Yeah, he says. She's so sweet.
Like a rapper. Like a lollipop.
Lollipop, lollipop, lollipop, lollipop, lollipop, lollipop.
What up, bitches? Welcome back to Candy Land.
Like a lollipop with Paige and Gemini.
We're having a good time, really taking the moment to reflect on
our journeys and like cut back. Unnecessary noise has been so
healing. I feel so much better.
What about you? I feel so much better.
Yeah. Everything just feels light.
Everything is feeling super good.
I feel super happy in life right now and just like where things
are and just I I feel like even stresses that come up the good
is just outweighing the bad right now.
I think at the end of the day, we're like a product of our
environment. When you finally get your
environment under control, then you can really do the inner work
or like expand on your own journey.
But if you're constantly in an environment that's creating
poison in your life, you're never going to grow.
It's just like a family, a flower.
You don't get mad at the flower for not growing.
You just check the soil. You check the environment every.
Time. Sometimes I have aggression
issues and I may get mad at the flower.
Yes, I mean, I think overall, like the people who have been
putting in the work and doing the healing, it's a messy
journey. It's not easy.
And that's why most people self numb or medicate.
And I've talked about that a bunch.
We've all been there at some point like blocking out our own
struggles. So I'm really loving this like
freedom that we both are like thriving in right now.
And Speaking of people like putting in the work, I just want
to shout out the girls who are taking my mediumship class right
now. This is the most active
interactive of any of the classes that I've ever done.
I decided to pre record the videos so that nobody had to
worry about being able to attend the zoom or not.
It was pre recorded and the everybody like not only are
people like in the chat talking, but it's like real concrete
questions that they're asking about what we're learning.
And this past week we were talking about the Claire's,
which I thought was super dope because then I watched the
interview that you just did when you were on a podcast and you
were starting to talk about your Claire's and you know, the
different ways that you kind of developed that.
And I thought it was super synchronistic, just like the way
that we just are parallel with different things that we talk
about when we don't even realize the other one's talking about
it. And you know, that does go in
with putting in work and things happening at certain times.
But I thought it was so cool because people who are in quote
UN quote, my community space, having the mediumship class
right now are hearing these words maybe for the first time.
And then they go over to your community space, they see this
interview and they see you talking about it.
And I just think that that like ramps up that same energy.
Yeah, that's what I was like talking to my friend about how
like we had discussed on the last episode, like how our
duality has changed, where I've shifted more into like my dark
goddess witch energy and you're like more shifting into like
your butterfly. Like let me expand and grow
energy. And like it's really beautiful
how our friendship like is super poetic in that way because like
we just had our two year anniversary, you all of meeting
in person. And for those that haven't
watched the home girl episode or listened, go back and listen to
home girl so you can get it like scope of where we were two years
ago. But it's crazy that that's only
been two years, right? It's yeah, it's I just think of
like where where my life was when we went there versus like
where my life is now. And I won't lie to you, I
probably wouldn't go on that trip right now with where my
life is right now. I think that I think neither one
of us would have. I think that we're so much more
in tap and in tune with things and with comfortable with saying
no. And I, I just think that it
would have been, it would have been a no if if that opportunity
came up now. So it happened at the time it
needed to. We learned lessons, but the
versions of us that we are now, there's no fucking way we would
have gone on that trip. Yeah.
I mean, I look back at like 2020-2021 me and I went to
Louisiana and met a girl from the Internet.
I went to Arizona and met a girl from the Internet.
I went to California and met a girl from the Internet and Utah.
So I was out here like making friends for the first time and
feeling really inspired by that. And I do think it's really
beautiful that two years ago people were trying to infiltrate
our community. And then I went on to the Elite
Life by Sam podcast and talked about it and like kind of aired
out that weird ass energy that we were experiencing.
But I know that was truly because our podcast was meant to
grow deeper roots. And without those challenges,
like as a plant, you're not going to really be able to
overcome if you're uprooted by every challenge, if every single
time it it's windy or stormy, you're uprooted and on the
ground shriveling up. Like you're not built for this.
And I think the more that you're in a public eye or the more that
people learn about your journey, the more that they feel like
they have a front seat to the story or that they're a part of
it. But The thing is, is like
everyone included, you're the main character of your story, no
one else. I can't give that power to other
people. But I feel like in the past, I
like was just like yearning for friendship and connection that I
would literally create these relationships with people and
spend hours on FaceTime or the phone.
And like, that's exactly how our relationship developed.
So I'm not saying it's wrong. It's just funny that when I look
back, it's like, why did I feel like I needed a tour guide?
Those people weren't like offering me a place to stay.
Like I got my own place to stay. Why did I feel like I needed a
tour guide, you know, I mean. I used to feel that way.
I think it comes from like a codependency.
Like people can be codependent on friendships and like on even
on strangers like to just not want to do things by yourself.
Like it's one thing to do things with somebody else or with other
people because you genuinely like their time and attention
And it's you just love being in their energy and it makes you
happy and fulfilled. And that's one thing.
But it's totally different when it's because you can't function
by yourself or like and do things by yourself.
