Welcome to Fucking Candy Land, hosted by Rampage and Gemini.
Welcome back to Candy Land. We have missed you all and we
hope that you enjoyed our special guests, Nicole, we
really enjoyed having her on the podcast because she's just so
sweet and genuine and we really rock with people who show up
authentically. So I feel like that was just
such a beautiful episode and connection and just bringing her
in was so special. You guys are better liked her
because if you didn't, then fuck you.
No, I'm just kidding. But really, us being so
selective about guests makes it so much more fun when we have
guests and it makes it. It doesn't feel like it's a
chore to get a guest on the podcast.
I love when it's just you and I, but also she is so genuine, so
sweet. Like she even has followed up
since the podcast. She she's like VIP where she
just shouts the shit out of stuff that she's working on and
that she does and just like promotes it.
And I know that we've already had new people that have come
into our rotation, booked readings with us and everything
from that episode and just resonating with like our energy
and her. And so it's brought new people
into our life and it's just always expanding and evolving.
I really love people who have a mutual understanding that like
there's no competition. It's really just elevation and
collaboration and just bringing people in that match.
That energy is so important to like anyone trying to pursue a
project or a dream or anything in your life.
The people you keep in your circle matters so much, and you
will just continue to uncover that.
People you thought supported you don't support you or people that
you thought were riding with you never rode with you.
They just literally wanted access to your energy.
And I love to see people finally like all the way on their own
wave where it's like. What other people do no longer
makes or breaks yourself confidence or like makes or
breaks who you are because you understand yourself and you
understand the way people react has no reflection of like, who
you actually are. Yeah.
And something too like I was going through, I I messaged you
last night but I just think it's so strange that people will have
problems that like have never been even addressed and you're
like oh it's like a jealousy thing.
But I was going through last night and I was looking at my
TikTok messages like scrolling through because I was just going
to follow up with people that like I've had conversation with
them. Maybe it like dropped off about
having them on Coven or something.
And I'm going through and I'm seeing like user not found.
Tik Toker, user not found. And I'm like what?
And so I'm like oh they got like their profile deleted.
It was like 4 people. And then I go on the covenant of
Rejects page and I go look these people up and they still have
accounts. They just straight blocked me
and I'm looking at like our conversations and I've never had
a falling out with this person. It was all good people that were
literally just commenting on my stuff like a week ago like Oh my
God, I love seeing like favorite tick talker and I don't.
I'm trying to get more used to it.
Like it no longer. It used to really hurt my
feelings and I used to be like, but what did I do?
And I would think through everything that I had posted and
what could have happened. And I really think that some
people just have their own fucking triggers in life and
they have to remove people for a BC&D reasons.
And now I'm comfortable with, if I somehow am bothering you on my
journey, if you take something personal, whatever, your problem
with me isn't my fucking business anymore and I'm no
longer give up. It does not affect me.
I think that's just really about like self-awareness and like
reflection and how like healing and working in your own energy
is like the most important part of the journey.
Because if not, you're always going to be caught up on that
external validation or understanding.
And I love when I see people finally get to the stage where
they no longer give a fuck and like, stop taking stuff
personal. Because for me, like if someone.
Shows initiative and then they back off.
That's more on them than on me. Or if someone like it says
they're going to do something and then they don't do it,
that's more on them. And understanding that like
nothing is personal but everything is spiritual.
People are going through their own battles that no one knows
about. And just because people are
portrayable, like confident or cute or attractive or successful
or rich or whatever, does not mean they're happy and have
confidence. And themselves does not mean
that they love themselves, that they like themselves, that they
even appreciate what they bring to the table.
So there's absolutely no way that that person in that
equation can show that same respect to you or towards
anyone. And I think that the moment I
stopped giving a fuck about how people perceived me was the
moment that, like, I started getting tattoos and I started
doing things that I wanted to do for me, rather than like what
society says you should do or what other people.
Think you should do, you know, And I feel like at the end of
the day, the moment you start living in your own power, that's
when you attract abundance and the reflection of that energy.
And I love to hear you say that you're like not even taking that
personal because deep down I feel like a lot of people it is
envy and jealousy. It's also just like some people
have a natural ability about them and people are not happy
about that. And I think that.
Sometimes people don't like to see other people evolve quicker
than themselves and it's like this weird competition that's
like doesn't exist if you're on your own personal journey and
like reflecting on your own journey.
Yeah. And going back to what you were
saying earlier, you know there people can have a lot of
comparison energy. And when you are looking for
outside sources of validation, you start to pick apart other
people's accomplishments and things and then compare yourself
to those accomplishments. And you start to think, well, if
I was just in a house that big, well, if I just had that level
of money, well, if I just drove that car, I had those
opportunities. If I was prettier, you know
whatever it may be, people are always if I just had and wanting
things to fix situations that they have right now I would feel
better about myself. If a BC&D and I think that's
where the energy comes into of people that are like who does
she think she is or who do they think they are And not just
towards you and I, but that happens all over.
Everybody gets that of like everybody has met somebody and
been like I don't know who the fuck she thinks she is.
She's probably just existing, and you just didn't like that
she was, you know, throwing down her unlimited credit card to pay
for that and you were jealous of it.
Honestly, I think a lot of it just boils down to like people
don't want to see you rise above the level that they exist at.
So if you drive that better car, you have that better job or you
have that amazing relationship or that beautiful body or like
you said, whatever it is. People only pay attention to
what they lack and rather than what they bring to the table.
And that's what I think is like the most like.
Dynamic Part of the journey is when you really just start
appreciating who the fuck you are and stop worrying about what
other people think they're doing, because who gives a fuck
what they're doing? You know what I mean?
Like, at the end of the day, that doesn't change your
journey. I've met so many people on this
path that like, faded away exactly when they need it to, or
like, were released exactly as I grew or learned a lesson.
Like I don't really take any relationship for granted or
understand that like. Oh, I wish that didn't happen
because I think that every time something didn't go my way,
personally, I learned so much from that.
But so many people get stuck perpetuating those same cycles.
Like they love to be in that victim mindset or that lack
mindset or, you know, whatever it may be.
And they don't even see that they're bringing that into their
world with that mindset. Yeah.
And it doesn't always need to even be spirituality based.
