Welcome to Fucking Candy Land, hosted by Rampage and Gemini.
We are so excited that you're listening to us.
If you want to elevate the experience and see these
interviews on video, you can join either one of our Patreons.
They are LinkedIn the description wherever you're
listening to this podcast episode.
In addition to getting to watch the full length video
interviews, we also both have tons of additional content and
support for the spiritual community.
So go ahead and check those out and then if you're ever
interested in readings with us or personally connecting with
us, we also have our websites and social medias, LinkedIn the
description as well. Feel free to share this episode
with everybody that you know. Get the look it like a lollipop
name spread around and we hope you love this episode.
Welcome back to Candyland. We are just really grateful to
record our last episode of the year and it's amazing that we've
been doing the podcast for three seasons.
So we just thought definitely wanted it to be just us, but we
are getting so much feedback on the guest.
I love it. So thank you to everyone who has
came on, new listeners, people that are just starting to listen
like we appreciate you so fucking much Jim and I.
That coffee cup looks adorable. It is adorable and I would
really love to find somebody who can like custom make cups like
this because I have so many ideas of like ways that I would
like things shaped. But like learning how to clay
mold on cups is a whole ass hobby because I googled it
thinking like maybe I could have a new craft bitch.
No, no, I can't. I've seen it.
It's a lot. It's like you have to have a
super passion for that. Yeah, that's that's not my
niche. And you have enough fucking
hobbies, bitch. You got enough things that
you're doing every time. I always have something new,
dude. Every.
That's because like, anytime that I see like something that I
want done inside of my mind and I try to have somebody else
create it, they never do it the way that I am, like envisioning
it. And so I'm like, fuck it, I'll
learn how to do it and I'll do it myself.
Move aside. Move aside, you know, I also
have seen something. It's like, why would I pay you
$50.00 to make that when I can spend 85 and make it myself?
I'm saying. It took me out because sometimes
I'll like when I first started my spiritual journey, I was
experimenting with so many things and one of those things
was candle making, which props to anyone who makes candles.
It is a lot harder than it looks and especially like my friend's
shout out Megan. She knows I was putting things
like I was saving jars and I thought that I could make
candles like out of any old jar. But they're not fire safe and
I've had them crack and I've also had candle jars that say
they're fire safe, not be fire safe.
And yeah, so I was like, this is like a hazard.
That's a hazard for sure. I'm not.
No. I can't be like a Candlestick
maker. That's not my calling in life.
It wasn't a Candlestick maker. It wasn't like the fucking fairy
tale thing. I was imagining, like, when
Shrek pulls the ear wax out of his ear and like, sticks it down
and, like, lights it. I don't know.
That's what pops in my mind when you're talking about making
candles. And then he said fairy tales.
And I'm like, are we syncing the same thing?
Yeah, we're synced. And I also was just saying I was
putting them in like one time. I remember 'cause we laughed
about this so hard. I put it in a jalapeno jar and I
was just experimenting. So I didn't even bother to take
the value off, like the great value jalapeno label off of it.
I just didn't even care. I was just experimenting and I
had gotten this right idea to use like herbs and different
things in the wax and it it was a hot mess.
In the wax itself. Oh yeah, girl.
Oh, you were. You were sciencing.
That's what we call that. Yeah, I was experimenting.
I was letting my inner child make things and then we found
out they could also burn the fucking house down.
So I don't know. Now if I ever made them again, I
would use the wax for like intention wax melts and I would
make intentional wax melts for certain spell work And like
anybody could do that. Like it's not hard you can order
a candle kit tomorrow, but to make them the right way or with
magic then you need to do it the right way.
At that time I was not doing it the right way, I was doing it
the very dangerous way. But I have, I have learned, I
have learned that you can't just literally do whatever the fuck
you want. You can experiment, but you
probably shouldn't put lighter to the flame, lighter to the
Wick. There are people who like
everybody has like a different hobby.
Like I could never be somebody who like makes cakes and shit
like I That's not something I could ever do.
The math thing that you have to do for like multiplying your
recipe and shit, I don't want to do it.
It's a it's a no for me. It's not going to burn, but it
may be undercooked because I don't want it to burn.
So then I just pull it out. It's a whole thing.
I sent you something really cool or the podcast room that I've
literally forgot to send to you several times.
Like, I don't remember when I bought this, but I forgot that I
had it and. Then I it's for me, for the pod
room, yeah. It's in the.
I have something, oh, I can't plug it in while we're live
right now, but I got a pink neon sign.
It makes me think of you. It glows and it says fuck off
and I'm going to put that somewhere I'm going to.
This is just a temporary background, so I'll put whatever
you're giving me. I have my fuck off sign.
I've got these like super cute, like distressed wood shelves.
I'm going to put with like some plants and stuff.
Yeah, I literally. Why do you say it like yeah?
I just had this forever, and I just think that you're really
going to like it. I'm excited.
I can't wait. Like, I almost forgot what it
looked like until I seen it and I was like, that's for Gemini.
Like, I've had this for so long. So I was like, it's perfect to
send to you now for your Christmas present, 'cause you
didn't know about it, I forgot about it.
I mean it's just crazy, but I I love that we have the podcast
now for three seasons cause like when we started everything is
just changed and evolved. Like everything has changed and
evolved since that moment. And I feel like when you like
resonate with like a podcast or music or something, you
associate that with a time in your life and being able to like
replay your life or like re listen to yourself and see like
how far you've grown. I can see why a lot of people
have been talking about wanting to start a podcast, but there's
so much that we've grown from since we started it.
I feel like we were completely different people in our
friendship, too. Like we're just so much more
comfortable with each other and it's evolved so much.
And I think that, like, the vibe and the energy of the podcast
evolved too, because we didn't talk like more personal shit
about our lives or, you know, sending things to each other or
whatever. At the very beginning, we were
very like, this is the positivity for you.
And now we're like, listen, bitch, today was kind of fucked.
Let's talk about it. I do things that we like.
