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Hello beautiful humans, and 
welcome to the Mental Wellness 

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Wake Up Show, a weekly podcast 
where growthminded, creative 

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people come to learn best 
practices from both spirituality

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and psychology that create 
lasting wellbeing. 

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I am your host, mental Wellness 
expert, improvised acting 

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teacher, therapist, and coach 
Dawn McMillan. 

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Let's get to it. 
Well, well, well. 

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Welcome back. 
I am so glad that you were here.

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So good to share the space with 
you. 

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It's a highlight of my week 
recording these podcasts and 

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sharing these ideas with you and
getting your feedback. 

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And woohoo. 
And if you're here for the first

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time, welcome, welcome. 
It's lovely that we are growing 

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every week. 
So you are in good company. 

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Thank you for being here. 
So we are jumping into the any 

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your gram wisdom system. 
So we've already done four parts

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of the series, a general 
introduction and then any your 

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grams 8-9 and one. 
So if this is your first time 

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here glad you're here. 
Zip on back into the podcast and

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catch up with us and then we'll 
meet you back here. 

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Okay, we're waiting. 
Okay. 

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Welcome back. 
So today we're doing the 

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Enneagram 2. 
And as you will recall, the 

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Enneagram is 9 points on a 
circle divided into three groups

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of 3/8 nines and ones constitute
the gut group or the body group.

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And we've completed those. 
And now we are on to twos, 

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threes and fours. 
And this is the heart centered 

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group. 2 threes and fours are 
the emotion centered group and 

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our our anyagram 2 threes and 
fours are characterized. 

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I hope you can hear the air 
quotes there by their 

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relationship to shame. 
So anyagram twos, threes, and 

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fours have a lot of their energy
devoted to managing the feeling 

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of shame. 
So let's start with our niagram 

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twos. 
I'm going to remind you, I'm 

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shuffling through some notes and
some papers, so please just bear

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with me for that. 
And here we go. 

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All right, so the niagram twos 
are called the altruist, the 

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helper, the lover, the 
caretaker, the pleaser, the 

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enabler, the special friend. 
Anyagram twos will pick you up 

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at 3:00 o'clock in the morning 
at an airport 4 hours away from 

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their house. 
That's who they are. 

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That's how they'll be. 
So what are the main 

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characteristics of the anyagram?
2 Twos at their best are loving,

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caring, adaptable, insightful, 
generous, enthusiastic, and 

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tuned into how people feel. 
Does this sound like someone you

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want for your best friend? 
Twos that their worst are 

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martyr? 
Like indirect, manipulative, 

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possessive, hysterical, overly 
accommodating or overly 

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demonstrative, Twos are 
motivated by the need to be 

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loved and valued and just to 
express their positive feelings 

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towards others. 
That any gram twos can be a 

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little bit tricky in as much as 
many, many, many women, girls, 

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people assigned female at birth 
are socialized to behave like 

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twos, whether or not that is 
their organic orientation. 

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So if you're thinking about twos
as being caretakers and helpers 

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and people who are devoted to 
others at the expense of 

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themselves, that is how a lot of
women are brought up to be. 

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So it could be the case that 
someone is very much presenting 

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like a two because they are 
brought up in a culture that 

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encourages that from them for 
whatever reason, when they are 

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in fact kind of more organically
oriented, slightly differently. 

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So that's just something to keep
in mind as we think about our 

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our beloved aneogram twos, our 
helpers. 

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Let me take a little drink of 
water and I don't know if I'm 

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going to edit this out. 
Pardon me. 

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OK, so let's dive in. 
So I said that the Niagram Twos 

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are sort of motivated by their 
relationship to shame. 

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Here's another way of thinking 
about that. 

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The Niagram Twos basic fear is 
of being unloved and unwanted 

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for themselves alone. 
They're afraid of being unloved 

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and unwanted for themselves 
alone. 

