1 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:10,680 Thank you, Doctor Ewart, and I'm so thrilled that God and his 2 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:13,840 kind Providence led him and Teresa here to serve with you 3 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:15,920 all. What a great pastor he is. 4 00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:20,040 I miss him at Southeastern, though we still use him in our 5 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:23,120 doctoral programs and we have many students that are part of 6 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:25,280 this church. So it's kind of like this is 7 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:29,200 Southeastern East and there's a wonderful, wonderful partnership 8 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:33,480 that still exists in the gospel. Ephesians chapter 6 verses one 9 00:00:33,480 --> 00:00:36,800 through 4. God's guidelines for going your 10 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:39,600 kids or if you like we can entitle it how to love your 11 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:44,040 children and let them know it. Ephesians chapter 6 beginning 12 00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:46,680 with verse one and reading through verse four. 13 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:51,080 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right on 14 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:53,400 your father and mother. This is the first commandment 15 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:56,600 with a promise that it may go well with you and you may live 16 00:00:56,600 --> 00:01:00,200 long in the land. Fathers, do not provoke your 17 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:04,120 children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and 18 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:08,960 the instruction of the Lord. I believe that almost all 19 00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:13,240 parents do love their children, but I think there's a question 20 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,920 that begs to be asked in addition to that. 21 00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:18,000 That statement and that question is this. 22 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:21,800 Do your children feel loved by the things you say and the 23 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:24,800 things you do? Do your children feel that they 24 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:29,400 are loved by mom and dad? Unfortunately, I fear there are 25 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,160 too many children, sometimes even in Christian homes, that 26 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:37,920 don't have that feeling that I am loved by mom and dad. 27 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,800 Number of years ago, a young teenage girl wrote a letter to 28 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:46,280 17 Magazine for all the world to see as she expressed her 29 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:51,200 heartache, her sorrow and her brokenness over her relationship 30 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:54,760 or lack of a relationship with her daddy. 31 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,600 And listen to what this teenage daughter said. 32 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:00,880 Have you ever heard of a father who won't talk to his daughter? 33 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:03,760 My father doesn't seem to know I'm alive. 34 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,560 In my whole life he's never said he loves me or giving me a good 35 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,240 night kiss unless I asked him to. 36 00:02:10,759 --> 00:02:13,960 I think the reason he ignores me is because I'm so boring. 37 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:18,000 I look at my friends and I think if I were funny like Jill or 38 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:22,720 Super Brain like Sandy or even Outrageous and punk like Tasha, 39 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,960 he would put down his paper and be fascinated. 40 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:28,960 I played the recorder. For the past three years, I've 41 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:32,160 been a soloist in the fall concert at school. 42 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:36,400 Mom comes to the concerts, but dad, he never does. 43 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:39,480 This year I'm a senior and so it's his last chance. 44 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:44,000 I give anything to look out into the audience and see him there. 45 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:49,400 But who am I kidding? It will never happen. 46 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:54,680 Almost all parents do love their children, but that's not really 47 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:58,000 the issue. The issue is do your children 48 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:00,680 feel loved? And So what I want to do this 49 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:05,120 morning is allow the Word of God to inform us and instruct us on 50 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:09,880 how it is that we can love our children well so that they know 51 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,080 it. And in the process provide 52 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:16,880 guidance for them to grow up to be the young men and the young 53 00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:21,000 women that God created them and that God Savior made them to be 54 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:25,000 using mom and dad to bring that to pass along the way. 55 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,800 I'm going to lay a biblical foundation from Ephesians and 56 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,960 then I'll be very practical in the latter part of my message. 57 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:35,560 So first of all, the biblical foundation to observations #1 we 58 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:37,960 love our children by educating them. 59 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:41,240 We love our children by educating them. 60 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:45,560 And the apostle Paul tells us, first of all, it is the proper 61 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,400 thing to do. It is proper. 62 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,440 Look at verse one. Children obey your parents and 63 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:53,520 the Lord, for this is right. That word obey is a imperative 64 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:56,640 word of command. God does not ask or suggest, but 65 00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:59,600 God commands children, you obey mom and dad. 66 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,720 It's also in the present tense, which means this is to be the 67 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:06,240 the pattern or the habit of a child's life. 68 00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:10,480 Parents, I believe from the time our kids are small, we should 69 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:15,240 impart to them the expectation of their obedience. 70 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,920 Now, are they going to disobey? Well, of course they will. 71 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:21,640 Their little sinners like you and I are big sinners all right. 72 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:25,320 But we should impart to them the expectation of their obedience, 73 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,840 that disobedience will be the exception, not the norm. 74 00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:32,400 Furthermore, we are to teach them that they are to obey us. 75 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:36,240 And note, it's in the Lord. And secondly, this is right. 76 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:39,440 That phrase in the Lord, I believe, means unto the Lord. 77 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:43,440 In other words, teach your children that when they obey 78 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:47,160 you, they're obeying Jesus, and when they disobey you, they're 79 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:50,240 disobeying the Lord. My boys, when they were little, 80 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,720 we tried to help them understand as best we could. 