1
00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:04,240
So I'm sure you recognize the 
irony that at this very moment, 

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when we're all out of routine, 
many of us exhausted from a busy

3
00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:12,320
and overwhelming or possibly 
even disappointing Christmas, we

4
00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:16,480
are suddenly bombarded with a 
barrage of both other people's 

5
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:19,720
celebrations of achievements of 
the year, which can often make 

6
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us feel lacking and at the same 
time a load of New Year, New Me 

7
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:29,360
posts, exercise and fitness ads.
And then to top it off, not only

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do we have ADHD and all of the 
usual struggles that that brings

9
00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:38,400
is also the darkest and coldest 
and likely skintest time of the 

10
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:41,640
year. 
So if you are sitting on the 

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sofa right now, it's dark 
outside, and you're feeling 

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disappointed, deflated, or 
perhaps inflated and inept, we 

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00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:53,200
want you to know that you are 
not alone. 

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In fact, starting in just a few 
days from now, you're invited to

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a free peer support group to 
connect with other ADHD adults 

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of marginalized genders and you 
do not need an ADHD diagnosis to

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attend. 
If you are local to air in 

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Scotland and in England, 
Birmingham, Runcorn, London, 

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Bristol, Manchester or Oxford, 
we would love you to come along 

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to an ADHDAF Plus charity 
support group. 

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And if you're not local to any 
of those areas, but you are 

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based in Scotland, England or 
Wales, you can apply to 

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volunteer to start your own 
monthly ADHDAF Plus support 

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group and all details are in the
show notes. 

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This month's topic is New Year, 
Same ADHD and SAD. 

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And you know what? 
I was actually going to call it 

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same me ADHD and SAD And I, I 
realized actually quite how much

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I have changed this year. 
And actually we're all changing 

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all of the time. 
Particularly when you get the 

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massive plot twist, you find out
that you have ADHD, so much 

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changes. 
So no, we're changing all the 

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time, but our ADHD, as much as 
that can change and our symptoms

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can fluctuate throughout our 
hormonal cycles and lifetimes, 

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is still the same condition. 
It isn't going anywhere. 

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And now we're faced with 
potentially seasonal affective 

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disorder as well. 
So I'm joined by volunteer Co 

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facilitators of the Oxford Group
to discuss this topic, to give a

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flavour of what our support 
groups are like if you're 

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thinking about attending 1. 
And so that all listeners around

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the world can get some 
validation and information on 

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this month's topic. 
And before we dive in, I just 

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want to say all details tells 
about ADHDF Plus charity, which 

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we launched this year, inspired 
and informed by the work of this

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00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:51,600
podcast and its community of 
listeners is available in the 

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00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:54,440
show notes. 
So including the brand new blog 

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00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:57,920
with details of how to sign up, 
female reminders for your local 

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group and to volunteer or 
donate. 

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We will cover some triggering 
topics. 

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So please have a read of the 
trigger warning too, where 

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you'll also find a link for 
resources for support. 

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So ADHDF plus Oxford Legends, 
would you like to introduce 

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yourselves? 
Yeah. 

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So I'm Claire. 
I'm 42, it was diagnosed with 

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inattentive ADHD at 39 years 
old. 

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It's a strange feeling when you 
actually realize you've been 

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ADHD AF your whole life. 
You got rubber stamped at that 

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point. 
I met Kirsty because she was a 

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person who listened to the 
podcast who lived nearby and we 

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we had like a first date didn't 
we? 

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In Oxford I went to the museum 
together and then sat and 

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chatted all things ADHD and it 
was life changing. 

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That's amazing. 
That is exactly the reason why 

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this charity exists is because I
witnessed first hand the life 

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changing connection of bringing 
people together in their local 

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areas and it all happened 
through the podcast community, 

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which is magical. 
So thank you so much for joining

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me, Claire. 
I feel like it's really weird 

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when we're doing in shows. 
What star sign are you? 

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I'm an Aquarius. 
Oh, Aquarians are the rarest 

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star sign. 
Not in Oxford. 

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00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:16,959
My birthdays are only a week 
apart. 

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I am Kirsty and I was diagnosed 
at 42, so it's almost my 

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three-year anniversary standard.
Everything suddenly made sense 

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came to be doing this through 
listening to the podcast, 

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meeting other people in the 
community like the lovely 

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Claire. 
As an aside, I completely forgot

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we'd never met before. 
We went, we met up that day. 

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Remember turning up and being 
like so nervous. 

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00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:44,600
Having kind of community has 
been been so instrumental in me 

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kind of finding my feet. 
And whilst it's it's a, it's a 

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bit of a bumpy Rd. with its ups 
and downs. 

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It's given me so much. 
So yeah, doing the support 

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00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:58,240
groups is again, another game 
changer and something that is so

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00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:01,680
incredibly important and means a
lot to both of us. 

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00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,800
So to be able to do it in an 
area where there isn't really 

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00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:08,960
very much face to face stuff and
certainly not specifically 

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00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:12,080
targeted at people like us, it's
good to be doing it. 

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00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:15,080
It's amazing. 
I'm so grateful and we've had 

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00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:16,840
such amazing feedback about your
groups. 

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00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:20,480
And so my whole life has been 
anxiety and depression, but not,

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00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,760
not well treated. 
I wonder why. 

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00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:27,920
And so now I know actually, it's
not that it's just a cannot turn

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my brain off. 
It's the the 50 radios at the 

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00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,320
same time. 
Yeah, no one else can hear. 

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00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:36,040
And not knowing which one to 
listen to or indeed had to turn 

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00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:37,640
them off. 
Yeah. 

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00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,360
And. 
Are you medicated? 

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00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:43,120
I'm not medicated, no. 
I was initially, and then there 

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00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,840
was the shortage. 
I couldn't get a prescription 

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00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:49,000
because come to the end of my 
titration at about the same time

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00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:55,760
as the shortage and change GPS 
and my new GP will not provide 

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00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,480
shared care. 
And so. 

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00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:00,720
Is it something? 
That you want to want to 

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00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:02,920
revisit? 
Did you find it helpful or not 

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00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,240
really? 
Actually asking if I could 

106
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:08,280
switch medications because what 
I was taking, I wasn't finding 

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00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:11,520
it life changing. 
And I know not everybody does. 

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00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:13,960
And actually I think it's quite 
important to say this. 

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You see so much where people go,
Oh my God, I took my first one 

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and oh, the whole world was 
fine. 

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I'm like, it wasn't ever like 
that for me. 

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A bit of a complicated situation
and I will wanting to change. 

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And then everything ran out and 
I couldn't change. 

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And then Psychiatry UK went, oh,
by the way, we've titrated you 

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now. 
So, so yeah, it has. 

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That bit has been awful. 
But that's been ages now, like 

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18 months, two years actually, 
of not being medicated. 

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I think of probably Zen 4. 
I think I have such low 

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00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,920
standards for myself that I was 
just fucking chuffed. 

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I'm just like. 
Yay. 

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Like I, I left the house and I 
actually finished my family and 

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00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:01,320
I right. 
And I really didn't, I think I 

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00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:04,720
was lucky that I started on L 
vans or perhaps it is just that 

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it works me and that's that. 
I think whatever they'd have 

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started me on, I would have 
stayed on because I was just 

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like, brilliant. 
Cheers then. 

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00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,400
Thanks. 
And I do think it's really 

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interesting. 
But for myself, I think, and I 

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say it a lot to people, is 
often, well, really, you're not 

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supposed to feel like you're on 
drugs. 

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And the result of it is so 
subtle in the daily that I think

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it's more when you look back 
like a year later to be like, 

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00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:32,520
because you've still got it 
right. 

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It's not going anywhere. 
I feel like we are never going 

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to get onto this topic if I 
don't shut the hell up. 

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But it does work because what 
we're saying is new year, same 

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ADHD. 
But before we dive in, just to 

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really give the listeners and 
potential attendees a feel of 

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how groups go, IE not with me 
rambling on like that. 

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We always start the support 
groups with a non cheesy 

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icebreaker, which not everybody 
has to do. 

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00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:03,360
Just if you want to to eradicate
the shame and to make everyone 

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00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,240
understand that it's a safe 
place to share. 

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00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:07,920
We are see infamous question 
from the podcast. 

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What is the most ADHD thing 
you've done this week? 

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00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,880
Would either if you care to 
share yours. 

147
00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:18,000
On Christmas Eve I was going to 
go to my partner mourner's house

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00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:20,640
and I had it all planned. 
I was going to get the train to 

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00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,600
hers. 
She was going to drive us both 

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00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,000
back to my mom and dad's the 
next day. 

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00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,360
She's a vicar, so she had 
churchy things to do on 

152
00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:30,160
Christmas morning. 
So I booked the train and then 

153
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:34,039
when I was at work about a week 
before Christmas Eve, a friend 

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00:08:34,039 --> 00:08:36,600
asked me what I was doing, said 
I'm getting the train after 

155
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,200
work. 
What time's your train? 

156
00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:42,320
0640? 
So I finished work at six on a 

157
00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:45,760
Wednesday. 
I hadn't actually factored the 

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00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:50,000
journey time between work in 
Whitney and getting to Oxford on

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00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:53,000
Christmas Eve. 
And it's definitely a 30 minute 

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00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,760
journey, but Christmas Eve is 
likely to be longer than 30 

161
00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:57,520
minutes. 
There was no way I was going to 

162
00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:01,160
get that 640 train. 
So I panic bought another ticket

163
00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:06,320
at a great price, a lot of money
for a bit later. 

164
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:09,960
It got to Christmas Eve and 
actually I was able to leave 

165
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,080
work early. 
They I work in a doctor's 

166
00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:13,560
surgery and they let us all 
leave early. 

167
00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:15,560
So. 
Then you didn't need the other 

168
00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:17,520
one anyway. 
I didn't need the other ticket 

169
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,720
but the first train had then 
been cancelled. 

170
00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:25,760
So at 4:00 my darling dad sent 
me a text and said I'll pick you

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00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:28,360
up, I'll take you to mourners. 
So my dad drove me to to 

172
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:33,280
Northampton, which is about an 
hour and 20 minutes away because

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00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:36,680
I was going to be hanging around
for like 3 hours to get my 

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00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:38,760
train. 
So he drove me there and I got 2

175
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:41,040
mourners 2 hours earlier than if
I'd got the train. 

176
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:46,600
So it all worked out but it was 
like honestly, what's the other 

177
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,160
one? 
The other one is I had a massive

178
00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:54,840
falling out with my brother just
before Christmas over something 

179
00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:57,480
really quite silly and it was 
all done over text and voice 

180
00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:58,680
notes and. 
I got. 

181
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:01,400
That's the point, isn't? 
It it's the worst I got. 

182
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,400
I didn't have any time to put 
around and see him. 

183
00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:07,320
I got really upset by it, 
absolutely dreading Boxing Day 

184
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:08,480
when I'd see him. 
And guess what? 

185
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:11,920
It was absolutely fine. 
It was all fine and everything 

186
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:15,480
is OK. 
And it was those stupid, really 

187
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:18,360
shitty daydreams that absolutely
made everything worse. 