And it's funny for you to, like, reflect on old versions of
yourself. Or, you know, you talk about how
you're in your like, dark goddess era and I'm in my like
butterfly era. And I will tell you that like, I
really love not having to be like such a hardened version of
myself because I feel like I've been that person for so long.
But what's really annoying is that now I cry and I have never
been a crier. Like I've always just been a
like, this doesn't give me any emotion.
I'm just really numbed out. And I feel like the more happy
that I am in my life, the more that any little thing that like
causes any upset, I'm like, I'm going to cry about this and have
a meltdown and like I won't be able to stop it.
You know, I like love crying. I have crybaby tattooed.
I love crying because I truly feel like that mental release
from crying. But I've noticed lately how I
have like, a cold reaction. Like no one's getting a rise out
of me. Like, yeah.
We're the we have swapped places bitch like.
You know what, I'm over it and you know, I was talking to my
friend about it and it like you're a Gemini and I'm Taurus.
But like, we were both born in May, so we're representing that
duality of May. And it's really interesting
because we built our bond on spiritual like topics are
spiritual growth. But then we've evolved into like
such a soul level bond that like a lot of people were triggered
by that, you know, in the community spaces or in the past,
even in person. And it's just so funny to think
like I'm triggering you by having a solid friendship.
Like what does that say about you all?
Like what does that say? It will never not make me laugh
that literally what set that bitch off is the fact that I
made your plate when I made food.
And it's just hilarious because like if I've ever cooked for
you, I always make your plate. Like that's just how I am as a
person. Like if I if I'm making food,
I'm going to make your plate. Make sure that you're good to
go. Make sure that there's enough
food for me to have something because I figure I can make
myself something different if there's not enough.
Like I have a whole mental thing, but I like taking like I
like taking care of my people. And so that for me, like that's
like a sign of love and affection.
And it's not like I didn't offer for like you and Juba were just
like you girls were like do it and that home girl was not
having it. And it just to this day, I'm
like, of all the things that like my snarky ass personality
like would have caused a problem, it was that.
You know, and like to add to that, I know we've touched on
this before, but like home girl told Gemina we were going to
wear sweatpants and hoodies the whole time.
And then like, I'm not, I'm like a sweatpants girly, but I'm
definitely going to bring leggings or a sports bra or
whatever to hike in. But because we had a couple crop
tops and matching leggings, she was so triggered.
And what was crazy is we both had me and home girl the same
version of the black craft cult sweats, but mine were in pink
and hers were in lime green, even though I own the lime green
ones too. I'm like, why are you so
triggered? Because we're getting ready and
then Juba wears makeup every day, like to work to anywhere.
She puts makeup on daily. And she was getting ready in the
bathroom and oh, girl was like, I'll just get ready in the
microwave because. I forgot she.
Was like I'll just get ready in the microwave because I'm not
high maintenance. I'm like, OK, you could have
like pulled out a phone camera and turned it around and used
it. I think that why don't we jump
into questions because I feel like home girls had home girls
had enough air time. She didn't pay.
So we're gonna go off themes tonight.
The first thing that we're gonna talk about is family and
upbringing. We have some questions.
Yeah, am I? I'll ask you first.
That's your that's your Forte. OK, how do you think that your
upbringing shaped your views on success, relationships and self
worth? I really feel like my upbringing
was very different, like my mom was like the credit card queen,
like living beyond her means, buying pools and boats and
taking us on vacations and things that I truly thought that
we had money, but I didn't realize that we were in debt.
We didn't own anything. Our house got foreclosed on, new
cars would be repossessed. And like shout out to my mom,
like she was just 20-30 years old trying to figure out her
shit, going through alcohol and drug addiction herself.
And you know, me going through those same cycles in my 20s, I,
I see if I had a kid I'd be fucking them up too.
So I don't blame her. But she wanted to portray a
lifestyle that was not real. And then my dad is very like
army mentality, like get it from the mud, pay for your shit,
don't live beyond your means and like really enforce those
boundaries of like not living beyond his means and not like
buying a bow or buying something just because you can buy it.
So like she would project a lifestyle that just like wasn't
reality. So my dad is very much like paid
for what you have. Stop buying shit you can't
afford. And my mom was very like, we got
it, we could do whatever we want.
So I think that that's put me into a hyper focus on foundation
and a hyper focus on paying for things so they could not be
taken away. Like I'm that friend that will
buy everyone's dinner just cuz I don't want to go through the
hectic of like splitting the checks right now.
I don't want to even deal with it.
And I'm afraid of how this person might tip and embarrass
me. You know what I mean?
Like I'm really, I can see where I can be controlling with
finances because things that were held over my head, I bought
this for you. I did this for you.
And I don't do that to people. But I never want anyone to say
that to me. So I would rather be the I got
it friend and not worry about it rather than just accepting it.
Like a girl that I know gifted me this handmade ring she made
and I was like, Oh my God, I'll make a post about it.
And she was like, babe, it was a gift, you don't got to do
anything for me. And I see where I can receive,
but I also feel like I need to do something on the back end.
So I feel like it shaped me because at sometimes I'm
hyperphyxiated on foundation and then sometimes I'm
hyperphyxiated on like over giving rather receiving.
