1 00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:03,680 Hey friend, welcome back to the Free to Lead podcast. 2 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:06,520 We've been in this series. This is what happens when a 3 00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:09,520 woman listens to God. We've already talked about 4 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:13,640 identity and week 1, discernment and Week 2 and waiting last 5 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:16,520 week. And today, in our 4th and final 6 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:19,760 episode in this series, we're going to be talking about 7 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:22,480 something that I know every one of us has wrestled with at one 8 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:25,040 point or another. And that is forgiveness. 9 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:28,120 And I don't mean the easy kind, like when your husband just 10 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,720 doesn't take the trash out or your kids leave their socks in 11 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:32,720 the hallway. I mean forgiveness that feels 12 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,160 impossible. Maybe the betrayal, the 13 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:39,560 rejection, the abuse, the words you wish you could unhear or the 14 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:41,080 actions you wish you could unlive. 15 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:44,320 That's the kind of forgiveness that we're talking about today. 16 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:48,120 And my prayer for you is this. That as you listen, God would 17 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:51,160 unlock a freedom in you that maybe you've been craving, but 18 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:52,880 you just didn't know how to reach. 19 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,200 You know, I'll never forget one of those afternoons when I hit 20 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:58,000 the floor. I was like, that's it, Face down 21 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:01,160 on the bedroom carpet sobbing. And I just cried out, Jesus, 22 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:03,720 he's hurt me again, over and over. 23 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:05,640 I can't do this anymore. Enough is enough. 24 00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:08,720 How can you ask me to forgive him one more time? 25 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:12,760 He doesn't even deserve it. I was exhausted from carrying 26 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:16,080 the weight of all of the offense, all of the betrayal, 27 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:17,760 all the things that have been done to me. 28 00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:21,600 You know, 15 years of abuse in one relationship, but really a 29 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:25,920 lifetime of abuse. And I was really at the end of 30 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:29,480 my rope because it was not just 15 years of abuse and lies, 31 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:33,720 manipulation, betrayal, but the lifetime of offenses and hurts 32 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:37,000 and pain that I was holding on to was It was just horrible to 33 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:41,400 carry around all this anger with me and really left me feeling 34 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:45,040 super depleted. And I was carrying the weight of 35 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:47,360 all that had been done to me. And I was just buckling 36 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:51,200 underneath it because somewhere along the way, I picked up this 37 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:55,120 lie that forgiveness meant I needed to be a doormat, That it 38 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:59,280 meant saying it's OK when what was done to me was absolutely 39 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:01,360 not OK. And that could have come from 40 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,480 the phrase that we hear people so flippantly say, like, well, 41 00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:07,440 forgive and forget. That's not actually even 42 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:09,080 possible. And it's definitely not 43 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:11,120 biblical. And I think that that's a very 44 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:13,960 dangerous lie. So if you have caught yourself 45 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:17,360 saying that to someone or trying to even say it to yourself to 46 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:19,960 kind of trick yourself into forgiving, I would encourage you 47 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:23,600 to stop saying that because forgive and forget does not make 48 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:27,080 sense as a human being. I mean, you can forgive and the 49 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:30,960 sting of the the offense can leave, but the memory of that 50 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:34,720 may not ever go away. Like, it's part of who you are. 51 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:37,920 It's just part of our memories. And it would be the grace of God 52 00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:40,720 for him to help you forget something that maybe was super 53 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,960 traumatic. But forgive and forget is a 54 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,800 generalized statement that I think that has LED us into this 55 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:49,320 place of feeling like when somebody really truly is harming 56 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:51,240 you, that we should just say it's OK. 57 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:54,120 And I taught my kids when they were younger, you know, my older 58 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,160 kids, when they were younger, they were only four years apart. 59 00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,200 And they'd be fighting like, you know, mom, she took my 60 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,920 controller or he hit me. And I would make my kids 61 00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:03,560 apologize, like, OK, tell your brother you're sorry, you know, 62 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:07,000 something like that. And I would hear the response 63 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:10,840 from them be this, it's OK. And if you've ever heard that 64 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:13,000 your kids have maybe said it, you've probably said it. 65 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,680 If your spouse has apologized to you and you're like, it's OK. 66 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,440 Or a friend has hurt your feelings and you're like, it's 67 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:22,000 OK. It's not OK, but I understand 68 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,960 what we're trying to say when we're saying it's OK. 69 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:28,120 But when we say it's OK when that's not really what we mean, 70 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:31,560 it messes with our head. So we need to say what we mean 71 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,400 and mean what we say. And that one change that I had 72 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:38,320 my kids make was don't say it's OK when your sister or your 73 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:41,480 brother apologizes to you. Say I forgive you. 74 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:44,320 And it wasn't always easy. And there was so many times when 75 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:48,200 one or the other would look at me or the other and say, I 76 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:51,320 forgive you, but they weren't really genuine about it. 77 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:55,200 That's OK. It's OK to not feel like you 78 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,920 forgive them. But it's better than just saying 79 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:02,680 it's OK because it's not OK. And that's what I grew up with, 80 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:06,600 this whole idea that forgiving someone meant I had to be a 81 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:10,280 doormat, that I have to just keep allowing this, you know, 82 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,440 offense in my life to continue on. 83 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:17,279 And that meant saying, it's OK and what you did to me is OK. 84 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:20,880 And if I forgive you, that means I'm just going to lay back down 85 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:23,240 on the floor and let you wipe your feet on me yet once again. 86 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:26,600 And that's not at all what forgiveness is. 87 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,160 And because I didn't understand forgiveness for so long. 88 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,720 And there are many other women I have worked with who do not 89 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:34,640 understand this. I know I've met many of them who 90 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:36,760 say I just don't understand how to forgive. 