Welcome back everybody to Campaigns Concoctions, where we
are a bunch of hilarious heathens who like to drink and
play TTRPG's. Yeah, yeah, I think.
I think we're not only delightful, but we are also
hilarious. Thank you so much everyone for
joining us on this adventure of cooperative storytelling.
As always, if you want to join us on for conversation you can
hit our intro things on the the Discord, the Instagram in the
link below in the show notes. I always say it below which is
hilarious cuz you guys can't see me pointing.
Gentle listener. Also thank you.
I shamed enough of you guys that more of you listened to this
week so thank you. Apparently shame on the Internet
works also. Reported history.
Shame on the Internet has worked but.
Apparently it did. Apparently it did.
Well, you guys are you gentle listener are good people.
We hope so. That's why Shame's worked on
you. But also we have something new.
I don't know if any of you have noticed it.
We have. If you listen on Spotify, there
is the ability. We are now starting to post
questions that you can answer and we will directly hear them.
Our most recent one was what TTRPG's are you playing?
Look forward, we don't know what the question is going to be yet
in the in Spotify, but that is specifically for our Spotify
listeners. So if you want to get more
engaged with that, go ahead and check that out as well.
Last alibis. Does anyone got anything they
want to pitch before we get into cocktails?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I mean, who doesn't? Oh my God Becky.
Look, go see John and hey, kiddo.
Go see John and hey kiddo, I'll be good.
Good thing we are not live streaming this also as well
because you would be seeing a lot more of John than you really
wanted. If you ask John for something on
the top shelf and hey kiddo, you might get butt cracked.
I do usually pull my. Pants up more at work.
You also sit backwards onto the back bar to reach up back.
Yeah, it's pretty hilarious. But it's not too high just for
you. That's an it's too high for.
Most of the coworkers. So, friends, what are we
drinking? Do yours too, Mine needs work so
right now. So I tried.
So there's there's an M&M shot which is mezcal and Montenegro.
And I was like, I want to make a cocktail riff on that and don't
realize that we don't actually have Montenegro right now for
whatever reason. So I made a equity parts kind of
cocktail. It's 2 ounces of mezcal.
We needed an N for the N&M&M. So we did.
A ounce of the NOLA coffee liqueur.
And then we did an ounce of Curtis.
Can you say it for me tomorrow? Amaro.
Chicharo. I can't get this.
I don't know why. It's OK.
You were homeschool. Yeah, I know.
It's because I was homeschooled. It's.
Smarter. And did a, did a.
Lemon twist on it and it's it's very nice.
Yeah, it is. It really tastes.
I've yet to taste my drink. Hold on one second.
I think George better than his right now, but certainly I'm
just not in a smoky mood so. Mine is.
Like smoky. This fuck this is called a Red
Hook. It's called.
A Red Hook. It's made by an Italian
bartender. I don't remember the guy's name.
It is 2 parts rye, 1/2 ounce of or two ounces of rye, half ounce
of Punte mis, which is a mix between Amaro and vermouth.
And half an ounce of Luxardo Mariskino liqueur.
It's also has a Luxardo cherry in the in the bottom, like a
Manhattan. I think it tastes pretty good.
I think if it was a better rye it would taste better.
But you know, I've, I've been, I've been a little sour on the
rise since I've paid too much money for it.
That'll happen. I like the flavor profile.
I am currently working on what will be a gin and purple
hamazake fizz. I got some purple hamazake from
Fafa labs who sent who actually stopped by a kiddo and dropped
off some purple hamazake that he made in his.
Own. Kitchen.
He drops them off for a kiddo and he drops them off for me
personally to bring here tonight.
So I'm going to try to make sure that I get a purple on the sake
cocktail into every one of our breaks.
Perfect. That sounds awesome.
That's really tasty. I'm I'm super simple tonight.
Y'all I'm I'm drinking it. Gimlet.
The only thing special about my Glimit gimlet is that it has
cinnamon simple syrup. That's it, sounds.
That sounds real nice there. I did more than is in my Eminem
period. Mole bitters.
Yep, so cool. But I think that's all of our
cocktails so far. So if no one has any objections,
shall we recap. The last time we were together,
the party reengaged with the manager, who is the head of an
of a shadowy intelligence gathering organization who
employs Sark and L There was a meeting between Sark and L about
the nature of the reason that he called them home, and there was
also some discussions about money, about places to go,
things, missions, La La La La, and then eventually a meeting
with Oh my gosh, why am I drawing a blank on my own?
Damn characters. Names prospering, someone said
Primrose I think at some point and that got stuck in my brain.
So it was prospering, which eventually also led to an
introduction to the Lord Richter himself, which was to most
terrifying. So after that, the party decided
that they need to go explore a few things.
And then they made their way across town to the Night Market,
which is a market that is built upon an ancient aqueduct that is
about 200 feet above ground. And that is where we left off,
with the smells of roasting meats, of the sounds of hammers
cleaning against steel and haggling.
So what would the six of you like to do?
Start along until we're we're going to the restaurant.
Look at the sky. Can I tell what time of day it
is? It's midday.
Half a dish. Let's go shopping, Elle.
Where do we go shopping? Right there.
Excellent. Where?
We've been headed. Where in here do we find magical
weapons? Look around.
Do I know what I know? Anywhere specific?
Go ahead and make a history check, please.
This will be entertaining. Drink, motherfuckers.
Drink. I just got naive.
Hold on. There we go there.
We go. Drink, motherfuckers.
Drink. Depending on how high he rolled,
he still might be. That's a total of 21 for start,
but it isn't that 20. That's a 20. 3 for so as you
where you so the the entrance into the night market comes up
from the pillars that hold up the huge the the high aqueduct
and as you exit you look I know I'm I'm building scene for
history check. Trust me here as you look out
and you see everything to your left and your right, you know
that this whole thing is 1 huge market that goes on for at least
a mile. There are multiple shops but you
would know L would know this one.
There are three shops that would give or three armor slash
blackship myths that would give you the best options for for
magical weapons you have Scorched Steel, the Pyre Forge,
and the Loom of Scars. The loom of scars sounds like
where Patrice wants to go. What was the middle one?
The Pyre Forge and then Sark. You know this just from hanging.
You just kind of know this by osmosis because you hang out
with L There is also a couple of artificial shops that could
possibly have them. They randomly do sometimes, but
it happens. You have the Abracapothecary,
Sorcerer's Source and Nostrum Arcade, and those are three
Artificer stores. What?
Was the last one again Nostrum Arcade NOSTR.
UM, killing it, Morgan. You're killing it.
I had a lot of dead time after I played golf today, so I have
been prepping all day. Valid.
That's up. Also L of those apothecary, not
apothecary. The artificial shops.
I would assume one of those is your favorite.
I will leave that decision up to you.
I would say nostrils probably probably too.
It's the best name, I think L appreciates a good name.
I was thinking that too. Abberg Apothecary is pretty good
though. I appreciate that one, so.
But not it. Is more.
Fun. Yeah.
But as the six of you step out, it is for Ellen Sark.
This isn't very this is normal. This is a normal space, But one
most of you, this is your first time in a city of this size.
This is a massive city, right? We're talking millions and
millions of residents that sit here.
And then this market itself is bigger than some of the towns
that y'all are from. So like a mile long, 200 feet in
the air. Think of that, the bridges with
the markets in Venice, right. For those of you who played
Assassin's Creed with Etsio where they have the the markets
and the stalls that cross the bridges, that's what this looks
like. Fully built up buildings that
also are 200 feet in the air built on this ancient.
Aqueduct So what are you guys going to?
Do. I'll give instructions to the
three blacksmiths. What were the?
What were the three names? Again, because I I didn't get
them down. Scorch, Steel, loom of scars,
and the Pyre fork. What?
Was this scorch? Steel scorch, steel sounds so
good. Loom of scars, sounds.
Very interesting. Yeah, Loom of Scars is where
Patrice would like to go. But like, let's go where?
The Scald wants to do lemon Scars and scorch steel.
SOA is in the same boat. I think SOA was the person to
ask first, so I think SOA should.
Go where she's going. We should go where SOA wants to.
Go first, right? Yeah, right.
Scorch Steel. Done.
Well, I think Moon with Scars sounds a little more.
That's gonna have a weapon. Alludes are something that
words, right? It isn't.
It's a It's a blacksmith slash armorer, something of that
effect. OK.
All right. Let's let's start there.
Yeah. OK.
So L tells you where to go and it's it's a little bit further
away than the rest. You're going to take a left hand
turn coming from. So you're heading South and as
you walk through you hear the sounds, just the the the market,
the night market is thriving at this point.
