OK, OK, so marriage, we're going to continue on today in the
roles and responsibilities of biblical marriage.
We saw, you know, marriage is an institution designed by God
according to his will and for his purposes.
And so we saw that last week as we learned about the theology of
marriages as Eric walked us through that.
Let me, can you get over to my slides?
Oh, you know what, my goodness, do you know the can of that
account? Would you be able to go and try
and jump into that? I'm sorry, guys, I apologize.
Well, maybe you can help him. So I apologize because I do have
some slides for this and hopefully we'll get those up
here in in just a minute. But so we, we saw that that
marriage is an institution designed by God according to his
will and for his purposes as we studied through the theology of
marriage last week. And so therefore we can believe
that God for his own purposes designed us with individual
roles and responsibilities. And that's our goal here today,
to better understand what our individual role is in marriage
and some practical ways to carry out our responsibilities.
But in order to do that, we must understand that there are real
God ordained differences in the roles and responsibilities of
men and women before we can understand what those
differences are. And this gets made into
something complicated in our culture though, because we see
verses like First Corinthians 11/1 through 2, which I don't
have up here, sorry. And and and we find the concepts
in them to be offensive. So First Corinthians 11/1 and
two says, but I want you to understand that the head of
every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the
head of Christ is God. Or in Ephesians 522 we see
passages that say wives, submit to your own husbands as to the
Lord. And those could be troubling to
us from a cultural perspective often, but we got to understand
that it is in no way demeaning or offensive to Jesus that he
would be in submission to the headship of the Father, right?
I think we can all we can all readily agree that that's not
offensive to Jesus and it doesn't bother us as Christians
that the head of every man is Christ, right?
Likewise, it is not Hey, look at that.
Thank you. Likewise, it is not offensive to
the wife to be in submission to the husband.
But what does that what does that mean for us?
There's those there's those passages that I was that I was
just sharing. So what does that mean?
Well, in the creation account, headship was established even
before Eve was created. And we know that because we see
in in scripture that that that God gave Adam his role and
responsibility and only then pointed out that Adam was
incomplete without his helper, right without without Eve.
So that headship is a result of the created order, not because
men are better. Now this is this is pointed out
in another one of those those verses that is often taken out
of context to rile people up. And you know, Paul tells us in
in first Timothy 212 through 13. It says I do not permit a woman
to teach or to exercise authority over a man.
Rather, she is to remain quiet for Adam was formed first, then
Eve see that headship is proven through the fall, but it is not
a result of it. Often the thought the the
thought is that that Paul wrote this to explain that that women
are are being punished by having their ability to lead removed
for their role in the first sin, rather than understanding that
mankind is being punished because of the failure of Adam.
Paul is not saying that women are restricted because of Eve's
actions. He's reminding us that men still
maintain their original responsibility despite Adam's
inaction. But the fall distorted the
relationships between men and women in the home.
The husband's loving, humble headship tends to be replaced by
either domination or passivity, and the wife's intelligent,
willing submission tends to be replaced by by either usurpation
or servility. And we see this in the church as
well, where sin inclines men towards a worldly love of power
or an abdication of spiritual responsibility, and it inclines
women to resist limitations on their role or to neglect the use
of their gift, inappropriate ministries altogether.
In Genesis 1, as we go through the 1st week of creation, we see
this familiar phrase. Throughout it God saw that it
was good. Right on the 6th day after
creating the animals, we see that phrase again.
God saw that it was that it was good.
Only after that does God create man in his own image.
And in Genesis 218 it says then the Lord God said it is not good
that the man should be alone. I will make I will make him a
helper fit for him after God brings Adam and Eve together in
marriage in in Genesis one verse 31, it says and God saw
everything that he had made and behold, it was very good.
So we could certainly take from that that our creator intended
for marriage to be the norm because it is very good.
So if God's model for life was for a man and woman to be
married, it stands for reason that he would of course own and
and and maintain the creative liberty to as the author and the
artist to delineate roles for each part of that marriage
relationship, Right. In fact, when we look at that
Genesis 218 verse, we see that there's there's an implied
physicality to to this with the word fit, a synergy that's both
physical and relational. The ESV commentary as I was
reading it, it said, let me look at this.
