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Welcome to fucking Dandy land 
hosted by Rampage and Gemini. 

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Welcome back to Candyland. 
How are you? 

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Feeling Gemini. 
I'm good. 

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I feel super like motivated and 
inspired after our last episode.

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We got so much feedback and I 
got a lot of like oh you guys 

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were super inflow. 
I can't wait for season 3 and to

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see how you guys are season 3. 
Honestly, I feel like since we 

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met last time, I am on a let go 
of everything. 

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Purge everything release. 
It's everything I find that I 

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can be organized for a little 
bit and then it just all starts 

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piling up. 
So like periodically, every like

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three to four months. 
I have to just literally pull 

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everything out and make it 
organized again because it 

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becomes a mess. 
Well like I'm in the middle of 

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that same theme right now with 
moving and everything having to 

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like be dug out from wherever 
it's at and figure out like if 

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I'm attached to it or not. 
And I've kind of Been putting 

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off doing that in the podcast 
room and this is the space that 

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like I just I don't know. 
I feel like I want to cleanse 

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everything and like release from
this space before I take it all 

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into a new space and so I 
haven't come in here and done it

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yet because I have this like 
perfect thing in my mind of like

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have music going and like 
incense and like having a whole 

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like spiritual thing about it. 
Honestly, I feel like I'm on my 

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home ownership as well and 
there's That saying like just 

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Dynamic and I don't know if it's
just like the warmer weather but

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I've been like repotting plants.
I've really been expanding and 

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I'm just got on this wave that 
like even if I like it but I 

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don't use it. 
I don't want it because there's 

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so many times that you'll have 
something you're like, no, I'll 

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save that. 
I'll fit into it one day or for 

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me now because I'm building 
muscle, I'm growing out of my 

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shirts like they fit but I could
just like Snap them And like 

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we're getting them. 
So I'm finding that there's so 

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many cute like Cardigans and 
Sweaters and things that I have 

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that are just extremely tight in
the arms. 

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And it's like yeah could hold on
to this and then maybe one day 

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I'll be out of shape but it's 
like I don't, I don't want to be

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out of shape again. 
I've been doing that with close 

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to, and it's funny that we're 
talking about clothes because 

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there was definitely a couple 
items where I was like, what 

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would page say if she saw me in 
this and I'm like, she would 

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tell me that's not cute. 
And so then I and so then I got 

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rid of it, it's not cute. 
Well I've decided because 

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basically I have a lot of stuff 
that just kind of sets and it's 

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space like throughout the year 
and then I'll give it away to 

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someone and they're like oh my 
God I really love that jacket. 

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You gave I really love this and 
I find that I find just as much 

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joy from like keeping it and 
wearing it myself as then when I

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see someone like Snapchat me and
they're wearing something I gave

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to them then I'm like oh my gosh
that's so cool because I love 

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clothes but I also don't like 
wearing the same thing a bunch 

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of times so I like won't wear it
for like three years and it'll 

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just said so it's like I don't 
know you gave me is that like 

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Cardigan sweater thing when we 
were in Utah. 

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And that thing is so fucking 
warm, but you would, you'd be 

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like, okay? 
So like what are you wearing 

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tomorrow when we go to the 
airport, okay. 

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Well like you should wear that 
jacket that I gave you because 

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that would be cute with it and 
was like, okay, what if I've 

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I've literally been shopping for
you and I don't know why. 

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I like every time I see 
something like, oh my God, 

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that's on still wonder if Jim 
and I like that and I just been 

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buying you all kinds of clothes 
and stuff that you're probably 

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going to be like, what the fuck 
is this bitch doing? 

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Like you're gonna get I told you
it probably. 

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A pocket, personal stylist 
Edition, crop tops. 

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What is she on? 
Like what else is she sending 

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me? 
I love it. 

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I'm here for it. 
I don't know, I'm just got on 

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this wave that when I let go of 
stuff, I just create this 

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energetic contract with the 
universe that I just don't give 

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a fuck about material items and 
then they send me more and then 

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they're like, well, what about 
these sunglasses or what about 

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this? 
Or someone's like, hey, I want 

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to give you this Crystal, you 
know, it's like the more that 

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you let go and you send that 
message to the universe. 

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A, you're not attached. 
The more easy things will come 

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into your life. 
Yeah, and I think that comes to 

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with having an appreciation for 
things in life outside of having

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material things. 
And a lot of people I think 

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don't have that. 
There's some people or there's a

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song that my husband. 
Listen to that says, you're so 

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broke because all you have is 
money and that always just 

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sticks out into my mind. 
Because it for me, the people 

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who always seem like they have 
the most to me are the people 

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who are genuinely We enjoying 
their life and not worrying 

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about being able to collect up. 
Like we've talked about it 

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before like people that are just
so focused on money. 

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Their souls are always just 
gross and you're like, okay 

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cool, you have a Shoe Closet, 
but no deaths. 

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And when people set their 
happiness scale, like at how 

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much material they've acquired 
or how much money they make, or 

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what kind of car, they drive you
really lose the essence of, what

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your soul came here to do. 
Because there is so many 

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distractions and allusions in 
the things that we seek here and

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I love that saying like, you 
can't take it with you, and I've

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really started to live by that, 
because so many people stay in 

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like their Hometown or stay in a
familiar place because they have

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so much stuff that the thought 
of moving it or relocating that 

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stuff really is, the reason they
never leave. 

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It's the reason that when they 
move they, they Bounce from 

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apartment. 
To apartment or whatever, but 

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they never actually get away 
from where they grew up. 

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And I believe it's the stuff 
that holds people there because 

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it's easy to say, I don't know 
how I'm going to move all that 

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rather than just letting it all 
go and going where you're called

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to go. 
I also think too that people can

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have trauma bonds to locations 
and spaces. 

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Like, I think that I had a 
trauma bond to my hometown for a

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while because everywhere that I 
would go, I had memories of 

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different places or Different 
people. 

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And so there was a lot of 
familiarity and going out and 

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adventuring new things meeting 
new people. 

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Realizing that like there are so
many different kinds of 

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connections, kind of breaks that
Bond, I think. 

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And a lot of people who haven't 
gone out and search for things 

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that make their soul happy 
outside of their familiarity, I 

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think they don't even realize 
that they are those Hometown 

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people or think about the reason
why they don't want to leave or 

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yeah. 
Items stuff. 

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I don't want to have to move it 
across, you know, state lines or

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whatever it may be. 
Oh, always be honest. 

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Whenever I grew up, we grew up 
in a very material like 

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household. 
It was always, like look what I 

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bought for you or I bought this 
for you and it was very much to 

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justifiable of and I think that 
in my adult life I took like, 

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what people could give me or 
provide to me as love. 

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And I think that the one thing 
that really helped during my 

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Spiritual Awakening as I 
realized That you can have 

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everything and be miserable. 
Like you said earlier, the 

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people who have the most 
normally are the most depressed 

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or sad people, but I also just 
created a new Dynamic with 

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energy. 
I like to give presents because 

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I know my energy lives within 
that present, but the way that 

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I'm able to give that freely as 
I'm not attached, I'm not giving

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this to you so I can receive 
something later. 

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You know, I know a lot of people
do Don't know how to receive. 

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So when you're trying to give 
them something or offer, 

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something they are blocking the 
blessing. 

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That's coming through you as a 
person and that's what people 

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don't get. 
Like answered prayers, come 

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through strangers, and people 
that you've never met and 

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blessings that you don't see 
coming. 

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And I've learned that being 
attached to a certain timeline, 

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really, just weighs down your 
spirit, like, when I create 

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something and I make it for 
myself, it really comes 

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together. 
Beautifully. 

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But there's like money involved 
or someone wants a certain thing

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a certain way. 
My brain will not be able to 

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create it like especially with 
art it's like someone could pay 

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me and give me space to create 
what I want to create or they 

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could pick a few colors and I'll
use those colors, but beyond 

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that, you start giving me too 
much Direction. 

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And I'm like, nope, I'm good. 
Well, that's like, you know, 

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when you're talking about 
creativity to you as an artist 

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or whatnot, you're going to see 
things in your mind's eye. 

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That makes sense for you. 
And you know what, like your 

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artwork is, but somebody else. 
I feel like a lot of times 

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people can't fully communicate 
what it is that they're wanting.

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And so it's really hard to have 
like collaborations on things 

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and that goes back into like 
just the way that we are able to

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navigate. 
Gate. 

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What we do with different 
strengths and different like 

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expectations and having 
timelines on things but also 

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something that you've taught me.
A lot is having the timeline on 

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things but being okay, if 
something happens and I'm I'm 

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not hard on myself anymore about
that and you helped me a lot 

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with that of like, you're just 
trying to control timing that 

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doesn't make sense. 
Yeah. 

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And when we try to control the 
outcome, we're not open to what 

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spirit is showing us. 
We're letting our Go drive us 

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like oh this certain amount of 
money is going to make me happy.

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That's going to make everything 
better in my relationships. 

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But the thing about money is, if
you're always chasing it, it's 

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always running from you. 
So when you stop chasing it and 

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you realize that you're not just
here to work and make money that

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you're here to live your life to
its fullest capacity. 

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Then the reality shifts and I 
think for us we found Avenues to

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we're living our fullest 
capacity. 

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And and sharing things that 
like, we're passionate about an 

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interest us that has turned into
having monetary gain, but we've 

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done what we've been doing 
before. 

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There was a monetary value to 
it. 

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We put a lot of money into what 
we do for our spirit whatever 

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and I feel like it ends up just 
being a rotation instead of an 

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expectancy. 
I mean I literally just stopped 

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like Drop $300 on cards and card
debt. 

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So, I mean, I'm always investing
into my craft, because I like to

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have a variety of I'm going to 
read for someone monthly or all 

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the time. 
I am always trying to add new 

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card decks. 
But then I also give decks away 

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as well. 
And I mean, some people might 

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buy like, a thirty dollar DEC, 
10 times, and I would rather 

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just get ten decks at once. 
So, I mean like, $300 to someone

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might seem like a lot, but if 
you spend $30 to in times, like 

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it's the same thing. 
So in instead of all the little 

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positive reinforcement side, 
just like the one big like yes, 

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we got it all today but I 
actually there's an artist 

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that's creating their own spring
Tarot deck and they have this 

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commission where you basically 
get to pay. 

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Like I don't know about 40% of 
what it will cost once it's in 

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print but you give it to them in
advance so that they can sustain

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their artwork and sustain their 
Their commissions from their 

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artists and things that are 
helping build the Tarot deck. 

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So with that, I get play-by-play
updates on all the cards and 

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they're like, what they look 
like and how they've completed 

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them. 
And it's going to be like 

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glitter and its really, really 
like bright and colorful and it 

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was really cool because this 
deck is going to be like $90 and

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I'm paying 35 a day. 
So I went ahead and ordered 

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everyone them because I just 
learned about my friend. 

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Ryan was just telling me that an
artist, does this? 

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It's like a fundraising website.
Basically. 

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And so you go in and you put a 
certain amount in for a start 

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with however, many decks you 
would want or whatever. 

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And if that artist doesn't meet 
their quota, then nobody has to 

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pay. 
And if they meet the quota, then

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you have basically paid for them
to be able to distribute this 

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deck out. 
And I've heard you and somebody 

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else tell me like within the 
last week and I just think that 

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that's like just really fucking 
cool. 

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00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,700
All the different sites, really 
make things happen. 

224
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:22,100
That's actually a very similar 
thing that they're doing, but 

225
00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:26,000
the way that this is set up is 
like it's already in creation so

226
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:30,400
you get to see it, but you're 
just paying like a third of the 

227
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,400
cost. 
So we're like the decks are 

228
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:36,100
normally, like, 90 each. 
I got both of them 470 together 

229
00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:40,200
so you make a pledge. 
But you know, that You're not 

230
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:44,100
going to get the deck for like 
five, six months, you know what 

231
00:13:44,100 --> 00:13:46,500
I mean? 
So it's like I'm giving them the

232
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:51,600
money now to sustain the 
creation of the deck but the 

233
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,700
real money is going to come in 
when it goes public but being a 

234
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:58,200
supporter from the beginning, 
he's gonna throw in special 

235
00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:00,600
stuff, we get all these special 
update so it's more of an 

236
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:05,200
intimate experience. 
Was that you you ever have 

237
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,500
things in? 
This is a total subject change, 

238
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:11,300
but you ever have things just 
completely disappear on you, 

239
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:15,600
that you have been looking at 
and they should not have moved. 

240
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,500
Actually, I was just talking to 
one of my men Mentor clients. 

241
00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:23,300
She said that when she was 
growing up, they had like a six 

242
00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:26,700
disc CD changer that would have 
like six CDs in it. 

243
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,800
And she said, they would rotate 
because like, her mom would 

244
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,700
always listen to like the Harry 
Potter books on. 

245
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:35,300
CD. 
So she knew like the disc, 2 3, 

246
00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:38,100
and 4 should have been like the 
Harry Potter book and it would 

247
00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:41,400
be like, changed to like a 
Christmas CD or like some random

248
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,800
CD that like wasn't even in the 
changer. 

249
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:47,000
And she said that her mom and 
who is very spiritually. 

250
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:50,000
Driven had started really 
working with angels and 

251
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,500
ancestors around the time that 
this was happening. 

252
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:58,900
Actually, now that you say like 
that, the ancestors and what 

253
00:14:58,900 --> 00:15:01,800
not, and working with them, I 
guess that timing would line up 

254
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:05,400
for me, too. 
I didn't unboxing right before 

255
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:08,400
we recorded. 
There was a the girl hits, like 

256
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,200
written a card and inside of an 
envelope. 

257
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,500
And I had set it off to the 
side. 