We had a lot to talk about in the beginning though, like we
really dove right in. And some of the like beginning
episodes are really fucking good.
Like really good with like knowledge and just like stuff.
But now it is a lot more personal.
I feel like after we met in real life, there was like a huge
shift just because we basically almost died together.
We trauma bonded in a healthy way.
Yeah, like, we had a moment and I feel like it was just
irreplaceable. And how it all unfolded with
like, it being a surprise. Like that is the only time in my
life I've ever been surprised. Like planned, like a secret
surprise ever. So it was super monumental for
me. Like it's crazy how that all
happened. You know what?
That just made me think of when you said that it was a surprise
was and this is going to be a walk down petty memory lane for
a minute. But was when that whole thing
was going on where I I told that one girl like in my community
that, like, knew you too. And I was like, oh, yeah, like,
I'm going to be going out there. I'm going to be surprising her.
And then she's like, this was not a fair position that I
should have been put in to have to lie to Paige.
And I couldn't even tell her that you were going on that
trip. And do you know how hard that
was on somebody like me? That was so difficult.
Meanwhile, the girl have been sending me messages.
Like, I'd really love to be closer to you and like be a
friend. Like I feel like you're a little
bit distant and so I'm like, here, let me tell you about this
surprise. And then boom.
First off, that bitch is the weirdest bitch out of anybody.
That woman that she's referring to, you all was a member of both
of our communities, but at the same time when people would
leave our communities, which is sometimes due to death,
financial reasons, job loss, retirement, fucking sickness.
I mean, the list goes on of why people leave a subscription
service like it's their business.
This woman would write you and put you on the spot.
Like why did you leave Gemini's community?
Or why did you leave Paige's community like it was any of her
damn business. And then over the summer I saw
that her and some girls from the communities met up for like a
trip. And I just want to say if you
all are still listening and taking notes because you fucking
should be y'all are a joke and no one cares.
But when you make little sub posts like like hold on what was
something I read it was just like you know all the good that
my. Crown can't knock off now.
I've been blessed or some shit like that, bitch.
I'd knock your fucking crown like.
Not even that, but it was more like it was.
After all I've been through, I came out on top or some shit.
Like you're the one that was in the drama.
You were the one that was starting drama.
You were the one that was like, you know, confiding in all these
people and stirring up all this shit and then to write Gemini
and be like, I really want to get to know you more.
This is you. And I went to high school with
this girl and we weren't friends then and I really never
considered us friends now. Like we like she was a client
and I liked her as a person for what it she was showing.
But also when I'm working with a client extensively, I'm not
going to be like, I don't like your vibe or I think you're a
shit person. Like I'm trying to help people
grow and mentor them and help them like change their life.
Everyone has a shadow and this girl literally would just say
and do the craziest shit like, I have to air this out 'cause it's
been weighing on me. One time she sent a photo of
like a house and home that she had been living in with her
child's father and she was like, he broke up glass and put it in
the litter box. And the cats have been trapped
in here for a week. Yeah, like some weird fucked up
shit and like, why would you tell anyone that?
So now that I'm saying that it's off my chest, it's out in ether.
Why would someone as a client slash whatever the fuck tell you
some craziest shit like that? Not just tell you that, Tell you
that like on a regular Tuesday, not in a session, and send it to
your community chat and tell everyone else.
Yeah, she did that. I think that I think that I have
tried to be so like whatever with the situation because I
understand that like when you're inside of a like healing place
or whatever, there's going to be triggers for things like I had.
There was so much fucked up shit that happened inside of our
community this year that stemmed from that person.
And what makes me the most frustrated about it is you're
contacting people who are on a healing journey, who have been
very vulnerable inside of, like, community spaces, and you're
saying shit like that. She would also say wild shit
inside of our community chats and whatever.
And I understand if, like, people have their own hurts or
whatever and they project and like, that's a normal thing.
There's a difference between somebody having, like normal
projections of like, negativity in their life and somebody who
is like all of this awful things are happening right now, but I
know nobody can do anything about it.
And I actually don't want to heal from the situations.
I'm not going to change anything.
I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, but I just wanted
everybody to be able to know that's where the problem lies.
The wildest thing for me is people who don't have natural
like friends or friend groups that get into community spaces
with literal strangers and then begin the trauma bond process
that you're supposed to be acknowledging and healing from
over and over again. And as like petty as this girl
is, I could see her still listening to the fucking podcast
because she was also the person like shouting us out, love
bombing us constantly. She bought me like a couple
different little gifts and I ended up giving them away like
just I don't like, I don't like the little trophies from people
that are like not genuine. And her energy was not genuine.
And if you think I'm gonna keep something you gave me when
you're. I you're talking about gifts.
I even this this is Oh my God, it brings back so much literally
within the week of finding out that she had been doing all that
fucked shit with everybody for weeks and messaging people that
were leaving and stuff. And these poor people don't want
to message me and say anything because it's like a positive
community. I literally sent her money
because she was working on that jewelry business and she was
talking about how she wanted to make us lollipop things, and she
wanted to make me things for witchcraft boxes.
And I was like, rooting her up, Told her that I would put her
inside of witchcraft boxes, like whatever, sent her money so that
she could get items. When she was talking in the
community chat about how she didn't have money for that, she
was crying to me about how she couldn't be on the mentorship
level of Patreon anymore and how she was getting so much benefit
out of the community chat. And I was like, you know what,
Like you're really active in there, you can stay.
And I had her in there for two months that she didn't have to
pay for the mentorship program and was in the mentorship chat.
She got additional readings with me, even though she wasn't
paying for that tier because I was like, OK, like if you're if
you are doing what you can, then I'm going to give to you or
whatever. And then to turn around and tell
people that, like, not only have I just been like, I'm this awful
cult leader, but then that you're not getting services,
you're not getting readings, you've been messaging people
like and I was trying to help boost your business like that.
Nobody was even upset with you at all or even brought you into
anything. It was all about how mean I am
and how I'm making you mean. And it was like you were the
victim and I was the mean villain corrupting you.
