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Welcome back to another episode of Candyland tonight.
It's just me and Jim and I, my lovely Co host.
I'm so happy to be here. I feel like we haven't talked in
a really long time, but that's a lie.
We talked last week. It just had to be scrapped.
Yeah, a lot of things had to be scrapped.
Well, I believe that things happen for a reason.
So that episode just wasn't it wasn't going to work.
No. And So what had happened was,
without giving you guys detail, we decided to have my daughter
do an episode with us. And kids are fucking reckless.
And she just started talking about all kinds of information
at school and things that kids do and whatever.
And we were like, Oh yeah, we're not airing any of this shit.
Yeah, I knew that kids these days were a lot Wilder just
because of the Internet. Like, you know, when we were
kids we couldn't just find everything on the Internet.
But now, 20 years later, everything is on the Internet.
So not only do they know everything, they have access to
everything. And it's crazy.
There's a lot of shit too that I feel like kids all go through
different things and have different home lives and
whatever. And so then you can't really
gauge at what rate and speed your kids are learning things
and experiencing things because it truly doesn't matter what
you're trying to limit them from at home, they're going to come
into it in the world. And it's all about like talking
to your kids, I feel like, and preparing them for things that
are going to come up in the world and then being able to
have open discussions. And I told Brian I loved it so
much. When Auntie Paige came out and
you were like, oh, you can't go there again, You're never going
there. Oh, absolutely not.
And I was like, see, she doesn't even have kids.
And she fucking knew what was up.
Like I that was my probably my favorite part of the whole
thing. Yeah, I as an only child had a
lot of exposure to things through my mom's friends and
just being like in the room and being around things and I just
can't. I think I will end up being a
helicopter mom because I don't approve how these children are
moving in the world. And I know my mom had strict
rules for certain things, but was a lot looser on other
things. So to hear your daughter's
experience with her biological mom and things that she had
going on, it was triggering. It was triggering for me because
now I as an adult realize, hey, that was wrong.
Or your mom shouldn't have let you do that.
Or being exposed to that wasn't OK, or that wasn't cool.
And hearing other children, her friends, things that she was
learning from other kids, like all of that was triggering for
me. I'm sorry that it was a trigger.
I've noticed through us talking a lot of correlations that you
and my daughter just have in common about, you know, mother
experiences and and whatnot. And I knew that she feels like a
bond with you. And I think that a part of that
is just her energy knows that, like, you recognize and you see
her. And I think that she doesn't
always feel very seen and heard. And I think that that totally
happened for her where she felt seen and heard.
Sometimes though, when you feel seen and heard, you just be
letting your mouth run fucking reckless.
She was over here talking like she's one of the fucking girls
and she's like, let me tell you about this.
And we're like, wait, no, I was so mad when we got off the call.
She was like, are you angry? And I was like, I'm not angry at
you. I'm just so mad that I can't
protect you from the world and like, put you inside of a bubble
and curate everything that happens inside of your reality.
Yeah. And I think that the way she
opened up about certain things, not knowing that they were wrong
or that that shouldn't have been happening, like, Oh well, this
person knew I was doing that or this was already approved.
That's what. Not triggering in a bad way, I
feel like triggering it, triggering me in an awakening
space of like, wow, as a child, I just thought all of this was
OK because my guardian, my parent, allowed me to do that,
you know, when I was a kid. You all.
I don't know why, but I must have been a really fucking cool
12 year old. Cause a lot of like 14 and 15
year old girls, not boys, girls. Wanted to hang out with me,
wanted to come to my house, wanted to go to Florida with us,
to the lake with us. And I look back on it now and
like those kids didn't really have a good home life.
So coming to my life and coming to my house was like getting
away or escaping from the poverty and the drama and the
chaos, addictions and things that they dealt with at home.
So yes, I'm sure they enjoyed hanging out with me, but it was
more so like living vicariously through me of like, wow, Paige
has Barbies and the Internet and a computer and a pool and all of
these things that, like, I wish I had, but I can have those if I
just hang out with her. And so I look back on that.
And my mom really, really liked that because she never had to
pay a babysitter like, up until the point of me staying home
alone. She never had to pay a
babysitter at all when I was like 11 and 12 years old,
because everyone around me was like 1415, sixteen years old.
And I remember my neighbor, her name was Christina.
She was born in like 89 and I was born in you know, the 90s.
So I just look back on that and I think like there's no way on
God's green earth that as a teenager I wanted to hang out
with 12 year olds ever. Like, at all.
So when I look back on that, I'm like, you know, that was wrong.
Like even though they wanted to hang out with me and they were
not, you know, influencing me to do anything negative, They
literally came to my house to be more childlike and to have more
childlike experiences that where they had to grow up really fast,
where they had to stay home alone.
But then that gave my mom, like this mental understanding of
like, well, Paige is really mature.
So she's allowed to do these things.
She's allowed to be exposed to these things and hang out with
these people. And I just look back on that.
And that was wrong. I feel like when I was younger,
my mom was very, it's it's so interesting because you
mentioned the things that, like, your mom was super laxed on and
then the things that, like, she really cared about and she was
like, you know, had more rules and guidelines on.
And it's so interesting because there's so many things that were
like, I had rules and regulations on and one of them
was going over to people's houses.
Like, my mom was always insistent on I have to talk to
the parents. I have to make sure that, like,
they say that you're allowed to be there, whatever.
And I hung out with people who I knew their parents would lie and
say that we are at their house so that we could go and do
whatever. So like friends that I would
make in like middle school and stuff like that, I would hang
out with people who were getting into things that we couldn't get
into, who didn't have responsible parents at home who
were just going to let us run amok.
And so people didn't necessarily, like, I had friends
who would come over to our house or whatever, mostly because my
mom made food. But like, if you wanted to,
like, hang out and get into shit, we're going over to your
house where your parents don't give a flying fuck and you know,
or your brother's got people that are in their 20s wanting to
hang out with us and, you know, smoke us out or whatever it may
be. And I also though, like, I feel
the exact same way, like with my daughter.
