1
00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:16,400
Welcome to Fucking Candy Land, 
hosted by Rampage and Gemini. 

2
00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:30,000
We are so excited that you're 
listening to us. 

3
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:33,720
If you want to elevate the 
experience and see these 

4
00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:38,360
interviews on video, you can 
join either one of our Patreons.

5
00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:40,840
They are LinkedIn the 
description wherever you're 

6
00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:42,760
listening to this podcast 
episode. 

7
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:47,000
In addition to getting to watch 
the full length video 

8
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:52,200
interviews, we also both have 
tons of additional content and 

9
00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,080
support for the spiritual 
community. 

10
00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:57,200
So go ahead and check those out 
and then if you're ever 

11
00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:01,360
interested in readings with us 
or personally connecting with 

12
00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:05,600
us, we also have our websites 
and social medias, LinkedIn the 

13
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:09,160
description as well. 
Feel free to share this episode 

14
00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:13,360
with everybody that you know. 
Get the look It like a lollipop 

15
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:17,520
name spread around and we hope 
you love this episode. 

16
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:24,960
What's up, everybody? 
Welcome back to Candyland. 

17
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:27,440
It's been a minute. 
It has been a minute, but the 

18
00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:33,280
little break that we had, we're 
now entering as of today Mercury

19
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:36,760
retrograde. 
So there's a lot of shifts. 

20
00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:41,520
We're in eclipse season. 
April is just fun packed with 

21
00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:44,720
all the transits. 
And I feel like right now like 

22
00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:47,560
the first quarter of the year is
over and now it's like this 

23
00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:50,840
fresh energy today of the second
quarter and I'm feeling the 

24
00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:54,840
vibes. 
I love how many times people ask

25
00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:56,720
us is something in retrograde 
right now? 

26
00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:59,920
Like, we get asked all the time.
Is something in retrograde 

27
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:01,560
Something has to be in 
retrograde. 

28
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,760
I'm like, I'll fucking know. 
Let me ask Paige. 

29
00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:07,960
Honestly, there hasn't been 
anything in retrograde for like 

30
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,880
several months. 
There was nothing in retrograde 

31
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:14,480
all at once. 
But yeah, it's definitely going 

32
00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:16,280
to be kicking up with eclipse 
season. 

33
00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,480
We've got the full solar 
eclipse, which I just want to 

34
00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:23,400
say, I think it's so wild how 
we've had two of these major 

35
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:26,840
events and transits where you 
need these little glasses that I

36
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,160
don't think you really need. 
I think they just tell you that 

37
00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:30,720
I don't think you actually need 
it. 

38
00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:37,280
But there's just so much that is
happening in the last, like 20 

39
00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:39,240
years that's supposed to be once
in a lifetime. 

40
00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:42,520
That's like really crazy how 
it's just like always, once in a

41
00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:46,800
lifetime. 
My thing is how scared everybody

42
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,840
seems to be. 
Like all these videos about this

43
00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,360
is what the eclipse is going to 
mean and the world is going to 

44
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:57,560
end, or everything is going to 
go down and it's either it's 

45
00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:00,720
going to or it's not. 
You panicking and fucking 

46
00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:02,440
freaking out about it doesn't do
anything. 

47
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,200
If it's all going to go to shit,
it's all going to go to shit. 

48
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:09,160
Yeah, I feel like people 
manifest that reality for their 

49
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:13,400
own timeline and like everything
that you feel and think you're 

50
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,880
projecting outward, which has 
been like being reflected back 

51
00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:20,200
to you in some way through your 
experiences or through the 

52
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,440
information. 
And it's like, you know, people 

53
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:26,360
watch a lot of fear based 
movies, TV shows and like it. 

54
00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:31,280
It gets him programmed into you 
to think very doomsday energy. 

55
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,600
Like, I've had a lot of people 
as of late try to like project 

56
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:38,880
doomsday beliefs onto me, and I 
just don't want to hear it. 

57
00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,360
Like, I just don't live in those
lower frequencies. 

58
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:45,480
Because honestly, if tomorrow 
was everyone's last day, it 

59
00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:47,200
would be what it is. 
You know what I mean? 

60
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:50,760
I'm ready for any. 
Like, anything that is possibly 

61
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:52,880
happening. 
I feel very protected. 

62
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,240
I feel very safe. 
But like at the end of the day, 

63
00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,920
if everything's going to change 
and everything's going to go 

64
00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,840
like, you better be right with 
your spirit. 

65
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,200
That's all I can say for y'all. 
Get right the spirit. 

66
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,840
Get right with yourself. 
Get right with your own wants 

67
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:08,360
and desires so that that you'll 
be at peace whenever that 

68
00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:10,200
happens. 
But constantly worrying and 

69
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:13,600
being in fear and being in fight
or flight mode only benefits the

70
00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:17,200
system. 
So this is kind of like 

71
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,880
sectioning off of something that
you just said but, like, not 

72
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:23,640
really related. 
When I was just up at my mom's 

73
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:29,120
house visiting, there were these
chicken Soup for the Teenage 

74
00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:31,720
Soul books that I used to read 
when I was in high school. 

75
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:35,200
And so my dad was giving them to
my daughter. 

76
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:37,960
And he was like, mom used, like,
reading these, like, you can 

77
00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,560
read them. 
And my husband was like, oh, 

78
00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,960
what are those? 
And my mom makes this comment. 

79
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:47,480
And she was like, well, when 
Diana was younger, she used to 

80
00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:50,720
like self diagnose herself with 
like needing to have like 

81
00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:53,560
emotional and like spiritual 
healings and stuff. 

82
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:58,120
And so she used to like read 
these books and the way that she

83
00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,160
and like and like work on 
healing herself. 

84
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:04,760
But like the tone in which she 
said what she said hit me wrong.

85
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:07,560
And so it's something that's 
been like inside of my brain 

86
00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:12,160
since then, where I was like, 
was I just like a delusional 

87
00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:16,280
teenager, like in fight or 
flight mode, you know, whatever.

88
00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:20,440
And as I started thinking about 
what she said, I'm like, that's 

89
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:25,440
literally the entire point of 
shadow work is like figuring out

90
00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:30,000
what things about yourself, why 
you are processing the way that 

91
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:33,360
you're processing, why you are 
feeling, thinking and 

92
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:36,200
understanding and perceiving the
world the way that you are 

93
00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,360
figuring out. 
Is that something that I'm 

94
00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:41,400
liking? 
Do I like how I'm processing 

95
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,400
these things and how I'm 
reacting to it or do I like need

96
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:51,240
to heal and and whatever. 
And so I'm realizing that I 

97
00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:54,880
think that there's so much, so 
much of the time that we feel 

98
00:05:54,880 --> 00:06:01,080
like we're being judged and 
stuff is because other people do

99
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:07,440
not understand the immense self 
reflection and the ability to 

100
00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:12,000
heal your own self. 
And the fact that, yes, mental 

101
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,240
health and going somewhere, you 
know, licensed, if you're 

102
00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:16,760
needing that is really 
important. 

103
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:20,360
But that we have so much like 
power and control and being able

104
00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:24,640
to assess when we are in a 
fighter flight mode and work on 

105
00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:27,240
healing those things about 
ourselves that are making us 

106
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:29,400
reactionary to the world around 
us. 

107
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,000
Yeah. 
Anytime we're giving people 

108
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,280
those power over our emotions 
and like how we're going to 

109
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:39,040
perceive their tone, their 
energy, their actions towards 

110
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:42,440
us, even even disrespect, you 
know, we embody that and we 

111
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:46,880
store that as our trauma. 
And like as those levels of us 

112
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:51,840
begin to like unfold, I think it
is easier to see when you're 

113
00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:56,600
going back to that cycle, like 
being, you know, defensive or 

114
00:06:56,600 --> 00:07:00,200
feeling like you have to explain
yourself or or be different from

115
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:04,640
who you are. 
And so many people are in those 

116
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:07,880
modes and they can't be 
themselves, whether it's because

117
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:11,640
of, you know, sexuality or 
gender or quality in any way, 

118
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:15,480
you know, So being a teenager, 
in my opinion is fucking hard. 

119
00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:20,400
And I look back on like my teen 
and adolescent years and all the

120
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:24,720
things that really made me the 
way that I was into my 20s, like

121
00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:27,240
that shaped me. 
You know, those experiences. 

122
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:31,120
And I'm like, wow, you know, I 
it was a really hard time in my 

123
00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:33,600
life. 
And I feel like my 30s have been

124
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:37,160
the best time of my life because
it's been like so much healing 

125
00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:40,520
from that like, little girl 
version more into like the deep 

126
00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:42,920
womanhood of like, who I am 
becoming. 

127
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:47,120
And I feel really grateful to, 
like be able to connect and like

128
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:49,880
talk about things like this. 
But then also just be able to 

129
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:53,280
like be vulnerable in a sense, 
to be like, yeah, this triggered

130
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:56,520
me the way that this was said. 
But deep down, it's like, you 

131
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,920
know, everyone's living their 
own experience and their own 

132
00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:02,480
perception of who we were and 
what we were. 

133
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:08,400
You know, I remember in my, like
in like between like 11 and like

134
00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:13,200
15, I was just punk, emo, 
gothic, like it's completely 

135
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,560
like just a totally different 
version of myself. 

136
00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:19,960
And so, like, you know, my 
parents like, or my dad kind of,

137
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:21,880
like bullied me out of being 
Gothic. 

138
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,960
He was like, you can't go to 
high school wearing that. 

139
00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:26,640
You're not. 
Yeah, it was like, we got to get

140
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:27,840
you new clothes. 
You cannot go. 

141
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,120
You're not going to sanction 
yourself off like this your 

142
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:35,360
first time at this school. 
Well then, you know, that's 

143
00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:40,400
like, I guess to me there's all 
types of different parents and 

144
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:43,120
people who do different things 
like depending on what they've 

145
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:47,560
been through too. 
And right now I've really been 

146
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:52,400
assessing how people parent 
around me because one, I'm 

147
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,360
always trying to figure out 
like, is there something that I 

148
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,800
could be doing differently, Like
do I like something that 

149
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,200
somebody else is doing? 
But also I want to see things 

150
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:03,560
that I want to avoid and I 
noticed that there are so many 

151
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,160
people who and this is not like 
parent shaming. 

152
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:10,240
This is just an observation 
because parenting is fucking 

153
00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:12,320
hard. 
But I see so many people who are

154
00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:15,560
like oh I'm spiritual, oh I'm 
this oh I'm that. 

155
00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:20,640
They're so self focused on them,
hopping around relationship to 

156
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:23,960
relationship, going out and 
partying, going out and you 

157
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:27,040
know, connecting with other 
people or whatever it may be and

158
00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:30,680
doing something that's 
self-serving all the time and 

159
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:33,560
then leaving their kids to like,
pick up the pieces. 

160
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:37,600
And I don't find when I say 
like, people that are spiritual,

161
00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:40,680
I don't mean necessarily people 
inside of like our spiritual 

162
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:45,560
communities that like are inside
of our circle, but just the 

163
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:50,920
people that I notice around me 
in everyday life that are like 

164
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:55,240
they use oh, but I'm spiritual 
or oh, but I go to church, oh, 

165
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:59,320
but I believe in God and 
whatever as their reasoning for 

166
00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:02,320
they're a good person. 
So to them, because they have 

167
00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:05,600
some kind of faith or something,
they're better and they're 

168
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,360
healed and they're on the right 
path and they're doing all their

169
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:12,240
things. 
And so then they it's like they 

170
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:17,800
don't take the time to assess 
their actions and how it's 

171
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:21,440
influencing their children 
because, well, I'm on a 

172
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:24,560
spiritual journey and so I'm all
good and I'm all healed. 

173
00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:30,040
I know a lot of people, but I 
wonder like how like much 

174
00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:35,160
they're even conscious of what 
they do, their patterns and 

175
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:36,960
their cycles that affect their 
children. 

176
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:41,400
I mean as like a non parent. 
I just wonder, like is that even

177
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,800
possible in the human mind to be
super conscious of? 

178
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:47,400
Like when unless you're just 
like downright doing drugs and 

179
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,520
abandoned your kid on the 
corner, of course, like, you 

180
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:51,960
know deep in your heart you're 
putting trauma on them. 

181
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:55,040
But I mean, people who 
legitimately like my dad felt 

182
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,120
like he did all that he could 
do, right? 

183
00:10:57,120 --> 00:11:00,000
When there are things that I 
look back and observe that I'm 

184
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:02,200
like, he could, I just did a 
little more of this or that. 

185
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:05,280
But my dad was very much in that
mode of, like, if I provide for 

186
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:09,240
you financially, you have food 
and clothes, you're 1000% taken 

187
00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:11,840
care of, and you have nothing to
complain about, you know what I 

188
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:13,920
mean? 
So, like, I just wonder, in the 

189
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:18,440
human mind, is it even realistic
to assume that people could be 

190
00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:23,760
super conscious of the the minor
and major cycles that they 

191
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,720
inflict onto their child? 
Whether it's just like teaching 

192
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:30,840
your kid, you know, something 
that you were taught that maybe 

193
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:34,440
wasn't serving you, not you 
personally, But you know what I 

194
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,480
mean? 
Like the things that we're 

195
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,920
taught that we inherit from 
generation to generation. 

