1
00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:09,200
Hello, beautiful humans and 
welcome to the mental Wellness. 

2
00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:13,400
Wake up, show a weekly podcast 
where growth minded creative 

3
00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:17,700
people, come to learn, best 
practices from both spirituality

4
00:00:17,900 --> 00:00:21,500
and psychology that create 
lasting well-being. 

5
00:00:22,100 --> 00:00:26,500
I am your host mental Wellness, 
expert improvised acting teacher

6
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:29,000
therapist and Coach, Don 
McMillan. 

7
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:30,600
Let's get to it. 
It. 

8
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:35,300
Beloved humans. 
Thank you so much for being here

9
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:39,700
to my returning, listeners, 
mwah, big kiss, and hug. 

10
00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:42,800
Thank you for coming back, to 
spend time with me. 

11
00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:46,800
I honor you, and I cherish you, 
and to my new listeners. 

12
00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:50,400
Welcome, welcome. 
I'm so excited to see how our 

13
00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:53,000
community is growing across the 
planet. 

14
00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:57,000
It's a delight and an honor and 
a pleasure that you would even 

15
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,400
stop by. 
So thank you for stopping by 

16
00:00:59,900 --> 00:01:03,900
stick around. 
I I aim to be of service and I 

17
00:01:03,900 --> 00:01:09,500
really appreciate you and your 
presence in my life. 

18
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:13,600
So please do continue to like, 
share and subscribe. 

19
00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,600
It makes all the difference in 
the world. 

20
00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:18,700
We get to grow our little 
community, and that's just more 

21
00:01:18,700 --> 00:01:22,200
people, elevating Consciousness,
and spreading Joy on the planet.

22
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:30,200
so, what I want to share with 
you today is it's okay to be 

23
00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:34,400
okay. 
It's okay to be okay. 

24
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,200
What do I mean by this other 
than the adhan? 

25
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,400
Whatever? 
That's all B's. 

26
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,200
It's a tautology. 
It's okay to be. 

27
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:45,800
Okay. 
So first of all in recent years,

28
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:49,500
we've had quite an uptick in 
people acknowledging. 

29
00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:53,400
Their suffering, their 
struggles, their mental health 

30
00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:56,600
concerns. 
And so, you see a lot of, it's 

31
00:01:56,600 --> 00:02:05,000
okay not to be, okay, and it is.
All feelings are, welcome all 

32
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:11,100
experiences are valid. 
So on those days, those moments,

33
00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:17,400
sometimes those weeks, when I 
feels a little bit, like a slog,

34
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:20,700
when your brain is not your 
friend, when your body is 

35
00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:28,700
struggling, It's okay, not to be
okay, you do not owe the world 

36
00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:33,000
positivity. 
American culture has created a 

37
00:02:33,008 --> 00:02:36,700
sort of toxic positivity culture
and I struggle against this a 

38
00:02:36,700 --> 00:02:42,500
lot in when I was working in 
addiction because I would want 

39
00:02:42,500 --> 00:02:48,000
to guide my client to relapse 
prevention strategies and much 

40
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,800
of the time, the strategy they 
wanted to use in the only one 

41
00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,600
they wanted to use was To just 
think positive. 

42
00:02:57,200 --> 00:03:01,200
So, not only do we think that we
should think positive and we 

43
00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:04,300
have to think positive, we've 
come to believe that we owe to 

44
00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:12,100
other people, positivity 
excitement, and cheerfulness at 

45
00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:16,800
all times. 
So I honor and I embrace our 

46
00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:21,100
understanding that sometimes 
things are not as okay as they 

47
00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:24,400
might otherwise be. 
And so yes it is. 

48
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:31,800
Okay to not be okay. 
Okay, and it's okay to be okay. 

49
00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:39,000
It's okay to be okay. 
We do not have to lean into our 

50
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:44,400
mental illness. 
We do not have to wallow in our 

51
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:47,800
stress. 
We do not have to Define 

52
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:54,600
ourselves by our diagnosis. 
We can have our diagnosis, have 

53
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:58,800
our stress, have our tough 
mental, health, challenges, or 

54
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:03,500
physical challenges, and Be 
okay. 