It says the term does not imply that the helper is either
stronger or weaker than the one helped fit for him or matching
him as it's as it's written in some translations is not the
same as like him. A wife is not her husband's
clone, but compliments him. Erica was telling us last week
about the word complimentarian, how that's, that's a version of
the word complete, right? Not compliment, like, hey, your
hair looks nice. So if you imagine, you know, if
you've played the game Tetris or if you've put together, you
know, a jigsaw puzzle, there are parts and pieces of of equal
value that fit together. And each one is just as
important as the next. But it feel, you know, it, it
fits in a different place. It feels a different role last
week, one of the things that he mentioned in his lesson, he
walked through just briefly through Ecclesiastes 4.
And in that passage we see these these phrases 2 are better than
one for if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.
If two lie together, they keep warm, right?
And then at the end, it's buttoned up with a three fold
cord is not quickly broken. So when we see that, we can
understand that each of us at certain times is the one with
the strength and capability to keep us upright as a couple, all
the while being fully dependent on God.
Guys, that means that you are occasionally weaker than your
spouse, right? More to the point, occasionally
your spouse is stronger and better suited to a task than you
are. OK, so if God designed specific
roles for husbands and wives, then what do they what do they
look like? Well, one of the often the
discussion that the God would ordain specific roles for
husbands and, and and specific roles for wives stems from a
preconceived bias of, of complementarianism versus
egalitarianism. Again, Eric mentioned that a bit
last week, and and so the the Council on Biblical Manhood and
Womanhood summarizes complementarian as the viewpoint
that God restricts women from serving in certain church
leadership roles and instead calls women to serve an equally
important but complementary roles.
This view believes in the essential equality of men and
women as persons, right as human beings created in God's image.
But complementarians hold to gender distinctions when it
comes to functional roles in society, in the church, and in
the home. It's important to understand as
well that we we don't recognize a separation of those
distinctions between the family and the church because God's
order for the church is based off of his design for the
family. So the a a a similar summary by
Christians for biblical equalityinternational.org is
egalitarianism is the viewpoint that there are no biblical
gender based distinctions or restrictions on ministry in the
church. Basically, that position holds
it the the belief that there are no gender distinctions in this
since we are all one in Christ, women and men are
interchangeable when it comes to functional roles in leadership
and in the and in the household. This is a a position that our
culture has taken up vehemently over recent decades.
So with both positions claiming to be biblically based, it's
crucially important to learn what exactly the Bible does say
on the issues of complementarianism versus
egalitarianism. And as much as I would love to
dig into that more today, specifically what those about
those those studies we're going to we're going to primarily look
at the roles and responsibilities and see as they
yes. The egalitarianism, yeah.
So you would see this with the the Episcopal Church, for
example, right? Probably a Christian Church that
has a, you know, rainbow flag in front of it is probably going to
be a staunch, A staunch egalitarian.
You know, So Full disclosure, as we, as we continue on, when
presented with these two potential options, I believe
that Scripture is clear that there are distinctions in our
roles and responsibilities as husbands and wives and that
there are plainly restrictions placed on how those roles
participate in ministry both in the home and in the church.
So yes, I believe that the Bible supports complementarianism and
when it comes to leadership in the, in the family and then in
the church, this is actually this, this actually comes from
our distinctives as a, as a church.
And I don't have time to go through all of this, but this
will, you know, this is available that you can see our,
our complementarian position here as a, as a body of
believer. So if there are distinct and
different roles and responsibilities that
demonstrate and maintain equal dignity and value, what do they
look like? So let's look at some of these
specifically. Now, obviously there's lots of
roles for for husbands and for wives.
And I don't have time to go through all of that.
And so with each of these, I've just listed off a few of these.
And so first with husbands, I've got these three places, a
prophet, priest, and protector. Now that might sound a little
bit familiar. Prophet, priest and king was for
a lot of the guys in the room in both of our men's groups a
couple months ago, went through this book together from Joel
Beekey, How to lead your family. And that was one of the things
that we we we all saw in this, that that he laid out these
three roles, specifically prophet, priest and king,
prophet, priest and and protector.
