do I just like the idea of 

254
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,640
them? 
So think about why you put them 

255
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,800
on the pedestal. 
What is the prevailing reason 

256
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,360
why you put them on? 
And then think of 

257
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,880
counterfactuals based on their 
actions, right? 

258
00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:51,600
What are actions that they have 
done that either support that or

259
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,280
go against that? 
And then you can kind of like 

260
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:56,280
tally them up and be like, are 
there more actions they've done 

261
00:12:56,400 --> 00:13:00,000
that support this attribute that
I think is their primary 

262
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:03,200
attribute, or are there more 
actions that go against that? 

263
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:08,360
I kind of wish I had done that. 
OK guys, lesson #2 is mind the 

264
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:10,520
age gap. 
Cherie, kick us off. 

265
00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:13,840
OK, so you guys have probably 
heard of the term cougar or 

266
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,080
cradle robber. 
But the thing about age gap 

267
00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:18,880
relationships is that it's not 
necessarily about the years 

268
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:21,640
itself, but it's about the life 
stage that you're in. 

269
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:24,760
And so I have a personal 
anecdote about this because I 

270
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,160
think it's really important to 
talk about. 

271
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:30,960
It's also when you're much 
younger in your in your life and

272
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:34,480
younger than the person in the 
relationship, it has an outsized

273
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,320
impact. 
So this relates to someone I was

274
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:41,920
dating when I was in college my 
sophomore and junior year and 

275
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:45,240
they had already graduated. 
So they were only four years 

276
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:48,400
older than me, which is not that
much in terms of age gap. 

277
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:53,040
But when you are young in 
college, that age gap makes a 

278
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:55,640
pretty big difference. 
So this person was already 

279
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:59,880
graduated from undergrad, they 
had their full time job, we were

280
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:02,480
living in New York City and we 
matched on a dating app, which 

281
00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:04,600
is how that happened. 
But now that I kind of think 

282
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:08,280
about it, I'm just like, you're 
23 years old or 24 years old and

283
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:10,520
you're dating someone in 
college. 

284
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,760
Like now if someone had told me 
that I'm like that's SUS. 

285
00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:16,280
What were you as a junior? 
I was a sophomore slash junior, 

286
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:21,600
so I was 1920 years old. 
And so that's it. 

287
00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:26,560
At that age, the age gap feels 
massive because we are in such 

288
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:30,120
different parts of our life. 
I was still a student going to 

289
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:35,320
classes and he had a full time 
adult job working at a top three

290
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:38,760
consulting firm. 
So in that way, in that way, 

291
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,640
you're laughing. 
But like when Flex, I mean, 

292
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,400
yeah, he worked at a really good
consulting firm and something 

293
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:45,800
that. 
I call it by its name. 

294
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:47,200
I I had. 
McKenzie. 

295
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:52,520
I had always dreamed of working 
at this consulting firm and I 

296
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:55,800
really looked up to him. 
So he was my boyfriend, but also

297
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:58,320
in a very strange way, he was 
also my mentor. 

298
00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:00,280
So I didn't want to let him 
down. 

299
00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:05,320
I would second guess or triple 
guess the things that I said 

300
00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:07,320
being like, Oh my God, did that 
sound stupid. 

301
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:12,760
Also, it didn't help that he 
graduated from Harvard and I 

302
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,640
really looked up to him in that 
way as well. 

303
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:17,000
It was just like, wow, this 
person is so smart and he's 

304
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,080
dating me and he's like helping 
me. 

305
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:22,880
Like honestly, like figure out 
my course in life and figure out

306
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:26,000
my internships. 
And he recommended me to go work

307
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,400
at McKinsey as an intern. 
I didn't end up getting it 

308
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:29,680
because my GPA wasn't high 
enough. 

309
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,800
Well, because you were a 
computer science major. 

310
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:36,560
Yes hello I was a computer 
science major with A-36 GPA 

311
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,480
Deom. 
But when you're up against 

312
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,560
people studying, I don't know, 
liberal arts and whoever like a 

313
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:46,680
3940, I'm like, it's just 
different and hard, sorry. 

314
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,680
And I'll just say with that 
anyways, back to the age gap. 

315
00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:52,000
But I would say when you're 
younger and if you are a woman 

316
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,080
in the relationship and you are 
the younger one, there can be 

317
00:15:55,320 --> 00:16:01,320
power imbalance just baked in. 
Yeah, I also have a story about 

318
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:06,040
this that I've never told you. 
Whoa, she's been holding back on

319
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:07,880
me, guys. 
She doesn't tell me shit. 

320
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,040
I don't share anything. 
Because you were too young once 

321
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:12,920
again. 
OK, so this is OK. 

322
00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:14,160
So this is when I was in 
college. 

323
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:19,200
I was a senior in college, which
my senior year I had finished 

324
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:22,400
all my course requirements. 
So I didn't take any classes. 

325
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:25,800
But I stayed on campus because 
it was 2009 and you know, I 

326
00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:29,880
didn't want to go out into the 
workforce and I'd already gotten

327
00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:32,720
my job after graduation, which 
is I was going to work at 

328
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:35,360
Goldman. 
And So what I did on campus was 

329
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:40,360
I worked at the Tuck School of 
Business and I worked in the 

330
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,080
Center for Private Equity and 
Entrepreneurship. 

331
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:45,400
One of the things we did every 
year was we threw this, this 

332
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,320
story's a little long winded, 
but stick with me guys. 

333
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:52,560
We threw this conference, so 
this conference for private 

334
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:55,120
equity and entrepreneurship. 
So people would come in from 

335
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,600
professionals would come in from
the area and come to this 

336
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:03,160
conference at Dartmouth. 
And so one of the people that 

337
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,960
came and sat in on the 
conference with me was this 

338
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:09,480
older guy. 
He was like 33, I think. 

339
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,319
Oh my God. 
And he started chatting me up at

340
00:17:11,319 --> 00:17:15,040
the conference and I like told 
him I was going to work at 

341
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:16,280
Goldman. 
He was like, oh, I used to work 

342
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:19,480
at Goldman and. 
He's like in 851985. 