And I'm always trying to figure out like what my balance is
because you know, you heard things that are like really
lacks and just like she's she's able to do that like you and I
wouldn't let do. But when it comes to things like
coloring her hair or whatever or doing her makeup or or those
types of things where it's like self-expression, it's not
harming anything. You're just expressing yourself.
I'm so open to her doing those. And that's, you know, where her
biological mom is. Like, oh, that's the thing that
I'm not cool with. And so Co parenting on things is
just really interesting. I actually experienced the same
thing she's experiencing. My mom would not let me get my
nails done, color my hair. I think she, you know, let me
get some highlights in middle school, but nothing like off the
verge of my natural color. And so I completely like my mom
would not let me color my hair or get my nails done.
But at a very young age, she lied and said I was older so I
could get my belly button pierced and I had to hide it
from my dad. So my dad did not know I had a
belly ring until like well into high school.
And when he found out that I had that, he came unglued.
And even though I had had it for like 4 years at this point and
it was past like the stage of healing or getting infected or
whatever, like he came unglued. And I remember him calling my
mom. And this is kind of when my mom
was going through her midlife crisis and I had moved in with
him, and me and her really weren't close anymore.
It was really her ex-husband and my dad that was raising me.
She was Mia. She was in other states.
She was wherever she was, not active or present in my life.
But if I wanted to do something or to get into something or lie
about something, I would go hang out with my mom.
And you know, I just went back on like my mom at like 1516
years old, just literally going to the liquor store and buying
us like 1/5 of UV or 1/5 of vodka or 1/5 of tequila and
letting us drink that at her house.
And like, you know, of course, like we're young.
We don't know our limits. You know, we've never had life
or death experiences with alcohol.
So, like, everyone's just drinking and drinking.
And I remember like 15, I had a party.
My mom inherited a house, my uncle had passed away and we
were living in this house. Or she was.
And it was like, you know, he died there.
So it was a little haunted. It was creepy.
It wasn't like, you know, inviting.
But she was letting me and my high school friends like, party
there. Like she wouldn't even be there
half the time. But she would tell my dad I was
going to be with her for that weekend.
And I remember one of my friends got so fucked up, she had to
call her parents to like, come get her, like, it was like, you
know, really bad. And I remember her parents were
like, her mom just let you all do this at home.
And she's like her mom isn't even here like that, you know,
Like they thought she came to my house to stay the weekend and
was like going to be safe and someone was going to be home.
But then like, her same parents let her smoke weed at a very
young age. So like, you know, some people
are like throwing stones at one parent for doing this, but then
let them do something else. Like, you know, I don't know.
So it's really weird what some parents allow and some parents
don't allow. Like, my dad would have never.
But there are so many parents that I look back.
They're like, we knew if we went there we could smoke weed.
Or we knew if we went there, you know, their mom had klonopins
and we could take them. Or, you know, or if we went
there, there was a liquor cabinet full of liquor.
And I used to babysit for my aunt.
And I remember we, after the kids went to bed, me and my
friend got really drunk in their liquor cabinet.
We filled it up with water, Like what?
Like what we drank. So I ended up getting in trouble
for that, like two years later because they were like, yeah,
that really, it's been some vodka that we had.
It was diluted with water. I wonder how that happened.
Oh my fucking God, dude. See, when you tell me the story
about your belly button piercing with your dad, I wonder how much
of it was, like, actually angry about the belly button piercing
and actually angry that, like, there's something being kept
from him that like, other people are in on.
Because I know that, like, that's something for us.
That's always, like, really frustrating is when there's like
purposefully a secret that she's supposed to keep about her or
about something else that, like, she should be saying.
And it's like everything can be done as a team.
But if there's going to be secrets about things, then it,
like, creates a mistrust of not knowing, like, what other things
like, Is your safety being lied about?
Is there other things like and So I wonder for your dad finding
out like this? You've had this for four years
and I haven't been in the loop. Like what the fuck else is mine
not being told about? Oh yeah.
I've never seen him as mad as he was.
And there was like a stretch where, you know, they didn't
really involve the courts, but at any time, my dad could have
flipped the script and took her for child support.
But I think that he was afraid that she wouldn't pay or follow
the rules. And then me, as an angsty emo
teenager, would have been like, you put my mom in jail.
Like, I wouldn't have understood the concept.
But, you know, it just became, like a very big choice in my
eyes. Like, I have to go live with my
dad, even though it's gonna be stricter and hard and not fun.
All this isn't fun anymore. It was like a part of me, like
my spirit team. Something awakened me to be
like, look, we know you're not going to like this decision, but
you have to willingly go make this decision because in the
courts eyes, you know, my mom was a fit parent.
Like they never had anything on record.
And you know, back then CPS would come to school and just
like sit down with every kid, like whether you've had any
issues or not. Like they would come to our
school and we lived in a, you know, a poverty type area and it
was an Independent School, not a public school.
And so CPS would just come and at this school you could also
sign a paper and they could paddle your kid if they were in
trouble. Like yeah, it was a really weird
place. So, you know, we as a school,
CPS would come and just sit down and talk to people.
Like they would give classes, They would sit down and they
would just ask you questions. Like, do your parents make you
dinner? Do you go to bed hungry or do
you have clean clothes? Like just random shit?
And then, you know, kids are loudmouth, but they don't know
what they're saying. Just example like your daughter,
they don't know what they're saying, if it's right or if it's
wrong or if it's going to trigger something.
So they're like, yeah, my mom was never home at night or yeah,
we don't have food at our house or you know, that kind of thing.
And then it would open acps case.
So I knew even as like a young 10 year old, not to say like, Oh
yeah, some nights I go to bed and my mom's not home or some
days there's all these people at my house smoking or you know,
doing whatever, like whatever it is.