188
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:22,120
But yeah, that was my other one.
Was just having a meltdown about

189
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,080
the fact that I didn't ever want
to see my brother ever again 

190
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:27,840
because we've fallen out. 
I think there are many listeners

191
00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:29,440
that can hard relate to that 
one. 

192
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:34,400
And Kirstie, what's yours? 
So mine's also funnily enough, a

193
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:38,240
slightly ADHD tax one as well. 
I got everyone's presents. 

194
00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:41,400
I was, you know, actually 
managed it apart from apart from

195
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,480
my brothers which got cancelled 
and I didn't see the 

196
00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:45,400
notification from Amazon. 
So when I went to Rapid on 

197
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,840
Christmas Eve, I was like, where
is it? 

198
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:50,920
And I sort of went online to 
check and they were like, your 

199
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:53,720
order was cancelled. 
I was like, brilliant, thanks 

200
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:57,320
for that. 
But yeah, I panicked, went out 

201
00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,520
in the more on Christmas Eve 
morning because I decided that I

202
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:01,200
hadn't got everyone enough 
presents. 

203
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:03,960
I just suddenly, do you know 
this one? 

204
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:07,280
I suddenly was like, I haven't 
put enough effort. 

205
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,240
I got all the couples, just a 
little thing. 

206
00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:11,760
I'll wrap it up and that'll just
be a little extra and then I'll 

207
00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:17,960
feel better about it, right? 
I spent like £70 on these 

208
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,880
things. 
Did I remember that they existed

209
00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:24,720
until Boxing Day, after 
everybody had left? 

210
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:26,800
No. 
So they're sitting in my 

211
00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:30,840
bedroom. 
Can you take them back? 

212
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:31,840
I'm wrapped. 
I'm. 

213
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:34,920
No, because what did I do? 
Do you like a receipt? 

214
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:38,240
No, no, I don't need a receipt. 
It'll just go in the pile of 

215
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,400
paper. 
Well, next. 

216
00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:43,480
Is Christmas shopping done? 
Yeah, Sarah, yeah. 

217
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:46,120
No, it's perishable. 
It's perishable goods as well. 

218
00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,680
No, it's fine. 
It's it's it's the kind of thing

219
00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:51,080
that can be easily be regifted. 
And that is just classic. 

220
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,680
That's absolutely classic of me.
Like I'll be like, no, it'll be 

221
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:54,280
fine. 
It'll be fine. 

222
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,840
And then I'm like, OK, fine. 
And then last minute, suddenly 

223
00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:01,120
I'll be like, actually, and then
I'll overthink it and then just 

224
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:05,160
panic and like, do something 
really unnecessary. 

225
00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:07,440
Once I've done that, it's gone 
from my brain because I'm not 

226
00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:08,240
thinking about it. 
Yeah. 

227
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:09,480
Yeah, yeah. 
Oh great. 

228
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:13,200
And that's a little £70 I spent.
I didn't need to spend like, oh 

229
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:16,240
God, but yes, never mind, Never 
mind. 

230
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:18,440
I mean, I'm eating. 
I'm eating the fancy panettone. 

231
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:22,320
That's that got open. 
You'll never guess what I did. 

232
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:25,080
So I ended up going to Ibiza. 
I hadn't really thought it 

233
00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,640
through. 
Obviously it was such a kind of 

234
00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:31,200
rushed visit, like it was such a
short amount of time to get 

235
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:35,640
there and and leave again and 
try and see people and try and 

236
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,680
do stuff. 
And so it was this really rushed

237
00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:40,600
thing. 
I was minding friends cats on 

238
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,880
the day I got there. 
I really wanted to be helpful to

239
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:46,080
them, not thinking about the 
fact ever that like I can't 

240
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:49,840
drive, you know, all of the 
practical things like you can't 

241
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:54,040
drink the tap water, you know, I
might need to eat something. 

242
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,640
Got them a way to do what they 
were doing and then was like, 

243
00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:59,160
right, do a bit of work and then
I'm going to meet my friends and

244
00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:00,200
I'm going to do all of this 
stuff. 

245
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:06,240
So anyway, I woke up on 
Christmas morning with about two

246
00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:09,520
mouthfuls of water to drink and 
not a scrap of food in the house

247
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:14,240
alone on Christmas morning. 
No, anyway, that was fun. 

248
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,960
So I just sat sat there. 
Because The thing is, it's like 

249
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,960
it's a logical chain of events 
that got me there. 

250
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:23,800
But like, you still wake up and 
think, how did I do this to 

251
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:24,800
myself? 
This is awful. 

252
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:26,360
Like I should have done that. 
I should have thought, why 

253
00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:27,960
didn't I think of that? 
Why didn't I think of that? 

254
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:30,960
It's like because you've still 
got this thing. 

255
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,200
Exactly. 
Yeah. 

256
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:35,560
Yeah, and you're out of routine 
and you're in a different place 

257
00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:37,240
and you're trying to, you know. 
You did. 

258
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:40,160
You did the main goal. 
But like all of those steps in 

259
00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:41,720
between. 
It's the details. 

260
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:45,960
The details. 
Different food is fine, but in 

261
00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,880
any case I did go for a nice 
walk to the beach in the morning

262
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:52,320
and I did find a cafe, so I got 
coffee and drinks and cousin, so

263
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:53,400
it was fine. 
Excellent. 

264
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,560
Yeah, it was a little bit of a 
kick in the teeth alone on 

265
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,400
Christmas morning to have 
literally nothing to eat or 

266
00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:59,760
drink. 
But what I will say is because I

267
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:02,280
was away, I didn't get any of 
the normal Christmas food. 

268
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:06,280
So I've just treated myself to 
some cheese because I've had no 

269
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:10,040
cheeses for the Macy's at all. 
I feel like I'm turning into a 

270
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:10,760
cheese. 
Did you? 

271
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:13,080
Just say. 
Did you just say? 

272
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:16,680
Jesus Christ. 
She's just, I didn't even 

273
00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:19,440
realize. 
Well that is the most as you 

274
00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:21,080
think. 
Thank you so much for sharing. 

275
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:23,960
As I was saying before, despite 
what media including social 

276
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:27,360
media and society are hammering 
into us right now, if you are 

277
00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:30,680
online it is constant and 
brutal. 

278
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:35,280
You are not a broken version of 
yourself needing to be fixed and

279
00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:40,240
2026 upon us, you will be. 
Well, we said we change a bit, 

280
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:43,520
but for the most part pretty 
much the same person that you 

281
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:47,120
were just a few hours or minutes
before the clock strikes 12. 

282
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:51,160
We are here for a relaxed and 
informal chat much like the 

283
00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:54,320
group sessions. 
And truthfully as much as we are

284
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:57,280
here to help, as you can hear, 
we've all got the thing. 

285
00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:01,640
So we're not sitting here like 
gurus or experts. 

286
00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:05,520
We are here to help. 
But primarily we are here to 

287
00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,720
hold. 
We're not here to hype or you 

288
00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,200
know, we're not here with the 
answers. 

289
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:13,560
We're not here as as people that
are cured of ADHD. 

290
00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:17,840
This is a no bullshit on his 
chin wag to validate, shame, 

291
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:21,520
eradicate and connect with like 
minded ADHD adults of 

292
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:25,120
marginalized genders. 
How do you both feel about New 

293
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:26,400
Year's resolutions? 
How's it? 

294
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,520
Have either of you made any? 
No, I hate that I can't. 

295
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:31,520
I can't so much gym membership 
today. 

296
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:35,960
Yay because I haven't. 
I've been for ages. 

297
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:38,040
If I'd done it when I first 
thought of it, I wouldn't be 

298
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:40,680
paying money months tomorrow 
because I left it. 

299
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:45,280
You have to get 20 days notice. 
So I now have it until February 

300
00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:48,240
and to be honest, by that point 
I might have got off my ass and 

301
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,680
started kind of going again 
sometimes. 

302
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,080
But I have subscribed to 
something else. 

303
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:56,880
But it's an online at home thing
and it's because I'm not feeling

304
00:15:56,880 --> 00:16:00,320
good not doing anything. 
And I haven't been for a while. 

305
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,920
And it's for various reasons. 
But it's got nothing to do with 

306
00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:06,040
the kind of whole new year, new 
me thing. 

307
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:10,080
Like it's just because I knew I 
needed to kind of start doing 

308
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,000
something to make myself feel a 
little better. 

309
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:16,280
I'm honestly, to all intents and
purposes at the moment, a bit of

310
00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:19,560
a basket case and it's a bit of 
a, it's a bit of a bitter pill 

311
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:22,480
to swallow because I was doing 
pretty well. 

312
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,760
And I feel like this year has 
just been a bit of a massive 

313
00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:28,920
backslide for me. 
And it's been very hard that 

314
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:33,520
entire time not to be comparing 
where I should be because I was 

315
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,240
there. 
So I should be back further 

316
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,240
along. 
And actually, I'm, I'm further 

317
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:41,240
back, but there's so many things
that are playing into that at 

318
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,960
the moment. 
And I know what they are. 

319
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:48,560
And something I also know and 
that I repeat all the time and, 

320
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:51,640
and I have done to many people, 
particularly over the last few 

321
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:52,920
months. 
It isn't linear. 

322
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,880
Recovery from anything isn't 
linear. 

323
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,240
It's about the things that 
happen to you along the way, if 

324
00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:02,280
that makes sense, rather than, 
you know, there's no end point. 

325
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:05,119
This is the goal and it'll 
change. 

326
00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:10,280
The goals change all the time, 
you know, So at the moment my 

327
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:14,440
goal is just to kind of feel OK,
to be honest with you. 

328
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,880
My goal, OK, yeah, My ultimate 
goal is to be this kind of like 

329
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:20,520
shiny person who can do all the 
things and you can like, yeah, 

330
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:23,319
great, brilliant, whatever. 
But that's not realistic. 

331
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:27,440
And so I'm not even going to try
for that actually at the moment.

332
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,160
I'm just going to try and get 
the basics in place, which are 

333
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,200
just, you know, being a bit 
kinder to myself, making sure 

334
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:36,400
I'm, you know, get trying to do 
the things that help me to sleep

335
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,800
well, that help me to eat 
regular meals, which, yeah, it's

336
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:42,360
just this is the thing. 
I'm struggling with the basics 

337
00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:46,560
at the moment. 
So to kind of be bombarded with 

338
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:50,360
all the, you will be this, 
you're a menopausal, well, 

339
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:52,640
perimenopausal women. 
So you should be having this 

340
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,000
much protein, doing this much 
weight bearing exercise. 

341
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,560
You should be having these 
macros and eating these 

342
00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:01,160
supplements and rah rah, rah. 
I have unfollowed so many 

343
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,360
accounts. 
Yeah. 

