1 00:00:00,520 --> 00:00:05,040 I kind of was thinking about how shame can sometimes be a shield 2 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:10,520 from feeling grief that I don't have the capacity to sit with. 3 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:14,120 And so a lot of times I'll just like, put up this shame shield 4 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:18,000 and kind of shut down. And so it surprised me to 5 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:23,440 realize that I needed to build more capacity around my ability 6 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:27,880 to sit with my grief rather than just like shut it down, block it 7 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:32,360 off or feel ashamed about it. And so that was a new little 8 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:37,640 like gateway pathway to kind of like a little hack in moments of 9 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:40,240 conflict. Like, wait a minute, can I check 10 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,520 in? What's the connection that I'm 11 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:46,520 searching for in this? Where am I not feeling seen? 12 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:50,960 How is that beautiful and rich And like what? 13 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:54,520 What's at stake here can actually be not something that 14 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:58,240 I'm going to lose, but something that I want to gain. 15 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:01,520 I want to get closer. I want to be more understood. 16 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:04,920 And next step, check in with your shame. 17 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:07,960 What's up with that? Is there some grief under there 18 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:11,040 that you need help holding? Do you need to go out and lay on 19 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:12,960 the ground? Do you need to hug a tree? 20 00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:15,960 Do you need to cry? Do you need to phone a friend? 21 00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:18,440 Maybe you're not ashamed of anything. 22 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:20,840 Maybe you're just sad and it's hard. 23 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:25,120 So I'm just like, OK, cool. These are some little like 24 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:30,440 mental somatic maps that I can create to help me as I'm going. 25 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:34,280 And those have really stuck with me and like been sweet 26 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:53,720 surprises. Hi everyone, welcome to the 27 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:57,000 Embodied Astrology podcast. It's very exciting to have you 28 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:00,080 here. I'm looking at the faces of 29 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:04,000 folks from across the different cohorts of At the Heart of 30 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:07,800 Conflict, and today we're going to be having a conversation 31 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:10,520 about your experiences with a cohort. 32 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:15,160 I think sometimes the work that we do in these spaces at 33 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:17,640 Embodied Astrology can be hard to language. 34 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:23,320 And also Amy and I do a lot of processing together about the 35 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:27,640 conflict series and have been having these conversations on 36 00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:30,360 the podcast, but we haven't really had the opportunity to 37 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:33,240 bring in other voices from the experience. 38 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:37,320 And because of the nature of this space and how Co created it 39 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:41,400 is, it just felt really important to us to incorporate 40 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:44,800 the voices and experiences of the folks who helped shape it. 41 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:49,280 So that's why we've invited you here today and I'm really 42 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:52,680 excited to hear from all of you. And just really, it's really 43 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:56,280 heartwarming to like see folks from the different cohorts 44 00:02:56,280 --> 00:03:00,240 together in a space and kind of just makes me want to put out 45 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:04,320 the wish that when we're done these 4 cohorts that there's a 46 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,800 way to bring us all together in some way. 47 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,920 So that's the wish that I'm putting out. 48 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:13,760 And what we'll do is just Orient to a couple of different 49 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,360 questions and I'll let Amy take it from here. 50 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:21,000 Thank you. So yeah, I guess if we start 51 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,520 with just like a little bit of an introduction. 52 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:27,760 From all of you. Why you joined the cohort and 53 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,880 where you started when you first set out on your journey with the 54 00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:35,640 series. My name is Alina and I was part 55 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:43,560 of Cohort 2, and I joined during a really intense conflict with 56 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:47,800 my family. I am someone who enjoys, you 57 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:51,040 know, like getting into conflict, like having, you know, 58 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:53,520 connection through those conflicts. 59 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,960 I think with my family, because I've always been the protector 60 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:03,600 and the one that always stands up and speaks truth, it's always 61 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:08,240 made me out to be the bad person because they are more avoidant 62 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:12,080 so nobody want to deal with anything anymore except for me. 63 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:18,279 So I felt confused and pretty overwhelmed and I kept thinking 64 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:21,040 I just want to get to the heart of this. 65 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:27,720 And then a few days later I saw there was an offering through 66 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:31,840 Embodied Astrology, a 12 week class called At the Heart of 67 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:34,800 Conflict. And I mean, the timing felt 68 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:38,360 almost like too perfect, like it was meant to be. 69 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:42,680 I've been following Embodied Astrology for a while and even 70 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:46,560 though I didn't know exactly what I was getting into, I felt 71 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:50,360 like this could actually help me understand what was happening. 72 00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:56,840 Wow, beautiful. I'm Chelsea and I'm too a long 73 00:04:56,840 --> 00:05:01,480 time fan girl of EA and yeah, just been tuning in for a long 74 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:05,000 time and wanting to connect and engage. 75 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:12,000 And I'm also a little, I guess I consider myself a little feisty 76 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:16,080 and I definitely have some significant conflicts throughout 77 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:20,640 my life that I have complicated feelings around. 78 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:29,440 While at the same time, I have situations where I don't feel 79 00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:34,120 like I stand up for myself or enter into conflict. 80 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:42,720 And so I feel that there's this push pull between be feeling too 81 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:46,720 extreme in conflict and not feeling like I can step up and 82 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:50,600 enter into it. And that is a flag for me of 83 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:56,000 like, oh, this is about an unbalanced energy in my life. 84 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:02,400 And around the time that this cohort was announced, I was 85 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:08,760 having pretty profound struggles with my experience of anger, 86 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:13,280 both internally and externally, and feeling pretty overwhelmed 87 00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:22,200 about how to navigate it and, and feeling a lot of shame, to 88 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:27,440 be honest, and isolation in the sensation of feeling these like 89 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:33,160 big rushes of anger. And so when the cohort was 90 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:39,320 announced, I was like, oh, that sounds like other people who 91 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:43,240 want to do this and aren't afraid to step up to the plate 92 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:47,880 and engage in conflict. And it sounded like potential 93 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:52,920 for developing tools. And I'm also just a nerd and, 94 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:57,400 like, understanding things more is so soothing. 95 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,760 It can be really soothing to my nervous system. 96 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:03,800 So it was just like, yes, all the things. 97 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:10,000 And so I went for it. I am CR Catherine Rose is my 98 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:14,400 full first name, but I often go by CRI was part of cohort 3. 99 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:17,440 And yeah, we're just at the beginning of the conversation. 100 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:21,240 It's always really heart expanding, I think to hear where 101 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,720 we're all coming from. So just honoring what you 102 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:28,960 shared, I suppose. I came to this cohort feeling 103 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:32,000 pretty isolated also. So I'm really resonating with 104 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,760 what you've shared, Alina, and you as well, Chelsea, about 105 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:38,480 strong feelings. I was in a conflict at work, 106 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:42,600 which mirrors patterns of conflict I've had in other areas 107 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:48,080 of my life. And I had spent most of the 108 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:51,640 winter break just sort of laid out in bed basically from 109 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:57,480 exhaustion and A and a lot of burnout to do with taking 110 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:00,080 responsibility in conflict, trying to show up, trying to 111 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:05,840 meet people where they're at and feeling really under attack for 112 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:09,520 being someone who spoke up or noticed or brought attention to 113 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:14,640 unhealthy dynamics. And had this real experience of 114 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:18,720 a kind of pile on in a professional environment in 115 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:22,120 quite a small organization. So quite an intimate set of 116 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:24,840 relationships, not a lot of places to hide or go. 117 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:30,280 And I was pretty freaked out. I was pretty freaked out. 118 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:34,799 I was afraid of what was going to happen just in terms of would 119 00:08:34,799 --> 00:08:38,919 the conflict continue to erupt and evolve and would I still 120 00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,480 continue to be at the center of it? 121 00:08:40,559 --> 00:08:44,920 And also just my livelihood and stability being tied to that 122 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:48,880 labor, but also just the patterns that it was showing up 123 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:51,360 of other parts of my life that I thought, I just don't know. 124 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:54,000 Can I keep being in these situations? 125 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,720 I don't know how much resilience I have to them. 126 00:08:56,720 --> 00:09:01,640 Feeling really afraid that this is like a lifelong pattern that 127 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,280 I'll just keep manifesting wherever I go. 128 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:06,960 You know, that the problem somehow is me. 129 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,960 And no matter what circumstance I'm in personally, in my family 130 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,920 or professionally, these patterns are going to 131 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:16,160 materialize. So I was, I was seeking 132 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:17,920 community. I was seeking people who wanted 133 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:20,600 to have those conversations and wanted to be in some sense of 134 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:23,960 solidarity with each other and to help me see patterns. 