If I live in Ghana and my wife makes 10 million Ghana C DS a
month and I make 7000 C DS and somebody has to stay home and
take care of the house so that I don't know where make money and
come, I wouldn't say because she's the woman she should stay
home. I say 10 million Ghana C DS.
What are you talking about now I'm.
Moving more eagles to be fancy. For that is their.
Problem. Anytime I think about say I'm
like why are people so pissed off when a young lady says I
want Amanda can take care of me as a spec as a preference.
So are we going to say that we shouldn't add that as such of
their preferences? When a lady says I want a guy
who can take care of me, then the men have a problem with
that. Why?
Why should you have a that's what she wants?
If you're not in that category, move and let them go looking for
what she wants. So then do you agree that people
should date in their lane? Not, you know, because they,
they, I think, right, this is my personal way.
I think that some men feel like they should have access to every
woman. That's.
I think that's what brings the fight because if you don't feel
like you, you, you need access to.
I am, I am looking for the web. I don't want to sound insulting,
I I can't do that. So I'm looking for the web.
But that's very weak mentality. If if if if I should put it that
way. At this, Jan Chai is like when
you say you want something specific about someone you would
want to be with. It has become a problem.
If you say you want somebody that's a steak, you have, you
know you are talking plenty, you're talking rubbish.
If you want somebody that is paying, that's the problem.
If you want somebody that has money, you're a good digger if
you haven't got somebody that like a whole lot.
And so we're going to go through that.
We're going to unpack that particular issue that is going
on on social media. But before we go in there, do
you have a spec? I do.
Tell us your spec. Somebody who is sensible.
That's your spec. Yeah, let's, let's top.
On the list, there are types of specs.
You know, there's the physical attributions, and then there's
the other one. So let's start with the physical
and I'm going. Secondly, physical, still
somebody who aspects. No, the fact is that that's
that's the priority. You know when when you know
somebody who is empathetic, who is considerate and thinks about
other people's well-being other than themselves, everything else
can follow. OK, so for me that's top of the
list. Before I physical, I don't
really think there is something I would not like.
OK, so anything. Other than that, other than you
being unhealthy of course. What do you mean by being
unhealthy? So nowadays when you talk about
it, the thing you are, you are shaming somebody.
But I'm not shaming anybody. Being unhealthy can be either
malnourished or obese. So it's the full spectrum for
me. It's not just about I've, I've
been with very slim ladies of all, I've been with thick ones,
thick ones before. And so I mean, I mean.
So you like, I feel like with what you're describing, it looks
like you want people in the middle like.
I want middle and above I I hear.
But I mean physically I will choose balance.
That's that's what I say all the time.
I would want to choose a balance, not too much on this
side and the other side it's not giving, not present or too much.
And if it's balanced, it's it's good for me.
Ubres Kaka bunda Kaka you. Know everything.
Let me look at something. I beg, I'm beg.
If you can't do this like that, then yeah.
OK, so understanding your spec, I mean it's reasonable, but then
when does it become unreasonable to have a spade?
Because as I said before, it has become a problem now when you
say you want a certain type of person.
So what I think about this, basically there's a battle
between males and female. I don't say men and women, males
and females, when it comes to physical attributes.
Mostly women have a problem when a man has that spec.
In what sense? In the sense that walk on the
street, ask a lady what do you look out for in a man?
They will gladly tell you I want 6 pack and somebody who's taller
than me because I want to look up to him.
I don't want to look down on him.
What happens to the short guys? The short guys also deserve love
shots kings. But if the tables are turned and
the guy says OK I want just new lady.
I don't want the fact girl. They say you are body shaming
mostly always say that. Then on the other side when a
lady says I want a guy who can take care of me then the men
have a problem with it. Why?
Why should you have a that's what she wants?
If you're not in that category, move and let her go looking for
what she wants. So then do you agree that people
should date in their lane? Not, you know, because they,
they, I think, right. This is my personal way.
