Welcome to Fucking Candy Land, hosted by Rampage and Gemini.
Welcome back to another episode of Lick It Like a Lollipop.
Tonight is really special. We have a guest and we know that
we haven't been having guests, but now we're only bringing bad
ass people on. So Jim and I, do you want to
introduce our guest tonight? Yes.
So first of all, our guest tonight is Barbie.
Welcome to Lick It Like A Lollipop.
I'm so excited. I'm so excited.
So I've been a long time follower of yours and recently I
saw you do a clap back kind of thing in a post on Instagram
because somebody was talking to you and your messages about I
think it was like you're not responding quick enough or
wanted something from you. And I commented on that post and
was like, as somebody who has followed you for so long, I've
literally never thought to even like message and bother you or
be like you don't respond quick enough.
And then that turned the light bulb on and I'm like, why the
fuck haven't I messaged her and bother her?
We need her on the podcast. I.
Appreciate it. Yeah.
I know people. People like to demand my time
and I try and they take advantage of it because I try to
talk to everybody. I really do like I spend so much
time going through everything, trying to respond.
And then if I like, open it because I have ADHD two.
So I'll open it and I'm like, oh wait, what's over here?
And then I forget for like 30 minutes, like they yell at me
and I'm like, I'm sorry. That's like the blessing.
And the curse though of being like somebody who is a social
media like influencer or content creator though is because you
build your brand, being so personal with people.
And we've experienced this on like a low scale for now.
I feel like is like people see access to your life and then
they're like, I know everything about you, so I'm your best
friend and you're like, I don't fucking know you.
Right, right. The entire of the Internet is
like, it's such a weird place to be because it's like when you do
share a lot people think they know you, know you, and then
when you do something that they don't believe is your character,
then they're like, why are you doing that?
Or why are you talking to that person?
And it's like you don't fucking know me.
Oh yeah, no, they come in hot. They come in hot, especially.
I started my social media journey a completely different
person that I am now today. And like people were so used to
like the really cute, like girl next door.
I wasn't covered in tattoos. Like, look, I had a company make
a hoodie out of me and I said America's Barbie.
Like they like I was like supposed to be this sweet
hometown, cute little girl. And then I was like, I was so
over this. I hate it.
Like it's just gross. It's not me.
And then I changed and then every.
Everybody who thought they knew me over the past year and a
half, they were like, Oh my God, she's a baby eating devil
worshipper. And like people were like
messaging, like companies and other people doing podcasts with
saying like, hey, be careful of her.
She's a devil worshipper and she eats babies and don't work with
her. And have you see what she looks
like? And I'm like, Oh my God, like
because I wore tattoos and black lipstick.
Like, calm down. I would love to see you do a
photo shoot of you having like a newborn baby cake and have it
like bloody and shit. Like I'm all about you profiting
off of the shit that people talk.
And I think that would be so fucking hot.
Like in a weird way. I think that would be hot.
Oh yeah, my blood photo shoot that I just did where I was like
basically nude covered in blood. I lost 2000 followers.
Oh my God, they lost their minds.
The message I would get from that and like, help.
I was like, yo, it first of all it's spooky season for one.
Like Halloween isn't supposed to always just be cute.
Like it's supposed to be scary and keep you on edge and be like
what the hell? And I'm like, dude, whatever,
like it's badass like bye, get off my page see you later.
Because it's like, this was hot like.
Let's speak about. Walmart not printing your
photos. From the photo shoot I've been.
Following your stories and you were like Walmart won't print my
photos, but now the manager called me and said they printed
my photos. So what was up with that?
So OK. Like, I can literally.
Like I can grab literally right here on my wall, but.
I was trying to print photos I have and it's my office.
It may sound vain, I don't care. I have like one of every of my
favorite photos printed in like an 11 by 14 and I put them on a
wall right behind my computer. I love it.
Some of them, a lot of them are a lot of boudoir photos or like
I have one of my bloody ones printed out, things like that.
And. I hadn't gotten photos from that
Walmart like a million times. Walgreens never had an issue and
I printed out I think 7 photos and it was like a couple of
them. Series 122 boudoir.
One in those really pretty classy black gowns.
One in a bikini, No2 in a bikini and then a bloody one.
OK, so just three maybe if he wants, but I've already done it
before. So I get this text message
saying hey, your order's ready for pick up.
So I hit the kids in the car. I'm all excited, finished at my
wall. And I go there and I'm like,
hey, I'm here to pick up my photos.
And the girl goes, the posters. And I was like, yeah, the
posters. I was like, it's under Brittany,
like, can you give me my posters?
And she was like, oh, we didn't print those.
And I said, oh, it said it was ready.
Like, how much longer I can browse Walmart, like, you know,
no big deal. She goes, no, like, we didn't
print them. And I was like, no, I understand
that. But like, just tell me how long.
30 minutes. Like, it's Walmart.
There's a million things to look at.
And she was like, no, like, we're not going to print them.
And I was like. Then why does it say that it's
ready? And like, she was like, let me
see. And I showed her and she was
like, yeah, I don't know, but you broke our policies.
We're not printing your photos. And I was like, Oh my God, I was
like, OK, I mean, I guess, like, cool, Like, how do I get a
refund then? And she was like, I don't know,
I suppose they caught somebody else over there, like, you have
to go to customer service and then they have to approve it and
blah, blah, blah. So I shoot over to customer
service. I deal with all that.
They finally issued me my refund.
I'm like, whatever I start so I go to Walgreens.
I reprint the photos but take the ones that I thought were the
iffy ones out and I print seven more photos at Walgreens. 2 days
later I get a phone call and it says Walmart and I'm like, I'm
not going to answer the phone for like a photo of this is
Walmart like they're not scary? Well she left me a voicemail and
she was like, hi, this is the manager came over at Walmart in
Lake Worth. I if you picked up your photos
or not from the other day and I was like.
Why is she asking about that? So I got, like, concerned, like,
what did they do with my photos? So I called her back and she
pretty much gave me the spiel of I'm going to print them.
I'm speaking to the employee who didn't break any policies.
Come right now before anybody else comes and I'll have your
photos ready. So I shoot over there and I get
that she she goes, yeah. So the girl who was printed
them, like, I'm gonna have a talk with her, he didn't break
anything. And people had overheard her
talking and it seems like it was a jealousy issue as to why she
wouldn't print your photos. And I was like.
What? Are you serious?
I was like, there's well, see, and people were in my DMS.
They were like, oh, was some jealous girl who didn't want to
pray. And I was like, no, there's no
way. I was like, Are you sure?
I was like, I was kind of, like, naked, covered in blood, like,
there's some good wrong. I I was trying to like, defend
the girl who told me no because I didn't want to believe it.
And she was like, no, honey, there's no part showing.
She's like, you didn't break any policies.
If there's no reason they should have been printed besides the
fact that there was some jealousy issues here.
And we really apologize for that.
And I was like, Oh my God, I never, I'd never heard that
happen. So it was wild.
Also, get the fuck out of my business and print the fucking
photos that I told you to print and don't look at the pictures
and you won't have to worry about even if your pussy was
white out popping. Well, I was very confident.
She was like, no, I'm going through your photos right now
and there's nothing. I'm like, Oh my God, you just
out here looking at my photos. Like, what if I was?
What if I was out here, this pussy popping, and you're just
like, no, you're OK, babe. You're good.
I will recommend Vistaprint online.
I've printed nude photos through Vistaprint and they have never
had an issue. I mean, it's an online thing,
but you can literally get your photos printed on mugs.
Fucking anything you want. Like you can actually get real
life posters if you wanted to sign them.
Vista Print is where it's fucking at.
This is not an endorsement. You get all kinds of comments
though on your I know on your TikTok specifically, I've seen
comments about like will you get work done.
So the only reason that you're pretty is because like you've
had like work done. Question What work have you had
done? Because a bitch is curious.
So I have had, and this is a weird one, I got my lips done
for the first time, but I only didn't have a syringe.
So 1/4 syringe at the top, quarter syringe at the bottom.
So literally almost nothing. I just want a nice plumper lip.
Like I just wanted that, that bold glamour oomph, you know
what I mean? I've had two boob jobs and I've
had two BBLS with the Lipo 360. What is 2 BBLS?
In sale though, because like I have a life threatening surgery
and I can't imagine doing it twice.
So I need to know why did my time not do what you needed it
to do. So I was terrified that I was
going to look like an aunt, like you see these girls who get
these BBLS and they. Over fucking do it.
And I was so scared that I was going to hum the legs of this
big old bubble butt. So my first PBLI went and I told
my doctor and I said make me like I was like I want a cute
like a petite PBL. I want like a bubble butt And my
doctor goes, you want like a sporty mom?
I said boom, that right there. That's what I want.
Love it. I got it.
I love the results. I really did that.
My butt was way better than what I used to have.
Way better. But I wanted more.
I mean, once you start plastic surgery or changing your
features, it's kind of like the piercings and tattoos.
It's so fucking addictive. And I ended up getting AB
etching with my first one, which is where they go in and they
take your fat and they mold it to look like ABS in your
stomach. And at first it looks really
good. But if you gain weight with the
AB etching, your stomach looks wild.
It looks crazy. It doesn't look good.
It's not cute. So I wanted to get that taken
away too. So I went back.
I actually just had it done, the second one in July, and I had
them take away the AB etching. I did a lot more liposuction in
my back and then I had them focus on my hips and my upper
butt to kind of like shelf it and widen it.
I saw your before and after. So that's when.
And I. The reason that I paused by the
way when I asked you or when after you said that you had the
two BBLS is because I looked at Rampage's face.
Because when we were talking about having you on, I was like
these are the facts that I know. And I said I'm pretty sure that
she just had a second BBL and she's like what would you do too
for I'm like, I don't know. We got to ask her so.
What a lot of people don't tell you.
I would a lot of girls did not And that's the thing that's why
I think people get pissed off is because I'm so open with my
plastic surgery. Like I do not care like A1 body
image wise I did not have a nice body.
Well in my mind right I'm not I don't want to body shame anybody
because I was built like I had literally completely flat
chested. No hips, no, but I was a little
stick. I was a stick and.
I tell people all the time. One the reason I'm so open about
it is because I don't want another woman to look at me and
go, God, I wish I could just naturally achieve that because I
couldn't naturally achieve it. Like that's fucked up to put it
out there, like, oh this is natural and you can work out and
get this. I fucking couldn't.
I've tried all the workouts. There's no way, there's no way.
And a lot of girls lie, but a Round 2 BBL is so fucking
common. It is so common, but girls hide
it because they don't want to have the stigma that they keep
going back for all this. This lipo section, the fat
transfers, all of that. But I'll show you if you guys
want to see like exclusive literally never been posted on
the Internet, I will show you my before before photo.
Like before any surgeries. And then you guys are going to
be like, there ain't no fucking way that's the same girl.
And I swear to God, you guys are going to be like, ain't no way
do you look like the little girl next door in the pictures too.
Because I'm so curious at what that face looks like.
Oh yeah, my little no tattoo. Look, yes, I do have those.
So I will say here's, here's the thing.
And. It's like I really hope I don't.
I'm I'm Mexican and Cuban so I feel like sometimes I can say
things and then I forget that it may affect people but like I had
the Mexican build the if I gained weight it was all upper
body. No hips no butt no legs.
That is how my body was pre even the first BBL.
