He says she's so sweet, man. Come on over.
The rapper lit me like a lollipop lollipop lollipop
lollipop lollipop lollipop
lollipop swallow. Welcome back to another episode
of Candyland and this week we are going to be answering some
questions that were submitted online.
Yeah, it was awesome too, because we made Facebook posts
and we're like, what do you guys like?
Give us questions, give us conversations, things that you
want to hear, like our opinion on, tell us different
experiences that you've had, whatever, get our opinion.
And I love that we're so different that whatever
viewpoint we give is going to be probably different than the
other person. Definitely, definitely.
So let's start. Do you want to ask me a question
from this list? Yes, I do.
Oh, I'm gonna ask you this one. After a breakup, have you ever
secretly hoped your ex would fail or suffer without you?
And what does that desire reveal about your own healing process?
So I will say that in the past, I definitely felt like, oh, you
can't do better than me or I don't know if your life falls
apart without me. But now that I've learned like
the energetic laws, I do not send that type of energy out to
anyone. Like there have been people that
have harmed me, that have hurt me, that have really done some
shady shit, but I just wish them love and healing because at the
end of the day, hurt people hurt people and they bleed on people
who did not cut them. And I just never want to send
that back out. But yes, unhealed 17 year old me
would have literally busted the windows out of your car,
flattened your tire and not gave 2 folks.
Well there it is folks. I love your like this is what I
would want, but energetically I'm going to wish you the best.
So do you want me to ask you one of the relationship ones?
Oh, you can. Have you ever felt like you
unconsciously sabotaged a relationship to test how far
someone would go to keep you, and how did their response
change your viewpoint of them? No, I've never purposefully
sabotaged something. I think that if you're going to
put your time and energy into something, you should be doing
that and letting people show up the way that they're going to
show up. I don't see a point in you
changing your behavior or your character to make somebody act a
certain way. And that goes like negatively or
positively. Like, I don't want to be in
control of like making somebody show up a certain way.
I just want that to be the way that they show up.
And then I can maneuver if I like that or not.
And I think that if you have to sabotage things in order for
somebody to show you that they care, that's fucking wack.
You know, with you saying that, I also have decided recently,
like I'm just going to let people be who they are and then
decide is that enough for me? I'm not going to go in here
trying to change you, telling you what I want, telling you
what I need. I'm just going to decide like is
that enough for me what you are already providing?
Well, because The thing is that when you're constantly saying
it, people can change their action and their energy to give
you what you're wanting versus them showing up as they're going
to show up and you're deciding if that works for you.
And I think that's where people get fucked up is they're like,
oh, well, these are all of the things that like I need to be
happy and then they get those things and then there's no more
need to put in effort anymore. Or you also stop.
I feel like you also stop appreciating things too when
you're constantly having to verbalize it.
It doesn't make it as nice and enjoyable when it's happening
because it's only happening because you said something.
Yeah, like if I come home and I have to tell you to take the
trash out or tell you to do things that should just be
normally, like in your routine, it's going to frustrate me,
which that goes back to why I don't live with people.
I think that just helps my peace.
I do think though, that it's important to tell people when
you appreciate things because that can go the complete
opposite of like if somebody does do those things but you
don't show that you have an appreciation for it one, and
they don't know that you like that it's being done, and two,
why the fuck am I going to keep doing something when I do it and
you don't even care anyways? Yeah.
And I think a lot of men don't realize what women do for them
in relationships until they're single and they're eating like
pork and beans on a paper plate in their dirty ass underwear and
they have no. Clothes awful.
Yeah, like, no clean towels, no clean work uniform, and they're
sitting there eating cold shit from a can because they decided
they didn't need an oven anymore.
You know, Like, I just think so many people don't realize what
women are doing and bringing to the table until it's removed.
And I feel like in relationships, so many people in
our age range are just codependent because of financial
reasons. Like a lot of people are
codependent on their partner because of a lifestyle.
Because I've had women come to me and get readings and they're
like, well, if I left my husband, my kids would have to
leave private school. We would have to relocate.
I'd have to give up my car. I couldn't work full time, you
know, whatever it may be. And I think so many people are
afraid of the lifestyle change that comes with making decisions
that you want to make. So multiple things, I think that
if you are like trying to be getting into a new partnership,
like something so that you so that it's not like this is all
the things that the women are providing and whatever.
And like men can't do anything on their own.
Getting people who do, do things for themselves and do take care
of themselves, whatever and are changing what your standard and
expectation is and getting out of the mindset of like, it's
your responsibility to like just take care and, and cater to
somebody else and like have them as your child.
It should be your partner. And we've all gone through that.
So if like people are looking for new relationship dynamics, I
think that's a really important one is like, you know, finding
people who are sustainable on their own to be able to like
take care of themselves. And then I've always said, I
think that it's super important like on for me personally on
finance things like I have always been a huge supporter of
having separate accounts and having separate things and
pulling things in together. And that was one of the, and,
and I've talked about it on the podcast.
One of the biggest fucking benefits of like my divorce
thing was the fact that I always kept my finance stuff separate
and that wasn't something that had to be untangled.