258
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:16,100
I put it on top of my tarot 
decks, and I was like, oh, when 

259
00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:19,600
I finished this unboxing, all 
read that I kept on, looking at 

260
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,800
it, I finished the unboxing. 
I went to go grab the letter and

261
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,800
it's not there. 
I'm a Super tiny room. 

262
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,100
I've gone through what I can 
think to go through. 

263
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:31,400
And I'm just like I'm going to 
be packing up this room later 

264
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,700
today. 
So I'll find it and I just can't

265
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:36,600
wait to see where it went 
because it fucking moved. 

266
00:15:37,700 --> 00:15:41,600
I mean, yeah, that's pretty 
intense, especially when it 

267
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,800
happens like simultaneously 
right in front of your eyes. 

268
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:48,700
It's kind of like well, okay 
maybe that's where I'm like, I 

269
00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:52,400
was literally staring at it 
while I was doing that. 

270
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,900
I turn around to set the It's 
down. 

271
00:15:55,100 --> 00:16:00,600
I look back and it's not there. 
So I see her for you. 

272
00:16:03,900 --> 00:16:09,000
I absolutely am. 
So shocked by, how many people 

273
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:12,900
are starting to wake up 
spiritually, like 

274
00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:15,900
simultaneously. 
Like it's almost like clockwork.

275
00:16:15,900 --> 00:16:19,800
There's different waves of 
Awakening and a lot of people 

276
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:22,900
really started to wake up during
covid, but I feel like in this 

277
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:27,500
last year, especially with all 
of the corrupt media and things 

278
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:30,200
directly in people's faces. 
I feel like people are starting 

279
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:35,000
to really see like holy shit. 
Like something's really off here

280
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:38,800
and that's all it takes is for 
people to open their eyes and 

281
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,800
just be like, you know what? 
That doesn't make sense. 

282
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:45,200
That doesn't hit. 
That's not what I want to 

283
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:52,800
surrender to or commit to or 
consent to see and for me like I

284
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,600
love that there's a huge 
Awakening about a lot of things.

285
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:59,800
And I think that people are 
taking the blinders off on a lot

286
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:03,900
of different topics but I have 
Of a really hard time when 

287
00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:08,000
people go about it from a 
fear-based energy of like, oh my

288
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,500
God, it's just all gonna like 
crashdown whatever. 

289
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:15,800
And I think that collectively, 
what you put your energy into is

290
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:19,700
what amplifies. 
So if you're scared about things

291
00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:22,099
and when you have conversations 
with people and you try to 

292
00:17:22,099 --> 00:17:24,599
educate them on something and 
tell them, something you're 

293
00:17:24,599 --> 00:17:27,200
going to come at it from a fear 
standpoint and scare them. 

294
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:30,300
And then that makes people act 
irrationally, not think things 

295
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:34,500
through come from a victim And 
set instead of like a Victor 

296
00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:38,400
mindset and thinking about what 
you can do to make changes, it 

297
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:41,900
just eats at your soul about 
what changes could happen. 

298
00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:46,200
And so, I love the Awakening 
energy. 

299
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:50,100
And I think that the fact that 
there are so many spiritual 

300
00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:55,400
people coming awake to, to be 
able to help kind of shift and 

301
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:59,200
he'll negative mindsets that are
coming with, change is really 

302
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,500
important too because if you 
have the healers to balance that

303
00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:05,400
out, Out and energy workers to 
balance out that Collective 

304
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:09,500
energy and to give Insight, I 
think that that balance is good 

305
00:18:10,300 --> 00:18:15,400
and I think the community aspect
of like we're before people had 

306
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:18,200
to keep their spirituality under
the surface, but now you're 

307
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:21,800
starting to see in a more 
mainstream light that people are

308
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:25,100
coming forward their teaching 
workshops and classes in 

309
00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:30,200
expanding. 
I will say that Saturn is going 

310
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:35,500
into retrograde. 
In about like a week or two and 

311
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:41,300
that's going to create a lot of 
clarity in people's subconscious

312
00:18:41,300 --> 00:18:46,000
mind where we give a lot of 
emphasis to the powers outside 

313
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,600
of us. 
We give a lot of consent to 

314
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:52,400
Authority, whether it's your job
or the government, or whoever, 

315
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:54,400
we're always consenting to 
things. 

316
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:58,500
That we feel like are out of our
control, but with Saturn, moving

317
00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:02,000
into retrograde in Pisces, 
you're going to have to set with

318
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:05,100
yourself. 
In the uncomfortable mess that 

319
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:08,700
you maybe have made and work 
through that rather than just 

320
00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:11,900
tucking it under the surface. 
Like Saturn's going to keep 

321
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:15,900
knocking on your skeleton door. 
It'll be like, hey, you need to 

322
00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:19,500
acknowledge this in the closet, 
you need to acknowledge your 

323
00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:22,600
Darkness, your shadows, your 
fears, because they're just 

324
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:26,400
going to keep being brought to 
the Forefront in your reality, 

325
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:29,000
whether that's from Tick-Tock or
from other people. 

326
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:33,400
If you live a fear-based reality
internally, You're going to see 

327
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,700
fear everywhere that you look. 
It's like The Truman Show, 

328
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,400
whatever. 
You're paying attention to is 

329
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:42,500
what you're going to see. 
And in that movie so many people

330
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:46,200
did not want him to see that he 
was the main character in a 

331
00:19:46,208 --> 00:19:50,200
story that they were watching 
and co-creating with him. 

332
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:54,400
So I think that you know as we 
open our heart and mind 

333
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:58,000
spiritually you have a fucking 
choice to make. 

334
00:19:58,100 --> 00:20:00,800
Are you going to build this 
foundation on fear or you going 

335
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,600
to build this foundation on 
trust? 

336
00:20:02,700 --> 00:20:06,300
Trust in the unknown, trust that
you didn't sign up to come here 

337
00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:11,900
to suffer. 
Also too on that is people can 

338
00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:17,200
also if you're if you're doing 
things like manipulating behind 

339
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:20,200
other people's back door or 
talking about other people or 

340
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:24,600
looking for somebody to have a 
flaw or something, then you 

341
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:28,400
automatically are assuming that 
everybody is doing that and 

342
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:32,000
return and you end up putting 
things on yourself and other 

343
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,700
people and kind of making a 
reality for yourself that isn't 

344
00:20:35,700 --> 00:20:40,200
reality. 
And when you do that, Shift to 

345
00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:45,500
paying attention to what you 
have going on and like working 

346
00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:48,600
with like your spirit team or 
whatever, for like healing 

347
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,500
yourself and things that you 
need to heal. 

348
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:53,500
Instead of like checking in with
your spirit, seemed to do to see

349
00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:57,200
what like so-and-so is doing. 
Or, you know, if somebody else's

350
00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:01,300
actions are aligned or what not,
your reality will totally shift 

351
00:21:01,300 --> 00:21:03,700
in the people who will come in, 
your life, will shift in the 

352
00:21:03,700 --> 00:21:07,200
relationships that you have with
other people will shift, because

353
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:11,700
you're no longer. 
You're hyper fixated on 

354
00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:14,300
uncovering, some kind of truth 
about others. 

355
00:21:14,300 --> 00:21:18,800
You will uncover your own truths
and be able to do like your own 

356
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:23,500
healing and change your reality 
and through that you're going to

357
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:28,200
found find that you were hiding.
Certain parts of yourself that 

358
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:31,300
you were running from certain 
parts of yourself, you know, I 

359
00:21:31,300 --> 00:21:36,300
know that I have a tendency to 
be controlling and that's why I 

360
00:21:36,308 --> 00:21:38,700
have really worked on, like my 
control issues. 

361
00:21:39,300 --> 00:21:42,300
And now people may think that I 
just don't give a fuck at all 

362
00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:45,500
because where I used to want to 
try to dictate and control 

363
00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:47,700
things. 
Now I'm just like, I'm going to 

364
00:21:47,700 --> 00:21:50,100
let you do you and I'm going to 
watch you. 

365
00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:52,600
And then I'm just going to take 
notes on what your first choice 

366
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:56,200
was because if I tell you how to
react, or I tell you how to 

367
00:21:56,200 --> 00:22:00,200
think, or I tell you how I want 
you to move, that's not you. 

368
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:03,600
I would much rather give someone
the freedom to make the choices 

369
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,900
that they want to make without 
trying to dictate or control 

370
00:22:06,900 --> 00:22:08,700
their actions. 
You're going to learn a lot. 

371
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:12,400
A lot more about your partner, 
your friends, or whoever, if you

372
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:15,300
give them space, to make the 
decision because you're going to

373
00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:19,100
see what their first choice was 
rather than you trying to 

374
00:22:19,100 --> 00:22:23,000
dictate and change what someone 
wants, you know, like people say

375
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,500
once a cheater, always a 
cheater. 

376
00:22:24,500 --> 00:22:28,600
I don't agree with that because 
some people astray because 

377
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:32,600
they're not getting fulfilled in
the relationship. 

378
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,500
Does it mean that they're not 
going to meet someone in the 

379
00:22:34,508 --> 00:22:37,300
future? 
That makes them want to level up

380
00:22:37,300 --> 00:22:39,700
and change their ways you know? 
The one who's going to make them

381
00:22:39,700 --> 00:22:42,200
acknowledge their Shadow 
aspects. 

382
00:22:42,700 --> 00:22:46,800
And I think that so many people 
want to box you in 20, you used 

383
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:50,100
to be this or you was this, or 
you used to do that. 

384
00:22:50,100 --> 00:22:53,400
And so, when you show up in your
new form, as your new version of

385
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:57,900
yourself, they want to keep you 
limited to that old version. 

386
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,100
And that's where there is a 
tendency to let those old 

387
00:23:01,100 --> 00:23:04,300
feelings, and thoughts come back
to the surface to prove them 

388
00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:08,600
wrong to, you know, to tell them
off to express your feelings. 

389
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:13,200
But really, I think being more 
nonchalant rather than trying to

390
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,600
dictate or control anything. 
As really got me a lot further 

391
00:23:16,700 --> 00:23:20,700
because now people think they're
making the choice on their own. 

392
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:25,500
and maybe they are, maybe 
they're not but energetically I 

393
00:23:25,500 --> 00:23:29,000
am going to set the vibration 
that I want to match with and 

394
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:32,600
when people fall off of that 
vibration, I do not take it 

395
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:40,000
personal I'm just trying to 
think because, when we hung out 

396
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:44,300
together, controlling you being 
controlling of anything, isn't 

397
00:23:44,300 --> 00:23:47,900
something that I would use to 
describe you. 

398
00:23:47,900 --> 00:23:52,600
Like, we had a lot of situations
where there were like choices to

399
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:55,100
make and whatever, but I didn't 
find you controlling. 

400
00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:58,400
What I do find though, is that I
think that you're an assertive 

401
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:02,300
speaker and so you know, if 
you're all, we'll just cash out 

402
00:24:02,300 --> 00:24:03,700
me later. 
You're like, that's not what I'm

403
00:24:03,700 --> 00:24:05,200
doing. 
I'm going to do this right now. 

404
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:09,400
Like this is I'm going to be 
doing and I didn't find you at 

405
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:12,900
all trying to control anybody 
else's actions or behavior. 

406
00:24:12,900 --> 00:24:18,900
I really found you to be 
confident and certain about what

407
00:24:18,900 --> 00:24:21,900
you were wanting for yourself 
and being comfortable enough to 

408
00:24:21,900 --> 00:24:24,100
be like. 
Well, that's not what I want to 

409
00:24:24,100 --> 00:24:27,500
be doing. 
So I'm going to do this and it 

410
00:24:27,500 --> 00:24:31,300
gives the opportunity for people
to either follow or do what they

411
00:24:31,300 --> 00:24:35,400
want to do on their own. 
But it doesn't, you know, when I

412
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,400
think of control Saying I would 
just think of somebody being 

413
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:38,600
like, oh, no, don't do it like 
that. 

414
00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:39,800
Oh no. 
Don't do it like that. 

415
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:45,000
The only thing that you were 
like really specific about. 

416
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:49,500
I feel like was your sandwich. 
You wanted your sandwich made a 

417
00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:53,700
certain way and like, of course,
like you're going to put that in

418
00:24:53,700 --> 00:24:57,600
your face, but I, I value that I
like that. 

419
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,700
I know. 
I like not having somebody 

420
00:24:59,700 --> 00:25:01,700
around who I have to be like, 
oh, I wonder what they're 

421
00:25:01,700 --> 00:25:03,000
thinking? 
I wonder what they're feeling 

422
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,100
like. 
Some people really make you 

423
00:25:06,100 --> 00:25:07,600
feel. 
Feel like you have to walk on 

424
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:09,900
eggshells, around them because 
you don't know what their 

425
00:25:09,900 --> 00:25:11,700
response to something's going to
be. 

426
00:25:11,900 --> 00:25:13,800
You want to make sure that 
they're comfortable, because 

427
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,200
they seemed so uncomfortable in 
their own skin. 

428
00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:21,300
And I appreciate that, like, I 
never had to worry about that. 

429
00:25:21,300 --> 00:25:24,200
Even if you were like, being 
quiet or something, I know why 

430
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:27,000
you're being quiet and still and
that's okay. 

431
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:32,500
I am very particular about food 
when I go to a restaurant. 

432
00:25:32,500 --> 00:25:35,700
Like I am editing everything on 
this menu and I'm going to tell 

433
00:25:35,700 --> 00:25:38,800
you up front. 
I want 32 ounces of ranch on the

434
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,800
side. 
I don't want anything less than 

435
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:42,300
that. 
So if you've got 12 ounce 

436
00:25:42,300 --> 00:25:44,200
ramekins I need three do the 
math. 

437
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:48,500
No I am very much a very 
particular about food and a lot 

438
00:25:48,500 --> 00:25:50,500
of people when they go out to 
you and me, I'm not like rude 

439
00:25:50,500 --> 00:25:51,900
about it. 
I'm just straight up. 