55
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:11,000
It is okay. 
To be okay. it is okay to be 

56
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:18,399
okay, it is okay to notice All 
the suffering in the world. 

57
00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:21,800
And be okay. 
Wait, what? 

58
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:26,000
Yeah Yeah. 
Yeah. 

59
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:30,900
You can notice and understand 
that. 

60
00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:34,800
Sometimes there are terrible 
things going on in the world, 

61
00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:40,900
you do not have to create your 
own suffering, because of that, 

62
00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:47,700
it's okay to be okay. 
It's okay to be financially, 

63
00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:51,100
okay? 
When other people are homeless 

64
00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:55,000
without homes, it's okay to be 
financially, okay? 

65
00:04:55,000 --> 00:05:00,300
When a member of your family is,
Not, it's okay to be physically,

66
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,300
okay? 
When other people are unhealthy,

67
00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:09,000
it's okay to be mentally, okay, 
emotionally? 

68
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:12,800
Okay. 
When other people are ill, it is

69
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:16,300
okay, to be okay, I'm giving you
permission. 

70
00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:21,800
To not be suffering. 
Now, some of you are like why 

71
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:24,500
are you hammering this home? 
Of course, it's okay to be okay,

72
00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:30,300
I know it's okay to be okay. 
For you return to the. 

73
00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:32,000
It's also. 
Okay, not to be okay. 

74
00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:38,200
But it's okay to be okay. 
You can have your diagnosis and 

75
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,900
be okay. 
You can have bipolar disorder 

76
00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:43,400
and be okay. 
You can be on the autism 

77
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:47,300
spectrum and be okay. 
You can have ADHD ADHD and be 

78
00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:50,600
okay, you can have cancer and be
okay. 

79
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:56,800
You can have less than a dollar 
to your name and be okay. 

80
00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:02,600
You are not required to suffer 
in Buddhism. 

81
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:06,200
The analogy is pain, is like an 
arrow. 

82
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,600
You get shot with an arrow. 
You experience pain. 

83
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:12,800
But we like to do is shoot 
ourselves with the second arrow 

84
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:14,500
and have suffering about our 
pain. 

85
00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:19,200
We like to judge ourselves and 
other people, we like to resist 

86
00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:23,700
the present moment if you like 
oh, this is happening and Hate 

87
00:06:23,700 --> 00:06:26,200
it. 
There's another choice. 

88
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:31,000
This is happening. 
That's it. 

89
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,300
This is happening and I accept 
it. 

90
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:36,400
This is happening and I 
acknowledge it. 

91
00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:41,000
And what's beautiful about this 
is happening, and the story or 

92
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:44,000
this is happening. 
I accept and acknowledge it, is 

93
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:48,500
that if we're talking about 
suffering of other people, you 

94
00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:50,700
are so much more effective in 
your wellness, and you are in 

95
00:06:50,700 --> 00:06:55,000
your own suffering. 
Have you ever been in a bad 

96
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:58,300
spot? 
And someone comes along and they

97
00:06:58,300 --> 00:07:00,900
call themselves comforting you 
but they get so upset that then 

98
00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:02,700
you feel like you have to start 
comforting them. 

99
00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:08,800
You ever had that? 
I've seen that in them in grief,

100
00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:11,000
right? 
The family members will be 

101
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:14,000
really struggling because 
they've lost someone and, you 

102
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,800
know, the, the co-worker will 
come and they'll be so 

103
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:19,500
devastated that the family 
members are comforting them, 

104
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:24,300
you're so much more effective in
our in our well-being. 

105
00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:26,800
And we are in our suffering and 
our whoa. 

106
00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:31,700
So if there's some part of you 
that feels wrong about being, 

107
00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:37,300
okay, when someone else is not 
it's like oxygen mask thing, 

108
00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:41,400
really, if you're on an airplane
and the plane is going down and 

109
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,600
you're busy running around, 
putting on everyone else's 

110
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,200
oxygen mask. 
You're going to start to lose 

111
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,800
Consciousness and be very bad at
it. 