So my very first ever one and my butt crack shows Internet get
over it. It's a butt crack if they get
all mad about it. But this is literally my before
before, so everybody asked to see that.
That doesn't even look like you. Like what I've seen of you.
That doesn't look like you. It's the fact that the roses
take up my whole butt cheek originally and now my tattoo
roses are like just on the top of my butt with my new one.
So like you can see, I had no hips.
I was. I like no, nothing.
No. But no hips.
Anything. And like I tried like my mom's a
Pearl bikini bodybuilder. I tried all of her workouts.
So like get a butt. I was like doing that macros
weighing out my food. Like I was doing it.
I was trying. There was no way genetically
there was no way for me to get hips.
Like I already had two kids. If I was going to have hips it
would already happened. But no.
And not give it to me. But with the BBL, like I've
heard that once you get surgery like that, then it's like really
hard for you to like lose weight.
And then if you gain it, it's like double time to lose it
back, 'cause one of my friends got a BBL and she doesn't listen
to the podcast, so I don't really care.
She's gained like 70 or 80 lbs since getting the BBL, and now
she just looks. Big.
And I don't mean that in a like a mean way, but she had her back
so thin and snatched and her hips were so wide.
Kind of like how Kim Kardashian in the beginning of her BBL
phase, her butt was massive but her back waist was so snatched
and now everything is like widened out and she's like, I'm
so sick and disgusted with myself and like.
To her defence, she got in a car wreck and couldn't work out and
you know had some issues and got surgeries and so like, I'm not
shaming her, but I'm just saying that like I see her going back
for round two, but round one she had a massive infection that
like incisions and like really almost made her body septic.
So I'm like scared to do that. But I've heard, and I know I've
heard Bunny speak on this, that like once you get a BBL or you
start doing fat transfer, your body holds.
Onto it like like glue. Is that true?
So what I've noticed is, see, and I was under the impression
almost of like the reverse, right when I got my first BBL,
they were like what I had read I should say was where you get
liposuction, it's really hard for fat to come back to that
area. But where your new fat is, you
can gain a lot of weight there. So be careful.
Watch this, watch that. Yeah, that's not the case.
Fat comes back. Easier even in the liposuction
areas. And I feel like for me, even
with the fat transfer, even if I gained weight, my body still is
genetically prone to gain weight upper body and no lower body.
So I right now actually I've probably put on about 10 lbs
since my Round 2 BBL just in July alone.
Where when I first came off the table, on the operating table,
even with the swelling from the BBL and the liposuction, I was
snatched. Like you could see hip bone, you
could see like my upper rib cage, like they took every shred
of fat that they could out of me.
It's all back and it's because I stopped.
Once I got past the six week mark, I stopped eating healthy.
I just kind of went back to my normal life.
And it does. It packs right back on.
Right, back on. And the scary part about it is
if you have a lot of plastic surgery, I'm be very honest, I
have bought dysmorphia like no one's business.
Like no one's business. There's a reason I keep going
back and adjusting things. But when you gain the weight
after liposuction, you kind of get like that liposuction
looking tummy, if that makes sense.
The very. Exhibited almost like you can
see like the canula marks like the lines that went under your
skin because you do have a lot of scar tissue now and
especially going in there twice and liposuction in the same
areas, the scar tissue is crazy. So the more weight I gain, like
I have a giant like scar tissue ball like on the side of my
belly button. So, like, the more weight I
gain, as weird as it sounds, it kind of like pushes that scar so
that I have like, this kind of weird, funky little ball by my
belly button that I'm like, no, OK, we got to go back to eating
healthy now This isn't it. See, these are like the
conversations that by you being so open and honest about a
journey that you're having, you get to touch on these topics
that like, just do not get discussed.
And I know that, you know, there is like so much shame when it
comes to social media and stuff. We talked about MKA minute ago,
but like you know, for years and years and years, her whole
career it's been, I didn't get any work done well.
Baby when we when we look and we see that now you're like tiny
toned little but like you got real baby cottage cheesy for a
minute. We know that like you you had
worked at like just don't lie about it you know don't make it
like AI think there were episodes where she like got her
ass X-rayed and was like see it's real and I'm like it could
really be your fat injected in your booty like we're not dumb.
I also too and Rampage knows about this I recently went into
this place that does. So basically you're awake and
they numb you but they can do fat removal while you're awake
and the place is called Bella. Oh shit.
Sona Bella. No, it's like Bella Medical.
I think it's called Bella Medical or something like that.
And I went in there and what let.
Me just say one thing, why is every plastic surgery place go
by the name Bella? Because literally the place I
got my live son goes by Bella and I'm just computer.
So I just want to add that so it's like beautiful and Italian
or something and so it's like the thing that's like related to
like beauty or whatever. But I I went in there and I was
just thinking, like, I really basically, like, wanted lipo,
right? And I knew that this was going
to be more affordable. You're awake.
There's less, like, cutting open.
You're not going on her anesthesia.
And when I was in her office, she's like, OK, so like, I'm
going to, you know, pull up your shirt and I'm going to look here
or whatever. And she's like, Oh well if
you're going to do your tummy then we're going to need to not
only do your bottom stomach, but we're going to need to do your
top because the tops going to look really weird if we only do
the bottom and then we need to do the love handles and you know
that back fat that everybody gets like around their.
Bra. The bra roll.
It's called the bra roll. I had that.
Well this is like the lady, like picking apart and then she's
like and if we're going to do the top we need to do the
bottom. Because if you're really
snatched on top but your body, your the bottom half isn't
shapely. And then she's like I down to we
need to remove fat from the backs of your knees.
Like, I left this place and I was crying and I I literally on
my vlog on my Patreon, I was crying that night like
hyperventilating and was like, you go somewhere because you're
like, oh, like I want to see like how to like enhance things
that I like about myself and maybe change something and
people don't talk about these things.
So you go in and it's just doctors completely shaming you.
You know what I mean? Like, yeah.
Oh, so I'm literally going and I recommended somebody to my own
personal doctor. I've never met this girl in my
life in person. I've never met her.
I'm going with her to her BBL consultation.
Because she wanted somebody there as a reinforcement.
I've never met her in my life, but I'm going to go because that
type of experience. Now, I wouldn't expect that from
my doctor. But let me just tell you, my
doctor rolled out and said they were doing that awake lipo stuff
and I asked about it. Apparently Awake lipo is way it
has way more problems. It has.
It's a lot riskier. And it costs a lot more money,
apparently, than regular liposuction.
Because I had asked my doctor and I was like, what is this
awake LIFO everybody's talking about?
And she was like, we offer it, but like here like she was
straight up. She was like, I I think you
should just be put on there. It's way safer, it's easier,
it's faster and it costs less. Like I get it like.
To be awake, you feel like it's a quick, easy procedure and I
think that's how they're doing it, but they're still going in.
I actually have a video posted on my TikTok of the canola under
my skin and how aggressive they go in there, and I'm sorry, I
would not. I would not want to be awake for
that. That is scary, babe.
That is scary, he said. That it was so.
I don't know what it's like when you get a regular one.
And I've seen, like, the surgeon shows, so I know they're like,
fucking shanking you under the flesh.
But this one, she was like the needles, like really thin or
whatever. And so in my mind, I was just
imagining, like, this thin little needle taking forever to,
like, suck the fat out of my abdomen.
But maybe I'll tell you that this bitch quoted me.
She was like, we'll take $3000 off if you're getting three or
more areas. So it's only going to be 8500.
And I was like, oh, OK, OK, let. Me.
Let me What? No.
No, absolutely not. That isn't.
He broke a real fucking because I'll be there tomorrow.
Look, my doctor, my first BBL. So my first BBL was Lipo 360 and
we added the upper bra rule that she was talking about.
But see, you don't have to be a Dick about it like you don't.
I'm that drives me insane. Like just like you said, I'm
coming in because I want to adjust things to enhance what I
know is there. Why are you going to go in
there? And then ridicule and be like,
well, what about this this this this this.
That is the most disrespectful. Like automatically I would have
been like and I would never get worth done by you guys because
that's like the same kind of doctor that while you're under
the knife, if you were getting boobs, like she should be bigger
and we just go bigger without your knowledge.
Like, it's just that's gross. I don't like that.
Like, that's a red flag to me. Like, be careful, but my first
video was 4500. And or 5000 because I added the
upper bra row for an additional 500 for that area.
My second BBLI added a lot, a lot, a lot of lipo areas.
So that BBLI want to say was around 8000.
But that was literally liposuctioning everything I
possibly could on my torso. So it wasn't just the basic Lipo
360. I added probably about seven
areas to get all that done, but then with the fat transfer.
And then even my breast implant replacement that was only like
6000. Well, so now I know it's
cheaper. You better watch out.
I'm about to be a brand new fucking woman by 2020.
You look like I will help you. I'll walk you through all the
thefts. I feel bad because I always tell
people like be careful, think about it before you plastic
surgery, think about it. But then when they're doing
that, I'm like, no, let me help you.
You know, I think that people in the generation like follow body
trends and I think that's the most damaging thing about
plastic surgery is like the body trend of like Kardashian.
I'm just going to keep talking about her, not that I like her,
but just because she was kind of the staple in the like movement.
And I feel like then she goes back thin and then like skinny
heroin model is like back in, you know, like.
Different people don't realize the repercussions of changing
your body in your mid 20s, like 24 to 26.
And I'm not sure how old you are, but you know, being 31, I
look back and I'm like, what I wanted at 25 is not what I want
today. And like, although everybody
wants, like, perfect, perky boobs, I'm like, I need some, I
need a kid to, like, boost me, like, right now.
Having honey kids and my boobs are really still perky, but
everybody wants boobs. They're like the same size and
all the things. But it's like at the end of the
day, people follow these trends and that's the most damaging
thing in my opinion, other than like doing what you want.
And I think we all, in the generation that we're in, have
body dysmorphia and I have. Like, Oh yeah.
Because one day when we're like 55, we're going to look back and
be like I was that bitch at that time.
Bitch. Like people.
I try to like when people like comment on my stuff.
Like I made a video the other day and I've done it a couple
times where I'm like it's poses like not only am I like, hey
like I've had work done, but when people are like, oh, I wish
I looked like you. And it's like, I know for a fact
like I'm holding my own waist in and I'm breaking my back and my
hip for that pose. I want that to be known too.
That the same body that looks like that can look like this and
people all the time, like, Oh my gosh, This is why you're so
awesome. I'm like.
The same. I just have to remind myself
like, because there are times even now, like I have people who
will comment and they're like, you know, oh you know, you're a
great representation for like the thick models and I'm like
you. I'm like, I'm like I'm not in
any offence, but like, I'm like first of all like I'm not like I
wish I was like I wish I had them thick thighs and things
like that. And I constantly fight that in
my mind is like. I'm not thick enough, but then
it's like, I'll see like these other girls, like for example,
like Jim, Gamer girl. I fucking love her.
She's the biggest sweetheart, but she is so skinny.
She's got big old fake boobies. She got these huge fake boobies,
but she's so skinny. Cruella, she is so skinny.
And all these girls and I'm looking and I'm like, well,
fuck, like, is that is that what is like?
And I'm doing myself like. Is that what it is that might be
holding me back? Like, I'm not like that.
