Uh huh. Yeah, he says.
She's so sweet, man. Come on and lick the rapper.
Lick me like a lollipop. Lollipop, Lollipop Lollipop
Lollipop Lollipop Lollipop Lollipop.
Welcome back to Candy Land, where shit's on and poppin
titties are out. Everything's going down.
Yeah, we always have titties out, but you all wouldn't know
that unless you're on Patreon looking at this explicit video.
Wow we are butt ass naked sitting here together.
You couldn't lies. We were pasties.
You know, I will say Gemini is the titty queen.
She always has titties in her chat and.
We've never mind. We've talked about it before,
but Gemini, she was putting her booty on the line the other day.
I saw it. I put my booty on the line, but
booty, well my booty but where did I put it?
You did that video or little mirror thing you did?
Yeah, we saw your booty cheeks. I did a dance thing on Yeah, it
was, it was just, it was just a slight show.
She showed her booty meat. That's all I can say.
She showed her booty meat. Listen, I just think that, yeah,
sometimes, sometimes you got to do your thing.
And I'm thriving and living and doing the things.
And sometimes you got to, sometimes you got to twerk a
little bit. And she is twerking.
OK, you all like go tap in and check it out because it's on and
popping. I'm telling you, like I I told
you that my content was going to be shifting a little bit because
I really am about to be popping my fucking toes out here on the
Internet and getting paid for my feet pics.
So if you guys like want to DM me and just be like, hey, can
you please like stick your big toe into a banana cream pie?
I for sure fucking will. So y'all be able to find me on
feet Finder soon. I have no no plans of like, you
know, spreading wide on anything, but I sure will show
you a big toe or two. Yeah, just wait till she gets a
taste of that fast money and that that's it.
He's going to be out for all the world to see.
No. I just, you know what, like on a
full honesty, I just can't see myself like doing that with
people knowing my face. But I feel like if I was able to
like, hide my face, like like hide who I am and make some
cash, I would probably fucking do some explicit things online.
Well, you could be like that one girl, the ski mask girl.
She like made a whole following off wearing a ski mask and like
all of her videos and all of her pictures and now she's known as
the ski mask girl and has a lot of followers.
See, I like that idea. I like like you for like the
dollar, right? Like I like that.
I don't like the, I'm so weird about like, and, and we've
talked about this before, but I just believe that anybody that
you have a sexual experience with, you're like carrying their
energy within you and like it's morphing and creating something
with their energy. So I am not somebody who would
ever do something with like different people, but I have
thought about like, would I do something with just myself?
We're going to start with the feet and we're going to go from
there. Yeah, by this time next year she
might have booty cheeks bread, No.
Dude, could you like if you can make money off your chocolate
starfish? I think that you should.
Honestly, I really think that like the way the sex industry
has evolved with the Internet is really cool because there's two
things. It's like a double edged sword.
I think more people are getting into sex work than they actually
would if it wasn't online. I think a lot of 18 and 20 year
olds are getting into only fans and into sex work that otherwise
they wouldn't have. So I think that's one negative,
but one positive is that people especially like trans people,
people in those different. Communities can feel.
Safer to express themselves on the Internet than they can in
real life. So I think there's a lot of
like, really great perks about online sex work.
Except I feel like it is super targeting 1819 year olds that
otherwise would have never stripped, would have never
escorted, and would never have sucked Dick for money.
Yes, I think that when you're getting into something like that
super young, whether it just be online or you're doing something
in person or whatever, when you're doing that super young,
you haven't even tried other avenues of doing things.
You're just utilizing your body as a quick way to make money and
not knowing even what your limits as a person are.
You haven't been in relationships where you're
having discussions about what it looks like for, you know, you,
you sharing different pieces of your, your sexuality and things
like that. Because I do think that that
does come into play, like when you have partnership with people
and whatever of like what it looks like for like you to do
your own thing, but you to also do it in a way that like
respects their boundaries and guidelines of things too, which
is just a normal part of any type of partnership or dynamic.
But when you're, when you're really young, you're not
comfortable one with having those types of conversations.
You're not comfortable with what your boundaries are or your
communications. You don't know the types of
things that you do or don't want to do yet for money.
And it kind of is one of those things that once you put
something out there on the Internet or wherever, that is an
energy and and an art that is going to live on forever.
And I just don't think that when you're really young, you have
the cognitive understanding to understand the longevity of
that. You're going to have kids
eventually, possibly they're going to see that you know, your
your mother may be working her office job and be let someone
maybe like, yo, I saw, you know, Katie Lynn popping her butt
hole. You know, I really think that so
many people, especially the younger generation that has
completely grown up with the Internet in full force their
whole life, they do not understand the impact of that
digital footprint, mainly because in the past people were
not like able to record everything.
They weren't able to document everything.
So, you know, Bill maybe beat his wife, but no one knew on the
Internet. Like no one knew that that was
happening behind closed doors. So I think with the Internet in
those generations, they don't realize because it's been such a
big part of their everyday life, the longevity of the Internet.
I know they say that like pictures are forever, but I saw
someone say, well, then what happened to my Myspace pictures?
Like where's my Myspace at then? So I do think there's a limited
capacity for the Internet like as like cloud storage and then
eventually it'll be so buried that you can't find it.
But I literally, I won't name drop the artist, but there's an
artist that portrays that they are like, you know, lowlife drug
dealer, never had anything, never went to college.
