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What up motherfuckers? Welcome back to Candyland.
We're looking at like lollipops, pages, twirling it, hopping it,
bopping it, putting it down, laying it down, throwing it
back. You.
Know it's crazy right now is I feel like I went through this
like phase where relationships and like sex and just all those
things were just like not important to me.
And the more that I made it not important to me, the more now
that people want to like, throw that thing over my way like too
many. And that's why I like when I did
this little anonymous questionnaire, I wasn't
expecting the response. I haven't gotten anything that
has like necessarily super surprised me, but kind of 'cause
I am shocked what people will say anonymously.
I want to hear what people are saying to you anonymously.
OK, So what should we go with? A surprise for me or because I
have 8 unopened ones? Why don't you start out with the
ones that you've opened, and then we'll get into the ones
that you haven't. You said something about.
You wanted me to rate it on a scale from 1:00 to 10:00.
So what about rating? So I posted the link the other
day one time and I made it for Instagram and Snapchat.
This one is just for Snapchat. So for the last 24 hours, you
all, I've been letting Snapchat, which is the craziest place we
all know, give me as much of their energy on this anonymous
tip line. And so this time around, instead
of asking me a question, I put tell me a secret.
No questions. So not answering questions.
I want to hear your secret. I'm, I'm talking about you in a
way. So someone wrote 12 hours ago
via via secret messenger. I masturbate.
I masturbate to your pictures pretty often.
Your selfies, your feet. You are flawless head to toe.
First of all, why are you not charging for your feet?
I don't know. How does this make you feel?
I don't know where they found that at, but this is just one
person, multiple maybe like 10 confessions have already said I
masturbate to you. Now I'm saying the funniest
things. Like one of my replies was do
you love it or I don't know, I just like them saying all this
crazy stuff back to them. So another one.
Let's get a good one. I want to eat you out and do the
tongue swirls on you while I choke you and I actually like
that. I ain't gonna lie y'all.
So I replied back to that one and said I like that, but
obviously probably not from that person.
Wait, that so so it has to be somebody with long arms because
to be down the because you got to reach up high, so it has to
be somebody with long arms. So you need.
To be over 6 foot. So if you're not over 6 foot,
don't even put that theory out there.
Yeah. So people started saying
different things and I just kept saying like, prove it, prove it.
And people like where do I prove it at?
So this is a this is a good one. I have a wife, but she doesn't
know about my cuckolding fantasy.
Any advice on how to bring it up?
It's just an odd fantasy that I have.
I'm just so confused that so how somebody has like that type of a
fantasy and they don't tell their partner about it.
Like that's like a major thing, like, hey, want to see you get
porked by somebody else's, you know, missile?
You should tell somebody that. You know what's really crazy
about this anonymous thing is this one says I would let you
stomp on my balls for pleasure. You're my dominatrix and I know
you have that friend who's a dominatrix and I'm thinking
about hitting her up no shit and getting some lessons around
here, 'cause I'm vanilla, Y'all like, I'm not a dominatrix, but
I could be mean to men. Like I like being mean to y'all
OK but I'm vanilla when it comes to like putting people on a
leash and and pegging them. The amount of people that said
they want me to peg them is alarming in my eyes cause am I
just giving big Dick energy? Is this what I can't find a
partner? But do you want to do it?
Would you do it? I probably would do it low key,
high key, like. I'm not going to lie.
See, my thing too is like, is that something that you would do
for your pleasure or just their pleasure?
I don't know. We'd have to find out.
I'm into experimentation. I'm more like, I'm just
experimental. Like, I will try something once,
but I may never do it again, right?
Like I'm just even like that with drugs.
Like I have an addictive personality.
So I'll try things one time, like for real, for real.
Like I'll really shock the audience.
I and not even gonna front on y'all like 10 years ago I tried
heroin. I didn't, I didn't like shoot up
the heroin, but I did do heroin. So that's fucked up and that's a
college memory that will take, you know, healing from.
But I literally will try a lot of things.
And you know what's weird about that is a lot of people are
like, Oh my God, you tried heroin once and you're just so
addicted and see it's your life. And I just don't believe that,
because that didn't happen to me.
But, you know, I don't know. I think there are a lot of
people, though, who don't understand having like,
self-control on things and who just have to completely never do
something because they can't trust themselves to just stop
doing it. Yeah, like ultimately a lot of
people have like multiple personalities.
That's all I'm going to say because some of these things
that people have told me are amazing.
It's it's so it's so raw and vulnerable and a lot of people
are like, thank you for being so open, 'cause I don't kink shame,
like just 'cause I'm not into it.
I mean that I don't think you should be into it, just not me.
There's people that I wanna find this one that's really good
about. Here's let me find it.
It's so good. It's it's literally talking
about putting their Dick between my toes and I just can't even
there's been some good ones on here.
Like some good confessions are like, who are you?