Just like you said, like that rail heroin, thin, like almost
anorexic looking skinny because I'm like, well fuck, Nowadays
you lose the shit to turn away. But then it's like then I see
someone else and I'm like, Nah, see that thickness though.
That just looks real good. Like that Raven girl, that goth
Raven girl on TikTok. She had that purple and black
hair, and I see her and I'm like, yes, bitch like, I don't
want to look like that, like, but it is.
It's a constant battle because you look at people.
And it's it's a confusing time right now when both I guess are
it. And it should be a good thing
because it's more of like a equal kind of thing for
everybody. But it's hard because you see it
fluctuating so much recently. Rail thin, thick, rail thin,
thick, and it kind of just puts you in this mindset where you're
like, shit, which way are we supposed to go?
And you have to stop and think like you first.
Like fuck what's in. Like fuck, what's in like you
need to look in the mirror and be like, I'm a bad fucking
bitch, dude. Like I fight that shit all the
time, all the time. I'll look, especially after
getting 2 rounds of liposuction like you would think, You know
what I mean? In your mind if you 2 rounds of
liposuction, you look in the mirror and you see some pudge or
some rolls. Or like, I do this like all my
back rolls are back if I'm sitting a certain way or
anything. And I'm like.
And I start criticizing myself and I'm like, I need to lose all
this weight. And I need to pull this and I
want this. And I want to call my doctor.
I want liposuction again. And I want this.
And I'm like, oh, dude, like breathe for why?
Why? Like, appreciate that body.
Like my body gave birth to two kids.
My body has been through some of the most traumatic shit a human
can go through, Like appreciate it.
I appreciate and love where you are and I tell people all the
time. Sometimes I wish I never got my
first bit of plastic surgery because I do feel like if I
would have never went under the knife the first time, I wouldn't
want to continuously be changing what I have now.
If that makes sense, that totally makes sense.
And you also, you know, being on social media, we make ourselves
open to having criticism and feedback and whatever whether it
be wanted or unwanted. And there is no some people have
no boundary And if you know Greg and his fucking beer gut want to
sit there and finger his belly button while he tells you how
fat and ugly you are and you could never get a man like
that's what's going to happen. And unfortunately, and even if
we're like fuck you, sometimes that shit does stick, Especially
if you are so aware of your body and you're already having a
dysmorphia or whatever. I think a majority of people
have of body dysmorphia. I think they say that like the
like, you wouldn't recognize yourself if you saw yourself
because you look so different than you do inside of your mind.
You appear so different to other people, and I'm understanding
what you're saying about the like comparing yourself to other
people that you're seeing in their bodies, because I've been
really working on getting out of the mindset.
I would see sick girls on TikTok and stuff and I would be like,
well, she, it is my size or she's bigger or whatever.
But it's because of the way that, like, the fat is displaced
on her body and like, she has a fat, a flat stomach, but she's
got, you know, these other things and like, if my body
looks like that, I'd show it, you know?
But think about the lies, especially a lot of these thick
models. I love me a good thick woman.
Let me just be sober. I love me a good thick woman.
But. The lies again from social media
and modeling, these thick girls are going in and they're getting
tummy tucks. They're keeping their weight,
but they're getting the liposuction and the tummy tucks
just in their stomach. Why?
Because it's going to snatch the waist in, flatten the tummy, but
they're still going to be thick everywhere else.
Which again, realistically, you, anybody, anybody gaining weight,
the fact that you're still going to have this tight little
stomach. And everywhere else is going to
be thick. But somehow your stomach doesn't
gain weight. That's not right.
That's not. That doesn't seem correct like
that. I don't think the body works
that way. Yeah, there's a lot of.
People that have super tight waist and then these huge hips
and thighs. And I've noticed also,
especially with like the trend of the editing apps I a photo
shoot with a a bunch of girls and.
One of the girls was like, I don't like the way I look, you
need to snatch in my waist. And then I sent some of the
unedited photos to a guy friend of mine and he said that girl
looks way skinnier on Instagram and she's had two BBLS and boob
jobs and she's definitely had quite a bit of surgery and she's
a nice girl. But the way that she started
editing the unedited photo, it's snatching herself in.
I was like, wow, like this whole time I'm thinking that she's got
these BBLS and she's super fit now or super in place.
And like, really, she's editing all of those photos in a way
that is changing the way that she actually looks.
And I do think, like with anything, it's addictive, but
it's as back before I ever got lip injections.
I never wanted lip injections. But then this girl got into my
DMS 'cause I used to overline my lips like most girls do.
We overline our lips and look bigger.
And this girl hopped in my DMS and was like, have you ever
thought about getting lip injections?
And just straight said that to me?
And I know this girl. And so when she said that, it
offended me. But then I started thinking
about it. And then I was like, you know
what? I do want to do this.
And then I did it. It became super addictive and I
was going and getting a half a syringe like every three months.
And now it's been like 19 months since I've went and they barely
went down at all. Like, I love the way they look
and I'm like. Were they way too big?
Like, have they dispersed and too big?
And it's funny because we don't know what we look like.
Because the whole time when Jim and I was like, I wanna bring
this girl on the podcast, I was like, she is so hot.
Like, this is the girl in my dreams.
Like if there was a girl in my dreams, it's you.
And then you're over here like. Tearing yourself apart.
And then, you know, it's just amazing, especially to know that
the people we admire on the Internet, not just you, but
every woman that we admire on the Internet, is beating herself
up at night. One day when we're old and
wrinkly, we're gonna be like I was that bitch and I need to be
nice to myself. Yes.
What I try to remind myself constantly is like one day when
I'm old, I'm going to wish that I had this role, that role,
whatever it is, I'm going to wish I had that.
And you know, I think that there's people that age very
well, like share. And it's like you've got to love
yourself in a way that the universe.
Also is matching that and I feel like Cher has always talked her
shit up. Like if you interviews of her
and not only she's a witch but like she has aged like fine
fucking wine. And it's crazy because I don't
feel like she's had that much work.
Like notice what? I'm sure she's had work, but
like on the other hand, Dolly Parton is starting to look like
a fucking robot lady. Like she does not look real.
Like Janet Janice. Oh my God, I can't remember her
name. The first supermodel Janis.
I know her first name's. Janis.
I can't remember her last name right now.
I can't either. But I She was on America's Next
Top Model all the time. Yeah, yeah, she even went on
botched and all that. But like, she was beautiful.
I know she's had so much work. And as an old lady like how's
her face doesn't move. Madonna and like Joan Rivers,
died on the table, right? Wasn't she getting work done?
And she died on the table. That was like when I went in.
It was a week before my second BBL when that girl from Wild Now
had gone in for her mommy makeover and died in the hotel
room. Hours.
I didn't know about that. Yes, yeah.
One of the girls from Walnut. She went in for a mommy
makeover. And I like, let me tell you.
Plastics were pretty scared. I cry every time before I go in
and I change my mind. Right before they take me,
before they wheel me back. They have to drug me up because
I bawl and start having panic attacks because I don't want to
do it. It's scary.
I think, like I said, I wish 21
year old me when I got my first set of boobies was like, you
don't need it. We're going to play this podcast
back when I get my body done and we can all hear about it and
we'll be like this is the before and I'm just, I really do want
to get shit done and this does not swing me in One Direction.
What gets me about boob jobs is because 21 year old me thought
you get a boob job and that shit lasts forever.
But when Bunny brought it to the reality that that shit gets
infected or flaps or grows mold or all these things and that you
really need to be getting them redone every five to seven years
like that blew my mind because in the 90s and early 2000s that
was not spoke of. And now with the Internet and
all of this craze, I don't know what the disease is called, but
it's something directly related. Breast implant sickness.
It's all plain and simple. Breast implant sickness.
I wish I almost brought mine up here.
I kept my implants for my first one, and the reason I got my
implants replaced was because of the fact that I had strung a
leak. My implants, both of them now,
they have been out of my body since February of this year, OK?
It hasn't even been a full year and they've been in the bags and
those implants are just like airbags.
There's probably. Three CC's worth of water left
in them and it hurt. It hurt.
This left boob was deflating and it was getting smaller and
sagging and this one was slowly going.
It sucks. Nowadays you, if you get the gel
implants, you're almost good. You're you're you almost don't
have to worry about it anymore. But if you have the saline and
you got your boob sent in the past, it's supposed to be at Max
every 10 years. They got to go.
Why You could do saline because it looked more natural, right?
So, and that's what they said. Well, when I got mine done, I
got mine on my it was a two weeks after my 21st birthday
when I got my boobs done my first time.
And if you're 22 and under, so 18 to 22, they will not put gel
implants, they won't put silicone implants in.
You can only have saline. So I went with the saline.
Now, mind you, that story of that boob job, there was no
anesthesia. It was in some backdoor place.
I was awake for the whole fucking surgery for your
titties. Or under the muscle on top of it
all, under the IT was the worst experience of my life.
The fucking worst Wait, I have never heard of a wide the fuck
awake titty job. What is this?
Just makes me think of Dirty Dancing when you're just
getting, like, a botched abortion.
Dude, look, 21. I don't got a lot of money.
I want boobs. I'm looking around talking to
all these doctors and they're like 7 to 8 grand.
I'm like, I can't do that. I have no credit.
That's not good. And I found a Doctor Who was
willing to do my boobs for $2500 match.
Was that? It's basically, you know, it's
like the two-story shopping centers where it's like they got
the one little level and the second level, like literally
right below where I got my boobs and it was like a light bulbs
and more so there was no, like hospital around.
There was no anything. It was like you walk into the
waiting room and it was like a room the size of my office with
a table in it. And they went to town on it and
I walked in for the day of my boob drop.
He gave me an aunt, an anxiety pill.
And two Oxys and said sit here for 30 minutes, we're going to
come back and get you. And they came back and they got
me and they laid me down and they put the little sheet so I
couldn't see anything. And they were just talking and
talking. And then I felt them like
numbing me, like they went around the boobs and they numbed
all around. And I literally told my doctor,
I said it felt like you were taking a needle and thick ass
thread and just rip it through my skin.
He was like, oh, there's just the numbing, You're fine, you're
fine. I used to have a a opiate
problem. SO2 Oxys did not, did not knock
me out like it was supposed to. It did not.
And I'm laying there and hearing the muscle and feeling the
muscle being ripped off of my chest plate, the smelling of the
cauterizing of my skin, the tugging, the pulling the back.
It was fucking horrific. Then because it was saline, they
stick the bags in there and they start filling them up.
And that was probably the worst. As I remember as I was laying
there and he was filling it up and I said that's it, that's
enough. That's I can't.
I can't. It feels like my heart is going
to explode, My chest is going to explode, stop.
They're big enough. I feel it.
And he was like, honey, you're only at 40 CCS, we're going to
350. And they just kept going.
And it was so, it was so painful.
It was horrible. They finally brought another Oxy
for me, popped my third Oxy. And by the time that Oxy kicked
in, all I remember is I sat up, I wanted to puke.
I was not only like nauseous from hearing and smelling
everything, but I just looked up and I went.
I have boobs and I was out and I woke up in the hotel room.
What in the blue? Fuck.
What that reminds me of is Cardi B talks about getting ass shots
at somebody's like basement shop whatever, and how she talks
about, like how damaging it was to her body long term.
And I don't really know what ass shots are.
I truly don't. I guess it's some some type of
three floating silicone injections.
