Welcome to Fucking Candy Land, hosted by Rampage and Gemini.
We are so excited that you're listening to us.
If you want to elevate the experience and see these
interviews on video, you can join either one of our Patreons.
They are LinkedIn the description wherever you're
listening to this podcast episode.
In addition to getting to watch the full length video
interviews, we also both have tons of additional content and
support for the spiritual community.
So go ahead and check those out and then if you're ever
interested in readings with us or personally connecting with
us, we also have our websites and social medias, LinkedIn the
description as well. Feel free to share this episode
with everybody that you know. Get the look It like a lollipop
name spread around and we hope you love this episode.
What's up, everybody? Welcome back to Candyland.
It's been a minute. It has been a minute, but the
little break that we had, we're now entering as of today Mercury
retrograde. So there's a lot of shifts.
We're in eclipse season. April is just fun packed with
all the transits. And I feel like right now like
the first quarter of the year is over and now it's like this
fresh energy today of the second quarter and I'm feeling the
vibes. I love how many times people ask
us is something in retrograde right now?
Like, we get asked all the time. Is something in retrograde
Something has to be in retrograde.
I'm like, I'll fucking know. Let me ask Paige.
Honestly, there hasn't been anything in retrograde for like
several months. There was nothing in retrograde
all at once. But yeah, it's definitely going
to be kicking up with eclipse season.
We've got the full solar eclipse, which I just want to
say, I think it's so wild how we've had two of these major
events and transits where you need these little glasses that I
don't think you really need. I think they just tell you that
I don't think you actually need it.
But there's just so much that is happening in the last, like 20
years that's supposed to be once in a lifetime.
That's like really crazy how it's just like always, once in a
lifetime. My thing is how scared everybody
seems to be. Like all these videos about this
is what the eclipse is going to mean and the world is going to
end, or everything is going to go down and it's either it's
going to or it's not. You panicking and fucking
freaking out about it doesn't do anything.
If it's all going to go to shit, it's all going to go to shit.
Yeah, I feel like people manifest that reality for their
own timeline and like everything that you feel and think you're
projecting outward, which has been like being reflected back
to you in some way through your experiences or through the
information. And it's like, you know, people
watch a lot of fear based movies, TV shows and like it.
It gets him programmed into you to think very doomsday energy.
Like, I've had a lot of people as of late try to like project
doomsday beliefs onto me, and I just don't want to hear it.
Like, I just don't live in those lower frequencies.
Because honestly, if tomorrow was everyone's last day, it
would be what it is. You know what I mean?
I'm ready for any. Like, anything that is possibly
happening. I feel very protected.
I feel very safe. But like at the end of the day,
if everything's going to change and everything's going to go
like, you better be right with your spirit.
That's all I can say for y'all. Get right the spirit.
Get right with yourself. Get right with your own wants
and desires so that that you'll be at peace whenever that
happens. But constantly worrying and
being in fear and being in fight or flight mode only benefits the
system. So this is kind of like
sectioning off of something that you just said but, like, not
really related. When I was just up at my mom's
house visiting, there were these chicken Soup for the Teenage
Soul books that I used to read when I was in high school.
And so my dad was giving them to my daughter.
And he was like, mom used, like, reading these, like, you can
read them. And my husband was like, oh,
what are those? And my mom makes this comment.
And she was like, well, when Diana was younger, she used to
like self diagnose herself with like needing to have like
emotional and like spiritual healings and stuff.
And so she used to like read these books and the way that she
and like and like work on healing herself.
But like the tone in which she said what she said hit me wrong.
And so it's something that's been like inside of my brain
since then, where I was like, was I just like a delusional
teenager, like in fight or flight mode, you know, whatever.
And as I started thinking about what she said, I'm like, that's
literally the entire point of shadow work is like figuring out
what things about yourself, why you are processing the way that
you're processing, why you are feeling, thinking and
understanding and perceiving the world the way that you are
figuring out. Is that something that I'm
liking? Do I like how I'm processing
these things and how I'm reacting to it or do I like need
to heal and and whatever. And so I'm realizing that I
think that there's so much, so much of the time that we feel
like we're being judged and stuff is because other people do
not understand the immense self reflection and the ability to
heal your own self. And the fact that, yes, mental
health and going somewhere, you know, licensed, if you're
needing that is really important.
But that we have so much like power and control and being able
to assess when we are in a fighter flight mode and work on
healing those things about ourselves that are making us
reactionary to the world around us.
Yeah. Anytime we're giving people
those power over our emotions and like how we're going to
perceive their tone, their energy, their actions towards
us, even even disrespect, you know, we embody that and we
store that as our trauma. And like as those levels of us
begin to like unfold, I think it is easier to see when you're
going back to that cycle, like being, you know, defensive or
feeling like you have to explain yourself or or be different from
who you are. And so many people are in those
modes and they can't be themselves, whether it's because
of, you know, sexuality or gender or quality in any way,
you know, So being a teenager, in my opinion is fucking hard.
And I look back on like my teen and adolescent years and all the
things that really made me the way that I was into my 20s, like
that shaped me. You know, those experiences.
And I'm like, wow, you know, I it was a really hard time in my
life. And I feel like my 30s have been
the best time of my life because it's been like so much healing
from that like, little girl version more into like the deep
womanhood of like, who I am becoming.
And I feel really grateful to, like be able to connect and like
talk about things like this. But then also just be able to
like be vulnerable in a sense, to be like, yeah, this triggered
me the way that this was said. But deep down, it's like, you
know, everyone's living their own experience and their own
perception of who we were and what we were.
You know, I remember in my, like in like between like 11 and like
15, I was just punk, emo, gothic, like it's completely
like just a totally different version of myself.
And so, like, you know, my parents like, or my dad kind of,
like bullied me out of being Gothic.
He was like, you can't go to high school wearing that.
You're not. Yeah, it was like, we got to get
you new clothes. You cannot go.
You're not going to sanction yourself off like this your
first time at this school. Well then, you know, that's
like, I guess to me there's all types of different parents and
people who do different things like depending on what they've
been through too. And right now I've really been
assessing how people parent around me because one, I'm
always trying to figure out like, is there something that I
could be doing differently, Like do I like something that
somebody else is doing? But also I want to see things
that I want to avoid and I noticed that there are so many
people who and this is not like parent shaming.
This is just an observation because parenting is fucking
hard. But I see so many people who are
like oh I'm spiritual, oh I'm this oh I'm that.
They're so self focused on them, hopping around relationship to
relationship, going out and partying, going out and you
know, connecting with other people or whatever it may be and
doing something that's self-serving all the time and
then leaving their kids to like, pick up the pieces.
And I don't find when I say like, people that are spiritual,
I don't mean necessarily people inside of like our spiritual
communities that like are inside of our circle, but just the
people that I notice around me in everyday life that are like
they use oh, but I'm spiritual or oh, but I go to church, oh,
but I believe in God and whatever as their reasoning for
they're a good person. So to them, because they have
some kind of faith or something, they're better and they're
healed and they're on the right path and they're doing all their
things. And so then they it's like they
don't take the time to assess their actions and how it's
influencing their children because, well, I'm on a
spiritual journey and so I'm all good and I'm all healed.