I think that some men feel like they should have access to every
woman. That's.
I think that's what brings the fight because if you don't feel
like you, you, you need access. To I am, I'm looking for the
web. I don't want to sound insulting.
I I can't do that. So I'm looking for the web.
But that's very weak mentality. If, if, if, if I should put it
that way, because human beings have choices and the fact that
you see somebody you're attracted to them doesn't
necessarily mean they have to us duplicate it.
It's, it doesn't work like that. So if I like you and you don't
like me, move. But it's looking like it's
becoming a fight because this is a thing.
I remember some time back, right, there was this whole
thing about men that are like us and then women that are also
looking for men that will take care of them.
And then the only attributed, you know, you need to have,
let's say if you're a man and you're looking for a girl that
has us and you need to have money, you know, and I'm like,
OK, So what about those that don't have us that are looking
for men that are going to take care of them?
It all comes down to choices. I mean, there are men who have
the means to take care of a woman and they are not looking
for as much flesh as I would look for.
So they want something portable that can fit into their perhaps
and that's that's their choice and they have the means.
So when they meet a lady like that, they are more than ready
to take care of them. I I think that when people talk
about choices, no, nobody should have a a problem with it.
Yeah, but they do. So now they have to find why
they do. That's one weak mentality and
lack of understanding, because if you understand how the world
works, even God does not force people to worship him.
He says he has given everybody free will.
So if God himself cannot force me to worship him, who are you
to tell me I must like you by force?
Or who are you to say you have access to everybody?
Everybody has a choice. So it's it's it's a mentality
problem from from my perspective.
I think the whole idea of, you know, spec and preferences in
relationship, like you said, it has become a war between a male
and female, you know, the gender thing.
And because of that, people coming up with, oh, I want this
in that person. I want that in that person.
Now it's become a superficial thing.
They feel like it's superficial now.
Anything that comes to you, take it.
I think that is bull crap because everybody, just like you
have the right to serve whoever I want to serve.
It's like you have the right to put or whoever I want to put, I
also have the right to choose. Yeah, because from her
whereabouts, I also have the right to choose whoever I want
to be with. And so in 100 years, anytime I
think about it, I'm like, why are people so pissed off when a
young lady says I would, Amanda can take care of me as a spec,
as a preference. So are we going to say that we
shouldn't add that as such of the preferences?
You talk about being superficial.
I think that, you know, for most men, I can't say 100%.
You can't generalize like that anywhere.
For most men, they people say that a man can marry any lady
but women have to women can't. They have to make sure they get
somebody who fits their criteria because a man loves 100% women.
Yes, I'm very sure of attempting.
If you want we can discuss it. Men love unconditionally, but a
man is only loved on condition that he can provide.
OK, I hear people say this a lot.
A man can pick up any lady from anywhere and say I'm taking care
of you. OK.
To a certain point, and then I'll marry.
Hardly. Will you hear any do that?
Yeah. But you see, if we're saying
that, then we could also say that at some point men would be
like, I don't want a woman that cannot take care of their home.
That's also a preference. For me it is.
So they can't marry anybody. They they there are people who
would gladly take care of the whole.
That's why there are also women that would gladly marry men that
don't have it. Yes, but but that's that's,
that's scarce. If I should put it in that
sense, it says scarce because it happens.
I'm not saying it's it's not there it happens, but it's it's
quite scarce a man. Listen, let's let's come down to
if you go home today and tell your parents that I've met this
guy I'm going to marry him. Your mother might be all because
you may not all emotional about things oh blah, blah, blah, but
to he or for he and all those things.
But your father will sit you down and one of the top three
questions you will ask is what job does he do?
OK, you can try this anywhere my.
Mom would do exactly the what job not.
The what job does he do? It's a requirement for every guy
who wants to settle down with that Lady, even from the lady's
family. But I have brothers, right?