So when it came to like me getting a different place or me
doing something, I'm a completely separate entity
that's able to move and navigate and figure my own shit out and
have no entanglement on that. Not that you shouldn't do things
together and pull money together and figure things out, but it
shouldn't be that. It's I would be so uncomfortable
with just one bank account that everything is done with.
Like I, that is a personal thing for me.
And I think that women especially aren't taught that
like independence thing. And that goes back to like you,
you weren't able to vote. You were only able to get a
house because your husband had a house.
You weren't able to have your own finance and whatever.
And we that just needs to be switched up.
It's it's the codependency versus the partnership is a huge
thing. Everything should be entangled
in that way. But there's still a way for you
to be a cohesive unit together as one, while still having your
separate individuality as people, financially and
emotionally. Do you think considering that
was truly just like 2 to 3 generations ago of women, that
that is still being heavily taught and influenced to women?
Because I know, like my grandmother lives in a fear
based mindset and whenever I was trying to like energetically
help her untangle those limiting beliefs, like growing up and
with parents that grew up in the Great Depression and just being
like alive in the, you know, in those hard times has shaped my
grandmother to really consent to limiting beliefs.
Like whether she and my grandpa worked all their life and saved
everything or not. Like they've never been able to
truly get ahead because they don't know how to manage money.
Once they get some, they spend it, they gamble it, you know,
they, they dry it up. So my big thing recently, my
grandmother a couple years ago inherited a bunch of money and
it was almost kind of like a manifestation that that happened
the way that it happened because like my uncle literally left my
grandmother everything like 12 cars a paid for home hundreds of
thousands of dollars. And me and my grandmother
started having a little beef over that because she doesn't
know how to manage her money. They both work their whole life
they're in their 70s, but they still have 3 mortgages on their
home because every time they get a little equity, they take out a
second mortgage and they go gamble it or whatever it may be.
So I was just really triggered and I just was at this point
where I was like, Grandma, look, pay off your house, get a new
roof, get windows, things that you need for this home.
And I don't care if you like the rest of the money on fire or if
you gamble it or whatever you do with it.
And at first she was like fighting me on this.
And I was like, look, lady, you're going to pay your house
off. That's not because I need to
make sure that when you all blow this money that there's no more.
I'm on a fixed income, I'm struggling.
We don't have food, you know, we're broke.
So she did all of that. And I can just see how the
stress has like left her body. Like me and my mom were talking
about how her and my grandfather have more energy now than they
did in their 50s. Because when you take money
stresses out of an equation, the vitality and the expression that
you can have because you're no longer stressed about those is
like so different. And so now like they're out
popping their shit. Like they're out on the
weekends. Eight, 9:00 And I'm like,
where's my grandmother? Why is she not home snowing,
raining out and about? Just.
Doing the most and it's really mind blowing, but I, I see that
as like a way that's helping my grandmother extend her like life
force energy by not stressing about that.
But I believe because she was taught that she's embedded that
into my mom, which has made my mom very limited, whereas I had
used to feel those ways. But I've like broke that cycle
because I'm not going to live in limitation.
I didn't come here to suffer. I didn't come here to worry.
I, I wouldn't have chose to come to Earth if I had to do those
things. Like I'm not doing them.
So my grandmother and them couldn't understand my like
driven mindset before. But like, now all of a sudden
they're like, OK, I get it. Like treat yourself, you know,
like do something nice for yourself.
But you know, think money changes people.
Yeah, but that's a part of that, like generational healing.
Like people think about generational healing as being
like the way that you're going to influence your kids and what
you're going to change moving forward.
But there is like generational healing from doing things
differently and then showing, you know, your grandparents,
your parents, whatever, how things are different.
There are a lot of things that I've done that my mom and my dad
have been like, oh, that's not going to be a thing or you can't
do it that way or you should do it this way, whether that be
relationship things or, or raising kids or like my
businesses. Like they just think that of
them being like, oh, yeah, you're totally going to make an
income not going to a 9:00 to 5:00 every day.
And like, you know, like that's not something that they ever saw
either. And so it changes their mindset
too. But you some people can only see
and understand things that like they're witnessing themselves
and they don't know how to think outside of the box and how to do
things differently. And I'm constantly having to
remember that so that I don't get like resentful and angry
about certain things because people will only support you as
much as they're like mind and understanding can let them.
And everything else is going to be a talking you out of it or a
talking you down because they just can't fathom.
And not everybody can think beyond the box.
And just like for an example, when I started my business,
everyone in my family was like, you'll never make money doing
that. I don't know what you're doing.
You're not going to leave your job, are you Like you're not
going to give up your your job for this, are you?
Like so much fear based information was like being
projected onto me. And I've really seen how my
parents have like, awakened watching me decide against all
the rules and doing things my own way, like you said.
And now my dad completely went into retirement.
He's getting 90% of his veteran benefits.
When he was willing to settle for 50%.
He was like, if I could just get 50, I could maintain, I could
get my insurance, I'd do good. And I'm like, dad, you served
our country. You busted your fucking ass.
You never my dad. I had a full ride to college to
play football and went to the Army and said because he had no
guidance, no support and no one to back him and push him to do
that. And I know he regrets it.
Like I know he has regrets. So now my dad has been able to
like, take his power back. And like the last year, he's
been able to like, recalibrate and nap and relax.