I know a lot of people, but I wonder like how like much
they're even conscious of what they do, their patterns and
their cycles that affect their children.
I mean as like a non parent. I just wonder, like is that even
possible in the human mind to be super conscious of?
Like when unless you're just like downright doing drugs and
abandoned your kid on the corner, of course, like, you
know deep in your heart you're putting trauma on them.
But I mean, people who legitimately like my dad felt
like he did all that he could do, right?
When there are things that I look back and observe that I'm
like, he could, I just did a little more of this or that.
But my dad was very much in that mode of, like, if I provide for
you financially, you have food and clothes, you're 1000% taken
care of, and you have nothing to complain about, you know what I
mean? So, like, I just wonder, in the
human mind, is it even realistic to assume that people could be
super conscious of the the minor and major cycles that they
inflict onto their child? Whether it's just like teaching
your kid, you know, something that you were taught that maybe
wasn't serving you, not you personally, But you know what I
mean? Like the things that we're
taught that we inherit from generation to generation.
Like, I wonder how conscious people can really be of that
with their children, right, 'cause it's like you've
inherited these these traits through lineage and DNA and
stuff, you know what I mean? Like, the more that I wake up
to, the things that I've done that have held me back, I just
wonder if, like, you can really be conscious of that with your
children, whether you're on a spiritual path or not.
I think that there are normal everyday things where you're
where you're like, I could have made a different choice about
that. I should have made a different
choice about this or, you know, whatever.
And I I do think there are people who they're so naive to
mistakes that they could be making or changes that they
could be making or ways that they truly are affecting their
child that they can be directly told this is harmful, this is
neglectful, this is abusive. This is a cycle that you have of
being abusive, of moving in with multiple people of doing ABC and
D and you can you can show them the mirror and you can tell them
and they don't have the ability do self reflect on parenting.
They can self reflect on all other areas of life and work on
it. But there's like a blockage when
it comes to parenting. And the people I have in mind as
I'm talking about it, and we're talking about like that
generational thing, all of them are people who were, I'm not
going to repeat the mistakes of my mother specifically that
mother energy. I won't repeat this.
But then they're having a carbon copy life.
They're just doing it differently and like making an
excuse about it. Oh well, But it's different than
when I was a child because, you know, I'm in a different town or
the the way that I am, like neglecting or abusing is
different than the way that I was neglected or abused.
And so it's like, I think that maybe in some people's healing
journey, because they don't have it exactly the same as it was
when they were growing up, they can't see the correlation
because to them it's better than they had it, even though, well,
you're still not doing good, you're just doing better than
the misery that you were raised in.
Yeah, I'm just wonder sometimes what goes through a lot of
people's head. Parents are not.
I think, you know, different people, different strokes for
different folks is in my new, like saying because at the end
of the day, like, I am completely glad that I can't
comprehend why some people do what the fuck they do, 'cause my
head and my brain don't work like that.
And you know, just some of the things that I hear from clients
and friends and just random people, like it's definitely a
trauma bonding kind of world. Like most people don't know how
to develop genuine friendships and connections like we've
expressed about our friendship when everyone was trying to take
the daggers and the knives and the access to our friendship.
Because a lot of people are only self-serving in their
relationships and it's natural. It's very trauma related,
whether people believe they have trauma or not because sometimes
you're so brainwashed to think that you're development or the
way that you are is good. You know what I mean?
Is like, that's that's awesome. It's working.
And I think that so many people are so manipulative with other
people, like friends, family, their children.
Like using your kid if you've ever been used as a pawn against
your other parent, which I have as a child.
Something changes in your brain chemistry when your parents are
arguing over you and seeing you and one is dangling you in front
of the other. And I went through that, you
know, personally as a child. So you know, there's just
different experiences that like, change your brain chemistry
regardless if you see them as trauma or not.
That's just an example example of like my own trauma and you
know, some people, you know have deep rooted parent trauma like
that was more of the anger and trauma with my parents
themselves rather than me. And I just became a reflection
and or asset to that problem already.
So, you know, when people use children as pawns or use each
other as pawns, it's like no one really wins in the end,
especially if you're hurting people that you care about or
your family or you know, I've always seen people, not just
people I know personally, but just people in general.
Like they'll shit on someone they've known for five to seven
years. Someone who's been holding them
down, taking care of them, picking up the pieces to go run
their shot or their chance with someone else and like cheat or
blow a hoe situation up with a business partner.
Or you know, in general, like I had a client tell me about a
really personal battle they were going through with like a friend
of family that they had started a business together and the
person was like laundering money out of the business, like 6
figures. And you know, that's crazy
because that was dropping a wedge in their marriage and like
other things. And she's like this person was
in our wedding and that just really blew my fucking mind
because that's like being royally fucked by someone that
you're giving a full benefit and trust to.
And you know it just really shows you that people do not
think about long term of their actions like the consequences of
those actions or or the trauma. So like, you know, being
conscious of things that we bring into the situation is
really taking that self accountability, which I think is
super hard for men and women alike.
It's not just partners and relationships, it's everyone.
You know, so many people are kind of just lost in their own
bubble. And I think because they keep us
all in fear and in those flight or flight modes that it's easy
to do that. It's like a numbing mechanism to
like get drunk all the time or why beer and alcohol is like
everywhere, on every corner. But food deserts exist where
people don't even have access to resources.
But there's seven liquor stores on the on the block, you know,
so or gas stations or whatever. You know what I mean?
It's just like a lot of things in this world don't make a lot
of sense if you're actually like theoretically wanting to help
people. And I think that we just all are
in these cycles. Well, and like with that, you
know the business thing, right. There's all types of things,
though, that we haven't known as being people going into doing
business for ourselves or whatnot that other people know.
So like, for instance, like when you and I when I've been coming
to you lately and I've been like, hey, when we're going to
do any type of, like, partnership on things with
people, we should totally have these types of contracts.
We should do these types of things now and when we were, not
even just when we were growing up, but just like in everyday
life having like NDA's or contracts or things like that is
considered to be like a oh you're fancy type of shit.
Like oh you think that like you have big shit and somebody's
going to like fuck you over, You know what I mean?
And really, regardless of how small your your businesses, your
hustle is, there's always a person who is your friend and
getting what they what they can and then all of a sudden they're
not. And we experienced that last
year inside of our communities and we were supporting people's
businesses and we were friends with people.
And people were coming to personally drive to your house
and stay at your house. And you were shouting them out
and supporting them and their readings and everything.
And then meanwhile, they've been behind your back messaging
people inside of your community talking about you and saying
hey, but come over to my community and I'll keep you
safe. If you had done business with
this person and you had some type of like contractual
agreement or or whatever. And so those are things that I
feel like we should be empowering ourselves with.
Now is like, no, it's not a your bougie or who the fuck do you
think you are. You you have your shit all
together. It's knowing how people are
going to move and how they prove to move and protecting yourself.
And there are so often that. You know, whether it's business,
things go wrong or friendships go wrong or whatever, where the
person goes from being wonderful.
