Welcome to fucking Candy Land, hosted by Rampage and Gemini.
What the fuck is up, everybody? Welcome back to Candyland.
So we have been talking about our special surprise for a
little bit of time now and we finally have a guest that we
both mutually respect and like wanted to have on the podcast.
So we have the rap guy's wife AKA Nicole coming on today and
we are so excited. How are you doing?
I'm good. How are y'all?
You're good. So for those of you that don't
know, she is married to little white, Mr. Oxycontin, Xanax
bars. But the thing that we really
wanted to bring her on for is because she's super spiritual,
she's a boss bitch, She runs businesses, raises families, and
she's newly sober. So we're going to talk about all
of this, and I'm going to let Jim and I take it away with
questions because she has all kinds of questions.
I did have all kinds of questions because we, on a like
a really small scale, we're finding out that the more that
we're starting to do things, the more there are people around who
are like, Oh my gosh, I just love you so much.
And like, I Rep you so hard. And it's the people who seem to
like, have the most love that turn around and do something
with that energy and have some kind of betrayal.
And I for us, we've watched not only low white, but we've
watched you kind of grow your own following and doing your own
things. And we've seen people that we
used to watch in your comments supporting you now having, you
know, sometimes not the same energy.
And so, like, how does that feel for you with showing how you are
authentically and your whole person and still sometimes
having people come back and have anything negative to say when
you show who you are? So I was bullied so much growing
up. So it's kind of just always been
just like a well, that's how you feel.
Whatever. Like I've never been perfect.
I come from I'm one of five. So being that family with a
single mom and five kids, like everybody was like kind of
always pointing their finger like oh like it all the way from
not having the newest, cleanest shoes or name brand clothes to
now. You know, I've had nursing jobs
where they're like, well, you're made it a little white.
How did you pass the drug test to get this job?
And I'm like, what does that have to do with me?
Just cuz he writes about all that stuff and raps about it.
Doesn't mean I'm over here. Just, you know, snorting a line
and going to work like this is not how that world works.
Well, when people rap about fucking bitches all the time who
have never had a fucking hot bitch that they've fucked in
their whole life. Right.
Are you from Tennessee? Is that where you're from?
I'm from, born and raised in Memphis, TN.
So is that how you all met? Because I remember hearing a
little bit about y'all Story on Bunny's podcast, which was when
I originally started following you.
I didn't even know there was a Mrs. Little White, but I
remembered I'm talking about like you worked at a bar and he
would kind of just like, come into that bar.
Is that how you all met? Yeah, so I worked on Bill St.
for like 10 years and he said I was the first bartender to come
up and just hand him a crown of coke.
He's like, how'd you know? And I'm like, you say it just in
about like every song. Like if you wanted something
else, I'd be like, if that's not what you drink, you might want
to switch your lyrics around, bro.
Like, he's like, no, this is awesome.
No one's ever just handed me a crown of Coke.
So love at first sight, then she's like, I got Oxycontin,
Xanax bars. You sang about it in that?
Song. My favorite thing about this
moment is like that nostalgia. Like, I heard that song, I was
probably 11 years old and it was like the hit.
I mean, that song was everywhere.
And then really my favorite song was my smoking song at 11 years
old. So it's like when I look back on
that and then now we're sitting here with you like 20 years
later, I just feel like, what kind of planet am I on now?
Because. Really anything is possible, but
so many people limit themselves based on who they used to be.
And I know that you've been making a lot of personal changes
lately, so can you elaborate on kind of what you got going?
Yeah, so we had a bunch of stuff going on and everybody knows my
husband hit a mailbox and has the whole alcohol ankle monitor
on and this and that. So he had court for it and we he
started going to outpatient classes.
And this was way before any other extra drama was added to
what we already had going on at home and at court.
The judge was just like, no, this is too much.
You need inpatient rehab. So he was like, all right, so we
got him in the program. He spent two weeks in jail,
which. The gentleman, this is horrible.
So, like, we were all stressed out.
And I got him into a program. And so while he was gone, I was
just like, you know what? If he's not going to drink, I'm
not going to drink. We're totally fine.
It's not a big deal. So I quit drinking.
And then, like, while he was gone, I was like, I got to do
something about to lose my mind. So I started going to the gym
and I joined Hot Works, which is a hot yoga thing, and I'm
obsessed with it. But it like, sweats out toxins
in your body. And like after the first one
like I didn't want any sodas. And then I didn't, like,
intentionally give up red meat or pork.
But like, I would have worked out like maybe three days in a
row doing that. And the first time I took a bite
of red meat, I got sick. So I'm like strictly chicken,
vegetables and water and coffee. So it just kind of keeps flowing
and my body's happy and I'm happy, so.
I love that. So you used to be a nurse and
now you manage the business full time?
Yes. So I was a wound care nurse,
which is considered a nurse management position.
And when COVID hit, like if one nurse got sick and we're already
short staffed through COVID, they would pull us from our
assignment. So we had to do the floor and
then turn around and get all of our dressings done and stuff
like that. Advantages.
And I got so sick, I thought I had like a kidney infection or
something like I couldn't even stand.
And I like. I woke up at like. 4:00 in the
morning. And I drove myself to the
emergency room like my husband called.
He was like, where are you at? What are you doing?
I was like, I'm at the emergency room.
I couldn't wait for you to get up.
Like, I had to go. And the Doctor Who looked at me
and was like, you're literally working yourself today.
There's nothing wrong with you. He's like, you're literally in
pain because your body still need to slow down.
So we were all my way back from the show one time.
And he went inside a pilot, which is where all the guys had
to stop to take a shit when they're on the road.
So he's been there for, like, 1520 minutes.
He comes out and I'm like, here you go.
I just did this, this and this and this and how much money I
just made. He was like.
I went inside to take a shit and you just made more money than
what you make in like 3 months and 20 minutes.
When we get home. You're quitting your job.
Why are you doing that? 15 minutes sell pictures of your
feet I. Don't know, my feet made made a
little more money than booking some little white shows.
I got some cute little toes over here.
I just booked like 2 shows and answered a couple of emails and
like and it was like even some of them had instantly sent the
money for features and stuff and he was like.
Starting to go to the bathroom again.
I was like, no, come on, let's go home.
He's like, when we get home, you're done working, you're
coming home. I was like, and now if I joke
with the kids, I'm like, Mom's going back to work.
They're like, no, you're not like they'll even like we'll eat
ramen noodles, like you're not going back to work.
Mom, I love that support. And also too, there are so many
people who wouldn't trust their spouses, taking on some type of
like management role for them or like doing their business
dealings. And I'm always like, so why are
you with them then? If you wouldn't trust them
inside of handling any of your stuff, then maybe that's like
not the partner for you. So the fact that you guys have
that foundation where you're like, go take a shit, I'll just
be in here doing the things with or without permission and on
page talking. I call her Polly Pocket by the
way. So like if throughout the
podcast I call her Polly, while we're talking, I calling her
page is just so weird to me. But talking about that nostalgia
thing, I love that like, we grew up and we're like, no Sir, I
went from it would be so cool to talk to that rap guy to like,
no, I want to talk to your wife. Can I talk to your wife?
You know, I feel like with Bunny, like opening her doors
for me and like kind of just like introducing me to her
family, to her friends, to her people, that me and you, Nicole
just really bonded. And like, you're like one of the
people that I was like, wow, I really, really like her.
Like, you're just so genuine and you can tell that you're super
genuine. And I feel like you keep your
husband grounded, and I honestly feel like he's been way more
successful. Since being with you just
because you're like super grounded and practical and I
feel like also spontaneous, like you get shit done and you can
see that, like you can tell that you're about your business and
that's why I was like, I think it's so beautiful that you are
like building your own. Name and like doing your own
thing, but then also like helping him excel into a better
person. Because you know, getting sober
is really freaking hard. And if you have someone who
supports that, it's 1000 times easier.
And I know that, you know, I've been on a sobriety journey.
And your whole life changes when you stop distracting yourself
with drugs and alcohol and partying and whatever.
And it's just beautiful when people go on to that self love
journey. And I can really tell,
especially just like with your post, they're so motivating.
And I saw today you're like 75 days this he's 100 days.
And I was like, what a special day that we're meeting with you
and it's like a milestone for you.
So he's he actually, when we first started dating, we were
sitting, we were at his house, obviously, because we wouldn't
just start dating and moving with each other.