112
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:49,200
You take a moment to put on your
own oxygen mask in. 

113
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:53,600
There you are super effective. 
It's okay to be okay. 

114
00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:59,700
Even if no one else you know is 
It's okay to be okay part 

115
00:07:59,700 --> 00:08:07,100
whatever 23 911. 
It's okay to be only okay you 

116
00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:10,900
don't have to be exceptional. 
You have to be the best. 

117
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:15,000
You don't have to be thrilled, 
you don't have to be happy, you 

118
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:18,400
don't have to be whoo-hoo 
enthusiastic and with to be 

119
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:22,900
cheerful, you just be okay. 
You can be content, you can be 

120
00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:27,100
fine, we live in a culture, 
their positive positivity 

121
00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:30,700
culture, where a you're supposed
to be positive all the time. 

122
00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:35,200
And the opposite of that is to 
liberate yourself from toxic 

123
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,400
positivity by being miserable a 
lot. 

124
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:41,600
What about that? 
Golden mean as Aristotle would 

125
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:45,600
say, what about balance? 
What about the middle path? 

126
00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:51,400
You don't have to be running 
swinging through the branches. 

127
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:54,500
I don't know what the analogy is
going to be jumping up and down 

128
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:58,200
on couches, excited and joyful 
all the time and in order to be 

129
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:04,400
a good person or to have a good 
life, nor do you have to be 

130
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:07,000
willing around in a pit to show 
that? 

131
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:10,400
You understand other people's 
suffering, you can be okay, you 

132
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:16,300
can be fine, you can be content 
and I ask this of you. if you 

133
00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:20,800
strung together a series of 
moments that were like, okay, 

134
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:26,800
that be okay. 
Part of the reason we suffer so 

135
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:30,500
much in this culture is because 
we're so addicted to exchange 

136
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:33,800
the extreme of excitement. 
We want that dopamine hit, we 

137
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,700
want to be thrilled, we want to 
be happy. 

138
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:40,000
We want to be excited. 
We want to be over the moon that

139
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,400
we lose sight of. 
This is good. 

140
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,200
This is cool. 
I'm content. 

141
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:47,700
You know, when I was on my walk 
today, when I let go of problem 

142
00:09:47,700 --> 00:09:49,900
solving and just allowed myself 
to be in the present moment, I'm

143
00:09:49,900 --> 00:09:54,100
like, this is good. 
Wasn't ecstatic. 

144
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:57,200
I wasn't miserable was like it's
good. 

145
00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:58,800
It's fine. 
I'm okay. 

146
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,200
This is lovely. 
This is nice. 

147
00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:07,200
So, I invite you to be okay. 
You can be content, you can be a

148
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:12,000
piece, you can be in the middle,
not overly thrilled, not overly 

149
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:17,200
terrible, you can be fine. 
And the more we allow ourselves 

150
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:22,400
to be in the golden mean mean 
being average, that's what 

151
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:25,600
Aristotle is talking about is, 
you know, between courage and 

152
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:29,100
cowardice? 
Is the golden mean the middle 

153
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:35,700
spot, the Goldilocks spot if you
will the middle path. the more 

154
00:10:35,700 --> 00:10:41,100
we can accept, okayness, The 
more we can stop being addicted 

155
00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:44,900
to the extremes, the better life
will have. 

156
00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:49,800
Overall, one thing I learned 
from the book dopamine nation is

157
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:53,100
that there's a self-correction 
that often happens. 

158
00:10:54,700 --> 00:10:57,600
I do a lot of theater and 
there's a understanding and 

159
00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:00,400
theater about the post to show 
depression or the post-show let 

160
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,900
down, right? 
You do a run of a show. 

161
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:06,500
The adrenaline is pop in the 
audience is having a great time.

162
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,600
You spent all these months with 
these really cool creative 

163
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,900
people and then bada-boom 
bada-bing, it's over. 

