Hello beautiful humans, and welcome to the Mental Wellness
Wake Up Show, a weekly podcast where growthminded, creative
people come to learn best practices from both spirituality
and psychology that create lasting wellbeing.
I am your host, mental Wellness expert, improvised acting
teacher, therapist, and coach Dawn McMillan.
Let's get to it. Well, well, well.
Welcome back. I am so glad that you were here.
So good to share the space with you.
It's a highlight of my week recording these podcasts and
sharing these ideas with you and getting your feedback.
And woohoo. And if you're here for the first
time, welcome, welcome. It's lovely that we are growing
every week. So you are in good company.
Thank you for being here. So we are jumping into the any
your gram wisdom system. So we've already done four parts
of the series, a general introduction and then any your
grams 8-9 and one. So if this is your first time
here glad you're here. Zip on back into the podcast and
catch up with us and then we'll meet you back here.
Okay, we're waiting. Okay.
Welcome back. So today we're doing the
Enneagram 2. And as you will recall, the
Enneagram is 9 points on a circle divided into three groups
of 3/8 nines and ones constitute the gut group or the body group.
And we've completed those. And now we are on to twos,
threes and fours. And this is the heart centered
group. 2 threes and fours are the emotion centered group and
our our anyagram 2 threes and fours are characterized.
I hope you can hear the air quotes there by their
relationship to shame. So anyagram twos, threes, and
fours have a lot of their energy devoted to managing the feeling
of shame. So let's start with our niagram
twos. I'm going to remind you, I'm
shuffling through some notes and some papers, so please just bear
with me for that. And here we go.
All right, so the niagram twos are called the altruist, the
helper, the lover, the caretaker, the pleaser, the
enabler, the special friend. Anyagram twos will pick you up
at 3:00 o'clock in the morning at an airport 4 hours away from
their house. That's who they are.
That's how they'll be. So what are the main
characteristics of the anyagram? 2 Twos at their best are loving,
caring, adaptable, insightful, generous, enthusiastic, and
tuned into how people feel. Does this sound like someone you
want for your best friend? Twos that their worst are
martyr? Like indirect, manipulative,
possessive, hysterical, overly accommodating or overly
demonstrative, Twos are motivated by the need to be
loved and valued and just to express their positive feelings
towards others. That any gram twos can be a
little bit tricky in as much as many, many, many women, girls,
people assigned female at birth are socialized to behave like
twos, whether or not that is their organic orientation.
So if you're thinking about twos as being caretakers and helpers
and people who are devoted to others at the expense of
themselves, that is how a lot of women are brought up to be.
So it could be the case that someone is very much presenting
like a two because they are brought up in a culture that
encourages that from them for whatever reason, when they are
in fact kind of more organically oriented, slightly differently.
So that's just something to keep in mind as we think about our
our beloved aneogram twos, our helpers.
Let me take a little drink of water and I don't know if I'm
going to edit this out. Pardon me.
OK, so let's dive in. So I said that the Niagram Twos
are sort of motivated by their relationship to shame.
Here's another way of thinking about that.
The Niagram Twos basic fear is of being unloved and unwanted
for themselves alone. They're afraid of being unloved
and unwanted for themselves alone.
So while they are in a near constant state of giving and
doing for others, there's a secret fear that they're going
to be wanted for what they do for others and not for
themselves. And their basic desire is to
feel loved. Their super ego message Gentle
reminder Super Ego is Freudian language that the human psyche
is divided into 3 parts. the Super ego, the ego and the ID.
the Super Ego is like your conscience that keeps track of
rules and your better nature. Your ego is your personality and
then your ID is your unconscious motivations and drives.
So the Super ego message is you are good or okay if you are
loved by others and are close to them.
So can you already hear The danger zone and Agagram twos are
very outward facing. They want others to validate
them, to love them, to give them what they need to make them feel
okay. And so there is a way in which
any of Gram twos are very vulnerable to being disempowered
because they're always trying to make people love them secretly
fearing that the people who do seem to love them don't love
them for themselves, but love them for what they do for them.
