Welcome to Fucking Candy Land, hosted by Rampage and Gemini.
Welcome back to another episode of Look It Like a Lollipop here
in Candyland, Jim and I. It's just me and her tonight,
but we have a lot of new people that are going to be coming on
to the podcast, so we're ready. Yeah, we were just joking that
everything's an arrow with us because we went when we first
started the podcast, had guests, then we're like, fuck, y'all,
we're going to be solo and now we're like, actually we have hot
bitches and we should invite them on podcast.
So if you're hot and we like you and we just casually scroll by
and like your content, you're probably going to get an e-mail
from us after we make derogatory sexual comments about you and
our text messages and talk about how fucking fine you are and be
like nice ass. And then we'll e-mail you very
professionally. Honestly, I'm really excited to
bring people on to give the podcast like a different
perspective and like a little spice.
Our last guest that we just had, very spicy.
I feel like I'm just ready to bring on that spice world baby.
Like where y'all at come through the woodwork?
Well, yeah. And like we're finding a lot of
people whose vibe just really aligns with ours.
Right now it feels like for a minute we were like, no new
friends. We're doing our own thing, we're
establishing our own stuff and and figuring out what our energy
is together. And now we're super comfortable
in that and growing and expanding.
You know what I like about that, though?
Is like, it only happens as you're building that you find
what's gonna work, what's not gonna work, what you're ready
for, what you're not ready for. And I think in the beginning we
were still trying to get our flow and, like, be in unison
together. So then throwing in extra
energies was not ever. Was not about Speaking of
throwing in extra energies are yous having selfies of yourself
while we're recording. I was going to get us on video,
but then I didn't realize my sound was on and then I had to
block someone because they dudes get so salty that if you don't
like reply to them then they start saying mean things to get
your attention. And so this dude has been in my
inbox on Snapchat for like. X amount of time and I just keep
leaving him on red. So now his latest and greatest
was that my lips are too much as if I give a fuck what his
receiving hairline has to say. He didn't think about that while
he was in your inbox trying to get you to put it around his
shaft. But I digress.
I don't know what his zeal was like well.
I don't know why, he thought. That was going to get my
attention. Now I just blocked you.
Like now you never get any interaction because I'm blocking
you quickly. When you called me earlier, I
was in the car with my daughter and we were going to the store
and after we got off of that call, she was like, wow, she is
so cute. She is my new favoritest friend
of yours. And I was like, OK, And then
we're walking through the store and she's like, you tell her men
are trash. You know, I think that I have no
expectation of anyone, and I just want to align with people
that it's like, easy to align with them.
You know what I mean? Like I don't want connections
that feel forced or connections that feel like there's a lot of
pressure or expectations. Like, I just want things that
feel like freedom. And like, does it feel at peace
to be in your life, or to be friends with you, or to date
you, or whatever, and so many people.
People are so used to like chaos and trauma and like living in
that energy that like, they don't know what it's like to
have a healthy communication with someone who's literally not
tripping, that you blew them off or that you had something come
up and instead of like reaching out and being like, hey,
something came up tonight, I can't do this.
People will just avoid the whole conversation and make it
something bigger than it needs to be.
And I think that like just being in my own energy, I've learned
that like. Like, I need peace.
I need freedom in my friendships and in my connection.
Like, I don't want someone to think that because I didn't text
them for a week that that means I'm mad at them.
Those are people, I feel like, who have probably like words of
affirmation, love languages, and they'll second guess.
If you're not giving them like lip service and telling them and
like checking in with them and making them feel appreciated in
that way, I have people who I've noticed recently are their love.
Language is like spending time together and I've always thought
of that as like a couples thing. But like there are people where
like if you're not hanging out with them then they feel like
you don't like them or like don't value them or whatever.
And I am so not a come hang out with you type person like I'll
sit here, I'll text you, I'll talk to you, I'll FaceTime with
you. I don't want to put pants on.
I'm going to show up to your house just looking like a bum.
I hope that you already have snacks.
I'll bring coffees. Like I I don't know.
I don't like hanging out in person that much and I am
attracting people, people. I am like a wave of both.
I really like having no commitments.
So I've been trying to make a pledge to myself to, like, not
have something planned every free moment of my life.
Like just because, like I have nothing planned doesn't mean I
can't go do something. It's just like.
I'm finding that when I commit to things way beforehand, that
when it boils down to going, I don't want to go.
Like I'll know about the event for six months.
And then when it gets to the day, I'm like, no, I really
don't want to go. And so I'm trying to give
myself, like, wiggle room to just be like, maybe like, I
don't know, I I'm thankful that you invited me, but I'm not
committed right now. Yeah, well you're in your
commitment free era. You don't have to commit to
anything dude you like. You just can live your life like
a fucking seagull and go and do whatever you want to.
Like you're Oh yeah, no problem. I'll just go ahead and and I'll
plan that trip and I'll come visit you and we'll just go do
this, that and the other. Like you just have to make sure
that your cats are taken care of and then you basically just fly
off and go do whatever the fuck you want to.
Yeah, it is nice. It is nice to consider anyone
else's needs, wants or desires before my own.
And I think that I am kind of in my selfish era and like, I want
to build connection with people, but I also do not want to force
connection, like, but I'm really cool that like if something
happened and we drifted apart but there was no drama, like you
can come back into my life and be like, hey, I was really going
through something. I want to be friends again.
Or I'm sorry that I didn't, you know, speak up or be honest with
you. About something like I'm not
holding grudges anymore and I'm definitely not holding people to
some like commitment standard. Like I said earlier to someone
like we could just be friends and have no expectations and
they were like, but that's not what I want.
I'm like, I'll just let you know like I'm chill.
I'm a chill girl. I like being chill.
I don't need to be like zero to 1000 to know someone likes me,
and I also don't need. Like zero to 1000.
If someone has a lot going on in their life, I sure as hell don't
want me to be above what you already need to be doing.
You know, like people who like, get a new relationship and then
neglect their priorities, or stop going to the gym, or stop
seeing their kid on the weekends or whatever.
Like I never want to be that girl that steps into your life
and then demands all of your time and attention.
I feel like when it comes to people stepping back into my
life, I genuinely AM pretty open about receiving apologies too.
Like, especially if people like, even if they have been fucked
up, if they can own the fact that, like, I recognize these
things and whatever, I'm not going to have open trust of that
person. I won't have them in my inner
circle of anything. But I would so much rather have
something squashed and move forward and be like, OK, cool.
Like if I need to take accountability and anything, I
will. You're owning your shit.
You're just growing, whatever, recognizing that you hurt
somebody else. Like, I'll give the freedom and
the space for that. But The thing is that there
aren't a lot of people who don't lead with pride in their life
and that are open about sharing. If they have like, that growing
moment and taking accountability and being like, I'm sorry, like
that takes big balls. So if people do that, then I'm
like, OK, cool. And I can agree with that.
I do think that there's a space to, like, accept apologies and
then still not rock with that person, though.
So like the people who have wronged me, there's a slim
chance that I'm trying to rock with them again, that I'll take
your apology. But I'm thinking like.
When you're trying to build new connections with people, people
go balls to the wall with the expectations.
You know what I mean? Like me and you met and built a
bond long before we dedicated commitment to.
Starting a brand or you know, a podcast together, like I feel
like that takes commitment. And it's like, are you that
committed to your own goals and dreams?