But he had a stack of bills, like on his counter.
And I was like, what is all this?
He's like, it's my bills. And I was like, I was like,
well, dude, they're like, all past due.
He's like, I know. I'm working on it.
Like it was like, right after he had all that bad management and
this and that. And I was like, all right, so I
picked him up and I was just sitting there like, what are you
doing? I had my phone.
I was like, I'm paying your bills.
He's like, you're what? So I was like, well, I mean,
how? Because he had moved down back
into our area for his daughter, because he found out some stuff
that her Mama was doing and thought he was just going to
have to, you know, be there. And when he got that phone call
and I was like, well, what are you going to do if the lights
are out and you got to go get her?
I was like, and if you're trying to pay bills, how you can put
the groceries down? I was like, it's not a big deal.
Seriously, don't worry about it. I got it.
So, like, paid, you know, like the essential bills form and
whatnot. And then we were sitting there
one night, He was talking about a show.
And I was like, you know, you can give yourself a raise,
right? He's like, what are you talking
about? I was like, it's your show.
They're booking you. Like, if you think they should
pay you more than it's your, it's your choice, like, increase
the price of your shows. He's like, Oh my God.
So, like, like, like, we literally started from the
beginning of all his stuff for him.
Like, like Even so much is like getting him a bank account.
He was just like, I just pay cash and I go do this.
I'm like, no, no, you don't. You get a bank account because
when that cash is in your pocket, you spend it and then
you turn around like so it was like.
From like building it from the ground up for him, which was
like what he really, truly needed after all the stuff he'd
been through before we started dating.
And I think that's about go ahead.
Sorry. I'm saying I think that's so
beautiful because so many people want that type of connection.
I got it. And I think I that's why I
admire people because you can genuinely see that their
connection is reciprocal and that they support each other and
like they go to battle for each other and it's like we're on the
same team. You know what I mean?
Like we're the same team and so many people are competing with
their partner or kind of put their partner on the back
burner. And I love that you were like,
no, this is a priority. I'm going to take care of it.
And he said he's never had a chick do that.
He's like, wait, what? He's like well, am I It needs to
be done. Like just come on let's go and
like. But it also took me like just as
much effort as it took him he was because he tried to talk me
into leaving work for like 3 years.
He was like just come home. I'm like, no dude, like it's
your music. But when I realized that his
music needed more help than and I told him I'd never take away
from his music career. So me being away from work and
working so much, it was taken away from his music career
because I wasn't home in time for him to go to the studio or?
You know, when I did get home and he wanted, you know, to talk
about music, I'd fall asleep mid conversation and he's like, I
was just, I was trying to do a zombie when COVID hits, so
everything happens for a reason. So music is #1 right now for him
so well, and that's like that behind the scenes support too,
of doing those things that other people aren't going to
necessarily like be seeing in the public, but they are really
helping you like support your person.
And it probably helps to make him feel nurtured and
comfortable too. I don't know what his background
is with all of that, but I know that has to make somebody feel,
like, nurtured and safe to know that you're stepping in and
like, hey, I'm gonna pay these bills so that you're able to do
these other things that you need to do for your child.
And especially if someone's in a situation where their kid isn't
being taken care of fully by another person and they're
having to step up somebody else coming in and being like, hey,
you're not alone with this. Like, let me take this burden
off of you or let me help you in this way and that behind the
scenes support too. I think that a lot of people
don't understand how much sacrifice I think that you go
through to in order to like make somebody else's dream come true.
Because while yes, like that's your role as a partner like
you're being supportive, there is also that initiative like
self sacrifice of well, this is taking a, you know, quitting my
job is or quitting your job is really taking a piece of like
something that you probably worked really hard to have that
independence for yourself and that like identity of I've got
me. And that's a lot of trust that
you put in somebody else too. So that's a huge, like growth on
your own healing and spiritual journey to be like, I'm going to
trust in this person and their dream and put to the side
something that I worked really hard to obtain.
Oh, yeah. It definitely wasn't the
easiest, either. I went down to Dark Hole and got
really depressed because a part of me I've always I was a nurse,
Nicole, like, everybody called me.
Family members called me. Nurses would call me in the
middle of the night and be like, Nicole, what do we do about
this? And like and everybody knew I
was a nurse. So I kind of like, for a minute
I felt like almost invisible. And then it's and it sounds so
petty. But when I lost my Instagram
page, it was like why I went from people telling me that I
motivate them and I brighten their day.
And Nurse Nicole's gone. And now that page is gone.
So it's like, now what am I doing?
I'm just sitting here. It's almost like I sat in the
dark. So, I mean, even while he's in
rehab, I did a lot of soul searching myself.
And I was like, you know what? I'm going to be all right.
We're good. I feel like your aura has
shifted so much since I did that past life reading for you.
And you were like, so much of this is making sense right now.
And you're like, I showed this to my brother or my friend.
And they were like, that sounds just like you.
And I feel like that protective spirit that you have, like
you've carried that with you in so many lifetimes.
And I think it's beautiful that you can put your sword down and
like, let him, you know. Take care of you while you also
take care of him in a different way.
And I think that's like what I personally want in my life.
You know, I see people like yourself and and Bunny and Jelly
and people that are just like they go to war for each other
and they really support each other's dreams.
And I think that's so amazing. And it's really like rare, you
know, in this day and age because some people just do shit
for the Internet and it's not reality.
But you know, putting putting your pride aside and like
stepping up in that way, I feel like.
How do you think that's affected you as far as, like on a
personal level? So I think the biggest part that
in like we both have gone through this since making all
these changes is as a human we never at want to admit we're
wrong ever. Like we don't ever want to admit
that. And you're not necessarily lying
to yourself and the public by not talking about it.
So there's but when you do talk about there's a fear of like
people and what they did on the Internet all the time.
They take what you do or say and they completely twisted it
around. Like the other day.
Me having my new glow and being happy was me covering up my face
because I'm a drug addict and my face is ate up and I'm just like
because I'm happy now all of a sudden I've like just got crater
face all over the Internet that I'm covering up I mean.
I just now learned how to do eyeliner like a couple years
ago. Like really good.
Like this is progress for me like.
You know is that when you made the post where you talked about
how you've blown up and you've learned how to do your makeup
and all that. Yeah.
So yes, between and it was a man that said that.
And then there was all sorts of other posts from a certain event
that happened saying that I'm a heroin addict or I've done I'm
on drugs and like I shouldn't have custody of my kids.
Like all sorts of stuff from like a 10 second clip and I'm
just like. And now that I'm doing better,
all of a sudden it's it like it. The Internet is so cruel.
Like all these people are the biggest bully.
So there's a part of me that when you do talk about it,
you're like, well, am I going to get rejected?
But then I I just realized, you know what?
I am who I am. If they don't like it, there's
an unfollow. There's a block.
In the same way that you. It takes you longer to type out
a hateful comment than it does for me to hit delete and block.
So I just finally had to let go of that.
And anybody, my block list is. So I probably got more people
blocked than I have followers at this point.
Whenever all of that was cycling around, I know you were going
through some really difficult stuff.
How do you feel about like when people don't know the whole
story? There's a part of us that wants
to justify it, but like, how good does it feel to just keep
it moving and keep the train pushing?
Because that's what I feel like y'all been doing.
It's hard because no, no matter how, no matter what you do in
life, whether it's good or bad, someone's always going to be
like, well, that doesn't make sense or why did you do this or
why did you do that? And then if you try to justify
things, it just makes people that don't know what's going on
dig it up. So it's like you're creating
this giant mountain out of a molehill, and it's all you get
when one person doesn't like you and a group of people that don't
like you. The only thing you have in
common is still just you. So whether it's good or bad,
you're still the common denominator.
So at some point in time you just got to figure out does it
really matter what they say and just keep moving like?
My, I never lost any sleep at night.
It sucked because I I don't ever want to see people upset.
So I'm just like, so the people that were upset that didn't
deserve to see that I'm like, damn, that sucks for them, But
we can fix it. Everybody else, I'm good.
We'll just keep going. So it's such a tight line that
you have to walk to because you are like putting yourself out
there publicly and you do want to be known and like share
yourself and your journey And you talk about your sobriety
journey and things. And then at the same time you
also have that, like, well, I don't give a fuck what people
think, but I'm also trying to like what things do I talk about
and do I share. Because it's almost like you
have to pick and choose what types of things you're willing
to have feedback on from other people.
