Right, so let's set the scene. It's BFI Flare.
We've got a packed out cinema, we're outside Crystal ready to
go in with our first ever live event.
Wow, we're going for that angle. I don't.
Know. I'm like, I cannot commit to
that. No, I don't know.
I don't know. Hi, it's Crystal.
Hi, it's Baby Lane. We are just letting you know
that you're about to listen to our BFI Live Flair Festival.
I thought you were going to say you were about to listen to our
bullshit audio. That too.
Listen, we did an event at BFI and it's our prerogative to
release it as an episode. Yeah, we had to do it.
It's a live episode, but you know, the BFI apparently can't
do audio recording so. Just visuals.
They're known for their visuals, not their audio recording.
Yeah, the audio isn't, you know what?
It's not amazing, but it's very listenable.
And I will say the chat's good. It would be a shame for this one
to just be hitting in the cutting room floor so.
Exactly. So we've got some amazing
special guests. You're going to hear it all.
I hope you enjoy this episode and we'll be back with a regular
episode in two weeks. Get away from her, you bitch.
Classic. He was in the Amazon with my mom
when she was researching spiders right before she died.
No. Hang on.
Thought you become a prostitute, you're a.
Dog at it I. Used to love doggy chow.
I used to love doggy chow too. Hello everybody.
Hi. Welcome to Camp Classics.
Oh come on, we can do better than that.
So welcome to Camp Classics everybody.
It's a thoughtful podcast about stupid movies.
Hi. Now we're just gonna renegotiate
these very low table mics. Here's this Very low, isn't it?
It's just where. It's able for M.
And it's just, yeah, I'm just gonna here we go crossover.
Oh, lean over. So yes, we are here.
It's an honour to be here at BFI Fly Air Flare Fest.
Fly Festival, Flare Festival. Tell, I've had a few drinks
already. Everybody has.
No, but seriously, it's an honour to be here at BFI Flare
Festival. 40 years. What a prestigious event
Crystal. What the hell are we doing here?
We have no right. Absolutely no right that's.
We have blagged our way to this festival with our shitty little
podcast, Everybody that delves into the world of camp cinema.
What in the homosexual audacity are we doing?
I'm Crystal. And I'm Baby Lane.
Now. You might know us through our
drag alter egos, but we're not getting paid enough money
tonight. I'll be Crystal.
So we are here. We are uncovered.
And do you know what she she's still inside of me.
Baby lame. It's still inside.
Me. So if I drop into a song and
dance number everybody, I can only apologise.
Oh, I or burst into tears. There's a lot of emotions.
Is anyone here already a listener of Camp Classics?
Oh, OK, that's a slightly awkward situation.
What about any haters? Any haters?
One hailer at the front? Glad to have you here.
You know what the rest of you? There's still time, actually.
No, but seriously, everybody. Here at Camp Classics, we delve
into true queer camp cinema. We're not talking Mummy Dearest,
we're not talking showgirls. We're talking Basic Instinct 2
risk addiction territory, everybody.
Damn right. The real queer material.
Yeah, and if you were looking for, you know, 2 experts delving
into queer theory in cinema, no refunds.
Not What you've got is 2 unqualified drag Queens who
really like to talk about why they like hot girls being bad.
Yeah. I mean, it makes sense.
So what? How's it all going to work out
tonight then, Crystal? Well, so we have brought three
very special guests who are bringing a film for your
consideration, which isn't considered a queer or camp
classic, but you know, if you squint, maybe could be.
So I'm going to introduce them really soon and we'll bring them
out and then it will be up to you, the audience, to decide
which film becomes a camp classic officially.
It's very high stakes tonight, everybody.
Whoa, Big, big Jeopardy moment for everyone.
Yeah, it's, you know, it could go anyway.
But I think before we get into that, I think we should let
these people know. Baby, yes.
What makes a Camp classic? Well, thank you for asking.
Now there was someone called Susan.
What's the chops? I don't care what her name is.
Here at Camp Classics, we have redefined our own version of
what makes a Camp classic. We want something that unlocks
queer joy in the words of our Lord Savior Megan Fox and
Jennifer's Body. I want to get a wedding.
I want a wedding. We want a wetty.
We want something that is stupid.
We want something with an ongoing legacy that informs
queer pop culture. And ultimately it should be anti
mainstream with underdog flop vibes that's been reclaimed by
the F slurs. Everybody, thank you.
Thank you. I think that's what Susan Sontag
was trying to say, to be honest. Yeah, it took a whole book.
OK. So you know, I think we've kind
of teed you up of what a camp classic is before we meet our
guests. I think maybe instead of hearing
it, you should also see it. Good idea, Crystal.
Yeah, because sometimes camp is just a feeling.
Yes. So we've brought you a clip from
a film that we've covered on the podcast already.
That is a camp classic. Certified Camp Classic.
It's been given our highest rating ever, which is 10 Lizas.
We've really pulled through the archives now because, you know,
being at such a prestigious festival like BFI Fly Flair, we
fought BFI Fly, BFI Flair. We thought it was suitable to
get a real cinematic masterpiece.
Isn't that right? That's right.
Has anyone seen? I know who killed me?
Yes, yes, yes. OK, let me set the scene.
I think it's fuck. What year are we in?
I think we're 2010. It's Lindsay Lohan.
She's trying to. Rehab Lindsay Lohan.
Yeah. Yeah, she is.
She's in rehab while she's filming this movie.
So she's going from rehab to the set.