Because if you are, then that's a good sign that we could collab
or make, you know, mutual goals. But I think that a lot of people
like go somewhere and they expect someone who doesn't take
care of their own needs or their own self to like all of a sudden
take care of them or nurture them.
And it's like maybe if they don't nurture themselves.
They sure as hell are not going to know how to nurture you.
So I've recognized that. I've kind of been that person
and I've been calling it now like since I've had this break
and I've had time to self reflect like the captain, save a
home mentality. And we've talked about before,
like, if there's somebody who I feel like I could help them with
this or like, I see so much potential in this and I want to
help them because I see what they could be.
I feel like I put so much energy into trying to help them, like,
grow and whatever, instead of being like, hey, you need to put
in all of this work before I'm going to step in and like, help
with that goal or whatever. And so I feel like that is a big
lesson that a lot of people don't ever actually realize and
go through. And that's why people will feel
so drained. Because it took me literally
taking that three-week break off of my business and being like,
no, like I'm just going to focus on like my life and not doing
any of that. That I realized and you know,
you and I were texting and I'm like, whoa, been putting all the
energy into like these things over here that don't even,
they're not even my fucking business.
They're just trying to help somebody else and causing so
much stress, you know? I think a lot of the time what
it is, is like when we were down and out, it would have been nice
for someone to reach out and then like, hey, I can help you,
I can guide you, I can you know, do this for you.
But it's funny that you would mention that cause a close
friend of mine attracts a lot of people that want to use him.
Like whether it's just like 10-15 dollars here or oh, I
really want to go to that concert but I don't have a
ticket. Like it doesn't matter what it
is. And he also does that where he's
like, oh, I'll pay for it. Oh, I got you.
But then it's like people like me, like his.
I said, So what do I need to be your broke bestie so you'll pay
for my stuff? Like he buys all these people
stuff who don't show up for him. And then that drains him so much
from actually giving back to the people that he does care about,
not that it has to be financially, but energetically.
So last night I guess at like two or three in the morning, one
of these. Hoes from the Instagram world
called him on Instagram or called his phone and was like,
hey, I'm stranded, my car's on E and I don't have any gas, OK,
like, OK, so he was like, she was asking if I could give her
$3. He was like, so I felt like I
should just give her ten, he said.
But if she doesn't pay me back, I'm done.
I'm like, no, what you need to do is block her.
And I was like, you're acting like captain, save a hoe.
Like you need to block this bitch for one.
He tried to help her many times, but she keeps doing the dumb
shit and then giving him some stories of why her life is a hot
mess. And it's like your life is a hot
mess because of you. And I literally feel less and
less sympathy for people who are grown adults doing nothing to
change their scenario. That's because there are a lot
of people who have a really like giving nature and like, we can
talk shit about like, I like, I can say I don't like humans and
whatever, you know, all day long and that people are selfish.
But at the end of the day, there are a lot of people who are
really giving, like nurturing people and will give from
themselves to the point that they don't have something
because they want to see those around them like be better.
And I feel like at the root of that is a lot of like people
pleasing trauma. And I think that like our
generation and especially right before us went through the being
very guilted about every little thing.
And you have this because I've done this or done that.
And so it makes people want to be like, I don't want to see
anybody else go through that. So I'm going to fix this thing.
And that correlates back to what you said about like helping
people out like business wise, brand wise, whatever, because we
wish that there would have just been somebody who would like
taken our hand and helped us. But at the end of the day, there
really wasn't and we didn't have that.
And, you know, I think that we do a lot more than that than was
given to us, but it also doesn't mean that it's like our personal
responsibility to put in the work for everybody else.
Honestly, that's like the biggest trauma response is to
try to like support people in ways that you wanted to be
supported. And I see that all of the time.
I've had clients come to me recently and there's like people
putting all these burdens on to them or expectations on to them
and making it feel like it's their responsibility to fix this
issue. And I'm just like the only
people I really have sympathy for is like children and
animals. Like I'm sick of grown 20304050
year old people. Acting like a child that needs
to be coddled and told what to do, but then when you tell them
what to do and how to do it, they don't want to do that.
You're being aggressive, you're being mean.
You know you're expecting them to show up and they don't want
to show up. And that's what is so difficult
when you're growing and healing is like, where do you draw the
line like between being? Kind of cold or like turned off
by that. Or getting into that savior
complex where you feel like you need to save people and help
people. Or it's like bad karma for you
or like. And what is this teaching me?
You know, a lot of us have sole ties with people and we don't
realize why. We don't realize why this
person's in our life. And a lot of time it's so you
can hold firm on your boundaries and you can say no, even when
it's hard to do that, even when it's difficult to have those
conversations. Like that's a part of your sole
tie is to stand up to that person.
Yeah, absolutely. And then 'cause it teaches you,
like, certain values that you're supposed to have inside of your
life and like, certain strengths to have.
I think that one of our soul ties, you and I, is you're
helping me expand with communication because I don't
have anxiety from podcast conversations anymore.
I used to have them really bad, even when I did Coven, and then
it was especially difficult when it was you and I Co hosting
something, especially the first round of us doing guests.
And I don't have anxiety or nervousness about when we film
the podcast anymore. I'm not nervous about us having
guests or speaking or or whatever.
And that's something I think that you've helped me a lot
with, is being confident in communication.
And also for some reason, because I think it's just
because like, I am like an assertive communicator and a lot
of things. But like direct assertiveness
where I feel like I'm going to let somebody down or like
disappoint them or something has always been an issue for me.
And that is your strength where you'll be like, we're not doing
that tonight, that's really not Gemini 6.
So we're going to reschedule that or like whatever it is
you're like, this is the point. And so I'm more comfortable
speaking those things for myself now, too.
And let's just say Gemini has been emailing so many amazing
guests from Tiktok and Instagram.
Like, we have some really boss people coming onto the podcast.
And what's really cool is like we've been networking so much
that we're like shocked at how quickly people are replying and
committing and scheduling dates. And we have several people
already scheduled coming up. So I'm really looking forward to
like. Bringing in more dynamic energy
and bringing in people who are in their own arena, their own
spotlight, their own creativity, whatever journey that they're on
and being able to. Talk to them in a way that
channels that into like their true expression.
Cause a lot of people bring you on their podcast and they like
wanna talk about certain things. But I feel like giving people an
open mic to like share their journey and their story.
The good, the bad, the ugly. It's like really nice and
refreshing and I'm like it's crazy because it's like so many
people are somewhere open to it than you would expect if you
shoot your shot. A lot of people are like.
They feel honored that we ask them, right?
Like, they feel honored that we're inviting them.
And, like, I feel honored that they're even reading our
messages. So yeah, there's some we get an
e-mail back from like, Oh my God, did you just see that?
That person just emailed us back.
Like, I can't even believe this is like, we're so excited And I
don't know. I really feel like there's some
shit that we have. I keep seeing signs of Aaron
every time that we make a big move.