So let's let's go through these. The the first one is the the
role of of prophet and Ephesians 5 verses 25 and 26.
It says husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and
gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her, having
cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.
Now we shouldn't make the mistake of misunderstanding the
grammar here. It's not it's not the husband
that sanctifies or cleanses the wife.
The man is called to sacrifice himself or his wife like Christ
did for his bride, the church. But in that passage, 5 verses
later, Paul goes back and quotes Genesis 2 that that phrase, the
two shall become one flesh, right?
That is a quote that that Paul uses as he's talking about men
and and their roles here as the prophet, as the spiritual
leader. It's a it's a quote from before
sin. It's a quote from before Adam
failed as the spiritual leader of the family.
So Paul is is pointing men back to remember their original role
as the spiritual leader. Another passage to to see this
responsibility laid out for men. It specifically says fathers
here, not husbands, but it it makes the same point in
Ephesians 6, verse 4. It says, fathers, do not provoke
your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline
and instruction of the Lord, right.
It's another example of the responsibility to be the
spiritual leader of the home. We and and we do that by
proclaiming to to them the word of God.
We do that by studying the practical application of
Scripture and setting an example in our behavior that we see in
Jesus. Yes.
Partly, but I mean, so, so partly that's, I mean, that's
where I'm going here is our, our role as husbands is, is to be
the, the shepherds of our, of our family, right?
That word shepherd. So it's the word, it's the same
word as as pastor, as as elder, right?
So a husband and father's position is also to fulfill that
thing. Part of our role as pastors is
to proclaim the gospel, right? What we do is we let our kids
know this is the word of God. This is what the word of God
says, right? We want them to understand that
through our through our, our position and that job, that job
of shepherd comes with specific qualifications.
We see that in Titus chapter 1. And guys, maybe you've seen that
passage, Titus chapter 1, verses 5 through 9.
I don't think I have that as a, as a slide here.
No, I don't. But you've, you've probably seen
that because we've talked about it when we've, you've brought
elders on, we've talked about it.
We we went through that. Eric did a great thing at the
very beginning of our Philippians series when when he
talked about this and we looked at these qualifications.
Sometimes though, we've seen those and we've kind of brushed
them off because they're written specifically to the shepherds of
the church, which is true. But you don't get a pass on
this. They are the qualifications for
shepherds of the of the family as well.
Let me let me move on to the second one, which is the role of
of priest to to sacrifice to intercede for our families.
In first Peter 2 verse 5, it says you yourselves, like living
stones, are being built up as a spiritual house to be a holy
priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God
through Jesus Christ. And then in Hebrews 5 verses one
through 3, it says for every high priest chosen from among
men is appointed to act on behalf of men in relation to
God, to offer gifts and sacrifices for sins.
He can deal gently with the ignorant and wayward, since he
himself is beset with weaknesses.
Because of this, he's obligated to offer sacrifices for his own
sins, just as he does for those of the people.
Now that those words, they're ignorant and wayward, that that
means the word wayward. It's also the word deceived.
Those kind of, they might seem like harsh words to, you know,
to see in here, but it's the same way that it's the same way
that Eve is described as being deceived right by by Paul.
And so, yeah, it can be kind of offensive to see that, but
that's the words that, you know, that that the Bible uses.
Jesus was the true high priest in whom we have as an example.
Our job is to, on behalf of those less capable, act in their
best interest, sacrificing for them.
Hear me on this when I say less capable, that's not a dig at the
intelligence or capability of our wives, right?
That that's that's not what it is.
But our job is to be out front studying and and taking them
through these and helping them to have understanding as well.
In Ephesians 525 says husbands love your wives as Christ loved
the church and gave himself up for her.
So you guys, we sacrifice for our wives by providing for them
in in Genesis 2, before Eve was created, God set man about
working the garden. Now in society, we sometimes get
after men because of their tendency to want to, to work.