Yeah. She's trying to break free of
her Disney persona. And she does what everyone must
do when they're doing that. And she's playing a stripper.
Yeah, so this just to set up the clip for you a little bit.
Lindsay has just woken up in hospital.
She's missing a hand and she's not sure if she's a bad girl
stripper from the wrong side of the tracks or if she's a good
girl, high school honor student. Let's see what happens.
My name is Aubrey Fleming. I enjoy sunsets.
Long walks on the beach, playing the piano.
I have never seen the inside of a strip club or a crack house
and I have never sold my body to hairy old men with Bo because I
am perfect. Say hello to your new
state-of-the-art hand. Your nerve impulses get picked
up by sensors that control 6 different sets of gears and
motors inside the hand, so the movements are incredibly
lifelike and precise. So creepy.
It's beautiful. Camp classic, everybody.
Camp classic. I mean, what is the knock in
this film, Crystal? I know in case you're winning,
she will go on to fight a serial killer with that robot hand.
Correct, and in my favorite scene, she will go to her
mother's house that isn't her mother and deliberately fuck a
man in the room above just to piss the mother.
Off. Yeah, well, the mum is furiously
cleaning. I mean, we've all been there.
We've all. Been there, Crystal.
So that is, I know who killed me.
That's the kind of thing we're looking for tonight.
Reclaimed joy, Underdog Flop. It's got it all, really.
Yeah. And you can listen to that.
We've got a full episode about I Know Who Killed Me if you're
interested to hear more. Should we meet our guest
tonight? Yes.
Let's make some noise for our guests.
Let's bring them up here right now.
It's Juno, Charlie, and Travis. First up, we've got Charlie
Craggs, activist, author, Meme Queen, dubbed by British Vogue
as the voice of a community. Give it up for Charlie Craig
and. She's in her juicy tonight as
well. Oh.
To my right is Juno Dawson, best selling author and screenwriter
known for this book is Gay and for the work on Doctor Who, Give
it up for Juno. In the middle we have Travis
Alabanza. Sorry, award-winning performance
artist, writer, and theatre maker Travis Alabanza.
All of these people have their own Wikipedia page, so you know
they're legit. So how are we feeling about our
camp choices tonight, people? I'm, I'm feeling positive after
watching that clip that mine, mine is equally as stupid, yeah.
Perfect, Charlie. I'm feeling galvanized, focused
and ready to take the crown. Fighting words.
This is what we're looking for. And no pressure, do you know?
Mine is a reach. I don't know if I I don't know
if I entirely understood the assignment, but.
She's happy to be here. I'm ready and I'm delighted to
have a glass of wine on a Thursday evening.
Well, this is the thing with all of these movies.
I think all of them are better viewed absolutely drunk,
everybody. So if you have a drink, cheers
and let's get into it everybody. Right.
That is the gay agenda. So what are we starting with
then? Let's find out, Charlie.
I'm ready. Let's see what movie you've
brought. Take it away.
Have it. When the world is in trouble,
when our future is in danger, we call upon one man, but when he's
busy, he calls 5 girls. Columbia Pictures presents the
Spice Girls. All right, we're coming.
In their film debut, Victoria, Emma, Mel B Jerry and Mel C
Spice World. Yeah, but can they act?
Blah blah, blah, girl power feminism.
Do you know what I mean? See.
Yeah, hold tight. There we go.
Blah, blah feminism. You know what I mean?
Strong opening choice. Choice, Charlie.
The film that made me gay and then a drag queen and now
trance. I'm not even exactly.
How many films can say that? I don't know how any no, I win.
Wow, this was so easy. We can all go home.
Why did you bring Spice World? Well, like I said, it is
literally the film. I would have watched it when I
was about. I don't know how.
I'm not very good at maths, but I would have been like young,
like 456. And I remember saying to my mum
not long after watching a film that I wanted to be a girl.
It was the scene in the film. For some reason, it hit me so
deep where they're in the boot camp.
They were like a music boot camp.
And Michael Barrymore's the director, and Cam.
Yeah, Cam. And then every time I say
something that could qualify as the camp classic, you have to
say camp. So they're in a music camp.
Camp, Yeah. Michael Barrymore was a
director. And then they're all coming out
one by hold. On Are we giving Michael
Barrymore a camp? Yes, I see we are gay.
Yeah, he killed someone as Camp Noah Walt anyway.
Allegedly God. Is it 1990 God again?
Anyway, he they come out one by one and they're like gear and
they're like army girl camp kind of.
But then the real camp is that then Victoria comes out last and
she's wearing an army mini dress.
And that was I'm not even this is not a bit for this panel that
literally like changed my like chemicals in my brain And I was
like, that's exactly how I feel on the inside.
And I'm not joking about after that, I would go to bed a
Catholic and pray that I'd wake up a girl.
And now I do wake up a girl. Yeah.
So just just before we go in, how much of an affiliation do we
all have with Spice Girls in the audience?
Do we have Spice Girl fans in the audience?
It's not looking good rig though, is it?
OK. I I feel like this is slander
because of the Brooklyn Beckham drama at the moment.
Yes. No, no.
You need to. Get you a chance on this,
Charlie. Period.
Queen Victoria, she made me trans.
I think it's clear. I sit on it and.
What about the rest of our panel?
How are we feeling about Spice Girls in general?
You 2 OK. I think this isn't fair because
I think this is already a qualified classic.
I think Charlie's work is done. Oh.
Whereas Travis and I accusations of cheating all work cut out.