And I was able to find like their thesis from their
doctorate degree online. Like I was able to dig deep
enough to find their like thesis to graduate with their doctorate
degree or, or, you know, their masters.
And so I just think that's so funny because people will be
over here like portraying one lifestyle that really is not
them, really is not them at all. And you would be shocked at how
many artists, musicians, like rappers, people that do like
cage fighting and all of that. They all have college degrees.
They may not tell you that like Kim Kardashian and all them like
everyone is starting to realize that like looks are going to
fade, talents going to fade and your 15 minutes of fame is going
to fade. So you need to figure something
out. So I, I really feel like the
Internet has people portraying lifestyles that they're not even
in, whether it's OK, country is cool, so I'm going to do country
or rap is cool. So I'm going to do rap or BBLS
are cool. I'm going to get a BBL.
You know, I just like, there's so much pressure to, like, keep
up with other people that never existed before the Internet
because no one knew what was happening.
Something that has always existed is unrealistic beauty
standards and expectations and everything.
I mean, like when we were growing up, you needed to be
able to see your hip bones and wear low rise pants and not have
a single ounce of fat. And right after Jessica Simpson
had a baby, you grow up with a size 4 and getting blasted all
over everything by Perez Hilton for, you know, being fat.
And that is just so unrealistic. And really, I think that that
puts such this stigma about our own bodies in our mind where,
you know, this generation right now is really working on
accepting your body the way that it is.
And yes, treating your body healthy and taking care of it.
But the fact that you you get scars, you get stretch marks,
you get, you know, whatever, your body's not going to be
toned all the time. You're going to fluctuate and we
didn't grow up with that. And so there's been a lot of
deconditioning that we've had to do mentally in order to, I feel
like be able to show up as our best selves and be able to be
comfortable inside of our bodies and things like that.
And because we do have that disconnect between generations,
I think that that's also why I feel like these fucking people
are going to put all their shit on the Internet that, you know,
keeps or doesn't keep it and then later on be like, oh, I was
super fucking confident about these things, but I wish that
that didn't wasn't there. I wish this version of me wasn't
there, right? You know what I mean?
Like now there's something to compare your entire fucking, you
compared my fucking naked body now to my naked body at fucking
18 years old. They going to be fucking
different, you know? And that's kind of like with
like Kat Von D, like really changing and, and becoming
religious and covering up her tattoos and stuff like that.
I really feel like so many people in age ranges of 18 and
22 are like being forced out into a world that they don't
know how to handle because they have been so worried about
college or following these rules or steps that they're behind.
Like they sold us a dream that actually doesn't exist.
And if you don't get a job right out of college after you get
that degree, you're instantly in debt and you're back serving or
working at a factory or whatever.
And so my like, my advice to people that are 18 to 20, if you
don't want to go to college, do not fucking go go get a trade.
Go learn something that's a skill, whether it's like
becoming an esthetician or an electrician or a plumber, Like
quit following trends because one thing we'll always need is
plumbers. One thing we're always going to
need is electricians. But eyelash techs going to be
out in five years. Eyebrow people, whatever it may
be, like things change, things fade.
You know, I was seeing something the other day that said I will
always be a 2016 makeup girly. I can't get away from a cut
crease and a full face. And I feel that even when I try
to do a simple makeup look, I end up with a full face.
And I saw something now that like so many people either got
plastic surgery or fillers or whatever to follow certain
trends. And now it's going back to
minimal makeup, clean girl aesthetic, clean brows, clean
lashes, light makeup. Not that that's my thing, not
that I'm ever going to follow any trend, but it's just the
fact that like only fans is trendy right now.
People are making millions of dollars and it makes it look
easy, but it's not. And I've been there's a girl on
my friends list. It's like local to the modeling
community and she just turned 18 and started an only fans.
And what's weird about it is I've watched her kind of evolve
and she keeps talking about wanting to be a full time model,
but she keeps getting all these tattoos.
And I really just want to be that older.
Like strange big sister that's like baby girl, if you think
you're going to model long term, getting all these tattoos on
your ankles and your wrist and your ass and shit is going to
exempt you unless someone's looking for an alternative
model. Because I didn't realize that I
put myself into that category that I'm now considered an
alternative model even though I don't consider myself
alternative. I would consider someone like
Gothic Barbie alternative. I wouldn't even consider you
alternative. But now I'm in that fucking
realm because I have a leg sleeve and some tattoos and I'm
like, so I can't play, you know, the girl next door anymore.
Like they're just not going to let me.
So I don't know. I just think so many people see
what's trendy and they shape their whole life on it.
Like I'm not going to go to college here because I'm dating
this person and I'm going to go where they're going or my
parents want me to stay home and, and, and work here, you
know, like you're making life decisions that impact you
forever based on other people. And that's where this whole
thing has me fucked up. I think that if you are
absolutely certain that you want to go to school and you want to
get an education on something, go to school for business.
You will learn so many different things about finance, about
setting yourself up in all types of different ways.
You don't even have to go and fucking finish your degree to
get the information because so many.
There are plenty of jobs where there are people that are
looking for you to have a degree on something, but there are so
many places that are open to you having education and an
experience and you getting a little bit of knowledge under
your belt is so much more important than you having a
degree. I 100% agree with you on trade
school, but I think that if you do business, if you do business,
you're the way that you think about things shifts and you're
able to suddenly navigate how to turn things into finance and
into abundance. And I think that the more that
you can try and bring in income based on the things that you're
passionate about sharing and expressing the things that you
love doing for you. It's astrology, tarot, shit like
that. You know, I've got my stuff.