344
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,840
And I still am. 
I did it again today, unfollowed

345
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:09,280
a whole bunch of stuff because 
every time I go on Instagram I 

346
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:13,480
come away from it feeling a 
little bit worse and I'm 

347
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,840
actually being quite conscious 
about what I'm following at the 

348
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:17,960
moment and it's not helping. 
It's still. 

349
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,400
Happening. 
You said that any kind of big 

350
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,000
goals are unrealistic at this 
point. 

351
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:25,840
What is it that that brought you
that realization of needing to 

352
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:29,120
just focus on the basics and not
put loads of pressure on 

353
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:30,720
yourself? 
It's setting myself up for 

354
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:33,880
failure. 
I know that in a week I've got a

355
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:37,840
fairly good chance of managing 
to get myself to bed by 11:00 

356
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:41,840
each night, putting on X amount 
of muscle and being able to 

357
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:43,960
suddenly lift X amount of 
weight. 

358
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,600
That is not an achievable goal 
at the moment for various 

359
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:50,080
reasons. 
If I've got the basics in place,

360
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,680
that gives my that gives my 
brain a chance to kind of feel a

361
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:55,800
bit better because I am I do. 
I do get season affective 

362
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,360
disorder and it has hit me 
really, really hard this year. 

363
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,520
I've been dealing with 
perimenopause, which has been 

364
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,800
very unfun, and progesterone 
intolerance, which has been a 

365
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:07,840
whole nother hideous barrel of 
laughs and trialing, you know, 

366
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,480
progesterone only pills, which 
sent me completely off, 

367
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,880
completely off the deep end. 
As you both know, it's almost 

368
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:17,160
like duck and cover just doing 
doing like sort of the getting 

369
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,600
the emergency things in place to
look path to myself and keep 

370
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:23,960
myself feeling all right until I
get to the point where I can 

371
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,840
start doing a little bit more. 
And I think the goals that 

372
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:31,120
you're talking about are the 
goals that haven't got a 

373
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:34,680
specific point you're reaching. 
You're not reaching like this 

374
00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:38,840
one figure or this one thing. 
It's got to be flexible because 

375
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:42,080
we know that every day is 
different and our capabilities 

376
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,920
within every day are completely 
different. 

377
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:48,200
And I, you've worked used my 
worst words so many times that 

378
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:52,120
should, should, it's the worst 
word. 

379
00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:54,560
Like who says you should be 
doing this and should be doing 

380
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:55,560
that? 
Yes, we know that there are 

381
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:58,640
things that we can do that are 
really good for us. 

382
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:02,120
Getting the right amount of 
sleep and getting the right 

383
00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:05,840
nutrients and the right amount 
of exercise and daylight and all

384
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:09,640
of that stuff. 
But there's so much shame when 

385
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,600
you don't do it because 
everybody's telling you that you

386
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,160
should. 
I should be. 

387
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:17,520
Shaking up and makes us going. 
For a walk and going to the gym 

388
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,760
every day or doing, doing yoga 
every day or, you know, at 

389
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,440
lunchtime I must be doing this 
and having a nutritionally 

390
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:25,960
balanced meal. 
Oh my God, I'm I'm lucky if I 

391
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,160
managed to get a bit of toast in
my Bob at the moment. 

392
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,640
It would be like, do you know 
what? 

393
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,760
Eating something is a win? 
Yes. 

394
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:35,280
It's like if it's a colourful 
something that came off of a 

395
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,680
plant. 
Well, bloody pat on the back for

396
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,040
me. 
Absolutely. 

397
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:40,760
You know what I mean? 
Yeah. 

398
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:42,440
OK, great. 
I shouldn't be having sugar. 

399
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:43,920
I shouldn't be having this. 
I shouldn't be having that. 

400
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:47,720
But also not having if. 
If not having any of those 

401
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:51,440
things means I don't eat well, 
that's not better. 

402
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:53,120
That's. 
Worse, absolutely not. 

403
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:57,640
It is worth something that has 
has caused me a lot of trouble 

404
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:01,040
over the years in this Safari 
and trying to figure it out. 

405
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:04,280
It's something that I hear so 
often is just be kind to 

406
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,080
yourself. 
Be kind to yourself, kind to 

407
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:07,920
yourself. 
And it's it's one of those 

408
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:12,640
things that I sit really even 
now quite uncomfortably with. 

409
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:16,880
Again, I'm going to say I might 
have a fair bit of expertise if 

410
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,320
we're going to use that word, 
which I hate using because I've 

411
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,880
put a lot of hours in. 
I'm telling, I'm saying this is 

412
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:27,280
my struggle and it is if I was 
to be kind to myself in the most

413
00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:28,920
basic form that I would think of
it. 

414
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:30,800
I don't feel like doing this 
thing. 

415
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,800
I don't really want to do this 
and I would rather do this. 

416
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:38,560
And I'm going to be kind. 
I tell you what, I literally 

417
00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:40,840
wouldn't get a thing done. 
I would sit in this house 

418
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:44,160
sporadically, go out to rave, 
like that's it. 

419
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:48,240
Like I would not do anything. 
So for me, so much of my 

420
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:53,320
motivation comes directly from 
the pressure that I put either 

421
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:57,880
directly on myself or the 
pressure that I sort of build 

422
00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:02,320
around myself, the network of of
deadlines and people that I need

423
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:06,200
to do things for that get me to 
actually fucking do anything. 

424
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:10,160
That's really genuinely true. 
So when we're talking about 

425
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:14,960
being kind to ourselves, again, 
it's so easy to have not only 

426
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:19,440
your own preconceived ideas, but
be really rigid in what any one 

427
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:22,320
thing can look like. 
You know this, everything black 

428
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:26,880
or white, there's so much grey 
area and actually being kind to 

429
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:32,880
yourself can look like being 
realistic with your goals. 

430
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:36,240
Yeah, and that's exactly. 
It fact that your your diet 

431
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,280
doesn't have to be perfect. 
It doesn't have to, you know, 

432
00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:43,720
being kind to yourself isn't 
just me listening to my internal

433
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,720
absolutely fucking ridiculous 
monologue and being like, wow, 

434
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:49,640
my brain's telling me this, so 
I'm going to be kind to myself 

435
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:51,600
and do fuck. 
All and buy. 

436
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:56,080
These ridiculous clothes or or 
respond impulsively to something

437
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,360
instead of taking a minute being
kind to ourselves. 

438
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:04,200
Is is a really complex ever 
going safari? 

439
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,080
I find this hard and I know you 
do as well. 

440
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:08,720
It's and then you just talked 
about it. 

441
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:13,320
It's it's the feeling like you 
have to be being productive all 

442
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:16,280
the time. 
I'm not very good at just 

443
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,760
relaxing. 
I'll be listening to a podcast 

444
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,920
about something educational 
while I'm in the bath with 

445
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:25,920
candles and bath oil. 
That's not normal. 

446
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,000
It is awful. 
But yeah. 

447
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,680
But The thing is, it means that 
I never have a break. 

448
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:35,480
It means that I never have any 
time to shut off and actually 

449
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,560
just relax. 
And so being kind to myself, 

450
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:42,080
I've listened to music and I've 
been watching absolute shit on 

451
00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,880
Netflix. 
I caned Emily in Paris and I 

452
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:46,280
loved every fucking second of 
it. 

453
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:50,640
So realize where about didn't. 
Feel like there are so many. 

454
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:52,640
Seasons I've done. 
Season 2 there's like. 

455
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,280
Five seasons. 
It's my favorite hate watch. 

456
00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:58,640
I love it so much. 
I love it so much. 

457
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:01,120
The clothes are awful and 
glorious at the same time. 

458
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:06,800
The other way that being kind to
myself looks is just the shit 

459
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:08,960
negative self talk and it's been
bad. 

460
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:11,760
And again, I think it's it's 
partly because of the season 

461
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:15,320
affective disorder, partly how 
Christmas is supposed to be this

462
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,240
brilliant, wonderful time. 
Laura, I left you like a 7 

463
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:20,880
minute voice note earlier and 
then deleted it because I was 

464
00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:23,760
like Jesus Christ, she does not 
want to listen to that. 

465
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:27,600
No, it's literally me wheezing. 
Oh mate. 

466
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,440
And now I'm like, I should have 
just sent it because you would 

467
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:32,960
have cracked up. 
I don't fake, I don't cook, I 

468
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:34,120
don't decorate anything. 
What's the point? 

469
00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:35,760
I've got my little bedroom and 
it's just sad. 

470
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,760
I, I spend it with my family, 
who I love very much, but 

471
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:43,000
they're all in a very secure 
place. 

472
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:46,160
They're all with their partner 
who they're with in this long 

473
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,960
term, who is a very, and they're
both and they're all very solid 

474
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:51,760
together and not really there 
for each other and like a proper

475
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,440
team kind of thing. 
And not something I've really 

476
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,880
tended to have in my 
relationships that they all now 

477
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,440
own their own place. 
Even my little sister who's 14 

478
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:01,560
years younger than me. 
I'm so pleased for her. 

479
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:05,080
I know that comparison is the 
thief of joy, but it's very, 

480
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:09,760
very, very difficult not to feel
incredibly lonely in that. 

481
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:13,760
I completely relate. 
I've felt like a complete alien 

482
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:17,520
all of Christmas because it's 
this milestone and this time of 

483
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:19,640
like reflection. 
You're always reflecting on 

484
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,480
where you're at in your life 
whilst at the same time being 

485
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:25,360
brought together with people and
celebrating all of these ideals 

486
00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:29,520
like family and success coming 
into the new year, etcetera. 

487
00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:32,600
That really heightens all of it 
for me. 

488
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:37,400
I have felt brutally broody all 
of Christmas, and I've spent 

489
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,520
time with lots of different 
friends and their families, 

490
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:43,640
family and their children and 
it's, yeah, it's been really, 

491
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:46,640
really awful. 
But I have to kind of remind 

492
00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:50,240
myself that most of the time I'm
not broody. 

493
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,040
This is literally what I was 
replying to in that voice now. 

494
00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:56,640
It was like, I know I don't want
to have a baby. 

495
00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:58,840
My God. 
I can't think of anything that 

496
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:00,520
would be more stressful for me 
right now. 

497
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:05,680
Like it's not, but at the same 
time, my God, I really feel. 

498
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:09,040
I feel like. 
I've made the my family, I feel 

499
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,120
not my family obviously, like 
they're all, you know, great 

500
00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:13,240
here and great and whatever, you
know, brilliant. 

501
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:18,120
But I, I very much feel alone, 
like it is literally just me. 

502
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:20,840
It's literally just me. 
I think I think it's. 

503
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:24,000
It's really interesting as well 
what you said about not baking 

504
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:27,400
and all of this stuff. 
And I think I really feel that 

505
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:29,920
the pandemic did such a number 
aren't so many of us. 

506
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:32,280
Oh yeah, I learned to make 
sourdough and they never touched

507
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:33,880
an oven again. 
Yeah, like. 