But you know what, Gino? Some people might say it's a bit
of a basic choice and. I'm just saying, I'm saying.
What's actually obvious? I'm a white girl from a council
state where in a juicy control tracksuit I am basic.
This is my culture, do not erase me.
She also you've got a bit of an uphill battle with me because I
have a feud, I mean admittedly 1 sided feud with Jerry Halliwell.
Jerry Halliwell Horner, I think. Of her episode of Yeah.
She fucking sent me home. Oh.
She didn't know she. Gotten it?
She sent something wrong home. You're a liar.
Oh. You're right, actually.
She listened. You said something wrong at.
Home. Can't remember, it was so long
ago. Something wrong?
You're right, yeah, but she's.
Something white? Yeah, sheepish.
How do you feel about the Spice Girls?
No, I've just been waiting to see how this plays out in
understanding the terms and. Conditions.
Oh my God. And I feel really competitive
all of a sudden. That's what I just want to come
out as competitive and I want to say I think the word camp in the
last 10 years has been overused a lot.
Yes, which means we now have to go post camp camp.
I think this pre the overuse of camp would have won straight
away, but now that queer is now cool and uncool again, we now
need to work harder on what camp is.
I we talk about this on the podcast all the time.
Sometimes meta camp is something that is so good that it becomes
bad that it becomes good again. What I will say is it's making
the criteria for our audience a little bit more complicated, but
we believe in all of you now. I believe you've chosen some
clips. Yes, and let me let me just set
up Spice World a little bit more for you.
So Spice World came out in 1997, written by Kim Fuller, Simon
Fuller's brother Nepo Kim, a man called Kim.
That's camp in itself. That is Kim.
It was a modest hit, $100 million worldwide, but it's only
got 35% on Rotten Tomatoes. That feel that feels very
homophobic. Yeah, yes, underdog.
Tax, you know. Underdog flop vibes.
Yeah, it was nominated for seven Razzies, and the Spice Girls won
the Razzie collectively for Worst Actress.
That is an achievement. That is an achievement.
Last thing to say about Spice World, Roger Ebert listed it on
as one of his most hated films of all time, calling it an
entertainment free Dead Zone. Does anyone know who Roger Eager
is 'cause I don't. Are you him?
Oh, sorry, you looked right. Hand up.
I thought it was you. I was like, Oh no.
No, no, he he's dead. He's dead.
Oh, he's dead. Exactly.
Period to to support your case, Charlie, you've chosen some
clips tonight. I actually chose different
clips. I feel that set up that crystal.
Didn't choose to clip, I pick, but we'll watch one of them
anyway. Get up with the BFI.
OK OK sorry BFI, I picked a really funny 1.
Already. She really is competitive, jeez.
Yeah. Let's take a look at your first
clip or our first clip and we'll discuss further.
OK, take it away. Right on the important never
letting yourself be upstaged. Oh yeah, true.
See. Your mother.
Hey Mama, See your big fat?
Mother and your brother-in-law and your mad cousin.
And your next door neighbors dogs now I kill.
You. Boys, boys, calm down.
Have you not heard of the word compromisation?
We agreed on the compromise. Wow, who doesn't love a bit of
Gary Glitter, hey? Cut from the film.
He was meant to be in the film, but then the whole scandal
emerged and he was cut from the film.
I didn't poor that's a Gary Glitter song.
I didn't. I didn't even know that.
I didn't know that. Someone got paid to write that
scene about men and thongs and. Kim Fuller.
Kim Fuller.
It's fantastic. It's fantastic.
I mean that it really does go to the, like, gay experience of if
someone's trying to upstage you, just make them wear something
really ugly. Yeah.
What do you what do you think of the clip?
Why did you look at me when you said that?
This is not ironic. This is just my style.
Like I said, I didn't pick this clip.
I picked the clip of Victoria Mount Victoria growing up to a
boy in a coma and saying, and I'm Victoria Malcolm, like
shouting at him as if he'd hear. But I mean, we had bulges.
We had. I'm assuming they're probably
all straight which actually makes it more camp.
Like they look like homophobic hot guys.
I think actually one of them sold a story to the newspapers
that Emma slept with them during it.
Oh. Yeah, and then push by.
All of them. Posh maybe and Posh by This is
the camp it posh by saw the guy who sold that story from the
film in Brent Cross. The most random shopping centre.
You mean they're not Italian? And started on him in Brent
Cross and and and he was with his girlfriend and the
girlfriend took victorious. It's a really good story anyway.
That is, yeah, kind of Fair. Come.
I mean, yeah. Yeah, that's so good.
I think they do a good job of selling that.
They're dancers. And then if you actually pay
attention to them in any other part of the scene, it's Oh my
God, those are just, those are just muscular men who, yeah,
that's fine. All they can do fine by.
How do we feel about Richard E Grant, who is famously a
straight man who has pocketed off of playing gay men in
cinema? Oh.
Really. So I'm so uncultured.
I don't know about Gary Glitter. I don't know about.
Richard, I don't think you need to be cultured to know about
Gary Glitter. I think you're OK with that one.
I think it's OK if no one knows about Gary Glitter.
We just erase him for our history.
But how do we feel about that Junior?
You know how sometimes some people are so posh it sounds
like they have it sounds like they have like a speaking
disorder? Well, I think so.
I'm thinking sometimes we might assume the characters he's
playing a gay, but in fact they're just.
Really posh. Interesting, yes.
Well, that's the problem with this whole clip, isn't it?