196
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:42,760
Like, I wonder how conscious 
people can really be of that 

197
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,840
with their children, right, 
'cause it's like you've 

198
00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:48,880
inherited these these traits 
through lineage and DNA and 

199
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,480
stuff, you know what I mean? 
Like, the more that I wake up 

200
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:54,000
to, the things that I've done 
that have held me back, I just 

201
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:59,360
wonder if, like, you can really 
be conscious of that with your 

202
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:02,880
children, whether you're on a 
spiritual path or not. 

203
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:08,880
I think that there are normal 
everyday things where you're 

204
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,880
where you're like, I could have 
made a different choice about 

205
00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:12,960
that. 
I should have made a different 

206
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:15,000
choice about this or, you know, 
whatever. 

207
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:22,320
And I I do think there are 
people who they're so naive to 

208
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:25,040
mistakes that they could be 
making or changes that they 

209
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:29,480
could be making or ways that 
they truly are affecting their 

210
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:34,840
child that they can be directly 
told this is harmful, this is 

211
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:40,840
neglectful, this is abusive. 
This is a cycle that you have of

212
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:44,440
being abusive, of moving in with
multiple people of doing ABC and

213
00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:48,240
D and you can you can show them 
the mirror and you can tell them

214
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:53,440
and they don't have the ability 
do self reflect on parenting. 

215
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:57,120
They can self reflect on all 
other areas of life and work on 

216
00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:59,200
it. 
But there's like a blockage when

217
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:04,760
it comes to parenting. 
And the people I have in mind as

218
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:07,360
I'm talking about it, and we're 
talking about like that 

219
00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:12,960
generational thing, all of them 
are people who were, I'm not 

220
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:16,800
going to repeat the mistakes of 
my mother specifically that 

221
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,640
mother energy. 
I won't repeat this. 

222
00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:22,880
But then they're having a carbon
copy life. 

223
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,560
They're just doing it 
differently and like making an 

224
00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:29,240
excuse about it. 
Oh well, But it's different than

225
00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:33,920
when I was a child because, you 
know, I'm in a different town or

226
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:40,600
the the way that I am, like 
neglecting or abusing is 

227
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,360
different than the way that I 
was neglected or abused. 

228
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:47,720
And so it's like, I think that 
maybe in some people's healing 

229
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:53,800
journey, because they don't have
it exactly the same as it was 

230
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,960
when they were growing up, they 
can't see the correlation 

231
00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:00,600
because to them it's better than
they had it, even though, well, 

232
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:04,000
you're still not doing good, 
you're just doing better than 

233
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,160
the misery that you were raised 
in. 

234
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:12,080
Yeah, I'm just wonder sometimes 
what goes through a lot of 

235
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:13,640
people's head. 
Parents are not. 

236
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:16,880
I think, you know, different 
people, different strokes for 

237
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:20,680
different folks is in my new, 
like saying because at the end 

238
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:24,600
of the day, like, I am 
completely glad that I can't 

239
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:27,600
comprehend why some people do 
what the fuck they do, 'cause my

240
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,400
head and my brain don't work 
like that. 

241
00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:33,760
And you know, just some of the 
things that I hear from clients 

242
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:39,760
and friends and just random 
people, like it's definitely a 

243
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:43,920
trauma bonding kind of world. 
Like most people don't know how 

244
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:47,320
to develop genuine friendships 
and connections like we've 

245
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,880
expressed about our friendship 
when everyone was trying to take

246
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:53,800
the daggers and the knives and 
the access to our friendship. 

247
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:57,520
Because a lot of people are only
self-serving in their 

248
00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:02,360
relationships and it's natural. 
It's very trauma related, 

249
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,840
whether people believe they have
trauma or not because sometimes 

250
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:09,600
you're so brainwashed to think 
that you're development or the 

251
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:13,760
way that you are is good. 
You know what I mean? 

252
00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:16,200
Is like, that's that's awesome. 
It's working. 

253
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:21,960
And I think that so many people 
are so manipulative with other 

254
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,600
people, like friends, family, 
their children. 

255
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:28,560
Like using your kid if you've 
ever been used as a pawn against

256
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:30,800
your other parent, which I have 
as a child. 

257
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:34,360
Something changes in your brain 
chemistry when your parents are 

258
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:38,680
arguing over you and seeing you 
and one is dangling you in front

259
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:40,560
of the other. 
And I went through that, you 

260
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:43,000
know, personally as a child. 
So you know, there's just 

261
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:46,840
different experiences that like,
change your brain chemistry 

262
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,760
regardless if you see them as 
trauma or not. 

263
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:52,880
That's just an example example 
of like my own trauma and you 

264
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:57,000
know, some people, you know have
deep rooted parent trauma like 

265
00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,040
that was more of the anger and 
trauma with my parents 

266
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,560
themselves rather than me. 
And I just became a reflection 

267
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:07,120
and or asset to that problem 
already. 

268
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:10,240
So, you know, when people use 
children as pawns or use each 

269
00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:13,280
other as pawns, it's like no one
really wins in the end, 

270
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:15,880
especially if you're hurting 
people that you care about or 

271
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:19,360
your family or you know, I've 
always seen people, not just 

272
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,320
people I know personally, but 
just people in general. 

273
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:24,960
Like they'll shit on someone 
they've known for five to seven 

274
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:26,240
years. 
Someone who's been holding them 

275
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:30,960
down, taking care of them, 
picking up the pieces to go run 

276
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:34,200
their shot or their chance with 
someone else and like cheat or 

277
00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:37,800
blow a hoe situation up with a 
business partner. 

278
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:41,040
Or you know, in general, like I 
had a client tell me about a 

279
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:44,280
really personal battle they were
going through with like a friend

280
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:47,320
of family that they had started 
a business together and the 

281
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:49,920
person was like laundering money
out of the business, like 6 

282
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:54,080
figures. 
And you know, that's crazy 

283
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:57,520
because that was dropping a 
wedge in their marriage and like

284
00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:59,080
other things. 
And she's like this person was 

285
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:01,920
in our wedding and that just 
really blew my fucking mind 

286
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:05,160
because that's like being 
royally fucked by someone that 

287
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:08,240
you're giving a full benefit and
trust to. 

288
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:12,400
And you know it just really 
shows you that people do not 

289
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:17,440
think about long term of their 
actions like the consequences of

290
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:20,280
those actions or or the trauma. 
So like, you know, being 

291
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:24,079
conscious of things that we 
bring into the situation is 

292
00:17:24,079 --> 00:17:26,720
really taking that self 
accountability, which I think is

293
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,400
super hard for men and women 
alike. 

294
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:33,000
It's not just partners and 
relationships, it's everyone. 

295
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:36,240
You know, so many people are 
kind of just lost in their own 

296
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,320
bubble. 
And I think because they keep us

297
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:42,120
all in fear and in those flight 
or flight modes that it's easy 

298
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:44,280
to do that. 
It's like a numbing mechanism to

299
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:47,840
like get drunk all the time or 
why beer and alcohol is like 

300
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:51,680
everywhere, on every corner. 
But food deserts exist where 

301
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:53,640
people don't even have access to
resources. 

302
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:57,120
But there's seven liquor stores 
on the on the block, you know, 

303
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,840
so or gas stations or whatever. 
You know what I mean? 

304
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:03,680
It's just like a lot of things 
in this world don't make a lot 

305
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:07,240
of sense if you're actually like
theoretically wanting to help 

306
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:09,920
people. 
And I think that we just all are

307
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:14,280
in these cycles. 
Well, and like with that, you 

308
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:18,040
know the business thing, right. 
There's all types of things, 

309
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:23,800
though, that we haven't known as
being people going into doing 

310
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:28,480
business for ourselves or 
whatnot that other people know. 

311
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:31,640
So like, for instance, like when
you and I when I've been coming 

312
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,440
to you lately and I've been 
like, hey, when we're going to 

313
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:36,960
do any type of, like, 
partnership on things with 

314
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,800
people, we should totally have 
these types of contracts. 

315
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:44,480
We should do these types of 
things now and when we were, not

316
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:46,800
even just when we were growing 
up, but just like in everyday 

317
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:52,320
life having like NDA's or 
contracts or things like that is

318
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:56,040
considered to be like a oh 
you're fancy type of shit. 

319
00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:59,160
Like oh you think that like you 
have big shit and somebody's 

320
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:02,040
going to like fuck you over, You
know what I mean? 

321
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:08,600
And really, regardless of how 
small your your businesses, your

322
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:15,600
hustle is, there's always a 
person who is your friend and 

323
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:18,720
getting what they what they can 
and then all of a sudden they're

324
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:21,640
not. 
And we experienced that last 

325
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,960
year inside of our communities 
and we were supporting people's 

326
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,520
businesses and we were friends 
with people. 

327
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,920
And people were coming to 
personally drive to your house 

328
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:30,920
and stay at your house. 
And you were shouting them out 

329
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,120
and supporting them and their 
readings and everything. 

330
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,240
And then meanwhile, they've been
behind your back messaging 

331
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,920
people inside of your community 
talking about you and saying 

332
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,040
hey, but come over to my 
community and I'll keep you 

333
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:44,920
safe. 
If you had done business with 

334
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,520
this person and you had some 
type of like contractual 

335
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:52,040
agreement or or whatever. 
And so those are things that I 

336
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:56,400
feel like we should be 
empowering ourselves with. 

337
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,560
Now is like, no, it's not a your
bougie or who the fuck do you 

338
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:01,600
think you are. 
You you have your shit all 

339
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,720
together. 
It's knowing how people are 

340
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:09,200
going to move and how they prove
to move and protecting yourself.

341
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:14,640
And there are so often that. 
You know, whether it's business,

342
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:18,720
things go wrong or friendships 
go wrong or whatever, where the 

343
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:20,880
person goes from being 
wonderful. 

344
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:23,120
You guys are best friends. 
You guys are, Oh my gosh, you 

345
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:25,000
don't have a bad thing to say 
about them. 

346
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:28,360
And then shit comes crashing 
down and it's, well, this is the

347
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:32,240
whole list of how that was an 
awful person and I hated them. 

348
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:35,880
And you know, yadda yadda to me,
if you have a falling out with 

349
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:39,280
somebody and then all you do is 
completely drag them and shit, 

350
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:42,240
talk them and now you have all 
these negative things to say. 

351
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,640
You both were snakes to each 
other the entire time. 

352
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:49,320
They just chose to make 
themselves known before you did 

353
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:52,520
because clearly you were having 
problems all along and you were 

354
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,960
out here flaunting this fucking 
thing. 

355
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:59,800
That's why anytime that you, you
and I both, when we've had 

356
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:03,120
issues and stuff happen, we've 
literally been like, I really 

357
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:05,480
cared about this person and and 
whatever. 

358
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:07,600
And I'm sad the way that it 
went. 

359
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,400
I I wouldn't have wanted that. 
I didn't know that was happening

360
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:15,200
or whatever because like fucking
loyalty to people and if you 

361
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:18,720
don't like them and you're not 
loyal to them, fucking let them 

362
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:22,120
go. 
Honestly, what blows my mind is 

363
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:26,360
that someone could come in and 
admire you so much and like, be 

364
00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:32,880
so inspired by you to start a 
business or to advance onto a 

365
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:35,320
spiritual journey where they're 
helping other people. 

366
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:39,080
And then you and me to, like, 
just specifically support these 

367
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,360
people and turn them on to other
people. 

368
00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:44,840
And like people we know only 
that we would know are giving 

369
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:48,520
them money and helping them out.
And they're getting new cars and

370
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:50,720
upgrading their life. 
But then all of a sudden it's 

371
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:54,760
fuck us, Let's fuck us. 
We don't get our readings early 

372
00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:56,400
enough. 
We don't get them when we want 

373
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,680
them. 
Jim and I won't even give them 

374
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,680
Paige. 
Don't even answer, you know, 

375
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:03,960
like these lies. 
Because literally I have, you 

376
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:07,800
know, hundreds of reviews from 
people and you do, you do as 

377
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:11,320
well that are just like so 
happy, so blessed, so content, 

378
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:14,880
willing to give their last 
dollar, so happy they spent, you

379
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:16,880
know, the money on the reading, 
got the reading. 

380
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,480
They're blown away, whatever it 
may be. 

381
00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:24,360
And still at the same time, 
these people can actually have 

382
00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:27,680
the audacity to try to like 
spread those lies all the way 

383
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,640
around to people they only met 
through us. 

384
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:34,600
And it was such a weird thing 
because you all listening that 

385
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,200
are just coming in, that have 
came in in the last couple 

386
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,120
months or whenever. 
I know we've grown a lot 

387
00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:43,840
recently. 
These people were like in our 

388
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:48,520
sacred circles, showing up on 
our monthly subscriptions, if 

389
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:50,520
you will, like doing every 
everything. 

390
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:54,680
But then meanwhile we're 
stifling and like snaking people

391
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:58,560
out of the community, acting 
like, almost convincing these 

392
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:01,480
people that it was their idea to
leave the community. 

393
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:04,680
So then they're summoning and 
trying to bring other people 

394
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:08,400
with them. 
Like, well, in my community I 

395
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:11,760
had at least seven people that I
had to block and remove like 

396
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:15,320
just seven people. 
Like that's mind blowing. 