91 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:39,320 I don't know how to let it go. I get that. 92 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,920 I've been there. I've definitely been there, you 93 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:45,840 know, right there in the middle of that messy broken place in 94 00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:48,520 the in the afternoon of crying and sobbing on the floor and 95 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,720 just feeling like so depleted. I have nothing left and saying 96 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:54,000 God, how can you ask me to forgive him? 97 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,840 How can you? How could you do this to me? 98 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:57,720 It was kind of like I was mad at God too, right? 99 00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:59,360 And I'm like, how can you do this to me? 100 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:02,240 You know, I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to my heart and 101 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:05,160 he said, daughter, forgiveness isn't for him. 102 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,440 It's for you. Get out of the way and let me 103 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,480 move. And I remember thinking, what do 104 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:12,560 you mean get out of the way? How am I even in the way? 105 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:13,960 I was kind of like offended by that. 106 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:16,360 Even so because I because I was holding on to unforgiveness and 107 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,200 offense. Of course I'm offended at God 108 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:22,000 when he says to get out of the way, but he whispered to me 109 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,600 again and he said, are you the judge or am I? 110 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:27,720 That's when I realized I was in the way, right? 111 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:30,840 I really was in the way. I was in the wrong seat. 112 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:34,440 I had been sitting in Godseed. I took the gavel and I was 113 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:38,000 demanding justice. And you know, I was saying that 114 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:41,560 I was going to hold on to him in the courtroom of Catherine 115 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:44,600 instead of releasing him into the courtroom of heaven where 116 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:48,520 God is the good and just judge. And I really dived into this in 117 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:51,200 great detail in my book Behind Enemy Lies. 118 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:55,760 But this was such an incredibly freeing concept for me to 119 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:58,920 understand that God is a true and just judge. 120 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:02,480 So I didn't understand that because I didn't trust God, 121 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:05,160 because I didn't truly believe that God was good. 122 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:09,920 And so how could I trust God to be the judge for those who 123 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,400 offended me if I didn't even trust him? 124 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,600 And I didn't think that he had my best interest in mind. 125 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,960 So that was part of the reason why I was in the way, because I 126 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,920 thought, if it is to be, it's up to me. 127 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,560 I have to do this. How can I possibly release 128 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:25,320 forgiveness and expect that somebody's going to stand up for 129 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:28,040 me if, if anything, I have to stand up for myself? 130 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,920 So that was like problem number one in realizing that I wasn't 131 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,800 releasing forgiveness because I didn't trust God. 132 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:38,640 I wasn't listening to the voice of God and I wasn't listening to 133 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,600 the voice of God because I didn't trust him. 134 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:43,320 You know that moment where I heard him say, are you the judge 135 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,200 or am I? It changed everything because 136 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:48,280 when I realized I was sitting in God's seat and demanding 137 00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:51,360 justice, I also realized forgiveness wasn't even 138 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:54,160 affecting me at all. It was poisoning me. 139 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,880 You know, I thought unforgiveness was some kind of 140 00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:00,360 power, some kind of control, but it was actually a prison. 141 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:04,800 Like I was in a self-imposed prison camp in my mind because 142 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:08,640 it was holding on to all this anger and unforgiveness. 143 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,000 And I'm like, man, I need justice. 144 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,800 Justice must be served. You know, he deserves all these 145 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:17,520 terrible things for all the terrible things he's done to me, 146 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:20,320 or she deserves these terrible things because of all the 147 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:21,600 terrible things they've done to me or whatever. 148 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:23,800 But I would never like voice these things. 149 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:27,880 They were just living inside of Maine in carrying around like 150 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:31,440 this big sack of bricks on my back that was so heavy it was 151 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,160 ridiculous and it was weighing me down. 152 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:36,240 And it was killing me. I mean, really, it was killing 153 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,480 my physical body because I was struggling and my back was 154 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:40,880 hurting. My blood pressure was through 155 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,400 the roof. You know, I wasn't sleeping 156 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:43,600 well. And you know, we need sleep. 157 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,600 It's restorative. So there's lots of things that 158 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,920 were happening because I was holding on to unforgiveness and 159 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:52,000 not just in the natural but in the spirit realm as well. 160 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:55,320 So forgiveness matters for a lot of different reasons. 161 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:59,160 So the first thing I learned about forgiveness is that it 162 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:02,320 starts with focus. Because if I kept staring at the 163 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:07,200 offense, if I kept staring at all they did to me, how it hurt. 164 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:10,160 You know what it cost me? How could they? 165 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:12,440 How dare they, right? Like, it's so terrible. 166 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:15,280 If I keep looking at what they did, I'll never forgive them. 167 00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:17,560 My soul is going to keep tally marks. 