And then as soon as you're like, that's not my friend, like my
friend wouldn't do that. My friend has receipts.
She you didn't you know there's nothing owed to you.
Then all of a sudden it's what an awful person you are and how
nobody can fucking stand you and what the fuck are we doing?
But everybody was just on our fucking Dick, sharing our
podcast, talking about how inspirational it is and driving
from other states to fucking come and stay at your house and
treat it like a fucking dump. Yeah, there's just so much that
I could say. The fact that multiple people
have bonded in that situation and are still like making sub
tweet style posts, it's like the only reason I want to air this
out at the end of 23 because after next like after this year
ends, you will never be relevant again in my life what so fucking
ever. Like come around, I got
receipts, we got cameras, we got everything we need and I don't
give a fuck. Like I don't care what you
bitches think you know about me or know about Gemini.
You don't know shit because you wanted to spread lies, try to
defame someones character, defame someones name and their
business and poach customers and clients and beg people to do
services and events and things that you're literally joining
our ship for free. Because there's another person
in that scenario that was in my chat for free because they said
they couldn't afford it but yet was accepting money for birth
chart readings and spell work from people in the community but
yet couldn't pay to be in the community.
And I even made my community where you can promote your stuff
like if you have a business or you're selling something there's
a promotion channel in my discord like pop your ship, Boo,
post it there, don't solicit people but let them know where
to find your information and let's move forward.
But at the end of the day, the fact that this is like continued
on and then like mid August or whenever the fuck people are
still like posting about it, I just really have had some shit
on my chest about that. Because those people were so
manipulative. That there are still people that
are like being in a community space is too much for me because
of them. Like literally because of them.
Because of being in a vulnerable place, opening up to strangers,
which is hard as fuck. But if you can open up to
strangers and be yourself around strangers, then you can slowly
learn to do that around people you love and care about.
I'll tell you, it might seem like it's harder to open up to
strangers, but it's actually a lot easier.
Because if you're trying to become this version of you, they
don't know about that version of you.
But trust me when I say me and Jim and I can see that old
version of you, and if that's still really you, we can now
also see that. But we're giving people the
benefit of the doubt that they're joining a healing
circle. I'm not going to be like, no,
you're not healed enough to sit with us, you know what I mean?
Like at the same time, this environment stemmed for like
such a big part of the year from like January into fucking July.
There was just straight drama the whole time between the girl
and Utah, these people. And it was almost like a
universal takedown of the podcast and like of our
friendship, and I love that it only made us stronger.
We created a a spell work Patreon level that we do spell
work every month for a collective group.
And you know it's funny because most of Gemini's people upgraded
to that and it's like balls deep in there.
So you know, at the same time, a lot of things that were meant to
like destroy or mess up our friendship hasn't at all.
No. There's been tons of shit and
like we like send each other like friend videos of like your
friend that like lives like away from you or whatever.
It's so interesting to me, the people that I see trying to do
businesses in person that like it's just not working for, but
they're right there with each other and then how much we're
able to do being spread apart. And I don't think that like,
unless somebody has done it, you don't understand like how much
maneuvering it is to like work time zones, to like really make
things match up when you are never physically with each other
to be able to keep your friendship going and checking in
and the business shit like it can be a lot.
And to actually be relevant and have like real life topics along
with like niche topics for us to talk about like you've never
heard an episode where we're just repeating the same stuff.
But I will tell you, there are other people who after our
episode comes out, they like to make the song title, use it, use
the episode title, I mean, and whatever else that people like
to do and use that information And like, that's cool.
We want people to learn from it. But it's almost like this year
had so much like illusions and and like masks being lifted.
Like people say they want to wake up spiritually and 1st it's
waking up to yourself, waking up to your own drama, your own
internal bullshit and limiting beliefs.
And then it's waking up to everyone around you like the
world as a collective. Then that makes you zoom in on
to the people close to you. It's like you collective world,
then everyone that you've ever known, whether that's a
connection that is by blood or by water, whatever the fuck it
is you this. Human.
Device see whatever baby. Like whatever.
And you will see like how is this person been actually
holding me back. Every time I share my ideas with
them, they take them. There's been people came on our
podcast and they're having drama with their friends because now
their so-called friends want to be like, oh I want to do that.
I'm going to do that. I'm going to do this.
Oh or ex friends are like, who are the dopest podcasters in
Louisville or Indiana? I want to do an interview and
like there was this big chain of like maybe someone's got to ask
you to be on their podcast. You can't just be like, hey, I
have a story, I want to be on your podcast.
Like people have to ask you. It is such a turn off.
When people say I want to be on your podcast if I haven't
already either manifested them to be on it or ask them like
I've been manifesting you and you say it, I'm like, yes, this
is working. If I ask you and you say yes,
I'm loving it. But you don't just get to be
like, hey, I know you don't know me for real, but can I be on
your podcast? OK.
I just want to say too, I would feel that way about anybody with
any level of following, credit, whatever.
I think that people make it sound like you guys need me.
Put me on that so that I can put you on.
That's the energy that like it comes from where is like if we
want to talk to you, it's because we want to get to know
you as a person. Like we're interested in you,
like we want to learn about you. It doesn't have anything to do
with whether or not you have a following.
You're going to put us up. You're going to do XY and Z
because we may not like you. I've had.
That's just on facts. I've had people who I've never
talked to them before. They'll message me like 3 times
or they'll I'll start, you know, talking to them in a
conversation and then they'll slip in there.
You should really have me on your podcast.
I've been some through some shit.
And OK also though, that goes hand in hand with what you and I
were talking about earlier when we were talking about people who
just are like, Oh my God, you're a tarot reader.
I can't wait for you to read my cards.
It's. I don't know you.
I didn't say I was going to read your cards.
Did you go to my website? Why is why are you just
expecting this? Like it's probably how mechanics
feel anytime you go to their house and you're like, oh man,
my car's been making a noise. Could you take a look at it for
me before I go home? And people do that to tattoo
artists, too. Like if you tell someone you're
a tattoo artist, they tell you like their next 15 ideas that
they know they damn well don't have the money for.