It is absolutely horrific. There are so many celebrities
who got that in the past who now are completely deformed in their
booty area and you can't just go in and scrape out the free
floating. The silicone can go anywhere, it
can travel anywhere in your body, It can literally kill you.
It's horrible. So whatever happened to butt
implants? Is that still a thing where
people actually put something under there or no?
Yes it is. And I I have actually thought
about it but but implants from what I've heard about them is
because you're constantly sitting on them and you're
constantly doing stuff like your boobs you lay on them every once
in a while but it's not a constant thing is your butt
gets. It's like it's really it hurts
like it's like a perma hurt. So I don't know if it would be
worth it. Do you have crazy ass scarring
from your wide awake 3 Oxy boob job?
I'm saying no I don't. My scars were actually worse
going back in, and that's just because they cut in the same
way. Now I do.
I do have like that tattoo over it, but like they're they're
literally my scars, literally sitting right, right underneath
that. You can show us.
The whole boob it's fine. You really can't tell though.
I mean that looks it's somewhere right there I think.
So you did the turning from you after the fact.
I said what? You did the tattoo after you
went back? Oh yeah, I actually just.
I shouldn't have tattooed that early over my my new, my new
boobs. But I had this tattoo.
I got this tattoo done when I was like 22, about a year after
my boob job, mainly to cover. I never got it finished and I
just had it finished by my tattoo artist, I want to say in
May of this year. So my scars were still really
fresh. But like I we we had a tattoo
competition to win. So I said do it.
So you went through a whole body transformation this year then?
Oh, it's sickening. Actually, it's sickening.
I have done a complete 180 like I I don't look anything.
And that it has all been within the course of this year.
Where was the motivation? You were just like, I'm unhappy
with this, I need to do this. And then you just decided to do
it all this year. I turned 30 this year.
I turned 31 so I understand, but at the same time I don't know
what it was. Y'all bitches are old as fuck.
It started off with with the whole embracing because.
And if I look back at like all my photos as like, you know,
teenager to my early 20s, mid 20s, the goth alternative side
of me was constantly creeping out.
Like it was constantly like peeking its head.
And I would force it back in, I'd peek right back out and I'd
force it back in, like going through my old social media
things like that. I can see it and it's sad that I
was so scared to just be who I am.
But I was so scared to walk around the public with black
lipstick. Oh my God.
People are gonna think I'm crazy.
Like, I always hit it. And right before my 30th
birthday, I was like, you know what?
I don't give a fuck. I don't.
I was like, I want my tattoos. I want to be alternative.
I want that. And that's kind of like what
really started. It is literally in January of
this past year, I should say I really went ham.
I started getting the tattoos like crazy.
My these piercings are literally a year old.
So I started, I think I actually started with like my throat,
just this part of my throat and the piercings.
And then it just kept going and kept going and kept going and it
was like a highway that I could not hop off of.
And I'm not mad at it at all. I'm not upset with it.
But yeah, I I couldn't. I couldn't pretend anymore to be
this sweet girl next door, this cute little country girl.
Like, all that. Like, first of all, like, yes, I
live in Texas, but I was born and raised in California and
like, in the Bay Area, like, there's there's nothing country
about that. Like, there's not like, I'm like
a ghetto goth. And that's just what I've always
been, like I'm a goth. And to pretend to be that other
person, it's it sucks. It's sad.
It's gross. You know what, We talked about
this before, but when I was younger, like 14 years old, I
was on this website called Vampire Freaks.
I was on it too. Yeah, so I actually did this
thing because I've always been a really like communicator, hype
girl, whatever. So I actually broke their
algorithm on there where the owner actually ended up banning
me saying that I was breaking their rules because instead of
being the mean goth like weirdo people that he wanted.
I was very nice chirpy, still gothic, but very chirpy and
nice. And I would go and I would rate
people that basically didn't really have friends on there
because you knew it was like a rate and like 1.
So I would go through and I would rate people and be like, I
would basically pick like, wow, I love this band too, or wow,
this is your favorite animal or whatever it was.
I would basically go through, find something I liked about
their profile and rate them. And I was like, that's nice.
Though. 1314 years old. And so I did this like for
fucking 12 hours a day and I'm getting myself up to #3 top
rated girl on the whole website because people not only really
like that energy, but then they would come back and rate me.
So, right. And I was breaking the rules
because basically he had never had a user that would go through
and basically hype people up that were like loners, losers,
posers, golf, whatever it was, you know what I mean?
So he banned me for a whole year.
And it was like, when I first, like, it was maybe my sophomore
year of high school. He banned me for that whole
year. So then by the time that I
turned 16, I'm a junior, started driving.
I forgot about the website, like kind of completely, right.
He basically. He took my momentum away from me
because I was like this is like pre Suicide girl days.
You know what I mean? Like how far on this website and
my aunt and my family was so worked up about it that my mom
was allowing me on this website And my aunt literally will bring
it up at like Thanksgiving and just be like yeah, I thought
we're going to get kidnapped or sex trafficked.
But I would have so many people make fake profiles of me because
I'm so well liked and supported and followed on there that I had
fake profiles across the board on any website.
You could imagine, and it's crazy to me, when I look back on
that, 'cause I was literally like 12/13/14.
You're not supposed to be on that website till you're 14, but
like, no one ever knew that. But it's crazy because I've
literally have two lifelong friends like to this day from
that website. That's amazing.
I love that. It's crazy.
It's like actually posted on TikTok.
I want to say like four or five months ago and I was like, I
could not remember the name of it because I thought it was
vampire freaks. But when I looked it up, I was
like, that's a clothing line now.
Like what? And I wasn't.
I was like, yo, what? It was the Goth Myspace.
What the fuck was it? And everyone was like, it was
vampire freaks. I was like, Oh my God.
I remember. I remember like that was like
the first time when I put on like black lipstick.
I was saying like 12 years old. I have like my glasses, my big
frame glass and black lipstick was like that super high up.
Like the what? Trying to be all like, you know,
a emo. That's like when I first got a
digital camera and would put it on a tripod and like, do all
these photo shoots. And now I have people that I
grew up with like that'll find me like, 'cause I lived in a
small town and they'll find me later and they'll be like, I
always knew you would be successful.
I always knew you would be a model and all these things.
And it's just funny because that was just like 12 year old inner
child, me having the time. And I am a very nice person, but
it's funny because exactly. What I did on there is kind of
how I built my brand as it is now is like like you said,
trying to relate to people reply to people.
You know I love getting a message and people are like you
probably won't see this and if I you know and then you see it, it
feels heartfelt and like a nice gesture.
But it's crazy to think like how far social media has evolved in
our generation. And I think that has a lot to do
with the body dysmorphia situation because it's like
we've constantly been putting our life on display when other.
People just went and played outside the whole of their
childhood. But we're like half hybrid, you
know, it's like half playing with bikes and whatever, and
then the other half is like Internet and AOL and Myspace.
And so it's amazing to, like, realize that we're all kind of
simultaneously living the same experience in some way.
No, I agree. I agree 1000%.
I promise somebody. Was talking recently about how
the kids of this generation, what is that?
That's me. That is not you.
That's that's pre embracing myself.
You look like a Bratz doll. You don't look like the same
person. No.
I mean, there's like a but yeah, that's the most like.
I mean, I. Was you on the cover?
Yeah. Oh my God, that does not look
like you. You look very Hispanic there,
like right now. You look very.
Suicide White Girl. But right there.
You look very Hispanic. It's the when I have like, so
that's a wig too. But my natural hair is extremely
tight curls. So anytime I put on something
with tight curls, you're like, she's Mexican.
There it is like the hair. As soon as curls go on, you're
like, OK, yeah, there there's the Hispanic like.
I think you're beautiful either way.
Oh, thanks. What got you in to like content
creation, social media, like is it just like a form of
expression for you? And was it always a goal to
evolve into this? Like we really are interested in
what type of all the contents that you create and like what
led you down that path. I don't.
I'm not doing this for fame at
all. Don't want it.
I don't want to be famous. I think that's that would be
probably horrible. I'm, I don't like people.
So like I would have to interact with a lot more people.
I literally like, I don't know, I've always been, I guess more
of an artsy person. I guess you can say I used to
always like to do people's makeup.
I used to do nails for people. But like, I just because I had
my daughter at 16. I've never gone to college.
I've never been able to really do anything you know, with it.
I kind of started on Facebook with like the makeup, the nails,
things like that. Nothing big at the time.
And four years ago, yeah, four years ago I hopped up on TikTok
and I I was like just a user for 512, you know, just a nobody.
And I I started posting videos like I would never show my face
because I was just like, no, I don't like that.
Like, that's weird. Like, I don't.
Again, maybe it was our generation at the time.
Like, that's a little weird. Like, I don't know.
And I posted my second video I ever posted was showing off my
high heels. And I don't know if you guys
were on TikTok at that time. The trend where it was like, you
kick the camera, it was a new shoe, kick the camera, new shoe,
kick the camera, new shoe. And that video had like 4.7
million fucking views. It went fucking ape shit.
And I was like my shoes, like, it's that easy.
And I guess that's how it wasn't my mind.
I was like, it's that easy. Well, at the time I was still
very subdued and like even my natural hair, I always, it was
like platinum blonde, like I was trying to be cute and girly and
things like that. And as people saw me with all of
that and then the fact that I was from Texas, they kind of, I
kind of morphed into this person and it turned into like this
hometown country girl, this American loving, cute girl next
door. And it definitely wasn't me.
And it caused actually a lot of issues in my marriage for a hot
minute when it started because my husband was like, who the
fuck are you? Like?
He's like when I mentioned you were this punk rock chick, like
who the fuck is this? Like because this person who
you're trying to be on the Internet, that's not who the
fuck you are. This is gross.
And I was like, shut up, let people evolve.
I, you know, just try because I was so mind fucked and it just
slowly sort of trickling to where like I think my largest
account because I've had 19 tip T.O.K accounts, I've been banned
a lot. My largest account I got up to
900,000 followers and it was cool.
It was awesome and I really wanted to hold on to that
because it was the excitement of it.
Now at this point, I don't give a fine fuck if I have 10
followers tomorrow, because at this point the only reason I use
my platform is for, you know, I don't want to say small
businesses in like an insulted way, but small, medium, even
large businesses, small, medium, large photographers, new models,
I use my platform. The tiny amount of clout that I
have, the only reason I want to continue is because I can push
other people and I can get other people where they want to be.
And if even if I'm a tiny little stepping stone so maybe someone
else can notice them, that's that's that's what I want.
That's that's where I'm at with my social media life.
You know, even with modeling, I love it.
But what I do love a lot of people don't know is 90% of the
time with these photographers, they get shocked because they
asked me what my modeling fee is and I'm like none.
Don't worry about it. They they get shocked.
Wait, you don't. There's no fee.
No, you're the one doing the work.
I just have to show up and look pretty.
The fuck you going to. Why would I charge you for that?
Like, if I can boost you to small companies, how much would
it be for you to post a TikTok? I'm like, dude, you're already
sending me clothes. Nothing.
I'm not going to. I don't charge people for this
shit. I just do it.
I just do it because I want to help somebody.
That's the type of shit at work. We're getting sponsors right now
and we're like, we'll put you on 100%.
Like you keep all your money, you're doing all the work, like
you're gonna send me free stuff, you're doing all the work.