Like what do you look like and do I even like you?
Probably not. People like I can set that up
for you. I can set up this fantasy.
I'm like, it's not really my fantasy.
I'm just giving my opinion on it.
Would I try it? Like, I'm not saying like, yes,
cuckolding is all I want to do, but I'm not shaming and I'm not
saying that your wife's might not be into it, you know?
But someone said, can I show you how big my Dick is, 'cause I
want to put it in you and eat that ass bent over.
I mean, get it, But I yeah, yeah, get it.
I want to tie you up, spank you, spit in your mouth, choke you
and look in your eyes while you nut all over this cock.
I want to have full control over you sexually.
OK, you need their number. Someone said that they were a
virgin and they wanted me to take their virginity and I said.
That's the bond you don't need. He said I'll only be a virgin
until I put it in. And a lot of these dudes are
saying they're Gray, but they want to convert for me.
And then other people are saying that they want me to peg them
and it's their first time. Well, my thing is like, would
you really want to be with a virgin though?
Because then you have to literally explain how to do
everything. Like, do you want it to be a
teaching moment? Are you looking to be like
mommy? I'm a mommy.
I'm a teacher. No, I'm kidding.
I don't know. It's funny.
It's really funny what people will say, though anonymously.
It's been very entertaining. And then a lot of people are
like, you should do these every other day.
And I'm like, no fucking way. There's way so much energy that
I have put into this that I'm surprised people aren't annoyed.
But so many people are like, this is helping me heal because
I've been kink shamed and you're not kink shamed and I'm like,
I'm not gonna kink shame. People like you might like that
and I'm not. I don't know.
I mean, it's weird that the only thing I think weird about it is
people that want to try to set it up for me when it's really
their fantasy and they just wanna pull me in or involve me
into their their trade system and I'm like, I'm OK.
Into their trade system. Did you read the ones that you
haven't opened yet? No, no, I didn't.
We have 8 unread bitch. I'm sitting down.
I got my blinky in the water. I'm ready to go, OK?
It opened a few. That virgin one was one of them.
But here's one You are quite literally one of the most
beautiful women I've ever seen, yet I've never seen you out.
Love your energy and hope to one day get to know you somehow.
Oh, that's. Sweet, I'm going to.
Type Oh. You go out.
No, that's right. You.
Go to concerts. I go to concerts.
Though they need to get into the same type of music as you and
then you'll roll through. How do you find a page at a
concert? You know, someone wrote me
through this and they said I saw you on with my friends before
and I thought to myself, I should have went to that Jelly
roll concert and then I didn't. And I I screenshotted it,
actually let me read it so I can get it exactly right, 'cause it
was cute. He said this is great, life's
been really interesting, you all, he said.
I'm not gonna lie, I've totally seen you on some of my friends
stories from like concerts and stuff.
And I'm always like, damn, fuck, I didn't go to that Jelly show.
OK Jelly, just bringing people together.
We love our King Jelly and Jelly roll.
Finished with 5K today and Bunny and Haley and Mimi and everybody
did it with them and I am over the moon for my peeps.
And he lost 50 lbs. And he took a nice bath.
And he's popping his shit. He's the hottest artist out
right now and he's making people like Post Malone reconsider
their whole career and just go ahead and go country.
They're like, you know what face tattoos is in and country.
Now I'm gonna come over there because he's the only one that
looks like me over there. But if I come over there then
I'll be turning heads from over here.
It's it's a good system. It's a look at me system.
And I I fucks with it. He he actually Beyoncé took his
lead. Now we got postie.
Who's next? Who knows?
Like, is it Lil Uzi Vert? Is it Tyga?
We don't know. Like it could be Avril Lavigne
for all we fucking know. Like.
I thought, I am not a fan of the Beyoncé country thing at all.
So by taking his lead, she literally was just like, oh you
know, a genre I've never been interested in.
I've never done anything in country and it's crazy too how
like people's music will go viral for it sounding like trash
because people post videos making fun of it or whatever and
and it still promotes it and it makes it to me like.
So we're going to focus all of our time and energy on that
instead of like actually good music.
And which makes me think of like, I don't know if you've
paid attention. I so, like, I guess there's like
Kendrick and Drake drama. And I only know it because
Kendrick just came out with a disc song and I was like, damn,
that's crazy. And I've never been a fan of
like Drake or anything like that.
And I just feel like there's so many people who are putting out
like, better art, but because people have a big name than
anything that they get put out is like idolized now and like on
a chart. And people know about it.
As opposed to people who are putting in more effort and are
more humble about what they're doing and are actually trying to
create something and not getting the attention that they should
get. You know, there's a lot of
artists like that and that's why I like.
I always rock with like independent artists and seem to
somehow like submerge myself and their independent like following
and click. And I do think there is a lot of
people making better art. There's a lot of people that are
more consistent, I will say that.