So here lately I've been like trying to receive more without
feeling like I owe someone something because of that.
I had a friend who well, I have a friend who her love language
is gift giving. And so when you go to her house,
she has like totes in her garage where she literally just has
things that she's bought that she like wants to like give you.
And I used to be like, Oh my God, like I used to feel so bad
about it. And one day, I was talking about
this recently, one day she was like, if somebody wants to give
you something and that's their love language, and you don't
just receive it and say thank you and you made it.
You make it seem like now you're burdened to do something in
return. You're actually shutting down
that person from expressing their love their way.
And it doesn't feel good to them.
And it feels like you're shutting them down.
And I was like, oh, shit, I never.
And so, yeah, being able to be like receiving of, you know,
abundance, whether that be love, love or gifts or or whatever,
and just being able to have gratitude with it without it
makes people feel guilty for sharing sometimes.
And we're like, I'm going to do this because you did this.
And they're like, I didn't want anything, you know?
Yeah. And I think that when I was a
kid, my mom and dad argued a lot over money.
And like, I specifically remember this one time that
like, they would rotate, like the tax years.
So sometimes I would feel like a burden in that way, like, oh,
I'm just like a tax deductible or something.
And I remember it was my dad's year and he went and filed all
of his taxes and then my mom counterclaimed and went and did
the wrong thing and and followed me and claimed me and it fucked
my dad's taxes up. But since she had full custody
of me and this was like a agreement that they came up with
on their own. It wasn't in writing or
anything. He was fucking pissed.
Like it was next level. And then I never heard the end
of it. And like I love my dad but he's
always been the I did this for you person.
Not in a nasty way, but just like I paid for this or I bought
you this or I got you braces or whatever.
And like I had to set him down one day like in my mid 20s and
be like, I don't fucking care what you did when I was 12.
If you're not emotionally available to build a
relationship now, then we're not going to speak.
And he's really been really grown and stop doing that now.
He like just bought us $400.00 Kid Rock tickets for the end of
this month. It's like 2 weeks away.
Just for Valentine's Day. He said like just Valentine's
Day. I don't know.
Do we? Never done that.
So I don't know like where the lights came on for him, but I
think it's because I'm so freely giving.
Like I'm a very, I like to give gifts.
I'm a great gift giver. I remember the first time I sent
you a witchy box. I feel like that inspired you to
start sending witchy boxes because I like curated this
special box for you. And then like a year later
you're doing the same thing for people.
But that's like my thing. Like I got a reading from this
girl in California. I really fucking like her and I
sent her a big box of stuff and she like put me on her story and
was like so grateful. And you know, I just think I
like to exchange energy but sometimes don't know how to
receive. So I'm learning more that I just
need to be open to receiving and not feel like I owe someone
something. Yeah, absolutely.
I, I feel like it's like such an era of like having growth too,
and us like recognizing these different things and figuring
out like, you know, do I need to be more receiving or be giving
more? Or, you know, do I need to be
more like also have more gratitude for things?
Because there's a fine line between being like, I'm going to
be a receiver and I'm not going to, you know, feel like I owe
you anything. And also being able to express
gratitude for the things that are being done for you.
Yeah, I might get a big shift. Like I've been clearing space.
I'm sitting empty without feeling like I need to fill that
space, and that's a bad space to be.
Being able to be comfortable with just coasting a little bit.
And I think that goes in with the like you and I are being
very intentional about things that we're walking away from
right now and we talked about it last episode.
But things that like other people see as these like
monumental success things and and pivotal successes.
You and I right now are like that doesn't like that doesn't
really feel like success to me. And I actually want to like
figure out how to redo things like once, once you once you hit
just certain pieces, those things don't really fulfill you.
And to be honest, there is things that are like so
distracting. Yes, I think a lot of people are
distracted and that's the problem.
Facts. Your question says what's 1
generational pattern in your family that you've actively
worked to break? Paying attention to the mental
health of my children, I feel like because I grew up in
Christian Science, they are they're not medical at all.
And so they don't take you to the doctor.
They don't do certain things and they, they really focus on just
like praying through things. And it's always like, well,
you're like this the image of God.
And so, you know, like you just have to think about yourself as
like whole and complete. And if you're having these
problems and it's just because you're not picturing yourself
the way that God intends you to be and you need to like pray
about it. And there's been a lot of mental
health things in my family's, particularly on my mom's side,
because I don't really know my dad's side very well.
So particularly on my mom's side, like they just do not have
a focus on mental health. And there's so many people on
her side that have mental health things.
And it's always like those people, myself included, have
just been like the black sheep and ostracized and have to
figure things out on their own. And so for me, if that turns
into like over my dead fucking body, am I going to just watch
my kids struggle and not do you know, whatever it is that needs
to be done for them? And you know, whatever, you
know, mental health support that is, whether that be through
medication or therapy or whatever.
That is something that might seem just like a normal thing to
so many people, but for like where my family comes from is
just like the thing. So down to the.
I didn't talk about this before, but during Christmas I went and
we visited my parents and I was gone for New Year's and my
parents were watching my son. And I'm like, you know, they
know that he's on medication for ADHD and they don't like it, but
they know it. And so, you know, they knew his
medication schedule and everything and they just
straight decided that they weren't going to give him his
meds and they, they just were not going to give him his
medication when they had him. And then it was like, I was
being crazy for being fucking livid about it.
