What does the nanny do? OK, so we're done.
Goodbye. You.
Shut it off. Do not twist my words.
Do not make me a victim, sweetie.
Just look at the mountain. That's what you.
Saw that day just the knife in the kidneys over all these years
and the sacrifices that I made to love you.
Season 6 episode 4 odd wife. Out Kimber, Do you ever feel
like the odd wife out? On occasion, there are times
when you and my husband make me feel like the odd wife out, you
know? But it is what it is, I can live
with it. I'm definitely the even wife in
for sure when it comes to your husband.
He doesn't have to really fight with me, you know?
So we are going to go to the new homes yet again for the 100
thousandth time without many changes, for a landscape
walkthrough which I didn't know was a thing.
No first time for me. I think that this is a bunch of
bullshit. I think a landscape walkthrough
Virgin is the title I would give myself officially a.
Landscape. Walkthrough touched for the very
first time by those plants and the sprinklers and the curbs and
all the things. And also because you don't
landscape yourself. Wow.
That's landscape Virgin. That's hateful.
We are going to walk through the
landscaping of the homes but also go into the homes.
AKA this is just another reason to go back to the homes.
Like what the fuck? When they pull up, I think Meri
says they're like real homes. I'm like, yes, we've seen the
status of these homes being built and now they are real
homes and there are real landscaping things and there are
real driveways. There's real everything.
Roll shrubbery. They're all like, it's so cool.
And I feel like I get hung up a little bit on their limited
vocabulary at times because I'm like, why is it cool?
Why is it real? Why are these words, the words
we're using? But then again, you listen to
this podcast, so you know the words we use.
I maybe I should attract my statement.
We do repeat a lot of the same words, but you know, everyone
has their own vernacular and this is theirs, real and cool.
Yeah, absolutely. So we go into Christine's home,
so apparently this isn't just a landscape walkthrough.
And we get into the kitchen and she starts crying and she says
it's so pretty. Then we cut to Robyn on the
couch and Robyn says, I love your tone of voice.
It's like you're describing the person that you love.
Oh my gosh. And that would be Kody.
And I don't think I could even count on all my fingers and my
hands and my toes and my penis the number of times that I've
heard Christine speak about Kody like this.
She's always talking about him with such affection.
So I know why Robyn would say that.
It totally makes sense, yes. The affection of that brand new
kitchen. Kody reminds us that they still
need to do final approvals, they still need to get their final
financing, the blah blah blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda.
And how this is the first time in three years they'll all live
next to each other, and it'll be the first time that Robyn
lives near them as a family. We get the wives walking through
the yards to get to the next like houses and Meri and Robyn
joke about how there's a wall between their yards.
And then Meri says some like offhanded comment.
Well, there's a wall between us too, Robyn.
And it's like we actually know that you 2 are the only ones
that don't have a wall up between you, kind of so.
Like if anything they have what, 1/2 wall?
A Midget wall? There's some sort of term for a
short wall. 1/2 wall, right? Probably yelling it at us right
now. You know, they're doing this
physical thing like there's a wall between US.
Oh, and Christine comes up behind and like, bulldozes
between them, like she's breaking the wall down.
It's very symbolic. Very Christine.
When they get to Robyn's backyard, she points out how she
wanted that large patio pour for their family gatherings.
And her patio, it's there. It's this big square concrete.
Thing, the slab, the slab, the big old slab is there for her
entertaining yard purposes. I'm not surprised that Robyn
likes a big slab. I feel like that's kind of her
vibe. It really, really is.
Well, I take that back. She's with Kody, so probably a.
Shrunken slab. An odd shaped slab.
A left hanging. Hey, you know what?
One of the balls usually hangs a little higher or lower than
the other. But we're not talking about the
balls, Chris. Those would be the shrubs.
See, you're right. I'm not as good with landscaping
as I pretend to be. I'm such a liar and a fraud.
Yeah, apparently she's planning on entertaining a lot, so we'll
see how that goes with the future.
Of course we get another reminder that they want to be in
by Christmas. We have to talk about that every
goddamn episode that they want to be in by Christmas.
So they want to be in by Christmas.
Thank you for the reminder Brown family and Robyn cuts in.
Just one. Just one is all we need on the
couch. And it's like Oh my God, imagine
being the other wives sitting in a confessional moment on the
couch where one person is saying 1 is all we need.
Knowing that Kody has said please prioritize Robyn's home.
We want Robyn's home to be done 1st and it's like you bitch.
Well, yeah, they pointed out when Janelle and Christine were
having their Kiki outside of the real estate agency, they
pointed out that those two weren't going to be.
Their homes weren't going to be finished, but their financing
was going to be done. Whereas it was a vice versa for,
you know, Meri and Robyn, their homes would be done, but their
financing wasn't done yet. So we all know based on hints
and clues at this point, that Robyns is supposedly going to be
done first. And it's kind of set up that
way. So it's like, yeah, you're
sitting in front of everyone. You're saying, oh, we just need
one, just one to be done. And we all know you're thinking
it's going to be yours, so that's why you don't give a shit
if more than one is done. She's making it sound like all
we need is 1 when in all reality it's like all you're hoping
for is 1 and then the others are like bonuses.
Like if they happen, they happen because she's so supportive of
her sister wives. Yeah.
We get a moment with Mona outside and we'll discuss Mona's
appearance momentarily, but what she says is I know they all
wanted to be in by Christmas and I don't see that happening.
Oh, a dramatic moment to camera, but I was a little distracted
by Mona's appearance. Darling, what does Mona look
like? What's happening here?
She looks like Blossom from the TV show Blossom.
She's got from Blossom. Blossom from Blossom.
She has a bucket hat on with this huge ass like fake Daisy on
it, like felt Daisy. And, you know, she's wearing
this really weird long trench coat type of thing that's brown,
but the hat is black and Gray. And yeah, Mona is Blossom.
In this moment, she is Blossom.
It was an odd combination. And for any of you who have not
seen the show, Mona is a short woman and she's tiny.
She is small, yes. And so for her to be wearing
this trench coat and then this hat that is probably too big for
her head, but it was just what was available.
It's sitting kind of low on her that it's got this big flower on
the front and she's got this trench coat and it's like, what
is happening? Here it looks like a cartoon of
two kids pretending to be an adult.
Yes. Like I thought it was a man, but
it was two children in a trench coat and a.
Trench coat, Yes. And then she's got this like,
80s hair that she kind of always has the, like, fuzzy blonde
hair. And it's in a clip, like a claw
clip under the hat, so at the base of her neck, which just
seems very uncomfortable to me. Yeah.
I just don't think I could wear a clock clip that low on my
head. Yeah, it feels like that would
be uncomfortable. You say with your luscious long
locks. Well, I mean I can understand
and appreciate. Goldilocks across from me over
here. The porridge was just right.
It's like Chris, that's not the story.
Then we cut to Christine's rental home, where she is
starting to pack. Apparently, you know, there's
some boxes, there's some tape, there's her, there's some of her
children. She's asking the kids to start
packing boxes and Mckelty gives her some kind of guff.
I'm not sure what was going on with that.
So we've got like the complete opposite ends of the spectrum
here. We've got Aspen and Christine
who wrote up this list so that they would stay on track with
packing. And so at the very beginning of
the clip, Aspen is kind of delegating and talking to the
camera about this list and what it's going to do to help them
get done on time and yadda, yadda.
And then we cut to Christine and Mckelty, the wonderful Mckelty
that has a lot of jokes. And Christine says, you know,
you need to be packing. And Mckelty jokes and says, oh,
I was thinking of taking a nap. And Christine gets pretty upset
and kind of raises her voice and goes, you are not you do
this. And Mckelty laughs, like,
obviously it's a joke, mom, whatever.
And you can tell Christine's like sick of her shit.
Like, she does this all the time.
It's not a joke to her. Like Mckelty perhaps takes a nap
or two when she shouldn't. Like, yes, you know.
Well, Mckelty is too cool for school.
Yeah, I've always said that. I've always said that.
She is, though, isn't she? And you know, it's another
juxtaposition here because we get Aspen in the organization,
we get Mckel T and the jokes, and then we get some serious for
realness. Oh, some serious For realness,
Yeah. Are you talking about the moment
with Isabel? Yes.
Yes, there's this moment with Isabel where it seems like she's
being prompted or asked questions.
It's, you know, a mini, what do they used to call it, like live
interview or something. Like a real time interview, not
on the couch or anything like that.
And she's talking to camera about how hard it's been not
seeing her dad very much recently.
And they all love seeing Kody, but they don't get to see him
often when they move to the new houses, he can just jog from
house to house. And her delivery of this feels
so coded in a emotion of like, where's Dad?
And like, disappointment, longing, just longing.
OK, that might not be the right word.
Well. No, I think you're actually
right. When saying longing, she says
that everyone wants to see dad and nobody can.
And it's like what the fuck does that mean?
What does that mean? Nobody can?
Like we are trying to get a hold of our dad and nobody can see
him. That's what it means to me.
My reading between the lines is that he's spending at least 50%
of his time at Robyn's house and then distributing the other
time primarily probably between Christine and Janelle.
Janelle #2, Christine #3 and Merry Occasional and we.
This is a narrative that happens throughout the show.
Is Kody not being a part of his children's lives?
Literally not being present. And so getting these kernels at
the beginning or towards the beginning as we're going through
the journey, it just sucks to hear.
It makes me feel really bad for the kids, but not Robyn's kids.
It makes me feel bad for everybody else's kids because
it's like, Kody's clearly not around.
And they're clearly confused by it.
Everyone wants to see him and nobody can.
It's like that would be so confusing as a child just to all
of a sudden you're up and moved in the middle of the night,
nobody told you ahead of time. And then their lives change in
an instant. They go from living in the same
house as their siblings to pulled apart living in separate
houses, seeing their dad every day because he was upstairs or
downstairs to what the fuck. Now I'm not even seeing my other
two moms because let's take Robyn out of this.
She wasn't a part of it. And now I'm not seeing my dad
and everyone wants to see him but nobody can.
The wording of that, the vocabulary there is very
childish. She's just confused.
Nobody can. Like nobody can see him.
Like nobody knows why, but nobody can see him.
And I imagine paralleled with the experience of Kody not being
around, I can only imagine how frustrating it would be to kind
of constantly be trying to paint a better picture of your
children's father to them. Yes, right.
Like Christine particularly, but I maybe less Janelle and less
Meri, but there's probably this thing where you have to always
be making it sound like Dad's great and Dad's doing the best
he can and whatever while you're fighting your own battles
about the anxieties of not seeing him and having to deal
with all of that, like, well. Like Dad's the king.
Like Colleen, our favorite ex polygamist.
Yeah, You know, everybody makes it about Dad.
Everyone makes Dad the special one.
He's the king. When he comes to the house, he's
king. And so the children are confused
as to like what's going on all of a sudden.
Right. And that's another crazy
juxtaposition. His dad's not there.
But then when he shows up, it's like we're all supposed to
stop. Everything revolves.
Everything's about him, everything's about making him
happy in this moment. And so that must be what my
life's about because when I'm a good kid, he comes around and
when we behave, he comes around and he's the special one that we
want to come to our house that is held at Bay like a prize.
Like it's very fucked up. Sticking on the theme of
packing, we're going to head on over to Robyn's rental.
Robyn, everyone's favorite sister, wife.
And she tells us she went to a lawyer to have her last name
changed from Sullivan to Brown, which is Roll Cole.
Roll Cole. It's like rolly, Rolly Cole, Oh
my God, these people. She says when the process is
complete, she wants to wrap the paperwork up and give it to Kody
for Christmas. If only she knew that Kody was
such a Grinch at Christmas. The other wives are like, Kody
hates Christmas and she's like, oh, I'm going to give him this
gift for Christmas and it's going to touch him in places he
hasn't been touched by his other wives.
Oh, I'm going. To warm him up with this gift.
This piece of paper. This paper in a package.
She also says that if she could sign the house paperwork in her
new last name, it would be really special.
OK, Let me kind of give her that.
Yeah. I mean, if you would give a
normal person that, I don't know if we need to give Robyn that.
I don't think I'd be in too much of A rush to change my last name
just because you have kids in your other last name too and
it's probably more convenient for their sake being away from
their father to have the last name.
Shit gets weird when you change your last name.
It gets so weird and especially when there's kids involved.
It's certainly not uncommon to hear of particularly divorced
people, women not changing their last names back to former or to
new spouses name because their children have that former last
name of theirs, you know, her supposed former last name, blah
blah blah. So it's it totally aligns to the
whole polygamy thing, right? Like he's the king and it would
just make me feel so great if my last name was his.
It's like, bitch, I thought that you already had four last names
according to your last credit poll.
Like they. Told you not to do this you
dumbass. Especially before the houses.
The houses. Oh my gosh, how amazing.
In an alternate universe, she gets rejected for the mortgage.
She.
Applied for the mortgage in her old last name and then she's
applying for the home in her new last name you dumbass.
That would have been so good. Jesus, you failed me.
You failed me. But when you.
Talk to your Sky friend, you have failed us yet again.
You have failed us again. Curses.
Now, Speaking of Dad, Robyn's going to fill us in on a
supposed trip to Montana to visit said biological father.
Her kids are supposed to be going to Montana to see their
dad right around when she might get into her new home.
God. That terrible, terrible man she
had to run away from in the middle of the night and that was
horrible to her and her children.
The kids are going to go visit him in Montana and her and Kody
are going to drive them there to visit him.
OK. All right, And she's like
yelling at the kids about packing already at this point.
We get way more yelling about the packing later on, but she's
like yelling at the kids about needing to pack for their trip
but yelling at them to pack for the new house.
