1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:04,920 Get away from her, you bitch. Classic. 2 00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:09,080 He was in the Amazon my mom when she was researching spiders 3 00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:11,280 right before she died. No. 4 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:17,600 Hannah, you thought you can't prostitute your. 5 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:22,040 Dog at it I. Used to love doggy chow I used. 6 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:26,040 To love doggy chow too. I trust one person on this 7 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:28,040 planet and you're talking to her. 8 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:34,440 I'm Crystal. Oh yeah, finish him. 9 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:37,640 Oh, finish him. Not really. 10 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:41,160 Finish him. I'm baby lame. 11 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:46,920 And welcome to Camp Classics. A thoughtful podcast about 12 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:56,360 stupid movies. I want everything I ever watch 13 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:59,800 to start with that song. I don't like straight for off 14 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:02,320 the gate as well. Like no, no Lucy. 15 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:06,760 Don't, don't warm us up for it. Just go in hard. 16 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:10,280 I feel like this is just one of your DJ sets as well as honestly 17 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:14,040 like Mortal Kombat. Honestly, that song, the impact 18 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:17,840 that song has had on my life. I think the reason I am a DJ is 19 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:22,360 because of that song. Is it maybe one of the best 20 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:23,920 songs that has ever been in a movie? 21 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:30,360 I think you need to calm down. I think, I think you need to, 22 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:35,600 you need to calm yourself. I think this song, the blade 23 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:41,760 blood rave song and the orgy scene in the matrix, those songs 24 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:44,640 have a lot to answer for. And then on the flip side, I'm 25 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,120 thinking what are my favorite songs in the movie as well? 26 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:50,520 I will always love you Celine Dions. 27 00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:52,520 What's the one she did from that? 28 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:57,040 Because you love me. I'm I'm more on that kind of 29 00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:59,080 tip, I think. A ballad. 30 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:03,200 A romantic, a feelings, Yeah. No, I think that's where. 31 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:09,360 I'm I want tech bro, techno mask pills, muscles. 32 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:14,000 Fucking hell, she's on one tonight. 33 00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:20,520 I've just, I've just been watching Mortal Kombat 2, so 34 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:25,400 I'm, I'm really deep right now. There's no hope for me or my 35 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:26,360 brain. Thanks. 36 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,320 Syphilis. What do we do here? 37 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:32,080 Every two weeks we pick a stupid movie and we talk gay shit about 38 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,760 it and we try and find out if it's camp or not. 39 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,360 But if every two weeks is not enough for you, we do have a gay 40 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:41,160 Trion where we release a bonus episode every month. 41 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:44,640 And I would like to shout out our new Gay Trion members, 42 00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:49,160 Isabel, Kate, Diego and Courtney. 43 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:52,520 Oh, I like the way you gave it some reverb. 44 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,320 You were like shuddering on Courtney. 45 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:56,360 How What do we think? What do we think their 46 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,600 backstories are? Because I quite like to kind of, 47 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,440 you know, where do we think Isabelle comes from? 48 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:03,680 Like what's her vibe? What's her energy? 49 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,440 Is she quite low key? I think she might be a low key 50 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:09,120 camp lover. I think she joined because of 51 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:14,520 House of Wax, which is our last movie, so I think she's a Paris 52 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:17,000 lover. Well, we've also lost her if 53 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:20,160 she's listened to that episode. I would just suggest that 54 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:23,680 anybody that is tempted but not quite sure about whether they 55 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:27,560 should join the gate train just do it to listen to what Crystal 56 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:30,120 divulged about herself. Look, if you've ever. 57 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:36,480 It was a very personal medical I've I basically felt like I was 58 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:42,560 Crystal's gynaecologist. If you've ever wondered about 59 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:47,520 the size or status of my testicles, you know what the gay 60 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:50,320 trion is right there for you. Yeah, yeah, it was. 61 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,560 It was a lot. It was a lot that episode. 62 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,960 Tell that to my balls. Thanks, Syphilis. 63 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:58,760 Also spoiler alert if you are a fan of Paris Hilton. 64 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:03,160 Also don't listen to that episode because Crystal gives it 65 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:06,080 to her. She gets it, she gets it hard. 66 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,640 You read her to filth, boots down. 67 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:13,520 Our problematic Princess the Gatron is £4 a month. 68 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:18,320 You get the bonus episodes, our back catalog and you can sign up 69 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:20,240 on Patreon directly, which would be our preference. 70 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:24,000 Or you can click the locked episode on your Apple or Spotify 71 00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:27,360 feeds. And if you don't want a bonus 72 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,880 episode, that's all right, but just make sure you're giving 73 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:32,560 this podcast a follow wherever you happen to be listening. 74 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:36,360 Yeah, we want to kind of infect. I think it's time to infect the 75 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:39,200 nation and the world. Yeah, I think so. 76 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,120 I think so. Because even like with this 77 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,680 podcast, I was doing some research and there was some 78 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:45,880 fucking snobby podcasts out there. 79 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:48,840 There really are. It's like, get over yourselves. 80 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,440 Yeah. Like I won't name names, but I 81 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,960 was listening to 1 today and I was just like get over 82 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,120 yourselves. Was it? 83 00:04:55,120 --> 00:05:02,720 How did this get made? Yes, yeah, that is I think how 84 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:05,720 did this get made is the straight successful version of 85 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,920 our show. OK, OK. 86 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:11,480 But, you know, sadly very successful. 87 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,320 Yeah, yeah. And we're not. 88 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:18,400 Oh well. Lol lol no but we are building a 89 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,240 little community here and that's what we love. 90 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,480 Obviously the gay Tron is growing strong. 91 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:25,200 We also had some feedback our friend Michael. 92 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,600 Oh, great. Hi, Michael. 93 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:31,600 Our friend Michael got all in his feelings after our scream 94 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,440 coverage. Oh God, of course she did. 95 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:36,960 Yeah, I'm eye roll. Can you hear me? 96 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,600 Eye roll? I don't know if there's a sound 97 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,640 effect. They can, but I'm literally like 98 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:43,520 a mechanical eye roll. It's like. 99 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:49,520 This is what he said. What on earth you hate Scream? 100 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:52,840 You guys were dissecting it like Siskel and Ebert. 101 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:56,120 I'm just saying you're giving serious film podcast meets woke 102 00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:58,760 podcast before you were giving camp podcast. 103 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:04,480 Wow. Savage. 104 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:08,160 Wow. Look, someone was just very 105 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:12,120 upset to hear us not lick Neve Campbell's anus. 106 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:20,360 Also, if we awoke, then I accept that Piers Morgan Michael is 107 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:22,880 basically Piers Morgan, so thanks for that. 108 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,480 I'm sorry if queer people are woke. 109 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,560 And sorry if we have, you know, opinions. 110 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:30,600 We're not just gay clowns for your amusement. 111 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:34,160 Sometimes we have thoughts. Sorry if we're drag Queens that 112 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,920 are calling out misogyny and violence. 113 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:41,280 Stop silencing women. I would also just like to say 114 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,480 Scream is one of those movies where everyone's like, oh, 115 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:47,240 that's a camp film when they haven't watched it for 10 years. 116 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,320 And then if they watch it, they're like, oh, actually, it's 117 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:51,200 not actually quite as funny as I remember. 118 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:52,760 And that is a fact. Yeah. 119 00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:56,600 And when people do recommend films, there are a few of those 120 00:06:56,600 --> 00:07:00,480 where, yes, we are all guilty of believing they are camp. 121 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,280 When we've suggested some films for this, we've been like, oh 122 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:05,880 lol, let's watch this. And then we've been like, what 123 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:07,960 the fuck are we doing watching this movie? 124 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,880 So and. Also, if I recall correctly, I 125 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:14,400 think we gave scream like on the Merrill's a very high score. 126 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,960 It's a good movie. It's a good movie. 127 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:19,160 We like part. We like part. 128 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:21,920 Of history, Let me tell you terms of horror cinema. 129 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:25,040 Let me tell you what we gave it. Just you tell me. 130 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:26,320 Can you tell me? Can you tell? 131 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:32,720 This feedback really got me. We gave it an 8. 132 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,280 An 8 Merrills. And five Lizers, it's fine. 133 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:38,200 That's like. Yeah, It's Down the Middle is 134 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:42,080 not a camp classic. Nobody is. 135 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,840 Liza Minnelli is not lining up for a remake of Scream. 136 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:52,120 The costume, the cost. There's not even a camp costume 137 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,320 in it. No, no, there is. 138 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:57,040 There's GAIL Weathers in her yellow skirt suit. 139 00:07:57,240 --> 00:08:00,000 But I mean, it's, it's not, it's not a screamer, is it? 140 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:03,000 It's just like. I think, I think GAIL Weathers 141 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,960 stand alone. She is. 142 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:08,280 She is very cap. Why are we talking about Nevada 143 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:10,400 Campbell films ever? I've said I didn't want to do it 144 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,000 anymore and here she is be. Careful, you'll kill her. 145 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:16,440 Yes, God. Yeah, but I guess the lesson is 146 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:19,920 to either listeners, if you negus we will reply to your 147 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:23,080 comment, so please don't. And also we are the ones that 148 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:25,520 rate this. And quite frankly, if you want 149 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:29,280 to come up with your own Camp Classics podcast, do it. 150 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:31,240 You'll probably be more successful. 151 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:33,240 I'm. Trying to think of like a spin 152 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:35,919 off but I can't think of 1 so there you go. 153 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,679 Yeah, because there isn't one. There isn't. 154 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,880 Yeah, good luck. Yeah, I think. 155 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:43,120 We're basically the only podcast actually where 2 gay people talk 156 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:46,400 about movies so. Totally unique, completely not 157 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,800 ever been done before. The other thing I want to say is 158 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:52,240 that obviously we're approaching the Christmas season and I did 159 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,480 do a shout out on my Instagram for camp Christmas movie 160 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:57,160 suggestions. Now, I've got a lot here. 161 00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:59,080 I've had a lot of, yeah, a lot of replies. 162 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,440 I'm just going to read them out to you if anything jumps out to 163 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:02,720 you. OK, Yeah. 164 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:04,680 Muppets Christmas Carol. Meh. 165 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:06,680 Die hard. Oh. 166 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,920 Die hard. I know it's not camp, is it? 167 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,800 No. No, it's, I think it's probably 168 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:15,360 a good, I think it's a good movie, but I it's, it's not, 169 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:17,440 it's not for us. And also as well, out of all of 170 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,600 the films that we could be talking about, We're going to 171 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,320 Die Hard next. No, no. 172 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:23,760 Was that Michael? I bet Michael suggested that. 173 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:28,440 Great idea, Michael. Batman Returns. 