We're gonna put you on 100% like we're not taking nothing out of
that. And we've had issues with people
who like. I think that their clout really
means something crazy. Like, it's this currency that's
worth so much. And it's funny that you're
drinking an Alani, because that girl's from Louisville, KY and
she built her brand in my hometown and now she's like
global and like. Shit.
But it's like you do build yourself up by being a genuine
person because that's what people resonate with at the end
of the day. Like you can be whoever you want
to be, but you need to be yourself and be genuine about
it. And I think, like, that's what
also attracted us to you and and when she sent me your picture, I
was like, this girl is so cute. Like every time she's like, this
is what I want to talk about. I'm like, she's bad.
We could talk about anything. But The thing is, is like, you
are kind of like feeling like that inner child dream for me,
'cause, like, I go through different phases of how I want
to dress. But in the last couple years, I
started getting a lot of tattoos and, like, really becoming who I
want to be. And I feel like there's so much
freedom in that, like when you just become who you want to be.
And I love that you're using your platform to help other
people, 'cause that's what I feel like we do like.
So not to bring up like random stuff, but like we had Aaron
Carter before he passed. Was going to come on the podcast
and I just found the screenshot where he had shared it to his
story that he was coming on our podcast and then he passed.
And like, you know there's a lot of people who use his name for
clout and these weird that post every little session celebrity
and it's just such a turn off. Like some people may rock with
that, but I read for celebrities all the time and I don't ever
blast their business out there. Honestly, same people.
When people find out who I know, like who I'm like, oh, yeah, no,
like I was just talking. I'm like, if I'm in a normal
conversation, I'm like, wait, what?
I'm like, dude, Like, I know, yes, I know a lot of famous
people, but like, just like you said, it's the people who are
like, oh, look at my body. What is that?
We're having a great time. It's like, oh, that's gross.
Like, you can see what you're doing there.
Like it's gross. Like, I guess the one, the one
thing, like the one person that everybody knows that I know is
Struggle Jennings. I fucking love him.
I think he's amazing. It's like my brother.
But like when I go to his shows and stuff, like, you know, he
was like so upset with the Jelly roll one.
And he was like, oh man, I don't know if I'm going to be able to
get you on the side stage for Jelly, You know, he got, he
packed his side stage out and I like, you know, there's only a
certain amount allowed for each one.
I said struggle. I said I love Jelly and I love
Bunny. I said, but I'm here to see you
and your band, Like you're my friend and you know what I mean?
Like, I've literally gone to his shows, watched him play a set
and left and left because it's like, I don't need, I don't need
like to be like, hey, look at guys, look at it.
It's just, I know who I know. And at the end of the day, it is
a turn off for a lot of people. When you try to brag and you're
you're only going to have your following, you're only going to
have your clout. You're only going to have your
success. As long as people are rooting
for you, the second people stop rooting for you as a person,
you're going to lose everything. You know, it's funny that you
would bring Struggle up because I'm really close with Bunny.
So in the last couple like concerts, Struggle performed and
I met his daughter and his and like me and his sister are
already locked in. I love Struggle sister Pam,
she's so fucking sweet. But I met him as a fucking.
I fucking love. Her.
He is amazing. I fucking love Pam and.
When I met his daughter, though, I felt more fangirl than, like,
meeting him all the times. Like meeting his daughter, I was
just like, Oh my God, like you're his daughter.
Like, you know, like being like 1214 years old and you're just
growing up around all these cameras and notoriety.
And so, you know, when I see that, it, like, fuels my inner
child because it's like how? Like, so whenever, like, I met
Jelly's daughter for the first time and like, all these kids
that I meet, I'm always like, oh, my God, I met their
daughter. But like, I them.
And I'm just like, oh. Hey, I see their kid and I'm
like, can we get a picture? But you know, I love that you
said that because that is so true.
So many people only want what you can give to them.
Like, you know what? What can you do for me?
And like, how can you build my brand up?
And you know, out of all the things I've done for people, I
never ask anyone to shout me out to share myself all my stuff.
Like, I don't like when everything feels very salesy or
like a sales Gemini. And I talk about this all the
time. There are so many people in the
spiritual arena that treat everything like a sales pitch.
And I'm a salesperson. I went to school for marketing,
like I know how to sell shit, but I never want people to just
think that I'm trying to sell them something.
It's disgusting. No, I agree.
I've I've literally actually dropped friends even recently
that have become salesy that have become do this for me.
I am too big for my britches and this well, I'm going to be with
this person because this person can do something for me and
that's just it's not it's not my MO.
I won't put myself like I'm not going to lie, I got to meet.
I had talked to Bunny before me and her.
I had exchanged just talked. But when I met her in Austin I
almost had a God damn fucking heart attack.
I've I I have never in my fucking life fangirl for
anybody. I went Bunny was like, yeah
baby, I'm going to come and see you.
And I was like she don't go see me.
Bunny's going to see me but for a while I ain't shit, Bunny I
ain't shit. And she walked in and she gave
me a big hug. And I was, I was fan girl like a
mother fucker. But I I didn't ask for a fucking
photo with her. I didn't ask for a photo with
fucking Jelly. Like none of that.
Because one, first of all, people enjoy life in the fucking
moment. Stop trying to post everything.
Just embrace it and enjoy it. But secondly, I I am.
I guess for me, like that's the same thing.
Like I want to enjoy the moment. I don't care if people know that
I got to hug Bunny or not. I know I did and that was
amazing. And I love her.
Well, and at the end of the day, when you're posting, you know,
I'm seeing this person or that person, you start collecting
people whose energy is solely based on what they can get from
you. And so you think that, Oh my
gosh, it's going to, you know, people are like, oh, it's going
to make me so popular. People are going to be like, so
excited about it. Well, energetically, you just
have a bunch of people that are following you only to take from
you. And then you get sick and
depleted and your whole inbox is, can you do this for me?
Can you do that? And.
And I mean even on like small scale shit with us there have
been because we're very much the same way where we're like we
just want to see everybody get to the top.
And some people have marketing strengths and we have platforms
or whatever and we're in a position to be able to, even if
it's just a little step higher than where they're at right now,
give them like that confidence boost for themselves even and be
like look like people are interested.
You just have to put yourself out there.
And something that we come by is so often when you're coming from
a genuine place of just wanting to give to somebody and help
them. Those people don't necessarily
come from a genuine place, which is usually why they're not
rising to like the top is because they're not putting in
authentic energy themselves. And it really does turn around
where you get burned. And so we always have to have
that balance of like, I want to help the people who are wanting
to like help themselves and put themselves out there, but I
think that. We're more now and it sounds
like you 2, where we're kind of sitting back, we have this thing
of like no new friends, which is like we're not seeking out the
like underdog to be like, yo, It's if you're going to approach
us and you're putting yourself out there and you're putting in
the work and energy that's different than us being like,
oh, we see how we can help you because also.
We can get into that captain, save a home mentality.
And now the fact that you don't know how to do things for
yourself is becoming my problem because I put that on my own
fucking shoulders. Oh, that's literally why I have
karma tattooed on my fucking face is because I believe that,
like, wholeheartedly. Like, not only that, you have to
remember too, a lot of times these people who do randomly
skyrocket out of nowhere, sometimes they are the people
that just like you said, they're the they're chasing the clout
and they're following, and they're following is only
following because of who they know, because of what they could
possibly gain, what they could possibly see.
By the end of the day, they have no actual substance to them.
And so sometimes, like, I pose like all my captions all the
time. Like dude, if you stay genuine,
if you really stay genuine and you bust your ass, it might take
you a little bit longer. But don't fucking sell your soul
for 5 minutes of fucking faint, dude.
That don't. That's just be you.
Knock it the fuck out and you'll get there eventually.
What's so interesting about that is it's like this in every
arena, whether it's the cannabis arena, the music arena, the
spiritual arena, any fucking arena, that people think they
can take a step further and step on someone to get there quicker.
They do it, and it's always the people that I feel like have
trickled in my life because of Bunny, like my connection with
her, her podcast a few times. People come in and they see me
as like a direct link to her I have.
So many people, they're like, can you tell Bunny this?
Can you get this to Bunny? Can you do this?
Can you do that? And all these things?
And it's like some of the people that have stirred up shit in
mine and Gemini's life and communities and Patreon have
found me through Bunny fangirled because I put them into the
community without any like. Like I tell Jim and I, it's
basically we're like, hey, kids, come into the room, Momma's
gonna leave now, and it's about to.
Happen. And it's grown individuals that
do this. And it's so crazy to me because
I've had people try to defame my character and like write Bunny
some crazy ass shit about me. And she'll write me and be like,
do you know this person? And then I'll tell her what's
going on and she's like, we're all blocking her.
Like everybody being like, imagine going to Bunny and
saying some crazy shit about me. We're so locked in, she blocks
you from every platform. She has.
Where did you think you were successful in that?
And like, I haven't spoke on that publicly recently, happened
a few months ago, and like me and her have been writing for so
long now that it's like she knows where my heart is.
She knows who the fuck I am. But it's crazy to me how many
people would be like hey Bunny, help me do this, Hey Bunny, do
this, do that. And like we all know a person
that when you tag a photographer or tag someone, they go follow
everyone. Yes, go follow every piece of
the pie. And that happens to me all the
fucking time locally. Like I'll shoot with a nobody
photographer. I'll get them on the mat next
thing you know. 10 shoots will come by on my feed and it's
people I know shooting with this photographer.
Oh yeah. Use my name, act like you know
me, whatever. But The thing is, is like, I
would never try to take someone's recipe and like, make
it my own and then sell it back to people and that, yes.
With like that, don't make sense.
I gave you the recipe for free, and now you're trying to spell
what I gave to you for free. And like, that's where we're
trying to only align with, like empowering bitches who are like.
This is me. You can take it or leave it.
You can kick rocks or you can stay whichever one you want to
do. It's not going to phase me.
And like I said, you made a post and lost 2000 followers.
I've noticed recently I haven't had any drive for TikTok because
TikTok has gotten so salesy like with every Oh my God, it's every
other post. Celsius fuck.
And like, you know, I literally loved Tiktok in the beginning.
Like, put so much energy into it and then I just backed off and
I, you know, almost had 50K on there.
But it's like I was proud about my 2 million likes, like my 1.9
million likes. But that's what made me proud,
'cause I was getting interaction from a small niche that then
blew up and now it's like every. Fucking person under the sun
doing stuff because they think it works for other people.
And that's what I don't like about the Internet as much
anymore, where I'm trying to keep a lot more private.
Like the big changes that I make or the goals that we have.
Like not just telling everyone everything, because a lot of the
times it's the people gatekeeping the.
Bullshit that like. They're stealing it anyways,
like they're keeping it a secret, but they stole it from
someone else. And you know, there's just so
much going on with TikTok wanting a cut of your profits.
Like join the TikTok shop. I get that every day.
And since I won't join the TikTok shop, they've shadow
banned me. Like now I have 50,000
followers, I get 300 views. It's like, OK, yeah, see, I
joined the shop. But you will not catch me
fucking doing anything. That's why people all the time.
Oh, your shirt. I probably have an affiliate
link for every fucking brand that I wear all the way down to
alcohol that I drink. I have an affiliate link.
I'm not going to sit there and copy and paste my God damn
affiliate link. I'm just going to tell you where
to go. Get it?
Yeah. Why do I need a cut?