And I don't know if that's something that you've been
seeing also. But I will like all of a sudden
there will be like an Aaron video pop up on my TikTok or
there will be something on Instagram or there'll be the
candy song in the car or just something like super every
single time. And I feel like because we we're
doing things from such like a genuine space of like we want to
talk about like the positive. Our whole aim has been we don't
want to talk to the people with traumatic histories about their
traumatic histories because that's what everybody else is
doing. We want to talk about all the
other amazing things that this person doesn't get to share
about. And that's what we wanted to do
with him. And I feel like he's bringing us
almost like these guests that we can live out that purpose with,
that we couldn't live out with. Yeah, I mean, I've really been
feeling like his energy a lot, 'cause it was like the
anniversary of his death. But I also just feel like it's
just super significant because we've been growing and elevating
and like even though there's been obstacles and roadblocks
and setbacks and like things like that, it's like there's
always another day to try again. And I think with like Aaron, you
know, he had so much to offer the world.
We're all talking about Aaron Carter.
So you all know, but Aaron Carter had a lot to offer the
world, but drugs and negative people and his environment and,
you know, trauma and things that he had really been consuming
were overtaking him. But, you know, I think that as
we grow and as we elevate, there's going to be an
opportunity for that, I think to come full circle, like you said.
But also like we never saw it as like, damn, we missed our
publicity shot or we missed our shot like, we saw it as like,
wow, this man really was in pain.
He really was hurting. The people around him were not
good for him. Like you cannot tell me that
this man drowned in the bathtub with all his clothes on.
I'm sorry. Like people put you in the
bathtub when you're overdosing or when they've done something
to you. Like any celebrity that was
found in the bathtub with their clothes on did not kill
themselves. We specifically didn't do
anything for publicity like it took us, it took him passing
away. For us to be like we were going
to have him on the podcast and like this was going to be a
thing and and. Yeah, it is different for us
because we waited so long to have him on, because we wanted
to have him on talking about his healings and his inspirations.
We didn't want him having baby Mama drama and custody things
and. And all that like difficult
stuff that he was going through and we've even I mean we have a
lot of new listeners here. But like we've even called out
people in the past who there were so many mediums on TikTok
and stuff after he passed that were like I'm I'm channeling him
and reading his family and this is everything you know, whatever
and. Anyways, I just think that his
hand is on. So there's so much now that
we're gonna be getting to do in ways that we're gonna get to
expand with guests that he would have been the OG person we would
have done that with. You know what I mean?
Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it, 'cause I feel like right
now we like, went through a lot of changes.
I feel like we've aired out, had a lot of closure with things
that have happened with us, and just like putting that energy
out there and letting it go. I think we both learn like how
draining the wrong people in our life or in our communities can
truly be. A lot of people do not know
boundaries. They get into a spiritual
community or really any type of community and their spirit is
there to divide, to create opposing forces and cycles.
And I feel like we've just really been tested.
And there's been a lot of times that, you know, we've both been
really busy, but we've made time for the podcast.
And I feel like getting the guest is like the next era, the
next chapter of our podcast. And I feel like, you know, we've
already overcome the hurdle. Like most podcasts don't make it
past 10 episodes with their original creators.
So it's like we're already defying odds.
And I'm just really excited for like what 2024 is gonna bring
for us. 2024 is going to be on and fucking popping, and we've
already been saying that for like you and I have known that
2024 is going to be the year. And I feel like this year was
the year of like, experiencing the bullshit, learning lessons
of it, and figuring out how to navigate and what types of
people to spend our energy with. We got rid of a lot of fucking
snakes and our lawn looks lovely now.
And now we can, like, move forward.
Yeah, I think I see a lot of things online.
It's like you have to prepare your circle for what you're
asking for. Like, not a lot of those people
can go to the next chapter with you.
So as long as they have access to the front row, you can't go
there. Like, you're giving the wrong
people backstage all access passes.
And they need to stay out in the crowd and be in the Nosebleed,
you know what I mean? Like, they can watch, but they
need to watch from a distance. And I've just been seeing so
many people, like starting to follow their dreams or starting
to feel inspired and like, follow that same thing.
And I think we're just all on this wave of life where letting
go is the only way to become who you're meant to become.
Oh, letting go is the only way to become who you're meant to
become. I really love that.
I think that's beautiful. And and.
And that's something so freeing that you can repeat to yourself
in times when you're feeling really anxious or overwhelmed
and needing to be like what is my You just need like a mind
shift sometimes. And like a What am I doing this
for? Yeah, I think as long as you
know your why, you don't really need to know the how, when,
where or what. As long as you know your why.
Like, I just want to be happy and at peace.
Like that's my why. Like, that's why I do what I do.
That's why I entertain what I entertain.
You know, when I let things go, I don't see this as like an
opposing force to me. It's just like, that's not in
alignment with me. You know, some people ask me,
like, why do you give people more than one chance?
Or like, why do you do this? Why do you do that?
And it's not that I'm giving them more than one chance.
It's just that I'm not taking their actions personally.
I'm letting them be themselves. I'm letting them to get down,
fall, get back up, whatever. But you know, the worst thing
you could do is be around people that watch you fall, get back
up, dust yourself off and they try to push you back down.
And that's. Most.
I also think that, you know, when we're talking about having
boundaries and things, I think that it needs to be balanced out
with grace because there are people who treat others like.
Poorly, but it's because they genuinely are really struggling
themselves. And they're not bad people.
They're just overwhelmed with what they have going on.
And we've all been those people too.
And like, sure, there's some friendships that like all of us
lose along the way and we're like, fuck, like that's the
friend that got away. Like, I really fucked that up.
But we also all have friendships in our life where we probably
weren't the best person to that person, and they had to give us
forgiveness and be able to move. Move on and be able to evolve
too. So I I think that there needs to
be a really clear balance though, because I for a long
time was overly forgiving about things and being like you just
had a really hard time and that's OK.
And you can overly make excuses for somebody to also be shitty.
I say one time, I say, and it depends on the situation, but.
I will give you a chance if I see that you were really
struggling and that you take accountability and and come back
whatever. But you have to like, earn that.
And then if that's broken, I'll just never fucking speak to you
again my whole life. I don't know, maybe I'm talking
like more casual interaction, not like people that I felt like
I was vulnerable or open to, you know what I mean?
But like, a lot of people would just be like, oh, they didn't
text me, they didn't tell me happy birthday.
They didn't tell me Happy Easter.
Fuck them. You know, Like, I just don't
take little shit like that to the cleaners, like to the bank,
like in cash. Why would you have?
Expectations on people like that that aren't.
Close people inside of your space.
If I fucking meet you at Starbucks and you get my number
and then you text me three times and I don't respond because like
I didn't have my phone while I was pooping or something, like
I'm blocking your number and I will never go to that Starbucks
again, you're fucking weird. I don't know.
I just feel like so many people are like living in the cut off
era where they just cut people off over the dumbest shit and
it's just like it's not personal.
Like people get overwhelmed and they're in their own world and
it's not personal. It's not directed towards you.
And I think I just try to give people more grace.
I mean if you're running around like don't tell Paige this or I
did this to Paige or you know, like fuck you, like fuck you,
you're not cool. But if you're just like living
in your own world and, you know, make plans and like forget we
had plans or just like goofy stuff, like it's different that
people are like I'm on the way and then they don't show up,
Like that's different. Like, don't say you're going to
do something, but also like, I'm cool with plans change.
I guess I didn't get what you meant, because I just feel like
that should be an obvious human expectation.