Working is is not the problem. Our our work is not by itself a
hindrance to our responsibilities to God or to
our family. It it, it, it becomes that
though, when we idolize our work or the recognition for our work,
that that becomes sinfully problematic.
And I don't I honestly don't think that that this concept of
sacrifice. I don't think that it's hard to
grasp in theory for most men. I think most husbands believe to
their core that they would, you know, take a bullet for their
wife and kids. The struggle isn't it isn't
really with the physical danger. It's most often manifest in the
sacrificing of of the will of our our preferences, of our
priorities, of our dreams, our wants.
Those are often the places where our selfishness can become
problematic. We're usually OK doing the, the
heavy lifting, you know, catching the, the snake in the
yard or, or doing those kind of things because we recognize that
we are generally stronger and, and perhaps more capable of, of
dealing with those kinds of things.
But in, in second Peter, or excuse me, in first Peter two,
he tells us to live with your wives in an understanding way.
He goes on and says, giving honor to the woman as the weaker
vessel, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Right, he's he he's, he's explaining here something that
we can readily accept when he's talking about the weaker vessel
there, he's actually talking about her physical strength, her
that that her body is not as strong possibly.
But he's not talking about the the vessel means the outside,
right? We're talking about that.
He's not he's not saying that she's weaker as a as a as a
person, right, But he says so that your prayers may not be
hindered. See, he's telling us guys to
recognize the order of things. You're stronger, so you do these
things. And then he says so that your
prayers will not be hindered. See, as priest, you're also able
to intercede for your wife and kids out of reverence and godly
fear. The single greatest thing that
we can do for our families is to go directly to God on their
behalf. What a shame it would be to have
the ear of the King of Kings and not be continuously advocating
to him on their behalf. An advocate is a person who
comes to our aid or pleads our case to a judge.
Advocates offer support, strength and counsel and
intercede for us when necessary. What a blessing we have as
husbands and fathers to be able to go straight to God on behalf
of our families. All right role #3 that we see is
is protector. Sorry, I didn't I didn't follow
through with those other slides in in this book from Joel Beeke,
he says, he says husbands and fathers must be kings like
Jesus, humble servant kings who wield authority for the good of
others. And husbands must provide their
wives with biblical tender and clear servant leadership, not
ruthless authoritarianism. And then he final he he he
continues on and says Jesus serves as king of his people by
ruling over us with justice and destroying our enemies with his
might. So what we can take from that is
our responsibilities to be both administrator of justice and
defender from danger. Isaiah, I have Isaiah there.
Isaiah 117 there says learn to do good, learn to do good, seek
justice, correct oppression, bring justice to the fatherless,
plead the widow's 'cause we should seek justice.
And we can't separate that responsibility from our marital
role. Because in that passage right
there, it actually tells us to step into the the husband and
father role for those who don't have that person in their lives
fulfilling that responsibility. In fact, in First Timothy 5/8 it
says if anyone does not provide for his relatives and especially
for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse
than an unbeliever. We can certainly use this verse
to strengthen the provider responsibility as a a priest in
the home, but there is no way to overlook providing protection to
those closest to you as a mandatory assignment.
These verses are are not not passive right.
Isaiah does not say speak up about oppression or or call
someone else to come fulfill the obligation.
He says he he well, he he doesn't, but in in you know,
elsewhere in scripture, it says be watchful, stand firm in the
faith, act like men, be strong right First Peter 37 says
likewise. I I just mentioned this a minute
ago. Husbands, live with your wives
in an understanding way. Show honor to the woman as the
weaker vessel. So again, that is not a a slight
on her skill or potential, but a straightforward reality that
that we are to be the protector in Second Samuel.
I don't have it. I apologize.
I messed up with some of these. In Second Samuel 8, there's an
example of God's establishment of a king, right?
And it says, and David made a name for himself when he
returned from striking down 18,000 Edomites in the Valley of
Salt. Then he put Garrison's in Edom.
Throughout all Edom, he put garrisons and all the Edomites
became David's servants. And the Lord gave victory to
David wherever he went. So David reigned over all Israel
and David administered justice and equality to all his people.