81 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:55,800 Guys, listen. Ultimately, your obedience or 82 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:59,000 disobedience, it's not against me, it's not against your mom, 83 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:02,120 it's before the Lord. And when you are obeying us, 84 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:04,880 you're obeying Jesus, and when you disobey us, you're 85 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,880 disobeying him. But we also want them to 86 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:10,680 understand whether you obey or not, we will love you. 87 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:12,760 Our love is unconditional towards you. 88 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:16,240 Furthermore, whether you obey mom and dad or not, Jesus loves 89 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:18,000 you. And the fact of the matter is, 90 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,880 when you disobey, he has made a way for those disobedient acts 91 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,800 to be forgiven because He shed His blood for you. 92 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:28,800 It's a great opportunity to instruct your children in the 93 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:34,480 gospel again and again and again as you teach them to obey mom 94 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:38,280 and dad in the Lord and then help them understand this is 95 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:40,720 right. This is the way God planned it, 96 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:45,400 and this is the way God ordained the structure of the family. 97 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:48,720 But I don't believe it's enough just to tell our kids what to 98 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,680 do. I believe good parents help 99 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:55,200 their kids also understand why. Why should I live in this way 100 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,480 and not in a another kind of a way. 101 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:01,720 And so Paul goes back twice. It's found in the Bible twice 102 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:03,360 goes back to the 10 commandments. 103 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:07,600 They're found in Exodus chapter 20, Deuteronomy chapter 5, and 104 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:11,400 Paul says not only is it proper, but there is a promise. 105 00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:15,680 There is a promise to children who obey mom and dad. 106 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:19,720 And now he adds the idea of honoring mom and dad. 107 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:21,440 Look at what it says there in verse 2. 108 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:24,880 Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment 109 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:27,240 with a promise. By the way, that word honor, 110 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:29,280 it's an imperative word of command. 111 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:32,520 It's in the present tense, just like obey. 112 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:36,320 So the Bible says you continually obey mom and dad. 113 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,680 You continually honor mom and dad. 114 00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:43,120 And there is a 2 fold promise that God gives you. 115 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,440 First of all, God promises you a better life. 116 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:50,240 And secondly, God promises you a longer life. 117 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:52,160 Again, honor your father and mother. 118 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,600 This is the first commandment with a promise. 119 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:58,400 And here it is verse three, that it may go well with you, a 120 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:02,640 better life and that you may live long in the land, a longer 121 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:05,360 life. So God says as a general 122 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:10,920 covenant with children, you obey mom and dad, you honor mom and 123 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:16,000 dad, and I will bless you with both a better life and a longer 124 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,560 life. Now some of you are here today. 125 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,480 You want to say, but wait a minute, Danny, hold on. 126 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:24,120 These are wonderful verses for somebody that grew up in a good 127 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:28,320 home, but if you knew the dysfunctional family that I grew 128 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:33,120 up in, if you knew the hell on earth that is my experience, you 129 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,120 would have to acknowledge these verses. 130 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:39,040 They're not for me, God. God would never have expected me 131 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:43,240 or even today, He would not expect me to obey and much less 132 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:46,960 honor my mom and dad. In fact, I bet you did grow up 133 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:50,400 in a good home and I bet you don't understand some of the 134 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:54,720 pain and sorrow and anguish and suffering and even abuse that 135 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,640 that I experienced. And you would be partially 136 00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:59,880 correct because I did grow up in a good home. 137 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:03,120 I had a good dad and a good mom and they loved me and cared for 138 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:05,160 me. I have no complaints about how 139 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:10,160 my mom and dad took care of me. But God in His kind Providence, 140 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:14,360 gave me a wife who had exactly the opposite experience of me. 141 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:17,960 You see, my wife Charlotte, was born into the home of alcoholic 142 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:21,440 parents, and when she was six years of age, her mom and dad 143 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:23,840 divorced. And over the next several years, 144 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,600 she and her sister and her brother bounced around from this 145 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:29,680 home to this home to this home, and then another home. 146 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:33,679 And finally someone intervened. And at the age of nine, my wife, 147 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,240 along with her sister and her brother, were all three placed 148 00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:39,320 in the Georgia Baptist Children's Home, where she would 149 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:42,960 live from the time she was 9 until she was 18. 150 00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:46,760 During those years, she hardly ever saw her mom and dad. 151 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,200 In fact, the last time she saw her mother, she was at her 152 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,840 daddy's house waiting for the folks from the children's home 153 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:55,160 to come and get her and her sister and her brother. 154 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:58,480 Her mother had come over from where she was living, and she 155 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,520 was very angry about the whole thing. 156 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,360 And for whatever reason, I never have really understood it. 157 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:06,360 She blames Charlotte. And my wife was sitting out on 158 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:09,840 the front porch on a bench waiting for the folks to come 159 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:12,040 and get her. And her mother walked outside on 160 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:16,640 the bench, looked at her, reared her arm back and slapped her in 161 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,680 the face, knocked her out in the front yard, bloodied her mouth 162 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:22,560 and said all of this is your fault, you little blank. 163 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:24,680 Turned around, walked back into the house. 164 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:28,280 She would not see her mother again until she was 17 years 165 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:32,520 old. Her daddy came to see her a 166 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:36,440 couple of times when she first went to the children's home, and 167 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:40,840 then she would not see her daddy again until after we were 168 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:44,040 married. In fact, we were driving one day 169 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:49,080 in the car from Louisville down to Nashville and we were just 170 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,560 talking about our childhood. And I remember asking her. 171 00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:54,880 I said, well, honey, did you, did you call your dad and ask 172 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:56,960 him to ever come? And she lost all contact with 173 00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,360 her mom. Did you, did you call your dad 174 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,840 and ask him to come and see you? And she said, well, yeah, I did. 175 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,960 Every month we would have parents weekend where parents 176 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,280 would come out and see their children. 