Understanding. Oh, people would be out here
really expecting people they barely know to get them like $50
Christmas presents. Like I was at the nail salon and
the other lady that does nails said that her niece sent her a
link to a $94.00 watch that her niece's boyfriend wants for the
Christmas gathering. She said she's met him twice.
I'm you're fucking lucky if I get him a chocolate reindeer for
Christmas. I don't know him.
That's what I said. I said, you know, what you need
to do is just get like little stockings and like put some
candy or something. Like, you know what I mean?
Like, I've never in my fucking life even probably received that
from my own parent. Like the people's parents who
are like, go all out. Like, I'm happy for you all.
But like, that's never been a thing in my life.
When I was a kid, I had to go to Christmas, says.
But as an adult, like, I just buy what I want.
Like, I don't. I don't wait for someone to get
it for me, but like, my own family's like, here's some,
here's some pajamas in a fucking coffee mug and this other
fucker's like, yeah, I really want the new fossil wash
waterproof. That's so funny that you say
that. My dad texted us last night and
said I need to know your Christmas list or everybody's
getting Viking drinking horns and pajamas.
And it's funny because when we don't give him Christmas lists,
we get Viking drinking horns and pajamas.
So I have one. In the podcast room right now.
Because those are like actual. Like he'll just be like here's a
fucking drinking horn in a pair of pajamas, but you already have
one. Yeah, I already have one.
He's already gifted. That or like Brian, the other
when my parents were just here for Halloween.
He was like, you got, he was wearing some pajamas.
They got him last year and he's like, I'm going to need you guys
to give me some more pairs of pajamas because these are my
favorite ones and I've been wearing them almost every night
for a year. So I need a new set.
I mean, whatever clothes go, but like, that's my family.
They're like here's the bath and body works set that you didn't
want. No, I never know what to say.
My dad would be like, what do you want?
And I'm like. Truly, everything that I want, I
budget for and I get for myself. So like, I'd I'm like, I don't
know what to say, Ron. Wants a gift card to a gold and
silver shop. That's what you want.
That's what Brian wants. He's like, give me a gift card
to a gold and silver shop and be like, what did he say?
He goes, he goes, just get me, why don't you just for
Christmas, why don't you just get me a gift card to the gold
and silver shop down there. And when you get that for me,
I'll be like, Oh my God, my wife loves me so much.
She knows me and she knew that I would want to go down there and
I would want to go and get gold and silver for Christmas.
So she got me this gift card because that she just knows me.
And all right, I'll do that for you then.
She just knows me. You know, I perfectly need some
new knives for my kitchen. That's like the only thing I
really need and that's what I want.
I have a Martha Stewart knife set that's actually pretty nice,
but you have to sharpen the fucking knives.
I listen. Maybe I'm just like a spoiled
person or something, but growing up, my knives were just always
sharp in my mom's kitchen. I didn't realize that like, as
an adult, you have to sharpen your own fucking knives.
And so I've been like this piece of shit little knife set.
Like, fuck you Martha Stewart. But really, it's because I
needed to sharpen those knives. And so Brian went in there and
sharpens them all. I could fucking decapitate a man
with one swift chop. Yeah, I always end up getting
knives that like overtime. They just are like cheap handles
or cheap. Like your mother.
So I just need a little something to spice up my life.
You spice up my life, Polly Pocket with your little razzle
dazzle my Christmas tree. I know, it's so pink.
For those that are not watching on Patreon because you fucking
suck. Paige's Christmas tree is pink.
Her little shirt is hot pink. She is living her best Barbie
world. I have a velour jacket on.
It's lavender. It's soft.
Is that is that a southern pronunciation or a Poly pocket
pronunciation? That's Southern, baby.
Southern. I can't take you seriously.
What? There's so many people in this
world that have no clue how draining Christmas can be for
someone who's an empath and someone who's sensitive.
Because right now there is so much discontent in the world.
Whether it's like you're missing someone, you don't have the
money or the funds that you think you need just like so
much. And I'm really feeling like so
much heavy energy coming from people, clients, friends,
family, like just beyond. Like, everyone's really dealing
with some shit right now. And it's really important to,
like, be nice, hold the door for someone, Give the homeless
person $5. It does not matter what they
spend it on. Like, just be nice right now.
Because if you have a phone, a home, a car, whatever, you're
doing really fucking good. And you need to stop acting like
you need to do more. Because right now people are
struggling. It gets cold outside, people are
sleeping outside. Like, there's just so much going
on. And I just feel like it's time
to really count those blessings and like, live in gratitude.
Find your space in your center to soak in like the littlest
things in life right now. Also too, I feel like having
patience with people in the grocery stores right now too.
Your go. I went there with my daughter
today and we were having a conversation because so many
people looked. Really stressed, looked really
anxious, were stalling more than usual, looking at like the price
of everything and whatever. And she and I were just being
super patient, doing what we needed to do.
And I was like, there are people who probably are really stressed
out about being able to buy groceries for the holidays,
trying to figure out what to do, whatever.
And so I was talking to her about like.
Budgeting and going in with patients and recognizing what
other people are going through. But I think that during the
holidays especially, we're like, I just want to get in.
I want to get my fucking Turkey, I want to get out and you know,
have everything that I need. And we go about things anxiously
and don't think about the experience of those around us
and why people are going really slow or, you know, whatever.
I think a lot of people are in like, hurry, Like people wait
till the last minute to get things too.
And like then the grocery store is out of it.
I made a pledge to not need to go to the grocery store this
week, like get everything I needed.
Last week I went to Sam's. I I like, did the things, 'cause
I did not want to deal with that crowd.
I just like plan ahead where when you can too.
Like if you know that makes you anxious, 'cause it does me.
I planned ahead, and I know that's not ideal for everyone,
but just think about things like that, you know?
Like I personally would rather know what I'm walking into, then
go into a fucking clusterfuck and be like, damn, I should have
got this done. I personally don't know how
people go grocery shopping without having a fucking list
because if you just send me into a store and you're like, you
need to get food to feed you guys this week, I'm like, OK.
But so I have to go in with a list, because then I can be like
do, do, do, do, do. And then I'm not annoyed by Jack
shit because I know what I'm coming in here for.
You fucking look at the ground beef.
I'll look at the ground beef next.
It'll still be beefing. We'll still do our thing,
hanging out. Also going to the grocery store
when I have like a slight blaze is fire.
Like, I don't want to be in public sober, but if I can get
just a little tiny bit litty before I go, that is excellent.
You know, I like going in with the list too.
I I type it in on my notes on my phone and then I delete it as I
go and like sometimes I'll forget or add stuff, you know
what I mean? But like for the majority, most
part, I know like the core things are going in there for
and then like other little extra add-ons like, oh, I might grab
Taco sauce or whatever like something random, I'll grab it.
But I try to go in with the list too.
I think like being organized in that sense is important because
the fucking grocery stores are hot mess sometimes.
And honestly, it just kind of depends on where what time you
go. I feel like anytime in the
afternoon between like four and six is the worst time.
It's like the gym. It's the worst fucking time to
do anything is between those two hours.
I think that we grocery shopped very well together when we were
in Moab. We had our fucking list.
We took off in separate directions, got the things that
we needed, met up. I thought that was very
seamless. And then our total was, what,
222 even something like that. It was, yeah, it was an Angel
number. It's great.
You know, we did good. You cooked good.
You cooked all all the food. Cooked all the fucking food.
