1 00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:09,440 Uh huh. Yeah, he says. 2 00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:12,800 She's so sweet, man. Come on and lick the rapper. 3 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:19,480 Lick me like a lollipop. Lollipop, Lollipop Lollipop 4 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:22,680 Lollipop Lollipop Lollipop Lollipop. 5 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:31,680 Welcome back to Candy Land, where shit's on and poppin 6 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,360 titties are out. Everything's going down. 7 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:38,120 Yeah, we always have titties out, but you all wouldn't know 8 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:43,760 that unless you're on Patreon looking at this explicit video. 9 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,440 Wow we are butt ass naked sitting here together. 10 00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:51,800 You couldn't lies. We were pasties. 11 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:56,200 You know, I will say Gemini is the titty queen. 12 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:59,080 She always has titties in her chat and. 13 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:03,160 We've never mind. We've talked about it before, 14 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:07,400 but Gemini, she was putting her booty on the line the other day. 15 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,920 I saw it. I put my booty on the line, but 16 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:13,120 booty, well my booty but where did I put it? 17 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,840 You did that video or little mirror thing you did? 18 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:25,800 Yeah, we saw your booty cheeks. I did a dance thing on Yeah, it 19 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:28,520 was, it was just, it was just a slight show. 20 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:32,400 She showed her booty meat. That's all I can say. 21 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:40,440 She showed her booty meat. Listen, I just think that, yeah, 22 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:44,320 sometimes, sometimes you got to do your thing. 23 00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:47,160 And I'm thriving and living and doing the things. 24 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:51,440 And sometimes you got to, sometimes you got to twerk a 25 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:54,440 little bit. And she is twerking. 26 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:59,680 OK, you all like go tap in and check it out because it's on and 27 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:03,680 popping. I'm telling you, like I I told 28 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,960 you that my content was going to be shifting a little bit because 29 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,759 I really am about to be popping my fucking toes out here on the 30 00:02:08,759 --> 00:02:10,800 Internet and getting paid for my feet pics. 31 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:15,480 So if you guys like want to DM me and just be like, hey, can 32 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:18,880 you please like stick your big toe into a banana cream pie? 33 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:23,000 I for sure fucking will. So y'all be able to find me on 34 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:27,480 feet Finder soon. I have no no plans of like, you 35 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:31,040 know, spreading wide on anything, but I sure will show 36 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:34,960 you a big toe or two. Yeah, just wait till she gets a 37 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,160 taste of that fast money and that that's it. 38 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:39,960 He's going to be out for all the world to see. 39 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:45,200 No. I just, you know what, like on a 40 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:49,040 full honesty, I just can't see myself like doing that with 41 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:51,640 people knowing my face. But I feel like if I was able to 42 00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:55,200 like, hide my face, like like hide who I am and make some 43 00:02:55,200 --> 00:03:00,040 cash, I would probably fucking do some explicit things online. 44 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,560 Well, you could be like that one girl, the ski mask girl. 45 00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:07,360 She like made a whole following off wearing a ski mask and like 46 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:10,320 all of her videos and all of her pictures and now she's known as 47 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,640 the ski mask girl and has a lot of followers. 48 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:18,120 See, I like that idea. I like like you for like the 49 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:19,760 dollar, right? Like I like that. 50 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:25,080 I don't like the, I'm so weird about like, and, and we've 51 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,480 talked about this before, but I just believe that anybody that 52 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:30,760 you have a sexual experience with, you're like carrying their 53 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:36,520 energy within you and like it's morphing and creating something 54 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:39,480 with their energy. So I am not somebody who would 55 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:43,200 ever do something with like different people, but I have 56 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:46,600 thought about like, would I do something with just myself? 57 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,560 We're going to start with the feet and we're going to go from 58 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:52,800 there. Yeah, by this time next year she 59 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:55,160 might have booty cheeks bread, No. 60 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,800 Dude, could you like if you can make money off your chocolate 61 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:01,440 starfish? I think that you should. 62 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:07,200 Honestly, I really think that like the way the sex industry 63 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:11,560 has evolved with the Internet is really cool because there's two 64 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:13,160 things. It's like a double edged sword. 65 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:17,240 I think more people are getting into sex work than they actually 66 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:21,800 would if it wasn't online. I think a lot of 18 and 20 year 67 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:25,760 olds are getting into only fans and into sex work that otherwise 68 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:29,440 they wouldn't have. So I think that's one negative, 69 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:34,240 but one positive is that people especially like trans people, 70 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:38,280 people in those different. Communities can feel. 71 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:42,320 Safer to express themselves on the Internet than they can in 72 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:44,480 real life. So I think there's a lot of 73 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:47,800 like, really great perks about online sex work. 74 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:52,760 Except I feel like it is super targeting 1819 year olds that 75 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,400 otherwise would have never stripped, would have never 76 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,800 escorted, and would never have sucked Dick for money. 77 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:05,960 Yes, I think that when you're getting into something like that 78 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:08,680 super young, whether it just be online or you're doing something 79 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:11,640 in person or whatever, when you're doing that super young, 80 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:14,720 you haven't even tried other avenues of doing things. 81 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:18,600 You're just utilizing your body as a quick way to make money and 82 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:21,960 not knowing even what your limits as a person are. 83 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:23,800 You haven't been in relationships where you're 84 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:27,640 having discussions about what it looks like for, you know, you, 85 00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:31,160 you sharing different pieces of your, your sexuality and things 86 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:34,400 like that. Because I do think that that 87 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,040 does come into play, like when you have partnership with people 88 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:40,280 and whatever of like what it looks like for like you to do 89 00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:42,840 your own thing, but you to also do it in a way that like 90 00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:45,840 respects their boundaries and guidelines of things too, which 91 00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:49,760 is just a normal part of any type of partnership or dynamic. 92 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:53,080 But when you're, when you're really young, you're not 93 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,560 comfortable one with having those types of conversations. 94 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,080 You're not comfortable with what your boundaries are or your 95 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:00,880 communications. You don't know the types of 96 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:05,080 things that you do or don't want to do yet for money. 97 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:09,240 And it kind of is one of those things that once you put 98 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:13,360 something out there on the Internet or wherever, that is an 99 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:17,080 energy and and an art that is going to live on forever. 100 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:21,000 And I just don't think that when you're really young, you have 101 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:25,960 the cognitive understanding to understand the longevity of 102 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,600 that. You're going to have kids 103 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,360 eventually, possibly they're going to see that you know, your 104 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:34,000 your mother may be working her office job and be let someone 105 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:38,640 maybe like, yo, I saw, you know, Katie Lynn popping her butt 106 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:42,200 hole. You know, I really think that so 107 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,520 many people, especially the younger generation that has 108 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,480 completely grown up with the Internet in full force their 109 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:51,960 whole life, they do not understand the impact of that 110 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:56,120 digital footprint, mainly because in the past people were 111 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,400 not like able to record everything. 112 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,120 They weren't able to document everything. 113 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:04,400 So, you know, Bill maybe beat his wife, but no one knew on the 114 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,280 Internet. Like no one knew that that was 115 00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:09,280 happening behind closed doors. So I think with the Internet in 116 00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:13,720 those generations, they don't realize because it's been such a 117 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:18,080 big part of their everyday life, the longevity of the Internet. 118 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:21,480 I know they say that like pictures are forever, but I saw 119 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:24,440 someone say, well, then what happened to my Myspace pictures? 120 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:28,400 Like where's my Myspace at then? So I do think there's a limited 121 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:33,200 capacity for the Internet like as like cloud storage and then 122 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:36,880 eventually it'll be so buried that you can't find it. 123 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:41,520 But I literally, I won't name drop the artist, but there's an 124 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:47,320 artist that portrays that they are like, you know, lowlife drug 125 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:50,480 dealer, never had anything, never went to college. 