177 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:10,360 And I would always call daddy and I would say, Daddy, will you 178 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:14,040 come and see me this weekend? And she said my daddy always 179 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:17,000 said the same thing every time. Yeah, babe, I'll come and see 180 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,280 you. So my wife would get up on 181 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:22,600 Saturday morning and she would put on her nicest dress, and she 182 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,080 would go out and sit on the front porch of her cottage. 183 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:30,680 And she would wait 2-3. Sometimes she would sit there 184 00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:34,960 for four or five hours waiting for a daddy who never showed up. 185 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:39,080 When we got married, she called her daddy. 186 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:42,320 I was standing right beside her in my mom and dad's home and she 187 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:45,240 called her daddy and I remember the conversation like it was 188 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,400 yesterday and it was 40 some odd years ago. 189 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:51,800 Daddy, I'm getting married and I want you to give me away. 190 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:56,360 They got quiet on her end and tears begin to run down her 191 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:58,240 face. And I'll remember it as long as 192 00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:58,960 I live. She said. 193 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:03,800 Well daddy I know you're shy so if you don't want to give me 194 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:08,000 away that's OK. I just want you to come to my 195 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,600 wedding. And even though he only lived 196 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:12,800 about 10 miles away, he didn't come. 197 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:17,960 I remember the first time I met him, we were back in Atlanta. 198 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,760 We were living in Dallas, TX at the time. 199 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,960 We were back in Atlanta for Christmas and she had re 200 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:26,560 established a relationship with her mother and her daddy came 201 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:28,880 over to have Christmas dinner with us and afterwards. 202 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,160 And, and I need to be honest with you all folks, I did not 203 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:35,600 treat him well that evening. I I was angry at him for the way 204 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,760 he had treated my wife and his daughter. 205 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:40,760 And so I did not really relate to him very well that evening. 206 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:44,720 But after dinner, we took him back to the veterans hospital in 207 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:48,480 Atlanta, GA, where he once again was going through a treatment 208 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:51,280 for his alcoholism. And as he got out of our van, 209 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:54,320 had a big old passenger van. He got out of our van and he was 210 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:58,200 walking back into the hospital. I looked at my wife and I said 211 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,600 in a very insensitive way, You know, honey, your dad's just 212 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:05,680 pretty sorry. He he ain't worth much. 213 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:10,720 And she did not get angry with me, but she looked at me and she 214 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,520 simply said, tears again just streaming down her face. 215 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:21,200 Well, yeah, I I guess he is. But he's still my daddy and I'll 216 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:26,120 always love him. Her daddy died never telling his 217 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:29,480 daughter he loved her. Her daddy died and we don't know 218 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:31,800 where he is today. I, we, we hope, but we don't 219 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,680 really have a, a lot of confidence that he went to 220 00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:37,720 heaven. We do, though, have that for her 221 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:39,120 mother. You see, when we had been at 222 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,880 Southeastern for just a couple of years, 2005, 2006, we get a 223 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,880 phone call one day from Charlotte's sister Susan, who 224 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:50,160 says Mama is in the ICU unit at Grady Hospital in downtown 225 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,400 Atlanta. They think she's going to die. 226 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,400 And we need to sign off Charlotte and Susan and her 227 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,920 brother Daniel. We need to sign off on a non 228 00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:00,560 resuscitation order so that if she quits breathing, they don't 229 00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:03,680 try to revive her because she's so sick, she's not going to 230 00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:06,000 survive. And I, I need you to, to agree 231 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,680 to that. And Charlotte said, well, Susan, 232 00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:10,480 I can't, I can't make a decision like that right now. 233 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:13,440 She, by the way, he'd been in the hospital for several weeks. 234 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:17,320 That's just a small inkling of how dysfunctional her family 235 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:20,840 life has always been. And so she hung up the phone and 236 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,800 she looked at me and she just began to bawl. 237 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:27,080 And she said, honey, I, I can hardly stand the thought of Mama 238 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:31,840 dying and going to hell. Do you think that Doctor 239 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:35,720 Merritt, James James Merritt is a pastor in Atlanta, wonderful 240 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:38,160 preacher, has a a nationwide ministry. 241 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:39,600 Usually he was served as the president. 242 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,680 SBC, one of my dearest friends, but he's a big dog. 243 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:47,000 And I called my friend and I said, James, Charlotte's Mama is 244 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:51,040 sick and she's dying. She's in the ICU unit at Grady 245 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:53,600 Hospital in downtown Atlanta. Would you go see her? 246 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,840 And he said, Danny, I'll be glad to. 247 00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:59,040 He said, this was on Tuesday. He said, I'm leaving in the 248 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:02,360 morning to go out of town, but I get back Friday and when I get 249 00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:05,120 back Friday, I'll go see her. And I said, well, James, that's 250 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:07,560 that's so kind of you. I said, she is really sick. 251 00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:10,360 I mean, we, we just don't know how much longer she's going to 252 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,640 live. And so I hung up the phone and 253 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,200 Charlotte and I prayed together. And then I took her out to eat 254 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,920 at a little Mexican restaurant there in Wake Forest. 255 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,400 And we had not been sitting there for 15 minutes when my 256 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:22,920 phone rang. And it was Doctor Merritt. 257 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:25,280 And he said, you know, Danny, I don't think I need to wait till 258 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:28,800 Friday. I think I need to go right now. 259 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:33,960 And he drove 40 miles one way from Dacula, GA into downtown 260 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:37,840 Atlanta. He went up into the ICU unit at 261 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,720 Grady Hospital. He shared the gospel with 262 00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:45,000 Charlotte's mother. And on her deathbed, she prayed 263 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,480 to trust Jesus as her Lord and Savior. 