Because there are like, there are, no matter how much we don't
give a fuck, there are always certain topics that we really
give a fuck about and like we'll fight your mother over.
And so I know that, like, for you being so out there, are
there any things that you're like when it comes to this?
I I don't. I don't share these personal
things about like my kids or whatever.
So our kids are all pretty like outspoken, like we are the only
thing we really don't post. We don't post school events.
You'll never see our kids schools, you won't see addresses
and stuff we post. We're very, very protective
about their locations and stuff like that.
But I will never dog our kids as other parents on social media.
That's not the world's business. Whether they're 100% with our
kids every day or they're 100% out the picture.
That's not the world's business. And even if we do post things
about our kids and or talk about our kids, we let them know
first. They've all four of our kids
have been through a lot of stuff that you wouldn't imagine kids
ever go through. And so that's been one of our
biggest goals since we started dating.
Like we didn't even let the kids meet each the other one until
we've been together for like 3 months.
And then like it's it was kind of a one-on-one meeting.
And then like my older son, he was 5 and he sat my husband down
was like, well, what are your intentions with my mother at
five years old? So if you can imagine him saying
that at 5:00 and then his oldest daughter, she was 11/12, I think
she's like 12. And she saw a picture of me.
She was like, well, are her glasses prescription or is she,
she's trying to be cool And he was like, no, she's totally
blind. He's like okay, that's fine.
I can deal with that. So like, they had they all for
the kids and made sure the other one of us was super real before
we just kind of joined this cluster of the most functioning
dysfunctional family ever so. I'm obsessed with that.
You could be blind. You just can't be a poser.
When growing up in Tennessee, like what was your childhood
like? I know you said that you're one
of five. So what did you grow up in a
like a close knit family or were.
So I'm the oldest girl I have older brother than it's me and
then I had a little sister and then we the twins were the
youngest. So it was just my mom, and we
grew up that regular poor white trash family on food stamps.
And if we missed the bus, we probably didn't get to school
because mom couldn't just drive us all over the town and get
back to work and all that. It was a whole neighborhood full
of boys. So I've always been like one of
the homies, like playing basketball, and I was usually
with my older brother who's six years older than me.
So I was just always around older kids and I probably knew
way too much way before I should have, but it was either that or
hang out with babies. So it was I was kind of stuck in
that middle. But I always learned how to
fight. I knew how to defend myself.
We got called the worst and my maiden name is Di Filippo, so
that name got made fun of a lot. So I've always, and then between
me and my brother, when it my siblings came up behind us, they
got made fun of a lot. So there's a lot of times where
I, you know, I had to go down to the bus stop, I'd missed my bus
and go to their bus stop just to tell all these little kids like
they're not the ones to mess with.
So I've always been like a Mama figure.
I guess you could say like with it.
That I get from you is like Mama bear and that's kind of like, I
know came through in your reading.
But like you can feel that energy.
Like you can feel that don't fuck with me energy coming from
you. Like I feel like if people do
really get to know you, that you have such a sweet and like kind
heart. But if you cross that boundary,
I feel like it's like, no, fuck you real quick.
Oh, my own Mama would tell you she's like, ooh Nicole, she's
like, you're either someone's best friend or their worst
enemy. I really hope I never pissed you
up. I'm like, thanks Mom.
I remember watching the interview that you did on
Bunny's podcast and I was laughing because.
You to me, your energy was like, you were kind of laying back.
You were letting your husband kind of have the floor on
things. And I was like, she's just like,
so sweet and like, I don't know, I got this like, like innocent
wallflower vibe. And then all of a sudden y'all
started talking about sex and he's over here talking about you
riding the big toe and shit. And I'm sitting there.
Bust in the fuck up. I couldn't stop laughing.
And then I was like, I'm following her.
We're about to be friends. Like, I I have to be on this
shit show ride. It was amazing on this big tail
fun house. Yeah, I'm like I can make
anything dirty like it's he like that.
He says that when the old men, when they're doing like this, he
said it's because of years of just shaking their heads at
their wives. Like, we'll go places.
He's like, what are you about to say?
And I'm like, I don't know. This stuff just comes out.
He was like, whoa, OK, just remember where we're at.
And I'm like, you know what? You're a little white.
You're the ratchet one. Don't worry about me.
He's like, Oh no, I am not the Ratchet one anymore.
Whenever you were growing up, you said you grew up in Memphis.
Did you know like 3-6 Mafia and like, did you know, I mean,
obviously they're all from that area, correct?
So my freshman year, my, my best friend, she was talking to a
dude that lived out in Millington, which was like one
of those areas. Like, we're not allowed to drive
that far. It was like 45 minutes from like
basically civilization because it was still like the country
out there. So he snuck out one night, she
was talking to this dude and he was like, you should listen to
this mixtape. And he played, I was like, who
is this? And they say it was the group
that he was with before we got signed.
And I was like, there's no way that's a white dude.
He's like, it totally is. Like there's there's no way like
like I listen to every, I've heard every Memphis artist,
like, you know my older brother, six years older.
So I've been riding around with him doing Donuts in the parking
lots and shit listening to Three 6 Mafia.
So I'm like that that's not a white dude he's and so when the
CD came out, he had called my friend and was like y'all need
to go get the CD. So we actually probably like one
of the two times I've skipped school.
We skipped school when got his CD the day dropped and went to
Wendy's and got the two Junior Bacon cheeseburgers and two
waters for $2.06 that we stole out of her mom's change jar and
just drove around the city listening to his CD.
The day dropped so like it's literally been since day one.
I've been a fan and I would have never thought he'd walked up to
my bar. Then 8 1/2 years later, here we
are. I love that you had it down to
the six fucking cents we had. We robbed her mom's change jar
so many times. Like there was when a dollar
mini was actually a dollar mini. Like we knew exactly how much
change we needed. And then they didn't charge for
waters back then. So we were like, all right, we
got this. We don't need lunch.
We can go. We can get this.
So when you were in school, were you like you were attentive in
school and you were good in school or did you like kind of
rebel during school? Or was like, I feel like you're
smart if you went on to be a nurse that you you had to have
some book smart. So I was a straight A student
and I missed my sophomore year. I missed like a month.
I missed like three straight weeks.
I had, I got a spider bite my leg that almost killed me.
So I missed a week from that. I had a really bad ear infection
and I missed a week from that. And then my mom had her
hysterectomy and I was the the oldest one at the house that
they don't take care of her. So we went to, they sent us to
truancy court. And I've been asking my mom, I'm
like, well, just put me in gateway, just let me homeschool
myself. And I went and got a job and I
paid for it and everything. We went to truancy court and
they told my mom I was going to end up just like my older
brother. And she was like, oh, no, Sir,
you know what? She's not.
She's like, I'm not doing this. So she pulled me out of public
schools and I did the homeschool thing and I graduated with the
4.0 at the age of 15. Wow.
So I graduated 10th, 11th and 12th grade in one year.
Did you go on to college early or did you take some time off
and work? No, I went straight into
college. My dad was like, no, if you take
a break, you're never going to go.
And I was just, it was like the one thing in my entire life that
he's ever been a part of. He's like, I'll pay for your
first semester. I was like, OK, so I went to
little Community College and I did that, and then I made it.
I couldn't go straight to the nursing program because you had
to be 18 years old because you deal with so many machines and
stuff. And I so they put me on the
waiting list because of my age. I had like the top score as far
as the applications. But I wasn't old enough to be on
the actual floor. I was like, well, So what I do
for two years. So I took a bunch of electives.
I took every psychology class you can think of.
I took every business management class you could think of, which
is now helping me today, which I had no idea why.
I was just like, so we'll just learn all this.
So I did a bunch of extra classes.
That was one of them. I'm just, I'm such a cheap ass.
I was like, how many hours can I take?
I was like, alright, we're going to use all of them.
We're going to pay for this semester.
We're using up every hour possible.
So I took all sorts of extra classes for two years until I
could start a nursing school. You did that at 15, my mom had
to drive. My mom had to drive me to my
first day of college and then take me to get my driver's
license on my 16th birthday. So that's a super overachiever
from someone that grew up in a poor, like single household.
I feel like that's like an anomaly and also adds back to
like how grounded you are. You get shit done.
And I feel like when your mind is set on something, you're
going to make that happen. And you can see that in like
just your post and like the energy that you bring into the
world, like, you can really tell like.