126 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:57,560 And I was able to find like their thesis from their 127 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:02,320 doctorate degree online. Like I was able to dig deep 128 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:07,080 enough to find their like thesis to graduate with their doctorate 129 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,280 degree or, or, you know, their masters. 130 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:12,240 And so I just think that's so funny because people will be 131 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:15,920 over here like portraying one lifestyle that really is not 132 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:19,360 them, really is not them at all. And you would be shocked at how 133 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:23,840 many artists, musicians, like rappers, people that do like 134 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,920 cage fighting and all of that. They all have college degrees. 135 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,040 They may not tell you that like Kim Kardashian and all them like 136 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:33,559 everyone is starting to realize that like looks are going to 137 00:08:33,559 --> 00:08:36,720 fade, talents going to fade and your 15 minutes of fame is going 138 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:38,400 to fade. So you need to figure something 139 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,440 out. So I, I really feel like the 140 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:43,440 Internet has people portraying lifestyles that they're not even 141 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:47,920 in, whether it's OK, country is cool, so I'm going to do country 142 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:51,520 or rap is cool. So I'm going to do rap or BBLS 143 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,040 are cool. I'm going to get a BBL. 144 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:56,440 You know, I just like, there's so much pressure to, like, keep 145 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:59,680 up with other people that never existed before the Internet 146 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,640 because no one knew what was happening. 147 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:06,320 Something that has always existed is unrealistic beauty 148 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,960 standards and expectations and everything. 149 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:12,200 I mean, like when we were growing up, you needed to be 150 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:16,440 able to see your hip bones and wear low rise pants and not have 151 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:19,200 a single ounce of fat. And right after Jessica Simpson 152 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:22,640 had a baby, you grow up with a size 4 and getting blasted all 153 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:26,120 over everything by Perez Hilton for, you know, being fat. 154 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:31,920 And that is just so unrealistic. And really, I think that that 155 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:37,240 puts such this stigma about our own bodies in our mind where, 156 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:41,560 you know, this generation right now is really working on 157 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,000 accepting your body the way that it is. 158 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,680 And yes, treating your body healthy and taking care of it. 159 00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:50,280 But the fact that you you get scars, you get stretch marks, 160 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:52,600 you get, you know, whatever, your body's not going to be 161 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:56,640 toned all the time. You're going to fluctuate and we 162 00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:59,000 didn't grow up with that. And so there's been a lot of 163 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:03,960 deconditioning that we've had to do mentally in order to, I feel 164 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,280 like be able to show up as our best selves and be able to be 165 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:08,320 comfortable inside of our bodies and things like that. 166 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:12,200 And because we do have that disconnect between generations, 167 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:17,600 I think that that's also why I feel like these fucking people 168 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:20,480 are going to put all their shit on the Internet that, you know, 169 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:26,360 keeps or doesn't keep it and then later on be like, oh, I was 170 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:29,560 super fucking confident about these things, but I wish that 171 00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:32,400 that didn't wasn't there. I wish this version of me wasn't 172 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:33,400 there, right? You know what I mean? 173 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:37,160 Like now there's something to compare your entire fucking, you 174 00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:40,200 compared my fucking naked body now to my naked body at fucking 175 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:42,080 18 years old. They going to be fucking 176 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:44,640 different, you know? And that's kind of like with 177 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:49,080 like Kat Von D, like really changing and, and becoming 178 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,920 religious and covering up her tattoos and stuff like that. 179 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:57,360 I really feel like so many people in age ranges of 18 and 180 00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:01,760 22 are like being forced out into a world that they don't 181 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:05,120 know how to handle because they have been so worried about 182 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:09,280 college or following these rules or steps that they're behind. 183 00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:12,280 Like they sold us a dream that actually doesn't exist. 184 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:15,720 And if you don't get a job right out of college after you get 185 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,760 that degree, you're instantly in debt and you're back serving or 186 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:20,840 working at a factory or whatever. 187 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:27,040 And so my like, my advice to people that are 18 to 20, if you 188 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:30,840 don't want to go to college, do not fucking go go get a trade. 189 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,560 Go learn something that's a skill, whether it's like 190 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:37,080 becoming an esthetician or an electrician or a plumber, Like 191 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:40,920 quit following trends because one thing we'll always need is 192 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:42,320 plumbers. One thing we're always going to 193 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:45,920 need is electricians. But eyelash techs going to be 194 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:48,400 out in five years. Eyebrow people, whatever it may 195 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,880 be, like things change, things fade. 196 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,600 You know, I was seeing something the other day that said I will 197 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:58,600 always be a 2016 makeup girly. I can't get away from a cut 198 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,720 crease and a full face. And I feel that even when I try 199 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:04,760 to do a simple makeup look, I end up with a full face. 200 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:09,120 And I saw something now that like so many people either got 201 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:12,600 plastic surgery or fillers or whatever to follow certain 202 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:15,360 trends. And now it's going back to 203 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:19,600 minimal makeup, clean girl aesthetic, clean brows, clean 204 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:22,960 lashes, light makeup. Not that that's my thing, not 205 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,840 that I'm ever going to follow any trend, but it's just the 206 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,400 fact that like only fans is trendy right now. 207 00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:30,760 People are making millions of dollars and it makes it look 208 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:35,600 easy, but it's not. And I've been there's a girl on 209 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,120 my friends list. It's like local to the modeling 210 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:41,960 community and she just turned 18 and started an only fans. 211 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:46,520 And what's weird about it is I've watched her kind of evolve 212 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:49,800 and she keeps talking about wanting to be a full time model, 213 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:51,680 but she keeps getting all these tattoos. 214 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:53,840 And I really just want to be that older. 215 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:57,240 Like strange big sister that's like baby girl, if you think 216 00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:59,560 you're going to model long term, getting all these tattoos on 217 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:02,320 your ankles and your wrist and your ass and shit is going to 218 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,560 exempt you unless someone's looking for an alternative 219 00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:08,160 model. Because I didn't realize that I 220 00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:11,200 put myself into that category that I'm now considered an 221 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,280 alternative model even though I don't consider myself 222 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:15,240 alternative. I would consider someone like 223 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,320 Gothic Barbie alternative. I wouldn't even consider you 224 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,920 alternative. But now I'm in that fucking 225 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,880 realm because I have a leg sleeve and some tattoos and I'm 226 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:29,320 like, so I can't play, you know, the girl next door anymore. 227 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:31,000 Like they're just not going to let me. 228 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,920 So I don't know. I just think so many people see 229 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,280 what's trendy and they shape their whole life on it. 230 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:37,840 Like I'm not going to go to college here because I'm dating 231 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:40,600 this person and I'm going to go where they're going or my 232 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:43,400 parents want me to stay home and, and, and work here, you 233 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:46,520 know, like you're making life decisions that impact you 234 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:51,200 forever based on other people. And that's where this whole 235 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:55,320 thing has me fucked up. I think that if you are 236 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:57,680 absolutely certain that you want to go to school and you want to 237 00:13:57,680 --> 00:14:00,280 get an education on something, go to school for business. 238 00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:04,320 You will learn so many different things about finance, about 239 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,320 setting yourself up in all types of different ways. 240 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:10,000 You don't even have to go and fucking finish your degree to 241 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:11,920 get the information because so many. 242 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:15,520 There are plenty of jobs where there are people that are 243 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:19,320 looking for you to have a degree on something, but there are so 244 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:24,200 many places that are open to you having education and an 245 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:27,080 experience and you getting a little bit of knowledge under 246 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,360 your belt is so much more important than you having a 247 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:33,360 degree. I 100% agree with you on trade 248 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:36,960 school, but I think that if you do business, if you do business, 249 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:40,760 you're the way that you think about things shifts and you're 250 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:45,400 able to suddenly navigate how to turn things into finance and 251 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:48,440 into abundance. And I think that the more that 252 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:52,160 you can try and bring in income based on the things that you're 253 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:55,320 passionate about sharing and expressing the things that you 254 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:58,200 love doing for you. It's astrology, tarot, shit like 255 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:00,040 that. You know, I've got my stuff. 