135 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:27,480 And yeah, I had seen that there had been two other cohorts. 136 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:29,960 And I think I was too much in the thick of the conflict to 137 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,880 even think about joining a previous cohort. 138 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,160 And when it came along, I think I was one of the last people to 139 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:36,960 sign up for the for the cohort 3. 140 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:41,680 So I got in just in time and it was what I needed and it was 141 00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:43,120 definitely what I needed at the time. 142 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:51,280 Hey everyone, I'm Olivia. I was in cohort one at the time 143 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:55,600 of starting. I was quite reactive to conflict 144 00:09:55,920 --> 00:10:00,280 coming from a wounded place that caused me to shut down in one 145 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:05,520 way or another, wanting to escape people please or freeze. 146 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:11,560 And I was following embodied astrology for a while and I 147 00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:16,360 guess I'll say I was in a lot of therapy and organizing spaces at 148 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:22,080 the time, but I was finding the work of both spaces really 149 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:26,120 important that weren't really being met for me. 150 00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:33,480 And I find embodied astrology, a community that is doing that is 151 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:39,160 bridging that gap. And at the time, really, I'm 152 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:43,200 still craving belonging, but there didn't seem to be a path 153 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:48,800 forward for me there. So I, I knew that this kind of 154 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:53,000 skill building was necessary to the community that I'm trying to 155 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:56,520 build. Needing to navigate conflict is 156 00:10:57,080 --> 00:11:01,840 central to, you know, the decolonizing project, to 157 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:06,800 building new systems and to just having the capacity to dream of 158 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:11,760 a world that we want. And I, I say we because there's 159 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:17,840 something so central to the animal experience of liberation. 160 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:23,320 And sometimes I think conflict, this really butts up against 161 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:28,400 each other's imagining of freedom, or that's been my 162 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:33,000 experience. But yeah, I it trusted embodied 163 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:36,840 astrology and the people who that it would collect the 164 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,760 navigate that with. That's what brought me here. 165 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,240 Beautiful. Thank you all so much. 166 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:47,080 How would you describe what it was like to be part of the 167 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:50,120 cohort? Alina will have you answer and 168 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:56,720 then CR. I would say it's a space where 169 00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:02,840 you can slow down and really look at conflict in a new way. 170 00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:08,520 Like I came in wanting like answers and wanting to fix 171 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:12,360 things, but it turned out to be more about like understanding 172 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:17,360 myself, my patterns, my reactions, what was really 173 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:20,520 underneath the conflict and being in this group with 174 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,960 everyone and, and going through something that really made me 175 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:28,360 feel safe to to be myself, especially working with the 176 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:32,600 birth chart, you know, was really like, I had no idea what 177 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:35,000 I came into this like that. I was even going to even be 178 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,640 looking at that. That was going to be the focus. 179 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:40,520 But I did know that I didn't know anything really. 180 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:48,280 I also say that I was, I had a little bit of fear around 181 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:52,320 navigating, you know, my birth chart because actually a family 182 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:56,080 member had weaponized it against me as I was growing up. 183 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,600 So I was kind of a little fearful. 184 00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:02,400 But then there was many people that had varying degrees of 185 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:05,360 experience working with birth charts and everybody had a 186 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:09,840 little piece to offer. And it made me just like, really 187 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:12,600 go, oh, wow. I had, like, a greater 188 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:17,760 acceptance of myself. I felt safe to be myself. 189 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,560 I felt like it was a space where I wasn't going to be judged. 190 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:24,160 And I realized that I wasn't alone and struggling in these 191 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:27,920 kinds of issues. So I would say, yeah, I want 192 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:34,080 more people to do this. So our cohort just finished 193 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,520 yesterday. So it's really fresh for me in 194 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:39,280 terms of this gathering, in this conversation that we're having 195 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:43,200 across different timelines of how people have engaged without 196 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:47,200 the heart of conflict. And I guess the thing I would 197 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:50,640 say first is we talked in the last session about how we carry 198 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:54,080 that cohort with us. There was a few of us who sort 199 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:58,160 of spoke about going into situations and feeling that the 200 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:01,280 other 11 people, you know are there with you. 201 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:05,360 And I still feel that in my heart and my body. 202 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:08,360 And so I think there's probably something about the quality of 203 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:10,600 witnessing, I think Arena that you were describing, that 204 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:15,760 experience of being able to be ourselves and for me, the 205 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:20,080 ability to be witnessed as myself, you know, messy, 206 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:25,400 complicated, confused, uncertain, frustrated, angry. 207 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:31,560 And Chelsea, your word of feisty, like all of that being 208 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:36,760 present over the course of those 12 weeks and it being like a 209 00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:41,560 loud accepted scene, not even commented on, just present is 210 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:45,400 something that I really hold as an experience that it's very 211 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:50,400 powerful to be witnessed and to be able to see yourself as well 212 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,960 through the gaze, like through the gentle gaze of others. 213 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:58,920 And yeah, I'm also holding this generosity of how people showed 214 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:03,080 up and offered something in, you know, so the ability to have a 215 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:06,560 kind of focused time on one person a week where you get 216 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,720 about an hour to have this deep dive. 217 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:13,360 What a gift and spending time even going back with the 218 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:15,480 recording. So I spent some time yesterday 219 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,680 before our final session going back to my deep dive and 220 00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:21,640 reconnecting with it. There's a lot there that you 221 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,800 kind of experience in the real time moment and then you can go 222 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:28,120 back to because there's things that people put in the chat that 223 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:31,080 you can't keep up with and there's all this list of this 224 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:33,680 broadcast. And have you thought about this? 225 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:36,000 And like, do you want to, you know, hear some ideas of things 226 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,200 that you could look into more either from your patterns, like 227 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:43,120 people asking really lovely questions or people who are very 228 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:46,640 experienced with astrology asking, you know, questions 229 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,760 about your birth chart that might point to some of those 230 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:53,800 patterns. But I think the thing that I 231 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:58,640 take away from the very first session from me was I really 232 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:02,320 remember the very first session and when it finished, I went and 233 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:06,160 told like everybody that I knew about this amazing group that I 234 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:09,880 was in. And, you know, maintaining of 235 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,120 course, the confidentiality of everybody's experience. 236 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:15,480 But just saying there was this diversity of experience around 237 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:18,400 conflict. And I had this sort of humble 238 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,440 moment of thinking because my experience of conflict is so 239 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:24,480 feels so acute to me. I really just thought people 240 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:28,240 would experience it very similar to me that that I have this kind 241 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:33,280 of fight response like that I will meet the conflict and it it 242 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,800 like it and I will be deeply affected by it. 243 00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:40,520 And people were saying kind of amazing things, like, you know, 244 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:43,240 it doesn't change my opinion of myself if I'm in conflict with 245 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:44,720 someone else. I thought, what are you saying 246 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:46,720 to me? Like that's amazing. 247 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:51,640 I'm like deeply affected and all kind of changed up on the inside 248 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:52,800 when I'm in conflict with people. 249 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,880 But there were other people who are really anchored, very clear. 250 00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,840 You know, there's so much strength in the different ways 251 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:03,360 that people were approaching things and lots of vulnerability 252 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,800 and lots of, of course, uncertainty in our own 253 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:11,200 approaches, lots of desire to learn, but just the plurality 254 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:14,000 and like the beauty of people's different ways of, of 255 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,680 approaching it and holding, holding their shape was one of 256 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:19,400 our phrases. The way people try to hold their 257 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:25,839 shape in conflict was I still find that really heartening and 258 00:17:25,839 --> 00:17:31,160 strengthening. And see how during this sort of 259 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:36,080 12 weeks of the cohort, did you find that it was supporting you 260 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,640 and how you were navigating conflict during that time? 261 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:43,520 So I began the cohort really believing that the conflict in 262 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:47,440 my life was going to escalate because it had been so explosive 263 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:49,960 in the kind of November, December, and then I joined the 264 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:53,600 cohort in January. So I came in with like really 265 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:57,320 bracing and I think one of the things that I learned through 266 00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:01,120 the process was just these different kind of phases of 267 00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:03,920 conflict, right? That you can be in a conflict 268 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,960 where everyone is aware that a conflict is happening and you're 269 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,080 sort of in a holding pattern actually. 