One thing that I keep saying is that we cannot live in a
relationship without financial stability.
Women were not built to to to provide.
Women were not built to give. I heard that now when the guys
are coming to toast you and their intention is just to sleep
with you, they do susu. Like let's say the guy can put a
budget of 3K on this girl's head.
Red flag a guy that insults a woman?
We ask You say that's who I am. I know who I am.
I know who God says I. Am who does God says you are.
I'm a guy that insults a woman. This generation is so cooked.
Hi guys, it's a new week but same assignment to share
confessions or dilemmas and then also share our opinions on it.
How do we share opinions? I share mine here while you
share yours through the comments section.
My name is Naleka Atipa Ando, this is the PUV podcast and I am
going to be your host as usual before I go into the mantra.
This is why we do the mantra, so you don't disrespect person that
sends this story. So you don't take what we do for
granted and know that what we are doing is literally changing
lives. Take it for me, we are changing
lives. OK, now this is the mantra.
If they posted it on social media.
If they posted it on social media, then they made it our
business as they made it our business, we're going to make it
our business. Yes, of course.
Now let's get into the stories we have for this episode.
The first one says dear Kya, I'm living with my mom in Accra with
life issues. My mom left to our hometown to
see my dad for help 'cause they weren't together for now and had
to join here. After I went, I met a guy who
was always asking me out every day, gives me money without
asking him. As times goes on, I got admitted
at the hospital for two days and we were to pay the bills but my
dad didn't show up or any effort.
My mom too was broke so this guy came in and paid the bills.
He showed me kindness come to our place every day to check up
on me. As I recovered he told me he's
in love with me and he wanted me to be his girlfriend.
I didn't say no to him, I accepted him and we took it.
From there we started making love.
I spent a day or two at his house, goes to his workplace and
things. One day I called his number
severally but he refused to answer so I tried calling again.
To my surprise a girl picked the call and was like why am I
calling this number? I got scared and I hung up for
him to call me back. He was like it's his friend he
left his phone for him. I didn't say a word because I
thought he's saying the truth. Few weeks ago it rained heavily
and a friend of mine called me on phone that she just saw the
guy on a motorbike with a girl. Is that me?
I got shocked and told her it's not me.
Then we ended the call. I tried to call him that evening
but he did not answer. After an hard time, I tried his
line again several times but he didn't answer again.
He then texted me SMS that I should stop calling him and I
should be careful. So I got curious and wanted to
meet him the next day. The next morning my mom had an
emergency call from our landlord and how to get to our car in 24
hours. So I left with my mom.
I called him several times, texted him to yet still no
answer. I tried with my mom's line to
reach him but when he I said and heard my voice he hung up.
He's still not picking up my calls till now.
I feel for him to right now I don't know what to do.
My mom keeps asking me of him, please, what do I do?
I think in this sense, the best thing you can do is to tell your
mom the truth that it feels like the guy lied to you and has
somebody in his life. And right now I think the
passing is around and that is the reason why he's doing that.
I need to ask you man some question.
OK? I have multiple questions for
guys actually, but this I need to ask why is it that just
because you want to sleep with a woman, that isn't materialistic,
right? Like the person is not in
because you are giving them something, but because maybe
they genuinely like you and then what you also do for them has
pushed the agenda, right? And then not knowing, you say
all along what is in your head is to just sleep with her and
then go, I heard that now when the guys are coming to toast you
and their intention is just to sleep with you, they do so.
So like, let's say the guy can put a budget of 3K on this
girl's head just to be able to sleep with it.
Why? Why?
I get that there are girls out there that are willing to, you
know, go through that they don't like you, they just chop your
money. But why do you have to do it to
somebody that would actually treat you right?
Why then when you finish you come and cry, fear women, but
then you keep treating the good ones bad and then the bad ones
good and the bad ones shagging you?
Why Explain yourself? This generation is so cooked to
the extent that we can't even see it.
It is so difficult to genuinely try and find someone to be with
because of all the shenanigans that are going on.
When you're even trying to go into something, either you're
scared or a person you're trying to get with is scared and so the
whole thing becomes very scary. Why?
I hope that based off of this particular story, you men can
come and say something tangible under the comments section.
You won't now blame women for your problems 'cause I don't get
it. Why would you pursue somebody,
get the passing, and then all along you already have someone
some way. Why?
What is the brain behind that kind of move?
I actually want to understand your train of thoughts when
you're doing all that. Let's love it.
Let's love it, dear. Keep me anonymous.
I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years.
He's kind and a caring partner, but I'm struggling with the fact
that he doesn't have a steady income.
