Hello beautiful humans, and welcome to the Mental Wellness
Wake Up Show, a weekly podcast where growthminded, creative
people come to learn best practices from both spirituality
and psychology that create lasting wellbeing.
I am your host, mental Wellness expert, improvised acting
teacher, therapist, and coach Dawn McMillan.
Let's get to it. Hey, hey, hey.
Welcome to the podcast. If you are here for the first
time, thank you for coming. I want to let you know that we
are in the middle of a series. We're exploring the eniagram
ENNEAGR AM. It is a personality typing
program. It is a wisdom system.
It is marvelous. So please go back and listen to
the very first set of anagram episodes that we did so you can
just catch up and be right on on task with the rest of us.
Okay. Awesome.
Yay. All right, so to review and
there are nine personality types.
We have group them in groups of three and currently we are in
the heart slash feelings zone with anyograms 2-3 and four.
So we are wrapping up today with the Anyogram 4.
Now I have to do a little confession because I have a lot
of Enniogram fours in my life and I am black and I am Irish
and there are. Two groups of people that mock
because they love. So if you hear me being a little
ridiculous and a little irreverent about our beloved
Enniogram fours, please know that it comes from a place of
adoration. Seriously, I mock because I
love. OK, so let's move in to the
Enniogram 4. And remember we are doing this
exploration not to box ourselves in, but to break ourselves free.
Knowing what your inclinations are gives you information to
choose to choose how you want to be and who you want to be.
And just because we have a primary archetype or Anyogram
type that we fall into doesn't mean we're limited to that.
We are all everything, and we want to borrow the best from
each, an aagram type, and integrate it into ourselves so
that we become more enriched and enriching.
OK, so please forgive the flipping around of papers,
because that's just how it's going to be.
And here we go. An eogram for all right so an
eogram for the individualist, the artist, the romantic, the
melancholic, the aesthete, the tragic victim, the special one.
Fours at their best are warm, compassionate, introspective,
expressive, creative, intuitive, supportive, refined.
Fours at that. Their worst are depressed,
self-conscious, guilt ridden, moralistic, withdrawn, stubborn,
Moody, self absorbed. Fours are motivated, motivated
by the need to experience their feelings and to be understood,
to search for the meaning of life and to avoid being
ordinary. There are two groups of of
people. Who are often really mad at the
Anya gram. When they first find out what
they are, they tend to. Be twos and fours Anya Gram
twos, as the helper tends to get really angry when someone
implies that they're helping is a form of manipulation, right?
That that'll make it too mad. And Anya gram force tends to get
bad that there's a type Anya Gram force really do not want to
be ordinary. They do not want to be ordinary.
All right, so let's dig into the anyogram 4 As you recall, 2
threes and fours are the feeling center.
They are motivated by their emotions and often are
struggling with shame at the core.
So anyogram fours deal with all of this by marinating in their
feelings. They marinate in them and
Anyogram 4 that I know and love will occasionally literally lie
down on the floor listening to dust in the wind.
And if you don't know what that song is, stop.
Go listen to it. So the Enneagram force basic
fear is of having no identity and no personal significance.
Let that sink in for a second. It's like being a nobody or
being like everybody, which is the same in their minds as being
a nobody. So the basic desire of an
Enneagram for to find themselves and their significance, to
create an identity out of their inner experience, their super
ego message. And you remember, the Super ego
is like the conscience. It's the Freudian language of
super ego, ego and ID. Where your super ego is your
conscience, your rules. Hey little girl you are that.
I'm talking to a dog. In case you're wondering, your
ego is your personality. And then your ID is going to be
those instinctual subconscious urges and drives.
So the Super ego message for any Agram fours is you are good or
okay if you are true to yourself.
If you are true to yourself, here's a quote.
Here's a quote that sort of typifies in any AGRAM 4.
And this is from the Rizzo Hudson book.
I collapse when I'm out in the world.