Like, I know that something that I had to work really hard to
overcome was being triggered by people talking about food and
dieting and body on TikTok. Because that's something that's
like shoved in your face so much on that app is you know, people
doing like dieting videos or workout things or whatever and
constantly talking about like body and body shaming and
whatever. And I had to really get over the
comparing my physical body to other people for beauty
standards. And I found myself getting like,
I had to reprogram because was getting so frustrated and
annoyed with people that were constantly doing nutrition
stuff. And I was like, not everybody on
this fucking app gives a fuck about what you're eating and
wants to measure it. And then I'm like, OK, well,
somebody out there actually does and like needs this type of
support. And so, like, they are making
content for a specific person. This is important to them.
You know, talking about spirituality may not be
important to somebody and they're like, why are these hoes
still fucking talking about this shit, you know?
So there's always, there's always going to be the you don't
have an interest in it, but somebody actually needs that.
And I started having to change my mindset and figure out why
does this trigger me. OK, because I'm uncomfortable
about my body. Well, what I'm I'm comfortable
in my skin. I just don't like being
perceived this way. And then you have to take out
your personality, being tied into just like your physical
whatever and not giving a fuck. And there's a lot of
deconstructing. And I think that people can be
like, oh, I'm on my spiritual journey.
So, like I'm so healed because I don't feel triggered by this
over here. Well, you still have to bring in
the mundane world and the physical elements of real
fucking life and see where all of your different triggers
day-to-day are that are affecting your spiritual growth.
And they're supposed to go hand in hand.
You're not supposed to be just focused on your spiritual
journey and not worrying about like you're human shit too.
Yeah, I think that's so important about focusing on the
mundane as well and like trying to find the magic in the mundane
and like see a different perspective.
And I know I've probably mentioned this before, but when
I got jury duty, I felt like it was the end of the fucking
world. Because they seriously pay you
$12.00 a day and parking is like $10.
So it makes zero sense. Like it makes zero sense for me
to go down here and do this all day.
But, you know, the flip coin is of that is like you could be the
one on trial, you know what I mean?
Like you could be the one in trouble.
You could be getting the letter from the government.
That's like you're in trouble, you know what I mean?
So I was like, it's a win, win. The fact that I'm going down
there as like a prized citizen that, like follows the rules and
plays the game right, you know, but at the same time it was just
like. I cannot believe that they
haven't changed the pay for this since like the 90s.
It makes 0 fucking sense. Makes no sense talking about
pay. I was talking to somebody who
has been doing content creating, and we were talking about taxes.
And they're like, I had no idea that I had to pay taxes on money
that I earned from content. And I was like, what do you
mean? And they're like, I didn't know
I had to. I didn't know I had to pay taxes
on Patreon. I didn't know I had to pay taxes
on it. And I was like, what do you
mean? And so they were, this was the
other day. And it was just, like, so crazy
because you and I were talking about our stuff last night and
taxes. And I was just thinking about
this person. And they've made like $100,000
this fucking year and they're fucking shit.
And they're like, I didn't know I had to pay taxes.
I haven't been putting money to the side, baby.
What do you mean? What do you mean the IRS is
going to come to your house and they're going to no glove finger
your fucking butt hole for that cash.
I tell you what. They're going to pay it upwards
about 25 to $32,000 if not more, unless they have write offs and
things. They're going to pay upward
OF30K on that, if not more. I don't give a fuck how much,
right? There's no way you have $100,000
worth of write off like you're going to owe.
You're going. TO30K Uncle Sam something?
Yeah, Uncle Sam's about to fucking take it out.
They better have like 5 kids and about 50K in write offs and then
they'll be straight. They're not.
They're going to be owing a lot of money and they'll be on in
trouble. And The funny thing is, like,
it's not even like it's not somebody like that I'm closely
associated with or friends with. They were just like, hey, I have
a question. Somebody told me I'm going to
have to pay taxes. Is that true?
And I'm just like what? What do you mean?
Do you have to pay taxes when you have a regular fucking job?
Well then baby, you got to pay taxes.
When you get any kind of income, you have to pay taxes.
If you fucking friends cash up you more than $600.00 for your
sushi food that you go and get every year.
I'm not. I'm not.
I'm filtering through all that. We won't be like real legit
changes between friends and family will not be taxed on my
income, and I will deduct that personally.
I'm not, he says. Me and my accountant have this
fucking figured out. No, I mean I'm just not going to
like when people owe me money like for concert tickets and
food and gas and stuff. I'm not going to pay taxes on
that. Like the business related things
will be taxed. But other than that that'll be
it. I don't give a fuck.
What it is, is drug dealers were getting like 20 to $30,000 a
year on cash app and that's why. That's why they changed
everything is because. Drug dealers and people that do
illegal things, and people that sell dogs and people that do
shit that's illegal in car businesses, and all these levels
were not paying taxes unless it was $20,000 or more.
So then the IRS changed it to $500 or more, meaning that
pretty much anyone whether you're cutting grass or
whatever, you're about to start paying taxes on digital
transactions. So what I was taught for
financial saving and I think it's important that we talk
about it because a lot of people just don't, don't know.
What I was always taught is that you unless you're at a job where
they are taking out your your taxes for you and they're
sending them off whatever and then you're going to do your
thing at the end of the year and maybe get money back when you
get paid your personal money for your content or whatever you you
save. So you cut that amount in in
half. So let's say I got 100 bucks in
you cut that amount in half. So you have 5025 dollars goes
into your savings, $25 gets put away for your taxes, and that
way you're always saving 25% away from the actual thing for
taxes, and then you're also saving 25% away for your savings
account as well. I think that you should save way
more than that. I think that when you start
making more than $10,000 at anything that you do, you better
be prepared to pay quite a bit back in.
And I think that people fuck themselves by not using like
credit cards properly or using things that track expenses
properly, because a lot of credit card companies will break
down your expenses and tell you what you spend money on the
most. And I just think that a lot of
people like use money they don't have to buy.
Things they don't need, so then later they're no longer
fulfilled or they're really greedy and stingy people to
begin with. And then money like repels you
when you're greedy and stingy Money doesn't.
Like, follow you and help you out because, like, there's no
reason it's not in flow with you.
It stops with you. You know what I mean?