My kid busted and can I go to the book fair?
Why? Really pleased.
You know, out of all the times I've paid attention to things on
the road, I saw a semi and it said the Scholastic Book Fair
and I was like, that's so crazy because I've never seen that
semi before. Dude, they have those all over
the place and they so when they go and set up the book fair,
they drive in the Scholastic like Big Rig.
And so that's probably why you saw they're probably going to
set up at a school. Yeah, that's what I thought.
The I remember the book fairs used to be so much cooler, maybe
just 'cause we were a kid. But I just felt like they had so
many different, like, types of books, so many different stuff.
And now, like, he Mac comes home with the stuff that he got from
school and I'm just like, that's you got an eraser dispenser.
What happened? Like we used to have the fluffy
pens and like the little charmed like journals that you could get
that have little locks on it. Yeah, I used to love getting
those best friend journals where you, like, would fill them out
with a friend, would be like, how did you all meet?
What is your favorite color? What are your goals?
And I have a bunch of them that are like halfway filled out,
like, 'cause I would, like end up not being friends with that
person or something. Like, I have a bunch of those
little journals that are like halfway completed and they would
come with like all these stickers and all these little
like tabs and different things. But yeah, I know $20 used to go
really far at a book fair. I'd be shocked if $20 goes far
these days. No, it totally doesn't go far.
Matt came home yesterday. It looks like a soda dispenser
and you push a button and it drops down a mini little soda
can eraser. So there's a bunch of different
flavors. That thing was 850 and it's like
this big. And on team oh, it was like.
$0.50. Literally, that's why it's hard
for me to buy a little knickknacks.
Like we went on a road trip last weekend to a concert and they
had little key chain Chuck shoes, but they were bedazzled
like just all the way diamond and it was 599.
So I was like, juber, do you want one of these?
Because like, I'm going to get one.
So I bought her one and I got a few other things and literally
my total was like $22.00 and I was like and This is why I don't
go to gas stations like This is why I never go inside a gas
station. I buy Red Bull, buy the case.
You know, if I won't want to have one, I don't need to go to
a gas station because I inevitably spend 20 plus dollars
every time I go. Yeah, Nope.
I and I don't really buy knickknacks and shit when I'm
out. And I always just find that
things are like super overpriced unless I'm going somewhere
that's like a monumentous place and will usually like, pick up a
postcard from that place. And like, that's our thing is,
hey, we bought a postcard here, we have a picture of it.
We'll add it to like a little travel book or something.
But everything's always overhyped.
You can go online and you can buy a fucking Michigan State
sweater and not have to spend $45 on it because you went to
Michigan. Well, it's like, you know,
buying something at an airport, whether it's candy or
knickknacks or souvenirs Like, it's very expensive because most
people that are purchasing something at an airport have
forgot it. So they're willing to pay $45.00
for a travel pillow when it was 1299 at TJ Maxx.
And so, I don't know, I see that meme.
It floats around and it's like, you know, a bottle of water can
be $0.30 in a pack or all the way up to 850 at a concert or a
festival. And it's like, it's the same
thing, but it's about the area that it's in or, you know,
wherever it's being offered. And it's like, never sell
yourself short because of what you're being offered.
Never sell yourself short because of the environment that
you're in. You know, at home water comes
out of the faucet and then at a festival.
Water should be free at festivals in my opinion.
Like not just water fill up stations, but like easily
accessible to water. Dollar bottle of water.
You're out here selling alcohol for $657.00 but a bottle of
water is 8 or a Gatorade is 8 like.
No wonder people are out here seizing and having alcohol
poisoning. You know, it's like so many
areas of our life. We're willing to pay more for
something. But then when someone starts a
business or someone starts doing hair or whatever, then you want
them to do it at cost or for free.
And that's what blows online with the Internet is like.
There are apps like Wish and Team Mood that you can get these
little knickknacks and little trinkets on for very cheap.
But then you put it in a Scholastic book fair where
there's children being involved, and all of a sudden you're going
to pay 850 for junk, for junk that he's going to look at one
time the smells going to wear off of those erasers and they'll
end up in the floor. Yeah, I've paid like the $9 that
it costs to get a bottle of air of water at the airport before
because they don't let you take anything in when you go in
there. And so then you're in there and
you're like, well, a bitch is thirsty.
I have to wait six hours for my flight.
I also recently saw this post that said if the post says
looking for blah blah blah that doesn't charge an arm and a leg,
don't tag me because I don't want their business.
And I reread that for a minute and I was like, no, literally it
makes me think of people who have been like, oh, what are,
what are your prices? And then been like, ah, yeah,
that's really expensive. Or and then gone and booked
with, you know, you or gone and booked with somebody else.
It's happened to both of us where we're just like, what?
Like what do you mean? I honestly have so many like
protection things that I just don't even attract clients who
are not willing to pay my price. Like I have clients that are
already picking days in May and like I'm not worried about
someone who isn't wanting to pay for quality or isn't ready to
pay for quality. Like you know when I did the
flash reading, the amount of people who thought that was a
video reading when it clearly said it was a three question
e-mail flash reading. Like the fact that so many
people, not just one like 5 different people thought it was
a video reading just tells me a lot about, like, they didn't
read, they just booked, they didn't look at the confirmation
e-mail. And I noticed that whenever
people pay 50 plus dollars for an e-mail reading, I never have
an issue. They always receive it, they're
always patient, they always know it's going to be an e-mail and
so forth. But on this one, there were so
many people that were like 2 weeks later, hey, did you send
my reading? And I'm like, yeah, I'll resend
it like just so many people that like, overlooked it because a
$33 investment, it isn't a big deal to a lot of people and they
don't take it as serious. And so that's why I like, I like
my prices being at a certain level because of the level of
client that you're going to bring in if you offer a service
to anyone and it's free, like free estimates, I don't know how
many contractors have they advertise free estimates.