And they're probably not even going to have you do them at
all. They're going to go back to
Billy Bob at his kitchen and get the same caliber level of
tattoos they already have. And that's what I love about any
industry, that someone has spent their blood, sweat and tears to
become an expert or become, you know, good, good at something.
It's like, oh, help me, help me do this.
Like, how many people find out you have a podcast and ask you
to help them start their podcast?
Right. You know how many people find
out that you're good at something and then instantly
need your help? Like, that's the one thing that,
like irks me a little bit about people is, First off, they want
to tell you how much you can make for your skills or what's
what's in their budget. So that's what you should be
accommodating for. And I'm sure like contractors
and people that do homes and, you know, damage jobs, they
probably get that nickel and dime shit 24/7 because it's like
a lot of times you don't, I want to get this done.
You have to now like you have to.
And that's what I feel about spiritual maintenance.
It's just like your home or your car.
Getting a reading is spiritual maintenance.
And if you are going to invest into that spiritual maintenance,
you're going to receive back. Like earlier I had a client say
she needed to downgrade her level and then another client
sent me $500 five minutes later. So it's like I don't really have
to like worry about the ups and downs, but I think so many
people are attached to certain outcomes that they don't want to
invest in a reading. So they see that you can do it.
And they're like, well, there's no investment on my part and I'm
going to benefit at the expense of you.
It's annoying, you know, We don't like that.
Also, please don't tell me how interested you are in readings
and then tell me how difficult that you are to read, because
that's something that comes up. People will say that all the
time. Oh yeah, I would love a reading,
but I don't know if it's going to be successful because
everybody tells me that I'm really difficult to read.
No, you want to be mysterious and you want to be unique and so
you're closing yourself off to even having that healing energy
come through to you because you want there to be a mystery.
And really that stems from you don't want anybody to see you.
So you're going to put walls up and you'll pay for somebody to
try and prove to you that they can put your walls down so that
you can show how strong and powerful you are and how self
preserving you are. But it's not a flex to not be
open to having healing vibrations, healing energy, and
evolving and moving forward with things.
So don't brag about being difficult to read.
And also, if you have somebody who's reading you because
they're truly channeling, connected to spirit and
connecting with energy, it doesn't matter how much you
don't want a message to come through or whatever.
If that message is coming from somebody who is authentically
reading you out of their ego, the message is going to come
through regardless of how the fuck you're showing up.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
And with that being said, like why would you want a reading if
you're not open to the messages? Like, that's why someone is
opening a circle. Why would you like want to be
Difficult for one. Most people that do that, though
are hurting the most too. That's what I'm saying, yeah.
Yeah, like you're hurting the most and you need it the most
versus someone who's just like, Oh my God, never done this.
I'm excited, you know? That's normally what I get,
'cause I just block people like that, Like not block physically
block them on the Internet. Like I energetically block them.
I don't want their money. I'm not proving shit to you.
I'm not no. Like if someone showed up to a
reading like that, I don't know. I would just be like, this isn't
comfortable for me and I'm refunding you by.
Yeah. Like, I'm not a circus monkey
and I'm not here to, like, prove something to you.
Yeah, totally, 100%. There's also something that I'm
going over in the mediumship class.
Well, as I'm putting it together is we're going to be talking
about different types of clients that you encounter because there
are so many different clients as a reader and different
personalities that you're going to come into and everybody comes
out there reading with a different energy and a different
expectation and all kinds of stuff.
That's so true. And I that's why, like I kind of
just blocked energetically clients who are not ready for
the messages. Like I don't want clients that
are just gonna inherently play the victim like or deny things
that are actually true. Like I like a a client that can
admit like, Yup, I am going through that I need help, like
let's move forward. This is what I need to tell you.
This is what you know or I don't want to tell you anything.
I'd rather a client not say anything and just listen and
rewatch their reading later, you know, then be like all closed
off to something and acting like a way.
Are you pulling our card early? Yeah.
I was just shuffling them. Jim and I likes to pull the card
in the middle of the episode now instead of at the end.
She's switching it up on you all.
Yeah, because I feel like there's always something that,
like, pops through on the card that we want to talk about.
But we've already been talking for an hour and so we're like,
dude, I need to go eat food. Bye.
You know, I don't, I don't want to talk about this anymore.
But there's always a message in there that we.
Just, well, you can pull it and we can talk about it.
Yeah, we will. Oh, you're just going, Ghost.
You're like fine. I just won't even talk.
A couple. I had a couple messages and I
was just wondering, and I'm actually doing spell work for
one of the clients in the group right now.
And so to take a picture of her spell work because when I asked
you to record, I wasn't expecting you to be like, yeah,
I can record in 20 minutes. So I was like, you know?
You said right now. Well, I mean, but that was
random when I asked you that. Wasn't like I had planned when I
started the spell work two hours ago to.
Yeah, but you asked me because you felt energetically that I
was available. And there you are in the flesh.
In the flesh, we got card 56 for Moonrise.
Oh, where's the camera now? Cancer Moon.
Yeah, it's like a it's like a table, a little isolated table.
It's card 56. It looks like a date night.
The signs are cancer and Leo. Oh, we were talking about
balance inside of the spell work, and now we've got the
water and the fire. Can I tell you something?
The full moon two days ago was in Cancer and now the moon is
currently, as we speak, in Leo. OK, well let's go Moonrise.
The gift is enrichment and the shadow is distraction.
Reaping the rewards of the gift is not about abstaining from
life and its wealth of offerings.
It is not about denying your senses or aspects of your world.
When you are completely in tune with who you are and what you
cherish, you no longer require the outside world to be the
source of your joy, forever fleeting.
Instead, joy follows you. It lives within you.
The air of desperation that you once held in the shadow state
melts into a gentle ease and you're able to engage in your
experience with a jovial, full hearted essence.