So that would be my advice if I was going to give advice is
don't a majority of the time people go to school for all
these years, have all this fucking debt and then you don't
even use the fucking degree that you got because you were like,
I'm going to be an architect, motherfucker.
They don't want you to build these cool ass skyscrapers
anymore with your architect degree.
They want you to build those tiki tacky little houses that
all look the same on every fucking block.
And there's no individuality in that.
And that's another thing, I went to college straight out of
school. I'm the first person in my
family to graduate College in a four year setting and I had no
guidance. I didn't have anyone that
understood what I was going through struggling, working two
jobs. At that time, minimum wage was
the same. At 7:25, I had two minimum wage
jobs and still was broke and still couldn't afford books.
And the cool thing about my family is they'll do everything
to get you started. Like they'll get you started,
but then they're not going to help you.
So OK, we got you a boat in a paddle, but you got to figure
out how you're going to get it to the water.
You don't have a trailer, you don't got a car, figure it out.
We'll give you the boat, but that's it.
And so I've learned through those struggles and through
those scenarios like how tough I was, like the shit that I went
through, the shit that I overcame, I got in a life
altering car wreck during that time, almost died.
And so like I really realized that the odds were super sucked
against me the whole time. And there were so many times
that I thought it would just be easier to go work at Hooters
like my friends who are making $2000 a week and driving a new
Mercedes. Or it would just be easy to go
work at Ford like my other friends and make $25.00 an hour
and get a new Ford. You know, there were so many
things that other people were doing that they were instantly
getting money and gratification. And instead, and I was like, you
know what, I'm going to be the first person in my family to
overcome this battle. Like I'm going to do it.
So then once I graduated, I will be honest in saying that like I
was afraid to leave the job that I had had towards the end of
college and I was making like $14.00 an hour and I had a
fullest degree. And I was afraid to leave that
job because in the market of what I was seeing, people were
not getting jobs with their degrees.
Luckily, the universe came through and I was able to get a
job like six months later. And it's been great ever since.
But when I look back on that, there were so many ways that I
could have just been like, Yep, too much work, too hard.
Oh, Nope, not going to do that. But instead I changed my major.
I switched it to business Comm. I decided I was going to get a A
major that was actually going to make me money.
Not psych, not sociology, not whatever the other thing.
I also say charity work, but whatever it's called.
Philanthropy. Not philanthropy, because that's
just rich people spreading money more so like therapists.
Like I was, I was wanting to be like a therapist some sort.
And so I realized mental health, we're in a mental health crisis,
OK? A lot of people don't even
prioritize mental health. And I'm sure as hell was going
to make no money doing that. So instead I got a degree that I
can make money and then five years later started a business
that I help people with. And I'm kind of like a therapist
on that end. So it's just like trusting the
process, getting the skills that are going to get you to the next
point. Maybe it's not the final point,
maybe it's not where you want to be, but stop spending money and
spinning your wheels in directions that are not going to
serve you long term. And I think picking a direction,
right, like you have, you have all these different things.
It's, it's picking the thing. And this was really hard for me
when I started Covenant of Rejects was I didn't want to
just do a podcast. I wanted to do 4000 different
fucking things. I still want to do 4000 things,
but I had to start with, OK, I need to just do the podcast and
then go from here. You are going to feel
overwhelmed. You are going to feel like you
are not getting enough done, like you're spinning your
fucking wheels. You're putting all this energy
and effort in and keep on putting that energy and effort
in because when you go, oh, this is really overwhelming.
I don't know what to do. There's so many things I can't
latch on to anything. You end up not getting any
traction if you're spinning your wheels but you're stuck in
fucking mud. The fact that your wheelspin is
irrelevant to the process. You need to grip on to something
and be able to have movement and motivation and, and I think that
slowing your brain down and, and organizing what it is that you
want to do and then starting like a plan of execution on how
you're going to do that. That is how manifesting happens.
It is you looking at the big picture and going, OK, cool.
I want National Geographic to pick up my travel show.
What are all of the things that I need to do beforehand?
Make yourself a guide and, and steps and start on step number
one. I guarantee you when you start
on step #1 all those other talking steps that you wrote
down are irrelevant. They don't matter, but they were
important for you to be able to backtrack to the beginning, to
be able to start moving forward. If that's not something that you
know how to personally do, I'm telling you the biggest blessing
that I had was when I got my reading with you because it I
was able to take that. Take that feeling of I need to
fucking do something and I can't figure out what it is I'm
supposed to do, but there's something.
And you were able to kind of fine tune that for me.
And it has turned into one of my favorite types of readings for
other people because I understand the like, gravity and
the importance of giving somebody they're just like, hey,
yeah, you're going through this, like really traumatic hard time.
Turn that into something and, and help other people with your
voice. And then all of a sudden it's
like, you know. And I think that's what's ironic
about the journey that people don't realize is it literally
only takes that one moment. Like there are so many ways that
I could have given up on my dreams and given up because at
the time that I even was going to start contrary Cherry, I
thought I was going to like upcycle and make clothes.
And then I realized that if I'm not making it for myself, I
don't care about it and it doesn't look as good If I'm not
going to wear it, I just don't feel passionate about it.
I don't feel excited by it. So like from that, I started
shifting into like art and poetry.
And I was like, oh, I think I'm going to write a poetry book.
I think I'm going to do art for it or whatever.