But Drake is in this era kind of like Little Wayne was.
And I won't compare them as like far as like Little Wayne really
is an amazing rapper who had fuller potential but was kind of
bogged down by drugs and violence and just felt that that
type of life. And I think that deep down a lot
of people see like fancy stuff and like don't really realize
that. Like that jewelry brand just let
you borrow that you like. You just have that on
consignment, like you're giving it back.
You don't even own it. And they sell you these
lifestyles and things that motivate people to be like
billionaire mindset or, you know, whatever.
Like no one is humble anymore in a sense that everyone thinks
they're better than everyone. And I think a lot of the time
that these rap battles or just Internet dramas or just like,
whatever, is literally like because the Internet needs
something to constantly be focusing on and then within the
peer groups, even when we're not.
Like, I'm not a big fan of either, but I like both of their
music. And when Drake, Drake has a lot
more one hit wonder bangers that are just like so deep in his
catalog that I'll be like, damn, I forgot about this song with
Rihanna, 'cause it's 20 years ago, you know what I mean?
Or 18 years ago or whatever. But at the same time, he doesn't
write his own music. So you can't, in my eyes, be
considered a goat of anything if you aren't writing your own
energy. It would be like if you know all
of Bunny's satire was written by someone else, like there was
just constantly someone else telling her what to say, it
would feel unauthentic and eventually just feel robotic.
And that's how most celebrities get for me.
So I personally fucks with the people that are like doing their
own thing or have like their own will to stand out and be
different. And I think Kendrick has always
done that. He kind of reminds of Russ.
I think him and Russ are like both in the game.
They don't exclusively focus on women or flashy shit.
They just focus on bars, being super flow, being able to drop a
line very quickly off the Dome and look cool while they're
doing it. And you know, like Russ is only
like, I don't know, like 5-6 or something.
And he's given big Dick energy at all times.
And a lot of people can learn from people like Russ and
Kendrick in the situation. Because Drake, I do believe, is
like more of becoming like an industry plant.
Like just doing what he's told, just, you know, stirring up
shit. Like I do think Drake's
bisexual. I think a lot of these dudes are
bisexual, bisexual. Not that I have a problem with
it, but I just think people need to come out as it is and quit
fucking fantasizing about kids. Like the amount of people that
it's coming out that like sexualized or groomed Justin
Bieber is beyond me. Like talking like Katy Perry and
there's so many Paris Hilton and just so many people that groomed
him. And it just really has really
been ruffling feathers for me lately.
Because people are like, why doesn't Justin get ready?
Why doesn't Justin do this? Why has he always got sweatpants
and Crocs on? And his wife looks like I'm
supermodel, you know? Like, I don't know.
I just think people, like, put these celebrities in a blender
until they can't be spun anymore.
And then they're just like dead on the inside.
And they're it's like, you know, I used to love MGK and like his
following and he was so cool, like when I met him ten years
ago and hung out with him. He was such a genuine person who
cared about the fans and things like that.
And that's how he built his following.
Same thing with Jelly. And I love Jelly so much because
Jelly's got it to the point, really, because of Bunny's
partnership, that he doesn't need any deal that requires him
to sell anything of himself or, you know, so do anything that he
doesn't want to do and she doesn't either.
And I fucking love that for them because a lot of celebrities
don't have that choice. A lot of celebrities don't
become celebrities unless they follow suit.
And Drake's one of those people. That's my opinion on it.
A long, long version. I think that Hollywood too, just
in general, like it's a lot of people who have sexual traumas
and experience things there and who know.
OK, well, the people around me have also had this happen or
they know and nobody's helping me.
Justin Bieber specifically, like, you know, if he was
assaulted by Diddy and things like that growing up then and
and these other people, other people around know and they're
all shaking hands and whatever. So it really feels like not only
do I have to play the game and stay on this hamster wheel, but
it's happening to everybody else.
And so like if I say something then nobody's going to have my
back because all of these people have like big influencer going
to, you know, like not come out or whatever.
And I think that's a really sad place to be in when you fear the
power that somebody else has and you fear that if you get
yourself help or you speak up about something and then you
really won't be taken seriously because this person has more
money or this person has more people to speak up for them or
whatever. And to add to that, like a lot
of people are under contract, they sign non disclosure
agreements. I mean, it's very well known
that, like, people like Beyoncé and Jay-Z and people like that
like to hang out with them or party with them in a way where
they're going to feel comfortable to be their weird
Satanic selves. You gotta sign an NDA, baby like
you. That's the thing about this.
And what I also wanted to add to what you were saying is that
term whistleblower is like in our consciousness just the last
year. And that's another way that the
government gaslights people within the government or other
organizations from telling the truth because then you get
blackballed and then normally commit suicide, you know what I
mean? Like, it's such a weird system
that if you don't play the game, they just get rid of you.
