Hello, beautiful humans and welcome to the mental Wellness.
Wake up, show a weekly podcast where growth minded creative
people, come to learn, best practices from both spirituality
and psychology that create lasting well-being.
I am your host mental Wellness, expert improvised acting teacher
therapist and Coach, Don McMillan.
Let's get to it. It.
All right friends we are going to talk about anxiety today.
So if you are alive and you read you will notice that there's
been an uptick and people being diagnosed with anxiety
disorders. I'd really like to address this
because I think we're making some huge mistakes and regards
to anxiety and its place in our culture.
The first thing I want to remind us all, is that anxiety?
It e is 1. 1 type of experience in the fear Spectrum.
It is not the only experience in the fear spectrum and anxiety is
not in the anger Spectrum. Why am I saying this?
I am saying this because when I talk to people both in my
personal and professional lives, they will ascribe all unpleasant
feelings as anxiety. Oh, my anxiety is through the
roof. Oh my, this guy cut me off in
traffic and my anxiety was through the roof.
I want to be like nasus that's anger, or will have any sort of
experience that we dislike any sort of internal experience that
we dislike and we'll label it as anxiety and we will decide that
it is a problem. So one we are over focused on
anxiety and to We Are Labeling it as a problem.
So I'm leaning a little bit on the work of them.
Bessel Van, Der kolk here, dr. Stephen porges, Peter Levine and
Britt Frank who has a really great book out called the
science of stuck. So, let's talk about what
anxiety actually means. And I love the way Britt Frank
phrase, is it anxiety is one of the physical cues that allows us
to You know, when we are out of alignment with external safety
and or internal truth, one more time anxiety is one of the
physical cues that allow us to know when we are out of
alignment with external safety and or internal truth.
So if you've been around here for a minute, you know, that I
actually coined a term, genuine acity to talk about being
impeccably and Alignment. It's keeping all of The Four
Agreements and being rigorous and telling the truth to
ourselves when we are out of alignment with external safety
and or internal truth, our body gives us anxiety.
Anxiety is a signal. It is not a problem.
Anxiety is like the check engine light in your car.
It doesn't tell you what's wrong.
It asks you to investigate what might be going on.
That requires your attention. So what about anxiety as a
friend? What if anxiety is giving you a
signal anxiety? Can be an ally now, most people
hate their anxiety. They will do anything to avoid
the experience of anxiety. Some people hate their anxiety.
So much that they begin to shrink their lives to the degree
of that. Where they can't even leave
their own homes. That's a agoraphobia.
Agoraphobia is afraid of being outside, which is what people
think it is. Agoraphobia, is the fear of
having a panic attack or an anxiety attack when you are out
in public or out of a situation that you can control.
So you only limit your life to things that you can control.
The first of all, let's let's tell the truth about what
anxiety is. First of all, anxiety is not an
emotion. What?
Yeah, no anxiety is not an emotion.
It is a series, it's just collection of bodily.
Sensations, anxiety is not an emotion.
It's a series of bodily Sensations that, then you
interpret to be awful. Horrible terrible, and
intolerable anxiety, doesn't attack you.
There's no such thing as an anxiety attack.
We need to stop talking about panic attacks and anxiety
attacks. These are just episodes of a
situation that involves a signal that you are out of alignment
with external safety or internal truth.
And the problem is that we keep labeling anxiety as a problem
and we begin to do all of these actions in order to avoid that
feeling we numb out. We get busy, we reach for some
sort of substance or another person.
We change our lives to avoid to avoid the feeling without
understanding that the feeling is here, to help us.
So let's talk about what anxiety can do for you.
First of all, let's except for now, That anxiety is not a
problem. The problem is you hate your
anxiety and your trying to avoid it.
Hear that anxiety is not a problem.
The problem is you hate your anxiety and your trying to avoid
it. Anxiety, doesn't attack you.
So sometimes it feels like an attack because it seems to come
out of nowhere. And so if you think that anxiety
is just this thing that happens to you for absolutely no reason.
Then of course you're going to be afraid of it but anxiety is
caused this. The truth is that all of the
avoidance and misconceptions about anxiety are wreaking
emotional havoc on all of us and causing a profound.
Shall we? All right?
So let's talk about the myths about anxiety.
And right here, I'm looking at Britt Frank, she she breaks this
down in a really, really lovely way.
Miss mistake myth. Number one anxiety is a disease.
Okay. So why is that a problem?
Because if you believe anxiety is a disease, then you feel like
it's just something you have to live with.
It also makes you start to feel kind of helpless and
overwhelmed. I have this anxiety.
It's just going to jump up and attack me anytime I'm helpless
against it and all I can do is completely interrupt my life and
my well-being and my happiness to try to limit the amount of
opportunities. It has to come get me. anxiety
is not intended to hurt you, but to help you, if you are unsafe
or veering away from authenticity, I really want to
underline that One of anxiety signals is that you are being
untruthful with yourself, you are not being authentic.
You are not being true to you. It's kind of like limping after
you twist your ankle. This is the analogy that Britt
Frank uses in her book is limping.
After you twist your ankle a disease.