And, you know, and then I had to have the conversation with my
mom of like, you're not the parent and your role as the
grandmother is to do whatever the fuck I say to do.
And that, that too is always like it.
I feel like for me, it's, it's really hard for me to actually
get angry about things. Like I know that like I'm
assertive and I like, I speak what I'm thinking, But for me to
actually be angry about something and, and like it was
speak out of anger is so fucking hard to do.
And, and so to be pushed to that limit and vocalize and be
fucking mad and then just have it disregarded.
That was something like I like we packed up and I didn't stay
with them for the rest of the trip.
Like I, yeah, that for me was like, that was such a blatant
disrespect that I'm like, I will have nothing to do with it.
And so I will protect my kids, right?
To have their mental health be taken seriously and their
well-being be taken seriously in those spaces and.
Exactly, at the right time of the holidays when everyone's
projecting and being fucking weird anyways, like going around
family that you barely see around the holidays when the
energy is so heightened in the collective with like lack
mindset, scarcity, control, manipulation.
You know, a lot of people stick around for their kids or do
certain things for their kids, Especially with the holidays,
it's even worse. And I really believe that.
Like I stay in my little bubble all year long until like I got
to go around these people. So I totally get it.
I would be livid. And honestly, boundaries are so
important because our generation is like the one finally saying
like, you won't be a part of my life if you don't do this.
But like our parents generation just let shit fly.
They were just like, fuck it. I'm just going to let it fly.
You know? So I feel like for once people
are starting to stand up and say, you know what, like my kids
needs are important. My needs are important and you
can fuck off period. I don't care who you are.
Facts and like, I mean, I just don't, I just don't think that
parents realize that their actions have repercussions.
Like now, if they, they're not really the people who like want
to like have the grandkids stay over and like take care of them
themselves anyways. But having that opportunity, I
feel like is such a privilege to, for somebody for me,
especially with my trust issues, to trust my kid being like with
you like that, like, you know, and for them to like take
advantage of that. I feel like that opportunity
isn't going to come for them again.
They're not, there's not going to be the option for, Hey, he's
going to come and stay with you and you know, do the grandparent
thing because now I can't trust you to take care of the basic
requirements and expectations. And that's not something that is
going to affect me. Like I have plenty of support.
Like I don't need that. I'll take my kid wherever the
fuck I go and pack him on my back, you know, like I think.
Taking your power back from that situation and not giving it some
grand reaction. It's just like this happened.
This is how I feel about it. Oh, I gave it a.
Grand fucking reaction in the moment I was hurt.
Well, I mean, like overall though, like you're not still
feeding it power. You've taken your power back and
said won't happen again. You did it.
Yeah. I.
Showed you what that meant and now I'm not going to give you a
chance to do it again because what happens, mostly people are
like, oh, I'm sorry, I'll I'll do better or whatever.
And then they jump right back into disrespect again down the
road or down the line. So I really commend you because
standing up to our parents is such a fucking healing
experience. Like we just got to check them
people sometimes because for one, they've got their own
unresolved traumas, but they need to choose to grow instead
of setting in those traumas. Fact.
Let me ask you your question. Do you believe family is defined
by blood or do you think we create our own family through
experience and connection? I don't even think blood defines
family, bitch, I don't think blood defines family.
There are people in my life in this bloodline that I don't love
and I don't give a fuck about. I honestly would rather help a
stranger than help some of these people in my quote UN quote
bloodline. So with that being said, I think
that you develop connection with people through like compassion
and selflessness and understanding and a lot of times
family because they grew up in the same things or the same
environment. They can't validate your
experience because they're too trapped in their own ego and
their own experiences. So I personally feel more
supported by strangers and my Internet friends and people I've
developed friendships with than by certain family members.
Because they're still throwing little blows.
Like, how's your little business doing?
How did you meet Bunny? That's so weird that you know
her. Oh, because celebrities care
about me and like me and are friends with me.
That's so weird. Why?
Because you're a nobody. Because no one cares about you.
I don't know. I got to tell you something
fucking weird. Something fucking weird to me.
Is that like somebody will tell somebody that I'm just meeting
like, Oh well, her best friend is friends with Bunny.
And so you should totally talk to Gemini and see if she can
like make the connection for you to Bunny.
I have been asked to give wedding invitations to Bunny.
I have been asked if that it's somebody's birthday and can I
please reach out to Bunny so that Bunny can cash out them.
I have had the most absurd fucking I'm going to Nashville
and I would love to see Bunny while I'm in Nashville.
Can you try and arrange that? I'm like, on what fucking blue
planet Do you think that if I listen, if I was going to try
and pull some fucking favor about but and and try and have
contact with somebody, you think what I'm going to reach out to
Paige about is can I give her a wedding invitation from you to
give to money? I think the fuck is not.
And it instantly puts my guard up and I'm like, I'll never be
your friend. I'm a business transaction.
You want to see exactly what it is that you can get out of me
when you ask for things like that.
And I think it's so fucking tacky and weird.