264 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,640 And just a few days later, she died. 265 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:56,000 And folks, I have no doubt there is a lady in heaven today named 266 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:59,800 Deely Ramsey. And she is there because God 267 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:03,760 gave her a daughter who never stopped loving her, never 268 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:07,480 stopped honoring her, never stopped praying for her. 269 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,200 And I will tell you something, God kept His word. 270 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:14,360 My wife is a wonderful lady. She's been a great wife for 271 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:18,200 almost 48 years. She raised 4 godly sons who are 272 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:21,560 all in the ministry today. Her grandchildren adore her. 273 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,600 All the folks at Southeastern adore her. 274 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:27,000 I have had great job security all these years because they'll 275 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:30,280 keep me to keep her. She's one of those kind of 276 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:32,320 ladies. And even though they hear me, 277 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:38,040 even though she was born into hell on earth, to the best of 278 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:43,840 her ability, she obeyed God's word and God kept His word with 279 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:45,640 her. And He'll do the same thing with 280 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:49,000 you no matter what you may have gone through and no matter what 281 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:50,960 you may even be experiencing today. 282 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:55,080 And so the Bible says we love our children by educating them. 283 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:58,400 But secondly, the Bible also says we love our children by 284 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,720 encouraging them, by encouraging them. 285 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:04,640 And Paul has first a negative idea and then he follows it up 286 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:07,960 with a +1 verse 4. Fathers, let me stop there. 287 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:12,040 Dads, this is a reminder that you and I are called to that 288 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,840 leadership assignment in the home, and we will give an 289 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:19,160 account to God someday for how well we shepherded our little 290 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:23,960 flock in our home. So fathers, do not provoke your 291 00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:27,520 children to anger. Avoid making them angry. 292 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:31,960 The, the, the, the parallel account in Colossians 3 says 293 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:33,920 don't provoke them toward bitterness. 294 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,440 Don't. Don't make them bitter. 295 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:39,440 Don't discourage them. Don't push them toward anger. 296 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,680 Why? Because you're not consistent in 297 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,480 the way you relate to them. You walk into the room and they 298 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:46,720 don't know if Daddy's going to hug me or slap me. 299 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:49,920 They don't know if Daddy's going to praise me or yell at me. 300 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:52,560 So don't provoke your children to anger. 301 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:57,280 Avoid making them angry, but positively be active in giving 302 00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:00,960 them advice and be active in giving them a particular kind of 303 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:02,800 advice. Bring them up. 304 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:06,760 It could be translated. Nourish them up in the 305 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:13,240 discipline, training and the instruction, the teachings of 306 00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:17,200 the Lord. Now some of you parents hear me 307 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,640 read that and you want to say wait, but hold on Danny, time 308 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:20,560 out. Kids. 309 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:24,400 Don't listen to mom and dad. Kids don't listen to mom and 310 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,400 dad. The the experts tell us that 311 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:31,240 they're far more influenced by peer pressure than they are 312 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,280 parental instruction. And without being unkind this 313 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:37,920 morning to the experts, they don't know what the RIP they're 314 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:40,200 talking about. Because I want to tell you 315 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,960 something. You listen, you listen well. 316 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,400 Your children do care what you think. 317 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:51,160 They do listen to what you say and they pay a whole lot of 318 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:58,800 attention to what you do. The largest survey ever taken of 319 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:02,280 teenagers took place just before the turn of the Millennium in 320 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:06,880 1997. In that survey, they asked 321 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:10,080 teenagers all sorts of interesting and insightful 322 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,520 questions. But Newsweek magazine thought 323 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,720 this one was particularly important because they said, and 324 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:21,000 I quote in a recent national survey, teenagers named their 325 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:27,000 parents as as their number one heroes. 326 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:29,480 Now let that sink in. Hey, kids. 327 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:34,360 Hey guys, who's your hero? Movie star? 328 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,680 Nope. Rock star, Nope. 329 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:40,240 Athlete. Nope. 330 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,280 Politician. Are you kidding me? 331 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,400 I'm playing now. I'm just playing. 332 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:47,640 Don't you get upset about that? I'm playing. 333 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,400 But no, no, no, no. Who's your hero? 334 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:55,000 That's easy. My hero is my daddy and my Mama. 335 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,360 They asked him another question. I love this one. 336 00:18:57,520 --> 00:19:01,640 You're stranded on a desert island and you could have only 337 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:05,120 one thing. What one thing would you want? 338 00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:09,040 Well, here's what they said. 10% said if I had one thing, I'd 339 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:12,600 want a TV course. What in the heck you're going to 340 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,680 do with ATV on a stranded desert island? 341 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:16,680 I don't know, but that's all right. 342 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:19,440 That's what some of them said. Secondly, some said, well, I'd 343 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,360 want some books, that's a little better. 344 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:26,680 Third, some said 21% of computer hope it's solar powered, but all 345 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:30,320 right. 4th some said music. All right, I can get that. 346 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:34,160 But the number one answer, hands down, I'm stranding on a desert 347 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,440 island. I get one thing that's easy. 348 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:41,080 I want my daddy and I want my Mama because they do care what 349 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,480 you think and they do listen to what you say and they do pay a 350 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:48,440 lot of attention to what you do. So for the remainder of my time, 351 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:52,560 and I'm going to talk quick, what do you do practically 352 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:57,200 speaking day in and day out that will let your children know that 353 00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:00,040 you love them and that will grow them? 354 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,240 To love the Lord their God with all their heart, with all their 355 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:06,000 soul, with all their mind, and with all of their strength. 