I've got a plan and I know what to do and I'm gonna figure it
out. And I love that.
I admire women like that because a lot of women compete with each
other and they don't want to see other women win and whatever.
And that's why I like whenever Bunny introduced us, I was like,
oh, I really like this girl. I was like, she is like a
writer. You can tell that you're like a
ride or die that you're not like.
One of those flaky, phony people that just kind of like latch on
to the people doing the work. I feel like you're ready to,
like, get your hands dirty and like, do what you got to do to
get where you want to be. So what is the biggest challenge
that you're finding now? Managing your husband's music
career, Getting him to the studio?
Here's the problem he So a lot of people don't will.
I think all artists are like this.
They're So what they wanna do, what they wanna do when they
wanna do it. And my husband's just like any
other husband and artist where I've got to make it like it's
his idea and kind of twist it around.
So like, but I've we've been together so long now like I know
exactly how he'll respond to questions like even when I reply
back to emails or messages he like, babe, did I write this?
I'm like, no. I did.
He's like oh it sounds like me I was like I know but you were
busy and this you know person has this question so technically
it's still him replying. It's just me putting his words
out for him. But I figured out like, if he
wakes up and then when he wakes up, I can tell kind of Moody's
in. So like, it's like a almost like
a like a giant puzzle every day. Like if he's not in the mood to
do it, then we're not going to answer that question today.
She's ever laughing at me. So whenever you reply back and
and you're handling emails and things like that, do you have a
challenge with people like doing what they say they're going to
do? Because, like what I'm finding
in business is that a lot of people want to collaborate, or
they want to hype you up, or they want to be a part of what
you've already created, but they don't want to do any of the work
and that's. That's what we're finding.
It's like, especially with guests, we didn't really want
any more guests because they seem like, very egocentric and
weird when once we get them on the podcast, like they're not
who they show the world. And I was like, Oh no, Nicole,
like we need her on there. And the craziest part about it
was you lost your page. We had already been following
you. When your page came back, I had
unfollowed everyone on our podcast page just to like, you
know, declutter it. And then it was like showing
that we were following three people and you were one of them.
And I was like this is a sign because I had already mentioned.
Maybe having you on the podcast in the future, but it was like
we were on a break from season 2 to season three.
And it's just so ironic that, like, it's season three and you
are our third person that we were following.
But we just find that, like when collaborating with certain
people, they don't bring the same energy that they have in
the beginning. Oh yeah, it happens all the
time. So it's like when we have other
artists that want to do songs and stuff with him, or even even
any anything we do, people go from like just meeting us.
And then all of a sudden we're family, which we love everybody.
But then they start stretching it and taking it further.
And then a lot of people, I gave out my personal number just so
they know for sure that like, like I can FaceTime them for my
number versus the business number we have.
And like, look, this is the White's wife, his manager, he's
right here. A lot of people have lately been
saying that their wife is their manager, too.
And I'm like, maybe at home, but like, I'm running a whole
business. We have a music label and we
have like all sorts of stuff going on.
I was like, but it just, it makes it weird when they
instantly want to throw that out there.
I'm just like, OK, So what do you want me to do with that?
Like, I've been talking to you the whole time and all of a
sudden that we're close. You want me to talk to your wife
slash manager, like, so it a lot of people get really weird and
you just kind of have to just keep moving forward and be like,
all right, so here's your stuff. We'll see you on this day and
this is what we're doing and just kind of, I guess you'd say
brush it off respectfully. It's like the easiest way I
could say of how I get through all that.
I feel like it's that competition energy too, where
it's like, Oh well, if he's got a wife that's doing boss bitch
shit, I got to have a wife that's doing boss bitch shit.
And she's probably sitting there in her Elmo fucking slippers,
not doing Jack shit, attaching her own belly button.
And you know, people, people really will be like we've
encountered. People will be so different.
And you'll see them like on social media or even like, we'll
have a conversation with somebody and then we'll sit down
to actually, like, start talking to them and you'll press record.
And all of a sudden you're like, who the fuck is this?
Like we had, we've talked about it before, like we never named
drop or anything like that. But we have this one person who
had like millions of followers and shows up on social media and
is like just this boss ass bitch and we're like, Oh my gosh, like
this is going to be so exciting. And when we went to record, she
showed up inside of a car with like, only the thing lit on the
top of the ceiling and was like, distracted the entire time and
kept arguing with Paige. Every time Paige would say
something, she's like, well, I don't agree with that and would
start going to the point that I was like, why the fuck are you
here? You're fucking odd.
I don't even know. You could argue with Paige.
Like, wait, what? You can do that.
She would literally just have an opinion.
She would be like, this is what I think about the spiritual
realm. And she would be like, oh, that
is wrong, Absolutely not. This is spreading hateful speech
and I'm like, go fuck yourself. Know what I said to her, but she
flipped her shit and I told Gemini afterwards I was like she
totally was like either on drugs.
Like she had just hit a chicken bone like prior to that's why
she was in her car. But it was the weirdest thing
because this girl had like 3 million tick tock followers.
Shows up so whimsical and sweet and just very nice.
But then on the podcast with us, we never even aired it.
She was like a raging bitch. And it was the weirdest thing.
And I know that anytime that you have some type of notoriety or a
platform or whatever, people always want to project their
bullshit onto you. And that's why I like having
guests turned into like, a hassle.
Because people just treat their platform one way.
And then we would have them on our podcast, They wouldn't
promote it. They wouldn't talk about it.
They wouldn't even tell like. We're not asking people to make
a freaking sign and tell everyone that you were on the
podcast, but to like, treat our platform with no respect.
It was like, that is the weirdest shit.
We are not airing this at all, so y'all don't want me to go
stand on at 40 with a sign that says.
I do want you to do that, and I want pictures and video.
I'm going to show the girls while you do it because those
pictures you took were looking hot.
I'm getting pictures. You search movies.
Or what she just I'm just getting more comfortable with
showing them now because like I said, I've just and it's
something that's like not like being his eye candy.
I guess there's arm candy or what not.
I've done security, I've D Jed, I've hyped me and I'm the
driver. I pack our bags, I do the
routing for everything where we stop, like where we like all of
it. He does find the restaurants, so
that is his job. He's got to find restaurants
around the road. But I've literally at shows,
I've gone from just talking to the promoter to them being like
a crazy fan walking up to him. And I've had the throat punch a
bitch before. And then I just go right back to
manager mode. Then everybody's like, how do
you do that? And I'm like, well, she's out
the way, come on, we got to keep doing what we're doing.
So, like, it's like, I hop through like hopscotch in the
different roles. Like throughout shows, it's
like, and I don't even think about it.
My husband's like, are you good? And I'm like, I'm fine.
What's up? What are we going to eat when we
leave the show? She's like, so.
She's trying to find dinner after she just throat punched a
bitch and everybody's like needing a minute to collect
themselves and she's like, I'm fucking hungry.
What do you think is the most exciting thing about working for
yourself and being able to set your own schedules and kind of
like have that collaborative partnership with him?
It's like so like when I go into work mode, he'll usually kind of
that's when he kind of goes into his phone and listen to beats
and like we so we both kind of clock in and clock out together.
So on the flip side, it's literally like living every day
with your best friend. Like all of it.
Like we get up, like we love playing pool now and he's kind
of mad that I've gotten really good at pool.
So like, I don't know what to tell him.
I was like, I'm quick learning, but we'll go play pool or we'll
like, we'll find a new place for lunch to go try it or we'll
like, we'll find new movies like we're like movie and like TV
like whores, like we watch everything like and then we like
binge watch stuff. So we might have three days at
home on the couch or we just watch the entire series and it's
like the most fun for us. And like, if I can't make him
laugh at least 9000 times a day, I'm probably doing something
wrong with that day. What kind of movies and shows do
you guys watch together? All of them.
We both love horror movies. He actually has a whole sleeve
of horror movies. And that was like, one of my
tests, I guess you could say. And he was like, can you name
all these horror movies? I'm like, are you joking right
now? And like, I went down through
every single horror movie he's got tatted on his arm.
He's like, no one's ever done that.
I'm like, well, who the hell have you asked to do that?
It's like, the easiest thing I've ever done.
He was like, well, apparently I've dated some dumb bitches.
And I'm like clearly because like pretty like poltergeist and
some girl said that was the ring.
And I'm like there's First off the differences is 1 girl's
coming out the TV and one's going into it.