Like someone who's greedy or send you like the money stops
there with them. Like someone who has good value
in money, knows how to spread it and invest in other businesses
or in people that matter. But I think it's funny how
people don't realize how the real world works when it comes
to taxes, when it comes to things that they don't teach us.
Like that's the problem is they don't teach us a lot of.
Life skills that we need. I yeah.
I mean, I don't really remember any kind of education on actual
financial things. I remember learning how to write
a check, but you know, I did all the math courses and everything
and there wasn't anything that was teaching you how to save for
taxes. Do your taxes, File your taxes?
Anything. But the second that you have a
job fucking 16 years old, think in Idaho, it's 15.
You're having to do taxes, you're having to figure it out.
And if you do it improperly, then you're going to have Uncle
Sam coming down your fucking throat.
And the solution for that is, Oh well, you should go and pay
somebody else who is educated on this, who's gone to college, who
has a degree, so that they can help you, because they don't
prepare you so that then people have to pay into the system to
learn how to do it, to not get fucked by the system.
So it's insane how twisted it is.
Like one year I had someone mess up on my taxes and I paid a lot
more money and then later I had to have someone redo and
resubmit my taxes where I got a reimbursement of like I don't
know, 1200 dollars or something that I had extra paid because
this person messed up my taxes. Like it's crazy that you can pay
someone a lot of money basically to do your taxes and they'll
still fuck it up. Speaking of getting money and
overpaying. So I got my gas bill this month
and it was $2.22 and I was like what the fuck?
So I'm telling Brian and he's like like something must have
happened. So then I look at last month and
I double paid, which I didn't even realize that I had double
paid and so it ended up crediting me this month.
And so I only owed $2.22 and I thought, that is so amazing.
And so when I went to the dispensary earlier in the month,
it was $55.55. And so I feel like spirits just
coming through and being like, hey, just want to reward you for
the way that you're spending your cash monies.
You know, I think that when you have a flow of mindset, things
flow very well and that's why, like, I don't.
Take things being disrupted or not being the way that I want
them as a disruptive my flow. I think that flow comes and goes
like you can't just like always have money and always have all
these things. But you can have the energy that
like guides you towards fulfillment in different ways
and I feel like then. Money and material matters.
And like things like that work itself out, you know what I
mean? Like whenever you're not
searching for it or focused on it or 1000% wrapped up in it.
And I think in the past for you especially, you were really
wrapped up in like, I need this, I need to do that, I want to be
here, I want to be there. And now you're like like a lot
more chill when it comes to that.
So then things are like more you know, like in tune for you.
Yeah, because for a long time I felt like I was trying to prove,
like to me, being successful with what I was doing and it
actually mattering was I had to be at a certain monetary thing
and I had to be on this level doing this.
And then once I was doing that, I was like, specifically it was
with my business. And then once I was doing that,
I was like the fucking money. Spending all of this time and
energy doing this isn't worth the emotional stress that I
feel. And it's more important to me to
feel like I'm doing something because I love doing it, because
I want to do it. As opposed to feeling like I'm
doing it to prove something and because I need to survive off of
it. And when I look back on it like
that wasn't even goals that I personally had it.
It ended up being a goal that was put on me.
And I don't even think I talked to you about this.
But when I had had that girl who wanted to start a podcast with
me before you and I did, and you were like, I fucking didn't like
her, she's fucking weird. She would put a lot of pressure
on me because she didn't have an outside job.
All of her stuff came from social media and whatever.
And so and it wasn't much money. Like she lived off of her
husband's whatever, which I hadn't done.
And so she was like, we're going to need to put this amount of
time and this amount of energy into it to have this kind of
financial, whatever come out of it.
And so I had put this goal down on paper of needing to make this
amount of money so that I could do, you know, what I want to do
full time or whatever. And when I think back on it, it
wasn't even a goal that I personally had for me.
It was somebody else speaking and projecting their shit on to
me that I then took on as this is what success is going to be
for me and what I have to do in order for me to not be wasting
my time. And I no longer feel that way.
And whether that be, you know, because I achieved that and then
decided it wasn't for me or be it because I actually am doing
things that I'm passionate about and it doesn't fucking matter.
I don't know. But I just know that that is so
far removed from my reality now and what I'm thinking for
myself, and I don't do anything that I'm doing with a monetary
point in mind. I'm I want my bills paid and I
want to be comfortable. And that's where I'm at.
And I really could give a fuck less about anything about that.
You know, I think so many people get wrapped up in some, like,
certain fantasy world that they think is going to completely
fulfill them or make them happy. And most people do it through
relationships or through even situation ships.
Like, people like to feel like they're in control and that they
have some kind of, like, control over their fate.
But the thing I love. About the Universe is like it
never ceases to amaze me. The things that are possible
when I get out of my own way, when I get out of my own head,
when I get out of my own, like limiting belief systems.
And at the same time, I feel like that's the most
uncomfortable part of the journey, is venturing off that,
you know, beating path like that familiar.
But sometimes you have to do that to realize that's not.
What you're going for or that's actually not the direction that
you want to go. And a lot of people don't
realize that, like getting out of their own head, getting out
of their own way and just doing the thing.
Trying The thing is going to give you a lot of information on
whether that thing is for you or whether that person or that
situation or that job is for you.
But under. Like, understand how people can
stay in that energy forever. But like, outside influences,
your environment and how you spend your free time will make
or break your whole life. And a lot of people just play
the victim in their own world. But it's like you set the stage.
You're setting the stage for all this fuckery.
You're shady, you are envious. You know you're not a good
person, so you're attracting people.
That reflect that back to you, that treat you like shit, that
validate your insecurities or traumas.
And you know, I just like surrounding myself with people
who just are trying the best to do like what they require, like
what they want. You know, instead of trying to
fit some narrative of like this is my picture perfect life.
Now look at it and and congratulate me, You know what I
mean? Yeah.
I no longer look at people and think, Oh my gosh, they have it
all put together or whatever. Because what you see from the
outside and you think that other people have their ship put
together. A lot of times those people
would laugh at you if you told them that they have their ship
put together. They'll be like, no, I fucking
don't. And another thing, too, is I
think that people would be happier if they did things that
were a risk and that they didn't know what the outcome was going
to be, but they just felt like they were.
They're led to do something. And I know that for me, I've
always been the person that's like, it doesn't make any sense
to me. But I feel really drawn to make
this decision, go this place, do this thing since I was a kid.