No, it's a signal that an injury needs attention.
It's the same thing with anxiety, okay, myth number two,
anxiety, is Is a chemical imbalance.
I make myself so unpopular when I tell people that anxiety and
depression, Are not necessarily chemical imbalances.
The reason why we think they're chemical imbalances is because
taking medication that addresses neurotransmitters can help
alleviate the symptoms. So part of the problem with
anxiety in specific is that a lot of anxiety medications are
highly addictive. Both chemically and emotionally.
So you have an anxiety episode you reach for a pill.
It calms, your nervous system down and of Wallah problem,
solved, or so, you think. But what you now have is a
dependency on the substance, outside, of yourself to
eliminate the feelings that you don't like.
And you never actually address the signal that the anxiety was
giving you in the first place. Let's remember what medications
for anxiety, and/or depression but today, we're talking about
anxiety are supposed to do. The reason why that's a problem
is, if you think it's your jeans and you think there's nothing
you can do about it. Are you noticing the theme?
These myths about anxiety are telling us that it's this thing
that attacks us and we are helpless against it might as
well get a benzo. Yes, some people have a greater
vulnerability to various mental disorders.
Including anxiety. Yes, it's important to note that
you might be one of them. Does that mean that you cannot
do anything about your anxiety? Absolutely not.
The truth is the more we resist, right?
You say, oh anxieties just this horrible thing, that happens to
me and then I hate it and I resisted what we resist persists
Every time you allow your anxiety to control your
behavior, you strengthen the anxiety.
Every time you allow your social anxiety to prevent you from
going to a party, you increase your anxiety, every time you
have your anxiety about Crossing Bridges.
Stop you from crossing a bridge. You increase the strength of
your own anxiety. If you have a genetic
predisposition acknowledge that. Aunt also acknowledged that that
doesn't change the fact that your anxiety is a signal that is
meant to help you and you can take action.
Okay. Myth anxiety is a mental
disorder. Well, now, if it were a mental
disorder, then that means there's something wrong with you
and we're currently addicted to thinking there's something wrong
with us. We love our diagnosis and I
really just want, this is not the time or place for it, but
one of these days, we need to have a conversation about that.
What is the value and deciding? There's something wrong with
you. Your anxiety.
Doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.
Your anxiety. Doesn't mean there's something
wrong with you. Hearing Society is a signal that
you are out of alignment with external safety or internal
authenticity, or Genuine City. Anxiety is a sign of mental
weakness. Heck, nah, anxiety is a sign of
mental aliveness. If you were alive, you will get
anxiety, symptoms.. It's just part of the experience
of being a human on the planet. You are not broken.
There is nothing wrong with you hear me now.
Believe me later. You are not broken.
All right, so let's break it down.
What is the point of going through this?
Okay, the more you hate your anxiety and try to suppress it
or avoid it the more suffering you create for yourself.
We've talked about this before, the less you're willing to fill
feel the less you're willing to feel your feelings, the more you
will have them. Unless you're willing to explore
your anxiety, the more anxiety, you will have.
The less you're willing to feel your anxiety.
The more likely you are to reach for a substance or an activity
that numbs you out. And you are not solving.
The problem anxiety is a signal. That you need to check in with
what's going on. Are you confronting and
unresolved trauma? At a client who's afraid to walk
over Bridges? She was assaulted on a bridge
and where they want occasion and so her brain wired that as
bridges are unsafe. So every time she would go over
a bridge. I mean I'm walking bridge.
I'm not talking about a driving bridge and a walking bridge over
like a overpass or something. She would have an extreme
anxiety episode. So she stopped going over walk
Bridges. Doesn't solve the problem.
The anxiety was a check engine light that this trauma, that had
occurred to her was unresolved in still controlling her.
Not going over the bridges. Didn't fix that.
It's not going over. The bridges, did not fix that
for her. So, your anxiety is telling you
to check in, are you physically safe?
And if you are, what in your history is leading, you to
believe that you are not anxiety.
Is a fear family member, Or how are you out of Integrity, with
yourself? If you have an anxiety episode
every time you think about going to your birth father's house,
what is that telling you? Are you an integrity and
authenticity and genuine Wasa tea, and your relationship with
that person? So anxiety is not to be feared.
It's certainly not to be avoided.
It is to be listened to, oh, my heart is racing.
My Palms are sweating. I feel like running away.
Am I physically safe in this moment?
No. Okay.
Do something about it. Am I feeling physically safe in
this moment? Yes.
Then what is the message of this anxiety.
Something in this situation? Is telling me I am out of
authenticity and generosity. Or I'm being reminded of a
trauma that is presenting itself for resolution.
Anxiety is a gift. Anxiety is a gift.
So, let's go to Britt Frank, do's and don'ts for anxiety.
Do tell yourself just because I don't know why I'm feeling like
this doesn't mean there's not a really good reason for these
feelings to be here. Do you catch that?
Anxiety doesn't come out of nowhere?