397
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:19,080
And the energy behind that is 
that these people were all over 

398
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:22,640
the United States. 
Like all the way West Coast, all

399
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:26,680
the way East Coast, all the way 
South, like all the way N They 

400
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:29,880
were everywhere. 
Y'all like fucking weirdos. 

401
00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:36,360
I also noticed that and I, I 
guess, I, I guess I hadn't 

402
00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:38,320
really noticed that it affected 
me in this way. 

403
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:39,920
Like we've talked about 
different ways that it's 

404
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:44,440
affected us, But I noticed that 
it affected the way that I was 

405
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:47,760
creatively doing things on 
Patreon and just like inside of 

406
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:51,800
my community. 
And that when we had done like 

407
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:56,280
majoring, we did major 
restructuring last year of how 

408
00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:58,440
we were running things because 
we were like, well, I don't want

409
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:02,160
to have a repeat of this. 
And I realized that the way that

410
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:05,600
I restructured things was 
basically to like shut down 

411
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:12,840
because it was, well, we don't 
feel like we, it was two people 

412
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,840
who said this was like we didn't
feel like we were getting enough

413
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:17,120
from you. 
We didn't feel like you were 

414
00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:19,480
doing enough. 
And when I analyzed things and 

415
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,560
I'm like, what couldn't they 
have been getting enough about? 

416
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,280
I was like, oh, maybe people 
need more. one-on-one hand 

417
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,320
holding. 
And so the way that I did 

418
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:29,120
mentorship changed in the way 
that I did. 

419
00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:33,240
Contents on Patreon changed and 
whatever, because I was trying 

420
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:36,160
to make sure that every single 
person felt like they were 

421
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:39,960
having their hand held. 
And like, you can't ever feel 

422
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,480
like I'm not doing enough 
because, look, I'm doing all of 

423
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:45,360
this just for you. 
And so I've been like, why do I 

424
00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:47,480
feel drained? 
Why do I feel like I'm not 

425
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:49,880
inspired about, like, what I'm 
doing or whatever? 

426
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:53,960
And I realized, realized it's 
because of the the approach 

427
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:57,720
energetically that I was having 
was like, please find value in 

428
00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:01,960
me, please don't feel like my 
what I'm pouring my heart and 

429
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,400
soul into means nothing. 
Please tell me that you're 

430
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:06,720
getting something out of this. 
Are you getting something out of

431
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:09,880
it? 
Whereas before that I didn't 

432
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:12,760
give a flying fuck. 
I'm putting out what I'm feeling

433
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:15,760
LED that I need to put out as 
content, as education on it. 

434
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,200
If you have questions about it, 
if you want to talk about it, 

435
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,160
come to me. 
That's a part of the mentorship 

436
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:23,080
as you get that one-on-one. 
In the meantime if you don't 

437
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:24,120
need me, cool. 
I'm here. 

438
00:25:24,120 --> 00:25:29,360
If you do and and I'm getting 
back into that like that. 

439
00:25:29,360 --> 00:25:34,520
I'm really excited about April 
and it just has like maybe it's 

440
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:37,840
like the whole spring energy, 
but it just has this. 

441
00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:41,280
I'm waking up and things are 
going to be fresh and new and 

442
00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:44,280
we're cleaning things out that 
aren't serving us and we're 

443
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:50,200
bringing in the sunshine. 
And I'm really excited to be 

444
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:54,720
able to just energetically put 
ourselves, just maneuver 

445
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,360
ourselves differently. 
We've restructured our things. 

446
00:25:57,360 --> 00:26:00,000
We've changed the way that we're
doing circles. 

447
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,720
We've decided like you know 
what, we are going to be a 

448
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,880
little bit more exclusive about 
things. 

449
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,360
And we are going to be, you 
know, having this not just for 

450
00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:12,480
everybody, but for people that 
are really invested in this 

451
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:16,480
because our energy is meaningful
and we don't have to just make 

452
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:20,040
it available just so that nobody
can say that they were left out 

453
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:24,120
or that we didn't do enough. 
So as I say that I realize like 

454
00:26:24,120 --> 00:26:27,440
even in our business that we've 
done together, we did kind of 

455
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:30,320
start to operate with the oh, 
everybody's welcome. 

456
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:33,120
We just want you to make sure 
that you feel like you can be 

457
00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:36,160
here even if, you know, it's 
energetically exhausting to 

458
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:37,320
have. 
What did you call it? 

459
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:40,720
What kind of people are they 
like observers? 

460
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:46,480
Monitoring spirits. 
Monitoring spirits, yeah. 

461
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:50,320
Monitoring spirits For those 
that don't know what this is, it

462
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:54,800
is the people that you always 
see, like in your views, but 

463
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:57,200
never in your likes. 
People that always have a 

464
00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:00,040
comment but are actually not 
supporting you. 

465
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:03,480
People that, like, see that your
status is popping off, so they 

466
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:06,840
comment to be relevant, to draw 
attention to them. 

467
00:27:07,120 --> 00:27:09,800
Or like, you know, the only time
they comment is something like 

468
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:13,680
argumentative or condescending 
or, you know, limited in some 

469
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:17,080
way, something that's kind of 
shutting you down or in real 

470
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,440
life, even. 
Like the people that support you

471
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,880
only behind closed doors, kind 
of like the people who fuck 

472
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:25,560
bitches but only behind closed 
doors, 'cause then when you're 

473
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:28,440
like, why can't we be more? 
Why can't we put each other on 

474
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,560
Facebook? 
They're like, oh, I try to keep 

475
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,720
my drama low. 
No, baby girl, he's fucking 

476
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:35,640
other girls. 
Like, that's what they do. 

477
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:40,160
But they'll teach you. 
They're like concepts, so that 

478
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:42,400
you feel like, no, this is just 
them. 

479
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,840
They keep a low profile. 
No. 

480
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:47,920
If he posts on his story but 
refuses to post to you, he 

481
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:50,880
doesn't keep a low profile. 
I can understand the guys, 

482
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:54,280
'cause I've started like 
manifesting dudes who are just 

483
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:57,720
not obsessed with social media, 
who don't see as much like value

484
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:01,840
in it as Someone Like You and I 
who run a full online business 

485
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:03,840
through social media. 
You know what I mean? 

486
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:08,400
Like, I just would rather my man
be a man and be not, like 

487
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:12,160
posting 29,000 things on 
Facebook constantly or whatever.

488
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:15,040
Like, only one of us can be loud
and annoying on the Internet. 

489
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:17,640
And I've got you covered. 
Like, I'm going to talk on the 

490
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:20,680
Internet for both of us, because
I just don't want everybody 

491
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:24,080
knowing everything. 
And I just think people who want

492
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:27,040
you to perceive them a certain 
way will always let you down in 

493
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,160
the end. 
And I'll always hear when I meet

494
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:32,400
people in person, like they're 
shocked that I actually am the 

495
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:36,480
way that I am, that there's like
no facade that I really AM who I

496
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:39,520
present on the podcast or who I 
present in real life. 

497
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:42,120
And that is irked. 
A lot of fucking people, y'all 

498
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:45,480
like, people think they like me 
when they can like, I guess, 

499
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:47,520
turn me off. 
But then whenever they get 

500
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:51,360
around me, they're like, I can't
believe that I'm actually here 

501
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:54,760
and that I I don't like her. 
And I don't know, it's like it's

502
00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:56,920
never me, though, 'cause it'll 
be crazy. 

503
00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:00,080
You show up to my house acting 
like you're my bestie, I've got 

504
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,160
you a present. 
Like, I'm excited to see you. 

505
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:06,120
And then the whole time you're 
running around town hanging out 

506
00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:09,400
with people you've met from my 
community that live here and I 

507
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:11,840
don't even fuck with them. 
And then you're going to hang 

508
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:13,480
out with them. 
Like, tell me that's just, like,

509
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,840
fucking weird. 
And didn't even invite me to go 

510
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:19,480
with you all, like, was really 
weird about it. 

511
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:22,760
And so, you know, I look back at
like those monitoring spirits, 

512
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:26,000
like people who want to be close
to the fire but they can't start

513
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:28,480
their own fire. 
Or the people that like are only

514
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:31,160
relevant when they're talking 
about someone else who's popular

515
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:34,320
and relevant, Which is like, 
literally how TMZ has made a 

516
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:37,600
billion dollars, is by talking 
about people who are relevant. 

517
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:40,560
Take notes. 
Let's talk our own story. 

518
00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:44,320
Let's start clickbait. 
Let's add rumors every once and 

519
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,320
while we'll drop something 
that's true or we'll have 

520
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:50,280
something that's exclusive, but 
half the time it's just fucking 

521
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:52,880
rumors and opinion or random 
photos. 

522
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:56,400
Like just because Lana Del Rey 
and I don't know who it was, it 

523
00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:58,880
was like Lana Del Rey and like 
Wiz Khalifa. 

524
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:01,720
I think we're like caught 
hanging out together. 

525
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:05,120
Like, they both publicly talk 
alike, smoking weed a lot. 

526
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:06,520
Maybe they're fucking, maybe 
they're not. 

527
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:08,840
But they both smoke hella weed 
and talk about it. 

528
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:12,720
So why would they like, like, 
wouldn't they ride to an award 

529
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:14,320
show together or whatever? 
You know what I mean? 

530
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:17,080
Like, 'cause they were caught 
going to some party together, 

531
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:20,680
but who gives a fuck? 
Like people want to talk about 

532
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:23,320
people that are irrelevant. 
And that's what I feel like. 

533
00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:26,680
What happened is like, none of 
these people individually had 

534
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,720
any friends in real life. 
Like you lived in bum fucked 

535
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:33,160
Montana or wherever the fuck, 
and you didn't have any friends.

536
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:35,080
We gave you a sense of 
community. 

537
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:38,080
We gave you all a sense of, you 
know, connection. 

538
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:41,840
Even people who were like in 
their late 50s, early 60s, baby,

539
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:45,000
giving y'all connection, 
bringing y'all in, let y'all 

540
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:50,560
like have friends and people who
support you and what do you do. 

541
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:55,560
You shit on it and you you tear 
it up like a fucking puppy or 

542
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:58,960
something and act like you 
didn't do it and sit over in the

543
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:01,320
corner and like whimper and 
fucking whine. 

544
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,920
Like it was so much drama for no
reason. 

545
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:07,680
Because not at any time that I 
feel like it was that we weren't

546
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:10,040
giving these people enough. 
In my opinion. 

547
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:13,600
I was giving them too much for 
the price and you said it made 

548
00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:16,240
you want to do more. 
It actually made me do less and 

549
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:19,360
build a more personable 
connection with people that 

550
00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:22,880
actually support me on Patreon. 
And that's the people that were 

551
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:26,000
like on a main level and up, you
know what I mean? 

552
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:29,200
Like really? 
Not necessarily just catering to

553
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:32,920
them, but just giving them more 
of my energy rather than anyone 

554
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:35,560
else on the Internet or random 
people or whatever. 

555
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:38,360
Like, it didn't make me 
necessarily do more. 

556
00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:42,200
It made me be more present and 
learn more about the people that

557
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:46,720
are in my community rather than 
trying to be out recruiting new 

558
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:49,480
while letting the kids play 
unattended in the room. 

559
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:57,320
No, I totally get that. 
And and yeah, it's when I'm 

560
00:31:57,320 --> 00:32:00,720
listening to the way that, like,
people perceive you, it's just 

561
00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:04,680
kind of funny to me because it 
makes me think like, even though

562
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:08,960
you had hung out with a few of 
those people from that community

563
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:13,160
space in person, I really feel 
like they didn't know you. 

564
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:18,400
And so I feel like when we 
started this podcast, you were 

565
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:24,520
viewed at as like you're just so
sweet and demure and you don't 

566
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:27,440
really have that many like 
strong opinions about things. 

567
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:32,440
You're just like super fairy go 
lucky go see a concert and go 

568
00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:38,240
travel whimsical and they they 
didn't for some reason you and I

569
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:40,800
just got each other and knew 
each other and had a really deep

570
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:42,960
connection really quickly and 
got to know each others 

571
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:47,000
personalities really quickly and
so other people weren't able to 

572
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,400
see that. 
So when we're having these like 

573
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:53,480
open discussion, you're having 
more attitude about what you're 

574
00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:55,400
saying. 
You're having your very firm 

575
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:59,320
boundaries and whatever other 
people were looking at that and 

576
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:01,720
they're like, well that's not 
page, that's not the page that I

577
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:04,280
know. 
So the way that somebody would 

578
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:07,600
meet you that only knows you 
from online and would be like 

579
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:11,440
that's not what I was expecting 
is the same thing. 

580
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:14,440
I think when they know you in 
person and then they see you on 

581
00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:16,160
the Internet, you're a 
different. 

582
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:18,720
You're going to have a different
connection with somebody. 

583
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:22,600
When they're seeing you in 
person and you're just like, hey

584
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:24,960
girl, what's up? 
Like having a conversation 

585
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:27,760
versus when you're like, and I 
don't fucking like people taking

586
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,360
advantage of me and let me talk 
to you about spiritual trolls, 

587
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:32,120
Like you're just going to have 
different energy. 

588
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:35,080
And so I think that's where 
people can't get behind that. 