343
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:23,359
I used to work there. 
And we were like chatting and 

344
00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:26,400
like, you know, I said I, I 
guess he asked me if I liked 

345
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:27,560
skiing. 
I was like, yeah, of course I 

346
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:30,200
love skiing. 
So he asked me out on a date and

347
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,520
we went skiing together as a 
first date and it was like 

348
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,400
super, super fun. 
It was an amazing first date 

349
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:38,800
and. 
But you were 21 or 20. 

350
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:43,160
Two, I was 20 because I was born
in December, so I'm like I'm 

351
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:46,800
young for my year, so I wasn't 
even 21 and he was 33. 

352
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:50,160
Oh my God. 
And he kind of, he had moved to 

353
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:53,480
the area because he like started
his own hedge fund, blah, blah, 

354
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:55,360
blah. 
And I just thought obviously I 

355
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:58,880
was really curious and like 
interested in him because he had

356
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:02,360
done all these things in his 
career that I thought I wanted 

357
00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:03,840
to do too, right? 
Because remember at the time, I 

358
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:05,640
thought it was going to be a 
finance girlie for life. 

359
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,440
And so he was just inherently 
interesting to me. 

360
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:12,480
And I don't know why he was 
interested in me because I was 

361
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:13,560
20 years old. 
That's. 

362
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,680
I mean, now looking back on it, 
that's creepy as. 

363
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,040
Hell, it's kind of fucking 
creepy. 

364
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,320
But The thing is, he was like a 
really nice guy. 

365
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:22,760
I mean, the furthest it got was 
that I think we went on a date, 

366
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:26,960
we went to dinner, we went back 
to his house, and then I was 

367
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,000
just like. 
I shouldn't be here. 

368
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:31,760
You're like, mom, can you pick 
me up? 

369
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:32,360
I'm. 
Scared. 

370
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:36,240
No, I like had a feeling inside.
I was like, this is a little bit

371
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:38,760
weird, like this is just a 
little off. 

372
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:41,000
I'm like, I feel like I 
shouldn't be here. 

373
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:45,480
Like there's something 
inherently, I just feel like I'm

374
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,080
out of, I'm not in control, 
right? 

375
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:51,160
Like I, there's just a power 
imbalance here that I can't put 

376
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,160
my finger on. 
And I never would have known to 

377
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,920
use those words or use those 
terms back when I was 20. 

378
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:59,000
But there was something inside 
me where I was like, this is not

379
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,520
right. 
As opposed to, like, you know, 

380
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:04,120
if I went to the House of 
someone else who was not 12 

381
00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:06,720
years older than me or 13 years 
older than me, Yeah. 

382
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:10,720
So I just, like, beat it. 
I, like, got out of Dodge and, 

383
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:11,920
like, went home. 
Yeah. 

384
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:14,560
And nothing ever happened. 
But I did have that thought 

385
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:18,160
where I was like, maybe I should
be dating one of the like 4000 

386
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:21,760
people here who are my own age, 
yeah, instead of this 33 year 

387
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,560
old man. 
Yeah, I mean, I'm I'm not even 

388
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:28,520
33, I'm 30 and I'm imagining one
of my 33 year old friends I know

389
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:31,920
going on a date or like. 20. 
With a 20 year old in college, 

390
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,400
we'd be like. 
Could you imagine? 

391
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:34,960
I'd be like. 
Excuse me, if one of my guy 

392
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:38,000
friends did that, I'd be like, 
you are weird. 

393
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:41,120
I'm like, you are no longer my 
guy friend, because that's just 

394
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:41,960
odd. 
Yeah. 

395
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:45,440
So I'm glad that it ended up 
being like an OK situation. 

396
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:46,920
And you? 
Listen to your gut. 

397
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,440
Innocuous. 
And at the time, like I thought 

398
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,240
he was so interesting. 
He was like teaching me all 

399
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:52,800
about Japanese bonds and all 
this. 

400
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,560
And I'm a fucking nerd, 
obviously. 

401
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,840
So he got, he really got you to 
go back to his place with. 

402
00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,040
Japanese bonds. 
Fucking Japanese bonds. 

403
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,160
I was like, Oh yeah, like 
Japanese bonds. 

404
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:06,480
Tell me more. 
I mean, but honestly, what I see

405
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:09,640
in both of our stories, if I'm 
going to be a little bit like we

406
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:13,320
were enamored diagnostic, Yeah, 
like we were kind of enamoured 

407
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,960
with. 
Now I'm thinking about it like 

408
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:21,120
with a hedge fund manager and a 
consulting guy, which, you know,

409
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,000
like good for you. 
But I'm like, that's not 

410
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,800
something really to be enamoured
by. 

411
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,680
I mean, but when we were young, 
it's, I can see how it's easy to

412
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:30,200
get into that state, but that's 
you. 

413
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:32,480
Weren't there for the Japanese 
bonds conversation. 

414
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,960
And thank God I wasn't. 
I would have told you to beat 

415
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:39,840
it, but yeah. 
So mind the age gap. 

416
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:45,320
It's easy to get, I think like 
googly eyed because they are 

417
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,880
like if the person that you're 
dating is older, but you totally

418
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,400
upstaged my story. 
I had, sorry, I had a four year 

419
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:54,160
age gap and you're like, hey, 
wait up, I have a 13 year age 

420
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:55,760
gap. 
Okay, for the record, this guy 

421
00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:57,760
was very good looking, 
obviously. 

422
00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:01,080
Otherwise, yeah. 
Yeah, my boyfriend was also a 

423
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:02,840
good looking. 
Yeah, he's very handsome and 

424
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,840
he's very sweet. 
But I think the IT it was 

425
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:08,560
actually not a problem of him at
all. 

426
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:12,480
Like my my story is that the guy
I dated, my boyfriend who was 

427
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:17,680
older than me, like really 
thoughtful, great guy, really 

428
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:20,680
wanted to help me and see me 
succeed. 

429
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:24,400
But I was just so in my head 
because of the age gap that it 

430
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,000
just didn't work out at that 
time. 

431
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:28,680
I think at another point in time
when we're in the same stage of 

432
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:32,360
life where we were both working 
adults in the workplace, it 

433
00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:35,880
could have totally been fine. 
Or if I was older than like 2021

434
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:38,560
years old, it would have been 
more normal. 

435
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,880
Yeah, but. 
No, I agree, it was just. 