508
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:37,160
I used to bake, I used to cook, 
I used to do so much stuff that 

509
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:40,120
I don't do anymore. 
And I do think also because we 

510
00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:43,160
were, we were, I think we would 
have had, we would have had IVF 

511
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,760
if it wasn't for the pandemic. 
It just didn't feel appropriate 

512
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:48,680
to go to the hospital when we're
being told that you can't even 

513
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:52,000
get bloody, you know, HelloFresh
delivered without getting a 

514
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:53,320
disease that's going to kill 
you. 

515
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:56,440
Do you know what I mean? 
As we have all of this, all of 

516
00:26:56,440 --> 00:27:00,320
these triggers, all of this 
stuff all around Christmas and 

517
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:05,040
regret and grief and all of the 
shit that can stir up, this is 

518
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:09,400
the exact moment when we are 
thinking that we're suddenly 

519
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:11,120
going to change everything. 
Yeah. 

520
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:15,000
I. 
Mean I can, yeah, it can be 

521
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:18,040
really hard to go from Christmas
into that new year. 

522
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:21,120
And I think for everybody, you 
end Christmas and then you're 

523
00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:22,840
like, oh, the whole new year 
ahead. 

524
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:25,840
I think like what you've just 
said, Laura, all of that stuff 

525
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:30,520
can hit so hard for us and 
Christmas wasn't exactly as you 

526
00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:32,600
pictured it. 
And that's it might be really 

527
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:35,360
tough or you did have a falling 
out with your family or you're 

528
00:27:35,360 --> 00:27:37,360
still actually mulling things 
over. 

529
00:27:37,360 --> 00:27:40,200
Like it was fine when I saw my 
brother, but this it's still 

530
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,480
going around in my. 
Head a little bit and. 

531
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:46,720
So actually like I, there's that
part of me that wants to go into

532
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:49,120
the new year and be like, I'm 
going to do this, I'm going to 

533
00:27:49,120 --> 00:27:50,280
do that and I'm going to do 
this. 

534
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:54,160
And then it will all be better 
and I'll be able to change those

535
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:57,200
bits of me that I'm struggling 
with now without actually 

536
00:27:57,200 --> 00:28:01,520
remembering that I'm 42. 
So let's say the last 20 years 

537
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:04,600
of being a grown up, nothing 
much has changed. 

538
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,520
Yeah, 2nd of January comes and 
I'm still the same fucking 

539
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:11,480
person with the same problems 
and the same issues and the same

540
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:14,360
things I'm going to struggle 
with plus more because I've just

541
00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:16,760
powered on all the pressure to 
be like, no, this is the year 

542
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,440
you can do it, Claire. 
That one year that I gave up 

543
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:23,120
alcohol for January and a glass 
of Prosecco on New Year's Day 

544
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,560
even done not even 24 hours. 
And I haven't. 

545
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:30,520
Even. 
I was like, oh, for God's sake, 

546
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:34,040
but then I just went, Oh well, 
that's it then, hasn't it? 

547
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:35,240
I've absolutely screwed that one
over. 

548
00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:38,280
I might as well just carry on 
drinking and I did instead of 

549
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:41,360
instead of doing what you think 
is far more sensitive going. 

550
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:43,400
Myself up and carry on, it's 
all. 

551
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:46,640
Right, like. 
Because because of that 

552
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:49,360
perfectionist bit of me. 
Well, yeah, it's January. 

553
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:52,560
So I fucked that one up and 
there's no point like it's 

554
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:56,160
pretending I've messed it up and
I might as well just carry on in

555
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:59,240
that mess instead of going I was
just one day, or it was just one

556
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:03,320
drink, or it was just one, one 
page of that bloody planner that

557
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:04,680
I didn't do properly. 
I haven't. 

558
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:06,640
Not well. 
Done. 

559
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:11,320
Don't. 
Every other real on Instagram is

560
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:15,360
look at this. 
It's the apps I'm getting 

561
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:18,040
bombarded with. 
I'll tell you what, one of the 

562
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:23,280
things that I've witnessed quite
often, something that I do have 

563
00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:27,440
experienced myself, but in a 
different way, is that I've seen

564
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:31,000
the massive sort out be a thing.
There's a few friends, you know,

565
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:34,480
divergent friends that are like,
right, I'm gonna sort my entire 

566
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,400
house out. 
I'm gonna organise everything. 

567
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:39,360
My bookshelf is gonna be 
alphabetical or colour coded. 

568
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:42,040
And then I'm going to take the 
clothes, I'm gonna sell them. 

569
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:44,640
I'm gonna do all of this stuff, 
take them to charity, whatever. 

570
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:48,200
And I'm gonna deep clean and 
then either running out of 

571
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:49,480
steam. 
Oh God. 

572
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:54,760
Yeah, that fear, that fear is 
what stops me starting that 

573
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,400
stuff, 'cause I'm like, we'll 
get to the point where I can't 

574
00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:01,040
do it. 
Yeah, well my trick is suddenly 

575
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:03,600
you turn around, you've done it,
I've done it, I've sorted my 

576
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:06,000
wardrobe out, I've got 
everything sorted fine down. 

577
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:09,320
You turn around and it's like, 
how is it back to square 1 

578
00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:12,520
again? 
In like, yeah, that's my thing. 

579
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:15,200
It feels like pointless. 
Yeah, I don't notice mess 

580
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:16,720
accumulate and then you turn 
around. 

581
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:20,240
It's like, fucking hell, did 
something load in here? 

582
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:23,000
Like, why is everything all 
around me and all these piles of

583
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:27,040
chaos when I literally about a 
week ago sorted everything out 

584
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:28,480
deep clean? 
Did it it? 

585
00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:33,480
Can be demoralizing, can't it? 
We've tried so hard to do that 

586
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:36,960
thing and then it doesn't last. 
No. 

587
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:39,120
Yeah, it should do, but it 
doesn't. 

588
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:42,480
It doesn't, and you know you. 
Have to Hoover like regularly, 

589
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:45,320
can't just do it once. 
Again, it's so rude, right? 

590
00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:52,400
I have to do it again. 
Oh my God, a laundry. 

591
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:59,000
It's quite like to laundry. 
I do think that like from my 

592
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:03,160
end, the biggest one and it's 
the one that is the most I would

593
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:06,920
say, or maybe that's just my 
feet the most kind of hammered 

594
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:11,640
into us is about weight loss, 
weight loss or weight gain, just

595
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:15,600
body control, food control, 
exercise control. 

596
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:19,400
And that is something that I 
have throughout my life and 

597
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:23,000
probably forever more will 
always struggle with and I think

598
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:24,240
will already be a trigger 
warning. 

599
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,960
But I am sorry if this 
triggering, but as somebody that

600
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:30,040
has struggled with various 
eating disorders in various 

601
00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:34,120
degrees, I have really struggled
this year because I put on quite

602
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:37,600
a bit of weight in grief. 
Some of us, you know, lose loads

603
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,480
of weight when we're grieving 
and I'm I'm the exact other way.

604
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:43,440
So put on weight. 
I actually see this as a bit of 

605
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:46,400
a win. 
I haven't actually let it stop 

606
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:50,240
me from doing anything. 
Whereas in the past I would have

607
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:51,880
been like, I can't go to that 
thing. 

608
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:53,360
I'm too, I'm going to say I'm 
too fat. 

609
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:55,440
I'm too fat to go to that. 
I'm too fat to wear that. 

610
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:56,880
I'm too fat to I'll just stay 
home. 

611
00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:59,160
I'll just stay home. 
And I haven't done that this 

612
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:01,760
year. 
So that is definitely a massive 

613
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:06,760
win for me, but I do worry so 
much about the Ozempic. 

614
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:10,600
And all of that stuff. 
It's, it's fantastic and it's 

615
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:13,880
helped so many people. 
But I've, I've managed to not 

616
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:17,120
cave, mostly because I'm too 
broke, but I've managed to not 

617
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:21,040
cave in and do it because I just
think that would not be good for

618
00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:23,280
somebody like me. 
Do you know what I mean? 

619
00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:27,760
No, and I what I found really 
scary, really, really scary is 

620
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:30,640
that that's what your feed is 
showing you. 

621
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:32,320
I don't have a lot of that 
stuff. 

622
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:34,760
I have a lot of the sort your 
ADHD mind out. 

623
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:37,600
This is how you do it. 
This is how you fix your. 

624
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:40,200
You fix your. 
Brain Yeah, this is how you. 

625
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:43,400
Sort out and organize your life.
This is how you get organized. 

626
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:45,280
I have. 
Nothing stuff that that's. 

627
00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:47,920
The stuff that I have and that's
that is the stuff that I've 

628
00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:51,320
always struggled with. 
So I've not struggled with 

629
00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:53,400
weight and I don't see a lot of 
that on my feed. 

630
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:57,520
I have a lot of the stuff that I
that's that the shame that I 

631
00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:00,320
carry, that's the stuff that I 
see in my feed. 

632
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:03,360
Isn't that I do need to get? 
Organised and and there's no 

633
00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:05,000
reason why you can't be 
organised. 

634
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:06,440
Yeah. 
Shame you do it, but. 

635
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:08,440
Here you go. 
We'll help you buy this. 

636
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:10,440
Yeah. 
Yeah, mine seems to be a lot of 

637
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:13,880
kind of get some self respect 
you need to put also and also 

638
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,480
start doing some weight bearing 
exercise you have. 

639
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:18,640
Yeah. 
No seriously, my feed is like a 

640
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:19,720
complete shit show at the 
moment. 

641
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:20,840
I don't know what I've been 
looking at. 

642
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:24,160
It's interesting, isn't it? 
Because as we know social media,

643
00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:27,560
that algorithm is just showing 
us, reflecting back to us our 

644
00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:30,920
version of the world and that 
very much plays into our own 

645
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:34,200
shame. 
That is one massive 1 to bear in

646
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:37,760
mind is not just social media 
hygiene, isn't it? 

647
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,600
It's not just about unfollowing 
things because as you said 

648
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:42,560
Kirstie, you've unfollowed loads
of shit, but it's. 

649
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:45,720
Curating what you're saying you 
are following, Yeah, yeah. 

650
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:50,040
It is, and also recognizing you 
have to put a cynical head on 

651
00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:53,080
and go the avatar. 
They, they want me to buy a 

652
00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:53,760
product. 
Yeah. 

653
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:57,160
Then they're not interested in 
how I am and my personal 

654
00:33:57,160 --> 00:34:01,120
development and the things that 
I want to improve at all. 

655
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:03,080
They just want me to buy this 
product. 

656
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:05,480
And if you can look at things 
like that, I think you just have

657
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:07,760
to be so careful because 
otherwise you do get sucked into

658
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,719
it and you know. 
It's not just the advertising. 

659
00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:14,199
You can meet people. 
There's like, you know, friends 

660
00:34:14,199 --> 00:34:17,960
who you love very much, but you 
actually are starting to get to 

661
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:20,560
the point where you dread one of
their stories popping up. 

662
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:22,320
If you're like looking at 
stories or something like that, 

663
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:26,920
because there's a 80% chance 
that it's gonna in some way make

664
00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:30,280
you feel insecure. 
Like start comparing yourself 

665
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:33,880
like FOMO Y, like any, any of 
those things. 