And I'm going to make that happen.
And it always has, you know, bothered my parents or whatever
because it just seems irresponsible or whatnot.
But it's always end up blessing me in the end and is the been
the best thing to do. And I think that a big part of
people limiting themselves and having these like crazy goals
and expectations for their self and their thought processes and
shit has been passed down to them from their parents, from
their friends, from whoever, with these mindsets of Oh no,
well, you have to do it like this.
And usually the people giving the advice are people who have
had handouts to get what they have and they've never, they're
not intuitive in any way, so they couldn't fucking pick a
fucking direction. Or they just only have these one
pathways and they could never be open to something else?
Did you know there was just a bubble with the thumbs up that
came floating around your screen?
No. But what's fucking crazy about
that is I was doing a reading before we started the call and
that happened to me while I was talking to her and we were not
on Zoom, we were on Facebook and I can't figure out why the fuck
it's happening. And we both were fucking weirded
out and then we tried doing it again and it wouldn't do it.
Did we do it like that? It doesn't do it.
I don't know what happens. It's been happening when I talk
today. I've never seen that.
It was like a spirit bubble, but a thumbs up.
What I like about the world is that you can choose any reality
that you want and a lot of. People waste their energy
surrounding themselves with miserable people and you know,
misery loves company and people will love to keep you at their
level or keep you beneath them. A lot of people, including
myself in the past, would hang out with more weaker minded
people so I could be like the smarter person, the smartest
person even. And you know, I think people do
that. That's what people do, they
like. Surround themselves with weaker
links because they want to feel superior or they actually want
to validate their own insecurities, like they're doing
something like they have something going on and that
they're in their power or whatever.
And unfortunately, so many people play the game very well.
But when it comes down to actually acting upon a lot of
what they're saying or a lot of like what they're.
Eluding is like, it's not there. You know what I mean?
Like people's character will always be tested whenever it
gets down to the integrity. Like how is someone really going
to react under pressure or under stress, or like when they're
scared or grieving or whatever. People will show you the best
version of them all the way until they can't anymore.
And then you have to decide like what you're going to do with
that like how you're going to move forward in that situation.
I agree. And and something that you and I
had recently talked about too. I I came to this realization as
I was trying to think about just like repeat types of people that
kind of come into our circle and that we maybe have issue with or
or fallout with or something like that.
And I was trying to think about well what's my mindset, how am I
attracting these people, whatever.
And I have been figuring out that I really try to connect.
Well, I don't try to, but I have seemed to have people gravitate
towards me that are in similar energetic situations or places
in their life that I have been before and in times of my life
where I felt like I didn't have any support systems or any
anybody to like, boost me up and help me through.
And so I I see this in people and I go, oh, well, if I had
just had somebody like me with where I am right now when I was
in that place, I could have done a BC&DI can help them on their
journey. And so it's been like this
Captain Sevaho mentality. And you know, there's a fine
line between mentorship and Captain Sevaho energy.
And instead of trying to guide people because you see old
versions of yourself in them, recognizing that that's where
they are and giving every single person the same amount of tools
and guidance in the exact in the same way without switching it up
and getting more emotionally invested in certain places.
Because you see yourself in that.
Because I'm recognizing that, for me, it almost feels like I'm
trying to heal like childhood wounds of like me as a teenager
or whatever. Because I used to be in these
places and now that I'm thinking about it and deconstructing it,
those people, even with the tools that they've gotten, will
never do with that information what you and I have done to
overcome addictions and abuses and traumas and whatever, even
with the same tools. Those will never be the same
people. And also those people are not
1516 year olds. Little girls trying to work
their shit out and having difficulty.
These are grown ass Broads who know better, who have had life
experiences to know better and have probably had people try and
help them and aren't doing more. And so I'm going to really be
and I and I'm kind of saying this out loud like to you too
because I just want to like be held accountable for it I guess.
And like speaking into the universe is like I am no longer
accepting energy in the form of my past traumas to make me feel
like I'm responsible to help somebody or I'm abandoning them
just because that's how I felt in younger, unhealed versions of
myself. You know, I've been really
working through that inner child work for like years now.
And I think that anyone who's listening that feels like they
relive cycles often or see their cycles within people and their
reality to really focus on that inner child healing.
Because there are wounded parts of us that are attached to
certain outcomes that we did not receive certain instances that
did not happen. You know, a lot of people
fantasize about what a relationship would have been
like with. A certain parent or a certain
person, whether that's a sibling or a grandmother or whoever, but
you don't know what that would have been like and like
fantasizing and mourning the loss of something is a natural
response, but it can keep you in that cycle of abandoning, like,
abandoning yourself and not honoring yourself.
Because a lot of us just like, resent the path that we're on
most of the time. Unless people are like.
Wildly successful, talented and famous.
They're like fantasizing about someone else's life or like
trying to stir up drama and someone else's life.
And that's what I've learned the most, is like, the more peace
that I have in my world, the more people want to, like, try
to disrupt that peace and think that they have some power over
my thoughts or my vision. Like I'm going to waste energy
to send them some kind of negative spell.
Like I don't even do love spells when I could totally do a love
spell on literally anyway. One, I choose not to because I
don't want anything that's not authentic.
Like, I don't want anything that's concocted from a fantasy
world. Like, although the fantasy
worlds are beautiful, a lot of people live there and they're
delusional in a way that's like, not productive.
I feel like my delusions are very productive because I've
worked to build those visions into reality and like, they
started from a delusion or started from a dream or
something. So I don't know.
I just. I'm not.
In the position to like judge what people do on their journey,
because I really don't care. It doesn't affect me.
But I also don't like people who act like they're going to do the
work. And then when they later don't
do the work, they project their insecurities and fears and
trauma back onto the person who's been trying to help them
to continue to perpetuate that abandonment cycle like you
mentioned, but also that unworthiness, energy, that
neglect. You know, we neglect ourselves
every time we let someone else manipulate.
Relate us. But when you're taking advantage
of people who are willing to help you, help you rise above
that, you're really fucking yourself.
Over. You're not fucking them.
Over you're fucking yourself, yeah.