And then it kept shifting. And then I realized that all of
those steps were helping me uncover my truth and who I was
and who I had lost, you know, in my childhood and in my
adolescence by trying to grow up too fast.
And once I started rediscovering myself, getting in tune with
myself, experimenting with things, I was able to like,
direct my path, Like Jim and I said, step one was getting to
know myself. And then all those other steps
were irrelevant. All those things I thought I
wanted. I don't want all those people,
places and things that I was so sure about or so dead set on
having in my life or in my world just all faded away like really
easily. It was, it was like able to
detach from these false like profits, you know what I mean?
Like these things, it's like, oh, money will make you happy.
Oh, a career is going to make you happy.
Oh, if you get a house, you'll be happy.
Oh, if you get a new car, you'll be happy.
And once I like got all of those things and started checking all
those boxes, I was like, damn, I'm still not happy.
Like I still don't feel like I want to feel.
And that's where that self discovery and like leading me
through spirituality happened. It wasn't anything else.
It was taking all these steps and then being like, damn, I've
checked every box that people say will make me happy and I'm
still not happy. I think one of the worst things
that you can do too is to continuously punish yourself and
think that you need to stay inside of the same mindsets or
experiences that you've already had or to keep on reliving
things and not allowing yourself to grow.
You know you can, you've talked a lot about, you know, the
experiences that you had walking through addiction and things
like that. If you were so difficult on
yourself because of the addictions that you had been
through and things like that, and you still saw yourself
inside of that light, instead of allowing not just your outside
appearance to grow, but your inside your inside to grow too.
You stay really trapped. And I think that people make a
lot of, you know, mistakes while they're growing and while
they're learning and they don't give themselves grace to be
like, I, I done fucked up. I done learned my lesson and I'm
going to change that into this instead of going, well, I'm just
this, or I'm just that. I'm just the girl who you know,
is addicted and sleeping around, or I'm just the girl who always
lives with her parents or whatever.
Like when you're able to be alone with yourself and be like,
no, like I am the girl who did these things and now I'm doing
these things. Like you can become a fucking
nun after you've popped your pussy everywhere like that.
It just depends on what you want to do with your life.
And honestly, that's exactly so real because there's a part of
you when you're going through those like addictions or going
through those traumatic events that feels like this is my life.
This is all my life will be. This is all my life, you know,
whether it's, you know, something that you've done with
your friends or your family or something that was passed on to
you or something that you picked up on your own, you're always
going to go through that like guilt and like blaming yourself
and like feeling sorry for yourself.
And I really feel like that's step one to like getting your
shit together is when you realize that you are actually
bringing this manifestation to life by actively participating
in the situation. And I actually just had my five
year sobriety date from like all hard St. drugs and it's been
really monumental. And I had a really big epiphany
moment yesterday because it was on the 17th of December.
So I had a really big epiphany moment yesterday that like, not
only have I like grown infinitely since making that
decision, but I really did cut off so many people that were
negative in my life and not not serving me.
And I just had this like moment of like how much, how proud I am
of myself, mainly because I was able to overcome something that
tears families apart. It kills people.
It like, you know, rips people's life, shreds.
And not only did I like function very well when I was not the
best version of myself, like I still did all the boxes.
You know, I checked every box that society says you should
check. And I'm like, if I can do that
in active addiction, look at me. Not look at me doing all this
without, you know, having that extra energy pulling me.
It's like I always think to myself, like if I could do what
I've done, graduate college and all these things as the worst
version of myself, imagine what you can do as the best version
of yourself. Kind of like a prime example of
Bunny and Jelly when they were drug addicts and they were doing
drugs and they were on the streets.
Neither one of them was a benefit to anyone, but now
redeeming their spirit, redeeming themselves and showing
the world the real them. Not only can they bring
awareness that you should not feel guilt and shame for those
things, but they show you that a comeback, it's very real and
very personal and that you can literally become the best
version of yourself in your 40s. And I think that's something
really beautiful that they're showing everyone.
It's like life doesn't start in your 20s or your 30s.
I really feel like your 40s is when in life starts.
Like that's when you should have a foundation.
That's when you should know who you are.
That's when your career and your home life should be pretty
worked out. You know, like, I feel like your
40s is like that time where it's like, wow, now I can breathe and
realize that all of this was an illusion.
I'm somebody who I haven't gone through addiction myself.
I don't have an addictive personality.
I have tried different things, not a lot of things, but I've
tried different things and it's just never, it's never been my
thing, but I have, I am somebody who collects people who have
been an addiction or who are an addiction.
And I have such a soft place in my soul for people who have been
through it and are working on healing from it and recognizing
and, and just need like love and, and support.
And like I, I find that people who have been in the lowest
points that are trying to climb out of them are some of the most
humble and appreciative people of just receiving the most basic
kindnesses and love and can love the deepest and the most like,
authentically because they've seen all of these darker spaces.
Like I just love like dark, broken souls that are like
healing. And I love helping with that
journey. I really have learned though,
how to discern the people who are putting in the work and
really want to grow and change and the people who use the
knowledge of their addiction and taking accountability simply to
manipulate and get things that they want in life.
And and that's a really difficult thing.
I know that like my marriage, that I just left my husband,
like drinks a lot of alcohol and is somebody who's functioning
right, like able to able to own a business, able to have a job,
able to do these things. But it's all the little things
behind the scenes that end up adding up because, you know, in
the day-to-day, it's how you treat people.
It's how you show up. It's the yeah, I know that I
have this problem that affects my life, but I'm not actually
going to put any energy or effort into it.