And never have I ever texted you and been like, hey, Bunny didn't
message me back. You know, when I sent her a
message. Can you please ask her to go and
check her DMS because like I sent her something and it's that
fucking energy and you know what's so?
Interesting about it is like I talked about this on that elite
life podcast, me and you don't wait keep like that's what I
love about our friendship is like even now with my readings
closed, I'm like y'all should go book with Gemini.
Like if if you want a reading right now, go get one from
Gemini. But whenever me and you were
connecting on like the Bunny story, you never tried to use
that as like a way to get close to me.
You were just like I found you through Bunny and I really
resonate with your story and I really like you.
Hey I want to get a reading or whatever.
There's never any shit and I feel like even now like I have a
distant distant family member who's like a step family member.
They're not even blood. Literally told a mutual friend
of ours fuck Paige. Now that she thinks she's famous
she don't know nobody. That's weird because we didn't
talk for a fucking 7-8 years. So now all of a sudden your
favorite artist gives me VIP and I get to go, you know, side
stage and backstage to his shows.
You're feeling some type of way about that.
I never brag about that shit. I never glow or be like, Oh my
gosh, you know, I honestly feel like because I am chill and like
discreet and like reserved, so many other celebrities connect
with me. You all.
It's not just Bunny like there is a fucking list of them and I
don't care that you all know that I don't care to post it.
I'm not one of those weird mediums that's going to be like,
had a great session, Let me screen record half of it and
share very vulnerable, intricate information we've done.
Spell workings for celebrities together and stuff.
And what we've done is posted a picture or a video of the spell
working, said absolutely nothing about the client or any details.
Because when you're doing things because you genuinely are
wanting to do them and that's your craft and your power.
That's the purpose that you're doing.
You're not doing it because you're looking for some
recognition and clout off of somebody else's name.
It's weird when people want clout off of our names, so why
would we go and do that to than others?
We have people name drop us all the time and it's like that's
fucking tacky and weird and I don't like that and.
I feel like over the years people like you said, we got get
close to you and get close to me in hopes that that's going to
open new doors for them. You're a fucking slimy and
snaky. No doors are opening for you.
Like genuine people get genuine opportunities, not manipulators.
Like eventually everyone comes off of their high horse and
comes back down into reality and sees you for who you are, a
fucking fake ass person and we work.
Really hard for everything that we have like I know that it
seems like, you know, we don't have to put much effort into
what we do or you know, I know you've gotten comments that like
all you do is post, you know, pictures of yourself or you
know, whatever. And my thing with people were
always like, all she does is like make cooking, cooking
videos on TikTok and whatever. And it's like there's so much
effort and time that's gone into things and building a business
and a brand is not easy, let alone the fact that like a lot
of people build their business and brand by exploiting
themselves and like that. That's a huge thing.
And I'm not knocking anybody elses hustle, but like you and I
have never exploited ourselves in order to have a come up or
whatever like we that that's just a line that we've never
crossed. And you know there are people
who have done that and that's how they've built and amazing
for them. We've made a point ourselves
that that's not how we want to build.
And unfortunately, being a girl and not exploiting yourself
makes it a lot harder for people to want to listen to you because
having people like us for our voice and our spirituality and
the things that come from our brain is a lot more difficult
than you know. Not that we're not pretty, but
we haven't. We haven't exploited that in
order to build ourselves. But we love the people who put
themselves out there in all the ways, like all fucking women.
I don't care how you get it out the mud.
The tides are shifting. Abundance is shifting back into
the women and to the human energies.
And that's because we actually give a fuck.
Like so many people, no matter how they get their money, are
helping people behind the scenes that you can't see.
But men in general that we see in the spotlight, like fucking
Kanye West or whoever, act a fucking fool, right?
Like the tides are shifting and I feel like authenticity is not
for sale. You can't just go buy it.
You're going to have to figure it out.
You're going to have to be yourself, like just like me
really airing things out on like an interview or our podcast or
in general makes people see that I'm a real fucking person and I
have real struggles or real things that I go through.
Not perfect. I'm not a highlight reel.
I've been through some shit, some heavy shit, you know what I
mean? And at the end of the day, I
know that made me a better person because I actually care
about people. It's when you go through shit
and then you start bleeding on people that didn't cut you and
blaming everyone along the way really makes me feel like fuck
you dude like you know what I mean?
Yeah, I I do know exactly what you mean.
And I, I really like that analogy of not bleeding on
people who didn't cut you. There's also this this analogy
that I heard once and it was whether it be friendships or
relationships, it was you can't pour a fresh glass of milk into
one that has sour milk into it and think that it's going to
taste good. And I think that like that makes
so much fucking sense to me of like you working on your own
shit and not thinking that your own toxicity isn't going to
follow if you don't do the work and thinking that everything is
going to be, you know, amazing. You have to keep working on
cleaning out the things that are toxic for you.
And this literally. Segues into your question.
It says how? Do family dynamics shift when
one person in the family starts healing and growing beyond
what's expected of them? A people think you're crazy, B
people think that you think that you're too good.
And C people distance themselves from you.