And that's what I think that keeps humans trapped here on
earth for some reason, 'cause I just feel like it doesn't matter
if you were Jesus or if you were Martin Luther King.
We've talked about it before. There's been a lot of people who
are really had a substantial amount of power and
proseverance. And I know a lot of people are
cycling that video of Aaron Carter speaking on Michael
Jackson where his mom tried to set him up to say that Michael
touched him from whatever reason.
And I think that. You know, I don't think Michael
touched kids. I think he was touched as a kid,
and I don't think he touched kids because I think that he
built his life differently. That's just what I believe.
I think they, I think they did the whistleblower effect on
Michael Jackson, like because when people have huge followings
or huge influence, you are a threat.
You're just a threat. So when you're not playing the
game, in my opinion, that's why I just can't subscribe to a lot
of celebrities. Like, I just unfollow them.
I block them. I just, I don't want to see
their ads. I don't want to see their
content like that's another reason I've gotten off TikTok.
I just can't with people like they're doing too much
sometimes. I had to take a really big break
from I'm just now getting back into posting on my TikTok and
stuff like that like regularly because I had to take a huge
break. Like, it really affects your
mental health to be seeing, like even just seeing people sharing
their lives. Sometimes it just like, I find
it to be exhausting. And then also in addition to
that, like actually being a content creator and whatnot.
Like, I got to the point where I wouldn't just scroll because I
was just like scrolling. I was scrolling because I was
working. So even you know, I'm looking
for sounds, I'm looking for ideas, things like that.
And it was taking so much focus away from like focusing on doing
readings and all these other things that I wanted to redo in
the podcast room. Just like things that would be
such a better use of time. And now like, I feel like the
timing of doing that was so important because the same time
that I sat down my phone and stopped focusing on like those
things and was like, OK, I'm going to cultivate like my home
life is when, like, my daughter just moved in.
And so we're having that transition and everything.
And like, there's so many healings coming through with
that, but I feel like if I had been energetically overwhelmed,
I wouldn't have been prepared and I wouldn't be as go with the
flow on so many changes as I am now.
Yeah, and also feel like you've really grounded your energy from
like trying to start all kinds of things all the time or always
being like trying to. You're like a generator with
your ideas, and that's not a bad thing.
But I don't. I think you don't understand
boundaries of like, save it for another day, like, save it for
six months from now. Like it does just 'cause you
have this idea and you've cultivated this, build it while
you have the energy, but it doesn't mean you launch it right
now, doesn't mean you launch it prematurely or you do something
prematurely. I think you have so many good
ideas that you're like, if I don't get these out there now, I
won't get them out there. And I just don't think that's
true about you. From what I've learned about you
over the last couple years, I think that you just got to know
when the time and the place truly is to expand or to really
open up to something that adds all this extra, you know,
concern. Because I feel like for a while
you were just doing everything, like you were going to start a
third podcast several times. It's like several times you've
had the Grand Slam idea to start another podcast.
And then you also are always like doing these classes.
And I know people really like, but I think sometimes you need
to like let people like integrate a little bit before
like kind of anticipate, I guess will be a better word anticipate
your next class rather than just like baby, we're on Season 3
next Tuesday. We know we're just scrapping up,
you know, like now. But next Tuesday we start again,
like you just don't give yourself enough breaks.
And I think that's important for you this year.
It's like to really set in the moment and just be like happy
that like you've built your TikTok up to like fucking almost
70,000 or whatever followers like you're doing it.
Like, I'm, I totally took my foot off Tiktok and other
platforms too where I just don't care as much anymore.
You know what I mean? Like, I just, I'm just big
chilling. I don't care about, like, Oh my
God, you can't go viral if you're not posting.
I just don't even care, you know?
I'm just like in a different zone where I used to be.
I don't Even so much. I I don't Even so much care
about, like I'm posting this content because I want to have,
you know, this many followers. So I want to do this.
It's more of like, I think it's really fun to create that way
and like express yourself that way.
And I lost wanting to do that. And I think that a big part of
that is like I was really overloading myself and I've
talked about it before. Like I I was literally shocked
when I started my business and people were interested.
Like when I dropped Patreon and then all of a sudden people
wanted to come over and do Patreon.
I was literally shocked. I'm always surprised when like
I'm working on something and I drop it and then people are
super interested in it like. And so I feel like for a little
bit I was almost weighing my value and are people interested
in these things that I find interesting And it stopped it.
It stopped feeling like I was doing things for me and it
started feeling like, OK, well now I have overachieved in all
of these ways and I've given these things so I need to keep
on giving so that you're not getting bored or I'm not getting
bored and like it doesn't feel like complacent And I kept
feeling like I wasn't doing enough no matter how much I was
doing. I just felt like I wasn't doing
enough. And realistically it's because I
was looking for those things to make me feel super happy and
make me feel like I was accomplished and I was fulfilled
and I was successful. And that kind of that pattern
kind of started breaking and I got a new thought process when I
went from doing my business full time to then going back into
working in an office and doing my stuff on the side because it
stopped being about doing it to make an income and more about,
OK, well I'm going to do what excites me.