256 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:04,920 So that would be my advice if I was going to give advice is 257 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:09,360 don't a majority of the time people go to school for all 258 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,720 these years, have all this fucking debt and then you don't 259 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,280 even use the fucking degree that you got because you were like, 260 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,280 I'm going to be an architect, motherfucker. 261 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,840 They don't want you to build these cool ass skyscrapers 262 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,240 anymore with your architect degree. 263 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:23,080 They want you to build those tiki tacky little houses that 264 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,880 all look the same on every fucking block. 265 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,640 And there's no individuality in that. 266 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:32,640 And that's another thing, I went to college straight out of 267 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,240 school. I'm the first person in my 268 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:39,080 family to graduate College in a four year setting and I had no 269 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:41,040 guidance. I didn't have anyone that 270 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:44,160 understood what I was going through struggling, working two 271 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,240 jobs. At that time, minimum wage was 272 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:49,080 the same. At 7:25, I had two minimum wage 273 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:53,920 jobs and still was broke and still couldn't afford books. 274 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,400 And the cool thing about my family is they'll do everything 275 00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:00,480 to get you started. Like they'll get you started, 276 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:01,560 but then they're not going to help you. 277 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:05,080 So OK, we got you a boat in a paddle, but you got to figure 278 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:06,480 out how you're going to get it to the water. 279 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,240 You don't have a trailer, you don't got a car, figure it out. 280 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:10,840 We'll give you the boat, but that's it. 281 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:14,160 And so I've learned through those struggles and through 282 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,240 those scenarios like how tough I was, like the shit that I went 283 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:20,040 through, the shit that I overcame, I got in a life 284 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,920 altering car wreck during that time, almost died. 285 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:27,240 And so like I really realized that the odds were super sucked 286 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:30,720 against me the whole time. And there were so many times 287 00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:33,400 that I thought it would just be easier to go work at Hooters 288 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:36,560 like my friends who are making $2000 a week and driving a new 289 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,640 Mercedes. Or it would just be easy to go 290 00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:42,560 work at Ford like my other friends and make $25.00 an hour 291 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,480 and get a new Ford. You know, there were so many 292 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:47,520 things that other people were doing that they were instantly 293 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:51,600 getting money and gratification. And instead, and I was like, you 294 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,840 know what, I'm going to be the first person in my family to 295 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:55,840 overcome this battle. Like I'm going to do it. 296 00:16:56,160 --> 00:17:00,920 So then once I graduated, I will be honest in saying that like I 297 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:05,400 was afraid to leave the job that I had had towards the end of 298 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,839 college and I was making like $14.00 an hour and I had a 299 00:17:08,839 --> 00:17:11,079 fullest degree. And I was afraid to leave that 300 00:17:11,079 --> 00:17:14,240 job because in the market of what I was seeing, people were 301 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,079 not getting jobs with their degrees. 302 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,680 Luckily, the universe came through and I was able to get a 303 00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:21,560 job like six months later. And it's been great ever since. 304 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:24,520 But when I look back on that, there were so many ways that I 305 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:26,720 could have just been like, Yep, too much work, too hard. 306 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:30,240 Oh, Nope, not going to do that. But instead I changed my major. 307 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,960 I switched it to business Comm. I decided I was going to get a A 308 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:35,880 major that was actually going to make me money. 309 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:41,160 Not psych, not sociology, not whatever the other thing. 310 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:45,760 I also say charity work, but whatever it's called. 311 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,680 Philanthropy. Not philanthropy, because that's 312 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:53,600 just rich people spreading money more so like therapists. 313 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,720 Like I was, I was wanting to be like a therapist some sort. 314 00:17:56,800 --> 00:18:00,640 And so I realized mental health, we're in a mental health crisis, 315 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,080 OK? A lot of people don't even 316 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:04,440 prioritize mental health. And I'm sure as hell was going 317 00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:08,520 to make no money doing that. So instead I got a degree that I 318 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,440 can make money and then five years later started a business 319 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,880 that I help people with. And I'm kind of like a therapist 320 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,280 on that end. So it's just like trusting the 321 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:19,320 process, getting the skills that are going to get you to the next 322 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:21,920 point. Maybe it's not the final point, 323 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:26,560 maybe it's not where you want to be, but stop spending money and 324 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:28,560 spinning your wheels in directions that are not going to 325 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:33,000 serve you long term. And I think picking a direction, 326 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,760 right, like you have, you have all these different things. 327 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:39,040 It's, it's picking the thing. And this was really hard for me 328 00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:41,440 when I started Covenant of Rejects was I didn't want to 329 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:44,360 just do a podcast. I wanted to do 4000 different 330 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:46,560 fucking things. I still want to do 4000 things, 331 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:50,800 but I had to start with, OK, I need to just do the podcast and 332 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:53,720 then go from here. You are going to feel 333 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,520 overwhelmed. You are going to feel like you 334 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,120 are not getting enough done, like you're spinning your 335 00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:00,880 fucking wheels. You're putting all this energy 336 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,920 and effort in and keep on putting that energy and effort 337 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,360 in because when you go, oh, this is really overwhelming. 338 00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:08,560 I don't know what to do. There's so many things I can't 339 00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:10,720 latch on to anything. You end up not getting any 340 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:13,760 traction if you're spinning your wheels but you're stuck in 341 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,720 fucking mud. The fact that your wheelspin is 342 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,840 irrelevant to the process. You need to grip on to something 343 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:27,760 and be able to have movement and motivation and, and I think that 344 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:31,920 slowing your brain down and, and organizing what it is that you 345 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:35,880 want to do and then starting like a plan of execution on how 346 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:38,480 you're going to do that. That is how manifesting happens. 347 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:41,840 It is you looking at the big picture and going, OK, cool. 348 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:45,120 I want National Geographic to pick up my travel show. 349 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:48,440 What are all of the things that I need to do beforehand? 350 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:53,000 Make yourself a guide and, and steps and start on step number 351 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,480 one. I guarantee you when you start 352 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:57,040 on step #1 all those other talking steps that you wrote 353 00:19:57,040 --> 00:20:00,120 down are irrelevant. They don't matter, but they were 354 00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:03,720 important for you to be able to backtrack to the beginning, to 355 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:07,880 be able to start moving forward. If that's not something that you 356 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:12,600 know how to personally do, I'm telling you the biggest blessing 357 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:16,040 that I had was when I got my reading with you because it I 358 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:20,760 was able to take that. Take that feeling of I need to 359 00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,760 fucking do something and I can't figure out what it is I'm 360 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:25,200 supposed to do, but there's something. 361 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,680 And you were able to kind of fine tune that for me. 362 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,960 And it has turned into one of my favorite types of readings for 363 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:37,080 other people because I understand the like, gravity and 364 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:41,480 the importance of giving somebody they're just like, hey, 365 00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:44,800 yeah, you're going through this, like really traumatic hard time. 366 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:49,320 Turn that into something and, and help other people with your 367 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:50,840 voice. And then all of a sudden it's 368 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:54,880 like, you know. And I think that's what's ironic 369 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:58,840 about the journey that people don't realize is it literally 370 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:03,680 only takes that one moment. Like there are so many ways that 371 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,600 I could have given up on my dreams and given up because at 372 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,920 the time that I even was going to start contrary Cherry, I 373 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:12,520 thought I was going to like upcycle and make clothes. 374 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:16,040 And then I realized that if I'm not making it for myself, I 375 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:18,480 don't care about it and it doesn't look as good If I'm not 376 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:20,720 going to wear it, I just don't feel passionate about it. 377 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:24,840 I don't feel excited by it. So like from that, I started 378 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:27,120 shifting into like art and poetry. 