So here's boxes, here's a suitcase.
Figure the fuck out. She lets us know that this will
be her first real home. And she brings up how they were
forced to move from Utah. And they flashback, of course.
Of course they have to flashback whenever they're talking about
being forced to move from the Lee High home.
Yes. And she says in the clip, oh,
the paparazzi somebody saw. Tabloid honey, the tabloid.
The tabloid. Tabloid.
Yes, not even the paparazzi. This was back when tabloids were
a thing. The tabloid and then she's
talking about how they're forced to move to Vegas, and I
noticed that she's wearing a Las Vegas baseball cap.
Yep, crazy, crazy. It's one of those details I did
not notice and you pointed out to me and I'm like, wow, she's
literally wearing a ball cap that has like curly letter Las
Vegas on the brim or whatever. So you knew this was happening.
You've been planning on it. You're not being forced like
you're shopping for new Las Vegas propaganda hat wear and
yet you're being forced to move from Lehi, UT.
Like get out of here. Honey, maybe it was a hand me
down from her mom with the mustache or her step uncle daddy
who live in Las Vegas and it's just a coincidence that they
were forced to move to Nevada. She specifically says we had to
move to Nevada, something like that.
And it's like, why was Nevada the state you had to go to?
I don't think you were forced to go to Nevada.
No, I think that that's the place you chose.
But it gets worse. It always gets worse.
It. Always gets worse with Robyn.
She says that she's cautious about new homes due to all the
disappointment in her own life.
She doesn't make promises to her kids that she can't keep, and
she doesn't want to tell them anything until it's final, until
they're about to walk through the door.
So she has this whole spiel that she feeds us about how she's
never had a real home. This is her first home.
And because of all the disappointment in her life and
moving so much, she never ever wants to disappoint her sweet
baby angels. In the same clip, you're forcing
them to pack for a move into a home that you haven't signed on
yet and got the keys for yet. It's like all we've been
introduced to through the show is decisions made by the parents
where if the kids are fortunate enough to know about
it beforehand, they're skeptical because they don't
believe them. And then the big move was out of
nowhere, and she's teeing it up like, oh, well, this is just
what I do to, like, protect my children.
It's like what, girl? Hello, you fucking liar.
I wonder how long? Fucking liar.
I wonder how long the kids knew that they were going to go to
Dad's house. Like I wonder when that was
sprung on them. Like was it that morning?
And she might have even this is the sick nature of like what
goes to my mind when I think about women like Robyn, that she
probably didn't tell her kids. And she probably was like, oh,
we're going to get into our new home today, but oh, it's
Daddy's turn to see you, so we've got to leave.
Like we're probably not going to get the keys on time because
it's Daddy's turn to see you guys.
I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say.
I have to take you like in my mind.
And I don't think I'm wrong. That bitch.
Like, I think that this is what's going on.
I think that there's a lot of manipulation behind the scenes.
I think she's probably lying. We're going to get further into
this and she gets more about the woe is me, the kids need to
see the home, blah, blah, blah.
They haven't seen it yet. And it's like, no, bitch, you
just wanted your keys before you left town because if you didn't
get your keys before you left town, you wouldn't get them for
five fucking days because of the holidays.
So it's like she's manipulating her children into like, Oh well,
I would just love for them to stay because this is so special
to see their first home and getting the keys in the home.
She's so fucking manipulative it's insane.
They're packing for a move and she's saying to us, the viewers,
that she doesn't make promises that she can't keep and she
doesn't tell them anything until it's final.
I always believe Robyn, whatever she says.
TLC pays some bills with a commercial break.
And then we're at Janelle's rental where Kody and Janelle
are making the bed in their lover's bedroom, their master
suite, their priMeri suite, their lover's den, where the
magic happens, where they rub their lips together.
They're completely virus free lips.
Meanwhile this entire episode, every couch moment with Janelle
is like girlfriend. Yep, I'm so sorry you're so
uncomfortable right now. Yep, like she's in some pain.
She's in some pain and that's what it is.
You know, there's some burning, there's some tingling, there's
some, Oh my God, my lips gonna peel off my face moments.
And that's what's happening with Janelle.
Little bit of Joker vibes. I need to mention here that they
are making it very, very clear which houses are rentals and
homes at this point because every bottom like third that we
get is where they're located. So it's like Janelle's rental,
Robyn's rental, Meri's house, Robyn's house.
So they're making it like this huge differentiation each time
they go back and forth between a home, a rental, a house, blah,
blah, blah, the new build, the rental, whatever you want to
call them. Yes, this episode, every time
there is a transition from location to location, they're
telling us where we're going. I feel like in previous episodes
and seasons, if we get an introduction the first time
we're at someone's home, we're far less likely to see that
bottom third again when they return.
It's usually only the other one time.
It's usually just the first introduction and then throughout
the episode you just kind of surmise where we are.
This episode, it is very clear. It's almost like you're hit over
the head by it. I was a little distracted by
how. Every.
Time the scene was happening, it was like Meri's rental blah,
blah blah's rental blah blah. It was like, OK, we got it, I
thought. But I guess it's because we're
going to be making a transition into the cul-de-sac.
Janelle tells us that her and Kody have had the same lover's
mattress for 10 years now. Why I think she's a liar and a
fraud is because it's not just one mattress.
But she did not call it a lover's mattress you guys.
She called it our fuck pad. And her fuck pad is actually not
a king size mattress. It is 2 twin mattresses pushed
together and. Underneath.
These two twin mattresses pushed together well, and I love it.
I love it because I feel like I have to give you some credit for
the Lucy and I. Oh, I Love Lucy bit I love.
Lucy and Desi, you know, it's not like the twin beds are on
separate sides of the room and they push them together for
coitus. No, they're just pushed together
all the time and they're. Like a ratchet strap around.
Them. Yeah, exactly.
And there's even reference to like, well, I guess we don't
have to fall into the middle. And it's like, yeah, no, not
because there's just a sunken middle where Janelle, you know,
plants her body every night. No, there's two mattresses
pushed. Together there be a full on
separation happening there there is a full on.
There is a Grand Canyon in that band.
What in the actual Frick frack? Yeah, it was bizarre because
when they're making the bed, it's already in progress.
And then Kody, I think, pulls up the foot of the bed bedding.
And so you see the two mattresses and the two box
springs, which the twin box springs.
That's what happens when you get a king bed, right?
2 box springs. But the mattress is like, oh
God. And as the scene was wrapping
up, I just couldn't help it because I'm, you know who I am.
I was looking around the room of
the footage and it's like there's a bookshelf and a small
bookshelf and a desk and a chair and a chair and another chair.
And it's just like all of this shit in this room.
And I just, I feel claustrophobic watching the
scene. I couldn't even do like making
that bed was probably you can only move that Janelle can only
move sideways in her bedroom. She cannot walk forward unless
she's going out the door. Exactly, there's so much stuff
lining the walls, including full armchairs on either side of
the bed like. Lazy boys like what is.
Yeah, like leather lazy boys. Oh my God, so bizarro.
And yet there is no headboard or foot board.
There are just two pushed together twin mattresses, Love
Lucy style. No headboard, but like an
overabundance of all the other furniture pieces you would
probably not want in your bedroom.
I just. And of course, the bookshelf had
all these books Askew in every possible way.
And I was like, I can't even imagine that Janelle's read any
of these books. I mean, I shouldn't say that she
might be a reader. It just, oh God, it's just a
mess. Well, they're about to go and
get romantic. The romance is going to be
alive, honey. Yes, they are different in the
way that they find their romance.
The way that they find their romance is pragmatic, so that
when they get intimate, it can be a little bit awkward.
Like what? Their love is pragmatic, so when
they end up getting intimate together, yeah, sure, it can be
a little awkward. But the way that they, like,
laid this out for us was like Kody stumbling over how to lay
out his relationship with Janelle in a sexual way.
And it was so fucking weird how he laid it out for us.
I have the exact quote, Darling, I would like to you know this
is very this is a serious broadcast.
Yes, Janelle and. I.
Janelle and I have a relationship that finds romance
in very pragmatic things, and so every once in a while when we
get romantic, it just seems slightly awkward.
Who says this about their wife?
Like, OK, you can acknowledge that the pragmatic is how you
connect as people, but to say that when you get romantic, it's
slightly awkward. They don't even know.
And then, and this is the thing. So now they're going to go
shopping for a mattress, right? Because, oh, these two twin beds
pushed together, they've had them for 10 years.
This is just not, this isn't going to work for us.
So all of a sudden this is going to be an awkward situation to
shop for a mattress with your wife in a retail store with like
bright overhead lights and a salesperson.
It just, it's, I don't understand.
Maybe it's because I'm not part of the cult, I don't know.
It's just doesn't make any sense to me.
Well, Kody has to declare that mattress shopping wasn't
awkward. Like, of course, you guys, we
get the footage of them mattress shopping and it's just as
alarming as you would expect, but it's like he has to share.
Wait. Oh, by golly, this wasn't an
awkward situation. Listen, shopping for a bedroom
set is about as intimate as I've been with a man.
I've never. I've never been touched.
I've never been felt, I've never been penetrated.
I've never sucked, tweaked, or any of the like.
But I have shopped for a bed and I want you to know it was not
awkward. It could be a little awkward if
you saw the bottoms of Janelle's hooves as she jumped
onto the beds. Filthy, filthy, filthy hooves.
Oh. Golly, someone wash them with
their hair. Robyn, get on your hands and
knees, wash them filthy Janelle hooves with your hair.
Oh my God, it's so good. They're in the store.
And of course, you know, if you've ever shopped for a
mattress in a store, you know that usually the mattresses are
bare. But there's that thing along the
foot thing, the last. Like 4 inches, 5 inches of the
bed. Don't ever rely on Kimber to
measure anything. The last 24 inches, literally 2
feet has that like plastic barrier.
So you you can swing your feet up there and you're not going to
make the mattress all filthy. So we get to see Kody taking his
shoes off and Janelle taking her shoes off.
We don't get to see the details. I'm kind of glad about that.
But they're, you know, sliding off.
Heeling them off like using the other heel to pull them off.
Kody hops on the bed, kicks his feet up, puts his hands behind
his head, and he's like, oh, yeah, this is it.
I'm a man. I'm a man.
And Janelle, you know, she gets her shoes off eventually.
Here click click, click, click click.
And then she kind of rolls up onto the bed and lets her feet
drop, and they're not even on the thing.
They're on the white mattress. They're on the white mattress
and it looks like Hobbit's feets.
And they're feets because this is it.
She's not a tall woman, and she's not even extending her
legs all the way. It's like she's curled them up
by her torso. And it's like, what are you
doing? Showing us the bottom of The
Dirty feets. Oh.
God that's what she should be doing instead of self help.
Coaching is only fans like you want these dirty.
Dirty foot. That could be your handle.
Dirty little piggy that's already taken for sure.
That's for sure. Got it.
Dirty little Polly piggy. Dirty little pig piggy there's.
Polly Piggy.
Tootsies, Polly Piggy. Tootsies.
Oh my God, Oh my God, I say a little prayer for us.
This little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed home. Little filthy little piggy.
They are going to pick out this entire bedroom set made of
mahogany and they're going to put it on layaway because you
know what? This year is their 20th year
anniversary. And this won't just be the 20
year anniversary gift. No, this is going to be the
Christmas gift and the birthday gifts.
And by golly, it's going to be worth it.
When you're having such an intimate moment with a stranger
watching you put your disgusting feet up on a bed, it probably
moves you to say, why just buy the mattress when we could get
the whole bedroom set and knock out all of our holidays for an
entire year? The intimacy, the romance.
I've always wanted to lay on a mattress in a store and look at
my partner in the eye while the salesperson was there and say
honey can we please put this on layaway?
Just imagine the intimacy. If anyone listening knows Rosie
O'Donnell, I would really appreciate an introduction
because we need a blue light special or Martha Stewart.
The very Kmart layaway vibes. Let's get one of those
spokespeople in from the 90s and really bring Janelle full
circle. After this scene that really
moved us, Janelle and Kody are on the couch and I was really
distracted because they're both wearing jeans on the bottom and
blue tops on the top and blue tops on the top.
It was just a lot of blue. It was like blue everywhere.
It's mostly because Janelle is wearing her favorite texture,
silk. She wears a lot of silk tops.
Well honey, you know you want to show off every fold, nook and
granny. The black silk top that was
notorious for a while. Now we've got the blue silk top
that's about to be notorious. Notorious and her eyeliner is
borderline goth vibes. It's very heavy.
It's very Oh my God here we are and I was thinking she looks
really tired or something like her bags under her eyes.
She just looks like she hasn't slept in days.
Turn of the Ursula Shadow The Ursula eyeshadow combined with
the dark liner that happens normally, combined with the blue
washing around and the shine off of the blue extra washing
around. She looked tired.
It was potentially her worst look yet.
And that's saying something like it was rough.
It was rough. And then you've got Kody sitting
next to her who just looks like a Bobby twin or something, but
like the less horrible version because he's, you know, doesn't
look so tired. But yeah, maybe I've retracted
my less horrible. I don't know.
Then we cut to what we are being told by Kody is our final
walkthroughs of the houses. I was a little thrown off
because his clip makes it sound like we're going to go to every
house in a row and that's what's going to happen.
But that's actually not what happens.
We get some other things in between.
So I was a little like, what the fuck's going on here?
But you know, then I took a drama mean and I'm I'm back
here. The person you love.
It's weird. They start the entire episode
doing the landscape, and then we go into Christine's home and
see the kitchen where she tears up and calls it her first and
only true love. And then now we've had all this
other stuff in between all the rentals, rentals, rentals.