And then I had to find that balance of spacing things out.
So like we finished the round one of Witchcraft class and then
we have Class 2 and we decided that instead of just starting
that we're waiting and letting time go by, you know?
Yes, I'm proud of you. Sometimes you got to take that
step back and just be like, you know what, I'm not going to
evaluate myself worth based on what the fuck I'm getting done.
Because at the end of the day, if you're trying to turn the
hamster wheel to make you happy, no one out there is ever happy
because of it. I mean, and the best and most
important person that does this the most is Elon Musk.
He's the most miserable person in the fucking world.
He's rude, he's bitter, He's not cute.
He looks like, you know, like whatever.
It just shows you that, like, even with all the money in the
world, you're not going to be happy or it's not going to make
you all of a sudden a generous, nice, giving person.
If you're not a generous, nice, giving person when you're broke,
being rich or having things is only going to make you feel
superior or, you know, arrogant or egotistical.
And what really gets me about society is that we put so much
weight on things, things that truly do not fucking matter.
And people cannot comprehend how to build real connection with
people. Like, you know, so many people
only know how to have a physical or an emotional connection with
someone. They don't know how to have an
elevated bond where you are truly supporting someone but
you're not enabling them. Like if they come to you and
you're like, I'm going to go marry this guy I just met on
Tinder 3 weeks ago and he doesn't have anywhere to live
and we're going to move to Utah. I'm going to be like hell.
The fuck no. You should not do that.
And if you choose to do that, I'll talk to you in eight months
when he runs off with your bank account and your identity.
Because he's a fucking psycho. You know, like you, at the end
of the day, you need to surround yourself with people who are
inspiring you, encouraging you, supporting you, and truly giving
you space to be yourself, but not enabling you to stay the
same and complacent and make the same bad ass decisions that
you've been making since you were 19.
And I think that's where a lot of people are trying to come
back around into my life. Like people that I used to be
around when I was younger, like high school, college, and like
early 20s people are cycling back in like hey girl, how you
been? Blah, blah, blah.
And some people like, I was really close with them at one
time. So of course I'm going to be
like, hey, you know, whatever. And it's always the same thing.
Like they see me elevating and doing my thing and they're like,
sorry, I don't have as much clout as you or you're too cool
for me. Now your fans, you know, I know
you got all these fans now or just dumb ass shit and it's just
them trying to gaslight me because they are a nobody.
They haven't done anything different in their life.
They work at Ford or a factory or somewhere.
And I'm not. I love people that work out for
it. I'm not saying that's a bad job,
that's a career. But they started, you know, 10
years ago and now here they are and all they do is get up and do
the same thing every single day. And obviously they're not super
happy with themselves, right? Like and a lot of people will
gaslight you to be like, oh, you got all these fans and followers
and you post too much or whatever.
And at the end of the day, like, they only wish that they had
gotten out of their comfort zone or that they had people,
strangers on the Internet, even supporting them.
And that's what I love about the person I've became is like
leaving behind that fear of being perceived.
Like, like you said earlier, am I doing enough or people
thinking they're getting their money worth or whatever I've
changed all those mindsets from worrying about and are they
getting their worth? And am I receiving my worth?
Am I holding the standard to my worth?
Because a lot of people offer me things, but it doesn't mean that
it's a good offer. You know, like the seven cups
energy always gives me that vibe because in that tarot card, you
know there's a snake in one of the cups and there's like a head
in one of the cups and things. So you just never know like what
people's intentions are. But a lot of people are unhappy
with themselves, so they come cycle back around and try to
like see if they still have access to you or see how they
can kind of try to bring you back midway down because they
see you up here floating on a cloud doing your thing and they
don't like that. And I and I love being able to
just grow from that. You know, like, fuck it.
There are, there are people who also idolize because they only
see what they see on social media and that's all they know
about you. And so then they idolize these
things about you without realizing that, like, you have a
whole life outside of that and all these other, like, complex
pieces of you and people who are like, you know, who do that on a
large scale. I imagine that that has to be
so, like, frustrating and infuriating too to like, you
know, like reality TV people, to me, I'm always like they they
only get to share these, like, very dramatic moments of life.
And so they get judged off these very dramatic moments of life,
but not all the filler details that explain why they're in that
mood that day or why they would feel triggered and why they
would react that way. Or you know what I mean?
Like there, there's no behind the scenes details.
It's only these few things. And that is just the perception
that you get. And so many people like, I feel
like base their life off of what they see in like reality shows
and just in shows in general. And so many people that I
personally know conduct their life like it's a soap opera and
that like they don't need to take anything seriously and it
can just be like fly by the seat of your pants.