I'm going to try my hand at macaroni and cheese again
because this will only be my hundredth time and it always
turns out like white girl Mac and cheese.
And I realized that somebody told me it's because I'm baking
it too long after I make like my cheese sauce.
And basically my cheese is like my thing is separating and so
it's called like breaking your sauce or some shit like that.
So I'm going to try something different.
And I bought some plastic Velveeta to put in there too.
And plastic makes everything taste good, so it should be
delicious. It's Velveeta.
So you just joke that. It's like the plastic cheese.
You lost me. I was like, what?
Yeah, no, it was a joke about being a fucking American and all
of our food being processed and something else.
You know, I really don't even fuck with Mac and cheese for.
I like pasta salad or something like that, like, but I'm not
like a Mac and cheese girl at all.
Well, you didn't choose to come here for Thanksgiving, so fuck
you. You can't have any Mac and
cheese anyways, you know. I don't even like it.
It's not good. I'm so hoping it works out for
you though. If I made you Mac, and if I made
a bomb as fuck Mac and cheese, when we had been in Utah, you'd
have slapped that down and you'd have been like, Oh my God, this
is so good. This is healing my mother
wounds. You would have loved it.
I would have ate it. I ate everything that you
cooked. I like.
I have a crazy taste bud bango now.
Like I mix so many things together like blue cheese and
olives and just different things I never would have ate before.
Like in blue cheese, it just hits different you have.
Those mature taste buds? Because you're in your 30s.
It's like heaven on earth. Or maybe it's 'cause you haven't
put anything fun in your mouth for a long time, and so now your
mouth gets excited by gross things like blue cheese and
olives. It's like something's here.
Facts. No.
So facts. Y'all.
I'm literally on a celibacy journey.
I do not have sex. And when I say that, like I do
not have no sneaky link, no hookup, like, although I'm not
saying I don't want to have sex. It's just that being on a
celibacy journey, it's more about like I'm now like
demisexual or like asexual. Like, I really, if I don't have
a super emotional connection going with you, I don't want to
have sex with you whatsoever. Like, even if I'm attracted to
you, type deal. It's like not about attraction
anymore. It's like if I don't have a real
spiritual bond going on here with you, like if the universe
isn't pulling me back to your door, like look at this person.
Like this is a person, this is your person.
Like, I can't. And like, it's weird.
It's like, whereas I used to just be like, OK, what can this
person do for me? Or what do they bring to the
table? Or are they even just cool or
whatever and be able to, like, have that bond with them and
like them or whatever. But like, now it's just like, if
I'm not emotionally attracted to you, it's really hard to, like,
get my rocks on, you know? Yeah, and she does prefer if you
have a throat tattoo. See, that is so optional.
You say that like it's mandatory.
It's, it's. Available.
There is not one. I cannot think of one single
person that I've ever seen the picture or profile love that
you've been like, Dang interested, that did not have a
tattoo on their fucking throat. So you can tell me that it's
that it's optional, but everybody's had it.
OK, well look. It's a preference.
New requirements. They have a throat is they could
get it tattooed later. Not that I would want them to
force them to, but I'm just like I'd rather people have no
tattoos than bad tattoos. There's a lot of people just
got. You remember that MTV show next
where people would like go, you'd like have to go on dates
or whatever and they'd have the dudes would have to like play on
the date and take you out and they'd be like, Oh my God, we I.
Fuck, dude. That's what we're going to do
2024. I want to come to Kentucky and I
want to host a dating panel for you, and I want to be the
fucking host. And I want to ask all types of
questions and I want them to have to prove their talents and
eat papayas and all type of shit in front of everybody.
And that's how they're going to get graded and they have to plan
a date for you. This could be absolutely
fantastic. Girl, you know it's crazy.
But I don't know. I was on a dating show and then
I think it got scrapped. They just like, never aired it,
never heard nothing about it. Maybe it's going to show up on
Netflix like next year after you've like met the love of your
life and you're already married after two months or some shit
and you're going to be like, that was old me.
I don't know. And I recorded that earlier in
the year. Yeah, And then it just never.
Who knows? Why so were you?
You didn't stay in contact with anybody that like, you went on
the show with. So like, was the show a flop?
Yeah, like it was just I only met one dude and honestly I
found out that he met 3 girls and I was one of them.
That's fun for you. So do you have to, like, hand
somebody a rose at the end? Oh, and I didn't get to see the
other girls. You know what I mean?
Like the other girls, huh? What did you do?
We we made pottery. We went to this place and it was
called The Craftery and it's downtown in Nulu, which is like
basically an Uptown part of downtown that's that basically
brushes and rims the whole hood. Like it's basically it's like
the hood and then this and they're and they're like it's
like ritzy though. So like they're like, oh, it's
safe. But it's not like to me crazy.
So we went there early. It was like, I don't know 8:00
in the morning or something. And they filmed it and I can't
even really remember his name. I followed him on Instagram for
a little bit, but then I unfollowed him.
But I mean he was like nice and I had a good time.
But we like crafted this little pot thing kind of and then like
painted it and it was like you would they put like a succulent
plant in it and it was like a plant.
I still have the thing, there's not a plant in it.
The plant died. Anything I.
Bet you, I bet you that you make men really intimidated on dates,
'cause I'm thinking about you making pottery, and I bet you
that dude was so out of his element, and making pottery is
my element. Not that it's like your like
niche and like what you do. But I'm just thinking about like
being a dude on a date with you and the way that you talk and
the way that you carry yourself and like when you talk you're so
sure of what you say even if you're not sure of what you say.
And like I bet you that it like makes men feel like intimidated
and and you have a very your energy is very much like.
This is what my standard is, and it's fucking high.
So like, you're lucky that I'm here with you today and I think
that it takes somebody special who can be like, I am lucky.
You're right. Oh my God.
Wow. I mean, I would say that anyone
who's with me is lucky, but I personally, I'm letting people
like, do their own standard. But will I actually, like,
respect them or, you know, whatever.
Like not necessarily just guys, but like, there's a lot of
things that guys do that I can't respect.
Like people that like, have kids and don't take care of them.
Just, you know, beyond that. But like, this dude definitely
had two kids and two baby Mamas. And honestly, it's kind of where
I start drawing the line. Two baby Mamas is where I draw
the line because like, one baby Mama, we with it.
Two baby Mamas is like because now I'm dealing with two bitches
right now. There's two, yeah.
But you got to look at Bunny and Jelly.
That's the love of her life. He's got two baby Mamas.
What about it? I don't know like.
You could be passing up your Jelly roll.
That's all I'm saying. I'm just saying I'm like, OK,
maybe maybe you're right, maybe you're right.
But at the same time, I'm no kids and I'm not trying to deal
with two kids, two baby moments. That's four people and I.
Think you. I think that you say a lot of
things as a certainty that are just because you haven't met the
person that is in that situation, that makes it so that
you would deal with that situation.
Because I've always said I would never want to be a stepmom.
I would never want to be like deal with somebody that has a
kid. But then I met Brian and was
like, that's my person and your kid is cute as shit.
And here the fuck we are. And I let him hit it.
And we had another one. Look, OK, Look, I'm saying I
could deal with like, this dude has three kids by the same mom.
Three kids by the same mom. It ain't about the kids, but.
That many kids, those people who just have two baby moms or more
2-3 baby moms, Because now I'd be the third one.