And like, now my dad's like eating gummies and smoking and
like chilling and growing his hair out.
And I don't even know who he is. Like he's became one of my best
friends. Like we have gotten so close as
he sees what freedom I was talking about.
Like why are we settling for 50 when we could get 90?
Like, you know, why would we settle?
And that's what I kept telling him, like stop putting that out
there that you're willing to settle for that.
Like non negotiable. You are entitled to this.
He's not asking for a handout. He served our fucking country.
He put his life on the line. You know, he deserves these
benefits and this insurance and he just couldn't wrap his head
around that reality. And now like a year into it, my
dad's like he's sold. He's sold like so many of his
possessions. He's gotten rid of all of his
like, garage collectibles, all of his Harley stuff.
Like he's just decompressing and releasing attachment that I feel
like so many people don't realize is ruling their life.
Yeah, but that's also due to the fact that you're telling him
what his worth is and then supporting him standing on, hey,
I'm worth more than this or I've done this.
It's not inconvenient for me to want to do this or, or I do
deserve this. And that is its own thing
altogether aside from like the monetary like game that he's
getting it. And whatever is you being like,
these are all of the things that you've done and the way that you
know, the effort and the energy that you've put in and the way
that you've influenced things and taking care of other people
and whatever. And This is why you deserve this
like small piece back. And that comfortability and
confidence in somebody's self is so needed to be able to do the
types of work that you and I do with doing things for ourselves.
Not just like a, you know, on a spiritual level or whatever, but
just on a fucking business level, believing that you're
able to do something and being able to put in that time and
energy. It's, it's like always funny to
me when people think that like if you're working for yourself,
then you're taking like an easy route or like, oh, well, that's
like, you know, whatever, because you're not going to work
every day. And so like you don't have
responsibility. And I'm like, I will literally
be sitting here recording something at 9:00 at night
because, you know, I'm maneuvering around kids or other
things. And, and you don't get a fucking
break. If you're working for yourself,
you're constantly figuring out how to do something different
and do something better and, and what that looks like.
And then fucking stressing because you're in charge of all
your shit. You don't get to just go, Oh,
OK, well, I know that this is exactly what I'm going to be
making this month because of this.
Like they're that's not a thing. And it's like a, Hey, I got a
hustle and grind because this thing came up and now I've, you
know, whatever. And we've talked about that
before because people will get upset sometimes about pricing of
things or like what we charge. And, and that's anybody, there's
a fucking people selling crazy shit for crazy ass amounts of
money that they're hand making. And it's because of all the
time, energy and effort that's going in behind the scenes what
they're doing. So, you know, sometimes you look
at somebody and go, Oh, well, you're charging a whole lot for
thought. Well, yeah, you have no fucking
idea how much energy and time goes into it behind the scenes
and the fact that we are have real fucking lives that we have
to pay for. And the answer that the thing
about being in business is like I can attest that like last year
I had this big month in September like Bunny re shared
my interview and it sold out my books for like 3 months.
So I literally made all the money that could be made in
September but there was no more availability in the other
months. So therefore October was like a
$300.00 a month, November was like a $400.00 a month, you
know, but all of a sudden in September, it like was more than
I had made almost the whole year in one month.
And that's what people don't realize.
Like you can invest in yourself and you can do everything right.
And then say you sell 10 small items that that sell up your
schedule versus the 10 big items.
There's no way to average like, oh, I'm going to book $10100
readings this month and I'll be good for rent.
No, because people might book $1050 readings and take just as
much as your schedule and people don't realize that.
And I think that with spiritual services in past lives, it was
very much on a barter trade kind of thing, like the medicine
woman and the healer of the community.
It was very much on trade, like the healers of the community did
not work. Y'all.
Y'all traded and murdered. Y'all brought me food and wheat
and whatever was available and we traded and bartered.
And that's what I think people in the spiritual arena a sell
themselves short. They think, oh, I've got to help
people. I'm being selfish.
I've got to give, give, give. And then we drain ourselves or
there are like way in their ego and just way out there.
Like I'm sorry, no one on this earth is worth $500.00 for 10
minutes. I'm sorry, you're not worth it.
Not worth it to me, Not worth it to them.
I'm sorry. I've seen people talk about like
10 or 15 spells for $6000. Not worth it.
You do you, but not worth it. I don't give a fuck what the
results are. I don't care if Marilyn Monroe
is going to come down and speak to me after you do that lower.
It's not worth $6000. But some people do that because
they want to work less. They don't really want to
provide value. Like.
If I price myself out of the range of people who really need
my help, people who are really struggling that I am a fucking
selfish person, mainly because I'm putting myself in this
utopian arena that's like, oh, you have to be really on your
shit to book with me. Well, those aren't people who
really need us, you know? So I think the evolution, like I
have a $33 reading all the way up to a $200 reading.
So I feel like I am hitting realms like where everyone has
access. But The thing is, is like,
people don't realize what goes into that.
And if I do 5 or 6 readings in a week, how that affects my mental
health, People telling me like, I was raped or I was this or I
was that. Like, it's heavy.
You all. It's not just like, oh, puppies
and rainbows, you're going to win $1,000,000 this year.