440
00:25:51,900 --> 00:25:55,600
Like I want the bread toasted, I
want the pizza, well done and 

441
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:57,000
I'm talking. 
Like if it's not well done, 

442
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,300
you're going to say I get back 
and I don't say it like in a 

443
00:25:59,300 --> 00:26:01,200
mean way. 
I'm just like, very assertive. 

444
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:05,100
I do not play about food and its
presentation, I needed a certain

445
00:26:05,100 --> 00:26:08,000
way layered, a certain way. 
So, that's very true, but I 

446
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:13,000
don't know, I think my stubborn 
qualities in relationships and 

447
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:16,600
friendships in the past. 
I was controlling because I hung

448
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:20,200
out with people who were 
Reckless and that they needed me

449
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:24,200
to Mother them like they needed 
someone to be like, no that's 

450
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,300
wrong. 
But now I just don't hang out 

451
00:26:26,300 --> 00:26:28,100
with people like that. 
So I do You to bring those 

452
00:26:28,100 --> 00:26:30,400
Tendencies out, but if I hung 
out with a bunch of dumbasses 

453
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:35,200
again and had a bunch of just 
muchi user and abuser type 

454
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:37,800
friends, then yeah, I probably 
would have to control him boss 

455
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:41,300
them around because they don't 
know how to navigate their life 

456
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:45,500
but I'm real big on like I can 
give you the information and you

457
00:26:45,500 --> 00:26:47,000
can do whatever you want with 
it. 

458
00:26:47,100 --> 00:26:48,700
Like I'm not going to get worked
up. 

459
00:26:48,700 --> 00:26:52,500
If I teach you how to do 
something and you continue doing

460
00:26:52,500 --> 00:26:55,100
it the harder way or the 
opposite way. 

461
00:26:55,300 --> 00:26:58,500
I'm not going to be upset if 
someone Pays me for a reading 

462
00:26:58,500 --> 00:27:01,100
and does nothing with it. 
The only thing I am going to be 

463
00:27:01,100 --> 00:27:05,800
upset is when you project that 
enact and in what I want to say 

464
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:09,100
inconsistency back to me like I 
was supposed to do something 

465
00:27:09,100 --> 00:27:11,000
different. 
Like I provided my end of the 

466
00:27:11,008 --> 00:27:13,700
bargain. 
So I just think that I've 

467
00:27:13,700 --> 00:27:17,400
limited the people that bring 
out those Shadow aspects of me 

468
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:20,100
because I don't want to be 
controlled and I don't want to 

469
00:27:20,108 --> 00:27:22,800
control others. 
I want it to be a mutual benefit

470
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:26,300
of like, I'm going to do this. 
And if you want to go lay by the

471
00:27:26,300 --> 00:27:29,500
pool all day, while We go to a 
museum, then you do you? 

472
00:27:29,500 --> 00:27:32,100
I'm not mad. 
We got back, we get ready, we go

473
00:27:32,100 --> 00:27:33,600
to dinner, like, there's no 
problem. 

474
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:36,500
I'm not one of those people that
like leaves and elephant in the 

475
00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:39,500
room because you chose to go to 
the pool while I did something 

476
00:27:39,500 --> 00:27:45,900
else. 
Letting other people be their 

477
00:27:45,900 --> 00:27:49,100
own independent people without 
you having to control what what 

478
00:27:49,100 --> 00:27:50,700
you're doing or what they're 
doing. 

479
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:55,500
And also in something that you 
were saying, you're doing what 

480
00:27:55,500 --> 00:27:58,200
you're doing from like your 
highest sense of good when it 

481
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,200
comes to readings, whatever 
you're like I've done what like 

482
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,800
my purpose is and what I'm 
supposed to do if you decide to 

483
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:07,300
take that information, like 
that's all on you, that's for 

484
00:28:07,300 --> 00:28:09,400
you to do. 
And I kind of also feel that way

485
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:13,200
now about Out, and it took a 
long time to get to the point of

486
00:28:13,500 --> 00:28:17,900
being so comfortable. 
In what I bring to the table as 

487
00:28:17,900 --> 00:28:22,200
a person that I'm that way about
like relationship follow or, you

488
00:28:22,208 --> 00:28:26,300
know, friendship fall outs or 
whatever to of like, oh, okay. 

489
00:28:26,300 --> 00:28:28,600
Well, I know like what my 
intentions are and what I 

490
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:30,500
brought to the table. 
So the fact that that's not 

491
00:28:30,500 --> 00:28:33,200
enough for you is completely 
fine, go on and do your own 

492
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,000
thing. 
But we're not going to sit here 

493
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:36,600
and dwell on it. 
And we're not going to have 

494
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:40,200
passive aggressive feelings 
about things or not communicate,

495
00:28:40,300 --> 00:28:46,000
because, From my perspective, 
I've put it in the best that I 

496
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,500
possibly could and did things. 
The way that like I was being 

497
00:28:48,500 --> 00:28:51,400
divinely led to do it and now 
it's your turn to do what you 

498
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:54,800
need to do on your end. 
And I think that's like a 

499
00:28:54,800 --> 00:29:00,400
certain level of Detachment as a
sensitive spiritual empathetic 

500
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:03,700
type person. 
Like I can literally get 

501
00:29:03,700 --> 00:29:07,400
physically ill based on other 
people's emotions and feelings 

502
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:10,500
like if someone's holding on to 
a lot of resentment or sexual 

503
00:29:10,500 --> 00:29:14,500
trauma or something like that, 
it will make me physically throw

504
00:29:14,500 --> 00:29:17,800
up if I let it. 
So I went there before but way 

505
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:20,400
before I protected my energy and
really knew what I was doing 

506
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,100
where I thought I was going to 
help someone and Sit down to 

507
00:29:23,100 --> 00:29:27,500
start channeling for them and 
then I in bodied their emotions 

508
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:31,900
in like didn't have any barrier 
between like, my emotions and 

509
00:29:31,900 --> 00:29:35,600
their emotions. 
And so now the last thing that I

510
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:38,800
really want to do is be around 
people who don't do the work 

511
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:42,200
because it just bleeds on to 
everyone, like the people who 

512
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:45,500
don't do the work bleed on to 
everyone, even the even those 

513
00:29:45,500 --> 00:29:47,700
who did not cut them kind of 
thing, you know what I mean? 

514
00:29:47,700 --> 00:29:51,700
And that's where I have to draw 
the line when people come into 

515
00:29:51,700 --> 00:29:55,900
my life or in, My community or 
into wherever about how much I'm

516
00:29:55,900 --> 00:29:59,300
going to let this person try to 
bring those Shadow aspects out 

517
00:29:59,300 --> 00:30:02,600
of me before I set them all the 
way fucking straight because 

518
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,300
what happens is when you hang 
around people who are not doing 

519
00:30:05,300 --> 00:30:09,300
the work, who do not have any 
healing goals or anything in 

520
00:30:09,300 --> 00:30:12,600
sight, they are going to 
project, they're going to 

521
00:30:12,608 --> 00:30:15,000
manipulate. 
They're going to coerce you into

522
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:18,000
feeding their narrative. 
So if someone you're in a 

523
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:21,400
relationship with is extremely 
jealous, they're going to do 

524
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:25,500
things that make you Insecure. 
So that you will feel jealous, 

525
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:29,200
they want you to feel what they 
feel, they want you to live the 

526
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,600
life. 
They live in that projection 

527
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:35,100
using one another, as a mirror 
can be detrimental or it could 

528
00:30:35,100 --> 00:30:39,300
be inspirational and elevational
but at the same time it's like 

529
00:30:39,300 --> 00:30:42,100
what experience are you 
committing to have? 

530
00:30:42,100 --> 00:30:45,000
Because if you're not committing
to the experience of joy, 

531
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:48,900
prosperity harm, Harmony 
whatever, then you are choosing 

532
00:30:48,900 --> 00:30:51,900
fear, then you are choosing 
chaos, you are choosing those 

533
00:30:51,900 --> 00:30:54,000
things. 
And a lot of it has to do with 

534
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,500
our upbringing and our 
environment things that we did 

535
00:30:56,500 --> 00:31:00,700
not choose but as a grown adult,
you've got to take full ten toes

536
00:31:00,700 --> 00:31:03,600
down responsibility for how 
you're so perpetuating, that 

537
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:06,300
same system, how you're 
projecting that system onto your

538
00:31:06,300 --> 00:31:09,100
kids or your friends, or your 
co-workers, and take 

539
00:31:09,100 --> 00:31:12,200
accountability that just because
you had a great childhood and 

540
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:15,000
can't think of any trauma. 
Does it mean, you're not the one

541
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:18,000
enforcing trauma on to other 
people by your lack of 

542
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,800
accountability and your lack of 
self-awareness? 

543
00:31:24,300 --> 00:31:29,900
And I think that people take, I 
don't know what energy to 

544
00:31:29,900 --> 00:31:35,000
explain a like, a sure energy, 
or confident energy about what 

545
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:38,900
your expectations, are people 
take that as being closed off 

546
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:41,700
or, you know, being a bitch or 
whatever. 

547
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:46,900
And really, it comes into if 
somebody isn't their energy 

548
00:31:46,900 --> 00:31:50,000
doesn't align for you and you 
feel like, oh, this energy is 

549
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:53,100
bitchier, this energy seems 
closed off move on and find 

550
00:31:53,100 --> 00:31:55,900
different. 
Energy and obviously that 

551
00:31:55,900 --> 00:31:57,700
person's boundary doesn't work 
for you. 

552
00:31:57,700 --> 00:32:00,500
There are people that I meet to 
that like I don't like them when

553
00:32:00,500 --> 00:32:02,800
I meet them and I won't have 
anything to do with them. 

554
00:32:03,300 --> 00:32:05,400
That doesn't mean that there's 
something wrong with that 

555
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:07,600
person. 
It just means that whatever they

556
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:10,200
got going on. 
It isn't a line for me at that 

557
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:13,300
time and they have every right 
to express themselves and be 

558
00:32:13,300 --> 00:32:16,500
themselves and whatever the way 
they want to, and we have the 

559
00:32:16,500 --> 00:32:19,300
choice to say. 
I'm not fucking with that and 

560
00:32:19,300 --> 00:32:24,000
move on and keep it pushing. 
And let it go and not need to 

561
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:27,300
convince people of your story or
to make this person a Villain 

562
00:32:27,300 --> 00:32:31,000
Like not everyone that you 
disconnect with is a villain. 

563
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:35,600
There doesn't have to be some 
huge chaotic story that you live

564
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:37,900
on of why you don't fuck with 
this person. 

565
00:32:38,100 --> 00:32:41,400
There's been plenty of times 
that I was a shitty friend in 

566
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:44,900
later in my healing Journey 
realized that I was a shitty 

567
00:32:44,900 --> 00:32:48,800
friend and reached out to one 
person in particular and she 

568
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,700
said is great as it is to hear 
from you. 

569
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:52,800
I'm married. 
I have a kid and I don't want 

570
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:55,800
anything to do with you and that
was basically her story. 

571
00:32:56,100 --> 00:32:59,400
And I wasn't like, I didn't take
it personal because I realized 

572
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:03,500
that my actions and things that 
we partook in together, back in 

573
00:33:03,500 --> 00:33:06,800
the day, lived on for her, where
it may just was a regular 

574
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:09,700
Tuesday for me. 
I did something that heard that 

575
00:33:09,700 --> 00:33:13,000
has lingered to the point where 
in our adult life, she wants 

576
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:16,600
nothing to do with me and is 
does that make her a bad person?

577
00:33:16,700 --> 00:33:18,600
Does that make me Basher on the 
internet? 

578
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:21,300
Know, my mom and her are still 
Facebook friends. 

579
00:33:21,700 --> 00:33:23,400
At the same time, I had to tell 
my mom. 

580
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:25,300
I don't want to hear about her 
life. 

581
00:33:25,500 --> 00:33:27,800
I don't want you to tell me 
about her kid anymore. 

582
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:31,900
Like, let her beat her, I'll be 
me and we'll just chalk it up 

583
00:33:31,900 --> 00:33:35,600
that we sell out, you know, and 
then there's people who 

584
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:39,800
literally abuse their kids, you 
know, move to Europe and do 

585
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:42,200
drugs all the time. 
At the same time like there's so

586
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:44,600
many different elements of these
people that I thought would be 

587
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:48,300
in my life forever but there's a
reason that they're not in my 

588
00:33:48,300 --> 00:33:51,400
life because I would never fuck 
with a bitch who would sign over

589
00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:53,400
her. 
Rights to our child and moved to

590
00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:55,900
Europe. 
Sorry, I can't fuck with you as 

591
00:33:55,900 --> 00:33:58,500
a woman as a person. 
I don't care who you are. 

592
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:00,800
Not my best friend. 
You ain't my best friend, you 

593
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:02,400
know. 
So whenever I look back at some 

594
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:05,300
of these people that I used to 
associate with, we're not even 

595
00:34:05,300 --> 00:34:08,100
in alignment, but that doesn't 
make them a bad person. 

596
00:34:08,100 --> 00:34:12,600
It just means that I no longer 
am I vibrational match. 

597
00:34:12,699 --> 00:34:16,500
So I can't really speak on what 
they do in survival mode or what

598
00:34:16,500 --> 00:34:19,699
they do in lower vibration. 
Because when I was in those 

599
00:34:19,900 --> 00:34:23,199
modes, I was also there. 
Side-by-side calling them, my 

600
00:34:23,199 --> 00:34:26,100
sister and my best friend. 
So in their adult life that they

601
00:34:26,100 --> 00:34:28,500
feel like they're healed and 
they want nothing to do with me,

602
00:34:28,699 --> 00:34:31,100
that's on them, right? 
Because then there's a whole lot

603
00:34:31,199 --> 00:34:35,300
of flip side of that of people 
who beg for my attention that I 

604
00:34:35,300 --> 00:34:38,699
want nothing to do with right. 
So it's like, it's a full circle

605
00:34:38,699 --> 00:34:39,699
thing. 
You're not going to fuck with 

606
00:34:39,699 --> 00:34:42,300
everyone all the time and just 
because, you know, someone 

607
00:34:42,300 --> 00:34:43,900
doesn't mean you're going to be 
cool forever. 

