Hello, beautiful humans and welcome to the mental Wellness.
Wake up, show a weekly podcast where growth minded creative
people, come to learn, best practices from both spirituality
and psychology that create lasting well-being.
I am your host mental Wellness, expert improvised acting teacher
therapist and Coach, Don McMillan.
Let's get to it. It.
So what I want to talk about today are two magic words that
will change your life. So many of us are beset with all
kinds of little inconveniences, the slings and arrows of
Outrageous, Fortune and I have a recipe for how to make it
better. But before we get into that, I
just want to say thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for spending time on the podcast.
Thank you for reaching out to me.
Thank you for sharing the podcast with other people.
Thank you for even listening to the podcast with other people
and then talking about it. How amazing is that?
So, thank you very, very, very, very much.
I'm so delighted that you're here.
I love this weekly conversation that we are having and I am
honored that you choose to participate.
Okay? So magic words to change your
life. Well, in what?
Guard what I'm talking about is all of those little things that
just get on our nerves. I was in a my bathroom the other
day and it was cold, it was super cold and it was annoying.
Had been cold for a lot and I would like to clarify that it's
definitely not the kind of cold that other people are suffering
from really just enough to make me uncomfortable and get tired
of wearing fuzzy socks and a hoodie.
While I'm inside. So that's what we're talking
about. I was cold my college, but
bathroom, it's called the water coming out of the tap is cold
and I start this litany in my brain of Oz.
Terrible. Hate this, why do I have to put
up with this? And, or is it so cold?
Never have experienced about that, or like that?
What about sitting in traffic? Oh my God, I can't believe
people drive like this. What is wrong with them?
Use your turn signal, or Step on the one on the right people?
We got to keep it moving or oh my God.
That guy drives like a crazy person.
What is wrong with people? Or that one world leader, really
like, oh my God, that man is a complete psychopath.
Anyone, who would support that person is obviously also a
psychopath, who would do that or you read the comments on the
internet. Ever read the comments, it'll
fry your brain. So one of the reasons I think we
have an uptick in mental health disorders it's because we've
lost her ability to tolerate discomfort.
What do I mean by that? Well we're very used to instant
gratification we go to load and app and it takes one point two
seconds instead of the normal half a second and we get
frustrated, we have some sort of Hungary.
Press a button and 20 minutes later.
It's delivered to our doors. We are not used to being
uncomfortable and we've been programmed to think that we
should be happy all of the time. And for a lot of us, happy Means
comfortable. Nothing on my body is
inconvenienced in any way. I'm going to perfect, right?
Temperature. My stomach is a perfect, right?
Amount of fullness, my bank account has the perfect right
amount of numbers in it. We're really Ali quite attached
and addicted to our Creature Comforts.
And so when we encounter a situation that might trigger
some kind of discomfort, we avoid it, we medicate it, we run
screaming in the other direction on war, We complain loudly,
whether it's loudly within our own heads or loudly to other
people. This should be to my preferences
that shouldn't be the way that it is.
This is wrong. I don't like this, I'm
uncomfortable, I was doing a process with a client recently
and sometimes it's helpful to do the worst case scenario so I
started working her through it. Okay.
If this happens. Well what's the worst that can
happen? Well, then this would happen.
And finally we got to the bottom of her chain and her response
was well then I would feel bad. Uh-huh.
And what's bad about that? Well, I would feel bad.
Okay, You would feel bad. That's not fatal, that's
unpleasant, but it's something that you can live with.
If you're willing to, in order to get all of the games that you
think that you would get for making that decision.
So that just really pointed out for me that because we think
that, if we're not feeling great all the time, we're doing
something wrong, or if the temperature or the fabric, or
the traffic or The weather isn't exactly to our liking.
It's terrible and I can't stand it.
Some of the cognitive errors that are uncovered, in cognitive
behavioral therapy, rational emotive, behavioral therapy,
these cognitive distortions, cognitive errors, stinkin
Thinkin, whatever you want to call it really relate to black
and white thinking, it's either really good or it's bad
catastrophizing. I stubbed my toe and that's
horrible and awful and I can't stand it.
And now my whole day is ruined, or Full lising as another way
that we talk about it or the just World fantasy or the just
World fallacy, rather. I did the right thing.
There for everything should be working out for me.
We've lost our ability to tolerate distress with some
personality disorders. That's a big chunk of the work,
learn to be dysregulated, learn to accept that.
Sometimes your emotions are a little all over the place and
you don't have to do anything about them.