Do you know how many people waste their time on a weekly
basis getting an estimate for something they're never going to
get? And I've done it before.
I was going to redo my bathroom and I got a free estimate it was
$20,000 for a closet sized bathroom.
And I was like, no, like, I'm good, you know?
But that free estimate. A lot of people charge more on
the back end because they're willing to give you this free
estimate when I would rather them just give you a virtual
quote. Send me photos of your space,
measure your space and I'll render a A online quote for you,
a generalized online quote for you.
But when I'm getting a quote for like 15,000, it's not even going
to include materials. And at one point I wanted to
knock a wall out and widen the space and collapse a closet and
make it like a big bathroom space.
The difference between collapsing the closet and
leaving the wall up was only at $1200.
So you're telling me knocking an entire wall down, moving the
electrical plates, rewiring it and putting a wall back up.
You're telling me that only is a $1200 difference?
No, no thank you. And like the amount of people
that will ask you a million questions but have no intentions
of supporting your business, I'm sure is a lot in the contracting
world. Well, I'm sure and like
especially in the contracting world because we see that on
like a small scale with our business too.
There's a reason that I started doing spiritual advice and
guidance on my website and it's because I was so tired of being
asked questions for free all the time.
I feel like, and we've discussed this before, but there's so much
content that we put out on, on social media, doing group
readings, whatever, having super discounted things on our
Patreon. Like there's so there's so much
the readings are discounted when you get them through Patreon,
just everything. And then to just have like
bombardment of additional questions about things.
And I really want your time on this and I want to trauma dump
all this information and get your point of view, spiritual
advice and guidance. Because time is valuable.
Energy is valuable. If you want me to sit down and
have this time to go through and energetically feel out all the
information that you're giving me and give some type of
guidance, I'm charging for that. And there are people sometimes I
never when I first started doing it, I had people that were like,
wow, that's so rude. Because from the Coven of
Rejects podcast, they're just like when you're giving out
advice like I do on that podcast, that's something that's
happening for free. So then it's just expected that
your time is just always going to be free.
And then now that's different. Now I get people that are like,
they either book it or OK, well, I'm going to save up for that.
And that'll be something that, like, I gift myself or that I
asked for my birthday. And I always, I always love that
where someone's like, I'm going to budget that in and I'm going
to do that instead of being like, well, I really don't have
the money for that and that's really expensive.
Can you just give me a discount on it?
Because if Spirit leads me to give you a discount, I will.
That's why on Patreon, for all levels, I started doing just
like monthly, like this past month.
I gave them for the month of April.
If you're on Patreon, you can get $50 off any service.
That's $100 or more, and I've had a lot of people who get
monthly readings, sign up or spell work or a Reiki cleanse or
things that they don't normally get.
And that's why, like, I'm starting to change things around
where there is a level where it just includes the group spell
work. Like it's just going to be the
group spell work. Or if you want to upgrade and
you want a reading the group spell work and a personal
spells, you have options for that.
But like, I understand not everybody can like spend a
certain amount every month. So I like to make things like
affordable. But when Bunny XO changed over
her pay grade from like $5 to $10 and 15 to 25 and people were
losing their shit, it really made me evaluate of like, when
you make yourself affordable to everyone.
Like she's had this $5 level. I've been on it for almost four
years and I've never thought, oh, she's doing not enough.
I've always thought, damn, she's doing way too much.
It's way too much for me to consume as a consumer for $5.
I feel like the $5 is just like a like a, a support and all this
stuff is bonus. So when all of these people were
just absolutely going crazy over the fact that she upgraded these
levels to the point where now like her top levels, you're
getting like presents and prizes and live zoom calls and all
these things. Like it's like she's just went
above and beyond. And the whole time I was
thinking, and I know we talked about it, that she was doing way
too much for $5. And you get people accustomed to
having full access to you for 5-10, fifteen, $20, they think
they own you. And I understand, like, hers is
a huge platform where, you know, if everyone's giving you $5,
you're making a half, $1,000,000 a month.
Like, you know, understand that. But it's like the fact that
people thought they were being taken advantage of because she
was going to add a $10 and a $25 level really blew my mind.
And it really made me realize how much I appreciate my monthly
clients and my clients who just upgrade.
They just pay what they pay and they get their services and
they're happy and they're grateful and they're pleased and
there's never any drama. But man, was that causing a
ruckus on Patreon when she did that.
And I just thought, like, these people are fucking nuts.
What I always think is interesting is once people get
money, then if they charge for anything, if they raise the
price on something, then they're just money hungry or whatever.
And so it's, it's interesting to me to have people who have been
OK with paying the $5 literally watching her form that platform
from nothing and create all of this, Do all this content grow
and grow and grow to the point that now like there's so much
that she's putting out there to just keep up with the rate of
people. So she raises prices and then
now people are like, you know, she had comments like, oh,
you're selling out or you used to be for like the people who
were broke or whatever. And now you're, you know, you
think that you're too good for us or whatever.
And that part to me is the the part that for her specifically,
was really interesting to me because she's always been about
the people. She's always made things
affordable. Her Patreon is still extremely
affordable for the content that you're getting.
And she also has a lot more people now who screen record her
segments and who posts things publicly for other people to see
and take clippings off of, you know, episodes and things like
that. And if there's something about
her, she's going to make a fucking coin off of it.
So if you're going to sit there and you're going to be screen
recording her shit and you're going to be shit talking, she
absolutely should be upping the price of the tears so that
you're having to pay some more money for that.
And she is going to have energy vampires around her because
she's such a light. It's like drawing moths to a
flame sometimes, and I'm glad that she fucking is doing her
thing and hustling through it and raising prices.
And if people don't want to pay it, then they can go suck a
rock. Yeah, I completely agree.
I was just like adding to the fact that like when people think
like, you know, I used to do readings for 15 dollars, $20 and
like that amount of clients I would have was a bigger number,
right? It was a bigger number of
clients that are willing to pay 15 or $20.00.