And also I think that people who end up doing that also when
they're taking advantage of of people's energy or their time or
whatever or resource of any kind, you end up manipulating it
in your mind to why you deserve to be doing what you're doing or
why you are owed. What this person is giving you
their time, money, etcetera. And what they're giving you that
before you were like, wow, I can't believe that like I can
pay you for, you know, let's say like a spiritual service or
whatever. I can't believe that that I'm
able to do that. Then people kind of get
comfortable in that and it turns into like, well, I don't think
that I should have to pay that. Well, I don't think that I
should have to do this. And I think it's because people
get comfortable manipulating things inside of their own mind
at why they're owed something, why it should just be given to
them. And a lot of people will self
rationalize in all areas of life of why they deserve to have
special accommodations made for them or whatever.
Like, well, I know that everybody else has to do this in
order to get that. But like, we've had phone calls
before, so I should be able to be able to have this or I should
be able to do this. And I know that I've had that
happen. I mean, I I've done that not in
like current versions of myself, but in old versions of myself.
I've totally, like, have those moments where I've had friends
who have overgiven to me and I had just been like, Oh well,
they're my friends. So, like, they should be doing
that anyways because that's what friends are.
Well, no. I was taking advantage of their
niceness and their kindness and knowing that they were always
going to be there to fall back and rely on.
And I took advantage of that and I made it make sense in my own
mind. And then I was pissed when there
was a falling out and and they were holding me to a standard
because I manipulated the whole thing in my mind.
And for some people that won't unravel for them for months, for
years for something catastrophic to happen and they feel by
themselves. And when that does happen and
people have self realizations, it is not then your
responsibility to say it's okay that you absolutely treated me
like shit and garbage and said stuff that like really affected
my soul in the moment because now you're apologizing like it.
You don't ever have to tell anybody that like they're
forgiven and or anything for shitty ways that they treat you
just because they were having a really shitty time and it took
me a long time to learn that. You know, I think people make
excuses for others all the time, especially in relationships,
people that they have children with, people they're related to.
Excuses will be made until you're really sick of your own
shit, or sick of their shit, or sick of whatever environment
that you've created because. I just honestly believe that
every person has the ability to pull themselves out of something
like that. If they're willing, like you
said, to do that work. And like to put in that time
where you set with yourself, where it's uncomfortable, where
you turn down invites and invitations to celebrate.
Because there really is nothing to celebrate if you're not in
tune with your own soul. That's why I don't understand
the people who drink every weekend, because it's like, what
are you celebrating? Your life is absolutely shit
Monday through Friday and then on the weekend you just go get
fucked up and literally don't even like have any self
realization time. You know what I mean?
Like you're so drained and like illusioned that you don't even
know your own self. And I think a lot of people,
their biggest fall is they can't set with themselves because they
don't really like themselves. And that sucks.
Like I want everyone to like themselves.
I want everyone to be able to be in their own energy and enjoy a
movie or cook a home cooked meal and just be in your own energy.
Or just be happy with your family and the and the energies
that you surround yourself with, right?
Like to be present and not wish that your life was different.
I'll hope that for everyone. And that's why I always laugh
when people act like I would waste any of my energy to like
send them ill intention. Because it's like no, that's
gross, like that is stink, coochie energy, dusty crusty
butt. And I don't.
Ever want to exude that energy? Like, even when people don't
like me, I know it's because of something that is within them
that has nothing to do with me. And I will stand on that because
I am genuinely a very nice and like outgoing person that like,
wants to see everyone win. So if you have a problem with
me, it's really because you don't like yourself and I'm just
not ever going to like. Think anything else, because
I've never went to anyone and try to mess up what their vibe
is. Even if I think that someone has
the hottest boyfriend ever, I would not try to break up their
relationship. You know what I mean?
Like, I'm just not vindictive like that, period.
And I want to add on to what you're saying because I I want
to make it known that when you're saying that it's not
like. A you don't selfreflect, and you
and you come from an egotistical standpoint by saying that.
And I think that people who are easily triggered could take it
that way. I have had any time that there's
been any type of, like, disturbance in the fucking
force. We've had a conversation of
like, this is what's going on from your outside perspective.
Should I have done anything differently?
Does this make sense? Is this kind of response
warranted in this? Like does this person have a
point? Like we we have those types of
conversations with each other behind the scenes when things
come up in life or when there is any type of falling out anywhere
or icky energy where we do really like hold me accountable
if I fucked up in this and if I need to be like taking self
accountability somewhere. This is the situation, these are
the screenshots in some situations.
Like what do you think? And I think that it is so
important for people to have somebody that they can trust in
their life that's going to give them an honest perception and
viewpoint from an outside source and not just blow smoke up their
ass. Because if you have a falling
out and you asked me and you're telling me I and I'm like, well,
you know, this was kind of fucked up over here, you would
take that, you wouldn't be upset with me for saying that and you
would process that information and vice versa.
And there are so many people in this world that do not have
anybody that is one that gives a fuck enough to be honest or two
that isn't gaining something off of them by them being happy.
And the more people that we're kind of coming in contact with
who have I don't know what the word is like followings or like
are in a public eye or something like that.
They're surrounded by yes Men. And it's so crazy to have those
people be like wow, what a breath of fresh air that you
guys are like honest and that you guys would like you know say
things when I come forward and that we can have real
conversations or whatever. And so many people don't have
actual honest friendships and and it sucks.
I honestly hope that a lot of people start to find out who
they really are and like what they want.
Because you can ask people like what they want and they
literally will name dumbass shit like money and stuff like that.
But they don't know anything that they personally want on a
personal, like internal level. And I'm just convinced that,
like, people are so. Distracted 24/7 that they just
don't set with themselves and that's why meditation is a like
something you have to take initiative with.
And the same thing with like any approach to healing yourself or
holistic healing or reflection. It's like you have to make time
for it, period. It's not easy.
And that's why you don't see everybody out here talking to
other people about like spiritual.
I don't know if you can hear my cat fucking losing his balls in
the background, but he was just fucking yelling at me and
hitting my door. But that's why everybody doesn't
do what we do. And why it's such a special
thing to have people inside of your space that can provide
mentorship for. How to self reflect.
How to calm yourself. How to look within what types of
things needed to be healed. How to deliver messages from
spirit in a way that isn't terrifying and having to have
some crazy ass shock value and and something that I I really
love. People point this out all the
time when they get readings from us.