As a young pastor, he relies on the church for financial
support, and sometimes I'm the one who has to provide for him.
The problem is, I'm not earning much either.
We are both often left struggling to make ends meet.
What makes it harder is that he's thoughtful and sometimes
goes without food so I can eat. I'm torn between appreciating
his love and feeling frustrated about our financial situation.
I'm starting to wonder if I'm settling for a relationship that
isn't sustainable in the long run.
I need your opinion, what do I do?
This is an an issue of OK, so he's a good guy, but the issues
are finances. I know some pastors that work
like literally work. They work and pastor at the same
time. So I don't know why your partner
has decided to depend on the church.
So let's just say the church is not doing enough for him and
things are not going well or the church drops him.
What happens? I just think there are certain
things that people need to make decisions thinking about what
the future holds. One thing that I keep saying is
that we cannot live in a relationship without financial
stability. Why?
Because there are certain things that both of you would
definitely do together. There are certain times that
your partner will need support. They are certain.
See, someone told me something, I think, let me put it here, and
it wasn't a young person. It's an older person and it's a
man. He said women were not built to,
to, to provide. Women were not built to give.
But it doesn't mean that women cannot give, mind you, women can
give. But because it's not something
that is built in there, when the we do it for some time, it
becomes frustrating for us because then we are taking off
responsibility. That is not our responsibility
in general. I am not saying that women are
not supposed to take care of their men, pump out their men,
gift them, you know, support them when it's needed.
But I am saying that on the foundational core, it is not the
woman's responsibility to financially take care of the
family. Right?
But then we have grown and evolved into a society where it
is crucial for a home to have a double income standard if
possible. Now in your case, you are taking
the responsibility that man is supposed to take in the long run
in a marriage or in a serious committed relationship.
And so you are straining the woman in you is actually coming
out and it's understandable. But what I need you to do is to
sit down and talk with your man. So in talk with him that the
fact that he leaves food for you to eat now doesn't mean that you
can be able to deal with that doesn't mean that you are not
committed to him doesn't mean that you're leaving him because
of money. It is different when you are
fueled by money. It's different when the person
is doing everything for you, right?
And the person makes an OK kind of income.
I still think is not enough. Or you are assuming that based
off of the fact that the person is not making money to the
future will not work. I'm not saying that it will
work, nor do I say that it won't work.
I'm saying that find other options.
Don't jump into working away. Just immediately talk to him
one, tell him to find a job that you know can help him pastor.
At the same time, talk to him. Let him know that you're worried
about your future with him and see what his response is going
to be. But then also pray about it.
Because I also feel like I think recently I've been having a lot
of conversations about a praying about your partner, praying
about somebody that you are with or you're intending to be with,
to to cement whatever is going on for God to come in and see
the orderly in this cooked generation.
This person is my passing. Did you get it?
I think right now I am mastering the act of not mastering.
I am learning the act of praying for your partner.
Not because I'm desperate, but because I don't want to fall
into the hands of the devil. Do you get me?
So also pray about it, OK? It is very important.
Nobody will see anybody that calls you desperate for praying
for your partner. And let me tell the 2021202324
people, 'cause I'm beyond that. Like, I'm older than that.
Stop praying for the brightness that you're going to be with.
I'm not saying that when God give me marriage.
No, pray to God because frankly speaking, you don't even know
whether the one that you're dating now is your husband or
not. And even if you are setting, you
still need to pray about it because sometimes your ways are
not the ways of God. And so when you push yourself
and you use your own ways, that's when you end up in places
where marriages become very frustrating for you, you know,
in the long run. So the best I can tell the
2021222324 and I know that you guys have started dating
already. So it's not me that it's going
to through you. Stop praying about your
partners. In fact, if you're with somebody
right now, I need you to sit in a corner and pray and say, God,
if this man is my man, don't make it difficult.
Just pray that father, if this man is supposed to be my husband
now, don't make it difficult. Don't make it so stressful
because sometimes to the stress is to help you know whether you
can be able to deal and do all certain things in your marriage,
you understand? So just pray, ladies, let's pray
about our partners because the last time I said the men in this
generation, yeah, for a young woman, sometimes I get scared
because you never know you know what's going on.
In fact, it's not even just the men is a woman too.
You never know The young people of this generation, We don't
know what we want. We don't know what's going on.
We're fooled by the wrong things.
We allow social media to be our sole decision making too.
And it is just crazy. It is just crazy.
That's why we Dear Akra I'm a guy in the university level.