The moon rises with a softness that you feel in the core of
your being, and your shadow is distraction.
Buried within the shadow is an addiction to stimulation,
especially with regard to sights.
Much of our current social world thrives on entertainment and
distraction. As such, our attention span has
shortened substantially and despite the onslaught of images,
sounds, videos, and media, we still find ourselves wanting
more. There is never enough, and there
never will be. The Shadow urges you to keep
seeking for some elusive cure in the outside world of fantasy and
facade, while the real remedy can only be found within you or
alongside the stars. Your themes are Attention,
Fulfillment, Essence, and Stillness.
I've also been feeling that way with like especially around the
holidays, Ads, emails, just people.
It feels like very much I've been over stimulated and that's
why like tonight I was maybe going to go to a concert, woke
up, was not feeling good. Then I got invited to a comedy
show and I was like, look, I'm just, I can't be in public like
I don't feel good. I feel like I've just a lot of
heavy things have happened this past week and it's just like,
you know, you never really know what people are going through.
And when someone close to you is going through something and
something bad happens to them, it's like, you know, there's so
many mixed emotions about it. And I just feel like I have so
many mixed emotions that like from one minute to the next I'm
like two different people. And I'm trying to like just go
with that. But shout out to all the people
who are seriously like clinically depressed because
like y'all are the real MVPS. No, I'm serious.
Because, like, I don't know in the world like how I could deal
with this every fucking day. Like to feel as bad as I feel
today. You know what I mean?
Like, just sick. My body hurts, my head,
everything. It's just like, I don't know.
And I mean that sincerely, Like legitimately.
I don't know how people like, deal with that every single day.
And I wish peace and happiness and freaking healing for
everyone. And I'm doing a World Peace,
love and harmony smell later for myself and the world.
Because I just believe that it's not just about ourselves.
It really is about everyone. And if everyone was happier, our
collective vibration would be bigger and better and stronger.
And we're so much more connected than we know.
So those distractions that keep us separate from everyone, it
really isn't true. It's been.
I feel like it's been a difficult like couple of months,
like this year was really big on.
I feel like going inside yourself and having reflective
moments and it was like a huge year of shadow work.
And something that came up when I was doing the end of year
collective reading for my Patreon was how much like from
2020 to 2022 we didn't have any like outside world really.
Like things were starting to open up in 2022 and people were
starting to be going back, maybe the jobs or whatever.
But 2023 is when people have really been settling in with,
like, being at home jobs more and figuring out different ways
of having income. Because before the pandemic, you
just went to a job. And then during the pandemic,
everybody realized, like, wow, I have all of this like energy and
time and whatever. And that's when people really
started like, working on healing themselves too.
So this year out in the real world has been a bunch of
traumatized grown-ups who had were locked inside with children
having free time trying to navigate the world and like get
back to whatever the new normal is or whatever.
And you notice that, like now we're just functioning in
society like nothing ever happened.
There never was a fucking pandemic, but people were over
here like, you better go get jab right now or fuck you, I'm never
talking to you again. And here we are all fucking
living, all doing our shit and I don't hear nothing.
So like, it's been a year of having to get back to living
real life in a new adapted way while you're having trauma and
while everybody's going through some level of a healing journey.
So this year's just been really intense for like inner
perspective work. And I feel like with that card,
that's where, like that part of the joy comes from like within
you. I feel like it's a huge thing
because everybody had to live inside of their depression
inside of their home or had to. So many people were trying to
find these other outlets for their emotions and stuff like
that. And that goes into the cancer
card too. Yeah.
And like the home is like Cancerian energy and water, and
then like the sun is like outward persona in the chart.
So Cancer and Leo are the only two zodiacs that are ruled by
the sun and the moon. So they're really significant
because then the other 10 zodiacs are split between, you
know, like they they mirror one another.
So like the Cancerian energy, with the full moon being the
very last full moon this week, the day after Christmas, and
we're in Mercury retrograde. Like, it's definitely a lot of
energy. And I keep up Nirvana myself,
like it's the full moon brief. Like it's the fucking full moon
in Cancer. It's a lot.
Cancerian energy is super motherly, brings up Mother
wounds traumas, A lot of people have that around the holidays,
just even from like all levels. And I just really, really want
people to understand that, like, the outside world is a
reflection of how we feel about ourselves, and we have to work
through our own fears and negativities and things that
we're just mean to ourselves about.
That's what I tell clients a lot.
It's like, quit being mean to yourself.
And, you know, quit being so fucking hard on yourself.
And that's something as humans, we all can learn from.
We can all learn from, like stop being so mean to yourself behind
the scenes and then pretending like everything's OK on the
surface, you know, or whatever. I think sometimes, like we don't
even realize that we're being mean to ourselves because it's
been taught to us. Yeah, I agree.
And because you get so used to it, like, sometimes you don't
even realize that you're talking bad to yourself or about
yourself, but there are, you know, if you sit there and you
think about it and you have a quiet moment, what are you
thinking about? Are you thinking about like,
God, I need to work out more, 'cause I don't like the way that
I look or, you know, whatever it may be.
And I say that because that's a personal fucking one that I've
had to work really hard at, like getting over and not talking to
myself certain ways. Or, you know, also too, not
comparing on social media, that took a really long time.
Like now I just, now, that's not something that I even have to,
like, correct my thought about. But there was a long time where
I used to be like, I wish I looked like that or I want to
look like that Or, you know, oh, I wish that I could express
myself the way that they're expressing themselves.
And that can be a really difficult thing too.
If you're not happy with yourself, is comparing yourself
to others a lot, 'cause you're never going to be able to
sustain that. And Barbie was.
So when Barbie came on and we talked to her and she was like,
oh, it's literally just all an image.
I've had surgery, like, that's the realist fucking shit.
And she's always like that where she's like, yeah, I know that
I'm hot, but like, I want you to understand that, like to attain
this thing has these consequences to it and these
benefits to it. At first when you said when
Barbie came on, I thought you were talking about the Barbie
movie, because in the Barbie movie there's like this whole
big message about that kind of as well, like.