And then when I remember at some point my mom talking about the
fact that is my brother, sure, like when the first one was
getting married, is he sure that the lady that is bringing on
can't take care of the home? I think for men too, that is a
thing that. Requires some.
It's a thing, yes. Yes, it is also a thing because
now when you talk about gender roles people are saying you're
being sexist. But the fact is there that women
are natures and a man can do whatever he wants to provide a
house and give birth. But it is the woman who makes it
a home. The woman is the one who will
nurture the home, including the man, and make sure the place is
welcoming. Women are multipliers.
You give her a little she's capable of using.
I don't know how, but it's a God giving thing.
If you believe in God, if you don't, what if I believe in give
it to you and be able to multiply that and make it huge.
I remember Michelle Obama was asked some time ago that if she
hadn't married Barack Obama, what would she have have done?
Is that she will still be the wife of her president, OK?
Because it is her destiny to be the wife of the president.
Whether you, if you, if you marry him and you have tapped
into that. Donald Trump cries still.
She still would have been and I, I believe her.
OK, because women have a way of getting things done.
OK, Yes, men, we are there. But women have this way of
working things out and you think about it and it will shock you.
So what? What I'm saying is that the
gender roles are there in the world we live in now.
It is up to the two people in the relationship or the marriage
to sit and discuss. I mean, if I live in Ghana and
my wife makes 10 million Ghana C DS a month and I make 7000 C DS
and somebody has to stay home and take care of the house so
that I don't know where make money and come.
I wouldn't say because she's the woman, she should stay home.
Must say 10 million Ghana cities.
What are you talking? About and I'm moving uiggles to
move to me fancy. For that is their problem.
You think the culture we live in also does not help when it comes
to these things. And Aberman you say?
And Aberman you say Aberman. Last week we talked.
About this whole men and feelings thing.
It's, it's, it's, it's neither here nor there.
That time is past. The fact that the fact on the
ground is that time is past. Now the two of you in the
relationship discuss and decide this will work for us.
No2 relationships are the same. It is never the same.
You can have this pastor's family and this pastor's family.
Let's train this pastor's daughter after her mother.
Let's train this pastor's son after his father.
Let them get married. Their marriage will never be
like their parents. It doesn't happen.
Twins are not the same. So I watched the video some few
days ago of twins. I think they were born those who
do like shall best thing and they give it, you know, a pool
of water and all those things. So the trains were in the water
and the caption was that these things don't know they are born
yet. So because they were still under
the water in the in cool, you know those who were born then
then one had full grown hair. The other one looked like an old
man who was bored. So it's like I'm there to
comment and ask why does one look young and the other one
looks like he's losing his hair? But I, I didn't write anything.
I mean, somebody's day one, no one to be mean like that.
Even twins were born on that day were different.
So no two relationships will work the same way.
One will work for you and I might not work for me and
another lady, even though I'm a common factor in here.
So now the, the world that we live in now, I think that people
just have to come to an understanding and discuss.
That's why I'm saying for me, top priority is somebody who is
sensible. We need to sit and talk about
things. Do you believe that having a,
what do you call it, a spec you know, gives you unrealistic
dreams and you know all those things?
Some are. So what?
What are what's, what's you know, Professor, would you want
that? Seems unrealistic.
You see what I say is this if if you want to put down a list of
things that you want in your partner, first look for those
things in yourself. If it is possible for you to
achieve those things then by all means you can list them and say
your partner should be. You live in Ghana.
How many aeronautic engineers do we have in Ghana?
And you are saying you want one who is God fearing who has 6
pack, is 6 feet tall, makes 6 figures and that's the specific
job. Sometimes see ladies, sometimes
we have to tone it down. I mean it's OK to have choices
but Charlie sometimes let's realistic we, we live from the
known to the unknown. So if you want to have choices,
make choices of the ones that are available and do a nice
combination. I have heard a pastor say that
you want somebody who is calm, who will not maltreat you, who
is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but you go out and look for bad
boys because you want adventure attached to that.