589
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:38,400
And then I was on our 
anniversary of the Home girl 

590
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:41,360
episode, we were looking like 
through all of our pictures and 

591
00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:45,360
whatever of our trip together. 
And I really was like having 

592
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:48,680
flashbacks of like holy fuck, we
survived death together. 

593
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:54,760
And I was thinking about, I 
listened to the episode and you 

594
00:33:54,760 --> 00:34:01,160
were like, she said that we were
fake ass bitches and that we 

595
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,280
weren't who we were on the 
Internet and she didn't even 

596
00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:07,480
know who we were. 
And it's just so funny to me 

597
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:13,080
because we were the exact same 
in person as we are on the like 

598
00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:15,520
as we always are. 
I felt like I felt so 

599
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:16,960
comfortable. 
I was like, I knew what to 

600
00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:20,360
expect from you. 
I knew when shit popped off you 

601
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:22,480
were like, I've got this 
handled. 

602
00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:24,440
I'm going to take care of these 
back end things. 

603
00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:26,520
Throw her off the loft if you 
have to, but I'll make sure we 

604
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:30,199
have a house like. 
A heck out has a car in a house.

605
00:34:31,199 --> 00:34:33,159
Yeah. 
We weren't going to waste any 

606
00:34:33,159 --> 00:34:36,159
days of vacation, and I sure as 
hell wasn't going back to that 

607
00:34:36,159 --> 00:34:38,880
woman's house. 
Like the audacity of the ride 

608
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:41,639
home of us being afraid she 
would leave us in the desert 

609
00:34:41,639 --> 00:34:45,800
where there are no rental cars, 
there's only rental ATVs and 

610
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:49,679
Jeeps. 
I literally had in my head at 

611
00:34:49,679 --> 00:34:51,960
any given time, she was going to
just tell us to get out of the 

612
00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:55,480
car, out of her car with our 
stuff, like, at any given time, 

613
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:58,560
and put our life in danger, like
straight up, like, no phone 

614
00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:02,240
service, like. 
So I had, like, really in my 

615
00:35:02,240 --> 00:35:11,080
mind about, like, not not 
getting her upset, 'cause we 

616
00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:14,480
didn't tell her that we had, 
that we were getting that we 

617
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:17,920
weren't going with her until 
what we were like halfway out of

618
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:19,840
the desert back to civilization 
or something? 

619
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:26,440
What happened was we got that 
Airbnb that night before, and 

620
00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:31,640
then she was normal that night. 
We got it before we even went on

621
00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:35,960
that ATV ride we got because we 
got it the night before our last

622
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:38,440
night. 
So second to last night and then

623
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:41,680
that next day we were like, OK, 
we're going to let her know that

624
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:46,880
we got the Airbnb for tomorrow. 
But then she was like insisting 

625
00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:51,160
on doing the ATV ride, and I was
getting upset about it or 

626
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:52,560
whatever. 
And then we were like, OK, 

627
00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:56,080
listen, like she just, she 
finally has something that she 

628
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,520
wants to go and do, we'll just 
go do the thing that she wants 

629
00:35:58,520 --> 00:35:59,800
to do. 
We'll it. 

630
00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:03,320
We'll wait till tomorrow. 
We won't, like, disturb the 

631
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:05,840
peace. 
And so we went and did the ATV 

632
00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:10,880
thing, and then she did her 
whatever thing when we got back 

633
00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:13,240
to the place. 
So then the next morning when we

634
00:36:13,240 --> 00:36:15,880
were going to go to breakfast, 
we were like, do we tell her 

635
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:19,200
when we get to Salt Lake? 
Because she kept threatening to 

636
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:22,040
leave us in the desert. 
Which is why we had that fear, 

637
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:26,200
by the way. 
And so we were like, do we wait 

638
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:27,880
till we get back to Salt Lake 
City? 

639
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:31,480
Like, what do we do? 
And you're she was packing up 

640
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:33,360
the car and you're like, I'm 
just going to go tell her now 

641
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:36,160
that we are. 
There, I do remember that, yeah,

642
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:38,360
I remember telling her. 
I just couldn't remember if it 

643
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:41,000
was after we got in the car, 
before we got in the car. 

644
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:44,880
Dude, it was before. 
And then we had the most awkward

645
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:47,960
drive to breakfast and every 
meal. 

646
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:51,440
You guys made me sit by her. 
You guys were not like, you guys

647
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:56,520
didn't budget on that. 
And so I sat by her at breakfast

648
00:36:56,520 --> 00:37:00,960
and she was just like, so angry.
And again, we talked about this 

649
00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:05,720
before, but like, I'm not the 
person who like, if we already 

650
00:37:05,720 --> 00:37:08,560
have a solution to this, if I've
already offered to talk and you 

651
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:11,400
don't want to talk, I'm not 
going to sit here and treat you 

652
00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:13,480
poorly. 
There's an issue here. 

653
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:15,200
We all know that there's an 
issue here. 

654
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:17,240
There's there's no hiding around
that. 

655
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:20,000
I'm not going to be mean to you,
and I'm not going to make it 

656
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:21,440
miserable. 
I'm going to treat you like a 

657
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:23,760
human being. 
I will have conversation with 

658
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:26,040
you, whatever. 
So then when we're at breakfast 

659
00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:28,800
and we're all talking, I'm like,
trying to be nice and involve 

660
00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:33,360
her in the conversation. 
And then after we got to the 

661
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:36,240
Airbnb and I had blocked her and
she was texting you guys and 

662
00:37:36,240 --> 00:37:39,800
being like, Jim and I was so 
fake at breakfast, I'm like, is 

663
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:43,320
the thing that you should do? 
And maybe, maybe I do it wrong. 

664
00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:46,720
Like, is the thing that you 
should do to just be like, no, 

665
00:37:46,720 --> 00:37:48,920
fuck you bitch. 
Like, is that how I should have 

666
00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:51,880
treated her? 
Been like you are an alcoholic 

667
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:54,560
and fuck you? 
Or do you just go, like, I know 

668
00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:57,160
that this person has a problem 
and that, like, clearly they're 

669
00:37:57,160 --> 00:38:00,200
mentally struggling right now. 
I'm not going to treat them like

670
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:02,360
shit. 
Yeah, that's what I would do. 

671
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:03,960
That's how I do. 
I take the High Road. 

672
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:06,160
I do that. 
Like, especially with guys, 

673
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:08,960
because a lot of guys will 
present that they're like, 

674
00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:11,560
they've got all this shit 
together, they're doing great, 

675
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:15,440
they're popping their shit, get 
me to like them and then just 

676
00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:18,640
poof, I'm struggling. 
I'm about to off myself. 

677
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:22,040
If I had, and I don't mean this 
insensitively, I if I had a 

678
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:25,120
dollar for every time someone 
was like, I'm really going 

679
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:27,960
through it directly after they 
tried to start a relationship 

680
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:31,840
with me for no reason, started 
pursuing me for no reason, I 

681
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:34,720
would have like over $1000. 
Okay, like that's just one 

682
00:38:34,720 --> 00:38:35,720
dollar. 
Imagine that they were all 

683
00:38:35,720 --> 00:38:38,200
giving me 100. 
You know, like we could get rich

684
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:41,520
quick, but at the same time, why
are you pursuing new 

685
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:43,400
relationships? 
Like, that's what doesn't make 

686
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:44,960
sense to me. 
It's because people want a 

687
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:47,800
trauma bond and fill some void 
with a friendship or a 

688
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:50,760
relationship that isn't truly 
for them. 

689
00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:54,040
Like being friends with people 
because you want what they have.

690
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:57,040
Or wanting to be in a community 
that you don't really fuck with 

691
00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:59,240
nobody but maybe two people, you
know what I mean? 

692
00:38:59,240 --> 00:39:02,000
Or the whole time you don't even
fuck with the person who started

693
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:04,720
the damn community. 
And you know, and I've 

694
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:09,640
experienced this with a girl who
treated me and another girl 

695
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:13,680
terribly within her community. 
And so I invited that girl to my

696
00:39:13,720 --> 00:39:16,600
community and she stirred up 
shit like she was one of the one

697
00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:19,560
of the ones that's still a main 
shit starter, you know. 

698
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:23,960
So it's like at the end of the 
day, there's definitely a lot of

699
00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:29,680
reluctancy to just straight open
up with people because you start

700
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:32,360
telling people what you want, 
what you expect, what you need. 

701
00:39:32,720 --> 00:39:34,160
They're going to try to mold 
into that. 

702
00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:36,520
And then they may deceive you 
for quite some time, but 

703
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:40,840
eventually you know the facade 
or the illusion wears off or 

704
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:43,120
wears thin. 
You know someone can only 

705
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:45,720
disappoint you or prove you 
right so many times before you 

706
00:39:45,720 --> 00:39:47,280
have to fucking listen to 
yourself. 

707
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:49,880
And I know sometimes it might 
for some people may take 20 

708
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:53,240
times, but it's gonna take 20 
times for me. 

709
00:39:53,240 --> 00:39:55,520
I'm like on this three time 
thing, you let me down that 

710
00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:56,960
third time. 
I do not care. 

711
00:39:56,960 --> 00:40:00,360
Like I'm cool with the hey, I 
had to work late or hey, I got a

712
00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:01,600
flat tire. 
This happened. 

713
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:03,920
But once. 
It's like a consecutive all the 

714
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:05,960
time. 
It sounds like a dark cloud just

715
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:08,960
surrounds your life. 
I cannot fuck with you. 

716
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:13,320
And I don't mean that in a sense
of anything except I can't save 

717
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:16,640
you and you're not doing the 
work to try to help yourself. 

718
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:20,120
And even when things get better,
you like. 

719
00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:23,000
Sabotage or whatever. 
You know what I mean. 

720
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:25,080
Like things are getting better. 
I'm in a community, I'm living, 

721
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:27,360
I've got friends like that one 
girl we went and saw. 

722
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:30,840
She never at any given time and 
hung out with three women plus 

723
00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:35,080
herself at any given time. 
She's never been with four, like

724
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:38,640
in a foursome ever in her life. 
Like, she does not have friends 

725
00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:40,080
like that. 
She may have one friend that 

726
00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:42,400
she's going to get high with or 
do drugs with or whatever, like 

727
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:44,760
most of these bitches, but they 
don't got multiple friends. 

728
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:47,240
And then they come into our 
community and start meeting 

729
00:40:47,240 --> 00:40:50,800
people and seeing that, you 
know, I can simultaneously be 

730
00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:53,200
best friends with you and Jackie
in the same room at the same 

731
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:54,600
time. 
Even though y'all haven't met 

732
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:57,240
each other. 
There was never any like, Oh no,

733
00:40:57,240 --> 00:40:59,600
you're giving Jackie more 
attention or Oh no, Jim and I 

734
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:02,080
was getting more attention. 
That was like, you know what I 

735
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:04,280
mean? 
It was completely, like cohesive

736
00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:07,840
and harmonious and like I treat 
everyone with love and and 

737
00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:10,120
respect and stuff. 
So like, at the end of the day, 

738
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:14,240
anyone who has truly a problem 
with me, I feel personally hates

739
00:41:14,240 --> 00:41:17,040
themselves, 'cause I don't do 
anything to fuck with anybody. 

740
00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:19,840
You may just like, I may rub 
someone the wrong way, or they 

741
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:22,280
just don't something about me 
they just don't like. 

742
00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:25,560
But deep down, it's something 
that I'm expressing that they 

743
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:29,200
feel scared or intimidated to 
express in themselves. 

744
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:32,400
So they don't like me, period. 
Right. 

745
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:35,720
So I love your little. 
I loved your little attitude. 

746
00:41:35,720 --> 00:41:37,960
Hand clothes, eye roll at the 
end. 

747
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:39,800
No. 
And you know what? 

748
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:43,040
I was even. 
I was even reflecting on this 

749
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,120
part too. 
I was thinking about the 

750
00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:49,360
conversations that we had had 
planning this whole thing going 

751
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:52,040
up to all meeting in Utah, 
right. 

752
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:56,720
Because we this is the crazy 
thing too is we all talk to this

753
00:41:56,720 --> 00:42:03,240
person on our own for months 
planning something like, you 

754
00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:05,720
know what I mean? 
So like for months we were all 

755
00:42:05,720 --> 00:42:09,560
in like friendly communication 
we just weren't all in the group

756
00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:12,320
setting. 
So I think that's one is like it

757
00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:16,800
already started this click 
mentality for her of you and 

758
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:20,680
Jackie were going to be a group 
and that me and her would be a 

759
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:24,800
group. 
And so then when we so I'm, I'm 

760
00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:29,040
remembering text messages where 
she was like well, and nobody 

761
00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:31,960
will feel like the third wheel 
because there'll be you and me 

762
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:33,440
and then there's the two of 
them. 

763
00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:41,000
And I didn't correlate that as 
being I'm planning on it just 

764
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:44,320
being like you and me are going 
to be buddy Buddy and Paige and 

765
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:46,960
Jackie will be Buddy Buddy, 
which I think is what she 

766
00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:51,040
thought in her mind was like. 
She and I are both married, even

767
00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:53,080
though she only knew her husband
well for like 3 days. 

768
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:57,920
And so her and I are married. 
We both have kid right? 

769
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:02,200
And you and Jackie are coming is
just like single fucking always 

770
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:04,720
traveling the world and like 
with your outfits. 