You hear Common, Draconish, Elvish, Gnomish, Dwarven, all
these different languages, even the the different dialects of
it. You hear the the deep gnomish
you hear, you see, you see Juror Gars.
Everyone here is just seeming to massively fill the space, and
it's just, it feels so alive in a way that most of you just
don't even have never really experienced.
As you walk by, there's even people just handing you skewers
of roasted meats and cheeses and vegetables and it's just, it's
perfect, right? It's everything that you want
out of an open air market, right?
Eventually you come to one of the other staircases that lead
up and an entire what would be the equivalent of a block is
filled up with this massive, massive building.
There is smoke coming out of the chimney, but not just any smoke.
This smoke is purple and blue and red.
Just kind of swirls and glows as it goes through.
You look and the pot the entirety the bottom floor.
This is a three story building. The entire bottom floor is open
and everything centers around a massive flame that is open and
you look. I can get everyone to make a
perception check for me please. Nat 20 for a 25 Drink,
Motherfucker drink, motherfucker, drink.
Totally valid Nat. So I have to say this because
it's funny. I rolled A-15.
My passive is a 19. OK.
Oh, we got a 17. OK, well my passive is 14, OK.
Would somebody roll a D20 for me and have one?
You have an 18, Beautiful. What'd you get said?
And to go think 12. I can't even see.
Passive is 18 minutes. OK, so your passive is 18, so
everyone is able to see this. There is one person who is in
this area. Here you see a massive portal
who was sitting, laid back, smoking a huge pipe, thin long.
He has actually not. He is not.
Left his chair as you walk by and you watch as his finger is
conducting and you watch as hammer hits steel on an anvil.
Billows are going up and down after the IT comes out, it goes
into the the the steel, goes into the the oil and goes back
into the into the forge. Fires up the whole time he's
working and then he notices you and notices you noticed him and
he preakly gets out of his massive rocking chair.
Takes a huge puff off of this. This cigar blows a smoke ring
and through that smoke ring comes a huge three mast ship
that sails through the ring. Hey, interested in something
sharp? Always.
And and magical, hopefully. Do you sell fireworks here?
And that's not really my. Forte.
I knew a guy once who was able to throw these well, these three
masted shifts out of smoke and you have really great fireworks
anyways, but no. And he points very slowly around
the around the edge. Says You're more than welcome to
take a look at my inventory. I'm gonna look, I'm gonna look
for swords. Okay.
So as you look there, he does not seem to have anything except
for bladed weapons. There's no armor, there are no
Shields, there are no maces morning stars, anything like
that. Everything.
Probably the whole reason for the name is bladed weapons, but
it is spectacular the diversity that this man has in his bladed
weapon, he says. When you do find something, you
shout for GGGGJ. OE JIG.
Gee, I feel like I'm, I'm like standing at a rack of swords and
it's like a fucking. Like a hipster in a record
store, like in a vinyl store, I'm like just flipping the
swords and looking through them and occasionally, like pulling
one out and checking out me. Like, no, that's a nice one.
I remember when this one came out.
And then like sliding it back in and flipping through more
swords, you know? So so as.
Scald is doing that. SOA is going to be a little bit
behind Scald and she's going to cast Detect Magic.
Okay magic. And I know everything's magic,
but SOAS, SOAS and like an auditory, magical kind of
person. Okay.
So. Not so much that I'm trying to
get a specific school out of anything, but.
Does. Something call out to me?
So is it? Did you know how this works,
Matt? So.
How auditory is it music? Is it voices?
Is it just general sound? How is SOA receiving this?
It's like, it's like, it's like music with like kind of like
open ocean sounds like mixed in, right?
Like not like, yeah, right. So like not like.
Not like, not like like orchestral instrumental, but
like single instrument maybe. Maybe people playing drums
around a fire. Kind of more ambient.
Yeah. Okay.
Perfect. So there are three sounds, water
like that come to come to the to sound for you.
You hear one that kind of sounds like an Asiatic flute.
That is playing over like a babbling brook and as you look
you see that is kind of a almost like an extra long machete with
kind of a reverse curve to it then.
You hear? A what could almost be described
as choral, but it's a singular voice, kind of a deep.
Lower pitched feminine voice singing over a crashing
waterfall. And then last you hear the sound
of a violin very beautifully sounded over the sound of
crashing waves onto a blacks, like that distinct sound of a
black stone beach. So the the crashing waterfall is
a you see it is a Falchin and then the waves is a a thin kind
of petite rapier. So you see it you look it's kind
of like I guess the the first blade would be I guess category
wise would be a short sword I think hold on let me look at my.
Yeah. Right.
And then we. Have a foul chin right here.
Yep. The foul chin is a little bit
longer. Looks like if you would to use
it, it possibly could give you the versatile option.
So like long sword for DD purposes, mechanical purposes?
Okay little. Bit of.
Sugar looking great. I I want.
I'm going to gather up these three weapons and ask, Gee, if
you can tell me, like their history.
Like, what makes them special? Well, there are quite some
stories that are associated with these three weapons, and he
points first to the. To the one let me let me pull
some stuff up guys and I will share the screen with with you.
This way you guys can see it. This.
Particular weapon was commissioned by the son of one
of the five rings from the. The city of Sai Yo.
He decided that he didn't need it when he awoke with a dagger
in his eye. That's, you know.
Probably the worst time to make a sale.
It happens from time to time next.
We. Tap.
My eye patch and I go. It does happen from time to
time. Next we have a falchion that was
modeled after one of the mothers of the Valkira.
She graciously modeled as I designed.
The blew up. She said that I no longer wanted
to to have it, so this carries her.
Essence. Along with it from.
Here. TC-14 constitution say that they
feel that they are blinded for a minute while you have time.
Oh, nice. Yeah.
So these are all custom magic items that I made.
Nice. Lastly, we have one that is
created with the stone that was blessed by a deity.
I don't know which one. This.
Was gifted to me and then I. Made the rapier from it.
It is quite lovely. Do you agree?
Oh it's this is a very, very beautiful sword.
And like, like because SOA has used rapiers her entire life,
she she's like a little more. Flourishing with that, but I'll
take all three actually. His eyes get really big.
Needed money. It's true.
We don't know things cost yet. It doesn't matter.
Really. It really doesn't.
Matter. What?
Patrice asks how many pounds of platinum do these?
Do these weapons cost? Move.
Big Flex Dick. Move.
Can I cast silence on Patrice? I don't even know if I have
silence, but I want to cast it on Patrice, right?
Now he doesn't have silence either.
Actually, he wants it. Fucking arm sounds.
Damn it, that's very clerical. Damn it.
Very random thing. To do were to purchase all three
of these weapons, they would cost 100 platinum.
What's wild is I can name a ridiculous amount and you guys
can cover it. I was.
Going to say I didn't. I don't think I wrote down how
much platinum I got. 150,000. Is a rough.
I thought we got one. Hundred 25606 each doesn't
really matter anymore, yeah? 125606 Platinum each.
Yeah, that's what I wrote down. 125. 1000.
We have 2 1/2 tons of. I have gone extreme guys.
I do over 100 platinum pieces. I lean into S way when I hear
this number and I go. Don't forget everything is
negotiable. Haggle them down.
No, we had £150 each. No, hang on.
Yeah. So the the very first time I ran
a campaign for Matt's group, I didn't give him, like, hardly
any fucking money. I kept forgetting to give him
money. Now they got getting free shit.
Like it was great. But I now I've gone the other
complete opposite way and I just throw monies at motherfuckers.
Not complaining. Not at all.
I do. I do like the money.
I'll I'll take all three for the 100 platinum.
Cuz I I really don't feel like role-playing a fucking
negotiation right now, cuz I think John's gonna make you do
it later, so. I appreciate that, Matt.
Thank you. That's why you're That's why you
were my favorite. And 33 point £5 per party member
or 167,500 platinum. Yeah.
So I think this, this, yeah, this 100 Platinum, sure.
Either way, it's over 100. 1000. He holds out his hand and says,
little lady, this has been a most beneficial exchange.
I thank you for your patronage. Please send more my way I'll.
Be back if you find anymore interesting sorts like these.
It does take quite some time for me to make them, so we'll come
back after a bit of time is there?
Anything odd? In his shop like not the normal
types of weapons you would see. Describe odd for me please,
Elle. I'm thinking like like what's
it's called, what's it called? The Like the Indian gauntlet
weapon. Everything here is bladed, so
that's the big thing to remember.