But when I raised my prices like a year ago, I will say that like
the volume of customers went down, but the quality of
customers went up. Because once again, every time I
do a flash reading, there are people that are like, when are
you gonna do my reading? Oh my God, I know I'm booked it
next Thursday, but it's Tuesday and I really would like my
reading or, oh, I thought this was going to be a different type
of reading. I thought this was a live
segment. I was hoping that I was getting
a video link. You know, like they're not
reading the fine print. Because investing a a smaller
amount of money isn't triggering them to look at the fine print.
But when someone's going to invest $111.00, they're reading
it, they're reading it, They're making sure that it's a video
reading. They're making sure that it's
what they're they're expecting to receive.
And I don't mind the questions. Like, you know, a lot of people
end up apologizing or feeling upset or, you know, like they
feel bad for bothering me. And I don't, I don't mind
answering questions. I just ask that people before
spending your money with anyone, not just me, anyone that you
know what you're paying for. Just like when we purchase
Netflix and there's three levels, there's one that you
know, everyone in your family can get on.
There's one that's just for one household.
There's one that's got some commercials.
Pay attention to that like you would with anything.
Whether you're going to get new tires and they give you 3 levels
of tires, One's 501's, 1001's, 1500.
Well, they all do the same thing, yes, but the $500 tires
come with no warranty, no roadside, no nothing.
The 1500 ones are guaranteed for three years.
Well, if you're a single mom and you're or a single person and
money's tight, I would say always go with the middle
because you're going to want some type of warranty.
Because what's going to happen is you're going to pull up to
your kids daycare and get a nail in your tire three weeks after
you bought them. And for those that didn't get
the warranty, they're going to get on Facebook and perpetuate
that negativity of this always happens to me.
And every time I try to do something, this always happens
to me. But that is the self fulfilling
prophecy that I learned about in psychology.
A lot of people are so caught up in the story they tell
themselves that they actually create it to be true.
They actually create it and draw it closer to them.
I gave a speech about this this past weekend.
A lot of people hear about manifesting and the law of
attraction, but they just disregard the Law of assumption.
And if you assume it's going to be hard, it's going to take all
this time and energy and money and resources, and you don't
have them, you're going to reject the opportunity for
something amazing to happen. 100% and people, I don't think
that people pay enough attention to the fact that you also create
realities based off of emotion. And just because you feel that
it's a certain way doesn't mean that it is that way.
And so there are a lot of people who think that they're doing
self reflection and that they're aware of the actions that they
have and the way that they're influencing others around them.
But they're really just acting on emotional responses and how
it emotionally is making them feel, which usually transposes
and to others around them feeling taken advantage of or
feeling like the person is a narcissist.
Which is why I think, I think that a lot of people who get
called narcissistic aren't true narcissists.
They are just emotionally wanting gratification from
things. And the only way that they can
see the world is based off of how it's emotionally affecting
them. And those are the people who
will be the most insistent that they are self aware that they're
on their healing journey, whatever.
And you're like, do you not see the catastrophe that is like
constantly around you? That's because of you.
Yeah, and unfortunately when you grow up in like fight or flight
mode, we develop a victim mindset.
And I as a child developed a lot of like, isolation tendencies,
mainly because kids my age were not being exposed to what I was
being exposed to. So not only did I think it was
acceptable, I knew at some rate in my head that like, I couldn't
communicate to that level with everyone.
Like, I couldn't just tell everyone, like, yeah, my mom
lets me do this or my mom lets me do that because then you've
got that nosy parent that's gonna call CPS on her own accord
or you know, whatever. So hanging out with older kids
or hanging out with people that were way more mature and like
way more, just not in that child like stance.
I knew as a kid, deep down subconsciously, that I couldn't
hang out with other 12 year olds when I was actually hanging out
with 15 year olds doing things I wasn't supposed to be doing, you
know? So I do think our environment
feeds into it. And what I always like to
encourage people is a read that fine print, but B stop
projecting your limiting beliefs into new scenarios.
It's just like that in relationships, which is probably
the most relatable way so many people will be in an abusive or
toxic relationship. And instead of working through
those insecurities and those fears and those traumas that
have either been projected or absorbed, you then get into
another relationship. And then you love bomb or you
trauma bond or you attached to this new person and project
those insecurities onto them and onto the relationship.
You know, I see things cycle around and they're like, if my
partner doesn't want me to have Snapchat, I'm going to delete
it. If my partner doesn't want me to
do this, I'm going to listen, OK, cool.
Respecting your partner is cool. But a lot of that is an
isolation technique that narcissists use to isolate you
from your daily interactions. So if they're going to abuse you
physically, mentally, spiritually, they don't want you
snapping. They don't want you snapping
your friends every day because they're going to see the slow
decline of your looks, your happiness, your aura, your, you
know, taking care of yourself. You know, I've always seen
people get relationships and they used to model or they used
to get ready every day, or they always used to go out and have
fun with their friends and then they get into a relationship and
that's non existent and then it's all.
Fuck everybody. They don't reach out to me.
I'm not reaching out to them. That's what that narcissist has
put into your mind. Because a real friendship is
5050, and sometimes it's 7525 because this person's going
through something, or they're going through postpartum or a
divorce or a change in their life.
And it's not all about you. They're not just laying up at
night. Like, how can I piss Jessica off
by not reaching out to her? You know, that's not what
they're doing. But people that want to isolate
you and manipulate you will put these little, I don't know,
little ideas in your head and then you absorb them.
So if you've absorbed those from your family and your friends
growing up, it's going to be a lot of self work and self
accountability to breakthrough those barriers.
So there's an analogy that I've heard before that I always
reference, and it's that bringing toxicity or bringing
anything from an old relationship and bringing it
into a new relationship is the exact same as you coming with a
cup that has spoiled milk in it and then pouring fresh milk into
it and expecting it to taste good.