270 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:13,880 And it's not, no one is healed. This isn't all getting resolved 271 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,760 overnight. It's not even getting resolved 272 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:21,160 over a 12 week period. So some of what I experienced 273 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:24,920 through the 12 weeks was what's it like to pace myself? 274 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:29,640 What's it like to be witnessed in, in just sort of holding 275 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:34,720 steady, you know, not fatiguing, not giving in, not giving way, 276 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:38,440 you know, and not also maybe being in kind of attack mode, 277 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:42,040 but just being in a kind of balanced position. 278 00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:45,320 What I'd wanted out of the experience was to be more 279 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,680 choiceful. So some of that means slowing 280 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:52,280 down and paying attention and noticing and asking, do I need 281 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:55,840 to do anything right now? I think when I'm certainly in a 282 00:18:55,840 --> 00:19:00,680 very like highly energized conflict experience, I really 283 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:03,120 move to action. Like, OK, great, like let's move 284 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:05,680 forward, let's move through this. 285 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,920 And actually, some of what I was doing over the last 12 weeks was 286 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:14,960 holding steady to wait to see, to notice if if some of the 287 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:18,880 experience was like allowing for learning in the environment, not 288 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:22,720 just my own, but others, I suppose we talked about like not 289 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:26,640 being healed, trademark healed at the end of the 12 weeks. 290 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,120 And I, yeah, I still hold to that. 291 00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:31,040 I'm still in a conflict, I would say. 292 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,480 And it's there's a bit of a marathon to that. 293 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:38,400 And that's, that's OK. Like the thing for me was to 294 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:42,840 lift my head up and be able to see the direction of travel and 295 00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:45,640 like the many possibilities, the main roads that I can take and 296 00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:48,440 not just the one that is part of my patterning that's most 297 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:53,560 available and easy for me, which is like, I fight now, like we 298 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:55,080 we're in conflict. I'm fighting now. 299 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:56,960 You know, which I say with humor, right? 300 00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:00,440 But that's like knowing I have that muscle is great. 301 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:02,960 And also I wanted to see if there was anything else. 302 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:05,800 But I still feel I'm really learning from the rest of the 303 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:09,240 cohort in terms of like, how would some of those other folks 304 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:11,920 deal with this situation and what can I learn from them? 305 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:15,480 How can I bring them and their energy into to my choices? 306 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:17,600 I love that. Thank you. 307 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:21,280 I'm really hearing the new possibilities and paths opening 308 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:24,720 up just by kind of being in the space with other folks that that 309 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:28,160 see things so differently. And it's really lovely to hear 310 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:33,280 how that shifted things for you. So Olivia, how about you during 311 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:36,920 the time that you were in the cohort, how did you find it for 312 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:40,960 in your process conflict? Thanks Amy. 313 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:48,480 I found a variety of perspectives and knowledge bases 314 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:56,640 and skill sets that would not have, I just wouldn't have had 315 00:20:56,640 --> 00:21:04,560 access to and all focused on one story at a time. 316 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:12,720 But each story, it may have been focused on the person sharing it 317 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:23,480 the their conflict, but there it was so rich in learning. 318 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:31,360 It felt like I'm reading a book right now about fables and myths 319 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:36,080 of the wild woman archetype and I'm forgetting who wrote it 320 00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,640 right now, but it just felt like that. 321 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:43,560 It felt like through each story there was this whole, all these 322 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:47,360 storylines and myths and archetypes that were unlocked, 323 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:52,520 and there's this conflict inherently in itself between 324 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:57,520 just an oppressive society and individuals trying to create 325 00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:01,040 community. So to have this one place, this 326 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:05,480 one central location where there's a bunch of skilled, 327 00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:09,000 compassionate, caring people kind of putting their minds 328 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:13,200 together with so much care for someone's conflict about 329 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,840 something that's really activating. 330 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:21,200 And so it supported me to just start to be present with my own 331 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:25,320 feelings and the feelings of those around me. 332 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:31,800 And there's a lot about conflict that I knew beforehand 333 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:37,000 theoretically, but the experience of processing 334 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:41,880 together integrated those theoretical understandings that 335 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:46,200 I wasn't practicing. So I started to, instead of 336 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:50,720 projecting my inner experience, which that's what we do as 337 00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:56,120 humans, we are all projecting. Yeah. 338 00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:59,480 I don't think it's the call out that it. 339 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:03,360 Sometimes I like to make it sometimes where it's like you're 340 00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:06,040 projecting, but I think we all are. 341 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:10,120 But I think there's a way of being more present in in the 342 00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:17,960 outward external reality instead of so focused for me internally. 343 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:25,400 And this cohort really integrated that where I saw it 344 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:29,600 in practice of all these perspectives that for me didn't 345 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:34,480 exist in my life. In therapy spaces, there's this 346 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:39,920 big emphasis on responding rather than reacting because the 347 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:45,400 reaction is just the old coping mechanism, the tool, the 348 00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:48,920 outdated tool that doesn't work anymore. 349 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:53,960 And I so I learned a lot about that at a theoretical level, but 350 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:59,800 the Heart of Conflict cohort I was in showed me how to respond 351 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,360 overreacting in a really supportive way. 352 00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:07,600 It's interesting what you're or what you said call to mind for 353 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:11,360 me this quote from Billy Ray Belcourt, who's an indigenous 354 00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:15,800 writer from so-called Canada. And yeah, he just talked about 355 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:21,720 giving ourselves the permission to theorize about our lives and 356 00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:27,120 how rarely we get that opportunity and how important it 357 00:24:27,120 --> 00:24:35,440 is to, like CR said as well, like have people that you can be 358 00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,960 with in looking at your patterns together and really like slow 359 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:43,560 down and be present and witness ourselves. 360 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:48,200 Like be able to witness yourself and not have to do it alone. 361 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,280 Because I think witnessing ourselves can be kind of a scary 362 00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:55,040 process, actually. It can be scary to look at your, 363 00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:59,920 your own patterns and try to bring care and compassion, but I 364 00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:03,560 felt like across all of the cohorts, there was so much, so 365 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:05,400 much generosity in the witnessing. 366 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:10,760 And yeah, just really this unique ability to hold ourselves 367 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,720 and hold each other in our difference. 368 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:17,040 And that that difference, the difference for once could be 369 00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:19,760 actually like a benefit. It could be a strength. 370 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:23,280 Like, it could make us feel better about our individual 371 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:26,560 selves by being held in the difference. 372 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:31,760 But yeah, I mean, we've talked a lot about all of the the lovely 373 00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:36,080 parts of this cohort, but this work is challenging. 374 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,320 You know, I think it stretches us in a lot of different ways. 375 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:45,760 And I guess I'm curious to hear what parts of the experience you 376 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:49,560 might have found particularly challenging, Alina. 377 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:56,480 The most challenging part for me was really that I was a 61 year 378 00:25:56,480 --> 00:26:03,040 old black woman coming in to a space where I was, again, the 379 00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:09,920 only black woman there. And could my experience be, you 380 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:15,680 know, relatable or understood? So I felt, you know, really 381 00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:19,880 unsure of myself. And I will also say that I 382 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:23,480 realized through this that I was just going through my second 383 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:29,200 Saturn return also. So there was just so many things 384 00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:33,560 happening at once that I thought it was losing my mind really. 385 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:37,080 I really did feel that way. And I wasn't sure if I could 386 00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:41,480 understand things correctly as being an older learner, right? 387 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:46,800 And there's different ways that people communicate in every like 388 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,600 generation. That's been my experience and I 389 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:57,400 thought that I might not be able to completely understand or I 390 00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:00,720 wouldn't be understood. From my experience though, it 391 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:04,720 took me a little while to like feel comfortable, you know, I 392 00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:08,800 just took it slow and then I gave myself the opportunity to 393 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:14,240 just listen. But I also, it was so important 394 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:18,720 for me to feel that I could be vulnerable in this space. 395 00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:23,680 And also I wanted people to hear my story. 396 00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:27,520 I wanted people to know, you know, what it was like. 397 00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:33,600 But what ended up helping me was seeing how everyone brought 398 00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:36,040 different knowledge and perspectives. 