Just go get it. You like it?
Go get it. Go support the company who makes
it. I'm just fucking wearing it.
I ain't doing shit. Yeah, that shit with TikTok, I
told Jim and I I bought some slime like my inner target.
They got me on the slum so when I went to it I could have gotten
it through a TikTok shop, like through the shop link, but I
just went straight to their website and bought it directly
from them so they. Did not get a cut of that, but
it's like I won't jump through Tik Tok's hoops anymore.
They just are like fuck you. I've been finding OK, so I'm
about to try and punk the system because my friend does a.
OK, I can't give all the details on it, but she makes a product
and she just asked me if I would be a business partner on what
she does. Because I make like witchcraft
boxes and guest boxes for my other podcast and we want to
start one here. And so I was like, well, what we
should do is because they want you to be like promoting shops
and stuff, like that's the way that they're doing views on
Tiktok. So I told her.
We should create a business page on TikTok and we should make it
so that we're able to make ads or commercials or whatever from
our personal and link our business shop because that's
going to drive views to the business shop.
People are going to order there. And then it's also going to
boost our shit because it's showing that we have eligible
for Commission posts. And I hope that there are people
who go and follow the business page and are like.
Fuck TikTok. I'm going to go to their
website, but if you don't get it on fucking TikTok and it makes
me not shadow banned anymore and so here we go.
Not only that, but then you get the tik toks I've commissioned
too. So you're.
Technically you and then yeah, if it's pennies, all the dollar
and. Come off the videos, plus try to
get in the shop. You all can suck my Dick.
I'm going to find a loophole. The thing in the beginning of
TikTok is like organically you could go viral, but never
Instagram started selling the blue check marks.
Tiktok was like, no, we need a piece of this pie.
And then they completely have no organic growth.
And that's what frustrates me the most about that platform and
Instagram that like I literally get shouted out by people with
millions of followers regularly and and like still can't break
10K. It's like Instagram does not
want to let me shine. Like how do you get posted?
Like I was on Bunny's story earlier this week. 1.2 million
followers, and you're telling me that?
Not anyone is seeing that. Not that everyone's going to
follow me and I'm not saying that, but I'm just like they
make sure that they're not showing certain things to
certain people. But if like you do a
collaborator post with, you know, Revlon or whoever, Ugg
boots or whatever, then it just organically has a million views.
Like, no. Like you're the brands that you
get paid by. I literally just experienced
that because after losing the amount of followers I did from
that photo shoot, the bloody photo shoot, but my tip my not
my tips talk, my Instagram has been really stagnant.
Like I I have struggled with Instagram for so long and then
losing those followers, I was like whatever bye, you know what
I mean? Like it is like I can't get
shit. Anyways, I did that post for
Solon Angels. They reposted my photo, they
tagged me, but they didn't collaborate.
And I've got 3000 followers in the last five days, but same
thing. I've had huge accounts, so not
stolen clothing with 1,000,000 followers didn't repost me, it
was stolen angels. Now they have a good following.
They really do. But I've had people who have
millions of followers just like you say, repost me in their
stories, Do this, do that. And it's like you do.
You sit there and you're like damn, like not even 5, not even
5 people wanted to come over and check out my page like that
seems weird and they're really hooked on.
I think it might be. What I've heard is because it's
the holiday season right now, so if it hasn't to do with
something to buy, something to sell, and it's somehow is a
Commission based through that site, that's what's being pushed
right now because it's holidays. Speaking of being able to buy
things, do you have an only fans?
I do. This holiday season, do you?
Promote it. Like, do you push it?
Yes and no. I used to do it a lot on
Instagram and Instagram, sort of flagging a lot of even in my
stories, they sort of removing those posts, which I thought
were dumb. So Twitter is pretty much where
I do more. Like if I have like my sales or
my promos, I push it a lot through Twitter do.
You have a big Twitter following.
I think I'm at like 13.1000. It's not like the biggest, but
it's a decent community. What kind of things you do on
your only fans. You do like the whole enchilada
or you just like rice and beans on the side?
That's not just because you're Mexican, but that sure sounded
like it. I I do all of it.
Yeah, I knew you were. See if we took the pop and pussy
things. Are you Are you on there with
your partner or are you? OK, so it's a joint thing.
I've been noticing a lot of couples are like popping up on
the only fans together. I think that's really, like,
amazing because it's like a relationship building intimacy,
passion, and you're making money off of it.
OK, well look, I will say Look, without taking away like the
lust and the fun and the allure of it, when you make that
content with your partner, in the beginning you're like videos
and then afterwards, like, God damn it, you fucking did pause
the video. Like, no, you did it wrong.
I wanted to smack my ass like this.
If it looks like this, it looks that good at the camera.
And like, there's a lot of stops and pauses to get that shit
right. And so I will say it does get a
little frustrating. But I mean, there's times where
you're just like, fuck it. I don't care the angles or how
it looks. Good.
It's, you know, it's hot. It's hot.
But yeah, when you do it with your partner, like I'm kind of
an asshole. I'm not going to lie, you know
what I mean? So, like, if I wanted you to
choke me a certain way and I felt like you should have
grabbed here and you kind of went too low here and it didn't
look good, stop redo. I knew it to look better.
Did you hop on the only fans during COVID or were you on
their prior? I've been on only fans for since
2021. I think.
I did it right before COVID started I think, but I could be
wrong. COVID started in 2020.
Oh, OK, So yeah, never mind. I was a year into it.
At home, probably still on lockdown.
Like, what are we doing? We're fucking.
We may as well. To be fair, a lot of people.
This is where the big change with like that cute little sweet
girl next door Who this cute little innocent girl.
When I dropped that, I had only fans.
People lost their fucking minds. How could I?
Little did they know. Literally since the moment I was
like 19 years old, I've been doing webcam work my whole
fucking life. Like, are you kidding me?
I don't have to now sit here on a scheduled time to do my porn.
I can just record it and submit it.
Whatever. Yeah, Hell yeah.
I. Recently saw an interview with
this guy who films porn and he was talking about like, you
know, people, his buddies will be like, oh man, you have the
best job ever. And he's like you literally like
become numb to the fact that people are having sex in front
of you because you are so focused on the lighting and how
it looks in the monitor. And Oh well, she shouldn't do
that face because that looks real weird even though she's
into it. And like, he's like the faces
that. These girls making stuff in the
videos, we have to coach them to make them because those are not
like their authentic enjoying it faces.
And we have to be like, don't enjoy it too much.
You're here for, you know, a movie.
You're an actor. Yep.
Oh, no, 1000% porn is so fake, like on, like, the Internet.
I think that's one of the main reasons why only fans is as
popular as it is. Because I'm to me, I feel like
people are starting to realize, like, yeah, porn can be great.
Like, you can watch a great porn out, but you know that it's
fake. Like you can just see it.
You can hear it. Only fans, even though it's all
amateur porn for the most part, you're getting real shit at this
point. It's real.
Do you do collaborations with other girls for your only fans?
So I've been trying to find some in Texas I can't like.
I feel like I have not been able to all far away.
And talk about, right? That's, that's what I'm saying.
I've been trying to find people. I finally found actually, one
bottle. It's funny because her names
change the model here in Texas and I'm helping her outgrowing
her only fans right now because she just started it.
So I'm trying to help her out and I was like, bitch
collaborate. I'm like, I don't know what
you're into like if you don't want to do it, we don't got to
do it. But like at least take some sexy
photos with me. Like, fuck like.
Are you looking for a specific type of model, like like an
alternative model like yourself? Or are you looking just for
people that you're attracted to, or just people that you think
would be good for your only fans?
To be honest, it's just people I feel like I would fight with and
I'm attracted to. Like I don't want like I don't
give a fuck if you are alternative.
I don't give a fuck if you have a million followers.
I don't give a fuck if you got 5 followers.
I don't care. I will.
I have to vibe with that person. And then especially like if it
goes into like if hey, if we're going to collab like with my
husband as well like I have to vibe with you.
Like we got to be on a good vibe level because otherwise, like
it's just, it ain't going to be it.
The inner me right now is like, are you guys interviewing each
other for Paige to go down to Texas and lick your biscuit?
Because I will. I've been trying to.
I've been telling her since we started the podcast that she
could be making dough on there because everybody loves her.
She already has the cherry logo. If it was like contraries
popping your chariot only fans, Oh my God, I love that.
That's cute. So the only fans thing for me is
like. I have a real life job and
career and it's already been exclusively expressed from my
boss that if he ever found out I had an only fans, he would fire
me and I'll. Like whatever these girls are
making our only fans, you ain't making it with the four O 1K
above board like not having to do all that extra like that.
I'm making. So like if I ever got to a point
where like I wasn't making that type of money, didn't have that
type of healthcare and and all the benefits that I have.
Because on only fans like if you ain't working you ain't making
money. Yes, it's a revolving door, but
people want you to keep upping the ante and like subscribing.
Because I've heard from people that like for the first three to
four months, people cut you some slack.
But then they're like, do you have anything where someone
pisses on you or someone does this or someone does that and it
just keeps escalating until you are doing absolutely anything
and everything that you could do?
And I think, you know, having a good following is important.
But at the same time, like most of the weirdo creeps that would
subscribe to my only fans are literally people I fucking know
or went to school with or people's husbands.
And I just don't rock with that. Like, honestly, I feel like my
main. Criteria would be people here in
Kentucky that are like, not even on the scale of people I want to
interact with in a sexual way or even talk to or them talk to me
that way, 'cause it just grosses me out because no.
But at the same time, I've always said, like, I'm building
my modeling portfolio and there's a lot of like nude and
behind the scenes stuff that people don't ever see.
And one day, whenever I'm older, I may just come out with all
this like amateur young me, like building up and yeah.
I'm like, they'll come, but at the same time, like I know
people start it and they'll they'll charge $5.10 dollars,
$15. And it's kind of like what we do
on Patreon, except I'm fully clothed and I'm doing something
I'm really passionate about and people are paying me like 200
plus dollars a month. And I'm just like no one, not
only fans, is ready to drop that money.
These people want to spend $10 and see you do the most and
like. I don't know what you charge,
but I see most people charge 10 to $15 and I just feel like I'm
already making like way more than that on Patreon and I just
don't even. Yeah, I run, I run 2 pages.
I have a free page and I have the subscription page, my free
page. You just get to see me in
lingerie. Now you can choose to buy stuff
individually like in the messages or like I'll make the
post where you can unblock it but you bet your ass it's three
times the amount that it is on my main page because you ain't
going to come in here and subscribe for free and buy a
fucking photo set for $5. Ain't no mother fucking way like
you're going to pay more now if you're subscribed.
I still do my PP VS but I I literally I started, I think I
started it at 20 bucks and then yes, over the years I've
actually dropped it. I think I'm at $12.00 a month
right now is what mine cost I but I'm constantly running
fucking promos constantly. So I think it really sits at
like $9.60 a month is pretty much what I charge.
And then on the main page I originally started with like oh,
lingerie like covered everything up like cover, cover, then you
have to pay for more. And I was like they only get one
nipple at a time and I was like OK fine, they can have both
nipples. OK fine, they can have my butt.
OK fine I'll spread it for you. But now like I still do.
Like you could still see it all on the main page, but like any
type of videos or like actual good photo sets, you still got
paid for those but they don't ever go over $10 because I'm
like you're already paying a subscription fee.