And it feels real lonely. It feels real lonely when you
realize that like, hey, I don't want to do things the way that
everybody else is doing them because that that's really what
it comes down to is you're no longer doing things the way that
everybody else is expecting you to or thinking that you should.
And that's going to make you the black sheep or the odd man out.
And, and people aren't going to understand you and it feels real
fucking lonely until you find your own self-confidence from
that and you figure out what to do with that individual power
and where you're going to place that power.
And then you feel a lot of strength.
But you know, a lot of us are taught like families,
everything, it's family 1st and this and that it, it takes you
moving away from that and doing your own thing and being the
individual to realize back to what you had earlier about, you
know, family being blood. You build your family, whether
that be inside your home and you have a different partner and,
and you come up with different things that family means or you
have friends. It it is lonely and you have to
build a whole new family. That's what that means, yeah.
And I've. Been preaching the black sheep
story for fucking years. I had a memory pop up two years
ago. I did a motivational speech and
that was the theme. Like you're going to outgrow
people and they're not going to like your growth.
They're not going to support your growth.
They're not going to support you till it's cool to support you.
Kind of like the little backward comment.
How's your little business going?
I don't know. You don't even have a job.
Why are you asking me this? I have two jobs.
Have a good day, live your own life.
You know, so many people are caught up in what other people
are doing and that is their ego because they're not doing the
fucking work. Like, if you're doing the work,
you're going to be so in your own zone.
You're not worried about who's making a cooking TikTok or who's
putting their asshole on the Internet.
You're not going to be worried about it.
You're going to be over here in your own lane living your own
life. And I feel like so many people
have, they say they don't have enough time to change.
They don't have enough time to go to the gym, they don't have
enough time to do what they need to do.
But they have plenty of time to get on the free apps and scroll
around and talk shit about people.
And that's why I feel like I have realized you can't share
everything with everyone because not everyone's happy for you.
That's true. Not everybody is happy for you
guys. Have you ever had to distance
yourself from family members to protect your peace?
And how did that affect your growth?
I'm actually going. Through that right fucking now.
I mean right now I just blocked an immediate family member
because she gets on my last fucking nerve.
She is the fakest bitch I've ever met in my life.
Just a little run back. So every year at Christmas we
have some split family so we have multiple occasions and this
is like the only time I see this lady and she was the one with
the little business comments. So like she keeps it going.
She opens the wound and tries to pour salt in it.
So one of my favorite things is when her children were born she
decided she didn't want them to call my grandma grandma even
though I'm 10 years old. She thought she was going to
change it to Meemaw. I'm sorry, what the fuck is that
What is memaw? I'm not calling anyone that.
So this year at but I mean I'm 10 years old, you know what I
mean like I was two if I was 2 and someone said call her that
had been different. But this year at Christmas, her
daughter, who likes to stir the pot just like her mom, decided
to at the family dinner table, bring up the grandma versus
memaw debate. It's his.
Responses. I just felt like mom was too
young to be a grandma. Well, look at your brother
because she'd been a grandma for 10 years.
Talk to him about it. Talk to the wall about it.
And then her daughter kept going.
I just don't understand. And I said point blank, your mom
makes everything about her. What more Do you want me to say
this at the family dinner table? Then flash forward like a white
elephant game and I had been wanting a scrub Daddy.
It is literally a $5 sponge. What does she do?
She runs right over and steals the scrub daddy.
Then a week later at the next family celebration, she buys me
a Scrub Daddy Deluxe. I'm sorry, I really do love.
Scrub daddies though, are you the villain?
And the savior, like, do you want to be relevant?
So now when I use my Scrub Daddy Deluxe I just kind of laugh
because like even like ChatGPT said, this bitch is grasping at
straws like there's nothing more that you care about.
You don't care about what she thinks, you don't care about
what she does. You don't give a fuck about her.
So she tries to ruin your experience to fix your
experience. And yes, I've had to distance
myself from multiple people and I promise you I don't.
I don't lose any sleep. Realizing you don't love people
just because you were told to love them is so free.
I literally she could be the last person on earth with a car
and I would walk and that's how I feel.
Boom boom, and that's on. Facts.
What's my question? No more airtime.
For you bitch. OK.
What's 1? Lesson your family taught you
that you've had to unlearn in order to expand into your
highest self. I don't know if it's a lesson,
but it's a but it's a, a thought process.
So my parents both have always drilled in that like you have to
have a very specific type of job in order to be successful.
And it gave me a lot of fear about finances and it held me
back a lot from making my own money with my own businesses and
being willing to. Take leaps and, and that has
been something that I've had to really work through.
And you know, we talk about like not having like a, a lack
mindset when it comes to finance and stuff like that.
And like, and having fear based mindsets.
And that is what I've really had to like work on is the fact that
I, I feel like my parents have operated their life out of fear
and like shared that with me. And that's something that I'm
constantly working on. Like I don't get scared of very
many things. But then when I do, it's really
hard for me to like break out of that because it's such an
overwhelming like a feeling and emotion and money is where and,
and the jobs that they think that you should have so that you
can have, you know, this certain type of retirement or these,
these certain things and you're not successful if you're not
doing AB and C. And I'm like, you know, if you
were to look at what I'm making hourly or whatever with my
business on like, and you know, on a month when I'm enrolling
for classes or something like that versus like what somebody's
making that's going, you know, and working just consistently
the 9:00 and 5:00 after, you know, all their shit, like it's
comparable. So the thought that that's the
only way that you're going to be able to have success or things
that you want, that's been a huge 1 and that's so.