399 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:44,960 And I'm tearing up right now, you know, people shared what 400 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:48,200 they knew. And I didn't feel like people 401 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:50,520 just shared what they felt intuitively. 402 00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:53,960 And just listening and witnessing each other help me 403 00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:57,280 trust that I that I didn't need to have it all, like, figured 404 00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:02,920 out. And what I learned was, yeah, 405 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:13,600 conflict is so messy. And I would say by the end, I 406 00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:17,800 felt more confident in who I was. 407 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:24,360 Like I could understand that my way of being was perfectly fine. 408 00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:29,880 And I, I guess I didn't realize how much I was really going 409 00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:36,720 through at the time too. And in everyone sharing how they 410 00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:43,240 saw me or what they saw in my chart helped me to go, oh, all 411 00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:45,960 right, I'm OK. And these people don't see that 412 00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:48,800 something's wrong with me. Yeah, that's real. 413 00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,520 That's real. Thank you for sharing. 414 00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:58,200 I think I remember the week that you maybe decided that you were 415 00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:03,480 going to lean in or like kind of take that step into 416 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:05,480 vulnerability. And I think it was, yeah. 417 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:09,280 I felt like after you maybe decided that it's, it was a 418 00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:15,160 space that you could do that in. And yeah, I just remember how 419 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:19,240 special it was to see you sort of open up into the Alina that I 420 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:22,040 know now. Yeah. 421 00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:25,120 Thank you. Thank you. 422 00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:29,320 Olivia, I'm curious about whether there were any parts of 423 00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:32,120 the process that felt challenging for you. 424 00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:38,800 I think coming from a perspective often of group 425 00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:44,320 therapy where there's a lot of insulation in processing, where 426 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:48,880 there's not feedback really unless you ask for it, and 427 00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:54,080 there's all these other kind of like bumpers, I think of like 428 00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:58,560 bowling, where it's like there's just a lot of safety mechanisms. 429 00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:02,680 But in this experience, we were group processing active 430 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:07,760 conflict, so the potential for trigger was massive. 431 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:12,040 And I think the capacity to receive, I'll just speak for 432 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:17,480 myself, but I think I noticed in others too was tested. 433 00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:22,840 It's like how open am I to receive feedback here? 434 00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:29,680 And in my case, I got a lot of validating perspectives that 435 00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:36,200 felt supportive, but that didn't inherently have to be true for a 436 00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:39,000 lot of, you know, a lot of our situations, our patterns were 437 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,920 being confronted. So I think when I say 438 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:45,040 activation, there was a lot of activation and learning. 439 00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:49,000 But I think of it, it was nervous system activation that I 440 00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:52,120 saw, but also spiritual activation for me. 441 00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:57,840 Things clicking into place but also being really pushed 442 00:30:57,840 --> 00:30:59,520 against. Where? 443 00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:05,360 Some of my beliefs, like I just realized last week, I was still 444 00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:09,360 holding on to a lot of patriarchal beliefs, those were 445 00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:14,880 pushed and obviously that felt good to me in the moment of my 446 00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:20,440 conflict. But transformation is painful, 447 00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:24,960 rebirth is painful. So I think that part was 448 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:30,320 challenging, just receiving and giving feedback around such 449 00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:33,280 tenderness. Yeah. 450 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:36,080 Thank you so much for speaking to that, all of that. 451 00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:44,040 I'm almost taking for granted now how much we've held in these 452 00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:48,440 cohorts together. And Chelsea, Olivia and you were 453 00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:53,560 part of the same cohort. And you know, I think we had an 454 00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:57,000 interesting experience when your deep dive came up. 455 00:31:57,280 --> 00:32:01,320 I'm curious if you can speak to that, that experience and the 456 00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:06,280 challenge of that well. Actually, now that I feel more 457 00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:09,640 comfortable asserting myself since participating in the 458 00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,520 cohort, I'm going to say that I'd actually prefer to share 459 00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:17,160 from the beginning of my experience, the first instance 460 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:23,520 that I had that was challenging for me and that was at the 461 00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:27,960 beginning of our cohort. I was in the first cohort and 462 00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:32,200 coming in, I think especially with something I've been 463 00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:37,400 struggling with, I really wanted like a clear structure of what, 464 00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:40,600 what are we going to do? Like what are the tools? 465 00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:48,400 What is the framework? And that wasn't the initial, 466 00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:51,720 There wasn't like a clear structure at the beginning. 467 00:32:53,720 --> 00:33:01,480 And I was forced to sit with the kind of uncertainty. 468 00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:07,560 But then also I, I felt comfortable enough in the group 469 00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:13,000 after a couple sessions to bring that up, to bring up my need for 470 00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:18,280 a, a little bit more clarity or structure, understanding of what 471 00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:21,840 we're doing. And that was a challenge, A, 472 00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:26,280 just to be brave and bring up my need because of my patterning 473 00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:31,800 around conflict. But then B, it was really well 474 00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:36,680 received by the group. And so it ended up being healing 475 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:43,040 to have a real time experience of being uncomfortable, being 476 00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:46,960 brave enough to just state my need and what I was feeling and 477 00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:50,600 then have it be so well received by a group of people that I 478 00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:53,880 didn't really know and wasn't certain about. 479 00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:59,040 And so that helped to lay this groundwork of trust. 480 00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:05,160 And it also kind of gave me the first taste of what some of my 481 00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:08,639 personal patterning around conflict was. 482 00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:13,400 That again, that I mentioned earlier, shame being a big part 483 00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:20,199 of it and not wanting to assert my needs or even just name my 484 00:34:20,199 --> 00:34:22,920 needs. But then having it build up 485 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:27,199 inside of me as resentment and feeling like, oh, OK, well, I'm 486 00:34:27,199 --> 00:34:32,480 just going to carry that and kind of shut down and, and turn 487 00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:34,560 away from a group or from people. 488 00:34:35,159 --> 00:34:39,440 And that was similar to some of what I was experienced in my 489 00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:42,320 real life. So it felt really good. 490 00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:48,280 We talked about these like proxy experiences of forgiveness and 491 00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:53,360 healing and how sometimes you can have a conflict and it's not 492 00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:57,360 realistic to receive the forgiveness and healing from the 493 00:34:57,360 --> 00:35:00,440 actual people that you are in conflict with. 494 00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:04,560 And through that challenge, I actually was able to have like a 495 00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:08,120 proxy experience of healing and forgiveness. 496 00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:11,480 So that was cool. And yeah, and it kind of fed 497 00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:16,520 into what Alicia was asking about in terms of in my deep 498 00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:23,720 dive experience, I had a similar instance where I had my real 499 00:35:23,720 --> 00:35:27,920 time conflict patterning come into play in the group. 500 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:32,840 As folks have mentioned, it's everybody gets a turn to have 501 00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:37,720 them self be the focus of the deep dive container for the 502 00:35:37,720 --> 00:35:41,320 session and everybody has different schedules and maybe 503 00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:44,080 can't make every session. So you're kind of claiming like, 504 00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:45,840 OK, I'm going to do this spot, this spot. 505 00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:50,040 And I was like, OK, cool. Like I'm just I'm down for 506 00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:53,080 whatever. And then I was at the end and 507 00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:57,320 and I hadn't asserted myself at all and there was only one slot 508 00:35:57,320 --> 00:36:01,280 left or something like that. Got wonky with our scheduling. 509 00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:04,600 Yeah, go ahead, Alicia. I can't really remember exactly. 510 00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:09,560 Yeah, the person who it was between you and someone else and 511 00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:12,760 the other person had said they didn't want to go or they 512 00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:16,960 weren't there that day. And so I was like, Chelsea, I 513 00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:20,080 know you don't want to, but also will you? 514 00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:25,520 Yeah, and it was just like so funny, 'cause I was like, this 515 00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:29,000 is my fucking life, like story of my life and I'm going to do 516 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:32,640 it, 'cause like I'm going to keep things going and it's not 517 00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:38,120 what I want, but I'm, I'm never the one to, you know, like I'm 518 00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:41,520 always just going to do it because it's my, it needs to be 519 00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:45,680 done. And I felt it was actually 520 00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:52,800 really cool because I felt like there was this more capacitated, 521 00:36:52,880 --> 00:37:01,120 more evolved part of me that was being held by our container of 522 00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:05,040 the cohort, because in spaces like this, we're calling 523 00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:09,360 ourselves to be this version of ourselves that we want to be. 524 00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:13,080 And so it gives us a chance for that version to take shape. 525 00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:18,640 And so that part of me was being held by my cohort. 526 00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:23,880 And then from that lens I could. See. 527 00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:29,880 This other part of myself like tossing and turning and like 528 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:36,200 inside of me of this, this part that wanted to like lash out, 529 00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:39,400 shut down, freak out, all these different. 