Gay or European? That's what we're experiencing
with these Italian dancers. How do we feel about this Spice
Girls acting talents? Who do we?
Who are we feeling is top of the the the crop here?
You just whispered. To me, yeah, yeah, she was in
EastEnders. So she was an actor before?
Did she play in EastEnders? She mugged someone.
She she played a teenage mugger. That's very.
Calm. 4 Spice Girls were asked wow the.
Teenage mugger. Like giving could walk so Amy
Lee Wood could run. Like, I was really thinking
that. Yeah.
Do you see what I mean? Yeah.
Get Emma on like White Lotus right now.
Oh, that's a buzzy casting, isn't it?
We like that. In a weird way, like a dying
buzz, but still a buzz. I actually feel like Jerry
Halliwell has probably had the most successful film career out
of the Spice Girls because she was in that racing movie.
Wasn't she recently? I also had a a cameo insects in
the city. I'm Sex in the City.
Yeah. Samantha Jones.
It's just the best. It's all you can do in this.
Weather misted with Evian. That's going to open up a big
question tonight, which is, can a Tori be camp?
I actually like, and this is where it's like, is camp
something we like or is camp its own own separate entity?
And I'm like, I don't want a Tori to be able to be camp, but
I do think a Tori can be camp and that's going to help my
argument later, OK. Hang on a minute, they said.
We've just planted a seed there. Yeah.
I'm a. Debater this is the problem with
having smart people on the pumpkins.
Crystal just saying we don't normally as we said it's.
Camp as a feeling and sometimes you are laughing with and
sometimes you're laughing at and I think like someone like Suella
Braverman kind of camp. OK.
OK, moving on to our next clip. Charlie, you've got another
clip. Did you choose this one or was
this? I did.
Well, I did choose this one. OK, Do you want to set up what
happens in this clip for us? A bit was left out of the clip.
That's really funny in that, but it helped me win.
Where? Stop.
Whining I So it's where at a part of the film, they meet the
aliens. I thought this is a really
important conversation we should be having as a society.
But like, how? What do we say when we meet the
aliens? So I think you should all listen
to how it's done. But this was where Gary Litter
was caught. He was.
He was going to be an. Alien.
Take it go. What do you want with that?
What is it? Yeah.
What I what I will say is shoulder pads very, very camp on
the aliens. The the bit you don't see is
that they had to describe the aliens and they were like, and
they were green and then virtual said and wearing really cheap
coats. I feel it's rigged.
It's rigged. You didn't put that in for a
reason. Yeah.
I do have one bit of pushback for you, you know, anti camp.
Anti camp pushback. Yeah.
Can it be camp if we're just watching a capitalist
exploitation of young girls? You know, just making some cheap
film to just make as much money as you can off a young audience?
Yes, Great. There we go.
Perfect. Yeah.
OK. Thank you for asking that
question anyway. I feel like UFOs camp.
Have we ever come across yes in our.
Existence before literally last night and anyway I don't I don't
know I did not answer that and what I was going to say is like
Jerry kissing an alien camp like that's camp that what else when
even though. The alien touched her tit.
It was giving Louis Walsh touching Mel B Yeah.
X Factor. Do you remember seeing that
trip? Yeah.
He, like, manhandled her.
Yeah. And it was camp that she said no
consent is camp like. Is that what we've?
Got I think. I'd love to bring up the
definition. Is that the?
Same. I feel like Charlie's saying
everything is camp. And also is camp is Victoria
being fat phobic and saying Bosh, you're fat when just find
the belly? I think that's really camp as a
plus that one I can I'm plus sized.
I want to say that what else was camp?
I just thought it was really fun.
And Jerry's use of the word beast as an insult, which
preludes the use of beast on Housewives of Beverly Hills, I
think where she said be quiet, you beast, don't you come, Yeah.
How dare you? Do you know what Charlie?
You give a great argument. But that is the end of Spice
World. We are moving on to our next
film now. Everybody make some noise for
Charlie and her play. Remember everything Charlie
said. I know.
Or don't. It's probably better you don't.
Don't quote me on anything I said.
And we're moving now on to Juno. Should we take a look at your?
Choice. I'm so excited.
It is. Have you heard about this
videotape that kills you when you watch it?
You start to play it and it's like somebody's nightmare.
And as soon as it's over, your phone rings and what they say is
you will die in seven days. OK, there we go.
So a little bit of a swing in a different direction there.
Do you know you're? Going to have to come with me.
We're going to go on a journey together and you will see the
vision by the end. Well, I'm looking forward to
that. But before we get into it,
obviously a film called The Ring is going to get camp points from
the get go. It sounds like a porno.
And do you know what? I did a bit of digging everyone,
and lo and behold, there is a 2003 gay porn tribute called The
Whole. Nice.
So in keeping of that, I wanted to play a little game with
everyone called Porn or Norm. Everybody gets involved with
this. I want to know which of these
horror related titles are real porn movies.
OK, so #1A wet dream on Elm Street porn.
I'm going to say fake just to be different.
Porn. Correct, it is porn 2011.
The tagline was if you don't all wake up wet, you won't wake up
at all. OK, moving on to 28 Dicks later
porn. If it's not, I'm about to put in
the BFI funding. Didn't they just do a sequel
this year? The Bone Temple.
What are? We thinking everyone it's full
spot. Next up, Porn of the Dead.
Porn of the Dead. Porn of the Dead.
That's got to be real. I hope it's.
Real. Porn.