608
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:48,400
And I love the respect that you 
have on that person's boundary 

609
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:52,199
to where you're like, I reached 
back out, you know, Look like 

610
00:34:52,199 --> 00:34:55,199
countability or whatever, for 
whatever part you would played. 

611
00:34:55,300 --> 00:34:57,900
And they said, thanks, but it 
doesn't fix anything and you 

612
00:34:57,900 --> 00:34:59,800
moved on. 
You didn't Fester over and go. 

613
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:03,100
I can't believe it. 
And that's like a respect thing.

614
00:35:03,100 --> 00:35:08,500
I've had people who have 
literally never talked to me all

615
00:35:08,500 --> 00:35:12,500
of a sudden have like narratives
in conversations and you know, I

616
00:35:12,500 --> 00:35:15,600
heard from so-and-so and well I 
don't know the details but I'm 

617
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:19,800
going to say these things and 
that for me is what's like more 

618
00:35:19,900 --> 00:35:23,400
fucking ringleader action. 
In than people that I actually 

619
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:28,400
know because if you know, 
somebody and you've had, you 

620
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:30,400
know, like you're falling out or
whatever. 

621
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:33,600
There's two sides like, okay? 
I could take, you know, my, my 

622
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:35,800
accountability for this, that's 
where they fucked up. 

623
00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:38,900
But, you know, whatever. 
But if it like, sometimes it 

624
00:35:38,900 --> 00:35:41,300
just be random people on the 
internet and you're just like, 

625
00:35:41,300 --> 00:35:45,100
I, I'm so confused. 
How do you have a whole? 

626
00:35:45,300 --> 00:35:47,000
How do you have a whole 
narrative on who I am as a 

627
00:35:47,008 --> 00:35:48,900
person but we've never had a 
conversation. 

628
00:35:48,900 --> 00:35:53,700
But you like all my Instagram 
posts and And send me cute. 

629
00:35:53,700 --> 00:35:57,600
Smiley faces. 
I what do you mean, honestly, I 

630
00:35:57,607 --> 00:36:00,600
don't know what people's true 
motives are because I've never 

631
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:04,400
been a motive driven person 
because I'm always a leader. 

632
00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:08,000
I always got my own like I'm 
always in my Lane regardless 

633
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:12,200
when I was in Shadow aspect or 
you know, lower vibrational 

634
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,400
connections. 
I still feel like those people 

635
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:18,400
were looking to me for guidance 
and I was the ringleader or the 

636
00:36:19,100 --> 00:36:21,500
leader of some sort even though 
they didn't. 

637
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:24,500
Want to admit that I feel like a
lot of these people hung around 

638
00:36:24,500 --> 00:36:27,100
me to learn from me because a 
lot of them knew. 

639
00:36:27,100 --> 00:36:29,800
I wasn't like them, like, and I 
don't mean that way. 

640
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,200
But like, I grew up where you 
grew up, but I think a lot of 

641
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:35,500
them could see like, she's not 
meant to be here, she won't be 

642
00:36:35,500 --> 00:36:38,000
here if she figures out that 
she's not meant to be here and 

643
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:41,200
as soon as I did and, you know, 
chose to go to college and do 

644
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:44,200
things other people were not 
doing, I was so jealous of the 

645
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:46,700
people that were going to 
fucking paying them all and 

646
00:36:46,700 --> 00:36:49,400
South Carolina and doing all 
these cool things while I was in

647
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:51,400
school. 
Like I remember looking back and

648
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:54,400
seeing People go on these little
boat trips and these concerts 

649
00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:56,400
and festivals and things like 
that. 

650
00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:59,000
And now I look at those people 
and I'm not trying to be a hater

651
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:02,200
but they work at Sally's or 
wherever like, they're not doing

652
00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:05,000
anything that I'm competing with
are upset with now. 

653
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:08,800
So it's like fucking off and 
having fun always looks fun, 

654
00:37:08,900 --> 00:37:11,700
that's always a goal. 
But when you do that at the 

655
00:37:11,700 --> 00:37:14,400
expense of your own personal 
growth and your own mental 

656
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:18,200
health and your own success, 
you're the only one to blame. 

657
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:20,500
Like when I look back on all 
those years of thoughtless 

658
00:37:20,500 --> 00:37:23,300
living, I'm Not blaming who I 
was hanging out with. 

659
00:37:23,300 --> 00:37:25,500
I'm not blaming my ex or my 
family. 

660
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:29,000
I'm being like, wow, that was 
fucked up that they participated

661
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:32,100
but I'm taking accountability on
the fact that I went and picked 

662
00:37:32,100 --> 00:37:37,300
them up or I drove my car or I 
paid for, you know, I don't know

663
00:37:37,300 --> 00:37:40,100
they're gold tooth or whatever 
like it doesn't matter like at 

664
00:37:40,100 --> 00:37:43,000
the same time, I wasn't out 
getting my name tattooed or 

665
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:45,500
getting names. 
Tattooed on me, but I was 

666
00:37:45,500 --> 00:37:48,700
letting people tattoo my name on
them obviously. 

667
00:37:48,700 --> 00:37:50,300
Having trauma bonds, you know 
what I mean? 

668
00:37:50,300 --> 00:37:52,200
Like I was keeping that shit. 
Alive. 

669
00:37:52,700 --> 00:37:54,700
Yes. 
Just to clear up any people have

670
00:37:54,700 --> 00:37:59,100
your name tattooed on them too 
and really do. 

671
00:37:59,100 --> 00:38:03,600
They have wieners. 
Yeah, 03, I'm leaners but we'll 

672
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:06,500
say in symbolization two people 
have gone eyes on one person. 

673
00:38:06,500 --> 00:38:10,900
Got something that was for me. 
Sweet baby. 

674
00:38:10,900 --> 00:38:12,900
Jesus. 
All right here, just corrupting 

675
00:38:12,900 --> 00:38:15,100
the world in people's flesh. 
She said, but I didn't get 

676
00:38:15,100 --> 00:38:18,800
anybody's name tattooed on me. 
If I was, if I was to think 

677
00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:21,400
something about you, it would 
absolutely be that you're the 

678
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:25,300
type of girl who has people have
their name tattooed on them and 

679
00:38:25,300 --> 00:38:28,000
has never tattooed anybody 
else's name on yourself. 

680
00:38:28,300 --> 00:38:32,400
I mean, one time I saw this 
thing on the internet and it 

681
00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:36,700
said, I don't know what kind of 
sex people be having that makes 

682
00:38:36,700 --> 00:38:38,800
them want to tattoo each other's
names. 

683
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:42,200
James, but I haven't had it yet.
And I've really been looking for

684
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:46,400
it because like if it's out 
there, I'm not opposed to a name

685
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:50,000
like I'm not opposed, I'm just 
saying like it's got to be real.

686
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:53,800
It's got to be like bunny has 
jellies like thing. 

687
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:56,800
Yeah. 
But you you I feel like you and 

688
00:38:56,800 --> 00:39:00,600
you and Q would have to come up 
with a design for the name where

689
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:03,900
he could easily cover it up and 
turn it into like some beautiful

690
00:39:03,900 --> 00:39:06,200
piece of art. 
He would BB. 

691
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:10,400
And you know what's crazy about 
that is if I ever did That sadly

692
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:13,400
I probably wouldn't have him do 
it because it would be like a 

693
00:39:13,408 --> 00:39:15,600
spur-of-the-moment thing. 
Probably, it wouldn't be like, I

694
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:19,800
planned to get someone's name. 
It would be like, we're in Vegas

695
00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:21,800
and we just got married. 
And now we're going to get each 

696
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:24,300
other's names, right? 
Like you're going to go back to.

697
00:39:24,500 --> 00:39:27,200
You're going to go back to 
Kentucky, but the fucking tramp 

698
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:33,200
stamp of ha ha. 
I don't know, but I don't know. 

699
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:36,600
I'm just saying, like, I've 
never had anyone in this world, 

700
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:39,000
who rocked my world like that. 
It. 

701
00:39:39,008 --> 00:39:44,300
So, if you're out there and 
you're listening call me, I 

702
00:39:44,300 --> 00:39:47,700
would, I just don't, I don't 
really yeah. 

703
00:39:47,700 --> 00:39:50,200
No I don't want anybody's name 
tattooed on my body. 

704
00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:53,200
I have mac my kid's name. 
That's it. 

705
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:56,400
But I would do like like 
symbolic tattoos. 

706
00:39:56,400 --> 00:40:02,800
That's me. 
Yes, I loved it when he said 

707
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:06,100
that's me. 
He wanted everyone to know. 

708
00:40:06,700 --> 00:40:10,500
Um, the cool thing about life in
everything that's happening, is 

709
00:40:10,500 --> 00:40:13,100
nothing I've ever done, was 
permanent. 

710
00:40:13,100 --> 00:40:16,500
I didn't make any like decisions
that led to like a permanent 

711
00:40:16,500 --> 00:40:19,600
lifelong consequence. 
I got never had a crazy love 

712
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:24,200
child or any of those things. 
So when I look back at my life 

713
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:27,700
and like living in those lower 
vibrational moments, I was 

714
00:40:27,700 --> 00:40:31,200
having fun. 
I was careless as fuck and could

715
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:33,800
have literally died. 
Probably at any minute with some

716
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:37,000
of the scenarios and car rides 
that I put myself in like, oh my

717
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:41,900
God, the car rides. 
It makes zero sense of why 14 15

718
00:40:41,900 --> 00:40:46,000
16 year old girls were riding 
around with 20 year old boys and

719
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,800
their car. 
I mean yes we walk down to the 

720
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:50,700
church parking lot and got in 
the car. 

721
00:40:50,700 --> 00:40:54,500
So we knew it wasn't right but 
you also were the adult in this 

722
00:40:54,500 --> 00:40:57,900
situation. 
So it's like weird energy and 

723
00:40:57,900 --> 00:41:01,000
then Just the top off, all the 
things I lied about. 

724
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,500
Like, I'm staying here and 
staying there. 

725
00:41:03,700 --> 00:41:07,300
I will tell a really funny story
so I'll never forget this. 

726
00:41:07,300 --> 00:41:09,200
I was a sophomore in high 
school. 

727
00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:13,100
It was Presidents Day. 
So we had Monday off of school 

728
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:15,900
and it was a Sunday night. 
My dad obviously had to work 

729
00:41:15,900 --> 00:41:17,700
President's Day. 
Like the world doesn't stop 

730
00:41:17,700 --> 00:41:21,400
working for that. 
So he couldn't take me to school

731
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:24,300
that next morning or I'm sorry. 
He wasn't going to have to take 

732
00:41:24,300 --> 00:41:27,200
me to school that next morning 
so he was going to try to pick 

733
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:31,000
up some overtime. 
So I decided that I was going to

734
00:41:31,008 --> 00:41:33,200
lie and say that I was staying 
with my friend. 

735
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:38,000
Mackenzie And Mackenzie wasn't 
even in the equation, she wasn't

736
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:39,800
even in the equation. 
I don't even know where she was 

737
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:41,800
like, she probably was at home. 
Doing the right thing. 

738
00:41:42,100 --> 00:41:45,100
I said I'm going to be with 
Mackenzie and ended up going to 

739
00:41:45,100 --> 00:41:49,200
hang out with three of my 
friends, guys and girls just no 

740
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:52,200
one that my dad like new. 
So I couldn't say I was with 

741
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:55,100
that girl because he would have 
been like hell no at this point.

742
00:41:55,100 --> 00:41:57,300
Like he trusts him again. 
Z's, mom knew I stayed over 

743
00:41:57,300 --> 00:42:00,700
there, whatever. 
So my dad being a single father,

744
00:42:01,300 --> 00:42:04,200
got a phone call about 4:00 or 
5:00 in the morning. 

745
00:42:04,300 --> 00:42:10,600
Being from lmpd that, they had 
his daughter and that she had 

746
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:12,900
been gang raped. 
That's that's what they had 

747
00:42:12,900 --> 00:42:14,500
said. 
They told my dad that I had been

748
00:42:14,500 --> 00:42:16,300
gang-raped. 
I had not even been raped. 

749
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:19,200
There was no sex involved. 
There was no sex involved. 

750
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:23,600
It was crazy because we were at 
this house that my friend, 

751
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:27,800
Josh's sister and she was kind 
of like the cool sister that at 

752
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:32,500
the time was like 26, 27. 
Let her brother and his friends 

753
00:42:32,500 --> 00:42:35,900
stay at her house and basically 
Would babysit her kids. 

754
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:38,700
So we would sometimes have like 
her 7 year old and her 

755
00:42:38,700 --> 00:42:42,400
nine-year-old whole other story,
I'm sorry. 

756
00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:45,500
Yeah, this girl this lady when I
look back on her, was the 

757
00:42:45,500 --> 00:42:48,800
craziest person I've ever came 
into contact with in real life 

758
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,400
and I don't even know if she's 
alive still. 

759
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:54,700
But her name was Farrah and you 
will never forget Fair, like she

760
00:42:54,700 --> 00:42:57,000
always a Farrah, she had sugar 
daddies. 

761
00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:00,400
She did this, she did that, but 
she always had the party spot, 

762
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:04,000
like, no matter if she moved 
every six months, we always were

763
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:05,900
able to To take full reign of 
her house. 