So that's completely unnecessary to miss in that question.
I'm just imagining the pickup line and him just like throwing
his arm down at the bar and being like, hey, can you, you
know who these guys are? Well, his pickup line was sushi
on a Wednesday. Well, first he, well, he came
into my bar and he was like, so Nicole, when are you going to be
single? And a friend of ours yell.
He was behind the bar helping me and the other bartender.
And he was like, she's gone through a divorce right now.
And I looked at him. I'm like, really, bro, I'm up
here just trying to be a little hoe and enjoy this like, single
mom life and like, just go get what I want and go back home,
you know? And he was like, oh, really?
He's like, so not, what are you doing when you get off?
He's like, what about sushi on a Wednesday?
I was like, I'll think about it. He's like, OK, so he leaves and
he comes back and he's like, all right.
He asked me like 3 times and finally I was like, all right,
one sushi date. And I pinky promised him.
And he, like, he didn't know I had kids.
And I didn't really know he had kids.
And so we pinky promise. He's like, you know, you can't
break a pinky promise. I was like, oh, I know those
things are sacred. And so we pinky promised on it.
And then he that night, he ended up losing his his car keys or
something. And they get homes like super
late. And I was like, what do I text
him like? And so I just text him.
I was like, I made a pinky promise.
And so we went our sushi date. And that's I think I've given
him way more than one sushi date.
Sushi's my favorite, and if anybody says that to me, I'm
coming. I'm going to go with you for the
sushi day. So what you bartended?
Were you nursing and bartending? Yes.
I used to nurse Monday through Friday, and then I bartended
Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday night, and Sunday
night, and I nursed. I was a nurse from 7:00 to 3:00
or like 8 to 4 doing wound care. I could kind of as long as I was
there in the morning. And in my 8 hours I was good.
So bartending was from like 9:00 PM till 5:00 AM.
So Thursday night, all the way through Saturday morning, I was
pretty much awake for like 2 days straight.
And then I'd sleep all day, Saturday and Sunday, and then I
go to work Sunday night and stay awake all the way through my
Monday shift. So it was just like and I don't
know how I did it. And I look back now I'm like, I
can barely stay up past 11:00. How did I do three days a week,
just no sleep? Did you have a good support
system as a mom for getting help with your kids and stuff while
you were working that hard? So my mom, my mom's been
awesome. She's always helped with the
boys. The my younger one's dad is the
one I was with when I was doing, being, doing nursing and
barsending. He had gotten a day job, but if
one of the kids got sick, he couldn't take off work.
So I had to take off work and his check was only coming out to
basically what daycare was. So I was like, dude, just stay
home. I was like, it's really costing
us money now because if I got to take off work, take care of the
kids because they're sick and for daycare, and then if your
check is just covering daycare and your lunches and really
you're just getting up and going to work for no reason.
So him like just kind of accepting the fact that like
just go sit over there to take care of the kids while I go do.
This was pretty much kind of how it was for like the year and a
half I was with him. So you were only married for a
year and a half? I don't even think we were
married a year and a half a year.
So it just didn't work and you just kind of knew it wasn't
working well. I mean, we have.
To get with low white, yeah, I mean there's a bunch of things
that came along the way, but we are at a good place now and we
have a kid together and he knows like, that's number one
priority. So and of course it worked out
for the better because I like have my like twin flame with me
now. So and we're like super happy
and living my best life with my best friend every day, so.
So I want to touch on. I know.
Little White strapping a new album.
Yep. And I know that you've been
talking about like. He needs to finish this album,
he needs to go to the studio, he tell him to drop the album.
So is that something that's already ready to go or there's
still more things to do on it? So the entire album was done,
they just got to get it mastered so that it sounds amazing,
Everybody's system and on their base and all that cool stuff
that everybody loves about new music, but other than that, it's
all they're waiting on. All the songs are done.
Has to sound good, like all those people.
Like with that new music. Yeah he was playing one in the
car earlier. I was like, I feel like my chest
was being sucked into the back seat and he was like good.
That's what we want. And I'm like, well, OK, next
song can we go suck and breathe. So but there's some it's a
everybody's going to love the album.
It's so awesome and they've they've really taken their time
on it and it's something that both him and Just In Time have
truly enjoyed doing. The whole process.
Like the two of them working together in the studio, they're
actually, they remind me a lot of white and Jelly working
together when they did. No filter, no filter too.
They just kind of really play off of each other and there's
like it's just a cool, super smooth like awesome vibe they
have when they're together. So I'm like as long as y'all are
happy, just record what you can do and however y'all want to do
it and it's turned into an awesome album.
I feel like White does really well with collaborations because
no filter one is my favorite, but I really feel like he does
well with that collaborative energy and that's probably why
YouTube work. In such a collaborative way,
Because when people are good at collaborating, you just get
further. When you have your dream team
and you have people like Gemini and myself, like we literally
met because she found me from Bunny's podcast.
Like, that's How I Met Gemini. So I was like, the one thing
that I have in common with both of you is that Bunny brought
both of you into my life. And it's just such a
synchronistic event when you can find people who genuinely
support your dreams and can. Build those dreams together
well, that people with positive vibes attract people with
positive vibes. And if bunny's not a positive
vibe, like I don't know what you're looking for cuz I think
if you look up positive vibes in the dictionary, her pictures
like right there. So she's all, she's one of the
biggest building positivity and like motivational person that
I've ever met. And it takes a lot for me to
just really be like, you know what?
They are doing their thing. They're super motivational.
And Bunny's literally been the exact same person from day one
when I met her. And even just when Jelly first
told us about her and that he was like, I'm going to marry
her, you could just The look he had in his eyes on that day is
the same look he has today when he looks at her.
It's such a beautiful love story.
It gives me code chills because if anybody really knows them on
a personal level, like it doesn't matter what the Internet
says or what people think about their relationship like, it is
so genuine. And almost every time I do
readings for her, she's always like, how's Jay?
What's Jay doing? What can we talk about him like?
She always wants to talk about him.
And I actually back in December of last year predicted that he
would win like two or three awards this year that they
didn't see coming. So when he went to the CMA's and
like won those awards, I was like, holy shit, Like, that's so
crazy that I predicted that. Like, you know, I we always talk
about like how some people do things for clout and some people
do things genuinely, And I've just always, genuinely had a
deep connection with her. So to see them kind of skyrocket
into this public eye, it's so beautiful because you can just
know that they're not going to switch up.
You know what I mean? Like who they are is who they
are. And I.
Love how they both bring in so many people and like, promote
them and talk about them and just really help other people
get off the ground. It's like you don't find many
people like that in any industry.
No, we just got back from the four shows that 36 open for
Jelly and when I can honestly first hand tell you that Bunny
and Jelly are still the same Bunny and Jelly that you would
have seen on the Internet five, 6-7 years ago as they are.
When you still see them in that show, there's just a huge
production team and fire on stage and louder music and new
songs. That's the only thing that's
changed. They are still 100% the same to
the people that I've known since meeting both of them.
There was somebody who, because you know Bunny does stuff behind
the scenes all the time, but she'll she'll never like
publicly say I helped with this or I did this for somebody or
whatever. But somebody was inside of her
Facebook section a couple of months ago and they posted a go
fund me. And they were like, you know, I
I don't know what health condition they had, but they had
something going on and they were just talking about it in the
comments. But they weren't asking her for
help on anything. They were talking to somebody
else. And she ended up commenting and
was like, reach out to me, you know, whatever.
And then I went and looked at the go fund me and it had been
surpassed by like 20,000 or something like that.
And the person was commenting and was like, Oh my gosh, thank
you so much. Like you're such an Angel and
whatever. And I think it's so beautiful to
and so rare to find people in life who are genuinely just good
people behind the scenes and want to help heal people and
don't expect anything from it and.
And that's that type of energy that she has is like helping
impact people in all of these different ways because she's
doing things behind the scenes with expecting nothing back from
it. And then, you know, by being
authentically who she is. I found her from way when she
first was starting the podcast, before she started it, and then
she started the podcast and she had Paige on.
And I started following Paige because of the podcast and then.
Booked a reading with her and had this whole like like I
literally spent like my last $100 on a reading and did a free
reading and then did that one and I had this like crazy death
experience and she gave me all of this advice of like how I was
going to use my voice and turn this like situation into
something. So I started my own brand and
podcast off of that, and then she and I became friends and
started this podcast and like we it's.