It's not going to because regardless of how good and how
pure and how fresh the new thing is, if you're coming with the
old funky bullshit, it's going to make the entire thing taste
bad no matter how much you're coming with it.
And in regards to, you know, like friendships being like give
and take and having different percentages, we even just with
you and I, we even see that in our own friendship where like
you're like, girl, I know you've been going through some shit and
so you've been quiet. I just was like, is she mad at
me? I know you weren't.
But like, it was just on my mind and I read that and I was like,
no, I could never be mad at you. Sometimes you're just like, so
focused on what you got going on in life.
And to me, I think that sometimes people are quiet
because they don't want to put their shit on somebody else.
They're like, I I'm figuring things out right now, and if we
have a conversation about what's going on in my life, I'm going
to tell you what's going on in my life.
And that just feels like a lot. And there's not a need for me
to, like, trauma dump or involve you in shit.
And so I'm going to keep pushing with what I got going on.
And the last thing that somebody needs is thinking that their
friends are going to hold space for them when they're going to
need space held for them. And then somebody going, Oh
well, you haven't talked to me in 2 weeks.
So it's fuck you because you you don't want anything to do with
me. And you're like quite the
opposite. I thought this was a safe space
that I was just going to be able to return to when I when I, you
know, had the space and time. A lot of people hold their
friends to certain standards but then get dog walked in their
relationships like, oh, you're not reaching out to me.
You're not inviting me. You don't care about me.
But then you let your partner gaslight you and leave you
behind. And you know, I've seen people,
especially as of recently like Mercury retrograde energy.
Like I asked my partner to start doing this and they're doing the
opposite of that. Like, there's almost like this
punishment, give and take, that people do in relationships where
it's like, hey, this is really hurting me, that you don't do
this or this is triggering me. That you're not putting effort
towards this and instead of actually flipping the script
into that direction, they gaslight you into thinking
you're the problem or that they're already doing enough.
Like a lot of men have been taught, you are a provider and
all you have to do is go to work and provide.
And then when you come home, you're like a child.
You need to be waited on and you need to be your dinner better,
be prepared and your clothes better be clean.
But when your wife says, hey, can you take that trash out?
I'm in the middle of cooking. They're like, I'm not doing that
or I don't want to do that or they won't get up and do that.
So now you've got your hands in raw meat and you're trying to
like cook and now you've got to run outside and take the trash
out. You know, like there's just so
many elements to it. But whenever that was the
expectation, women were also at home getting a mental break for
like 6 to 8 hours without children and men around.
So yes, they were able to have self-care and they were able to
have lunches with the girls or, you know, sit in the front lawn
and and prune their roses or whatever it was.
But now you expect a woman to go to work just as long as you and
then come home and you or like a second job.
No wonder so many women in this day and age are choosing not to
get married or resent their partner.
Because that mindset is literally so far off track of
like, where society is like. That's why I always encourage
people like make space and get a house cleaner.
You know, have someone cut your grass.
Like if you and your husband don't get any time together and
then on your off day you're cleaning and he's cutting grass.
Make it apparent to fucking pay someone to do those things so
that your off day is your off day.
And OK, maybe you can't go to a nice steak dinner, but you can
go to a sports bar and sit outside on the patio and have a
drink and and eat in peace without thinking.
I'm so wore out from cleaning all day.
Or I'm so grumpy from being in the sun mowing the yard all day.
Whatever. So I don't know.
I think a lot of people are looking for 5050, but if you're
not giving yourself 100, you're showing up fragmented and you're
looking for someone to save you. I think both partners need to be
giving 100 because 5050, like I guess worked before, but for me,
I give myself 110 and if someone else isn't coming in that same
energy, it starts to irk me. And I've told men this before,
so I'll say it again. I give everyone the benefit of
the doubt. I understand.
Life happens. You've got a flat tire, you've
got no car wreck, you changed jobs, you moved out and got a
new place. Like, I understand that life
stressors are constantly happening and it does not matter
how prepared you are. Sometimes it throws you for a
loop. But what bothers me is when men
use that as an excuse. And an excuse to be shitty, or
to give you half or to give you 25%.
And then they keep stringing you along like promising you, Oh
well, once I adjust to this job, it'll be different.
Or once I get my car fixed, I'll come see you.
Or once this happens, this magical thing's going to shift
in my life and it irks me to my core when people do that in
relationships, Especially people who don't have their life
together out here pursuing new relationships.
Someone tell all y'all right now.
If you've just went through a breakup, a divorce, something
that's traumatic, health changes, family changes, grief
work, you need to be working on healing all of that.
Because jumping out and getting a new distraction or getting a
new partner or whatever, it isn't going to fix your issue.
But so many people would rather not work on themselves and come
over here and disrupt your happiness and disrupt your
peace. Or get a dog that they're going
to re home in six months or get an animal they can't take care
of. Like, that's the shit that
bothers me the most. It's not when people fall short
because I'm very understanding. It's when you're constantly
making excuses to give someone less than half of your full
attention. But then the moment that they
set a boundary and they're like, no, that's not gonna work for
me. You're back on Tinder or you're
over here and got a whole new relationship going with someone
else who isn't tired of your bullshit yet someone else who
isn't aware the game that you played.
And I don't know how many people approach me knowing damn well
they're not ready for what I have to offer.
Like, if you can't even do half of what I'm doing for myself,
then leave me the fuck alone. I'm so glad that I'm not, like
in the dating scene on things because it really feels like
it's the day and time when people just have so much access
on their phones to like over stimulation to like, Oh well,
I'm bored right this second and she's busy and she said that she
had to work or whatever. I love a girl that's working,
but I'm super lonely over here, so I'm going to go back onto
Tinder and I'm just going to go, you know, whatever and oh, you
see me on Tinder. Well, we never agreed that we
were official or anything like that.