168 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,800 My spirits going to stay heavy. It's not going to work out for 169 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,080 me, right? But if I fix my eyes on the 170 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:27,640 Father, if I fix my eyes on what he says about me versus what's 171 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:31,800 been said about me, what he thinks of me versus what I think 172 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:33,159 of me. Because sometimes we have to 173 00:08:33,159 --> 00:08:36,039 forgive ourselves for things. We think about ourselves as 174 00:08:36,039 --> 00:08:39,760 well, and maybe we're angry at ourselves because we don't think 175 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,200 we're worthy or we said something dumb or we feel 176 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:46,960 unlovable or whatever it is. But when we focus on the Father 177 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:51,440 and His voice of truth over the voice of the lies that have been 178 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:54,480 spoken over us, or the offense or the cutting words or the 179 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,400 sharp tongue or whatever people have done to us. 180 00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:59,960 I know it's not always words, but sometimes I heard that 181 00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:02,920 phrase one time when I was a kid, and I used to think it was 182 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:04,720 so dumb. I probably heard it more than 183 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,800 one time, but it's this phrase. Sticks and stones may break my 184 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:10,000 bones, but words will never hurt me. 185 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:14,000 That's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard in my life ever. 186 00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:17,320 Because words are way worse. I'd rather you go out and break 187 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:20,400 my bones. I'd rather you go ahead and get 188 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,280 it over with. The pain, at least we'll heal 189 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:25,040 quicker. The internal wounds, the words, 190 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:28,280 Oh my goodness, wow. I feel like those sometimes can 191 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:29,920 never heal if we don't allow them to. 192 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:32,320 But at least, you know, our physical bones and stuff can 193 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:36,240 heal. But when we focus on the offense 194 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:39,000 that has been done to us, we magnify that. 195 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:43,400 When we focus on the words that have been spoken over us, the 196 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:47,560 negativity or the cutting Ness or whatever it as the, the name 197 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:50,520 calling or whatever, or when we focus on the betrayal, we 198 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:54,440 magnify those things. So it's super important that we 199 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:58,920 start to focus, shift our focus on who God is and what does he 200 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:03,240 say and can we trust him? Is he really who he says he is? 201 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:06,520 It's really important that we focus on him because we can only 202 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,960 focus on so much. And there's this analogy. 203 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,840 I teach this in my course about steering where you stare. 204 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,680 So you can practice this one day, but be safe, safe, OK? 205 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:17,920 If you're driving down the road and you start looking off to one 206 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:20,520 side or another of your car, your car is going to start 207 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:23,440 drifting in the direction that you you're looking. 208 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:26,880 So if you're looking often to the left at this beautiful field 209 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:29,680 full of flowers and you're like, oh, it's so pretty. 210 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,760 And then suddenly you're like, wow, how to get over here in 211 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:33,760 this ditch? Well, because you were staring 212 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:35,240 over there. So if you tell a kid that's 213 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,960 riding their bike, don't hit the tree and you keep saying it, 214 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:39,200 don't hit the tree, don't hit the tree. 215 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:40,920 Well, eventually they're going to hit the tree. 216 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,320 Why? Because they're looking at the 217 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,680 stinking tree because you keep telling them not to hit the 218 00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:48,320 tree. So we always steer our life in 219 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:51,680 the direction that we're staring, that we're looking, 220 00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:55,560 that we're focusing on. So we also only have a limited 221 00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:58,760 field of vision in our natural as well. 222 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:03,400 So we can only see so much. So when we focus on the big 223 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,960 picture of all the things that have been done to us, all the 224 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,720 offenses we can carry around, it makes it overwhelming and 225 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:12,640 impossible for us to release those things and forgive. 226 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,840 But if we will put God in front of them and so close to our 227 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:17,720 face, right? Because if you put your hand in 228 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:20,320 front of your eyes, you're going to have a really hard time 229 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,680 seeing around it. Even if you don't put it 230 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:25,680 directly on your eyes, you just put it like 5 inches in front of 231 00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:28,160 your eyes, you're going to have a hard time seeing what's going 232 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,320 on around it and it's going to obstruct your view. 233 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:33,640 You're going to be able to see some stuff around it, but what 234 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,200 you're going to see the majority of is what's right in front of 235 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,680 your face. So when you put God right in 236 00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:41,840 front of your face over top of all of the things you keep 237 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,800 thinking and ruminating over and how dare she said that. 238 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,240 I can't believe she said that about me or my mother-in-law. 239 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,440 She keeps acting this way or whatever it is, like we keep 240 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:53,440 ruminating and going over and over in our mind about these 241 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:57,280 injustices in our life. We can only make it out so far, 242 00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:01,000 like we have to focus on the Father if we're going to 243 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,600 forgive. So this is the number one thing 244 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:06,400 to get when it comes to actually being able to release 245 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:10,920 forgiveness into the world so that you can live free. 246 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,880 This is very, very important. When you fix your eyes on the 247 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:18,040 Father, his grace towards you starts to become the thing that 248 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:21,280 you're focused on now. It's like, OK, yes, that person 249 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:25,880 hurt me and maybe very severely hurt you and maybe very deeply 250 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:31,440 hurt you, but His grace is so wonderful towards me because I 251 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:35,240 also need His grace so we can extend grace to others when 252 00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:38,360 we're really focusing on His grace towards us and suddenly 253 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:41,440 the offense starts to lose its grip. 254 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:45,360 You know, Colossians 313 says bear with each other and forgive 255 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:48,280 one another. If any of you has a grievance 256 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:52,320 against someone, forgive them. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 257 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:56,520 Notice it doesn't say forgive when they apologize or forgive 258 00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:59,760 if they mean it, because if I were right in that verse, I 259 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:02,600 probably would have added in parentheses like only if they 260 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,560 mean it, Lord. But he didn't. 261 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:07,600 He said forgive as the Lord forgave you. 262 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:11,640 O how did He forgive you? He forgave you fully. 263 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:15,520 He forgave you freely and before you even asked. 