I've had a trail of relationship disasters.
I have hated my sister's goodness and hated goodness in
general. I went years without joy in my
life, just pretending to smile because real smiles would not
come to me. I have had constant longing for
whatever I cannot have. My longings can never become
fulfilled because I now realize that I am attached to the
longing and not to any specific end results.
So one of the challenges that any of Graham fours have is that
they often feel like they are on the outside, pressing their
their noses and hands against the glass.
And real life, good life, joyful life is inside the glass and
they are outsiders who can never be inside.
So let's dig in a little bit more.
So there are 9 levels that Riso Hudson identify as different
levels of emotional maturity with NAA gram types.
So let's dig into the NAA Gram 4.
So oh wait, did I do? I did.
OK, sorry, I've been interrupted a few times.
By various creatures and I'm losing track of which iteration
we're on. And the dogs just opened the
door so I don't know if the background noise is is louder.
I live with very loud beings but I digress.
Level 9 and Agram 4 would would be presenting as despairing and
life denying the realization that they have wasted their
lives. Pursuing futile fantasies is too
much for unhealthy force. They may attempt to elicit
rescue through self-destructive behavior or simply end their
lives to escape their negative self consciousness.
In some cases they may commit crimes of passion.
So this is someone who's deeply wounded and deeply out of touch
with their own well-being and their own inner light.
So moving up to the level 8 and any agram for who's operating at
an unhealthy 8 level would present as self rejecting,
clinically depressed force, have become so desperate to be the
individual of their fantasies that they hate everything about
themselves that does not correspond to it.
They loathe themselves and hate others for failing to save them.
They may sabotage whatever good is left in their lives.
Self rejecting and clinically depressed.
So one of the vulnerabilities that all forests have is that
feeling things so very very deeply.
OK, moving up level 7. So as we say moving up please
hear the air quotes. We're just talking about being
more emotionally skillful and and more what's the word self
realized? More self actualized.
So level 7 unhealthy anagram 4 May present as hateful and
alienated fours fear that they are wasting their lives and this
may be true. To save their self-image, they
reject everyone and everything that does not support their view
of themselves or their emotional demands.
They're repressed rage results in depression, apathy and
constant fatigue. Self disclosure moment.
So my anyogram type is anyogram 5 with A4 wing.
We're not talking about wings just yet, but it's one way of
understanding. So you have your main type and
you can kind of lean towards the anyogram types to either side of
that. So you could be A5 wing 4 or A5
wing 6. So as A5.
Wing wing 4I often have experienced some of these kinds
of four tendencies, and one of them is when I'm really not my
best self is that constant fatigue, That constant fatigue
like that inner sabotage. Where's a person out?
So I fully relate to that. But as we move out of this lower
low vibe, less emotionally healthy version of the Anyagram
fours, we move up to level 6. At level 6, which is in the
range of average, we can consider or we might notice
Anyagrams as presenting as self indulgent or decadent.
Fours fear that life demands will force them to give up their
dreams and they despair that they will never be rescued.
They feel they are missing out on life and envy the stability
of others, so they exempt themselves from the rules,
becoming sensual, pretentious and unproductive.
So I have a few people in my world who would not self
identify as hedonists, but I would identify them as
hedonists. They're very much pleasure first
personality types. So there's a there's a sense of
really leaning into the the sensuality of things in a
escapist way, not in a a vibrant sort of self expressed way, that
sensual, pretentious and unproductive way.
So moving up level 5, at this level, our NA Gram 4 is going to
present a self absorbed and temperamental fours, worry that
others will not recognize or appreciate them and their
uniqueness. So they play hard to get testing
others to see if they are really interested in them, aloof,
selfconscious and melancholy. They believe that their
fragility will attract A rescuer and keep others away.