530 00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:42,960 It was so me. And to be able to see that part 531 00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:48,360 of me just thrashing in this moment of like, no, I don't want 532 00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:52,320 it to be my turn, but I have to go because it's my 533 00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:56,160 responsibility. No one else can do it if I don't 534 00:37:56,160 --> 00:38:00,120 do it. It was such an old deep pattern. 535 00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:04,480 And I felt that like wounded little part of myself, like 536 00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:10,720 dancing in me and being able to sit in that bigger part of 537 00:38:10,720 --> 00:38:13,680 myself in the web of this cohort. 538 00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:19,240 And just like see her coming back to kind of the witnessing. 539 00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:25,480 So not only was I witnessed by the cohort, I was also witnessed 540 00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:29,840 by a different part of myself in time and space. 541 00:38:30,440 --> 00:38:35,520 And that's incredibly powerful. And so it was like this layered 542 00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:42,080 witnessing and it did result in a really profound shift within 543 00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:46,920 myself just in that moment to be able to be held in the 544 00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:52,360 processing of a very deep pattern and a very deep part of 545 00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:56,200 myself. And I had some deep realizations 546 00:38:56,200 --> 00:39:00,800 that maybe I think will come up in a a different question since 547 00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:01,640 then too. But yeah. 548 00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:06,040 Thank you for sharing and bringing us back into that 549 00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:08,400 moment. And, and really both of those 550 00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:11,880 moments, you know, like the first one that you described of 551 00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:15,600 the circumstances of the lack of structure in the first cohort, 552 00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:20,440 you made it sound easy. You know, you made it sound 553 00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:22,480 like, Oh, I brought this thing up that I was really nervous 554 00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:27,320 about and everybody accepted it. But it was like a big moment for 555 00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:29,360 me. And I won't, I won't speak on 556 00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:32,080 Amy's behalf, But you know, it was really this moment of being 557 00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:36,520 like, oh, no, Oh my God, we're getting called out. 558 00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:41,400 And like, I didn't do it right. And, oh, we're only in the first 559 00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:43,400 cohort, and I've already fucked it up. 560 00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:48,360 And everybody agrees. And like, and then I just had 561 00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:51,040 this moment where I was like, everybody agrees. 562 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:54,160 Like, Chelsea's not the odd one out. 563 00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:58,320 Chelsea's not causing trouble. Chelsea's speaking on behalf of 564 00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:01,600 the collective, which is a really tough place to be in. 565 00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:08,360 And yeah, I think we saw that. You know, it really taught me 566 00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:11,520 something about the people who speak out in social 567 00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:14,800 circumstances when nobody else will. 568 00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:20,400 And the burden that that carries and the responsibility and the 569 00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:32,240 shame and the guilt, yeah, it just taught me a lot about about 570 00:40:32,240 --> 00:40:36,680 the power of that and to protect the people who do that. 571 00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:40,560 So, yeah, I want to thank you for that. 572 00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:45,120 And also it really helped bring some very necessary structure in 573 00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:47,720 a way that I think I had been resistant to. 574 00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:51,520 But I think we were able to find a good mix of like structure and 575 00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:54,920 still the ability to to be with what's present. 576 00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:57,480 Yeah. And you know, while we're 577 00:40:57,480 --> 00:41:00,400 speaking, I'm, I'm curious about, and you've spoken to this 578 00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:03,040 a bit already, but whether there were parts of the experience 579 00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:06,520 that felt like surprising or revelatory to you? 580 00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:11,960 That was a really sweet chair. Thank you. 581 00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:16,400 And side note, part of why it was so hard to bring up is 582 00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:20,320 'cause I really like Alicia and Amy and I did not want to be 583 00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:25,840 like, And it was so good and like, yeah, so many layers to 584 00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:29,880 life and conflict and what's at stake. 585 00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:33,960 I know we talked about that a lot in our A cohort too, Like 586 00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:38,680 what's at stake for everyone involved in this conflict. 587 00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:43,720 One thing that comes up for me in terms of like surprising and 588 00:41:43,720 --> 00:41:49,800 something that I would say has really stuck with me since the 589 00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:53,880 cohort and really transformed my perspective on conflict in 590 00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:57,280 general is something that someone said. 591 00:41:57,280 --> 00:42:02,640 And I don't remember who it was, but it was looking at conflict 592 00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:08,480 as a plea for connection. And I had demonized myself so 593 00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:12,360 much as being like a difficult person. 594 00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:17,400 And you know, I have lost these relationships due to my 595 00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:22,440 eagerness to engage in conflict. And Elena, what some of what you 596 00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:25,160 were saying really resonated with me of being the one who's 597 00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:28,440 willing to bring up this shit and like have conflict and 598 00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:31,360 that's caused me to lose relationships. 599 00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:35,360 And then someone said that and it completely flipped the script 600 00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:39,880 on me from being like, oh, I'm so annoying, I'm so difficult. 601 00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:42,320 I'm always the one trying to start shit. 602 00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:45,440 And then suddenly it was like, wait a minute. 603 00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:51,080 I suddenly was looking back on these conflicts from the lens of 604 00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:55,840 self compassion of like, oh man, I was so hurt. 605 00:42:55,840 --> 00:43:00,600 Like I was really trying to connect with that person and I 606 00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:05,240 got totally shut down. And so I was able to build 607 00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:10,560 myself love. And then also it gave me insight 608 00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:16,480 into my shame. I kind of was thinking about how 609 00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:22,680 shame can sometimes be a shield from feeling grief that I don't 610 00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:26,800 have the capacity to sit with. And so a lot of times I'll just 611 00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:29,880 like, put up this shame shield and kind of shut down. 612 00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:35,280 And so it surprised me to realize that I needed to build 613 00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:40,160 more capacity around my ability to sit with my grief rather than 614 00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:44,080 just like shut it down, block it off or feel ashamed about it. 615 00:43:44,520 --> 00:43:49,680 And so that was a new little like gateway pathway to kind of 616 00:43:49,680 --> 00:43:52,520 like a little hack in moments of conflict. 617 00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:54,800 Like, wait a minute, can I check in? 618 00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:58,240 What's the connection that I'm searching for in this? 619 00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:03,480 Where am I not feeling seen? How is that beautiful and rich 620 00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:06,840 and like what? What's at stake here can 621 00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:11,160 actually be not something that I'm going to lose, but something 622 00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:13,840 that I want to gain. I want to get closer. 623 00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:19,600 I want to be more understood. Then kind of flipping that and 624 00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:22,400 next step, check in with your shame. 625 00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:25,440 What's up with that? Is there some grief under there 626 00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:28,520 that you need help holding? Do you need to go out and lay on 627 00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:30,440 the ground? Do you need to hug a tree? 628 00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:33,440 Do you need to cry? Do you need to phone a friend? 629 00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:35,920 Maybe you're not ashamed of anything. 630 00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:38,280 Maybe you're just sad and it's hard. 631 00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:42,600 So I'm just like, OK, cool. These are some little like 632 00:44:42,720 --> 00:44:47,880 mental somatic maps that I can create to help me as I'm going 633 00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:52,800 and those have really stuck with me and like been sweet surprises 634 00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:55,120 so. Wow. 635 00:44:55,120 --> 00:45:00,120 Yeah, Thanks so much, Chelsea. Hearing that, like the surprises 636 00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:02,720 that came up for you and the revelations that came up for you 637 00:45:02,720 --> 00:45:06,760 and your own person, it's really sweet to remember back as well. 638 00:45:07,960 --> 00:45:11,120 Alina, how about you? Do you remember anything that 639 00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:15,120 felt surprising or revelatory to you once you went through the 640 00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:20,720 cohort? Yeah, Chelsea really hit on some 641 00:45:20,720 --> 00:45:24,720 things that I really appreciate it and I could really 642 00:45:24,720 --> 00:45:29,560 understand. And I felt, I think for the 643 00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:34,960 first time, I was actually able to see that wounded part of me. 644 00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:44,280 And the anxiety and the anger that body meant of reactiveness, 645 00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:50,720 I would say, surprised me to see that like to witness that in 646 00:45:50,720 --> 00:45:59,800 myself for the first time by realizing how much I have been 647 00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:02,800 trying to meet other people's expectations. 648 00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:10,560 I spent all this time trying to learn how to communicate better, 649 00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:15,640 how to be with confrontation and conflict and and then realized 650 00:46:15,640 --> 00:46:21,640 that I'm that I really just wanted support and connection 651 00:46:22,200 --> 00:46:28,080 really needed that. And I didn't know, maybe I 652 00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:30,240 didn't even know what that looked like and maybe I didn't 653 00:46:30,240 --> 00:46:35,560 even know how to receive it. And I think what happened was 654 00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:42,360 that there was so much pain that I was holding, thinking that, 655 00:46:42,360 --> 00:46:46,680 you know, I'm trying to be my my true self, but I was still 656 00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:53,600 falling into these patterns of belief systems that I'm not good 657 00:46:53,600 --> 00:47:01,760 enough or that I'm unworthy. I didn't realize how I was still 658 00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:06,560 trapped in those beliefs, even though I've done so much work 659 00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:13,160 over the years, like the last 20 years on trying to separate from 660 00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:15,720 that. And I think the only thing that 661 00:47:15,720 --> 00:47:21,520 was really holding me back was my family because I was already 662 00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:25,840 losing so many friendships, so many relationships. 663 00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:31,240 And the most important relationship to me was my 664 00:47:31,240 --> 00:47:35,480 family. And I like made that my 665 00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:40,400 motivation, my motivation being, you know, my family. 666 00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:42,560 You know, how do I heal my family? 667 00:47:42,560 --> 00:47:45,760 How do I heal my ancestors? You know, and not really 668 00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:50,720 focusing on like, know what's happening here is that you're 669 00:47:50,720 --> 00:47:54,200 healing yourself and that it's a lifelong process. 