It's it's a real movie, guys. When they're bad, they're real.
2006 and the tagline is The dead always rises.
I love that for us. OK, moving on.
I know who railed me last summer.
No, that's my memoir. What?
Are we thinking porn? Porn.
I'll say fake to be. Different.
It's fake. Gino's right on that one.
OK, And Halloweener. Halloweener porn.
What's the audience thinking? Fake.
It is fake, but apparently it is a 1995 children's book Halloween
in all good bookstores. OK, a couple more.
Now the hills have thighs. The hills have thighs.
Damn right they do. That's true.
Made in 2010 and a favorite of mine.
Pet semen tree cemetery. No it's not real, I just thought
that was quite a funny 1. Apologies for that, but I would
imagine it. Would have been a real splash.
We've only got a couple more. I might just carry on doing this
all night. The Texas Vibrator Massacre.
Work. Han Han.
Correct, it was made in 2008. I couldn't find a tagline, but
this is a quote from one of the characters, Vanessa Dawson.
Oh God, I can practically smell the chlamydia.
We've all been there. OK, two more I spunk on your
grave. Yes, Han.
Well, it's not a film, it's just a statement.
And the final one? XXS Exorcist.
Oh. Nice, that's.
It is porn 2006 and the tagline is.
Your mother sucks cocks in hell. Well, that would be.
And she does, Yeah. When the devil is inside, the
power of Christ compels you. There we go, everybody.
There we go. OK, so there's.
Your mother sucks cocks in hell was right there.
Right. So back to business, Crystal,
tell us about the ring. Oh, yeah, OK.
The Ring, The Ring The Ring Ring was in came out in 2002,
directed by Gore Verbinski and written by Aaron Krueger.
It was a huge hit, $250 million worldwide, 17th highest grossing
movie of 2002, and it had two sequels.
And it's got a really I haven't seen.
Let's see, to be honest, the Ring 2 there's an argument that
would mean even more camp because it has Sissy SpaceX.
Oh well, yeah, that's that's a good reason.
Often the sequel is more camp, and it's got a Rotten Tomatoes
critical score of 72%, so it was very well received as well.
No pressure though. So throwing this over to you,
Juno, talk to us. So I think when you think of
queer people, what's the first thing you think they collect?
Physical media. They like vinyl.
Young young people are collecting cassettes.
Charli XCX has Brat on cassette. Samara or Sadako if you do want
to the Japanese version. Oh, we're not doing that.
We're just doing the American, just the American.
Which is very camping itself. Samara Samara, She loves the
VHS. Even though this was 2002, we
all had DVD players. So she's very trendy.
She's very trendy. She makes art house cinema.
She she wants nothing more than to be perceived.
She's and let's stick with the the art house cinema because she
she's made a lovely movie has. She, she has, I mean, and I
think we all had that phase as teenagers where we thought that,
you know, you could make a pop video and that's what Samara
does. I mean, a lot of these children,
it scares them to death. I think it's could have been a
Madonna video from the Bedtime Stories album.
I think a mid 90s Madonna album. I think you're right.
I think we should check it out. How can I be what you want it to
be? Who uses the landline?
Queer people. You can just imagine Naomi Watts
turning that off and then turning to like art schools
student child and me like. Yeah, it's really good.
I liked it. I'm nothing scarier than a woman
brushing her hair. But do you know what I mean
though? So Samara.
So what does she actually want as a writer?
What does your character want? She wants everybody to
understand that she was murdered by her adoptive parents.
Instead of making a film that says or telling doctors my
parents are abusing me, she makes that shit as a cry for
help. And I find that very calm.
I mean, I think that's a very fair argument.
Is it because as queer people we do turn to art, don't we, as a
way? That.
For podcasting. Now I'm how durationally though,
it's quite a long watch, isn't it?
Do you think that was the right move for her?
Because one thing I will say, Gino is, you know, there's a lot
of talk of her murdering people, but there's not a lot of deaths
in this movie. Could she be a little bit more
efficient? Well.
The thing is, that doesn't really make sense.
If you really think about why the people die, it kind of
doesn't make a lot of sense other than the fact that it took
the real Samara 7 days to die at the bottom of a well.
So I think actually you're slightly minimising her trauma.
Fair enough. Yeah, actually.
And actually dragging out a death is quite camping itself,
isn't it? A seven day death is better.
I mean, that little bitch will not die.
She's Madeleine McCann with black hair.
I mean, Madeleine McCann has never been proven dead, has she?
So. So it's just accurate.
She's just been there editing videos.
OK, now we've got a second clip for you because you know, we, we
just spoke about tomorrow a little bit and she's, she's got
a little bit of Kunti energy about her, hasn't she?
I find her Berry Kunti. Yes, she has been doing her
Pilates. She's been doing her reformer.
Yeah, she she has a signature walk.
Yeah, I think let's take a look at her in action.
Slay he. Was.
Hot. Yeah, he was hot.
And I feel like Charlie XCX was taking something from the mood
board there. Who said Brad Summer is over?
Now, what is it about you, about her, that appeals to you, Juno?
Do you see yourself in her? Yes, I was absolutely terrified
when this film first came out and very calm.
I did watch the Japanese original first because like
Samara, I was a teenage try hard.
I think I was 17 when the Japanese version came out.
And again, it was one of the first sort of films to really go
viral and people were downloading it off a very new
technology called the Internet and and I think yeah, there was
just something she is the moment.
And I think as well in terms of I'm actually being not taking
the piss now, there have been so many imitators.