It's just like, I don't know, it doesn't resonate with me, does
it? They better have the most
charming fucking. Energy of their fucking life for
you to deal with three fucking kids.
I don't give a fuck how many baby Mamas because you deal with
one person's kid. That's crazy.
You deal with three fucking kids.
I I as of right now, it would be a hard fuck that for me.
Well, there you go. You're talking me into all this?
We're just talking about real life experiences that could
happen. Like you could find a paraplegic
that you love that has six kids. It could happen.
I've actually dated A paraplegic person before and it could
happen. Literally had the craziest dream
last night and that person was in my dream.
But there was like this really dope, like complex that had
everything in it. Like wherever I was at was just
like kind of like a hotel or something.
It was just like people lived there, but it was like there's a
Starbucks and just random stuff. It was like the most random
dream. And I'm really ready to take
this dream interpretation class, but I just can't find anyone
that I'm resonating with. That's how I feel about a
fucking astrology class. So for everybody listening, I'm
trying to talk Paige. And to well, I'm no longer
trying. I've put the idea out and it's
up to her. I'm not going to pressure her,
but I think that she would do a really great job at teaching an
astrology class. And you specifically, I think
that the way that you've gained confidence with doing the Tarot
class and then doing your slideshows and everything that
you need to do for the class, I think that it has LED you up to,
I think you would be. Really good at doing a Tarot
class, or I mean doing a astrology class.
Well, I think I could teach it, but I don't know if I'm ready to
put all that energy into it, 'cause it is a lot, it is so
much it is like. You can just teach me.
Fuck everybody else. Nobody else needs the class.
It's about me. I don't give a fuck.
If anybody else learns it, I wanna know it.
Literally. It's crazy.
It's.
Crazy. I'm really glad that we are
having guests now and I hope that everyone starts to interact
and support our new guests. We have some really cool people
coming on, like freaking not even a name drop nobody, but
just some really cool people. At least like 4 right now.
And that's really fire because we just decided like 4 days ago
that we were going to start having guests.
We had the most perfect guest, which we hope you enjoyed
Barbie's episode because we're going to try to do a guest
episode and then a solo and then a guest episode, like keep it
every other. So that way if you're not
resonating with the guests, you aren't going to miss out too
much. But hopefully our guests are
resonant cause a lot of these people are really fire.
I would like to also give the PSA that, like, we've never
gotten, like, we've never gotten like negative feedback on having
a guest and been like, I didn't like that episode or anything
ever. But I'd also like to say that we
genuinely don't give a single fuck if you don't ever like an
episode. So if there's a week that you're
like, I'm not a fan of that guest, like we genuinely don't
give a fuck. Keep pushing.
Listen to the next week because it'll be just us and then we'll
have another fire guest and I. You know, I don't like
everybody, but I don't sit there and say I didn't like that
person. So I've heard of some other
podcasts getting like messages like that from people of, like,
I didn't really like the guests this week and like, you can suck
my whole Dick. You know, I think it's crazy,
But having guests every week would stress me out.
Like to not have you as, like the common denominator for our
podcast. Like, we're like equal in the
podcast and like, bringing on people is cool, but like also
just being like in our own energy is is cool too, 'cause I
feel like sometimes people like, you know, like, we don't know a
lot about them even, you know what I mean?
Like, sometimes people don't do solo episodes, which, you know,
like a lot of the podcasts I like, do like.
Bunny does all kinds of stuff just to her without guests.
You know, like, but the guests are cool and it's a cool piece
to like dive into people's stories that you like.
Otherwise, maybe wouldn't know their story at all.
Yeah, I like learning about other people and growing with
them. And I also feel like, I don't
know, dude, that break that I just took really just freed up
my energy in so many different ways.
And I love the idea of just getting to connect with other
people regardless of what we're talking about.
And I don't feel like. It's going to use up a lot of
energy or anything like that. I'm just so excited for things
that we have moving forward. I know.
Me too. I feel like there's just change
in the air. We're closing out this year, and
I feel like this year really did go back quickly, but I feel like
I've been accomplishing a lot this year.
This year's been really good to get rid of people off the boat,
off the train, off everywhere, like just by Felicia.
This felt like a really long year to me.
Like I didn't feel the like, Oh my God, and all of a sudden and
it's 4th of July. I'm like, it's only fucking
July. Like I this year is not flying
by. I am ready for 2024.
The odd numbers are for the fucking birds.
And I'm ready to get back to even numbers.
I turn fucking 30 next year, so I'm ready to like be in my prime
state plus like, my my what the fuck?
My Saturn. Yeah, it's happening.
And that's fucking weird. And I I don't like that.
And so I'm gonna try and shift that fucking energy in my.
Favor Pattern is literally at 00 Pisces, like it's been at 00 for
a little bit 'cause it went on retrograde and then went back.
Right now it's at 00 Pisces like it is, it's the beginning, but
it's been happening and went retrograde and then it started
over. So it's like now it'll move
forward and move through your chart, but it's been in
retrograde for like most of this year like.
How long does it last? Seven years?
No, it only cycles every 27 to 30 years and then it stays there
for 2-3 four years. It just depends.
But I think they're just going to stay there quite some time.
Yeah, me mine did too. Yeah, whatever.
I'm sure there'll be like plenty of learning lessons and blah
blah blah blah fucking blah. But I It's an awakening moment.
Listen, I just want to be fucking skinny and rich by the
time that it ends. That's all I'm saying.
Gemini. Crazy.
That's not crazy, that's realistic.
And I also want hose in every area code.
Ever since we talked about plastic surgery once Gemini was
like, I'm I'm sold on it. I'm getting it done.
Oh, I wasn't even talking about plastic surgery.
I just want it to spontaneously happening with me, not having to
change my life. Oh, I thought it was an
interesting thing for you to go get your mommy makeup.
Now I am. Now I just.
I just want to go under and I want to wake up with a new body
and like if I can only eat nuts for the rest of my life because
I have it, at least it'll keep my shape crazy.
I literally need to eat better with the holidays.
I need to be conscious of how much sugar I'm eating.
Yeah, you do. No, I'm just kidding.
I don't fucking eat whatever you want to eat.
No, Like, there's so much sweets around right now and I need to
just feel like not eating those out.
Really. Yeah, but you go to the gym
every single fucking day of your life, like you're just gonna
squat and it's gonna go on to your ass and it's just gonna
help the bubbles. So what do you care?
No, no. I did go to the gym today and I
feel proud though. Yeah, I'm proud of you.
You'll send me voice notes and I'll just hear Clink Clink
clinking in the background from the gym equipment and I'll know
what's up. The gym.
I'm ready. Get it popping.
You already get it popping. We can do a New Year challenge
at the gym. I have never actually had a gym
membership before. That's not true.
I've had a gym membership. And I didn't go.
And the reason I didn't go is because Brian and I went once
and I just felt really uncomfortable while we were
there. I didn't understand like.
Gym etiquette I still don't like.
I don't know. I didn't know until I was on
TikTok that you're supposed to wipe down the equipment in
between, like after you use it. I didn't know that.
Nobody said anything to me. Nobody saw me working out at the
gym and was like, let me help you.
People were just staring and that's probably why they were
staring. But like, I just, I've never
found a gym that I'm like, yeah, I'm super comfortable here, but
also if I don't go to a gym and I'm just at home.