771
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:07,960
And I think that that 
separation, she may have even 

772
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:12,000
done it subconsciously, where 
she's like, hey, Jem only pack 

773
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:15,280
like yoga pants and a sweater 
and whatever, because we're just

774
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:18,440
going to be like out of nature, 
knowing that you guys were going

775
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:20,200
to be coming there with fucking 
outfits. 

776
00:43:20,240 --> 00:43:22,920
And I don't know why I didn't 
think about it, but trust me, 

777
00:43:23,240 --> 00:43:26,160
I'll have 4000 options. 
Next time we do fucking 

778
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,960
anything, you'll be like, no, 
literally, we're just sitting in

779
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:30,840
mud the whole time. 
And I'm going to be like, cool. 

780
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:33,120
I brought Gucci like what's 
good. 

781
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:36,200
That's how I feel like I'm going
to prepare. 

782
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:41,560
But I think that she was caught 
off guard. 

783
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:45,560
She expected the entire time to 
be a third wheel, which is why I

784
00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:48,800
think there was the invitation 
for me to surprise you for me to

785
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:51,720
come. 
I think that she always expected

786
00:43:51,720 --> 00:43:54,560
that inside of a dynamic, she 
was going to be a third wheel. 

787
00:43:54,840 --> 00:43:59,200
So much so that she made herself
the third wheel, so much so that

788
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:04,600
she was like, you guys are all 
vibing like I I don't, I don't 

789
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:06,120
like this. 
I thought it would be you guys 

790
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:08,240
talking and then I'd talk to Jem
over here. 

791
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:12,720
Yeah, I remember when she said 
that she was feeling left out 

792
00:44:12,720 --> 00:44:16,240
when all she did y'all was like 
go and isolate herself and talk 

793
00:44:16,240 --> 00:44:21,120
to her newfound husband on the 
phone and like, take sips of 

794
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:24,920
vodka, 'cause she literally 
bought 1/2 gallon of vodka and 

795
00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:28,720
put it in the freezer day one. 
And so, you know, this is coming

796
00:44:28,720 --> 00:44:31,280
from a situation where me and 
this girl had literally like 

797
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:34,600
100, probably like 80 day 
Snapchat streak. 

798
00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:37,200
That's like well over 1/2 a 
year. 

799
00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:40,280
You know what I mean? 
Like for us to plan something, 

800
00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:44,880
to even be in a context or a 
conversation where you invite me

801
00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:47,200
to Utah. 
I didn't invite myself to Utah. 

802
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:49,640
This started. 
She invited me to Utah. 

803
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:53,040
I was like, absolutely would 
love to, but Jackie's got to 

804
00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:57,640
come with me or I'm not coming. 
And then she secretly invited 

805
00:44:57,640 --> 00:44:59,400
Gemini. 
Are we all invited Gemini? 

806
00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:02,000
She said no. 
Then they had a secret, and I 

807
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:05,600
think that there was this level 
where she thought, well, Paige 

808
00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:08,560
hasn't met Gemini and I bet I 
can get closer to Gemini. 

809
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:13,160
And I think what really 
triggered her was that situation

810
00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:16,240
like, you know, with the sense 
of her not liking me. 

811
00:45:16,240 --> 00:45:20,640
I think she expected us to not 
vibe as much in person. 

812
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:24,480
To think that like you and her 
were closer and would have a 

813
00:45:24,480 --> 00:45:26,280
better vibe. 
And I think she just realized 

814
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:30,360
how for her judge of character 
is and how she wanted to hang 

815
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:32,760
out with like the girly girls. 
Because like you wear makeup way

816
00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:35,120
more than I do and get ready and
do things. 

817
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:38,920
And I think she just wanted to 
like feel like she had 

818
00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:43,200
girlfriends even though she 
clearly doesn't hang out or do 

819
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:46,600
anything with anyone. 
And she clearly has a lot of 

820
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:50,720
mental issues in my opinion to 
just randomly invite strangers 

821
00:45:50,720 --> 00:45:54,960
in your grown adult life. 
Like she's like 3738 years old, 

822
00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:58,720
older than all of us. 
And invite us out to your home, 

823
00:45:59,240 --> 00:46:03,880
cook us breakfast, invite us 
into your nice home, and then 

824
00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:07,320
take us out into the desert and 
act like a complete estranged 

825
00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:11,800
woman who we took away from her 
husband And she had to go fuck 

826
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:17,320
her ex-boyfriend 'cause he was 
down the street. 2EX boyfriends.

827
00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:20,200
It didn't make sense. 
Yeah, we did see her other ex. 

828
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:23,960
You're right, we did. 
So you know, it just, it was 

829
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:27,080
such a mind blowing thing that 
when I look back and I'm like 

830
00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:30,400
wow, that was a year ago, last 
month, like that happened. 

831
00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:35,760
That's been like kind of the 
foundation for the last year. 

832
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:38,480
Like last year, that was where 
the roller coaster started. 

833
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:41,680
And then a month later was when 
the community things unfolded 

834
00:46:41,680 --> 00:46:44,760
and it was in March and April. 
You know what's crazy about that

835
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:48,520
community thing? 
And and this, this, as I was 

836
00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:50,600
thinking about the trip and I 
was thinking about that night 

837
00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:58,240
that I was like that me and her 
had it out the the girls from my

838
00:46:58,240 --> 00:47:02,040
community space that had linked 
up with girls from your 

839
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:06,920
community space. 
The girls in my space had put me

840
00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:10,480
into a group chat with them like
a few months before that. 

841
00:47:11,040 --> 00:47:14,600
And they were constantly inside 
of the chat. 

842
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:19,560
Like we, you know, a part of 
mentorship is like, we really 

843
00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:22,560
want to be able to get to know 
you and like what you're going 

844
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:24,320
through. 
And like, we're a safe place for

845
00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:26,600
you, too. 
Like, you offer so much support 

846
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:29,000
to us and you're always 
listening to, like, our 

847
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:31,760
problems, whatever. 
Like if you ever need a space, 

848
00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:34,040
like, we're here, like, don't 
even worry. 

849
00:47:34,040 --> 00:47:39,720
Like, we're here. 
And I was very, I was very like,

850
00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:43,000
my life is my life. 
I mean, I'm even private. 

851
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:47,480
I'm just a very private person. 
And so I'm like, this stuff is 

852
00:47:47,480 --> 00:47:49,520
my life. 
This stuff is mentorship and 

853
00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:52,720
it's two separated. 
Well, when we were on that trip 

854
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:56,200
and I was about to lose my 
mother fucking mind, their chat 

855
00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:59,000
was blowing up and they were 
like sending like, Oh my God, we

856
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:00,800
can't believe that you and Paige
are together. 

857
00:48:00,800 --> 00:48:02,480
Like, we hope that it's the best
time. 

858
00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:06,880
And I was like, listen, bitches,
if I ever needed you, like, let 

859
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:10,680
me tell you what's going on. 
And so I tell them about 

860
00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:13,360
everything that's going on. 
Not everything, but I'm telling 

861
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:16,320
them about stuff that's going on
or whatever, and her just 

862
00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:21,680
leaving. 
And then it was only like two or

863
00:48:21,680 --> 00:48:25,280
three weeks later from when you 
and I came back from that trip 

864
00:48:25,960 --> 00:48:32,560
that those girls were like, fuck
you and Paige, that you guys 

865
00:48:32,800 --> 00:48:35,440
like, whatever, whatever it is 
that they said. 

866
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:41,960
And it's like I open. 
I feel like I opened myself up 

867
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:45,240
being like, yeah, I'll be 
vulnerable, right? 

868
00:48:45,240 --> 00:48:48,160
Like I've gotten to know you. 
Each of them had been on. 

869
00:48:48,400 --> 00:48:52,120
They were the people who had 
signed up with me the 1st when I

870
00:48:52,120 --> 00:48:55,920
started doing mentorship. 
They took all of my classes. 

871
00:48:55,920 --> 00:49:00,320
They a week before like this all
went down, even one girl one day

872
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:04,320
before all of that stuff had 
gone down in our communities was

873
00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:07,400
like, when's the next class I 
want to send you money right 

874
00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:11,560
now. 
Like it's fucking mind boggling 

875
00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:14,640
to me to this day. 
That's the weirdest part to me 

876
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:20,520
is like the the fact that there 
really are people who will sit 

877
00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:23,160
on the sidelines. 
They'll even pay you money to 

878
00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:26,560
sit there so that hopefully one 
day they can collect dinner. 

879
00:49:26,720 --> 00:49:30,800
You know, they can collect on 
you and be like, oh, see, you're

880
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:33,640
not perfect. 
See, I was sitting here for a 

881
00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:35,960
year and a half and I was 
waiting for you to divulge 

882
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:39,360
something to show me that, like,
you're not a perfect healed 

883
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:41,240
person. 
And look, there it is. 

884
00:49:41,240 --> 00:49:44,560
Fuck you and Paige. 
Yeah, and that's where, like 

885
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:47,120
that cult leader thing, like 
evolved, 'cause it was like, 

886
00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:50,160
well, Paige isn't doing enough. 
And Gemini's bossing us around 

887
00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:53,160
and using US and manipulating us
or whatever. 

888
00:49:53,160 --> 00:49:56,600
It was like you were a villain. 
And then I was just like. 

889
00:49:57,280 --> 00:49:59,720
The little victim you were just 
like not doing. 

890
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:01,440
Anything. 
I was just like, yeah, pay me 

891
00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:02,960
money, you're not going to get 
your reading. 

892
00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:05,760
One thing about it that I've 
learned though, with those 

893
00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:10,920
subscription type services, just
because someone gives me money 

894
00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:14,120
doesn't mean I really want to 
give them readings all the time 

895
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:16,480
and doesn't mean that I like 
want to connect with them all 

896
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:19,360
the time. 
And there are people who 

897
00:50:19,720 --> 00:50:23,000
subscribe to like a subscription
service and it's same thing with

898
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:25,040
like Netflix. 
There's people who watch it 12 

899
00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:27,440
hours a month and people who 
watch it 12 hours a day. 

900
00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:30,120
You know, it's the same amount 
either way. 

901
00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:33,960
And they benefit from the people
who are only going to watch it 

902
00:50:34,040 --> 00:50:37,920
10 to 12 hours a month versus 
the people that watch it day in 

903
00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:39,800
and day out. 
There's something on that TV 

904
00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:43,840
playing 24/7. 
So, you know, when I look back 

905
00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:47,800
at the scenarios in my life with
people like that, I've had 

906
00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:50,680
friends that had nothing to do 
with spirituality, that when I 

907
00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:53,920
started evolving and healing and
they were staying the same, you 

908
00:50:53,920 --> 00:50:56,280
could see where we were 
significantly going on to 

909
00:50:56,280 --> 00:50:59,680
different paths, where my life 
was getting better and easier 

910
00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:02,960
and more exciting and travel or 
whatever, and theirs was 

911
00:51:02,960 --> 00:51:06,440
stagnation, staying the same in 
and out of, out of jail, in and 

912
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:08,920
out of issues, court, whatever 
it may be. 

913
00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:14,240
And I specifically remember one 
of the girls that I had hung out

914
00:51:14,240 --> 00:51:19,600
with for literally since I was 
probably like 16 or 17 was when 

915
00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:22,240
we became friends. 
So all through my 20s, I mean, 

916
00:51:22,240 --> 00:51:24,560
her kid loves me. 
She's like 7, like all these 

917
00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:28,400
things. 
And she was literally one of the

918
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:30,560
fakest bitches. 
And this has happened with two 

919
00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:33,120
different women that, like, 
supported me. 

920
00:51:33,120 --> 00:51:37,640
Like, I'd known this girl, I'd 
known her forever, but we really

921
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:40,040
got close in our teenage years, 
'cause my dad wouldn't let me 

922
00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:42,480
hang out with her as a child, 
like in middle school and things

923
00:51:42,480 --> 00:51:44,040
like that. 
He would not let me hang out 

924
00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:45,440
with her. 
So when I got old enough to, 

925
00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:49,400
like, make my own decisions and 
hang out with people, you know, 

926
00:51:49,400 --> 00:51:52,480
I we hung out. 
And she literally, like, would 

927
00:51:52,480 --> 00:51:56,080
be so manipulative, like, drop 
her child off with me on a 

928
00:51:56,080 --> 00:51:59,840
holiday weekend, like Easter, 
Halloween, several holidays that

929
00:51:59,840 --> 00:52:01,400
are like big and around 
children. 

930
00:52:01,640 --> 00:52:04,920
So I would entertain and like, 
cater to her child while she was

931
00:52:04,920 --> 00:52:09,440
out working or doing whatever. 
And like all the things that she

932
00:52:09,440 --> 00:52:13,800
ended up actually doing, like 
really crazy illegal things. 

933
00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:16,840
She would try to tell people 
that I did those things and that

934
00:52:16,840 --> 00:52:18,360
that was me and that's what I 
did. 

935
00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:22,880
Like she would literally tell 
people lies about me saying the 

936
00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:26,080
craziest things and this, like, 
that's the first friend that 

937
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:29,640
started that. 
But I've had like several women 

938
00:52:29,640 --> 00:52:33,520
in my life, like handfuls that 
throughout my life have done 

939
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:37,400
that in my 20s. 
Just like constantly want to be 

940
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:41,120
your best friend but then gather
like you said dirt or whatever, 

941
00:52:41,280 --> 00:52:44,360
or even just make things up. 
Like even just make things up. 