666
00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:36,679
And it doesn't make you a bad 
person to just be like, you know

667
00:34:36,679 --> 00:34:39,440
what, I need to not engage, like
engage with that at the moment. 

668
00:34:39,639 --> 00:34:43,840
So actually what I'm going to do
is I'm just going to meet that 

669
00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:46,520
person's stories for now, 
because I, I'm not in a 

670
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:48,960
headspace where I can deal with 
that. 

671
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:50,760
And. 
And it's OK to do that. 

672
00:34:51,159 --> 00:34:54,000
Yeah. 
It's healthy to be able to kind 

673
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:57,080
of kind of take stock of that 
and go actually, at the moment, 

674
00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:58,560
this isn't the healthiest thing 
for me. 

675
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,320
So. 
And if and if, you know, taking 

676
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:04,440
a break from social media isn't 
an option. 

677
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:07,160
I mean, I did it and a while 
ago, a couple of months ago, I 

678
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:11,680
had to because I was really not 
in a great headspace and I 

679
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:16,480
disabled my account for a bit 
and Oh my God, I loved it. 

680
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:20,800
I absolutely loved it. 
Being kind to yourself, I know 

681
00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:23,560
that whole kind of like new 
year, new me, you know, change 

682
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:25,760
everything, blah, blah, blah. 
But actually, sometimes that can

683
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:27,440
just look like taking a break 
from something. 

684
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:29,440
Yes, change one thing. 
Yeah. 

685
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:33,440
So I tried really hard to not 
look at my phone for the first 

686
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:36,120
hour after I wake up. 
And most days I manage it. 

687
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:38,880
That's a man. 
Because I haven't looked at it. 

688
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:41,120
I don't necessarily look at it. 
You're. 

689
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:42,960
Not in the habit of it. 
Yeah, I don't take it. 

690
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:45,960
With time to my desk, yeah. 
I think it's really important to

691
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:49,880
know a couple of things. 
Like obviously we know that ADHD

692
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,720
presents differently in every 
single individual and we've got 

693
00:35:52,720 --> 00:35:54,520
our different Co occurring 
conditions. 

694
00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:58,600
So ADHD can look so different 
between all of us. 

695
00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:02,200
I think it's really important 
that nobody who is listening to 

696
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:05,040
this, if you have made New 
Year's resolutions, if you do 

697
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:07,280
want to do the. 
Absolutely. 

698
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:09,520
Something we're not here to 
discourage you. 

699
00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:13,560
As I said, we're, we're here to 
hold, not to, not to judge. 

700
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:18,520
For some of us, it can be a 
really good motivator to set a 

701
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:22,360
goal, for example. 
But it's being loose and being 

702
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:25,560
gentle within that and trying 
like you said, Kirstie, 

703
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:28,280
realistic. 
So let's just say for example, 

704
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:31,760
the perfect example that you 
gave was eating full stop. 

705
00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:34,880
That is a realistic goal in 
which you are being kind to 

706
00:36:34,880 --> 00:36:36,680
yourself, being very fluid with 
it. 

707
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:40,360
And there's no like I will eat 3
square meals with vegetables 

708
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:43,160
with, you know, we're being 
realistic about it. 

709
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:47,080
In terms of goals, I've got a 
good one if anybody wants 1. 

710
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:52,040
The Big ADHD Fundraiser is 
fundraising for our charity 

711
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:54,680
again this year. 
And if you are somebody that 

712
00:36:54,680 --> 00:37:00,040
needs a goal, something to look 
towards, something to focus on, 

713
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:04,000
then I really recommend that 
because Darren and his team are 

714
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,320
fantastic. 
It's all about connecting with 

715
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:08,160
the community and supporting the
community. 

716
00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:11,040
So the Big ADHD fundraising 
Fraser is cycling. 

717
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:14,200
I'm not even sure if they've 
announced the route yet, but if 

718
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:18,520
you go to their website, 
soitsbigadhd.com, I think you 

719
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:22,000
can register interest at this 
point and they'll be in touch 

720
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,480
with you. 
There'll be different routes for

721
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,320
different what's the, what I'm 
looking for levels of, of being 

722
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:30,520
able to cycle. 
And all the money raised will go

723
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:34,200
towards ADHD adult UK. 
So that's the ADHD adults 

724
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:37,600
charity and us here, ADHD AF 
Plus. 

725
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:39,120
So it's all for a very good 
cause. 

726
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:42,600
So yeah, if you are somebody 
that needs a goal, then then. 

727
00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:45,600
That's a really good that it 
would be really amazing and I. 

728
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:49,880
It's nice because we know that 
it's happening in the summer. 

729
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:53,440
It's also a reminder that these 
dark days don't last. 

730
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:56,440
They don't, no. 
I do love having little goals. 

731
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:59,800
The only reason I don't like the
whole New Year, new me thing is 

732
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:04,280
because it's so loaded and it's,
yeah, such a cliche, but it is. 

733
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:06,400
It's such. 
A like part of me is a bit like,

734
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:08,920
I'm sorry. 
I'm not even know why the bloody

735
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:10,960
hell would I want to do that. 
And one of the ones that I 

736
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:14,520
really like is Atomic Habits. 
Yeah. 

737
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:16,480
Oh my God. 
Oh my God. 

738
00:38:16,720 --> 00:38:19,440
I mean, I've started, I say I've
started that book. 

739
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:21,920
I've started the audio can. 
I listen to you. 

740
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:25,240
So many times. 
I love it and I'm actually, I'm 

741
00:38:25,240 --> 00:38:28,240
gonna start it again soon. 
It's nice, isn't it? 

742
00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:29,560
It's exactly. 
It's. 

743
00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:30,480
Fair. 
Yeah. 

744
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:34,520
And actually, I think 
manifesting is hilarious, but I 

745
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:36,600
can't help it. 
You know what I'm like we were 

746
00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:40,760
Jason. 
I'm an Aquarius as well, so I 

747
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:43,160
don't, I don't know. 
Yeah, I can't help it. 

748
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:45,320
I like to, I like to 
analytically pick everything 

749
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:46,800
apart. 
I love that. 

750
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:49,800
So, yeah, Atomic Habits, there's
nothing aggressive about it. 

751
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:52,680
If you want to make some 
changes, very gently introducing

752
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:56,640
those changes in a manageable 
way, it's a really nice way of 

753
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:58,320
doing it. 
So yeah, that's, that was, that 

754
00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:01,720
was my, my, my little idea for 
the people who do want to set 

755
00:39:01,720 --> 00:39:05,520
goals and do want to do all that
stuff, because I do it all year.

756
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:07,640
It's just at this time of the 
year, I think it's a bit of a 

757
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:09,760
loaded gun. 
I just, I think it's setting 

758
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,000
ourselves up to feel like shit. 
And why don't we do that? 

759
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:15,200
It is, it is. 
And I like making setting goals 

760
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:18,360
as well and I like having 
resolutions and, and actually, 

761
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:21,840
sometimes that's where the ADHD 
hyperfocus can really come into 

762
00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:23,720
its own. 
And the things that I have 

763
00:39:23,720 --> 00:39:28,120
achieved when I have found the 
thing, but I really enjoy and 

764
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:31,320
I've carried it through. 
And I think the key is just 

765
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:34,240
being able to know how to be 
sustainable within that. 

766
00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:37,640
Yeah, yeah. 
Kindness to yourself is if it 

767
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:40,440
doesn't go to plan or you miss a
day or you miss a week or even a

768
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:43,640
month or whatever, Yeah. 
So it's not linear down. 

769
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:46,440
You've laid to Max, you're 
allowed to come back to 

770
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:49,440
imperfectly. 
Yeah, absolutely trying. 

771
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:52,360
To put that perfectionism at 
Bay, I think there's one more 

772
00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:55,000
thing that I want to say there. 
I've mentioned Manjaro. 

773
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:57,240
If you are on it, please don't 
think we're shaming you there. 

774
00:39:57,240 --> 00:39:59,440
This is a general. 
It's amazing drug. 

775
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:03,640
Here also, if you're somebody 
that wants to lose weight, if 

776
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:05,680
you're somebody that feels so 
uncomfortable at the moment that

777
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:07,920
you don't want to go out, like 
it's all valid. 

778
00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:10,400
Nothing that anybody is feeling 
is wrong. 

779
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:13,520
You are valid. 
I also want to say I've talked 

780
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:16,680
about social media and you've 
both said about kind of muting 

781
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:18,320
people. 
I've muted people, I'm following

782
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:21,120
people that make you feel less 
than or lacking. 

783
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:24,760
But I also want to say for some 
people, including myself, at 

784
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:29,560
times, I use social media to, I 
mean, my personal social media, 

785
00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:33,240
not the podcast or charities, my
personal social media to really 

786
00:40:33,240 --> 00:40:36,280
share happy times. 
And it's like a place that I can

787
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:39,320
come to and look back at and be 
like, oh, no, actually it hasn't

788
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:41,720
been a really shit man through a
shit week, shit life. 

789
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:43,120
I've done this, I'm missing 
this. 

790
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:47,920
So actually a bit like when we 
say we're not dressing for men, 

791
00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:51,760
we're dressing for ourselves. 
I sometimes feel that way or 

792
00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:54,920
often for that social media, I'm
not doing it for everyone else 

793
00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:57,720
to pat me on the back. 
I'm doing it for myself to be 

794
00:40:57,720 --> 00:41:00,520
like, look, you did do this and 
you have seen these things. 

795
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:02,880
And it is you've got to add 
these nice moments, these 

796
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:06,600
glimmers celebrate. 
So if you want, if that is a 

797
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:10,480
motivator for you and you 
actually feel better for 

798
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:14,760
celebrating your whims, don't 
feel too embarrassed or like 

799
00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:19,040
you're upsetting anybody else by
sharing your whims because oh, 

800
00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:19,880
I. 
Post. 

801
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:23,040
I celebrate, right? 
I'm bad at social media but I 

802
00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:26,480
post sporadically and it's 
things that make me happy or 

803
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:28,680
things that make me laugh. 
I do like to post from time to 

804
00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:30,640
time. 
It cheers me up, I'm happy and I

805
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:33,920
want to just post it. 
Partly to remind myself, because

806
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:36,440
The thing is my memory is not 
always that reliable. 

807
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:38,840
And I'll be like, oh, I haven't 
done anything good. 

808
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:41,800
But then I'll be like, actually,
what have I done over the last 

809
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:44,280
couple of months? 
And then I'll go onto my archive

810
00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:47,680
and I'll be like, Oh yeah, Oh 
yeah, Oh, that was really funny.

811
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:50,960
Oh, I forgot about that. 
Like, And it just, it does help 

812
00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:52,720
me. 
It makes me feel a little bit 

813
00:41:52,720 --> 00:41:54,560
better. 
I'm shit at it. 

814
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:57,120
I'm so bad at it. 
I'll spend 4 hours trying to 

815
00:41:57,120 --> 00:42:01,080
decide on the perfect piece of 
music, the perfect 25 second 

816
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:07,280
clip of fucking music to put 
with, to put with a video of, I 

817
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:10,120
don't know, my cat falling off 
its bed. 