Like you're not going to want to pay again and again and again
and again for all of these other things.
So unless I make like a fucking 1520 minute long video and it
going over 10 bucks. But I'll tell you what I'm I
make, I make 6 figures on there A.
Month. Oh God, I fucking wish it was a
month. Oh, I was like, damn Mommy.
I was like, OK, I'm going to fly out.
We'll keep this on the low. I wish.
I fucking wish it was a month. No, But I make up six figures a
year on there, which I feel like if.
I mean it's pretty fucking good. Like, I'm not mad at it.
Yeah, but I'm not mad. You know, I know like when Bunny
had her free page, she said that more people would purchase from
the free page or tip. From the free page because they
think they're getting something for free and then they want to
spend money versus the people on the paid page.
And then she also like when she shut down her only fans, she was
like, I'm directing all my energy towards Patreon and she
is making six figures a month on Patreon.
And so like for funsies, I'll sometimes calculate out like if
you've got 40,000 members times $5, that's 200,000 or whatever
it is. It's like we'll do all these
little math games. But the crazy thing for me is
when I see people on only fans that say they're.
Charging $10 and they are. They have 2500 followers on
there because that's $25,000 a month, that's why.
People lowered their money. Right like that on there like
have you had a 20,000 per month, Here's the thing, So no and
that's I'm going to be so blunt. I make great money on only for
like what I do. My phone I have met.
I can't tell you with how many managers, how many people, but I
finally found out why. I did find out why I get
probably about 2000 views a day, like like people click on my
only fans page, there's a website going around and if you
Google me you can see me naked for free.
They came into my only fans and they screenshotted a bunch of
shit and it's all over Google. That fucked up my income because
now a lot of violation, right? And I tried.
I tried to e-mail the company. It is what it is.
But what I joke about now, when people are like, oh, you know,
your shits. I'm like, yeah, but it got my
new titties. It don't have my new booty.
It don't have any of my new fucking tattoos.
It don't got my new lips. You seeing some old shit?
You seeing that amateur shit? You should see the shit I posted
now because it's not a lie. It's not like way fucking better
make it now. But nobody can figure out why.
I literally try to be so fucking creative.
And I like my even just my open wall on my, like my actual main
page. It is so there's so many
different things going on all the time.
Like I'm never doing the same thing, of constantly trying to
change it or trying to change locations of where I'm doing
things. But yeah, I don't.
I don't know what it is. I think it also has to do with
because of the fact that I don't do a lot of collaborations too,
though with other men. And that's where I think a lot
of people get butt hurt is because one not only does it
kind of ruin like the oh shit, one day she might fuck me
because she's fucking other dudes.
So it ruins that kind of fantasy that oh, there's a possibility,
but a lot of people like her just kind of like it's the same
two people. So like, you know, it's.
I try to keep it very fresh. Like I said, I mean I'm making
six figures a year. It's fucking great.
I make good money. Do I want to make more fucking
A? Yeah, I do.
I mean my free page. I tried that because I thought
the same thing people are going to want.
If you can buy all the cart, even if you want to see me naked
once, well, now you have the free page.
You get super spicy photos of me like, almost naked.
And if you want to see me naked, you can buy it every once in a
blue moon. I've I've made like almost no
sales on my free page. Like these mother fuckers do not
want to buy shit on my free page.
I think I've made like a total and I only have my free page up
for two months, 2-3 months and I think I've only made like 500
bucks off my free page. I'm like y'all ain't y'all
really ain't trying like I'm like damn, like I just dropped
like you know 15 photos and three videos and it's only 20
bucks. Y'all ain't what?
Yeah, it's wild. Do you think it's over
saturation of the market though? Like whenever it started in the
pandemic ever, I was popping their shit, but then I didn't
know Cardi B has one, she said. It's like, I don't know,
$500,000 a month or some shit. Totally.
Because making millions a year on only fans.
I I wouldn't say it's over saturation.
I would say it's more of like if I go viral on Tiktok from a
thirst trap, my subscribers fucking skyrocket for that one.
But I think, and nowadays, because porn is so easily
accessible and you really can't see anybody and everybody you
want, these mother fuckers are coming and they're watching and
they enjoy the month, but when the month is over, where are
they going to stay? They've already seen it all,
They've seen it, they've already bought the videos.
So if they haven't, only fans, they already bought your videos
for that month. However many you put out, if
it's in their messages, even if they unsubscribe, that message
chain is still there and they can still watch that video at
any time that they want. So why?
You know what I mean? So that's what I've noticed.
I have a lot of people come back when I run my promos and things
like that. But I don't know.
I want, trust me, I want to be one of the motherfuckers who are
making like a I think I just want 100K months.
Jesus fucking Christ. Could you imagine?
Could you fucking imagine? Literally.
Manifest this type of energy because like you know, just
being a content creator, no matter what content you're
creating, there's a market for it.
Whether you're making part, making music, it doesn't matter.
And it literally someone once said to me, get prepared for
your moment, even if your moment's not coming anytime
soon. Because whenever the when the
call comes, you don't got to get ready anymore, you're ready.
My grandma gets up every day and puts makeup on every single day
because she said this could be the day.
That something happens that I need to be ready for, and she
put on a full face of makeup and looks fire every day.
Like people, when they see my grandma, they're like, no way
she's in her 70s. Like, there's no fucking way.
Because this bitch is ready and the craziest thing is ready.
Like she is ready. And like, the crazy thing for me
is like watching people evolve into different arenas that they
were not in, you know what I mean?
And like the biggest ones like Jelly Roll starts out as like a
street rapper drug dealer. All the way to the CM TS, Grammy
Awards, you know? And that's beautiful.
I fucking love that. And I love to meet people such
as yourself or anyone really, that is grinding towards
something, no matter what that is because at the end of the
day, you don't know when that moment's going to be for you.
But if you're ready and you got it going like you said, that
viral moment, that viral TikTok that you have, boost your sales.
That's where like Jim and I was always saying that I'm missing
the bar on that, but I have like a very low patience level for
people, especially guys in general.
And I just know that I could not run the page like I just know
that I would be. I would have to get paid.
To be mean to people because that's the only way we're doing
it. Because I do, I do that.
I I literally. That's a whole niche.
Yeah, that's a whole thing. I literally, I actually just
posted on Twitter today because I actually just kicked one of my
fucking pay pigs to the fucking curb because he wasn't fucking
paying me and I was over it. I literally have mother fuckers
right now, actually. Well, it's 11:30 in Florida.
I could literally right now probably message one of them and
be like do I fucking own you? Yes or fucking no, you piece of
shit? Yes, ma'am, you do.
OK, thank you. That's literally a whole fucking
thing. That's a whole fucking thing.
Just it's called Fendom financial domination.
But do it. You don't even have to be
sexual. You don't have to be sexual.
He's got to be a cut. And they love it.
My question how does your partner feel about this?
Like obviously he's cool with it, but like was there any like
leniency or fear or like insecurity at any time?
Oh, when he first met me and we were dating for like a month or
so. And I was like, I might be
getting serious. And I was like, hey, FYI, like,
I do webcam. He was like, you stop or I leave
you straight up. Like ain't no fucking way.
Like I'm not cool with that. And I was like, Oh my God, will
you gonna help pay my bills or what?
Like how it's going work, babe. And it's slowly.
For years I did stop doing it and then it was there was like a
really like rough month one time.
And I was like, I still have my account.
Just let me, just let me work tonight.
Let me just show you what I can do.
And I think I have, because it was like we had just moved to
Texas like shit, where I just had my son, like things were so
fucking tight, like and our bank account had hit like -600
fucking bucks. And I was like fuck my life.
I said just let me let me do what I need to do.
Just hold on. I literally got up.
I went out to the living room, worked for like 2 hours and the
next morning I didn't say anything.
The next morning I said go ahead, open, open up the big
account and go look. And he was like, where the fuck
he's like, so not only did you cover the 600, but there's like
1200 dollars additional in the bank account right now.
He's like, how late were you up? I said it's good for the two
hours. I said that's what I'm telling
you. Like I I just need you to
understand this. Like, I get, I get it.
And then it was like, OK, you can do that.
But I want limits. Like, there's rules.
Like, I don't want you to show this.
I don't want you to do that. And I was like, OK, understand.
I'll try to make it comfortable. And now that motherfucker like,
hey, how are we, how am I fucking you tonight for the
camera? Like, what are we doing?
Like, how how are we doing this? Are you blowing me?
Are we setting a fire in the fireplace?
Like, what are you wearing? I love that.
That I fucking love that. Because I do feel like a lot of
guys, especially in this new arena of like, sexual online
content, like it brings out insecurities to be like, you
know, when I see this thing float around Facebook where it's
like, if you ever feel like you're a girl or you are having
issues or problems, make a Tinder profile with her
pictures. Yeah.
And then go ahead and let me know how you feel in the
morning. And like I did the same last
year, like I've been single and celibate and all this thing like
since the pandemic really. And last year around this time
Scorpio season, I was like, I'm going to get on the dating app.
So I'm going to meet somebody, I'm going to find somebody.
But really I got on there and basically paid for the premium
for one month. And my goal was to hit 10,000
likes like to have. Maxed out like it was like
10,000 plus likes of people that liked me and once I got that I
was like fuck everybody and I just shut it down and never met
anyone from it. Like never met a man from it
sexually, romantically at all, and.
And I look around and I'm like, that's just such a random thing
that I wanted, that I didn't know I wanted.
But once I found out that that many people were ready to come
over here and like, do whatever I wanted, I was like, oh, I'm
good. I'm good now.
You know what's so funny is so many people even like, for my
single days and they're like, Oh my God, like you probably slept
around with so many people. But I'm like, motherfucker.
No, I don't have a high body count with guys and girls.
I don't. I'm picky as shit.
But let me tell you, do I like to flirt when I'm single, bro, I
I catch. I catch phone numbers.
I don't catch bodies. Like, I'm just like over here.
And I'm like, oh, you do like me.
OK, bye. That's how I was.
And so I totally get that you are.
You're like that. Many people do like me.
I don't need to have sex. That actually literally just did
it for me. Thank you.
I'm having that issue now that when I like someone that they
like. When they find out I like them,
then they're like, OK, that's good enough for my ego.
Like you're not really going to like who I am because I'm
probably hyping myself up. I'm portraying myself different.
I'm showing my good side. And I had a guy like in the last
couple months that I kind of had this crush on and we met in real
life. He wanted me to come meet all
his friends, which I thought was weird.
But I'm like, OK, cool, I'll come meet all your friends.
Then he leaves. He leaves me with all his
friends, just leaves like 2 hours end up hanging out he
leaves. And then starts hitting me up on
Snapchat, talking to me and all his friends are like, I'm so mad
that he ditched you and I'm like, I'm not mad y'all like we
he has no commitment to me. There's no reason that he needs
to like, you know, usher to me or anything.
And then I look around. All of his friends added me on
Snapchat. All of his friends were already
on my Facebook. Friends like everybody started
liking heart reacting my stories and I'm like, this is all I
needed to know about your friends because they.
Probably talked you out of actually pursuing me so that
they could later. Keep me in the portfolio for the
and I'm like dudes are so strange because he hyped it up.
I mean it was like balls to the wall.
I'm obsessed with you literally asking me like questions like
are you on birth control and stuff.