And there is like some, there are some people who have like
gypsy souls and who are going to do that anyways.
But there are also people who just cannot be grounded in
reality. Yes, I agree.
I do think that social media has given people like a front row
seat to strangers lives and how like people live.
And I do think that when we actually connected in person and
we're forced to like in the lunchroom at school or the break
room at work or like at the car wash or whatever, that society
was just better. And I'm just going to be honest,
it's always the boldest people that say things to me in person.
It's never people that I'm truly, like, attracted to,
right? Like, I will literally make eye
contact with a guy I think's hot, like 14 times at the gym
and they will not say a fucking word.
And normally if I if like, I want to talk to them or there is
something to say, I'll say something to them.
And I think that's another thing that intimidates guys about me
is because like if if I see you seeing me, I'm going to say
something to you, I'm not just going to let you leave and then
be seeing you and seeing you another time, right?
I'm going to say like, hey, what's up?
Or hope you're like how you like, you know, I'm going to
acknowledge you in some way. So, you know, I know you're
looking at me right now, like, I see you seeing me and I made eye
contact with you more than like four or five times, right?
Like, I will make sure that that person, even if I'm not, like,
attracted to them, like I'll still be like, you know, what's
up or whatever. But a lot of people are so
insecure and on social media they live this lifestyle that
makes them think that like they're doing whatever they're
doing. And I just feel like a lot of
people need to go to their Community College and their city
and take some public speaking classes, take some fucking
writing classes, some real like learning curves for you.
Go challenge yourself. You don't got to get a degree.
Just take some fucking night classes, online classes, and
learn how to get out of your comfort zone.
Because not being able to interpret body language and
social cues and things like that is the problem in society.
Because that's like a lot of people who are like autistic and
things or different things that have evolved.
I feel like a lot of that is because of the Internet and only
having digital stimulation rather than true communication,
Human concept, you know, like talking to someone face to face,
reading their energy, reading their body language, It's like a
lost art. And that's the one thing about
me, because I consider myself to be like, demisexual, meaning
like, I have to have an emotional attraction and bond
with you. Like, you could be funny, you
could be smart, you could be attractive in some other, like,
way besides physically. Or I can't even rock with you.
Like, I could be just a sexually attracted to someone and not
want to have sex with them. So you know what I mean?
Like can be like, oh, they're hot, but, like, I don't like
them like that. So yeah, I get what you mean.
People like assume. That I have this huge roster
that I'm just like, at least, you know, hitting some people on
the side and I'm just like gross.
Like if I could find even just one or two people I actually
liked, that would be a miracle. If I could find one Miracle 2
anomaly, that'd be an anomaly. So it's just weird, like.
And that's why I have to just be careful about who I let into my
life because of those energies. Working at this office.
So I've been here for three years and there's so many
different personalities that I come into contact with.
And there really are people who are like, like, you can tell
that like, they're IT people and like all that they do is like
computers and they stick to themselves all the time.
And there's also people I come in contact with who are like the
male population that I've come in contact with that like is
very dismissive of me and talks to me almost like I'm dumb.
And I think we've talked about this at the front.
But then they'll go back and they'll be like the most
charming, funny, you know, commutative person when it comes
to talking with the doctor and like, getting their appointment.
And I'm just like, I like, what in the fuck?
But there are, there are people who I think communicate
differently and just have, like, different a different outlook on
how they present themselves into the world.
And I wonder if people are, like, aware of the fact of how
they come across to other people.
Like, I don't know what it's like to not be aware of, like,
everything that I say, 'cause I feel like it, I overthink it.
And I'll go home and be like, wow, was I, like, really weird
in that conversation? Like, did my joke make sense?
Like you know what I mean? Did I like, like how would this
look on the outside? And I wonder if other people do
that as well or if it's such a like abnormal or not popular
thing to be very self reflective.
Like is that just part of like the Healer's journey where you
are aware of like body language and people's energy and maybe if
people can't feel other people's energy then they're not like,
hey, this is how my weird ass approach is coming off.
I don't know. I.
Don't even fucking know what goes through people's mind
because it'll be people who are just selling Audacity on the
side for free. Then I'm like, I cannot believe
that just this stranger or this person feels comfortable to,
like, approach me in this way. But I've realized that, like,
people are either balls to the wall or they're not saying
anything. And a lot of guys that I find
conventionally attractive or, you know, I'm like, oh, you
know, he has pretty eyes, he's nice, whatever, whatever.
They're not confident in themselves.
So someone like me who is extremely confident, scares
people off because they're like, oh shit, like if a guy came up
and grabbed my girl's ass, like, I I don't know what I would do.
And like, I need a guy that's going to be like, what's up?
You know what I mean? Like, 'cause I have people try
to disrespect me in public before.