264 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:19,440 He forgave you when He died on the cross for you, me and the 265 00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:22,640 and all of humanity who would choose to believe on the 266 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:26,400 finished work of the Cross. He died not just for your past 267 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:30,520 sins, but your present and your future, the future sins, the 268 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:33,280 future things you're going to do to offend and hurt someone else 269 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:36,200 that you're going to need to ask them to forgive you for, or 270 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,640 maybe things you didn't even ever know you did that you'll 271 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:42,560 never be able to apologize for. But those things sinning against 272 00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,680 one another, hurting people's feelings, treating people 273 00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:47,520 unkindly when you're having a bad day, for instance, any of 274 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,960 those things. He died for you to forgive you 275 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,600 of all of that before you even asked. 276 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:57,560 So when a woman listens to God, she forgives differently. 277 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:01,080 Not because it's easy, because it's, but because she's more 278 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:04,200 focused on the father than she is on the offense. 279 00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:06,320 The second thing I've learned is this. 280 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:11,040 Forgiveness is a process. Oh my goodness, is it a process. 281 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:14,480 Sometimes it is something you do once and you think, oh, I'm 282 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:16,360 good. But you know, forgiveness isn't 283 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:19,440 A1 and done thing. It is not a one and done thing. 284 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:22,000 And if you're beating yourself up because you're like, oh, I 285 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,800 said the words, I said, I forgive them, you know, boom, it 286 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,920 should be all better, but it's not. 287 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:29,320 I'm finding myself all angry suddenly about it again. 288 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,240 Again. That's not how forgiveness 289 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,680 works. It's OK that it's a process. 290 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,800 And you know, there are other things that we need to do if it 291 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:38,800 keeps coming back up to be healed. 292 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:42,440 But one and done is not a thing most of the time. 293 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,200 I mean, it can be done for sure. There's times when I'm like, I'm 294 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,120 just, I'm going to let it go. I forgive. 295 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:49,760 I release them to you, God, and then it's gone and I don't worry 296 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,120 about it again. But there's other times when I'm 297 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:56,680 like, Oh my gosh, he did it again, He did it again, he said 298 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:58,560 it again. And when I was going through my 299 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:03,520 divorce years and years ago, I really struggled because I was 300 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:07,720 dealing with a very, very abusive verbally, emotionally at 301 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:09,760 times physically too. But when I was going through the 302 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:12,440 divorce, I had restraining order and I was safe, right? 303 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:17,640 But when I was dealing with the verbal stuff that I was getting 304 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:20,560 in, in a text message and stuff before I put the boundaries on, 305 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:23,520 OK, we can talk about boundaries, but man, and we will 306 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,080 in a moment. But before, so where I put those 307 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:29,760 boundaries on, I realized that I was hurting all the time. 308 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:33,320 Like I was taking on new wounds, right? 309 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:38,720 It was like being in the middle of a war and I had no armor and 310 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,320 I was just being like shot at from all sides. 311 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,080 And I just couldn't even catch a break. 312 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:46,040 I couldn't heal before a new wound would come. 313 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,760 And I remember having to go before the Lord. 314 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:52,720 And I was very intentional during this season where I would 315 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:56,000 put my kids to bed at night and I would get my journal and my 316 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:59,920 pen and I would say God, and I would just spew it out on the 317 00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:01,400 pages. This is what he said. 318 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,120 It was so bad. I wrote down everything. 319 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:07,440 I wrote down all the things he said about me, all the things he 320 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,880 might, you know, he text me that day, all the things that 321 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:11,680 happened and all the stuff, right? 322 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:14,280 I would just write it all down and I would just cry out to the 323 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,320 Lord and say this is what happened. 324 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:19,320 What do you say? And help me, help me to forgive 325 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,240 this. And I was so intentional about 326 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:23,000 it. I remember going to counseling 327 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,440 and my Christian counselor gave me this book about how to 328 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,760 forgive, you know, walk through that intentionally as I would go 329 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,560 through my prayer time, my journaling, and then I would get 330 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,040 into that. It was a little tiny short book 331 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:37,080 because when you're going through some stuff, it's really 332 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:40,160 hard to like, focus on reading. But I was so intentional. 333 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,760 I was determined not to live bitter. 334 00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:46,960 I was determined to live better. And I remember my son came up to 335 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,160 me at one point during this process. 336 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,840 He was about 12. And he said, mom, you know, I 337 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,200 was talking to my friend. He's going through his parents 338 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:57,600 are going through divorce. And I just encouraged him and I 339 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,720 and he was telling me the most beautiful things. 340 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:02,920 And I was so proud of him about how he was helping his friend 341 00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:05,960 even in the midst of him, you know, having to go through some 342 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,520 of these tough things as well and forgive. 343 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:12,720 And he was sharing something about how maybe the parent was 344 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:14,760 talking bad about the other parent. 345 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,800 And I chose not to do that to my children for sure. 346 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:22,359 And he said, yeah, I just told him my mom, she doesn't do that. 347 00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:24,119 She doesn't talk bad about my dad. 348 00:17:24,319 --> 00:17:26,800 She chose to get better and not bitter. 349 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,560 And when he said that to me, it was like an atomic bomb of like, 350 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,040 what? That's how he feels. 351 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:32,480 Thank you, Lord. It was one of those 352 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:35,120 transformational moments that shifted something in me. 353 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:39,200 And I was so thankful that that's what he got, that he saw 354 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:42,600 that because it was my heart to be better and not bitter. 