It's like, yeah, my dad beat me until I was 12 and now I'm
suffering still, you know, Like, that shit weighs in on you.
And people come to us in vulnerable moments.
And I just don't think you can put a price on that.
But if you go way too far out of the realm, you're not going to
help people. Either.
It's way easier for me to like, give time and energy to those
types of like traumatic energy things too, when we're having a
mutual energy exchange. What, as opposed to like I get
people who will inbox just the longest, most traumatic fucking
tale. And I used to read it and be
like, Oh my gosh, like, how can I help?
And, you know, whatever. And now I'm like, I look at your
message and you know, I skim it real quick and fuck that.
Like because that that is it's literally fucking rude to me
when people will message a stranger or even if you know me,
but you know that I'm doing something as a service and
you're like, I'm going to tell you just the most crazy ass
traumatic fucking shit. Take time out of your day and
your energy. Have you thinking about this
crazy stuff and then not prioritize your time or or
whatever. And I, I like the clients who
have like real shit that they're working through.
I like that a whole lot more than the people who do want the
puppies and fucking rainbow thing.
Because everybody's been through something.
Everybody has something going on.
If you get a reading and your fucking gum drops and rainbows
the whole entire time, I know that you're not actually doing
any of the work that you're trying to do for your healing
journey. So it makes me really feel like
you just wanted something surface level and somebody to be
like, you're on the right track and you're doing fucking good.
And there are people that really like that.
That's an easy client. That's super simple.
You and I are not easy fucking people and we're not easy client
people. We like the like darker souls
and being able to help like with that healing journey and stuff.
But that only happens when people are willing to show up
and be vulnerable about things. We're willing to show up and be
like, you have my full time and attention right now, all my
energy, like, let's talk about that.
But some people cannot show up and be present for themselves in
that way and be able to like be open and expand.
So if you guys are listening and you're thinking like, oh, I
really do want to get readings or whatever, it's not a scary
thing to get a reading. But if you're going to get a
reading with either one of us, that's going to be a like look
at things from different situations and you actually
wanting to improve things and do better versus we're not going to
be yes men. We'll hype you up, but we are
not the yes men type of people. Yeah, I think what I love about
doing readings is like the vulnerability that I can have
with a stranger, like meeting someone on a video chat for the
first time and have an hour with them and, like you said, giving
them my undivided attention. I'm not checking messages.
I'm not looking over to the side.
Like I am focused on our conversation.
And I feel like that's such a testament to my personal journey
of like feeling alone, feeling like people didn't understand
me, and then being able to sit down with a stranger and just
read their soul blueprint like a book and be like, hey, this is
what we're doing this. You need to stop talking to
yourself like that. You can't let this person
manipulate you anymore. And the whole time I can see the
look on people's face because they're like, holy fuck, this
girl is hitting everything that I'm feeling.
And sometimes I think people keep the walls up with the
people close to them and they don't know how to be vulnerable
and they don't know how to be seen because a lot of the times
the people in our life will dismiss our feelings.
They'll say, oh, you're just being dramatic or oh, you're
that's not a big deal or why are you making that a big deal or
something like that. And I feel like sitting down
with a stranger and having that stranger like validate you and
see you, it changes the way that I view the world because I see
like a, we're not alone. We're not as different as we may
think. A&B.
There is a way to bridge the gap between the unknown.
Like just because we don't know each other doesn't mean that
spirit or the angels or ancestors know any boundaries
with that. Like you do an energy change.
We set a circle, baby, and it's ready.
But I think so many people underestimate what being
completely vulnerable and open to the session means.
Until somebody has had that type of work and that type of
session, though, I feel like it's really hard for somebody to
be prepared like it there's, there's not really a way to
explain. And so, you know, I'm sure you
get it too. But people ask me like, what do
I do to prepare for that or whatever?
And I'm like, just come to the appointment like completely open
to whatever happens and whatever.
And a lot of people, instead of just being open and being like,
OK, these are the messages that are coming through whatever.
And these are the areas that this makes sense and that like I
feel vulnerable in. It'll be, well, this particular
part doesn't make sense to me or I don't know what to do with
this particular piece. And they like cherry pick out.
And that's a part to me on focusing on the negative instead
of focusing on the positive things that are happening.
And that is something that like I'm working with my son on on
readjusting his thinking to things and that I'm working on
really hard too, is. And if you focus on all of those
things, if you go into the reading and you're focusing on
the 20% of what isn't making sense to you in this moment, the
other 80% of bomb ash shit that I just said to you goes
completely over your head. And then what did you just spend
your, you know, $100 or whatever on for this reading?
Because you are so focused on what you didn't get out of it
versus all these other areas that you could be like, damn, I
need a little bit of expansion on this.
Can we talk about this? Can we talk about that?
And outside of readings, that's something like that is really
pivotal and changing your instant reality is you don't
have to be like, I want everything to be positive all
the fucking time, but shit's going to really fucking suck if
all that you care about is all the negative and trauma and
things that have happened versus the positive things out of it.
You can have a bunch of trauma and chaos that you've been
through, but what are the lessons that you learned out of
it? And how are you applying that to
move differently? You can have really shitty toxic
relationships. What are the things that you
learned about yourself out of that or that you you know that
you would want different? And then how do you apply that
so that you can start changing things?