174 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:30,040 Yes. Yeah, it's AI. 175 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:32,160 Feel like that's the most obvious Christmas movie choice 176 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:33,240 for this podcast. Yeah. 177 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,320 And so as a result, part of me wants to go. 178 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:37,440 Not yet. Yeah, OK. 179 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:38,800 Because you like edging us. Yeah. 180 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:40,960 Gremlins. OK. 181 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,720 Yeah, yeah. Solid The Grinch. 182 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:46,760 No, thank you. I don't, I just don't think so. 183 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:48,520 Do you? I feel like it could get a bit. 184 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:51,320 Mars Attacks, Yeah, that was a hard watch. 185 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:54,240 Spice. Spice World is there Christmas 186 00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:55,520 in that? People just. 187 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:59,040 Want us to do Spice World? Whatever. 188 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:03,160 Whatever box I put on my Instagram, someone will type in 189 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:05,160 spice. World, we need to just do spice 190 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:06,920 world. It's more of a summer movie, I 191 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:11,520 feel. OK, so that was on my Instagram. 192 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,040 Great. So really. 193 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,160 So basically you'll say no to all of the film. 194 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:18,960 But then I, I also put it on the camp classics dedicated 195 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:24,000 Instagram and I feel like just, I'll just tell you listeners 196 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:27,720 that you're you're better than the general masses and we love 197 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:28,440 of. Course they are. 198 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:31,440 Of course they are. Some suggestions here included 199 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:33,760 Bridget Jones's Diary, which, OK, that's. 200 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:37,680 Which, OK, it's that's that's an interesting choice because it is 201 00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:41,800 like very hetero mainstream, but it's a bit old, it's a bit shit. 202 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:44,720 So therefore it could be quite a left field choice that could 203 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,200 actually be quite camp. I'm quite interested in that 204 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,320 decision. OK, yes. 205 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:51,240 Grease 2. Does Christmas feature in Grease 206 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:54,120 2? No, but it's I love a sequel. 207 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:58,320 It. Definitely has nothing to do 208 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,720 with Christmas. There's not even a suggestion of 209 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:01,840 snow. Right. 210 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,280 OK, yeah. Mixed nuts. 211 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,160 I don't know it. It's a Steve Martin bomb from 212 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,280 the early 90s. Quite a stash. 213 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:11,440 OK, sure. Yeah, Female trouble. 214 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:13,760 Great show. Yes, great. 215 00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:14,920 Show. Great show, yeah. 216 00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:19,800 Eyes wide shut. I think that's quite a good 217 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:21,080 shout too, I bet that. Is. 218 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:23,040 I mean, I don't. Think as tits. 219 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:25,480 I don't think I've watched it before so. 220 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:28,880 Oh, it's basically just Tom Cruise being cocked for an hour 221 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:32,880 and a half ground breaking. OK, Happy Christmas. 222 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:37,080 And obviously it's like Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman at 223 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:39,280 their hottest. So yeah, yeah. 224 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,960 OK. And then the last suggestion was 225 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,000 Black Christmas, which I've never seen. 226 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,720 OK, yeah, I've seen that. I don't know if it's Cam. 227 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:48,800 Right. But no. 228 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,680 But am I thinking the same film? I don't know. 229 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:53,880 But there were some very good suggestions there. 230 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,160 Yeah, and they're far more interesting than the basic pitch 231 00:11:57,160 --> 00:12:00,720 ones that your Instagram put out. 232 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:04,520 My other suggestion was going to be it has nothing to do with 233 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:09,280 Christmas, except they do go to an ice palace slash ice hotel 234 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,160 and that is tomorrow. Never. 235 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:16,560 No, Not Tomorrow never dies. Oh, it's a James Bond. 236 00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:20,760 It's the final Pierce Brosnan Bond movie starring Halle Berry 237 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:22,760 and Madonna, and they go to an ice hotel. 238 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,560 Now, it's not officially Christmas, but it is wintry. 239 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:28,520 OK, OK. Yeah. 240 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,880 There's an invisible car and Madonna fences. 241 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:35,200 Yeah, I have never seen it. OK, but that sounds kind of fun. 242 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,920 I'm going to throw in a basic one. 243 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:41,760 Mean Girls. I guess it is Christmassy. 244 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,160 Oh good shout. Just another one to think about. 245 00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:48,600 I mean, Mean Girls basically sponsors the entire sound board 246 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:53,800 of this podcast. I could hear people getting 247 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:55,560 bored with me, but I couldn't stop. 248 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,200 Has Liza Minnelli ever been in a Christmas movie? 249 00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,320 Yeah, maybe we should check that out. 250 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,360 Oh, and there was one more suggestion which I forgot to 251 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:06,760 write down, which was Sextet, which is Mae West's final movie 252 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:11,280 from 1978 starring Timothy Dalton, Dom de Louise, Ringo 253 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:15,320 Starr, Alice Cooper. And it just looks like a big 254 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:19,160 schmaltzy, like old school Hollywood starring Mae W 255 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:22,600 Basically it looks campus fucking tits and it's and it was 256 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,240 a huge bomb. OK, well that sounds good. 257 00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:28,360 I mean, as soon as she said Ringo star, I was like, The 258 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,440 Beatles don't scream, doesn't scream camp. 259 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:33,840 But Mae W not at the height of her powers, in the decline of 260 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,360 her powers, which I think. Which is always a good place to 261 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:37,960 go to. Yeah, Absolutely. 262 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,560 Yeah. Maybe that's for the Gayatrion. 263 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,240 Cool. Well, let's get into this movie. 264 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,600 But before we go any further, baby, what does make a camp 265 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:49,880 classic? Well, a camp classic is 266 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:52,400 something that needs to unlock queer joy. 267 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:57,760 In the words of the iconic Megan Fox, we want to have a wedding. 268 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:02,040 She doesn't say it like that. It needs to be stupid. 269 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:05,600 A camp classic should not take itself too seriously, it needs 270 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:09,160 to have an ongoing legacy and should inform queer pop culture. 271 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,680 And ultimately we want something anti mainstream. 272 00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:15,920 That's right, floppity flop flop flop flop flop underground 273 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:18,520 vibes. Because we like reclaiming that 274 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:21,200 shit and we don't like to see people succeed. 275 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:25,560 As gay people, we are bitter, yes, and we like failure, 276 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:28,720 correct? It's a lot about rage and 277 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:31,000 trauma. Rage and trauma colliding. 278 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:37,720 What is your history with Mortal Kombat? 279 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:39,960 Sorry. I just played the computer game 280 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:41,240 a bit. Do you know what I mean? 281 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:43,120 I don't remember. I don't think I ever watched 282 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,360 this movie. I think I watched because it 283 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:47,600 sort of came out the same time Street Fighter, didn't it? 284 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,880 And I think I watched that and I think I was really disappointed 285 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:52,720 in that. I I probably would enjoy that 286 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:55,200 now, but I was disappointed that Kylie wasn't Chung Lee, which 287 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,400 obviously now cultural appropriation. 288 00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,920 Oh sorry Michael, am I being too woke? 289 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:05,320 Sorry, woke watch. Let's have an alarm bell 290 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,640 whenever we're to woke on this podcast. 291 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,160 God forbid. What about you? 292 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:19,640 I knew you'd enjoy that. I I'm unfortunately have to 293 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:21,800 reveal that this is probably one of the movies I've seen the most 294 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:25,240 in my entire life. In your entire life. 295 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:31,880 I realized watching it. That is such a statement of your 296 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:33,480 entire. Life. 297 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:36,400 It's just a guess because you know when you're 10 and you've 298 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:39,440 got something on VHS, you'll just watch it every day. 299 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:40,840 Yeah, yeah. That's true. 300 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,880 That's true. And so I I did. 301 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,480 I did. I mean, I was obsessed with the 302 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:48,080 video game. I was obsessed with this concept 303 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,640 when it came out. I Remember Me and my friend 304 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:52,840 snuck in to see it because we were too young. 305 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:56,840 We bought tickets to see a kid in King Arthur's court and it 306 00:15:56,840 --> 00:16:01,040 was like my first, like, breaking the rules, you know? 307 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:06,200 Yeah. I thought it was so awesome. 308 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:12,960 I just thought it was the best thing I'd ever seen and well, I 309 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:15,560 don't feel that way and quite so strongly anymore. 310 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,400 But I was delighted to rewatch it. 311 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:22,640 So, so happy. But also you are like, I'm just 312 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,560 gagging as I say, you're, you're a bit of a gamer, aren't you? 313 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:31,000 You're one of those actually. Oh no, we love it. 314 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,960 I don't want to like feel like maybe half of of you 315 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,800 listenership might be on that train as well. 316 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:38,520 I definitely have some of those tendencies for sure. 317 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:41,360 There's a sliding tours moment that could have happened for me 318 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:44,720 where I went full in cell after watching this movie. 319 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:52,640 Never left home, just stayed up all night playing Diablo and 320 00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:59,560 Mortal Kombat in my goon cave. You know that didn't happen. 321 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,360 But I like watching this movie because it's like a trip into 322 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:05,680 that alternate reality for me. I feel like this is like the 323 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:09,000 most like soul bearing and honest I've ever heard you on 324 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,960 this podcast. I'm finally coming out as Talks 325 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:15,079 Mask. OK, well let's get into it. 326 00:17:15,079 --> 00:17:18,680 So the the context for 1995's Mortal Kombat. 327 00:17:20,079 --> 00:17:22,079 It was directed by Paul Anderson. 328 00:17:22,079 --> 00:17:26,520 This was his second movie ever. You can't tell. 329 00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:30,240 You can absolutely not tell. And from what I can gather, he 330 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:32,920 was hired because his first movie called Shopping was made 331 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:37,120 for $100,000 and the producer was like, wow, he's cheap. 332 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:44,240 It stars a a whole bunch of real actors who are, I swear to God, 333 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:49,760 I swear to God, Ruben, are real actors doing real acting in this 334 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:51,200 movie. I don't know. 335 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:55,600 Did you recognize anyone? Yes, Sonia. 336 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:59,680 Yes, Bridget Wilson. Yes, I recognize her from the 337 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:02,720 wedding planner. No Happy Gilmore. 338 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,520 No, I'm sure she's in the wedding planner as well. 339 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,080 She in multiple Adam Sandler pictures. 340 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:13,160 What else was what's her name again? 341 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:18,200 Bridget Wilson. I'm keep on laughing because it 342 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:19,880 sounds like you're saying Bridget Nielsen, but saying it 343 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:23,880 anyway. Someone who also played Sonia. 344 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:25,760 Yeah, oh God, it's linked isn't it? 345 00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:29,360 Right. 2 seconds because I she is in the wedding planner. 346 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,080 Oh, the wedding planner. Yeah, I'm sorry. 347 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,000 I'm thinking of the Wedding Singer. 348 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,840 Oh no. News The. 349 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:38,480 Wedding letter. She's in. 350 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:41,320 AJ Lo movie. But I also got confused because 351 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:44,200 I thought she was in monster in law, which is something we have 352 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,440 to do. We have to do monster idea and I 353 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,440 just thought she was the bitchy blonde in that. 354 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:49,760 But I think she's probably just a bitchy. 