379 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,240 And I was like, oh, I think I'm going to write a poetry book. 380 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,760 I think I'm going to do art for it or whatever. 381 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:35,080 And then it kept shifting. And then I realized that all of 382 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:39,800 those steps were helping me uncover my truth and who I was 383 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:43,720 and who I had lost, you know, in my childhood and in my 384 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:45,800 adolescence by trying to grow up too fast. 385 00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:48,920 And once I started rediscovering myself, getting in tune with 386 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:52,960 myself, experimenting with things, I was able to like, 387 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:56,480 direct my path, Like Jim and I said, step one was getting to 388 00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,720 know myself. And then all those other steps 389 00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:00,840 were irrelevant. All those things I thought I 390 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:02,880 wanted. I don't want all those people, 391 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:06,600 places and things that I was so sure about or so dead set on 392 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:11,160 having in my life or in my world just all faded away like really 393 00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:12,960 easily. It was, it was like able to 394 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:17,600 detach from these false like profits, you know what I mean? 395 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,880 Like these things, it's like, oh, money will make you happy. 396 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,480 Oh, a career is going to make you happy. 397 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,080 Oh, if you get a house, you'll be happy. 398 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:24,640 Oh, if you get a new car, you'll be happy. 399 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,840 And once I like got all of those things and started checking all 400 00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:31,840 those boxes, I was like, damn, I'm still not happy. 401 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,360 Like I still don't feel like I want to feel. 402 00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:37,160 And that's where that self discovery and like leading me 403 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:40,080 through spirituality happened. It wasn't anything else. 404 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:43,040 It was taking all these steps and then being like, damn, I've 405 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:47,360 checked every box that people say will make me happy and I'm 406 00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:50,680 still not happy. I think one of the worst things 407 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:54,360 that you can do too is to continuously punish yourself and 408 00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:57,320 think that you need to stay inside of the same mindsets or 409 00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:01,080 experiences that you've already had or to keep on reliving 410 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:02,880 things and not allowing yourself to grow. 411 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:06,880 You know you can, you've talked a lot about, you know, the 412 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,560 experiences that you had walking through addiction and things 413 00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,480 like that. If you were so difficult on 414 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:14,600 yourself because of the addictions that you had been 415 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,160 through and things like that, and you still saw yourself 416 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:21,640 inside of that light, instead of allowing not just your outside 417 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:25,400 appearance to grow, but your inside your inside to grow too. 418 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,400 You stay really trapped. And I think that people make a 419 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:31,520 lot of, you know, mistakes while they're growing and while 420 00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:35,240 they're learning and they don't give themselves grace to be 421 00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:38,920 like, I, I done fucked up. I done learned my lesson and I'm 422 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:42,720 going to change that into this instead of going, well, I'm just 423 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:45,920 this, or I'm just that. I'm just the girl who you know, 424 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,720 is addicted and sleeping around, or I'm just the girl who always 425 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:50,560 lives with her parents or whatever. 426 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:55,440 Like when you're able to be alone with yourself and be like, 427 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:59,040 no, like I am the girl who did these things and now I'm doing 428 00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:00,840 these things. Like you can become a fucking 429 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:02,880 nun after you've popped your pussy everywhere like that. 430 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:05,080 It just depends on what you want to do with your life. 431 00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:09,960 And honestly, that's exactly so real because there's a part of 432 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,920 you when you're going through those like addictions or going 433 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:16,520 through those traumatic events that feels like this is my life. 434 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:19,480 This is all my life will be. This is all my life, you know, 435 00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,960 whether it's, you know, something that you've done with 436 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,520 your friends or your family or something that was passed on to 437 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:28,280 you or something that you picked up on your own, you're always 438 00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:32,040 going to go through that like guilt and like blaming yourself 439 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:33,800 and like feeling sorry for yourself. 440 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:36,920 And I really feel like that's step one to like getting your 441 00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:41,360 shit together is when you realize that you are actually 442 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:45,560 bringing this manifestation to life by actively participating 443 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:50,160 in the situation. And I actually just had my five 444 00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:55,000 year sobriety date from like all hard St. drugs and it's been 445 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,640 really monumental. And I had a really big epiphany 446 00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:01,800 moment yesterday because it was on the 17th of December. 447 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:06,040 So I had a really big epiphany moment yesterday that like, not 448 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:09,320 only have I like grown infinitely since making that 449 00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:14,000 decision, but I really did cut off so many people that were 450 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,720 negative in my life and not not serving me. 451 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:21,920 And I just had this like moment of like how much, how proud I am 452 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:26,080 of myself, mainly because I was able to overcome something that 453 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:28,640 tears families apart. It kills people. 454 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:31,120 It like, you know, rips people's life, shreds. 455 00:25:31,120 --> 00:25:36,000 And not only did I like function very well when I was not the 456 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,640 best version of myself, like I still did all the boxes. 457 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:40,880 You know, I checked every box that society says you should 458 00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:42,800 check. And I'm like, if I can do that 459 00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:47,240 in active addiction, look at me. Not look at me doing all this 460 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:50,640 without, you know, having that extra energy pulling me. 461 00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:53,560 It's like I always think to myself, like if I could do what 462 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:57,280 I've done, graduate college and all these things as the worst 463 00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:01,240 version of myself, imagine what you can do as the best version 464 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:03,880 of yourself. Kind of like a prime example of 465 00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:06,640 Bunny and Jelly when they were drug addicts and they were doing 466 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,080 drugs and they were on the streets. 467 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:11,960 Neither one of them was a benefit to anyone, but now 468 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,320 redeeming their spirit, redeeming themselves and showing 469 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:18,040 the world the real them. Not only can they bring 470 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:20,840 awareness that you should not feel guilt and shame for those 471 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:24,840 things, but they show you that a comeback, it's very real and 472 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:29,240 very personal and that you can literally become the best 473 00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:32,520 version of yourself in your 40s. And I think that's something 474 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,240 really beautiful that they're showing everyone. 475 00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:37,280 It's like life doesn't start in your 20s or your 30s. 476 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:40,040 I really feel like your 40s is when in life starts. 477 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,320 Like that's when you should have a foundation. 478 00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:43,680 That's when you should know who you are. 479 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:46,840 That's when your career and your home life should be pretty 480 00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:48,960 worked out. You know, like, I feel like your 481 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:53,360 40s is like that time where it's like, wow, now I can breathe and 482 00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:55,600 realize that all of this was an illusion. 483 00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,440 I'm somebody who I haven't gone through addiction myself. 484 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:02,560 I don't have an addictive personality. 485 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:07,480 I have tried different things, not a lot of things, but I've 486 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:11,120 tried different things and it's just never, it's never been my 487 00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:16,200 thing, but I have, I am somebody who collects people who have 488 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,280 been an addiction or who are an addiction. 489 00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:22,720 And I have such a soft place in my soul for people who have been 490 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:27,000 through it and are working on healing from it and recognizing 491 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:30,200 and, and just need like love and, and support. 492 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:36,240 And like I, I find that people who have been in the lowest 493 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:39,640 points that are trying to climb out of them are some of the most 494 00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:43,560 humble and appreciative people of just receiving the most basic 495 00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:48,000 kindnesses and love and can love the deepest and the most like, 496 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:51,800 authentically because they've seen all of these darker spaces. 497 00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:56,080 Like I just love like dark, broken souls that are like 498 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:57,840 healing. And I love helping with that 499 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:01,520 journey. I really have learned though, 500 00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:04,520 how to discern the people who are putting in the work and 501 00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:10,160 really want to grow and change and the people who use the 502 00:28:10,360 --> 00:28:15,440 knowledge of their addiction and taking accountability simply to 503 00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:18,040 manipulate and get things that they want in life. 504 00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:21,120 And and that's a really difficult thing. 