And that's where people get on these fucking cycles where
they're constantly like, is it a karmic cycle?
Is it whatever? No, you just don't fucking heal
past anything. And you're thinking about all
the bullshit all the time, so you can't see how to navigate
differently. I think that so many people go
back and get advice from people who don't have your best
interest in mind that benefit from you not having boundaries.
You know, whenever I was going into my spiritual journey, the
people from my past, especially people I was close with, really
started to crank up the projections.
Like I remember people being like, just because you read
Tarot doesn't mean you're better than me or just because you give
me your old clothes doesn't mean you're a good friend or just
because you helped buy my kids Christmas, it's not good enough.
You know, like I've helped people that I would never
publicly tell people, Oh, I helped them or I did that for
them or I bought that for them. But at the same time, it seems
as if people, the more you get notoriety, the more that you are
confident, the more that you are being seen out in the world in
ways maybe they wish that they could be seen.
It's jealous and envious. And it's always the people who
are closest to you when you were at your worst that don't
necessarily want you to grow. Because I've seen a lot of
people, monthly clients, like, have to move on from
relationships either with their mom or their partner or their
sisters completely. Like no contact with these
people because their partner doesn't support them or their
mom keeps them small or invalidates their feelings or
their sister steals from them or, you know, wants money all
the time or whatever it may be. There's so many things that in
our life we come to terms to accept that is not good
behavior. It is not quality relationships
that we're settling for. And I feel like the most
important thing is understanding that being alone doesn't mean
that you're lonely. I think that if you constantly
have the same group of people and you're never outgrowing
people, it's fucking weird. Like there's, there's different
types of people that you're going to have and there's people
who are going to be like, you look up to them and that is
like, and energy that you haven't attained yet and you
appreciate certain things about it.
And you're like, damn, like I, I like this.
I want to level up to this, whether that be like this person
is a homeowner and this person has great credit and this
whatever. Like, you know, that's something
that you, you're inspired by that person.
It's an inspirational person on an energy frequency that like
you appreciate and you want to work towards.
There are people who you're going to outgrow and be like,
OK, well, I used to be friends with them and they don't level
up at all. I'm working on all of these
things. I have to leave that behind.
And that is what you're talking about with the like having to
cut off sisters and moms and whatever because they don't
grow. And then you have the people who
are working on themselves too and where your energy, it's not
always at the same time that you have that energetic grow up, but
it's the fact of like you guys are in tandem working on doing
better for yourselves. And so you're able to constantly
be like, you know, helping each other and boosting each other
up. And you're always going to have
those three different dynamics of people around you.
Regardless of how often you're cutting people off, there's
always somebody new who you know, you shouldn't give your
time and energy to. And I feel like that's a
constant lesson. And it's not, it's not always,
you know, made known to you that they're pulling you down or
whatever until you do cut that off.
And you're like, holy fuck, I gave so much energy and time to
this over here that I couldn't see all of these other dynamics
here that I could have been putting my time and energy into.
And I think some people just like a lesser version of us,
like they just like you small. Are they like you depressed or
they like you doing drugs or they liked you when you were
broke or when they were doing better than you.
And I think what is important to remember is that your growth is
a constant reminder that they are staying the same.
It's a constant reminder that they put you in a box that you
have exceeded past that you have just completely went
out-of-the-box and prove them wrong.
And I honestly believe a lot of women are like decentering men
from their life, like they're decentering needing to be in a
relationship or needing to have a partner or needing these
things. And then you get to set with, do
I actually like this partner? Do I actually love this person?
Is this person bringing value to my life or is it just comfort?
Is it just physical? Is it just monetary or whatever
it may be? And I think that as anyone who
grew up in the 90s, like between Disney movies and TV, men are
centered in a woman's life as being the most important thing.
If you don't have a man and you don't have children, you ain't
shit. And that's what Disney has
pretty much told us. I mean, every story, whether
it's Pocahontas or whoever, men are in the center of the
storyline. And it's always about some man,
some man. And I just feel like that washes
little girls to think like if they don't have a man, that they
can't be happy. And I think I also felt that way
for a long time, Like what's wrong?
Why don't I have a man? Why?
Why haven't I started a family? But then when I got like a
little more grounded and centered, I started seeing that
it was actually a blessing because most people ages 30 to
35 have already had a divorce. And I'm like, I statistically
have avoided my first divorce. That's pretty much what I'm
feeling because collectively it's a big percentage of people
that are getting divorced in those ranges.
Yeah. But something that you something
that you do have and have done that I feel like a lot of people
don't figure out until their 30s is that you had very or you have
not had. You currently do still very
specific expectations and requirements of things that
you're not willing to budget on. You know exactly certain things
that are very important to you inside of a partnership and you
have a certain place that you are wanting to be at for
yourself in a certain way that you see your life going.
You've had that at a younger age than most other people because
most other people have to go through trials and tribulations
in order to learn those things about themselves and in order to
learn those types of dynamics with other people.
I, I feel like that was my thing for myself.