Started off with who do you want to start a podcast together?
Her asking me. And then it's become this whole
fucking brand. And I get to, you know, have
that connection now, meeting you and other people through it.
And I just, you know, if Bunny hadn't been out here just living
her life authentically, I wouldn't have found Paige, I
wouldn't have found you. And I'm just super grateful for
that. Just like Circle of Energy.
I love it. I waited to get my first reading
from Page. When I got to, like, hug her in
person, I was like, all right, I want her to feel me.
And it was like, as soon as we hugged, you could just tell
like, Oh yeah, this is it. We're friends for life now.
And then I got my reading and I told her I was like, I wanted to
wait so you could like, like, physically feel my energy on top
of mentally and spiritually feeling it too.
And when she did that reading, I was like, holy shit balls, This
reading is awesome. My favorite part, We were at the
Nashville show and this was like, right when Need a Favor
just dropped that weekend and everyone around was like, this
is going to be the biggest song of Jelly's career.
And we're all just shooting the shit.
And then Little White walks up and I see, I didn't see Nicole
yet, but everyone was like Little White.
And I was like, Oh my gosh, there's Nicole.
Like, I just like. So I didn't even say a word to
him. I think it's strange when people
approach people's husbands without, like, acknowledging
their wife first. That's just not my vibe.
But I was like, Oh my God, Southern.
It's like a Southern thing for us.
I think it's like you've got like like you always take the
woman's order fires at a restaurant.
You always introduce yourself to one like, so I've got to remind
myself when we're other cities too, I'm like, all right, we're
not, but we're not in the Bible built anymore.
I got to like, remember we're in a whole different part of the
United States. I'm not Southern, but I want to
hit on your wife. Not everyone has etiquette, like
when it comes to that. And so, like, everyone around me
was like little white and freaking out.
And then I just like stepped to the side and it was just like me
and Nicole and we were just vibing and like and it was so
cool because. Seeing all of his friends come
in for that and just seeing all of us there and we were all
like, you know, just having a good time and genuine support,
it just really motivates me to just be the best person that I
can be. Like that's what we want our
podcast to be, is just to motivate people to be
themselves, to be authentic, to be unique.
And I really love that you all have started this like.
Health journey and like the sobriety journey, because I've
just learned so much of being sober and just taking my power
back from, you know, those vices, it really opens the doors
to so many like amazing experiences.
Because you know, alcohol just lowers our vibration, keeps us
in a lower state of operating in a lower energy field.
And I can just tell there is just something so different
about you lately and like most of your post instead of like.
Like you said earlier, explaining yourself, you're kind
of just like, fuck you all, like support me or not, I'm looking
hot today. You're going to like it.
And I've noticed like the interaction on your post have
like really elevated as well. Like a lot of support coming in.
And I think that's what's really cool about the Internet is it's
not all bad. You know we meet a lot of
amazing people through the Internet that we otherwise
wouldn't be able to meet. We.
So the biggest thing that a lot of people realize is, and this
is what I've reminded my husband, he's reminding me too
is like alcohol does or any vice does numb a lot of the bad.
But the more you numb the bad, you're numbing good stuff too.
So it's like you got to figure out like okay, I'm instead of
dealing with stuff, you're numbing it, but you're also
numbing any other positivity around it as well or any other
good stuff or good times or stuff like that.
So it actually has been like super easy for us.
Like everyone's like I know it's hard and I'm like, I don't know,
I think we just both of us being ready and doing it together.
It's just it's just us now. It's so like only how to explain
it was just like it felt like it happened overnight for us.
Well, and that's dope too, to be able to.
Not a lot of people like each other when they're sober and
because. Alcohol numbs you out then It
also changes your emotional reactions to things too.
And so you're not genuinely feeling.
I feel like you're not genuinely feeling emotions that you think
you're feeling, which is why people will get, like, so angry
or they'll cry or whatever, just like because they're drinking.
And there are a lot of people that I met when I was drinking
that I didn't let or, you know, doing drugs in general that I
didn't. Something like when I got sober
and especially like dating people like I remember.
Taking Xanax when I was dating this one guy just because he had
weak Dick game and it was easier to like it if I was hooked up on
Xanax. We were walking to the airport 2
weekends ago is we're leaving the California shows and he
literally just stopped like in the middle of terminal.
I was like what? He goes.
I can feel my feelings and I was like he's like not like.
I can feel it like he was like, he's like, I'm happy and like I
know what happiness feels like. And he's like, and I'm thankful
because they like the three six. Angeli handed him his flowers
hundreds of times over these four shows and just was like,
like and told him how proud he was.
Everybody around him has told him how proud he is.
So he was like, we were literally on the way home and he
was just like, explain to me what being thankful feels like
and how it feels to actually feel happiness.
And I was like, I'm so proud of you.
I was like, now I feel like we're going to miss our flight.
So just keep that feeling and let's get down this terminal.
That was like, I was like a really proud moment too, because
I like for him to just feel, I guess it's like what he did, he
just like, it hit him like a ton of bricks.
He's like, I can feel and it kind of threw me off for a
second because I'm like, we're in the middle of an airport.
I was like, but I guess it doesn't really matter your
environment, when your body's and your mind's ready and it's
starting to like and he does stuff every couple of days, like
he'll realize stuff and he's like, I am firing on all
cylinders, let's go. I can do this like I like this
like so. And even our kids are like,
he'll say something and they're like, well, you didn't say that
and he's like, y'all, I was sober when I said it.
So I remember when I said it and I was just like, so like even
our kids like are like they'll do little things to like and be
like, OK, y'all staying on track.
So like they're our biggest supporters of all of it.
Like they tell us every other day or so.
Like, we're so proud of y'all. I'm so proud of you all because
getting sober is not supported. Like, it's very much frowned
upon for like from like, the people from your past, you know?
I know when I got sober. I'll have four years sober in
December from just like, all hard drugs and just
extracurricular activities. And I remember whenever it got
to the point that I would drink alone, that's when I knew I had
a problem. Like drinking wine alone.
And, you know, going through a bottle of wine a day.
It never seemed like a problem when I was out at the party.
But then when you literally have to.
Set with yourself and you can only be fucked up when you do
that. Like you don't want to be sober
and alone. That's when I was like we got to
draw the line here. Like this is getting out of
hand. And what's really interesting
for me is, you know, fentanyl has taken over the last like 4
years right before. When I got sober, fentanyl
wasn't a thing yet. Like, it hadn't hit the streets
yet. So I know that it was like
divine protection and intervention at that moment,
that that's when I got sober. And what's really ironic about
it is I had moved into a house that was like 20 years old, so I
didn't think anybody would have died in my house.
I mean, it's only 20 years old. A girl had overdosed and died
here in my house and I'm like, she was talking to me like she
helped me get sober because there was like, this, like level
of disgust that I started feeling towards myself of like,
why do you do that? Like, that's just not you.
It takes away those good things that you were talking about and
it's like. Only when you're tired of your
own shit are you going to make a change.
But having people who support that change is so important.
But I just found I had to drop most of those people because
it's those people still doing the same shit every day.
Yeah, it's but we've well, we kind of just support like so
we're always together every day. But him being going to rehab for
them 30 days and then me being at home, like we I had a couple
friends like of both of ours that would call and check on
both of us every day, though. Did you talk to him today?
Did you get out of bed today? You're not just.
And of course the kids were going to let me lay in bed and
be depressed or anything so I'd get up and make the bed and
they're like, I'm not. I was like, no, I'm up.
I got dressed. I'm not just smoking around the
house. I got stuff to do and we had
just moved. So we had boxes, we had pictures
to hang up. We still had so much unpacking
to do. So I was like, I think our
garage was like completely full of stuff.
And when he got home there's like, I think there's still like
10 boxes out there. He was like you've been working.
I mowed the yard, which I found out once he got home that had I
been pulling the other lever. It was self prepared,
self-propelled, and I've been pushing this mower of this giant
hill and he was like, oh, you really did work hard.
I was like I didn't know what that that thing was for.
I didn't know what brawl for me if I pulled that little button.
I'd have had to fucking YouTube how to use a lawn mower because
that's not what I'm doing. That's not my skill set.
I've never cut grass, You all, and I'm at this point in my
life. I would pay someone to cut the
grass if it needed to be done cutting grass.
You can lose fingers and I'm not.
I'm not with them. Dangerous.