436
00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:43,080
Yeah. 
Sorry I interrupted you. 

437
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:46,600
No, it was just she's staging 
me, interrupting me. 

438
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:50,200
My story is just so much better.
Yeah, I mean, it kind of is. 

439
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,920
You went back to his place and 
then you're like, wait, I 

440
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:55,640
shouldn't be here. 
Yeah, he had like taxidermy, 

441
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,800
which I I like taxidermy, but I 
was just like, I didn't. 

442
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:03,280
None of my obviously no one in 
college had taxidermy in their 

443
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:04,960
house. 
So I was like. 

444
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:09,520
And another reason to leave. 
But I think actually the thing 

445
00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:13,480
that I was enamored with was 
like, I wanted to be an adult so

446
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,800
badly when I was in college and 
this guy had the job. 

447
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:20,680
He had, you know, the paycheck, 
the salary, the sexy Manhattan 

448
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:22,160
apartment. 
He had an apartment. 

449
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:25,240
He had like really fancy wine 
glasses that would be like, you 

450
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:27,120
need to wash these by hand 
because they'll break 'cause 

451
00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:29,560
they're so thin. 
And I'm just like, you know, 

452
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:31,720
like, that was like, what? 
Really? 

453
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:33,960
I was just like, he's so adult. 
Yeah, yeah. 

454
00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:35,600
But that is. 
Something that will and like if 

455
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,560
you are still really adult and 
you have a nice place, I'm like 

456
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,560
that's still nice to me now. 
I don't know. 

457
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:40,760
It hasn't changed for. 
Me. 

458
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:42,520
But it's not because you don't 
have it. 

459
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:44,560
It's not because you're aspiring
to it. 

460
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,040
It's because like, real 
recognize real. 

461
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,760
At this point, at this point, at
this. 

462
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,720
Point, but what I was going to 
say was I felt, I think it's the

463
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:56,400
same thing with that guy that I 
dated is that he was a perfectly

464
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,040
nice guy. 
He was really kind. 

465
00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:01,720
He never did anything that was 
like inappropriate, I guess 

466
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:05,080
aside from dating a 20 year old 
when he was 33, like he never 

467
00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:08,960
did anything inappropriate. 
And I think, like now that I'm 

468
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:12,200
way older, now that I'm 37, like
it would be totally fine for me 

469
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,400
to date him even though he's 12 
years, 13 years. 

470
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:16,280
Older. 
Yes, right, because we're, we're

471
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:18,920
both adults, right? 
Like we've both experienced 

472
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:23,080
enough of life and been through 
life experiences and like you're

473
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:25,680
short of career. 
You have confidence, Yeah. 

474
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:30,680
And there's no way it can be 
used to manipulate you or. 

475
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:33,000
Something like either 
consciously or subconsciously, 

476
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:35,320
right? 
It's like even if he's not 

477
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:41,120
intending to use his experience 
and the fact that he's like 

478
00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:45,000
older as a way to manipulate 
you, it's kind of like you 

479
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,280
almost subconsciously do it 
yourself. 

480
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:49,480
Sure. 
And I would say the business 

481
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:54,880
application here too is also, 
you know, at the workplace, if 

482
00:23:54,880 --> 00:24:00,560
someone is much older, I think 
that can be reverse ageism in a 

483
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:05,320
way where we give deference and 
credibility to people who are 

484
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:08,160
older in the workforce just 
because they're older, not 

485
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:11,680
because they've proven it in a 
way that you're like, OK, 

486
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:14,120
they're super legit. 
So I think that's a little bit 

487
00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:16,440
different depending on the 
industry that you work in. 

488
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:19,960
But if there is an engineer on 
your team who is a lot older, 

489
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,160
you're like, Oh my God, I 
totally look up to this person 

490
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:24,880
or the like MD on your team. 
You're like, oh, just because 

491
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,080
they're older they know better. 
Not necessarily true. 

492
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:30,120
Like stick to your own guns and 
know yourself and work on 

493
00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:33,480
yourself to gain the confidence 
so that you guys can honestly be

494
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,360
peers. 
OK, I didn't really think I was 

495
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:38,400
going to tell that story, but I 
did guys for you. 

496
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:42,760
And so just to put just to tie a
bow on it, I would say that if 

497
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:45,240
you are in an age gap 
relationship and you're the 

498
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:49,640
younger person and you are in 
different stages of life, just 

499
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,840
know that the older person is 
going to inherently have more 

500
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:56,640
financial power, more life 
experience, more emotional 

501
00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:58,920
leverage. 
And that gives them sort of more

502
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:01,840
power and leverage in the 
relationship, whether or not 

503
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:04,880
they actually exert it. 
That's always going to be the 

504
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,760
status quo of your relationship.
Yeah. 

505
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:10,800
And we're not saying that age 
gap relationships can never 

506
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:12,200
work. 
They can. 

507
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:16,160
But I think the biggest asterisk
here is that the timing really 

508
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:18,760
matters more than the actual 
number itself. 

509
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:23,200
So age gap relationships tend to
work better when both people are

510
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:27,280
fully formed adults, both people
have financial independence, and

511
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:30,440
both people have strong 
boundaries that they can uphold.

512
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,600
Hit them with the financial 
independence. 

513
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:33,880
Yeah, right. 
I feel like that's really 

514
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:37,560
important so you don't feel like
you are relying on someone else,

515
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,360
especially when you're in a very
vulnerable state. 

516
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:42,720
And that's because you never 
want to feel like you owe them 

517
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,200
something in relation to the 
financial things that they 

518
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:47,280
provide for you. 
Quick pause. 

519
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:49,720
One thing we've been hearing 
more and more is that Tiger 

520
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:52,120
Sisters is the group chat that 
you always wish you had. 

521
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:54,800
Yeah, it's the group chat where 
someone's talking about venture 

522
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:58,720
capital, another person is 
talking about attachment issues,

523
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,560
and then another person comes in
and gives you the framework that

524
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,680
completely changes how you think
about your career. 

525
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:06,920
Sounds like a great group chat, 
so subscribe wherever you get 

526
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,800
your podcasts, Spotify, Apple 
Podcasts or YouTube. 