I had to figure out the things that are like hardcore values
and expectations to me and like requirements of myself, of other
people around me and also figure out like what type of
friendships do I want to have? Because outside of like that,
that's fine and dandy inside of like romantic relationships, but
it's just as important inside of personal friendships that you
have with people too. To be like.
This is the requirement that I have inside of friendships and
the way that I want to feel when I'm around my friends and the
types of things that I want to do with friends and the way
that, you know, I want them to support me and show up.
And that I think that the friendship aspect has been
harder for me than anything else.
I've gone through a lot of different friends and, and a big
point being that I've put myself and it's a, we've talked about
it before and you fucking roasted me for it recently, but
it's the fact that I put myself in the position of, oh, I can
help you with that. I already have, you know, this
business established. You do AB and C.
Let me do everything for you. There's a difference between
supporting somebody doing something and figuring it out on
their own and being there and figuring out how to like help
with that. And then being like, oh, you
literally like, I'm fucking baking a pie and you can't even,
you know, grab the flour. Don't worry, I'll do everything.
I'll bake the fucking pie. And then you could put your
fucking label on it and say that it's yours.
And I think that's a trauma response of like, not feeling
included. Yeah, bitch, I got trauma.
Like not feeling included in the past.
Like you built a community where in the past I feel like you were
more isolated. Like you had your intimate close
friends and close knit family members, but you didn't have
people on the Internet looking at you or talking to you or
judging you or praising you. You didn't have any of that.
And I think that in the past, you couldn't see your own light
until you started to show it to the world and people were like,
wow, your light is so bright. I can see it.
And I think that instilled confidence in you that you
couldn't get from people in your life because they benefited from
you being small. They benefited from you being
less than. Just like some of the comments
we won't name drop that people have said to you like, I never
thought you could do it. I didn't think you would be able
to do what you did. That comes from their insecurity
and benefiting from your lack of confidence.
Because the moment that 160,000 people were like, we fuck with
this bitch, other people in your life really started to get
triggered, really started to feel some type of way.
And I think that's a testament that some people fall in love
with a lesser version of us or they are more comfortable with a
lesser version of us. I know when I used to have like
an eating disorder and be really like hard on myself, I would
allow people in my life that were not good for me, people
that would bring me down, people that would manipulate me.
But then when I started taking my power back from that, those
people were so triggered. So triggered.
And that's where the shade and the comments of like, you're
better, you think you're better now and all that.
I never said that. I never said that I think I'm
better. Just because someone else in the
world is recognizing that I have value doesn't mean that all of a
sudden I think I'm better than people.
But I think so many people seek outside validation even if they
think they're not doing that. Yeah, I think it's, I think it's
like an act of ignorism. Like I don't think that people
are doing it on purpose all of the time.
I don't think that people go, oh, well, I really like the
small version of you because of whatever.
But it's true. Like it's, it's easier to, you
know, have somebody around if they're not sharing their big
opinions with you or it's easier for you to feel intelligent if
I'm not, you know, talking about things that you don't understand
or have a comprehension of because it makes you feel feel,
you know, unvalidated. It's easier for you to be
comfortable about something if if the person doesn't leave the
house and you never have to wonder what they're doing as
opposed to being like, OK, I'm going to trust that they're out
there doing what they're doing. I'm out there doing what I'm
doing. When we meet up at the end of
the day, you know, so there's all these that, but that goes
back into what we were talking about earlier where I was saying
that a lot of people have to have these experiences,
relationships, friendships, whatever, in order to understand
like, this is fucked and I don't like it.
Whereas for you, that's just something that you already know.
You see everybody around you having these experiences and
going through these things and you learn that way.
I don't learn that way. I have to be in the fucking
trenches and getting my ass beat in order for me to be like, oh
fuck, I think I don't like this and I should maneuver
differently because I'll just sit there for a second and be
like, Oh no, please stop kicking me, you know?
I think women are just taught to settle like it doesn't matter if
it's relationships, workplace. That's true.
Fact harassment, you know, I just think women have been
taught to like lay down and take it.
And this generation of women are like, no, fuck you, I will cut
your Dick off and make a smoothie pitch.
You're like, I have no time for this.
So I think there's just like, never been women like this
before. Like there's never been like
trailblazing women like Bunny and biking Barbie and these
people like, you know what? Yeah, I did drugs.
Yeah. I bounced back.
Yeah. I'm sober, bitch.
What you think what you know, you know, like people aren't
used to women having like those redemption stories that are
inspiring other people. And the one thing that I love
about women like that is they don't put other people down.
They don't tell other people. I'm only better because I'm
better than you or I'm on this pedestal because you all are
beneath me. They're like, no, you can come
up here too. Hey, let me show you.
Hey, let me give you a hand. And that's what I love about
this generation of women that's coming through right now, that's
having babies, that's raising children, that's doing the
things we're doing because we're breaking the mold that has been
instilled in the last three generations of women that you
have to submit to a man. You're nothing without a man.
You have to be at home. You have to look prim and
proper. And, you know, whatever it may
be, I just feel like right now, women have taken their power
back. And that's very triggering to
the collective society that has benefited from us not
recognizing our power. I think that as many men that
are bitches and can't tolerate women like that, there are also
men out there who don't want weak minded women and women who,
you know, feel inferior and and whatever.