Meanwhile, they're cool, calm, collected, pampering people you
are talking about. They are in the church.
They are church boys who makes you know who are not
adventurous. I don't think they're in the
church. You say I don't think they're.
Some are in the church. Some.
Yes, Yeah, Some are found in church, some are found on the
streets, some are, some are in the club.
I mean, people are everywhere. But what I'm saying is that
don't go look out for somebody who is wildly doing things that
are wild. I think you can change them.
Do you think people you know having specs, those ideas are
keeping them from their real partners?
Yes, sometimes that haven't. So if your spec is not your real
partner, then why are you even having those specs in the first
place? What what?
What do you mean by real partner?
You already have a partner. No.
So you have an idea of who you want to be with, which is your
preference of who you want to be with.
Do you think having those preferences, like wanting a guy
that is tall or a dark guy or a guy that you know is living on
their own, a guy that is, do you think having those, you know,
preferences can keep you away from meeting somebody that's
actually going to be the one for you?
I believe so. Sometimes that happens in the
sense that there are times if you have listed 6 things you
want in a guy, you find somebody who has three, find somebody who
has four of them. Why you look here, you find
somebody who has five, You'll never find all of them in the
same guy. More often than not readily made
like that for you. You can't, OK?
Sometimes you are the one who is going to build him to achieve
the two that you don't find in him.
OK, be careful. I'm not saying when waste your
time some guy who you don't see any future with then do it.
But but some just sometimes it's it's all in the being realistic.
You have found a guy who just fresh out of the university
doing national service and our university boy.
So we were training while building a worker.
You see he's muscular, he has some sex packs.
He's not coming to start life. You want somebody like that to
be making sex figures. You want him to be driving a
Mercedes and national service paying a singing 750 Ghana CDs.
You want him to be driving their bans on 750 Ghana CDs a month.
How much food does he eat in the month?
You may be the one who would connect him to this man and that
man and that woman and that woman who would link him to go
get some job that could give him that kind of life.
So if you find some of the things you have listed and
potential in him, then by all means built.
But then one of the things that also I, I have in mind is this
is your spec, your spec as in what you want does that that
same person want you to. So let's just say I see you as
my. Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you very much for that
question. The question again, there's this
video, I'm sure you've seen it. It has circulated on social
media a lot. And these Americans, they sat on
a podcast like this and they were discussing and the woman
was like the man who is like this and like this and like this
and like this. They are not there anymore.
And there was a guy there who said, no, I don't agree with
you. They are there.
They are the fuelling stations. They are the banks, they are the
markets, they are the supermarkets.
They are everywhere. It is just that you are not what
they are looking for. So when they meet you, they're
also looking for some specs so they will pass you by and you
wouldn't even get the chance to know him, to know that he
actually fits your preference. So it's, it's actually the The
funny thing is that a lot of people think we have choices,
but the other guy shouldn't have a choice.
So once we see you and we say, oh, you fit into like, and the
guy says, no, my, my focus is somewhere else.
And then the a lot of people don't know how to handle
rejection. Thank you A.
Lot of people don't know how to respond to no, so that is the
major factor in this whole spec and choices issue.
If we all agreed that well, he fits into my categories but.
If I don't fit. It's if I don't fit into his and
he doesn't want me. If I don't fit into his and she
doesn't want me and then also be be careful where you find your
spec, OK, because one, if you're looking for ADB who or Whiska he
she's this, she's that, she's this and you find one in the
Trotsky. It's questionable.
DB is also. No, now you.
The only thing you're looking for is ADB who spends, I mean
vacation or say OK, this vacation, I spend it in Spain or
probably be in Dubai or something like that.
You think that person is sitting in the trusty waiting for you.
It doesn't happen like that. It does not happen.
So be careful where you sometimes dress up.
Go to places that are a little above.