You guys are best friends. You guys are, Oh my gosh, you
don't have a bad thing to say about them.
And then shit comes crashing down and it's, well, this is the
whole list of how that was an awful person and I hated them.
And you know, yadda yadda to me, if you have a falling out with
somebody and then all you do is completely drag them and shit,
talk them and now you have all these negative things to say.
You both were snakes to each other the entire time.
They just chose to make themselves known before you did
because clearly you were having problems all along and you were
out here flaunting this fucking thing.
That's why anytime that you, you and I both, when we've had
issues and stuff happen, we've literally been like, I really
cared about this person and and whatever.
And I'm sad the way that it went.
I I wouldn't have wanted that. I didn't know that was happening
or whatever because like fucking loyalty to people and if you
don't like them and you're not loyal to them, fucking let them
go. Honestly, what blows my mind is
that someone could come in and admire you so much and like, be
so inspired by you to start a business or to advance onto a
spiritual journey where they're helping other people.
And then you and me to, like, just specifically support these
people and turn them on to other people.
And like people we know only that we would know are giving
them money and helping them out. And they're getting new cars and
upgrading their life. But then all of a sudden it's
fuck us, Let's fuck us. We don't get our readings early
enough. We don't get them when we want
them. Jim and I won't even give them
Paige. Don't even answer, you know,
like these lies. Because literally I have, you
know, hundreds of reviews from people and you do, you do as
well that are just like so happy, so blessed, so content,
willing to give their last dollar, so happy they spent, you
know, the money on the reading, got the reading.
They're blown away, whatever it may be.
And still at the same time, these people can actually have
the audacity to try to like spread those lies all the way
around to people they only met through us.
And it was such a weird thing because you all listening that
are just coming in, that have came in in the last couple
months or whenever. I know we've grown a lot
recently. These people were like in our
sacred circles, showing up on our monthly subscriptions, if
you will, like doing every everything.
But then meanwhile we're stifling and like snaking people
out of the community, acting like, almost convincing these
people that it was their idea to leave the community.
So then they're summoning and trying to bring other people
with them. Like, well, in my community I
had at least seven people that I had to block and remove like
just seven people. Like that's mind blowing.
And the energy behind that is that these people were all over
the United States. Like all the way West Coast, all
the way East Coast, all the way South, like all the way N They
were everywhere. Y'all like fucking weirdos.
I also noticed that and I, I guess, I, I guess I hadn't
really noticed that it affected me in this way.
Like we've talked about different ways that it's
affected us, But I noticed that it affected the way that I was
creatively doing things on Patreon and just like inside of
my community. And that when we had done like
majoring, we did major restructuring last year of how
we were running things because we were like, well, I don't want
to have a repeat of this. And I realized that the way that
I restructured things was basically to like shut down
because it was, well, we don't feel like we, it was two people
who said this was like we didn't feel like we were getting enough
from you. We didn't feel like you were
doing enough. And when I analyzed things and
I'm like, what couldn't they have been getting enough about?
I was like, oh, maybe people need more. one-on-one hand
holding. And so the way that I did
mentorship changed in the way that I did.
Contents on Patreon changed and whatever, because I was trying
to make sure that every single person felt like they were
having their hand held. And like, you can't ever feel
like I'm not doing enough because, look, I'm doing all of
this just for you. And so I've been like, why do I
feel drained? Why do I feel like I'm not
inspired about, like, what I'm doing or whatever?
And I realized, realized it's because of the the approach
energetically that I was having was like, please find value in
me, please don't feel like my what I'm pouring my heart and
soul into means nothing. Please tell me that you're
getting something out of this. Are you getting something out of
it? Whereas before that I didn't
give a flying fuck. I'm putting out what I'm feeling
LED that I need to put out as content, as education on it.
If you have questions about it, if you want to talk about it,
come to me. That's a part of the mentorship
as you get that one-on-one. In the meantime if you don't
need me, cool. I'm here.
If you do and and I'm getting back into that like that.
I'm really excited about April and it just has like maybe it's
like the whole spring energy, but it just has this.
I'm waking up and things are going to be fresh and new and
we're cleaning things out that aren't serving us and we're
bringing in the sunshine. And I'm really excited to be
able to just energetically put ourselves, just maneuver
ourselves differently. We've restructured our things.
We've changed the way that we're doing circles.
We've decided like you know what, we are going to be a
little bit more exclusive about things.
And we are going to be, you know, having this not just for
everybody, but for people that are really invested in this
because our energy is meaningful and we don't have to just make
it available just so that nobody can say that they were left out
or that we didn't do enough. So as I say that I realize like
even in our business that we've done together, we did kind of
start to operate with the oh, everybody's welcome.
We just want you to make sure that you feel like you can be
here even if, you know, it's energetically exhausting to
have. What did you call it?
What kind of people are they like observers?
Monitoring spirits. Monitoring spirits, yeah.
Monitoring spirits For those that don't know what this is, it
is the people that you always see, like in your views, but
never in your likes. People that always have a
comment but are actually not supporting you.
People that, like, see that your status is popping off, so they
comment to be relevant, to draw attention to them.
Or like, you know, the only time they comment is something like
argumentative or condescending or, you know, limited in some
way, something that's kind of shutting you down or in real
life, even. Like the people that support you
only behind closed doors, kind of like the people who fuck
bitches but only behind closed doors, 'cause then when you're
like, why can't we be more? Why can't we put each other on
Facebook? They're like, oh, I try to keep
my drama low. No, baby girl, he's fucking
other girls. Like, that's what they do.
But they'll teach you. They're like concepts, so that
you feel like, no, this is just them.
They keep a low profile. No.
If he posts on his story but refuses to post to you, he
doesn't keep a low profile. I can understand the guys,
'cause I've started like manifesting dudes who are just
not obsessed with social media, who don't see as much like value
in it as Someone Like You and I who run a full online business
through social media. You know what I mean?
Like, I just would rather my man be a man and be not, like
posting 29,000 things on Facebook constantly or whatever.
Like, only one of us can be loud and annoying on the Internet.
And I've got you covered. Like, I'm going to talk on the
Internet for both of us, because I just don't want everybody
knowing everything. And I just think people who want
you to perceive them a certain way will always let you down in
the end. And I'll always hear when I meet
people in person, like they're shocked that I actually am the
way that I am, that there's like no facade that I really AM who I
present on the podcast or who I present in real life.
And that is irked. A lot of fucking people, y'all
like, people think they like me when they can like, I guess,
turn me off. But then whenever they get
around me, they're like, I can't believe that I'm actually here
and that I I don't like her. And I don't know, it's like it's
never me, though, 'cause it'll be crazy.
You show up to my house acting like you're my bestie, I've got
you a present. Like, I'm excited to see you.
And then the whole time you're running around town hanging out
with people you've met from my community that live here and I
don't even fuck with them. And then you're going to hang
out with them. Like, tell me that's just, like,
fucking weird. And didn't even invite me to go
with you all, like, was really weird about it.