And now we're doing final walkthroughs again.
So I think this is the first day still with cuts in between.
Oh, like there was still. So there was just one entire
walkthrough in all the homes and.
That could be. That could be, yeah.
I didn't notice their clothing changing or anything.
I wasn't. Watching.
I should have looked. I know you're usually better
and. Here I am noticing this shiny
ass blue shirt and I'm like missing all the rest of it.
Blinded by your nose blouse? Yeah, probably.
Kody hopes everything is OK with their walkthroughs so that
there's no more delays. Of course, we all know they want
to be in by Christmas, in case you didn't catch that.
They're joined by that guy from Pinnacle Homes, the VP of blah
blah blah. Insert name here.
I don't know, did you catch his name?
Daniel Builder, Daniel. Daniel, I hope I remember that.
I probably won't. So whatever that guy's name is,
is meeting up with Kody and Robyn, being joined by Mona to
enter Robyn's house to go inside and take a look around.
They go to walk into the house and Robyn declares you are
walking into my Sister Wives closet headquarters.
Inspirational. I thought that the elevator Bay
was really moving. The fountain in the middle
really gave it that classy touch.
Giant knuckles rising from the ground with their three heads
perched on top like a bear claw.
There's 4 heads, you lunatic. There's four wives, yes.
Robyn can't get anything right. Oh, say.
Yes, that's so good. No, what she's talking about is
literally a space like we're recording in right now.
Like it was like a bedroom or a guest room or the office.
She's just insane, and that's Robyn.
The headquarters. When they get into the kitchen
during this final walkthrough, Robyn talks about the double
convection ovens that she has in her kitchen and how she'll be
able to cook four different things at four different
temperatures without burning any one of them.
Oh, it's just a wonderful. Kody has a pretty much the most
disgusting thing to say because it's sexist, but it's also like
he's hitting on her well. Let me take this one then,
please. This one's for the monosphere.
OK. You're so beautiful you don't
need to be able to cook. Fill in the blanks there,
basically saying you can't cook, but because you look like Monty
Burns with a wig on, I'm really attracted to you.
Or like some sort of bird. You know, you've referenced the
bird look. She definitely does look like a
bird. She looks like a she's like a
long. Skinny bird or something with a
wig on. With the big jaw in the nose.
She's so beautiful she doesn't need to be able to cook.
Basically saying you can't fucking cook but because I like
to fuck your weird ass body it's all good.
Because I like that giggy giggy when we're getting it all.
Robyn says, you know, if you weren't so picky, I could cook
for you. It's like Robyn can't cook for
anybody. We know this.
She literally her every time she's cooked any food it's
looked atrocious and disgusting. And then they're like pulling
each other by the belt loops during this.
And they're standing in the kitchen in front of like the
pantry. And Mona is like a foot away
from them. Like she's very close.
And so is Daniel the builder. He's like across the island.
And they're pulling each other by their belt loops in this
like, sexy way from like, oh, this is like from the Gilmore
Girls days. Like, this is how we flirt, you
know? Oh, God.
And then they're like. Pulling their torsos towards
each other and yeah. But it's like a very like
juvenile little yeah, looks. Like they're at a football game.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they're like, kind of smooching.
And Mona, like, looks over at Daniel and it's like, oh God, we
say that he's a showboat all the time.
Kody's a showboat. But the way that they're
flirting is almost very like intentional and weird and
performative. Yeah, I kind of picked up that
they were in their own little world, so it's not that I
disagree with you. I just kind of felt like they
were just talking to each other and didn't really care that
anyone was around. They're in their own little
world, but they're acting out what they believe is like the
cute and sexiest thing to do for the other one.
It's very weird. Now it is night time and we're
going to transition to Meri's rental, which they have told.
This is Meri's rental on the bottom 3rd as we discussed, we
are told every single time we go anywhere where we are and
Kody's speaking to the entire family.
He has little saw up on his shoulders and he's being all
listen, I am the patriarch. I am here to tell you something.
And he's telling everyone about
how they should be showing respect to the parents because
of moving into a home, which thank God, is a little bit of a
throwaway comic because I was like, where is this going?
But it transitions into how everyone should be helping out
to create their family mission statement.
But when he started with the whole, you know, we deserve some
respect because we're getting you guys into some homes.
I'm like, who starts out a speech to their family by saying
you children should respect us because we're going to provide
you housing? Like, it's just bizarre.
Show me some respect. I'm your father.
So gross. So gross.
He. Is just putting on his show as
per usual, trying to get the attention of the family when
Christine is really the one that's in charge of this.
I was going. To say intervention, but it's
not. It's a meeting.
Yes, it's a family meeting. Family Meeting.
Yeah, family mission statement.
Finally, we're getting to the family mission statement.
Christine says that it's very important with a family as big
as theirs and with all the kids that are about to leave that
they come up with this and that they have this family mission
statement. Yeah, she says that she's
literally panicking about the kids growing older and wondering
if they've taught them everything they needed to teach
them. It's like panicking.
OK, that's some interesting language.
She has a few interesting choices this episode with her
language. Yeah, this isn't the first time
that they've mentioned particularly Christine and
Janelle have said like the exact phrasing, that they're worried
that they didn't instill things on the older ones.
I don't know if I clocked it that Meri says that specific
thing that she's worried about. No.
She's too busy texting a stranger.
No, because seriously, Christine and Janelle have said that we're
worried we haven't instilled the right morals in them and
blah blah blah. Yeah, I think Janelle was on
that train last season, like she was all about that.
With Logan leaving, she was so concerned that she hadn't
instilled the the gospel of our Jesus Christ, Joseph Smith.
What will be interesting to? Hear your story when your kids
are getting ready to leave, I'm going to go honey, Do you think
you've instilled the right values?
Have you taught them the right lessons?
It'll be an interesting thing. You know, I'll be on vacation,
I'll be on a beach somewhere, and I'll be just checking in
with you about shipping your kids off somewhere.
And I'll just say, yeah, because you know what?
I was the perfect parent. I never questioned myself.
I did everything great. And yeah, so Christine has given
some prompts to the children to help build this family
mission statement. And she starts asking who has an
answer to question #1 and it's like, well, hopefully they all
do. If they couldn't make it past #1
you got a bigger problem here. I didn't see a lot of hands go
up for number 1 though. I think there was just maybe 1.
Yeah, I maybe.
And then we hear the question that was prompted.
We are at our worst when and Mckelty has to answer with her
sarcastic ass saying we're at our worst when we're together
because we're loud and obnoxious.
And Christine just rolls her eyes and you can tell she's kind
of embarrassed. And she goes, I'm just going to
say we're at our worst when we're obnoxious.
I'm like, OK, that's totally going.
In your family mission statement, that's going.
To make the edit for sure. Please don't be obnoxious.
Yes, part of our mission statement is we're obnoxious
when we're together. And then we get our next
question, or perhaps you know, 1 of 1000 questions as Janelle
would like us to believe. Janelle's fucking over this a
lot. And the answer comes from Aspen.
And the question is, in 30 years, we want people to say our
family. And then, Aspen says, has
constantly stayed close. It's a little sad in hindsight,
you know, watching them do this as a big family exercise and
then like, they're not close. Janelle tells us that this whole
activity is tedious, and there are moments where the camera
pans to her and she is yawning during the exercise.
And they, you know, these producers, editors are good.
Sometimes they give us clips of her where it's like.
She was straight up. They didn't need to show that or
like they show it a little long to emphasize kind of some point
we're supposed to get, even though that's not what's being
said. So I kind of like that.
Yeah, we get the Christine no bad answers.
And Janelle, Oh my God, this is tedious.
It's taking fucking forever. How many questions are there?
Yes. And of course, contrasted to
Janelle's yawning and tedious comments is Christine with a
giant pad of paper writing down what people are saying while
it's on an easel. And it's like I do kind of feel
a little cringe, like when you're sitting there watching
someone write shit on a big piece of paper and it's like
they're it takes time to do that.
So I'm sure it just felt like it was going on and on and on.
You know, and then your daughter is feeding you like these
stupid ass answers and you've like had enough of her already
for the day. Yes, you have to write her
bullshit down because you told everyone there were no bad
answers. For the day, the week, the
month, or maybe our year, Literally, Mckelty, you've
you've spent it. You spent your budget.
Yeah. And then we get a fabulous
moment from Kody on the couch, filling us in on his life and
his dreams and his goals and his past, and he says that about
10 to 15 years ago, he felt like a failure.
Oh, excuse me, a failure as a husband and a father.
He feels like a fireman. He feels a lot of things, honey.
He feels, he feels. He feels.
What are some of the things he feels honey?
We get so many great analogies from Kody Brown, don't we?
We just do. Yeah.
And Kody says that he feels like a fireman, always putting out
fires. And these new homes, well, he
just wants it to make him feel like an architect.
Oh, OK. So building his future rather
than reacting to fires. If that took him more than 5
seconds to come up with, God bless him.
God bless. Him, like, he thinks about these
things for a while and then he sets up like when he will be
able to say it. And it didn't really even make
sense. Yeah, They just did an interview
moment with Kody like after the scene, and it's like it doesn't
build on anything or add to the next thing really.
Right, because we're talking about a family mission statement
and what our family goals are. And then there's this random
cutaway to him talking about how he felt like a failure before
and now he's hoping to be an architect because they're
building new homes. And then we move on to the next
scene. Yeah, and we're at Meri's new
home, not a rental, her new home.
Oh yes, the new home on the cul-de-sac.
Oh Meri, you never disappoint with your Meri isms.
Really. She brings it.
She brings it this episode. So Meri and Kody are at her home
for this final walkthrough. Not to be confused with the
landscaping walkthrough, or the driveway walkthrough, or the
two by four walkthroughs where Christine thought that maybe the
boards were spontaneously combust ever.
You know, this is the final walkthrough and we start with
Meri. Meri, quite contrary, standing
at the back of her island in the kitchen, glancing forward,
questioning whether the two pendant lights hanging over the
kitchen island are even. So we just go balls deep into
Meri, tearing apart the new home, which I appreciate.
Yeah, and these pendant lights are like hanging on those
chains, you know, from the ceiling.
So maybe a chain is like 1 clink off.
Right. Or the pendant which the builder
guy Daniel. Daniel yeah, look at.
Me. Look at me.
You know, maybe the pendant is literally hanging a little bit
at a different angle because they're hanging from chains and
literally these probably are the cheapest lights from the
cheapest place you could cheaply buy a cheap thing.
And so yeah, they're not hanging.
Maybe perfect. It doesn't, It's not clear from
the footage. It doesn't look like they're
off. But you've got Meri standing
back there evermore. The disciplinarian, not the
abuser, the disciplinarian looking at the pendant lights.
And 1 is a little different. And Daniel, the builder's trying
to talk some sense into her like, well, let me do.
He's literally like moving one of the lampshades, like maybe
it's just like a little whatever.
And I'm not sure if that satiated her or not, but Kody
jumps in with a quote saying this is the thing about
marriage. And so this is what we got.
We got to hear more about marriage from Kody Brown.
This is the thing about marriage.
The thing that you love the most about your wife could also be
the thing that drives you crazy.
And it's like, so the thing you love most about Meri is her anal
retentiveness. OK.
I imagine Meri in this moment being like, do you know those
yardsticks that like, curl up? And I imagine him having like a
yardstick and like, slapping it out and it turning into like an
entire yard of like a wooden measuring stick.
Beating her with it, no. Trying to show her that she's
fucking wrong and then her whipping a level out of her
sleeve so. We got like 1 upping each other.
Putting the level down and
showing him. The pendant isn't quite my.
God. Now Meri has not even moved from
the spot planted firmly in the kitchen behind the island,
staring into the family room and all of a sudden, her, you
know, razor vision, her laser vision, her, Oh my God, I am
here to inspect. I'm here to inspect.
She's in the family room. Her eyes are in the family room,
scoping left to right, up to down.
And she sees that the mantle above the fireplace isn't 100%
level. In fact, the right side is up
maybe 116th of an inch from the left side.
And I hate to do this, you know, I hate to do this, but Meri is
right. It's crooked.
It's a little wee bit crooked. But I'm not sure if it means
that the tile 'cause, you know, there's that builder grade huge
ugly tile that's going up the fireplace front.
It's like, is the tile just a little off?
And so the mantle's actually flush, but the tiles a little
crooked. Or is it that the mantle?
I'm not sure that Meri's Cyborg vision could really determine
that. But it does suck because if I
was to see that I would be like, are you fucking kidding me?
The mantle's not even straight with the tile.
And it could be a trick of the camera as well to agree with
her. And Kody says that he could put
a marble on that mantle and he bets it wouldn't roll he.
When you're talking about things he's pulling out of his
sleeves, one of them is a marble, but it has like a,
it's like a fake marble, like a trick marble, yeah.
It's a trick marble. It's a flat.
Bottom and he just puts it on the mantle and he's like same
air is that. Mirror.
It's not a crook at all. So absurd.
I am literally picturing them one upping each other and like
pulling out different tools that they have in their.
And Meri's like, oh, you know, I always have a spare marble on
me. Like, Oh my God, where does this
even come from? Oh.
God. Meri tells us.
It's not like I'm trying to be picky or find fault at all.
I mean, we are paying for the house.
I'm going to have to look at these things.
And it's true. I told you I'm like, why
wouldn't you build something that's like, I imagine like a
flower box you put outside a window and just make a kind of a
cube, elongated cube thing out of wood and just slide it onto
the mantle because it's totally made out of drywall or plaster
it. Looks like shit.