I know that it makes me treat you poorly or, or whatever, but
I'm not going to put any effort into it unless you unless you
tell me there's a consequence and then I'll pretend to put
effort into it. And I think that if you are
somebody who is going through addiction, that's one of the
meanest things that you can do to people that are trying to
support you and love you is to tell them that you're going to
work on something that you absolutely know you're not going
to and that you want help with something that you actually
don't want help with. And maybe that's just me on like
my, my personal side, but if I know that somebody needs my help
and is putting in effort like my loyalty, I will fucking, I will
help you. I don't, I don't care if you're
just a friend. I don't care.
Like if I know you're working on it, I will give my all to help
you through it. But then when I like, if I find
out that like you lie about something or whatever, lying to
me, you fucking lie to me once you're fucking dead and I don't
ever want to talk to you again. Like I, I can't, I can't stand a
fucking liar. Be honest to me and tell me you
made mistakes, but fucking lie to me and you're fucking done.
I honestly prefer people who just present the facts upfront.
Like I drink, OK, no, I do very cool.
Let me know. You know what I mean?
Like, you don't have to hide it. I just feel like people
manipulate others by not giving that full story.
Like, I don't have to give you the full story.
I'm going to build a connection with you.
I'm going to brainwash you into liking or loving or caring for
me. And then I'm going to drop this
like a bomb and then decide that you're selfish for not staying
or that you're the problem because you're not accepting my
mess that I didn't even tell you about.
It's kind of like when people buy a house that's been flipped
and it looks really good in those pictures.
And you go in and it's looking great and you're having a good
time and you're like, yeah, I'm going to buy this house.
And then you decide down the road to get it tested for mold
or down the road to get it tested for termites or whatever
it may be. And now all of a sudden your
shit is on a faulty foundation. It's on a fault line.
It could cave in. Your basement leaks.
You know, like there's so many things that people overlook when
it's pretty on the outside. The price is good and it's
convenient. And that's something I think
that a lot of people do not realize that like addiction is
convenient and self discovery and healing is hard.
And that's where so many people, especially myself, turn off
their spiritual gifts or turn off their truth by numbing it
out with drugs. Like I look back and I ask
myself what was so bad in my life at 151617 years old that we
wanted to get drunk and do Xanax bars every weekend.
Like what was so bad that I wanted to black out every
weekend? Absolutely every weekend?
No clue. But I look back on that and I
see that as a disconnect with myself and following other
people's trends. I found that I numbed myself out
in different ways, not with substances and things like that,
but I numbed myself out with like overeating.
And so I mean, like, maybe addiction, like food was an
addiction for me. Like I, I numbed myself out
with, you know, hanging out with people who treated me poorly
because I had already been treated badly and my heart hurt.
And so what's the difference? I'll just hang out with people
that treat me poorly because if I know that you're going to
treat me bad and I'm not expecting you to treat me well,
and you can't hurt my heart if I already know that you're going
to, you know, destroy. And I got really stuck in a
cycle of not respecting myself and hanging out with people who
didn't respect me or didn't respect their own bodies and
their own time and whatever. And there is such a, like, self
preservation to self sabotage of like, OK, well, if bad things
are going to happen to me anyways, then like, at least I
get to control like, the people doing it or the way that it's
happening. And, you know, yeah, I'm going
to hang out with these friends who, like, take advantage of me
or, or do these other things. But hey, at least I'm not
getting in a relationship or like, my heart's getting broken,
you know what I mean? Like, and that is its own
fucking crazy ass self like self sabotage, self like pain
infliction. And I to one of the points that
we were talking about a minute ago.
I actually saw this thing that said that if you are not showing
up as your real self when you're talking with somebody, like when
you're dating, then you're actually lying to them and
manipulating them because what you're doing is you're showing
up the best version of yourself. Everything's Peaches and cream.
Look how fucking cute I am all the time and I'm going to say
all the right things to you. And then when you're fucking
crazy side comes out and you're wearing sweatpants and your hair
is up in a bun and they're like who the fuck is that?
Like you have lied and manipulated this person into
thinking that you were strawberry fucking shortcake and
then you turn out you know what I mean?
Like being the evil step sister. You know, I find that a lot of
people like, they like the idea of me, like they like the idea
that I'm, you know, a witch or spiritual or can read minds or
do these different things. But then when that is directed
towards them, Oh no, they're not ready for that.
They're not ready for a girl who's going to call them out on
their shit. They're not ready for someone
that they can't lie to, that they can't just tuck something
under the rug and it goes away. You know, I think that's a lot
of what I've learned, that people only liked me when I was
the worst version of myself because I was easy to
manipulate, easy to abuse, easy to use and take advantage of.
But now that I have boundaries, that I'm financially secure and
do not need anything that you have to offer.
Now that I'm independent and feel confident in myself and
I've really taken my power back from like body dysmorphia and my
eating disorder and things that I've dealt with in my life.
And I'm really realizing that all of that stuff was being
reflected back to me because I truly felt those ways about
myself. I didn't love myself enough to
say no or to turn something down that didn't serve me.
You know, everyone knows the first time you do meth or heroin
or crack or some cocaine, whatever, you know, it's a bad
idea. Like the moment someone says, do
you want to sort this line, you know, in your mind this is a bad
idea. But people do drugs and do
things that are bad as a form of self sabotage.