And there are people. But see, my thing is that in the
dating scene, you're just out here getting to see more people
that are operating that way because you're talking to
multiple different people for like short spurts of time, where
I think that a lot of people operate that way in everyday
life. I think that people how multiple
people, the same thing that they have going on because they don't
want to wait for their friend to text them back.
So they're like let me trauma dump on you.
Let me say all these things over here.
I think that there are lots of people who are different
versions of themselves with multiple people and who portray
themselves to be a bunch of different ways so that they can
just get a bunch of different things out of them.
And I just, I don't really have much patience for that.
And I say that like my circle here is really small where I
live. And that's because I am
incredibly picky about the type of person that I'm going to have
around me, the type of friends that I'm going to have, the I
want to see how people move for an extended period of time
before I give you any type of trust or whatever.
I always hate the saying that like respect does, like
shouldn't be what is it? Respect should be earned.
Because I think that you can instantly, just like be a
respect, tactful person. Respect somebody when you meet
them. I think that trust is something
that needs to be earned. I can still be respectful
towards you and not fucking trust you worth a damn.
I agree with that statement. Honestly, I think a lot of
people have no capacity to actually be in relationships or
actually have solid friendships because they don't treat
themselves with that same respect.
And I noticed that as I've evolved as a human and as a
person spiritually, I have attracted better friends where,
you know, me and Jim and I did not talk for like 2 weeks.
We had a lot of things change and a lot of things shifted, but
there was a part of me that was like, oh, she's mad at me.
She doesn't want to do the podcast anymore.
But then the other part of me was like, no, I know she's
really not mad at me. She has a lot going on and
there's been like an added human into their routine that like
that's going to take time to adjust.
Especially when your daughter's like a little Spitfire and is
used to doing whatever the fuck she wants to do.
So like, you know, that's that fear based energy of like
everyone's mad at me. Everyone's doing something to
personally hurt me or attack me that we're all taught.
We are all taught that, and I don't know why.
A lot of us have absorbed that from our childhood, but so many
people take things personally, and I try to practice what I
preach and use the four agreements, which is don't take
nothing personally, don't take anyone's actions, words or
feelings towards you personally. Be responsible for your actions.
Be responsible for your words. Be with impeccable with your
word is one of the agreements. But if you know, you're being
impeccable with your word and you're being kind and you're
showing up in the ways that you would, you know, normally show
up, then you can't take someone's energy or their, you
know, whatever they got going on as personal towards you.
You know, I started manifesting. And I don't mean this in a mean
way, but I love all of my friends that have kids and I
love all of my friends that like, have gotten married and
done all these things. But in the last like 10 years of
me not having a kid, not getting married, not doing all of those
things, I have went to countless bridal showers, Bachelorette
parties, baby showers, first birthdays, all of these things
only to a couple years later not talk to this person at all.
And I don't mean in a mean way of like, I don't want to be
invited, but I I kind of don't want to be invited.
Like, I don't want to take my Sunday or my Saturday and go
spend time with a bunch of people I don't know, buy a $50
present, take that time away from me, away from things I
have, going to not be friends two years later or to not even
talk two years later. And it's not even that we're not
cool. It's just that now your life has
evolved into this direction, and I'm still your single friend who
is in this direction. And you know, there was one
friend of mine that in like 2 years she graduated college.
She got married. So she had a Bachelorette party,
a bridal shower and the wedding. Then she instantly got pregnant.
So she had a diaper reveal or gender reveal and a baby shower.
That was two things. And then the kids first
birthday. So within two years I'd went to
like 10 parties for this girl and bought a present every one
of them. And here we are.
You know the one kid is probably like seven and the other one
I've never even met. I think he she's like 5 and I
don't like feel any ill intention.
Like we're cool. We're now like Facebook friends.
We went from being very close right hand man friend to
Facebook friends and you know we'll DM back and forth like we
should get together, we should get together And like she hit me
up one day and was like what would you charge to do a party
of readings And I told her what I would charge and that was it.
Like I think she thought I was going to come show up to this
party just to be invited and charge $10.00 for a reading.
Like no, I'm not driving an hour away and reading for 10-12
people that I don't even know and making less than I would for
one hour session online don't have to leave my house.
You know, that's The thing is like we don't ever talk.
But then she wanted like that right hand man discount kind of
thing and like no hard feelings. I don't have any, but I think
because she went on to a different path and is doing the
mom and and wife thing, she hangs out with people who are
doing the mom and wife thing. So you know, I don't hold
grudges or take that personal, but I just learned that in the
back of my mind I don't really want to be invited.
Like I'll congratulate you and see you from afar and and cheer
you on, but I don't want to be invited, like unless we are like
right hand close, close. I'm good.
Like, I'm good. And then there's a part of your
ego though, that sees like the party happen or sees something
happen and you didn't get invited and you're like, damn, I
didn't get invited. But I have to remember, like,
that's what I want. I don't want to be invited.
I want to cheer you on from the side, but like, congratulations
on your baby. But I I'm tired of buying $50
gifts in this economy for people that like, I don't even see your
baby. I don't even know your baby.
There are friends that I make exceptions and I go to their
kids parties and I'm very involved with their kids and I
love kids, but it's like a lot of people just invite people to
fill up the roster to get free shit in my opinion.
You should invite people and give people a butt.
Give people a butt out option. Like, hey, I'm going to be
throwing a baby shower for this. I also know that you don't
really have, you know, kiddos or whatever, and you're always
pretty busy, so if you're not able to make it totally OK, no
hard feelings. I just didn't want you to feel
left out. That's like, those are the best
invites. When you tell me I have the
option to not come, I'm so grateful because chances are I
see the preview of your text being like, hey, this is going
on and I'm like, Yep, I'm washing my hair that day.
Like, I do not want to put pants on.
I'm definitely busy. So I'm just going to leave you
undelivered because I certainly don't want to have to, like,
reject you. Whereas if you've given me the
out, even if I just, even if I say yeah, I'm going.