But something that I really love about you and I is that when
we're doing readings we have so many people now in our
communities that they like piggyback.
Like they get things from both of us and they're like, oh, like
this resonated with me. And then Paige said this and
this resonated. And we have this ability to give
people guidance and tell them about different paths that they
could be taking and how they could be changing things and
utilizing their energy differently while also
complementing them for their strengths and pointing out the
strengths that they have and helping them to utilize those in
a different way. And out of all the, you know,
different readers and readings and stuff that I've come in
contact with, it's a very like not to shoot our own fucking
horns, but like beep fucking beep because there's so many
readers and stuff who they want to provide you.
Not that they're not accurate with what they're saying, but
their point is to he provides you with some type of a shock
value and be dramatic about what they're saying and and whatever,
and not even really give you direction with something, but
just pinpoint that they know what's going on in your mind.
And then they kind of leave you with that and you're like cool.
So you've told me what I'm already thinking.
That's nice. You're intuitive on what I'm
thinking, but you haven't actually left me with any
direction and both of us want you to walk away from like your
time with us being like, OK, this is my homework and this is
like where I need to for the time being, defocusing my
energy. And that's why men's worship
with us is fucking bomb as shit. You should hop on the train.
Honestly, I love giving people a little game plan, like in the
Signs and Omens, a section of all my e-mail readings.
I always give people like a kind of A to do list of things they
can start looking into, things they should watch, listen to,
read, and it's always intuitive. Like, I will literally recommend
books that I've never even read because that's what they need to
read. So I don't know.
I think that it's interesting when people just listen because
it gets so much louder when you start hearing the call.
It's real quiet normally, and you might sound.
And feel a little crazy in the beginning, but then once you
listen, it gets louder and louder and louder to the point
where like, you cannot not listen.
You know what I mean? Like there's no other option.
And that's why I think I'm so like flexible on this journey
with like what comes next and what's being shown and what's
being blocked and what's changing or evolving or
whatever. And instead of being attached to
certain outcomes because I saw them being reality, I'm just
more open to the evolving shift of reality.
Like it can and will get better if you're in that frame to
receive and attract that energy. Like I just know that what is
for me will not pass me up and it is also like coming into my
world because I am an energetic match for it.
So the less. Energy that I relate with are
the people I disconnect with, are the people that have an
issue with who I am. It's really doing me a favor by
clearing my energy field and taking that dusty crusty with
you and a lot like leaving me. Stagnant in that same cycle,
perpetuating those similar bonds, trauma, bonds, karmic
bonds, whatever you want to call it.
With people you know you can stay in karmic energy your whole
life. And a lot of people choose to
like, surround themselves with past partners because they're
caught in that karmic cycle and they can't break that cycle.
And when something new or something exciting comes into
their life, they almost just. Naturally self sabotage it
because they're so used to perpetuating a cycle of broken
dreams and like anger and despair that they don't know
what happiness or mutual understanding and like respect
really means in a relationship or in a friendship.
Or you know certain instances like people are only willing to
learn as far as they're willing to learn and you can't force
them to change well. And also, people are expecting
everything to People make a lot of choices on how it makes them
feel as opposed to like what's actually good for them.
And I think that's where people get fucked up too.
Like people go into relationships because of how
things make them. You know?
I have like, it's all like giddy and whatever, okay cool.
But like what are the foundational pieces of who this
human being is? And they really will do the
comparison to relationships in particular.
Like, I think that people will look at other people's
relationships. And you know, if you look at
like the comments under like Belly, Belly under, like Bunny
and Jelly's videos, it really is, you know, oh, I wish that I
had that. I wish that I had that.
But it's not about what they've gone through in order to be at
the point that they're at. And everybody wants to have
these like, picture perfect outcomes and they don't want to
put in the work that it takes behind the scenes.
It's not an amazing thing that you're going to just jump into
and have this. I mean, maybe you're like one in
a fucking trillion that just has this relationship that's perfect
with no problems all the way fucking through.
But it takes hard work and it takes putting your energy into
it. And you know, you giving
somebody the advice of books that they should, you know, get
during the reading or a BC&D. Well, what are you guys doing
with that energy? What are you, how are you going
to apply that and make a change? And I texted you about this.
But when my sister was just here, we are in the car.
And it was just crazy how this conversation happened.
So we're in the car. And Samantha Leah, one of her
songs, comes on the radio or comes on my sister's playlist.
And I was like, oh, you listen to Samantha.
And she's like, yeah, I like her.
And I was like, you know, that's my girl.
I had her on the podcast and she's like, what?
I didn't know that I wanted to show you her music while I was
here. And I'm like, yeah, I know.
And I said, that's funny. I'm going to text her right now
and tell her that you're playing her song in the car like, this
is crazy. And then she, my sister goes,
you know, while I'm texting Samantha, she goes, I'm just
like super proud of you because think about three years ago.
She goes, do you remember three years ago, you had just gotten
out of the hospital and I came and I stayed with you, And then
you went into the other room and you had that, like, tarot,
psychic reading or whatever with that girl.
She said you walked out of the room and you said, I know
exactly what I need to do. I'm going to start a podcast.
And I'd never heard you talk about a podcast before or
anything. And she goes and look now.
And she was trying to in her conversation, she was trying to
point out to me, like all the different things and the way
that my life has evolved in the last three years.
And it, like, made me reflect. And then I sat there.
I'm like, do you realize that that person I got the reading
from was Paige? And she's like, what?
Like, I didn't even realize. So my sister didn't even realize
that that reading was from you. And she's congratulating me on
all these individual pieces of things that have happened since
then. Either I've done or you and I
have done together or whatever, and it just is really fucking
crazy to think about. Like I could have gotten that,
that reading from you and I could have been like, no, I
can't actually do any of those things because I'm really sick
and I got this diagnosis and I'm in and out of the hospital.
Like, I can't do that. But instead I was like, OK, you
told me that I need to utilize energy when I have it.
So on days that I felt good, I was interviewing three to four
people a fucking night. Because I was just, I never knew
if anybody was going to say yes again.
I never knew if I was going to be too sick to do it.
And I wanted to have a backlog of episodes to the point that I
still have episodes that haven't been fucking released from the
interviewing people in the very beginning, because I was just so
overwhelmed with the amount of people that I that I talk to.