I went to school and I met a lady who was in a relationship
and I also was I didn't like my woman but she did like her
boyfriend Akra. Fast forward this lady fell in
love with me because of the good treatment I was giving her.
That is because her boyfriend was killing her with insults.
She spoke to him severally about that but he wouldn't listen.
Anytime she complaints, the guy keeps telling her that's who he
is. Red flag.
A guy that insults a woman? We ask You say that's who I am.
I know who I am. I know who God says I.
Am who does God says you are? I'm a guy that insults a woman
before doing some. Anytime she complaints the guy
keeps telling her that's who he is and can't change.
As times went on we started acting and living like lovers
and we do all that love is true. After our first sex experience
the lady couldn't hold it and told her boyfriend that's if we
meet. The situation shaped worse and
worse between the lady and her boyfriend.
I was sorry about that and also I called the guy to plead with
him but he wouldn't listen. The lady has tried and tried but
the guy was refusing to forgive her so we decided to start
dating seriously. Everything is fine between the
lady and I now that we are serious about what we're doing
and the guy has come back begging and threatening me that
if I don't leave his woman he would not let me go just like
that. I think about this a lot and I
don't know if he's talking about physical or spiritual something.
I love the lady and she loves me back, but I'm afraid of my life.
She has told him severally that she doesn't want her anymore.
Even at this point I still plead on the guy's behalf, but still
the lady says it's me that she wants.
Please, what do I do? First of all, you'd need to know
what you want. I think first of all, you had a
woman you said you didn't like. Instead of breaking up with her,
you still was lingering around her, cheated on her, and then
found somebody you love. Fair.
Hopefully you let go of that Lady and then now you fell for
somebody that has a boyfriend that was treating her but you
guys ended up liking each other. She ended up leaving her man for
you and before that you went begging the guy, which I don't
understand because if she was somebody that you liked, when
the opportunity came in she walked away from the guy.
You would have grabbed it and just you know pulled it like
that but he went to beg for the guy.
The guy too is very silly and stupid.
In that time he did not see what he have.
He has and then he lets go of the girl and now he's coming
back because no other woman would tolerate his nonsense.
You see when guys go right, and this is for the ladies, some
guys, when some guys walk away from a relationship and a lot of
the times is those that feel like they are better than the
women that they are with when they are walking away.
In that instance, they feel like they will get someone better.
They feel like, oh, what I'm going to get is better because
me, I'm better than you. Then they go and then they
realize that no girl out there or a lot of the girls out there
will not tolerate their nasty, stupid, disgusting behavior.
So they come round and back and you know the cowardness in them,
those kind of people when they come back and they beg you don't
listen. They start frightening, like
they can't do shit. OK, now let's talk about the
threats. Just recently in two years, I
heard a young man stabbed another young man because of a
young lady. Why?
Because a young lady broke up with him and then she moved on
and then the guy that she broke up with went to do that
nonsense. Now he has been sentenced to
death. I need you to take this very
serious. Report the guys to the police
that he's threatening you. Make sure you have evidence on
the threats and make sure your spiritual life is.
And if you have a spiritual father, speak to your special
father about it. And you say free before you go
to anyone free free see, let me let me not be the one to no, let
me D because it is important. We talk about Jesus Christ and
we talk about God. Listen, you can't walk around in
this world empty like that. Walking around empty like that.
You don't have any sort of spiritual backing.
You're just empty vessel walking around and then something
happens to you. That's why you not you're
walking around delivers church. Then they're taking advantage of
you. Why not find Jesus for yourself?
This is a recommendation to every personal way.
Why not find Jesus for yourself and then pray into your
spiritual bank, OK, that when something is about to happen to
you, that demon or that devil or whatever is trying to come to
you, something will stick to this one.
You can't tempt to the personal. You can't go close to the
personal. Why not put yourself in that
position? Because even the Bible said no
weapon formed against you shall prosper.
So if you are strong Gadigwa in spiritual life, who do you think
will come and threaten you that you'll start thinking that
spiritually the person will try to harm you.
My dear, find Jesus as your spiritual backing and you're
going to be fine. And report the issue to the
police and you're going to be fine.
OK? Spiritually they can't do you
shaky. Physically they can't do you
shaky. That is where I need us, us to
position ourselves that when, when, when we are living our
daily lives. Spiritually you can't do a
shaky. Physically you can't do a shaky
because spiritually we have a backing.
And for me personally, my backing is Jesus Christ.
That is my backing. This is me.
So what is your backing that you would be scared that somebody
would spiritually attack you? No, don't be scared.
OK? Uh huh.
Let's love it. Let's love it.