355 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,680 Because the Bible tells us that bitterness is wrought to our 356 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,440 bones. And I didn't want to be walking 357 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:51,200 around with rotten bones because I was holding on to bitterness. 358 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:54,080 I'm not going to walk around with bitterness in my bones and 359 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:57,080 cause myself bone cancer or any other things that we could 360 00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:59,520 possibly have from walking around all puckered up and 361 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:01,360 angry. And there's a lot of physical 362 00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:03,760 things that happen when we walk around with a bunch of anger. 363 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:06,760 You know, we could get into it, but we won't, you know. 364 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,720 So I was really intentional though, with this journaling. 365 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,120 You know, I wrote down everything, every offense. 366 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,480 And some of the lists were really long, OK? 367 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:18,360 Some of them were pages long and pages long. 368 00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:21,280 And then one by one, I would go through those things after I 369 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:24,040 like spewed them all out. And I would say Lord, you know, 370 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,800 I would ask him help me because at first I didn't know how to 371 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,560 forgive. So I had to ask God to start to 372 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:30,280 teach me. And this is what he taught me. 373 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:32,280 And that's why I'm telling you this today, because I started 374 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:34,680 listening to God about how to forgive. 375 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:38,800 And I would say like, I forgive him her for And then I would 376 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:42,400 list out whatever it was that I was upset about individually. 377 00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:45,600 Like I would say it about each sentence basically. 378 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,680 And it took time. So I'm not saying this is an 379 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,880 easy thing and I'm not saying it's a one and done thing. 380 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:53,640 Sometimes it took a few minutes, sometimes it took weeks. 381 00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:57,640 And sometimes that old wound would come back up and I'd find 382 00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:02,200 myself like enraged or, you know, sad or scared again and, 383 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,400 you know, feeling like a victim. Like, how could this happen to 384 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:05,360 me? You know, blah, blah. 385 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:08,240 And then I would just remind myself, I was like was stop the 386 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,000 spiral and I'd say Nope, I've forgiven them. 387 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:14,560 Remember, I release them into God's hands and I would do that 388 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,000 again and again. I release them to you, God, I 389 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,720 release them. This is not mine. 390 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,920 I trust you. You got me. 391 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:24,080 You are my advocate. You are the one that fights for 392 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,480 me. I don't have to fight for 393 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,880 myself. And unforgiveness is not helping 394 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,000 me. It's hurting me. 395 00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:33,480 And slowly the sting of all of those offenses started to lessen 396 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:34,960 and my heart started to feel lighter. 397 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:39,280 So when a woman listens to God, she doesn't just forgive once. 398 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:43,360 She practices forgiveness until her words actually become her 399 00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:45,600 reality. So, you know, forgiveness 400 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:49,680 doesn't mean that we have to stay in a unhealthy or toxic 401 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,760 relationship or environment. OK. 402 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,560 I just want you to understand that that's not what forgiveness 403 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,920 is meant for. You know, there's people in our 404 00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:58,200 lives. I lived in this. 405 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,400 I shared already a little bit about this, what I call, you 406 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:04,560 know, being in relationship with repeat offenders. 407 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:08,040 You know, you desire to have relationship with this person so 408 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,320 bad or you're afraid of loss of love. 409 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,920 So you just keep putting up with crap and you just keep allowing 410 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:17,120 people to hurt you because you think, well, I have to, right? 411 00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:20,880 I forgave them, so I should let them continue to do whatever it 412 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:23,800 is or say whatever it is. And that's not what that means. 413 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:27,400 OK, so there are times that. That we need to set up 414 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:30,760 boundaries so these repeat offenders is what I call them, 415 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:35,120 people that continuously do things to harm us in some way. 416 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:36,760 And they're not trying to repent. 417 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:39,400 They're not trying to say sorry, OK, And they're just going to 418 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,920 keep causing harm. They're not genuinely repentant. 419 00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:46,680 There's a difference between saying I'm sorry and really 420 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:50,400 genuinely saying, I am so sorry that I hurt you. 421 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:53,120 I am so sorry. I didn't mean, that's not what I 422 00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:55,400 meant. It shouldn't have came out that 423 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,240 way or whatever. But then there's those other 424 00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,560 people that are like, well, it's because you did this or I said 425 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:01,000 that because you're a this or you. 426 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,920 No, no, no, no, no. Or people who are constantly 427 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:07,960 defending themselves, you know, saying like, well, I had a right 428 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,160 to talk, you know, terribly crazy to you. 429 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,600 No, no, they don't. OK. 430 00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:16,560 No, they don't. Forgiveness does not require 431 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:20,520 continued relationship. It requires that you release the 432 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:21,960 grip that they had on your heart. 