527
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,680
And big news, we have a Tiger 
Sisters newsletter dropping 

528
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,520
soon, so sign up to get more 
group chat energy. 

529
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:17,640
The link is in the description. 
Now back to the show. 

530
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:22,440
All right, lesson #3 is don't 
date for money, date for track 

531
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:24,560
record. 
So Cherie, can you share your 

532
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,280
thoughts on this? 
Yeah. 

533
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:30,960
So a question we get a lot from 
our Tiger fam is should you date

534
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:34,040
for money? 
And it's a very icky, sticky 

535
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:35,880
subject. 
And you're like, how do I even 

536
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:37,960
approach this? 
But the way that Gene and I 

537
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:41,160
think about that is like, yes, 
money is nice because it affords

538
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:43,360
you to have a nice life with 
your partner. 

539
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:45,840
And you guys can go on nice 
experiences and everything, but 

540
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:49,360
it's not about the money, right?
It's about the person and their 

541
00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:53,040
resilience, their ambition. 
And if they were able to make a 

542
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:56,000
lot of money, that's fabulous. 
But if they lost that money, 

543
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,520
would you still date them? 
Because then they have a way 

544
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:02,760
inherently to make it back and 
they have new ideas and they're 

545
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:05,480
going to figure out a way to 
grind and get back to where they

546
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:07,680
were. 
When it comes to looking for a 

547
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:11,400
life partner, you want someone 
with the resilience and grit who

548
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:15,120
can build the wealth with you 
and not just someone who just 

549
00:27:15,120 --> 00:27:16,600
has it. 
Exactly. 

550
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,840
You want to look for trajectory,
not just current status. 

551
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:21,600
And of course this is Tiger 
Sisters. 

552
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:23,360
So we have research to back this
up. 

553
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:28,600
So last year, in June 2025, the 
National Library of Medicine 

554
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,920
published this really 
interesting study where they 

555
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:35,840
looked at 3700 households and 
they really want to understand 

556
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:37,520
how people cope with financial 
hardships. 

557
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,560
So what they found is that 
financial resilience, meaning 

558
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:44,000
someone's ability to adapt and 
recover from financial shocks, 

559
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:47,640
actually buffers the negative 
effects of economic setbacks. 

560
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:51,520
So in other words, people who 
are better at managing setbacks 

561
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:55,040
tend to stay happier and 
mentally healthier even during 

562
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:57,880
financial adversity. 
And so that's the type of person

563
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:01,720
that you want standing behind 
you whenever the next recession 

564
00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:04,520
comes, because it will, right? 
Like, we're living very long 

565
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:08,960
lives these days. 
And I feel like every 10 years 

566
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:11,320
something happens where it's 
like this has never happened 

567
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:13,640
before in history. 
And so you want to pick someone 

568
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:16,880
who can weather the storm with 
you, not just someone who 

569
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:21,240
happens to have a lot of money, 
because that is not necessarily.

570
00:28:22,120 --> 00:28:26,120
A measure of character, yeah. 
Yeah, Honestly, if we're going 

571
00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:29,960
to go off on this a train of 
thought just 'cause they have a 

572
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:34,400
lot of money, I'm like, if they 
are inheriting money, did they 

573
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:38,080
do anything to earn it? 
And if you, and a lot of times 

574
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:41,520
everyone knows there's a bunch 
of like children of billionaires

575
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,560
who've gone off the deep end, 
much love to you. 

576
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:46,720
But like they are having a lot 
of trouble with money because 

577
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:50,680
they haven't had to have the 
grind and the challenges and the

578
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:54,240
hardship to earn that money. 
So some could argue that's like,

579
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:58,240
not even good to have a lot of 
money unless you've earned it in

580
00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:01,560
a way that has shaped your 
character. 

581
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:04,000
No, but seriously, it's not just
like I know you're saying 

582
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:07,400
billionaires because that's 
what's in the headlines, but 

583
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:10,880
even like multimillionaires. 
No, seriously, because a lot of 

584
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:14,800
these people I've encountered 
personally, what you realize is 

585
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:20,160
that they've built their life on
being so dependent on that sort 

586
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:22,080
of money that they know is gonna
come to them. 

587
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:25,040
But it always comes with 
stipulations, right? 

588
00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:28,520
It's never totally free. 
No money is ever free. 

589
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:31,360
If someone tells you that, 
they're lying to you, honestly. 

590
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:36,040
And so even money that's coming 
from family has rules and 

591
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:38,760
stipulations around it, 
conditions and conditions. 

592
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:44,200
And it can shape a person's life
in a way that initially is not 

593
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:46,160
visible to you. 
But like once you get into a 

594
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:48,640
relationship with them and that 
you dig into it, you start to 

595
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:52,240
see, oh, the reason they're 
making this life decision is 

596
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:57,600
because of the money. 
So that is something that if 

597
00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:01,240
you're dating someone who has 
inherited wealth or expects to 

598
00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:03,920
have inherited wealth, that is 
something I would really, really

599
00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:07,840
dig into and truly examine. 
Yeah, And I think, you know, 

600
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:12,160
we're putting all these 
anecdotes and research and 

601
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,960
stories in front of you. 
I think it's up to you to dive 

602
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,920
in deeper if you are having some
questions in a relationship or 

603
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:22,280
you are dating someone you who 
you're putting on a pedestal or 

604
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:25,440
maybe there's an age gap or, you
know, if they do have money. 

605
00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:29,200
Like it's up to you to ask 
yourselves these questions and 

606
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:32,680
also observe like you can only 
learn more about another 

607
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:36,960
person's character when you are 
put into perhaps like a 

608
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:40,080
uncomfortable challenging 
situation where you have to 

609
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:43,440
bring something up with them or 
ask them furthering questions so

610
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:46,320
you can understand how they 
would approach something. 

611
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:48,800
So it's up to you. 
You're collecting data points. 

612
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:50,160
That's kind of how I think about
it. 

613
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:53,280
It's just like, if you can zoom 
out of like your own body and 

614
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,440
your head and you're like, OK, 
I'm a scientist and like, why 

615
00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:57,880
did that person do this or why 
did they do that? 

616
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:01,000
Like you're collecting data 
points to better understand how 

617
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:03,200
you react to it. 
And if it's something that you 

618
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:05,840
are OK with because it's all 
honestly, it's all about you. 