This The Ring has spawned an entire kind of this boom in kind
of Japanese and Korean horror. There was The Grudge, this
Shutter. Who's ring hasn't?
And so I think, I think Samara
really, and actually this is not a joke.
Samara is iconic. Yeah.
And just throwing it to the panel in general, how do we feel
about murder and horror in the sphere of camp?
Is it camp? It's camp if it's done bad.
I think this is too good to be camp.
Oh. OK, I just think, sorry, I'm
really taking the debates so serious.
I put on makeup, so I have to turn up.
But I just think that like it's actually, for the time, was a
really good horror movie. And I would argue that it's just
like a camp classic or something that becomes a camp classic has
to at first be seen as ridiculous.
And I don't think this was seen at this was I was kind of
watching the fine art and like I've seen worse things at CSM.
We we all have. But I think, but I think what's
been interesting about a bit like The Sixth Sense as well, it
was so immediately parodied that I think people have forgotten
how scary The Ring was. And I think Scary Movie took the
piss within a year. And.
So I think it's very hard to see, although was there anybody
actually I'm interested, is there anybody who had never seen
that before? Was it scary seeing it for the
first time? You're all going to die in seven
days. I hope you actually.
You've now seen the film, so you're going to die in seven
days. I haven't seen it since it came
out and I cannot believe I found that scary.
Yeah, interesting. It looks actually so dead.
Now, when when we were talking to you all about camp, when we
were talking to all about this movie, you sent over some points
and some other points where you thought this film was camp.
There is a clip that Juno suggested that we didn't have
time to show which involved a horse and jumping over the edge
of a large boat and basically getting blended up around the
bottom of it and it's guts blowing out.
Camp, camp. But I, I think, I think being,
being a big Sissy around animals is very quick guarded.
The fact that Samara couldn't fuck with horses is giving kind
of the horses. Come on, it's a horse.
And actually I've had conversations with people, with
gay people who have said to me, I don't like horses.
They freak me out because they have big eyelashes which is like
jealous of their eyelashes. M phobia is alive and kicking.
So animal cruelty is camp. In no.
You heard it here for. Animal cruelty.
We would never be cruel tunnels but I think be pretending to be
scared of animals camp. And, and just I'm just going to
give you another little minute. Anything else you want to say on
this movie before you wrap up? Actually, I really like what
Travis said about maybe the ring actually being too legitimately
good. But how has it been rendered
camp through mockery? That's what I would.
That's what I would lead. Good point.
Good. Point.
Well, luckily. Oh, and it's a very good
Halloween costume, Cam. It makes some marrows.
Thank you. Yeah, but luckily we go from a
relatively highbrow choice to your choice.
Now, Travis, don't we? Should we take a look at the
film you've chosen tonight? Oh, hit it.
He's a cop in a class by himself.
He is fearless, unstoppable, unbeatable.
I forgot to introduce myself. My name is John Kimball and I
love my car. Yo, man, I'm just going to keep
an eye on it for you, all right? No, he's going undercover to
face his toughest adversary. Listen.
Kimball, you got to handle this like any other police situation.
They speak their own language. You walk into it showing fear.
Shit dead. They play by their own rules.
No Fear, No Fear. And they are totally ruthless.
No Fear, No Fear. That teacher.
Is. Teaching the.
Kindergarten cop, American history and practical man.
He's a cop in a class by himself.
What's the matter? I have a headache.
It might be a tumour. It's not a tumour.
It's not a tumour at. All I like to just explain why
he's doing it. That's the worst trailer over
here. Why is he doing it?
Why is he? Why is he there?
It's. Not a scared, I even felt like
the applause after that film was camper.
Travis, why did you bring kindergarten card?
Look, so who's watched the film? Yeah, OK, great.
So like the trailer doesn't do a very good job, but like, it
doesn't actually. There's a lot of lesbian arrasia
happening in the trailer. The main to the.
Film is because I think every woman character in that film is
Butch type realness, including in that film Arnold.
Here's some things, and obviously I preface this all
with a cab, a cab, a cab. But here's some things.
Here's some things that are camp about the film.
One, at this point, he's in the height of his action like movie
career. He is like seen as the toughest
person possible and he thought he could break out into comedy
#2 delusion. There are so many women in power
suits going around saying weird things to him.
Free the kids. They all have the energy of kids
that have lived like 1000 years. And when they say lines, you're
like. What the fuck, children?
The children are all so gay. Children are.
So gay. Everyone has a helmet fringe.
It doesn't matter how old they are, what gender they are,
whatever's happening, they've got a helmet fringe.
Also, the film starts in a salon.
There's something quite camp about.
Like at camp? There's.
A salon there's like this old school glamour to everything
where like everyone is both like a kindergarten, a cop, but also
like an 80s powerhouse like fashion vibe that feels already
camp Every single villain in oh, this is it.
Sorry, main reason closing statement.
The main villain you think is this like guy with the slicked
back hair who's kind of giving like Italian like any of colour
vibes like and that was like a joke on Italian people sometimes
anyway. But the actual villain is his
grandma or his mother, who's very like ageing, has a huge
quiff and a power suit and she holds a gun and she shoots and
she's mean, which I think is a staple to being a camp classic.
Yeah, we'll come back to her for sure.
Well. We've got an applause there for
this Bam bam, bam bam bam Charlie.
Do you know do you have any association with this movie?
No one comes out of a television.
No one kisses an alien, Yeah. True.