So I said, any of Gram twos are characterized by the
relationship to shame. And aagram twos have the secret
fear that they are unlovable. Ah, so the difference between
shame and guilt. Guilt is when your inner self
reminds you that you have done something wrong.
Guilt is the emotion that says you violated your own moral code
and you are required to make amends.
Shame is the feeling that there's something wrong with
you, that there's something secretly wrong with you, not
that you have done something bad, but that you are something
bad. So in operating inside the
Enneagram 2 is this fear of being unlovable.
And so their biggest desire is to know and to feel that they
are loved. So let's talk about the
different levels of the Enneagram 2.
So you can begin to get a sense of how this helper personality
style can show up. And remember, we are never, ever
trying to squeeze anyone into any boxes.
The human being is so multifaceted, so wondrous, so
deep, so broad, so wide, so high.
That saying, oh, I'm like this because I'm in an Aragram 2 is
reducing you to just one facet of who you are.
That being said, what can we learn about an Aragram twos?
So at a level 9, the lowest level of emotional health for an
niagram 2, they feel victimized and burdensome.
The realization that they may have been selfish or even have
harmed others is too much for unhealthy twos.
They fall to pieces physically and emotionally, playing out the
role of victim and martyr. Others are then obliged to step
in and take care of them. So you can see this sort of
playing out when someone gets called out for doing something
wrong and then like, oh, I'm so terrible, I'm so awfully hate
myself. And then the person that they
harmed is now taking care of them.
So at level 8, a little bit level up of in healthiness and
Agram twos show up as entitled and coercive.
Twos have become so desperate for love that they begin to
pursue it obsessively. They feel they are entitled to
whatever they want because they have suffered so much and they
may act out their need for affection recklessly and
inappropriately. And this can take a really dark
turn. I will leave that to your
imagination because I'm sure you can feel in the gap, fill in the
gaps there. But these these these are people
who in their trauma, in their suffering feel entitled.
They feel entitled to other people's affection.
They feel entitled to get what they want because they are
victims so they can be entitled and coercive, moving up a level
of healthiness. Level 7 and agram Twos acting
out at a level 7 are self justifying and manipulative.
Twos fear that they are driving people away.
And this may be true. To save their self-image, they
rationalize their behavior by seeing others as selfish in
greats. They try to elicit pity as a
substitute for love and keep others dependent on them to
prevent them from leaving. They heard me say that one way
you can describe an anagram to as an enabler.
These are the people who might use money to control someone or
be with an addict because addict is forever dependent on them.
And then they'll they won't leave them.
But then because a part of them knows that they're being
manipulative, they put all the blame on the other person moving
up. Average your average and a gram
two at a level 6. Self important overbearing twos
are angry that others are taking them for granted but are unable
to freely express their hurt. Instead, they complain about
their health, draw attention to their good deeds, and remind
others of how much they owe them.
Repressed feelings begin to cause physical problems.
I'm sure many of us know people who who Orient in this way
instead of saying that they feel taken in for granted.
You know, they be like, oh, I'm so tired.
I'm working so hard because I did this and I did that and I
did this and I did that. OK, so moving up in levels of
emotional maturity, Level 5 possessive intrusive twos worry
that the people they love will love someone else more than
them, so they want to be needed. They attempt to have a claim on
people by putting the needs of others before their own.
Proud but needy. They do not want to let others
out of their sight. Possessive intrusive.
Let's insert controlling right. This may be someone who's going
through your phone and throws A temper tantrum when your high
school significant other friends you on social media level 4.
So we're moving up. well-intentioned people pleasing
twos begin to fear that whatever they've been doing is not
enough. Others do not really want them
around. They want to be closer to others
and to be reassured that others like them.
Two's try to cultivate friendships and win people over
by pleasing, flattering and supporting them.