355 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:53,320 I think she probably in an era of that was just playing the 356 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:56,880 hot, either bitchy or like kind of slightly ahead headed the 357 00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:59,720 leading lady. So I recognize her and then that 358 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:04,000 other person, that's the Highlander or whatever his name 359 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,600 is, but only but I don't know that. 360 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:11,560 Christopher Lambert, Yeah. And I think she's actually in 361 00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:13,960 Billy Madison, not Happy Gilmore. 362 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:17,440 I don't know. This movie had a budget of $20 363 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:23,840 million and it was a success. It was #1 at the box office for 364 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:28,720 three whole weeks, and it took $124 million worldwide. 365 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:33,880 So it was a pretty decent hit. It is the 27th highest grossing 366 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:37,280 video game movie of all time. That isn't that impressive. 367 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,960 No, it was about. That's not an achievement. 368 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:43,280 I could only think of three others, like is it like Resident 369 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:46,000 Evil or like. That's probably higher. 370 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:49,240 All the Tomb Raiders are higher. I think the number one is the 371 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,800 New Super Mario Brothers movie, which I have no. 372 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,560 OK, yeah. Oh, and then probably the Sonic 373 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,480 ones did. Well, yeah, I actually quite 374 00:19:56,480 --> 00:20:01,360 like the Sonic the Hedgehog. Well, that brings me on to my 375 00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:04,000 next point, which is it's critical review. 376 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:10,320 It has a 40. 4% critical rating on Rotten Tomatoes and between 377 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:13,640 the 98 founding of Rotten Tomatoes Until 2018, Mortal 378 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:17,240 Kombat was the highest critical rating on the site of any video 379 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:19,720 game adaptation. That's weird. 380 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,800 That is fucking weird, but that is fucking weird, Yeah. 381 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:27,520 Which it basically froze potentially any like like 382 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,800 legitimacy about rotten. Tomatoes. 383 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,280 Oh, it's it's nonsense. It's nonsense. 384 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:36,440 Do you know what the number one rated video game adaptation is? 385 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:40,720 It's Sonic the Hedgehog 3. OK, there we go. 386 00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:44,200 Wow, which does make me want to put a bullet in my brain. 387 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,120 OK, well, don't do that. We've got on this. 388 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:47,840 We've got this episode to finish. 389 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:52,800 Should we get into the plot? I would, I would love to. 390 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,840 And it's so generous that you're calling it a plot as well. 391 00:20:56,400 --> 00:21:05,120 So opening credits and it's. Like fucking hell is so intense. 392 00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:07,520 Yeah, it really feels like you've just taken drugs. 393 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,160 And I feel like I actually, I actually wrote that as a later 394 00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:12,960 note. I I just wrote as a statement. 395 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:17,760 These people are on drugs as in everyone in the film, every 396 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:19,720 everything related, everyone is on drugs. 397 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:20,600 I. Think that would kind of make 398 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:24,040 sense? Then we've got our opening 399 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:27,800 scene, which is two people are fighting at a temple. 400 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:31,960 There's like a an older evil man and a child. 401 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,760 Yeah, a child. He's fighting a child. 402 00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:38,880 There was a camp clue in this opening sequence that I I 403 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,000 actually really love in all camp classics. 404 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:45,480 I love a wonky angle to show that something's maybe slightly 405 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:48,560 wrong or eerie and just. Yeah, I just like an. 406 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,280 Angle. That's shot on the diagonal, 407 00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:52,040 isn't it? Just to show that it's, you 408 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,360 know, something's off here. And I just think. 409 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:56,800 That Paul Anderson. What an Otter. 410 00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:59,160 What? Yeah, straight away I'm like the 411 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:04,160 cinematography is next level on this and we you get an epic 412 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:07,000 bitch slap as well right from the get go. 413 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,720 Backhand rubber. Backhand. 414 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:11,320 Yeah, can never go wrong with that, can you? 415 00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:13,960 Yeah. And then the older one breaks 416 00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:17,000 the back of the younger one, killing him. 417 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,600 What did you just? Say blows his back out. 418 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:28,400 Oh yeah, that's. And just then, Luke Hang wakes 419 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:31,880 up all sweaty in bed. And what in the wicked is going 420 00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,080 on? With that green, green light, 421 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:37,480 the blowout. I was just like where? 422 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:42,200 Why is it that intensely green? Like what? 423 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,320 What would cause such a green light? 424 00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:46,400 Yeah, that's a very good question. 425 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:50,920 I didn't think about it. Again, that altar, that altar, 426 00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:53,200 he's got us, you know? I think it's, I guess they're 427 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:56,120 showing like, oh, he's not anywhere near there, he's in a 428 00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:58,640 city. Strong mullet work though from 429 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:01,960 the get go. And this man's hair, it's, it 430 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:03,880 should be, it should have been a paid actor in this movie. 431 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:05,840 Yeah. And also as well we are. 432 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:08,520 We've hit the stage now. Well, this is just very, a very 433 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:09,760 contemporary look. Yeah. 434 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:12,320 You saw, if you saw him out in a club, you'd be like, yeah, look 435 00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:13,840 great. Yeah, he's hot. 436 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,320 Yeah, I knew you'd have the bones for him. 437 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:20,240 The bones. I unfortunately think maybe 438 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:25,200 everyone in this movie is hot again. 439 00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:26,840 This movie has a lot to answer for. 440 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:31,320 But yeah, Liu Kang has had a had the dream of his brother's 441 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:32,960 death. He's real sweaty. 442 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,560 And then he gets it. He gets a telegram that says 443 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:38,240 brother dead come. Home What I do like about this 444 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,560 film is it's just very easy to follow because you know how like 445 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:46,200 creators nowadays for TV etcetera are having to really 446 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:49,800 simplify what they're making because people are like sort of 447 00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,840 watching secondhand. So they really need everything 448 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:55,160 signposting This movie is really signposting it. 449 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:58,760 There's absolutely no nuance. It's just like right next thing. 450 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:01,360 Now go. Very simple to follow. 451 00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:04,840 Again, that Paul Anderson just a visionary ahead of his time. 452 00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:08,800 He knew that people were getting stupider all the way back in 95. 453 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:13,960 Yeah, keep it simple. Then we cut to Sonia Blade. 454 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:17,280 That's our Bridget Nielsen. Can I just let out an audible? 455 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:22,480 Oh, she's fabulous. Oh, and everything I love in a 456 00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:26,200 film. You cannot beat a 90s 457 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:30,720 rock'n'roll rave club. Especially when you've got a 458 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:36,320 badass, no nonsense tough talking T word who's just 459 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,840 kicking the shit out of the clubbers. 460 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:42,000 Dressed as Janet Jackson, Ribbon Nation. 461 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:47,000 She is, for some reason, she's going through this nightclub and 462 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:50,280 she's just hitting everyone in the face with the barrel of her 463 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,520 gun. There's like, I don't care if 464 00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:55,000 you're at a rave, I've got to get through. 465 00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,120 I mean, I think I've been in that position where you just get 466 00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:02,160 to the point where it's like out of my fucking way. 467 00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:05,320 So yeah, yeah. But I mean, spectacular 468 00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:07,360 entrance. I mean, that's how you launch a 469 00:25:07,360 --> 00:25:10,080 character. Unfortunately, a cab does 470 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,560 include Sonia Blade. Yeah. 471 00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:16,840 She's looking for Kano, who killed her partner. 472 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:20,280 No, Kano. Where does Kano come? 473 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:22,680 From right. I'm so glad you brought this up. 474 00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:29,480 Wow, I wasn't sure if I was having a stroke. 475 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,320 I think maybe I was having a stroke at the same. 476 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:34,720 Point What was your What was your impression? 477 00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:38,880 Well, to start with, it was all a bit Dick Van Dyke, wasn't it? 478 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:42,040 Yeah, Hello, Mary Poppins. Yeah. 479 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:45,480 And then? And then it goes a bit Aussie. 480 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:49,080 Yeah, OK, cool. I think that's I'm really glad 481 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:53,640 to hear a British person say that too, because this actor, 482 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:58,000 he's British, he's from Croydon. He's British. 483 00:25:58,120 --> 00:26:02,680 Yeah, but I think he went for a cockney accent but couldn't do 484 00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:07,160 it and as a result it ended up a bit Australian now. 485 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:10,560 And he's from, he's from Croydon, which really isn't that 486 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:12,800 far away from like an East End accent. 487 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:16,160 No, no, it should have. It shouldn't have happened. 488 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:19,680 But this is what's so funny. So the the character was 489 00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:22,760 originally Japanese American, and the creators of Mortal 490 00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:24,680 Combat we're so impressed with how Trevor Goddard portrayed him 491 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:28,120 in the movie that they retconned Kano's history in future games 492 00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:31,880 to make him Australian, which they thought was Goddard's 493 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:36,560 nationality. They later learned that he was 494 00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:39,880 doing a Cockney accent, which they and many viewers had 495 00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:42,280 confused for Australian. I mean, that's that's also be 496 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:45,800 real as well. Like he, oh, he's dead. 497 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:50,720 Yeah, but he continued to claim to be of Australian descent 498 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:56,040 until his death in 2003. Fucking hell, I was about to 499 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:57,880 say. I mean, that is a lot, isn't it? 500 00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:01,760 To give him to like change the entire franchise around his 501 00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,440 acting skills? Because I, I don't think, oh, he 502 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,200 had, oh, he died of a drug overdose. 503 00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:08,840 Oh, that's sad. Sorry. 504 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:11,040 OK, well, he's really fit in the film. 505 00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:13,680 He's so hot. Yeah, I'm into that. 506 00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:14,680 Where are we? Yeah. 507 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:18,200 So Kaino is there. He's working with Shang Sung, 508 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:22,120 who is the man from Liu Kang's dream at the beginning, and he's 509 00:27:22,120 --> 00:27:24,840 trying to lure Sonia to a tournament. 510 00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:32,800 Then we cut to Johnny Cage. He's filming a movie, and he's 511 00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:35,440 all over the tabloids because they don't think he's a real 512 00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:37,600 fighter. They think he's a fake. 513 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:40,320 I did find the scene quite hot with all of those guys with 514 00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:43,360 various implements. Yeah, I think. 515 00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:46,200 Taking them on I was. Like it looks really great too. 516 00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:48,240 I was like, I want to watch that movie. 517 00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:51,600 I've never seen you like, beaming so much, like you're 518 00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,440 literally just glowing from this. 519 00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:55,320 You're so happy, aren't you? I. 520 00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:58,520 Really. Am I realized about this point? 521 00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:01,520 I was like, oh, I can quote this entire movie. 