Triggering because I also had that kind of infused into me
when I was expanding into my business.
My dad was very much in fear based thoughts about the
situation, but now he's totally like supporting it like
completely on a different wavelength now that he's
retired. I went to the dentist the other
day and we go to the same dentist since we like forever
and he goes, man, your dad's like a different person now.
And I was like, I know, I mean seriously, but honestly, he
worked his ass off from 18 to fucking, you know, now.
So I love to see him expanding into his highest self.
Because if you're drained and sick and tired every day working
a job you hate, you're not going to be happy.
You might feel secure, but you're not going to be happy.
And that's what business and like being in business, being an
entrepreneur has done for me is I realize I can get paid to be
myself. And a lot of people only wish
they had that luxury and they're going to hate on people who have
that luxury truly from a place of black like not even a place
of hatred, just a place of ego because they're working a job
they hate and they see you doing something you love.
Just like when an artist like starts doing their thing.
No one supports you. But you need to realize your
target audience is not your fucking hometown.
It's not people you grew up with.
You know, I saw this theme where people said their content wasn't
growing so they went and like removed and blocked all the like
lurkers or the monitoring spirits.
And then their views went up because if Instagram shows your
profile to 50 people and they scroll past it, it thinks it's
not good content. So if you got 50 haters from
your hometown being haters, they're blocking your success
because you're trying to impress them or you're trying to post
like, Oh my God, will they accept me?
And here lately, I've been on a deleting spree, like just
deleting and unfollowing people. There was a photographer that I
worked with years ago that I really liked working with him.
But then one time I just was like, I'm gonna give you $100.
He'd been doing it for free and I volunteered.
Then I started giving him readings and like Reiki
sessions. Well, then it became the
expectation and I get it. If that you you have new pricing
and you're setting a boundary, then I may choose what to do.
But asking me to shoot, collaborating with me and then
expecting something is weird. So I just kind of cut it off.
Well, then he was like trying to like get me to hook him up with
Juba and she was like, absolutely not.
She was like absolutely not, not not happening.
So I don't know, he just basically cut me and Juba off,
like completely just started being weird.
So I went and I unfollowed him on every platform and deleted
him on Facebook because like, I don't need a monitoring spirit
who's weird as fuck watching my girls from the sideline, knowing
damn well I volunteered to do those things.
You didn't ask me to do those things.
But then it became this weird expectation or like power play.
And I was like, I don't get it. I don't like it.
That's one of the reasons that I've always I've, you know,
gotten questions about photo shoots and things like that.
And one of the things that I always tell girls is I have
never and will never shoot with a male photographer ever.
And that like that is just me. And that's because I have seen
so many people have experiences like you do, because this is not
the first time that you've had some, you know, photographer
have some weird expectation of you want you to hook you up with
their friend or, you know, wanting you to hook them up with
your friend and just being fucking weird.
And I see it all the time. I think it's super predatory and
I think that there may be good people in that industry, but I
think that certain people take on certain jobs because they get
to get others in vulnerable positions and take advantage of
them. And photography is something
where it makes people feel like they're going to be able to put
somebody in a vulnerable position.
And not that there aren't women out there that are snakes, but
the chances of you getting some woman who's doing photography
with some predatory underlying energy is so fucking slim
compared to men in that industry.
And I just, you know, I also just think that women working
with women like you're, you have such a lower chance of their
like being weirdness and uncomfortability and female
photographers all the fucking way.
I have noticed just from photography groups that new
photographers think they're just going to jump in and like be a
boudoir, like a boudoir photographer, which I think is
fucking weird. I also think that with like the
rise of only fans and the rise of those type of platforms, that
photographers got into the business with weird intentions.
But I have seen women not send photos, take deposits, not give
you what you paid for over. So they're saying they're not.
Naked but like the cances of them wanting to do a boudoir
shoot because they're trying to see you naked versus they're
trying to do a boudoir shoot because they want to like maybe
stuff their portfolio is fucking different.
You know, one time I. Shot with a couple, it was like
a guy and a girl and it was so cool.
It was like amazing because they were married and their chemistry
was great and I felt really comfortable to do boudoir with
them, like body suits and stuff. And it was great.
But you know, I think overall I've like been way more
selective. Like I have like a personal
photographer that I really like now and he's great and his
wife's great and he's just like such a great person.
So I think I'm very intuitive about it.
It's not just like, oh, you want to take pictures of me?
Of course you do, of course you want to.
I'd rather pay someone who's more legit than get free
pictures from someone who's shady as fuck, you know?
And there's that period. All right, your turn to ask.
All right, these are our last two questions.
Yeah, yeah. All right.
How do you navigate family relationships when your
spiritual or personal growth no longer aligns with their
beliefs? I feel like it's just
detachment, like you're never going to get approval from
someone who's committed to misunderstanding you.