619
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:11,280
And in a way, that's like, how 
do you make decisions that make 

620
00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:13,480
you happy? 
I love that approach. 

621
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:16,040
OK. 
So to wrap up here, Sheree, what

622
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:19,280
attributes should we look for in
a partner if not just their bank

623
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:21,200
account? 
So there's a couple that Jean 

624
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,200
and I wrote down. 
So the first one is resilience. 

625
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:27,720
Second is discipline. 
Also related to that is work 

626
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:30,720
ethic. 
The third is long term thinking.

627
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:33,560
Are they thinking past tomorrow,
past a month? 

628
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,960
Are they thinking for the next 
years ahead? 

629
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:39,960
And the last one is the ability 
to rebuild after setbacks, which

630
00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:42,600
is similar to resilience. 
And I would say discipline. 

631
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:46,520
So these are traits that you can
only observe over time after 

632
00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:50,400
being with someone and really 
putting, I don't know, a 

633
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:52,960
different hat on where you're 
like, how do I feel about this 

634
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:56,080
after you've seen their their 
behavior? 

635
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:59,280
And I want to add just three 
more quickly. 

636
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:03,400
I want to say also loyalty, 
integrity and character. 

637
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:07,040
Well I guess my response to 
loyalty is these hoes ain't 

638
00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:10,520
loyal. 
And also my other response is 

639
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:14,360
that might all that might be 
your learning from the person 

640
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:17,080
who cheated on you. 
Yes, but I think it's a learning

641
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:20,040
that can apply to people who 
have even never been cheated on,

642
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:21,520
right? 
You want someone who's going to 

643
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:23,720
be loyal to you, Yes, but 
you've. 

644
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:25,080
Learned that after you were 
cheated on. 

645
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:27,880
I guess that's you're right. 
There is a presumption there. 

646
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:30,600
The presumption is that you 
yourself are a loyal person. 

647
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:32,080
Yeah. 
So if that's not an attribute 

648
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:37,360
that you consider to be super 
important, then it doesn't apply

649
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:40,160
to you. 
But if if you're kind of more 

650
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:41,720
similar to me, then it applies 
to you. 

651
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:45,240
OK, lesson #4 is don't shit 
where you eat. 

652
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:49,240
So, Cherie, can you tee us off? 
OK, so this lesson is a tough 

653
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:52,600
one because it is a personal 
lesson from both Gene and me. 

654
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:57,200
Don't shit where you eat. 
That saying exists for a reason 

655
00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:00,680
because unfortunately we've both
had to learn it the hard way and

656
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:04,080
workplace relationships can feel
very convenient. 

657
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:06,160
You see that person every single
day. 

658
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:10,320
You're potentially in a working 
environment together in meetings

659
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:13,080
or whatever. 
It can feel fun until it's not. 

660
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:16,640
So you probably know what we're 
talking about because 1/3 of US 

661
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:19,440
workers have dated a Co worker 
at some point. 

662
00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:22,600
That's what the society for 
Human resource management says. 

663
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:27,160
And honestly, it might feel like
a small intimate bubble when 

664
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:29,240
you're dating someone at work. 
But breakups? 

665
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:32,520
They don't stay inside a bubble.
So what we've learned is that 

666
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:35,920
workplace relationships 
introduce three major risks 

667
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:40,760
power imbalance, reputation 
consequences and emotional 

668
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:42,400
fallout. 
Affecting your job? 

669
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:45,760
And not to mention, workplace 
relationships are one of the top

670
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:51,480
sources of complaints for HR. 
According to a 2024 SHRM survey,

671
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:55,480
68% of HR professionals 
identified perceptions of 

672
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:59,400
favoritism or unfair treatment 
surrounding workplace romances 

673
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:03,600
as a primary concern, while 61% 
cited potential conflicts of 

674
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:07,320
interest as a key issue. 
So I have a personal anecdote 

675
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:11,040
about a workplace relationship. 
This was my first job out of 

676
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:12,960
school. 
It's someone who worked at the 

677
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:16,320
same company as me and we 
weren't part of the same team. 

678
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:20,280
We actually worked on 2. 
Very different projects and 

679
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:24,199
different organizations in the 
company and had different roles,

680
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:26,440
but I would see this person in 
common areas. 

681
00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:30,840
So like the Cafe or even the 
lobby, like I would see this 

682
00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:33,719
person and we were dating. 
And so when things weren't going

683
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:37,000
so well in our relationship, it 
was kind of awkward because I 

684
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,880
would have to see them at the 
workplace where I wanted to like

685
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:41,960
focus on doing well in my 
career. 

686
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:45,679
But then I also had a, a second,
you know, a second thing that 

687
00:34:45,679 --> 00:34:48,080
was distracting where it was 
like, this person is here. 

688
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:50,520
Oh my gosh, are they at the cafe
at the same time I am? 

689
00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:52,719
Are they grabbing lunch the same
time I'm are we getting lunch? 

690
00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:57,960
It was just a whole host of like
secondary and tertiary thoughts 

691
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:01,960
when I really felt like my focus
at the time should have been and

692
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:04,480
wanted to be on building my 
career. 

693
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:08,760
So it was a very confusing time 
and which is why I think 

694
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:11,400
especially because I was pretty 
young in my career. 

695
00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:13,640
It was my first job, it was 
their first job. 

696
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:17,360
It was very confusing and I 
don't think it was handled in 

697
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:20,440
the best way because we were so 
young. 

698
00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:24,600
And so I just warned against 
shitting where you eat at the 

699
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:26,720
workplace. 
It can be very distracting, 

700
00:35:26,720 --> 00:35:30,040
especially if it's a very deep 
and personal relationship. 

701
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:34,000
And do you really want to be 
that distracted when you're at a

702
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:37,640
place to build your career? 
So a callback to the age gap 

703
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:40,080
lesson is that timing really 
matters. 

704
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:44,280
I think if you are more further 
along in your career and more 

705
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:46,800
mature like the both of you guys
are and you're working at the 

706
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:50,720
same place, it can work and you 
can discuss what will happen if 

707
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:53,080
you guys do break up. 
In a way, it's kind of like a 

708
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:55,320
prenup when you're getting into 
a workplace relationship. 