Yeah, there's anything that's outside of normal.
It's kind of what he's browsing for.
That's not like just a sword or an or.
Go ahead and make an investigation.
Check for me please. Morgan, at the next break, can
you send me? All the swords.
I wasn't really able to read the last two, just cuz of the fun.
That's a 13 cuz I rolled the four.
They looked fun. That's rough.
So what you do find, as you were looking around, you see that
there's a whole section of Bandoliers of Daggers.
As you get up close to one, you notice you notice one set has.
It's not quite a jewel, but it looks like there's something
that is kind of protruding from like where the cross hill meets
the the handle. And as you kind of get up to
kind of get close to it and you accidentally press it, the blade
splits into three. So it looks kind of like a it's
a It's basically AD&D Bat Lat, not a Bat Lat, the Klingon
knife. Yeah.
I couldn't name. It Fuck.
What's it called? There's a Spanish fencing knife
too that's based off of that's what I have in my head.
We all know what it is. Yeah, yeah.
That's why I didn't try and get too far.
You. Know what you're talking about
now what is the color? I was going to grab that and
that vandal there and just turn, Gee, how much is this?
So just before I say that it's called a ductar, the Klingon
knife is called a ductar. Are you looking solo?
Are you looking for the whole and the layer?
Yes. A small man after my own heart.
We will call it even Or 10 platinum.
Done. So what you now have is a set of
daggers, but if you use them regularly they still maintain
the traditional stats of a dagger.
But if you open the the button and get the three, it now is 1D6
instead of 1D four. You think they'd have a better
name in French? Than me in.
Spanish. I'm reading it on Wikipedia.
Yeah, you're the French wicked. Dag out there, Transcend my bag
of holding can. Can I help you with any other
items? Sid, we'll just see if there's
any, like, copper daggers hanging around.
It seems that he works predominantly in steel and
adamantium, so nothing that really kind of fits what you're
looking for. And the whole time this has been
happening, the choreography of the the, the, the, the Smith has
still been happening with no one attached to this item.
And then eventually he slowly turned and he blows out a series
of squared smoke rings and he goes, I think.
This is and he whips his left hand down as this, the blade
cast into the oil and. You're sure you've never dabbled
in fireworks, right? I have dabbled, but I you had
asked originally if I had that. I don't play with gun.
That's valid. Do you have any magical daggers?
I generally don't spend my time infusing a small item such as a
dagger. Do you have any magical short
swords that I could throw? What about hand axes?
Do you have any magical hand axes Pandering to the DM?
I'm calling it now. What was that?
That's pandering to the you're. Welcome.
Asking for man. Or some do.
You have any magical? Throwing axes.
Your small friend has purchased all of my.
Magical items. Understood.
Well, you have a great day and I walk out the door.
Thank you, she. It was a pleasure meeting you.
The. Pleasure is all mine.
I stick my head back in and I'm like you didn't used to be a
very large tree at any point, did you?
That seems DE Chris. The more you like it slower.
You think it's bothering me? I love it.
The truth is, I am thoroughly enjoying this every second.
I want it to continue. That's why I keep asking him
questions. So really enjoy the faces that
Morgan makes while doing The Voice.
I need the faces to get the voice just right.
It is but it. Is also glorious.
Thank you, Morgan. That was a treat.
I have. So much you have no idea.
I just feel like it really hits like a huge like this guy's like
8 feet tall, 6 feet wide. You know this huge turtle that
is just not moving fast cuz he doesn't have to.
He's like the What are they? What were they called, like the
Ogren or whatever, from a Wheel of Time?
They're really, really giant. They're like tree.
Singers and stuff and like they didn't have to actually touch
anything to craft it, but they were giant and slow as fuck.
My only frame of reference is the TV show, because I have yet
to give that that Series A shot, but yes.
It's Nerd Homer. Don't do it.
Just watch it's close enough. So awesome.
Well, is there anything else anyone would like to do around
the Loom of Scars? Wait till they make a TV show.
Well, if that's the case, we are going to take our very first
break and we will be right back in just a few moments.
Welcome back, everybody, To campaigns and concoctions where
we get too deep on weird nerd shit, including booze.
So family. What do we have to drink?
If you don't mind, let me let me start real quick.
Mine's super quick, right? So I decided we were talking
about some sort of bubbly and I remembered that I had ginger
beer in the fridge, so I decided to make a Moscow Mule.
But in addition to the vodka, lime and lime juice and ginger
beer, I added a little bit of cinnamon simple syrup and it is
delightful. I made a one of the menu items
from Balmer Peak Distillery. James sent me the spec for
Blackbeard's Bathwater. It's.
Delightful. It is delightful.
It's 2 ounces of golden rum. Tonight we use their Anniversary
Rum instead. Barely aged anniversary.
Yeah, barely aged anniversary. Balmer.
Makes everything better. It is delightful.
It's so good. Their Their shit is so good.
It's. Really, really good.
So 2 ounces of the Anniversary rum from Balmer Peak.
One ounce of BlackBerry syrup, which I made myself with
Demerara. One ounce of apricot puree,
which I poured out of a can .75 ounces of lemon juice.
A few mint leaves into the shaker and then I shaked the
living crap out of it to make sure that the mint was expressed
into the into the to the drink. Shake it like a baby.
That's right. No, John, that's funny to you.
Like, it's like as a parent, it's like legit fear that you're
going to do when you're just like, tired but.
This is also tasty. Oh, look at that.
So the then you once you're done shaking, you pour a little bit
of soda water into the bottom of your glass and you add a few ice
cubes, preferably into a Collins glass, some some nice square
cubes. And then you fill it up with
your drink and you top it with a little bit more soda.
And you put a mint sprig in there.
And don't forget to slap and and crush your mint so you can
express the oils out of your mint so that you.
Gotta slap it around your nose. You gotta you gotta slap it.
Honestly, the best the best way to slap your mint around is to
slap it on the glass like you're giving the glass a mushroom
stamp with your mint, because then the oils get expressed, but
they also end up on the glass. You know, like when you're
giving when I express. My way?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
OK. So I can't anymore.
Alrighty. I do what I can.
Yeah, we all know why. I'm on the show, so Balmer,
Pete, please sponsor us. Cuz I have.
We love you Balmer Peak. You guys are amazing.
Thank you so much. Yeah, you guys are really
amazing. And this drink on your menu is
fantastic. I love it very, very much.
Every time I go, I order it and I'm gonna drink some right now.
And then we're gonna take a picture of this other drink over
here. Jared, what did you make?
So I'm gonna call it the mentor. Like mentor.
But Mintur but. Mentor.
It's a mix of mint and ginger anyway, kind of a riff on a
mojito. It's one ounce light rum, which
this time I had Savannah Club one ounce Jamaican rum which we
used. Appleton.
Appleton Estate, Appleton Estate, Apple Lemons quartered.
About 10 mint leaves which you muddle all together in the
bottom. 3/4 of the lemon and the mint.
You muff it together in the bottom of the glass.
Of the glass. And then 3/4 ounce of ginger
syrup that Nate made, which is really good.
And then add the rum. 2 dashes of Angus stir bitters topped
with. Soda.
Water and and then varnished with mint leaves.
Do mince. It's great.
It's really good. Your your drink is very good.
The mentor like. Have different.
Movies. Tomorrow, so I I made a rum
drink. I made this drink initially
about a week and a half two weeks ago for a regular at the
bar I work at. He's a chef at one of our sister
restaurants and he drinks almost exclusively.
Smith and Cross Rum, but tonight I use Diplomatico also and
excellent rum. It was 2 ounces of rum.
It was half an ounce of Creme de Cacao, half an ounce of Nonino
Amaro and either a fat bar spoon or a skinny quarter ounce of
cane sugar syrup. Stirred.
Oh, and two dashes of tiki bitters stirred in the yari and
then strained over a large cube in a double rocks glass.
I am calling this cocktail the Wise Sam, or a waste of a good
apple. How many?
How many listeners do we have? Roughly nineish. 9 total.
Around we we fluctuate between about 8 and 15 OK.
Let's go with the high number of the 15 people who listen to our
our podcast. Two of them will get that.
Reference So we had talked about it earlier.
If if you listen to this, to this podcast, go to Spotify.
There will be multiple questions.
This time one of them will be tell us where the reference of a
waste of a good apple comes from.
Where did a waste of a good Apple?
It'll give you a strong pat on the back through the Internet,
yes. Or maybe, maybe, maybe you name
a name a house made cocktail after you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We will make sure that your
screen name isn't something like wildly inappropriate.