Then I don't work out as hard as I feel like I would if I had a
place where other people were working out.
So it's like a double edged sword.
Well I will agree the gym can be a painful experience until you
get adjusted. I didn't know gym etiquette
either, but now because I know now that 92% of these people do
not wipe their shit down, I clean it before I use it and I
don't be sweating like that. So I just clean it before I use
it really good. Wipe down everything.
Like most people have sprayed a little bit, rub it, I wipe down
everything and then I do not wipe it out again.
Like after I've used it, I have out so that I cleaned it before
I sat down, if that makes sense. Because a lot of people just
don't clean their shit and like a lot of people be sweating like
balls, back chest all upon this equipment, you know what I mean?
So yeah, it's like one of those places that it's like some
people act like they own the whole motherfucker, but then
you'll meet people that are like super nice.
But I bought most of like my own attachment.
So that way when the like cables would be open, I could just go
straight to it without needing to look for said attachment.
Like I didn't buy everyone. I just bought like a rope and
like a leg attachment and things like that.
But like, it takes time because it's not easy.
It really isn't. But now that I've been going for
like almost three years, it feels so different.
Because now it's like I used to be only like pull a 30 or a 40
and now I can do like 80 or XYZ over my head or behind my head
like it's crazy. I can take a 40 LB barbell and
just go behind my head like like it's like a golf ball or
something. And I couldn't even take 5 lbs
behind my head when I started. So I feel like I've never really
paid attention as much as like the scale.
I don't even get on the scale. I just feel like how much can I
lift now? And like, I hate doing cardio,
but I try to put at least 10/15/20 minutes of it in with
lifting weights. But there's just certain things
you got to learn what you do and don't like.
Like I could never just go to the gym and be on the treadmill
for an hour. Like, no, that would never work
for me. The most I'm going to be on the
treadmill 20 minutes. I.
Feel like I'd I feel like I would like to go to the gym and
I do really well when other people are doing something to
like if I have like a buddy with me to do it with then I feel
like all Brian and I have even talked in the past about going
together. But I like.
Certain things like, I don't know, I feel like moving your
body and sweating and shit to me.
I have to be in like a meditative headspace.
Like I want to have music on. I just want to focus on what I'm
doing and how I'm doing it. And I don't necessarily want
somebody there with me side by side, but I'd like somebody
who's like, hey, are we checking in?
Like, did you go to the gym today?
Like, what are you doing? You know, I personally prefer
going to the gym alone than with people.
But, like, right now one of my friends is like, you got to
motivate me. And we went tonight.
Like, she doesn't live far. So I just picked her up.
We went and you know, she was like, but I wouldn't have went
tonight without her, 'cause I have been, you know, four days
in a row Today, Monday is normally the day I take off,
'cause it's busy. But we got there and it was
still busy. It was like late.
We got there to stop in, so you know we got it in or whatever.
But like I prefer like listening to music and like just being in
my own world like but at the beginning I needed someone to go
with me too. Like I started going to the gym
with people in the beginning, but you know it is it is fun to
go with people because they can help you like with spotting or
your form or things like that. But also, I feel like just like
keeping up with it, with someone is like motivating because I
personally like listening to music too.
Like the whole time. Like I don't want to talk at all
because I feel like I get more done when I'm listening to music
than I do. If someone goes with me and
we're talking like, you know what I mean?
Because now you have like you're you're swapping and you're
talking and you're, you know, it's just like, I don't know,
people go to the gym with their group of people at my gym and
they will be there for like 3 to 4 hours and they're like high
school age or like maybe college.
Like they're young. And so me and my friend were
there tonight and my friend who's in spirit, his name's
Robert Dell. He died when he was 19, but he
was like the hottest guy at our school and like, you know,
football star all the things. And I said, did you see the
young Robert Dell in there? And she knew exactly what I was
talking about, 'cause there's this young little hottie, he's
probably 19 or 18. Like, he's got some tattoos and
stuff, but he is in there leading the pack with all his
young friends. And then all his young friends
bring their girlfriends. But he doesn't seem to, like
ever have a girl in there with him.
It's just like 29 of his guy friends and a couple girls.
And it's like a whole entourage posse.
And so we got in the car. I said that she knew exactly.
She said the only dude with his shirt off in there.
I said, I said, every time I get there, his shirt's on, but by
the time I leave, his shirt is off every time if I see him.
So I don't know if that's just normal, if that's just what he
does, but it seems like I get there.
Shirts will be on. Next thing you know, he's over
here flexing with a real Canon camera on a stand.
I think it's your cougar era and I think you're over hereabouts.
Pick up fucking. It was funny.
It was really funny because. Young young men, young
gentlemen. I don't know, is that weird to
say? Because it's like there were
dudes during a podcast and someone said something about
like a 19 year old girl. I'd be like you're fucking
weird, but then it's you and I'm like get the 19 year old boy and
take it home. You know that's not that much
difference. I mean, we like what I'm I'm a
little older than him, but not like 45.
Like I'm not like. Well, that's true.
That'd be you less than, you know, 15 years older than him.
Like, we still have some of the similar generational things.
But at the same time, no, that's not what I was saying.
I was just saying there's like a leader of the pack at the gym,
hogging everything, popping their shit.
And so my friend who's with me now, she's never seen this
entourage before and like, it is OK and it's, it's funny.
But like once you get used to it and like, who's going to be at
your gym, I think that's the most important thing, is like
when you develop a connection to the gym, you eventually see
pretty much 75% of the people that go to that gym at some
point. Because there's, you know, 25%
of people that go the same time every day.
But I think a lot of people these days, they just get it in
when they can. People be in there at 10:00 at
night, you know what I mean? Like, just getting it in when
they can. But you kind of learn who's
going to be at the gym in a way. Not like every time you're
there, but you start seeing people and recognizing people
and things like that. So I think, like, that's the
biggest thing of, like, that you get over, 'cause it's kind of
like if you go to a nail place or a doctor's office and you
begin to, like, see, you know, the same workers, the same
people, you get more comfortable, right?
Like. So at the gym, you'll see people
who are, like, pretty much in there all the time and like,
will talk to you or they're older or like, you know, I I
hope that older women all the time, like, figure out how to
work machines, 'cause I'll see them struggling and I'll be that
person that's like, hey, do you want me to help you?
And so, like, I think the more that people see you and they're
the more that, like, you really do develop connections.
Like, I have made several friends at the gym.
It's just like random that, like, you know, one of them's
like her kids about to turn one. And I feel emotionally connected
to this kid, like, and I've never even met it.
You know what I mean? Like you just like meet people
at the gym and then it it does like get easier.
I will say that. But when the beginning I didn't
want to go either and I could only go with people.
So then I would only go like two days a week because people are
unreliable. So there was just like a point
where I was like I want to eat what I want and not feel bad
about it. And I also want to be stronger
and like not worry about the number on the scale but just
like feel happier and like sexier or like feel more
confident in myself so that I'm not like wishing I was doing
that. Even though not like weighing my
food and eating the right macros and like just literally doing
whatever the fuck I want to do. I'm still going the gym and
weight and like lifting more and more.
Like I can do 290 on the leg press now.
And when I started lifting like 100 lbs or 120 lbs would have
been a lot on the like leg press.