It looks like shit regardless. It looks like someone just
protruded out thing from the wall.
And out things like a shelf you mean?
Yeah, like a shelf. Thank you.
Only the best here on this podcast.
And so it's like, why don't you just build a box thing and just
shove it over it because it would totally look fine.
Then it would actually look intentional and higher end.
Meri also is crafty and she's got fucking time on her hands.
Why doesn't she do these things?
Why doesn't she macrame it? Why doesn't she hodgepodge it?
Yes. Why doesn't she quilt it?
You know, make that fucking mantle however you want, bitch.
It's up to you.
Well, it's an opportunity for her to make it her own.
Yeah, but Meri struggles with her indecisiveness.
And she also just is particular picky bitch.
So this is the thing, you know, she's going to stand in that
kitchen and she's going to look at those pendant lights.
They're not going to be even. That mantle is not going to be
even. She's going to have a mental
breakdown. Maybe she just has like laser
eyes that when they can't focus on things, when they're not
even, she gets like a horrible headache and she's just actually
a genius and we don't know it. That could be.
Yeah.
I was thinking that the mental breakdown when you don't get
what you want might be genetic.
But I'm, you know, I'm getting ahead of myself here.
I'm getting ahead of myself. Well, we are going to hear a
little bit about her mom and how Meri has already invited her mom
to come and visit and help them move.
So now she's got to ask Mona what's happening with the move
and is it happening before Christmas?
Because my mom is coming to visit and she's coming to help
me move. No pressure, Mona.
Mom's here to help. Bonnie.
Beautiful Bonnie. The headache.
Mona tells her, I have to be honest with you.
It's not going to be this week. It's not going to be this week.
And I'm just trying to be honest
with you. And Meri's question is?
Oh oh so next Monday. Oh and Mona if looks could kill
for once. Mona has a bitchy look on her
face and she's like well next Monday is Christmas Eve and we
will be closed. Yeah.
Also, let's have a little mini flashback here.
The number of times Mona has talked about the significance
and importance of getting documents, getting all of their
things in on time to prevent this very thing from happening.
And Meri, who I thought of all of them would probably be the
most on top of that. I don't really understand why
she's the delayed one, but Mona's like, yeah, you know, all
of the documents that you gave us, they actually do need to be
reviewed. And that's not going to happen
overnight. So it's not going to happen.
Like she literally just sent Meri's in like that day or the
day before she mentions. And you know, to Mona's credit,
it doesn't look like she's enjoying breaking this bad news.
It's totally like when you've been in that position where
you're trying to warn someone that something's not going to
work out unless they follow a protocol or get something done
by a certain time or do something, and then they don't
do it. And then you're like, well, I
guess this makes me the bearer of bad news, even though you
should have seen this coming because I've been warning you
the entire time. Right.
And this is like the first official time that Mona comes
out and says, well, it won't be by Christmas.
She literally says it in this clip.
So we're going to say like warning number one and be
generous, even though it's been probably warning #3 now.
Warning, warning #1. Yep, you.
Are not, I don't even think warning is right.
I think it's more notification, like notification you are being
notified. It's not even a warning.
You are not going to be into your house by Christmas.
She is straight up telling Meri it's not going to happen, not
this house. And Meri and Kody do look
disappointed. You can tell Meri's trying to
like, hold back her feels a little.
Part of me feels bad for her, but that's just because part of
me is human. Just that little.
Part. But then no, because you're like
wanting them to change all these things before you move in.
And we're finding out that Christmas Eve is five days away
or like a week away. I don't know about and number of
days. Because she says next Monday
they'll be closed. So it's like, OK, it's at least
let's give it the most days. Seven days out and you're
wanting your mantle fixed. Right, like what would the
action item be that the crew come back in and fix your
mantle? Before you move in.
Delay and it's the week before Christmas that's.
What I'm saying, like, Meri's probably given them so many
fucking changes that it's like, how can you realistically even
think that they could do the changes?
You can close on the House. You haven't submitted your
paperwork. Yeah.
Lie number one. You're not telling Leon yet.
It's like she's pretending she's Lulu or she's being to Lulu so
that she doesn't have to tell her child.
Like I said, disappointment runs in the family.
Yeah, it's about to run real deep.
Then we were once again blessed with a commercial break and now
we're at Janelle's rental. They make sure to tell us it's
her rental and everyone is gathering for a status meeting
with Mona, and I think this might be a new era for Mona.
I'm not quite sure. I think every time we get
introduced to her, every new scene, she's got a completely
different look. She's very Madonna this episode.
Yes, Mona has switched her look up to a black leather jacket
and she's got these like fuzzy little flipped up clipped up
hairs on the top of her head and she is looking like a biker
chick. Oh that's right, the biker chick
mixed with festive Christmas. Not a holiday, Christmas.
Yeah, she kind of looks like 80s biker chick.
With a red scarf. That might be celebrating
Christmas. Exactly, She's going to the bar
to play bingo, but she's got a Christmas scarf on.
She's like had this jacket for the last 30 years.
Yeah, it's definitely not new, and she tells the camera
outside. I'm here to share some good news
and some not so good news. Bum bum, bum.
So when Mona is inside, they're all sitting around Janelle
table that you know, bar height table that's in her kitchen.
She is totally one of those high tables with all the bar stools
around. And it's funny, this is not a
small family, even just Janelle portion of the family.
So it's like the room is filled with bar strolls.
It's just every room in these people's homes are just filled
with shit. It's just like, Oh my God.
It's so weird. So bar height tables were like a
thing for a while in the 90s and my husband is 6/6 and he's the
short one in his family. Right.
And so when they redid their basement bathroom, Dave's mom,
who is 6 foot that jokes she's 512, whatever.
Yeah, she was sick. So the boys went and built the
bathroom downstairs. I'm 55.
When I go in that bathroom in the basement, I have to sit on
the counter to get ready. Like it is literally like a six
foot tall counter. Yeah, and this family, like, is
not tall. The Browns are not super tall,
no. So it's kind of funny.
Like, why the fuck would you pick that?
Like I can picture a tall family picking a table like that.
I don't know, it's just kind of.
Was definitely of the time. Like my parents had a similar
table, right? Yeah, it wasn't the same size.
There weren't as many stools because we are a normal family.
Like your feets might be feet
scenes. And exactly the.
Table dangling. As you're saying your prayer
before dinner? Yeah, kicking your feet like
you're three years old. Like, OK, here we go.
Oh, that's like me on the counter in the basement at my
house's childhood home trying to do my makeup.
Childhood home. Boyhood home.
Boyhood home boyhood home has tall counters that have a fuss
going 70 years ago, the giants would use.
That's where you trim your muffin.
Trim your mutton shop. Muffin shop so crisp.
Mona reminds Meri that she doesn't think Meri will be in by
Christmas. Darling, I think you're keeping
a tally of how many times Mona has told Meri in this episode
alone that she will not be in her home by Christmas.
Are we up to #2? It has been a two Times Now as
far as I am counting. So when it comes, when it comes,
when it comes to Kimber and the girl math, let's go to.
I confirm too. I confirm too.
I have it written in quotes second time.
Oh beautiful, beautiful. The man from the manosphere here
confirms your girl math. It has been two times.
It just sounds so much better when it comes from your mouth
than mine because you're on band.
Christopher, this is it. When am I going to learn?
When are you going to learn? Terrible.
Another opportunity for Robyn to ask if at least one of them
will be in by Christmas, and another opportunity for me to
want to strangle her through the TV screen.
Like bitch, shut up with the one person stop.
Oh my God, we don't need any more reasons to not like you and
you're just piling on top of it.
And Mona responds to Robyn's ridiculous question by saying
that she thinks someone will be in by Christmas because she
needs to grab Kody and Janelle right now because their
documents are available at title.
And they showed Janelle and she is so excited.
She's genuinely enthusiastic. It, I don't know, it made me
feel a little good to see Janelle so happy, even though I
was like, OK, Janelle, chill out a little bit.
Because you know, sometimes when people are a little too excited,
it's like you're showing all the gums and all the teeth and
all the body parts that we need to see.
Like, it's a bit much, but you know, it's nice that she's
excited. It's it's a cute, it's a cute
moment for her. She is showing it all off.
But yeah, you can tell that she's completely enthused and
caught off guard because right. I don't think she expected that
news. No.
And we had just had the conversation, you know, between
Christine and her about how it wasn't going to be that moving
in. And yeah, how you know, they had
a little Kiki about Robyn's probably going to be first, so.
Yeah, puke, Mona says.
If they do the paperwork today and the walkthrough in the
morning, the final walkthrough is where we thought we were
going to do them all at once, but turns out that was probably
actually one episode cut into several scenes, blah blah blah.
Then they can get their keys after the walkthrough in the
morning. So it looks like Janelle might
be able to get her keys the very next day.
Enthusiasm, Excitement. Yay, Mona points to Hunter,
smiling in the kitchen. And there's this enthusiasm
level that totally builds and Kody's like, I think that that
deserves a hug or whatever. And so Hunter goes around the
table and gives Mona hug and I was literally ver clamped.
Like I had a little bit of moisture building up in these
dry ass eyes because I was like, Oh my gosh.
Hunter's giving Mona a hug and he looks so excited, like
genuine enthusiasm. And I think as we were watching
it, you pointed out that he kind of moves away like, oh shit,
I'm, I'm, I'm being too, you know, like he had that moment of
I gotta be cool. That teenage embarrassment
moment where he's, he's like smiling ear to ear, but he's
trying not to like Cheshire cat style.
Yeah. And it's pretty cute because you
can tell he's got the like, teenage embarrassment going on.
But it was a cute moment. Like it was just so great that
he was there to overhear that news and and then seeing your
mom be so excited about something, particularly when
Janelle's definitely the most even keel of all of them.
Yeah. Seeing her this excited is like,
like, Oh my gosh. Yeah, Janelle's showing
something here. It was cute.
It was. And then we get an update about
Christine. Yeah, she's clear to close.
They're just waiting on the documents to come through, so
they must have already filed everything and they're waiting
on stuff to clear. So, you know, we got two people
very close, the two exact people who we were told would not be
the ones moving in. Yeah.
So paid to turn in your paperwork, ladies.
Ladies, and when we're talking about Janelle's enthusiasm, it
was funny to see Christine's. I hope I'm not being too
judgmental here. We don't like to judge on this
podcast, but she was doing totally the like Hercules,
Hercules was. Like, yeah, she was.
She was. She was so excited.
She was. Like involuntarily clapping.
And I felt good for her in that.
Moment she expresses genuine joy very well.
Yes. And then Mona moves on to Robyn
for her status update with the homes.
She tells us Robyn is going to title tomorrow afternoon to sign
documents. She's been cleared for closing.
I think she might have said 4:00
PM or something like 4:00 PM. We're going in to sign
documents. You've been cleared for closing.
More excitement, but less enthusiastic from the hosts of
this podcast. It's odd because the way that
it's being described by Mona is very ambiguous.
Like they're all doing different things with the documents and
waiting on different stuff with the documents.
So it's like. Well, the most important thing
for us to remember is that Meri is not going to be in by
Christmas. And so Mona broke the bad news
first, which any reasonable rational person does.
You break the bad news 1st and then you follow up with the good
news and the music transitions to this emotional music.
Oh God, it's like everyone has good news except for Meri.
Yes, and Meri's been holding it all in.
With all her might, she's been holding it all in.
Which is not really that well, her eyes are.
Like she's like. Welling with tears.
Her face looks like it could like, cut through whatever.
Her face could cut through like Oh my God.
And this is where Meri says that she thought that her and Robyn
would be in. And now that's just not it.
Yeah, that's not what's happening.
And I'm like. Her and Robyn would be in first.
Right. That's not the case.
I'm like, bitch, you're tattling on yourself.
You're upset right now because you thought it was going to be
you in there and not them, and now you're finding out it's the
opposite, like. Well, girl, you're.
I mean, I I'm. Not because she would have loved
for it to be her and Robyn. I'm not disagreeing with that.
I think it's a combination of that and also just
disappointment generally that she's not going to be in by
Christmas. I I don't want to make it sound
like she's because it sounds a little too villainy to be like,
oh, I thought it was going to be me and Robyn, but then it
turns out it was Christine and Janelle like.
But then why would you make that comment that you thought it
was going to be you and Robyn and now it's just not?
It's like when you lose on a reality show, that's how it
feels. Them vibes.
And she is losing on a reality show.
So yeah, I hear you. I hear you.
I just don't want to mislead our our.
Listeners, no. To me, it seems like to her some
sort of prize and they would have won and they thought they
were going to get it first and it's just odd, OK, I don't know.
So of course, after the meeting we get to transition to
everyone has left the table, people have moved on except
for Meri. Robyn and Kody are standing in
the family room and Meri is crying and we get this lovely
quote from Meri. I I honey.
Kody has to just give her this hug with his Ed Hardy Brown
sweatshirt on and pretend to comfort her as well.
And you see the full on like Tiger and Ed Hardy.
Yeah, yeah, it another of the time thing.
And also, you're putting your bed on layaway, but you're
buying Ed Hardy hoodies and guest shirts.
Yeah. I mean, it's not like we're here
to question anyone's financial choices, of course, but seems
questionable. So as Meri is sobbing and crying
and, you know, realizing for the second time that she's not
going to be in by Christmas, she says.
Leon keeps telling me they don't want anything for Christmas.
They just want to be in the. House.
It's like. And then Robyn is like trying to
console Meri's ass by like stroking her hair and then she's
like breaking the 4th ball and looking right at us and she
goes. It was Leon's last wish.