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So while they are in a near 
constant state of giving and 

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doing for others, there's a 
secret fear that they're going 

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to be wanted for what they do 
for others and not for 

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themselves. 
And their basic desire is to 

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feel loved. 
Their super ego message Gentle 

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reminder Super Ego is Freudian 
language that the human psyche 

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is divided into 3 parts. the 
Super ego, the ego and the ID. 

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the Super Ego is like your 
conscience that keeps track of 

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rules and your better nature. 
Your ego is your personality and

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then your ID is your unconscious
motivations and drives. 

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So the Super ego message is you 
are good or okay if you are 

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loved by others and are close to
them. 

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So can you already hear The 
danger zone and Agagram twos are

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very outward facing. 
They want others to validate 

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them, to love them, to give them
what they need to make them feel

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okay. 
And so there is a way in which 

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any of Gram twos are very 
vulnerable to being disempowered

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because they're always trying to
make people love them secretly 

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fearing that the people who do 
seem to love them don't love 

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them for themselves, but love 
them for what they do for them. 

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So I said, any of Gram twos are 
characterized by the 

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relationship to shame. 
And aagram twos have the secret 

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fear that they are unlovable. 
Ah, so the difference between 

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shame and guilt. 
Guilt is when your inner self 

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reminds you that you have done 
something wrong. 

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Guilt is the emotion that says 
you violated your own moral code

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and you are required to make 
amends. 

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Shame is the feeling that 
there's something wrong with 

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you, that there's something 
secretly wrong with you, not 

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that you have done something 
bad, but that you are something 

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bad. 
So in operating inside the 

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Enneagram 2 is this fear of 
being unlovable. 

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And so their biggest desire is 
to know and to feel that they 

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are loved. 
So let's talk about the 

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different levels of the 
Enneagram 2. 

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So you can begin to get a sense 
of how this helper personality 

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style can show up. 
And remember, we are never, ever

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trying to squeeze anyone into 
any boxes. 

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The human being is so 
multifaceted, so wondrous, so 

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deep, so broad, so wide, so 
high. 

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That saying, oh, I'm like this 
because I'm in an Aragram 2 is 

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reducing you to just one facet 
of who you are. 

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That being said, what can we 
learn about an Aragram twos? 

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So at a level 9, the lowest 
level of emotional health for an

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niagram 2, they feel victimized 
and burdensome. 

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The realization that they may 
have been selfish or even have 

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harmed others is too much for 
unhealthy twos. 

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They fall to pieces physically 
and emotionally, playing out the

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role of victim and martyr. 
Others are then obliged to step 

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in and take care of them. 
So you can see this sort of 

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playing out when someone gets 
called out for doing something 

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wrong and then like, oh, I'm so 
terrible, I'm so awfully hate 

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myself. 
And then the person that they 

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harmed is now taking care of 
them. 

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So at level 8, a little bit 
level up of in healthiness and 

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Agram twos show up as entitled 
and coercive. 

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Twos have become so desperate 
for love that they begin to 

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pursue it obsessively. 
They feel they are entitled to 

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whatever they want because they 
have suffered so much and they 

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may act out their need for 
affection recklessly and 

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inappropriately. 
And this can take a really dark 

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turn. 
I will leave that to your 

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imagination because I'm sure you
can feel in the gap, fill in the

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gaps there. 
But these these these are people

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who in their trauma, in their 
suffering feel entitled. 

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They feel entitled to other 
people's affection. 

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They feel entitled to get what 
they want because they are 

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victims so they can be entitled 
and coercive, moving up a level 

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of healthiness. 
Level 7 and agram Twos acting 

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out at a level 7 are self 
justifying and manipulative. 

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Twos fear that they are driving 
people away. 

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And this may be true. 
To save their self-image, they 

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rationalize their behavior by 
seeing others as selfish in 

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greats. 
They try to elicit pity as a 

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substitute for love and keep 
others dependent on them to 

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prevent them from leaving. 
They heard me say that one way 

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you can describe an anagram to 
as an enabler. 