Oh, I've never seen it. Well, I just watched it really
for the first time, but it's basically like in Barbie world,
you know, the girls do everything and then Barbie
wanted to learn the truth about the real world and when she went
to the real world. She realized that the guys do
everything like that. The guys are in the most
important roles and the president and like all these
things. And it was like this whole
dynamic about, like women, you know, being good enough and
being like strong in in numbers and just like a whole thing.
I got to tell you, yes, being back at the fucking office in
the real world with men, I am triggered by the amount of men
that are absolutely different to women than they are to other
men. And it's something that, like I
I've worked there for years. So like, I encountered it
before, but then I left for a couple months and I stopped like
mingling with them out in the natural habitat.
I was very isolated away from the male population.
And then now I'm back in the cesspool.
And what makes what what gets me is the fucking audacity of
people to invade your personal space, to talk to you down, talk
to you, talk to me like I'm fucking stupid.
And then they'll go back to talk to the doctor, joking, funny,
kind, laughing all the shit. And I he'll walk out and I'm
literally, like, what? Like, do I need to pull my Dick
out? Like, what do I need to do
around here for you to not talk to me like I'm dumb?
Because the guy you're being nice to, he doesn't work at the
front desk. Bitch, I'm the one charging your
card. Be nice to me.
Like I don't. I hate it.
I think it's a lot of just people in service style jobs,
like you're at a desk or like, you know, people behind
counters. Like people are just fucking
rude to those people because they see them as like less than
or whatever. And I was having this
conversation with someone the other day, like they always say
like oh if you're not happy, just get a better job.
But it's like we need people to do all jobs no matter what they
are. But people treat people
different because they're women, because if they're pretty versus
society's ugly or, you know, whatever, people label people
well, like, it's just fucked up how there is so much different
interaction depending on who you are, what color you are, what
age you are, how attractive you are, XYZ, you know what I mean?
Like it's just like the way society is set up is like, I'm
better and you're less than. And I always like to ask myself,
like, how do these people talk to themselves?
Because they're probably not that nice to themselves, but
they, You know what I mean? Like, because nice people are
nice to other people. People that are doing the work
and are healing are nice and inspiring towards other people.
Like, you can be doing the work and still be an introvert and
still be nice. You know what I mean?
Like, it's just weird to me. Like, but I always see people
who are just predominantly nasty.
I don't care who you're nasty to.
If you like them or don't like them, you can't treat someone
with respect as a human. Fuck you, for one.
And the way people treat animals as even a whole other level of
fuck you. And then men in general, like, I
think just have such a weird dynamic with the way that
they're raised. Like depending on how they're
raised, if their mother and father had a good relationship
or not. Super effects men where I just
don't feel like it affects women as much because women are.
I mean, even though it affects us, it's like more.
We're more naturally healing and compassionate and loving because
we're literally chosen to be the portal here to earth.
Welcome. And men just, they can't
resonate with that concept of eternal kindness and support and
like love naturally. Like I think it has to be taught
to them from a very young age. That's why I say that like, if I
was never not with my husband, I just do not think that I'd ever
be with a man again. And I mean that like totally
sincerely is like I the qualities of like somebody being
like gentle and commutative and being more in like that feminine
energy is something to me. Like, I feel inspired by that.
I feel motivated by that. That's why I've always been like
totally open to like Poly dynamics where like two wife,
one husband mentality, like outside.
It's not polygamy because polygamy is religious based and
like spiritual based. But like, I totally liked that.
Because then you can have the balance of, like, feminine and
masculine, and there aren't a lot of men who are able to
comfortably be inside of both roles.
And so, like, I feel like I married the one person that I'm
willing to have, like, that masculine energy with.
And then after this, I'm like it.
Dude, it's straight pussy vibes. Yeah, I personally find it
really hard to connect with men who don't have a healthy
balance. But in like recent years I will
say that I'm meeting people with more balance and I think that
you know, just being self aware is like the first step, like
anything that needs to be brought into your world through
lessons, obstacles, people, relationships, whatever.
Like it will be brought to your world.
And I just believe like there is so much room for change, but it
could really just start with like some self accountability
from most gender like roles where it's like I'm man, you're
a woman, you have to do this and I do that and you be nice and
I'm this, you know, like I don't know just some of that shit's
just laid out like it's just laid out.
I feel like men need to feel safe enough to open up about
their emotions without being judged or being seen as weak or
lesser than or Sissy or whatever.
You know what I mean? Like that's that's how these
people are brainwashed and built into this like robotic almost
emotional standpoint where physical touch is like top love
language and then fucking acts of service as the next like oh
so you just want me to suck your Dick and wait on you perfect.
Like no, I'm sorry. Like I cannot.
I I will totally take a man if his first love language is
physical touch and the second one is words of affirmation.
I'm with it. Like if I can talk to you I can
be sexual with you and I would want to be.
But at the other side of it, it's like I'm not waiting on you
hand and foot. Like no, I just feel like 2 acts
of service. People probably aren't going to
get along very well because it's it's one taker and one giver.
At the end of the day, one's going to do more and one's going
to feel less. And so I just feel like when
love languages match up, they almost need to be a little
opposite and not the same thing because you would think like, oh
we have the same love language, it works.
But like, if both of your first love, loving ages, physical
touch, you're both going to get burned out on sex when you can't
communicate with one another. So here's the thing too, is that
I think that when people take those tests, especially if
you've been in like a super, like if you're married and
you've been in like a long or a long relationship with the
person actually taking the test from the standpoint of what is
your actual love language? What do you actually like and
not just what have you been receiving?
Because I've noticed that my love language has evolved over
the years. I've thought, but that's only
because that's the way that love has been given.
And so that's what I have grown to say that I like.
And so when I'm doing like my healing journey, all of a sudden
I'm like, no, wait, but I like these things over here.
And I just told myself that I didn't like them because that
wasn't your shit. But that's still my shit.