522 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:06,520 This is where you fall down. This is where you fall down. 523 00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:09,800 Shang Sung is there. He's shape shifted into Johnny 524 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:14,520 Cage's mentor or agent or something, and he lures him to 525 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:17,640 the tournament so that he can prove himself a real fighter. 526 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:21,560 Well, you say LOR, but again, it's like there's no, he's 527 00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:23,760 literally just this old man. It's not explained. 528 00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:27,160 And he's like going, oh, so you know, everyone thinks you're a 529 00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:28,680 fake. Well, if you fight this 530 00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:31,280 tournament, everyone will think you're the greatest fighter in 531 00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:32,680 the world. And then he's literally like, 532 00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:36,400 here, take this scroll, go to the boat tomorrow, you're going 533 00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:39,320 to Hong Kong tomorrow. And then that's it. 534 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:43,000 And then, and then Johnny's literally like, oh, OK, then 535 00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,040 doesn't question it, doesn't do anything. 536 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:48,200 And then the guy shapes it back to the villain. 537 00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:51,440 But it's like it wasn't I, I don't get the impression you've 538 00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,440 done like a particularly like big trick here. 539 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:56,720 It's not like it's not like evil in Masters of the Universe, is 540 00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:58,520 it? It's literally like he's just 541 00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:00,400 going to go and he's fucking dumb. 542 00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:03,920 I appreciated it. You know how when we do recaps 543 00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:07,320 on this show, we'll often use the yada yada yada approach 544 00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:09,800 because lots of stuff happens that we can't be really be 545 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:12,920 bothered to get into? I think this the screenwriters 546 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:15,960 took that approach when they were doing the plot. 547 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:20,400 They're like, don't worry, they'll get it, yadda, yadda, 548 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:21,680 yadda. He's on the boat. 549 00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:28,760 And we did, we did. It's very easy to follow Johnny 550 00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:33,680 Cage, this actor, another actor that has not gone on to have a 551 00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:37,440 star illustrious career. The actor went on to do wild 552 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:41,160 things two and three. Fucking cow. 553 00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:47,320 He was also in Mean Girls too. Didn't know that existed. 554 00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:51,200 He was also in anacondas too. Wow. 555 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:55,560 Fucking. Hell, but you know he's working. 556 00:29:55,800 --> 00:30:00,720 He's working well, good for him. OK, then we're back to Liu Kang. 557 00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:03,480 He's going home. I think he's Chinese, but he 558 00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:07,080 goes to Thailand. I mean, I don't think the kind 559 00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:10,600 of race of anybody matters in this movie, does it? 560 00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:15,720 It's very Asia. Except for any kind of God 561 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:18,320 character, and then it's just a white. 562 00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:20,360 Then it's just a white. This man, Yeah. 563 00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:24,560 Yeah, but Liu Kang wants to fight in the tournament to 564 00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:28,400 avenge his brother's murder. And then we get Raiden. 565 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:40,720 Should we say it together, Wig? Oh, baby girl, that unit. 566 00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:44,800 Oh, she has been tongue. She's got body. 567 00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,240 She's got like a real little bounce to her. 568 00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:50,760 It's hard to get that much volume and bounce out of 569 00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:54,760 synthetic fibers, I hear. Oh, but baby, it is bouncing 570 00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:57,280 away. It is giving Lux. 571 00:30:57,280 --> 00:31:02,720 It is giving expensive. It is a hard line across the 572 00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:05,120 forehead. It's, I don't think it's a hard 573 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:09,560 front, but they didn't bother to like ventilate that lace. 574 00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:12,600 They were just like, give it a straight line. 575 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:16,600 She she's got a she's got a nice shape to her, though, doesn't 576 00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:19,360 she? They've they've what I would 577 00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:22,120 really would have loved to have been in because obviously in 578 00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:25,400 these in even in this kind of film, even in this pile of shit, 579 00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:29,560 and they do different tests with wigs in films and and you know, 580 00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:31,880 I'm sure there were numerous wigs and styles. 581 00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:36,080 I wonder whose decision it was to be like, oh, no, baby, she 582 00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:37,960 needs a bit more life in her. She's. 583 00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:45,520 I I am obsessed with a movie that spends $1,000,000 on the 584 00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:51,160 animatronic villain and then is like, you know what wig budget 585 00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:52,720 $10. It is. 586 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:56,800 It is such an incredibly shit look. 587 00:31:57,280 --> 00:31:58,840 And what? So bad. 588 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:00,480 Who is he? He's like something. 589 00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:02,200 Is he like the God of everything? 590 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:03,360 What is? What is he? 591 00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:07,320 He's the God of lightning, potentially the Chinese God of 592 00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:08,880 lightning. Yeah, because they all bowed out 593 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:13,960 to him and I'm like, fucking hell, everyone else there is 594 00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,280 Asian in that scene except for him. 595 00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:19,440 And he's a French man. Well, a homeless French man, 596 00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:23,480 isn't he? In a real unit doing the 597 00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:27,000 weirdest. Accent like what the fuck? 598 00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:29,880 So he was quite hot property. Well, I don't know. 599 00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:33,680 As we've already discussed, I don't think any of the cast are 600 00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:35,680 particularly hot property at this stage. 601 00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:38,280 But he was a bigger actor, wasn't he? 602 00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:40,920 And he's probably the top billing in this movie. 603 00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:44,160 That's not saying much. No, but he was very expensive 604 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:46,840 compared to their budget. And obviously everything had to 605 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:48,360 be budget. They weren't spending any money 606 00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:50,200 on this. They were like no, no, no, no, 607 00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:52,760 no. But so originally he was only 608 00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:56,840 going to film for a few weeks in LA and then anything on location 609 00:32:56,840 --> 00:32:58,720 was going to be with a stunt, got double and they were going 610 00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:02,160 to just like be careful. But then he was like, oh, no, 611 00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:04,320 no, I'm going to Thailand to film this. 612 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:07,040 I want to film this. So he just went and basically 613 00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:10,480 shot all of that stuff for free and just had a bit of a holiday. 614 00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:14,840 But what what was good enough? What was it about him that they 615 00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:17,840 were like? Like he must have screen test 616 00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:22,200 with this accent? It's kind of like Toad, but like 617 00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:25,200 not high. It's like if Toad wasn't high 618 00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:27,640 pitched. I've been trying actually all 619 00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:30,040 day to do this accent and I can't do it. 620 00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:31,840 I can't do it. It's impossible. 621 00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:36,640 He isn't ready, my Lord, and we've lost so much time, I know, 622 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:41,440 but there's no one else. But we love her. 623 00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:42,840 We love her. We love her. 624 00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:44,600 We love her from the get go. We. 625 00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:47,240 Love her like that reveal. So he's like walking into the 626 00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:50,160 temple and he's got his rice Paddy hat on. 627 00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:53,680 So yeah, that's we've already got big alarm bells going off at 628 00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:54,200 this. Oh. 629 00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:55,800 Have we sorry, Woke? Yeah. 630 00:33:56,440 --> 00:34:01,280 But then he like lifts his head up and the rice Paddy hat lifts 631 00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:06,560 and you just see this white man in this wig and it's. 632 00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:10,000 Just so funny. So shocking. 633 00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:14,040 And now, now you've said that it's reminded me of what it 634 00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:16,280 reminded me of. And it's the first time we see 635 00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:18,520 Kate Winslet in Titanic with her very. 636 00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:23,360 Bad. OK. 637 00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:27,760 The other thing that's amazing is that this role was offered to 638 00:34:28,159 --> 00:34:30,800 Sean Connery. Really. 639 00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:34,639 Why? I don't know. 640 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:36,600 He turned. Apparently he turned it down 641 00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:38,560 because he didn't want to perform such a physically 642 00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:41,679 demanding role. He doesn't do anything he 643 00:34:41,679 --> 00:34:44,760 doesn't do. Anything but. 644 00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:47,040 Now imagine it with a Scottish accent. 645 00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:49,520 Everything. And the bouncy wig. 646 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:51,239 The bouncy wig. Oh. 647 00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:55,600 I don't know what to say, but I'm like, I I love, I love all 648 00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:58,200 of the little, like, you know, lightning bits. 649 00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:00,360 She's a good time gal, isn't she? 650 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:03,240 Yeah, I love her. She's providing some light 651 00:35:03,240 --> 00:35:06,200 comedic relief that I don't think the film really knows what 652 00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:07,960 to do with. Also she just has like 653 00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:11,400 incredible powers and like can is more powerful than anyone but 654 00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:13,600 yet doesn't get involved in anything. 655 00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:17,600 Well, you know, the rules of Mortal Kombat are very strict. 656 00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:20,400 Just don't ask me to explain them to you, OK? 657 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:26,400 Then we're at the docks and the the ship is coming in on our 3 658 00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:32,280 heroes board, along with a man whose name is Arlene. 659 00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:36,960 You're Arlene, aren't you? The. 660 00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:41,720 Way that the way that character is treated in this film, it's 661 00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:45,680 just like wow, sorry, woke alert again. 662 00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:50,000 But I mean, it is like black man tokenism, if ever I've seen it 663 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:54,560 in my life is it is so fucking appalling. 664 00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:59,080 Yeah, how he has, and I mean for for me to say he has no 665 00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:02,720 character development at all compared to the other characters 666 00:36:02,720 --> 00:36:06,280 really sort of places where he is in this movie. 667 00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:09,840 You're so right. But his name is Arlene, and so I 668 00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:12,040 stand. Go off, Arlene. 669 00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:20,680 Come on, Arlene. I think the ship looks kind of 670 00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:24,760 great. This big ship coming into into 671 00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:27,720 port. It looks, you know, like you're 672 00:36:27,720 --> 00:36:30,440 at Disney. Yeah, it's very that. 673 00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:32,720 Yeah, it's very like Alton Towers when we were on that 674 00:36:32,720 --> 00:36:35,480 pirate ship thing. And you're like very that one 675 00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:37,840 thing you can say about this movie is they have not skimped 676 00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:43,360 on the fog budget or the candle. Budget The fog is fogging. 677 00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:47,920 Oh my. At one point when they're on the 678 00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:53,000 ship and they're out at sea, we're just in a black studio 679 00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:55,560 with so much low smoke that's lit. 680 00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:57,920 So it's just like an elaborate music video and we're meant to 681 00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:01,040 believe that they're at like it's seeing its water and it's 682 00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:03,000 like, no, it's just a fog machine. 683 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:06,440 There's nothing here that actually is suggesting water at 684 00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:08,640 all. Look, you and I have relied on a 685 00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:11,720 fog machine to elevate a number many times. 686 00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:14,000 Yes, I fully, I fully respect it. 687 00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:21,680 OK, so they're on the ship and they run into Shang Sung, who 688 00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:25,360 is, I guess, hot for Sonia. Yeah, it's kind of. 689 00:37:25,720 --> 00:37:27,520 Unclear. Either that either that or he's 690 00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:29,160 desperate to give her a makeover. 691 00:37:29,240 --> 00:37:35,480 Spoiler alert. He's like, girl, we need to back 692 00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:37,400 home. That hair Shang. 