709
00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:59,480
But if you are on the younger 
side, things can get just messy 

710
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:01,880
and dramatic and you're at the 
workplace and you don't really 

711
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:06,360
have a space for that. 
So the flip side of this love 

712
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:10,000
lesson is that when applying to 
business, one thing you need to 

713
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:13,120
think about is that it may seem 
like an amazing idea at the 

714
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:16,400
time, but you don't necessarily 
want to always work with someone

715
00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:17,960
that you're already friends 
with. 

716
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:20,360
So Sheree, can you give us some 
examples of this? 

717
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:24,840
Yeah, I think both in the 
personal like love aspect and 

718
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:27,720
then also like the professional 
work aspect, the main lesson 

719
00:36:27,720 --> 00:36:31,560
here is that you have to be 
prepared for the consequences if

720
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:35,600
these relationships or 
friendships don't work out. 

721
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:39,080
So I know even with a lot of 
cofounders, you think it's a 

722
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:41,560
really good idea to start 
working with your best friend 

723
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:44,840
because you guys are super close
and you have perhaps a shorthand

724
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:46,600
or a lot of harmony when you're 
working together. 

725
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:48,880
Yes, I think there's a lot of 
benefit. 

726
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:51,400
But then you also have to think 
about the downside too. 

727
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:54,920
Because if it doesn't work out, 
we've seen time and time again a

728
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:58,280
lot of friendship breakups over 
starting a company. 

729
00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:02,360
And one of my best friends has 
told me that she will not hire 

730
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:05,920
one of her friends or best 
friends to work with her just 

731
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:08,720
because there's so much risk and
she values that friendship so 

732
00:37:08,720 --> 00:37:11,200
much. 
She would never want business or

733
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:12,960
professional stuff to get in 
between them. 

734
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:17,040
And I think also just in pop 
culture too, we've seen a lot of

735
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:20,480
friendship breakups too between 
two Co founders when they're 

736
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:22,120
super tight and everything is 
going great. 

737
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:25,040
But when things aren't going 
well, how do they work out 

738
00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:26,920
things? 
And will it work out in their 

739
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:27,880
friendship? 
Maybe not. 

740
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:30,280
And so I think it's a really 
good lesson that like, don't 

741
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:33,920
shit where you eat. 
Business gets messy. 

742
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:39,480
Business gets, you know. 
Hard yeah and I think that some 

743
00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:42,400
of the reasons why your 
friendship can be so strong can 

744
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:45,200
be the exact reasons why you 
shouldn't necessarily work 

745
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:47,080
together. 
Because I think like what Cherie

746
00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:50,240
said about like when you are 
best friends or when you are 

747
00:37:50,240 --> 00:37:53,120
friends at all, you have like a 
sort of a sort of shorthand or 

748
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:54,920
you have some inherent level of 
trust. 

749
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:59,120
A lot of times that can sort of 
be applied to business and you 

750
00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:02,240
can impute or assume that you're
on the same level of 

751
00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:05,840
understanding about something. 
But and that can lead you to 

752
00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:09,240
have much sort of looser 
contracts or just be like, oh, 

753
00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:11,320
we're on the same page because 
we're always on the same page 

754
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:13,560
about everything. 
So I'm sure they're going to do 

755
00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:16,280
this project the same way that I
would do this project. 

756
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:21,120
So then you're kind of like 
lulled into this default of 

757
00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:24,000
maybe not defining things as 
clearly as you would with 

758
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:26,440
someone who you don't know 
professionally, right? 

759
00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:29,080
Or who you don't know at at all.
And if you think about the 

760
00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:31,360
phrase, it's not personal, it's 
business. 

761
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:34,160
When it's your friend, it can 
never be true, right? 

762
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:37,440
It'll always be personal, even 
when you're bringing them into 

763
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:40,440
business. 
So dating a Co worker can work 

764
00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:43,600
or working with a friend can 
work, but you just have to be 

765
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:45,920
prepared for the consequences 
because this is what Tiger 

766
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:49,720
Sisters is all about. 
It's like we say, finances are 

767
00:38:49,720 --> 00:38:53,480
emotional, love can be strategic
work and professional stuff can 

768
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:55,920
be messy. 
So you just have to be prepared 

769
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:59,200
for whatever outcome might be 
OK. 

770
00:38:59,240 --> 00:39:02,120
So our final lesson is something
you might have seen before, 

771
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:05,240
maybe experience yourself? 
If so, I'm sorry, but it's 

772
00:39:05,240 --> 00:39:07,520
something that I have personal 
experience with and Gene does 

773
00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:10,800
too, and that love bombing. 
All right, beware the love 

774
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:13,480
bomber guys, they are running 
rampant through the streets. 

775
00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:16,120
Sometimes you can tell who they 
are, sometimes you can I have a 

776
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:19,160
story to share with you guys. 
All right guys, so this was 

777
00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:23,200
after I had gotten out of a very
long term relationship, 8 plus 

778
00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:27,080
years as you guys most people 
know, and I met this guy. 

779
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:33,520
He was super charming, so fun, 
so playful, really hot and he 

780
00:39:33,520 --> 00:39:36,520
was courting me and it was a 
super fun experience. 

781
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:43,000
And I would say everything kind 
of about our experience of 

782
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,280
getting to know each other felt 
really heightened. 

783
00:39:45,720 --> 00:39:49,120
And I think his personality also
was that he very much like wore 

784
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:54,200
his heart on his sleeve and he 
is just kind of a very grandiose

785
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:55,960
and expressive person in the 1st
place. 

786
00:39:56,400 --> 00:40:00,760
And so I am very much a person 
that reciprocates like kind of 

787
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:06,600
like what I get and so. 
I remember I think the first 

788
00:40:06,600 --> 00:40:09,800
week that we started dating, I 
think we went went on a date on 

789
00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:12,800
Sunday and it lasted like 8 
hours or something. 

790
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:17,200
It was like a super long date. 
And then a few days later he 

791
00:40:17,240 --> 00:40:21,160
texted me and he was like, hey, 
like I'm in your area. 

792
00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:22,920
Like I just finished basketball 
practice. 

793
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:25,560
Like can I come over and say hi 
or like blah, blah, blah. 