Most of us, especially those of us in female bodies, probably
acted like this at certain aspects of our of our growing
up. That that people pleasing kind
of thing in order to be in order to be liked, you know because
who doesn't want to be liked. So in an Aagram 2 this is a
danger zone for them like sort of getting stuck in that people
pleasing attitude because they're remember their secret
fear is that people don't love them for who they are so they
want to make sure that they are so nice and so accommodating
that people just have to like them and have them around.
Now moving up to the healthier expressions of the N aagram 2
almost a prototype archetype the N aagram 2 archetype Level 3.
N AAGRAM Two's present as supportive and giving.
Twos reinforce their self-image by doing good things for others.
They're generous with their time and energy and are appreciative,
encouraging and supportive of others.
They're also emotionally expressive and enjoy sharing
their talents with others. So in any Gramma two at this
level, we'll say can I do anything for you?
And they mean it and they actually enjoy it.
I had a roommate who would. I was so poor at the time.
So poor. I was so poor at the time.
And she would accidentally make too much food and ask me if I
wanted some. Right.
That's your annagram, too. Classic annagram too, right
there. So they really, they really are
very generous with your time and energy and they will cheer you
on. They're like, Oh my gosh, it's
so great that you did this thing.
I'm so happy and so excited for you.
All right. Moving up.
Level 2A, level 2, Anna, your gram two.
These will, these people will present as empathic and caring
twos focus on the feelings of others with loving concern as a
defense against their basic fear, self-image.
I am loving, thoughtful, and selfless.
So they are they're doing good things for others.
They're cheering them on, they're generous, but there's
still that little naggling fear operating in them that they're
not lovable. So they mean it.
They really are actually generous.
They really are caring, but they're they're sometimes can
overdo it in order to not face that that worry that they have
that they're not quite as lovable as they hoped.
Okay, and at a level one, a really emotionally healthy,
integrated an anagram to archetype person is going to be
self nurturing, unconditionally loving.
Twos let go of the belief that they are not allowed to care for
themselves. Thus, they can own their
feelings and needs and are free to love others without
expectations. I'm going to say that again.
Thus, they can own their feelings and needs and are free
to love others without expectations.
Remember when we were lower down on the emotional health?
There was a lot of manipulation coming from these anagram tubes.
They're doing things for other people in order to be needed, in
order to be loved, in order to be appreciated.
As this level of emotional maturity increases, they are
free to love others without expectations.
They're being their generous, kind, supportive self solely to
be their generous, kind and supportive self.
They're not doing it to try to get something from someone.
And when they're at this level, self nurturing, unconditionally
loving, they also achieve their basic dire desire and are
liberated twos experience unconditional love for self and
others. They are joyous, gracious and
humble. So if you know an NAA gram two
and you probably do because they're they're just out there
serving, they they are out there serving NA gram twos often find
themselves in the helping professions because they are so
oriented towards helping. They are often front and center
at anything that requires volunteers because they are so
loving and supportive. And again, the shadow side is I
am going to be so helpful and you're going to need me so much
that you're going to keep me around even though you secretly
don't like me. But once they once these
iniogram twos are able to really integrate all of their emotional
wisdom, they just they're beaming.
They are just these beaming, warm, radiant lights on on the
planet. They are joyous, gracious and
humble being around in Anagram 2.
Like you just get close to them and it feels like a warm hug,
right? They just exude this sense of of
connectivity and and safety. So I said every team needs at
least one of everyone. If you have an NNAGRAM 2A really
evolved, integrated NNAGRAM 2, they're going to be like the
heart. You're going to be like the
warm, beating, fuzzy heart of any group because they really do
care so deeply and at this level, they care deeply without,
without making demands on other people.
They just care and give because they want to and they're taking
care of themselves. So, you know, in the self help
movement and the personal growth movement right now, especially
for for FEMS. So for women and fems, there's
this focus on self-care, self-care, self-care, self-care,
self-care because we've been conditioned to.
Other care, other care, other care.