You're not going to get their approval if they're not taking
care of themselves. And I think the more
unapologetic that I become, the more people realize like they
need to get with the program or get the fuck away from me and
I'm and that's it. So I think a lot of my family
has started to get with the program and support me and my
weirdness. I mean, I know it's triggering
for some people that are like super like religious in my
family, but they don't shame me. They don't treat me bad because
I don't align with the beliefs they have.
So I think overall, like detachment from wanting their
approval will will do you well, you can show up to the family
function. My new thing is just going to be
no response. So like when someone's talking,
I'm just going to be like. Yeah, me and.
Then I'm just gonna walk out, out of the room.
You know what I mean? So I feel like this Christmas,
I'm gonna eat some edibles before I go so I could be extra
chill. Do it.
OK. What does family mean to you now
compared to when you were younger?
And how is that definition evolved through your personal
journey? Oh, shit.
Family to me used to be people who were going to just say yes
and validate the things that I wanted.
And so whether that be, you know, family that I was still
going to be talking with or new family that I was making, I was
only surrounding myself with quote UN quote, family that was
going to be the yes man for me. And like everything that I was
doing and for me now, the people who I consider to be family
inside of my life are the people who are going to, yeah, support
and what I'm doing, but are going to be able to tell me like
honest, real truths about things.
Because those people are the people who are wanting me to be
the best version of myself. And to be whether that be the
parent or the business owner or just me in general, who are
going to be able to have outside perspectives without judgement
of me. But by wanting to see me succeed
in things, that's family for me now.
And I think that people that just make you feel comfortable
to be yourself, exactly what you're saying.
Like people who are just, they celebrate me because they like
me. They don't point out things that
trigger me or bring up past versions of me that have
expired. And supposedly, I guess they're
living rent free in their head. You know, as you grow and
evolve, you're triggering people naturally that are staying the
same. You're becoming a mirror for all
of their own insecurities and their own fears.
So you know, like I said earlier, block, delete, and
repeat. Baby, you don't need to prove
nothing to these people. Truly.
If you don't love them, you shouldn't act like you do.
You know, you don't have to love people just because someone
magically put them in your bloodline.
Because I believe the way souls are set up that you can evolve
into family bloodlines that have nothing to do with your actual
blueprint. But you're here to be the cycle
breaker. You're here to be the black
sheep. You're here to stand out and
trigger these people because if you don't, they say the same,
their soul stays the same. If they never see someone up
close to them break free of the chains of this place, then
everyone stays the same. So I really believe that in
different sectors of your life you may evolve to connect with
people, that you are a leader. And that's what's triggering
them is they can tell there's something different about you.
They can tell there's something inspiring about you, but rather
than being inspired, they just want to compete and they can get
fucked. Yeah, I I think that's weird.
I think that it's weird also for people to be intimidated because
you are being successful inside of something.
And I, I've experienced that too with people that I considered to
be family because they were really good friends, where it's
like, yeah, I'm going to support you until you're you're doing
too well or whatever. And then I'm not going to
support you anymore. And I'm actually going to tell
you that like, I think you're not shit.
And I think that's where I lost a lot of people inside of my
life. And I'm OK with it now.
But like, that's really hurtful when that happens, especially if
you're like, I'm just trying to do like whatever my highest
sense of right. And like what my soul, you know,
is, is wanting to do in the way that I want to express myself
and to have people who support you, but they only support you
so far. And if you do it this specific
way, or if you're this version of yourself and to our point too
of like, well, if you don't love people and accept them as they
are, then you shouldn't be having them in your, you know,
your life. I think that that should go for
everybody. If you're not going to love and
accept the people that you're around, your friends, whatever
for the version of them that they are, and help boost it and
make it the best, then you should really just see yourself
out because you're doing a disservice by holding somebody
back from their truest potential as your friend.
Yeah, I think. The moment I stopped caring
whether people are supporting me or not and just started loving
my life and loving myself, it was like you know what fuck you
you're no one to me. Like you are a literal Karen or
a stranger who I just don't care what you think.
And as a kid I'd grasp for straws.
I wanted these people to accept me like why are they?
Why don't they like me? Why are they always judging me?
But now I'm like, get some popcorn, baby, and take a seat
because you're absolutely irrelevant and I'm on the stage
and that's why you're still talking about me.
So with that note, we're so grateful for the people who see
us, the people who fucking support us without any
unnecessary drama or, you know, needs or false motives or
whatever it may be. It just feels really nice to
have a space to like, go to therapy, talk to our spirit
guides, and then come to the podcast and fucking heal all in
real time because life is very magical when you are in
alignment with your higher self. Everyone else who is not
reflecting that back to you is a distraction.
They are limiting your story and maybe you are better than them.
Maybe that's why they think that because you are baby.
So we'll see you next time in Candyland.
Bye, guys. Bye.
Uh huh. Yeah, you said She's so sweet,
man. Come on.
Over the rapper live. Me like a lollipop.
Lollipop, lollipop, lollipop, lollipop, lollipop, lollipop,
lollipop. You want to swallow my spirit
and penetrate my aura? Taste.
All of my consciousness is obvious.
We're goddesses full of the divine femininity.