942
00:52:44,360 --> 00:52:47,880
I had another friend that I was 
friends with for a long time, 

943
00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:50,320
similar scenario. 
And she was like, you started 

944
00:52:50,320 --> 00:52:52,920
reading tarot and you think 
you're better than everyone now.

945
00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:57,520
And like, I used to give this 
girl so much stuff, like really 

946
00:52:57,520 --> 00:53:00,000
nice jewelry and clothes that 
she could sell so she could get 

947
00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:02,920
money like for her kid. 
And like, I know she didn't wear

948
00:53:02,920 --> 00:53:04,560
it. 
Even if she wore some of it, she

949
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:08,000
still sold a lot of it too. 
Like, just do purses, just 

950
00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:10,760
things that I get and just like 
give it to her one day. 

951
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:12,960
She was like, just 'cause you 
give me your old clothes does 

952
00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:16,120
not mean you're a good friend. 
And then like two years later, 

953
00:53:16,120 --> 00:53:20,040
she texted me on my birthday and
was like, I really miss you. 

954
00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:21,760
You were always such a great 
friend. 

955
00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:24,400
I hope you're doing well. 
I'm really sorry about 

956
00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:27,240
everything that I did. 
I didn't mean those things. 

957
00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:31,520
You were always a great friend, 
XYZ, and I just did not reply 

958
00:53:33,760 --> 00:53:35,760
because people like they project
onto you. 

959
00:53:35,760 --> 00:53:38,120
They have no accountability. 
And then maybe later down the 

960
00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:41,200
road they gather some 
accountability that makes them 

961
00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:44,600
feel like they can, you know, 
map some shit out. 

962
00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:47,080
But at the end of the day, 
people are who they are, and 

963
00:53:47,080 --> 00:53:49,640
only their willingness to 
actually change is going to 

964
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:51,960
change anything. 
Otherwise, it's just going to be

965
00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:54,720
drama, back and forth 
projection, and they're going to

966
00:53:54,720 --> 00:53:58,800
go from one relationship, one 
friendship, one clique to the 

967
00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:02,280
other with the same bullshit. 
It's just like if you step in 

968
00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:05,040
dog shit and you walk in the 
house, maybe it's going to be 

969
00:54:05,040 --> 00:54:07,720
everywhere. 
These people like, pretend like 

970
00:54:07,720 --> 00:54:10,800
they're not the issue, but they 
are the common denominator in 

971
00:54:10,800 --> 00:54:17,880
every scenario. 
Oh, that was a lot to unpack. 

972
00:54:17,880 --> 00:54:22,520
Yeah, for you, the kid. 
OK, so maybe we've talked about 

973
00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:27,600
this before, but for me, growing
up, I was always the one that 

974
00:54:27,600 --> 00:54:30,040
parents said was like the bad 
influence. 

975
00:54:30,320 --> 00:54:34,320
But it was just because 
everybody would blame the shit 

976
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:37,760
on me. 
And I was always like, I'm your 

977
00:54:37,760 --> 00:54:39,840
friend, I'll take one for the 
team. 

978
00:54:40,120 --> 00:54:43,160
So like, we get caught smoking 
in the bathroom at school. 

979
00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:46,200
I'm not even smoking, but I'm 
like just say that it's me. 

980
00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:49,040
So then everybody blames me on 
it. 

981
00:54:49,040 --> 00:54:52,360
So then those kids, parents 
don't want me to hang out 

982
00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:54,760
because I'm getting their, you 
know, I'm making their kids 

983
00:54:54,760 --> 00:54:59,760
smoke in the bathroom at school.
I didn't even smoke or I had 

984
00:55:01,200 --> 00:55:05,400
same group of girls. 
I had a friend who brought vodka

985
00:55:05,400 --> 00:55:09,640
inside of a green tea juice 
thing, and she told everybody 

986
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:11,120
that it was me who brought the 
vodka. 

987
00:55:11,640 --> 00:55:16,760
And like, the only reason that I
didn't get expelled for that was

988
00:55:16,760 --> 00:55:20,240
because my mom worked for the 
school district and went to, 

989
00:55:20,240 --> 00:55:22,240
like, the hearing board or 
whatever. 

990
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:26,600
And like gave this speech and 
was like, this is the kind of 

991
00:55:26,600 --> 00:55:28,960
person that she is. 
Like she doesn't drink that 

992
00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:30,280
wouldn't have, you know, 
whatever. 

993
00:55:30,680 --> 00:55:36,480
And like, I was, that's the kind
of fucked up. 

994
00:55:36,480 --> 00:55:39,920
Not that, like, I didn't really 
think about the fact that I was 

995
00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:41,720
just wanting to be everybody's 
friend. 

996
00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:45,440
And I was like, I'll take it on 
guys like, it's totally cool. 

997
00:55:45,440 --> 00:55:49,640
And everybody was like, cool. 
She's taking it on like and 

998
00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:53,960
nobody, like, fought for me to 
their parents to be like, no, 

999
00:55:53,960 --> 00:55:55,600
you know, this is what really 
happened. 

1000
00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:58,520
Nothing. 
Do you see the thumbs up that 

1001
00:55:58,520 --> 00:56:01,800
keeps coming up by you? 
Yeah, I did. 

1002
00:56:02,680 --> 00:56:05,400
That's been happening like to 
you and to my client. 

1003
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:08,120
It never does it to me. 
I'm wondering what the cause is.

1004
00:56:10,240 --> 00:56:15,240
I definitely was the kid who got
blamed for a lot, and my mom 

1005
00:56:15,240 --> 00:56:17,560
would always be the person that 
would lie to people's parents 

1006
00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:20,600
too. 
So if we ever did get caught, my

1007
00:56:20,600 --> 00:56:23,760
mom, like, would try to Get Me 
Out of it and like, save people.

1008
00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:30,720
Like, you know, I definitely 
like one time when I was in like

1009
00:56:30,720 --> 00:56:33,640
4th grade, me and a bunch of 
group of girls, like, kind of 

1010
00:56:33,640 --> 00:56:35,960
vandalized the park. 
And it wasn't like we vandalized

1011
00:56:35,960 --> 00:56:37,800
it. 
We just wrote all over it with 

1012
00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:42,640
like some paint markers and we 
got in trouble for vandalizing 

1013
00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:45,040
it. 
And there were definitely people

1014
00:56:45,040 --> 00:56:50,400
that were more involved but 
like, got in less trouble, I 

1015
00:56:50,440 --> 00:56:52,120
guess. 
So I kind of understand what 

1016
00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:54,040
you're saying. 
I wouldn't say I would just be 

1017
00:56:54,040 --> 00:56:56,000
taking one for the team. 
Normally, I would be doing the 

1018
00:56:56,000 --> 00:56:58,560
bad stuff too. 
But I would say that I was like 

1019
00:56:58,560 --> 00:57:02,240
influenced by people like my 
neighbors and people that were 

1020
00:57:02,240 --> 00:57:05,160
like older than me that wanted 
to hang out with me for some odd

1021
00:57:05,160 --> 00:57:07,840
fucking reason. 
Like when I was 11 and 12, like 

1022
00:57:07,840 --> 00:57:11,200
even like 1415 and 16 year old 
girls wanted to hang out with me

1023
00:57:11,400 --> 00:57:15,040
because, like, my house was cool
and my mom was cool and I had 

1024
00:57:15,040 --> 00:57:16,400
everything that you could 
imagine. 

1025
00:57:16,400 --> 00:57:19,440
I was really, really spoiled. 
But it was like all credit card 

1026
00:57:19,440 --> 00:57:20,600
debt. 
Like we actually didn't own 

1027
00:57:20,600 --> 00:57:22,120
anything. 
It was just we had things, you 

1028
00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:25,760
know, So like a lot of people 
would hang out with me and my 

1029
00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:28,120
mom would literally see it as 
like free babysitting. 

1030
00:57:28,360 --> 00:57:31,800
So my mom would go out and like 
with her friends and they would 

1031
00:57:31,800 --> 00:57:35,760
bring all these kids to my house
like you know, 910 eleven year 

1032
00:57:35,760 --> 00:57:38,560
old girls and then like let 
their 16 year olds come over and

1033
00:57:38,560 --> 00:57:40,160
babysit us. 
And they would. 

1034
00:57:40,320 --> 00:57:41,960
They were not mean to us. 
They chilled with us. 

1035
00:57:41,960 --> 00:57:44,880
They played with us like they 
were all about us. 

1036
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:48,520
Like we'd prank call people, my 
mom would get pizza, like we'd 

1037
00:57:48,520 --> 00:57:51,200
just be living like HBO, best 
life. 

1038
00:57:51,560 --> 00:57:54,200
And I just look back on that and
I'm like, there's no way in hell

1039
00:57:54,200 --> 00:57:57,840
if I was 1516 years old that I'm
hanging out 11 or 12 year old. 

1040
00:57:57,840 --> 00:58:01,520
I don't give a fuck if she's got
a PlayStation and a, you know, 

1041
00:58:01,520 --> 00:58:04,560
all a computer or not. 
Like, I don't, you know, I mean,

1042
00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:07,560
I look back on that and it's 
just like mentalities have 

1043
00:58:07,560 --> 00:58:11,600
shifted a lot because of the 
Internet and kids don't even 

1044
00:58:11,600 --> 00:58:14,600
play anymore or really socially 
interact too much. 

1045
00:58:15,680 --> 00:58:17,680
But they get there's a lot more 
bullying. 

1046
00:58:17,920 --> 00:58:20,560
And we talked about that before 
about how like, you know, you 

1047
00:58:20,560 --> 00:58:23,240
used to be able to go home and 
like turn off the bullying or 

1048
00:58:23,240 --> 00:58:26,440
turn off the movies or turn off 
the drama, but now it's like 

1049
00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:29,800
constant. 
So I think like now people are 

1050
00:58:29,800 --> 00:58:32,920
less of their authentic self 
because of all this outside 

1051
00:58:32,920 --> 00:58:35,200
influence. 
Whereas when I was a child, 

1052
00:58:35,200 --> 00:58:38,680
like, it was easy to just be 
like my weird whatever self. 

1053
00:58:38,680 --> 00:58:42,880
Because for some odd reason I 
was like really popular in like 

1054
00:58:42,880 --> 00:58:45,720
middle school with people who 
were way the fuck older than me.

1055
00:58:45,720 --> 00:58:49,840
Like my 8th grade graduation 
party was more like a fucking 

1056
00:58:50,760 --> 00:58:54,640
senior college graduation party.
Like there were way older people

1057
00:58:54,640 --> 00:58:56,560
there and all kinds of people 
that shouldn't be there. 

1058
00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:59,440
One time I had a party and a 
bunch of people over 18 went to 

1059
00:58:59,440 --> 00:59:03,160
jail, 'cause I was only 15. 
Like I just feel like that just 

1060
00:59:03,160 --> 00:59:06,120
like I look back on this shit 
and I'm like, there's no way in 

1061
00:59:06,120 --> 00:59:09,040
hell I'm 21 years old and I'm 
going to a 15 year old's party. 

1062
00:59:09,160 --> 00:59:11,960
I'm sorry, I'm not. 
Well, that's the same thing I 

1063
00:59:11,960 --> 00:59:13,880
think about when like, I was 
young. 

1064
00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:18,480
So, OK, so the aspect of like, 
getting in trouble, I was not a 

1065
00:59:18,480 --> 00:59:22,160
goody 2 shoes. 
I just was different about what 

1066
00:59:22,160 --> 00:59:23,600
I was going to get in trouble 
for. 

1067
00:59:23,880 --> 00:59:28,960
Like I was willing to get in 
trouble for sneaking out for 

1068
00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:31,680
just straight, not coming home 
for hanging out with boys I had 

1069
00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:34,680
no business hanging out with for
just disappearing like. 

1070
00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:38,480
So I didn't want to get in 
trouble at school. 

1071
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:43,920
I didn't want to be at school. 
And so I ditched all the time. 

1072
00:59:44,640 --> 00:59:49,160
And so I think about it now, 
dude, there was my friend's 

1073
00:59:49,160 --> 00:59:56,080
brother. 
I was in 6th grade and he was a 

1074
00:59:57,400 --> 01:00:02,160
junior in high school. 
And at the time I was just like,

1075
01:00:02,160 --> 01:00:05,080
oh, this boy like likes me, 
whatever. 

1076
01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:08,320
And we were like on again, off 
again, while I was in middle 

1077
01:00:08,320 --> 01:00:11,760
school and high school. 
And I remember that. 

1078
01:00:12,480 --> 01:00:15,840
It was my sophomore year. 
He didn't even go to the school 

1079
01:00:15,840 --> 01:00:17,760
anymore. 
And he would just, like, 

1080
01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:21,760
randomly pull up in his car at 
the school and he would just sit

1081
01:00:21,760 --> 01:00:26,640
there at the school and his 
sister went to the school. 

1082
01:00:26,880 --> 01:00:29,360
And so I would be like, oh, he 
must be like, coming to see her 

1083
01:00:29,360 --> 01:00:32,320
or whatever. 
Well then one time, Oh my God, 

1084
01:00:32,320 --> 01:00:36,720
this is like memory lane. 
One time he told his sister 

1085
01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:39,520
like, oh, she's gained a lot of 
weight. 