764
00:43:06,100 --> 00:43:11,100
So it was me three people at her
house. 

765
00:43:11,100 --> 00:43:14,500
She was not home, someone 
knocked on the door and they 

766
00:43:14,500 --> 00:43:18,000
said we're here to see Pharaoh. 
There was six guys. 

767
00:43:19,500 --> 00:43:21,500
I don't know who they were. 
This ain't my house. 

768
00:43:21,700 --> 00:43:24,500
I'm 15 six guys, came and 
knocked on the door, knocked on 

769
00:43:24,500 --> 00:43:27,300
the door. 
And they said we are here to see

770
00:43:27,300 --> 00:43:30,900
Pharaoh when, when my friend 
Josh opened the door they 

771
00:43:30,900 --> 00:43:34,500
stormed in they stormed it. 
So there's all these people, I'm

772
00:43:34,500 --> 00:43:38,300
talking all these people and 
they're all wearing black and 

773
00:43:38,300 --> 00:43:41,500
they all look like drug dealers.
And we then later, found out. 

774
00:43:41,500 --> 00:43:45,000
She met them at the gas station 
and didn't even know them. 

775
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:50,800
But gave them her address and 
said, stop by and So when 

776
00:43:50,900 --> 00:43:55,100
regular Sunday night, they're on
the run from the cops and they 

777
00:43:55,100 --> 00:43:57,500
decide to run up on their new 
friend Pharaoh's house who 

778
00:43:57,500 --> 00:44:00,600
they've never met besides that 
one time at the gas station, 

779
00:44:00,700 --> 00:44:04,600
which was earlier in the week, 
decide to come into her house. 

780
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:08,000
When when we open the door and 
they came in the cops took that 

781
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:11,500
as a signal that we knew J-Kwon 
and all these people who I 

782
00:44:11,508 --> 00:44:13,700
didn't know their names, I 
didn't know anyone's name and 

783
00:44:13,700 --> 00:44:16,300
I'm being dead ass serious. 
I will never forget J-Kwon 

784
00:44:16,300 --> 00:44:19,000
because his grandma and his mom 
and his dad. 

785
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:22,100
Dad all came inside the house 
when they started calling 

786
00:44:22,100 --> 00:44:25,700
people's parents, some of these 
boys were underage they took 

787
00:44:25,700 --> 00:44:28,600
that over age once like one 
jumped out the window. 

788
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:32,600
Stuck 4 ounces of weed in her 
dryer which she never cleaned 

789
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:34,400
her did laundry. 
So she didn't find that for like

790
00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:37,400
a month. 
So he had jumped out the back 

791
00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:41,200
window was so when he evaded on 
foot, they took that upon 

792
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:43,800
themselves that we were in on 
it, because they were in our 

793
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:45,500
house, the back windows open, 
dude. 

794
00:44:45,500 --> 00:44:48,600
Done jumped out the window. 
Like, their whole plan was to 

795
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:51,200
come into this. 
House and distract the cops 

796
00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:54,800
while that dude jumped out the 
back window regardless with you 

797
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:56,400
know what I mean. 
Like he was going to jump out 

798
00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:59,600
the window for my understanding 
regardless it was more of like a

799
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:03,300
sting operation like let's throw
off the cops maybe those girls 

800
00:45:03,300 --> 00:45:05,800
got drugs. 
She told us she did so maybe 

801
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:08,300
that'll help this bitch ain't 
even home. 

802
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:10,500
I'm 15 years old. 
My friend Josh I think is like 

803
00:45:10,500 --> 00:45:14,400
17. 
It was a whole mess. 

804
00:45:14,500 --> 00:45:16,500
I won't even name drop anybody 
else because I don't know whose 

805
00:45:16,500 --> 00:45:19,300
parents even came and got them 
that like it was some Go 

806
00:45:19,300 --> 00:45:22,800
activity. 
So we're setting there and Jake 

807
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:27,500
wands, grandmother dad and I 
guess mom came inside and his 

808
00:45:27,500 --> 00:45:30,900
dad starts preaching at this 
point at this point where he's 

809
00:45:30,900 --> 00:45:35,000
like, you got your grandmother 
out here on her deathbed, on her

810
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:37,900
deathbed and she's in a 
wheelchair and this woman 

811
00:45:37,900 --> 00:45:42,000
shriveled like 97 years old and 
they're like J-Kwon. 

812
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:46,200
I just, I can't believe you do 
this to your Grandmama to your 

813
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:49,100
Grandmama. 
And it just went on for like, 

814
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:52,900
Hours to the point where 
everyone else's parents had came

815
00:45:52,900 --> 00:45:57,300
and got them and I was like the 
last person there because I like

816
00:45:57,300 --> 00:45:59,900
refused to give them my dad's 
number. 

817
00:45:59,900 --> 00:46:02,400
Like I was giving them, my mom, 
my grandma. 

818
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:05,700
I was giving every number, I 
could think of, besides my dad, 

819
00:46:05,700 --> 00:46:08,200
because I knew if my dad 
answered that call like it was 

820
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:12,000
going to be bad, he came and got
me and I will never forget at 

821
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:16,300
4:30 a.m. this man had to be at 
work in like two hours showed up

822
00:46:16,300 --> 00:46:20,500
in his Oldsmobile. 
He has He had never been so mad 

823
00:46:20,500 --> 00:46:23,100
at me because he was fucking 
silent. 

824
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:26,500
This man to not say a fucking 
word and my dad's very vocal me 

825
00:46:26,508 --> 00:46:30,200
and my dad are both Torah says 
like he's a very vocal person so

826
00:46:30,700 --> 00:46:33,400
that was probably like the 
Tipping Moment For the First 

827
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:36,900
Time Of Me ever, like really 
getting into trouble and 

828
00:46:36,900 --> 00:46:41,500
realizing that I was from that 
point forward I have to lie 

829
00:46:41,500 --> 00:46:44,800
about everything because 
everything I had been doing that

830
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:48,200
was not even a bad part of it. 
Like that was just me want to 

831
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:51,100
hang out with my friends. 
Not have to go in it. 10:00, you

832
00:46:51,100 --> 00:46:52,100
know what I mean? 
That was more. 

833
00:46:52,100 --> 00:46:55,000
Just, my curfew was always early
while everyone else is was 

834
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:58,000
midnight and that was me just 
wanting to hang out with my 

835
00:46:58,000 --> 00:46:59,700
friends and we were not 
drinking. 

836
00:46:59,700 --> 00:47:02,000
There was no drugs there. 
The only drugs that were there 

837
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:04,600
were the people who brought 
drugs. 

838
00:47:04,900 --> 00:47:08,100
So, basically, all this 
transpired into the point, where

839
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:10,900
Pharaoh came home at like, 8:00 
in the morning and her house is 

840
00:47:10,900 --> 00:47:13,000
empty. 
When she knew that Josh and all 

841
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:16,900
of us were there, where were her
kids, they were with of their 

842
00:47:16,900 --> 00:47:20,400
dad that time like they broke. 
But sometimes like that was the 

843
00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:24,700
motive of her wanting Josh's 
little early friends to be over 

844
00:47:24,700 --> 00:47:25,800
there. 
So we would take care of the 

845
00:47:25,808 --> 00:47:28,700
kids and she just buys like a 
fifth of us. 

846
00:47:28,700 --> 00:47:31,400
How did, how did, how did the 
cops turn it into? 

847
00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:36,300
You got gang raped but there was
a female cop in two guys and I 

848
00:47:36,308 --> 00:47:39,000
don't know if anyone here 
listening is ever had a dealing 

849
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:44,900
with a female cop as a female, 
but she basically was going off 

850
00:47:44,900 --> 00:47:48,300
on me and like, freaking out on 
me and I don't know, she just, I

851
00:47:48,300 --> 00:47:51,100
guess because I got It give them
my dad's number and they kept 

852
00:47:51,100 --> 00:47:53,000
calling these numbers. 
I think they just thought there 

853
00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:56,600
was more to it and they were 
going to like fear Monger me, 

854
00:47:57,000 --> 00:48:01,500
but that story like lives on 
rent-free in my psyche because I

855
00:48:01,500 --> 00:48:05,100
have never been in more trouble.
My dad took my phone away. 

856
00:48:05,100 --> 00:48:08,400
I think, for a literally three 
months, like I had a phone at 11

857
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:10,100
years old. 
So like getting my phone taken 

858
00:48:10,100 --> 00:48:13,000
away for three months was like, 
I didn't even know that could 

859
00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:15,600
even be possible. 
Like I would literally be at the

860
00:48:15,600 --> 00:48:17,800
house. 
No house phone, no nothing. 

861
00:48:17,900 --> 00:48:21,400
I could get my phone. 
Out of my dad's safe for like 

862
00:48:21,500 --> 00:48:25,200
until he got home basically. 
Just so he could contact me. 

863
00:48:25,300 --> 00:48:31,900
That was it? 
I too was the party child and I 

864
00:48:31,900 --> 00:48:35,700
had early curfew and like you 
can't go hang out with older 

865
00:48:35,700 --> 00:48:40,600
people, whatever. 
And my thing with my parents was

866
00:48:41,300 --> 00:48:43,600
they knew where I was? 
They just didn't like it. 

867
00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:47,200
Like, I had a couple times that 
like I snuck out or I didn't 

868
00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:49,600
come home or whatever which like
Apparent. 

869
00:48:49,600 --> 00:48:52,100
Now I'm like that's the scariest
thing. 

870
00:48:52,100 --> 00:48:54,900
All of a sudden your kid just 
doesn't come home and you 

871
00:48:54,900 --> 00:48:58,100
haven't heard anything but it 
eventually got to the point that

872
00:48:58,100 --> 00:49:03,600
I was so tired of like not 
saying where I was or whatever 

873
00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:05,700
that I would be like and I'm 
gonna go stay at so-and-so's 

874
00:49:05,700 --> 00:49:08,900
house but you're not allowed to 
but I'm not asking a question. 

875
00:49:08,900 --> 00:49:11,200
I'm just letting you know that 
I'll be staying at so-and-so's 

876
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:15,900
house and so up until sophomore 
year. 

877
00:49:15,900 --> 00:49:18,900
It was pretty sneaky, and then 
Junior and Senior year. 

878
00:49:19,100 --> 00:49:21,100
It was I'm going to go do 
whatever the fuck I want. 

879
00:49:21,100 --> 00:49:25,300
This is where I'll be and I'm 
really surprised that my mom 

880
00:49:25,300 --> 00:49:27,900
didn't kill me and I'm still 
here to tell the tale. 

881
00:49:28,700 --> 00:49:32,200
Honestly, what was crazy as my 
mom was the party mom. 

882
00:49:32,200 --> 00:49:37,900
So moving in with my father 
during high school was like a 

883
00:49:37,900 --> 00:49:41,200
hot mess but I truly believe 
that if I would have stayed 

884
00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:45,000
under my mom's watch all of high
school but I would have been on 

885
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:47,800
16 & Pregnant. 
Like I would have been on the 

886
00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:49,300
show. 
Like I would have been That 

887
00:49:49,300 --> 00:49:51,300
would have been my lap. 
So I look back on that. 

888
00:49:51,300 --> 00:49:54,600
I'm like, you know, there was so
much being put in our face about

889
00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:57,200
teen pregnancy, right? 
At the time, that I was those 

890
00:49:57,200 --> 00:50:01,400
ages and there were girls that 
went on to those shows, like, 

891
00:50:01,400 --> 00:50:05,500
not teen 16 and Pregnant or Teen
Mom per se, but I had a girl in 

892
00:50:05,500 --> 00:50:08,200
my sophomore class that went on 
the show, that was basically 

893
00:50:08,200 --> 00:50:12,500
about out of control teenagers 
and basically like, you know 

894
00:50:12,500 --> 00:50:14,200
what I mean. 
So, I was hanging out with some 

895
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:18,000
bad kids and the weird thing 
about it though is those are 

896
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:21,500
always the kids that Lived with 
their grandparents, the bad kids

897
00:50:21,500 --> 00:50:23,400
were always the people that 
lived at their grandparents. 

898
00:50:23,400 --> 00:50:26,600
Like that's just the facts. 
So getting out of my mom's 

899
00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:30,500
watching on to my dad's, like 
military style, watch 

900
00:50:30,500 --> 00:50:32,900
definitely, save me. 
Definitely is the reason that my

901
00:50:32,900 --> 00:50:36,500
credit score is what it is 
because my dad is like work hard

902
00:50:36,500 --> 00:50:39,800
pay for your shit, do not go get
a car payment just because you 

903
00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:44,700
can buy it in cash pay for it 
own it like my dad is very 

904
00:50:44,700 --> 00:50:48,200
methodical so you know that 
moment when I knew my dad was so

905
00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:51,600
mad at me and Going to be like 
it did really hurt but I was 

906
00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:54,300
also going through puberty. 
And my dad was like he was not 

907
00:50:54,300 --> 00:50:57,600
equipped to understand his 
teenage daughter who he barely 

908
00:50:57,600 --> 00:51:00,400
knew going through puberty like 
he wasn't with it. 

909
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:03,800
Like he wasn't, he wasn't 
emotionally receptive which 

910
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:07,700
created a lot of resentment and 
anger and Rebellion for me, 

911
00:51:07,700 --> 00:51:09,600
like, it was more of a 
rebellious thing. 

912
00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:13,300
I never snuck out because I knew
if he woke up, he would fucking 

913
00:51:13,300 --> 00:51:15,600
kill me when I got back. 
Like there wouldn't be no coming

914
00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:18,500
back. 
There would be like the craziest

915
00:51:18,700 --> 00:51:22,500
on Taraj. 
But my dad is much as he's not 

916
00:51:22,500 --> 00:51:24,800
emotionally driven, he does not 
play games. 