We will have Christmas in the homes which is great.
This was just kind of Leons last wish.
She strokes for his hair. Last wish.
I mean, I don't know, bit dramatic.
Strange way to phrase that. Very strange.
Like have you been poisoning them?
Like what's going on here? I.
Think Leon is still with us? I'm not sure that it's Leon's
last wish. Although it looking like Leon's
ghost lately might be understandable.
Like a corpse perhaps? The living dead.
Shots fired. Now we're going to return to our
final walkthroughs. If you all remember when we
started that before we were going to go through these final
walkthroughs. Now we're going to go to
Janelle's final walkthrough, which Kody is relieved to do
because with Janelle, she's not really picky, especially in
comparison to Meri. And when he says that she's not
picky, I was waiting for her to react because he's saying this
on the couch like it's him and Janelle.
They're giving us a heads up on what's going to happen.
And I kept looking at Janelle going, is she even going to
react? And she didn't.
And I'm going, man, if I was sitting next to my husband and
and he was to say, you know, Chris isn't picky, I'd probably
go, are you kidding? I mean, even if I wasn't picky,
I'd be like, why are you saying it like that?
He just, he's just such an asshole when he speaks.
It's ridiculous. It's because he tries to pit him
against each other, so he's trying to make her think that
that's what he likes about her and that if she doesn't act like
that, he's not going to like her.
It's like. Right, Meri's terrible.
You're. Great manipulation, you know,
like the good and the bad and the ugly.
Say it in front of each of them and they'll each be what I need
them to be. They do have some cute moments
here, like Janelle starts crying on the couch and talking about
the move and how hard it was on Hunter and how devastating it
was for him. And then she stops and she goes.
But let's not talk about that. Yeah.
Because they don't ever talk about anything serious, right?
So then she moves on and says how excited they all are now and
how excited Hunter is now and it's his sophomore year and that
he is class president and that Ursula eyeshadow be Ursuline
real hard because those eyebrows are raised and why you're
trying to move on from the hardship girl.
Like, let's just glaze over the horrible fact that we surprised
us all in our children, didn't tell them, devastated them.
But now it's going to be great because they get a new home.
Yeah, it was interesting to see a literal example of someone
saying let's not talk about that in a 2 prong approach.
One is their family dynamics of not actually addressing real
things and never talking about anything or getting to the root
of anything or real problem solving.
And also from the perspective of it being a reality show, like
they're sitting on a couch, probably being prompted to
question and are supposed to respond to it.
And Janelle's like, but let's not talk about that while she's
in tears. I mean, I as a director would be
like, stop, we are going back and you're talking about this
like you are crying. Like it's ridiculous.
So it just highlights the dysfunction in their family.
But because it happened so quickly and then they move on to
the oh excitement of the new homes, it's almost like as a
casual viewer you wouldn't get hung up on it.
This show is so full of these moments where as a casual viewer
you might just be like, OK, whatever.
But in all reality, it's a big dull.
You can tell by her eyes and the way that her eye shadows up to
her eyebrows. And those bags under her eyes,
that's the thing, right? We were talking about her
confessional look and how she looks to be haggard, and maybe
it's a result of these emotions that she's been going through
in these confessionals that she's not actually addressing.
She could have been crying at the beginning of the
confessional and that's what we were shown when it looked like
she had bags. And then afterwards they're
showing the crying, yeah. Absolutely.
Oh. Yeah, they're playing with that
footage. And it was not working in
Janelle's favor for this episode because at the beginning she
looked like she was hit by a Mack truck.
She did. And we're not talking about when
she was dignitized by Kody because, you know, that's more
of a like the tiniest U-Haul. And so it's like, you know, it
just she looked like a mess. And now we're seeing her crying
and it's like, OK, the math is math.
That makes sense. Yes.
We get the most splendid part of that episode for me, and this
is Mr. Builder, Daniel, Daniel Builder.
Can we fix it? Can we fix it?
Yes, we can. Yes we can.
He has to point out Kody's different personalities with
each wife. Yes, he's outside of the homes
like on the cul-de-sac having a 2 camera moment.
So he's obviously being asked about like.
Being asked question. Like to work with Kody and the
wives or whatever. It's like a couch moment, but
him standing outside of his workplace just hoping he can get
free of all of this if he sells what they want.
Please sign the paperwork, give us the money.
I want to be done with you people.
Of course. So he's going to point out the
different personalities that Kody has with each wife.
And we find out that number one, Janelle is very matter of
fact. He acts very a matter of fact
with Janelle, with Christine. He is jovial.
Jovial. Jovial like little cherubs with
their tushes in the air, Yeah. I was thinking Christmas
morning, but the cherub totally works.
Yeah, then we find out about Meri and what he really thinks
about Meri, which I think we all knew all along, is that Kody has
to be accommodating with her and that he senses that Kody
doesn't always agree with her. And this guy is so ready to be
done with her. And you can tell based on the
first clip where he's trying to fix the light that's uneven to
now he's like had enough of her shit.
And then he says that Robyn, it's like Kody is still in his
honeymoon phase with her. And it's been a very interesting
experience for him to see this all.
Interesting to work with them, honey.
Yeah. How many times have you said
what I've told you was interesting?
Interesting. So usually when someone says
something's interesting to me, it means that it's completely
uninteresting. Cut to 3 minutes and I'm like,
well that's interesting, honey. It means that they don't think
that it would be good for themselves.
Yeah. Which like whenever someone
tells me that my outfit. Oh, that looks good on you,
honey. Yeah, that's the vibes I get
from Interesting. And I love that his use of
accommodating, like I need to use that a little bit more when
someone's describing a complicated or combative
situation. I could be like, well, we tried
to be accommodating. Oh, I suppose I could
accommodate that. Right.
Like there's so many layers to accommodating, it almost sounds
like it's a laborious like usual, like an accommodation,
like a. Laborious in and of itself is a
sexy word. That's a laborious.
I just mean, you're like a hotel accommodation.
There are people working to make that happen.
Like someone built the building, someone changed the bed, someone
cleans the pool. It's a labour.
It's not, you know, when you're accommodating someone and it's
like, Oh, well, that's different.
That's interesting. We can accommodate that.
Like there's this accommodate that.
There's this language I need to incorporate, especially more
when I'm dating, speaking to you on this podcast.
I suppose I can be accommodating of your life experiences as well
as my own and how they might influence our opinions on this,
said here, cult. Listen, instead of the next time
you say something, I just repeat it.
As a man, I can say, well, that's interesting.
And I can say, well I guess I'll accommodate your small male
minded opinion. Oh, you know, whatever makes
everybody happy. You know.
Everyone but you, darling. It just sounds so much better
when you say it before me and over me and after me because
you're a man. God bless.
Our next stop on the final
walkthrough tour is Christine's home.
Now before we get into Christine's home, we have a
interview moment with her and she says their family has grown
apart in Vegas. And there's this back and forth
between her and Kody, which was a little hard to follow because
Kody talks about choosing either separate homes or being
mortgage poor. And I struggled to know whether
it was when they moved to Vegas or now.
And I was leaning towards when they moved to Vegas because I
was paying a little more attention to what Christine was
saying. And I thought Christine was
saying when they moved to Vegas, she would have preferred if they
had been quote, UN quote mortgage poor and bought homes
on a cul-de-sac or in the same neighborhood or something like
close together where he was. I felt like he was advocating
for, well, we had to get here and not spend all of, you know,
like not be broke. So.
We can make it work somehow and the family won't fail.
Don't worry Christine, you're you're getting exaggerating as
per usual. Right.
Like, oh, crazy Christine and our crazy Kefcock theories.
And it's like, well, OK, so now cut to this time where she's
talking about how the family's grown apart.
It seems to be a general consensus, except for Meri, who
needs privacy. I don't know.
But it was hard for me to tell if they were talking about past,
like present and future. It was like they were mixing it
up. Because to me, I kind of thought
that Christine and Kody were saying that in order to keep the
families together, they had to decide that being mortgage poor
was worth it. And now they're getting these
new homes. Yeah.
And I think when we were watching it, even you said
something like the tenses are changing.
Like, yeah, it was hard to follow because it sounded in
general like she was talking about before and he was talking
about now. Yeah.
So it was just kind of. It was bizarre.
It was obvious they weren't on the same page with even like
that conversation that they were having about this.
Like even in hindsight. Which speaks to the overall them
not being on the. Same.
It's so disjointed. They should have spliced that
with Janelle saying let's just not talk about it.
Right, it looks. Like these people are not on the
same page. Janelle doesn't want to talk
about it. In this episode we have multiple
examples of people not being on the same page, literally.
I mean, Christine's general consensus here is that she would
think that being mortgage par is better than letting the
family fell. So we get back to the nuts and
bolts of it all, not letting the family fell.
Kody, make sure to point out that Christine has been seeing
things glass half empty when that wasn't her nature.
And then he understands it's been hard, but now it's
changing. So this totally backs up this
whole thing where it's like he's trying to talk about today, but
I think she might have been talking about the past.
Yeah, it's hard to figure out. Very.
It is very weird. But she looks so unhappy in this
he. Does she's like zoning off and
she looks like just defeated? Yeah.
And I hate that. I get that feeling from a lot of
them throughout, you know, all of this in especially couch
interview is where you'll see one of them that they just look
so defeated. It's like painful to see it.
It just is. And you know, we do joke about
the manosphere bit and my whole thing or whatever, but I feel
like the pattern with that is Kody giving directive on how
people should feel through a masked kind of, I have some sort
of insider knowledge or I'm going to disseminate something
to you all and you're just supposed to accept it or you're
supposed to understand. And there's usually like you
said. Like belittling one at a time,
and there's at least one at. Least one of them is completely
going like I don't even know what to say or do.
I'm just looking disappointed and yes it it's weird.
Yeah, it definitely is. We go back to Janelle's rental,
rental in Capital RENTALS, Yes. And Mona is dropping off the
keys, the keys to the new house. And we find out that the kids
want to stay the night there. OK, All right, They're packing
up. They're all going to stay the
night at the new house. And Gabriel tries calling a
room. He calls like the furthest room
from the priMeri or. You know, something like I
wanted at the end of the hallway farthest away from your bedroom
or something. Farthest from mom and dad or
whatever, and Kody says that rooms will be assigned.
He also talks about how most wars and history have been
fought over territory. It's like Oh my God this is so
out of place for the conversation.
I mean the alignment is. It's so off because then Janelle
was like looking at him and she says, well, they've been
talking about it. Like they've been having the
conversation. We've all been talking about it.
OK, they're probably just
calling dibs again for the last time before they get in there,
right? I think here's a reasonable
response to this child saying this.
It's like he has all these pre thought up token answers that he
goes to because you know most of the wars in history have been
fought over territory. Like what the fuck?
And he's like thinking of it as he's saying it.
And he's like flubbering. I don't know.
No, it was like. Another example of Kody picking
something where he's going to have his sort of statement, his
kind of cliche, his diatribe, his whatever it is.
And it's like, this is just not the moment.
Like, it's just not even necessary.
Like, yeah, you could even placate.
I hate to say it, but Gabe's a kid.
Like be like, yeah, all right, well, we see when we get there
or like, yeah, Oh well, someone might have to wrestle you for
that, like. First time, first serve.
Right. Like, yeah, exactly.
Like I didn't see your name on the list.
Like there's so many responses you could say to just be like,
all right, you know, like, OK, whatever, not.
No, he has to always be in charge.
It's so dumb. Even when he's not, like, you
know, he's not going to show up there and actually assign
rooms, but he just wants to pretend that he's in charge
and that he's going to be in charge.
I wonder what his actual involvement would be in
assigning rooms, if anything. I doubt it.
I bet they get there and it's like fucking chaos and Sue is
and. And you know, Janelle's probably
just like, as long as no one ends up hurt, I guess we'll just
settle wherever they land. All right, just take turns with
the pickaxe to get through your wall to make your door first.
If you can find the rooms through the drywall.
We couldn't splurge for the doors.
So good, Oh my gosh. Yeah, and Mahogany.
Well, that could be your room. You're going to have to get into
it somehow. Oh my God.
Ridiculous. We are tragic.
And then the kids are going to have to macrame, figure out the
door, just like Meri's going to have to figure out her new
mantle. Well, that mantle.
Get that family together to build some shit.
Kody mentions that he will be staying at the new house with
them tonight. How far off your rotation are
you getting your bud? Because you're selfish and want
to stay in a new house. Are you getting out of a night
with Christine? You getting out of a night with
Meri? We know you're not getting out
of a night with Robyn. And we find out some more
details coming up here about potentially a non twin bed for
him to sleep in. And then we make the natural
transition to Christine's rental where she's in the kitchen and
she tells us we're celebrating Joseph Smith's birthday tonight
and having family dinner. And since Janelle has gotten her
keys, I suggested we do it there.
We're not celebrating Hanukkah this year.
We are back to celebrating the Prophet Joseph Smith's birthday.
Yes, Kody did not put a kibosh
on it this. Year, not this.
Year. Well, they have so much to
celebrate. Janelle's getting her keys.
It's the Prophet Joseph Smith's birthday.
They've reconnected with their roots in Nauvoo.
This is it. I was going to try to tie in
like that they learned about Joseph Smith, but I'm just not
that quick so. You know, they did go back and
they had these big epiphanies and they found out about the
wives and they found out about the shot to the back.
And you're too late. Oh.
God. Oh Lord, Oh my God.
We learned so many things in Nauvoo.
We experienced so much, one of which is that Joseph Smith is
real and all of his teachings are real and everyone who
believes it are real. Even though their teeth might
not be real. Those are jokes.