1086
01:00:40,840 --> 01:00:44,640
And I remember that was the 
first time that I that anybody 

1087
01:00:44,640 --> 01:00:48,320
ever told me that anything about
my body. 

1088
01:00:48,600 --> 01:00:50,720
Like nobody had called me fat 
before. 

1089
01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:53,000
Nobody had, especially not a 
guy. 

1090
01:00:53,000 --> 01:00:54,800
Like, nobody had ever said 
anything. 

1091
01:00:55,160 --> 01:01:00,000
And that was when I started like
super questioning like my body 

1092
01:01:00,320 --> 01:01:07,960
and like that started that. 
And then I remember like, I 

1093
01:01:07,960 --> 01:01:12,920
wouldn't eat or I would eat too 
much like just like so strange. 

1094
01:01:13,320 --> 01:01:18,680
Meanwhile I look back at 
pictures and I had, I was doing 

1095
01:01:18,680 --> 01:01:22,320
like hardcore softball. 
I had a full ride college 

1096
01:01:22,320 --> 01:01:24,360
scholarship because I was so 
into softball. 

1097
01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:27,760
I was like, my body was super 
conditioned and toned and I look

1098
01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:32,640
back on pictures now and I'm 
like some ugly ass dude that 

1099
01:01:32,640 --> 01:01:35,200
like now he does meth and he 
sleeps on couches. 

1100
01:01:35,200 --> 01:01:38,520
He told you that you were fat 
and so then you felt like you 

1101
01:01:38,520 --> 01:01:43,560
were unworthy about your body 
and like dude this like, oh and 

1102
01:01:43,560 --> 01:01:49,080
then anyways he popped up in 
people you may know like a month

1103
01:01:49,080 --> 01:01:53,120
or two ago And I was like what? 
And then I went and looked on 

1104
01:01:53,120 --> 01:01:55,840
the page, and then I went and 
looked at like the person that 

1105
01:01:55,840 --> 01:01:59,960
he's in a relationship with. 
And not to, like, make fun of 

1106
01:01:59,960 --> 01:02:02,040
people, but this bitch is 
fucking whacked. 

1107
01:02:02,520 --> 01:02:07,840
And I am just like, I'm so glad 
that that I'm so glad that you 

1108
01:02:07,840 --> 01:02:12,000
ended up with the life that 
looks exactly the way that your 

1109
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:17,040
energy felt. 
Well, a lot of the people I grew

1110
01:02:17,040 --> 01:02:22,240
up with that used to not like, I
had a lot of friends. 

1111
01:02:22,240 --> 01:02:25,160
But obviously, you know, kids 
pick on you and say things and 

1112
01:02:25,480 --> 01:02:27,840
whatever. 
And I look back and I see like 

1113
01:02:27,840 --> 01:02:32,040
none out of those 10 people who 
are like 9 out of 10 are 

1114
01:02:32,040 --> 01:02:35,800
literally like living in that 
small town in a trailer 

1115
01:02:35,800 --> 01:02:38,800
somewhere or working in a 
factory somewhere or got a bunch

1116
01:02:38,800 --> 01:02:41,440
of kids and don't look happy or 
like just whatever. 

1117
01:02:41,440 --> 01:02:44,400
Like nothing that I would want 
is what they have. 

1118
01:02:44,760 --> 01:02:48,320
And, you know, I think where a 
lot of the jealousy was from was

1119
01:02:48,320 --> 01:02:52,680
from, like the perceived, like, 
we have all this and I don't 

1120
01:02:52,680 --> 01:02:56,000
have this kind of thing that 
kids have, like, you know, 

1121
01:02:56,000 --> 01:02:58,600
whatever. 
But you know, one thing about 

1122
01:02:58,600 --> 01:03:02,040
material things that I've really
learned a lot about is I'm never

1123
01:03:02,040 --> 01:03:06,400
going to base my happiness or 
how I treat someone based on 

1124
01:03:06,400 --> 01:03:08,160
what they're wearing or what 
they have. 

1125
01:03:08,600 --> 01:03:11,440
Because there are a lot of 
amazing people that just don't 

1126
01:03:11,440 --> 01:03:14,960
care about stuff like that, that
actually deep down have money in

1127
01:03:14,960 --> 01:03:16,680
the bank where they could go get
new stuff. 

1128
01:03:16,680 --> 01:03:21,480
Like we're judging people by 
material objects or material 

1129
01:03:21,480 --> 01:03:24,520
acquisition. 
And like, at the end of the day,

1130
01:03:24,520 --> 01:03:28,280
I would much rather know that I 
resonate with your spirit rather

1131
01:03:28,280 --> 01:03:31,440
than like your income or who you
are, you know? 

1132
01:03:31,440 --> 01:03:34,120
So many people don't get that 
and they think women are like, 

1133
01:03:34,120 --> 01:03:36,120
just out for money. 
Well, it's like, if I'm going to

1134
01:03:36,120 --> 01:03:40,200
be treated like shit either way 
by you incompetent men, you 

1135
01:03:40,200 --> 01:03:42,560
better have money, facts. 
Like, you know what I mean? 

1136
01:03:42,560 --> 01:03:46,280
Like at this point you gotta 
pick a struggle and you're an 

1137
01:03:46,280 --> 01:03:50,480
asshole, or you're rude, or 
you're insecure, or you're 

1138
01:03:50,480 --> 01:03:54,120
jealous, or whatever it may be. 
And the people I've dated in the

1139
01:03:54,120 --> 01:03:58,800
past, like I look back on that 
and I do this thing where I like

1140
01:03:58,800 --> 01:04:02,160
unblock people and when I 
unblock you I am completely over

1141
01:04:02,160 --> 01:04:03,880
your shit. 
I don't care if what you know 

1142
01:04:03,880 --> 01:04:07,080
about what I'm doing, you know 
we've reached that point in like

1143
01:04:07,080 --> 01:04:11,320
our non verbal communication 
that like I no longer give a 

1144
01:04:11,320 --> 01:04:15,800
fuck if you know what I'm doing.
And I will like peep what 

1145
01:04:15,800 --> 01:04:18,360
they're doing. 
And I look at it from this 

1146
01:04:18,360 --> 01:04:21,720
perspective of like have they 
grown or what are they elevating

1147
01:04:21,720 --> 01:04:24,680
or do they look happy? 
And most of the time, it's like 

1148
01:04:24,680 --> 01:04:27,720
they're still living their life 
for other people trying to, I 

1149
01:04:27,720 --> 01:04:30,720
put on a show trying to, you 
know, project this image of 

1150
01:04:30,720 --> 01:04:33,320
success. 
When meanwhile, I can read their

1151
01:04:33,320 --> 01:04:35,760
energy and just see that they're
still miserable, they're still 

1152
01:04:35,760 --> 01:04:37,760
depressed, they're still not 
going to therapy, They still do 

1153
01:04:37,760 --> 01:04:39,720
drugs. 
Sometimes they still drink for 

1154
01:04:39,720 --> 01:04:42,400
free, or I mean drink in their 
free time. 

1155
01:04:42,400 --> 01:04:45,800
Or they still drink for free. 
Still drink for free. 

1156
01:04:45,840 --> 01:04:48,200
Still drink for free because 
they're out there, like you're 

1157
01:04:48,200 --> 01:04:50,920
giving away all your energy. 
But, you know, at the end of the

1158
01:04:50,920 --> 01:04:53,960
day, I'm just like, I have to 
make peace with, like the life 

1159
01:04:53,960 --> 01:04:57,160
people have created for 
themselves because that's just 

1160
01:04:57,320 --> 01:05:00,480
who they are. 
And when we embody what someone 

1161
01:05:00,480 --> 01:05:06,400
else has said, projected onto US
or perceived us as we are giving

1162
01:05:06,400 --> 01:05:09,240
so much of our mental freedom to
that, like whether it happened 

1163
01:05:09,240 --> 01:05:14,240
when we're 12, 1520, nine, 
69109, it does not matter. 

1164
01:05:14,240 --> 01:05:17,680
Like, people hold on to things 
way longer than they should. 

1165
01:05:17,680 --> 01:05:21,200
And if one thing I've really 
learned recently in the last 

1166
01:05:21,200 --> 01:05:23,840
couple years is to just let 
people come and go. 

1167
01:05:24,120 --> 01:05:28,920
And when they prove that, like, 
they're no, like, no longer 

1168
01:05:28,920 --> 01:05:32,640
worth my energy, my time, my 
intention, I'm just done with 

1169
01:05:32,640 --> 01:05:34,520
you. 
Like, I don't care about what 

1170
01:05:34,520 --> 01:05:36,480
you say. 
I don't care about what you 

1171
01:05:36,480 --> 01:05:39,000
think. 
I just don't care. 

1172
01:05:39,000 --> 01:05:41,480
And that has really been 
freeing. 

1173
01:05:41,480 --> 01:05:45,440
And I think just the cherry on 
top from that trip and from all 

1174
01:05:45,440 --> 01:05:48,240
those people who drove across 
the country to visit me because 

1175
01:05:48,240 --> 01:05:51,320
they just worshipped and adored 
me so much. 

1176
01:05:52,360 --> 01:05:55,080
You know, like I've learned my 
lesson with that. 

1177
01:05:55,080 --> 01:05:58,960
Like I've learned my lesson with
just letting everyone who wants 

1178
01:05:58,960 --> 01:06:00,440
to get close to me get close to 
me. 

1179
01:06:00,440 --> 01:06:04,320
And I posted something yesterday
that said, you know, being 

1180
01:06:04,320 --> 01:06:07,480
attracted to someone is easy, 
but wanting to talk to them, get

1181
01:06:07,480 --> 01:06:10,280
to know them or being excited 
when I hear from them is a whole

1182
01:06:10,280 --> 01:06:12,840
other thing. 
And a lot of times we're 

1183
01:06:12,840 --> 01:06:16,200
attracted to someones, what 
they're showing the world or 

1184
01:06:16,200 --> 01:06:18,600
what they, you know, are 
perceiving to be. 

1185
01:06:18,880 --> 01:06:22,760
But there are so many people 
that rent Airbnb's or rent cars 

1186
01:06:22,760 --> 01:06:25,320
or do whatever on the Internet 
that are perceiving this like, 

1187
01:06:25,720 --> 01:06:29,520
oh, I'm a Bitcoin investor, oh, 
I'm a, I'm a thriving artist or 

1188
01:06:29,520 --> 01:06:31,480
musician. 
And the whole time they've 

1189
01:06:31,480 --> 01:06:35,040
rented all those cars, they you 
never see them in it again, 

1190
01:06:35,040 --> 01:06:37,000
aside from the content they 
filmed that day. 

1191
01:06:37,000 --> 01:06:38,760
They changed their outfit five 
times. 

1192
01:06:39,000 --> 01:06:41,440
They've stacked up content 
enough to make this look like 

1193
01:06:41,440 --> 01:06:44,440
it's theirs or their home or 
their car or whatever. 

1194
01:06:44,440 --> 01:06:47,080
And I've heard people are just 
like, Oh yeah, we rent that 

1195
01:06:47,080 --> 01:06:50,160
Airbnb every time we're in. 
Or like, we rent that every time

1196
01:06:50,160 --> 01:06:52,840
we're in Cancun. 
Or, you know, it makes it look 

1197
01:06:52,840 --> 01:06:55,560
like it's yours because you're 
there often enough, but the 

1198
01:06:55,560 --> 01:06:57,000
whole time you're just renting 
that. 

1199
01:06:57,040 --> 01:07:00,880
And So what we want to leave you
all with tonight is like, don't 

1200
01:07:00,880 --> 01:07:06,280
let people and their perceived 
images of you shape who you are 

1201
01:07:06,280 --> 01:07:08,320
becoming. 
Shape what you want to do. 

1202
01:07:08,320 --> 01:07:13,160
Shape what your goals are. 
Because so many of us are asking

1203
01:07:13,160 --> 01:07:15,840
for directions from people we 
don't want to be like or sharing

1204
01:07:15,840 --> 01:07:19,200
good news with people who are 
just monitoring spirits who 

1205
01:07:19,200 --> 01:07:21,440
actually don't want you to break
that cycle. 

1206
01:07:21,600 --> 01:07:24,880
They don't want you to be happy.
Like, I know for a fact when you

1207
01:07:24,880 --> 01:07:27,440
tell someone about a 
relationship prematurely, it 

1208
01:07:27,440 --> 01:07:30,200
goes S every time like, I'm 
learning that from fact. 

1209
01:07:30,200 --> 01:07:33,120
Like you tell a friend or you 
tell someone like, oh, I'm 

1210
01:07:33,120 --> 01:07:35,760
talking to this person or oh, 
this is going good, you best 

1211
01:07:35,760 --> 01:07:38,240
believe. 
And it's going to be gone in 60 

1212
01:07:38,240 --> 01:07:40,320
seconds after that. 
Like it's not. 

1213
01:07:40,440 --> 01:07:42,760
But I still want to know. 
You still have to tell me. 

1214
01:07:43,120 --> 01:07:46,440
It's not going to be anything 
like when we get on the Internet

1215
01:07:46,440 --> 01:07:48,200
and we're like, oh, I'm going to
marry this person. 