Well, let's be real. There's a, there's a certain
relational danger zone that we step into when we try to
establish that we are king of the castle, right?
The reason for this is that we have we have established this
dynamic poorly throughout human history and still though there
is a real authority established for men in the family from
creation. Wives are are no more to be Co
providers and Co protectors with their husbands than the churches
that have such joint roles with Christ.
That's a hard thing for us to to listen to and to accept, but
that's the way they they got designed.
It let me jump into looking at, at at wives.
We again, we see a couple of roles.
There's lots of roles, lots of responsibilities for, for
biblical wives. Here we we're going to look at 3
specifically. The first one is a being a child
of God through faith. Galatians 328.
This is one of those passages. Well, let me just read it.
It says there is neither Jew nor Greek, there's neither slave nor
free, There's no male and female, for you are all one in
Christ. So although this verse doesn't
exactly lay out a role specific to women, it's an important part
of defining the roles within biblical marriage.
This verse is this is the primary verse that's used to
promote egalitarianism or or or sameness.
That only works if you ignore the context around this verse.
See, this is about equal value and dignity in the sight of of
God, not of equal responsibility.
What this verse is saying is that because the Greek, because
the slave, because the female is in Christ, they are no longer
able to be considered anything lesser.
All Christians having been adopted into God's family, now
enjoy all the privileges, obligations and inheritance
rights of His children. Genesis 127 and 28 says so God
created man in his own image, in the image of God.
He created him, male and female. He created them and God blessed
them and God said to them, be fruitful and multiply and fill
the earth and subdue it. The primary purpose for marriage
that we find in Scripture are are procreation to spread the
image of God throughout the earth and illustration to
exemplify in the everyday the relationship Jesus desires with
his church. Adam was created in God's image,
but he could not populate the earth alone alone, nor could
anyone else learn about God from Adam's interactions.
An example. So Eve was given and marriage
was created to accomplish this goal.
And God gave each of the parties involved specific roles and
responsibilities to help each other carry out that task.
She was created to be a disciple and to accommodate making more
disciples. Second role is counselor to be a
supporter, to be a a helper. The the the foremost role of
woman in the in the Bible is out of a wife.
She is a a companion who supports her husband, enriches
his life and brings him joy and and pleasure.
And equally defining role of women in the Bible is
childbearer or mother. As we saw back in Genesis 2,
verse 18, Eve was custom made to be Adam's corresponding
opposite, not as something less, but as something that he was
missing. So you know, pardon my
generalization here, but I, I really wish that I, I wish that
women in our world would would focus more on the beauty of this
dynamic as God gave to them than to see it through the evil eyes
of the world that have convinced so many of them that it's a
prison. Now men have a long history of
screwing things up, but I believe that most men understand
how precious and and valuable a woman is that truly takes joy in
her God-given role as wife and mother.
In fact, in Proverbs 18, of course I don't have it.
I apologize guys. Proverbs 18 verse 22, it says he
who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the
Lord. So when we when we see that
passage here, the the man is missing something and finds it
right? He who finds a wife finds a good
thing. This verse prompts us to look
back at Genesis 2 when Adam was missing something and after God
provided it, then he says it's very good.
It's a straightforward reminder that the role of helper is not
an inferior or second rate role. So, so often these days,
feminism has usurped the value from this role for women.
It has. It has forcibly taken away the
ability to see fulfilment and gratification in being a helper
in being the answer to Adam's problem.
Interestingly, in in first Peter 3 verses one and two, he
explains something about the the roles of the role of wives that
again it you know the reality is that it runs head on into the
feminist agenda for women. It says likewise wives be
subject to your own husband's so that even if some do not obey
the word, they may be 1 without word by the conduct of their
wives when they see you, your respectful and pure conduct.
Peter is saying here's what your role and responsibility is and
here's why you do it to help and support your husband and he goes
a bit further and explains more practically what that looks
like. It's still in first Peter 3
verses 3 through 5. He says do not let your adorning
be external, the braiding of hair and the pudding on a gold
jewelry or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be
hidden. Be the hidden person of the
heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet
spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.