670 00:47:56,120 --> 00:48:03,320 And it was like such a relief to know that it's OK, could be who 671 00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:08,840 I am and I can set up these boundaries because that's real 672 00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:10,920 and no one else is going to do it for me. 673 00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:14,920 And if people can't abide by those boundaries, then those 674 00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:18,800 aren't my people. And it really brought about self 675 00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:21,680 acceptance. I've it felt really freeing. 676 00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:28,880 I also think that coming, you know, being part of this was 677 00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:35,360 that I realized like, I found my people in this group, you know, 678 00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:41,400 and that I wanted to connect more with my chart to learn more 679 00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:45,600 about it and people that were doing also doing the same thing. 680 00:48:45,680 --> 00:48:50,320 So yeah, I just felt a really a sense of relief and support. 681 00:48:51,240 --> 00:48:54,880 And I think what I really learned from all this too, I 682 00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:58,120 just want to say like the surprise me is that I really 683 00:48:58,120 --> 00:49:01,160 learned how to nurture myself, Pete. 684 00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:08,120 Like I knew how to do that. I think my family knows how. 685 00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:10,920 But I, you know, the key is that I learned how to do that for 686 00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:13,120 myself. And I'm really grateful. 687 00:49:14,720 --> 00:49:18,480 Thank you. Thank you. 688 00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:27,440 It's big. Olivia, was there a moment 689 00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:32,080 coming through this work that you noticed yourself showing up 690 00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:35,080 differently and making different choices in the way that you show 691 00:49:35,080 --> 00:49:41,000 up in conflict? Yes, I learned so much about 692 00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:47,520 myself in this process in a way that I can observe myself like 693 00:49:47,520 --> 00:49:54,520 what Chelsea talked about, but this still feels supportive as 694 00:49:54,520 --> 00:50:00,720 this contrast to one conflict that I'm still processing and 695 00:50:00,720 --> 00:50:04,920 definitely showing up in a way I would not have without this 696 00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:09,520 group. My therapy group exploded, which 697 00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:12,400 I'm still tender about and I feel pretty big about. 698 00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:17,200 So that will be reflected in what I how I share about this. 699 00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:25,160 But in this situation that I had shared with the cohort in the 700 00:50:25,160 --> 00:50:30,920 Heart of Conflict in response to my share, I had so much support 701 00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:38,120 and I was so held and with the same facts, the same story in 702 00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:43,280 this therapy group of people who I thought of as friends who know 703 00:50:43,280 --> 00:50:50,800 my deepest, darkest secrets and trauma, they finally shared that 704 00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:55,640 they thought I was in the wrong, that I was dangerous for 705 00:50:56,720 --> 00:50:59,840 boundaries, that I'd had essentially, that I should have 706 00:50:59,840 --> 00:51:04,120 fallen in line. And I think what the Heart of 707 00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:08,320 Conflict showed me was that the fruit of this thing that we had 708 00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:11,840 built was rotten. And I don't think I would have 709 00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:17,080 seen that without this cohort. And frankly, this just 710 00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:21,040 completely contradictory perspective of the of the cohort 711 00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:25,400 and my therapy group of just being so supported by the 712 00:51:25,400 --> 00:51:30,040 cohort, not even in a way that there was a right or wrong 713 00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:34,720 because I find that binary not to be particularly helpful 714 00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:37,480 lately. There's a lot of metrics we 715 00:51:37,480 --> 00:51:41,880 might be looking at, but right and wrong doesn't feel very 716 00:51:41,880 --> 00:51:46,280 helpful one. But I've been thinking lately of 717 00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:51,800 anger as poison, that if we hold on to too much, it does make us 718 00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:55,040 sick. But it can also be medicinal and 719 00:51:55,040 --> 00:52:00,640 small doses, you know, releasing it, letting someone else, it's 720 00:52:00,640 --> 00:52:03,440 like something they need to experience or something. 721 00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:06,160 I know that's how other people's anger has been to me. 722 00:52:07,640 --> 00:52:12,480 And this conflict with this therapy group was like, I felt 723 00:52:12,480 --> 00:52:17,800 so vivid in this last attempt to be understood. 724 00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:24,960 And it made me think of something Alicia had shared 725 00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:28,280 about. I had shared my experience. 726 00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:32,960 And one of Alicia's reflections was some of her own experiences. 727 00:52:32,960 --> 00:52:37,840 And she said I didn't know what I was giving. 728 00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:41,760 Like there were times in her life where she was having these 729 00:52:41,760 --> 00:52:44,200 interactions with people. And she said I just didn't know 730 00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:47,800 what I was giving. And that has stuck with me. 731 00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:53,560 That's been revelatory for me in just valuing my own energy, just 732 00:52:53,560 --> 00:52:58,720 in existing, not in the doing of more, not in the doing of extra, 733 00:52:59,720 --> 00:53:06,440 but knowing what I provide and being just the creator of my own 734 00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:11,600 reality through this conflict. It has been really supportive. 735 00:53:12,320 --> 00:53:15,800 So I'm definitely seeing myself show up differently. 736 00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:20,200 And that was something that years of therapy didn't quite 737 00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:23,040 integrate in the way that the covert did. 738 00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:29,240 I want to say sorry that that happened and that it's just 739 00:53:29,240 --> 00:53:31,840 reminding me how tender this work is. 740 00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:35,600 And it was just making me really grateful for the ways in which 741 00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:37,560 we've all been able to hold each other. 742 00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:43,320 And yeah, I guess like the risks, how it can go, how it has 743 00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:46,600 gone, how it still continues to go like that. 744 00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:51,160 Not every place is a safe place to process in, to be in conflict 745 00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:54,840 in. Yeah, just there's a lot of 746 00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:57,280 trust here. There's a lot of trust that I 747 00:53:57,280 --> 00:54:00,680 think all of you came in with from embodied astrology. 748 00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:03,880 And then there's a lot of trust that we built together. 749 00:54:04,440 --> 00:54:08,680 And I'm just feeling really grateful for it. 750 00:54:09,440 --> 00:54:13,680 Olivia, I'm curious with all of this in mind, how you think 751 00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:17,840 about conflict now and maybe how that perspective has changed 752 00:54:17,840 --> 00:54:20,720 since you began with a? Cohort, I have things written 753 00:54:20,880 --> 00:54:24,240 about how I first answered that question of what healthy 754 00:54:24,240 --> 00:54:28,440 conflict is, and it's each person's feelings and 755 00:54:28,440 --> 00:54:32,880 perspectives can be heard. And you know, the conflict is 756 00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:39,320 this breach and harmony of a relationship and the process is 757 00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:45,080 restoring harmony or not. Sometimes the relationship has 758 00:54:45,080 --> 00:54:49,040 to look completely different or just be released. 759 00:54:49,880 --> 00:54:55,160 But now I think the biggest difference is I'm not afraid of 760 00:54:55,400 --> 00:55:02,000 the conflict because I think I saw conflict as avoidable by 761 00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:05,760 just drinking and not being authentic. 762 00:55:06,480 --> 00:55:09,440 Now I don't see that as an option. 763 00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:14,520 There is choice, There's always choice, but that's not what I'm 764 00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:17,680 choosing. I'll always choose conflict 765 00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:23,800 because it is unavoidable. Wow. 766 00:55:24,640 --> 00:55:25,680 Wow. That's big. 767 00:55:26,480 --> 00:55:31,400 I love that. Thank you, Elena. 768 00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:35,600 Was there a moment that you can remember where you experienced 769 00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:39,320 yourself showing up differently or choosing differently as a 770 00:55:39,320 --> 00:55:41,800 result of the work? And I think you sort of spoke 771 00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:44,680 into a bit of that, but I'm curious if you have like a 772 00:55:44,840 --> 00:55:47,440 particular moment that you can bring us into? 773 00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:54,400 I think a big moment for me was realizing how I can't control 774 00:55:54,960 --> 00:55:59,640 how other people perceive me. You know, not even my family and 775 00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:05,080 how they perceive me probably has nothing to do with me, has 776 00:56:05,080 --> 00:56:07,840 to do with, you know, like their own wounding. 777 00:56:09,040 --> 00:56:14,680 And the only perception that really matters is that I trust 778 00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:17,400 my own heart, trust my own heart more. 779 00:56:17,600 --> 00:56:23,160 And knowing that my intentions matter, even if someone else 780 00:56:23,480 --> 00:56:28,640 thinks differently. And I realized you can't resolve 781 00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:31,280 conflict if you're the only one trying. 782 00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:36,720 That helped me let go of some of the pressure I had been carrying 783 00:56:37,360 --> 00:56:42,600 to resolve conflict. Think the wounding really came 784 00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:46,120 from that. I was looking for a way to be 785 00:56:46,120 --> 00:56:50,080 supported because I never received that right. 786 00:56:50,520 --> 00:56:57,960 And from all of this, I learned that I'm my own best supporter. 787 00:56:58,200 --> 00:57:07,720 So let's just be with that and not be concerned about what 788 00:57:07,720 --> 00:57:11,200 other people are thinking because we have so much stuff 789 00:57:11,200 --> 00:57:15,480 that we're dealing with in these times and things that are coming 790 00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:17,720 up that we have, we don't want to deal with. 791 00:57:18,080 --> 00:57:21,960 But the universe is pushing us to deal with it whether we like 792 00:57:21,960 --> 00:57:26,000 it or not. So I think I just want to be 793 00:57:26,000 --> 00:57:28,440 able to be that person that's going to be able to just stand 794 00:57:28,440 --> 00:57:32,440 in that space, right, and not have to feel like I have to do 795 00:57:32,440 --> 00:57:36,000 anything but just be present and witness, yeah. 796 00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:39,640 Yes to all of that. Thank you. 797 00:57:40,600 --> 00:57:45,200 You know how I heard your answer is like conflict work starts 798 00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:49,000 with us. It's like an inside job is what 799 00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:52,600 Amy and I have been saying. It starts in us, but it can't 800 00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:57,520 end with us. You can't shoulder the work of 801 00:57:57,520 --> 00:58:01,680 conflict alone. It takes, yeah, a lot of 802 00:58:01,680 --> 00:58:04,800 presence with self and witnessing of self and then 803 00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:10,000 bringing that to the other. And that is where, you know, we 804 00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:12,800 have tools and we have influence, but we don't have 805 00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:16,200 control. Chelsea, how about you? 806 00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:20,120 When you think about conflict, has your perspective changed 807 00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:22,840 since starting the cohort? How's that shifted for you? 808 00:58:24,160 --> 00:58:27,160 I'm going to try and just kind of like summarize it. 809 00:58:27,600 --> 00:58:32,200 So the first thing would be lead with connection. 810 00:58:32,560 --> 00:58:36,880 So kind of keep in the forefront of my mind when a conflict's 811 00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:42,400 coming up that I'm a loving person that is most likely 812 00:58:42,400 --> 00:58:45,120 looking for deeper connection with the world. 813 00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:49,640 And that's what is at the heart of this conflict. 814 00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:56,320 The second thing would be to remember that I'm not alone, 815 00:58:56,400 --> 00:58:59,760 that everyone experiences conflict, whether they're 816 00:58:59,760 --> 00:59:02,560 willing to be the one that brings it up or not. 817 00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:07,560 That there are lots of other feisty people who like to bring 818 00:59:07,560 --> 00:59:10,960 up conflict. And they're, I'm a part of my 819 00:59:10,960 --> 00:59:15,520 people. And that there's a, a role that 820 00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:18,320 I'm serving in the world and, and a purpose. 