1216
01:07:48,200 --> 01:07:50,560
Or like, you know, three days 
later you move in with someone 

1217
01:07:50,560 --> 01:07:53,000
and give up all of your 
possessions and belongings. 

1218
01:07:53,000 --> 01:07:56,400
Like, you only have to learn 
that hard lesson like once and 

1219
01:07:56,400 --> 01:07:59,000
baby, we've all been there. 
We have all done something 

1220
01:07:59,000 --> 01:08:00,840
ridiculous that we wish we 
wouldn't have. 

1221
01:08:00,840 --> 01:08:03,520
But some of those hardest 
lessons that we learn, the 

1222
01:08:03,520 --> 01:08:07,680
people, places and things that 
we have to let go of, truly open

1223
01:08:07,680 --> 01:08:10,600
us up to a new perspective and a
higher perspective. 

1224
01:08:10,880 --> 01:08:14,320
And that's what I love about the
reflection of, you know, 

1225
01:08:14,320 --> 01:08:17,600
spiritual growth, as you can 
really look back and see a lot 

1226
01:08:17,600 --> 01:08:21,840
of things with hindsight and see
where you were playing a role in

1227
01:08:21,840 --> 01:08:25,240
your own suffering, where you 
were enabling people to 

1228
01:08:25,240 --> 01:08:27,359
manipulate you. 
You were actually giving them 

1229
01:08:27,359 --> 01:08:31,040
the key and leaving the door 
unlocked at the same damn time. 

1230
01:08:31,040 --> 01:08:33,520
You were like, I trust you whole
time, baby. 

1231
01:08:33,520 --> 01:08:37,160
They can't be trusted. 
So let's only learn those 

1232
01:08:37,160 --> 01:08:41,640
difficult lessons one time. 
It's Mercury retrograde, so be 

1233
01:08:41,960 --> 01:08:46,240
ready, Freddie. 
I want to leave people with my 

1234
01:08:46,240 --> 01:08:49,439
own message. 
I feel like taking the High Road

1235
01:08:49,439 --> 01:08:52,920
is wonderful, but there are 
moments where it's going to be a

1236
01:08:52,920 --> 01:08:55,600
year later and you're going to 
be like, God, I wish I'd just 

1237
01:08:55,600 --> 01:08:57,760
punched that fucking skank in 
the face. 

1238
01:08:58,120 --> 01:09:00,760
And I just want to say that in 
the moment when you're 

1239
01:09:00,760 --> 01:09:04,920
frustrated, think to yourself, 
in a year, am I going to regret 

1240
01:09:04,960 --> 01:09:07,160
if I don't punch the skank in 
the face? 

1241
01:09:07,439 --> 01:09:12,240
And if the answer is yes, have a
page because Paige would have 

1242
01:09:12,240 --> 01:09:13,960
bailed me out. 
Thank you. 

1243
01:09:13,960 --> 01:09:15,319
That's that's what I want to 
leave you with thought. 

1244
01:09:16,319 --> 01:09:18,880
You were going to leave us with 
a card, but I guess she's she's 

1245
01:09:18,880 --> 01:09:22,279
written off the cards the last. 
Oh, I forgot about the card. 

1246
01:09:22,600 --> 01:09:25,560
She's like, you know what? 
I had to think about that. 

1247
01:09:25,720 --> 01:09:29,800
No, no, that was on my noggin. 
It was while you were talking, I

1248
01:09:29,800 --> 01:09:32,640
was just like thinking about you
being like, I like to take the 

1249
01:09:32,640 --> 01:09:36,080
High Road. 
And in my mind I was like, God, 

1250
01:09:36,080 --> 01:09:39,319
I took the fucking High Road. 
But like, it did not feel as 

1251
01:09:39,319 --> 01:09:43,680
nice as just handle the 
business, You know what I mean? 

1252
01:09:43,800 --> 01:09:50,319
Handle the business, baby. 
OK, we got card 39 for Coiled 

1253
01:09:50,319 --> 01:09:55,400
Snake. 
Calico Ghost Town. 

1254
01:09:56,520 --> 01:10:01,120
Spirit said. 
We're talking about snakes, all 

1255
01:10:01,120 --> 01:10:10,360
right? 
Card 39 is the Sign is cancer, 

1256
01:10:11,800 --> 01:10:17,800
the gift is transmutation, and 
the shadow is provocation. 

1257
01:10:19,440 --> 01:10:22,680
When you break out of the 
limiting relationship patterns 

1258
01:10:22,680 --> 01:10:26,200
and frequency coding of the 
Shadow, you're able to shed your

1259
01:10:26,200 --> 01:10:30,320
skin and live again. 
Here, your tendency to provoke 

1260
01:10:30,320 --> 01:10:34,240
does not disappear, but rather 
transmutes into a dynamic energy

1261
01:10:34,240 --> 01:10:38,280
that calls forward freedom and 
creation, both for yourself and 

1262
01:10:38,280 --> 01:10:41,280
others. 
You channel your immense power 

1263
01:10:41,280 --> 01:10:44,760
and use it for aligned action 
instead of an instrument of 

1264
01:10:44,760 --> 01:10:48,560
pain, you emerge from the cage 
of your conditioning and move 

1265
01:10:48,560 --> 01:10:52,600
forward into undiscovered planes
of pure fulfilment and bliss. 

1266
01:10:52,960 --> 01:10:57,600
You are magnetizing. 
Your shadow is provocation. 

1267
01:10:58,440 --> 01:11:03,640
This shadow unleashes A vengeful
provocateur, much like is it 

1268
01:11:03,640 --> 01:11:05,760
provocateur. 
Provocateur. 

1269
01:11:06,080 --> 01:11:09,560
Much like the venom of a snake, 
when misguided by low 

1270
01:11:09,560 --> 01:11:12,600
frequencies, you might feel 
triggered by those around you 

1271
01:11:12,600 --> 01:11:14,560
and then strike where it shared 
a scar. 

1272
01:11:15,280 --> 01:11:18,360
The darker qualities of this 
shadow stem from a general 

1273
01:11:18,360 --> 01:11:20,760
misunderstanding in your 
relationships. 

1274
01:11:21,040 --> 01:11:24,280
In response to the situations 
and people around you. 

1275
01:11:24,680 --> 01:11:27,920
You may have a tendency to take 
things much too personally. 

1276
01:11:28,520 --> 01:11:32,040
When you breathe, take a moment 
to reflect and refrain from 

1277
01:11:32,040 --> 01:11:36,720
destructively reacting, you can 
see that anything that may seem 

1278
01:11:36,720 --> 01:11:40,720
disrespectful or unacceptable is
just a pattern of trauma playing

1279
01:11:40,720 --> 01:11:44,120
out in the world stage. 
In short, it has little or 

1280
01:11:44,120 --> 01:11:47,440
nothing to do with you. 
By shifting your perspective, 

1281
01:11:47,440 --> 01:11:49,720
you break the cycle of 
disharmony and keep the 

1282
01:11:49,720 --> 01:11:51,560
rattlesnake out of sight in 
mind. 

1283
01:11:51,920 --> 01:11:55,600
Your themes are death, birth, 
and the provocateur. 

1284
01:11:56,120 --> 01:12:01,440
This is literally like the way 
that this is saying about like, 

1285
01:12:01,440 --> 01:12:06,080
handling like the gift and the 
shadow is exactly how I feel. 

1286
01:12:06,080 --> 01:12:11,800
Like we're saying we handled the
situations and like the advice 

1287
01:12:11,800 --> 01:12:14,760
that we've been giving, and then
I completely shit on it when I'm

1288
01:12:14,760 --> 01:12:18,560
like, just punch her in the face
and it won't be. 

1289
01:12:18,560 --> 01:12:20,960
It's probably not the first time
that's happened and it won't be 

1290
01:12:20,960 --> 01:12:24,160
the last, But I just want you to
know that I I recognize it, I'll

1291
01:12:24,160 --> 01:12:26,800
reflect on it, and I'll probably
still do the same thing, but I 

1292
01:12:26,800 --> 01:12:29,760
know about it. 
Yeah, but I was actually really 

1293
01:12:29,800 --> 01:12:32,720
proud of you because that Lady 
was yelling in your face and you

1294
01:12:32,720 --> 01:12:36,320
didn't punch her and the coughs 
didn't come. 

1295
01:12:36,320 --> 01:12:39,800
So you actually saved us an 
extra headache because I think 

1296
01:12:39,800 --> 01:12:42,240
if you would have punched her, 
she would have left us in the 

1297
01:12:42,240 --> 01:12:44,400
desert. 
So And then your husband, 

1298
01:12:44,400 --> 01:12:49,280
luckily was going to come get us
because he missed her already, 

1299
01:12:49,280 --> 01:12:52,680
so he was more than happy to 
come get us, which was nice of 

1300
01:12:52,680 --> 01:12:53,760
him. 
I'm sure you would have never 

1301
01:12:53,760 --> 01:12:55,920
heard the end of it if he would 
have had to come get us. 

1302
01:12:56,360 --> 01:12:58,720
He would have held that head 
like over your head in a way of 

1303
01:12:58,720 --> 01:13:01,800
like you're not. 
Going no, because he no, Because

1304
01:13:01,800 --> 01:13:03,640
I'll tell you right now, what 
would have happened to see what 

1305
01:13:03,640 --> 01:13:06,920
had brought my brother-in-law 
and my brother-in-law would have

1306
01:13:06,920 --> 01:13:10,160
been like that bitch left you in
the fucking desert, we're going 

1307
01:13:10,160 --> 01:13:12,760
to her fucking house. 
And so it would have been a 

1308
01:13:12,760 --> 01:13:16,280
whole, it would have been a 
whole fucking shebang bang. 

1309
01:13:16,280 --> 01:13:18,760
So it's real good that we got 
out of there like we did. 

1310
01:13:19,200 --> 01:13:24,680
He would have went to her house.
011000 percent would have would 

1311
01:13:24,680 --> 01:13:27,600
have been like, you got left in 
the fucking desert. 

1312
01:13:27,680 --> 01:13:31,440
We're going to her house 1000. 
Without question. 

1313
01:13:31,440 --> 01:13:35,400
Without question. 
She she better be thankful 

1314
01:13:35,400 --> 01:13:38,920
because I don't know if Dirt and
all his team could. 

1315
01:13:39,000 --> 01:13:44,480
I don't know, Dirt, The runner 
of the Viker Gang, 'cause he's 

1316
01:13:44,480 --> 01:13:47,560
not officially in the gang. 
Just kind of their bitch was a 

1317
01:13:47,560 --> 01:13:50,400
keyword that I didn't hear, but 
that's all I could hear. 

1318
01:13:50,400 --> 01:13:53,400
When she's like, yeah, I mean, 
he's not like in it, but he just

1319
01:13:53,400 --> 01:13:56,200
kind of, he's getting initiated.
And you know, I have to be 

1320
01:13:56,200 --> 01:13:57,960
initiated too. 
And I was thinking, so they're 

1321
01:13:57,960 --> 01:14:02,480
about to fuck you. 
I had all these thoughts that 

1322
01:14:02,480 --> 01:14:05,920
I've only heard rumors. 
I don't know exactly what. 

1323
01:14:06,040 --> 01:14:07,920
I have to tell you something 
before we go. 

1324
01:14:09,040 --> 01:14:13,640
We were in the car today and my 
husband said gang bangers. 

1325
01:14:14,400 --> 01:14:18,960
But he was like meaning anyways 
and he's he's talking about this

1326
01:14:18,960 --> 01:14:25,200
rough like area and my daughter 
goes, you can't talk about gang 

1327
01:14:25,200 --> 01:14:31,400
bangs in front of my brother. 
And I was like, what? 

1328
01:14:31,440 --> 01:14:34,120
And then I was like, what? 
I'm like, what do you, why do 

1329
01:14:34,120 --> 01:14:39,480
you even know that terminology? 
And she's like, I'm in middle 

1330
01:14:39,480 --> 01:14:45,480
school, I was like, I got to go.
She's all touched half like that

1331
01:14:45,480 --> 01:14:50,040
in front of my brother. 
I'm here for it. 

1332
01:14:50,040 --> 01:14:52,680
I'm here for it. 
You don't even know you all. 

1333
01:14:52,680 --> 01:14:55,760
You got to be careful for the 
gang bangers. 

1334
01:14:55,760 --> 01:15:00,400
The gang bangers. 
Laughing at that so hard, I'm 

1335
01:15:00,400 --> 01:15:04,760
like, who says that? 
We love you all and we live your

1336
01:15:04,760 --> 01:15:09,560
best life and maybe be a gang 
banger only on Tuesdays because 

1337
01:15:09,560 --> 01:15:12,600
it's rolled by Mars, which is 
tomorrow. 

1338
01:15:13,640 --> 01:15:15,760
But it won't. 
It'll be a week away. 

1339
01:15:16,640 --> 01:15:19,800
You just won't know what day it 
is when you hear this, but think

1340
01:15:19,800 --> 01:15:24,360
every Tuesday is a day for 
action and expression, even if 

1341
01:15:24,360 --> 01:15:27,400
it's a little angry. 
Amen. 

1342
01:15:27,960 --> 01:15:30,640
Amen. 
See you in Candyland. 

1343
01:15:30,640 --> 01:15:30,720
Bye.