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These are the people who might 
use money to control someone or 

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be with an addict because addict
is forever dependent on them. 

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And then they'll they won't 
leave them. 

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But then because a part of them 
knows that they're being 

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manipulative, they put all the 
blame on the other person moving

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up. 
Average your average and a gram 

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two at a level 6. 
Self important overbearing twos 

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are angry that others are taking
them for granted but are unable 

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to freely express their hurt. 
Instead, they complain about 

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their health, draw attention to 
their good deeds, and remind 

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others of how much they owe 
them. 

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Repressed feelings begin to 
cause physical problems. 

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I'm sure many of us know people 
who who Orient in this way 

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instead of saying that they feel
taken in for granted. 

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You know, they be like, oh, I'm 
so tired. 

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I'm working so hard because I 
did this and I did that and I 

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did this and I did that. 
OK, so moving up in levels of 

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emotional maturity, Level 5 
possessive intrusive twos worry 

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that the people they love will 
love someone else more than 

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them, so they want to be needed.
They attempt to have a claim on 

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people by putting the needs of 
others before their own. 

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Proud but needy. 
They do not want to let others 

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out of their sight. 
Possessive intrusive. 

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Let's insert controlling right. 
This may be someone who's going 

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through your phone and throws A 
temper tantrum when your high 

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school significant other friends
you on social media level 4. 

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So we're moving up. 
well-intentioned people pleasing

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twos begin to fear that whatever
they've been doing is not 

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enough. 
Others do not really want them 

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around. 
They want to be closer to others

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and to be reassured that others 
like them. 

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Two's try to cultivate 
friendships and win people over 

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by pleasing, flattering and 
supporting them. 

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Most of us, especially those of 
us in female bodies, probably 

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acted like this at certain 
aspects of our of our growing 

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up. 
That that people pleasing kind 

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of thing in order to be in order
to be liked, you know because 

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who doesn't want to be liked. 
So in an Aagram 2 this is a 

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danger zone for them like sort 
of getting stuck in that people 

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pleasing attitude because 
they're remember their secret 

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fear is that people don't love 
them for who they are so they 

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want to make sure that they are 
so nice and so accommodating 

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that people just have to like 
them and have them around. 

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Now moving up to the healthier 
expressions of the N aagram 2 

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almost a prototype archetype the
N aagram 2 archetype Level 3. 

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N AAGRAM Two's present as 
supportive and giving. 

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Twos reinforce their self-image 
by doing good things for others.

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They're generous with their time
and energy and are appreciative,

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encouraging and supportive of 
others. 

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They're also emotionally 
expressive and enjoy sharing 

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their talents with others. 
So in any Gramma two at this 

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level, we'll say can I do 
anything for you? 

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And they mean it and they 
actually enjoy it. 

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I had a roommate who would. 
I was so poor at the time. 

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So poor. 
I was so poor at the time. 

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And she would accidentally make 
too much food and ask me if I 

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wanted some. 
Right. 

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That's your annagram, too. 
Classic annagram too, right 

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there. 
So they really, they really are 

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very generous with your time and
energy and they will cheer you 

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on. 
They're like, Oh my gosh, it's 

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so great that you did this 
thing. 

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I'm so happy and so excited for 
you. 

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All right. 
Moving up. 

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Level 2A, level 2, Anna, your 
gram two. 

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These will, these people will 
present as empathic and caring 

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twos focus on the feelings of 
others with loving concern as a 

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defense against their basic 
fear, self-image. 

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I am loving, thoughtful, and 
selfless. 

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So they are they're doing good 
things for others. 

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They're cheering them on, 
they're generous, but there's 

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still that little naggling fear 
operating in them that they're 

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not lovable. 
So they mean it. 

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They really are actually 
generous. 

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They really are caring, but 
they're they're sometimes can 

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overdo it in order to not face 
that that worry that they have 

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that they're not quite as 
lovable as they hoped. 