It just makes me sad because I know just so many people who,
you know, are, are just struggling, moving on from, you
know, having addictions or not taking care of themselves or
whatever. And it's so difficult to see
people that you love and believe in like full heartedly not
believe in themselves because they they only identify
themselves with the struggles that they've been through in
these particular things. And you know, being that person
who, who is that healing energy, you just want to be like, no,
look at this fucking version that I see of you that like you
can be. And especially you add in like
that spirituality aspect to it too.
And you're just like, I see all the fucking roads like go down
the fucking Rd. This is my favorite thing
because I'm so giving and I care about people so much that
whenever I am friends with people or am dating someone, I
like wholeheartedly want to help them like fix their life.
Like it not even like, oh, let me fix you, but it's just like a
friend or someone will come to me and they're and they're going
through something. I'm like, well, I could just do
a spell and I can fix that. Or like I was dating a guy once
and and he was like totally his own worst enemy.
He was not trying to be the best version of himself and he wanted
to project and blame his job and blame his circumstances and all
this stuff. So it's really funny because he
had mentioned that he used to have a career at this place for
like 5 years and that he was let go, wrongfully terminated and he
tried to sue and he lost his case.
And I was like, wow, I was like, you know, ironic that you would
lose the case if you were wrongfully terminated.
I said, but it sounds like they just didn't want to back pay you
your pension. And so we were talking about it
and I was like, I'm just going to do a road opener spell so
that the perfect opportunity will come into your life.
I shit you not. Less than 24 hours later, he got
a phone call from his previous employer and they said we know
that we denied your claim and we denied your rebuttal and all
these things. But we actually did a case study
and looked into your case and found out that you were
wrongfully terminated. And we want to offer you your
position back with all of your seniority, all of your vacation,
and your insurance active today. That man was so fucking scared
of me. After that, we quit talking.
Like you're telling me that I helped you work out your
finances, helped you work out your shit, helped you get your
career back that you were so complaining about.
And then that happened and I didn't even get a fucking thank
you. You know what he did?
He started acting real fucking weird and then ended up ghosting
me. Then six months later, tried to
come back around talking about. Hope you're doing well, Paige.
Yeah, because dating, dating spiritual bitches isn't for the
fucking week. Dating bitches that are fucking
tapped in and actually want to help you in a positive way
because there are plenty of women that will fucking date you
there. You can.
There are plenty of women that will sleep with you.
There's plenty of shit. Finding somebody who's actually
going to put in the time, effort and consistency to help you grow
something. We're going to see the avenues
that you can take and tell you things for your highest sense of
good because you doing that. There's there's negatives for
you inside of that as the girlfriend or or partner or
whatever. By you doing that, you're giving
somebody a job back where there's less time with you,
where now they have something and they have a come up and
you're not the priority because now they're prioritizing
themselves. Now they have money to be able
to go out and do diddly fucking da badu.
And so somebody, I'm so glad that you're not with that person
because a man who's going to have you build him up that way
and then take what it is that you just did with your time,
your energy and and your love and then ghost you after you
helped build is a fucking bitch. And I don't like it.
And then to try to spin the block six months later and text
me that I deleted his number. So I just thumbs up the message.
And then he sent another message that I left on red.
And then like two months later, he texted again.
And I'm like, for one, you could have been a man and not been
immature with the situation. Like was you didn't have time
because you were overworked and underpaid, but now you don't
have time because you have to operate on a third shift
schedule. OK, cool.
But. It's either one or the other,
and I'm not the one that was complaining about the current
situation, but I think that he realized how powerful I am and
how he was not. At that level.
So I think maybe he spent most of this year trying to redeem
himself and he thought he was going to spin the block and pick
up where we left off. But no, baby, that's the real
comeback for me is like, you can play in my face and you can try
to embarrass me and that's fine. I'm going to move on.
I'm going to go live my best life.
I'm going to make money and be pretty.
But at the end of the day, you're not ever going to have
access to me again. So don't think you're going to
spin the block. Don't think you're going to hit
my phone and get the reaction that you want.
Obviously there are people in my life that I've had like a deep
connection with, but honestly if 2024 has not shown me everyone's
true colors and it's really shown me that like longevity of
a relationship, whether it's someone you're married to or
someone you've known your whole life does not equate to loyalty
or respect. If anything, I believe the
people who knew the previous versions of you actually respect
you less as you get your shit. Together.
Oh, I haven't encountered that recently.
I've encountered the opposite. I have encountered that.
I have people entering my space more right now who do know me
from the past. And it's actually been a really
fucking healing experience to see younger version of myself
through other people's eyes who now know me.
But know me back then, because there were a lot of back in the
day, I was, believe it or not, I was very quiet and I was very
timid about things and I got disrespected a lot because I put
myself in the positions to be disrespected and I allowed
people to kind of do whatever they wanted because I saw their
potential. So I figured once they see their
potential, they're going to treat me amazing.
And, you know, so I, I've seen myself through their eyes and
I'm like, wow. Like I did always show up.
I was always like consistent for everybody.
I did have all of these things. And yeah, like I went out and I
partied and I did these other things, but I always left to
make sure that I went to work. I was always at work on time.
I would go back to the fucking party, but I was at work, I was
sober. I was, you know, doing the
things I picked up everybody in the middle of the night if they
had needed a DD. Like I just so many things that
I didn't appreciate about myself from younger years that I, that
I now I see. And it's really helping with my
healing journey of where I am now and finding myself,
especially after being unappreciated inside of a
partnership, you know, and not knowing what qualities I had or
what I bring to the table is anything other than a, a
business person. That's a very strange thing that
I'm working through right now is trying to see myself as an
individual now instead of just business because in order to
feel any like personal validation and worth, I've only
felt that through making money and having my own business and
not through who I am as a person.