Dear Ekhia, I'm a guy of 31 years and I'm dating a lady of
29 years. I'm dating this lady, let's call
her Adra. When I met her, she told me
she's dating a big man who is at the age of 50 years.
Ekhia, I tried all my best to start life with this lady.
Sometimes when she comes around I even floor her car for her, do
small shopping to and deliver it for her.
Ekia I've been dating this lady for almost 2 years now.
I'm not in Accra, I stay at history region due to work
issues. Sometimes if I'm coming to her
place she tells me and let's see by the close of the week and
we'll schedule the day you should come.
Ekia sick of love? Oh love I don't complain even
send her mom some coins. We had a discussion and I
promised that I will pay for her rent.
So she called me and we're chatting and I told her I want
one year rent for her and she told me not to pay all but she
has 6000 in her account so I should add only 5000 to her
money to add up to pay for the one year for her.
OK I went to the bank to withdraw the 5000.
I've never touched that money for the past two weeks.
Still my Mason called me. He want to travel so I want to
do all the necessary work before going.
OK I've handed over the amount to him to complete my project.
When she needs it I'll get another money for him.
Until on the May 9th 2025 she called me that she needs the
money and I told her that I will send the money to you on Monday.
On the 12th of May 20 2012 hold I was busy I work so I couldn't
send the money to him so I called her and informed her that
I will send her the money which I couldn't.
So the following day that's Tuesday, I picked up my ATM card
that when I closed from work I withdrawed the 5000 and sent to
her akia. I got to the ATM machine and I
only had 4000 in my account so I sent it to him.
This lady sent the money back and I asked her why.
She told me that I'm not the one who pays for her rental so I
should take my money because I delayed only two days.
She sends me my money. Should I add up the money and
send it to her? Help her brother I need?
This is a sign. This is a sign that that girl is
ungrateful. Anyway, that's my my opinion
though. This is a sign that she's
ungrateful. That's because, frankly
speaking, you guys are just dating.
You're not married so it was not your ultimate responsibility to
pay half of her rent. You wanted to be of that help to
her and that was OK. That was fine.
But her attitude towards the money, you are communicating
based off of what I'm reading and you communicated in those
two days that oh I got busy at work, I forgot.
I understand that she was frustrated because it's rent
issues. I know rent issues in Accra.
It's frustrating. But her attitude, eventually you
give her the money, right? And it was not like she was
moving out of a place based off of destination year.
Wasn't like she was moving out of a place and so the new place
would have been given out if it was her old.
Please she would just tell the landlord that oh I have this and
this will be sent to me at this point.
And she could have handled it another way based off of her
response. She's ungrateful and that is
going to be a problem. And because that's 50 year old,
I don't even get it. Were you trying to pay the rent
to compensate for, you know, the 50 year old man so that you can
have a see? I don't get, I don't get it.
Was she with a 50 year old man? What was going on Was that man,
I think that man was just a sugar daddy because you know
that arrangement where? Oh, you want to come to my
place? OK, let's see.
We can't if my place is available.
That's how it sounds to me because generally if I have a
partner and a partner wants to come to my place within the
week, and I really know that, OK, my week is already planned.
Friday, I have somewhere to go. Oh, babe, Friday I'll have
somewhere to go. Or you want to come?
When do you want to come? Oh, Tuesday.
You know, I'll go to work Wednesday.
Oh, yeah. But I'll hang around.
Cool, cool, cool, cool. Oh, I want to come Friday.
But Friday, you know, I have an event, so I'll have to leave
you. Oh, yeah, I'll be around when
you come. Cool, cool.
But let's schedule as words. I mean, the conversation could
have gone in a different direction.
Not let's schedule. I mean that's what I think
anyway. So comment section please, let's
do something about it. Let's love it.
Dear Ekia, keep me anonymous.
I mean they send this girl who I met at my former SHS.
Fast forward we've been dating for five years.
About a year ago I found a video of her and her so-called bestie
which I warned her about kissing on her phone.
I got angry left her house and two day it's over.
Fast forward her mom talked to me so I forgive her and we
continue dating. This thing is I really love this
girl but when I remember what she did and I want to leave her
I can't remove the pain and the betrayal from my heart.
So now what should I do? You need to be able to forgive
her. That is why the pain is still
there. You've not forgiven her and
you're just there out of respect for her mother.
But those kinds of decisions are dangerous.
You don't. OK, so someone gave me this
advice. A cousin advised me that do not
be with somebody based on an expectation or based on
something like for example, for you.
You are there because you love her, but the reason why you are
actually there is because the mother begged you, right?