917
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:28,700
Like he used to date like really
psycho biker girls because my 

918
00:51:28,700 --> 00:51:31,600
dad's a biker. 
So he'd he dates like girls who 

919
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:33,200
have Harley-Davidson tramp 
stamps. 

920
00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:37,600
Like that's my dad's Jam. 
Like, oh my God - I'm bad at the

921
00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:39,600
same time. 
So like, he's with the fit. 

922
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:42,600
Like he's like, do you have the 
Pamela Anderson barbed wire 

923
00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:45,400
around your arm if you do? 
Here's my number. 

924
00:51:45,900 --> 00:51:48,500
So, during High School, my dad 
had like this. 

925
00:51:49,100 --> 00:51:53,300
And who was this biker chick, 
who everybody in the biker 

926
00:51:53,300 --> 00:51:55,800
Community called her a black 
widow because her husband had 

927
00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:58,300
died and she inherited all this 
money. 

928
00:51:58,500 --> 00:52:00,600
Yada yada. 
Never liked this girl. 

929
00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:04,000
My dad kicked this bitch on the 
street on Christmas because she 

930
00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:06,400
was talking mad. 
Shit, she started, she started 

931
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:08,200
on me. 
He said if you say one more 

932
00:52:08,200 --> 00:52:09,400
thing to my daughter I'm kicking
you. 

933
00:52:09,400 --> 00:52:12,700
And your daughter out right now 
and this bitch got my face like 

934
00:52:12,700 --> 00:52:14,600
she was going to hit me. 
I've never seen my dad, like, 

935
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:16,000
like this. 
Like he didn't put his hands on 

936
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:18,900
her, but he came between us and 
started getting these big boy. 

937
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:21,700
White trash bags and putting 
brand-new Christmas stuff. 

938
00:52:21,700 --> 00:52:24,600
He took the Christmas tree and 
threw it out in the front yard. 

939
00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:28,400
Like, I've never seen my dad act
like this, so my dad is one of 

940
00:52:28,408 --> 00:52:31,000
those people that like, he's a 
loose fucking Cannon when he's 

941
00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:33,100
upset. 
So when he was silent, I was 

942
00:52:33,100 --> 00:52:36,400
like, oh shit. 
I'm in fucking, I'm myself. 

943
00:52:36,400 --> 00:52:39,300
And that's where like he didn't 
give me a car. 

944
00:52:39,600 --> 00:52:41,300
Like I didn't get a card 16 
period. 

945
00:52:41,300 --> 00:52:43,900
I could use a car and I could 
call it mine and put something 

946
00:52:43,900 --> 00:52:46,700
like, around the rearview 
mirror, like ale, or an air 

947
00:52:46,700 --> 00:52:49,400
freshener or something. 
But that motherfucker was You 

948
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:51,500
can put seat covers on it, but 
that shouldn't years parole. 

949
00:52:51,500 --> 00:52:55,100
And then the first moment that I
objected, but seat covers on it,

950
00:52:55,100 --> 00:52:59,100
but that's sitting here. 
It's the first time I met that, 

951
00:52:59,100 --> 00:53:02,500
man, that as, like an adult 16 
17 year-old, they were like, he 

952
00:53:02,500 --> 00:53:07,600
was like, stir Orchid Park it? 
That was that like, he, he does 

953
00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:09,400
not fly. 
And so, I don't know, like, a 

954
00:53:09,408 --> 00:53:11,700
lot of the things that I went 
through as a child, I think for 

955
00:53:11,700 --> 00:53:15,400
a rebellious like towards him 
and resentment towards my mom, 

956
00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:18,600
but then as like an adult, I was
still making those crazy s 

957
00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:20,400
decision. 
Asians and weighs just like, 

958
00:53:20,400 --> 00:53:23,600
hanging out, people like that. 
Like, what 28 roads going to 

959
00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:27,600
leave a bunch of 15. 16 17 
year-olds drinking with her 

960
00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:29,300
children. 
I'm talking young children. 

961
00:53:29,300 --> 00:53:31,900
That could be touched or 
whatever late. 

962
00:53:31,900 --> 00:53:33,800
I'm not saying that's what 
happened but I'm just saying 

963
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:36,700
like he's fucking kids are 
watching teenagers, get fucked 

964
00:53:36,700 --> 00:53:39,100
up and we're painting their 
nails afterwards. 

965
00:53:39,300 --> 00:53:42,000
We're hanging out. 
There are so many things that I 

966
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:44,400
look back on from one. 
Like I was a teenager and so 

967
00:53:44,400 --> 00:53:48,200
many situations and like, people
that I thought were like cool to

968
00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:52,900
hang out with Or whatever. 
And or oh my gosh, your parents 

969
00:53:52,900 --> 00:53:56,100
are so cool because you don't 
have to, like your parents don't

970
00:53:56,100 --> 00:53:59,500
have to meet them first, like I 
wasn't allowed to go and do 

971
00:53:59,500 --> 00:54:02,100
anything of my parents didn't 
know their parents and then 

972
00:54:02,100 --> 00:54:04,900
other people being like, well, 
my mom thinks that it's super 

973
00:54:04,900 --> 00:54:06,600
weird that your mom wants to 
meet her. 

974
00:54:06,600 --> 00:54:09,800
And so then I was just like 
uncomfortable when in reality, I

975
00:54:09,800 --> 00:54:12,500
look back and I'm like that Mom 
didn't want to meet my mom 

976
00:54:12,500 --> 00:54:16,000
because she was high on meth. 
Like there's a reason that she 

977
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:18,900
didn't want to, it's because she
didn't want to be judged. 

978
00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:25,600
It's not, you know, whatever. 
And a lot of there was so much 

979
00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:29,400
predatory, like, behavior and 
allowances that I didn't realize

980
00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:33,700
as a kid, like so many grown men
hanging out with teenage girls 

981
00:54:33,700 --> 00:54:37,700
and stuff like that that I 
didn't think was weird because 

982
00:54:37,700 --> 00:54:41,000
they you know, the conversations
around aren't weird. 

983
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:43,800
It's like a normalized thing and
I always thought that it was 

984
00:54:43,800 --> 00:54:48,900
like small Mountain Behavior, 
whatever small town but no it's 

985
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:51,400
All over the place. 
It's not just small, Township. 

986
00:54:51,400 --> 00:54:55,300
It happens all the time. 
And like, I love the memes that 

987
00:54:55,300 --> 00:55:00,300
are like 15 year old me, wasn't 
scared to walk in the ghetto 

988
00:55:00,300 --> 00:55:05,000
with a dead phone at 2 a.m., but
I get anxiety going, grocery 

989
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:09,600
shopping alone now and really, 
that's the really good. 

990
00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:14,900
So deep in my eye, I also have 
bike been in situations where 

991
00:55:14,900 --> 00:55:18,300
like, bad things did happen to 
me because I put myself inside 

992
00:55:18,300 --> 00:55:26,400
of Haitians and I didn't know 
how to read people's, I think. 

993
00:55:26,400 --> 00:55:28,700
I'm so hyper. 
Vigilant on, like, reading 

994
00:55:28,700 --> 00:55:31,400
people and understanding their 
motives now and like trying to 

995
00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:34,600
understand because I went for so
long in my life. 

996
00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:38,800
Having no understanding of, but 
you said this. 

997
00:55:38,800 --> 00:55:40,500
So, how come you're doing 
something different? 

998
00:55:40,500 --> 00:55:43,500
You're being dishonest because I
always just figured you would 

999
00:55:43,500 --> 00:55:45,100
say what you mean and mean what 
you say? 

1000
00:55:45,100 --> 00:55:47,400
And if you say you're this kind 
of person, that's the kind of 

1001
00:55:47,400 --> 00:55:51,700
person that you should be. 
And there's not enough, I think 

1002
00:55:51,700 --> 00:55:55,300
discussion with parents and 
their kids about having Street 

1003
00:55:55,300 --> 00:55:59,500
smarts and learning how to read 
people and learning how to 

1004
00:55:59,500 --> 00:56:03,400
understand that. 
Just because somebody looks like

1005
00:56:03,400 --> 00:56:05,600
they're I'm having this 
conversation with my son right 

1006
00:56:05,600 --> 00:56:08,900
now and he's 7, just because 
somebody looks like they're a 

1007
00:56:08,908 --> 00:56:12,000
nice person doesn't mean that 
they're a nice person. 

1008
00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:15,800
Somebody can look and say nice 
things and they can still have 

1009
00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:18,500
all kinds of Secrets. 
And as like, they could be a 

1010
00:56:18,500 --> 00:56:21,500
serial Oh killer, they could not
put their milk back in the 

1011
00:56:21,500 --> 00:56:23,100
fridge. 
Like there could be different 

1012
00:56:23,100 --> 00:56:25,400
extremes of how weird these 
people are. 

1013
00:56:25,400 --> 00:56:29,500
The thing is that I don't get 
is. 

1014
00:56:29,500 --> 00:56:34,600
Why was it so normalized? 
And is that still happening with

1015
00:56:34,600 --> 00:56:39,100
12, 13, 14, 15, year-olds today,
because they look like 30, some 

1016
00:56:39,100 --> 00:56:42,800
of these girls, like, the way 
that they have grown up in the 

1017
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:45,500
Kardashian generation, as I'll 
call it. 

1018
00:56:45,500 --> 00:56:50,300
They're hyper fixated on, their 
looks their Some of these 13 14 

1019
00:56:50,300 --> 00:56:52,800
year old girls literally 
contoured their face and they 

1020
00:56:52,800 --> 00:56:55,400
don't have anything to Contour 
Contours to make your face look,

1021
00:56:55,400 --> 00:56:58,000
thinner and more chiseled, like 
your child, you're a fucking 

1022
00:56:58,000 --> 00:56:59,200
child. 
Your face is even done, 

1023
00:56:59,200 --> 00:57:01,700
developing, how are you going to
Contour something that's like 

1024
00:57:01,700 --> 00:57:05,200
not even done settling you know 
the mean like I'm growing baby 

1025
00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:06,500
girl. 
I don't know how you're gonna do

1026
00:57:06,500 --> 00:57:11,400
that but that has been a huge 
controversy with Alabama Barker 

1027
00:57:11,400 --> 00:57:15,700
Travis Barker's daughter and I'm
not even like a huge, I hate the

1028
00:57:15,700 --> 00:57:17,300
Kardashians. 
I know you said, you watch their

1029
00:57:17,300 --> 00:57:18,800
show. 
I've never watched one episode. 

1030
00:57:18,900 --> 00:57:21,000
The only thing I know about them
is through the means through the

1031
00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:24,800
media through what is viral, 
that I can't not see, right? 

1032
00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:27,800
Like the ugly crying Kim and, 
you know, things like that, like

1033
00:57:27,800 --> 00:57:31,100
I can't not see it because 
Snapchat, or whoever is just 

1034
00:57:31,100 --> 00:57:33,800
constantly putting it into my 
life. 

1035
00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:36,500
But this Alabama Barker thing 
that I've noticed is like she's 

1036
00:57:36,500 --> 00:57:40,400
drunk as fuck and her dad is 
like really sexualizing her and 

1037
00:57:40,400 --> 00:57:43,100
capping on it. 
And I think that is from that 

1038
00:57:43,100 --> 00:57:47,600
pedophilia thing where people do
fantasize over these sixteen 

1039
00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:49,800
Seventeen eighteen nineteen. 
Your old girl, same thing with 

1040
00:57:49,800 --> 00:57:52,800
like that bad baby, girl, who I 
could give a fuck less about. 

1041
00:57:52,800 --> 00:57:55,900
But, you know, these girls 
turning 18 and going on to only 

1042
00:57:55,900 --> 00:57:57,700
fans. 
It's a proof that like people 

1043
00:57:57,700 --> 00:58:01,700
were waiting for that or like 
how Leonardo DiCaprio only dates

1044
00:58:01,700 --> 00:58:03,400
girls that are like, in their 
20s. 

1045
00:58:03,400 --> 00:58:07,500
And every year that they get 
older, he just goes to someone 

1046
00:58:07,500 --> 00:58:09,900
younger, right? 
And I just think that there's 

1047
00:58:09,900 --> 00:58:14,000
something weird as fuck about 
sexualizing your child for gain 

1048
00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:17,400
on the internet as well as icon.
Tik-Tok that people do that with

1049
00:58:17,400 --> 00:58:20,000
children and children exploited.
Ting their children, child 

1050
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:22,000
stars. 
If you will, Aaron Carter, if we

1051
00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:26,400
really want to go there, people 
exploit people and the one thing

1052
00:58:26,400 --> 00:58:30,000
that I just don't get is like 
what the interest as a grown 

1053
00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:33,500
individual is and a child or a 
teenager. 

1054
00:58:33,700 --> 00:58:36,600
And when I was a teenager, it 
makes you feel cool. 

1055
00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:39,500
It gives you this validation 
this sense of recognition like, 

1056
00:58:39,700 --> 00:58:42,200
oh, this 17 18 year. 
Old boy likes me. 

1057
00:58:42,400 --> 00:58:46,500
No, no, no, they don't, and I 
just think it's crazy to me 

1058
00:58:46,500 --> 00:58:50,400
because how much older all these
kids look Now and then just 

1059
00:58:50,400 --> 00:58:53,200
like, you know, we went through 
like the blue eye shadow and 

1060
00:58:53,200 --> 00:58:56,500
like glitter or lip gloss face 
and like we went through like 

1061
00:58:56,900 --> 00:59:00,000
crazy outfit. 
Like, you know, a lot of people 

1062
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:02,600
at 13 and 14, like we look like 
a Halo mess. 

1063
00:59:02,600 --> 00:59:05,100
I'm so glad there was no 
documentation of the things 

1064
00:59:05,100 --> 00:59:08,300
we're doing behind the scenes 
recording and playing with 

1065
00:59:08,300 --> 00:59:09,700
Barbies and doing weird-ass 
shit. 