I feel like that's like next level like I fucking like you
energy and just literally out of nowhere just like stop talking
to me and started getting on Facebook being like I'm so
depressed. I want to kill myself and all
this stuff, and I'm not like, I'm not making fun of that in
any way, but I feel like my. A happy disposition brings out
depression in people. I don't know why, but they're
like, she's so happy. I wish I could be like that.
She won't really like me if she knew me.
And then I have this, like conflict where it's like I want
someone who's deeper and artistic and maybe dark and sad
a little bit because like those type of people really get me
going. But then it's like, Oh no, she
won't really like me if she finds out who I am.
And so I have this weird disconnect there.
It's just like I like you and you're acting weird now.
I feel like both of you. I can see it in both of you
especially like when both of you smile and you laugh it is it's
intimidating because both of you know and you can tell deep down
y'all have this power that when you walk in the room you're like
yes I'm here and like what do you what hello.
Like both of you carry yourselves and it can be very
intimidating to men like. And that's the one thing that
and I think a lot of women like I have like you know some
friends who are single and things like that and they're
like I don't understand. I'm like you're like you don't
have to understand. Like a confident woman nowadays
is rare and that is very very fucking sad to say.
It's very sad to say. But to walk in and own a room,
it is so fucking intimidating because you can pretend online
all day that you feel like that bad bitch right.
Like there's days where I'll post online that I'm like, I'm
the hub's pitch, I'm the hub's pitch.
But like, deep down, like, I know.
Like if I'm walking, it's like this.
I don't want anybody to see me. I don't want anybody to notice
me, don't talk to me. I feel very insecure.
So when you are in person with that man, you walk in and you
fucking own that room and your fucking light fucking shines and
your fucking positivity fucking shines, it's like, oh fuck, no,
she's she's sure of herself. Like this, this is not, this is
not a fucking quit kind of deal. Like this is not hit it and quit
it. This is like, well, like, she's
a real one. And that's intimidating, This
stuff nowadays, it's super fucking intimidating.
It's not only intimidating to men, but it's intimidating to
like, other women. We've talked about this, like,
multiple times on the podcast, but we so Paige lives in
Kentucky. I live in Idaho.
We met. We've only met in person one
time, and we got invited by somebody to go and meet in
person. We vibed, no fucking problem.
The friend that Paige brought, we vibed.
But the girl who invited us from the jump was like, did not know
how to handle it. I don't know what she was like
expecting, but we've and we've had it even when we haven't been
in person. We've had where there's always
that thing, whether it's men or women, where people are
attracted to you because of a strength that you bring, whether
that be confidence or whatever it may be.
But as they start to get to know you as a person, it's almost
like the illusion falls for them and they're like.
Oh, you're a real person and you have actual things that you go
through. And I think that it can be very
uncomfortable for people to see that, wow, you have all these
things you go through and struggles, and you're still
confident and happy with yourself and love yourself even
though you have these moments of like, feeling weak or being
honest about it. And that, again, is such a
difficult thing. I know for us like we do like
spiritual work for people and so we have a lot of people in our
arena because of that. And so that's a lot of like what
our content and what we do is based off of.
And so we show different parts of, like, inner pieces of our
soul. And you're sharing a
vulnerability in a different way, where you're showing a
comfortability on like your outer flesh.
And like the way that you're using your body is like an
instrument and a way to connect with people.
And whether you're looking down or whatever at your phone when
you're walking, you still have that same energy.
You still have the same people look at you and go, wow, she's
really beautiful. She's probably a hoe.
You know, like that's everybody has like their prejudgments that
they're going to make. And I think that finding really
authentic friendships, like we we do have a disadvantage and an
advantage over other people. Of the fact that we come in
contact with so many different people that I think we're all
really good at this point at recognizing if you're fucking
weird or not. And occasionally you have a few
snakes that slip through the grass, but you're able to
recognize the energy and being like you guys are fucking weird
and this isn't going to benefit me.
It's always a weird. I'm just going to say the truth.
It's always a weird, ugly bitch. It's never somebody that you're
like. That bitch is bad and I give a
fuck about her opinion. It's like, babe, I was being
nice, like trying to help you glow up and you didn't take a
single fucking lesson and you just went right back to the
fucking swamps where your Mama had you.
Yeah, I I it's. I mean, it's true.
Like, I hate that cliche saying, but it's true.
Like I've never had somebody talk shit who was doing better
than me. So I think like that's the one
thing that I have learned in this arena.
It does not matter how much you fucking help people, doesn't
matter how genuine you are, how kind you are.
I am the most giving person I give till I can't give anymore.
And I had a friend that I've been friends with for like 14
years come out of the woodwork and say when I started reading
tarot, I thought I was better than everyone.
I have literally cleaned out my clothes because this girl is a
single mom had no clothes. Given her at least three full
wardrobes, and I'm talking, I could have sold this shit.
I know she sold some of it, 'cause she was broke.
But the fact that she was like, just 'cause you give me your old
clothes doesn't mean you're a good friend.
And I was like, I was appalled, like I was shocked.
And then this year, on my birthday, she has the audacity,
'cause I have two cell phones to text, the one that I didn't
block her on and say I'm thinking about you on your
birthday, I really want you to know that you were always such a
good friend to me and I really miss you.
And I left that bitch on red. Fucking hate people like that.
I've done the same shit. I knew this girl.
She they literally shared like a one bedroom apartment with her
kid, her boyfriend. They were struggling, a car
about to be repoed. I covered her fucking car
payment so it wouldn't get repoed.
Like up to fucking date. Got this bitch of gym
membership. I did the most, the most.
And then I get a text one day because she said she was
struggling at that time. I didn't have extra money at
that point in my life like it was.
You know, there's some months where it's slow.
And I. Couldn't help her.
And I got that text of huge change.
You're so different. You're not different.
And I was like, oh, there it is. There.
What the fuck is? And I'm going to be honest, I
have friends who, you know, you would think would have more than
me. I live a very comfortable life.
I I have a very comfortable life.
And when people find out about how I live, they're like, wait a
minute, hey. And I'm like.
Hi. That is the fucking one that is
exactly, like, exactly what I'm talking about.
Because I think people realize not only do I have like a
career, I have a business I own at LLC.
And then if your girl wanted and only fans, she'd have money on
there too. And people like, they don't like
that I have all these options and Gemini's always like really
talking me up and like, oh, you should do this, you should do
that or whatever. And.
People have tried to come between US and like, really try
to divide us, and that's what's been crazy about it is.
Because still to this day, we're growing and elevating from those
experiences, bringing in amazing people like you and like,
seriously, thank you so fucking much for coming on to our
podcast to have you back. I fucking feel like we're just
sitting in the room with our new best friend.
Because honestly. I know.
I looked out at the time and I was like, Oh my God, I didn't
even know that you were. Talking for that, this is the
longest interview that we've ever done.
This feels so natural, like. We were like out on interviewing
people. And then recently we started
kind of finding that there were some people we wanted to bring
on and collaborate with and talk about.
And you know, I really like to talk about people who have
something going that's unique and different.
And like you're very unique in the way of you're not like, look
at me, I'm better than you, but you're like, no, here's what I
do and like that's how I am. It's like I will give you the
recipe but like I know you can't flavor like me, but here's the
recipe like I'm not. Gatekeep what I'm doing, you
know, and and with every arena, there's gatekeepers, there's
fake people, there's cloud chasers.
So we just really appreciate you coming on here being vulnerable
and just like talking about all this stuff with us because.
I really feel like I've gotten to know you on just a deeper
level than just your looks, but you are gorgeous.
So the next time that you have Audio Scorpio, think about me
thinking how cute you are and Gemini hyping you up in our
chat. Like, yes, we get to talk to the
hottest bitch tonight. Like, yes, we really were going
back and forth. Like, no, dude.
Like, she's real hot. Oh, thanks.
I bought it. Something that we do on the
podcast is at the end of every episode.
Do you know anything about human design?
OK, so without getting too deep into it, it's basically like the
blueprint that you have and things that you may experience
inside of, inside of this, like existence and inside of this
life. So I have a human design deck
and I always pull a card at the end of our episode and it is
your gift and your shadow. So it can be a gift that you
already possessed or something that you're going to that's
inside of you that you're going to have to harness for things
that are going to be coming up and then the shadow inside of
that. So the ways that it may not go
as you plan or something that may be like underlying inside of
that. So I'm going to pull one of
those cards before we go. Hold on, just a tidbit, there is
an app for anyone listening. It's called My Human Design and
you do have to pay like for the extended version, but you could
download it Barbie and like just look at your human design you.
Will be shocked. On how much it resonates and
then the app will give you like the tip of the day.
But I think if you buy the version it's like 399 or
something like it's not a lot but it really is super in depth
and it has like so many connections to each cycle of
your life and. Like each layer of your life, so
your personal life, your spiritual life, your physical
life. You know, like, it just has all
these different layers. And there's like a whole book
that you've never known, but you're like, wow, like, I feel
like I wrote this book. Like this resonates.
And it's it. So anybody listing my human
design the app and we'll let Jim and I read our card.
I also had the lady who made this deck.
I'm almost 100% sure her name is Christina but I had her on the
Coven of Rejects podcast and her deck is called Realm of Being
and that was the episode and she's strictly does human design
and like broke down my whole chart and whatever if anybody
like wants to learn. So card number 3 for awareness
is what came out, and I just love you said Texas and it just
I've been watching cowboy shows lately and it just makes me
think of like desert nothingness, like a barren
wasteland. So the sign is Leo, the gift is
cognizance, and the shadow is a lack mindset, the gift of
cognizance. As you begin to wake up to your
true essence, you also witness your patterns, your perceived
victimhood, and your own participation and your
relationships. And this way you tune into an
awareness of your humanness in the process of accessing the
gift. Your suffering may seem to
heighten as you are present to your unconscious patterning, but
this road to unadultered self-awareness is both necessary
and rewarding. From here mindfulness blossoms
and you transform your relationships and your world in
general through conscious thought, word and action.
Your Shadow is a lack mindset. The 33rd Shadow examines
suffering through the lens of our relationships.
When we are living half asleep or unconsciously, we might see
that relationships happen to us as if we're not active
participants in their unfolding. The lower frequency state breeds
codependent relationships complete with victim narratives
and combativeness or avoidance. We forget our inherent wholeness
and attempt to fill a perceived deficiency by seeking refuge in
the other. When we take a step back, we
have the opportunity to re evaluate our position and see a
new expansive message that this relationship may hold for us.
Your themes are wakefulness, wholeness, gratitude, and
relationships. Beautiful.
Oh yeah. So everyone, we will put in the
description where you can follow Beautiful Barbie and we'll have
her social media. You can go check out her only
fans. Get these views up for the
month, baby. And.
Go ahead and tap in. Hit the follow.
We're definitely going to have you back.
I would love to have you back. Amazing.
And is there anything like a message that you want to leave
everyone with? Oh my gosh.
Just be you. That's.
I mean, that's what I tell people all the time.
That's my main message. Like stop being scared of what
people are gonna think about you.
Just go out there and fucking embrace the world.
Be yourself. Fuck it.
They don't like you. They're never going to be in
your fucking life anyways. That's that's what I like to
say. Amen.
Thank you all for listening to another episode of Look It Like
a Lollipop. And we'll see you next time.
Bye.