You know what's crazy about just like one move in the right
direction? It really propels you forward.
Like I love that saying like when people are like one step
ahead and then I take 2 steps back or they use it in a
negative way. But what if you reverse that
ideology and thought like with every step back I take 3
forward. So it always is putting me ahead
rather than thinking about yourself being behind.
And you know, I like to tell people like you're the youngest
and the hottest and like the most, like healthy version of
yourself right now as you're listening to this.
You're the hottest you've ever been.
You're the youngest you've ever been, and you are definitely the
healthiest you've ever been. And whether your mind agrees
with that statement or not is going to be up to you and the
way that you want to portray and project your energy.
But I know one thing I don't associate with sickness, I don't
associate with negativity, and I don't associate with drama and
any of those things that people want.
Want to be in their circle or in their life, That's up to them.
But I just know I don't want that in my world and I only want
clients and people that have a mutual understanding that it
takes 2 to tango. And like you've got to also put
in your part of the work and you can always follow up and get
validation and and do what you need to do to go next level.
But at the same time, if you're not putting in that same amount
of energy, doesn't matter how much money you spend on tarot
cards and crystals and classes and whatever, you're not
applying that energy to your everyday life.
You're thinking that something's going to still come save you.
And like, that's where I think a lot of people latch on to
practitioners, especially you and I, because we're so open
with community style, like learning and teaching.
Because I do think the community aspect is what we've been.
Involved of as humans because you know, it does take a village
to really operate a successful anything.
And unfortunately, people are so isolated and so selfcentered,
it's hard for them to understand that everyone has their role and
everyone has a sacred gift or multiple gifts, but that doesn't
still take away from what you bring to the table.
That's a that's a really big one and I think that people can.
The reason that I have like, taken on that, like cult leader,
I say in quotation marks for those that are not on Patreon,
The cult leader thing is because I just think that it's so
ridiculous. Because inside like my soul and
inside your soul, neither one of us feels like, wow, I'm really
above you teaching you all the things and like, I'm way better
than you are. And here you are, a little
grasshopper, having to learn the things like our that's what
other people project on to us thinking that our thought
process is. And for us, we are literally
just always so grateful that we are able to be in a position to
have other people trust us, to give guidance, to give messages
that like, you know, that we're able to be gifted to help other
people in the ways that we do. And our actual goal in things is
always like, oh, you like the energy that I'm exuding.
This is literally a mentorship for how I learn how to do what
I'm doing. And if that's the vibrational
level that like, you're loving, here are the tools that I'm
using to do that and what you can do.
And so like, if those tools don't work for you and you don't
like the thought processes or the work and the energy that has
to go in for where we're at on our journeys, then we're just
not the people for you. And it never has to be a
competition thing. Also, you don't ever have to
even have like a falling out. If it just doesn't suit you, it
just doesn't suit you. And and the mature thing to do
in life is somebody's energy just doesn't.
It's just not what you expected it to be.
Maybe you see behind the veil and you're like, wow, I really
thought that they were spiritual fucking Asheville traveling
robots. And they're actually humans.
And like, I was expecting something different.
You can easily just like say something nice and move on with
your life and never have a falling out.
But I think that people are not able to close connections
without having something catastrophic and burning the
fucking bridge in order to move forward.
And I used to do that. It's like it's a very self
sabotaged thing where then you get to do the victim mentality
of I'm always by myself, nobody. I can never take anybody
seriously. I don't grow because everybody
that I'm meeting is doing a BC&D well.
If everybody around you is doing this, maybe you're the problem.
Honestly, I think that's important in self reflection is
to see how you activate and perpetuate certain cycles and
allow them to be present. Because a lot of people want to
be right. And what I've learned, I don't
need closure anymore. Like I used to think I needed
like closure or needed like to know why someone did something
or why something happened the way that it did, or I needed to
put my last two cents in the jar.
But instead, now, like, I think not getting closure helps me to
just detach even more easily. Like to detach from certain
situations when people expect it to distract you or get you
worked up or upset you. It's so powerful.
I think honestly, like the sweetest revenge is success and
forgiveness. Like not letting things.
Change your spirit. Not letting things harden your
heart and like, make you angry and bitter or make you like, you
know, get your heart broken so you think all bad people or or
everyone's bad or you know what I mean?
Like, I think a lot of people allow things to turn them bitter
when it's just one occurrence with one person or maybe
multiple people or whatever. But it's like, that doesn't have
to be a reality if you don't want it to be.
I used to feel, and even months, you know, up to the beginning of
the year when we had that whole thing happened with our
communities. I felt like I had to let people
know, even if they mistreated me and they fucked me over, that
like your viewpoint is valid, even if that's not my
perception. And for some reason, I used to
feel like I had to give people that permission that like their
perspective can be right, even if it's wrong.
And I started realizing that it's just my way of trying to
make it okay, that someone's upset with me for something that
I didn't fucking do. And I just had to have the last
word, even though it was absolute utter bullshit.
Like you and I both know that you done fucked up and that you
were being a fucking snake, but for my closure and like, my
selfish whatever, I had to tell you it's okay.
And then to me what that does is it actually prevents somebody
from having their own healing journey and having to take self
accountability. Because now I've justified their
actions by telling them that like that it it could be okay in
in your perspective like you know and although we all are
going to see truth from our own perspective is like everybody
has their different versions of things and their different
perspectives. Just because somebody's
perspective from their viewpoint can be right doesn't mean that
their actions or the way that they went about it is the
correct way. It just means that maybe they're
not far enough on their healing journey, but they're able to
self reflect and the necessary ways for these situations.
I think at the end of the day, a lot of people don't realize that
you're not going to be able to show up and understand
situations. If you're not ready to face the
music, like if you're not really ready to see the truth, you're
not going to see it. It's like I have just really
learned the grace of just letting people stay in whatever
delusional world or whatever illusion that they're in, rather
than trying to prove my innocence or prove my character
or prove my intentions. I'm just like, Okay.
Now I think that disrupts people's peace more.
When you're just like okay, this is, that's fine.
Like, no problem. Talk later, not going to hear
it. I'm blocking you.
I'm unfollowing you. Like that's so triggering.
To people who like the confrontation, they like the
drama and they like having the last word or, you know,
disrupting your peace. They thrive in that type of
environment. And that's what's weird to me.