You have to explain it, it's not funny.
Oh honey, that joke was interesting.
Oh my God. Well, we're going to be
celebrating the Prophet Joseph Smith and his birthday, and
we're going to do it in the new house, as Christopher said.
But it sounds better this time because I am a woman, therefore
I am God. Hold on, let me pull the man
card and interrupt you. Christine tells us that they
like to celebrate Joseph Smith's birthday with the dinner, and
she likes to give everyone a gift for this celebratory
occasion, which does make sense.
You know, why not give everyone gifts for Joseph Smith's
birthday? There's a weird moment here
where they're like panning over the kitchen and they come across
this disgusting looking burnt dish and ask things like, is
this the tiramisu? And it's this like, disgusting
burnt dish on the counter. And it's like, yeah, happy
birthday, Joseph Smith. Don't feel like burnt tiramisu.
And I didn't know what it was at
all because when I was the shot it was ridiculous.
It looked like someone made brownies but they didn't mix it
up. And like half of it was burnt
into the side and the other half was just like egg yolks mixed
with milk or something. I was asking us.
Like a fork and it's like lifting the cross.
Yes, as it's just like, what even is this?
And that's what I really love about Joseph Smith's birthday,
is that you eat burnt, dismembered and disfigured
tiramisu. Oh.
Lord, oh God, oh. My God.
And because Joseph Smith's birthday is such a big deal and
it just makes sense, it's a natural transition that we would
go to Kody standing outside of the store where Janelle and he
were going to put their mattress and bedroom set on layaway,
but he's standing Outback. He's going to pick up the bed
and mattress to surprise Janelle that very eve.
It's so romantic. I mean, I got a little moist.
I got a little quivery. I got a little yeah, desperate.
I was like, wow, this man's really coming through for his
wife, picking up that mattress and bed set early.
It's where he's going to put that tool to work that Joseph
Smith decided needed to be put to.
Work. This is it.
Tool of God.
The tool of God on this bed and mattress, and he's sneaking it
into the house, right? Like, we cut to the outside of
the house and Meri's, like, trying to push dinner time
because they're getting this mattress in the packaging into
the house. Yes.
And they get it upstairs and we see the headboard just, like,
resting against the wall and the mattress sitting up in the
plastic wrapper still. Yeah.
And then we go outside and you can tell the family's not all
there yet and they're trying to get this cute setup for Janelle
and get things ready for Joseph Smith's birthday and oh.
My God. We get an angry Blair Witch
Project shot of Leon. Very disruptive.
Wow, Blair Witch Project, that was good.
Girl, that was good. It's definitely witchy.
I don't know how we want to approach this Leon moment
because there are some quotes here and I think that it's only
appropriate that we quote Leon correctly.
Oh, I will definitely be quoting Leon correctly on this.
We've got this Blair Witch shot going on.
We've got the camera. In the dark.
Straight up in Leon's face and it's dark.
We've got a spotlight. And Leon says, like, I'm happy
for Janelle, but it's like right there, it's done.
Like what the heck are we waiting for in reference to the
house? And at this point, the camera
pans over and we see Meri fumbling with something, doing
whatever. And I think she recognizes that
Leon is being interviewed. Maybe Leon is not looking so
happy, Who even knows? Goes over to try to console
Leon. Like literally put her arms
around Leon. And Leon kind of, I don't want
to say pushes her, but just like.
Like jerks away. Jerks away and they.
Kind of like, yeah, it's almost like a jerk, like shove type of
move, yes and. Disgruntled teen.
Yeah, I. Would say pushes Meri off and
like goes to a different area. So of course the cameras have to
continue and follow. Exactly.
And then Leon says I just, I just want to slap whoever is
this stupid underwriter or whatever.
Yeah. And Mckelty is trying to like,
kind of calm it down and right next to Leon and it's just super
awkward. It's a mess.
Meri tells the camera that Leon is having a hard time.
Duh, we just witnessed it. Yeah, and I'm like wet blanket,
much unhinged in this. Little unhinged.
Well, this is it. The disappointment is genetic,
I'm telling you. Like being upset.
It's runs in the family. You think at a certain point
like you didn't want to be filmed for a show?
Get it? Totally.
They mentioned in Christine's book that every child has a
right to choose how much they want to be involved and how much
they didn't. And you can tell that based on
each season, which child participates more or which child
participates less. And it does fluctuate.
You can tell the kids are like not comfortable sometimes or
choosing to be part of it others.
So then there's these moments with Leon where they're being
like unhinged and unrealistic and they had the choice,
supposedly, and I'm just going off of one book.
Supposedly. To walk away and not be a part
of this. And you know, you can argue
they're under 18, they're a child.
They really don't have the right to even like choose because
unfortunately that's how childhood law works.
But you know, it's, it's just so bizarre.
Well, and participation is like kind of a broad thing when
we're even talking about just this scene.
Like, yeah, you're standing in front of a camera being lit like
The Blair Witch Project. And you know how to drive, so we
know you're at least 16. Absolutely.
Touring college campuses. Yeah.
And you're standing at a dead end St. with a camera on you.
You have seen at least Four Seasons of this show on
television. Being in the 6, let's say fives
and rap, whatever, and you're going to do this thing and this
is what you're doing. Yeah, and you're talking about
slapping somebody because you're not in your home yet.
And it's like your mom's been lying to you.
Your mom has not told you the truth.
I think that Meri sets Leon up for failure so much because she
hides from Leon the reality of what's happening.
Meri has been told at least twice in this episode that they
are not going to be moving into the home, and yet they're lying
to Leon and it's very apparent that Leon's finding stuff out
for the first time. So it's like, I have this
conundrum, like, is Leon a brat?
Or is Leon just a product of things that have been hidden
from them and finding out last minute and then losing it like
any sane person would? It's a tough one.
I lean towards Leon is a brat, but I also, it is very.
But yeah, I mean, like, would you react like this if this was
something you knew before this moment at the end of the
cul-de-sac? Because it almost feels like
maybe Leon was just told this. News.
That's how it feels. It's unnecessary and bizarre.
And then also this is a family who has been filmed for a hot
minute. Like why would you be telling
someone this right before they're going to be filmed?
It's almost like AI don't want to say it's intentional but it.
Feels like.
It there's a combination of Meri totally lying and Leon being
whoever they are. Well, just with like with the
baby situation, you know, like Meri keeps pretending and like
yo yoing back and forth about having a baby and not.
So of course Leon thinks there's this possibility, when we all
fucking know in reality that there's not.
So the footage we see is Leon being upset about something that
even their mom isn't as upset about.
It's just. It's bizarre.
Our next scene takes place at Janelle's rental, not at her new
home where she has the keys and they're breaking through the
drywall to get into their bedrooms.
We're at her rental and the parents decided to tell the
younger kids that they're having dinner at Janelle's rental.
So as the kids are gathering at Janelle's rental, Meri tells
them that they decided they should probably have dinner to
celebrate Joseph Smith's birthday at Janelle's new house.
The little kids go wild because they love lying to these kids.
You know, fucking lie to them. And then they do show some
footage of the kids being enthusiastic and excited about
going into the new house and whatever.
But there is that underlying element of, yeah, you guys are
just like constantly lying to the children.
It's a little. Weird.
Whether it's for a joke, whether it's to get what you need out
of them, whether it's to placate them.
I mean, this one did feel like, yeah, not negative.
You know, no, this was like a a little farce, yeah.
I would call it. A pleasant little farce.
A pleasantry thing that I don't know.
While the kids are arriving at Janelle's new home, they're
playing this dramatic, emotional music.
And it was totally pulling on my heartstrings because while the
kids are arriving, Logan is with.
And it's like we were just fed a fucking bullshit narrative
that Logan is Mr. Independent who doesn't want anything to
do with the family. Meanwhile, he's there for his
mom, getting keys to her new home while he's in college.
Well, it's Joseph Smith's birthday.
It's not about the keys, Chris.
Get it together I. Have been but even more proof
that Logan's showing up for the family.
He's coming for some made-up person's birthday.
You know, like it's just it's I don't know, everyone looks
excited and Logan is totally there being all excited with
everybody else. And it just made me feel like,
oh, it was cute. It's nice.
Kody mentions that the kids are just spreading their wings,
running through their new home, and it's like chaos.
Like Oh my God, like literally he they show kids and they're
running around with their arms out.
Like they're running around with their wings out, spreading their
wings in their new helm. It's just funny.
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
There is a moment where Gabe says it's so awesome.
It's like, OK, like, OK, they're kids and they're excited and
that's cute. Well, and it kind of made me
emotional because as a kid, I never moved.
I never moved. I never moved into a new house.
I was brought home in the
bassinet, or no. Excuse me, I was delivered by an
Angel, by the stork, by the whatever.
Home Matilda style in the trunk of a car with your car seat
rolling around in the back. My parents brought me home in a
cooler and dropped me off in the dropped me off in the basement
where I somehow survived till I was an adult.
Like there were so many times when I was a kid where my
parents talked about like, oh, we might move, we might do this,
we might whatever. This is a theme in my parents
life where there's a lot of talk and not a lot of things.
So when I was a kid, I would get excited like we would go look
at an open House of a home and my parent, my dad would talk
to us about, well, what would you think about living there?
Nothing ever happened ever of anything like that.
Yeah, that's disappointing. Nothing ever changed in that
regard. It was just always like, we just
live in the same home and go to the same school and they go to
the same job and everything's the same.
It's actually still the same today.
So when I saw these kids being excited about something new that
was promising, that meant some sort of new chapter or some sort
of advancement or change that could be positive in their
lives, I was like, Oh my God, it just got me in an emotional
place because I'm like, I never, I never got that with my
parents when it came to a home or a change or a transition
that was like enthusiasm and excitement that like never
happened. It is like curious though
because as kids that have been lied to a lot and kind of like
had. Disappointments.
They still do have that enthusiasm.
Like as someone who comes from a family that moved a lot when I
was younger, that enthusiasm like dies very quickly because
you are sick of getting moved around and you don't know if
it's going to last. And there's this thought that
like the rug could be pulled out from under me at any time.
It's great to see that they actually do still have that hope
that their parents haven't completely fucked them yet
because the the adult children, not adult children, But they've
talked about in a few episodes now how, oh, they just don't
know if things will happen. And, oh, maybe like the top 4,
like the oldest 4 have that feeling.
But it's cute to see that the little kids still have it.
Yeah. So they're in the living room
area. And it's really cute because
everybody is sitting in a circle, like this whole big
family, everybody. Do I need to name them?
No, I can't. I don't have time.
They're sitting in a big circle. And like, the little kids are
kind of dancing through, like, it's kind of like a dance
circle. Yeah.
And then and the truth. Truly footage.
I'm sorry for interrupting but the truly footage was so.
Adorable. Yes.
Truly. Just like dances on through the
circle. It is adorable.
Yeah, We always have to call it a truly moment because they're
usually adorable. And Christine is going to be
giving out her gifts and they're all sitting in the circle and
they're all going to be doing the opening of the gifts.
This year. She took what each kids name
means, their birthday and what they each wrote for the family
mission statement. And she does a little write up
on how she sees each of the children.
And she picks like a fancy piece of paper from the Michaels aisle
where you would usually be working on colleges scrapbooking
papers, some people might call it.
It's expensive, like 125 a sheet.
She prints each of their little special sayings on there and
she's handing them out in their frames and everyone's ranting
and raving about how it's the best gift they've ever gotten.
It's a gift from, I was going to say God, but Christine from the
heart. So she distributes these gifts
and everyone's kind of excited. People are reading about
themselves. And, you know, I mean, most
humans are a little excited to, like, read about themselves and
what someone thinks or like their astrological whatnot or
what their birthday means, yada, yada, yada.
And people are like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Janelle says something like, I don't know how she comes up with
this every year. I don't know where she has the
time to do it. I don't know how she even does.
It's like, OK, Janelle, I mean.
Yeah, they show Robyn, I think, talking about the time and how,
how does she have the time to do all this?
And it's like, what do you ladies fucking do?
We say it all the time. What do you do with your day?
Every episode. What are y'all doing all day?
Yeah. A moment of note during this
scene for me, which I have seen on the interwebs and those of
you with www.phone.computer.slash.net/org
know that there is a moment where the camera shows Robyn
looking at Aurora's little piece of paper in a frame with her
and reading the words. I don't know if she's reading
them. Maybe Aurora's actually reading
them to Robyn, because can Robyn read?
Maybe they're both just pretending and they're
cavemanning it out. They're like, just like mouthing
some words and then truly little, truly scrumptious, who's
like 3 years old, a little tiny being dancing around, having a
fun time, all the families having a blast reading these
pieces of paper comes up near the frame and Robyn brushes her
away like you would do with a dog who is approaching the
coffee table with some food like scurry, scurry, get away, get
away. She like shushes.
Her off like oh. Shoo shoo.
And. Yeah, here.
And I it's not that dramatic. I don't want to make it sound
like she beat her over the head but.
It's telling. It's telling.
Yeah, there's things to take from this.
Like you don't just do this to a kid that you love and respect.
You know, I mean, it, it wasn't a moment warranting that It's
something we're actually, I think most people would be like,
oh, do you want to come here and read this with us?
Or you would you embrace the kid or ask or tell them something
like, you know, oh, hey, honey, don't don't, you know, don't
mess with this. This is a fragile thing.
No, because if you're Robyn, what you're going to do is
you're going to pretend you're Snow White and you're going to
just look at truly like a little piece of dust and you're going
to go shoe shoe with your little broom and try to shoe her off
while you just live your merry fucking life and get this little
vagrant off your doorstep. Oh, and that's the vibes.