356 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,680 I'm going to give you 7 or 8 ideas quickly so you can jot 357 00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:11,920 them down somewhere. Number one, get down on their 358 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,680 level and enter into their world. 359 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:17,320 Get down on their level and enter into their world. 360 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:21,040 I call this incarnational parenting. 361 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:23,360 You say why? Well, let me ask all of us the 362 00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:26,040 question this morning. How do we really know this 363 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:29,160 morning that God loves us? I'll tell you how we know. 364 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:32,520 He got down on our level and He entered into our world in the 365 00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:35,000 person of His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. 366 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,520 So how do you love your kids? You step back and you ask, how 367 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:42,480 does my 5 year old or my 10 year old or my 18 year old, how do 368 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:47,320 they look at life given their age, given their sex, given 369 00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:49,880 their personality and their characteristics, given their 370 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:53,320 friends, given their interests? How do they look at life and you 371 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,360 love them? By trying to get into their 372 00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:57,440 world. Now I want to be fair. 373 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,440 That's a lot easier said than done. 374 00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:03,880 It's not always easy to get into the life and into the world of a 375 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,360 child. I was told the story one day of 376 00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:08,520 a little boy. His turtle died, broke his 377 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,760 heart, cried all day. Daddy got home from work and 378 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,680 Mama said, honey, he's in the backyard with the turtle. 379 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:15,560 It's dead and he won't come in the house. 380 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:18,280 And so I, I please try to, to, to fix things. 381 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:21,040 And so daddy goes back there and sure enough, the little boy's 382 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:24,480 crying turtles not moving. And dad begins to rack his brain 383 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,640 and he finally comes up with an idea and he says, son, look, 384 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:30,360 I'm, I'm sorry your turtle died. But I tell you what, we can have 385 00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:33,960 a funeral for your little turtle and celebrate your turtle going 386 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,920 to turtle heaven. And here's what I'll do. 387 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:39,000 I'll get a little shoe box and we'll put him in there and I'll 388 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,280 dig a hole back here and we'll bury him right back here. 389 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,040 He'll always be back here in our backyard. 390 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:45,560 And since we're going to have a little funeral service, you can 391 00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:48,760 invite all your friends over and I'll, I'll do a little funeral 392 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:51,840 service for your turtle. And I tell you what, since we're 393 00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:56,320 celebrating his going to turtle heaven, we'll have a party and 394 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,920 I'll get Mama to make a cake and I'll make some homemade ice 395 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:00,080 cream. And we'll just have a little 396 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,560 party to celebrate your turtle's funeral. 397 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:05,360 And after that, we can go down to the park and, and we can ride 398 00:22:05,360 --> 00:22:07,200 the ride and we'll take our bat and ball. 399 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,160 And So what do you think if we do all of that? 400 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:13,360 Well, he's still crying, but he finally says we can, we can have 401 00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:14,800 a party. We can have a party. 402 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,440 Then I can invite you, invite every friend you've got. 403 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:20,280 And my mom will make cake, I'll make ice cream. 404 00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:23,320 We'll do all that to celebrate your turtle's funeral. 405 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:29,080 What do you think? The tears stopped, little smile 406 00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,400 came across his face. Then he looked at daddy and he 407 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:34,280 said Daddy that'll be OK. And boy, dad felt great, he'd 408 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:36,960 save the day. Took his son by the hand. 409 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:38,760 They begin to walk back to the house. 410 00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:41,320 And Can you believe it, at exactly that moment, suddenly 411 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,600 out of that shell, boom, come that turtle's head. 412 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:48,680 Good timing wasn't it? And he begins to look around and 413 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,080 and check everything out. And the dad saw it. 414 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:54,400 And the dad said to his son, look, son, look, you turtle, 415 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:58,160 he's not dead after all. The little boy, he began to 416 00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:01,000 scream and cry again. Kill him, daddy, kill him. 417 00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:10,440 I'd rather have my party. Now, that may not make sense to 418 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:12,320 a 5 year old, but it makes sense. 419 00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,600 I mean, to us, but it makes sense to a 5 year old. 420 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:17,680 And again, it's not easy to get into their world, but if you're 421 00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:21,800 going to love them, you're going to try #2 you love your kids by 422 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,320 loving your mate. Just love your mate, you say? 423 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,120 Why, Danny? Because the number one need in 424 00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:31,280 the life of a child related to love is security. 425 00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:35,320 And nothing brings security in the life of a child like knowing 426 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:39,000 my daddy loves my Mama, my Mama loves my daddy, and they're 427 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,360 always going to be here just for me. 428 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:45,480 If you will just love your mate, you will give your children 429 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:52,120 about 95% of all that they will need #3 you love your kids by 430 00:23:52,120 --> 00:23:55,000 giving them discipline. By giving them discipline. 431 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,840 After all, they come into the world screaming. 432 00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:59,840 Where are the boundaries, what's right, what's wrong? 433 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,200 Now I don't claim to be an expert here. 434 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:05,240 We tried our best for 20 years with each of our kids, but we 435 00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:08,000 learned some things along the way and also found some truth in 436 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,320 God's Word. And so I'll share these with you 437 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:12,840 and just give it your best shot and see what God does. 438 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:16,040 A couple of things real quickly. Number 1, I believe in giving 439 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:19,880 our kids a big playing field and not a little box. 440 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,800 A big playing field and not a little box. 441 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,200 You say, well, why would you say that? 442 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:30,240 Two reasons #1 if you say to your kids you must live in the 443 00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:35,240 little box all the time, they won't, they can't. 444 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,800 You say why not? Well, this much I do know, kids 445 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,640 are not designed to live in a little box. 446 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,720 Little boys certainly are not designed to live in a little 447 00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:46,040 box. And so they will not be able to 448 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:48,640 function in that little confined space. 