And so, you know, I look back at like those monitoring spirits,
like people who want to be close to the fire but they can't start
their own fire. Or the people that like are only
relevant when they're talking about someone else who's popular
and relevant, Which is like, literally how TMZ has made a
billion dollars, is by talking about people who are relevant.
Take notes. Let's talk our own story.
Let's start clickbait. Let's add rumors every once and
while we'll drop something that's true or we'll have
something that's exclusive, but half the time it's just fucking
rumors and opinion or random photos.
Like just because Lana Del Rey and I don't know who it was, it
was like Lana Del Rey and like Wiz Khalifa.
I think we're like caught hanging out together.
Like, they both publicly talk alike, smoking weed a lot.
Maybe they're fucking, maybe they're not.
But they both smoke hella weed and talk about it.
So why would they like, like, wouldn't they ride to an award
show together or whatever? You know what I mean?
Like, 'cause they were caught going to some party together,
but who gives a fuck? Like people want to talk about
people that are irrelevant. And that's what I feel like.
What happened is like, none of these people individually had
any friends in real life. Like you lived in bum fucked
Montana or wherever the fuck, and you didn't have any friends.
We gave you a sense of community.
We gave you all a sense of, you know, connection.
Even people who were like in their late 50s, early 60s, baby,
giving y'all connection, bringing y'all in, let y'all
like have friends and people who support you and what do you do.
You shit on it and you you tear it up like a fucking puppy or
something and act like you didn't do it and sit over in the
corner and like whimper and fucking whine.
Like it was so much drama for no reason.
Because not at any time that I feel like it was that we weren't
giving these people enough. In my opinion.
I was giving them too much for the price and you said it made
you want to do more. It actually made me do less and
build a more personable connection with people that
actually support me on Patreon. And that's the people that were
like on a main level and up, you know what I mean?
Like really? Not necessarily just catering to
them, but just giving them more of my energy rather than anyone
else on the Internet or random people or whatever.
Like, it didn't make me necessarily do more.
It made me be more present and learn more about the people that
are in my community rather than trying to be out recruiting new
while letting the kids play unattended in the room.
No, I totally get that. And and yeah, it's when I'm
listening to the way that, like, people perceive you, it's just
kind of funny to me because it makes me think like, even though
you had hung out with a few of those people from that community
space in person, I really feel like they didn't know you.
And so I feel like when we started this podcast, you were
viewed at as like you're just so sweet and demure and you don't
really have that many like strong opinions about things.
You're just like super fairy go lucky go see a concert and go
travel whimsical and they they didn't for some reason you and I
just got each other and knew each other and had a really deep
connection really quickly and got to know each others
personalities really quickly and so other people weren't able to
see that. So when we're having these like
open discussion, you're having more attitude about what you're
saying. You're having your very firm
boundaries and whatever other people were looking at that and
they're like, well that's not page, that's not the page that I
know. So the way that somebody would
meet you that only knows you from online and would be like
that's not what I was expecting is the same thing.
I think when they know you in person and then they see you on
the Internet, you're a different.
You're going to have a different connection with somebody.
When they're seeing you in person and you're just like, hey
girl, what's up? Like having a conversation
versus when you're like, and I don't fucking like people taking
advantage of me and let me talk to you about spiritual trolls,
Like you're just going to have different energy.
And so I think that's where people can't get behind that.
And then I was on our anniversary of the Home girl
episode, we were looking like through all of our pictures and
whatever of our trip together. And I really was like having
flashbacks of like holy fuck, we survived death together.
And I was thinking about, I listened to the episode and you
were like, she said that we were fake ass bitches and that we
weren't who we were on the Internet and she didn't even
know who we were. And it's just so funny to me
because we were the exact same in person as we are on the like
as we always are. I felt like I felt so
comfortable. I was like, I knew what to
expect from you. I knew when shit popped off you
were like, I've got this handled.
I'm going to take care of these back end things.
Throw her off the loft if you have to, but I'll make sure we
have a house like. A heck out has a car in a house.
Yeah. We weren't going to waste any
days of vacation, and I sure as hell wasn't going back to that
woman's house. Like the audacity of the ride
home of us being afraid she would leave us in the desert
where there are no rental cars, there's only rental ATVs and
Jeeps. I literally had in my head at
any given time, she was going to just tell us to get out of the
car, out of her car with our stuff, like, at any given time,
and put our life in danger, like straight up, like, no phone
service, like. So I had, like, really in my
mind about, like, not not getting her upset, 'cause we
didn't tell her that we had, that we were getting that we
weren't going with her until what we were like halfway out of
the desert back to civilization or something?
What happened was we got that Airbnb that night before, and
then she was normal that night. We got it before we even went on
that ATV ride we got because we got it the night before our last
night. So second to last night and then
that next day we were like, OK, we're going to let her know that
we got the Airbnb for tomorrow. But then she was like insisting
on doing the ATV ride, and I was getting upset about it or
whatever. And then we were like, OK,
listen, like she just, she finally has something that she
wants to go and do, we'll just go do the thing that she wants
to do. We'll it.
We'll wait till tomorrow. We won't, like, disturb the
peace. And so we went and did the ATV
thing, and then she did her whatever thing when we got back
to the place. So then the next morning when we
were going to go to breakfast, we were like, do we tell her
when we get to Salt Lake? Because she kept threatening to
leave us in the desert. Which is why we had that fear,
by the way. And so we were like, do we wait
till we get back to Salt Lake City?
Like, what do we do? And you're she was packing up
the car and you're like, I'm just going to go tell her now
that we are. There, I do remember that, yeah,
I remember telling her. I just couldn't remember if it
was after we got in the car, before we got in the car.
Dude, it was before. And then we had the most awkward
drive to breakfast and every meal.
You guys made me sit by her. You guys were not like, you guys
didn't budget on that. And so I sat by her at breakfast
and she was just like, so angry. And again, we talked about this
before, but like, I'm not the person who like, if we already
have a solution to this, if I've already offered to talk and you
don't want to talk, I'm not going to sit here and treat you
poorly. There's an issue here.
We all know that there's an issue here.
There's there's no hiding around that.
I'm not going to be mean to you, and I'm not going to make it
miserable. I'm going to treat you like a
human being. I will have conversation with
you, whatever. So then when we're at breakfast
and we're all talking, I'm like, trying to be nice and involve
her in the conversation. And then after we got to the
Airbnb and I had blocked her and she was texting you guys and
being like, Jim and I was so fake at breakfast, I'm like, is
the thing that you should do? And maybe, maybe I do it wrong.
Like, is the thing that you should do to just be like, no,
fuck you bitch. Like, is that how I should have
treated her? Been like you are an alcoholic
and fuck you? Or do you just go, like, I know
that this person has a problem and that, like, clearly they're
mentally struggling right now. I'm not going to treat them like
shit. Yeah, that's what I would do.
That's how I do. I take the High Road.
I do that. Like, especially with guys,
because a lot of guys will present that they're like,
they've got all this shit together, they're doing great,
they're popping their shit, get me to like them and then just
poof, I'm struggling. I'm about to off myself.