Yeah, something that we have to bleep out.
Unless, unless your screen name is literally clone
inappropriate. Something wildly inappropriate,
in which case? I would love to make a cocktail.
I would love to make a cocktail called something wildly
inappropriate. Well, we're going to make
something wildly inappropriate as a cocktail.
No matter. What, No matter what, no.
Matter what it's happening next spring.
That's right. All right, friends, as we exit
the loom of scars. The.
Your friend SOA is now 3. Swords Richer, Your friend L is
now a bandolier of daggers. Richer is a little bit lighter
on coin. Not by much, but what would the
six of you like to do now here in the night market as the day
continues to Willow away? Scalp turns to SOA and says SOA.
Do you practice the three swords technique?
I don't think SOA heard you. All right, sorry, sorry, I
blame. Side to chat people minimum.
Scout turns the S away and says S away.
Do you practice the three swords technique?
No. What's?
The three swords technique. It's just one piece of a whole
long series of things. Do you plan on keeping all three
swords? What were you planning to do
with those? Because that Falcian looks
pretty cool. I'm going to try them a lot.
OK, Rich, want to take your cookie?
I almost want to take your cookie away.
Can we can we cook? It's pretty good.
Then right. Yeah, I wish you could
differently on the fly. Let's cookie, yeah.
Curtis I love Cookie. Love, love cookie.
Cheers. Cheers.
Make up Love Love cookie. In front of mine that was.
Like Curtis, yeah. Way gone at this point.
Yeah, I was trying really hard cuz like, I need to eat the rest
of this cookie. Hey, one bite.
And then it was just like, Nope, it was so good.
Trompo, you cowerts sponsor us. How do you cowerts?
Okay. So what are you guys doing?
Podcasts. It doesn't mean I can't attack
them verbally. There are podcasts.
Are there places to go shopping but for a cookie that tastes
like that? I think not.
The. Scorch steel.
Scorch Steel. Where's that at?
On the other end. Let's put me in here.
My real. Fast, yeah.
Pyre Forge or one of the other ones.
The source source resource. So here is the question.
What is it that you're looking for?
Or are you looking just kind of to find interesting things like,
let me give me a little bit more than that.
Well, where would I go look at us?
Spending money, magical robes that would make me like, you
know, get a little more, a little more punch to my some of
my things. Which one of these places that
you've described? I know that Morgan.
Well, this is your hometown, so I'm gonna give you an advantage
on a history check to see about it.
I'm going to roll a straight roll because I probably just
tagged along and wasn't actually paying attention.
Fair. I think that's fair.
That's that's not one and a 25, So 10 and 25.
I got a 19. So you think the best both of
you would think that the best spot to find some sort of
magical robe would be Sorcerer's Source?
Well, let's just make sure that we go to that one before we head
to dinner tonight. OK.
Is that all right? We have to.
Just cuz they're not fun of you there.
Not not you. I just.
Need the thanks there to you. Just in general.
Just in general, OK? They're not specifically, like,
just to him, is it? Do do you?
Do they? Not just go in and buy the
store. Oh, that would be really.
We should definitely do that, that we should buy the.
Store. We can, yeah.
And we just buy it out and then they just have to treat you well
or you fire them. Sorry, just starts making his
way that direction. After that point, he's like, oh.
God, it's your money. I think it'd be fucking
hilarious if you bought the store, but I ain't gonna spend
that money. I don't really want to own a
store, but maybe I could threaten it if they're acting
uppity. Yeah, maybe that's what.
I'll keep that in my back. The truth What does the word
uppity mean to you? The word uppity means.
To me, Please stop. Just stop.
I'm gonna stop it right there. I'm curious to see Patrice
threatened we. Are not going to get cancelled
over that word, please. Thank you.
How about the word ornery? Can I substitute the word
ornery? Yes, please.
Thank you. If they get ornery with you, if
they're, if they're acting, they're looking down their nose
acting haughty to you. That's not a short thing.
I didn't mean it that way. Elle had his mouth open as that
was happening. What I what I mean is like we'll
give them what for verbally between the two of us and if.
If they act like they're above L, yeah.
If they act like they're. What if they're physically above
out? I mean, it happens quite often.
What do I know who The Who I would normally find there?
Give me a second. You can take all day.
This cheese is. Great.
What? What?
I hate all of you. I'm just, I'm just gonna.
Eliminate on what this drink is because it needs something.
It does. The only one I don't hate is the
beautiful creature that's sitting right in front of me.
Hey, Carl, buddy, I love you. I was trying to get a drink of
that that wise stamp. He wants some wise Sam.
All right. It's not his.
You think it's a drink? He wants Twizzlers.
No, he doesn't. So what was the question again?
What? Kind of person would I find
there Is it mostly gnomes? Or there's two men or.
At Sorcerer source. Yeah, do you wanna try the?
Wrong. So the owner's name.
You would know this just because of who you are.
His name is Fujimoro Ren. He is a male Dragonborn,
originally from the city of Scio.
Is he? Is he?
Normally it would be in the shop running stuff.
Oh yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, now he's he's the Dragonborn.
He generally looks down just physically.
I I think that was the Joke Hill.
I know. OK, I got that one.
I'm not going to do it. You're killing.
Are you not? And if we have to go talk to
him, I guess. I mean, Stark's been making his
way there. He's assuming everyone's
following him. If not, he is now shouting very
loudly back at everybody. I think that's always just
following Stark at this point. We seem to know where to go
next, Ellis very reluctantly following, probably at the back
of the group. I'm I'm telling you, I think if
you hate this place so much, scholar, just buy it.
Scholar, buy anything. I'll buy just about anything as
long as there's some nominal benefit to me.
And by nominal benefit I mean amusement, I mean spite.
Spite spite's a big one, actually, that's that.
I wouldn't even call that nominal.
That's significant. Yeah, who can we fight by buying
it? Because I'm super on board.
I don't even know. Like, I don't need to know the
person we're fighting. I just need to know that we're
fighting them, so we walk up to it.
I will develop a grudge right now.
You can having I'm having to actually change a personality of
an NPC that I have created on the spot because of y'all.
That's valid. It actually makes a lot of
sense. You're welcome, Morgan.
I hate all of you. This is going to be the theme of
this entire segment of this episode is fuck y'all.
When Morgan hates us, what he means is.
That he hates. We're gonna street fight and
lose because Morgan gets mad at us.
All. Right.
And this episode of Campaigns A Concoction concludes season one.
Thank you. We'll be back with Season 2 in a
few months. Totally useless.
Meaningless. Unrelated to the story.
TPK. You thought it was a shopping
episode, but it was. Actually it was both a.
DM. Episode.
I'm like I'm. Trying.
I know, I know what I'm thinking about it.
Sorry, that's player. Character aside, I'll have you
now. And.
And I support it, as you and I very intimately know, character
aside. Also, Curtis, look at your
phone. So as the six of you eventually
make your way, you're walking, you're having these
conversations. You were definitely not subtle,
because none of you were really subtle, right at this particular
moment, except for Sarc. Very.
Subtle. I will fall.
I really feels like skelts. Very subtle most of the time.
Most of the time, John realizes that that is not the kid.
Yes, Skelt can feel like he's being so.
Skelt does feel like he's being. So the.
Truth and reality may not be but.
Skelt is Skelet is very similar to me in that he is gentle with
a hammer. SARS Passive Stealth is a 19
Jesus. That's a bit ridiculous.
So as the what's what's the order you guys are walking into
this establishment. So as you walk in it is, it is
very much it kind of stands out as you look look at this
building, it looks kind of like a traditional if you would look
like a traditional Japanese temple right with the.
Like it comes down. Yeah.
So it's it's it's beautiful, but it is very much out of place in
this city of stealing glass, right?
Like all wood. And Terra cotta and shit like
that. Yeah, with the the kind of the,
the, the, the shingles that, that.
It tear of and. Stuff.
Yeah, white white paint with red, red tile roof.
It it absolutely gorgeous but like.
Moon door entrance sort of deal. You see it's open because it has
the like the split. Flag that hangs down like at a
restaurant, like a Japanese restaurant in Tokyo, right?
So as you walk in, what's the order you guys are walking in?
Shark is probably leading at this point.
Who just wants to see El interact with this guy again?
Yeah, that's fair. Honestly, I think Scald is
trailing. He's probably not last, but he's
probably close to last and he's just.
Very much observing and taking everything in and has kind of
like a cat's grin on his face. So the real question is, where
the fuck is L in this mix? I was.