433 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:25,760 OK, boundaries and forgiveness go hand in hand. 434 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:29,760 It's OK to set boundaries. And I think that ladies, we have 435 00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:32,720 the hardest time with us. Boundaries is like saying no. 436 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:36,240 When we talked about in week 1 a little bit of that about how 437 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,480 it's OK. You know a woman who listens to 438 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:42,400 God knows when to say no and say is this good or is this God? 439 00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:45,520 Is this something I need to say yes to all the things I'm ever 440 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:48,080 asked to do. I'm like the world's worst at 441 00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:51,760 this sometime where I'm like, no, I don't want to do it. 442 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:55,160 And then I'll say yes, sure. And then I'll be resentful and 443 00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:58,000 mad and like, gosh, I don't even want to be or why did I do this? 444 00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:02,840 And I've really learned to say yes to the things I mean and no 445 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,680 to the things that I'm like, I mean, yeah, that could be a good 446 00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:09,240 idea or maybe. But I'm like, no, no, I'm just 447 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,720 not going to do it. OK, so boundaries are good, you 448 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:14,400 know, and setting boundaries in relationships with people who 449 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,800 are repeat offenders is a good thing, too. 450 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,840 You know, the analogy that I, when I was sharing about 451 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,720 somebody, I've had several different repeat offenders in my 452 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:24,960 life that I've tried to keep relationship with. 453 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:28,360 And probably because it was like a fear of loss of love, you 454 00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:31,360 know, and I wanted that relationship to work so bad and 455 00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:34,280 wanted, you know, this friendship to work so bad or 456 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:36,800 whatever it was that I was just letting them kind of keep 457 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:39,720 treating me like crap. And that's when I realized what 458 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:43,600 I was doing was like putting my hand in the mouth of a dog that 459 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,280 keeps biting it. Why would you keep putting your 460 00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:49,240 hand near a dog that keeps biting your hand? 461 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:51,800 I mean, that's silliness. But that's what we do when we 462 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,000 say, oh, it's OK. And then we just try to sweep it 463 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:57,280 under the rug or we become the rug and let people wipe their 464 00:22:57,280 --> 00:23:00,280 feet all over us. That's not what God asks us to 465 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,600 do, OK? That's not what she does. 466 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,880 Because when a woman listens to God, yes, she forgives freely, 467 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:08,800 but she also guards her heart wisely. 468 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:12,480 And that doesn't mean putting up a fortress of hardness that says 469 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:15,120 you will never enter in and you don't let people in. 470 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,640 And boundaries are different than walls, OK? 471 00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,840 Boundaries are more like a fence, which we're not going to 472 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:22,120 get into teaching on boundaries. I could do that, but I won't. 473 00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:25,680 But boundaries consider them more like a fence, not a fence, 474 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,440 but a a fence that you would put around your backyard, that 475 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,160 there's a gate that you can open and close. 476 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:34,080 A wall is more like something you put around. 477 00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:36,880 Like think about the wall around a city. 478 00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,840 The Israelites walked around this wall of Jericho. 479 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:43,040 OK, think about that kind of wall where it was an 480 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:47,160 impenetrable fortress. That's not the kind of thing 481 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,320 that we need to do to guard our heart. 482 00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:52,280 We just need to keep, you know, a gate where it's like, OK, open 483 00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:53,680 the gate. Oh, oh, you don't belong in 484 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:54,680 here. I'm going to go ahead and let 485 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,360 you exit freely, and then I'm going to close the gate. 486 00:23:57,760 --> 00:23:59,880 You're not allowed in. But who else would like to come 487 00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:01,800 into the garden of my heart, right? 488 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,880 So how do we forgive? Let's practically talk about 489 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:07,600 this. Here is a framework that helped 490 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:10,800 me. So if you want some type of 491 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:14,680 framework to get started to figure out how do I even begin 492 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:17,800 to forgive Catherine, this is what the Lord taught me. 493 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:23,120 First off, we have to name it. We have to identify what it is 494 00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:26,960 that we are even upset about because you can't forgive what 495 00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:28,720 you don't even know is going on in there. 496 00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:31,120 So ask the Lord, what do I need to forgive right now? 497 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:34,480 And you may know it immediately. And then after you get to the 498 00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:37,120 point where you're like, I think I've done it all, just ask him, 499 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:39,240 OK, is there anything else that I need to forgive? 500 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:41,080 Is there any other person I need to forgive? 501 00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:43,880 And this is like the kind of work that most people aren't 502 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:46,800 willing to do. So if you're doing this, listen, 503 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:52,120 I am applauding you so big, like standing up, hands in the air, 504 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:55,280 cheering for you like your biggest cheerleader because you 505 00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:59,320 were in the top 1%. Most people will not do this. 506 00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:02,640 This is hard work, OK? This is hard work and hard work. 507 00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:04,960 This is, you know, turning off Netflix. 508 00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,960 This is not scrolling Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, all the other 509 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:10,640 bajillion distractions we have vying for our attention. 510 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:12,920 This is you saying, no, I'm going to shut it down and I'm 511 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:14,640 going to focus on The Voice of God. 512 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,920 What are you saying right now? God, what do you want me to see? 513 00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:21,560 What do you want me to hear? And being quiet and still so you 514 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,680 can hear what is it that he's saying? 515 00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:26,080 OK, the doing this work is actually something most people 516 00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:29,720 will never do. So if you actually do this, I am 517 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:33,280 so cheering for you right now because your freedom is on the 518 00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:35,760 other side of this. And this is a continued process. 519 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:39,080 Again, OK, so step one, name it, decide what it is. 520 00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:43,120 Step 2 is releasing it. Just literally say, God, I 521 00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:46,440 release everyone and everything to you. 522 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,680 Lord, I release everyone and everything to you. 523 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,600 But I would even encourage you to get very specific. 524 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:53,920 I release so and so for doing this thing. 525 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:58,400 I release such a such person for saying this flippity flop thing. 526 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:04,000 Okay, even if you don't feel happy about it or, or like I'm 527 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:05,720 going to go have coffee with them tomorrow. 528 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:09,440 No, no, no, just do it, OK, You just release it, OK? 529 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,280 It's not in your hands anymore. It's like a hot potato, like not 530 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:14,280 mine, OK? It's not yours. 