821 00:59:18,320 --> 00:59:24,200 And that I'm a part of this web serving my purpose #3 would be 822 00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:32,400 like look for the pain behind the shame and build capacity in 823 00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:39,120 holding that 4 would be. Don't expect to get resolution 824 00:59:39,680 --> 00:59:44,520 with the person who you initially had the conflict with. 825 00:59:44,800 --> 00:59:48,920 But that doesn't mean that there won't be healing for you 826 00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:55,520 somewhere else, and that we are all connected beings. 827 00:59:55,600 --> 00:59:59,880 And so even if the healing happens for you in a different 828 00:59:59,880 --> 01:00:04,560 space, in a different place, in a different time, that still 829 01:00:04,560 --> 01:00:11,800 feeds back into this web and generates peace and resolution. 830 01:00:13,480 --> 01:00:17,200 Gorgeous, thank you. So concise. 831 01:00:17,880 --> 01:00:25,280 Love a numbered list. Chelsea's doing happy dance and 832 01:00:26,200 --> 01:00:29,400 Dr. While we have you, is there anything that you would add? 833 01:00:30,440 --> 01:00:33,840 I love this conversation. It gives such a lovely window 834 01:00:33,840 --> 01:00:36,920 into the kinds of quality of conversation that I think we had 835 01:00:36,920 --> 01:00:40,840 in our individual cohorts, the way we've come together and a 836 01:00:40,840 --> 01:00:43,200 lot has been shared really honestly. 837 01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:47,040 So I'm appreciating that this was one of the things that came 838 01:00:47,040 --> 01:00:51,480 up in our cohort was this focus on internal conflict that I 839 01:00:51,480 --> 01:00:54,160 mean, I came into the cohort feeling like, I mean, quite an 840 01:00:54,160 --> 01:01:01,240 active conflict with others. And I feel under attack and that 841 01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:04,080 doesn't feel fair. And I'm, and I'm feeling that I 842 01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:09,120 need to defend myself. And what emerged was there's a 843 01:01:09,120 --> 01:01:11,040 lot of internal conflict. I think that's come up in the 844 01:01:11,040 --> 01:01:12,880 last part of the conversation. There's a lot of internal 845 01:01:12,880 --> 01:01:16,360 conflict that I have. I run how to voice needs. 846 01:01:16,720 --> 01:01:19,440 And one of my patterns, I think is to voice needs in a way that 847 01:01:19,440 --> 01:01:23,680 is a criticism. Like I'm already criticizing the 848 01:01:23,680 --> 01:01:26,680 situation from what I perceive, that I've already voiced my 849 01:01:26,680 --> 01:01:28,640 needs in some kind of way and they're not being met or that 850 01:01:28,640 --> 01:01:30,240 there's something kind of unfair happening. 851 01:01:30,240 --> 01:01:35,000 And so it doesn't leave a lot of space, doesn't leave a lot of 852 01:01:35,000 --> 01:01:39,080 space for the people to meet me. And so doing some of that 853 01:01:39,080 --> 01:01:42,600 internal work to figure out how to do the more vulnerable thing, 854 01:01:42,600 --> 01:01:46,040 which is to say what I need, you know, and if it's not met, 855 01:01:46,040 --> 01:01:48,160 that's fine, then we that's information. 856 01:01:48,160 --> 01:01:52,240 So for me, I was looking back through some old notes like 857 01:01:52,240 --> 01:01:54,280 journal entries and things from a few years ago. 858 01:01:54,280 --> 01:01:56,320 And I had written this note about conflict is new 859 01:01:56,320 --> 01:01:59,800 information coming in, which I don't think was an insight of 860 01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:01,120 mine. I think that was a conversation 861 01:02:01,120 --> 01:02:04,560 I had with someone else. So I was, it was from 20/21. 862 01:02:04,560 --> 01:02:06,640 And I was thinking, well, this is, you know, these conflict 863 01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:09,480 things are been live for me for a long time, obviously way 864 01:02:09,480 --> 01:02:12,720 before 20/21 as well. But some of these insights I 865 01:02:12,720 --> 01:02:15,520 think are going to keep coming up for us, like they're going to 866 01:02:15,520 --> 01:02:20,000 keep churning around. And so I think what I take away, 867 01:02:20,400 --> 01:02:23,240 one of the things that we landed on I think as a cohort was also 868 01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:27,800 around conflict is a kind of intimacy and to be choiceful 869 01:02:27,800 --> 01:02:30,880 about who we're in that intimacy with. 870 01:02:31,520 --> 01:02:34,800 So I really resonate with Chelsea's point about it can be 871 01:02:34,800 --> 01:02:39,040 a bit for connection. And I think at times there is a 872 01:02:39,040 --> 01:02:43,440 response which is this is not a healthy connection for me. 873 01:02:44,840 --> 01:02:49,160 And I want to be, I want to do that work of conflict in ways 874 01:02:49,320 --> 01:02:53,160 and with people that it's generative and not destructive 875 01:02:53,400 --> 01:02:57,080 of my sense of self, of my person, of my safety, of my 876 01:02:57,080 --> 01:03:00,680 livelihood, of my stability. Like when those kinds of 877 01:03:00,680 --> 01:03:03,640 conflicts come up that that threaten some of those things 878 01:03:03,640 --> 01:03:06,320 that that I have to find other ways forward. 879 01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:09,800 And I, I think there is something that Olivia said early 880 01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:12,640 on about different visions of freedom and that maybe sometimes 881 01:03:12,640 --> 01:03:16,640 the conflict is around that. And I'm very oriented to us 882 01:03:16,640 --> 01:03:20,520 getting free. And I think it is good to fight 883 01:03:20,520 --> 01:03:22,840 for that. And sometimes we do have to push 884 01:03:22,840 --> 01:03:26,280 against systems which are oppressing us or others. 885 01:03:26,280 --> 01:03:31,360 And there is a huge no that comes up in my body around that. 886 01:03:31,360 --> 01:03:34,080 And and I feel really strong and galvanized around that. 887 01:03:34,080 --> 01:03:37,640 And and I want us to be in a web and in connection and for us all 888 01:03:37,640 --> 01:03:39,680 to evolve. And I think there's something 889 01:03:39,680 --> 01:03:42,920 really healthy about being in a in a network that is nourishing 890 01:03:43,360 --> 01:03:47,080 and to do that work in a collective that is like willing 891 01:03:47,080 --> 01:03:49,160 to witness and see and do that work. 892 01:03:49,880 --> 01:03:53,400 And then we work out the way, you know, into other kinds of 893 01:03:53,400 --> 01:03:56,000 systems that maybe aren't, aren't as nourishing for us. 894 01:03:56,000 --> 01:04:01,400 So the Co work for me was a nourishing space to be held and 895 01:04:01,400 --> 01:04:04,320 I I acknowledge that not all the spaces I'm in are like that. 896 01:04:05,080 --> 01:04:07,640 I still want to show up and do the work where I can. 897 01:04:08,160 --> 01:04:12,080 Yeah, it's been good to be here. I've learned so much even in 898 01:04:12,080 --> 01:04:13,960 this time together. So thank you everyone. 899 01:04:14,640 --> 01:04:19,800 Yeah, I feel that. I feel the feeling of the space 900 01:04:20,120 --> 01:04:24,200 that we've held through these cohorts and what a joy to like, 901 01:04:24,200 --> 01:04:27,960 bring them together. I really appreciate all of you 902 01:04:27,960 --> 01:04:32,160 being so open and honest. And yeah, just bringing 903 01:04:32,160 --> 01:04:36,480 yourselves to this. And I, I wanted to ask if you 904 01:04:36,480 --> 01:04:39,240 have questions for Amy and I because we've shot so many 905 01:04:39,240 --> 01:04:43,080 questions your way. Feel free to. 906 01:04:45,560 --> 01:04:49,400 My question for Amy and Alicia is what's next? 907 01:04:50,520 --> 01:04:54,480 I'm like what, what, how do we keep growing? 908 01:04:54,480 --> 01:04:58,560 Like what CR was saying about this being the nursing network 909 01:04:58,560 --> 01:05:02,720 and yeah, how do we keep moving this work forward? 910 01:05:03,520 --> 01:05:07,960 Well, in terms of the conflict cohort, there is certainly this 911 01:05:07,960 --> 01:05:10,280 desire. There has been a desire 912 01:05:10,280 --> 01:05:12,680 throughout for folks to continue the work. 913 01:05:13,280 --> 01:05:17,600 And so there's a question there and an invitation there I think 914 01:05:18,200 --> 01:05:22,520 of like what it might look like to snowball all four cohorts 915 01:05:22,520 --> 01:05:26,360 together into some sort of maybe monthly gathering where we 916 01:05:26,360 --> 01:05:29,640 support one another and just continue to share our 917 01:05:29,640 --> 01:05:33,680 experiences and unpack what conflict is because it's 918 01:05:33,680 --> 01:05:37,440 constantly changing and morphing and to learn from one another 919 01:05:37,440 --> 01:05:41,720 and Skillshare. And in terms of what comes next, 920 01:05:41,720 --> 01:05:45,760 you know, it's to hear you say CR, that it's been a nourishing 921 01:05:45,760 --> 01:05:49,480 space. It just reminded me that we've 922 01:05:49,480 --> 01:05:51,880 been running this through Jupiter and Cancer and we have 923 01:05:51,880 --> 01:05:53,560 talked so little about astrology. 924 01:05:53,560 --> 01:05:58,440 It's kind of funny, but I think it's been here throughout. 925 01:05:58,720 --> 01:06:02,760 You know, I think we've been held in the warmth and 926 01:06:02,760 --> 01:06:07,880 nourishing care and the expansive vision of belonging 927 01:06:08,080 --> 01:06:11,360 that is Jupiter and Cancer throughout this series. 928 01:06:11,360 --> 01:06:15,120 And that it's provided a really safe container for folks to sort 929 01:06:15,120 --> 01:06:20,320 of see what's under our protective shells. 930 01:06:20,320 --> 01:06:23,080 You know, whether you're Cancer identified or not, we all have 931 01:06:23,080 --> 01:06:28,320 cancer somewhere in our charts. So and then, you know, for Amy 932 01:06:28,320 --> 01:06:32,160 and I, we're looking forward to Jupiter and Leo and feeling like 933 01:06:32,160 --> 01:06:35,840 this Aries and Leo energy coming in, this fire energy. 934 01:06:36,200 --> 01:06:43,240 And it's still in the beginning stages of conceptualization, but 935 01:06:44,280 --> 01:06:48,280 we really want to work with Jupiter and Leo and bring in 936 01:06:48,280 --> 01:06:56,680 ideas of, like, storytelling and myth making about ourselves and 937 01:06:57,000 --> 01:07:01,680 bringing agency into our birth charts and being able to tell 938 01:07:01,680 --> 01:07:05,720 the story of ourselves. So much of the time you get an 939 01:07:05,720 --> 01:07:09,280 astrology reading and someone else tells you about you and you 940 01:07:09,280 --> 01:07:10,800 go, yeah, yeah, yeah, that is me. 941 01:07:10,800 --> 01:07:12,360 Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much. 942 01:07:12,800 --> 01:07:15,440 But like, how often do we get to go? 943 01:07:15,840 --> 01:07:18,920 Here's who I am. Let me tell you about this 944 01:07:18,920 --> 01:07:21,240 placement. Let me tell you about a time in 945 01:07:21,240 --> 01:07:24,040 my life that really exemplifies this placement. 946 01:07:24,440 --> 01:07:27,840 Let me tell you about a dream or a vision that I have for myself 947 01:07:28,280 --> 01:07:30,600 that I think really speaks to this placement. 948 01:07:31,080 --> 01:07:35,440 And So what we're hoping to do is open up a space where people 949 01:07:35,440 --> 01:07:38,320 get to tell the stories about themselves and to really, like, 950 01:07:38,320 --> 01:07:44,280 sit with your own chart and find agency and find imagination and 951 01:07:44,280 --> 01:07:50,160 dream and lean into who you are and really like, cheerlead 952 01:07:50,160 --> 01:07:54,160 yourself and like, cheerlead each other and have fun and play 953 01:07:54,160 --> 01:07:57,120 and be creative. And we're very excited. 954 01:07:57,120 --> 01:08:00,120 There's lots of ideas in the space, but that is generally the 955 01:08:00,120 --> 01:08:03,400 feeling of what we want to create for the next series. 956 01:08:05,280 --> 01:08:07,480 Amy, do you have anything you want to add to that? 957 01:08:08,440 --> 01:08:14,440 There's something of like the solar being this something just 958 01:08:14,440 --> 01:08:17,359 seems to be coming through really loud and strong about the 959 01:08:17,359 --> 01:08:21,359 spark and the impetus to be like more fully self expressed. 960 01:08:21,720 --> 01:08:25,439 And I guess for me, there's been like a down and in looking down 961 01:08:25,439 --> 01:08:30,600 and in looking inward and meeting each other in that very 962 01:08:30,720 --> 01:08:34,680 safely contained kind of way. And there's a bit about the open 963 01:08:34,720 --> 01:08:38,560 out and being like perceived, which that there's a literal 964 01:08:38,560 --> 01:08:42,160 felt a lurch in my belly when I said that as a Scorpio. 965 01:08:42,240 --> 01:08:46,560 So but as we've done this reflection and shifted 966 01:08:46,560 --> 01:08:49,399 relationships with ourselves, there's something about shifting 967 01:08:49,680 --> 01:08:52,720 my relationship with self-expression that is kind of 968 01:08:52,720 --> 01:08:57,240 channelling through these ideas. And that like the OK, I've got a 969 01:08:57,240 --> 01:08:59,920 bit of a different idea about how I see the world on the 970 01:08:59,920 --> 01:09:02,680 inside and how I perceive the world and experience the world. 971 01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:06,279 I'm like, I wouldn't be it out loud in a different kind of way. 972 01:09:08,080 --> 01:09:09,880 Yeah. So there's definitely something 973 01:09:09,880 --> 01:09:14,960 about like solar expression and, and how that is an internal 974 01:09:14,960 --> 01:09:16,760 thing, the thing I have agency over. 975 01:09:16,760 --> 01:09:19,920 And it's also a thing that's happening in a constellation and 976 01:09:19,920 --> 01:09:22,240 in a context and in a collective. 977 01:09:22,720 --> 01:09:27,920 And that like that binary of like, I'm either being me or I'm 978 01:09:28,160 --> 01:09:31,279 there for the collective. It's like something that I just 979 01:09:31,279 --> 01:09:35,720 want to fuck up in a particular kind of way and whatever comes 980 01:09:35,720 --> 01:09:38,240 next. And this has been a really 981 01:09:38,640 --> 01:09:43,960 lovely sense of echoing back of the the space and when it's 982 01:09:43,960 --> 01:09:48,120 created and given me an idea that maybe it's not just a 12 983 01:09:48,120 --> 01:09:52,920 week thing and like the idea it can continue feels very alive 984 01:09:52,920 --> 01:09:55,000 here. So thank you so much, all of you 985 01:09:55,040 --> 01:09:57,280 for for joining us in this conversation. 