Trying his best to get there after they finish whatever
they're doing, he's he's making his way there, but he will stop
at anything on the way that seems vaguely kind of
interesting. So honestly, Skillet is probably
lagging behind with L but still ahead of L.
And that's last comes in. So the the the other four of
you, as I said, Patrice and Sark enter into the end and he seems
that you see this this fairly large he definitely not the size
of G, right? But you see a fairly large
Dragonborn man. You have been told his name is
Fujimoro Ren. And he he kind of gives one of
those shopkeeper grins, right? It's not it's not really
welcoming, but it's not disarming.
It's just kind of it's there because it's expected, right?
And he comes up and. Is the name order?
I was just about to ask and roll. 100% tradition
Traditional. Sweet and glad you asked.
So I can do this I I picked up my D20 to be like would I know
if the name? Would.
That would be something so I would need so so Elle would know
but scald I need you to well but you get advantage because you
are a native of the syndicate. All right.
And what am I rolling? History.
You have no you could just you
could just straight. It's just dice.
I think I increased my intelligence the last time I
don't have my My tablet is not charging for some reason.
But even if I have a + 1 it's 12, so it's either or 12.
You don't know how it works, but you do know that the people of
Scio and this isn't just particular to the Dragonborn,
even though that's the the largest population in Scio.
The people of Scio definitely have some sort of different
naming conventions than the rest of the Syndicate.
So the the six, the five other cities that they have their Scio
is just it's very much different and it kind of stands apart, but
it is definitely different. You just don't know how it
works. It's been a while since you've
been here, right. So since you've left your home
of book Wagner, you know and it become you, right.
It's it's one of those things that's there, but it's kind of
hard to recall all the details. Yeah, the scale has.
Spent a lot of time at seeing, a lot of time drunk, so you know.
Details tend to slip. But.
As go ahead. Sark will introduce Master
Fujimaro to the other three and then look very sad that Elle
isn't there yet. And he is even with so with Sark
he he is he seems to be very cordial it's it is definitely is
actually. Can I get?
The four of you who are in there right now to make an insight
check for me please. It's actually Sark.
You would know this, so you don't even need to roll it.
Drink, motherfucker, drink motherfucker.
Drink. Cuz that's a natural one.
Holy shit. All right, hold on.
We've got the net one me. Sorry, Carl.
Sorry, Carl, Matt rolled the net one.
John, there's like 14 whiskeys on the table.
No, he said. The next not one would be the No
More God. Yes.
It's true.
I said if somebody rolls an at 1, Curtis and I will drink no
more I. Said that, Yeah, I think I even
offered it as like the idea. But you no.
You tried to just say pour some no more.
And I was like, no, not unless someone rolls an at 1:00.
So. We will drink it I.
So other than, what else did we get besides the shitty roll?
18 Okay. It's not better than the last
time Curtis Curtis can't start. This is currently AH.
Better. Did you say a thing, Morgan?
My. What was I supposed to roll?
Insight, motherfucker. Why?
5. Yeah, then.
After drinking the more, your insight would be 5, yeah?
Sid, Sid and Sark. Sark, you would know this just
because you were around. The cordialness of Master
Fujimori is very superficial, right?
Like, you get it. Like Sid, you get it just from a
part of your time is being in in that senior role.
The Legion of the the Legion of the Dagger.
You are like, you've got a good read on people and you're just
like. This guy is full of shit.
He thinks he's better than all of us, but he is at least
pleasant about it. So he comes up to all of you and
says. Hello.
What is it that I can assist you with today?
What do we see when we look around like just like a quick
glance? What kind of things are inside?
This make a perception check please I need to roll up the die
than that one it's. Fine for me.
That's very low. That's a six.
Honestly, that kind of fits with, I think, because this
would probably be the first time that Patrice has been into like,
a true artificer shop, right? Like this, you're going to see,
you see rows upon rows of potions.
You see rows upon rows of. Of like robes and apparel, you
see rows of scepters and rings and and wands and just it's just
a plethora of what looks to be magical items, right?
Like that's at least what you can see with that.
With that role, you're overwhelmed by it.
So I say. So she's not picking up?
This guy's like a total fucking you think?
He's really nice. Yeah.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
We're we're just kind of you know in the market for some some
magical items and our associate here and I point to start
recommended your your establishment.
So I don't know if there's anything in particular that you
think we maybe maybe might be interested in looking at or if
if you just you know kind of want us to to to peruse on our
own, but yeah we're. Li need you to roll a D6 for me
real quick. For when you and I arrived.
Exactly 6. OK.
Thank you. So excited.
Master Fujimori looks at you and says please at your own leisure.
Feel free to peruse, just remember you break it.
You Bay. You pay 1 1/2 times the price.
That seems unfair, don't you think?
Well, you broke something that's not yours, so I think it's fair.
Seems kind of Sandy, yeah. We're not there yet, aren't.
We we won't break your items. Sorry, don't touch.
Go where do you go? I understand my hands aren't
anywhere near anything. I rolled for this just in case
my wisdom's. High enough that I'm like, no.
I'm not even leaning on anything, like I'm excited that
this is going on. I'm just standing in the middle
this. Is going to be great as far from
everything possible. Thank you, thank you Sir.
And SOA walks like awkwardly away.
Hands in pockets. She has also, right?
Like, she has like 3 swords strapped to her that she
normally doesn't have, right? Yeah, like.
So she's like, trying not to be a little harder, yeah.
Sarc will follow SOA just to watch the sword WE.
Have Crystal on occasionally. So you have 4 swords like I have
three swords strapped across my back I would imagine and then
in. Addition to the one, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That checks out.
I feel like as soon as Sark realized that and remembered it,
you'd be like. I need to watch those.
Sark has just got his hands up as buffers behind us away the
whole way. So what are you guys looking at?
Fujimora, do you have anything that would it's?
Mr. Fujimora, please. Mr. Fujimora, my apologies.
Do you have anything that would buff magically buff armor or?
My Constitution ability to take hits.
This is Morgan. Not really prepared for this
because I thought I had a better chart for this that I don't
sucks. He you watch it as he kind of,
you know, gently, you know, kind of rubs his chin as he thinks.
And he says, well, we don't do anything with armor here, so it
may be something that we have to deal with, something a little
bit different. We do have plenty types of
potion. Maybe not something that you're
looking for in particular, but I would recommend that you peruse
our potion and at this point you watch as L and Scald walk into
the door to the door and as he just stops mid sentence and he
notices L and he just rolls his eyes and scoffs.
This. Welcome, Master L.
You having a. Works.
I'm very gingerly turn around to this interaction.
You know you. Are quite fortunate that you
work for him. You do?
And he turns on his heel and walks back to the front desk.
I turned to Ellen. I'm like, you know, the scaly
fuck. Yeah, he's a Dick.
Seems like it. Yeah, I'm imagining there's like
lots of robes and clothing and articles of this nature.
Begin walking up and perusing, kind of going through like, you
know, like a real housewife, looking through racks of
clothing, pulling stuff out, looking at it, showing it to Al,
and then putting it back with. The entire time I am chugging on
a cigar like a like a fucking coal train going up the side of
the Rocky Mountains. I I started.
Saturating every piece of cloth in front of me and cigar smoke.
Patrice notices what Scald is doing and remembers the
conversation from earlier with Elle, and he walks over to Skeld
and says, You got that, you got the flask out of.
Me. Sure I do.
Oh. Fantastic.
I pop it out. I take a swig.
I hand it over. Patrice takes the swig and hands
it to Elle. Elle has a, Elle has.
Stepped. Inside the door and has as far
as he has gone. Well then, then he he takes us.
Then Patrice takes a second swig and hands it back to scale and
says, Hey, can you get a cigar for me?
Yeah. I hand Patrice a cigar.
I give him finger guns and I light it for him.
I see. What's that?
Oh yeah, yeah, I I snapped for the flame and and put the fire.
On it and I need I need Patrice to roll a Constitution saving
throw for the cigar. Patrice is good at constitution.
I take a second. She.
Is that's a that's a 16 wait I think.
I. Think you are.
I think I got some 18. So, but as you so you take it,
your first drag of cigar. Because if I'm recalling right,
this is your first. He smoked.
He smoked at least one before because we smoked one, the first
on the boat. OK.
Thank you he. Had rum for the front on the
boat. Yeah, he had rum, he had cigar
and he had bacon for the first time.
All on the boat, all within two hours.
Patrice, because he's solid. If he doesn't have proficiency
in Constitution, I think he should get proficiency in
Constitution. For that day alone, no.