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Okay, and at a level one, a 
really emotionally healthy, 

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integrated an anagram to 
archetype person is going to be 

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self nurturing, unconditionally 
loving. 

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Twos let go of the belief that 
they are not allowed to care for

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themselves. 
Thus, they can own their 

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feelings and needs and are free 
to love others without 

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expectations. 
I'm going to say that again. 

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Thus, they can own their 
feelings and needs and are free 

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to love others without 
expectations. 

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Remember when we were lower down
on the emotional health? 

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There was a lot of manipulation 
coming from these anagram tubes.

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They're doing things for other 
people in order to be needed, in

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order to be loved, in order to 
be appreciated. 

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As this level of emotional 
maturity increases, they are 

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free to love others without 
expectations. 

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They're being their generous, 
kind, supportive self solely to 

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be their generous, kind and 
supportive self. 

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They're not doing it to try to 
get something from someone. 

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And when they're at this level, 
self nurturing, unconditionally 

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loving, they also achieve their 
basic dire desire and are 

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liberated twos experience 
unconditional love for self and 

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others. 
They are joyous, gracious and 

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humble. 
So if you know an NAA gram two 

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and you probably do because 
they're they're just out there 

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serving, they they are out there
serving NA gram twos often find 

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themselves in the helping 
professions because they are so 

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oriented towards helping. 
They are often front and center 

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at anything that requires 
volunteers because they are so 

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loving and supportive. 
And again, the shadow side is I 

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am going to be so helpful and 
you're going to need me so much 

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that you're going to keep me 
around even though you secretly 

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00:16:23,810 --> 00:16:26,810
don't like me. 
But once they once these 

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iniogram twos are able to really
integrate all of their emotional

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00:16:30,530 --> 00:16:34,810
wisdom, they just they're 
beaming. 

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They are just these beaming, 
warm, radiant lights on on the 

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planet. 
They are joyous, gracious and 

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humble being around in Anagram 
2. 

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Like you just get close to them 
and it feels like a warm hug, 

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right? 
They just exude this sense of of

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connectivity and and safety. 
So I said every team needs at 

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least one of everyone. 
If you have an NNAGRAM 2A really

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evolved, integrated NNAGRAM 2, 
they're going to be like the 

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heart. 
You're going to be like the 

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warm, beating, fuzzy heart of 
any group because they really do

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care so deeply and at this 
level, they care deeply without,

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without making demands on other 
people. 

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They just care and give because 
they want to and they're taking 

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care of themselves. 
So, you know, in the self help 

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00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:28,690
movement and the personal growth
movement right now, especially 

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00:17:28,690 --> 00:17:33,050
for for FEMS. 
So for women and fems, there's 

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this focus on self-care, 
self-care, self-care, self-care,

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00:17:36,090 --> 00:17:38,970
self-care because we've been 
conditioned to. 

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Other care, other care, other 
care. 

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00:17:41,010 --> 00:17:43,890
Your needs don't matter, but 
matters are your partner's 

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00:17:43,890 --> 00:17:46,170
needs, your kids needs, your 
parents needs, your community 

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00:17:46,170 --> 00:17:47,730
needs. 
And if you're burning out, well,

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00:17:47,730 --> 00:17:51,690
honey, that's just because you 
are either, I don't know, you 

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00:17:51,690 --> 00:17:54,290
need more Jesus in your life or 
whatever reason they want to 

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00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:57,570
give you. 
So there's this emphasis on 

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self-care. 
And so for twos, they're the 

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00:18:00,530 --> 00:18:06,220
ones who truly need to know that
that same level of nurturing and

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00:18:06,220 --> 00:18:10,540
generosity that they give so 
effortlessly to other people, 

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00:18:11,580 --> 00:18:16,860
they can give to themselves. 
Then they get to be joyous, 

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00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:21,780
gracious and humble. 
That generosity, that 

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00:18:22,860 --> 00:18:25,380
appreciation, that 
encouragement, that support, 

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00:18:25,860 --> 00:18:29,620
They give it to themselves. 
They give it to others and and 

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00:18:29,620 --> 00:18:32,230
they can receive from others. 
One of the things about 

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00:18:32,230 --> 00:18:34,430
Angiogram 2 is, is that they're 
so busy helping. 