693 00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:40,840 Sung has absorbed so many souls some of them were bound to 694 00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:48,720 include beauticians, but he threatens the the three heroes 695 00:37:48,720 --> 00:37:55,160 with his henchman, Scorpion and Sub Zero, and then Raiden saves 696 00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:59,880 them by turning into lightning and zapping them with some 697 00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:03,680 honestly spectacular CGI. He's basically going to finger 698 00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:06,800 them to death, which, you know, is like something I always want 699 00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:09,240 to see in a film. We see his little finger go up 700 00:38:09,240 --> 00:38:16,720 and it's like, I don't think so. And yeah, this is when I I wrote 701 00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:20,960 that the heroes who are just normal Earth people are taking 702 00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:25,720 it all very well. They 'd like just seen a man 703 00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:29,200 turn into lightning and they're like, OK, what do you mean we 704 00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:31,520 have to save the Earth? I guess so. 705 00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:35,440 So we get the info dump. Mortal Kombat is a martial arts 706 00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:38,080 tournament that has held once every generation between 707 00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:41,440 representatives of the realms of Earth and the otherworldly 708 00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:46,120 dimension of Out World. If Outworld achieves 10 709 00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:50,200 consecutive victories, the Emperor of Outworld will invade 710 00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:55,280 and conquer Earth, and they have already won nine times. 711 00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:59,520 Wow. These 3 heroes have been chosen 712 00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:02,440 as Earth's representatives and will decide the outcome of the 713 00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:07,160 tournament. Big the stakes. 714 00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:11,520 The stakes could not be higher and and as Raiden says, the 715 00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:15,040 essence of Mortal Kombat is not about death, but life. 716 00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:17,880 OK. What does it mean? 717 00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:20,240 Yeah, he doesn't even say it like that. 718 00:39:20,240 --> 00:39:23,040 He says it in that weird growly voice as well. 719 00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:28,120 Someone he's, he sat there, that actor sat there with the script, 720 00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:30,880 you know, in a room. I was like, how am I going to 721 00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:34,880 deliver that line? He's actually with all of these 722 00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:36,520 shit lines. You've got to think someone has 723 00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:38,920 actually sat down in a hotel room and going, right. 724 00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:40,880 How am I going to say it like this? 725 00:39:41,560 --> 00:39:46,520 Then there's loads of CGI in the sky and Shang Sung is he's doing 726 00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:48,360 the absolute most. I love this man. 727 00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:51,560 Yeah. Now is he like a legendary film 728 00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:56,080 star or something? Kerry Hiroyuki Tigawa, yeah, 729 00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:58,360 he's been in shit loads of movies and I think he's played a 730 00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:02,600 villain many times, you know? So because he is actually very 731 00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:06,800 good in this movie, I think he's actually like a good actor. 732 00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:07,840 Yeah. And scary. 733 00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:08,480 And. Yeah. 734 00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:12,920 And he's he's trying so hard, whereas like no one else is. 735 00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,680 Oh no, no one else is trying. It's sure what to do. 736 00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:17,640 Yeah, but he's trying really hard. 737 00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:19,120 Oh so you say people weren't trying hard? 738 00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:22,720 They were all like sustaining really serious injuries were I 739 00:40:22,720 --> 00:40:25,640 think at one point was it like sub 0 Scorpion was like kicked 740 00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:28,680 so hard in the kidney he was like peeing blood or something. 741 00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:30,360 Yeah, Johnny Cage was. Oh. 742 00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:34,480 Johnny Cage, Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Broken ribs. 743 00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:37,200 Bridget Wilson in one of her fights. 744 00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:40,000 I still find it funny. It sounds like you're trying to 745 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:41,320 say Bridget Nilson, but you can't. 746 00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:42,720 You've got a slight speech impediment. 747 00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:50,200 Bridget Wilson. She, in one of her fights had 748 00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,880 her shoulder dislocated and she just popped it back into place 749 00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:56,520 and was like, let's keep going. Yeah, love her, love her. 750 00:40:57,000 --> 00:41:02,040 Okay, so now the ship gets to a spooky island where compasses 751 00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:05,560 and satellite phones don't work. A bit more banter between our 752 00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:07,360 heroes. They're kind of all, you know, a 753 00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:09,440 bit bantery. Yeah, because they're like 754 00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:11,240 different personalities and they kind. 755 00:41:11,240 --> 00:41:12,480 Of. They're all so different. 756 00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:14,960 They like kind of like each other, but kind of hate each 757 00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:17,120 other. And it's like, yeah, it's just. 758 00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:18,520 Where's that going to go, you know? 759 00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:21,000 Yeah. We also then see Princess 760 00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:25,600 Cortana, who's just sat there being hot, chilling, giving 761 00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:29,560 Moody looks. Yeah. 10,000 years old. 10,000 762 00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:33,000 years old. Again, you know, they're just 763 00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:37,080 like, let's let's get someone that's got a list that's I think 764 00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:39,120 the word would have probably been let's let's get someone a 765 00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:44,000 bit exotic, but not but like like racially ambiguous kind of 766 00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:47,960 it's it's it's very like America's Next Top Model Tyra 767 00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:52,640 Banks is kind of like, let's just let's just say that you're 768 00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:56,840 going to be like this kind of Thai esque queen. 769 00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:01,320 Yeah, it's it's kind of like they're clearly just, they just 770 00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:04,960 don't like leaning into like different races in this movie. 771 00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:09,680 But we already have an Asian hero as the lead. 772 00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:12,880 Yeah, everyone else needs to be whitish. 773 00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:17,000 Whitish. Yeah, basically. 774 00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:19,800 But the gods are white. All the gods are white. 775 00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:20,960 You have to be white. Yeah. 776 00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:23,920 She's so hot though. Excuse me? 777 00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:28,320 She's like, yeah, what's she? Been in she OK, two things. 778 00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:33,520 She has been in a movie called Vampirella which I really really 779 00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:36,280 really want to watch. It's based on a comic book which 780 00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:40,320 is about an alien from a vampire planet called Draculon who 781 00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:42,680 becomes a crime fighter. OK, why haven't we done this? 782 00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:45,840 She wears a bikini to fight crime, but a bikini with like a 783 00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:48,560 little vampire collar on it. OK, that sounds like a Christmas 784 00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:52,480 movie to me. I think we need to do that as a 785 00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:56,000 Christmas movie. Yeah, she's amazing. 786 00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:58,880 And she is married to Benjamin Bratt. 787 00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:01,480 Oh. From Catwoman Catwoman. 788 00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:04,840 Now I bet their kids are going to be hot. 789 00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:06,560 Yeah, that's an attractive couple. 790 00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:10,160 Although probably Dicks because do you remember Sharon Stone 791 00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:12,400 hates Benjamin? Bratt that's right, That's 792 00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:14,200 right. We trust Sharon's our. 793 00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:15,080 Yes, we do. We. 794 00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:19,840 Trust our Sharon. Oh yeah, love her, love her, 795 00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:22,880 love her energy. She will appear in three to four 796 00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:26,120 scenes before she speaks. The rules of feminism, yeah. 797 00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,560 She's just going to be in the background giving like, 798 00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:32,840 seductive, Moody glances. And so being kind of watched 799 00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:39,040 slash protected by slash imprisoned by a weird 90s ravy 800 00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:42,360 comedian reptile thing. Don't worry about it. 801 00:43:44,720 --> 00:43:47,520 Then there's a banquet and loads of oily men come in. 802 00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:51,200 Yes, they are so muscly and so oily. 803 00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:56,200 It is so porny, it is so porny. And even the banquet is giving 804 00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:58,360 porn. It's giving like a porn scene 805 00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:01,120 isn't? It yeah, it's it's it's all very 806 00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:02,480 hot. Sheng Sung. 807 00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:03,840 Welcome. And I'll tell you one more 808 00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:05,640 thing. Sorry, Sonya's not getting a 809 00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:07,760 look in. Like, normally in these films, 810 00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:11,160 it would be, you know, she would be being ogled and people would 811 00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:14,040 be, you know, kind of a bit dangerous for her. 812 00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:18,360 No, No one cares about Sonya. This is a different kind of 813 00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:20,400 island and a different type of banquet. 814 00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:22,680 Yeah. But they are ready to chow down 815 00:44:22,680 --> 00:44:23,400 and feast. Yeah. 816 00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:26,560 Right. Well, that makes sense. 817 00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:31,720 When you find out their leader has four arms, you know what 818 00:44:31,720 --> 00:44:33,320 those are for. Yeah, right. 819 00:44:34,240 --> 00:44:36,120 Yeah. So this banquet, Shang Sung 820 00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:37,720 welcomes everyone to Mortal Kombat. 821 00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:42,960 Treasure these moments as if they were your host. 822 00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:44,960 That's pretty good actually. Well done. 823 00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:47,840 That's pretty good. And then the oily men flip all 824 00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:51,040 the tables and there's a fight and Sub Zero comes out and he 825 00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:53,120 freezes. A man who shatters. 826 00:44:54,200 --> 00:44:58,040 Yeah, I thought it was great. I also like how much the man's 827 00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:00,480 doing before. Yeah, just like it's like 828 00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:03,240 someone's playing the computer game and is learning the moves 829 00:45:03,240 --> 00:45:05,440 and just sort of pressing them all, but can't quite work out 830 00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:07,720 how to move it with it. It's like kick, kick, kick, 831 00:45:07,720 --> 00:45:10,240 kick. Yeah, trying to do a special 832 00:45:10,240 --> 00:45:12,040 move, but you can't quite access it. 833 00:45:12,240 --> 00:45:14,480 Meanwhile, someone else knows how to play and that's why they 834 00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:16,880 get frozen straight. Yeah, but also you're you're 835 00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:19,560 like, you have to just stay over there and wait until I learn the 836 00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:24,080 controls. No, Mom, he's not playing fair. 837 00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:28,280 It's very that the heroes then go snooping. 838 00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:31,440 But you know Sonya does not need any help. 839 00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:34,200 No. No, just like another Sonya we 840 00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:37,560 know. Yeah, it's the same, yeah. 841 00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:39,840 Are there any Sonyas that need help? 842 00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:42,600 I can only think of 2. Yeah, at the moment and they 843 00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:43,320 don't need any. Help. 844 00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:45,480 No, they are strong, independent women. 845 00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:51,640 They stumble on Kano, who is chatting to Prince Goro now. 846 00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:55,400 That puppet cost £1,000,000. That or $1,000,000. 847 00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:59,160 Puppet. This puppet Goro is A4 armed 848 00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:03,880 monster who's like really tall and there's a man in that suit 849 00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:07,560 and it also had 16 puppeteers. Wow. 850 00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:13,720 And all of that money and effort to basically create like a 851 00:46:13,720 --> 00:46:19,600 gurning goon face. I am obsessed with Goro's face. 852 00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:21,520 He always looks like he's coming. 853 00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:25,560 I done I would need to. I need to watch it back now now 854 00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:29,200 with that in mind. It's so good. 855 00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:33,080 And again, we've already said it, but he's got forearms for a 856 00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:35,560 reason. He's on that sex island with all 857 00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:38,400 of those oily men. He'd be very popular in Berlin 858 00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:40,720 with forearms, yeah. Working his way through them 859 00:46:40,720 --> 00:46:44,000 all, yeah. A hole for every arm and he's 860 00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:46,800 only got 3 fingers so I think that makes the knuckle. 861 00:46:47,200 --> 00:46:50,320 They're big, fat, juicy fingers though, aren't they? 862 00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:55,400 Girthy fingers. Forearms the better for 863 00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:59,360 foreplay. I love this puppet. 864 00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:03,160 He looks like AG doubt roid queen who's like. 865 00:47:05,720 --> 00:47:07,280 He behaves like 1. Exactly. 866 00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:09,080 Like like he can't find his stash. 867 00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:11,560 He's at The Afters and he's freaking out. 868 00:47:11,560 --> 00:47:14,840 He's flipping tables. He needs constant validation 869 00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:18,240 from his army of muscle twinks. You know he's great. 