That's the vibes. That's the vibes.
But no one's looking in any mirror and saying who is the
fairest of them all? And Robyn shows up.
Could you? That's the most twisted version
of Snow Winner. Jerk guy in the mirror, she kind
of looks like him with the child.
You are not the fairest of them all.
Robyn of the Habsburg jaw. God Kody says that there is one
thing that he's always wanted his entire life, and that is for
his children to identify as siblings no matter what mother
they come from. And then he references Christine
and says she took that and made it our mantra.
And then he says, I look to the heavens and I say thank you,
God. And it's like.
The supposed symbolism of these gifts representing something, I
mean, that they all have names and Christine acknowledges them.
I mean, there's no family mission statement on these
pieces of paper, by the way. This is just things about them
as individuals that were all given by one of the mothers.
Based on their assignment papers that they turned back in
because it was too much work to combine them into one family
mission statement, right? So let's just like skirt, skirt
this entire activity because we couldn't complete it.
Right. And Kody is giving thanks to
God. Yeah, yeah.
And I say thank you, God. And I say thank you, God.
We get a little mini scene of Meri and Leon packing at her
rental and she talks about being in limbo.
Oh, teeing up the next scene at Robyn's house, where she's also
packing with her lovely children.
Oh, boy. Robyn is upset with her kids for
not having gotten packed yet to leave for this big trip to
Montana. And I'm like, how old are your
children? And you're expecting them to be
packed for a trip? Yeah, I just can't imagine that.
I don't know how old they are at this time, but you're like
yelling at your kids for not being packed yet.
And they probably just figured out what the days of the week
are and now you want them to pack that amount of underwear
like. Right, right.
I don't know. And yeah, I would assume when
the kids are this age, ordinarily a parent would be
involved in that packing, at least giving guidance on this
number of shirts, this number of underwear, this number of
whatever, right? Like we don't see if she did
that, but let's assume she didn't.
But also you, how long did you know about this trip?
Like you have to have known your rotation for holidays for a
long time and now you're yelling at your kids for not being
packed and you're getting frustrated with Brianna for
watching Saul for you essentially and not packing.
In the middle of a room with a bunch of shit everywhere.
Which? Is literally everywhere.
And so it's like the day that you're going to leave to go to
Montana and you're stressed about your kids not being
packed. Well, once again, I know we
asked the same question over and over again, but what are you
doing all day? And when she says that she's
torn between getting the kids on the road to Montana versus
waiting to see if she gets the keys that day, I'm going, oh, is
that why you're torn, girl? Maybe it's because you can't
manage your own fucking time and anything.
She can't manage anything. She can't do anything.
She can't manage anything and she's trying to like put this on
her kids like, oh, I want Dayton and Brianna to see the home
because they haven't seen it yet.
And if I could get the keys before they leave, then they
could see the home. It's about them and it's like
it's not about them. It's about these five days that
you have left and you have what we're going to find out is a 16
hour drive ahead of you and you're not going to get these
keys if you don't get them today.
So you'd rather take your kids late to see their father than
not get the keys for five days?
So why can't you just be honest with your kids dad and say, hey,
I'm waiting to get the keys for my new home.
Do you mind taking the kids like however many hours later we'll
text you when we leave. It's just so bizarre, like the
amount of lying that has to happen here.
And I don't think I'm just like assuming all of this.
I just feel like there's this weird cloud of bullshit lies
floating around our heads. Yeah, if she's going to be
bringing the kids up to Montana to visit their bio dad the
weekend before Christmas Eve, does this mean that the kids are
actually spending Christmas with their dad in Montana?
Yeah. So this isn't just even an
ordinary visit. No, this is something that would
have been planned. This paints a different picture.
This is, in my mind, what I've
been thinking the whole time is that it's their dad's holiday
with the kids, right? Which is why I've been so
baffled by like, the lack of planning around it on her part.
And she's like trying to pretend to the kids.
It feels like, oh, daddy needs you to come visit this time.
Oh, we're going to get the keys.
Well, but I want my kids to see it's all manipulative, right?
It's all around the kids. And when she gets them and they
it's so manipulative and weird. Well, and I was thinking even
more broadly, the narrative of how Robyn's ex is so terrible
and he's this awful man and blah blah.
Blah, how does he have custody? Now you're going to go drop your
kids off there, not only just for a visit, but for Christmas.
Yeah, like this is some sort of
custody agreement if you're dropping them off there for a
holiday. Therefore, how does your child's
father have custody then? Yeah.
And there's just so much about this that the math is not
mathing on any of this. No, it isn't.
It's a very bizarre situation and even finding out that Kody's
driving and they've got this 16 hour drive and they're going to
leave at 3:30 PM instead of what they were going to do because
of the plan to get the keys. And she gets this call on the
stairs though, and acts all shocked like whoever this guy is
on the phone, that's like helping Mona.
Whatever. Oh, you mean it?
You really mean it? Like, oh really great acting
Robyn. Oh my God.
Well, and then when Kody shows up and we hear about the 16 hour
drive ahead of them to bring her kids, not his kids, her kids
to their bio dad's house for a Christmas visit.
This, you know, terribly abusive potentially, man.
He talks about being so tired because of all of the things and
I hate to say it, but it's just another example of me going
like, well, why is Kody driving like this?
Bitch can't drive either. Like she can't do anything.
She can't get her kids packed for a trip.
It's an for a. Christmas trip to see their
father. It's an excuse to be alone
'cause they're going to have to stay the night somewhere on the
way back they're going to be alone together.
It's almost like a date for them.
Gross, Gross. Kody lets us know that you know,
it's so hard to say goodbye to everybody before he has to leave
for something like this and oh, he has to go say goodbye to all
the wise before he leaves for this 16 hour drive and the.
SAC. Yada yada.
Plural marriage, splitting time, trying to cover all of his
bases. It's all of this stuff.
And Mona tells Kody that Christine is in too, so they've
got the keys for Christine's house.
Yeah, throwing a wrench in there.
And so now Kody has to wait even longer to start this trip.
Yeah, my OO is like, what is Kody going to do?
Like Robyn is unable to manage anything and they need to leave
for a 16 hour drive where he's exhausted, but Chuck's Christine
just got her keys. Is he going to prioritize his
other wife? Oh no, you know what's going to
happen here. Robyn's going to sacrifice,
leaving on time so that Kody can go with Christine to get her
keys. Oh, and in a loving manner where
he's supportive. They can take their time.
They can really celebrate this moment.
But then we get the scene of Christine driving up in the van,
right? Yes.
And she's so happy. It's like adorable.
And she jumps out of her car and she's like literally jumping
up and down at Kody. And you can tell in his face
that he's just like. Let's go.
Not fully checked in. Yeah, like, hurry up, we got to
do this. And Kody has a quote and he says
when my wife support me with my relationships with my other
wives, it makes it so I can be a rock star.
And he's like referencing. Robyn, right?
Robyn and this saying, well, Robyn's making me look good
because she's allowing me to be with my wife Christine.
And it's like, I just think that it's a weird statement to make
because it's like you're setting Robyn on the pedestal and
you're the sacrifices on Robyn's part.
For you to show up at the home that you're purchasing with your
wife, yes, this is an important moment for Christine
and should be for you. And you're making it sound like
Robyn is sacrificing so that you can do this obligation or
something. It's just gross.
Yeah, they keep trying to just paint each other in a good
picture. And so they say these confounded
large quotes, you know, to try to build each other up.
It's just we see through it at this point now, and that's why,
you know, this hindsight is interesting.
And so Christine, Kody and Mona walk into Christine's home
because she's getting her keys and because, you know, Robyn's
made the sacrifice so Kody can be there.
This is actually very short lived.
We walk into the home with them. Christine goes from the garage
into like the kitchen area. She turns the corner and she
just starts crying. And it's such a, I don't know,
for me, it was a touching moment.
Yeah, she was genuinely so excited and enthusiastic.
Obviously this is something they've been working towards as
a group. Relieved.
Meeting, you know, meeting a goal, getting a thing, reaching
A benchmark, But then also just as a person, like she doesn't do
the whole fucking lame ass shit Robyn does about never
having a home and blah blah blah.
She's just like, it just felt like a moment of like, this is
mine, Like this is my new. Home and it just felt happy.
Genuine and organic. Yeah, I don't know.
It was actually a really cute moment and I got teary eyed.
I felt really happy for her. I did too.
Again, for it was more than once in an episode where I was
like, yes, I feel happy for Christine.
And it just sucked that this narrative going with that was
that it was a sacrifice on Robyn's Barton Kody.
So that she could have. Totally showed up like it just
sucked. That sucked it.
Felt like it was behind her back, like it felt like Kody and
her were like yucking her Yum behind her back.
Christine says it was the best day ever, which I thought was
also funny because I'm like, you have 6 kids and you're married.
So glad to hear that this is the
best day ever but well, I'm not going to, you know?
Yuck. Christine's Yum in this moment.
I'm going to let her of it and she talks about how it means so
much for them to be back together and how it's been a
long two years, harkening back to before when she was talking
about how she would have rather been house poor, mortgage poor,
but they didn't do that. It's been a long two years.
We get another couch interview.
That is how we are going to end the episode and it's with two
hard hitting quotes. Yeah.
One semi intelligent and maybe underhanded and one babbling.
Absolutely. Christine starts out by telling
us when we're all together it's the most important thing.
Being a sister wife is what I wanted more than anything, and I
knew I wasn't being a good one.
And it's like, OK, what time are you referencing here when
you're talking about not being a good sister wife?
Are you referencing the past two years?
Are you referencing? Yeah.
Like what time period are you talking about moving forward
here? Yeah.
So she says this very bizarre quote here.
When I went through my hard times, what if I went to someone
and they helped me get out? What if they help me leave my
family and we have a beautiful family and it's just the most
important thing and good girl, that would have been awful to
give it up. And Meri is looking sideways at
her. And during this spiel, they show
Leon and Christine together in a picture, just the two of them.
That's the only two child picture that they show.
Yeah, there's like a family photo.
There's. One family photo that they flash
to and then a picture of Christine and Leon.
Yeah. I feel like this quote is a dig
at Meri. I think that Christine found out
about Meri speaking to other people and she's trying to burn
her right now and let her know.
I know, bitch, what would happen if you'd have done this?
I think she's trying to shame her.
I'm leaning more towards the perspective of being a viewer
here at this time and what we know, which is we don't know
anything about Meri's extracurricular activities.
We only know that she really loves privacy.
She really wants privacy. She really needs privacy.
She's concerned about them not having privacy.
So when I hear this quote from Christine, I am scratching my
chin a little bit about like when she's talking about if I,
you know, I knew I wasn't being a good one.
I mean, she does reference that with conversations with Robyn
before. Remember when they went to the
Greek Diner and she was like, I'm not being a supportive
sister wife? Because she's being gas lit all
the fucking time into believing that she's never right and that
she's always doing everything wrong.
Which is OK, but that's her understanding or that's what's
going on with her at that time. And when she says it was a good
wake up call for her that something happened, I can see
how that might be. What was that wake up call?
Was it just Meri's situation that she's supposedly that we
don't know about, though as a viewer we don't know about, so
I, I don't. My hang up was wondering what
the other wives are thinking about while she's saying this
because I didn't jump to the same conclusion as you.
I didn't think she was talking about Meri.
I thought she was talking about a lesson learned.
And if it wasn't being a thing that she was saying to kind of
jab at anyone or get anyone else to come to some sort of
conclusion, then what would anybody else be thinking on this
couch? Because it's like, what are you
even getting at here? Other than the general take away
that we all have, which is, oh, it's great that we're all
together, what would her, what is her journey here?
My take away as a viewer here is that somebody was thinking about
cheating. Right.
I was left just with a question mark, and that's more of a
specific question mark. So you know, I don't know, but
she doesn't say it. Were you thinking there was
something with the body language stuff?
Because I feel like you reference something that with
Meri, like the way she was. Meri was like side eyeing her
this whole time with this smug look on her face.
It felt very much to me like well so I have this friend
right? And it's like, bitch, I'm the
friend. Yeah, you're talking about me.
You're talking about me, right? Or you're pretending to talk
about someone else, but you're talking about yourself.
Yeah, it had that vibe to it. And the fact that they showed a
picture of Leon and Christine together felt very pointed.
And I could be giving the producers too much credit here
as well. But it felt like Christine was
trying to be like, Meri. I know what you did.
I'm ashamed of it. I hope you are, too.
And this is how I feel. Because they don't ever talk.
This could be the first time they're speaking in a month.
You know, maybe Meri did all this.
Maybe Kody went and kind of blabbed a little bit to each of
the wives and maybe said something to Christine.
And Christine's like, I'm ashamed of you and I know what
you did and I'm going to put you in your place a little bit.
I'm just saying, based on Christine's book.
And I don't think that she ever thought about cheating.
And this quote to me very much feels like about cheating and
leaving your family for something else.
I definitely felt the abandonment of family vibes.
I'm not sure I felt all those same connections, but I can see
where that happens, especially given my lack of understanding
of what anyone would have been thinking.
Because what I don't want to say, it's like what we talked
about before with the distant stairs, but it's like everyone's
just kind of there and Meri's given some looks.
I'm not sure that I read the same thing into her looks that
you did. But everyone's just sitting
there and it's like, how is she going off on this long spiel
about what it could have meant if she left her family?
And what if she was, you know, talked out of leaving and
whatever? It's like, where is this even
coming? From yeah, like why?
Why you're connecting those dots in that way?
Yeah, and it's almost like no one knows what to say.
And so then Robyn Word vomits as per usual.