449 00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:51,800 Secondly, and this is so crucial, you won't be consistent 450 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,760 in your discipline. You won't be consistent in your 451 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:56,200 discipline. And here's the deal, parents, 452 00:24:56,320 --> 00:25:01,000 wherever you draw the lines, you need to be rigorously, 453 00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:04,680 rigorously, rigorously consistent in your discipline. 454 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:06,520 When our boys were little, we had a rule. 455 00:25:07,360 --> 00:25:10,280 You do not go into mom and dad's bathroom with our without our 456 00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:11,600 permission. If you do, you will get a 457 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:12,920 spanking. He said. 458 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:16,120 Why'd y'all have that rule? Because one day Nathan, who's 459 00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:18,080 our older twin, he's preached here a number of times. 460 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:24,360 Nathan had had gone into the bathroom. 461 00:25:24,360 --> 00:25:26,160 Excuse me, I'm wrong. Jonathan went into the bath. 462 00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:27,400 No, Nathan went into the bathroom. 463 00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:30,560 Nathan did it and he swallows some camphophanique. 464 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:33,320 Yes, got a ball camphor phonique. 465 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,360 Good, good, good, good, good. So we, what did we do? 466 00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:36,720 We took him to doctor's hospital. 467 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:38,680 They said, Oh no, no, no, he needs to go to Parkland 468 00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:40,240 Hospital. They got a pediatric trauma 469 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:41,880 unit. So we went to Parkland Hospital 470 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:43,560 in Atlanta, GA. That, by the way, is where they 471 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:45,320 took John Kennedy when he got shot. 472 00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:48,160 So we go over there, we get there about 7:00, get to see a 473 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:51,360 doctor. Finally at midnight he comes in 474 00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:53,320 and says, what did he do? We said he's swallowed A camphor 475 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:55,360 phonique. When did he do it? 476 00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:57,080 We said, well, he did it about 5:00. 477 00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:59,360 Well, if nothing's happened to him by now, he's fine. 478 00:25:59,360 --> 00:26:02,520 Y'all can go home. And they charged us. 479 00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:03,760 I had to pay for that by the way. 480 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,320 And I'm, I'm still in therapy about that when I, I've never 481 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:08,960 have dealt with that very well. So we just decided, you know 482 00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:10,360 what, they don't need to do that anymore. 483 00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:12,200 So we had the rule. You don't go into mom and dad's 484 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:13,360 bathroom. If you do without our 485 00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:15,880 permission, you get a spanking. About six months later, 486 00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:20,280 Jonathan, the other twin walks into our bedroom and gets right 487 00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:24,600 over to the edge of the carpet and the tile just like this and 488 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,280 looked up at us like a four year old can and just started 489 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:29,000 grinning. And I said, son, you know the 490 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:34,560 rule, if you go into that bathroom, you are going to get a 491 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:36,520 spanking. He looked back down his feet, 492 00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:39,120 looked up at me, grinned and did this. 493 00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:44,400 He said, oh, my goodness, that's so cute. 494 00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:47,000 What'd you do to him? I tore his tail up. 495 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:51,360 That's exactly what I did to him because I told him if you go in 496 00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:53,520 there, you're going to get a spanking. 497 00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:58,240 So wherever you draw the lines, you need to be consistent in 498 00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,520 your discipline. Furthermore, I believe this, if 499 00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:06,600 you've got kids that that God's blessed you with good, obedient, 500 00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:10,400 faithful, trustworthy kids, give them a big playing field. 501 00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:13,240 Give them a big playing field. And if they're not, you can 502 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:16,360 bring it back down. I always told my boys, I'll be 503 00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:20,320 the enforcer, but the playing field will be established by 504 00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:21,680 you. And if you're doing what you 505 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,480 ought to do, Dad's going to pretty much. 506 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:26,040 And Mom's going to pretty much let you do anything you want to 507 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:27,840 do. And if you don't, it'll get 508 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,800 smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller. 509 00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:35,560 And I will chain your tail to your bed till the day you die in 510 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:38,360 Jesus name. And someday they'll find your 511 00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:40,280 skeleton there. Now, usually you did not say 512 00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:41,560 that. Oh yes, I did. 513 00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:44,760 Now, they probably didn't think I was serious, but I was trying 514 00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:49,000 to help them understand. I love you too much to let you 515 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:52,520 make a fool of yourself. And so you give them that big 516 00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:55,360 playing field and be consistent in your discipline. 517 00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:59,080 Then secondly, and I'll move on, I believe we discipline our kids 518 00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:02,840 all the days they're under our watch care, but we adjust the 519 00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:04,800 way we discipline as they grow older. 520 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:08,520 We do discipline them all the days they're under our watch 521 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:10,840 care, but we adjust as they grow older. 522 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:14,440 And listen to what Proverbs chapter 29 and verse 15 says. 523 00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:18,800 The rod and the rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to 524 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:20,880 himself will bring shame to his mother. 525 00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:23,520 Let me give Danny Aiken commentary now. 526 00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:27,600 The rod when they're young, the rebuke. 527 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:30,800 And I would add, in our culture, the restriction gives wisdom, 528 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:35,120 but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. 529 00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:38,840 You say, Danny, you realize it is the year 2026. 530 00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:42,200 I do. You realize, do you not, that we 531 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:44,760 are an educated, sophisticated culture? 532 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:48,000 I do. And you still think that it's 533 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:51,040 all right to spank children when they're small? 