794
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:30,360
And I was like, OK, like I 
guess, and I think for me it was

795
00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:32,840
because I just come out of a 
long term relationship. 

796
00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:36,240
So I was so used to having like 
a ton of points of contact, 

797
00:40:36,240 --> 00:40:38,280
right? 
Like I used to live with my ex 

798
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:40,600
fiance, obviously. 
So I was used to seeing him 

799
00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:44,880
every single day. 
So I didn't, I didn't clock 

800
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:46,640
that. 
It was like a little bit weird 

801
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:49,600
to go on a first date with 
someone and then have them be 

802
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:52,840
like, hey, like I'm here like 
I'm right near your house like a

803
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:54,840
couple days later and be like, 
let's hang out again. 

804
00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:56,560
Like just to kind of like drop 
in. 

805
00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:00,120
And so that was kind of like how
the whole thing kicked off and 

806
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:02,720
that really set the tenor for 
the entire relationship. 

807
00:41:02,720 --> 00:41:06,720
But it was this like super full 
on like truly like love bombing 

808
00:41:06,720 --> 00:41:11,160
situation. 
And I don't think it was even 

809
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:14,320
meant to be like manipulative on
his end. 

810
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:16,960
I think that's kind of just 
people's personalities 

811
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:20,920
sometimes. 
And it's kind of up to you to 

812
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:24,040
define your own boundaries and 
to actually be aware of it. 

813
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:28,560
I think I was just totally. 
Unaware of of it because. 

814
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:32,040
Well I guess also I was so new 
to dating, like I hadn't dated 

815
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:36,400
in like a decade or something. 
Yeah also I feel like doing a 

816
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:42,080
multi hour date as like the 
first or second date is a love 

817
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:46,080
bombing red flag. 
Yeah, see, I also wasn't aware 

818
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:49,520
that that was not normal because
I was so used to like, hanging 

819
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:51,840
out with my ex all the time. 
And when we went on a date, it 

820
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:55,560
would be 24 hours long, you 
know, because that's what 

821
00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:57,520
happens when you live with 
someone. 

822
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:00,840
Yeah, I think when you're first 
getting to know someone, it's 

823
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:05,720
the moments of like apartness or
the moments of pause where your 

824
00:42:05,720 --> 00:42:09,760
guys are not together that you 
can kind of back off and then be

825
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:12,160
able to evaluate how you feel 
about someone. 

826
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:16,240
I think the other thing I would 
add to my story for context is 

827
00:42:16,240 --> 00:42:20,440
that this person that I was 
dating, I think he, he's just 

828
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:23,080
also very much naturally a 
salesperson, right? 

829
00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:25,800
Like that is his personality. 
And one thing he told me is that

830
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:29,480
he's like, I'm a people pleaser.
Like I want other people to be 

831
00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:32,040
happy. 
And so I think like those two 

832
00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:36,240
aspects combined and just like 
his personality. 

833
00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:38,800
He, he just. 
Drove the relationship in a way 

834
00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:42,480
that was like very intense from 
the very beginning and it was 

835
00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:45,920
intense the entire time. 
I only learned that fact later 

836
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:48,720
on as I saw him interact with 
more people who are not me, 

837
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:50,800
right? 
So as he met some of my friends 

838
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:52,800
or like I met some of his 
friends and I brought him to 

839
00:42:52,800 --> 00:42:55,560
parties and I saw him 
interacting with other people, I

840
00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:59,280
was like, oh, he is just a 
natural salesperson. 

841
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:01,800
He's just an extremely 
charismatic guy. 

842
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:05,480
Like, he wants everyone to love 
him and everyone does love him. 

843
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:10,880
And so once I was able to see 
that context of how he exists in

844
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:15,080
the world, then I had more 
information to apply to my own 

845
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:17,720
interactions with him so that I 
could be like, oh, this is kind 

846
00:43:17,720 --> 00:43:22,800
of his like, default in life. 
Yeah, I feel like a lot of it is

847
00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:26,160
observing and gathering 
information and going into the 

848
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:31,040
situation very eyes wide open. 
OK, so Cherie, what are some 

849
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:34,880
methods if you find yourself to 
be in a love bombing situation? 

850
00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:38,360
Yeah, look, it can be really 
hard because I think once you 

851
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:42,120
are in it, in the thick of it 
and you are being love bombed, 

852
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:44,240
it can feel really good in the 
moment. 

853
00:43:44,240 --> 00:43:45,280
Like it? 
Feels amazing. 

854
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:48,160
You're like, wow, this. 
Person is devoting so much time 

855
00:43:48,160 --> 00:43:53,200
and energy and effort into 
courting me like it feels so. 

856
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:54,920
Good. 
You're like, I'm the best person

857
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:56,000
in the world. 
Right. 

858
00:43:56,240 --> 00:43:59,360
Which is why I think it's really
important in taking a pause and 

859
00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:02,960
having that time apart so you 
can like, you know, get on out 

860
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:06,480
of it and take a breath and be 
like, OK, what the heck is 

861
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:09,120
actually going on here? 
So if you do feel like you are 

862
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:12,160
being love bombed, the most 
important thing is knowing your 

863
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:15,080
own boundaries and having 
boundaries, whether it's 

864
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:18,960
physical boundaries or time 
boundaries or like scheduling 

865
00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:21,240
boundaries, mental, emotional 
boundaries. 

866
00:44:21,240 --> 00:44:25,000
Like, no, I will not talk about 
this topic right now because I 

867
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:27,320
just don't feel like we are 
there yet emotionally. 

868
00:44:27,720 --> 00:44:33,000
And so having very strong 
boundaries around what you will 

869
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:37,480
and will not engage in because I
think a lot of people are very 

870
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:39,760
charming. 
They can be salespeople like you

871
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:41,720
mentioned. 
And that part I'm like very 

872
00:44:41,720 --> 00:44:43,240
susceptible to that. 
I'm like, oh, you love me. 

873
00:44:43,240 --> 00:44:45,000
Like, OK, that's great. 
You're obsessed with me. 

874
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,680
I love this. 
You're like as you should. 