So cute Robyn and. She can't shut the fuck up
because she's trying to, like, cover the tracks.
So right after Christine's monologue, Robyn decides that
she has to try 1 upper. And Robyn says, I thinks that
sometimes people look at our life and they think that our
lives are our hardest day every day, and that's not what it is.
We have a hard day every once in
a while, a hard day where we just want to run.
But all the rest of the days are good.
And there's blessings that monogamist women out there will
never understand. Never, never, never.
And I remember when we were watching that, I literally
flipped off the fucking TV because I was like, what are you
even saying here? It doesn't even make sense.
You're trying to make monogamist women sound like they will
never understand what you understand as a polygamist
woman hot off the heels of someone's hard to follow
monologue. Like you're just like you said,
the one up she's. Trying to cover it up and she
can't shut the fuck up. And we've seen this before when
they have their Q&A's, yes, where she puts her foot in her
mouth and it's just like, awkward.
Yeah. Whenever there's like a group
setting where they're sitting down, she has to try to be the
star. But she fucking sucks at it.
And there were opportunities to just sit there and shut the fuck
up. Nope.
And she can't shut the fuck up. Yeah, I mean, maybe not like
stare off into the distance or whatever.
I mean, I don't know, it's like maybe.
But not bash your fans of your show too that are usually like
mostly monogamous women if not all monogamous women.
Would not understand. It felt mildly offensive.
And I'm not a monogamous woman. No, it felt like you're.
Like what are you doing? Here, alienating your fan base?
Yeah, it was very weird.
Very strange, unnecessary. I'm not sure it helped tie a bow
to a weird end of an episode that I'm unclear about.
I, I, I don't know. It left on a strange note for
me. They usually do, because they
usually. At least at this time, at least
with this episode, we're not at the cul-de-sac.
Thank fucking Jesus. Although maybe they're recording
in the cul-de-sac and we just don't know.
Right, because it's in the future.
The homes are over there, They've set up the trailer out
front and they're all sitting and oh God, probably.
I don't even know. I don't even know.
Oh my God. Terrible.
OK, darling, the time has come
for you to lip sync for your life.
Just kidding. Wrong show.
It's OK because I suck at lip syncing, but I'll actually sing.
I think this is the first time you can quote me as saying
please turn the show off. Please turn it off.
All right, darling. Are you ready?
You drive us with this one. You drive us.
Oh God, look at everyone. I'm thinking 101 Dalmatians,
crazy woman driver. Like look at me.
I'm putting a woman in charge of driving this.
I'm sorry I'm just a virgin that can't drive.
I'm just a girl. In this world, I have taken a
mustard seed from Aspen recently.
Maybe even the last episode. Oh yes, you threw her under the
bus. That poor Aspen.
Yes. Sorry.
It's when she was talking about Logan.
She was talking sure all Logan.
Yeah, I didn't like that very much.
Aspen darling, your sweet, sweet brother did not deserve that and
I'm going to hand you a tiny little mustard seed this go
around for organizing the move at your mother Christine's
house. Yes, because, you know, you
organizing that chaotic family and coming up with a list and
trying to help your mother was very sincere and kind.
And so I don't have anything bad to say this episode about you.
Thank you. And Kimber, you love a list.
I do love a list we. Know you love a list?
I say I say thank you because you know what?
It just soothed my ADDH ass brain to see a list in this
fucking episode. Finally.
Finally a list. Yes, finally.
It's funny because you are definitely more list oriented
than I am, and I consider myself pretty list oriented, but my.
God, I'm bad. Kimber's like, I'm going to make
a list about my list. Like, OK, here we go.
I'm going to make a list with ABCDEFGS and then 123453.
And then anything not completed goes on the list for next week
like there's another list next. Week.
Yes there is. You can't just cross off of 1
and then move on. No, no, no.
Date them motherfuckers. My mustard seed this week is
going to 1 Christine Brown. I'm not even going to apologize
for giving Christine this mustard seed, because I was
genuinely enthusiastic for her more than once in this episode.
I was happy that she got the
keys to her home. I was happy whenever I was happy
for her before that, and so that's a beautiful thing.
And also for me to have two happy moments for Christine in
one episode really says something.
She deserves this mustard seed from the bottom of my broken
heart. I do believe that Christine's
growing on you, and I'm just going to say I've seen it from
the start. I've seen the potential from the
very start. Well honey, I have nothing to
counter that and would that be funny if in like 6 months from
now I'm like you guys, Christine is the jewel of this family.
She is the. Yeah, I know.
Right. Oh gosh.
She is. I just think she's a very
genuine, like, kind person and I think that her reactions are
very genuine and I think that she couldn't hide A lie if she
wanted to. I feel that.
I feel that which. Is why I think that she was
calling Meri's ass out. See, now that sounds a little
underhanded to me, but I. Because she's being blatant
enough to be like, you know, it's you and it's pointed, but
she's just trying to shame that little bit.
Well, listen, if I can soften my heart to Christine, anything
is possible. OK, so maybe who knew?
Do you? Think what if this podcast
turned me into a better person?
Oh my God. Wait, what if Robyn ever got a
mustard seed? Oh, did the world just.
I was just. Going to say you just ripped a
hole in time and space. You're all being sucked into a
black. Hole.
Oh no. No, that black hole's name is.
Robyn said anything's possible. I know, right?
Well, Speaking of Robyn, shit stains for you, darling.
You get to do our shit stain, yes?
No surprise to anybody, Robyn. Robyn Brown.
Robyn is such a phony and a farce and a faker and a rump
shaker. Oh, I.
Wouldn't expect. That one Daniel the construction
worker, No God, I just find you're so annoying because she's
manipulating the viewer of the show every which way possible.
This episode, she tries to use her kids as an excuse to why she
wants them to stay because they need to see the home.
And God forbid they don't see this home before they leave for
the trip to see their daddy. And then she's sacrificing her
time because it has to do with Christine.
And it's like, oh, it's not my fault we're going to be late to
see the kids dad because of Christine.
And it's like, there's just every excuse and then all my
kids haven't packed for themselves, like we're going to
be running late and just putting the blame on everyone
else and not acknowledging the fact that the dad's not abusive,
otherwise he wouldn't be taking him there for some sort
of custody agreement when it came to holidays and Christmas.
Yeah, Christmas of all the
holidays. And the fucking manipulation,
the victim mentality, the fact that nothing is ever her fault.
It's like, it's so beyond frustrating to me.
So she is my major major shark stain this time around.
I wonder if she was even mad at Christine, Like obsessed.
She looked like it. OK, OK.
She looked like it. Because I'm going like I could
imagine her being pissed about.
But yet they painted that she's the martyr, she's the one making
the sacrifice because she can't get her kids out there on
time because of Christine now. And it's like, no, you held off
all goddamn day because of your keys and now this is an extra
inconvenience. Well, and another thing that I
didn't bring up when we were talking about it that I'm just
remembering as you're giving Robyn your shit stain is the
idea of bringing the kids to see the house before you're like,
hop in the car and leave. Is it really that big of a deal
to show your kids a house for 5 or 10 minutes?
When they've been there multiple times already.
They've already been there and then you're going to bring them
to their dad's house for a holiday.
Like is it really that important that they see them?
I, I question that in general, like what kind of parents, like
it's important they see this house, that they'd be excited
right before Christmas and then I tear them out of that house to
bring them to their dad's house who's apparently a
horrible. So all of it's manipulative
because she could be manipulating them to be like,
look what you could have here and now for the holiday, go and
look at your dad's house. Yeah, look at this.
No matter which way you look at it, it's bullshit, yeah.
It's bullshit. It's wrong to do to kids.
Yeah, bullshit. Terrible, terrible.
Gross, gross, gross, gross. It is excellent choice for your
shit stain, darling. I think my shit stain is going
to go to Leon because that Blair Witch Project moment really
telling. Thank you for.
Thank you for that. Yes.
It just rubbed me the wrong way in many ways.
And I think Leon has been rubbing me the wrong way in more
ways than I just said. The whole avoiding that you're a
spoiled brat bit is done for me on this show.
You're a spoiled brat. This is not cute.
You've been on camera for long enough to know that this was not
going to bode well for you and I think that you were giving
Leon some great credit for, you know, maybe Meri has not been
truthful Leon and like divulged all the information so that
doesn't set your child up to look well with.
That sets him up for. Failing and complaining on
camera about shit and looking like a spoiled brat.
It's not cute. I'm not a fan of Leon right now.
The clip was unhinged.
Yeah, it was unhinged. And it was like even Mckelty.
Mckelty was trying to calm the situation and pull Leon away
from the camera. That's amazing.
So like that goes to show me that Mckelty at the younger age
or if not same ish age had the wherewithal to be like let's cut
this and then Leon's pushing their mom away and who knows
what Leon is battling with in their mind at this point in
their life. But if Leon was to have
committed murder at that age, they would be charged as an
adult probably, right? Fair enough.
So like, at what age do you say a child can consent to being on
television? Oh honey, I'm not.
No, and I know we're not going to get into this.
Like I can't answer that hypothetical no.
This is a huge question, but children don't have rights.
Unless you're working them for money, they don't have rights,
which is fucked up. And so I can completely
understand how this whole thing would have gotten taken out of
control and none of the kids ever saw a dime for being on the
show. And that's fucked up.
But there comes a point to where you're a certain age and you
know what's going on and you're kind of in the know, I mean.
That's my fall back to why Leon's getting the shit stain is
because it's like this is the sixth season that you're
filming. You've seen yourself on TV.
You know what this is? This isn't your first rodeo.
In light of recent events. At time of filming The Year of
the Lord 2026, Leon is being a bit performative about wanting
to share their story while also saying that people talking
about them or their family need to be more creative.
Basically like putting people down for being pundits of any
kind of pop culture anything. Or if you're going to talk about
anything or anyone, then I guess you're whatever.
But beyond that is this continued thing that Meri does
that Leon's now doing where it's like, I will tell my story.
Don't talk to me in public. I will share my story.
Don't ask me any questions. I'm going to block people.
I'm whatever. And it's, it's just, it's just
lame. It's just it's unlikable.
Right in a fucking diary then. Like if that's how you need to
Share your story, get it out like for yourself to heal.
Right in a fucking diary, yeah.
Or write a book. Literally write a book if you
want to. But to keep coming out and
saying like it's, you know, up to me, my timeline, this, that
you're 1000% correct that it is. Yeah.
But why the fuck are you saying this for everyone to like
continue to see if you don't care about the public opinion?
Like it's just so backwards and it's like right in a goddamn
diary. Don't even publish it.
And to not even be sharing anything of any substance, to be
going on social media being like, I'll tell my story, I'm
going to whatever, but blah, blah, blah, blah.
But then share nothing. It's like you're just looking
for it just feels like it's a grab for attention, for views,
for money with some sort of either, I don't want to say
Patreon, but they definitely have something going on with
Aubrey or Audrey, whatever their partner's name is for selling
things to people. I think it's to drum up
attention and something, but then also being like I don't
want attention and I don't want you, whatever it's it just
reminds me of more spoiled brat behavior.
It's. Very spoiled brat.
More of the same and I don't really want my current day Leon
annoyances to color my shit stain choices.
No, this one was bad. This one was definitely well
worth. It they literally said they want
to punch someone in the face because of their mom not getting
their fucking paperwork in on time.
Like do you not realize this all falls back on your mom, not the
underwriter, and you're threatening to punch someone in
the face for their job and your mom You.
Know out of upsetness but like you said this maybe not all
Leon's vault if we want to put it that way.
Because if Meri's not divulging all the information, it's like
y'all are two PS in a fucking. They are.
They're fucking messy. They are.
Messy and unlikable. And I've given Meri some fucking
mustard seeds. I know.
And I guarantee if you put this clip next to the clip that Leon
released recently on socials, you would be like, oh, is that
the same clip with the filter on?
Yeah, Like, yeah, it's uncanny. It's uncanny.
Same vibes, absolutely. Our Keep suite this week comes
from Patreon and we've decided to read one of our Shit stain
and Mustard Seed entries. And Christopher, I fed this to
you because it just fed my ego and I would like you to read it
back to me for my own self indulgence.
Oh, it's almost like there's a woman's fear thing happening
here. Interesting.
Are you sure you don't want to read it to me and have me repeat
it back to you so our listeners can digest it a little
better? Yes.
Our keep sweet moment this week is from Sue.
Thank you Sue for leaving us your Mustard seed and shit stain
of the week for Season 6 episode 1.
Thank you for everyone who actually did so.
Sue left us a shit stain and mustard seed.
That is about a story that you shared when you were working in
a salon and there was some rude asshole covering over his
teenage son getting his hair cut.
And he told his son something about like, don't you ever bring
a girl that's like this home or something?
Yes, yeah, my tattoo is. He was talking about my tattoos.
That's right, the. Tattoo don't bring someone home
that looks like her. And your Co worker said a
comment something like, you know, hey she is the nicest
person, she walks on water, she blesses everything she touches
and your son would be lucky. I trust her with all my
passwords. Give her your credit card.
This is and Sue says my shit stain goes to the dad at that
salon that was rude to Kimber and my mustard seed goes to her
Co worker for defending her. Kody and Robyn are my permanent
shit stains for the Brown family.
I love your podcast. Well, thank you, Sue.
We love you too, Sue. We do love you, thank you, and
thank you for supporting the person who defended Kimber's
honor. Thank you so much.
Was it worth defending Kimber? Most definitely.
And Sue, thank you for being another Mustard Seed for us this
episode. We appreciate it.
And thank you for giving your shit stain to that bastard at
the salon.