But sorcerers get. So, so you take that that that
first drag and it's still not quite but.
He's not used to it. Used to it, right?
So there's there's a, there's a gentle, but in this case the
floor is solid. It's not moving.
So you were no longer green in the gills as you were taking it
and it and the second time you take that second drag?
And you get that pleasant flavor and aroma that comes with a very
high quality of cigar. Because yes, you have bought
from the best, right? So Scald takes a second swig
from the flask, screws the lid on and throws it over his
shoulder at L, reaches into the pouch on his hip and pulls out
the pipe tobacco. That he bought at Edwards and
throws that at Al and says I figured this is now.
Now is as good a time as any to give you your birthday present.
Today is your birthday, right? Like start your thing is sailing
towards Al and go. Huh.
This is new. So, so Dexterity checks please
for the catch. The catches.
L. Maybe, yeah.
That's why he's catching the. If he does, then it's.
He'll let the tobacco, yeah. Yeah, if he has to.
Look, the flask is magical. It can't be destroyed like this.
Dark throw stuff at. Elton choosing.
A downward angle. Yes.
There's a 19. For the flask and a one for the.
I'm out of booze and that's very sad.
I'm not doing anymore. That was so bad, you know.
When you don't drink it five times a day.
Yeah, I know. You lose your resistance, so
I've. Had I've had it once in my life,
that's enough. My Lord and I don't anymore.
That that's enough for the entire city of Grand Junction.
They don't. They No one else needs in this
city needs to drink the Lord. Maybe I hate myself less than I
did six months ago. I don't know.
It's weird. Fair.
Possible. It is very well possible.
So as as Elk El is suave in the catch of this flask, right?
So he catches it kind of spins, and as he spins he uncorks.
It takes a sip. And then puts it down.
And then he looks down. Oh.
And then bag of tobacco smacks him in the back of the head.
Not even it, just it. Just as he as he's finishing
square in the chest and then falls to the ground and L just
kind of looks down. And goes.
That's about average. So at this point because.
We are taking fucking ridiculously amount of time.
We're going to take our next break and then we will finish
our shopping within the sorcerer's source when we get
back. Welcome back, everybody, to
campaigns and concoctions, where we discuss everything from
Campari soda to the myth of the Mono Myth.
So what are we drinking? So Curtis and Jared were
workshopping a Italian bird. Which is typically 1 1/2 ounces
aged drum, 3/4 ounce Campari, half oz Sherry and half oz honey
syrup and a pinch of salt. We did an ounce of aged rum, 3/4
ounce of Campari, 3/4 ounce of Sherry.
Yeah, too much. Ended up being too much, which I
don't agree with. We used 1/2 ounce of ginger
syrup. Instead of the honey syrup.
Instead of the honey syrup and five drops of.
Tiki Bitters. Tiki, bitters and five drops of
salt salt. You know what I taste in my
cocktail? Sherry.
I taste Sherry and tiki bitters. And you know what's great?
Sherry and Tiki Bitters. I mean, it's Sherry and tiki
bitters. I'll give it that.
I would have loved to taste some ginger syrup.
We need to. Like I said, we don't lie.
You don't taste any ginger serve.
You taste Sherry and tiki bitters.
I what I what I like is in my hand right now and I'm drinking
it and I don't appreciate you talking so much shit.
I'm not talking shit. It's kind of weird.
I'm talking. I'm talking fat, so I'm talking
fat. I'm talking.
OK. OK.
Let's move on. The table was like a Mike
Sherry, except for. Curtis let's.
Move on. I will say that's a very
interesting rhubarb, but finish right?
It's also sure I've made I need a I need a name for this.
And I was fucking around a bit last time around.
It's beautiful. It's a very pretty drink and
it's because it's blue Piris out in green.
Yeah. Yeah.
So it's a it's a it's a little, little, little little sea foam,
little, little little gin and sea foam is what we're going to
call this. Yeah.
So it was. It was Tua. 2 ounces of wood gin
and then I did the yeah, I the Gargo Amaro, it's really on
point. An ounce and a half of that and
then 1/2 ounce of blue curis out, I realized.
It half of the Amaro. Yeah, I had to.
But I really had to go. Back on that cuz I.
Needed something to balance out the blue curis out because it
was just taking over the whole fucking drink.
It was. Yeah.
No, that's a much better drink. Yeah, that's really.
Not solid, It's almost like. It's almost like a an Amaro
Vesper, you know, like it's a gin and Amaro Vesper almost.
Which is? You don't rum in there.
It's just gin. It's just gin.
Gin Amaro and Blue Carousel. That's fucking great.
I like it. I like it a lot.
Sounds lovely. I made I made another wise Sam
or the waste of a good apple. As we stand here in.
The Sorcerer source as Master Fumi Fujimori just looks
scoldingly at the rest of you, as since ever since Elle has
come in. What are you guys doing?
Besides smoking and annoying the the the person that owns a
place. Yeah, I'm smoking like a
chimney. I'm looking at literally every
single article of clothing on every single rack.
And just puffing away with my cigar while looking at them
there. Did pulls out her loaded coin
purse and purposely make sure that you could see like the
platinum and kind of. Fingers through it.
Nice pulls. The.
Strings on it puts it. Back on her head.
You love this. And walks out the door.
Fire. Fire.
I think pass away. Sushi and as the way just
follows. It out the door.
I think Scalp sees this happen and openly laughs like is like
still sorting through shirts and tunics and robes and like
watches them walk out and laughs heartily and then just continues
looking through stuff, watching out of the corner of his eye for
the rest of his friends to leave.
Yeah, cool. So everyone leaves, I'm
assuming. I think, I think, Patrice says
as he's walking out the door. You know there's something to be
said for decorum and then he just leaves.
Ooh. Ooh, give me a.
Fucking vicious. Vicious.
Yeah, that's brutal. Give me a persuasion check with
advantage. That shit is on like Donkey
Kong. That was.
Super awesome. I.
Don't even need to roll with advantage.
That was a Nat 20. A maze balls.
So as you say this, you watch as this fairly stoic dragonborn
eyes get fairly wide and reacts in shock and just kind of.
His neck from his you know cause dragonboard kind of have a kind
of a almost a lean forward right.
They're kind of predatory in their natural stance because of
their evolution, right. And it just there's it's almost
like he was hit as he reacts to your statement, and it's just
like stunned silence. And then you open the door, the
bell rings, and you walk away. That may that may be the most
devastating thing that has happened in the entire campaign
so far. Jesus Christ crushed this man's
spirit. Circle catch the door and motion
for Scald to follow through because like, not sure there's a
follow up to that except for Scald.
Scald gets to the door and he turns around and he he takes a
cigar out of his mouth and he ashes on the floor and he goes,
you know, I had some words I was going to say to you, but giant
big puff. So he creates some more ash,
blows a nice big puff into the room.
Ash is on the floor again, goes my my boy Patrice is a savage.
Walks out the door. Sarkle flip a coin to land on
one of his counters and just like it's always a fun time
coming to visit you and walk out the door.
That's beautiful. This man is going to close his
shop and go back home. Not because he went out of
business, but because of the shame.
Marstrom's Arcade just crushing shopkeepers left and right.
We're we're great. We are officially raging against
the machine today. So First off, I do need to
apologize Family if you guys here.
There was a little bit of weirdness there.
So. But so as the six of you guys
now have exited and completely ruined this guy's self esteem,
what are you guys doing? It's.
In the shit. Nordstrom's Arcade We're gonna
go to Elle's favorite place next.
All right, the. Nostrums, OK, Nostrums.
Arcade. Nostrums are.
I blame you because you said Nordstrom for.
I agree, it's my fault. Yeah, it's my fault.
I'm really upset that you guys already corrected it because I
had. I had a joke for this.
Yeah, as after the after star comes out, I will say so let's
go somewhere that's actually decent and tournament for
nostrums as we're walking, Scout goes, I don't know when your
birthday is, but that tobacco actually was for your birthday.
So whether I'm late or early, that's your birthday present.
All right, so. This is actually if you head
back nearly to where you entered the night market for the first
time, you see a fairly tall, narrow building.
It's kind of been wedged in between two larger buildings.
One is. Like an end, the other one is a
is a Tavern. Nothing like spectacular, but
this is kind of like this really tall narrow 4 story building.
As as you walk into the to the building you see a fairly
androgynous high elf that's standing behind the counter.
It's very similar in the set up to to the sorcerer's source, but
it seems that it's a little bit more.