So. On your spiritual journey, do
you feel like you are awakening to new parts of yourself that
you didn't even understand before with sobriety?
Because I know being sober is an awakening in itself because some
for some people it's a rude awakening and for some people
it's invited. But I feel like you're really
embracing this journey and you're seeing all of that
growth. So do you feel like you're
uncovering new things about yourself that you didn't know
before? I think the biggest thing I've
realized is I'm accepting of myself a lot more.
And because you know you for the most part, you know yourself
throughout your life and I'm still healing something in
center. Note say I know myself all the
way deep down, but I think the first step I've taken is
accepting who I am and the things that I don't like about
myself and being okay with them and and just being more open and
not holding stuff in because I was really bad about like a
bottled up control freak. Like if you don't do it my way,
instead of just saying how why I wanted it done that way, I just
go and do it myself. And I hold everything in And
I've had to learn to like let go of some responsibilities so that
I don't bottle up feelings that really aren't necessary to
bottle up just because I want to make sure it's done my way.
So I'm accepting more. Accepting of myself so far.
I would be willing to take tips on that fucking lesson because I
have a really hard time with that.
It's bad. I wouldn't.
I like, I just now started letting the kids into the
dishwasher because I was like it.
The kids can help. I'm like, but I don't know where
I want the dishes put yet. So I'm trying to figure out the
system I like. He's like, well, you need to
figure out your system and give the kids some chores.
You don't have to do everything. And I'm like, all right, fine, I
know I want this stuff in this cabinet, like literally as
little as stuff like that. I just, I want everything done
the way I want it. My husband had to learn how to
make the bed again. When he got home, he was like,
this is what we're doing. He was like, we're like hotel
style, folding our bed every day.
I was like, Yep, this is what we're.
No, I learned from a very successful person who has been
in the corporate world for a really long time.
They told me that the rule to success is to make your bed
every morning because if you make your bed, you won't get
back into it. And before you've even really
got going for the day, you've already completed a chore or a
task. And they also said that it it's
very inviting when you come to get back in your bed and you
have to undo it and you know, fix the pillows or whatever.
But they said the number one rule to be in a successful
person is to make your bed every day.
And so when they told me that a few years ago.
I never made my bed previous. Like my bed was always a mess.
I sleep with a lot of pillows. It was always a mess.
But now I literally make my bed every morning, even like, I
start the coffee and then I go back to make the bed.
So then by the time I'm done, I have coffee.
But it's really amazing, like the how those simple tasks will
change the tone of your whole day.
And I just love that. You know, as you're growing,
you're realizing new things that make you happy or that make you
feel like. Peace.
And I think that's what this is really all about.
Like the spiritual journey is about peace and harmony, because
the world just profits from our unhappiness, whether we're using
alcohol or drugs or, you know, plastic surgeries or whatever it
is they're profiting from people being unhappy.
And the most rebellious thing we can do as humans is to love
ourselves and to accept ourselves.
And I think that that's wonderful because drugs and
alcohol. Became such a part of my
personality that I didn't know who I was either.
You know? Like, I didn't know I had all of
these amazing spiritual gifts. Like, I knew I knew when people
were lying. I knew I knew when people were
bullshitting me, but I didn't know I could turn this into
something that actually helped other people.
So I just love that. That's so wonderful.
I think the biggest illusion about giving up drinking and
drugs and stuff is like, you're still in that moment having fun
and the people around you love you.
They're like, oh, Nicole's awesome.
Oh, White's awesome. Like they always have fun and
like, it's so it's not really so much that people didn't like
being around us, but we were getting lost in the illusion
that it was okay to be loved under those conditions all the
time. So me being at home and him
being in rehab, and that was also the longest time we've ever
been apart from each other. Like, it was like like the
weirdest thing. But then we also realized how
connected we were because we have the same dreams at night.
He would be going to call me and I'd be picking up my phone to
see if I'd missed this call. Like, so we learned a lot about
ourselves individually, but also about ourselves together.
Like it was like, it was so refreshing all night.
It was just and then all the people that have our backs like
knowing that we're still that fun loving goofy couple sober is
like I know that was his biggest fear.
Of course man I'm over here and I'm like if they I was like they
wanted Nicole to do this, well this Nicole's a bitch so y'all
get ready. I'm still funny and goofy but
now I just my I don't give a fuck.
It's like turned all the way up. Like my filter is extra on point
now, like, but everybody's really just been so positive and
motivational and encouraging to him that it's helping him a lot.
Because I mean, he's been known as the party animal 36, Mafia's
party animal for 20 plus years. So it's like he had to take his
switch and completely turn it all the way down.
It's like it was more scary for him and for me.
I'm like, come on, let's just do it.
Like who? Fuck them folks.
Let's see what happens. So.
And it's like a new beginning too, and like a chance for
people to. Get to know and love somebody
who is taking care of themselves and who is coming from a
healthier mindset. And you really get to see the
people who are rocking with you for you and all versions of who
you're coming as. Because people can like that,
you know, you're you're the drunk person or the person
that's fucked up or whatever and and.
Numbed out and that they can disrespect you where they can
take advantage of you or pull the wool over your eyes in some
type of way. And if you do have any type of
like. I personally think when you're
walking through the airport and you have those like amplified
feelings and things like that, a big part of that is being your
own intuitive person. And there's so many bodies
inside of an airport and there's anxiety and there's fear and
there's excitement about going and seeing people and you can
feed off of those things. So if you're doing that where
you're not numbed out, you're getting to amplify that and turn
it into something positive instead of something that's
like. Really negative.
Something I've always told my husband because he doesn't like
flying and he's the person who's like, give me a Valium because I
have to fly. And I'm like really scared of
it. And I'm like, all that you're
doing is making yourself more susceptible to the energy of
other people scared around you. And then now you're just going
to be having a panic attack the whole fucking time because
you're open to all this different energy.
Oh, yeah, That was the first time for both of us flying sober
too. Like, because normally I would
even call my doctor, like, all right, I got to fly and he'll
call me in like a number of Valium for each flight I got to
take or whatnot. So I'm chilling.
Like we both were on there, just sober.
The same, I done bit a hole hole in my lip.
I'm like, so I'm playing. He's like, what?
And I was like, are we landing yet?
He was like, calm down. I'm like, I'm doing this.
I got your back. I'm doing this.
I'm not ordering no alcohol. I got you.
And, like, he like, so he got me a crossword puzzle book thing.
And then I started reading and he was like, don't forget your
book. And I'm like, all right, why are
you doing better at this? To me, like, I'm the one that
has your back. So it's been a couple like
situations like that where we both have had each other's back
and it's just like, all right, this works.
I think I'm being over. Illuminates so many amazing
parts of ourselves that we didn't even realize we're there.
And I feel like you're all support for one another has only
gotten stronger through this. And I think that's wonderful
because that shows like that's what people see and that's the
type of energy like that you want to show the world.
Like this is who we really are. And I mean.
Just going back to like what I said earlier, like hearing his
song at 11 years old. I didn't smoke, but my smoking
song was my shit. That was my jam.
But like looking back on that, like if you would have told 11
year old me listening to that on a literal Walkman that 20 years
in the future we would be here, Little White would be sober, we
would have his amazing hot wife on the podcast, or even that I
would have a podcast because that didn't exist yet.
It's just like. When you get out of your own
way, the universe has this amazing route for you, you know?
And I think drugs and alcohol, they just slow us down on our
path. Like you're going to get there.
It's just going to take you a lot longer.
Do you feel like he's making better music now than he's ever
made? So he acts so the songs for the
album actually already dropped. I think he's dropped.
He's done a like two or three verses since he's been sober,
and you can tell it's like a different sound and different
perspective, but he hasn't really just opened up that part
yet. Like, he still does things for
other artists when they get a verse from him on their song,
but as far as they're finishing up this project.
So it'll it'll be a a new thing to watch him work on his next
solo project with this new mind frame to see where he goes.
But even the way he talks about things and then stuff he talks
about, you could already tell his gears are completely shifted
in a different perspective of everything.
He'll be super successful with it either fucking way.
I mean, I think so, but I'm slightly biased.
A little bit so. So what's coming next for you
and like what you have going? I don't know, it's so weird.
So the name that rap guy's wife, people talking all the time like
well why don't, why do you want to just be that rap guy's wife?
And I'm just like, I'm just a behind the scenes person.