531 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:17,280 It's not yours to carry. It was never meant to be yours 532 00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:20,400 to carry. And if you want your peace back, 533 00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,040 if you don't have peace and you want your peace back starts 534 00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,360 right here. Because if you don't let go of 535 00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:28,200 what you're holding on to and choose to forgive you, it's like 536 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:32,440 you're closing off the doorway of your intimate with the 537 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:35,280 Father. Because Jesus even tells us in 538 00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:38,680 the Word, if you don't forgive, your Father in heaven can't 539 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:42,480 forgive you. And I was like, OK, that's whoa, 540 00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:44,280 I don't know about that. That's a lot. 541 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:48,080 What if I don't forgive, then God can't forgive me. 542 00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:52,440 OK, so if I don't forgive and I'm walking around in 543 00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:56,160 unforgiveness, it's a stronghold and the enemy has access there. 544 00:26:56,480 --> 00:27:00,800 And I refuse to let the enemy have access in my life, like 545 00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,560 willingly and knowingly if I know about it. 546 00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:06,800 And I'm choosing to hold on to it because I'm stubborn and I'm 547 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:10,280 trying to be, you know, have justice and, and all the stuff 548 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,920 that we want. And, you know, I feel justified 549 00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:15,560 in the, you know, upsetment or offense. 550 00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:19,160 No, that's silliness because I don't want the anime to have a 551 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:22,800 foothold anywhere. So releasing it is super 552 00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:24,720 important. OK Releasing it. 553 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,400 And it doesn't mean you're saying it's OK. 554 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:29,680 We've already established that. But I just really feel like I 555 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:32,360 need to say that again. Because you may be thinking 556 00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:35,240 about some things right now. This may be stirring some things 557 00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:37,000 in you. And you're like, oh, my gosh, 558 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:38,560 yeah. But Catherine, you don't even 559 00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,320 know. Like, this happened and this is 560 00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:41,720 impossible. Like, I can't do that. 561 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,160 I can't release that. I can't release forgiveness for 562 00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,680 this thing or that person. Yes, you can. 563 00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:48,680 You can ask God for His strength. 564 00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:53,160 You can do it and I mean it, OK? I mean everything. 565 00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:56,920 If you can imagine the worst case scenario of that you can 566 00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,920 possibly imagine, you can. You can forgive. 567 00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:03,000 And that is why I am not easily offended. 568 00:28:03,360 --> 00:28:06,680 I am not an easily offended person because I choose to 569 00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:11,000 continuously release as quickly as I notice it. 570 00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:13,680 OK, I may not notice it right away, I might get really upset 571 00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:15,240 about it. Like Sunday for instance. 572 00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:17,720 This past week I got really upset about something in my 573 00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:21,880 thought life and I was driving. I was totally fine, felt good, 574 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:24,240 everything was awesome, sermon at church was great, everything 575 00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:27,480 was fine, nothing was wrong, and I suddenly remembered an offense 576 00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:30,480 that I have towards somebody and I thought I had released it. 577 00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:34,120 Like I said, it's not a one and done, but I ended up angry 578 00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:37,840 within seconds and I was like oh like I'm so mad about this. 579 00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:39,800 I can't believe her. Like why would she do this to 580 00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:41,120 me? It's so unfair. 581 00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:43,680 It's not right. It's just awful. 582 00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:46,520 And then I realized, oh, like pretty quickly I was like, OK, 583 00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:48,920 if I'm angry about this, then that means I need to deal with 584 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:52,480 it. And dealing with it doesn't mean 585 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:57,000 that I'm saying, well, if that person chooses to ever come back 586 00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:00,960 into my life, then I should automatically trust them again 587 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,600 and everything will be fine. No, there's going to be some 588 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:06,160 consequences. There's going to be consequences 589 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:08,880 from from the Lord. There's going to be some, you 590 00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:11,160 know, strangeness in the relationship for a while, maybe 591 00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:14,480 some a lack of trust for quite some time, maybe. 592 00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:17,480 I mean, I don't know. If reconciliation is possible, 593 00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:20,400 great. If it puts you in a safe place, 594 00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:22,720 great. And maybe it takes a while to 595 00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:27,200 establish that trust again and to rebuild what has been broken, 596 00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:30,320 you know, and, and maybe it'll never be the same, but, you 597 00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:32,680 know, if reconciliation is possible, that's awesome. 598 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:36,880 But in this moment, I realized I was holding on to this offense 599 00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:38,720 and I let it go as quick as I can. 600 00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:43,600 This is why I find that I don't get easily offended by most 601 00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:46,200 people. I do get triggered by just like 602 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:50,720 3, I'll be honest, like 3 where I'm just like, whoa, OK, Lord, 603 00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:52,880 these people in my life are very hard. 604 00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:55,880 But most people, I just kind of let things go. 605 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:57,760 I let things go really, really quickly. 606 00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,280 I don't like think, what does she mean by that? 607 00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:01,840 Or what did they? When I don't do any of that, I 608 00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:06,200 just move on with my life legit. But if it comes up and I find 609 00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:09,120 that I'm angry about it, that's when I go, OK, wait a minute. 610 00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:10,800 It's like an alarm system. Something's wrong here. 611 00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:13,560 I need to release. And that's one way that you can 612 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:17,280 determine, have I really forgiven myself somebody else? 613 00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:22,960 Whatever is, is there still that sting and anger that's attached 614 00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:25,720 to the thought of what they did? Like I said, we can't forgive 615 00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:28,120 and forget. Like I'm doing quotes right 616 00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:30,440 here. You can't see it, but we don't 617 00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:33,440 forget. But when we think of it 618 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:36,960 randomly, like when I was driving in the car, if, if we're 619 00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:39,800 like just thinking of it and it's something that happened and 620 00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:43,200 there's no real big heightened emotional response, yeah, you've 621 00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,440 forgiven and you that's great. You can move on. 622 00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:47,800 Your thoughts can go somewhere else, like, oh, there's a 623 00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:50,160 butterfly. But if you're like, Oh my gosh, 624 00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:52,360 oh, I can't believe. And then suddenly you're like a 625 00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:54,200 volcano trying to erupt everywhere. 