986 01:10:12,670 --> 01:10:20,310 Wow, that's absolutely blown me away to have that conversation 987 01:10:20,350 --> 01:10:29,710 feel so resonant of the space and like there's something 988 01:10:30,190 --> 01:10:36,200 strange for me in the feeling of what this series has been. 989 01:10:36,840 --> 01:10:38,960 I feel like we've created something, but we haven't 990 01:10:38,960 --> 01:10:42,560 created anything but we did. But we like, we put an 991 01:10:42,560 --> 01:10:47,520 invitation out, like an invitation and a gift at the 992 01:10:47,520 --> 01:10:50,880 same time and like we created something, but there's something 993 01:10:50,880 --> 01:10:53,160 is just space and there's nothing in the space, but 994 01:10:53,160 --> 01:10:56,400 there's something in the space and I can't, it's like a secret 995 01:10:56,400 --> 01:10:58,640 third thing that I can't language. 996 01:10:59,200 --> 01:11:06,160 And I'm feeling it and how it's been experienced and I felt it 997 01:11:06,200 --> 01:11:12,080 after, after the sessions. I had the feeling, I had the 998 01:11:12,080 --> 01:11:16,280 hope that if we brought everyone together that there would be a 999 01:11:16,280 --> 01:11:20,360 similar feeling because it's not like, you know, the work that we 1000 01:11:20,360 --> 01:11:22,080 did in every cohort was different. 1001 01:11:22,320 --> 01:11:24,280 And I think in that way it felt different. 1002 01:11:24,600 --> 01:11:29,160 But there was this pervasive feeling of, I mean, I want to 1003 01:11:29,160 --> 01:11:33,320 say radical acceptance, but not radical in the way that we use 1004 01:11:33,320 --> 01:11:39,200 radical, gentle, all-encompassing, radical in 1005 01:11:39,200 --> 01:11:43,480 that it's rare in the way that people usually behave with each 1006 01:11:43,480 --> 01:11:48,520 other in spaces. And yeah, I think that the level 1007 01:11:48,520 --> 01:11:56,080 of generosity, presence, care, witnessing differentiation was 1008 01:11:56,080 --> 01:11:58,240 so present in today's conversation. 1009 01:11:58,240 --> 01:12:01,200 And that is the feeling of the space. 1010 01:12:02,520 --> 01:12:05,440 There was a point in a, in the conversation with everyone where 1011 01:12:05,440 --> 01:12:08,720 I was like, I don't think that anyone's really going to be able 1012 01:12:08,720 --> 01:12:12,760 to walk away and say, oh, OK, So like, this is what happens for 1013 01:12:12,760 --> 01:12:17,880 people in the cohort because it's so varied. 1014 01:12:18,800 --> 01:12:22,120 I think assuredly you come out with a a different and more 1015 01:12:22,120 --> 01:12:26,400 accepting relationship to yourself and then that cascades. 1016 01:12:26,800 --> 01:12:30,000 It changes everything. I think that that was really 1017 01:12:30,000 --> 01:12:32,640 self-evident. But the ways that people got 1018 01:12:32,640 --> 01:12:36,760 there and what they came in with and how they approached it and 1019 01:12:36,760 --> 01:12:39,520 what that does for them, like whether they engage with 1020 01:12:39,520 --> 01:12:43,160 conflict, more or less, actually, that was all so 1021 01:12:43,160 --> 01:12:45,960 varied. And I thought that that was also 1022 01:12:45,960 --> 01:12:49,000 really reflective of that plurality that exists in the 1023 01:12:49,000 --> 01:12:51,640 space. Absolutely. 1024 01:12:51,840 --> 01:12:57,480 And just hearing that reflected back is really satisfying 1025 01:12:57,560 --> 01:13:02,200 actually, because I remember when we were imagining the 1026 01:13:02,200 --> 01:13:06,920 space, one of the things that felt so important to both of us, 1027 01:13:06,920 --> 01:13:11,320 I think was that it's a space where we can be differentiated. 1028 01:13:11,320 --> 01:13:16,960 And it's a space where people can share common experiences and 1029 01:13:17,400 --> 01:13:23,600 be their own of different cells. And also that the differences 1030 01:13:23,880 --> 01:13:28,600 can nourish relationships where those differences exist or where 1031 01:13:28,600 --> 01:13:33,960 similar differences exist. And yeah, just the agency that's 1032 01:13:33,960 --> 01:13:39,600 been possible and accessible and felt, I think safe enough to go 1033 01:13:39,600 --> 01:13:42,080 there. Like just that container and 1034 01:13:42,080 --> 01:13:43,800 what can emerge within that container. 1035 01:13:43,800 --> 01:13:50,560 It's so Jupiter in Cancer code. It of like how we can expand and 1036 01:13:50,560 --> 01:13:57,400 grow with that sense of safety. And I want to just name that 1037 01:13:58,240 --> 01:14:02,040 there's something in a thread of safety being mentioned in that 1038 01:14:02,040 --> 01:14:04,760 conversation. This made me feel a little bit 1039 01:14:04,760 --> 01:14:08,720 uneasy and like it's a complicated concept, right? 1040 01:14:08,880 --> 01:14:13,640 Safety and like the idea that we could promise that or like offer 1041 01:14:13,640 --> 01:14:17,280 that It's such a different thing to so many people. 1042 01:14:17,920 --> 01:14:21,680 I really just kind of feel a little hesitant and reluctant 1043 01:14:21,680 --> 01:14:24,640 about the the repeating themes of that coming up. 1044 01:14:25,320 --> 01:14:28,160 And also I'm not sure I have another language for for what 1045 01:14:28,160 --> 01:14:30,600 that is connecting it with things. 1046 01:14:30,600 --> 01:14:34,840 So like it's safety and risk. It's safe to risk. 1047 01:14:34,840 --> 01:14:38,480 It's safe to feel the range of what I'm feeling. 1048 01:14:38,480 --> 01:14:44,200 It's safe to be uncomfortable. It's safe to be at odds with 1049 01:14:44,200 --> 01:14:47,880 what's in the room. It's, and I don't mean safe in 1050 01:14:47,880 --> 01:14:52,120 like AI will never be harmed. I will never come up against 1051 01:14:52,120 --> 01:14:56,400 anything that is really activating or challenging or, 1052 01:14:56,680 --> 01:15:02,400 you know, disruptive for me, but that there is enough containment 1053 01:15:02,760 --> 01:15:08,320 and enough generosity and grace in the room that there's a 1054 01:15:08,320 --> 01:15:13,000 cushion or a buffer to that in some way. 1055 01:15:13,560 --> 01:15:15,880 Yeah, no, I mean, that's really interesting. 1056 01:15:16,280 --> 01:15:18,600 I didn't even really think about all the times that the word 1057 01:15:18,600 --> 01:15:21,600 safety was brought up. But yeah, I mean, I've heard, 1058 01:15:21,600 --> 01:15:25,160 I've heard in other spaces too, where people are like this isn't 1059 01:15:25,160 --> 01:15:27,960 a safe space because I cannot promise that. 1060 01:15:27,960 --> 01:15:30,680 Like I cannot guarantee you safety in this space. 1061 01:15:30,680 --> 01:15:32,720 I can. I can promise you 1062 01:15:32,720 --> 01:15:38,240 responsibility, though, you know, like an intention. 1063 01:15:38,280 --> 01:15:44,320 And yeah, I think you're right. And I think I think in a way I 1064 01:15:44,320 --> 01:15:47,320 just felt like, Oh my gosh, are we really lucky with the way 1065 01:15:47,320 --> 01:15:50,080 that this is gone? But, you know, I will say too, 1066 01:15:50,080 --> 01:15:53,640 that what we don't have here are divergent experiences 1067 01:15:53,640 --> 01:15:57,920 necessarily, right? There are folks that have kept 1068 01:15:57,920 --> 01:16:03,880 in touch with us from these cohorts and been effusive and 1069 01:16:04,080 --> 01:16:06,760 been really engaged with EA since and there are folks who 1070 01:16:06,760 --> 01:16:09,920 haven't and we don't really know what those divergent experiences 1071 01:16:09,920 --> 01:16:13,400 are. And it's worth saying that. 1072 01:16:14,000 --> 01:16:17,160 And like in some cases, in a very few instances, we do know 1073 01:16:17,160 --> 01:16:20,560 what those cases are. And like this, these cohorts 1074 01:16:20,560 --> 01:16:24,080 didn't go smoothly for everyone and it wasn't for everyone. 1075 01:16:24,480 --> 01:16:30,480 And and I don't think that that takes away from what it is, you 1076 01:16:30,480 --> 01:16:34,760 know, I don't think that it takes away from what we have Co 1077 01:16:34,760 --> 01:16:37,600 created here and been able to achieve. 1078 01:16:39,280 --> 01:16:42,360 But I think it's really important if we are going to 1079 01:16:42,360 --> 01:16:48,400 uplift divergent. And really as I think about 1080 01:16:48,400 --> 01:16:52,800 Jupiter and Cancer and the assignment, you know, it's like, 1081 01:16:53,720 --> 01:16:58,080 how can we expand our capacity and, and our definition of 1082 01:16:58,080 --> 01:17:03,040 belonging and who belongs And yeah, how can we really just 1083 01:17:03,040 --> 01:17:07,040 sort of like take uniformity out of it, you know, and not really 1084 01:17:07,040 --> 01:17:11,680 like feel like belonging is only for a select few or a belonging 1085 01:17:11,680 --> 01:17:15,440 is only if you adhere in these certain ways or you fit into the 1086 01:17:15,440 --> 01:17:19,360 container in these ways. And, and don't rock the boat and 1087 01:17:19,360 --> 01:17:21,240 don't have a divergent experience. 1088 01:17:22,040 --> 01:17:24,760 And I, yeah, I really just feel that one of the beauties of this 1089 01:17:24,760 --> 01:17:28,680 space has been the capacity building for difference. 1090 01:17:28,840 --> 01:17:32,920 Like that was definitely the big meta work is, is building 1091 01:17:32,920 --> 01:17:38,440 capacity for difference and extending care to those who are 1092 01:17:38,440 --> 01:17:42,560 different from us even when yeah, that can feel like a 1093 01:17:42,560 --> 01:17:45,600 really dangerous prospects. So true. 1094 01:17:47,920 --> 01:17:50,080 And I do feel it's important to name that. 1095 01:17:50,840 --> 01:17:53,600 Yeah, that different, those diversion experiences. 1096 01:17:53,600 --> 01:17:56,320 And that's totally right. And it's true. 1097 01:17:56,320 --> 01:18:00,040 We have been in some process of building capacity to hold 1098 01:18:00,040 --> 01:18:04,520 difference and in some process of building capacity to hold our 1099 01:18:04,520 --> 01:18:08,000 own difference from others, like developing our relationships 1100 01:18:08,000 --> 01:18:12,040 with ourselves. I don't have a lot more right 1101 01:18:12,040 --> 01:18:15,280 now. I'm just lots of sign ups. 1102 01:18:15,280 --> 01:18:18,480 It's firing lots of connections, pinging, but not many words. 1103 01:18:20,080 --> 01:18:25,200 I feel that. Well, thank you for being on 1104 01:18:25,200 --> 01:18:28,360 this continued journey with me. I'm so glad. 1105 01:18:28,960 --> 01:18:34,280 I'm really so grateful and excited to continue wherever 1106 01:18:34,280 --> 01:18:37,520 this takes us next with the cohort and and beyond. 1107 01:18:38,120 --> 01:18:58,980 Likewise, Thank you. Thanks for listening to this 1108 01:18:58,980 --> 01:19:02,420 conversation today as we release this podcast. 1109 01:19:02,420 --> 01:19:05,580 Saturn and Aries is sextile Pluto and Aquarius. 1110 01:19:05,940 --> 01:19:09,780 Saturn and Pluto are both slow moving planets and this aspect 1111 01:19:09,780 --> 01:19:12,460 between them is generational. It's something that as a 1112 01:19:12,460 --> 01:19:15,060 collective, we are all being influenced by and creating 1113 01:19:15,060 --> 01:19:17,440 together. One way we're feeling this 1114 01:19:17,440 --> 01:19:20,880 aspect at Embodied Astrology is as the need to show up for 1115 01:19:20,880 --> 01:19:24,160 collective leadership that is created and held by truly 1116 01:19:24,160 --> 01:19:27,280 empowered individuals. But in order to show up with 1117 01:19:27,280 --> 01:19:30,760 empowerment and accountability for our work in the world, we 1118 01:19:30,760 --> 01:19:33,640 need to be able to hold ourselves in our totality and 1119 01:19:33,640 --> 01:19:35,200 take care of each other's wholeness. 1120 01:19:35,760 --> 01:19:38,320 This work is not easy. In many ways we have been taught 1121 01:19:38,320 --> 01:19:41,680 to do the exact opposite, to judge each other, to mistrust 1122 01:19:41,680 --> 01:19:44,600 and fight with each other in our differences, which then of 1123 01:19:44,600 --> 01:19:48,960 course leads to internalization of shame, othering abandonment, 1124 01:19:49,160 --> 01:19:52,160 violence and depression. But it doesn't have to be this 1125 01:19:52,160 --> 01:19:54,560 way. Our differences are the sites of 1126 01:19:54,560 --> 01:19:57,720 our most generative creativity, our greatest healing, and our 1127 01:19:57,720 --> 01:20:00,760 most profound strength. Developing the capacity to be 1128 01:20:00,760 --> 01:20:05,080 ourselves, proudly, boldly and compassionately with attunement 1129 01:20:05,080 --> 01:20:07,440 for the world's that we are a part of and the relationships 1130 01:20:07,440 --> 01:20:10,080 that hold us is the work that will bring this world back 1131 01:20:10,080 --> 01:20:12,120 together. It is the work that will lead us 1132 01:20:12,120 --> 01:20:14,720 to the kinds of healing and solutions we need for the 1133 01:20:14,720 --> 01:20:18,240 problems we face right now. Saturn only recently entered 1134 01:20:18,240 --> 01:20:20,800 Aries earlier this year in February, and this is the 1135 01:20:20,800 --> 01:20:23,560 beginning of an almost 30 year cycle around the Zodiac. 1136 01:20:24,320 --> 01:20:27,800 Pluto entered Aquarius in 2024, and these two planets moving 1137 01:20:27,800 --> 01:20:29,520 into their new signs are not alone. 1138 01:20:30,040 --> 01:20:33,120 Neptune entered Aries shortly before Saturn and Uranus will be 1139 01:20:33,120 --> 01:20:35,160 moving into Gemini at the end of April. 1140 01:20:35,680 --> 01:20:38,240 Together, these four planets form what is called a minor 1141 01:20:38,240 --> 01:20:41,600 trine or a talent trine. Pluto and Uranus and Aquarius 1142 01:20:41,600 --> 01:20:44,320 and Gemini are trying each other, and both planets are 1143 01:20:44,320 --> 01:20:46,680 sextiling Neptune and Saturn and Aries. 1144 01:20:47,080 --> 01:20:50,560 This talent trine describes a time of powerful change for 1145 01:20:50,560 --> 01:20:53,920 individuals and collectives. It invites us to rethink and 1146 01:20:53,920 --> 01:20:57,800 reimagine what it means to be an individual and alive, as well as 1147 01:20:57,800 --> 01:21:00,720 part of a community and network of other living beings. 1148 01:21:01,160 --> 01:21:03,800 It will require us to dramatically and rapidly up 1149 01:21:03,800 --> 01:21:07,280 level our intelligences and remember our innate capacities 1150 01:21:07,280 --> 01:21:10,760 for curiosity, connection, communication, and 1151 01:21:10,760 --> 01:21:13,800 collaboration. All of this is crucial as we 1152 01:21:13,800 --> 01:21:16,960 face an overwhelming multitude of complex problems that have 1153 01:21:16,960 --> 01:21:20,520 been created through patterns of individualism, oppression, 1154 01:21:20,960 --> 01:21:24,200 othering, domination, and mistrust of difference. 1155 01:21:24,840 --> 01:21:27,920 At Embodied Astrology, we are orienting towards this moment 1156 01:21:28,120 --> 01:21:30,560 and all that it is, bringing through practices of deep 1157 01:21:30,560 --> 01:21:34,120 embodied experiencing and finding radical, liberating and 1158 01:21:34,120 --> 01:21:36,480 joyful ways of connecting and reconnecting. 1159 01:21:36,960 --> 01:21:40,080 If you enjoy this episode and if any of this resonates for you, I 1160 01:21:40,080 --> 01:21:42,440 hope you'll consider joining us in some of our spaces at 1161 01:21:42,440 --> 01:21:44,440 Embodied Astrology, if you haven't already. 1162 01:21:44,640 --> 01:21:47,640 We welcome all levels of astrology knowledge and all 1163 01:21:47,640 --> 01:21:49,960 bodies. You can find upcoming classes, 1164 01:21:49,960 --> 01:21:52,240 workshops and other offerings on our website.