1066
00:59:09,700 --> 00:59:12,600
Like, I'm so fucking glad that I
don't have a video of me. 

1067
00:59:12,600 --> 00:59:14,900
Piercing someones belly button 
with a safety pin because I did 

1068
00:59:14,900 --> 00:59:17,300
that more than once. 
In my childhood, I have my belly

1069
00:59:17,300 --> 00:59:18,500
button fear for the safety 
fence. 

1070
00:59:19,300 --> 00:59:21,800
Don't need that energy. 
You know like I don't need that 

1071
00:59:21,800 --> 00:59:24,400
in my life. 
I don't need I don't need to be 

1072
00:59:24,400 --> 00:59:28,100
around people who bring the 
shadow aspect out of me. 

1073
00:59:28,200 --> 00:59:32,400
Like I can go to a bar in some 
Drunk Bitch, you know pops off 

1074
00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:33,900
and it brings you right back 
down to that. 

1075
00:59:33,900 --> 00:59:36,800
Shadow Self, that you're 
working, so hard to heal, or 

1076
00:59:36,800 --> 00:59:39,200
you're in traffic, or someone 
says something to you. 

1077
00:59:39,200 --> 00:59:42,200
And that's why I think the 
biggest reaction is like, no 

1078
00:59:42,200 --> 00:59:46,500
reaction or Detachment. 
And I love that when people try 

1079
00:59:46,500 --> 00:59:48,800
to come for me, I'm just so 
detached. 

1080
00:59:48,900 --> 00:59:52,200
Because I'm just so seeing it 
through a higher perspective, 

1081
00:59:52,200 --> 00:59:55,900
like, wow, like you are fighting
with your lower self and blaming

1082
00:59:55,900 --> 00:59:59,500
me like that's crazy, but 
instead of like needing to rub 

1083
00:59:59,500 --> 01:00:03,600
that in or come head from like 
an egotistical egotistical 

1084
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:05,800
standpoint, I'm just so 
detached. 

1085
01:00:05,800 --> 01:00:08,300
I'm just like, of course, your 
course, you're upset with me. 

1086
01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:10,400
I'm happy. 
Like, and you're not. 

1087
01:00:10,400 --> 01:00:11,500
And that's what we're competing 
for. 

1088
01:00:11,500 --> 01:00:14,900
It's not Material, it's not the 
nicest relationship or the 

1089
01:00:14,900 --> 01:00:18,100
cutest pictures on Instagram. 
You're competing to be happy 

1090
01:00:18,100 --> 01:00:20,700
with your Shadow Self. 
That's who you're competing with

1091
01:00:20,700 --> 01:00:23,400
because your Shadow Self tells 
you, you ain't shit. 

1092
01:00:23,400 --> 01:00:25,300
You're always going to get the 
same results because look at 

1093
01:00:25,300 --> 01:00:26,400
your dad. 
Look at your mom. 

1094
01:00:26,400 --> 01:00:28,600
Look at your siblings. 
Look at your reality. 

1095
01:00:28,800 --> 01:00:31,500
That part of you is the person 
that you're competing with the 

1096
01:00:31,500 --> 01:00:33,600
people that are happy and living
their own best. 

1097
01:00:33,600 --> 01:00:37,200
Life are not thinking about ways
to tear you down, because if we 

1098
01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:41,300
were, we would not be defined in
the happy category because happy

1099
01:00:41,300 --> 01:00:44,300
people are not worried about 
hurting other people, that's how

1100
01:00:44,300 --> 01:00:47,800
good things come to you is when 
you match with them 

1101
01:00:47,800 --> 01:00:50,700
energetically. 
So, You're always being negative

1102
01:00:50,700 --> 01:00:54,700
or finding things to be negative
about your attracting that I've 

1103
01:00:54,700 --> 01:01:01,400
really found humor in bullshit 
lately and like in just like the

1104
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:05,700
the shock of how people can 
perceive you like, you know, 

1105
01:01:05,700 --> 01:01:09,800
regardless of how much you put 
out there, how much you show 

1106
01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:13,500
yourself, people really can 
derive like whole, narratives 

1107
01:01:13,500 --> 01:01:16,700
about who you are as as people 
and your motive, and your 

1108
01:01:16,700 --> 01:01:21,500
energy, whatever. 
And And it really has made me 

1109
01:01:21,500 --> 01:01:25,600
give less of a fuck. 
Because I've realized it doesn't

1110
01:01:25,600 --> 01:01:30,600
matter what version we put out. 
People are going to see and feel

1111
01:01:30,600 --> 01:01:35,000
what they want to see and feel 
about us and there is no. 

1112
01:01:36,200 --> 01:01:39,400
Other option, but just like 
authentically being yourself and

1113
01:01:39,400 --> 01:01:41,800
they're going to be people who 
align with it and don't and 

1114
01:01:41,800 --> 01:01:44,600
putting that on yourself just 
fucking sucks. 

1115
01:01:44,800 --> 01:01:51,900
And I think that a lot of stuff 
in the last couple of months, 

1116
01:01:51,900 --> 01:01:54,300
like everything that we went 
through with Utah, and our 

1117
01:01:54,300 --> 01:01:57,200
communities or whatever, because
really been for like a 

1118
01:01:57,200 --> 01:02:00,200
recognition of how far we have 
come like on a healing Journey 

1119
01:02:00,200 --> 01:02:02,500
inside of friendship, and things
like that. 

1120
01:02:02,500 --> 01:02:07,200
And I think that us meeting and 
you Chaw and dealing with 

1121
01:02:07,200 --> 01:02:11,100
everything that we dealt with 
really helped us for shit. 

1122
01:02:11,100 --> 01:02:13,700
That was going to pop off when 
we were in person together, 

1123
01:02:13,700 --> 01:02:17,800
because we've seen how we 
navigate inside of difficult 

1124
01:02:17,800 --> 01:02:22,700
situations and that for me, 
like, I don't care what somebody

1125
01:02:22,700 --> 01:02:26,300
random says. 
I care about the people who 

1126
01:02:26,300 --> 01:02:30,200
like, I respect and value, I do 
care about what they think and 

1127
01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:34,900
so it means a lot to me knowing 
that, you know, somebody I can 

1128
01:02:34,900 --> 01:02:38,100
trust that somebody Can say 
something about me or about you 

1129
01:02:38,300 --> 01:02:41,600
and immediately. 
It's, I know their character. 

1130
01:02:41,600 --> 01:02:43,600
That's not true. 
I know who they are. 

1131
01:02:43,700 --> 01:02:47,900
I don't, you know, whatever and 
not give it any more energy. 

1132
01:02:48,200 --> 01:02:50,900
And then going back to what you 
had said about like the 

1133
01:02:50,900 --> 01:02:57,300
Kardashian thing. 
I don't I don't fuck with them 

1134
01:02:57,300 --> 01:03:00,700
now. 
But in the beginning, the way 

1135
01:03:00,700 --> 01:03:05,200
that they started off was very 
much like almost like how jelly 

1136
01:03:05,200 --> 01:03:08,100
and Bunny did where it's worth 
showing you like, what we're 

1137
01:03:08,100 --> 01:03:10,500
doing at the bottom and like all
of the things that are 

1138
01:03:10,500 --> 01:03:13,700
difficult, they started their 
ship before there was Fame, it 

1139
01:03:13,700 --> 01:03:20,000
was really an example of seeing,
you know, a family who was like 

1140
01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:24,700
had toxic bonds but was trying 
Like healing, go through it and 

1141
01:03:24,700 --> 01:03:27,600
then like make something of 
their lives and that ended up 

1142
01:03:27,600 --> 01:03:30,200
like spiraling and it has 
morphed into something just 

1143
01:03:30,200 --> 01:03:34,000
completely unrelatable and 
completely materialistic driven.

1144
01:03:34,000 --> 01:03:36,100
But at the beginning it wasn't 
that way. 

1145
01:03:36,100 --> 01:03:41,400
And so I think that it's an 
example, two of you can love and

1146
01:03:41,400 --> 01:03:46,700
support different versions of 
people and just because you have

1147
01:03:46,700 --> 01:03:51,000
rocked for somebody or like hat,
you know, felt some kind of 

1148
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:53,000
connection if things are 
evolving. 

1149
01:03:53,100 --> 01:03:56,900
Loving than it's not still going
to be that way. 

1150
01:03:56,900 --> 01:04:01,200
Like it's okay to be like, I 
like that version but now that 

1151
01:04:01,200 --> 01:04:02,800
like you've evolved and done 
this. 

1152
01:04:02,800 --> 01:04:05,800
I'm glad that works for you and 
like you seem happy with that 

1153
01:04:05,800 --> 01:04:10,900
but that's not what I want. 
And they also exploit their kids

1154
01:04:10,900 --> 01:04:12,700
to get where they're at, and I 
don't like that. 

1155
01:04:12,700 --> 01:04:16,100
Part is so gross to me like as a
parent. 

1156
01:04:16,100 --> 01:04:19,300
I don't even put my kid online 
and like, I just did a video 

1157
01:04:19,800 --> 01:04:21,900
with them recently. 
And I put a sticker over his 

1158
01:04:21,900 --> 01:04:25,800
face because I don't even post 
them privately on my Facebook 

1159
01:04:25,800 --> 01:04:30,000
really because I just don't 
think that your kids need to be 

1160
01:04:30,000 --> 01:04:32,300
on the internet. 
Somebody is looking at, you 

1161
01:04:32,300 --> 01:04:34,500
know, people post, like, 
pictures of their little girls 

1162
01:04:34,500 --> 01:04:37,700
dancing and dresses and stuff 
and like, as you should because 

1163
01:04:37,700 --> 01:04:42,900
those are Babies. 
And, and There should be like 

1164
01:04:42,900 --> 01:04:46,600
you should be able to do that 
but there are people that are 

1165
01:04:46,600 --> 01:04:51,600
predators and that keep videos. 
And there was a this lady had 

1166
01:04:51,600 --> 01:04:54,000
posted a video of Fourth of 
July. 

1167
01:04:54,000 --> 01:04:57,200
It was like two years ago. 
I've heard her daughter eating 

1168
01:04:57,200 --> 01:05:02,900
hot dogs at a race on Fourth of 
July and ended up going to like 

1169
01:05:02,900 --> 01:05:06,300
some pedophilic website and 
whatever. 

1170
01:05:06,300 --> 01:05:08,900
And the mom was crying on her 
Tick-Tock and was like, 

1171
01:05:08,900 --> 01:05:12,700
devastated about it and That's 
the kind of shit. 

1172
01:05:12,700 --> 01:05:14,400
It doesn't matter how innocent 
your stuff is. 

1173
01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:17,400
So keep your kids off the 
internet and if you have 

1174
01:05:17,400 --> 01:05:20,800
teenagers you exploiting your 
daughters and house. 

1175
01:05:20,800 --> 01:05:24,000
You know hot they are or having 
them walk around in their bra 

1176
01:05:24,000 --> 01:05:27,100
and underwear whatever. 
It's just super weird. 

1177
01:05:27,900 --> 01:05:31,400
The thing I don't like about it 
for me is that your kids are 

1178
01:05:31,400 --> 01:05:35,600
having no consent whether they 
want a digital footprint or not.

1179
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:39,300
And that's really where I think 
that there's a lot of privacy 

1180
01:05:39,300 --> 01:05:42,900
issues as we do publicly. 
It's so much out there to the 

1181
01:05:42,900 --> 01:05:46,700
world but you're putting your 
child's like birthday and time 

1182
01:05:46,700 --> 01:05:50,000
and full name as soon as they're
born with a photo of them and 

1183
01:05:50,000 --> 01:05:54,300
starting an energetic, you know,
of digital footprint. 

1184
01:05:54,300 --> 01:05:58,900
That's going to live on and I'll
be honest like as an astrologer 

1185
01:05:58,900 --> 01:06:01,000
getting. 
Someone's birth time is almost 

1186
01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:03,000
kind of like their social 
security number. 

1187
01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:05,800
Like, there's so many people 
that I would love to read their 

1188
01:06:05,800 --> 01:06:09,800
chart, but asking them for their
birth time is invasive. 

1189
01:06:09,900 --> 01:06:13,900
If something is yet in invasive,
you probably wouldn't want to 

1190
01:06:13,900 --> 01:06:17,700
just nonchalantly, post that. 
And I think some people think, 

1191
01:06:17,700 --> 01:06:21,000
oh my God, you know, I've only 
got friends on my Facebook or 

1192
01:06:21,000 --> 01:06:24,200
whatever, you know, often a 
friend on your Facebook gets 

1193
01:06:24,200 --> 01:06:27,200
hacked and the hacker does not 
post a bunch of dumb shit but 

1194
01:06:27,200 --> 01:06:30,600
keeps control of their account. 
And those 3,000 friends, and 

1195
01:06:30,600 --> 01:06:33,700
then we'll later remove 
everything that leaves traces of

1196
01:06:33,700 --> 01:06:37,900
the person they hacked and and 
add their profile to it. 

1197
01:06:38,100 --> 01:06:40,600
And I'm seeing that with 
scammers because it'll tell you 

1198
01:06:40,600 --> 01:06:44,600
how many times they Change their
username, it's easy to acquire, 

1199
01:06:44,600 --> 01:06:47,800
an account through, whatever 
means and then change its user 

1200
01:06:47,800 --> 01:06:50,300
name many times. 
So to think that everyone on 

1201
01:06:50,300 --> 01:06:53,200
your friends list, that any 
constant time is going to be who

1202
01:06:53,200 --> 01:06:56,900
they say, they are isn't 
accurate and you should just 

1203
01:06:56,900 --> 01:06:58,600
reconsider. 
Like, if you're listening and 

1204
01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:01,900
you're like, oh shit, like I've 
done that or whatever. 