534 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,720 I not only think it's all right, I think sometimes it's 535 00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:57,720 absolutely essential. Listen, I have a PhD. 536 00:28:57,720 --> 00:28:59,640 All that means is I went to school a long time. 537 00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:02,920 Doesn't mean I'm smart. But I went to school, got a PHDI 538 00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:04,840 have a minor in philosophy and logic. 539 00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:07,480 So I was taught how to do logical analysis and make 540 00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:10,800 logical arguments. And when my boys were little, I 541 00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:14,120 could provide for them what I knew to be an airtight, 542 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:17,560 accurate, logical argument for why they should behave in a 543 00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:19,640 certain way. And for some reason, they just 544 00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:22,400 didn't get it. But when I got back here, you 545 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:25,520 see, I think their brain is in their buns until they become a, 546 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:28,080 you know, older. It starts back here and then it 547 00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,760 moves up here later. But you get back here and it's 548 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:32,720 amazing. Suddenly they, they become 549 00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:36,480 rather intelligent. And so hear me now, always under 550 00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:41,680 control and in moderation, Yes, I think sometimes the rod is an 551 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:44,320 effective way to discipline your children. 552 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:48,000 But let me remind you of this. In the world of the Bible, you 553 00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:51,800 became a young man or a young woman at the age of 1213. 554 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:55,480 So I have a follow up question. You think Dad was taking the rod 555 00:29:55,480 --> 00:30:00,600 to his children when they were 13151617 years of age? 556 00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:05,000 I seriously doubt it. You say so you're boys. 557 00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:07,040 You spanked them when they were little. 558 00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:10,560 I did, but not a lot. When did you stop spanking them? 559 00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:13,440 Well, they don't have a memory of a spanking, nor do I after 560 00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:17,280 the age of 11 or 12. Now I continue to discipline 561 00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:20,600 them because I love them. But I adjusted the way I just 562 00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,880 because I treated my teenage boys like they were not 563 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,720 children. I treated my teenage boys like 564 00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:30,120 they were young men and parents raised the bar. 565 00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:34,040 Tell them to shoot for that goal and be amazed at how often 566 00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:38,440 that's what they will do. But if you love them, you will 567 00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:42,440 give them discipline #4 you love them by the way you look at 568 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:45,320 them. Proverbs 2012 says the hearing 569 00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:48,640 ear, the seeing eye. The Lord has made them both and 570 00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:49,640 after. Your mouth. 571 00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:52,720 One of the most effective devices you have for 572 00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:59,120 communicating to your children is your eyes #5 you love your 573 00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:01,880 kids by touching them. You love your kids by touching 574 00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:04,280 them. After all, Ecclesiastes 35 says 575 00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:08,040 there's a time to embrace. Let me be very specific here, 576 00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:10,600 dads. If God has blessed you with 577 00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:14,680 precious daughters in a good, healthy way, hold them, hug 578 00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:17,840 them, kiss them, let them crawl up into your lap. 579 00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:20,000 Why? Because God designed little 580 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,440 girls what they need for male affirmation. 581 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:27,400 And God's plan is that she gets it first and foremost from her 582 00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:30,040 daddy. Let me give you mothers who have 583 00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:32,720 sons a word of encouragement. I discovered a number of years 584 00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:36,880 ago that a teenage boy will still let his Mama kiss him in 585 00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:40,000 the morning when she takes him to school if she will just do it 586 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:43,920 in the floorboard of the car. That's right, as long as it 587 00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:46,880 happens where nobody can see. He'll let you do it. 588 00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:48,840 Why? Because teenage boys, though, 589 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:52,120 they need that kind of roughhouse wrestling affection 590 00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:55,480 from their dads. They need that tender affection 591 00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:59,440 still from their moms. And you love them by touching 592 00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:01,840 them. Number six, here's the big Ouch 593 00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:04,160 1. You love your kids by spending 594 00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:07,040 time with them, by spending time with them. 595 00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:10,560 Focused on the Family took a survey in 2003. 596 00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,680 I saw a secular survey five years ago. 597 00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:15,960 Amazingly little has changed now. 598 00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:18,440 Listen to what they saw and what they said. 599 00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:25,160 On average, on average, 5 year olds spend about 25 to 35 600 00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:28,840 minutes a week in quality time with their dad. 601 00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:34,240 But they spend 20 to 25 hours a week with ATV, or what we now 602 00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:37,840 refer to as technological babysitters. 603 00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:46,520 Technological babysitters 25 to 30 hours a week with ATV or a 604 00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:51,960 technological babysitter 25 to 35 minutes a week with dad. 605 00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:55,960 That may explain this. Reader's Digest took a survey 606 00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:59,120 and they asked four and five year olds this very simple 607 00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:02,160 question. If you had to vote to give away 608 00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:07,240 either your daddy or your TV, which would you vote to give 609 00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:12,040 away? And 33% one in three said I'd 610 00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:16,800 rather give away my daddy than I would my TV. 611 00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:23,400 One grown man, reflecting upon his rearing his upbringing by 612 00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:25,960 his parents, sat down one day. This was the number of years 613 00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:29,240 ago. Wrote a letter to the local 614 00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:32,440 newspaper and they ran it in the private section. 615 00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:36,480 And here's a portion of the letter that he wrote to his mom 616 00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:38,840 and dad for the whole world to see. 617 00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:41,680 You didn't take care of me. You sent me to daycare. 618 00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:44,360 You didn't feed me. You sent me to McDonald's. 619 00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:47,240 You didn't study with me. You bought me a computer. 620 00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:49,840 You didn't talk to me. You bought me a stereo. 