So there's something about the stereotypical artist that you
may be hearing a hint of you know they're they're sulking in
some sort of way. You know they're being
unapproachable. I'm I'm imagining someone in a
in a beret in a fake French accent kind of a thing aloof
selfconscious and melancholy. And they kind of test people
like they they give them the the hard to get routine to see if
they'll fight through in order to actually be with them.
So moving up a level 4, so a level 4 Anneagram 4 would
present as romanticizing and individualistic force begin to
fear that they're changing feelings will not sustain them
and their creativity. So they use their imaginations
to prolong and intensify their moods.
They use fantasy and style to bolster their individuality and
begin to dream of someone who will rescue them.
So this can be it's that that it's that what I what I refer to
as marinating. Hold on please.
OK, so when we talk about about fours using their imaginations
to prolong and intensify their moods, we're really talking
about that tendency to marinate in them.
It's that desire to be creative, to be really in touch with their
essence. And if the feeling feels too
fleeting, they're going to find some way to recreate it, to
cling on to it, in order to have that, that, that creative, that
creative fuel of intense feelings.
OK, so now we're moving up to the 1-2 and three, the healthy
levels of a well nourished well integrated level 4.
So to Level 3, not a level 4, excuse me, Anyagram 4.
So to Level 3, the Anyagram four person is going to present as
self revealing and creative. There's a reason this type is
called the artist, right? And it's not necessarily
painters. You know, it's going to be
someone who lives their life artistically, even if they are
not necessarily in an artistic profession.
You know, you think about the very stylish person in your
insurance office and that person is probably in the new year gram
four or three. But I digress.
We don't want to diagnose other people.
Here we go. Fours reinforce their self-image
by expressing their individuality through creative
action. They are eloquent and subtle,
exploring their feelings and impressions and finding ways of
sharing them with others. Their creativity is highly
personal, but often has universal implications.
So if you think of a writer or an actor or a good storyteller
or you know, even like whatever whatever the artistic expression
might turn out to be, whether it's cooking, whatever it is
that this Level 3, that's healthy, Niagram 4 type is going
to be able to take what's inside of them and share it with people
outside of them in a way that's very relatable.
It's really beautiful. OK, Level 2A, Level 2, Niagram 4
is going to present as introspective and sensitive
Four's focus on their own feelings and preferences to
establish a clear sense of personal identity.
Their self-image is I am sensitive, different, and
selfaware. So this is going to be someone
who's really defined as a sensitive, selfaware creative
person, and they're still going to have that quality of being
able to, to some degree or another, take their insides and
put them on their outsides in a relatable way.
And then we get to a level one healthy 4.
So this person is going to be a very well integrated anagram for
type and remember talking about types and we're not boxing
ourselves in. It's going.
This person is going to present as life embracing, life
enhancing and I love the sound of that.
For is let go of the belief that they are more flawed than others
and are thus freed from their self absorption, absorption.
Their basic desire to find themselves and their
significance is also achieved unless their problems with our
identity and its stability are solved.
They are self renewing, redemptive and revelatory.
So one of the dark sides, one of the shadows of the aneogram 4
really is this deep sense of being uniquely broken.
So remember, twos, threes and fours are heart centers, are
feeling oriented. Individuals are negotiating a
deep sense of shame. So at the bottom of the way of
force oriented to the world is this sense of being uniquely,
profoundly, unlike anyone else anywhere, and therefore flawed
in an inexpressible, unfixable way.
And so one of the ways that force can become more integrated
and more whole and more in touch with their true inner cells is
to let go of the sense of being unique by virtue of being
uniquely flawed. One of the challenges I
sometimes have as a therapist is there's something called covert
narcissism and a covert narcissism who thinks thinks
they're the worst. So grandiose narcissists are
like, I'm the best, I'm the greatest, I'm the most I'm, I'm
the the the bee's knees, cats, meals, monkeys.
But I don't know, I'm making stuff up now.
Whereas a covert narcissist, it's like no one is as pathetic
as I. No one has suffered as much as I
am. No one, no matter what happens,
I will never be okay, right. So that is the weakness of the
of all of us, of course, but that is the particular weakness
of people who are oscillating as an anagram for archetype.