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00:18:34,870 --> 00:18:37,950
They often don't receive help. 
Like, no, no, I got it, let me 

295
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,030
help you. 
And then they they go without. 

296
00:18:40,710 --> 00:18:44,230
So when in Angiogram 2 gets to 
be really well nourished and 

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00:18:44,230 --> 00:18:46,430
well integrated. 
They give help. 

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00:18:46,830 --> 00:18:49,350
They receive help. 
They're serene. 

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00:18:49,750 --> 00:18:52,590
They they really do feel like a 
warm and fuzzy hug. 

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00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:57,190
They feel like those, you know, 
soft socks that you you put on 

301
00:18:57,190 --> 00:18:59,350
in the winter and your toes go 
so good. 

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00:18:59,750 --> 00:19:02,270
That is it. 
The Danes The Danish concept of 

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00:19:02,270 --> 00:19:05,790
Higa is it the Swedes, 
Scandinavians just like that 

304
00:19:05,790 --> 00:19:11,870
sense of a a fresh lit candle, 
fuzzy fuzzy socks and A and a 

305
00:19:11,870 --> 00:19:16,190
warm cup of tea. 
So that's our Anneagram Twos. 

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00:19:16,910 --> 00:19:20,310
So the wake up call for the 
Anneagram twos is to back away 

307
00:19:20,310 --> 00:19:25,910
from the people pleasing, back 
off the people pleasing and lean

308
00:19:25,910 --> 00:19:31,610
into that Anneagram ate energy. 
That anneagram ate energy is 

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00:19:31,610 --> 00:19:36,570
self-sufficient that any gram 8 
energy is boundary setting and 

310
00:19:36,570 --> 00:19:41,810
that any gram 8 energy is 
willing to take a stand for him 

311
00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:45,570
or her their selves. 
So back away from the people 

312
00:19:45,570 --> 00:19:48,170
pleasing and lean into that I 
want I'm going to make a stand 

313
00:19:48,170 --> 00:19:49,850
for myself. 
Yes, I want you to love me. 

314
00:19:50,090 --> 00:19:52,730
Yes I want you to like me. 
But I am not willing to throw 

315
00:19:52,730 --> 00:19:57,290
myself under a bus to get it. 
So that's the invitation to the 

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00:19:57,330 --> 00:20:03,980
any gram twos so. 
Any grantees loving, caring, 

317
00:20:04,380 --> 00:20:10,100
adaptable, insightful, generous,
enthusiastic and tuned in to 

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00:20:10,100 --> 00:20:14,260
help people feel, Oh my gosh, 
yes, a note for our empaths 

319
00:20:14,260 --> 00:20:18,100
among us. 
Part of your challenge is to 

320
00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:21,540
separate that that tuning in 
that you have to how other 

321
00:20:21,540 --> 00:20:25,820
people feel and get really clear
on who, when it's their feelings

322
00:20:25,820 --> 00:20:29,320
and when it's your own. 
Some of that ability to put 

323
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,440
yourself into other people's 
shoes and feel their feelings 

324
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:34,840
means that you may do it when 
you don't mean to. 

325
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:39,000
So that's just something to keep
in mind as well. 

326
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:46,000
So let me just let's just do 
Don't be a rescuer, Rescuer. 

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00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:51,080
Don't collect needy people. 
Don't try to control people by 

328
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:54,200
making them need you. 
What else? 

329
00:20:57,210 --> 00:21:03,570
Feel your feelings. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 

330
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:09,330
yeah. 
Recognize and accept all your 

331
00:21:09,330 --> 00:21:11,090
own feelings. 
Be willing to set boundaries. 