If I had, and I don't mean this insensitively, I if I had a
dollar for every time someone was like, I'm really going
through it directly after they tried to start a relationship
with me for no reason, started pursuing me for no reason, I
would have like over $1000. Okay, like that's just one
dollar. Imagine that they were all
giving me 100. You know, like we could get rich
quick, but at the same time, why are you pursuing new
relationships? Like, that's what doesn't make
sense to me. It's because people want a
trauma bond and fill some void with a friendship or a
relationship that isn't truly for them.
Like being friends with people because you want what they have.
Or wanting to be in a community that you don't really fuck with
nobody but maybe two people, you know what I mean?
Or the whole time you don't even fuck with the person who started
the damn community. And you know, and I've
experienced this with a girl who treated me and another girl
terribly within her community. And so I invited that girl to my
community and she stirred up shit like she was one of the one
of the ones that's still a main shit starter, you know.
So it's like at the end of the day, there's definitely a lot of
reluctancy to just straight open up with people because you start
telling people what you want, what you expect, what you need.
They're going to try to mold into that.
And then they may deceive you for quite some time, but
eventually you know the facade or the illusion wears off or
wears thin. You know someone can only
disappoint you or prove you right so many times before you
have to fucking listen to yourself.
And I know sometimes it might for some people may take 20
times, but it's gonna take 20 times for me.
I'm like on this three time thing, you let me down that
third time. I do not care.
Like I'm cool with the hey, I had to work late or hey, I got a
flat tire. This happened.
But once. It's like a consecutive all the
time. It sounds like a dark cloud just
surrounds your life. I cannot fuck with you.
And I don't mean that in a sense of anything except I can't save
you and you're not doing the work to try to help yourself.
And even when things get better, you like.
Sabotage or whatever. You know what I mean.
Like things are getting better. I'm in a community, I'm living,
I've got friends like that one girl we went and saw.
She never at any given time and hung out with three women plus
herself at any given time. She's never been with four, like
in a foursome ever in her life. Like, she does not have friends
like that. She may have one friend that
she's going to get high with or do drugs with or whatever, like
most of these bitches, but they don't got multiple friends.
And then they come into our community and start meeting
people and seeing that, you know, I can simultaneously be
best friends with you and Jackie in the same room at the same
time. Even though y'all haven't met
each other. There was never any like, Oh no,
you're giving Jackie more attention or Oh no, Jim and I
was getting more attention. That was like, you know what I
mean? It was completely, like cohesive
and harmonious and like I treat everyone with love and and
respect and stuff. So like, at the end of the day,
anyone who has truly a problem with me, I feel personally hates
themselves, 'cause I don't do anything to fuck with anybody.
You may just like, I may rub someone the wrong way, or they
just don't something about me they just don't like.
But deep down, it's something that I'm expressing that they
feel scared or intimidated to express in themselves.
So they don't like me, period. Right.
So I love your little. I loved your little attitude.
Hand clothes, eye roll at the end.
No. And you know what?
I was even. I was even reflecting on this
part too. I was thinking about the
conversations that we had had planning this whole thing going
up to all meeting in Utah, right.
Because we this is the crazy thing too is we all talk to this
person on our own for months planning something like, you
know what I mean? So like for months we were all
in like friendly communication we just weren't all in the group
setting. So I think that's one is like it
already started this click mentality for her of you and
Jackie were going to be a group and that me and her would be a
group. And so then when we so I'm, I'm
remembering text messages where she was like well, and nobody
will feel like the third wheel because there'll be you and me
and then there's the two of them.
And I didn't correlate that as being I'm planning on it just
being like you and me are going to be buddy Buddy and Paige and
Jackie will be Buddy Buddy, which I think is what she
thought in her mind was like. She and I are both married, even
though she only knew her husband well for like 3 days.
And so her and I are married. We both have kid right?
And you and Jackie are coming is just like single fucking always
traveling the world and like with your outfits.
And I think that that separation, she may have even
done it subconsciously, where she's like, hey, Jem only pack
like yoga pants and a sweater and whatever, because we're just
going to be like out of nature, knowing that you guys were going
to be coming there with fucking outfits.
And I don't know why I didn't think about it, but trust me,
I'll have 4000 options. Next time we do fucking
anything, you'll be like, no, literally, we're just sitting in
mud the whole time. And I'm going to be like, cool.
I brought Gucci like what's good.
That's how I feel like I'm going to prepare.
But I think that she was caught off guard.
She expected the entire time to be a third wheel, which is why I
think there was the invitation for me to surprise you for me to
come. I think that she always expected
that inside of a dynamic, she was going to be a third wheel.
So much so that she made herself the third wheel, so much so that
she was like, you guys are all vibing like I I don't, I don't
like this. I thought it would be you guys
talking and then I'd talk to Jem over here.
Yeah, I remember when she said that she was feeling left out
when all she did y'all was like go and isolate herself and talk
to her newfound husband on the phone and like, take sips of
vodka, 'cause she literally bought 1/2 gallon of vodka and
put it in the freezer day one. And so, you know, this is coming
from a situation where me and this girl had literally like
100, probably like 80 day Snapchat streak.
That's like well over 1/2 a year.
You know what I mean? Like for us to plan something,
to even be in a context or a conversation where you invite me
to Utah. I didn't invite myself to Utah.
This started. She invited me to Utah.
I was like, absolutely would love to, but Jackie's got to
come with me or I'm not coming. And then she secretly invited
Gemini. Are we all invited Gemini?
She said no. Then they had a secret, and I
think that there was this level where she thought, well, Paige
hasn't met Gemini and I bet I can get closer to Gemini.
And I think what really triggered her was that situation
like, you know, with the sense of her not liking me.
I think she expected us to not vibe as much in person.
To think that like you and her were closer and would have a
better vibe. And I think she just realized
how for her judge of character is and how she wanted to hang
out with like the girly girls. Because like you wear makeup way
more than I do and get ready and do things.
And I think she just wanted to like feel like she had
girlfriends even though she clearly doesn't hang out or do
anything with anyone. And she clearly has a lot of
mental issues in my opinion to just randomly invite strangers
in your grown adult life. Like she's like 3738 years old,
older than all of us. And invite us out to your home,
cook us breakfast, invite us into your nice home, and then
take us out into the desert and act like a complete estranged
woman who we took away from her husband And she had to go fuck
her ex-boyfriend 'cause he was down the street. 2EX boyfriends.
It didn't make sense. Yeah, we did see her other ex.
You're right, we did. So you know, it just, it was
such a mind blowing thing that when I look back and I'm like
wow, that was a year ago, last month, like that happened.
That's been like kind of the foundation for the last year.
Like last year, that was where the roller coaster started.
And then a month later was when the community things unfolded
and it was in March and April. You know what's crazy about that
community thing? And and this, this, as I was
thinking about the trip and I was thinking about that night
that I was like that me and her had it out the the girls from my
community space that had linked up with girls from your
community space. The girls in my space had put me
into a group chat with them like a few months before that.
And they were constantly inside of the chat.
Like we, you know, a part of mentorship is like, we really
want to be able to get to know you and like what you're going
through. And like, we're a safe place for
you, too. Like, you offer so much support
to us and you're always listening to, like, our
problems, whatever. Like if you ever need a space,
like, we're here, like, don't even worry.