164
00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:16,600
It's the life. 
Does that in a lot of ways big 

165
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:21,500
through big low? 
And so, when we allow ourselves 

166
00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:27,200
to stop chasing the thrill, we 
often free ourselves from the 

167
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:34,100
big low. 
Many of us are addicted to the 

168
00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:40,400
dopamine hit. 
We cannot stand any feeling 

169
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:44,700
other than whoo-hoo, and when 
we're not, woohoo, you think 

170
00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:50,000
there's something wrong. 
So, I'm inviting us all one to 

171
00:11:50,008 --> 00:11:52,600
stop, stop being addicted to our
suffering. 

172
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:56,100
There's a form of narcissism 
called covert narcissism, and 

173
00:11:56,100 --> 00:12:00,500
that's the version of 
narcissism, which decides, Which

174
00:12:00,900 --> 00:12:05,300
experiences itself as I am so 
special, because no one has 

175
00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:08,300
suffered like I have suffered 
and no one understands my 

176
00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:11,500
suffering. 
Well, you know, we're all 

177
00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:13,700
accustomed to the grandiose 
narcissist. 

178
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,700
It's like I'm the most special 
person, and the best, and 

179
00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:19,700
smartest of the cutest of the 
whatever, but some of us are 

180
00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:24,500
giving in, to this narcissistic 
tendency to be the most uniquely

181
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,400
diagnosed suffering person that 
ever lived. 

182
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:31,000
So, on the one hand, I'm super 
special, I have the most likes 

183
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:35,200
on the cutest on the best on the
other hand on the worst and 

184
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,500
because of the way, our culture 
set up, some of us are 

185
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:40,600
vacillating between the two. 
If I'm not the Best. 

186
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,400
I'm the worst. 
I'm not the most special, I'm 

187
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:48,200
the most meaningless. 
What if it's okay to be okay. 

188
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:55,400
What if it's okay to be okay. 
What if you what, if it's okay 

189
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:59,400
to be like the other girls? 
But if it's okay to be like the 

190
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:04,700
other guys, what if, it's okay 
to have a pleasant time but if 

191
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:14,000
it's okay to be content, what if
it's okay, to be okay. so in 

192
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:18,400
this moment, I just want to 
invite you to tune into your 

193
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:21,200
okayness if you're feeling 
really good. 

194
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:25,400
Awesome. 
Allow that to exist and also 

195
00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:32,400
tune into your okayness the 
contentment underneath it. 

196
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:40,100
And if you're upset, are feeling
some kind of low mood, where is 

197
00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:45,900
okayness available to you. 
For example, often, my dog makes

198
00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:49,300
a ton of noise when I'm trying 
to record a podcast, they just 

199
00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:51,300
over there, you know, do a 
little dog thing. 

200
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:56,400
That's okay. 
Contentment, peace. 

201
00:13:57,100 --> 00:14:01,600
And I think a lot of those 
spiritual teachers that We 

202
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:05,000
admire the ones who give you 
that true sense of. 

203
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,500
Wow. 
That's so that person is tuned 

204
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:09,200
into something and I want a 
piece of that. 

205
00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:12,700
In my language. 
They have a certain quality of 

206
00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:17,300
okayness to certain peace in the
okayness that I'm talking about.

207
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,900
It's not running around all over
the place. 

208
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:25,600
It's not wallowing. 
Is there's just a sense of Here.

209
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:30,200
Now. 
Okay. 

210
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:36,200
Okay. 
You're okay. 

211
00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:41,500
Your whole you're perfect, 
you're complete. 

212
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:45,400
Just as you are. 
Just as you are, you don't have 

213
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:47,100
to be any more special than you 
already are. 

214
00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:50,000
You don't have to be any less 
special than you already are. 

215
00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:59,700
Right now, your complete and I 
invite you to have a life too, 

216
00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:04,800
feels pretty darn good. 
Most of the time and let that be

217
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:09,200
okay. 
And if you would do me the 

218
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,800
courtesy of coming back again, 
sometime I would be thrilled 

219
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:18,700
because I really enjoy spending 
this time with you, see you next

220
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:19,100
time.