Like, that's why I like, I don't like going to concerts without
people. Cause anytime I went to a
concert by myself and and like, some guy in the crowd finds out
I'm alone, it's like a radar. They like, just find me and
they're like, where's your man? Where's your man?
And whenever, like, I'm trying
to blow them off, they literally wait till the concert starts to
stand as closely as possible to me and try to like touch me and
stuff and grab me and shit. And like, it's happened multiple
times. So, like, I understand that a
lot of people are fucking disrespectful and I don't mind
like I, the anonymous confessions, like they've been
fine. Like what people are saying.
Like I know people are thinking it like you're thinking it.
But at the same time, like people really need to evaluate
themselves and like what they're going to do about the things
they want. Because just sitting on the
sidelines shriveling up, being upset because you're not getting
the life that you want. You need to go out and get the
life that you want and go live that life.
I find it. So interesting that people get
an opportunity to like post anonymously to you and all that
it is, is like sexual comments and sexualizing you.
And I feel like if it's somebody who pays any attention to like
what we talk about or like gets to know you.
It's so funny how what people see on the outside for you is so
different than what you have expressed on the inside.
And I know that somebody has no interest except to like get to
know you're like human vessel when they say shit like that to
you. Because you have the chance to
anonymously say and speak to like your soul on any level and
like show an interest beyond. And that's not an opportunity
that's taken. Oh, there has.
Been really nice messages. There have been people like very
nice men and women saying very nice things to me.
OK, good. No, it's not just been.
All sexual, like some of them have been really nice.
I got one. I have 18 new ones since we just
talked on this. Yeah, No.
There's, there's there's really nice ones.
Yeah. There's ones that are like,
you're so into being. You've changed my life since our
first Zoom meeting. Or there's people like, I don't
think you realize how radiant your energy is and how you
affect people. And I really hope that you can
see how wonderful you are. And yeah, there's been some
really nice ones. There's been a lot like I want
you to be my Unicorn and I want you bad.
And then there's been a lot. Like, you're amazing.
I would give you all of my savings.
You deserve the world. I would worship you.
So yeah, I know there has been a really good amount of amazing
messages. And I like talking about things
cause like people don't really get to know me on a personal
level because I am only showing you all like a shield of what I
want you to see. Like you don't know anything
truly about my life. You don't know you you may know,
like people that I'm friends with are like, I post pictures
with and things like that. And I want you to know that
clearly. But if you paid attention to me
in the last 10 years, every like three years my friend group
switches up completely. And all those people I used to
post pictures with, you never even see them again.
Like, it's just like, boom, gone, you know?
So I feel like now that I've brought people like you and
Juber and more permanent people that I see me like growing and
building with, it's kind of shocking to the people that I've
left behind. And that's why they're like, oh,
you got fans and followers and you're living your best life and
whatever. And that's because I've chosen
to get out of my comfort zone and elevate, to grow further
than just the people that I grew up with in the trailer park.
You know what I mean? Like, get real.
Like I'm not trying to stick around and figure out what y'all
are doing, I'm doing me. And it just shocks people
whenever you're like, I'm gonna do me, regardless of like what
you're doing or what you're thinking about it.
But I do think that, like sometimes as the human journey
unfolds, you, me, everyone, we can't really see how we're
helping people. We can't really see how, like,
one reading is changing someone's life and that they're
making different decisions based on something we said.
And I think that's been the most enlightening and inspiring part
of my healing journey, my sobriety journey and my
transformation is that I went from being very pleasure
oriented. You know, fun oriented, like the
live fast, I young fucking motto kind of thing, to a more
grounded, evolved, mature version of myself where I don't
need anything from anyone. I only want people in my life
that are adding value and bringing value in a sense of
like their presence and their energy and who they are and what
they're doing in their world. Because that's enough a ripple
effect of me. And you know, they say that
you're the sum of the three to five people that you hang out
with. Like you are the sum of those
people, whether they hang out together or not.
When you add up all your friends like where you at and a lot of
people are morally bankrupt and I can't fucks with it, like
especially the people like, oh, I want to cheat on my girlfriend
or my wife with you. I don't like that.
Like I don't like that at all. But there's a lot of guys in
this world that are so manipulative, and I'm just like,
I'm the last person you're going to be able to manipulate.
So this is going to stay in the fantasy world, I promise you
that. Because I don't get manipulated.
That's why I stay in my lane, because people are like, I can't
lie to her. Like, I like her.
She's cool, she's pretty, she's fun, but I can't lie to her.
And I don't like that. I want to be able to lie to my
partner and a lot of people. That's why I don't have a
partner. I think there are many reasons
why you don't have a partner yet.
And I think that a lot of it has to do with how much stuff you're
still trying to do for yourself and how much growth that you
have and things that you're still trying to accomplish.