505 00:28:21,120 --> 00:28:25,480 I know that like my marriage, that I just left my husband, 506 00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:33,480 like drinks a lot of alcohol and is somebody who's functioning 507 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:36,360 right, like able to able to own a business, able to have a job, 508 00:28:36,360 --> 00:28:39,280 able to do these things. But it's all the little things 509 00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:43,280 behind the scenes that end up adding up because, you know, in 510 00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:45,200 the day-to-day, it's how you treat people. 511 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,000 It's how you show up. It's the yeah, I know that I 512 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,440 have this problem that affects my life, but I'm not actually 513 00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:52,480 going to put any energy or effort into it. 514 00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:55,600 I know that it makes me treat you poorly or, or whatever, but 515 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:59,720 I'm not going to put any effort into it unless you unless you 516 00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:02,200 tell me there's a consequence and then I'll pretend to put 517 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:05,040 effort into it. And I think that if you are 518 00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:08,920 somebody who is going through addiction, that's one of the 519 00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:11,480 meanest things that you can do to people that are trying to 520 00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:15,320 support you and love you is to tell them that you're going to 521 00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:18,280 work on something that you absolutely know you're not going 522 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:22,040 to and that you want help with something that you actually 523 00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:25,560 don't want help with. And maybe that's just me on like 524 00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:30,080 my, my personal side, but if I know that somebody needs my help 525 00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:35,000 and is putting in effort like my loyalty, I will fucking, I will 526 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:36,440 help you. I don't, I don't care if you're 527 00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:37,760 just a friend. I don't care. 528 00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:41,040 Like if I know you're working on it, I will give my all to help 529 00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:43,720 you through it. But then when I like, if I find 530 00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:46,760 out that like you lie about something or whatever, lying to 531 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,160 me, you fucking lie to me once you're fucking dead and I don't 532 00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:51,960 ever want to talk to you again. Like I, I can't, I can't stand a 533 00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:54,600 fucking liar. Be honest to me and tell me you 534 00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:57,200 made mistakes, but fucking lie to me and you're fucking done. 535 00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:03,960 I honestly prefer people who just present the facts upfront. 536 00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:08,920 Like I drink, OK, no, I do very cool. 537 00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:10,000 Let me know. You know what I mean? 538 00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:13,040 Like, you don't have to hide it. I just feel like people 539 00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:16,960 manipulate others by not giving that full story. 540 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,360 Like, I don't have to give you the full story. 541 00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:21,000 I'm going to build a connection with you. 542 00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:24,680 I'm going to brainwash you into liking or loving or caring for 543 00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:26,280 me. And then I'm going to drop this 544 00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:30,600 like a bomb and then decide that you're selfish for not staying 545 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:33,280 or that you're the problem because you're not accepting my 546 00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:35,640 mess that I didn't even tell you about. 547 00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:40,480 It's kind of like when people buy a house that's been flipped 548 00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:42,680 and it looks really good in those pictures. 549 00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:45,320 And you go in and it's looking great and you're having a good 550 00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:47,160 time and you're like, yeah, I'm going to buy this house. 551 00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:52,560 And then you decide down the road to get it tested for mold 552 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:55,080 or down the road to get it tested for termites or whatever 553 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:57,000 it may be. And now all of a sudden your 554 00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:00,280 shit is on a faulty foundation. It's on a fault line. 555 00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:02,840 It could cave in. Your basement leaks. 556 00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:07,520 You know, like there's so many things that people overlook when 557 00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:10,160 it's pretty on the outside. The price is good and it's 558 00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,600 convenient. And that's something I think 559 00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:17,120 that a lot of people do not realize that like addiction is 560 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:21,760 convenient and self discovery and healing is hard. 561 00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:27,240 And that's where so many people, especially myself, turn off 562 00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:31,360 their spiritual gifts or turn off their truth by numbing it 563 00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:34,640 out with drugs. Like I look back and I ask 564 00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:40,240 myself what was so bad in my life at 151617 years old that we 565 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:43,440 wanted to get drunk and do Xanax bars every weekend. 566 00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:46,440 Like what was so bad that I wanted to black out every 567 00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:48,560 weekend? Absolutely every weekend? 568 00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,400 No clue. But I look back on that and I 569 00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:55,120 see that as a disconnect with myself and following other 570 00:31:55,120 --> 00:32:03,080 people's trends. I found that I numbed myself out 571 00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:06,080 in different ways, not with substances and things like that, 572 00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:10,680 but I numbed myself out with like overeating. 573 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:13,640 And so I mean, like, maybe addiction, like food was an 574 00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,440 addiction for me. Like I, I numbed myself out 575 00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:21,400 with, you know, hanging out with people who treated me poorly 576 00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:26,960 because I had already been treated badly and my heart hurt. 577 00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:29,120 And so what's the difference? I'll just hang out with people 578 00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:32,040 that treat me poorly because if I know that you're going to 579 00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:34,480 treat me bad and I'm not expecting you to treat me well, 580 00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:36,880 and you can't hurt my heart if I already know that you're going 581 00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:41,080 to, you know, destroy. And I got really stuck in a 582 00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:46,320 cycle of not respecting myself and hanging out with people who 583 00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:49,160 didn't respect me or didn't respect their own bodies and 584 00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:54,600 their own time and whatever. And there is such a, like, self 585 00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:58,640 preservation to self sabotage of like, OK, well, if bad things 586 00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:00,880 are going to happen to me anyways, then like, at least I 587 00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,760 get to control like, the people doing it or the way that it's 588 00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:05,760 happening. And, you know, yeah, I'm going 589 00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:08,160 to hang out with these friends who, like, take advantage of me 590 00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:11,760 or, or do these other things. But hey, at least I'm not 591 00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:14,040 getting in a relationship or like, my heart's getting broken, 592 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:16,640 you know what I mean? Like, and that is its own 593 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:22,080 fucking crazy ass self like self sabotage, self like pain 594 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:26,440 infliction. And I to one of the points that 595 00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:27,920 we were talking about a minute ago. 596 00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:32,240 I actually saw this thing that said that if you are not showing 597 00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:36,840 up as your real self when you're talking with somebody, like when 598 00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,720 you're dating, then you're actually lying to them and 599 00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:42,760 manipulating them because what you're doing is you're showing 600 00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,440 up the best version of yourself. Everything's Peaches and cream. 601 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:48,000 Look how fucking cute I am all the time and I'm going to say 602 00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,200 all the right things to you. And then when you're fucking 603 00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:52,600 crazy side comes out and you're wearing sweatpants and your hair 604 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,360 is up in a bun and they're like who the fuck is that? 605 00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:59,000 Like you have lied and manipulated this person into 606 00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,280 thinking that you were strawberry fucking shortcake and 607 00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:03,240 then you turn out you know what I mean? 608 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:07,320 Like being the evil step sister. You know, I find that a lot of 609 00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:12,440 people like, they like the idea of me, like they like the idea 610 00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:17,560 that I'm, you know, a witch or spiritual or can read minds or 611 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:20,719 do these different things. But then when that is directed 612 00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:23,239 towards them, Oh no, they're not ready for that. 613 00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:25,080 They're not ready for a girl who's going to call them out on 614 00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:26,760 their shit. They're not ready for someone 615 00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:29,960 that they can't lie to, that they can't just tuck something 616 00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:33,040 under the rug and it goes away. You know, I think that's a lot 617 00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:36,600 of what I've learned, that people only liked me when I was 618 00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:38,800 the worst version of myself because I was easy to 619 00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:43,800 manipulate, easy to abuse, easy to use and take advantage of. 620 00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:48,480 But now that I have boundaries, that I'm financially secure and 621 00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:50,239 do not need anything that you have to offer. 