626 00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:58,320 OK, that means you need to go get your prayer closet or my 627 00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:01,680 prayer chair or take a walk, whatever it is you need to do. 628 00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:06,080 OK, so step #3 after you release it, by saying God, I release 629 00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:09,800 everyone and everything to you. And even saying that you can 630 00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:11,880 even do that right now. Just say this, like practice 631 00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:14,240 this for a second and see what happens to your shoulders. 632 00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:19,920 Just notice this when you say I release everyone and everything 633 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:24,240 to you, Lord, whoa, like, oh, even me right now, like my 634 00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:27,160 shoulders fell because I don't want to carry that anymore. 635 00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:31,040 It's so fantastic. OK, so step #3 in this framework 636 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:34,800 is to ask for truth. Write down the lie, write down 637 00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:37,560 what was said about you, write down what happened to you. 638 00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:39,880 And then ask God, what do you say? 639 00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:43,600 Who do you say that I am? What do you say about this 640 00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:46,360 situation? And let him rewrite the 641 00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:48,240 narrative. It's really important. 642 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:51,240 Then step #4 is to set those boundaries. 643 00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,280 It's really important. If you need to set healthy 644 00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:56,120 boundaries around a repeat offender, do that. 645 00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:59,920 So forgiveness without boundaries is enabling. 646 00:31:59,920 --> 00:32:03,920 If you continue to allow people to just walk all over you and 647 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:07,920 you're like, you know, there's this doormat and you know, you 648 00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:11,480 can be very kind and nice to people but still have 649 00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:15,240 boundaries. Like I am very kind to people. 650 00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:19,760 I do serve as best I can. But part of being a Christian is 651 00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:23,280 not being like the nicest person you can possibly be. 652 00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:25,040 There are times I'm not really nice. 653 00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:27,320 There are times I'm like, Oh no, she did not. 654 00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:29,040 I'm going to tell you what, you're not going to talk to me 655 00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:30,800 like that. I mean, there's times when I 656 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:35,400 could get like snappy. Oh no, I do not think so, right? 657 00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:37,200 You're not going to talk to me like that. 658 00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:40,160 That is not OK at all. So make sure you're setting 659 00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:41,760 those boundaries when you need to, OK? 660 00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:45,600 You can walk around being kind and nice to people without being 661 00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:48,560 a doormat, OK? And then Step 5 is just repeat 662 00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:50,920 as needed. Forgiveness is a practice. 663 00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:53,440 It's not something you're going to do perfectly, and it's not 664 00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:55,560 always something that's going to happen immediately. 665 00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:59,440 And it may just take a process. So friend, forgiveness is not 666 00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:02,240 about excusing the past. But we don't have to let the 667 00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:06,400 pain of the past keep dragging itself around, you know, with 668 00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:10,360 us, keeping us bound and hindered so that we can't run 669 00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:12,720 our race with endurance because we're exhausted. 670 00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:17,480 You know, forgiveness is about releasing the pain of the past 671 00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:22,200 and releasing what's been done to you to the Father so that you 672 00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:25,640 can begin to identify as free versus a victim of whatever 673 00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:29,640 situation, OK. And allowing yourself to choose 674 00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:34,680 a free future, one that's full of peace and actually has more 675 00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:37,320 joy in it. It's one of the bravest and 676 00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:39,080 boldest things that you can actually do. 677 00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:42,400 So right now, I want you to picture that one person, that 678 00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:45,360 one situation that's been weighing on your heart and hold 679 00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:48,680 it before the Lord and just pray this simple prayer. 680 00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:51,920 Lord, I release everyone and everything to you. 681 00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:55,880 And this could even be something that you're holding on to about 682 00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:58,760 yourself. So when a woman listens to God 683 00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:02,000 in forgiveness, she's not weak, she's not naive. 684 00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:05,120 She's powerful. Because she's no longer chained 685 00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:08,040 to the story of what's happened. She's free to step into the 686 00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,880 story of what's next. And that my friend, is where 687 00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:14,159 peace lives. If you need some resources on 688 00:34:14,159 --> 00:34:17,800 practical ways that you can start to release the weight of 689 00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:21,040 unforgiveness and every heavy burden that is just weighing you 690 00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:24,199 down, I want you to go check out my website, catherinemay.com. 691 00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:28,239 You're going to find a list of courses, resources like books. 692 00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:31,480 My podcast links are there, and you can even grab my healing and 693 00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:33,159 truth journal that I know is going to. 694 00:34:33,159 --> 00:34:37,440 So bless your socks off. So go to catherinemay.com and 695 00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:40,199 find out more. Thanks for tuning in today, 696 00:34:40,199 --> 00:34:42,560 friend. If this episode encouraged you 697 00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:44,960 or gave you something to think about, would you just take a 698 00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:48,560 moment to leave us a review here on the show or share it with 699 00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:50,679 somebody who needs it too? Because this would mean the 700 00:34:50,679 --> 00:34:52,840 world. And remember, this journey isn't 701 00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:55,440 just about pushing harder. It's about letting go of what's 702 00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:58,560 been weighing you down so that you can run your race with 703 00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:02,760 endurance and lead from a place of freedom, clarity, and peace 704 00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:05,640 that God's designed for you. You were never meant to carry it 705 00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:08,080 all. You were meant to run free. 706 00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:09,880 And I'll see you and the next one.