It comes from somewhere. You may not be able to identify
it. I had a client that was having
random panic attacks turned out that there was another client
who had an appointment at the same time as her, who were a
cologne, that one of her perpetrators had worn, and she
didn't smell it consciously. But every time she would smell
that smell It would trigger her anxiety episode because the
trauma around that smell had not yet been resolved.
Okay? Just because, I don't know why
I'm feeling like this doesn't mean there's not a really good
reason for these feelings to be here.
What you must not do is shame Yourself by saying, what's wrong
with me? Do remind yourself that your
body is not attacking you. It is trying to help you.
Your body loves you. If your body didn't love you, it
would have kicked you out by now.
Anxiety is not your body trying to hurt you or attack.
You is trying to help you. It's the check engine light.
Ding, ding, ding. Something's going on here.
Look into it. Don't minimize how badly you
feel. Even though anxiety is a helpful
mechanism, it's still awful in terrifying.
Yeah, it does not feel good. Let's just acknowledge that and
anxiety episode does not feel good.
That doesn't mean it's hurting you so don't minimize it but
also don't chastise yourself for having it.
Do is ask yourself are there areas of your life?
You hesitate to address because you fear the outcome, Can you a
city? Where are you out of Integrity?
Where are you out of authenticity?
Are there areas of your life? You hesitate to address because
you fear the outcome, Sir conversation that you need to
have. Is there a trauma?
You need to resolve serve boundary, you need to set, these
are substances. You need to give up.
What you don't need to do is feel like you have to deal with
everything at once. If numbing out safely, helps you
make it through the day and abling to take care of your
responsibilities. You're allowed to numb, we all
need to numb out periodically So you don't have to deal with
everything all at once. You can take those little baby
steps and Are there areas of your life?
You hesitate to address because you fear the outcome, And do
talk to your doctor about medications and make sure you
understand the full range of possible side effects, including
the potential for dependency. Don't decide to stop medication
without talking to your doctor. All right, we all have different
tolerances for different medications.
Is a very long pause for a very easy to find word.
Alright, so our friend, Brett Frank has a couple of exercises
that we can do. Thank you, Brit Frank go buy her
book. List all the stressful people in
your life and don't worry about hurting their feelings, you're
not going to show them. So, for each person listed,
right? My real feelings about him, her
them are, right? So you might list Joanne Marino.
Stresses you out here like my real feelings are that I am
afraid of her because she's mean, to me.
She says terrible things that hurt my feelings and I really
sometimes have fantasies about running her over with my car.
Like, just have those acknowledge those feelings and
then, remind yourself. I have a right to my feelings.
Make a list of all the stressful tasks.
On your plate and then say, it makes sense that I'm feeling
overwhelmed. Validate that first of all, when
you list all the things that are on your on your task list, it's
going to be shorter than you think we've done this in a past
episode where we talked about how to get over overwhelm, you
feel more overwhelmed when you carry a list around in your
head, then when you write it down, you don't have a million
things to do. You probably have less than 100,
so, write them down, but then validate, it makes sense that
I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'll feel much better when I do
feel. In the blank first.
And then make a list of everything else.
That's stressing you out. And then at the bottom of this
list, right? Five things you can do in the
next five minutes to feel five percent less stressed.
I love this. And I think this is an invention
from Britt Frank herself. Five things you can do in the
next five minutes to make you feel 5% less stressed.
That's what we mean by baby steps and then finally, Write a
note to yourself. My anxiety makes sense.
Anyone in this situation would feel anxious, I may not be able
to understand it all or change at all right now, but I know
without a doubt that I am not crazy.
We're lazy. Your anxiety makes sense.
Anyone who's been through what you've been through.
But feel anxious at the times that you feel anxious, you're
not crazy. There's nothing wrong with you.
You're not broken. You don't need drugs to fix you,
you may need medication to support you.
Anxiety is your friend. It is the big flashing light
that says, are you out of integrity?
Are you safe? Are you safe right now?
Are you out of integrity? And beloved friends, beautiful
humans get thee to a therapist. No matter how functional you
are, there is always a greater level of thriving available to
you. Go to therapy.
Get yourself a good therapist, get yourself a good coach, and I
know mental health care in the United States of America, at
least, and maybe where you live too, can be difficult to assess.
I myself have opened up a few more appointments to try to be
more helpful, listen to this podcast.
Download all of the episodes and bench.
Listen to them. If you can't get into a
therapist right now, do what it takes.
But remember, there's nothing wrong with you.
You are not broken You know what you are.
If you are whole, you are perfect and you are complete
just as you are. And your anxiety is your kind
and loving body. Giving you the heads-up.
That's something requires your attention.
You beloved gorgeous, human being are worthy and deserving
of healing of being whole and well and happy and of
experiencing Life. So Glorious, it transcends, even
your own imagination. Thank you for giving me your
time. Thank you for sharing the
podcast. Thank you for subscribing.
I almost said prescribing, you can prescribe the podcast like
here, take a to vitamin Ds and listen to the mental Wellness,
wake up, show, ya. Prescribed the podcast and I
look forward to seeing you, I always say seeing you, I don't
actually see you. I kind of feel like I do.
I'm gonna feel like we're hanging out.
Being with you next week until then.
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