Fuck, you got me this. Movie opens, as you said, in a
salon and the villain of the piece is getting a manicure and
it's like, not even. It's not.
That's just serious. No, but it's like it's not even
done in like a no, no, no how emasculating for this man.
It's just like he's a tough guy and he's getting a manicure.
That's how the movie starts and it's it's honestly incredible.
Also, like I feel like just to go back to Arnold Schwarzenegger
being a lesbian, like I feel like he becomes more of a
lesbian throughout the film. And there's this thing where
like, of course, because it was Hollywood, he eventually gets
with the blonde woman that's really pretty.
And but in the middle of the film you wonder if he's going to
get with his cop. Like there's a bit of sexual
tension between him and his cop counterpart who is so lesbian
coded and ginger. And I think those two things
together is camp and and and and and and.
I just think you can't look at him without seeing the
Terminator. And there's something inherently
camp about the Terminator going, you know what, call up my agent.
The next movie I want to do is as a primary school teacher.
He took a big swings. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He took a big swings he got. Pregnant.
He got pregnant. Oh, he did get.
Pregnant. What a versatile.
Action, yeah. Conan to Kindergarten Cop like
he's really done the full spectrum.
Yeah, and maybe if we loved him and celebrated more, he wouldn't
be a Republican right now. Because I was like, are we, are
we now celebrating? Oh, I was watching it well.
Here This is why I planted the seed earlier about Canatori B
camp because. Everybody was like leaning in
there. They're like.
Oh, to drop that seed. Obviously we know where he went,
but I thought the task of today was not about what's already a
camp classic, but what has been left out.
The cannon. Watching it and knowing he was
once an action superhero man and is then had a brief stint as a
Republican. Like, what was he, governor?
Governor. But in some point in time he
could have went on making bad children movies that aren't
children, movies that look lesbian.
Please see Kindergarten Cop 2 starring Dolph Lundgren.
Thank you. Is that real?
Yes, Kindergarten Cop 2 also have a sequel to have a sequel.
I love a junky sequel, but I did not know Dolph was doing that.
That is. Also, how can you jank on Jack?
You know already. It's already janky.
Now you mentioned a power granny killer moment and I think we
have a clip of it. Don't.
We we're not there yet. 1st I'm sorry.
Sorry, Crystal. No, it's fine.
But our first clip is about something I think is relatable
to the queer experience, and that is not having any fucking
idea what to do with children. Everyone's.
Now let's everybody say good morning, Mr. Kimball.
Good morning. They're all yours.
I'll be watching you. I'm very happy to be here.
Lesbian. I would like to just get to know
you. It's not a tumor.
I literally can't now. You have said that Arnie's
playing a Butch lesbian. That's that's just all I can see
now. It's fabulous.
Yeah, even the costume department, like you can just
tell there's some real Queens behind the scene, really making
those, like, everything cinched. Like every, like a primary
school teacher there has like, a cinched waist and like, some
padding. And I'm like, yeah, a drag
queen. That is not the last time we'll
see that woman in a bat wing cinched cowl neck sweater dress.
Yeah, Juno was gasping. How?
Constantly. Yeah, it was because I used to
be a primary school teacher. The idea that you would wear a
heel, Yeah. What's wrong with?
Her. Every woman in that film is
doing like crazy things and in a heel, you know?
Yeah, absolutely. Should we up the next one?
Yeah. Well, also just before we get to
that very quickly, how do we feel about children, a children
camp? Oh, it has to be always.
Is that how do we feel? Samara's a child, so yeah, camp.
OK, Yeah. I No, not inherently.
Yep. But when they say silly things
in movies, yes, you know, like I think if the kids precocious.
Like the child in Babadook camp, Very camp, very camp.
Charlie. It's a no from me dog.
Well, from one end of the spectrum to the other, to old
people now to the granny killer, yes, she's she's got a lot going
on now, hasn't she? I feel like having her as the
main villain is like inherently camp.
Now I will own up. I don't remember what clip you
did pick. I'm hoping it has the iconic
phrase, Isn't it not? We'll.
We'll see. We'll see.
We will find out. Let's meet our psycho granny.
I hate it, sorry. Where's my grandson?
Yes, I don't know. Where's my grandson go to?
Hell. You're going you.
Son of A. Bitch.
Not so tough without your car. Now I do not support gay on gay
crime but. When was the last time you saw a
movie end with an old woman getting beat up at a base on
that? Also the fact that this is like
PG rating and I like watch this when I was 7.
The tone of this. Movie is so confusing.
I've never saw it because I thought it was a kids movie and
so I watched it this week. It is not a kids.
Movie and my mum was there like thinking it was like because it
says PG or like I think it's even a you and some ratings and
my mum's like, OK, cool, you're watching a kids movie.
Put it on and I'm there. Like watching movies like
Grannies Beat each other up. Yeah, don't you see a dead body
at 1:00? Point.
Yeah, it's. Like an actual cop.
And it but it was advertised as a kids movie, which obviously I
don't think is good but is camp. Three.
That's T on a three. Corpses, yeah, 3 corpses, like a
lot of like innuendo, like yeah, there's a lot going on.
I think it's a 12 domestic. Domestic violence.
There's lots of yeah, it's like
really dark. It's real life kids, OK to get
these kids up to scratch. But I think like I could be here
and make my closing argument and I've clearly taken this a bit
serious, but I would just say the gasp is all I need to say.
Like that gasp after the shot and they go.