If the person you're looking for is above some standards that you
are in dress up. Go somewhere, pay 350 CDs, go
for buffet at Lancaster or one of the big hotels.
You will meet what you are the spec you are looking for some
nice lady with some very nice figure almost 6 feet.
She's tall and that she has but she's DB but she's holding her
car keys and they also are looking for love.
But if you find her there as she speaks you in you are not a spec
and he says no, please move on. See me this whole idea of
speaking thing I've OK, so growing up, I think my whole
idea of spec has been black man, you know, a bit taller than me,
responsible, OK, has sense like you said.
Yeah, yeah, you know, Wait, wait, let's start again.
Black man a bit taller than you. Responsible has sense four 4x4
Let's go. Oh, let's go.
Four way it's empathetic. Five, you know.
Is a homely person 6A person the.
Only Empire. Is also responsible in terms of
providing. I'm not saying that you are
coming to do 100% like you know, but at least be able to take
care of your own self. 7. The real 'cause it's.
Very important to me continuing. You're able to take care of
yourself. Yeah, if you find yourself in
that space and after spending time with you.
And the trick is, for me, I don't care if we're everything
in these books and I spent time with you and then the energy
doesn't match, I will detach. What is the energy you're
talking about? I mean, some people can, you
know, fit your physical attribution, but then when you
are able to get in touch with them, like you can't even
communicate with the person. You can't even like talk with a
person on something and it won't turn into like a fight.
I remember I met somebody who fit my like physical way and
then. Use me as an application.
No, I love it. I am.
Let's start again. I am back.
I'm a back man. I am taller than you.
I am responsible. I am out homely, continue
continue add empathetic. I am, Oh my God.
Yeah. I can cry for you.
Add continue. Let's finish it.
I've mentioned 5. Add the last two.
It's OK. Responsible.
I can't take care of myself well.
And then the last one is you. Marry me, Can you take care of
me? You said I should take care of
myself. I need to take care.
Of you obviously in the dating period, but when you migrate
into marriage. My time with my I would have
made money me. Yeah, no.
But at the end of the day, I'm just trying to say that.
What is left with the energy? Is the energy.
Some people can fit your physical attribution, but in the
end, when you actually sit down with them, try to have a
conversation with them, you realize that you're dumb as a
beat. That's why I started with the
person must have you know. And for me, I feel like in this
generation, we'll look more into the physical attribution.
What does actually quickly end this part We look more into the
physical attribution without going deep into you know, that's
where the superficial reasons ends.
Girls do not ever compensate just because of a physical
attributions. Well, the physique on your
accident more pain than a consciousness.
The the only thing, the only thing yes, because then the
physical things that put you to him, they are not there again.
Then what's next? So you should look beyond the.
Yeah, that's. What I think anyway.
You should you should look at everything physical, spiritual,
mental, emotional, stability and then financial.
We can't downplay this. It is very important.
See you guys. Didn't look like.
Financially, I have friends who say, oh, my friend who says she
likes you. The first thing I'll ask you is,
is she rich? Me, That's what I'll ask because
it is very important. Let's not play it down.
Then later on you enter a relationship and you, you are
now finding excuses to want to step out.
It is very important. So these things, all of them,
the physical is important, as important as the spiritual, the
emotional, the mental and financial, it is very important.
Let's let's, let's do this quickly.
We pretend like when somebody says I want financial security,
the person is being a gold taker.
Please, about six months ago, I almost moved to Taqwa because I
wanted to go and then go and present me correct?
Oh wow, that's nice. Please, if you are digging gold
to to save yourself to be stable financially, please go ahead and
dig. Don't mind anybody who will call
you a gold digger. One, don't be superficial and be
all about money and not think about anything else.
But the money is also as important as everything else.
So if you want financial stability and because of that
they are calling you a gold digger, please go ahead and dig.
If you find where we can dig more, come and call me.
I'll come and dig some because money is important.
Yeah.