Your needs don't matter, but matters are your partner's
needs, your kids needs, your parents needs, your community
needs. And if you're burning out, well,
honey, that's just because you are either, I don't know, you
need more Jesus in your life or whatever reason they want to
give you. So there's this emphasis on
self-care. And so for twos, they're the
ones who truly need to know that that same level of nurturing and
generosity that they give so effortlessly to other people,
they can give to themselves. Then they get to be joyous,
gracious and humble. That generosity, that
appreciation, that encouragement, that support,
They give it to themselves. They give it to others and and
they can receive from others. One of the things about
Angiogram 2 is, is that they're so busy helping.
They often don't receive help. Like, no, no, I got it, let me
help you. And then they they go without.
So when in Angiogram 2 gets to be really well nourished and
well integrated. They give help.
They receive help. They're serene.
They they really do feel like a warm and fuzzy hug.
They feel like those, you know, soft socks that you you put on
in the winter and your toes go so good.
That is it. The Danes The Danish concept of
Higa is it the Swedes, Scandinavians just like that
sense of a a fresh lit candle, fuzzy fuzzy socks and A and a
warm cup of tea. So that's our Anneagram Twos.
So the wake up call for the Anneagram twos is to back away
from the people pleasing, back off the people pleasing and lean
into that Anneagram ate energy. That anneagram ate energy is
self-sufficient that any gram 8 energy is boundary setting and
that any gram 8 energy is willing to take a stand for him
or her their selves. So back away from the people
pleasing and lean into that I want I'm going to make a stand
for myself. Yes, I want you to love me.
Yes I want you to like me. But I am not willing to throw
myself under a bus to get it. So that's the invitation to the
any gram twos so. Any grantees loving, caring,
adaptable, insightful, generous, enthusiastic and tuned in to
help people feel, Oh my gosh, yes, a note for our empaths
among us. Part of your challenge is to
separate that that tuning in that you have to how other
people feel and get really clear on who, when it's their feelings
and when it's your own. Some of that ability to put
yourself into other people's shoes and feel their feelings
means that you may do it when you don't mean to.
So that's just something to keep in mind as well.
So let me just let's just do Don't be a rescuer, Rescuer.
Don't collect needy people. Don't try to control people by
making them need you. What else?
Feel your feelings. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Recognize and accept all your
own feelings. Be willing to set boundaries.
Recognize and accept all your own feelings.
Express them. And be willing to set
boundaries. So if you know any of your gram
too, when they say is there anything that I can do for you,
they really mean it. It gives them joy to be helpful.
But make sure you are paying attention.
They often feel taken for granted of because they're so in
tune with what other people need and what other people like.
They don't realize that that's a superpower and not everyone can
do it. So if you have someone who's
like a super giver, an over giver, do your best to pay
attention to to them, what they like and what they need and and
do something for them and do something for them.
And if you're not the type that notices naturally, it may be a
little effort for you, but Oh my gosh, will it land?
And any of gram teas. Not everybody has your
superpower. They can't always tell what
people need or want. So go easy on the rest of the
unirogram types. All right.
So for all of us, how can we get in touch with our generosity?
How can we get in touch with our kindness?
Who or what can we give to this week without any expectation?
That's our, that's our invitation from integrating our
Niagram twos. Because remember, we do not fit
into boxes. We are all the Niagram types.
We are all of them. And you know what's great about
you? Yeah, I mean you specifically,
you are whole, perfect and complete right here, right now,
yesterday and tomorrow. Yes, I know there are things
about you that you want to change even.
So you are whole, perfect and complete right where you are,
what you are looking for, You are looking with be at ease.
You are wonderful, you really are and you are worthy and
deserving. Have like all the goodies.
All of them. All of them.
So go out, be generous, share widely, give with an open heart
and an open hand, and surprise any of Graham too in your life
with something that you think they might like because they get
overlooked sometimes because they're so giving.
All right, thanks for being here.
See you next time. I am so honored that you share
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See you next time.