I rest my case. What I would say though is if I
was the ginger lesbian with the baseball bat, I would have
smashed that granny in the fucking face.
You know what I mean? Not the hand you go.
Straight to the. Canonically not gay.
She has a boyfriend. Yeah.
Oh, is that? Oh God.
Yeah, the ginger lesbian is from my film.
Yeah, that was a Spice Girls joke.
Well, yeah, they got together, Mel B and Jerry.
Allegedly. Just last, last question about
Kindergarten Cup, do you think that the older woman is, is that
a wig is a piece? It's an important question
because. There's a lot of volume at the
back. When we dissect films, we often
talk about whether it's a wig, it's a hairpiece.
What do we think was going on in that scene?
Everyone. It's a lot of.
Always a wig. That's what it went.
From what I've learned in TV, it's always a wig and there's a
reason for it because then and then the hair and makeup, people
can style the hair without needing to talk to an actor,
which is usually preferable if I'm honest.
So that's why it's all it's always a wig.
Even if somebody has really boring hair, it's a wig.
As a slight side point, it always makes me angry in
musicals how they don't lose the weight, their lace pants down.
You know how it's all just like they're trunk it on and it's
just growing out there. Yeah.
Not a fan of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nothing to do with films, everybody, but just wanted to
say that. No important.
So that's the end of. Our clips and I think it's time
to decide which of those 3 movies is going to be entered
into the Camp Classics Hall of Fame.
Now this is how it's going to work.
We are going to allow all of our panelists 30 seconds to fight
their case. Then afterwards, it will be down
to you, our esteemed audience, to decide which movie is clearly
beloved. So we're going to be starting
with you, Charlie. I'm ready.
In three. Some determination.
No, it needed to. Be I was waiting for.
That of course, in 321-GO. I'm going.
To take my time. So remember I told you the story
about Victoria making me trans? What number are we on now?
On 7/8 seconds. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
yes, yes, Mama. Oh, the lights are on.
Oh, my God, she's got another. What?
Fuck it. Actually.
Take as long as you want, Charlie, Go on.
I was going to say, you've got five more seconds.
Now you've got as long as she needs.
Go on. As long as she needs.
Oh, yes, baby. Yes.
I mean anything else. I mean, I don't care.
About I think that's. Pop that.
OK. That's it all.
OK, I don't know what, I don't know what you're going to do,
you know, but you've got 30 seconds going now I'm.
Going to kill you all in seven days.
I think if you really think about it, Samara is a little
queer child. She just wants to go viral.
It's called the ring, but what does it look like?
A fucking ring light. She's the world's first
influencer. Without her, where would be?
I think basically she invented the concept of going viral.
And I think nowadays that is what can be more calm than
having a viral moment, you know, without Samara.
I'm an influencer guys. That was pointed.
But without Samara, we couldn't have had Charlie Craggs.
OK, that's TI vote for. That that's the end of that
time. Thank you.
Thank you too. Now now Travis 321-GO.
I do think taking things too seriously is a camp point
against me, but if I could win you back I would say that in my
debate one film was already too good to be camp and the other
film the people in it were already rich and like.
And halfway to Tory. Like Arnold but didn't have
something to prove. Arnold had a dream to try and
see if he could make people laugh and at the same time all
those kids looked like people we've all seen in Dalston
Superstore. 10 seconds now. Nothing was camper than that.
I'll leave you with my closing argument.
OK, we're going to pass it to the audience.
We're going to vote by applause. So get your answer ready.
It's very technical, everyone. Feels very unscientific.
Yeah, well, we're gay. And you know what?
There can only be 1 winner tonight because otherwise the
whole format of the evening would be a bit of throwaway,
wasn't it? Because still.
So we one vote only make noise for the film you think is
clearly beloved. If you think Spice World is a
camp classic, make some noise now, everybody.
I was going to say, guys, I'm looking at everyone who didn't
clap. I will never follow you back on
Instagram. None of you.
OK, and if you think the ring is a camp classic, clap your hands
now. OK, which leaves us with
Kindergarten Cop Make some noise.
Lesbians. Lesbians.
Arnold has it. Give it up for Kindergarten Cop
and Travis. Alabanza account awards winning.
Officially, I actually did bring a grand prize, but it's I forgot
it in the green room. It's it's, it's your own
personal bottle of VHS cleaner. But do you know what everybody,
Because we have such an amazing panel tonight and I think you
can all agree they have been fucking brilliant tonight.
They all go away with the bossel of poppers.
Poppers you get poppers, you get poppers and if you all look
under your. Seat.
Right in fact. We, instead of the smoke system
we have put in poppers, we're going to huff them all in and
we're all just going to rot until we go out on that.
Everybody. No, seriously, thank you so much
BFI Flair for having us tonight. It's been an amazing time.
I hope you've all had a good evening with us at Camp Class 6.
Please follow us. There's none of you know who we
are. We are camp classics.
There's lots of episodes for you to go back and listen to.
Yeah. And again, thank you so much for
the BFI for having us. Thank you, Darren.
Thank you, Aaron, and thank you to our amazing guest.
Yeah. Once again, Charlie Craig's Come
on. Travis Alabanza and Gina Dawson,
everyone. And Crystal and baby everyone.
Thank you. Play our theme song.
Get it? Get it.
Get away from her. You.
Bitch Classic. He was in the Amazon with my mom
when she was researching spiders right before she died.
No. Hannah, you.
Thought you become a prostitute or a dog.
Edit I used to love doggy chow. I.
Used to love doggy chow too.