And I think that it goes both ways.
I think that there are just project people who are project
people. And, you know, I think that it's
really stressful on men too, to have the dynamic that they've
had where they're the ones who are supposed to have the income
for everything and they're supposed to go out and make sure
that all of these things happen. All of these things are running
and be the protector and do all of these other things.
And then, you know that they're just supposed to be provided for
and taken care of at home. And that's how it's supposed to
be. And that's the dynamic.
And, you know, and also, I just think it goes both ways.
And I, I think that if you're trying to have dynamics where
you're changing tradition, you have to be with people who are
also trying to break that same tradition.
And it can't just be you trying to make all of these changes and
then being like, well, how come they're not showing up in these
ways? Like, and that's where I think
that there's a problem is I think that there's not enough
communication ahead of time too on world building.
People just start dating each other and go, oh, I like you and
I like you or whatever and not have like real deep
conversations about like what life looks like and what your
beliefs are on things and like how you would raise kids or, you
know, And those are like really important fucking conversations
to have that people don't have because they're uncomfortable
conversations to have. And that's why it does take, you
know, people having multiple relationships or whatever in
order to figure out what's going to fit, because that's fucking
life experience shit. I got 2 points on that.
For one, I don't understand why in this day and age people can't
just be cordial, break up and say hey, this wasn't working.
I've outgrown this, I need to move on.
It always has to be a debacle. Like it seems like there's no
way to like make a clean break in this society.
It's like, Oh no, I have to hate you.
Oh no, I've got to bash you on Facebook.
Oh no, fuck you. I'm going to tell our kids and
our family what you've done or whatever it is.
I feel like so many people can't just make a clean break.
And then to add to that, so many people are having kids with
people that they don't really like who that person is at a
core level. Like, they may like you on a
surface level, they like what you bring to the table,
whatever. But I feel like so many people
get wrapped up in people and then later realize that their
morals and values and things are very different.
And you need to be careful about that.
Because like, after I had the pregnancy scare, I was like, you
know what, fuck this. I'm not going to make excuses
for people anymore. Like if you're not checking the
boxes, like you're out. Like I'm tired of trying to
carry the weight and balance the scale for another person.
And I think that so many times women have children with people
who end up putting all the burden back onto them and then
act like they're perfect, like they're doing everything they
can. And I saw something on Facebook
and it said I love paying $400.00 in childcare a month
because who else can I have a full time babysitter for $400.00
a month. And I.
Want child support? Yeah, I saw.
That like some guy was saying that and I just thought to
myself like that is what men think.
Like let me put the burden on her.
I'll give $400.00 a month, see my kid twice, and tell everyone
on Facebook how good of a dad I am.
So yeah, the first part of that is I think with the debacle
thing after breakups and stuff is I think that people just stay
inside of things longer than they should, trying to make
something work that's not working.
And then that's when you start to have resentment, especially
if like you're already being treated poorly.
If you stay inside of a dynamic where you're already being
treated bad, it doesn't give fucking better.
Like at no point does it get better.
You you know it, it keeps getting worse.
And then you keep on having more and more reasons.
And if you tolerate being mistreated or disrespected and
you let it be known that like that's something that you're OK
with and that you're going to tolerate, it just gets fucking
worse because that boundary that you have just goes down and down
and down. And the more that you're like,
no, it's fine. And you just brush it under the
rug. Eventually there's no fucking
rug there. It's just a bunch of shit.
And so I think that's why that happens because like personal
experience. So let's not fucking do that.
And then, you know, and I, I want to say so many things to
the point that you're making, but I also am just like trying
to be really careful about how I say things because like
eventually my kids are going to listen to things, you know what
I mean? Like I have personal experiences
to like back up what you're saying.
But you know, I don't ever want to drag somebody or ever have my
kids hear something. So I just want to be careful how
I say it. But I think that people can
change, like people can show up being a certain way or, or
saying a certain thing or, you know, you have a certain
expectation of something and just things that evolve in life
change people. And some things change people
for the worse or change them for the better.
You know, some people go, oh, well, I was raised this way with
my parent beating the fuck out of me.
I'm going to either keep doing that or I'm not going to do
that. And those types of situations,
that changes the dynamic that people have as parents.
If you go into something and you go, Oh yeah, well, you know, we
were beat as kids, so that's not something that we want to do.
And then one of the people is like, I'm going to be
emotionally responsible and help them understand their emotions
and their feelings. And the other parents, like my
dad used to fucking sock me in the face.
So you're a little bitch, I'm going to hit you, get back up.
You know, those are things that you can't predict that that's
how it's going to unfold. You have the best intention.
But then when you have real life situations come up, people are
are going to fucking change. And that is fucking difficult
and something that again, one of those things that you can't
fucking figure out. So you have life experiences.
Yeah, You really don't know who people are.
I feel like until they go through something traumatic, a
death in the family, they are struggling with money, having
personal health struggles. Like that's when you figure out
who the person that you're with really is because everything is
great. When we got a roof over our
head, we're going on vacation twice a year.
We're doing our thing like everything is perfect, but the
moment that someone gets diagnosed with something or has
a health scare or has a family member go through something
difficult, that's when real life matters start to kind of unfold
and change. A person.