870 00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:20,240 I have no notes for this puppet. No notes. 871 00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:25,400 We get some more exposition. Shang Tseng tells Kano that Kano 872 00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:28,480 is going to fight Sonia, but he's not to harm her, only 873 00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:31,480 humiliate her because he has plans for her. 874 00:47:32,160 --> 00:47:33,160 Sure. OK. 875 00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:35,160 Yeah. And he also warns that Princess 876 00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:38,600 Katana must not be allowed to team up with the humans because 877 00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:43,880 that would be bad. And again, sure, I'm sure all of 878 00:47:43,880 --> 00:47:46,520 this will become relevant to the plot later. 879 00:47:46,720 --> 00:47:49,680 Yeah, I'm sure we'll come back in and make a lot of sense 880 00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:52,960 later, but yeah, just the juxposition of this, of this 881 00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:58,920 Sheng Song actor Kerry just giving it so hard in this 882 00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:01,640 ridiculous movie. It's so great. 883 00:48:01,960 --> 00:48:05,480 To a puppet and like. A man who's accidentally doing 884 00:48:05,640 --> 00:48:08,280 Australian accent. Eating chicken. 885 00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:12,200 Yeah, OK. Now we enter like the fight 886 00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:16,040 scene portion of the movie, I would say, and it's pretty 887 00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:18,480 relentless. I like, well, I like that 888 00:48:18,640 --> 00:48:21,360 because they get caught and they they sort of run away, don't 889 00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:21,880 they? Yeah. 890 00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:25,120 But then it's like, again, it's so underwhelming. 891 00:48:25,120 --> 00:48:29,840 Like Cortana shows them a blue corridor and then they basically 892 00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:32,040 just walked around in a circle and they just end back up in the 893 00:48:32,040 --> 00:48:34,400 main room again. It's, it's, it's just so like 894 00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:37,240 low stakes, isn't it? Yeah, well, I don't think they 895 00:48:37,240 --> 00:48:39,040 could afford more than two hallways. 896 00:48:39,880 --> 00:48:42,040 So it's like we're back here again now. 897 00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:44,200 Yeah, yeah. And then there's like a group 898 00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:48,440 fight scene. We get to see everyone's moves. 899 00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:50,320 Oh, they're starting to work as a team. 900 00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:53,400 Oh, maybe these humans have what it takes. 901 00:48:53,720 --> 00:48:56,480 Yeah. It's very bad energy and then we 902 00:48:56,480 --> 00:48:58,680 enter fight scene after fight scene, which I guess is the 903 00:48:58,680 --> 00:49:01,520 tournament. But the rules of this tournament 904 00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:06,160 are not super clear to me. Like who gets pitted against who 905 00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:09,640 or why? That doesn't really make any. 906 00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:12,040 Sense it doesn't matter, does it to anyone? 907 00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:16,000 But we've got Liu Kang, he's got the first fight against this guy 908 00:49:17,240 --> 00:49:22,840 with like great little braids, and then Sheng Sung is watching 909 00:49:22,840 --> 00:49:24,720 and his Bob has also been blown out. 910 00:49:24,720 --> 00:49:27,840 Everyone's just looking, really. Yeah, here's Bob. 911 00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:29,840 Here's Bob. He's that. 912 00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:33,720 She's just gone. The other girls have been 913 00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:36,240 through glam. Where is my glam team? 914 00:49:36,240 --> 00:49:39,200 They have. Give me some volume now, you 915 00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:42,080 motherfuckers. The salons on the out world 916 00:49:42,080 --> 00:49:43,240 island. Oh, we're. 917 00:49:43,240 --> 00:49:45,160 Going off to. Die for. 918 00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:50,040 I just love Liu Kang's hair. It's so glossy and big and blown 919 00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:50,760 out. It is. 920 00:49:51,560 --> 00:49:54,440 It's majestic. It is. 921 00:49:54,560 --> 00:49:57,240 That's a really beautiful way to describe it, yes. 922 00:49:57,480 --> 00:50:01,200 Yeah, but he beat, he wins his first fight, and Shang Sung 923 00:50:01,200 --> 00:50:05,320 sucks the soul out of the loser. And so now we know it's. 924 00:50:05,320 --> 00:50:07,240 Quite sexy, isn't it? That bit, yeah. 925 00:50:08,680 --> 00:50:10,920 That's not the only thing he's sucking on that island. 926 00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:18,200 Then we get Sonya versus Kano. Kano is so gay porn coded. 927 00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:21,200 Yeah, it's, it's absolutely ridiculous. 928 00:50:21,560 --> 00:50:26,240 Just like, picture a 90s gay porn star and you've got it. 929 00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:28,840 There for the taking. Yeah, I think this fight's 930 00:50:28,840 --> 00:50:30,680 pretty great. Yeah, it's amazing. 931 00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:36,760 I I actually see a camp clue in this fight and that is it's 932 00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:43,040 giving showgirls energy. Shang Song, she's giving Crystal 933 00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:48,720 Connors energy and Sonia is very much know me and you know it's 934 00:50:48,720 --> 00:50:50,680 there when she's doing the first lap dust. 935 00:50:50,720 --> 00:50:52,880 So right. Crystal's just kind of like 936 00:50:52,880 --> 00:50:55,920 fight him, fight him and then. She's just him. 937 00:50:56,040 --> 00:50:58,600 Yeah, finish him. And then she's getting her legs 938 00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:02,320 and like, crushing his neck and I'm like, it's showgirls. 939 00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:07,960 This is a camp clue, OK? Because he is sat there like 940 00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:11,560 Crystal Connors and literally like when they're doing the lap 941 00:51:11,560 --> 00:51:15,120 dance and, you know, finish him, finish him. 942 00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:19,520 And then you've got Sonia as Nomi, like doing all the work. 943 00:51:19,560 --> 00:51:21,920 Then she's putting her legs around his neck, crushing it. 944 00:51:22,200 --> 00:51:28,400 And we have said this before, if you can see Crystal and Nomi in 945 00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:32,640 characters, then we're we're on to some camp magic here. 946 00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:37,560 And I was just like, imagine Gina Gershon and I can 947 00:51:37,560 --> 00:51:38,840 Elizabeth. You can so. 948 00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:41,320 Elizabeth Berkeley would so be with Sonia. 949 00:51:41,320 --> 00:51:44,080 You're so right, she's another woman who does not need any 950 00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:49,040 man's help and you can just immediately imagine Shang Song 951 00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:52,320 being swapped for Gina Gershon. A little chainmail bikini doing 952 00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:56,240 blow being like finish him off. Yeah. 953 00:51:57,400 --> 00:52:00,840 You just do no me, you just do him and I'll watch. 954 00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:04,800 Yeah, and then it's and then and then not wanting anyone to hurt 955 00:52:04,800 --> 00:52:07,440 her because she wants to do something with her. 956 00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:10,840 But yeah, Mortal Kombat meets Showgirls. 957 00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:12,720 Here for it. No notes. 958 00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:16,920 And just yeah, they both have like a signature thigh wrap 959 00:52:16,920 --> 00:52:19,120 move. Incredible. 960 00:52:20,960 --> 00:52:23,560 Wow. Just on the fight scene as well. 961 00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:24,960 I just thought it was, I thought it was great. 962 00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:27,160 She like takes some hard punches. 963 00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:29,320 It looks like physical, it's like boxing. 964 00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:32,840 It's not like flashy. It's just like rough, brutal 965 00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:35,720 between the two. And unsurprisingly, they don't 966 00:52:35,720 --> 00:52:38,200 do any of that. Kind of like, you know, her 967 00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:41,880 being ultra fam, saying a sassy one liner, like, you know, like 968 00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:43,880 it. She's fighting hard. 969 00:52:43,880 --> 00:52:46,600 Yeah. Which is is good to see. 970 00:52:46,600 --> 00:52:49,800 She does kill him with her thighs, which, you know, isn't 971 00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:52,880 the best female representation you can get. 972 00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:55,480 But she does kill him, so. Yeah. 973 00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:59,200 So she kicked the bass. It's a great, great scene. 974 00:52:59,280 --> 00:53:03,000 Oh my God. Now I just really want this 975 00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:06,720 movie to get remade with only Gina Gershon swapped out. 976 00:53:06,720 --> 00:53:08,160 Aren't. You going to come here and give 977 00:53:08,160 --> 00:53:10,920 me a big kiss? Sonya's got heat. 978 00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:20,920 OK. Then it's Johnny Cage versus 979 00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:24,840 Scorpion. Carry out this fight, Yes. 980 00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:27,320 Spectacular. You liked this one of? 981 00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:31,360 Course, what is there to not like about someone that has this 982 00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:35,000 weird little snake thing embedded in your hand when you 983 00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:36,680 fight? Get over. 984 00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:40,240 Here, but this snake is like doing the most, isn't it around 985 00:53:40,240 --> 00:53:42,000 the woods? The CGI snake. 986 00:53:42,680 --> 00:53:47,160 Zipping in and out of the woods. And my favorite thing was so for 987 00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:49,560 people that haven't seen it, and it doesn't matter if you 988 00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:50,760 haven't, but please go and watch it. 989 00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:53,640 But yeah, this snake, the CGI snake comes out of his hand and 990 00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:57,000 he's like chasing Johnny around the woods and is sort of like 991 00:53:57,040 --> 00:53:58,720 trying to get him. And it's really frantic. 992 00:53:58,720 --> 00:54:01,880 But so then you're left with Johnny and he turns and suddenly 993 00:54:01,880 --> 00:54:04,440 the woods are empty. And he's like, oh, where is he? 994 00:54:04,440 --> 00:54:07,720 Where is he? Is he is this is this where the 995 00:54:07,720 --> 00:54:09,160 score? Is this where the the snake 996 00:54:09,160 --> 00:54:10,680 thing is going to pop up and scare you? 997 00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:14,800 Oh no. Just off in the distance, 998 00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:18,120 Scorpion doing a little cartwheel into frame. 999 00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:22,600 Just a cartwheel. Not a flip, not a fancy bit, not 1000 00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:24,880 particularly well executed cartwheel. 1001 00:54:25,160 --> 00:54:28,840 It's kind of like of the level you'd see like a mid drag drag 1002 00:54:28,840 --> 00:54:31,800 queen on Drag Race doing a cartwheel during a lip sync for 1003 00:54:31,800 --> 00:54:34,280 your life. It's very mid. 1004 00:54:34,560 --> 00:54:36,440 It's giving. It's kind of giving like Oompa 1005 00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:39,880 Loompa somehow. And it's not accompanied with 1006 00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:42,440 any sound effects to create danger or shock. 1007 00:54:42,440 --> 00:54:44,920 It's just like here I am. It's off in the distance, a 1008 00:54:44,920 --> 00:54:50,680 little goofy little cartwheel. This, that was originally the 1009 00:54:50,680 --> 00:54:54,320 entire fight scene. And then Johnny Cage does the 1010 00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:57,880 run and he does the jump kick and that was the end, right? 1011 00:54:57,880 --> 00:55:01,240 And and then test audiences were mad that there weren't enough 1012 00:55:01,240 --> 00:55:02,840 fights, so they did a whole reshoot. 1013 00:55:02,840 --> 00:55:06,200 And so now when he kicks them, they go into another dimension. 1014 00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:07,840 Yeah, you. You want to reshoot? 1015 00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:11,400 OK, You want it. You want us to switch this up? 1016 00:55:11,520 --> 00:55:14,160 Test audiences. OK, here's what we're going to 1017 00:55:14,160 --> 00:55:16,240 do. That kicks going to send them to 1018 00:55:16,240 --> 00:55:19,560 another dimension. It's it's it's hell. 1019 00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:23,760 Everything is banisters, rickety frames. 1020 00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:25,720 It looks actually fantastic I think. 1021 00:55:25,720 --> 00:55:27,960 Yeah, like it actually does look really cool, Yeah. 1022 00:55:28,640 --> 00:55:31,520 They have a big fight on the rickety set and then Scorpion 1023 00:55:31,920 --> 00:55:36,880 pulls off his mask and reveals his skull face and then starts. 1024 00:55:36,960 --> 00:55:38,960 Which looks like something from Poundland, yeah. 1025 00:55:39,680 --> 00:55:43,000 This movie came out like 2 years after Jurassic Park. 1026 00:55:43,080 --> 00:55:45,360 The 95 Ness of it all is no excuse. 1027 00:55:45,800 --> 00:55:48,160 Well, this is where I'd like to chip in, as we're talking about 1028 00:55:48,160 --> 00:55:52,120 CGI. So I read an interview with the 1029 00:55:52,120 --> 00:55:56,400 director talking about how he got how he got the role. 1030 00:55:56,840 --> 00:55:59,840 So this is Anderson speaking about working on the movie. 1031 00:56:00,200 --> 00:56:03,520 I had no experience with visual effects, so I went to Samuel 1032 00:56:03,520 --> 00:56:06,600 French's bookstore and I bought every single book I could find 1033 00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:10,240 on visual effects, on that painting, on CGII had the jargon 1034 00:56:10,240 --> 00:56:12,360 down. It sounded like I knew more than 1035 00:56:12,360 --> 00:56:13,960 CG about anyone else in Hollywood. 1036 00:56:14,160 --> 00:56:17,080 Even though I'd never been into the visual effects house in my 1037 00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:19,400 life. I kind of bluffed my way into 1038 00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:21,320 it. I think they could see the 1039 00:56:21,320 --> 00:56:24,080 enthusiasm. Sounds about why it's the Yeah, 1040 00:56:24,080 --> 00:56:26,760 that that. That is the approach to CGI, 1041 00:56:26,760 --> 00:56:30,600 because it's a very sweeping approach, isn't it? 1042 00:56:30,880 --> 00:56:33,600 There's not like a clear aesthetic to any of the CGI in 1043 00:56:33,600 --> 00:56:35,720 this movie. It's very just like, oh, let's 1044 00:56:35,720 --> 00:56:37,280 try that one now. Yeah. 1045 00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:39,400 It's like, I've just discovered clipart. 1046 00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:42,120 It's like, oh, let's do that that, let's do that one now. 1047 00:56:42,240 --> 00:56:45,720 Have we done all of them? Have we chit checked all of the 1048 00:56:45,720 --> 00:56:47,720 boxes and we've got that effect to use? 1049 00:56:47,720 --> 00:56:51,480 Let's add that one as well. Some of it looks so bad. 1050 00:56:51,480 --> 00:56:53,680 There's this reptile character which I haven't even bothered to 1051 00:56:53,680 --> 00:56:57,280 explain, but yeah. The 90s gecko. 1052 00:56:57,320 --> 00:56:59,000 Yeah, the 90s gecko who looks like. 1053 00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:02,120 Yeah, he's about to give you advice on your word processor 1054 00:57:04,040 --> 00:57:06,240 anyway. But at the end of this scene 1055 00:57:06,240 --> 00:57:11,480 where we he kills an inhale skull creature, this is where I 1056 00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:13,640 put in capital letters. These people are on drugs. 1057 00:57:13,640 --> 00:57:18,680 Yeah, everyone is on drugs now. I'm on drugs watching it. 1058 00:57:18,680 --> 00:57:21,400 The people making it. We're everyone's on drugs. 1059 00:57:21,920 --> 00:57:25,480 We're in drugs. Johnny Cage slices the head off 1060 00:57:25,480 --> 00:57:29,000 Scorpion and then Scorpion explodes and then a Johnny Cage 1061 00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:31,600 signed autograph flutters to the ground. 