Like, we're here. And I was very, I was very like,
my life is my life. I mean, I'm even private.
I'm just a very private person. And so I'm like, this stuff is
my life. This stuff is mentorship and
it's two separated. Well, when we were on that trip
and I was about to lose my mother fucking mind, their chat
was blowing up and they were like sending like, Oh my God, we
can't believe that you and Paige are together.
Like, we hope that it's the best time.
And I was like, listen, bitches, if I ever needed you, like, let
me tell you what's going on. And so I tell them about
everything that's going on. Not everything, but I'm telling
them about stuff that's going on or whatever, and her just
leaving. And then it was only like two or
three weeks later from when you and I came back from that trip
that those girls were like, fuck you and Paige, that you guys
like, whatever, whatever it is that they said.
And it's like I open. I feel like I opened myself up
being like, yeah, I'll be vulnerable, right?
Like I've gotten to know you. Each of them had been on.
They were the people who had signed up with me the 1st when I
started doing mentorship. They took all of my classes.
They a week before like this all went down, even one girl one day
before all of that stuff had gone down in our communities was
like, when's the next class I want to send you money right
now. Like it's fucking mind boggling
to me to this day. That's the weirdest part to me
is like the the fact that there really are people who will sit
on the sidelines. They'll even pay you money to
sit there so that hopefully one day they can collect dinner.
You know, they can collect on you and be like, oh, see, you're
not perfect. See, I was sitting here for a
year and a half and I was waiting for you to divulge
something to show me that, like, you're not a perfect healed
person. And look, there it is.
Fuck you and Paige. Yeah, and that's where, like
that cult leader thing, like evolved, 'cause it was like,
well, Paige isn't doing enough. And Gemini's bossing us around
and using US and manipulating us or whatever.
It was like you were a villain. And then I was just like.
The little victim you were just like not doing.
Anything. I was just like, yeah, pay me
money, you're not going to get your reading.
One thing about it that I've learned though, with those
subscription type services, just because someone gives me money
doesn't mean I really want to give them readings all the time
and doesn't mean that I like want to connect with them all
the time. And there are people who
subscribe to like a subscription service and it's same thing with
like Netflix. There's people who watch it 12
hours a month and people who watch it 12 hours a day.
You know, it's the same amount either way.
And they benefit from the people who are only going to watch it
10 to 12 hours a month versus the people that watch it day in
and day out. There's something on that TV
playing 24/7. So, you know, when I look back
at the scenarios in my life with people like that, I've had
friends that had nothing to do with spirituality, that when I
started evolving and healing and they were staying the same, you
could see where we were significantly going on to
different paths, where my life was getting better and easier
and more exciting and travel or whatever, and theirs was
stagnation, staying the same in and out of, out of jail, in and
out of issues, court, whatever it may be.
And I specifically remember one of the girls that I had hung out
with for literally since I was probably like 16 or 17 was when
we became friends. So all through my 20s, I mean,
her kid loves me. She's like 7, like all these
things. And she was literally one of the
fakest bitches. And this has happened with two
different women that, like, supported me.
Like, I'd known this girl, I'd known her forever, but we really
got close in our teenage years, 'cause my dad wouldn't let me
hang out with her as a child, like in middle school and things
like that. He would not let me hang out
with her. So when I got old enough to,
like, make my own decisions and hang out with people, you know,
I we hung out. And she literally, like, would
be so manipulative, like, drop her child off with me on a
holiday weekend, like Easter, Halloween, several holidays that
are like big and around children.
So I would entertain and like, cater to her child while she was
out working or doing whatever. And like all the things that she
ended up actually doing, like really crazy illegal things.
She would try to tell people that I did those things and that
that was me and that's what I did.
Like she would literally tell people lies about me saying the
craziest things and this, like, that's the first friend that
started that. But I've had like several women
in my life, like handfuls that throughout my life have done
that in my 20s. Just like constantly want to be
your best friend but then gather like you said dirt or whatever,
or even just make things up. Like even just make things up.
I had another friend that I was friends with for a long time,
similar scenario. And she was like, you started
reading tarot and you think you're better than everyone now.
And like, I used to give this girl so much stuff, like really
nice jewelry and clothes that she could sell so she could get
money like for her kid. And like, I know she didn't wear
it. Even if she wore some of it, she
still sold a lot of it too. Like, just do purses, just
things that I get and just like give it to her one day.
She was like, just 'cause you give me your old clothes does
not mean you're a good friend. And then like two years later,
she texted me on my birthday and was like, I really miss you.
You were always such a great friend.
I hope you're doing well. I'm really sorry about
everything that I did. I didn't mean those things.
You were always a great friend, XYZ, and I just did not reply
because people like they project onto you.
They have no accountability. And then maybe later down the
road they gather some accountability that makes them
feel like they can, you know, map some shit out.
But at the end of the day, people are who they are, and
only their willingness to actually change is going to
change anything. Otherwise, it's just going to be
drama, back and forth projection, and they're going to
go from one relationship, one friendship, one clique to the
other with the same bullshit. It's just like if you step in
dog shit and you walk in the house, maybe it's going to be
everywhere. These people like, pretend like
they're not the issue, but they are the common denominator in
every scenario. Oh, that was a lot to unpack.
Yeah, for you, the kid. OK, so maybe we've talked about
this before, but for me, growing up, I was always the one that
parents said was like the bad influence.
But it was just because everybody would blame the shit
on me. And I was always like, I'm your
friend, I'll take one for the team.
So like, we get caught smoking in the bathroom at school.
I'm not even smoking, but I'm like just say that it's me.
So then everybody blames me on it.
So then those kids, parents don't want me to hang out
because I'm getting their, you know, I'm making their kids
smoke in the bathroom at school. I didn't even smoke or I had
same group of girls. I had a friend who brought vodka
inside of a green tea juice thing, and she told everybody
that it was me who brought the vodka.
And like, the only reason that I didn't get expelled for that was
because my mom worked for the school district and went to,
like, the hearing board or whatever.
And like gave this speech and was like, this is the kind of
person that she is. Like she doesn't drink that
wouldn't have, you know, whatever.
And like, I was, that's the kind of fucked up.
Not that, like, I didn't really think about the fact that I was
just wanting to be everybody's friend.
And I was like, I'll take it on guys like, it's totally cool.
And everybody was like, cool. She's taking it on like and
nobody, like, fought for me to their parents to be like, no,
you know, this is what really happened.
Nothing. Do you see the thumbs up that
keeps coming up by you? Yeah, I did.
That's been happening like to you and to my client.
It never does it to me. I'm wondering what the cause is.
I definitely was the kid who got blamed for a lot, and my mom
would always be the person that would lie to people's parents
too. So if we ever did get caught, my
mom, like, would try to Get Me Out of it and like, save people.