818
00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:13,360
I like it. 
But that's for me, yeah. 

819
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:16,280
What we're really talking about 
here, when we're talking about, 

820
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:21,320
well, just ADHD, to be honest, 
but when we're really looking at

821
00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:24,200
trying to set goals, trying to 
stick to routines or even start 

822
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:28,520
them and Abbott's, why we're 
doing them is, is predominantly,

823
00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:30,360
it falls back so heavily on 
dopamine. 

824
00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:34,200
Time and time again, ADHD brains
have lower or less reliable 

825
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:37,160
dopamine, the chemical linked to
motivation and reward. 

826
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:42,120
Routines are repetitive and 
predictable, and that means that

827
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:46,800
they have a low dopamine payoff,
whereas novelty, urgency, or 

828
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:49,480
interests have high dopamine 
payoff. 

829
00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:53,360
So even at goods in invert 
commas, routine can feel 

830
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:56,600
painfully dull and that can make
our brains resisted. 

831
00:42:57,040 --> 00:43:01,200
So on top of that, we also face 
executive function challenges, 

832
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:06,040
which means that planning and 
initiating tasks, sequencing the

833
00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:10,200
steps to do them, the time that 
it will take to do them, and 

834
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:14,680
moving between task to task, all
of those things are challenging.

835
00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:19,320
A routine isn't one habit, it's 
many tiny decisions in the 

836
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:22,520
correct order. 
And when an executive function 

837
00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:26,080
is strained, routines collapse 
incredibly easily. 

838
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:30,480
So all of that is shared to say,
just take away that shame. 

839
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:33,040
If you struggle with routines, 
if you struggle to make the 

840
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:36,040
decisions that give you that 
long term game instead of that 

841
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:39,680
short term dopamine hit, Please 
remember, give yourself grace. 

842
00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:43,640
On top of that, as we've said, 
our dopamine is particularly low

843
00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:46,240
because of the time of year. 
Now I realize we've been talking

844
00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:50,000
about some time and we haven't 
really talked much on SAD, but 

845
00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:53,240
believe it or not, that is 
actually intentional because I 

846
00:43:53,240 --> 00:43:56,640
did another the episode totally 
focused on seasonal affective 

847
00:43:56,640 --> 00:44:00,600
disorder last January. 
So, you know, it hasn't changed 

848
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:04,480
much in the years. 
So, so listeners, I will put a 

849
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:07,080
link in the show notes to go and
revisit that episode. 

850
00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:10,680
But it's really, really 
important that we realize the 

851
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:14,200
role that that plays in our 
dopamine and in turn, our 

852
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:17,200
motivation. 
And in turn, you know, when 

853
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:20,560
we're making the wrong 
decisions, how that affects our 

854
00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:23,720
self worth, which in turn also 
effects our motivation. 

855
00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:28,120
And round and round we go In 
this cycle, we need to be 

856
00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:31,440
careful that we are flexible 
within our routines. 

857
00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:37,440
Try perhaps to use novelty 
somehow in whatever it is that 

858
00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:42,360
we want to achieve if we are 
aiming to do anything which we 

859
00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:46,240
don't fucking have to, no? 
We don't, we don't have to 

860
00:44:46,240 --> 00:44:47,760
that's. 
Here, that's what we've got to 

861
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:51,400
remember, isn't it? 
Like this is all this is all 

862
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:52,800
choice. 
I mean, beyond, you know, the 

863
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:56,200
things we have, we do have to do
to actually, you know, stay 

864
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:57,800
alive and keep a brief over our 
heads. 

865
00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:01,080
Boo boring all the other stuff. 
Pick and choose. 

866
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:05,080
Yeah, it's. 
A picture just if you're 

867
00:45:05,080 --> 00:45:09,920
struggling, just do the things 
that are necessary and if you've

868
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:12,680
got a little bit of energy 
leftover, do something that's 

869
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:15,000
going to give you a little bit 
more energy. 

870
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:18,920
And that's the thing that energy
is, is, is the number one. 

871
00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:22,320
It really, really is because our
energy is not consistent and is 

872
00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:25,120
particularly treated in darker 
months. 

873
00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:29,520
Yeah, at this time of year, it's
it's conserving, it is about 

874
00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:35,760
kind of resting and hibernating.
Because because pushing through 

875
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:40,560
low energy days, pushing through
those barriers can lead to 

876
00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:42,680
further exhaustion. 
So we're on that wheel of 

877
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:46,920
exhaustion and in burnout, which
as we know can be dangerous, 

878
00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:49,720
both medically dangerous. 
You could be hospitalized with 

879
00:45:49,720 --> 00:45:51,480
burnout. 
You could be out of work for 

880
00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:55,920
years, forever with burnout. 
And on top of that, you know it 

881
00:45:55,920 --> 00:46:00,000
mentally speaking, like burnout 
is dangerous, just as depression

882
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:03,040
is dangerous because of what we 
all know that can you need to. 

883
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:06,480
Yeah, and how it can skew your 
your feelings of well worth. 

884
00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:10,600
And that inner voice can be so 
loud, especially you know when 

885
00:46:10,600 --> 00:46:14,480
it when it is SAD times you get 
into that pit and it's much 

886
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:16,840
harder to get out. 
Yeah. 

887
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:19,680
Well, that's where that. 
Kindness comes in. 

888
00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:23,720
You have to understand it isn't 
forever like there is a light, 

889
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:27,720
it is just over there and where.
The days are sharing. 

890
00:46:27,720 --> 00:46:29,920
That they are. 
You can't really tell, but the 

891
00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:31,840
days are getting longer now. 
Well, there's. 

892
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:34,520
That knowledge helps you get get
through the day. 

893
00:46:34,600 --> 00:46:37,800
As you've, we've all said that 
we do struggle with SAD and that

894
00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:43,160
is a common struggle for ADHD is
do you have anything, and bear 

895
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:45,680
in mind what works for one might
not work for another. 

896
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:48,960
Do you have anything to share? 
Something that might be helpful 

897
00:46:48,960 --> 00:46:51,840
for any listeners that do 
struggle with seasonal affective

898
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:54,280
disorder? 
I will caveat it with saying 

899
00:46:54,280 --> 00:46:58,320
that I don't always manage to do
it and despite having a sad lamp

900
00:46:58,920 --> 00:47:02,440
and knowing how much it helps 
me, I do have a sunrise alarm 

901
00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:06,160
clock which helps. 
Being woken up by light helps. 

902
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:10,160
I try to use my SAD lamp because
I wake up before it's light, but

903
00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:13,760
getting daylight, it's the one 
thing they always say about 

904
00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:16,120
about season infected disorder, 
disorder and also about 

905
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:20,640
regulating your sleep as well. 
It really helps with your mood 

906
00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:24,600
to get bright light early on in 
the day and as much as you can 

907
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:26,840
as soon as you can after waking 
up. 

908
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:29,800
So whether that's going for a 
quick walk, taking your coffee 

909
00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:32,800
outside and wrapping up, taking 
coffee outside and sitting 

910
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:34,880
somewhere where you're at least 
getting some daylight in your 

911
00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:37,960
eyes makes such a big 
difference. 

912
00:47:37,960 --> 00:47:39,560
I have a SAD lamp. 
How often do you think I 

913
00:47:39,560 --> 00:47:42,880
remember to use it? 
What I do know is that when I do

914
00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:46,440
remember to use it, it really 
makes a difference. 

915
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:49,720
And it going outside and getting
that early morning light in your

916
00:47:49,720 --> 00:47:51,600
eyes makes such a big 
difference. 

917
00:47:51,600 --> 00:47:53,880
And if you can't do it first 
thing in the morning, step 

918
00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:56,000
outside at lunchtime. 
It's very easy, particularly 

919
00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:59,200
when a lot of us are working 
from home or aren't working. 

920
00:47:59,880 --> 00:48:03,680
Don't need to go outside. 
Like it's very easy to avoid it.

921
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:05,360
I do it. 
I do. 

922
00:48:06,480 --> 00:48:09,080
And very clumsy. 
When I lived in Aberdeen, the 

923
00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:12,560
whole of city was just like an 
ice rink and so I would go 

924
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:15,040
outside and this I had somebody 
to hold onto because I'm too 

925
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:17,160
dyslexic, too clumsy. 
I fall over. 

926
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:18,480
Yeah, we keep coming back to 
this. 

927
00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:22,840
Being kind to yourself. 
I've had some really rough days 

928
00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:26,520
in the last couple of months 
where it has felt doom and gloom

929
00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:30,360
and like this, you know, the 
what's the point feelings, yes. 

930
00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:33,880
And that's it's a horrible, 
horrible place to be. 

931
00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:36,920
But because I've had it twice in
the last couple of months, I 

932
00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:41,320
remember that it it gets better.
Yes, I felt like that, but I've 

933
00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:44,200
also feel like this. 
And so I will feel like this 

934
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:46,560
again. 
And I'm not always going to feel

935
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:48,120
like that. 
This way. 

936
00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:51,440
I'm telling somebody, tell 
somebody else, anybody just 

937
00:48:51,720 --> 00:48:55,240
mention to them just having a 
really shit day today where 

938
00:48:55,240 --> 00:48:57,760
everything feels really hard. 
You don't always need somebody 

939
00:48:57,760 --> 00:49:01,560
to solve your problem. 
Just saying those words, that 

940
00:49:01,560 --> 00:49:05,320
makes a massive difference, 
sharing how you're feeling that 

941
00:49:05,320 --> 00:49:08,440
day because that person would 
also remind you, are you feeling

942
00:49:08,440 --> 00:49:10,200
better today? 
And you suddenly go, Oh my God, 

943
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:12,960
actually, yeah, I'm feeling so 
much better today than I was 

944
00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:14,960
last week when I phoned you from
under the. 

945
00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:18,440
Duvet because I didn't want to 
face the world think that is 

946
00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:22,240
just so astute what you said 
because it had happened twice. 

947
00:49:22,560 --> 00:49:26,000
It made you recognize that there
was a period of time when you 

948
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:29,360
didn't feel like that. 
And therefore that means that 

949
00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:31,160
you can and you will feel 
better. 

950
00:49:31,160 --> 00:49:32,880
This is this is a transient 
thing. 

951
00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:34,840
It's moving. 
You won't always feel the way 

952
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:36,720
that you do. 
That is the most powerful. 

953
00:49:36,720 --> 00:49:38,560
Hard to recognize that 
sometimes. 

954
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:41,400
When it is, it is absolutely 
feels like. 

955
00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:43,920
It's always felt like this and 
it's always going to feel like 

956
00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:46,400
this and there's no way. 
Yeah, it's just another reason 

957
00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:49,280
to share it because actually the
the times I've felt like that 

958
00:49:49,280 --> 00:49:52,560
and I've shared it, somebody's 
come back and said you have been

959
00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:55,160
fine and you just need to 
remember that this is only going

960
00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:58,320
to be a day or two days or maybe
a week, but you will be okay. 