1062 00:57:32,080 --> 00:57:35,920 Star wipe out of the scene. Yeah, we're, we're, we're all on 1063 00:57:35,920 --> 00:57:37,920 drugs here. One question how did Johnny Cage 1064 00:57:37,920 --> 00:57:40,920 get out of that hell dimension? Every fight just ends with a 1065 00:57:40,920 --> 00:57:43,200 wipe. Yeah, it's, again, it's a very 1066 00:57:43,200 --> 00:57:46,080 yadda, yadda useful mechanism, isn't it? 1067 00:57:46,360 --> 00:57:49,560 I imagine working on a project like that where you kind of hit 1068 00:57:49,560 --> 00:57:52,360 a bump in the road, it's like, oh shit, what we're going to do 1069 00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:54,240 in this? We'll just do a wipe. 1070 00:57:54,240 --> 00:57:56,520 Yeah, that'd. Be fine, just do a wipe. 1071 00:57:58,320 --> 00:58:02,880 Time passes, Luke, Hang and Cortana have a fight. 1072 00:58:03,440 --> 00:58:05,000 It's unclear. Is this a part of the 1073 00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:06,240 tournament? I'm not sure. 1074 00:58:06,240 --> 00:58:08,000 It kind of looks like they're like. 1075 00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:11,880 Mentoring him, isn't she? She's giving him like sexy a 1076 00:58:11,880 --> 00:58:16,760 sexy pep talk while they fight. She says she gives him a 1077 00:58:16,760 --> 00:58:18,600 coaching on how to win his next fight. 1078 00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:20,720 He fights sub zero. He wins. 1079 00:58:20,760 --> 00:58:22,600 Who cares? Yeah, that bit, that's all a bit 1080 00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:26,960 like, yeah, isn't it? Yeah, then Goro is back. 1081 00:58:26,960 --> 00:58:34,320 My Circuit G Queen, she's here and she's finally ready to 1082 00:58:34,320 --> 00:58:37,800 party. Sheng Sung sets him loose, and 1083 00:58:37,800 --> 00:58:40,200 we just see a super cut of Goro beating loads and loads of 1084 00:58:40,200 --> 00:58:43,480 fighters. And then it's Goro versus 1085 00:58:43,560 --> 00:58:50,120 Arlene, and yeah, Arlene dies and I think we're supposed to 1086 00:58:50,120 --> 00:58:51,480 care. It's like. 1087 00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:53,880 Well, well, yeah. Because like the others are 1088 00:58:53,880 --> 00:58:56,880 showing like big emotions. That's what I wrote down to 1089 00:58:57,680 --> 00:59:01,640 Sonia screaming no as a substitute for any actual 1090 00:59:01,640 --> 00:59:04,960 character development. And this is Sonia, who's proven 1091 00:59:04,960 --> 00:59:07,840 that she has zero emotions or compassion for anyone else 1092 00:59:07,840 --> 00:59:10,760 because she's so just like, I don't need anyone. 1093 00:59:11,120 --> 00:59:14,760 But now, no, apparently she's really bonded with Arlene and. 1094 00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:19,160 Arlene We haven't seen it. It's happened during the Star 1095 00:59:19,160 --> 00:59:21,840 wipe. Arlene is such a bad character. 1096 00:59:21,960 --> 00:59:24,720 It's so bad no one cares that they died. 1097 00:59:24,760 --> 00:59:29,240 Arlene, no one cares, but we do get a nice another nice Shang 1098 00:59:29,240 --> 00:59:31,360 song. Your soul is mine. 1099 00:59:31,960 --> 00:59:33,720 Yeah. And then the spunk in the 1100 00:59:33,720 --> 00:59:35,600 eyeball. Yeah, he, he his. 1101 00:59:36,120 --> 00:59:38,200 Turns out that your soul looks quite cummy. 1102 00:59:38,400 --> 00:59:39,960 You ever get cum in your eye, Gabriel? 1103 00:59:39,960 --> 00:59:45,000 It burns. But you knew that. 1104 00:59:45,400 --> 00:59:48,280 I did. So now it's like, Oh my God, the 1105 00:59:48,280 --> 00:59:50,480 heroes are like, how are we going to beat Goro? 1106 00:59:50,560 --> 00:59:52,600 He's unbeatable. What are we going to do? 1107 00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:55,720 And so we get a Raiden pep talk and he says to them all. 1108 00:59:56,320 --> 01:00:00,320 You must first face your fears if you are to conquer them. 1109 01:00:01,480 --> 01:00:03,880 He says to Johnny, You're afraid you're a fake, and you're so 1110 01:00:03,880 --> 01:00:06,360 you'll rush into any fight to prove you're not. 1111 01:00:06,800 --> 01:00:09,120 Sonia is afraid to admit she needs help. 1112 01:00:09,320 --> 01:00:13,080 She must learn to trust. And Liu Kang is afraid of his 1113 01:00:13,080 --> 01:00:16,040 own destiny. And I'm sure that's going to be 1114 01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:20,480 really, all of those things will be really pivotal to the finale 1115 01:00:20,480 --> 01:00:22,360 of the movie or the plot in some way. 1116 01:00:22,840 --> 01:00:24,600 It's very Wizard of Oz, isn't it? 1117 01:00:24,600 --> 01:00:30,560 Yeah, and we cut to Johnny Cage and Sonia on the beach and we've 1118 01:00:30,560 --> 01:00:32,720 yadda yadda yadda to a place where they've got some kind of 1119 01:00:32,720 --> 01:00:35,560 relationship going. Yeah, like where did that come 1120 01:00:35,560 --> 01:00:38,080 from? I guess it's because he must 1121 01:00:38,080 --> 01:00:40,200 have been there for her when Arlene died. 1122 01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:43,080 Yeah, she's been so upset about Arlene's death. 1123 01:00:43,840 --> 01:00:47,560 And I'll just remind you that Raiden has just said to Johnny, 1124 01:00:47,560 --> 01:00:50,120 you're so afraid you're a fake that you'll rush into any fight 1125 01:00:50,120 --> 01:00:52,640 to prove you're not. And then the next scene, Johnny 1126 01:00:52,640 --> 01:00:54,760 Cage is saying I'm going to fight Goro. 1127 01:00:54,960 --> 01:00:58,640 It's the only way. So that's his plan. 1128 01:00:58,800 --> 01:01:01,640 Those two things you'd think would be like, narratively 1129 01:01:01,920 --> 01:01:06,400 consequential, but no, no, you'd be wrong about that. 1130 01:01:06,840 --> 01:01:11,600 That has nothing to do with this scene, because Johnny then goes 1131 01:01:11,600 --> 01:01:16,800 to fight Goro and he just kind of wins quite quite easily. 1132 01:01:17,040 --> 01:01:21,240 Yeah, I mean that that big bad G queen fell down quite easily, 1133 01:01:21,240 --> 01:01:22,720 really. Yeah, this is where you fall 1134 01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:25,360 down. I love the shot of Goro falling 1135 01:01:25,360 --> 01:01:27,000 off a Cliff. It looks great. 1136 01:01:27,720 --> 01:01:30,120 The flailing forearms is just quite fab. 1137 01:01:30,400 --> 01:01:34,160 Yeah, they they really said fuck characters. 1138 01:01:34,280 --> 01:01:39,960 Fuck, fuck plot, fuck consequences, fuck any of it. 1139 01:01:40,520 --> 01:01:45,320 What about oily men going? Yeah, yeah, and I'm fine with 1140 01:01:45,320 --> 01:01:47,000 it. One thing I did notice about the 1141 01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:49,120 puppet, though, is that his pupils dilate. 1142 01:01:49,120 --> 01:01:52,520 It's like, oh, that's a nice touch. 1143 01:01:52,720 --> 01:01:54,080 That is a nice touch. Yeah. 1144 01:01:54,480 --> 01:01:55,960 So I love that you've made a note of that. 1145 01:01:55,960 --> 01:01:57,920 And that's something you just wanted to kind of. 1146 01:01:58,240 --> 01:02:00,320 They spent that $1,000,000, you know. 1147 01:02:00,600 --> 01:02:06,040 Yeah. Anyway, Sheng Sung then abducts 1148 01:02:06,040 --> 01:02:08,920 Sonia and takes her to Out World, where Raiden can't 1149 01:02:08,920 --> 01:02:11,520 follow. And again, this is all part of 1150 01:02:11,520 --> 01:02:14,680 the rules of the contest. I'm sure we're all following 1151 01:02:14,680 --> 01:02:17,840 along. Raiden says to to Liu Kang. 1152 01:02:17,840 --> 01:02:19,200 I have nothing left to teach you. 1153 01:02:19,200 --> 01:02:21,440 I mean, we haven't seen him teach him anything. 1154 01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:23,400 Anything. But that's fine. 1155 01:02:23,640 --> 01:02:26,560 Johnny and Liu Kang go to Out World. 1156 01:02:26,840 --> 01:02:29,520 On the way they're attacked by Reptile. 1157 01:02:30,280 --> 01:02:32,800 I actually cackled when the techno came back in. 1158 01:02:33,520 --> 01:02:35,560 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Cackled. 1159 01:02:35,800 --> 01:02:38,520 It's so good. Do you know who that song is? 1160 01:02:39,160 --> 01:02:42,440 No, it's Tracy Lords. Is it? 1161 01:02:43,080 --> 01:02:45,400 Oh my God, it's an. Instrumental version of a Tracy 1162 01:02:45,400 --> 01:02:51,360 Lords song Oh Wow called Control and it is an exceptional song. 1163 01:02:57,720 --> 01:02:59,920 Originally, when they were trying to sell the soundtrack to 1164 01:02:59,920 --> 01:03:03,160 this, they were like, Oh yeah, Electro music, electronic dance 1165 01:03:03,160 --> 01:03:03,800 music. Great. 1166 01:03:03,800 --> 01:03:09,960 We'll get Janet Jackson. Now they ended up with Lords of 1167 01:03:09,960 --> 01:03:13,720 Acid who didn't want their name to be on it, so they rebranded 1168 01:03:13,720 --> 01:03:16,600 themselves as The Immortals. This album went platinum. 1169 01:03:17,160 --> 01:03:19,680 Yeah, it was. It was the biggest selling EDM 1170 01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:23,560 record or some fastest selling EDM record of all of all time at 1171 01:03:23,560 --> 01:03:25,160 this point. Mental, mental. 1172 01:03:25,360 --> 01:03:28,320 This was the other fight scene that was added in post, which 1173 01:03:28,320 --> 01:03:31,440 again, I think you can tell because they they once again get 1174 01:03:31,440 --> 01:03:35,280 punched into another arena. Yeah, where it's just where the 1175 01:03:35,280 --> 01:03:37,600 fight takes place. This. 1176 01:03:37,680 --> 01:03:39,880 Also I'm glad they did Add all of this shit because you could 1177 01:03:39,880 --> 01:03:44,640 imagine now I know they are making a new one but with these 1178 01:03:44,640 --> 01:03:45,480 like. They made. 1179 01:03:45,800 --> 01:03:48,960 It yeah, that it's coming out soon in the summer, I think. 1180 01:03:49,080 --> 01:03:51,680 Another new one. Yeah, a brand new one. 1181 01:03:52,360 --> 01:03:55,240 But like you can imagine now with these prequels, they are so 1182 01:03:55,240 --> 01:03:58,160 fucking slow. It would be 2 1/2 hours long 1183 01:03:58,760 --> 01:04:00,840 that you could imagine. They would just be all origin 1184 01:04:00,840 --> 01:04:02,560 story. There would be no fight and then 1185 01:04:02,560 --> 01:04:05,320 right at the end they'd play the theme and it would be like. 1186 01:04:05,960 --> 01:04:09,080 You're right. And they're just like, no, add 1187 01:04:09,080 --> 01:04:11,080 more fights. It's based on a computer game, 1188 01:04:11,080 --> 01:04:14,960 yeah, where all you do is fight. So and make it happen. 1189 01:04:15,400 --> 01:04:19,440 I think they could have cut maybe one or two fights for a 1190 01:04:19,440 --> 01:04:21,760 couple more scenes with characters. 1191 01:04:21,880 --> 01:04:25,400 You're so traditional. Just one or two, not the good 1192 01:04:25,400 --> 01:04:30,640 ones, but I think it would have overall made the film make some 1193 01:04:30,640 --> 01:04:31,760 amount of sense. Yeah. 1194 01:04:33,240 --> 01:04:36,560 And then Cortana is there in Outworld, and she says to Liu 1195 01:04:36,560 --> 01:04:39,520 Kang in the Black Tower, you will face three challenges. 1196 01:04:39,800 --> 01:04:43,320 You must face your enemy, you must face yourself, and you must 1197 01:04:43,320 --> 01:04:46,600 face your greatest fear. This movie loves the big 1198 01:04:46,600 --> 01:04:49,400 proclamation, as though that is enough to create the stakes. 1199 01:04:49,400 --> 01:04:52,520 But it has again nothing to do with anything happening. 1200 01:04:52,520 --> 01:04:55,400 And also, it really sets it up for something exciting to 1201 01:04:55,400 --> 01:04:57,800 happen. Like, it really doesn't pan out 1202 01:04:57,800 --> 01:05:02,640 like that, does it? But then we cut to the tower and 1203 01:05:02,640 --> 01:05:08,440 there is Sonia. Wow, wow, they the gods have 1204 01:05:08,440 --> 01:05:13,520 been doing yes gods with her. She has had a big back home 1205 01:05:13,520 --> 01:05:15,640 moment. She's in kind of like a leather. 1206 01:05:15,640 --> 01:05:19,280 Corset a leather pleated corset dress situation. 1207 01:05:19,440 --> 01:05:22,440 She's very damseled. She's like fully spread eagled 1208 01:05:22,600 --> 01:05:25,200 she looks. How does that work in like a 1209 01:05:25,200 --> 01:05:29,160 hostage situation where you get a, you get a makeover? 1210 01:05:29,240 --> 01:05:31,480 Yeah, like who gave it to her? Shang Song. 1211 01:05:32,160 --> 01:05:34,040 And like, yeah, like. And how does it work? 1212 01:05:34,040 --> 01:05:36,600 It's like I've captured you. Now sit down because I'm going 1213 01:05:36,600 --> 01:05:40,320 to beat your face. Again, it's actually very 1214 01:05:40,560 --> 01:05:43,800 crystal Connors coded. You know that the the showgirl 1215 01:05:43,800 --> 01:05:45,160 scene where they're slaves, it's. 1216 01:05:46,280 --> 01:05:50,360 Very bad. I love Shang Sung is like a 1217 01:05:50,360 --> 01:05:54,160 lesbian Dom who's like, yes, first let me get you out of this 1218 01:05:54,160 --> 01:05:57,400 Janet Jackson look. And it's into something a little 1219 01:05:57,400 --> 01:06:00,080 sexier. I I can see you in brown 1220 01:06:00,080 --> 01:06:01,280 leather. Yeah. 1221 01:06:02,280 --> 01:06:04,320 Actually they don't give a fuck about the tournament. 1222 01:06:04,320 --> 01:06:07,040 These are all power play games between the two of them. 1223 01:06:09,040 --> 01:06:12,600 There's always someone younger and hungrier anyway. 1224 01:06:14,160 --> 01:06:17,520 But yeah, she looks amazing and it is just, it's just so 1225 01:06:17,520 --> 01:06:19,840 ridiculous. I watched this movie by myself 1226 01:06:19,840 --> 01:06:23,160 and there were multiple times when I just cackled out. 1227 01:06:23,160 --> 01:06:25,720 Loud to myself. This was a pure cackle to me, 1228 01:06:25,720 --> 01:06:27,320 yeah. And I was watching it by myself 1229 01:06:27,320 --> 01:06:29,360 as well. But this was like a pure cackle 1230 01:06:29,360 --> 01:06:30,280 of joy. Yeah. 1231 01:06:30,920 --> 01:06:33,920 It's so great if you're listening to this and you're 1232 01:06:33,920 --> 01:06:36,600 imagining big hair, but you're not imagining enough hair, 1233 01:06:36,600 --> 01:06:38,640 especially because this character has only been in a 1234 01:06:38,640 --> 01:06:41,520 tight ponytail this entire movie so far. 1235 01:06:42,600 --> 01:06:46,560 Feminism. Liu Kang arrives. 1236 01:06:46,560 --> 01:06:50,720 He fights Shang Sung. I like him saying no. 1237 01:06:50,720 --> 01:06:52,440 I challenge you while he's stripping. 1238 01:06:52,720 --> 01:06:54,640 Yeah, Yeah, that was a nice touch, wasn't it? 1239 01:06:54,640 --> 01:06:58,800 Yeah. And then Cortana, like, calls 1240 01:06:58,800 --> 01:07:01,480 back to that thing she's just warned Liu Kang about the three 1241 01:07:01,480 --> 01:07:04,320 things he's going to have to face first, face your enemy. 1242 01:07:04,560 --> 01:07:08,040 And Shang Sung then summons a bunch of dead warriors to fight 1243 01:07:08,040 --> 01:07:10,880 for him. I love these warriors because 1244 01:07:10,880 --> 01:07:14,160 they all enter Destiny's Child Super Bowl style. 1245 01:07:17,680 --> 01:07:21,640 They've all been fired from a cannon from under the stage, and 1246 01:07:21,640 --> 01:07:24,120 they're all doing their best to land it like Michelle. 1247 01:07:25,520 --> 01:07:28,240 Well, you know she's going to put on a production, don't you? 1248 01:07:29,080 --> 01:07:31,920 I mean, one thing Crystal Connors knows, it's how to put 1249 01:07:31,920 --> 01:07:35,680 on a show. Yeah, again, this would have 1250 01:07:35,680 --> 01:07:38,680 been such an easy plot fix, but we've already seen at this 1251 01:07:38,680 --> 01:07:42,280 point, Shang Sung murder and drain the souls of two people 1252 01:07:42,280 --> 01:07:45,640 that, like, had fights. Why didn't they come back to 1253 01:07:45,640 --> 01:07:47,520 fight? Why didn't Arlene come out of 1254 01:07:47,520 --> 01:07:49,600 the ground to have to fight Liu Kang? 1255 01:07:49,600 --> 01:07:50,800 Yeah, great. Yeah. 1256 01:07:50,800 --> 01:07:53,400 That would have. You know, no, but no. 1257 01:07:53,400 --> 01:07:57,480 It's just five more faceless men that do not matter anyway. 1258 01:07:57,480 --> 01:08:01,480 Liu Kang beats them and then it's Face yourself, which 1259 01:08:01,760 --> 01:08:03,760 nothing happens. No Lu Kang. 1260 01:08:04,200 --> 01:08:09,000 Lu Kang handles that trial just by saying I will fight you. 1261 01:08:09,440 --> 01:08:14,600 I think it is. Yeah, like it's there's nothing 1262 01:08:14,600 --> 01:08:18,399 to report there at all. It's bananas, and then it's face 1263 01:08:18,399 --> 01:08:23,000 your greatest fear. And so Lu Kang and Sheng Sung 1264 01:08:23,000 --> 01:08:26,520 are standing face to face, quite close, and then Sheng 1265 01:08:26,520 --> 01:08:29,120 shapeshifts into his dead brother, and Lu Kang's like, 1266 01:08:30,080 --> 01:08:38,760 what? You're dead, it can't really be 1267 01:08:38,760 --> 01:08:40,800 you. No, you've literally just 1268 01:08:40,800 --> 01:08:44,399 watched him transform in front of your very eyes. 1269 01:08:44,680 --> 01:08:48,359 And as we know, if you're going to shapeshift, you need to do it 1270 01:08:48,359 --> 01:08:52,399 in a smart way. Allah, Evelyn, and Masters of 1271 01:08:52,399 --> 01:08:54,920 the Universe, like she knows what she's doing. 1272 01:08:54,920 --> 01:08:57,120 Yeah. Go behind a door, come back in. 1273 01:08:57,120 --> 01:09:00,080 Yeah. And then get what you need, then 1274 01:09:00,080 --> 01:09:04,760 give a hug, then pull out and be like ha ha ha, it was me you 1275 01:09:04,760 --> 01:09:06,880 fucking loser. Courtney Cox. 1276 01:09:08,479 --> 01:09:10,840 Anyway, then Liu Kang says I'm the chosen 1. 1277 01:09:11,439 --> 01:09:14,279 Sure, yeah, whatever. And then? 1278 01:09:14,439 --> 01:09:20,359 And then Fireball blasts Shangsong off his stage onto 1279 01:09:20,359 --> 01:09:23,520 some spikes. I mean, it's a very unremarkable 1280 01:09:23,520 --> 01:09:26,399 way to kill the final boss, isn't it really? 1281 01:09:26,439 --> 01:09:29,760 No it definitely wasn't giving you must based your 3 greatest 1282 01:09:29,760 --> 01:09:33,040 fears. But Sheng Sung melts, and then 1283 01:09:33,040 --> 01:09:40,920 all of the souls he stored escape and Orbital plays, which 1284 01:09:40,920 --> 01:09:43,160 is the song that's also featured at the end of Mean Girls. 1285 01:09:43,960 --> 01:09:45,520 Oh, I love that. Yeah. 1286 01:09:49,279 --> 01:09:53,200 Well, no, we say, we say goodbye to his brother. 1287 01:09:54,320 --> 01:09:59,920 And that is where possibly the worst special effects are used. 1288 01:09:59,920 --> 01:10:04,720 The CGI way that he's just sort of like a blue sort of frozen 1289 01:10:04,960 --> 01:10:07,600 moment where he sort of goes back to Scott, the sky as an 1290 01:10:07,600 --> 01:10:11,280 Angel. And it's just very shit. 1291 01:10:11,280 --> 01:10:14,920 It's like such bad. It's like, am I watching this an 1292 01:10:14,920 --> 01:10:18,520 episode of like, it's Strictly Come Dancing at Christmas? 