Like, you know, I definitely like one time when I was in like
4th grade, me and a bunch of group of girls, like, kind of
vandalized the park. And it wasn't like we vandalized
it. We just wrote all over it with
like some paint markers and we got in trouble for vandalizing
it. And there were definitely people
that were more involved but like, got in less trouble, I
guess. So I kind of understand what
you're saying. I wouldn't say I would just be
taking one for the team. Normally, I would be doing the
bad stuff too. But I would say that I was like
influenced by people like my neighbors and people that were
like older than me that wanted to hang out with me for some odd
fucking reason. Like when I was 11 and 12, like
even like 1415 and 16 year old girls wanted to hang out with me
because, like, my house was cool and my mom was cool and I had
everything that you could imagine.
I was really, really spoiled. But it was like all credit card
debt. Like we actually didn't own
anything. It was just we had things, you
know, So like a lot of people would hang out with me and my
mom would literally see it as like free babysitting.
So my mom would go out and like with her friends and they would
bring all these kids to my house like you know, 910 eleven year
old girls and then like let their 16 year olds come over and
babysit us. And they would.
They were not mean to us. They chilled with us.
They played with us like they were all about us.
Like we'd prank call people, my mom would get pizza, like we'd
just be living like HBO, best life.
And I just look back on that and I'm like, there's no way in hell
if I was 1516 years old that I'm hanging out 11 or 12 year old.
I don't give a fuck if she's got a PlayStation and a, you know,
all a computer or not. Like, I don't, you know, I mean,
I look back on that and it's just like mentalities have
shifted a lot because of the Internet and kids don't even
play anymore or really socially interact too much.
But they get there's a lot more bullying.
And we talked about that before about how like, you know, you
used to be able to go home and like turn off the bullying or
turn off the movies or turn off the drama, but now it's like
constant. So I think like now people are
less of their authentic self because of all this outside
influence. Whereas when I was a child,
like, it was easy to just be like my weird whatever self.
Because for some odd reason I was like really popular in like
middle school with people who were way the fuck older than me.
Like my 8th grade graduation party was more like a fucking
senior college graduation party. Like there were way older people
there and all kinds of people that shouldn't be there.
One time I had a party and a bunch of people over 18 went to
jail, 'cause I was only 15. Like I just feel like that just
like I look back on this shit and I'm like, there's no way in
hell I'm 21 years old and I'm going to a 15 year old's party.
I'm sorry, I'm not. Well, that's the same thing I
think about when like, I was young.
So, OK, so the aspect of like, getting in trouble, I was not a
goody 2 shoes. I just was different about what
I was going to get in trouble for.
Like I was willing to get in trouble for sneaking out for
just straight, not coming home for hanging out with boys I had
no business hanging out with for just disappearing like.
So I didn't want to get in trouble at school.
I didn't want to be at school. And so I ditched all the time.
And so I think about it now, dude, there was my friend's
brother. I was in 6th grade and he was a
junior in high school. And at the time I was just like,
oh, this boy like likes me, whatever.
And we were like on again, off again, while I was in middle
school and high school. And I remember that.
It was my sophomore year. He didn't even go to the school
anymore. And he would just, like,
randomly pull up in his car at the school and he would just sit
there at the school and his sister went to the school.
And so I would be like, oh, he must be like, coming to see her
or whatever. Well then one time, Oh my God,
this is like memory lane. One time he told his sister
like, oh, she's gained a lot of weight.
And I remember that was the first time that I that anybody
ever told me that anything about my body.
Like nobody had called me fat before.
Nobody had, especially not a guy.
Like, nobody had ever said anything.
And that was when I started like super questioning like my body
and like that started that. And then I remember like, I
wouldn't eat or I would eat too much like just like so strange.
Meanwhile I look back at pictures and I had, I was doing
like hardcore softball. I had a full ride college
scholarship because I was so into softball.
I was like, my body was super conditioned and toned and I look
back on pictures now and I'm like some ugly ass dude that
like now he does meth and he sleeps on couches.
He told you that you were fat and so then you felt like you
were unworthy about your body and like dude this like, oh and
then anyways he popped up in people you may know like a month
or two ago And I was like what? And then I went and looked on
the page, and then I went and looked at like the person that
he's in a relationship with. And not to, like, make fun of
people, but this bitch is fucking whacked.
And I am just like, I'm so glad that that I'm so glad that you
ended up with the life that looks exactly the way that your
energy felt. Well, a lot of the people I grew
up with that used to not like, I had a lot of friends.
But obviously, you know, kids pick on you and say things and
whatever. And I look back and I see like
none out of those 10 people who are like 9 out of 10 are
literally like living in that small town in a trailer
somewhere or working in a factory somewhere or got a bunch
of kids and don't look happy or like just whatever.
Like nothing that I would want is what they have.
And, you know, I think where a lot of the jealousy was from was
from, like the perceived, like, we have all this and I don't
have this kind of thing that kids have, like, you know,
whatever. But you know, one thing about
material things that I've really learned a lot about is I'm never
going to base my happiness or how I treat someone based on
what they're wearing or what they have.
Because there are a lot of amazing people that just don't
care about stuff like that, that actually deep down have money in
the bank where they could go get new stuff.
Like we're judging people by material objects or material
acquisition. And like, at the end of the day,
I would much rather know that I resonate with your spirit rather
than like your income or who you are, you know?
So many people don't get that and they think women are like,
just out for money. Well, it's like, if I'm going to
be treated like shit either way by you incompetent men, you
better have money, facts. Like, you know what I mean?
Like at this point you gotta pick a struggle and you're an
asshole, or you're rude, or you're insecure, or you're
jealous, or whatever it may be. And the people I've dated in the
past, like I look back on that and I do this thing where I like
unblock people and when I unblock you I am completely over
your shit. I don't care if what you know
about what I'm doing, you know we've reached that point in like
our non verbal communication that like I no longer give a
fuck if you know what I'm doing. And I will like peep what
they're doing. And I look at it from this
perspective of like have they grown or what are they elevating
or do they look happy? And most of the time, it's like
they're still living their life for other people trying to, I
put on a show trying to, you know, project this image of
success. When meanwhile, I can read their
energy and just see that they're still miserable, they're still
depressed, they're still not going to therapy, They still do
drugs. Sometimes they still drink for
free, or I mean drink in their free time.
Or they still drink for free. Still drink for free.
Still drink for free because they're out there, like you're
giving away all your energy. But, you know, at the end of the
day, I'm just like, I have to make peace with, like the life
people have created for themselves because that's just
who they are. And when we embody what someone
else has said, projected onto US or perceived us as we are giving
so much of our mental freedom to that, like whether it happened
when we're 12, 1520, nine, 69109, it does not matter.
Like, people hold on to things way longer than they should.
And if one thing I've really learned recently in the last
couple years is to just let people come and go.
And when they prove that, like, they're no, like, no longer
worth my energy, my time, my intention, I'm just done with
you. Like, I don't care about what
you say. I don't care about what you
think. I just don't care.
And that has really been freeing.
And I think just the cherry on top from that trip and from all
those people who drove across the country to visit me because
they just worshipped and adored me so much.
You know, like I've learned my lesson with that.
Like I've learned my lesson with just letting everyone who wants
to get close to me get close to me.