961
00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:01,400
And that's not linear. 
That is louder than that inner 

962
00:50:01,400 --> 00:50:03,560
critic that's saying you're 
always going to feel like this 

963
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:05,400
and there's no point in what is 
the point and you might as well 

964
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:09,920
just give up that other voice, 
literally somebody else's voice 

965
00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:13,720
saying no, you will be OK. 
Yeah, I'm going to offer an 

966
00:50:13,720 --> 00:50:16,960
alternative perspective to 
Kirstie's Get some daylight in 

967
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:17,960
your eyeballs. 
You. 

968
00:50:17,960 --> 00:50:21,720
Absolutely. 
Should do that if you can, and 

969
00:50:21,720 --> 00:50:24,800
I'm not exaggerating. 
Any of our Aberdeen listeners 

970
00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:27,720
will know that there is a period
of time in Aberdeen where it 

971
00:50:27,720 --> 00:50:29,880
doesn't get light. 
It doesn't. 

972
00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:32,440
Just as there is a period of 
time in the spring when it 

973
00:50:32,440 --> 00:50:35,280
doesn't get dark. 
We're that far north that it 

974
00:50:35,280 --> 00:50:37,800
doesn't really get light for a 
little while there. 

975
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:41,320
It's very, very hard to 
distinguish day and night. 

976
00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:45,880
What I found really helped me in
those very, very dark days was 

977
00:50:46,200 --> 00:50:53,200
kind of accepting the darkness 
and trying to trick myself into 

978
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:55,280
enjoying it. 
Again, I'm speaking from a 

979
00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:59,160
position as somebody who was 
working from home and what I do 

980
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:01,800
is I would literally batten down
the hatches. 

981
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:05,080
I didn't want to darkness. 
So I closed the curtains. 

982
00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:09,960
I put a nice lamp on and some 
fairy lights and like tried to 

983
00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:15,400
enhance the experience of having
doors and it being dark as if a 

984
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:17,760
bit like how we romanticize 
Christmas. 

985
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:19,640
I. 
Can't Polish at all, but you can

986
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:23,920
roll it and get her. 
Yeah, exactly that. 

987
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:26,240
Making the best of that, yeah. 
Yeah. 

988
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:30,680
You can fairy lights everywhere 
is that's what you need. 

989
00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:33,320
Yeah, I love that. 
Yeah, I did. 

990
00:51:33,320 --> 00:51:35,360
And I'd just be like, oh, isn't 
this lovely? 

991
00:51:35,360 --> 00:51:37,800
Even though I didn't really 
think it, I was like, fucking 

992
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:39,200
hell, will this darkness never 
end? 

993
00:51:39,200 --> 00:51:40,920
I was like, right, I'm just not 
going to look at it. 

994
00:51:40,920 --> 00:51:42,680
I'm not looking at the side. 
Both rain. 

995
00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:44,840
I'm not. 
Till you make it, I will be. 

996
00:51:44,880 --> 00:51:47,440
I am happy, I'm feeling great. 
I love this stuff. 

997
00:51:49,320 --> 00:51:51,760
But no, I did batten down the 
hatches. 

998
00:51:51,760 --> 00:51:54,720
So if you know that it's too 
dark, too cold and you're not 

999
00:51:54,720 --> 00:52:00,360
going to get any light high and 
enjoy this very differing season

1000
00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:03,240
as much as you can because at 
some point it will be really 

1001
00:52:03,240 --> 00:52:05,720
light and really bright and 
you'll be outdoors all the time,

1002
00:52:05,720 --> 00:52:07,240
you know? 
Make yourself as comfortable as 

1003
00:52:07,240 --> 00:52:10,280
you can in it. 
Yeah, exactly that. 

1004
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:14,200
And you know, Sarah Templeton 
from ADHD Liberty shared a 

1005
00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:16,920
really interesting reel the 
other day which I will put in 

1006
00:52:16,920 --> 00:52:19,840
the show notes as well. 
And she said that a doctor had 

1007
00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:24,440
given her the advice that if you
if you suffer from SAD and you 

1008
00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:29,120
have ADHD so it is often 
heightened, it is best to not be

1009
00:52:29,120 --> 00:52:32,760
outdoors when it turns from 
light to dark. 

1010
00:52:33,160 --> 00:52:36,120
Oh yeah. 
And she said, you know, if you 

1011
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:39,600
can get home before that part or
if you can close the blinds for 

1012
00:52:39,600 --> 00:52:43,120
that part, that actually for 
some reason that will be better 

1013
00:52:43,120 --> 00:52:44,920
for your brain. 
And I don't myself know the 

1014
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:46,600
science for it, but I'll try and
find. 

1015
00:52:46,600 --> 00:52:49,400
That's interesting. 
So anyway, it's not something 

1016
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:52,320
I've tried, but it's just an 
interesting thing that she says 

1017
00:52:52,320 --> 00:52:55,760
has really helped her. 
So that's worth it too as well. 

1018
00:52:56,040 --> 00:53:00,120
Things that we could try to do 
to best support ourselves with 

1019
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:04,320
both the pressures of the new 
year or the feelings of failure 

1020
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:08,160
of the previous year and this 
time of year when it is darker 

1021
00:53:08,160 --> 00:53:10,560
and colder. 
And one of the things that kept 

1022
00:53:10,560 --> 00:53:13,480
coming up for me was trying to 
be present. 

1023
00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:17,960
And actually perhaps that is a 
goal that we can try and set for

1024
00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:22,760
ourselves and potentially keep 
each other accountable for in 

1025
00:53:22,760 --> 00:53:25,560
some way. 
It's like being here in the here

1026
00:53:25,560 --> 00:53:28,160
and now. 
Because my dad has a very funny 

1027
00:53:28,160 --> 00:53:30,040
Irish expression. 
He calls himself the man from 

1028
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:32,480
the Bog. 
But his his expression, if 

1029
00:53:32,480 --> 00:53:35,440
you've got 1 foot in yesterday 
and 1 foot in tomorrow, then 

1030
00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:38,360
you'll piss all over today. 
That's brilliant. 

1031
00:53:38,360 --> 00:53:43,960
I love that, feels so good. 
So I think it is, it's a good 

1032
00:53:43,960 --> 00:53:47,240
thing as as difficult as the 
here and now can feel. 

1033
00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:51,120
Perhaps it only feels so 
difficult because of that 

1034
00:53:51,120 --> 00:53:55,040
comparison, The comparison to 
the past and the comparison to 

1035
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:58,280
the future vision of where we 
want to be and actually here and

1036
00:53:58,280 --> 00:54:01,720
now, even if it's cold and dark,
how we can best support 

1037
00:54:01,720 --> 00:54:03,800
ourselves in that coldness and 
darkness. 

1038
00:54:03,800 --> 00:54:07,760
And as ever, it's leaning into 
community, acknowledging what 

1039
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:10,880
feels difficult to try and find 
ways to support ourselves in 

1040
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:14,600
there and that present being 
present here now, and any other 

1041
00:54:14,600 --> 00:54:17,920
pearls you might have to to part
in words for our listeners. 

1042
00:54:18,360 --> 00:54:23,520
I have found that the group 
every time I've left, I've left 

1043
00:54:23,520 --> 00:54:29,360
on a high and it doesn't matter 
how I felt going to it and, and 

1044
00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:32,480
I'm not saying this because I 
run a group and I want everyone 

1045
00:54:32,480 --> 00:54:36,360
to come because I absolutely do,
but this is how I felt leaving. 

1046
00:54:36,880 --> 00:54:39,960
Yeah. 
Having chatted to other people 

1047
00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:44,920
who completely get it and people
who are self diagnosed and or 

1048
00:54:44,920 --> 00:54:47,880
have been diagnosed for ages or 
have only just recently been 

1049
00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:50,480
diagnosed. 
Everybody we can all share how 

1050
00:54:50,480 --> 00:54:54,240
we're feeling and and it's not 
and and never ever feel judged 

1051
00:54:54,680 --> 00:54:57,760
yes and and never ever feel like
oh, that was a bit weird. 

1052
00:54:58,280 --> 00:55:03,880
I always come out feeling 
validated and supported and 

1053
00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:09,240
understood in a way that I have 
never in my entire life felt 

1054
00:55:09,240 --> 00:55:12,400
ever. 
So if you can find a group and 

1055
00:55:12,400 --> 00:55:15,720
share how you're feeling with 
other people who get it, it is 

1056
00:55:15,720 --> 00:55:18,600
life changing it. 
Truly is for all of us aliens. 

1057
00:55:19,040 --> 00:55:21,160
We're really not ever alone. 
It is just. 

1058
00:55:21,360 --> 00:55:23,720
No, no, you aren't. 
You just need to find your 

1059
00:55:23,720 --> 00:55:24,400
people. 
And yeah. 

1060
00:55:26,160 --> 00:55:30,360
So we do know that it is very 
tempting to hunker down, batten 

1061
00:55:30,360 --> 00:55:33,240
down those hatches, like I said,
and not come to the January 

1062
00:55:33,240 --> 00:55:36,080
support group. 
And if that feels right for you,

1063
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:40,080
then we totally respect that. 
But also it would be wonderful 

1064
00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:42,440
if you did go to one. 
It would be real. 

1065
00:55:43,200 --> 00:55:45,880
I mean, I've actively. 
Support group details. 

1066
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:49,640
The second Wednesday of the 
month at Headington Quarry 

1067
00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:53,200
Village Hall begins at 7 and 
finishes at 9:00. 

1068
00:55:53,320 --> 00:55:54,600
We can't. 
Start. 

1069
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:56,720
We don't normally start on the 
dot. 

1070
00:55:56,720 --> 00:55:58,320
We're going to be my next 
sentence. 

1071
00:55:58,640 --> 00:56:00,520
We're quite flexible about what 
time we start. 

1072
00:56:00,600 --> 00:56:02,960
I think it's important just to 
try and kind of connect to 

1073
00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:04,840
people. 
And I have a tendency where I'm 

1074
00:56:04,840 --> 00:56:08,720
not feeling great to kind of 
shut myself off and isolate. 

1075
00:56:08,880 --> 00:56:13,400
I have never walked out of there
feeling anything but 100% 

1076
00:56:13,480 --> 00:56:15,960
better. 
Like it's, it's, I mean, you 

1077
00:56:15,960 --> 00:56:17,680
know, obviously it doesn't solve
all my problems. 

1078
00:56:17,680 --> 00:56:20,680
No, the problems don't go away. 
No question. 

1079
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:23,840
It makes it lighter. 
It feels lighter. 

1080
00:56:23,840 --> 00:56:26,920
I feel lighter because, you 
know, I've had, I had an 

1081
00:56:26,920 --> 00:56:29,480
opportunity to connect with 
people who get it. 

1082
00:56:29,640 --> 00:56:32,760
There's something so I can't 
think of words again. 

1083
00:56:33,120 --> 00:56:34,280
Sorry. 
That's the perimenopause. 