So when you start to realize that you are not, not only are
you not broken, but you're not uniquely broken.
Fours like of the belief that they are more flawed than others
and are freed from their self absorption.
So there's no need to create uniqueness through suffering or
problems. Yeah.
So fours like to be special. It's really important to them to
be special. So we're talking about with any
AGRAM threes they want to be admired.
Any AGRAM twos really want to be liked.
Any AGRAM fours really want to be special.
So it's really hard sometimes for any agram fours when they
realize that there are people like them, you know, they'll
have a special interest. And then someone else will have
that special interest and it'll hurt their feelings that they're
not cool or unique in that way anymore.
So one way to start to get a little out of the weaknesses of
the NAA gram four and start to get into the into the strengths
of the four is to stop taking yourself so, so seriously you
want to lean into sort of that NAA Gram one sensibility.
You want to engage with reality through meaningful actions, by
committing yourself to principles, to make a
contribution to the world. Not by savoring your feelings,
but by doing things that matter, living according to your values
instead of your moods. So if you can sort of grasp that
that delicious anagram one sense of principle as an Enneagram
for, that'll help lift you up out of that self referential.
My feelings are the only things that matter to behaving
according to my values, and my principles matters.
So that's one way to to get out of the shadow side of the four
and into the healthy, vibrant, luscious, creative, special,
unique wondrousness that is an Enneagram for.
Here's a wonderful quote. It is true of us all, whatever
our work, that we are artists, so long as we are alive to the
concreteness of the moment and do not use it to some other
purpose. MC Richards, So I'm sharing with
you out of the Riso Hudson book. So it's called The Wisdom of the
Enneagram by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson.
And also the Enneagram Made Easy from Renee Baron and Elizabeth
Owageli Wugil. I don't know how to pronounce
your name. Elizabeth.
Sorry for that. So remember, we're talking about
people who are warm, compassionate, introspective,
expressive, creative, intuitive, supportive, refined.
Yeah, any agram fours really feel their feelings.
So if you have any AGRAM 4 in your life and I I have plenty.
They really do feel things very, very deeply.
I'm not saying that the rest of us don't.
I'm saying that an aagram force just have a unique relationship
to their feelings. They sometimes just want to
savor them so let them you know you don't want your annagram for
to like get into a deep depression But if someone if you
are on an aagram for and you have that I feel like crying
playlist feel like crying playlist is awesome do it do it.
Just remember that feelings are not facts.
They're real but not true. And feeling something isn't the
same as doing something. The Enneagram 4 call to arms is
to be in action, to feel the feelings and express the
feelings in a way that aligns with your values.
OK. Yeah, Enneagram.
Fours are so lovely. Like I said, I I have many of
them in my life and I myself have a have a four wing, so I
definitely have. I have my playlist of Woe is me.
That I love. That I love to just indulge in
sometimes. I also love to indulge in my
happy moods too. So there's that.
So with that, we will sign off from Anyogram 4, and I want to
invite us all to ask that question.
How can I get in touch with my authentic feelings and use them
to fuel my creativity? How can I really and truly feel
my feelings and allow them to fuel my creativity?
Well, we're going to start getting into the head thinking
types 5-6 and seven, and that's especially good advice for the
for the thinking types, right? Get out of your head, into your
heart, into your body. Feel those feelings, allow them
to process. Keep it moving.
Go out and mix something. All right.
So you, dear, dear, dear one, You're amazing.
You're wonderful. You have so many gifts, and
you've only just begun to Plumb the surface of them.
And the whole world is a better place because you are here in
this moment and we are grateful for you.
And you and my beloved human friend are worthy and deserving
of A life is so glorious it transcends even your own
imagination. Until next time, I am so honored
that you share time with me. If you've listened this far,
then something here was of value to you.
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See you next time.