Askance, right? There's a little bit less
organization. There seems to be less care
placed in how things. Are or ordered?
And everything you watch as this person stands up and and they
say as soon as L walks in, it's like.
LL. Good to see you, my man.
Where have you been? Just so you know, L pronouns
they them. For Frankie Hudson.
Frankie Hudson, I will, I will walk in, arms out to give.
Him, a hug and Frankie my person.
Yeah. So he he kneels or they kneel
down and they he they grabbed it or get a hold of you and they
they're just like super stoked to see you, says what is it that
brings you to my humble establishment?
We got, we got some point to spend.
You got interesting shit to spend it on.
Always for you here. Oh, and then they take a step
back and they notice that that there's five, there's five
others and reaches out kind of fist, fist out towards Sark and
says my dude waiting for that fist bump from Sark.
And just be like, listen to the rumor meal.
Just wait for the rumor meal. And this is 8.
Why don't you introduce me to my friend your your new friends
here? You got Skull the bell.
Hey, how's it going? Pirate.
I I am a pirate also. What the fuck with that last
person? Like that dude sucks.
I told you he was a Dick. Dude, he's a fucking Dick.
Where? Where did you go?
What Fuji? Mara.
Fuji Mara's place? Did he rip off your floor plan?
And we all kind of follow the same thing.
He just kind of makes sense. He's just an ass.
Dude, he's such an ass. And I just walk up and I hold my
fist out to fist bump Frankie solid and as soon as he fist
bumps me, I pop my flask. I take a swig and I hand it to
him. So they are they.
Sorry. Nope, no problem.
They they grab your your flask and they handle that shit.
Jesus. It happens.
It happens, right? We missed it.
Yeah, said that so. I did say I did give pronouns
so, but I misgendered myself, so, you know.
It happens, right? So they unscrew it and they take
a swig. What do you have in there right
now? Rum.
Okay The Haven Select Very yes. Haven Select rum.
This isn't the everlasting. This is the everlasting Flask,
by the way. They everlasting flask with
whiskey, wasn't it? Correct?
Yeah. OK, so it's whiskey.
OK. It's the Everlasting Flask.
Takes a, takes a I mean a solid slug, right?
We're all impressed. Has to and or nethers my friend.
Puts it back in and this has got me feeling some kind of way and
hands you the flask back and says well.
Well, Elle, continue. Please tell me who all these
rest of these beautiful people are?
This SOA musician Sailor. My dear, nice to meet you.
Pleasure. This is Sid.
Hello, Warrior. You are, aren't you?
Something, yeah. She did some kind of shit where
she murdered people, I think. I'm sure you're the pirate.
But that is, you're the pirate. Yeah, that's accurate.
Yeah, you, you and me said we can be friends, I think.
I was the legion of the Dagger. That means pretty much nothing
to me, but it sounds scary. I don't know.
I don't know shit either. I'm getting like this weird
feedback hold. On sorry.
I don't know shit either, but that feels dangerous and I
really like it. And you, my puffy hair friend.
Who are you? His hair is puffy.
Isn't it? I knew it was weird.
Patrice Shakerton pleased To me. It's not weird, It's puffy.
Well Patrice, they look you up and down and says welcome.
I think you and me need to. Talk.
Yeah, I'm really I I was actually.
Yeah. I think.
I think we're here mostly for me.
Really I I have a. I have a few specific items in
mind that I'm looking to find. And L you thought of me?
Of course, baby, baby, thank. You, but you're usually trying
to do things to look out for you.
I appreciate that. That's so nice of You're
welcome. Yeah, it's nice to have somebody
kind of like you and L to kind of like Patrice.
You're just our little baby bird and we're feeding you from the
mouth like a Mama. Oh.
Man. So I'm not feeling as I.
Measured the way to go shop. So just to kind of kind of set
this stage real quick, right? So picture David Bowie, yes.
Stardust, but with a slightly more feminine build.
Deep V Cut Robe. Tattoos all up and down their
chest and they come up and they kind of gently place their hand
at the back of Patrice's neck and says, baby, let me show you
what I have. Patrice, you should take them up
on this offer. There's like a tailor's tape
measure nearby. There is, yeah.
So it's going to pull it out. I just toss it.
That would be like you should measure him and I was going to
not so subtly guide everybody else away from the two of them
many different places of the shop to show them things.
And like Al has to physically grab Scald by the elbow to drag
scald away and Scald is sipping on his flask and smoking his
cigar and looking over and sort of like, no, but I just want to
watch. I just.
I watch after the kid watch.
No. Gonna go somewhere where you can
see them. So, so there's a there's a pause
in the walk as as Frankie turns towards scald and snaps and your
cigar goes out and they say no, no no, no, I have something
better and they point to a cigar box that's sitting on their
their counter and says. I can smell the quality very
nice. This is a little bit better I
think. Scald, while holding the
extinguished cigar in his hand, snaps those fingers that the
cigar is in and it just immediately poofs into smoke and
like press. The digitation just eliminates
like burns up the rest of the cigar, walks over and grabs a
new cigar. Out-of-the-box and is like I'm
going to go look at your wares, Frankie.
So there's there's also a very nice like sitting area that has
a couple of couches and some chairs and some tables with some
really lovely spring water. The cigar is kind of like an
actually decent acid cigar, you know that brand acid.
But this is better, right? So y'all can sit over there, my
babies and. You do you.
When you need me, you come see. Start like a cat across the back
of one of the couches. Just like Yikes.
And so, and also having to make a make a character.
Because this is now, this is not how I intended this character to
go, but this is how it's going. Yeah, you fucked up big time and
they need a rag story. Congratulations, You just
invented your own fucking Gilmore.
You just invented your own Gilmore.
You're fucked. And they they go back to to to
I'm going to. Go look at your wears.
To to Patrice and and the the hand goes from the neck slowly
to to the lower back of Patrice as they guide him.
Gently over to the robes that are sit up there and Skeld is
being dragged away by Elle and making eye contact with Patrice
and just giving thumbs up as he's being dragged away smoking
a cigar like. You got this, Bunny.
You got this. So they they guide you to a a a
space where the you know when you walk into a a very fine
tailor and they have that. Those those like.
Six mirrors that are set up right?
And so, Patrice, you're placed in there and says, wait and they
go, baby, what is it exactly that you're looking?
For you know, my robe is. Very mundane.
And I was looking for something that would kind of not only like
have a little bit of character, but also bolster me a little
bit, make me just kind of make me more than what I am right
now. Just kind of exemplify who I am
and you hear from the distance. Bolster that dude.
So. I I I think I know, I I'm trying
to remember what's the what's the what is Patrice's
complexion. Patrice's complexion is he's
relatively tanned. OK.
So more like kind of like olive complexion.
So good. Especially for for a dark elf,
he's kind of, because he's a he's he's half between, he's
half dark elf, half human, so. So, so more like almost purple,
like a light purple skin. Yeah, OK.
I think, yeah. Like I would say he's he he
tends more towards the humanoid like like human style skin with
just a little bit of touch of the flavor from his mom.
OK, sounds good. So Frankie looks at you and says
Baby, I think I got just the thing and they walk over.
And they pull out a kind of a like almost like a salmon
colored robe for you and they they pull it off and they
straight, you know, as a as a fellow olive colored guy here I
have to tell you it definitely works on on on us very often.
But Frankie looks important and kind of drapes it over your
shoulder and says baby, I think this is exactly what you need.
So the IT is the most luxurious texture of textile that you have
ever. Right.
It's not flimsy like silk, but it's not that like that that
same kind of press against your skin and it is just but it's
sturdy at the same time. It's this kind of contradiction
in feels right and. Like you don't even know how to
describe it. This is way above and beyond
anything that you have ever felt in your life.
Okay. I think he's, I think that is
there. Is there any trim to it or is it
just salmon? Oh, no.
Yeah, it is. It's definitely got kind of like
a like a It's a black. Trim that goes with it.
Right and and it additionally has a black belt that goes to it
as well. Yeah, like like ravening.
Like kind of shiny with a little like, hint of purple in it.
Sure. Yeah, I'm down with that.
It sounds good to me. Okay Patrice is excited and as
he as he puts it on as as well, I don't know, maybe, maybe you
can say how Frankie delivers it. Like does he help him get it?
You know when you go and get his suit on and somebody helps?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh, that's one of the
cool when they're when they're like holding it out And yeah,
yeah, get it onto your arms and fit it and then they like.
Hold on, I got you, I got you. So first, so Frankie kind of
removes that upper part of your of your garment, right, like
your your your shirt and everything.