1084
00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:36,160
Affirming. 
Yeah. 

1085
00:56:36,240 --> 00:56:38,120
Life affirming. 
Yeah, it is affirming. 

1086
00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:40,040
It is. 
It's it's really, it's, yeah. 

1087
00:56:40,040 --> 00:56:41,640
Valid. 
Validating again. 

1088
00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:43,640
I'll keep coming back to that 
word time time again because it 

1089
00:56:43,640 --> 00:56:45,120
is. 
It's validating it. 

1090
00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:48,120
And, you know, knowing that not 
everyone found it easy to, to 

1091
00:56:48,120 --> 00:56:49,920
get themselves there, to turn 
up. 

1092
00:56:50,360 --> 00:56:52,520
Not everyone is, you know, 
feeling brilliant. 

1093
00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:55,840
Not everyone would want to share
if they were there. 

1094
00:56:56,120 --> 00:56:57,080
Some people. 
Want to? 

1095
00:56:57,560 --> 00:56:59,120
Say for the whole thing, some 
people. 

1096
00:56:59,160 --> 00:57:00,960
You know, we've had, we have 
people leave early. 

1097
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:03,840
Sometimes people come, people 
know that they can't stay for 

1098
00:57:03,840 --> 00:57:06,240
the whole thing, but they'll 
come for a bit of it because 

1099
00:57:06,240 --> 00:57:08,760
they know it's fine to leave if 
they need to or it's there for 

1100
00:57:08,760 --> 00:57:10,000
what you need it to be there 
for. 

1101
00:57:10,120 --> 00:57:14,280
So however the group has gone, 
whatever topics we've ended up 

1102
00:57:14,600 --> 00:57:17,920
side questing on, 2 or 
otherwise, we always end on a 

1103
00:57:17,920 --> 00:57:20,880
glimmer. 
Because surviving, I mean, for 

1104
00:57:20,880 --> 00:57:22,720
me, it's been a year of macro 
grief. 

1105
00:57:23,040 --> 00:57:26,960
Micro joys are the way to 
survive macro grief and for all 

1106
00:57:26,960 --> 00:57:30,560
of us, especially those on the 
late discovery ADHD roller 

1107
00:57:30,560 --> 00:57:34,280
coaster, it is a It is a grief 
coming to terms with a later in 

1108
00:57:34,280 --> 00:57:36,720
life diagnosis. 
Whatever you've got going on, 

1109
00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:40,880
would you like to share 1? 
I had a really lovely Christmas.

1110
00:57:40,880 --> 00:57:46,280
I went to midnight Mass and so 
there's my mourner up there 

1111
00:57:46,480 --> 00:57:49,760
being a vicar and the choir was 
singing the discount to the 

1112
00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:54,360
carols and I was just in church 
and there were fairy lights and 

1113
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:59,240
it was, it was just a really 
lovely literal moment. 

1114
00:57:59,640 --> 00:58:03,760
It was literal glimmers. 
Felt incredibly thankful for all

1115
00:58:03,760 --> 00:58:07,520
the things that have happened. 
And it was like the peer support

1116
00:58:07,520 --> 00:58:11,880
group and thinking about the 
decisions I've made this year 

1117
00:58:11,880 --> 00:58:14,680
for my family that had been 
really, really heartbreakingly 

1118
00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:18,320
hard about how much better 
everybody's doing because of 

1119
00:58:18,320 --> 00:58:22,400
those just listening to this 
beautiful music and thinking, 

1120
00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:24,880
actually, yeah, things are OK. 
They are OK. 

1121
00:58:25,440 --> 00:58:28,120
And I want to remember this 
feeling because in two weeks 

1122
00:58:28,120 --> 00:58:32,000
time or whenever and I'm feeling
like it's OK. 

1123
00:58:33,040 --> 00:58:35,280
Yay. 
Well thank you for sharing and 

1124
00:58:35,280 --> 00:58:37,400
and reliving. 
The glimmer is Kirsty. 

1125
00:58:37,400 --> 00:58:42,120
Ohh my glimmer is so stupid and.
And no, it sounds so. 

1126
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:45,400
It's so trite compared to yours 
so mine. 

1127
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:49,120
I'm going to make somebody feel 
sick, so don't worry about that.

1128
00:58:49,880 --> 00:58:54,640
Oh, it's lovely. 
Mine is that I what? 

1129
00:58:54,640 --> 00:58:58,960
So I was kind of in in my new, 
my new hyperfocus, which my 

1130
00:58:58,960 --> 00:59:01,400
current hyperfocus, which is 
making plant babies. 

1131
00:59:02,000 --> 00:59:07,120
I went in the garage to get a 
clear plastic box out to make a 

1132
00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:09,560
propagation box. 
This is all very boring, but I 

1133
00:59:09,640 --> 00:59:14,520
basically knew I had some a box 
with some bike stuff in it and 

1134
00:59:14,520 --> 00:59:17,240
like it's just bike stuff I just
chucked in there and haven't 

1135
00:59:17,240 --> 00:59:19,720
looked at for ages. 
And you know, so I took all of 

1136
00:59:19,720 --> 00:59:22,880
that out and put it in a bag. 
But as I was doing it, I was 

1137
00:59:22,880 --> 00:59:25,640
like there's two random loose 
bike lights in there. 

1138
00:59:26,240 --> 00:59:33,080
I was like, hang on a minute. 
Bearing in mind I have had a 

1139
00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:36,680
broken bike light stuck to the 
front of my bike with sticky 

1140
00:59:36,680 --> 00:59:42,000
tape for the last for the last 
year and a half and I suddenly 

1141
00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:44,400
thought, hang on a minute, there
must be a bike clip on my old 

1142
00:59:44,400 --> 00:59:46,680
very broken bike which is also 
in the garage. 

1143
00:59:47,080 --> 00:59:48,840
Maybe it fits one of these 
lights. 

1144
00:59:48,840 --> 00:59:52,720
Toddled over to it, took it off.
I have a proper bike light on 

1145
00:59:52,720 --> 00:59:57,120
the front of my bike. 
Yeah, but it's all literally 

1146
00:59:57,120 --> 01:00:00,800
been there the entire time. 
And do you know what I've done 

1147
01:00:00,800 --> 01:00:04,080
for the last year and a half? 
I have honestly spent that whole

1148
01:00:04,080 --> 01:00:07,520
time researching what's the best
bike like to get for my bike 

1149
01:00:08,240 --> 01:00:11,800
that entire time and been 
completely in case I've just 

1150
01:00:11,800 --> 01:00:14,360
been unable to make a decision 
about which bike like to get. 

1151
01:00:14,360 --> 01:00:17,240
So I just haven't bought 1. 
So I've been cycling around with

1152
01:00:17,360 --> 01:00:20,440
this stupid little rubber thing 
sticky tape to the front of my 

1153
01:00:20,440 --> 01:00:22,560
bike. 
Now I have a proper bike light 

1154
01:00:22,560 --> 01:00:25,640
on the front of my bike. 
So my mum doesn't panic every 

1155
01:00:25,640 --> 01:00:27,960
time I go out the house on my 
bike in the dark. 

1156
01:00:28,040 --> 01:00:30,680
Amazing, There you go. 
So yeah, that's kind of most 

1157
01:00:30,680 --> 01:00:34,160
ADHD thing as well, isn't it it?
Kind of is, but that's. 

1158
01:00:34,360 --> 01:00:36,720
Good. 
And it took me, it took me about

1159
01:00:36,720 --> 01:00:38,280
5 minutes. 
And I was like, oh. 

1160
01:00:39,160 --> 01:00:40,840
Who's out? 
Of course. 

1161
01:00:40,840 --> 01:00:42,880
Oh I love. 
Mine's kind of a most a actually

1162
01:00:42,880 --> 01:00:46,840
thing as well, but I made all of
the cards, the Christmas cards 

1163
01:00:46,840 --> 01:00:49,400
for the facilitators. 
They were so good. 

1164
01:00:49,800 --> 01:00:53,120
And far too late and 
underestimated and didn't make 

1165
01:00:53,120 --> 01:00:54,680
life easy for myself and all the
rest of it. 

1166
01:00:54,880 --> 01:00:59,840
But my glimmers were reliving 
all of their memories and all 

1167
01:00:59,840 --> 01:01:02,440
the different groups and all the
different things that have gone 

1168
01:01:02,440 --> 01:01:05,360
on. 
Reliving that in pictures to put

1169
01:01:05,360 --> 01:01:08,080
on there. 
I made Moon Pig cards and then 

1170
01:01:08,080 --> 01:01:11,360
going through all of the 
wonderful feedback from each 

1171
01:01:11,760 --> 01:01:14,480
individual group and putting 
those in the cards and just 

1172
01:01:14,480 --> 01:01:16,800
being like, we fucking did it, 
guys. 

1173
01:01:16,800 --> 01:01:18,520
It was brilliant. 
Working we're. 

1174
01:01:18,520 --> 01:01:22,000
Still doing it. 
So exciting. 

1175
01:01:22,560 --> 01:01:26,200
So that is a massive glimmer. 
I'm so grateful to you both, to 

1176
01:01:26,200 --> 01:01:30,280
everyone involved in the charter
and to and to you for listening.

1177
01:01:30,440 --> 01:01:33,720
Thank you very much for 
listening to us ramble on. 

1178
01:01:33,720 --> 01:01:38,160
We hope that found it validating
and shame eradicating. 

1179
01:01:38,160 --> 01:01:40,520
And we hope that you know that 
you are not alone. 

1180
01:01:40,840 --> 01:01:44,360
So please do head to the show 
notes For more information about

1181
01:01:44,360 --> 01:01:48,320
the charity for your local group
or to volunteer to start your 

1182
01:01:48,320 --> 01:01:51,160
own to donate. 
We'd be so grateful. 

1183
01:01:51,560 --> 01:01:53,720
And anything else that we've 
been rabbiting on about. 

1184
01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:57,840
Head to those show notes and 
please be kind to yourself, 

1185
01:01:58,040 --> 01:02:00,520
whatever that looks like for 
you. 

1186
01:02:00,560 --> 01:02:03,480
Give yourself grace. 
You are a human being, not a 

1187
01:02:03,480 --> 01:02:06,080
human doing. 
You still have a DHDI. 

1188
01:02:06,080 --> 01:02:09,600
Hate to break that to you 
sweetheart, but it isn't going 

1189
01:02:09,600 --> 01:02:11,640
anywhere. 
So please have a look at what 

1190
01:02:11,640 --> 01:02:14,640
you struggle with and give 
yourself compassion for that, 

1191
01:02:14,920 --> 01:02:18,360
accepting that the same 
struggles will continue to trip 

1192
01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:22,520
us up, but we can find ways to 
support ourselves and each other

1193
01:02:22,720 --> 01:02:25,520
because peer support is 
absolutely invaluable. 

1194
01:02:25,880 --> 01:02:29,200
So thank you. 
Thank you so much. 

1195
01:02:29,200 --> 01:02:31,240
Thank you, Barry. 
That's a pleasure.