If you're starting to feel a little anxious, you don't
necessarily have to do anything about it.
You don't have to stop what you're doing.
You don't have to take a pill. You don't have to do anything,
except notice and accept, and acknowledge that you are a
little distressed. Same thing with depression or
other uncomfortable physical or emotional Sensations.
Sometimes the answer is to accept them.
Notice that there are present and accept them and then
continue to choose what it is. That is worth choosing.
So what are the two magic words that I want to share with you?
Okay little fine. Print do not weaponize this
against other people. A grade so, the two magic words
are So, what? yeah, so what Went into the
bathroom like, oh my God, it's cold.
So what I don't like it so what be cold, right?
It's 5 minutes. 5 minutes don't you know, wash my hands and face
and move on five minutes and being moderately cold.
So what there's a lot of traffic right now.
So what all my traffic it makes me stressed out.
So what so what sometimes you're uncomfortable.
So what? I remember listening to a Tim
Ferriss podcast a gazillion years ago, and the guy was a
chess champion or a NATO, NATO seal, Navy SEAL, or some such.
And he said that one of the ways that his people learn to
overcome Difficult circumstances is by saying and that's how I
like it. Wow, this water is really cold
and that's how I like it. That's the brain hack, right?
Instead of all, this water is really cold and I can't stand it
and it's awful and I shouldn't have to put up with this.
And oh, what was me? And I now, let me just like, run
around and boil water and do something to fix it.
I completed my tasks much more simply and easily and quickly by
just going. So at it's a little
uncomfortable. So what?
It's raining and you might get mud on your shoes.
So what? So what now, the reason I said
don't weaponize, this is because you can easily get become
callous towards yourself or others.
Yeah. My significant other beats me
every time I come in the house. So what?
No, no, no, no. That's not what it's used for.
But it's used for is to stop yourself from complaining about
things that are not important or a really not that bad.
There are things that are actually terrible.
Most of the things in our lives that we react and resist and
complain about are not. They are not the rice at the
restaurant is a little crunchy and you prefer moist and sticky.
So what, so what eat it or send it back, there's no reason to
lose your your Equanimity over at, there's no reason to be
upset and cry and complain and all my whole night is run
because the rice wasn't cooked. And how about some, what?
The rice wasn't good. So what I ate it is fine.
I sent it back. That's fine.
I enjoyed everything else on my plate.
That's fine. So those are my two magic words
for you. So what if the?
So what is, well, this isn't a violation of my human rights.
Then do something about it. If the, so what is this is a
contradiction to my values. Then do something about it but
if the so what is I'm uncomfortable, Well, you could
do something about it or you can just accept that.
Sometimes people are uncomfortable, the world does
not always cater to your comfort and there are things that are
more important than Comfort. If you think about the devotion
of parents to a newborn child, they are not comfortable, but
they decide that nurturing this new life is more important than
their comfort. We can do that, and then we're
regular basis. Temperature in your cup.
Isn't the of your cup isn't the way you like it.
So what it really Harkens back to the Serenity Prayer, accept
it, or change it and if you don't choose to accept something
or change it, You suffer. That's really are the only three
choices except it, change it or suffer and whenever you're
complaining you are suffering and you are maybe bonding with
someone else who's listening to you.
Like it's bringing you closer as you guys complain together, but
you're bonding over suffering. Wondering if we can make a
different choice. So what maybe lean into
accepting things? Maybe lean into.
I can be a little uncomfortable and still accomplish the tasks
that are important to me. I don't have to reaction early,
avoid anything. I don't have to reaction airily
seek to change something. The moment, it doesn't go
exactly the way I want it to. So that's it two magic words.
This change your life, use it. Kindly So what, so what, so what
the latest Marvel movie isn't to your liking, so what?
So what and with that, thank you for being here.
I'm very curious to see what you think about this episode.
Yeah. And you don't want to know
something else though that I think is important to remember
truly. Is that you are whole perfect
and complete just as you are. So if life delivers you a little
discomfort that doesn't change, that doesn't make you any less
whole doesn't make you any. Less perfect doesn't make you
any less complete. It doesn't make the moment.
Any less worth being fully present too.
Just means you're a little uncomfortable, it's temporary
and do you can handle it. You absolutely can.
And while you're out there handling your business.
You are creating a life that feels worth living.
And you deserve a life. That is so beautiful and
amazing. You do you really really do, all
right, keep being fabulous, and I will see you next time.