For this is how holy women who hoped in God used to adorn
themselves by submitting to their own husbands.
Now we should understand that Peter isn't prohibiting fancy
hair or jewelry, right? But he he is saying do not let
that be where your focus is. Do not put more time and effort
into those trivial and unimportant things than you do
into being a a godly woman. God designed wives to support
their husbands in their pursuit of godliness and to serve as
counselor to that end out. Outside of your relationship
with with God, your primary focus should be on helping your
husband accomplish the family mission, glorifying God by
living as Christ followers, raising godly children and
loving your neighbors. The third role here that we're
going to look at is is that of caretaker or steward or or
organizer. Now Proverbs 31 is often
considered sort of a cliched study for Christian women.
And I'll just tell you as pastor, I've I've even found
myself feeling occasionally frustrated at the amount of of
women's ministry resources that focus on this one chapter when
women are just as as capable of benefiting from theological
study as you know of the rest of Scripture as men are.
But this section of Scripture is profound blueprint for wives in
the in the chapter. It starts out if you've not read
it before, it starts out with with Lenuels mother warning him
that being involved with women outside of a biblical marriage
is dangerous to him and potentially destructive to the
entire empire. She's not a woman.
That woman is not someone who takes care, but someone who does
the opposite. But then it goes on to describe
what the subheading, at least in the in the ESV of this section
of Scripture calls the woman who fears the Lord.
And in Proverbs 3110, it says an excellent wife who can find she
is far more precious than jewels.
And then in just a a couple verses later, starting in verse
13 to 18, it says she seeks wool and flax and works with willing
hands. She is like the ships of the
merchant. She brings her food from afar.
She rise, she rises while it is yet night and provides food for
her household and portions for her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it with the fruit of her hands.
She plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with
strength and makes her arm strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
A godly wife maintains the order of His of of the His Kingdom.
Through her natural gifting, she makes life happen.
She would be the logistics Sergeant in the, you know, in
the Army that makes life continue on.
I, you know, I make sure that we have emergency kits in our, in
all of our vehicles and their home is protected.
And you know, that we have enough WD40 and duct tape to, to
fix whatever breaks. But, but my wife, my wife keeps
track of, of, of things like how much soap and toilet paper is in
the house. And she knows, she knows what's
coming out of our checking account this week.
She makes her she makes sure her lamps don't go out at night.
She fills in in all the places where I am lacking as if she was
specifically designed that way. Wife that properly submits to
her husband is a steward of the created order.
In that she recognizes the importance of what Paul wrote to
Corinth in in first Corinthians 11 one and two, he said, but I
want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the
head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.
The wife, by submitting to her husband has demonstrated that
she seeks God's will above her own because the the the
husband's authority is representative of God's ultimate
authority. When my wife affirms my headship
in the family and willingly endorses the authority God
entrusted to and and bestowed upon me, she might as well be.
She might as well be shouting Amen.
As I stand up at the pulpit and preach that Jesus is my Lord and
King, she's recognizing that order and she's honoring him.
Because if Jesus wasn't our Lord and King, male headship in the
family would only be done through force and compulsion.
There would be no other logical reason or or way for it to be
done Now. Ultimately, as husbands and
wives fulfill these roles and responsibilities that that God
so masterfully designed, we end up honoring Him by fulfilling
His 2 greatest commandments. Love the Lord your God with all
your heart. Submit.
Submission doesn't diminish value but exemplifies mankind's
submission to Christ and fulfills our creative purpose.
In John 6, Jesus told us that the submission was to the will
of God, was was His mission and the second greatest commandment.
Love your neighbor is yourself right?
Sacrifice. Sacrifice doesn't condemn us to
unhappiness or rob us of our potential.
Isaiah 53 tells us that it pleased the Father to sacrifice
Jesus for his children, the family as a whole.
But the biblical marriage is under attack, and it has been
for some time. We hold the line when we put God
at the center of our home and we obediently carry out, carry out
the roles and responsibilities that he gave us.
So let's keep holding that line.