And I can have my own thing. And so I know that especially
like when you I know that you're like not married.
And so I know that like, it's a different like perspective.
But there does end up being this phase where like you're just
around each other so much that like you mold so closely
together and you have to a lot of people get lost inside of
that and then they get lost inside of like that mother role
too. And that's where people are like
I've just like I don't know who I am anymore and I've always
been fucking determined that I won't be that person.
But when self reflecting like it's natural if you're around
the same person all the time and your goal is to like love them
and make them feel loved, you take things on as like your
personality that aren't your personality.
To help make somebody else comfortable and like that is
inevitable. It'll always fucking happen.
But then you have to also, like, find yourself and the couples
that I feel like are really strong or the people who
communicate those things, and you either work through it or
you don't, but that are honest about those things.
Because then you're not stuck somewhere for 30 years and
you're like, oh, I fucking left Bob one day, you know?
I don't know. I also feel like love languages
should evolve as you grow and evolve.
But I do see what you're saying. Like, sometimes you think that's
evolved, but you've really just started to choose that because
that's what you're. I think my biggest thing that
someone told me, they said always know where you end and
the other person begins. Like even though you will mesh
with them, marry them, have kids with them, whatever it is,
whatever it may be, always know where you end and they begin,
period. And like, I don't know why that
is stuck with me. I could not tell you where I
heard that from or who told me that.
But they were like giving me advice on marriage or like
telling me something about like, you know, just relationships in
general. Because I think a lot of people
have toxic attachment. It's not even just a trauma
bond. It's toxic attachment to not
being abandoned or not feeling left behind or not feeling
alone. I cannot even count how many
people, clients over the years that are like, well, if I left
this person, I would be alone. Or, you know, I had a client
tell me before, like when I was younger, I could depend on my
looks. But now that I'm in my 40s, I
don't feel like that as confident or sexy or seeing
anymore. And this person makes me feel
less seen and less heard and less confident.
And I don't know how to leave them.
And that really hit for me in a sense of like what do you do in
that situation? Because at that point, she
really doesn't know where she ends.
And they begin their words, their manipulations, things,
programs that they've instilled into her for X amount of years
has drained her of that confidence.
Sometimes, like, I've seen where it's like, if you're attracted
to me because of my light, don't come over here and try to dim
it. And we've all had a boyfriend or
a girlfriend. That's like, you can't do that.
You can't hang out with that person.
You can't go there. I don't want you to wear that.
Or why are you wearing makeup? Who are you getting ready for?
We're going to see my brother and my family kind of thing.
And like, that's toxic to me. Like that's where I've seen
people say, like if she used to get ready all the time and then
gets in a relationship and stops, it's not because she's
happy. So with that particular client
and like that thing I would be like, well then you're not
leaving for reasons of like healing and evolving.
You're you're just wanting to leave so that you can have a
totally different like situation without healing.
Because if you are actually leaving somebody because that
isn't working for me anymore and and you're not the person that's
meant for me, you should be leaving so that you're finding
what you need and you're rebuilding yourself and you're
growing and evolving yourself and you are leaving to take care
of you. And if you happen to meet
somebody while you're doing that, great.
But like, what's the point of being with somebody?
Simply so that you are with somebody and that like, our our
media does it and social media does it, where like you're
supposed to be in these just like happy, glorious
relationships and like you should just be booed up and
that's your worth. But there are so many fucking
single people out here in the world that are doing so many
amazing things and are super happy, and you have
relationships and friendships with other people in your life.
It doesn't have to be a romantic partner.
You can get Dick on the street that you don't have to have a
commitment to. Like why this is, it's like 40s
style thinking that we're trying to have in 24 while we're also
over here talking about wanting to like be taken seriously and
wanting to have everybody like respect our independence and
things like that. But so many people don't want to
be independent in that. Well, I think also like society
convinces women that like in your 40s that you're like
expired, so you better make them happy, so you better.
I think it was more of that, I think.
I don't know if I portrayed that correctly or not, but it was
more of that. Like this doesn't make me happy,
but I'm afraid that if I leave that I will end up alone or more
unhappy I guess. And yes, they had a lot of
healing and things that probably needed to come into the, you
know, they. Got plenty of They got plenty of
older daddies on likematch.com and shit like that.
You could find yourself. You could find anybody.
These days. There are plenty of men getting
divorced because women are fucking tired of men and they
have midlife crisises and they become lesbians.
And so there's plenty of Dick Havers just wandering around in
this world aimlessly, not cleaning their dishes, not
picking up their house. And they are looking for a woman
to do for. Them, that's what I'm saying.
Like she was saying, like there was the caliber in quality.
I don't know. It just isn't hidden anymore.
Like, yes, she was unhappy, but I guess she thought, at least
this way I have the lifestyle I've been living.
I'm comfortable. I'm in my comfort zone, even
though he doesn't make me feel seen or sexy or appreciated.
You know, I don't know. I mean, it was this was a while
back, but I mean she definitely had some healing and reflection
to do. But I do feel like this person
was pretty manipulative. And when someone's coming out of
a manipulative or an abusive relationship, you literally
believe what your manipulator or abusive.
Oh 1000% you have to reprogram yourself.
And the only way you can do that is away from the person, away
from the environment. So I feel like really, she had
two options. Stay or leave and it's still be
very hectic either way, probably.
You know, should I stay or should I go now?
Yeah, if I go, there will be trouble.
Yeah, it's a little bit of. The fuck out?
No, I'm just kidding. I mean, I think that once you're
on a healing journey, like I said earlier, you start to see
other people for who they really are and you start to see other
people for the roles that they play and the roles that you
allow them to play in your life. I think a lot of it is like,
what do I allow? Because if I allow someone to
give me bare minimum treatment or communication or whatever in
a relationship, then that's me settling.
If I tell someone this is what I expect, this, you know, these
are my requests. It's not a demand because you
can say no and move on, but this is the request or this is the
boundary or this is the bottom line for me.