And you have a very specific way that you need somebody to
integrate into your world and you don't have a lot of
flexibility for that. There's there's things that take
priority and precedence for you and you're able to expand only
so far. And every time that you go to
open yourself up more so that you can make room, somebody else
is like, Oh well, I'm actually not ready for that.
That's like a really big commitment that you would open
up your life like that. And so I'm not ready to to jump
into that right now. Facts.
And you know, honestly, I'm not
even disappointed by those people for knowing that they
can't handle me. Like someone that tried to hit
me up in the past and they were like, I've never done some of
the things that I've done for you, for other people, like
other girlfriends, other, whatever.
And I'm just like, does that make me special because you did
extra for me or you did more for me, but you still fucked it up
somewhere? Like, bro, you know, like, I
know y'all are all getting into your late 20s and early 30s and
we're all getting older and people all sudden are like, you
know who I did wrong? Who's doing really fucking good
right now? Page.
And you know who I should hit up and and apologize and gas her
head up and be like? Damn, girl them cakes, you're
the hottest you've ever been. I love your tattoos.
Like they know what to say because they know I have a good
girl kink and I've said it before.
So, like, you know, a praise kink is totally my thing.
I love people like worshipping me and hyping me up.
So, you know, hit my DM. No, I'm just kidding, But.
People. You know, they come back in and
they know things like that. So they're they're manipulate,
trying to manipulate me. Because The thing is, it's like
you've never given me the commitment or the energy or the
elevation. And then you come back and you
try to be like, oh, but you stopped talking to me.
And I asked him, I said, did I stop talking to you?
Or were my boundaries being compromised and I just exited
you from my life? And they're like, I don't know,
you're probably right in all this.
And I'm like, damn straight I'm right.
I know I'm right, baby, baby, I know, I know.
I'm locked in. I know I'm locked in.
Can you finish us off with a? Card.
And I'm going to read a confession.
I got a new one. Just came through.
I'm sick. Read the confession.
Oh, I'm. 6/6 I would love to take turns being submissive and
dominant with you. Maybe that's Mr. Long Arms.
That's. Fantasy, We got Divine.
Catalyst as the card Card 25, the 25th is also my birthday of
this month. Yes, and.
The podcast, birthday and the podcast.
Birthday This card is Aries and Pisces.
The gift is Acceptance and the Shadow is Constriction.
This gift opens the channel for universal synchronosity to flow
through you and acted as as a divine catalyst in your life.
In order to do this, you must access your Sacred Wound and
heal it through Acceptance. This is a gradual and often non
linear process. To undo the layers is to free
yourself from constriction. When you can accept yourself,
who you are, your history, your upbringing, the door unlocks for
you to accept the world around you exactly as it is.
This encompasses a soft approach to life, embracing the feminine
energy of receiving. Be loved and also wait for the
invitation when you may give yourself to another fall in love
with the magnitude of the soul within you as well as the
greater spirit of the Divine God universe.
The shadow quality of this theme largely focuses on restriction,
or anywhere you feel wound up and constrained.
Whenever we grasp onto things too tightly, objects,
circumstances, relationships, people, perspectives, potential
futures, we are cutting off the natural flow of energy and love.
First, it appears in the body, shortened breath, tight chest
tension, and then emanates outwardly.
The constriction itself serves as a marker for for a pivoting
point. Where can I unwind?
Where can I apply more ease? When repressing the shadow, it
appears in the form of ignorance or an inability to address your
own wounds. As it is denial that pain exists
below the surface. When reactive, you might project
this pain onto others. In either case, love cannot flow
freely. This shadow is intertwined with
the Sacred Wound and not formed by unresolved issues.
To loosen, you must make peace with your past and release
yourself from the layers of dense story surrounding it.
Your themes are acceptance, softness, the past, and love.
I'm obsessed. With the message you all, I hope
you enjoyed this episode. For those that want to tap in
the podcast birthdays coming up, we need to make a little
registry for podcast. We should do that.
But our podcast birthdays coming up, I'm really excited about
that. We're taking the month of June
and July off, which I realized the other day how In Sync we are
with Bunny because she's taking June off as well.
Because it's a vibe baby. It's a it's a vibe.
Gemini season, cancer season. And also as we wrap up this
season, we're going to do our finale episode as AQ and a
anonymous Q&A. Then I'm going to post the link
she's going to post the link to about the podcast.
So all of the I want to cuckold you are going to be exempt.
I'm sure you all still send a few if you all got any naughty
things for Gemini. We might.
We might read a few, but we're going to, we're going to just
take questions about anything you all want to talk about
anonymously. And it could just be so you and
I and Jim and I don't know who's asking this, 'cause I don't want
ever anyone to ever think we're being biased.
So, you know, we want to give as raw and real advice as we can.
So it's going to be exciting, We will post more about it, and we
will see you all next time in fucking candyland, baby.
Bye bitches.