Anyways, I just got his back. So like lately everybody people
keep asking me to do a podcast Like this is the first one I've
ever done that by myself without just me being his addon.
And like, I hate the way my voice sounds on recordings.
And then like, I do so much other stuff.
I make excuses for myself. I'm like, well, if you do a
podcast, everyone else is already doing a podcast and then
you got to add in the extra work of editing it and recording it.
And then you start with all the doubt questions.
So I'm just kind of slowly just seeing where it takes us.
Like I think we should totally get go pros in the car and call
it Caddy fever. And because all the stuff we
talked about on the road, like, we are like stupid, funny when
we're on the road going somewhere.
Like we make up stories about the cars that drive past us.
Like like some guy will forget to use his blinker.
And I'm like come on Pat Paul. And I'm like, Oh well she's
sitting over there. She was giving him Rd. head.
He wouldn't even know that. I could see why he didn't use
his blinker. And they're like, well, no they
just left their son's house and he dropped out of call.
Like we just keep going and going and just make up these
random stories about people and like and it's I think it would
be like one of the funniest things in the world.
But then I'm over here. Like how do you do that?
Do you just record the whole thing?
So like, it's just a courage thing I guess, cuz I know I can
do it. I was able to figure out the
link to get on here with y'all, so I could probably figure how
to do all that. You could totally do both.
When we're done recording, we'll I'll message you in the group
chat that we have because we could totally help you with like
easily. Like we use a platform for
recording and editing the podcast and it's all in one
spot. And then also, yeah, if you
record the whole thing. And there's this app called
Inshot. And you can break down your your
video, cut it up, you can put in transitions in there.
It's all free. You can post that wherever you
want to. Like you could totally get your
own shit going. And then you could use your vlog
as your promo for your podcast. See, and the other thing that
everybody's been asking to do is a cooking show.
So, But the other thing we used to do is we would drink and cook
and it would just turn this whole comedy show.
And I'm just like when you're still cooking me funny.
So we're kind of debating if like how to go back towards that
because it's just a lot of our goofy stuff was us cooking and
having a good buzz and just being just super silly while
making them freaking 5 course meal, so.
Yeah, I was going to say, I think that this is an
adjustment. Like, you know, it's super
fresh. It's only a couple months, like
once you get your feet on the ground and this becomes like who
you are now. Because when you first get
sober, there's always those thoughts of like, what if I
relapse? What if I go back?
What if I accidentally? Take a drink or you know what I
mean? There, there are those intrusive
thoughts. So I would just say, like, for
anyone listening that wants to get sober or especially sober,
like those go away eventually. Like now I actually make fun of
that version of me that like used to do drugs and like think
that it was normal or even just think that it was like
sustainable. I think that's the great thing
about drugs and alcohol is that people think that's a
sustainable lifestyle. And my dad said it best.
Like when does the party end like?
One day you got to wake up and be like, enough is enough.
And when he said that to me, I was young, I was like 15.
It didn't make sense. But then, you know, at 27,
whenever I finally was like, I'm going to break away from this
lifestyle, I would have the most intrusive thoughts about, like.
Well, what if someone has it? Or what if you go to their house
and they offer it to you? Or what if you go here and you
know what I mean? Like you don't know and a part
of you feels not ready to like say, this is a forever choice,
right? Because you don't know.
And there's so many things that can change, especially with
being exposed to the music industry.
People just drink and do drugs. It's super acceptable.
It's super normal. So I think that shows a lot of
strength on Y'all's end because being completely exposed to it,
kind of like with Bunny, she's exposed to a lot of things that
like, it doesn't mean you have to do those things, you know,
just because they're there doesn't mean that's you anymore.
So I think that once you all continue on this path and really
have that strong foundation, like once you hit six months of
something, nobody can tell me shit like six months in the gym,
six months working out, you know, like you start seeing
changes, right? Or, you know, 6.
Months in sobriety, like you'll start seeing like a mental
change, a spiritual change of physical change.
And once you hit those miles milestones, like no one can tell
you shit. And I feel like you'll
definitely start a podcast because I love your voice.
I feel like it's really deep and it's stubborn and I think it's
like very different than any voice that I've heard and seeing
you out. Out in the world is like such a
wonderful thing because, you know, you don't even know what
you are here to offer the world yet.
You know what I mean? Like, you've been a mother,
you've been a provider, you've been the manager, you've been
behind the scenes. But like, what's the Nicole that
comes out on the stage that's like front and center?
You know, like, what's that version of you?
And that's what I think so beautiful about the journey, is
when you trust and you have faith in yourself and in your
partner. Magical things happen.
Like, no matter what, love it. Well, we are so grateful Jim and
I. Do you want to do the My Human
design card to wrap us up? I sure the fuck do let me grab
it. We will drop everything.
If you all want to go follow Nicole, we're actually going to
name this episode That rap guy's wife just because it's like your
brand. I think that whole like brand
and I just love this collaboration.
We are so grateful that you came on our.
Podcast like we definitely in the future can't wait till we
can record in person and have some boss ass studio.
So right now this little makeshift Zoom meeting is really
doing us well. But we are so grateful for you.
I loved it. Thank you all so much for having
me. You.
Are I. Have such a goal.
Okay. So I moved into this house.
July and I have literally been sitting on the floor in this
empty white room in this podcast room because I.
Don't know how to create it. So you were my motivation for,
like, I finally need to get a couch in here.
So I got a couch for my friend and we put it in here today.
And my husband's. Like, so you've been super
motivated to get this couch in for this interview.
But like, did you know that it looks like a porn couch?
And like the it's the fucking vibe.
And he's like, I mean Y'all's podcast is lick it like a
lollipop. It totally makes sense to have a
porn Co. I'm fucking saying y'all pop,
Y'all Popped my cherry on lick it like a lollipop while you sat
on a porn couch. So like complete circle.
Yes, I'm using that as promo, OK.
So the way that the human design deck works is it points out a
gift that you have or that you already have or that you're
going to be using to help you navigate through situations that
you're going through. And then it also points out a
shadow. So if you like, we have the full
moon going. So if you think about it from
like the moon aspect, that's that side that's like
illuminated and others are going to be able to see and then that
side that's like hidden away. So we got card number 4.
And the card is the bridge, the sign is Leo, the gift is
understanding, and your shadow is in tolerance.
You will reap the rewards of this gift when you finally let
go of the need to control everything with your mind
knowing that it cannot be the driving force of your decisions
at lower frequency. The mind tricks you into
believing that you are always right and the other is at fault
without fail. Beyond the mind, by way of
higher frequencies, you are able to achieve the objective of
understanding. Human beings are accumulation of
events, circumstances and fates. None of our relative
perspectives are absolute truth. With that, a world of
possibility opens up for you, and the bridge between you and
the other illuminates. No longer is reality a complex
puzzle to solve. You are able to lean into the
calm assurance of your inner guidance system and use your
mind for contemplation and play. When you are leading from this
gift, you are able to provide logical reasoning for others at
just the right time. And then your shadow is
intolerance. Quit the labyrinth, or quite the
labyrinth exists within this shadow, which presents as a
distorted reality fueled by an unreliable emotional state and
mind. The tricky part of this shadow
is it's convincing nature. This theme represents a very
common experience for humans, especially in earlier years.
A tendency to mistake our every emotion is true, paired with a
mind to back it up and provide evidence, however faulty.
When lost to this misrepresentation, you might
create entire storylines around a situation or event, though
only a kernel of truth exists within it.
Thus, this shadow outwardly appears as logic, but without
the sturdy framework of your sound.
In our guidance system, fear and projection become the defense
strategy. This might also manifest as a
tendency to provide logical answers all the time.
In other words, you may try to answer all questions everyone
has versus waiting for the appropriate time and
circumstance to arise. Your themes will be logic,
understanding, insight and clarity.
That was a good one. I think that just hit everything
we just talked about, you said. You know, I feel like this is
just a full circle moment and my inner child is thriving in this
space like I feel like. I have grown up to be that
person that 12 year old me would like really think as cool as
hell Just having you at beautiful ladies on here and
just like being able to collaborate, it just shows you
that like if you get out of your own way.
Magic happens and people can be powerful and collaborative and
have their own things going, but yet support one another in a
really amazing way. So Nicole, thank you so much.
We will have all of her information in the description
box. If you want to check her out, go
follow her and all of that good stuff.
So without further ado, we'll see you next time in Candy Land.