You know, everything's great when you got both parents alive
and your kids are healthy and your wife's doing good, but the
moment all of a sudden something changes in that dynamic, it can
really rock people's foundation to the point where they don't
know how to navigate that. Like they don't know how to
stand on their own 2 feet and be like, wow, life's beating the
shit out of me right now. I need to stay focused.
I need to stay, you know, head in the game.
A lot of people just, you know, give up.
They just give up and they start, you know, the poor,
pitiful me train. Everything sucks in my life.
And I think so much of what we have been taught is to just
allow people we love to manipulate us, whether it's our
family or our partner, just, you know, oh, well, that's just how
they are. You know, if you have someone in
your family that you don't get along with and people say, well,
that's just how they are, Not on my watch, not in my life.
Not at all. Not on my watch.
Y'all can do y'all, but no Uncle Uncle Jimmy ain't going to talk
to me like that. He might talk to you and his
wife and his kids like that, but me not going to.
Talk. Uncle Jimmy can catch these
hands. Legit.
And like, you know, my grandmother, she was just taught
like a lot. My dad's mother, you know,
because her father was very abusive.
And when she was a kid, around four years old, he threw her off
a boat and said swim. What?
4 fucking years old. So my grandmother is like
scarred. I mean, my grandma flinches at
the light clickers. Like my grandmother has so much
deep trauma because of that that she projected onto all of us.
But I'll be honest, like my grandmother used to be really
difficult. Like she'd be the one like going
through my purse and like, you know, trying to find me doing
something wrong or whatever. But she taught me how to drive.
And I always laugh because when we would be out, like practicing
and I had my permit or whatever, she would say things like
nothing good happens after midnight, nothing good, you need
to be home because nothing good happened.
It's after midnight. And then another thing she would
always say when it's cold, you need to put something on your
head. And I saw her the other day and
I was like, Grandma, you were right.
Nothing good happens after midnight.
And you do need to put something on your head.
You're right, Like, and it's just funny because at the time,
when I was 15, I was like, this lady is driving me crazy.
You know, hoes don't get cold. I don't want to wear a hat.
Hoes don't get. Cold.
I've never heard that. You haven't heard that?
Maybe I have and it's just this is ringing different as you say
it. So it's like, you know, when
you're young, someone might be trying to help you and give you
advice in their own way or their own tone that doesn't resonate
with you. But as you get older and you
have life experience, like you said, and you experience things,
you can see like she's right, she was right.
Nothing good happens after midnight.
And I feel like that in itself has helped me shift a lot to
realize that we as humans really do set ourselves up for drama or
suffering or whatever it may be by our actions.
You know, every time I ever got in trouble or got in a car wreck
or something happened to me that was wrong, happened after
midnight, every single time. But did I want to hear that at
19? No, I didn't.
But now at 32, I'm like, grandma's right.
I'll be inside Stark. And see, you had to have life
experience in order for you to be able to see that that lesson
and what she was saying was fact.
Do you want to do a human design card?
Sure. All right.
Well, that flew out. Ha.
We got card number 8 for Rebellion. 8 is my life path #2.
And that's a tourist card. And it's a Taurus cod so it's
fitting. OK.
Your gift is individuality and your shadow is an illusion of
safety. These cards really be hidden.
Beyond the shallow depths of the man made world of structure lies
this beautiful gift of true individuality and a rebellion
that transforms the masses. You represent the fringes of
society filled with creative free thinkers.
Not everyone will understand you or even try to, because it takes
courage and inner trust to see past the veil of the physical
world and the status quo. It takes a leap of faith to
venture down this path, which is why the majority stays firmly in
place and so few people veer outside of it.
Sameness is safe but utterly uninspiring.
As more people dare to carve a new path, slowly but surely the
rest of the population will wake up to a new possibility as well.
You embody a spontaneous sense of individuality that cannot be
duplicated. Creativity lives through you,
and you are its divine channel. The frequency of this shadow
keeps you locked within the relative comfort of the mass
majority. It tricks you into believing
that the path worth taking is heavily travelled, predictable,
safe and common. Here your individuality and
freedom is lost to the collective.
Staying committed to a truth that does not belong to you
keeps you small and hollow. At this stage in our evolution,
we are seeing the systems around us fail.
Education, government and corporations, only the few truly
prevail, whilst the foundational body, the majority, keeps these
systems intact despite their inefficiency and providing a
useful structure for all involved.
Breaking from the herd threatens the continuation of these
programs. It rattles our comfort but pays
off in dividends. Questions to always ask Am I
playing it safe or am I truly alive?
Are the expectations of others shaping my life and my
decisions? Your themes are individuality,
innovation, rebellion and freedom.
Very in alignment as always. As always.
So we will see you all next time in Candy Land.
Our new drop date is Fridays. Bye bye.
Yeah, you said she's so sweet, man.
Come on. Like a rapper live.
Me like a lollipop. Lollipop, lollipop, lollipop,
lollipop, lollipop, lollipop. You want to swallow my spirit
and penetrate my aura? Taste.
All of my consciousness is obvious.
We're goddesses full of the divine femininity.