875
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:51,000
And so, and like I, I know 
myself, like I seek a lot of 

876
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:54,840
validation externally or I have 
for many reasons that we will 

877
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:57,800
not get into having to do with 
traumatic immigrant parents 

878
00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:00,840
growing up. 
But anyways, like I think I, 

879
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:05,200
since I know that about myself, 
I need to go into a relationship

880
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:08,960
or a friendship or any sort of 
partnership, knowing myself and 

881
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:12,000
knowing my boundaries first. 
Otherwise, if you don't have 

882
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:16,000
that, you can kind of be thrown 
into, you know, love bombing and

883
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:19,240
you can go whichever way the 
other person is leading the 

884
00:45:19,240 --> 00:45:22,360
relationship. 
I think that's such smart advice

885
00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:25,840
because applying that and 
diagnosing my own relationship 

886
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:29,720
that I just told you guys about,
I think the crux behind my my 

887
00:45:29,720 --> 00:45:32,440
mistake in the relationship is 
that I went into the 

888
00:45:32,440 --> 00:45:35,560
relationship with miscalibrated 
boundaries, right? 

889
00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:38,720
Like I applied boundaries that 
were relevant to the last 

890
00:45:38,720 --> 00:45:42,600
relationship I was in, which was
an 8 year old, eight-year long 

891
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:44,840
relationship where I was engaged
to the person. 

892
00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:47,960
So I applied those sort of 
boundaries to this new person 

893
00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:51,160
that I'd never met before and 
was newly dating for the first 

894
00:45:51,160 --> 00:45:53,040
time. 
And I was giving the sort of 

895
00:45:53,120 --> 00:46:00,200
like leeway and like way more 
LAX boundaries that require 5678

896
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:03,880
years of trust to build up and 
like 8 years of understanding to

897
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:06,440
get to that level. 
But I kind of like gave him 

898
00:46:06,440 --> 00:46:08,880
those boundaries or like lack of
boundaries from the very 

899
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:13,520
beginning. 
So that's a lesson for me, from 

900
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:18,400
me to you guys. 
It's kind of like people I've 

901
00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:21,480
seen like a funny TikTok or 
Instagram meme where it's just 

902
00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:25,280
like, you just haven't unlocked 
this level of my personality. 

903
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:28,640
Yeah, you, you are on level 1. 
You haven't gotten to level 2. 

904
00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:32,160
You haven't earned or shown, you
know, your loyalty. 

905
00:46:32,160 --> 00:46:34,160
You're you're a trustworthy 
person. 

906
00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:37,320
You are, you know, ambitious, 
resilient, and you will back me 

907
00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:41,440
up like you haven't earned or 
unlocked like level 234 or 5 

908
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:43,760
yet. 
And so I think having very clear

909
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:47,200
boundaries helps you avoid the 
love bomber. 

910
00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:52,320
I like that phrase too, that 
that phrase of using levels and 

911
00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:55,880
it's kind of an interesting way 
if you wanted to really do a 

912
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:58,960
mini exercise or like think 
through it, be like, what are 

913
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:01,760
the different levels like? 
Think through it yourself ahead 

914
00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:04,560
of time and like preset like 
what are the levels of 

915
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:09,320
boundaries or like behavior that
I think is acceptable for 

916
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:11,640
someone that I'm going on a 
first date with, for someone 

917
00:47:11,640 --> 00:47:15,520
that I've dated, gone on seven 
dates with for six months in et 

918
00:47:15,520 --> 00:47:17,040
cetera. 
So that could be something 

919
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:18,720
that's really helpful to do 
ahead of time. 

920
00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:22,320
So in the business or 
professional world, if someone 

921
00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:25,680
is overselling or over hyping 
something, we would just 

922
00:47:25,680 --> 00:47:29,160
normally be pretty suspicious. 
We'd be like, OK, you're making 

923
00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:32,840
all these promises about a 
product, prove it or show me or 

924
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:36,840
where's the free trial here? 
So why don't we apply that to 

925
00:47:36,840 --> 00:47:40,760
our romantic or our love lives? 
Why aren't we more discerning 

926
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:46,040
with our time, our emotions, our
bodies, and everything else? 

927
00:47:46,040 --> 00:47:50,760
Because once we're love bombed 
in our romantic lives, I think a

928
00:47:50,760 --> 00:47:54,400
lot of the critical thinking and
prefrontal cortex goes out the 

929
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:56,400
window. 
But we need to be more 

930
00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:59,440
thoughtful and discerning there.
So remember, Tiger Fam, in 

931
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:02,640
business and in love, charisma 
is not the same thing as 

932
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:04,480
credibility. 
The people that you want to 

933
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:07,680
trust are the ones that build 
slowly and consistently over 

934
00:48:07,680 --> 00:48:10,560
time. 
So how are we feeling Tiger fam,

935
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:12,560
after this episode? 
Are you triggered? 

936
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:15,400
Are you excited? 
Are you questioning the 

937
00:48:15,400 --> 00:48:16,560
relationship you're in? 
I don't know. 

938
00:48:17,240 --> 00:48:20,760
Well, just remember that every 
relationship that you have is 

939
00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:24,360
just more data points for you. 
It's data points on where your 

940
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:28,120
boundaries are, when you'll 
speak up, and there are lessons 

941
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:31,600
that you can apply to the next 
relationship or business 

942
00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:34,840
relationship that you're in. 
So if today's episode saves even

943
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:37,800
one person from repeating our 
mistakes, then we can finally 

944
00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:41,160
say I'm so. 
Fucking grateful for my ex. 

945
00:48:41,360 --> 00:48:44,160
So thanks for watching guys, and
let us know if there's any 

946
00:48:44,160 --> 00:48:47,640
lessons that we did not cover 
that you think should have made 

947
00:48:47,640 --> 00:48:49,640
it into the top five that you 
guys have learned. 

948
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:53,080
Because all of this is based on 
our personal experience and our 

949
00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:56,720
personal traumas. 
But I know you guys have tons of

950
00:48:56,720 --> 00:48:59,040
experience out there and it's 
really worth us learning from 

951
00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:01,360
you guys as well. 
So please, please, please 

952
00:49:01,360 --> 00:49:03,400
comment. 
Also, please, please, please 

953
00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:07,000
subscribe and we will see you 
soon. 

954
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:09,520
All righty guys. 
We'll see you next time. 

955
00:49:09,520 --> 00:49:10,200
Bye.