622 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:54,239 Now that I'm independent and feel confident in myself and 623 00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:58,520 I've really taken my power back from like body dysmorphia and my 624 00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:00,880 eating disorder and things that I've dealt with in my life. 625 00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:05,360 And I'm really realizing that all of that stuff was being 626 00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:08,160 reflected back to me because I truly felt those ways about 627 00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:10,800 myself. I didn't love myself enough to 628 00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:13,840 say no or to turn something down that didn't serve me. 629 00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:17,600 You know, everyone knows the first time you do meth or heroin 630 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:20,720 or crack or some cocaine, whatever, you know, it's a bad 631 00:35:20,720 --> 00:35:22,920 idea. Like the moment someone says, do 632 00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:26,480 you want to sort this line, you know, in your mind this is a bad 633 00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:29,200 idea. But people do drugs and do 634 00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:32,280 things that are bad as a form of self sabotage. 635 00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:40,280 It just makes me sad because I know just so many people who, 636 00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:46,120 you know, are, are just struggling, moving on from, you 637 00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:50,400 know, having addictions or not taking care of themselves or 638 00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:53,440 whatever. And it's so difficult to see 639 00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:57,600 people that you love and believe in like full heartedly not 640 00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:02,200 believe in themselves because they they only identify 641 00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,960 themselves with the struggles that they've been through in 642 00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:09,040 these particular things. And you know, being that person 643 00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:14,840 who, who is that healing energy, you just want to be like, no, 644 00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:19,160 look at this fucking version that I see of you that like you 645 00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:20,520 can be. And especially you add in like 646 00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:22,880 that spirituality aspect to it too. 647 00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:26,400 And you're just like, I see all the fucking roads like go down 648 00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:30,000 the fucking Rd. This is my favorite thing 649 00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:33,240 because I'm so giving and I care about people so much that 650 00:36:33,240 --> 00:36:36,920 whenever I am friends with people or am dating someone, I 651 00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:40,440 like wholeheartedly want to help them like fix their life. 652 00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:44,320 Like it not even like, oh, let me fix you, but it's just like a 653 00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:47,000 friend or someone will come to me and they're and they're going 654 00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:48,840 through something. I'm like, well, I could just do 655 00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:52,360 a spell and I can fix that. Or like I was dating a guy once 656 00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:57,040 and and he was like totally his own worst enemy. 657 00:36:57,040 --> 00:36:59,640 He was not trying to be the best version of himself and he wanted 658 00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:03,920 to project and blame his job and blame his circumstances and all 659 00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:06,480 this stuff. So it's really funny because he 660 00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:10,080 had mentioned that he used to have a career at this place for 661 00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:14,680 like 5 years and that he was let go, wrongfully terminated and he 662 00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:17,160 tried to sue and he lost his case. 663 00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:21,080 And I was like, wow, I was like, you know, ironic that you would 664 00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,200 lose the case if you were wrongfully terminated. 665 00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:25,560 I said, but it sounds like they just didn't want to back pay you 666 00:37:25,720 --> 00:37:28,120 your pension. And so we were talking about it 667 00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:30,760 and I was like, I'm just going to do a road opener spell so 668 00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:32,920 that the perfect opportunity will come into your life. 669 00:37:33,240 --> 00:37:37,480 I shit you not. Less than 24 hours later, he got 670 00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:41,280 a phone call from his previous employer and they said we know 671 00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:46,920 that we denied your claim and we denied your rebuttal and all 672 00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:50,040 these things. But we actually did a case study 673 00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:53,120 and looked into your case and found out that you were 674 00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:56,320 wrongfully terminated. And we want to offer you your 675 00:37:56,320 --> 00:38:01,000 position back with all of your seniority, all of your vacation, 676 00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:05,560 and your insurance active today. That man was so fucking scared 677 00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:07,400 of me. After that, we quit talking. 678 00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:09,840 Like you're telling me that I helped you work out your 679 00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:12,800 finances, helped you work out your shit, helped you get your 680 00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:15,440 career back that you were so complaining about. 681 00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:18,320 And then that happened and I didn't even get a fucking thank 682 00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:19,120 you. You know what he did? 683 00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:22,080 He started acting real fucking weird and then ended up ghosting 684 00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:24,080 me. Then six months later, tried to 685 00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:26,960 come back around talking about. Hope you're doing well, Paige. 686 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:31,640 Yeah, because dating, dating spiritual bitches isn't for the 687 00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:34,520 fucking week. Dating bitches that are fucking 688 00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:38,080 tapped in and actually want to help you in a positive way 689 00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:40,200 because there are plenty of women that will fucking date you 690 00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:41,640 there. You can. 691 00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:43,080 There are plenty of women that will sleep with you. 692 00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:46,160 There's plenty of shit. Finding somebody who's actually 693 00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:51,120 going to put in the time, effort and consistency to help you grow 694 00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,000 something. We're going to see the avenues 695 00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:56,520 that you can take and tell you things for your highest sense of 696 00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:59,560 good because you doing that. There's there's negatives for 697 00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:03,000 you inside of that as the girlfriend or or partner or 698 00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:05,480 whatever. By you doing that, you're giving 699 00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:07,960 somebody a job back where there's less time with you, 700 00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:11,760 where now they have something and they have a come up and 701 00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,600 you're not the priority because now they're prioritizing 702 00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:16,800 themselves. Now they have money to be able 703 00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:19,400 to go out and do diddly fucking da badu. 704 00:39:19,720 --> 00:39:24,280 And so somebody, I'm so glad that you're not with that person 705 00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:27,480 because a man who's going to have you build him up that way 706 00:39:27,720 --> 00:39:30,600 and then take what it is that you just did with your time, 707 00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:35,320 your energy and and your love and then ghost you after you 708 00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:39,560 helped build is a fucking bitch. And I don't like it. 709 00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:44,960 And then to try to spin the block six months later and text 710 00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:48,200 me that I deleted his number. So I just thumbs up the message. 711 00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:51,800 And then he sent another message that I left on red. 712 00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:55,000 And then like two months later, he texted again. 713 00:39:55,480 --> 00:40:00,000 And I'm like, for one, you could have been a man and not been 714 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:04,000 immature with the situation. Like was you didn't have time 715 00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:07,080 because you were overworked and underpaid, but now you don't 716 00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:09,960 have time because you have to operate on a third shift 717 00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:12,080 schedule. OK, cool. 718 00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:14,600 But. It's either one or the other, 719 00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:17,040 and I'm not the one that was complaining about the current 720 00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:21,720 situation, but I think that he realized how powerful I am and 721 00:40:21,720 --> 00:40:25,480 how he was not. At that level. 722 00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:28,760 So I think maybe he spent most of this year trying to redeem 723 00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:31,000 himself and he thought he was going to spin the block and pick 724 00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:34,000 up where we left off. But no, baby, that's the real 725 00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:37,800 comeback for me is like, you can play in my face and you can try 726 00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:40,640 to embarrass me and that's fine. I'm going to move on. 727 00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:42,480 I'm going to go live my best life. 728 00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:43,920 I'm going to make money and be pretty. 729 00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:46,240 But at the end of the day, you're not ever going to have 730 00:40:46,240 --> 00:40:48,800 access to me again. So don't think you're going to 731 00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:50,360 spin the block. Don't think you're going to hit 732 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:52,360 my phone and get the reaction that you want. 733 00:40:52,720 --> 00:40:56,000 Obviously there are people in my life that I've had like a deep 734 00:40:56,000 --> 00:41:02,040 connection with, but honestly if 2024 has not shown me everyone's 735 00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:05,440 true colors and it's really shown me that like longevity of 736 00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:07,760 a relationship, whether it's someone you're married to or 737 00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:10,960 someone you've known your whole life does not equate to loyalty 738 00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:13,520 or respect. If anything, I believe the 739 00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:17,080 people who knew the previous versions of you actually respect 740 00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:19,280 you less as you get your shit. Together. 741 00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:22,080 Oh, I haven't encountered that recently. 742 00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,480 I've encountered the opposite. I have encountered that. 743 00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:29,400 I have people entering my space more right now who do know me 744 00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:32,320 from the past. And it's actually been a really 745 00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:36,320 fucking healing experience to see younger version of myself 746 00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:39,360 through other people's eyes who now know me. 747 00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:46,080 But know me back then, because there were a lot of back in the 748 00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:49,720 day, I was, believe it or not, I was very quiet and I was very 749 00:41:49,720 --> 00:41:56,040 timid about things and I got disrespected a lot because I put 750 00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:59,520 myself in the positions to be disrespected and I allowed 751 00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:03,280 people to kind of do whatever they wanted because I saw their 752 00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:05,120 potential. So I figured once they see their 753 00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:07,240 potential, they're going to treat me amazing. 