332
00:21:13,970 --> 00:21:15,810
Recognize and accept all your 
own feelings. 

333
00:21:16,850 --> 00:21:18,770
Express them. 
And be willing to set 

334
00:21:18,770 --> 00:21:21,170
boundaries. 
So if you know any of your gram 

335
00:21:21,170 --> 00:21:24,200
too, when they say is there 
anything that I can do for you, 

336
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,360
they really mean it. 
It gives them joy to be helpful.

337
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,960
But make sure you are paying 
attention. 

338
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:31,640
They often feel taken for 
granted of because they're so in

339
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:35,040
tune with what other people need
and what other people like. 

340
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:38,000
They don't realize that that's a
superpower and not everyone can 

341
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,560
do it. 
So if you have someone who's 

342
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:42,280
like a super giver, an over 
giver, do your best to pay 

343
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:46,840
attention to to them, what they 
like and what they need and and 

344
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:49,600
do something for them and do 
something for them. 

345
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:53,550
And if you're not the type that 
notices naturally, it may be a 

346
00:21:53,550 --> 00:21:56,030
little effort for you, but Oh my
gosh, will it land? 

347
00:21:56,910 --> 00:21:58,830
And any of gram teas. 
Not everybody has your 

348
00:21:58,830 --> 00:22:01,030
superpower. 
They can't always tell what 

349
00:22:01,030 --> 00:22:03,310
people need or want. 
So go easy on the rest of the 

350
00:22:03,310 --> 00:22:05,870
unirogram types. 
All right. 

351
00:22:05,870 --> 00:22:09,510
So for all of us, how can we get
in touch with our generosity? 

352
00:22:10,070 --> 00:22:11,750
How can we get in touch with our
kindness? 

353
00:22:12,750 --> 00:22:18,550
Who or what can we give to this 
week without any expectation? 

354
00:22:20,190 --> 00:22:23,210
That's our, that's our 
invitation from integrating our 

355
00:22:23,210 --> 00:22:25,210
Niagram twos. 
Because remember, we do not fit 

356
00:22:25,210 --> 00:22:28,330
into boxes. 
We are all the Niagram types. 

357
00:22:29,130 --> 00:22:34,290
We are all of them. 
And you know what's great about 

358
00:22:34,290 --> 00:22:36,130
you? 
Yeah, I mean you specifically, 

359
00:22:37,130 --> 00:22:43,250
you are whole, perfect and 
complete right here, right now, 

360
00:22:43,610 --> 00:22:46,090
yesterday and tomorrow. 
Yes, I know there are things 

361
00:22:46,090 --> 00:22:48,250
about you that you want to 
change even. 

362
00:22:48,250 --> 00:22:51,770
So you are whole, perfect and 
complete right where you are, 

363
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:57,280
what you are looking for, You 
are looking with be at ease. 

364
00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:02,120
You are wonderful, you really 
are and you are worthy and 

365
00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:06,840
deserving. 
Have like all the goodies. 

366
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,080
All of them. 
All of them. 

367
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:13,600
So go out, be generous, share 
widely, give with an open heart 

368
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:17,720
and an open hand, and surprise 
any of Graham too in your life 

369
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:21,440
with something that you think 
they might like because they get

370
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:23,080
overlooked sometimes because 
they're so giving. 

371
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:26,240
All right, thanks for being 
here. 

372
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:32,520
See you next time. 
I am so honored that you share 

373
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:34,680
time with me. 
If you've listened this far, 

374
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:37,160
then something here was of value
to you. 

375
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:39,880
Would you please be a friend of 
the podcast and share it with at

376
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:43,520
least one other person? 
The podcast is available on most

377
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:47,960
platforms including YouTube, and
I need your help to get the word

378
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,280
out. 
So please, like, subscribe and 

379
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:52,920
share. 
And a five star review on iTunes

380
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:57,680
would be Chef's Kiss. 
Thank you so much. 

381
00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:58,520
See you next time.