Kind of pulls it down very gently And then.
It's Rolling Roses is on full display.
Yeah, the tattoo is shining and. As as they walk around, kind of
gently caress that first like ooh, that is a beautiful piece
that you have sitting right there, front and center.
You are screaming so bad, Oh my God.
And you just hear from the distance, muffled because his
friends are putting their hands over his mouth and he's shifting
his face to be able to yell from the other room.
It is a beautiful piece. Isn't it?
Yeah, mechanical question. Can I use mage hand to like go?
Someone try try. OK, I thought you're going to
use Mage. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Literally everybody is trying to keep me from fucking this up for
you, and Skillet is very convinced he's helping, and if
he's not helping, he's having a good time doing whatever it is
he's doing. You guys are more than welcome
to do whatever you want at this point.
Frankie is locked, right? Nothing you do are going to fuck
with Frankie like Frankie is happy right now.
So. They walk around and they they
kind of, they drape it. They drape this robe over over
top of you. And then as they kind of gently
crash your shoulders to get it to fit right and then they they
kind of. Gently rub your back, kind of
get a little bit in the back of your fro right in the back of
your head and like you've never been treated quite this way at
at A at a clove year before, right like this is this feels
really nice but at the same time you're not sure how to handle
it. They walk to to the front, wrap
it around you, tie, tie the belt and says I think.
Yes, this is exactly what you need, baby.
Does he does he like like make sure that the tattoo is still
visible, like? So think.
Think 70's porn star bro like the DV man.
Yes, you got ready for the disco floor.
Disco is not dead Disco. You look like you look like John
Travolta and Boogie Nights Bitch.
Yes, I just. I just want to.
I just want to note for background that Skeld has now
convinced his friends that he will be on his best behavior.
He's going to stop fucking with Patrice.
He just wants to smoke his really nice cigar, drinks
whiskey from his flask and peruse the wears I want to.
Roll insight. Insight.
Check that shit.
Like Starks on that part too. With like I don't believe you.
Yeah. It's a 19 for a total of.
This seems fitting. 22. Even.
With my proficiency and my my skill, I'm at a You Can't Even
Hide This Lie 16. So are you are you horseshitting
or not? Think Skeld is bullshitting at
this point? I.
I think he is at this moment done fucking with Patrice.
And actually does just want to shop you, We can shop in that.
I'm going. With you.
I'm fine with that. I'm fine with that because
anytime we can direct Patrice's energy anywhere else, I'm very
happy. Well, I'm.
I'm just trying to make sure that happens, you know that.
Yeah. Yeah.
I don't think you're helping, I think.
I am. I don't.
Think sarcas on this cold side, because I will be.
See. See.
But I get it. I'll be on my best behavior from
this point forward. My best behavior.
Yeah. That's why we're coming with
you. OK, cut back to Patrice's scene.
Sorry. I just needed a setup.
All right. So the one thing that sets
Frankie apart is that they have this really light purple eyes,
right? It's.
And as they look in it at you, Patrice, it is.
There's an earnestness in there, in there, just their whole aura
as they are are dressing you, getting you set up.
Like at no point actually. Go ahead and roll inside.
Check for me Patrice. Not as good.
That's A7. Right.
At no point do you feel that this is something that is being
put on or if this isn't not genuine like that you feel that
they are very much like they are locked in with you and they they
really enjoying that doing this whole process that's going
through, right. So they wrap, they wrap you up,
they get you tied up. That the tattoo is is showing
like I, I, I. Don't.
Now correct me if I'm wrong. I just have this idea in my head
that kind of like underneath all of the naivete and everything
there is a like this subtle build to to Patrice that is just
like you don't see it because of the weirdness of him.
But he's a fairly attractive dude with a fairly solid body,
right? Like this is this is this is how
I'm seeing it right? He's.
Not. Like he's got, he's a Carpenter
and a sailor. Yeah, like he's wiry.
He's, he's wiry, but he's buff. He's like that.
He's like that, that life slim. Yeah.
He like he looks totally. Until he, like, goes to pick up
something heavy. And then he does.
And you're like, bro, where'd those guns come from?
Like they're just out of your fucking arms all the sudden.
Yeah. What's the name of the French
actor from dinner? Is it Charlemagne?
Charlemagne. Charlemagne, Yeah.
Yeah, Charlemagne. Yeah, Okay.
Perfect. It's like, yeah, you lift, bro.
I didn't know you did, but for sure you lift.
If you you are a very effeminate buff dude.
Right, Yeah. Totally sexy, so as as.
Yeah, exactly. Right as they they continue to
to finish up. Frankie looks at you and says,
well baby, I think this is this fits you to a team.
What do you think? Is this for you?
It's you. Yeah, go ahead.
It's it's, I think not only does it does it does it, Matt does it
does it just help me display this, this tattoo that means so
much to me. But I think, I think it goes.
I think it goes with the subtle hints of blue in my eyes.
I think it does, babe. And as as they're they're
walking around you there, you watch as they're casting somatic
elements and you watch as the robe gently fits to your height
and your build and your shoulders and it just kind of
accentuates who you are. And they continue to walk around
and say, is this what you're wanting?
And I need you to roll in our kana check real quick.
As soon as as soon as I'm going to use a sorcery point to re
roll that as soon as. Answers this question.
He's got a sorcery point to reroll that.
Scalda is going to wander by a. Totally.
Natural path to. Use all three of the world,
sure. Can we do it once?
That's OK. Scalda is going to.
Scalda is going to wander by. After Patrice answers this
question. This was better.
Though so with the natural 20 this you recognize this is the
robe of the Archmanch. It wouldn't have been if it
wasn't for the fact that you guys had built up this that that
L had built up this store as as his favorite place.
Yeah. Frankie's gonna take care of
y'all, yeah. Frankie.
So what's your answer, Patrice? I'm sold.
How many pounds of platinum do you require for this?
After that, Y'all wanders by on his best fucking behavior, all
right? Trying his damnedest.
Stops, looks over his shoulder at Patrice, gives him two full
elevator looks and goes Damn Patrice, I don't know.
I'd fuck you and walks away. I'm having a full Jay and Silent
Bob moment. I'd fuck me.
Exactly. Exactly.
I was trying to figure out how to make it that, but all I could
come up with was I would fuck you, you know?
That's why it's. Following skill around to try to
stop him from doing something just like this and just kind of
face palms as she follows him away.
So Frankie kind of gently grabs, you know, does that, that gentle
grab of your chin. And says, well baby, I don't
deal with platinum pounds, but we're looking at 7500 platinum
pieces. Here's 8000 she.
She places her hands on your hip and she takes the money and says
just so you know, babe, I didn't do this all for the night.
If you're in town, let's go grab a drink and that's where we'll
pick up next week. Oh, Patrice, don't get so.
And thank you everyone so much for joining us on this adventure
of a cooperative story tone. Holy fuck, I killed that one.
I feel so good about that dude. Just for Curtis of Facial
reaction. God, that was that was great.
Deep cameras. We really do need cameras.
I wish I could see it. I couldn't see his his
reactions. Dustin, out of the camera's
view. Oh my.
God, thank you everybody though I think, I hope.
I hope you guys really enjoyed that.
This is now. I think Frankie might be my MP,
My favorite MPC I've ever played, really.
Fun. I just.
Frankie does Art Gilmore, for sure.
Yeah, right. Like I I hate to just like be
like this is like something that happened on Critical Role, but
also like. I was like, Oh no, this is
Laura. They all described me to go more
like it was like for the first time we were you pulled a random
random fucking shopkeeper out of out of his ass.
Cuz we made him do it and he wasn't expecting it and we're
like, God talking to you. So next already more, man.
Next. We just need you to.
Create our, create our. Own plug of plugs about ugly.
Stuff I it. Makes me happy.
So thank you everyone, for joining us on this adventure of
cooperative storytelling. As always, if you want to join
us, hit the link below in the in the show notes.
You can join us on our Instagram and in our Discord.
Also please if you are listening, we do have some
exclusive content on Spotify. You can answer the questions One
tell us where. What is it?
John A. Waste of a good apple.
Where does that come from? And the first person to answer
that correctly will have a cocktail named after after them.
Also, we're going to have another question there.
We're not sure what it's going to be yet.
We're going to work on it. But thank you as always.
And until next time, drink. In your answer in your answer,
tell us like whether you want it named after your screen name or
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your for a cocktail, Yeah, whatever it is.
Like, tell us what name you want us to use, yeah?
Sounds good. And until next time, drink well.