754 00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:13,680 And, you know, so I, I've seen myself through their eyes and 755 00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:16,880 I'm like, wow. Like I did always show up. 756 00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:19,080 I was always like consistent for everybody. 757 00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:21,800 I did have all of these things. And yeah, like I went out and I 758 00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:24,720 partied and I did these other things, but I always left to 759 00:42:24,720 --> 00:42:27,040 make sure that I went to work. I was always at work on time. 760 00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:29,360 I would go back to the fucking party, but I was at work, I was 761 00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:31,280 sober. I was, you know, doing the 762 00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:33,720 things I picked up everybody in the middle of the night if they 763 00:42:33,720 --> 00:42:37,080 had needed a DD. Like I just so many things that 764 00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:40,600 I didn't appreciate about myself from younger years that I, that 765 00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:45,880 I now I see. And it's really helping with my 766 00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:48,560 healing journey of where I am now and finding myself, 767 00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:53,960 especially after being unappreciated inside of a 768 00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:58,200 partnership, you know, and not knowing what qualities I had or 769 00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:01,600 what I bring to the table is anything other than a, a 770 00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:06,520 business person. That's a very strange thing that 771 00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:10,560 I'm working through right now is trying to see myself as an 772 00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:14,320 individual now instead of just business because in order to 773 00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:19,000 feel any like personal validation and worth, I've only 774 00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:22,080 felt that through making money and having my own business and 775 00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:24,040 not through who I am as a person. 776 00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:26,760 And I didn't really realize that until now. 777 00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:31,000 Like I'm living by myself and I am like with my thoughts and I'm 778 00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:37,200 like, Oh yeah, I, I really am uncomfortable about the way that 779 00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:43,120 I show up as a like, I don't, I don't know me and what I bring 780 00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:45,320 other than like money and business. 781 00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:49,640 And I see that with you because you're always like adding to 782 00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:51,600 your list. Like you will literally say that 783 00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:53,800 you need to do less or you need to rest. 784 00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:56,560 And then I will see like an e-mail that you're starting a 785 00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:59,440 new class on Mount Everest and we're going to hike up there and 786 00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:02,400 teach it, you know, like every single time you do that. 787 00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:05,720 And I don't know why you won't just set in what you've already 788 00:44:05,720 --> 00:44:09,000 built and just, like, linger in it a little bit. 789 00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:12,600 Instead, it's like, OK, this baby's walking, let's have 790 00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:15,280 another one kind of thing. And I feel like that's where a 791 00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:20,800 lot of people in like business don't understand what goes into 792 00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:23,720 a brand when you are the only person doing it, or what goes 793 00:44:23,720 --> 00:44:27,200 into something when you're the only manpower and creative 794 00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:30,000 expansion behind the project, you know? 795 00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:33,880 So I think that that is something that was taught to all 796 00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:38,400 humans, like to base your worth on your status, your money, your 797 00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:42,000 name, who you're married to. And that's really why, like 798 00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:45,920 royalty, you know, picked who people were going to marry or 799 00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:48,120 had forced marriages, arranged marriages. 800 00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:52,680 Imagine being like the father of some king and he then traded you 801 00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:56,160 for a fucking goat. To this family and you have to 802 00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:59,960 marry this person you know, like I think times have evolved, but 803 00:44:59,960 --> 00:45:02,880 women have always been brainwashed to put everyone else 804 00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:05,160 before them. And I think that's one thing 805 00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:08,600 that like you being a mother and a wife like that was your 806 00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:12,960 identity and then you developed a new identity which like segued 807 00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:15,400 into like Gemini and like your brands. 808 00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:20,600 And once again I think that's what like has brought you the 809 00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:22,120 most joy. So that's like what you're 810 00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:23,480 identifying with. You know what I mean? 811 00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:26,880 Because it's like all of this stuff I can't control, but I can 812 00:45:26,880 --> 00:45:29,240 control this. And I think sometimes in our 813 00:45:29,240 --> 00:45:35,720 life we go for things that either like feel like what I 814 00:45:35,720 --> 00:45:37,400 want to say, they feel expected of us. 815 00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:40,160 Like it's it's expected of me to act like this or to do this. 816 00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:43,720 Or there's people who like Trailblaze and get called a 817 00:45:43,720 --> 00:45:46,680 weirdo until it catches on, you know. 818 00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:50,760 So I think that the thing about spiritual like expansion in this 819 00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:54,320 lifetime for everyone is that it was always going to go 820 00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:56,360 mainstream. That was the world. 821 00:45:56,360 --> 00:45:58,040 Like that was what we all came here for. 822 00:45:58,200 --> 00:46:03,040 So people talking about like, oh, fluffy love and light and 823 00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:05,640 spiritual psychosis and all these things, all these little 824 00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:08,880 like umbrella terms, it's like just go find yourself. 825 00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:10,320 Like that's the point of this movement. 826 00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:13,080 Like you're not your job, you're not your status, you're not your 827 00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:15,760 partner, you're not your home. You are you. 828 00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:17,400 And that's what this movement's about. 829 00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:21,600 But the people who are not at peace with themselves will never 830 00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:25,720 be able to be at peace with you or someone else that's elevating 831 00:46:25,720 --> 00:46:31,640 themself. Yeah, I, I think that my need 832 00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:36,720 for always doing more and doing more and doing more is a couple 833 00:46:36,720 --> 00:46:39,320 of different things. I really don't like to be bored 834 00:46:39,680 --> 00:46:44,160 and I really like to like, it's my art, right? 835 00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:47,320 Like, like what we're doing in business and how we're doing 836 00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:51,000 things is like my art. And I feel like, if I feel like 837 00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:53,880 I have things that I need to pour out and that I need to do, 838 00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:55,560 then that's what I'm wanting to do. 839 00:46:55,800 --> 00:47:00,920 But it comes at the price of me being burnt out, me being 840 00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:04,120 stressed out. But I also think too, that my 841 00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:09,520 business and people who align with me in business have seen me 842 00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:12,120 in a way that I haven't been seen in my personal life. 843 00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:15,280 And it was an escape. It was an escape from the fact 844 00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:19,920 that, you know, I wasn't thought of as funny. 845 00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:24,720 I wasn't, you know, told that I'm pretty or or whatever or, 846 00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:27,800 you know, that I'm smart or any of these things. 847 00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:32,040 And so instead of being I'm like, OK, well, I'm not going to 848 00:47:32,040 --> 00:47:34,400 get any of that inside of a partnership, right? 849 00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:36,680 Like like that's not where it's going to come from. 850 00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:38,840 I'm going to work my ass off and build up a business. 851 00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:42,680 I build up a business and oh, I post pictures of myself and you 852 00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:44,240 think I'm pretty. Oh, that like I'm getting 853 00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:46,960 validation for that. Oh, you love the way that I 854 00:47:46,960 --> 00:47:49,320 structure my business and you think that I'm intelligent. 855 00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:52,160 Thanks, girl. You know, like, and to be very 856 00:47:52,160 --> 00:47:55,480 clear, never have I ever and never will I have ever posted a 857 00:47:55,480 --> 00:47:59,920 single thing for a man's lens. I post every everything for the 858 00:47:59,920 --> 00:48:05,880 fucking gays days, and she's because I like could give a fuck 859 00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:11,200 less about that. I feel like every different 860 00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:14,400 thing that I do within business, I'm able to empower somebody 861 00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:19,480 else on their journey. And because I the only version 862 00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:22,400 of that that I had before I did my business was Bunny. 863 00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:26,800 The only version of seeing somebody build themselves up and 864 00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:28,200 say, I'm going to take control of this. 865 00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:29,960 You've you've taken advantage of me. 866 00:48:29,960 --> 00:48:32,200 Whatever, I'm going to build this empire. 867 00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:37,120 That's the only example that I ever fucking had was from her 868 00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:42,640 and it changed my entire life. And so I not that I will ever be 869 00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:45,280 on a scale that she's on or that that that's my blueprint, 870 00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:47,200 because it's not. And that's not what I mean, but 871 00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:54,120 I, I know that being led to that energy and seeing that has put 872 00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:57,440 me on the trajectory to do that for somebody else. 873 00:48:57,440 --> 00:48:59,640 And we are doing that for other people. 874 00:48:59,840 --> 00:49:03,080 It's in our own way with our own unique energy, our own unique 875 00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:06,280 gifts. But we do motivate and influence 876 00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:09,240 other people in a very positive way for their healing journey. 