I know that your feelings won't be hurt if I don't end up making
it. I I'm not a fan of going and
fucking doing things, but I also I don't unless you're like my
sister, I don't want to go to your baby shower.
I I truly don't give a fuck. Like people have babies every
day. You're going to get a shit ton
of gifts. They're mostly going to come
from your parents and there's going to be a bunch of shit that
you get that you're not going to remember who gave it to you.
Literally. There's usually somebody out of
baby shower who is writing a list of what the gifts are and
who they came from because they don't remember.
I'm not going to be stressed out over here because I went and
bought you a gift and I hadn't budgeted for your baby shower.
So now I spent $50 on something you don't even know is from me
and you're never going to use. And then you're going to end up
selling it on Facebook Marketplace in five years for
half the fucking value. And it's new in the box.
Like, I I'm just not interested in that.
Yeah. No, thank you.
And I say that in the nicest way possible.
Like, I genuinely support you from afar.
And I say this like with love. I don't mean that in a rude way,
but, like, unless you would take a bullet for me, I'm not coming
to your baby shower. Like, you know, like, I I
support people. And another thing about baby
showers that irks me and I maybe have said this before is you're
only supposed to have one baby shower per gender.
So you can't have a girl and then a year later have another
girl and have another baby shower.
It's actually tacky and I think it's like a old wives tale or or
something. You're only supposed to have one
baby shower. Maybe it's superstitious, I
don't know, but it's per gender and only if the first and two
babies are five years apart. Those are the rules.
Don't shoot the messenger, but you all having this new thing
where we have diaper parties, gender reveal parties, and baby
showers for one child, and then you turn around a year or two
later and do the same shit again.
No, that's not that's not it. Especially if you're getting
three parties for one baby. No, no, thank you.
And I think a lot of my friends just know that I don't want to
come to their gender reveal. Like I will just watch the live
stream that your aunt streamed on Facebook and at the end I'll
watch the pink or blue powder pop into the air.
But I don't need to be there. Mainly because what I find is it
is such an awkward experience because I show up to these
parties and I only know the the people that are having the child
or the people that are in the main thing.
And then I think honestly, as a person throwing a party that
would have to stress me out knowing I invited a bunch of
different people who don't know each other and they only know
me. So then they try to seek, like
segue to talk to me, while meanwhile, simultaneously
everyone else is trying to segue to talk to me.
That would stress me out. Like, I understand if you were
in a sorority or fraternity and you've got like some close knit
friend group that they're all friends and all your wives and
partners hang out together. OK, cool.
But other than that, it's just awkward.
It's awkward for the people you invite because we show up and we
only know you. And you know, I'm not saying
that buying a gift is a problem, but buying a multiple a year
gift for multiple people and I don't ever see you aside from me
coming to these parties. No, no.
Thanks. I feel that way about weddings.
I don't. Well, again, unless I'm really
close with you, I don't want to go to your fucking wedding.
I like. I just don't.
I don't know you guys like that. I have a bunch of people here
that I don't know. I'm having to sit with them.
I'm having to listen to really loud music I like.
I'm barely even going to talk to you.
Everybody wants to talk to you. That's why, like, we didn't, for
many reasons. We didn't do a big wedding like
that. That's not a vibe to me also,
and this is just a personal pet peeve.
I fucking hate when people send me out announcement cards, send
me out announcement cards and invite cards to shit.
I genuinely am. Like you don't have my address
so that you can spam me with invites to things and save the
dates for everything. There are multiple people inside
of my world, cousins that I haven't fucking talked to and I
don't know how they probably got my address from my mom, but send
me updates on their life and shit.
I have an aunt who sends out emails every year about what the
family has done throughout the year.
I don't give a fuck. Stop.
Stop sending me your shit. One thing I do think that people
need to do more of is if you are going to save the day and send a
shit ton of invites, send thank you cards out then.
Because if you can do all that then you need to send thank you
cards. That's normally why someone's
sitting at the baby shower or the wedding shower.
Writing everything down is so that someone can send thank you
cards. So like my cousin had three kids
back-to-back, like she had a kid and then she had twins and she
would not send anything out and that just earthed me.
It just earthed me If I'm driving 45 minutes to come to
your fucking baby shower and bringing presents for not one
baby but two babies. And you really weren't supposed
to have a second baby shower. But she couldn't handle the
first kid. So what was going to make her
think she can handle two more and no thank you cards?
And even my grandmother mentioned that.
But now she's in a much better mental place and she's doing a
lot better and she's a lot more grateful now.
But I just personally am irked by the fact that you had my
address to invite me. But then when it came down to
thanking me for the gift, crickets.
Crickets. Are you ready for a human design
card? Yes.
All right, I pulled card 47, which is the chameleon.
This is the photo, all right. The sign is Virgo, the gift is
versatility, and the shadow is bondage.
At the higher frequency of this gift, your fears lose their
devilish grins and you see them for what they are, symbols.
Every symbol in your reality has an underlying meaning and with
every meaning a message. It is your mission to decipher
the writings of your walls. From here you gain access to all
of life's mysteries. You release yourself from the
handcuffs and self, impose limitation, a fixed identity, a
label, a career path, and an image.
You are nothing and you are no thing and no one.
You are everything, the sunset and the chameleon.
The collective unconscious slips into each individuated
experience, coloring aspects of your lifetime in such a way that
reflects our greatest and deepest fears.
As unique beings within the larger whole, we each grapple
with our own distinct, prominent shadows, and the more we attempt
to deny or repress them, the more they loom in our
peripheral. What occurs in your outer world
is an extension of your inner landscape.
What demons are you holding hostage?
Witness them. Hold the chains and set your
devils free. Making peace with your
humanness, complete with its afflictions and darkness, is the
only route to salvation. Your themes are spaciousness,
fluidity, dynamism, and symbols. Beautiful.
We are so grateful for you all.
Thank you for joining us at Candy Land and we will see you
next time. Bye.