Like, I need these things to feel safe and healthy in a
relationship. If I don't have these things,
then we don't have a relationship.
We have a friendship or we're roommates, or we're not.
We're not close. We're not actually having the
energy of connection. And that's where I think that
people do what they want to do for who they want to do it for.
And you have to want to do it for yourself because doing it
for someone else is never going to be sustainable.
It's easy in the beginning to do it for your family or do it for
your wife or do it for your husband.
But at the end of the day, if you're not doing it for you,
you're gonna feel resentful towards those people for asking
you to change or asking you to step up or asking you to
contribute in whatever way. Emotionally, physically,
mentally, and spiritually. I think accountability is what
we need in 2024 is like hold people accountable.
Be honest and vulnerable, but don't wait until you're angry
and bottling over and like a volcano is exploding and
erupting. Like, speak on it before because
when the storm comes, they should have prepared because
they knew it was coming. But don't just hit people like a
tornado and expect them to read your mind.
I think that's one important thing is like just because they
are close to you doesn't mean they know how you're feeling if
you don't tell them. Yeah, dude, that's such a big
one too. And I had, I think it was my
husband that pointed out like if you don't communicate, people
can't just read your mind and automatically know.
And just because you think that something is obvious, that
somebody should know what they've done, doesn't mean that
it is obvious. And the difficult thing too is
like, and it's inevitable is to have an extreme after that,
after where you haven't been communicating and then you start
to communicate. And there's almost like I'm
going to over communicate because I have to now justify
why I feel this way, because now I'm starting to communicate to
you. And I feel like that's where I
was when we first started the podcast.
And I was so nervous about talking with you because I felt
like I had to explain every little bit of why I was thinking
something or whatever. And that came from an insecurity
of, like, I didn't want to be misunderstood.
I didn't want you to not want to record with me because you
thought I was weird. I didn't want to like, you were
like like the most positive little like, bubblegum droplet
ever. And we hadn't gotten into like,
nitty gritty of anything. And so I'm like, if she knows
that I've had a bad day, like, it's going to be a wrap on this
fucking podcast and like this whole friendship.
And then we survived Utah and I was like, oh shit, you're the
girl. That'll be like, I'll go tell
her. And we bonded.
I loved that so much because you were so background.
Go with the flow. I'm just going to sit here and
whatever you want to do, You want to make my plate?
Please do. I'll just be here taking
pictures of my butt. And then when shit was like,
actually going down, you're like, well, I'm actually going
to let her know that we're getting an Airbnb and she's
dropping us off there because we're not staying at her house.
Actually, I already went and bought the Airbnb.
You guys can just pay me back later.
I wanted to make sure we had a place to stay.
Like, oh, actually, we're going to go and get this rental car
right now. And that's what we're going to
do. And it was.
I was like, yes, take charge. And then I learned I was safe
with you. Because if shit went down, I'll
get us out and you'll get us an Airbnb.
I literally fucking love that. And also, I feel like that's
because I have been pretty much in my masculine energy for most
of my life. And I got an aura reading
recently and it said I'm completely in my divine,
feminine energy. And I was like, yes, like it's
happening, I'm doing it. But with that being said, like
that masculine, I'm going to take charge and fix everything.
Like that's because I don't have a lot of people in the past that
I could rely on now. I have amazing people that like
support me and that are coming into my life every day with
support and love and gratitude and all of those things.
So I don't feel that way as much anymore.
But when it comes to like something needs to get done, I'm
getting it done because I don't like to wait.
I don't like the anticipation of waiting.
Yeah, I get it. This is our last episode for the
new year until the new year. How do you feel about that?
I feel fine. It's not the last episode of
season three. It'll be weird when we end the
season and then we have like a little gap, but I feel like we
have episodes to go before that happens.
Well, we're going to try to make it to 100 episodes.
So we've got like, what, 20 something left for this?
Yeah, yeah, 'cause Barbie was 69.
Yeah. So it'll be more like probably
spring whenever we take a break. So yeah, this is the last
episode of recording in 2023. Do you have a message for the
world? Fuck you.
No, I'm just kidding you guys. 2023 was fucking rough.
Take a bath, leave it in the past.
Working with the element of air. If you have a lot of things that
or even anything that you feel like you need a different
viewpoint on, you need to see things from a different
perspective in order to like heal from it and move on.
I think that working with like, air energy is really helpful
with that. I'm not just saying that because
I'm a Gemini, but really like that does help you with evolving
and getting new perspectives and things.
And I think that new year, new me is bullshit.
You're going to be the same you, but you can make a consistent
effort with your energy to leave things that aren't serving you
anymore and to think about those things before you go into 2024.
And if they're a piece of shit friend in 2023, they're going to
be a piece of shit friend in 2024.
And if you guys broke up in 2023, leave them in 2023.
Don't take them back in 2024. It's bullshit.
Still, they haven't changed at all.
They still don't wash their ass correctly, and you deserve
better. Thank you.
My message is seriously, just step into your power this year.
Make that your only goal. Goal.
Like, don't make like physical goals about your body and
fitness and things like that. All those are great, but like,
they put so much pressure. And I'm not going to lie, the
gym is so busy in January, I think I said this last year,
because people start shit and they think they're going to do
it when winter is like not the time to start anything.
So if you don't listen to anything we've ever said, listen
to this. Cultivate all of your patience,
your preseverance, your energy this winter.
Focus on letting go, letting things die, letting things be
put to rest. And then whenever we have the
spring equinox in March, open up the the floodgates, baby, and
let that shit roll. Wait for Aries season.
The Aries new moon will be huge for manifesting and huge for
starting projects. But if you have all of your if
you're cultivating your skills and you're cultivating patience,
and you're cultivating the drive and motivation that you're going
to need to get through those hard times, you will be so much
more successful than jumping out of the gate Because it's January
1st, go with the astrological new Year.
If you seriously don't know what that is, Google it and follow it
this year and watch how different things will be for
you. And we love you all.
We will see you next year in Candyland.
Bye fuckers. Bye.