877 00:49:09,240 --> 00:49:12,400 We have been told that people stop drinking because they 878 00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:14,520 listen to us. We have been told that people 879 00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:17,920 are plus sized and comfortable wearing what they want to wear 880 00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:20,600 because because my ass is on the fucking Internet with, you know, 881 00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:22,920 my fucking Cellulite and I don't give a fuck. 882 00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:30,360 Like I don't, I don't truly know when the, like I'm going to sit 883 00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:35,120 and just keep watering the garden that I've already been 884 00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:37,560 growing and the crops that I've already planted is going to come 885 00:49:37,560 --> 00:49:39,480 into play. Because every time I think 886 00:49:39,480 --> 00:49:42,400 that's what I'm doing, I'm expanding on it. 887 00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:46,160 And instead of being angry at myself about that, I'm trying to 888 00:49:46,160 --> 00:49:54,600 find a way to learn to build and grow and plant more while taking 889 00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:59,200 care of myself and doing it in in a realistic way. 890 00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:03,000 And I think that's what's really cool about the Internet is it's 891 00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:07,160 giving people outlets and communities that otherwise would 892 00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:11,480 not exist because it's really real that it's not your 893 00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:12,880 hometown. It's not the people that you 894 00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:14,200 know that are going to support you. 895 00:50:14,480 --> 00:50:18,080 It's once they catch on, like once other people support you, 896 00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:20,600 they may catch on. But you know, I see a lot of 897 00:50:20,600 --> 00:50:26,160 people post a stranger will become a friend or like a client 898 00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:30,000 stranger will become a friend quicker than someone else then 899 00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:32,600 you know, or will become a quicker, I guess. 900 00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:38,640 And that is so disheartening because a lot of times you don't 901 00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:42,560 understand people have a targeted audience in their head 902 00:50:42,760 --> 00:50:46,200 of like what they think they're putting out, but you don't know 903 00:50:46,240 --> 00:50:47,760 who is connecting with your video. 904 00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:50,720 Like I hadn't posted on TikTok in forever because all of my 905 00:50:50,720 --> 00:50:53,760 views are like 500 cap. I posted something other day. 906 00:50:53,760 --> 00:50:55,800 It's got like 5000 views and I'm like, why? 907 00:50:56,040 --> 00:50:58,040 I guess cuz Jim and I the queen comment on it. 908 00:50:58,080 --> 00:51:02,080 I don't know because like TikTok fucking hates me because I 909 00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:04,760 refuse to sell product on there and I'm never going to. 910 00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:07,400 So that's fine. I'm not worried about it. 911 00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:13,320 But what I have found is like, I don't create content for it to 912 00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:15,360 be liked. I'm only putting things out 913 00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:16,920 there now that I want to put out there. 914 00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:20,200 It's not aesthetically pleasing. I look like a like a frog half 915 00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:24,640 the time, but at the end of the day, I'm only going to to do and 916 00:51:24,640 --> 00:51:26,960 I'm not doing it for likes. I'm not doing it for views. 917 00:51:27,160 --> 00:51:29,800 I've lost followers on TikTok and then I've gained them on 918 00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:32,160 Instagram. I've lost, you know, people on 919 00:51:32,160 --> 00:51:34,240 Patreon and gained clients on my website. 920 00:51:34,240 --> 00:51:35,960 So it's like I don't give a fuck. 921 00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:39,200 Like however you find me and whoever you resonate with, do 922 00:51:39,200 --> 00:51:41,840 what you feel called to do because that's what's important. 923 00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:45,280 Amen to that. You want me to pull a card? 924 00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:53,080 Yeah. I had to grab them the other 925 00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:55,400 day. I was listening to think it was 926 00:51:55,400 --> 00:51:59,080 our most recent episode and was like, grab a card and I'm over 927 00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:02,120 here shuffling the cards for what felt like, for fucking ever 928 00:52:02,280 --> 00:52:05,600 because I'm thinking that my mic is picking up some ASMR that 929 00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:08,120 they can hear the card shuffle. So I'm like, yeah, dude, get 930 00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:09,800 like their spiritual panties wet right now. 931 00:52:10,160 --> 00:52:12,080 No, these motherfuckers couldn't hear a single thing. 932 00:52:12,080 --> 00:52:15,040 It was just dead silence for like 30 seconds. 933 00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:18,480 And I was like, is she ever going to pull a card? 934 00:52:19,720 --> 00:52:23,560 We got card 21. It is the treasure trove. 935 00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:28,240 Oh, you guys, it's blurry. Damn it. 936 00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:31,520 You guys can't see it. It's a pathway through a forest. 937 00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:34,520 It is a cemented pathway through a forest. 938 00:52:34,520 --> 00:52:37,400 So like, you know, that's not great for the ground and 939 00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:41,240 everything, but we're going to ignore that part. 940 00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:46,840 The sign is Aries, the gift is Huntress, and your shadow is 941 00:52:46,840 --> 00:52:50,520 Control. On the beautiful end of this 942 00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:53,360 shadow lies the gift of inspiring loyalty. 943 00:52:53,840 --> 00:52:56,600 You make up your life as you wish and inspire others to do 944 00:52:56,600 --> 00:52:58,800 the same. This fucking guard. 945 00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:02,880 This is the ultimate treasure trove of service where everyone 946 00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:05,560 wins. You are a guide and a huntress, 947 00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:07,720 a goddess of the moon led by the heart. 948 00:53:08,200 --> 00:53:11,440 The true blossoming occurs when you both assume authority over 949 00:53:11,440 --> 00:53:15,560 your life, what you can control, and allow the space for mystery 950 00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:17,920 to unfold. You cannot control everything, 951 00:53:17,920 --> 00:53:21,120 after all. Like most shadows, the darker 952 00:53:21,120 --> 00:53:23,440 aspects appear when fear is running the show. 953 00:53:24,040 --> 00:53:27,600 This presents as a need to control, like a tightened grip 954 00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:31,040 on life itself. Think of the difference between 955 00:53:31,040 --> 00:53:34,800 clenched fists and outstretched palms, which can hold the most 956 00:53:34,800 --> 00:53:37,400 water. Sometimes this manifests as a 957 00:53:37,400 --> 00:53:41,600 desire for power or wealth. Ultimately, the intention behind 958 00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:44,000 the desire for authority must be addressed. 959 00:53:44,240 --> 00:53:48,560 Ask yourself, where does my need to control prevent new energy 960 00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:51,400 from flowing in? Your themes are inspiration, 961 00:53:51,400 --> 00:53:53,280 authority, guidance, and loyalty. 962 00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:58,800 You know, what I love about that is so many people are secret 963 00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:00,680 inspiration. Like you're just secret 964 00:54:00,680 --> 00:54:02,480 inspiration. Like, oh, you got sober. 965 00:54:02,680 --> 00:54:05,040 Oh, you got your shit together. Oh, you, you're in the gym 966 00:54:05,040 --> 00:54:07,360 looking good. You don't understand who you're 967 00:54:07,360 --> 00:54:10,400 inspiring because I've even looked at people that like put 968 00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:12,760 their foot all the way down on the gas and have been like 969 00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:15,640 killing it in the gym or like really working on their craft 970 00:54:15,880 --> 00:54:18,320 are really elevating their brand. 971 00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:20,240 And I fucking love to see that shit. 972 00:54:20,240 --> 00:54:21,800 And like, I don't comment on everything. 973 00:54:21,800 --> 00:54:24,000 I don't say, wow, you're so awesome, you're doing great. 974 00:54:24,240 --> 00:54:28,360 But we notice it. Like I can see when someone like 975 00:54:28,360 --> 00:54:30,840 when the light comes on for someone after they've been in 976 00:54:30,840 --> 00:54:32,600 the darkness, like it's noticeable. 977 00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:34,720 People can see it. And if you think you're not 978 00:54:34,720 --> 00:54:37,880 impacting people just because they're not telling you, that's 979 00:54:37,880 --> 00:54:41,600 a damn lie because so many people are embarrassed to say 980 00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:44,960 that they're learning from you. I don't know why, because they 981 00:54:44,960 --> 00:54:47,960 like a smaller, lesser version of you, I guess. 982 00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:53,480 But if I've learned one thing this year, it's stop worrying 983 00:54:53,480 --> 00:54:56,840 about the rules. There are no rules. 984 00:54:57,480 --> 00:55:00,360 I'm real big on you complimenting and pointing 985 00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:04,000 things out about people when you see them because too many times 986 00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:05,960 you don't give people their flowers till they're dead. 987 00:55:05,960 --> 00:55:10,240 They're dead. And I think that a huge part of 988 00:55:10,280 --> 00:55:15,600 suicide rates is because people do not understand the impact 989 00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:19,680 that they have on people around them and the space and energy 990 00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:21,120 that they are holding in this world. 991 00:55:21,120 --> 00:55:25,240 And they think that they are irrelevant and that they aren't 992 00:55:25,240 --> 00:55:27,600 serving a purpose. And it isn't until they're gone 993 00:55:27,600 --> 00:55:30,040 that people are like, Oh my God, they were such an incredible 994 00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:32,320 person. Well, you should have told them 995 00:55:32,320 --> 00:55:35,520 all of the ways that they impacted your life positively 996 00:55:35,520 --> 00:55:38,840 and how much you loved them and appreciated them and how much 997 00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:41,320 strength that they had that they weren't tapping into and 998 00:55:41,320 --> 00:55:44,520 everything before it got to the point that they did that. 999 00:55:44,520 --> 00:55:46,840 Not that it's anybody else's fault if somebody commits 1000 00:55:46,840 --> 00:55:48,600 suicide. And that's not what I mean, but 1001 00:55:48,920 --> 00:55:53,920 you know, giving somebody it, it takes literally 2 minutes for 1002 00:55:53,920 --> 00:55:58,280 you to be like, wow, I really appreciate that you said that, 1003 00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:00,880 you know, this thing, this is how that impacted me. 1004 00:56:00,880 --> 00:56:03,120 Thank you so much. Because that's going to stick 1005 00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:04,600 with them. And when they're having a bad 1006 00:56:04,600 --> 00:56:06,880 day and they have a conversation with somebody else, they're 1007 00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:09,640 going to be like, wow, Paige really loved that. 1008 00:56:09,640 --> 00:56:14,080 I, you know, told her, thank you so much for, you know, whatever. 1009 00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:16,800 And do that to somebody else and help their day and be able to 1010 00:56:16,800 --> 00:56:20,360 have this like effect. Yeah, I always like to see this 1011 00:56:20,360 --> 00:56:24,880 as like when you throw like a rock into water, it's rippling 1012 00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:27,880 all the way down to the bottom. You can only see it on the 1013 00:56:27,880 --> 00:56:30,040 surface. You can only see that ripple on 1014 00:56:30,040 --> 00:56:32,680 the surface, but it ripples all the way down to the bottom. 1015 00:56:32,680 --> 00:56:36,440 And I think that is something that motivates me more and more 1016 00:56:36,440 --> 00:56:39,800 is that there are so many beautiful miracles, blessings, 1017 00:56:39,800 --> 00:56:43,200 opportunities, people, places and things that you can't see 1018 00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:45,400 because it's under the surface, because you're not meant to see 1019 00:56:45,400 --> 00:56:48,200 it. So that's what is important when 1020 00:56:48,200 --> 00:56:50,240 you're going through something, something difficult or you have 1021 00:56:50,560 --> 00:56:55,560 a low moment, understand that just like the happiness evaded 1022 00:56:55,560 --> 00:56:59,840 and past, this will evade and pass and you don't have that in 1023 00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:02,400 it. So we will leave you all with 1024 00:57:02,400 --> 00:57:05,320 this inspirational episode and we will see you next time in 1025 00:57:05,320 --> 00:57:08,000 Candyland. Bye guys, bye. 1026 00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:19,800 So she's so sweet, like a lollipop, lollipop, lollipop, 1027 00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:26,320 lollipop, lollipop. You want to live me like a 1028 00:57:26,320 --> 00:57:32,360 lollipop, lollipop, lollipop. You want to swallow my spirit 1029 00:57:32,720 --> 00:57:34,800 and penetrate my aura? Taste. 1030 00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:36,760 All of my consciousness is obvious. 1031 00:57:36,760 --> 00:57:40,560 We're goddesses full of the divine femininity who need 1032 00:57:40,560 --> 00:57:43,360 masculine energy, energy, energy.