I refuse to have drama and bullshit with people.
I've talked before like I'm not. I'm not going to put people's
names on social media. I'm not going to have responses
to things like I'm not going to text you back a big, long list
of what a piece of shit you are because you're having this.
Like whatever response to things that you are, I will.
More often than not, I'm going to take what you've said and
Mull it over and get outside perspective too, so that I can
understand where my learning needs to happen from the
situation. But I don't like the way that
you handled it. I'm not going to move on with
you. I won't have you in my circle.
There's absolutely no reason for me to have any kind of closing
conversation with you. I can hear what your perspective
is. I can figure out how I'm going
to grow and navigate forward, whether that means that I need
to take, you know, accountability for something.
And that's the fucking other thing.
Somebody if you decide to take self accountability in something
and you decide that you want to make a change for future, you
know, relationships, friendships, whatever, you don't
owe telling that person how you're going to change or what
you're going to take from it, or how you're going to move
differently next time. Like they're not owed an
explanation for anything. For as far as they know you took
their shitty fucking messages and you, none of it went to your
head and you forgot all about it.
It doesn't matter what you do with the information from their
conversation because you're never going to move forward with
that person anyways. And a lot of people will sit
there and and they'll try and like, you know, pick a dead
horse or whatever and try and just keep on going over the same
fucking thing so that they can explain like this is what I'm
going to get out of it and this is what I'm going to do.
Or no, you're completely wrong and that's playing it to me from
an outside perspective of ICU going back and forth with the
tit for tat thing. You fucking like the dramatic
energy. You want to be involved in it.
You like that your stomach hurts and you have diarrhea because
you can't stop fucking getting over the bullshit because and
you laugh because you know it's true.
People sit there with an upset stomach getting fucking sick
over conversations, but they'll keep having the fucking
conversations and making themselves sick like you're
manifesting your own fucking frustrated reality because you
won't move on. Well, a lot of people can't let
it go, you know what I mean? Like, just let it die, let it be
put to rest, let it move on. But like, quit holding on and
resentment and anger and like harboring negativity towards
people because. At the end of the day, that's
only hurting you. That's only going to hurt you in
the long run. And I think that if anyone can
take anything from this episode is like stop.
Letting other people control your reality.
Stop letting other people's energy and intentions towards
you. Shape who you are.
Decide who you are, learn about who you are, and know that
energy Regardless of who's around you, regardless of what
you're going through personally, regardless of what is going on
in your external world, if you have an unwavering belief and
understanding of yourself, you will not be.
You'll not be harmed in this process.
You will be elevating. You'll be growing.
You will be really understanding each dynamic as it comes, rather
than living in the lens of limiting belief or letting the
past dictate your future. So I think, you know, just
really getting clear on who you are and what you want is like
the first step to breaking free of all of those paradigms that
hold you hostage. I think a take away that I would
want people to have from the Episode 2 is no matter how you
verbalize to people how they're wrong and how they ain't shit
and how they done fucked up, they're not then going to be, Oh
my God, you're right. I shouldn't have done that luck.
I needed you to point it out to me in this very cunty, long
drawn out message. They're not, they're not going
to fucking take what you're saying to heart.
So don't waste your fucking energy and on that let's pull a
human design card. Also, if you ever send me a long
drawn out bullshit message, I'm just screenshotting it.
I'm sending it to Page, I'm blocking you, I'm going to talk
shit about you and then I will never think about it again and
that will be my healing process. Thank you.
That's not that we're all and up and up.
I I won't respond to you. I will simply block you, talk
shit about you and then and then yield and move up.
Okay. That's mostly a joke.
Mostly it just depends on the circumstances.
I think we've already gotten this one before, but must be
fitting. Card 37 for the Chamber of
Pearl. It's the ocean beating up
against some rocks. The sinus Pisces.
The gift is new vision and the Shadow is division.
To honor the gift, we must first acknowledge our ever present
equality. We are a global family built
from the same cloth. When we forsake our inherent
oneness, we rely entirely on the false narratives of the physical
world, division, deconstruction, power, and control.
Accessing the gift means taking back your power and your ability
to see beyond these limitations. It's an act of courage, as many
people will be forever hypnotized by the allure of
power. Detangling fact from fiction is
a lifelong endeavor. Finding balance within the
polarity doesn't mean burying your head in the sand, but it
allows you to see the world stage through a new lens.
Become conscious to your own innate sovereignty, and follow
your heart's direction. Salvage the Pearl and then your
shadow is division. This lower frequency state is
characterized by outdated power structures and balances and worn
archetypes of the Old World. When we're unable to see outside
of our duality, we tend to favor one side, right or wrong,
masculine over feminine, power over apparent weakness.
The narrative runs deep. As a collective, we've often
championed masculine models, equating force, hegemony, and
the quest for power with greatness.
The pendulum must now excuse me. The pendulum must not swing too
far in the opposite direction in order to repair division.
Instead, we must call upon a union of both feminine and
masculine energies, reconciling the collision within and moving
beyond hierarchy, the perpetuation of war, conflict
and separation within this global arena.
Highlights are reticent to abandon masculine driven modes
of survival that no longer serve the collective.
The first step is to heal this wound within us and witness our
own contribution to the continuation of these obsolete
systems. Exit the fun House of mirrors.
The themes are duality, peace, healing, and innate power.
The piece that I love the most is Exit the Fun House of
Mirrors. Because anytime some goofy
fucking shit pops off, I send page clown faces, circus tents,
the ticket emoji to the fucking circus.
I send voice notes like if it's a fucking circus freak show, I
absolutely we talk about it. So that just is perfection for
ending this. I think as we uncode these
illusions, there's just so much more to be revealed.
And being grounded and knowing yourself will help you weather
the storm, but it's not going to stop or prevent the storm.
It's not going to stop or prevent the nonsense.
Doesn't matter how good of a person you are, it does not
hinder you or hold you. You know, like.
You're going to have to be held accountable, like no matter if
you want to be or not at the end of the day.
So I'm just grateful for everyone who does the work and
that really does appreciate the process because the process is
beautiful. Whether it's beautiful or not,
it's beautiful. Yeah.
I agree with everything that you just said.
Over and out, captain. Love you.
Bye. Love you.
Bye.