I would have felt like I needed a spotter 'cause I could crush
myself on that thing. And now I'm like pushing almost
£300. No spotter, don't give a fuck.
Like, it's actually kind of like I could put more on there, but I
don't like to hurt myself, you know what I mean?
I'm not gonna like, you know, but like when you're up and
you're down and your feet are on that thing, like if it comes
swinging to you, like, it could cross you if you're not doing it
right, you know? Right.
I was always so scared of that machine is what I'm trying to
say. Like, I was terrified.
And then I just started out like doing 50 or like, you know, like
it started out. There's ones like at like Planet
Fitness and places that are more commercial, they have a few
different ones. Like, they have ones that like
can't crush you. You know what I mean?
Like, it's like more safety guard, but not as big of like a
press or like a push. And then there's ones like that.
But I used to like, steer clear of them.
So like I can just see progress over the class like almost three
years by like the definition of like oh that used to like scare
me or I didn't want to use that machine or I was afraid to do
that And then just evolved over time by just doing like 4050
sixty and like now I'm doing 290 like like I said and I could
probably do 3:50, I could probably put 30 more on each
side and like push 350. I just it's a lot to take off
and I have to like take it off because that's Jim etiquette.
It's like you put it on, take it off, period.
And a lot of people don't know that.
A lot of people don't do that. Sometimes.
Like, it doesn't bother me, but people who can't lift that much,
like they can't get it off, you know what I mean?
So there is a lot. But like if you go to a smaller,
less commercial style gym, and even though it's smaller, it's
actually better in my opinion because you don't have as much
riff, raff or like the in and out of a membership that's $10
or less so. I went to the Super small it
was. It was a small, 'cause we lived
in a really small town before this one, and it was like the
small, independently, privately owned gym there.
And the inside was dope. They had so many different
pieces of equipment. But we went in there, and every
single time that I went in, 'cause I went in a couple times.
There was never anybody like at the front, Like there was never
a person like I knew that They had like fitness instructors
there and like people who could help and stuff like show you
things. But there was never a person
there that I felt like could be helpful.
And there was never anybody at the front desk for me to, like,
ask or anything like that. And so I just got frustrated
with it because I just felt like, damn, I'm paying for this
membership. And I can't even get somebody
here to, like, show me how to do these things or, you know,
whatever. And like a part of the
membership was that they'll set you up with like.
The first time that you go like a fitness coach, whatever, and
they'll like break down a thing for you of like what equipment
you should use, how many reps whatever, and.
Then they don't do it. That's lies.
That's propaganda. So what you need and what you
sound like you need is you need to go to a gym that has a decent
amount of workers where they have personal trainers that you
can pay and it's like $25 a session or 30.
I think I used to pay 20. So it's probably 25 or 30 a
session. And you buy a package and you
get like 8 sessions and then they give you a workout plan.
So you work out with them like twice that week, but you're
supposed to go 5 days. That's how I've gotten into like
going five days and trying to do it all out together.
Because when you take days off, it's worse.
Like, it's just better to just do the five days and have two
full days of rest and then do the five days.
Can do like 2 days, two days off, 3 days day off, you know
what I mean? Or whatever.
Like, so when you get the personal trainer, they give you
a workout like plan. Like I have one of my old
workout plans I could send to you for like whatever I bought.
You know what I mean? Like, I think it's like in a
document, but I mean, they give you a plan.
You buy a package through the gym worker type people and like
most athletic clubs if they're labeled Athletic Club, have
that. Like they have people that teach
and like you pay through your membership but like it's
probably like 20-30 whatever a session, maybe more.
I don't know, who knows? I wouldn't think it'd be much
more because if they give you a plan and then you're out
accountable because your trainer, just like your mentor,
like we would text someone to be like, hey, how's it going?
How's this? You know, whatever your trainer
is going to be on your ass, like how's it going?
What's up? Did you hit the gym today?
Like in a nice way, but like also in a way where you also
feel like you want to make them proud, You know what I mean?
And what kind? Of fucking choose do you wear to
the gym me. Yeah, I wear all kinds I wear.
Sometimes I wear Converse, sometimes I wear flat shoes.
Sometimes I wear like Nikes. It just depends.
That's why I, like, I'm in love with Nikes now.
OK, because I've got, I'm just going to wear Converse.
I've got Converse or hiking boots because I'm not a sneakers
kind of girl. You got to switch it whenever
you're wearing flat shoes. They say sometimes it's good to
lift weight on flat shoes 'cause it evens the weight on your
foot. But then also, like when you're
doing cardio, you don't necessarily want to wear flat
shoes. Yeah, well, I don't know, I'm a
cardiovisor. Hiking boots or a Converse or
hiking boots kind of girl, 'cause I fucking.
I hate sneakers. I don't know if you know this
about me, but I hate tennis shoes.
I hate my feet being covered. And I don't like when I can't
move my toes like I'm a very. That's what I do when I'm like
nervous or like it's like a self soothing thing.
And so when my feet are inside of sneakers, I literally feel
trapped. It makes me feel sweaty and it
makes me feel like I'm gonna fucking vomit on you.
Well, get you some low cut sneak and some ankle socks and wear
wear some leggings or something to the gym.
I think that I didn't like sneakers either, but I started
wearing platform like Fila sneakers and then basically now
I'm like a Nike Jordan becoming now.
You're a fucking sneaker snob, I know, my friend said.
When did you get turned on to sneakers?
And who turned you on to sneakers?
I said. Actually me, because I just
started like, looking at shoes. And those shoes that Barbie had
on in her new photo shoot, those long green Jordans.
I fucking. I need to eat dinner before I
die. Are you doing a card?
Yeah, not to be dramatic, but I'm I could fucking eat a whole
estimate past your bedtime. It's past my bedtime.
We usually record. I feel like earlier.
We've already had that card a lot of times.
All right, we got card 52 for the Blossom.
Boom. I don't know what that fucking
Bush is either. All right, card 52 for the
Blossom. The sign is cancer.
The gift is trust and the shadow is stress.
This gift begins with the seed of intention.
How can you be of the greatest service to humanity?
From there you must trust in the natural timing and rhythm of the
universe. This is about balance and inner
knowing of when to act and when to rest.
When you're in alignment, you can get out of your own way and
allow the blossom to form in its rightful moment and place.
It isn't rushed or forced. A product of stress.
You understand deeply that every experience in your life serves a
necessary purpose, and you are right on time.
The more that you trust in divine timing, the more this
gift will guide you. Your shadow is stress.
The collective has been hardwired to be motivated by
fear. It's the factor of fear, a
trigger for flight or fight, that has kept us alive all of
these years. It is a universal instinct, and
thus it has served its purpose. But it has also culminated in a
stress that is seeped into our energetic bodies in our shared
auric field. It is pervasive and continuous
Individually. This shadow may manifest as a
feeling of being stuck the repressive expression or as
restlessness, the reactive expression.
To flip the switch on the shadow is to access higher levels of
frequency that bypass the lower realms.
You must get centered enough to follow your inner guidance
system, which will form your actions, versus operating
singularly from a place of underlying stress that is being
constantly on or contrastingly off or stuck.
Your themes are timing, intuition, trust, and intention.
Beautiful. Thank you all joining us through
our ups and downs. Happy holidays and we'll be back
next week with a new guest. Bye.