And I posted something yesterday that said, you know, being
attracted to someone is easy, but wanting to talk to them, get
to know them or being excited when I hear from them is a whole
other thing. And a lot of times we're
attracted to someones, what they're showing the world or
what they, you know, are perceiving to be.
But there are so many people that rent Airbnb's or rent cars
or do whatever on the Internet that are perceiving this like,
oh, I'm a Bitcoin investor, oh, I'm a, I'm a thriving artist or
musician. And the whole time they've
rented all those cars, they you never see them in it again,
aside from the content they filmed that day.
They changed their outfit five times.
They've stacked up content enough to make this look like
it's theirs or their home or their car or whatever.
And I've heard people are just like, Oh yeah, we rent that
Airbnb every time we're in. Or like, we rent that every time
we're in Cancun. Or, you know, it makes it look
like it's yours because you're there often enough, but the
whole time you're just renting that.
And So what we want to leave you all with tonight is like, don't
let people and their perceived images of you shape who you are
becoming. Shape what you want to do.
Shape what your goals are. Because so many of us are asking
for directions from people we don't want to be like or sharing
good news with people who are just monitoring spirits who
actually don't want you to break that cycle.
They don't want you to be happy. Like, I know for a fact when you
tell someone about a relationship prematurely, it
goes S every time like, I'm learning that from fact.
Like you tell a friend or you tell someone like, oh, I'm
talking to this person or oh, this is going good, you best
believe. And it's going to be gone in 60
seconds after that. Like it's not.
But I still want to know. You still have to tell me.
It's not going to be anything like when we get on the Internet
and we're like, oh, I'm going to marry this person.
Or like, you know, three days later you move in with someone
and give up all of your possessions and belongings.
Like, you only have to learn that hard lesson like once and
baby, we've all been there. We have all done something
ridiculous that we wish we wouldn't have.
But some of those hardest lessons that we learn, the
people, places and things that we have to let go of, truly open
us up to a new perspective and a higher perspective.
And that's what I love about the reflection of, you know,
spiritual growth, as you can really look back and see a lot
of things with hindsight and see where you were playing a role in
your own suffering, where you were enabling people to
manipulate you. You were actually giving them
the key and leaving the door unlocked at the same damn time.
You were like, I trust you whole time, baby.
They can't be trusted. So let's only learn those
difficult lessons one time. It's Mercury retrograde, so be
ready, Freddie. I want to leave people with my
own message. I feel like taking the High Road
is wonderful, but there are moments where it's going to be a
year later and you're going to be like, God, I wish I'd just
punched that fucking skank in the face.
And I just want to say that in the moment when you're
frustrated, think to yourself, in a year, am I going to regret
if I don't punch the skank in the face?
And if the answer is yes, have a page because Paige would have
bailed me out. Thank you.
That's that's what I want to leave you with thought.
You were going to leave us with a card, but I guess she's she's
written off the cards the last. Oh, I forgot about the card.
She's like, you know what? I had to think about that.
No, no, that was on my noggin. It was while you were talking, I
was just like thinking about you being like, I like to take the
High Road. And in my mind I was like, God,
I took the fucking High Road. But like, it did not feel as
nice as just handle the business, You know what I mean?
Handle the business, baby. OK, we got card 39 for Coiled
Snake. Calico Ghost Town.
Spirit said. We're talking about snakes, all
right? Card 39 is the Sign is cancer,
the gift is transmutation, and the shadow is provocation.
When you break out of the limiting relationship patterns
and frequency coding of the Shadow, you're able to shed your
skin and live again. Here, your tendency to provoke
does not disappear, but rather transmutes into a dynamic energy
that calls forward freedom and creation, both for yourself and
others. You channel your immense power
and use it for aligned action instead of an instrument of
pain, you emerge from the cage of your conditioning and move
forward into undiscovered planes of pure fulfilment and bliss.
You are magnetizing. Your shadow is provocation.
This shadow unleashes A vengeful provocateur, much like is it
provocateur. Provocateur.
Much like the venom of a snake, when misguided by low
frequencies, you might feel triggered by those around you
and then strike where it shared a scar.
The darker qualities of this shadow stem from a general
misunderstanding in your relationships.
In response to the situations and people around you.
You may have a tendency to take things much too personally.
When you breathe, take a moment to reflect and refrain from
destructively reacting, you can see that anything that may seem
disrespectful or unacceptable is just a pattern of trauma playing
out in the world stage. In short, it has little or
nothing to do with you. By shifting your perspective,
you break the cycle of disharmony and keep the
rattlesnake out of sight in mind.
Your themes are death, birth, and the provocateur.
This is literally like the way that this is saying about like,
handling like the gift and the shadow is exactly how I feel.
Like we're saying we handled the situations and like the advice
that we've been giving, and then I completely shit on it when I'm
like, just punch her in the face and it won't be.
It's probably not the first time that's happened and it won't be
the last, But I just want you to know that I I recognize it, I'll
reflect on it, and I'll probably still do the same thing, but I
know about it. Yeah, but I was actually really
proud of you because that Lady was yelling in your face and you
didn't punch her and the coughs didn't come.
So you actually saved us an extra headache because I think
if you would have punched her, she would have left us in the
desert. So And then your husband,
luckily was going to come get us because he missed her already,
so he was more than happy to come get us, which was nice of
him. I'm sure you would have never
heard the end of it if he would have had to come get us.
He would have held that head like over your head in a way of
like you're not. Going no, because he no, Because
I'll tell you right now, what would have happened to see what
had brought my brother-in-law and my brother-in-law would have
been like that bitch left you in the fucking desert, we're going
to her fucking house. And so it would have been a
whole, it would have been a whole fucking shebang bang.
So it's real good that we got out of there like we did.
He would have went to her house. 011000 percent would have would
have been like, you got left in the fucking desert.
We're going to her house 1000. Without question.
She she better be thankful
because I don't know if Dirt and all his team could.
I don't know, Dirt, The runner of the Viker Gang, 'cause he's
not officially in the gang. Just kind of their bitch was a
keyword that I didn't hear, but that's all I could hear.
When she's like, yeah, I mean, he's not like in it, but he just
kind of, he's getting initiated. And you know, I have to be
initiated too. And I was thinking, so they're
about to fuck you. I had all these thoughts that
I've only heard rumors. I don't know exactly what.
I have to tell you something before we go.
We were in the car today and my husband said gang bangers.
But he was like meaning anyways and he's he's talking about this
rough like area and my daughter goes, you can't talk about gang
bangs in front of my brother. And I was like, what?
And then I was like, what? I'm like, what do you, why do
you even know that terminology? And she's like, I'm in middle
school, I was like, I got to go. She's all touched half like that
in front of my brother. I'm here for it.
You don't even know you all.
You got to be careful for the gang bangers.
The gang bangers. Laughing at that so hard, I'm
like, who says that? We love you all and we live your
best life and maybe be a gang banger only on Tuesdays because
it's rolled by Mars, which is tomorrow.
But it won't. It'll be a week away.
You just won't know what day it is when you hear this, but think
every Tuesday is a day for action and expression, even if
it's a little angry. Amen.
See you in Candyland.
Bye.