You need to be there because you want to be there, not because
the mother begged you. You need to be with a partner.
And my follow up response from here is General or Kim.
You can't be with a partner because you're expecting them to
take care of you. You can't be with a partner
because your expectation is a monetary no, no, no, no, no.
Understand that the person that you end up being with is a human
being and can mess up in so many ways.
Just that in this time and age, we have a lot of deal Breakers.
We have a lot of I can't stand this.
This is an ick for me. I can't do this.
I don't want that. I have this type of spec.
I have that, you know, we have rules.
We have boxes we want to take. That's fine.
It's OK to have boxes because then it gives you what it gives
you some form of natural expectations like my mom needs
to be respectful, my mom needs to respect me, my mom needs to
love me, my mom needs to be present.
These are basic like things that you would probably not probably
these are basic things that you need to have in a relationship.
So good. But any other secondary
expectations? No, that's this choice and
destroys the relationship before getting in.
Like, for example, I'm going to this this person because the
person dries that kind of mentality alone.
It's it's crazy. Those those are the type of like
expectations I'm talking about. Don't expect setting like
there's certain things. Don't make them expectation that
I'm dating this guy because he drives or I'm dating this guy
because of that, or I'm dating because what if the car like
gets sports? What if the he gets into an
accident and he doesn't drive again?
What if the car even isn't his the very first day you met him?
You're dating a woman because she's, you know, she's
beautiful. Her beauty is all that got you.
What if she gets an accident and then she gets a mark on the
face? You're dating a girl because of
us. And gentlemen of today, if a
woman and you don't have us, that's a problem.
It's just a handful that will tell you that me, I don't want
us. So I'm not saying wanting us is
bad. Me, me that I'm a woman says I'm
trying to look for us in the gym.
So it's OK. It's fine.
It is good when you have it right, but as a man, don't let
your sole purpose of actually being with this girl because be
because of her ass. Because what?
What if something happens and she loses me drastically and the
ass goes away? Then you've lost interest in
her. So these are some of the things
I'm saying that there are certain expectations that you do
need to have. Now back to expectation that you
don't need to keep the assessing expectation is that you don't
need to keep just be open minded about setting things like a
person's weight, like the person's material things,
because you can't lose them at any time.
Be there because you want to build.
Be there because you want to grow with the person.
You be there because you know that this person, you know is my
person and we're going to do this life together in goodness
and in vadnais and sickness and in wealth and whatever, but
you're going to be there. That, that that is what I'm
talking about. All right, now to your issue.
You need to forgive yourself. Forgive her and be there because
you love her and you want things to work, not because the mother
begged you. Because I feel like cheating is
one of the most crazy things that we talk about when in
relationships, whether male or female.
Cheating should not be a glorified thing.
Cheating should not be something that you glorify.
So I say that cheating is a deal breaker for me because I think
if you love someone, you don't entertain another person, OK, If
you're doing talking stage, that's fine because you're
talking to someone, you are not officially dating someone.
So talking stage, OK, fine. I mean, I think I've said that
over and over again, dependence on the type of talking stage
that you want when you're talking to somebody.
Some people, for some people when they're talking to one
person, they don't want to talk to anybody again.
They want to talk to that one person.
If he waits, he waits. If he doesn't remove, right?
And the other people that they would want to talk to multiple
people, you know, as time goes on and then pick one in the end
that's you dependence on you. But you need to be able to know
that there's certain things that if they happen, how are you
going to handle it? For some people, cheating is a
deal breaker. For me, it is.
But I told you in a few episodes ago that I have also come to the
realization that cheating can happen based off of certain
reasons. And even though those reasons
are not valid, that is why relationships are work is not
just something you work on it. So talk to her, OK?
I'm not saying you should stay because me if you come to me
talking about my partner is cheating and based off the way
you tell me the person is not looking like somebody that is
remorseful about that is ready to work on the relationship that
you have. I tell you to work.
But if you think that this was just sheer mistake, talk to her.
Learn to forgive her and both of you should move on.
If it's not, please move on because without forgiveness that
relationship will no work. You will always be insecure,
paranoid, disrespectful to what say when it comes to that.
So look at the situation very well and make your decision
based off of that. Thank you very much for watching
the episode. I'm really excited to have to
talk to you every single time. My name is Maneki Adipa and or
this has been the PV podcast. If you have watched till this
time, why haven't you subscribed?
Please subscribe, like and then share.
Thank you again. Thank you again.
Let's get watching. Let's get sharing and please
share your opinion in the comments section.
I'll see you in the next episode.
Bye.