And I didn't really realize that until now.
Like I'm living by myself and I am like with my thoughts and I'm
like, Oh yeah, I, I really am uncomfortable about the way that
I show up as a like, I don't, I don't know me and what I bring
other than like money and business.
And I see that with you because you're always like adding to
your list. Like you will literally say that
you need to do less or you need to rest.
And then I will see like an e-mail that you're starting a
new class on Mount Everest and we're going to hike up there and
teach it, you know, like every single time you do that.
And I don't know why you won't just set in what you've already
built and just, like, linger in it a little bit.
Instead, it's like, OK, this baby's walking, let's have
another one kind of thing. And I feel like that's where a
lot of people in like business don't understand what goes into
a brand when you are the only person doing it, or what goes
into something when you're the only manpower and creative
expansion behind the project, you know?
So I think that that is something that was taught to all
humans, like to base your worth on your status, your money, your
name, who you're married to. And that's really why, like
royalty, you know, picked who people were going to marry or
had forced marriages, arranged marriages.
Imagine being like the father of some king and he then traded you
for a fucking goat. To this family and you have to
marry this person you know, like I think times have evolved, but
women have always been brainwashed to put everyone else
before them. And I think that's one thing
that like you being a mother and a wife like that was your
identity and then you developed a new identity which like segued
into like Gemini and like your brands.
And once again I think that's what like has brought you the
most joy. So that's like what you're
identifying with. You know what I mean?
Because it's like all of this stuff I can't control, but I can
control this. And I think sometimes in our
life we go for things that either like feel like what I
want to say, they feel expected of us.
Like it's it's expected of me to act like this or to do this.
Or there's people who like Trailblaze and get called a
weirdo until it catches on, you know.
So I think that the thing about spiritual like expansion in this
lifetime for everyone is that it was always going to go
mainstream. That was the world.
Like that was what we all came here for.
So people talking about like, oh, fluffy love and light and
spiritual psychosis and all these things, all these little
like umbrella terms, it's like just go find yourself.
Like that's the point of this movement.
Like you're not your job, you're not your status, you're not your
partner, you're not your home. You are you.
And that's what this movement's about.
But the people who are not at peace with themselves will never
be able to be at peace with you or someone else that's elevating
themself. Yeah, I, I think that my need
for always doing more and doing more and doing more is a couple
of different things. I really don't like to be bored
and I really like to like, it's my art, right?
Like, like what we're doing in business and how we're doing
things is like my art. And I feel like, if I feel like
I have things that I need to pour out and that I need to do,
then that's what I'm wanting to do.
But it comes at the price of me being burnt out, me being
stressed out. But I also think too, that my
business and people who align with me in business have seen me
in a way that I haven't been seen in my personal life.
And it was an escape. It was an escape from the fact
that, you know, I wasn't thought of as funny.
I wasn't, you know, told that I'm pretty or or whatever or,
you know, that I'm smart or any of these things.
And so instead of being I'm like, OK, well, I'm not going to
get any of that inside of a partnership, right?
Like like that's not where it's going to come from.
I'm going to work my ass off and build up a business.
I build up a business and oh, I post pictures of myself and you
think I'm pretty. Oh, that like I'm getting
validation for that. Oh, you love the way that I
structure my business and you think that I'm intelligent.
Thanks, girl. You know, like, and to be very
clear, never have I ever and never will I have ever posted a
single thing for a man's lens. I post every everything for the
fucking gays days, and she's because I like could give a fuck
less about that. I feel like every different
thing that I do within business, I'm able to empower somebody
else on their journey. And because I the only version
of that that I had before I did my business was Bunny.
The only version of seeing somebody build themselves up and
say, I'm going to take control of this.
You've you've taken advantage of me.
Whatever, I'm going to build this empire.
That's the only example that I ever fucking had was from her
and it changed my entire life. And so I not that I will ever be
on a scale that she's on or that that that's my blueprint,
because it's not. And that's not what I mean, but
I, I know that being led to that energy and seeing that has put
me on the trajectory to do that for somebody else.
And we are doing that for other people.
It's in our own way with our own unique energy, our own unique
gifts. But we do motivate and influence
other people in a very positive way for their healing journey.
We have been told that people stop drinking because they
listen to us. We have been told that people
are plus sized and comfortable wearing what they want to wear
because because my ass is on the fucking Internet with, you know,
my fucking Cellulite and I don't give a fuck.
Like I don't, I don't truly know when the, like I'm going to sit
and just keep watering the garden that I've already been
growing and the crops that I've already planted is going to come
into play. Because every time I think
that's what I'm doing, I'm expanding on it.
And instead of being angry at myself about that, I'm trying to
find a way to learn to build and grow and plant more while taking
care of myself and doing it in in a realistic way.
And I think that's what's really cool about the Internet is it's
giving people outlets and communities that otherwise would
not exist because it's really real that it's not your
hometown. It's not the people that you
know that are going to support you.
It's once they catch on, like once other people support you,
they may catch on. But you know, I see a lot of
people post a stranger will become a friend or like a client
stranger will become a friend quicker than someone else then
you know, or will become a quicker, I guess.
And that is so disheartening because a lot of times you don't
understand people have a targeted audience in their head
of like what they think they're putting out, but you don't know
who is connecting with your video.