1293 01:10:18,520 --> 01:10:22,520 It's giving like a snowman coming to life like blue blue, 1294 01:10:22,600 --> 01:10:26,160 you're so right going around. And then we're back on Earth and 1295 01:10:26,160 --> 01:10:30,440 our heroes are like, woo Hoo, we did it and Sonia is. 1296 01:10:30,440 --> 01:10:34,440 Like, Oh yeah, he and what's his name like with It's like, oh, 1297 01:10:34,440 --> 01:10:38,320 you crazy Earthlings. Yeah, I you did. 1298 01:10:38,320 --> 01:10:42,120 Great. And then the sky opens and the 1299 01:10:42,120 --> 01:10:46,000 emperor attacks and everybody gets into fighting formation and 1300 01:10:46,000 --> 01:10:52,680 the movie ends and. I I just wrote stunning ending. 1301 01:10:52,720 --> 01:10:56,280 Stunning ending, No notes. Literally stunning ending. 1302 01:10:56,280 --> 01:10:59,240 It was just it was just so weird. 1303 01:11:00,600 --> 01:11:05,160 And again, like the big end moment of like what the fuck 1304 01:11:05,440 --> 01:11:07,960 this big like monster evil demon thing. 1305 01:11:07,960 --> 01:11:11,920 And it's like, again, they've literally just given up on CGI 1306 01:11:11,920 --> 01:11:15,640 at this point. It's so bananas. 1307 01:11:16,680 --> 01:11:19,560 I mean, I know this whole movie is nonsense garbage, but it is 1308 01:11:19,560 --> 01:11:21,600 my nonsense garbage and I love it. 1309 01:11:22,080 --> 01:11:25,200 I love it so much. I love that it ends with Sonia 1310 01:11:25,200 --> 01:11:27,240 in that blowout and the leather dress. 1311 01:11:27,360 --> 01:11:30,320 This for me is like such a good example. 1312 01:11:30,760 --> 01:11:35,000 Like we got all pissy about Van Helsing, but it's because we 1313 01:11:35,000 --> 01:11:38,800 were bored by Van Helsing. Whereas this, this film is one 1314 01:11:38,800 --> 01:11:41,040 of those ones where it's a pile of shit. 1315 01:11:41,040 --> 01:11:44,280 But like you're not bored. There's there's always something 1316 01:11:44,280 --> 01:11:48,760 happening and it's it's enjoyable and it's yeah, it's a 1317 01:11:48,760 --> 01:11:53,400 hot steaming turd, but I loved every second of it it. 1318 01:11:53,480 --> 01:11:56,120 It's so fun. Know what's happening. 1319 01:11:56,160 --> 01:12:03,840 Oh techno song, oh oily men, oh sexy lady, oh porn star coded 1320 01:12:03,840 --> 01:12:07,680 Australian cockney man, oh blowouts. 1321 01:12:07,680 --> 01:12:10,120 It's just constant, constant constant. 1322 01:12:10,400 --> 01:12:14,520 And, and for a film that is meant to be like targeted to 1323 01:12:14,520 --> 01:12:17,920 straight CIS men and should, it should really be very, very 1324 01:12:17,920 --> 01:12:21,040 masked. It really isn't that mask. 1325 01:12:21,240 --> 01:12:23,360 It's a spine. There are so many mask people. 1326 01:12:23,680 --> 01:12:27,120 It's when mask goes so far it comes background to gay. 1327 01:12:27,280 --> 01:12:29,920 Yeah, it's just. Like I can't imagine in the year 1328 01:12:29,920 --> 01:12:34,880 2025 straight men watching this and being like, yeah bro it is 1329 01:12:34,880 --> 01:12:37,440 so gay. I don't know though, because 1330 01:12:37,440 --> 01:12:41,200 have you seen like those viral clips of like those all male 1331 01:12:41,200 --> 01:12:44,280 retreats where you like, go and you just train all day and eat 1332 01:12:44,280 --> 01:12:50,120 steak and you just meditate and you think about man things and 1333 01:12:50,120 --> 01:12:54,320 you channel your sexual energy back into your body like they're 1334 01:12:54,320 --> 01:12:57,040 still doing this. But do you get that from this? 1335 01:12:57,040 --> 01:12:59,920 Because I'm I just don't. I just see like the girls. 1336 01:13:01,160 --> 01:13:03,320 I think that's what they're trying to do. 1337 01:13:03,320 --> 01:13:06,840 But watching it as a gay person, you're just like, well, this 1338 01:13:06,840 --> 01:13:09,120 just seems very silly for everyone. 1339 01:13:09,400 --> 01:13:12,840 Yeah, I'm just like, I don't believe any of them could win a 1340 01:13:12,840 --> 01:13:15,120 fight either. I'm like, I know they're all 1341 01:13:15,120 --> 01:13:17,000 ripped and stuff, but maybe Sonia. 1342 01:13:17,000 --> 01:13:18,800 But I'm just like everyone else. I'm just like. 1343 01:13:18,800 --> 01:13:20,560 Yeah, it's. The girls are fighting. 1344 01:13:21,080 --> 01:13:25,120 Yeah, it's it's got that kind of Kung Fu movie sort of thing 1345 01:13:25,120 --> 01:13:28,920 where things are so pretty that it doesn't feel like real 1346 01:13:28,920 --> 01:13:32,080 violence is taking place. And also as well, because they 1347 01:13:32,080 --> 01:13:35,000 didn't want to have an R rating, they couldn't do anywhere near 1348 01:13:35,000 --> 01:13:37,400 as much violence as the computer games, because the computer 1349 01:13:37,400 --> 01:13:40,000 games are like, wildly violent, aren't they? 1350 01:13:40,280 --> 01:13:43,800 Yeah, the computer games set off a moral panic around violence 1351 01:13:43,800 --> 01:13:45,920 and games. It's the reason that games have 1352 01:13:45,920 --> 01:13:47,680 ratings is because of Mortal Kombat. 1353 01:13:48,120 --> 01:13:49,560 Yeah, and they weren't allowed to do that. 1354 01:13:49,560 --> 01:13:51,680 I mean, their target audience was teenage boys. 1355 01:13:51,680 --> 01:13:56,160 It was me. And even Even so, I wasn't 1356 01:13:56,160 --> 01:13:57,400 allowed to see it. I wasn't old enough. 1357 01:13:57,400 --> 01:14:00,880 So they had to do it. It would have made the movie 1358 01:14:00,880 --> 01:14:03,240 better if there'd been a bit more blood and guts. 1359 01:14:03,240 --> 01:14:05,800 Yeah. You haven't seen Mortal Kombat 1360 01:14:05,800 --> 01:14:08,560 2, have you? No, but I really want to see it 1361 01:14:08,560 --> 01:14:10,280 now because. Yeah, I think we do need to 1362 01:14:10,280 --> 01:14:15,200 cover it at some point because it takes everything that's bad 1363 01:14:15,200 --> 01:14:18,920 about this movie and turns it to like 1000. 1364 01:14:18,920 --> 01:14:20,000 Right. OK, perfect. 1365 01:14:20,000 --> 01:14:24,720 It's it's so much worse. It's so much worse. 1366 01:14:25,440 --> 01:14:28,560 And that is an an achievement in itself because. 1367 01:14:28,880 --> 01:14:32,760 It's got 4% on Rotten Tomatoes, and I'll just very quickly tell 1368 01:14:32,760 --> 01:14:35,360 you it starts exactly where this movie cuts off. 1369 01:14:36,520 --> 01:14:39,480 That is where it opens, but they've replaced almost every 1370 01:14:39,480 --> 01:14:42,280 cast member. Oh, I love that so much. 1371 01:14:42,560 --> 01:14:45,400 I love that so much. So even the king of sequels 1372 01:14:45,400 --> 01:14:47,720 isn't in it. No, even Johnny Cage isn't. 1373 01:14:47,720 --> 01:14:51,160 He had better offers, I guess. The only people holding still. 1374 01:14:51,480 --> 01:14:55,360 Yeah, the only people who are still in it are Liu Kang and 1375 01:14:55,720 --> 01:14:57,160 Cortana. Oh, she's in it. 1376 01:14:57,160 --> 01:15:00,800 She's an OG, yeah. Everyone else recast and like 1377 01:15:00,800 --> 01:15:02,760 the new Sonia. Oh. 1378 01:15:02,960 --> 01:15:05,160 OK, OK. Wonderful, Wonderful. 1379 01:15:05,160 --> 01:15:06,920 I need to see that then. Yeah, Yeah. 1380 01:15:08,000 --> 01:15:10,200 And it's amazing. This was such a big hit. 1381 01:15:10,520 --> 01:15:18,520 Yeah, yeah, it's it's funny one. I, I, I it is a bad, bad movie, 1382 01:15:18,520 --> 01:15:23,720 but some of it is. You're not going to agree with 1383 01:15:23,720 --> 01:15:28,800 me here. I think the sets and nothing's 1384 01:15:29,280 --> 01:15:31,120 green screened yet. I don't know. 1385 01:15:31,120 --> 01:15:35,360 There's something like gritty and real that I like about it, 1386 01:15:35,800 --> 01:15:38,160 but I like the visual quality of it. 1387 01:15:38,760 --> 01:15:40,960 And at the same time it's like so much nonsense is happening 1388 01:15:40,960 --> 01:15:43,360 that but when you add those two things together, I'm just having 1389 01:15:43,360 --> 01:15:43,920 a nice time. I'm. 1390 01:15:44,680 --> 01:15:47,120 Definitely with you. I think it's, it's, yeah, it's 1391 01:15:47,120 --> 01:15:50,840 very like 90s movie. It, it kind of reminds me of a 1392 01:15:50,840 --> 01:15:54,640 hook for some reason. Yes, the sets are very hook. 1393 01:15:54,640 --> 01:15:58,800 Yeah, yeah. But I don't know if it's a good 1394 01:15:58,800 --> 01:16:01,920 movie in any capacity though. No. 1395 01:16:02,120 --> 01:16:04,480 I think it's interesting. It's interesting to me that a 1396 01:16:04,480 --> 01:16:09,240 film that could be so successful and have things that like pin it 1397 01:16:09,240 --> 01:16:13,200 so like the biggest selling EDM album, blah blah blah, all of 1398 01:16:13,200 --> 01:16:15,480 that. But yes, it does feel like a 1399 01:16:15,480 --> 01:16:19,200 flop. Like this has absolutely hardly 1400 01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:22,360 any ongoing legacy. Do you not think I think there's 1401 01:16:22,360 --> 01:16:26,080 a generation of straight men who love of this movie? 1402 01:16:26,160 --> 01:16:26,960 Oh really? That's. 1403 01:16:26,960 --> 01:16:29,440 Not like a good legacy to have. No, but I can't. 1404 01:16:29,440 --> 01:16:30,120 I can't. Yeah. 1405 01:16:30,120 --> 01:16:32,800 I don't think I've crossed paths with those people. 1406 01:16:33,080 --> 01:16:36,000 Yeah, but it just doesn't feel like commercial to me, which is 1407 01:16:36,920 --> 01:16:39,000 a benefit. It feels like despite it did 1408 01:16:39,000 --> 01:16:42,480 well at the box office, it feels like a kind of a cult gem rather 1409 01:16:42,480 --> 01:16:45,040 than a mainstream. I know what you mean. 1410 01:16:45,040 --> 01:16:48,880 I think that is partially because none of the actors had a 1411 01:16:48,880 --> 01:16:52,360 career. It's just starring no one and 1412 01:16:52,360 --> 01:16:53,800 everyone's just doing their best. 1413 01:16:54,320 --> 01:16:56,280 I'm sad that there's a new one coming out. 1414 01:16:56,400 --> 01:17:00,040 They made one like 2 years ago. Yeah, have you seen that one? 1415 01:17:00,040 --> 01:17:06,080 Yeah, I think it was like, fine. It was just like watered down, 1416 01:17:06,080 --> 01:17:08,160 so it didn't have the joy, right. 1417 01:17:08,360 --> 01:17:12,200 Bam. Oh, so it's the sequel Mortal 1418 01:17:12,200 --> 01:17:14,840 Kombat 2 that's coming? Oh wow, it's been delayed. 1419 01:17:14,840 --> 01:17:16,280 It was meant to be released in October. 1420 01:17:16,280 --> 01:17:18,480 It's been delayed till May. Wow. 1421 01:17:18,880 --> 01:17:23,040 Which I think means it's gonna flop if they're already delaying 1422 01:17:23,040 --> 01:17:26,360 it. Yeah, definitely doesn't need 1423 01:17:26,360 --> 01:17:28,320 that. That doesn't need to happen. 1424 01:17:28,320 --> 01:17:32,120 Although I probably am going to go watch that remake when we get 1425 01:17:32,120 --> 01:17:37,360 off this call. I'm down so far down the rabbit 1426 01:17:37,360 --> 01:17:40,440 hole that I'll just continue consuming Mortal Kombat content. 1427 01:17:40,600 --> 01:17:42,280 Yeah, I think it needs to be done, I think. 1428 01:17:42,840 --> 01:17:44,760 I don't have anything else to say about this movie. 1429 01:17:44,920 --> 01:17:48,880 No, I think, I think it would be giving it far too much justice 1430 01:17:48,880 --> 01:17:52,120 to give it any more Like like critique. 1431 01:17:52,120 --> 01:17:55,600 There's no themes to discuss here, but we did somehow manage 1432 01:17:55,600 --> 01:17:57,240 to talk about it for a very long time and. 1433 01:17:57,240 --> 01:17:59,520 Because there's lots to talk about as well. 1434 01:17:59,640 --> 01:18:02,200 There's nothing to talk about but like, so much. 1435 01:18:02,200 --> 01:18:04,840 So much. I could still carry on talking 1436 01:18:04,840 --> 01:18:08,120 about that silver bouncy blowout wig. 1437 01:18:09,720 --> 01:18:14,760 OK, well let's rate this movie. OK, so Merrells and Liza's. 1438 01:18:14,760 --> 01:18:17,880 Ten Merrells, up to 10 Merrells for the quality and up to 10 1439 01:18:17,880 --> 01:18:20,880 Liza's or the camp factor. Oh. 1440 01:18:21,880 --> 01:18:26,960 OK, I'm going to give the production design a few bones. 1441 01:18:27,160 --> 01:18:29,760 Yeah. And I I want to give the Shang 1442 01:18:29,760 --> 01:18:32,680 Sung actor a couple of crumbs as well. 1443 01:18:33,200 --> 01:18:35,240 Yeah, and by crumbs I do mean crumbs. 1444 01:18:35,240 --> 01:18:38,560 Like I think I'm going to give it a 2 for Merrill. 1445 01:18:38,560 --> 01:18:41,720 OK, yeah, OK. I was actually going to give it 1446 01:18:41,720 --> 01:18:42,880 a three. OK. 1447 01:18:43,880 --> 01:18:47,320 Yeah, I just, no, it's. It kind of like if you think 1448 01:18:47,320 --> 01:18:48,840 about it. No, it's just production. 1449 01:18:48,840 --> 01:18:49,960 It's just production. Yeah. 1450 01:18:49,960 --> 01:18:53,000 It's just that it looks good. I mean, two. 1451 01:18:53,000 --> 01:18:54,520 I'll, I'll sit on the 2 with you. 1452 01:18:54,520 --> 01:18:55,280 Yeah. OK, great. 1453 01:18:55,320 --> 01:18:58,200 Oh, you'll sit on a 2? Sit on A2 with you, OK? 1454 01:18:59,040 --> 01:19:02,400 But what about Liza's? How camp is this movie? 1455 01:19:02,880 --> 01:19:07,120 I mean, before we were talking today in the podcast, I, I, I 1456 01:19:07,120 --> 01:19:11,480 hadn't come up with a score in my head, but I wasn't kind of as 1457 01:19:11,480 --> 01:19:13,920 camp feeling as I have been talking to you. 1458 01:19:13,920 --> 01:19:18,760 Like literally going through it. It feels ridiculously camp in so 1459 01:19:18,760 --> 01:19:20,280 many ways. I've talked you up. 1460 01:19:20,320 --> 01:19:22,440 It's, it's a different type of camp. 1461 01:19:22,440 --> 01:19:25,200 This is like the type of camp where it's just so bad, but 1462 01:19:25,200 --> 01:19:27,600 there's so many bad decisions that just make it. 1463 01:19:27,920 --> 01:19:31,760 It's pure accidental camp. There's no like, even when they 1464 01:19:31,760 --> 01:19:34,720 did the backcombing makeover, I don't think they really knew 1465 01:19:34,720 --> 01:19:37,480 what what it was going to be doing to people like us watching 1466 01:19:37,480 --> 01:19:40,040 it. So there's something about that 1467 01:19:40,040 --> 01:19:43,040 type of camp that is so delicious. 1468 01:19:43,240 --> 01:19:48,920 Yeah, I was nervous doing this movie because I knew how 1469 01:19:48,920 --> 01:19:50,280 important it was in my childhood. 1470 01:19:50,280 --> 01:19:52,240 And I was like, I'm going to be really biased. 1471 01:19:52,520 --> 01:19:54,040 I'm not going to be able to think about this movie 1472 01:19:54,040 --> 01:19:57,160 objectively. Hadn't seen it in like 30 years 1473 01:19:57,160 --> 01:20:00,160 probably, but actually watching it, I was like, Oh no, I've I've 1474 01:20:00,160 --> 01:20:04,080 had a lovely camp time with it. Yeah, it's not like my campus of 1475 01:20:04,080 --> 01:20:05,960 all time. It's too heterosexual, 1476 01:20:05,960 --> 01:20:08,920 ultimately, I think, to be like one of the greats. 1477 01:20:09,240 --> 01:20:12,600 But also imagine doing a screening of this where everyone 1478 01:20:12,600 --> 01:20:22,440 is drunk. I just. 1479 01:20:23,000 --> 01:20:25,360 Think I think it's got legs, I really do. 1480 01:20:25,760 --> 01:20:27,840 But you're right, it's not, it's not like an ultimate camp. 1481 01:20:27,840 --> 01:20:30,600 I'm going to go 9 though because it is really really camping. 1482 01:20:30,600 --> 01:20:34,600 I love that I. Have so much, I have so much joy 1483 01:20:35,120 --> 01:20:39,040 watching it and like and I just normally hate anything that's 1484 01:20:39,040 --> 01:20:43,520 too Hetty, but I just even this is just sure they're all Hetty, 1485 01:20:43,520 --> 01:20:47,320 but really they're all massive benders really, I think. 1486 01:20:48,080 --> 01:20:50,360 Wow, I can't believe we got a nine out of you for this. 1487 01:20:51,320 --> 01:20:53,080 Am I going to? Am I going to meet you at A9? 1488 01:20:54,080 --> 01:20:55,720 Yeah. I think for your heart's telling 1489 01:20:55,720 --> 01:20:58,800 you. I think for my inner child, I'm 1490 01:20:58,800 --> 01:21:00,960 there with you. Yes. 1491 01:21:01,600 --> 01:21:06,680 Fatality. It's a nine. 1492 01:21:08,960 --> 01:21:11,560 Can you see how flush I've gotten talking about this movie? 1493 01:21:11,920 --> 01:21:14,480 Yeah, it really has done something to you, hasn't it? 1494 01:21:16,240 --> 01:21:19,960 This. This film, it is so stupid and I 1495 01:21:19,960 --> 01:21:22,680 want people that listen to the podcast to watch this and 1496 01:21:22,680 --> 01:21:25,280 because it's way better than fucking scream. 1497 01:21:25,280 --> 01:21:30,880 If you want a camp fucking. Thrill, Michael Yeah, Listen to 1498 01:21:30,880 --> 01:21:32,320 it after. I mean, watch it. 1499 01:21:32,720 --> 01:21:34,680 I mean, you've already listened to this episode, so I can't tell 1500 01:21:34,680 --> 01:21:37,640 you what to do in the past, but hopefully you haven't watched 1501 01:21:37,640 --> 01:21:39,680 it. You have listened to this and 1502 01:21:39,680 --> 01:21:44,320 now you can watch it and just substitute out Gina Gershon for 1503 01:21:44,320 --> 01:21:46,320 the whole movie. Can I also have one more 1504 01:21:46,320 --> 01:21:49,760 request? Actually, I would like another, 1505 01:21:50,000 --> 01:21:55,120 another female fighter in it. Yeah, there should have been. 1506 01:21:55,160 --> 01:21:57,640 There should have been, you know, to just have someone on 1507 01:21:57,640 --> 01:22:00,160 the dark side would have been, would have been good. 1508 01:22:00,760 --> 01:22:06,680 There was supposed to be a fight between Sonia and Jade who was 1509 01:22:06,680 --> 01:22:09,920 like an evil hench woman of Shang Song but they didn't film 1510 01:22:09,920 --> 01:22:11,800 it. Yeah, that's what I needed. 1511 01:22:11,800 --> 01:22:14,520 That would have probably tilted it to attend for me. 1512 01:22:14,640 --> 01:22:16,840 Cool. Well, should we finish this 1513 01:22:16,840 --> 01:22:20,120 podcast? I've already finished well. 1514 01:22:20,120 --> 01:22:23,360 We recorded well. I think I'm built myself up to 1515 01:22:23,360 --> 01:22:27,640 finish again, so if you want to finish me, now's your chance. 1516 01:22:28,600 --> 01:22:32,080 Just channel my inner Goro. 4 hands wanking. 1517 01:22:34,160 --> 01:22:39,720 Bye bye. Get away from her, you bitch. 1518 01:22:41,400 --> 01:22:44,640 Classic. He was in the Amazon with my mom 1519 01:22:44,680 --> 01:22:47,360 when she was researching spiders right before she died. 1520 01:22:48,400 --> 01:22:54,720 No, Hannah, I thought you become a prostitute. 1521 01:22:54,720 --> 01:22:55,520 You're a. GOG at it. 1522 01:22:55,880 --> 01:23:00,720 I used to love doggy chow. I used to love doggy chow too. 1523 01:23:02,320 --> 01:23:03,200 Oh dear.