1205
01:07:02,200 --> 01:07:04,900
Try to Archive the post. 
So that way you like you do have

1206
01:07:04,900 --> 01:07:09,700
that memory or like hide who can
see it and make it only you or 

1207
01:07:09,700 --> 01:07:11,900
something like that. 
I would just recommend And like 

1208
01:07:11,900 --> 01:07:15,600
being more methodical in the 
ways that you portray yourself 

1209
01:07:15,600 --> 01:07:19,100
and your children on the 
internet, just because people 

1210
01:07:19,300 --> 01:07:23,600
are fucking weird, and just not 
that I'm like, gonna hinder 

1211
01:07:23,600 --> 01:07:27,600
living my life because of people
because I just carry a gun 

1212
01:07:27,600 --> 01:07:29,500
instead. 
But at the same time, like 

1213
01:07:29,500 --> 01:07:31,000
children don't really have the 
luxury. 

1214
01:07:31,000 --> 01:07:32,500
And when you're telling the 
internet where they go to 

1215
01:07:32,500 --> 01:07:36,100
school, posting them and 
uniforms at filled days at 

1216
01:07:36,100 --> 01:07:40,100
sporting events in outfits, that
I don't approve of, and I've 

1217
01:07:40,100 --> 01:07:43,500
spoke on this before. 
What the fuck is up with these 

1218
01:07:43,500 --> 01:07:49,400
little girls from ages like 
2217, wearing these leotards and

1219
01:07:49,400 --> 01:07:53,300
these tiny bloomers and skirts 
at these competitions, 

1220
01:07:53,400 --> 01:07:57,700
especially the ones that people 
pay for like the pageant style 

1221
01:07:57,700 --> 01:07:59,100
ones. 
Like we're people pay for the 

1222
01:07:59,100 --> 01:08:01,700
traveling teams. 
Those are the worst. 

1223
01:08:01,700 --> 01:08:04,800
I think pageants for kids are 
disgusting and the fact that you

1224
01:08:04,800 --> 01:08:09,000
want to put little kids and full
on makeup and hair do's and 

1225
01:08:09,000 --> 01:08:12,300
dressing scantily and wearing 
crop Up top, sand, whatever. 

1226
01:08:12,300 --> 01:08:16,800
I mean, we have my stepdaughters
10 and when she comes over 

1227
01:08:16,800 --> 01:08:20,000
during the summer, her mom lets 
her wear like short shorts and 

1228
01:08:20,000 --> 01:08:22,000
crop tops and stuff. 
And I'm like you know what if 

1229
01:08:22,000 --> 01:08:24,100
that's the rule that she wants 
to have at her house and 

1230
01:08:24,100 --> 01:08:27,000
whatever like I'm not going to 
shit talk that that's on you 

1231
01:08:27,000 --> 01:08:29,600
guys but when you're here your 
belly buttons, not hanging out. 

1232
01:08:29,600 --> 01:08:32,500
You're not going out wearing 
makeup, you're not wearing tiny 

1233
01:08:32,500 --> 01:08:36,500
little shorts. 
Nobody needs to see you dressed 

1234
01:08:36,500 --> 01:08:38,200
like that. 
Like there's there's not a 

1235
01:08:38,200 --> 01:08:40,899
reason that you need to dress 
like that because you wearing 

1236
01:08:40,899 --> 01:08:43,100
shorts. 
That are an inch longer and 

1237
01:08:43,100 --> 01:08:45,200
covering your belly button is 
not going to make you overheat 

1238
01:08:45,200 --> 01:08:49,300
in the summer. 
I used to be that child that my 

1239
01:08:49,300 --> 01:08:52,399
mom, let me wear whatever I want
when I was younger like that. 

1240
01:08:52,399 --> 01:08:55,600
And I would come to like my 
dad's house on the weekend and 

1241
01:08:55,600 --> 01:08:58,700
would go somewhere with like 
people in his family and his 

1242
01:08:58,700 --> 01:09:00,899
sister who used to get on my 
nerves. 

1243
01:09:00,899 --> 01:09:03,100
So the maximum she would do 
that. 

1244
01:09:03,100 --> 01:09:06,500
Like you can't wear that you're 
not wearing that do du du du du 

1245
01:09:06,500 --> 01:09:10,800
and what's funny is I actually 
because I'm a grown adult, I am 

1246
01:09:10,800 --> 01:09:14,300
more than willing to admit. 
Where as a child, I didn't agree

1247
01:09:14,300 --> 01:09:16,300
with something but as an adult, 
I see. 

1248
01:09:16,399 --> 01:09:19,600
The validity in it. 
I may not exactly but I see a 

1249
01:09:19,600 --> 01:09:21,899
lot of validity and what she was
saying. 

1250
01:09:22,200 --> 01:09:26,200
And I also not even having a 
child yet, have decided that my 

1251
01:09:26,200 --> 01:09:30,000
kid is not doing certain things 
that are like allowed. 

1252
01:09:30,000 --> 01:09:33,300
And I think every so many 
generations crop tops gets 

1253
01:09:33,300 --> 01:09:36,000
filtered back in for children 
like they'll go away for a 

1254
01:09:36,008 --> 01:09:39,399
little bit and then they come 
back in and my generation it was

1255
01:09:39,399 --> 01:09:44,300
in for children to wear crop 
tops and my mom would let me and

1256
01:09:44,500 --> 01:09:47,000
what's so weird about that. 
Is when I look back, On that, 

1257
01:09:47,000 --> 01:09:50,800
it's like I'm a child and I want
to do these things because you 

1258
01:09:50,800 --> 01:09:54,200
want to be older, you want to be
whatever. 

1259
01:09:54,200 --> 01:09:56,700
But when you're seeing Britney 
Spears and Christina Aguilera 

1260
01:09:56,700 --> 01:09:59,500
and all these people wear crop 
tops, you just think it's okay. 

1261
01:09:59,700 --> 01:10:02,500
But it's just amazing to me when
I look back at things that I 

1262
01:10:02,500 --> 01:10:04,700
thought like, oh my God, no 
problem with that. 

1263
01:10:04,700 --> 01:10:08,100
As a child, as an adult. 
I'm like Hill to the mall. 

1264
01:10:08,100 --> 01:10:11,200
We are not doing that. 
I don't really even like water 

1265
01:10:11,200 --> 01:10:13,400
parks for that instance, with 
children. 

1266
01:10:13,400 --> 01:10:16,800
Because so many weirdos, I I 
agree. 

1267
01:10:16,800 --> 01:10:22,500
And also, you know, there are a 
there, a lot of people who 

1268
01:10:23,700 --> 01:10:27,400
Condone anarchism a, with 
pedophilic behavior. 

1269
01:10:27,800 --> 01:10:31,700
And, you know, make terms like, 
like instead of calling them 

1270
01:10:31,700 --> 01:10:34,400
pedophiles. 
Now, there are people advocating

1271
01:10:34,400 --> 01:10:39,000
for calling them Maps, minor 
attracted, people's and like 

1272
01:10:39,000 --> 01:10:41,000
making it. 
It's like own category and then 

1273
01:10:41,000 --> 01:10:44,300
having things like well it's 
okay if they like have the 

1274
01:10:44,300 --> 01:10:48,100
thoughts or whatever as long as 
they don't act on it and all 

1275
01:10:48,100 --> 01:10:52,300
that you're doing is making the 
Comfort level more and more and 

1276
01:10:52,300 --> 01:10:54,600
more, where it's Optical and 
then pretty soon. 

1277
01:10:54,600 --> 01:10:59,200
It's going to be well, it's not 
a big deal because she was 15 

1278
01:10:59,200 --> 01:11:01,900
that's close to 80. 
Well, it's not a big deal 

1279
01:11:01,900 --> 01:11:04,600
because she was 12, you know, 
started hip-hop Uberti. 

1280
01:11:04,600 --> 01:11:08,300
So it's not like she was like 
super little, you know, and then

1281
01:11:08,300 --> 01:11:14,300
slowly it starts going and I say
she but it also happens to boys.

1282
01:11:14,300 --> 01:11:16,300
It's not a gender specific 
thing. 

1283
01:11:16,300 --> 01:11:22,600
People, you know, whatever and 
we really do live in a time 

1284
01:11:22,600 --> 01:11:26,900
where I mean Epstein is a 
perfect example where like being

1285
01:11:26,900 --> 01:11:31,400
pedophilic is so integrated into
things that doing pageants, 

1286
01:11:31,400 --> 01:11:34,600
doing whatever being in 
Hollywood being an actress, all 

1287
01:11:34,600 --> 01:11:36,800
of these things have always 
happened behind the scenes. 

1288
01:11:36,800 --> 01:11:40,500
Those people don't just go away,
they just find different ways to

1289
01:11:40,500 --> 01:11:43,400
do things. 
So if you are giving them easy 

1290
01:11:43,400 --> 01:11:46,900
targets by having your kids 
online, having your kids walking

1291
01:11:46,900 --> 01:11:50,100
out in public again, taking them
to water parks or whatever, 

1292
01:11:50,100 --> 01:11:53,300
where Predators know that kids 
are half closed. 

1293
01:11:53,500 --> 01:11:59,100
Like its I don't like going to 
water parks and things like that

1294
01:11:59,100 --> 01:12:03,600
and also on top of like, 
whatever the water is fucking 

1295
01:12:03,600 --> 01:12:07,800
disgusting and everybody gets 
ringworm or coochie Vitus or 

1296
01:12:07,800 --> 01:12:10,500
whatever and I don't want it. 
What's so wild that we're 

1297
01:12:10,500 --> 01:12:12,500
talking about? 
This is, I've decided that I'm 

1298
01:12:12,500 --> 01:12:15,300
going to start dumb blond over 
from the beginning. 

1299
01:12:15,300 --> 01:12:18,500
So I'm in like quarantine 
episodes right now where 

1300
01:12:18,500 --> 01:12:20,200
everyone wanted a pool. 
Like, if you didn't have a 

1301
01:12:20,208 --> 01:12:22,800
fucking pool, everyone really 
wanted a pool during quarantine 

1302
01:12:22,800 --> 01:12:25,900
because I was like, The only 
thing so as listener like to the

1303
01:12:25,900 --> 01:12:28,600
episode with her and Charlie 
classic, like one of the First 

1304
01:12:28,600 --> 01:12:31,700
episodes that they'd ever done, 
where he actually does that 

1305
01:12:31,700 --> 01:12:34,900
voiceover that she used for the 
theme song like fun. 

1306
01:12:35,100 --> 01:12:37,100
So I'm listening this episode 
and they start talking about 

1307
01:12:37,100 --> 01:12:39,800
water parks and how they both 
worked at water parks and we're 

1308
01:12:39,800 --> 01:12:42,900
like lifeguards, periodically 
and Bunny was like a shit in the

1309
01:12:42,900 --> 01:12:47,800
lazy pool and he was like what? 
And she was like, I mean I asked

1310
01:12:47,800 --> 01:12:50,000
to go to the restroom and like 
no one would let me. 

1311
01:12:50,000 --> 01:12:52,300
She was like, I mean it was a 
lazy pool, like, you could have 

1312
01:12:52,300 --> 01:12:55,000
just went to the restroom. 
It was like it was like she was 

1313
01:12:55,000 --> 01:12:57,500
like let's just say I shit in 
the bowl or whatever. 

1314
01:12:57,500 --> 01:13:00,100
I don't know. 
It's just so funny because it is

1315
01:13:00,100 --> 01:13:04,000
wild what happens behind the 
scenes at a water park for 

1316
01:13:04,000 --> 01:13:08,400
people that work there as well. 
But let's just say the sum up 

1317
01:13:08,400 --> 01:13:12,300
this episode kids are doing 
crazy as shit on the internet 

1318
01:13:12,300 --> 01:13:15,700
with far beyond our imagination 
because I didn't even have the 

1319
01:13:15,700 --> 01:13:17,600
internet. 
It was doing crazy creative 

1320
01:13:17,600 --> 01:13:20,200
things. 
I think that you're either on 

1321
01:13:20,200 --> 01:13:22,600
the Spectrum where your kid is 
scared of everything and doesn't

1322
01:13:22,600 --> 01:13:25,700
want to leave the house or you 
got the rebellious child who's 

1323
01:13:25,700 --> 01:13:29,900
doing crazy as things that you 
need to reconsider how much 

1324
01:13:29,900 --> 01:13:32,200
access they have an ability to 
do. 

1325
01:13:32,300 --> 01:13:35,900
Because I know for a fact, a lot
of the things that I did will go

1326
01:13:35,900 --> 01:13:37,600
to the Grave because I didn't 
get caught. 

1327
01:13:37,900 --> 01:13:41,500
But that story I told you 
earlier is an iconic that 

1328
01:13:41,500 --> 01:13:43,400
everyone knows about, it's an 
iconic story. 

1329
01:13:43,400 --> 01:13:47,100
That is public knowledge now. 
So enjoy that. 

1330
01:13:48,300 --> 01:13:51,400
Okay, so many stories that could
share with you just you just 

1331
01:13:51,700 --> 01:13:54,900
piqued my interest. 
Well, I'm glad we got to report 

1332
01:13:54,900 --> 01:13:56,200
today. 
I miss you. 

1333
01:13:56,200 --> 01:13:59,000
I can't believe we're only going
to have what two episodes left 

1334
01:13:59,000 --> 01:14:05,100
after this one for season two, 
our last episode was Episode, 22

1335
01:14:05,100 --> 01:14:07,700
of season 2. 
The spot to be episode 23 of 

1336
01:14:07,700 --> 01:14:12,200
season 2. 
I love it and we love you all 

1337
01:14:12,200 --> 01:14:14,800
and we will see you next time in
Candyland. 

1338
01:14:15,200 --> 01:14:15,800
Bye.