Like I hadn't posted on TikTok in forever because all of my
views are like 500 cap. I posted something other day.
It's got like 5000 views and I'm like, why?
I guess cuz Jim and I the queen comment on it.
I don't know because like TikTok fucking hates me because I
refuse to sell product on there and I'm never going to.
So that's fine. I'm not worried about it.
But what I have found is like, I don't create content for it to
be liked. I'm only putting things out
there now that I want to put out there.
It's not aesthetically pleasing. I look like a like a frog half
the time, but at the end of the day, I'm only going to to do and
I'm not doing it for likes. I'm not doing it for views.
I've lost followers on TikTok and then I've gained them on
Instagram. I've lost, you know, people on
Patreon and gained clients on my website.
So it's like I don't give a fuck.
Like however you find me and whoever you resonate with, do
what you feel called to do because that's what's important.
Amen to that. You want me to pull a card?
Yeah. I had to grab them the other
day. I was listening to think it was
our most recent episode and was like, grab a card and I'm over
here shuffling the cards for what felt like, for fucking ever
because I'm thinking that my mic is picking up some ASMR that
they can hear the card shuffle. So I'm like, yeah, dude, get
like their spiritual panties wet right now.
No, these motherfuckers couldn't hear a single thing.
It was just dead silence for like 30 seconds.
And I was like, is she ever going to pull a card?
We got card 21. It is the treasure trove.
Oh, you guys, it's blurry. Damn it.
You guys can't see it. It's a pathway through a forest.
It is a cemented pathway through a forest.
So like, you know, that's not great for the ground and
everything, but we're going to ignore that part.
The sign is Aries, the gift is Huntress, and your shadow is
Control. On the beautiful end of this
shadow lies the gift of inspiring loyalty.
You make up your life as you wish and inspire others to do
the same. This fucking guard.
This is the ultimate treasure trove of service where everyone
wins. You are a guide and a huntress,
a goddess of the moon led by the heart.
The true blossoming occurs when you both assume authority over
your life, what you can control, and allow the space for mystery
to unfold. You cannot control everything,
after all. Like most shadows, the darker
aspects appear when fear is running the show.
This presents as a need to control, like a tightened grip
on life itself. Think of the difference between
clenched fists and outstretched palms, which can hold the most
water. Sometimes this manifests as a
desire for power or wealth. Ultimately, the intention behind
the desire for authority must be addressed.
Ask yourself, where does my need to control prevent new energy
from flowing in? Your themes are inspiration,
authority, guidance, and loyalty.
You know, what I love about that is so many people are secret
inspiration. Like you're just secret
inspiration. Like, oh, you got sober.
Oh, you got your shit together. Oh, you, you're in the gym
looking good. You don't understand who you're
inspiring because I've even looked at people that like put
their foot all the way down on the gas and have been like
killing it in the gym or like really working on their craft
are really elevating their brand.
And I fucking love to see that shit.
And like, I don't comment on everything.
I don't say, wow, you're so awesome, you're doing great.
But we notice it. Like I can see when someone like
when the light comes on for someone after they've been in
the darkness, like it's noticeable.
People can see it. And if you think you're not
impacting people just because they're not telling you, that's
a damn lie because so many people are embarrassed to say
that they're learning from you. I don't know why, because they
like a smaller, lesser version of you, I guess.
But if I've learned one thing this year, it's stop worrying
about the rules. There are no rules.
I'm real big on you complimenting and pointing
things out about people when you see them because too many times
you don't give people their flowers till they're dead.
They're dead. And I think that a huge part of
suicide rates is because people do not understand the impact
that they have on people around them and the space and energy
that they are holding in this world.
And they think that they are irrelevant and that they aren't
serving a purpose. And it isn't until they're gone
that people are like, Oh my God, they were such an incredible
person. Well, you should have told them
all of the ways that they impacted your life positively
and how much you loved them and appreciated them and how much
strength that they had that they weren't tapping into and
everything before it got to the point that they did that.
Not that it's anybody else's fault if somebody commits
suicide. And that's not what I mean, but
you know, giving somebody it, it takes literally 2 minutes for
you to be like, wow, I really appreciate that you said that,
you know, this thing, this is how that impacted me.
Thank you so much. Because that's going to stick
with them. And when they're having a bad
day and they have a conversation with somebody else, they're
going to be like, wow, Paige really loved that.
I, you know, told her, thank you so much for, you know, whatever.
And do that to somebody else and help their day and be able to
have this like effect. Yeah, I always like to see this
as like when you throw like a rock into water, it's rippling
all the way down to the bottom. You can only see it on the
surface. You can only see that ripple on
the surface, but it ripples all the way down to the bottom.
And I think that is something that motivates me more and more
is that there are so many beautiful miracles, blessings,
opportunities, people, places and things that you can't see
because it's under the surface, because you're not meant to see
it. So that's what is important when
you're going through something, something difficult or you have
a low moment, understand that just like the happiness evaded
and past, this will evade and pass and you don't have that in
it. So we will leave you all with
this inspirational episode and we will see you next time in
Candyland. Bye guys, bye.
So she's so sweet, like a lollipop, lollipop, lollipop,
lollipop, lollipop. You want to live me like a
lollipop, lollipop, lollipop. You want to swallow my spirit
and penetrate my aura? Taste.
All of my consciousness is obvious.
We're goddesses full of the divine femininity who need
masculine energy, energy, energy.