621 00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:53,320 You did not look at me. You bought me ATV and you did 622 00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:55,440 not play with me. You bought me toys. 623 00:33:55,640 --> 00:34:00,440 Now that I'm grown and you are old, why should I come and see 624 00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:06,320 you? I don't even know who you are. 625 00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:10,679 And yes, love is a very beautiful 4 letter word. 626 00:34:10,679 --> 00:34:17,520 But brothers and sisters, sometimes we spell it best TIME. 627 00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:21,679 And we love them by spending time with them #7 we love them 628 00:34:21,679 --> 00:34:24,239 by listening to them, by listening to them. 629 00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:27,960 James 119 says be quick to hear, slow to speak. 630 00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:30,679 Which means what? Put away the iPad, put away the 631 00:34:30,679 --> 00:34:35,239 smartphone, turn off the TV and lock in with your kids, eye to 632 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:39,840 eye, ear to ear, heart to heart. And by giving them that kind of 633 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:46,320 time, you say to them, I am here not to talk, but I am here just 634 00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,560 to listen. And you love them well, by 635 00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:53,679 listening to them #8 you love them by blessing them rather 636 00:34:53,679 --> 00:34:56,400 than cursing them. By blessing them rather than 637 00:34:56,400 --> 00:34:58,960 cursing them, you say, what are you talking about? 638 00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:03,240 Your words, your words. Have you ever stopped to think 639 00:35:03,240 --> 00:35:05,960 what it's like to be a child and hear some of the things they 640 00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:08,400 hear coming out of the mouth of mom and dad? 641 00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:12,440 I've been collecting sayings over the years now, and this is 642 00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:15,200 my list this morning. And I have to say honestly, with 643 00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:18,320 much shame, some of the things on this list are here because 644 00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:21,640 they came out of my mouth directed toward my children when 645 00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:23,920 they were little. But just see if you recognize 646 00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:25,200 any of these. Put that down. 647 00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:27,080 Stop that right now. Shut up. 648 00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:30,080 I don't care what you're doing. Come here right now. 649 00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:31,720 Listen to me. Give me that. 650 00:35:31,720 --> 00:35:33,120 Don't touch that. Go away. 651 00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:35,600 Leave me alone. Can't you see I'm busy? 652 00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:39,480 Not like that stupid boy. That was really dumb. 653 00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:42,760 Can't you do anything right while you'd lose your head if it 654 00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:44,640 wasn't screwed on? Hurry up. 655 00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:46,960 We don't have all day. What's the matter with you? 656 00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:50,640 Can't you hear anything? I don't know what I'm going to 657 00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:55,040 do with you. And those words don't bless 658 00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:58,160 those words. Curse and parents, don't you 659 00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:02,280 ever, ever, ever underestimate the power of your words when 660 00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:06,840 directed towards your children to shape their own sense of 661 00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:11,280 value and self worth. I was speaking a number of years 662 00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:17,120 ago with a church in Laurel, Ms. and after I spoke a man came up 663 00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:19,680 to me that evening and he said, Brother Danny, can I share my 664 00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:22,280 testimony with you? And I said, well, sure you can. 665 00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:26,360 He said, I got saved five years ago at the age of 60. 666 00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:28,880 They've been the five most wonderful years of my life. 667 00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:32,040 He said, brother Danny, I'm a recovering alcoholic. 668 00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:34,680 I'm a recovering drug addict too. 669 00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:38,040 He said, I also went through a number of failed marriages. 670 00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:39,560 And I want to tell you they were my fault. 671 00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:42,360 I'm the one who caused all of them to fail. 672 00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:44,080 And I heard some really nice ladies. 673 00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:46,400 He said, I'm going to stop right there. 674 00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:49,560 But I think you get the picture that until about 5 years ago my 675 00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:52,960 life was a train wreck. And he said, I don't blame 676 00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:56,440 anybody, I don't. I made the dumb choices, I made 677 00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:59,680 the bad decisions. But then tears just begin to 678 00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:02,760 stream down that 65 year old man's face and I'll never forget 679 00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:05,520 what he said he said. But you know brother Danny, when 680 00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:09,360 I think back to when I was a little boy, all I can really 681 00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:12,600 remember my daddy saying to me were things like this boy, you 682 00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:16,720 can't do anything right boy, you're just downright dumb. 683 00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:20,440 Boy. You will never grow up to amount 684 00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:23,920 to anything, he said. Isn't he crazy? 685 00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:26,520 I grew up to be exactly what my daddy said I would be. 686 00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:30,920 But then he began to smile and he said, but five years ago when 687 00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:35,680 I met Jesus, I got a new daddy and my new daddy loves me and 688 00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:39,040 believes in me and and my new daddy brother Danny, he thinks I 689 00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:40,800 can do things. And he says, you know, it really 690 00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:45,440 does matter what you believe your daddy thinks about. 691 00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:51,320 You. #9. You bless your children by just 692 00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:54,080 having fun with them. You bless your children by just 693 00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:56,120 having fun with them. In fact, if you asked me this 694 00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:59,480 morning to boil down my thinking about parenting, it's really 695 00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:02,600 quite simple. Number one, teach your children 696 00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:05,840 all of their lives that Jesus is the most wonderful thing in all 697 00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:08,880 the world and #2 just have fun with them. 698 00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:11,280 Make your house a Grand Central Station. 699 00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:15,560 Make your house a fun house to be in because then they'll 700 00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:18,080 invite their teenage friends over, which is their way of 701 00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:21,160 saying, I'm not afraid of what mom and dad might say or what 702 00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:23,680 mom and dad are might do. And I know this much from 703 00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:27,120 personal experience. When you get old, they'll still 704 00:38:27,120 --> 00:38:30,480 come and visit you and bring the grandkids and that's a pretty 705 00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:34,760 good deal. Finally, you love your kids by 706 00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:38,640 introducing them to a perfect parent, by introducing them to a 707 00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:40,920 perfect parent. Now you say, Danny, I, I can't 708 00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:43,760 be a perfect parent. I know that neither can I. 709 00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:47,280 But you see, God made every one of us with what the old 710 00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:49,720 theologians called a God shaped vacuum. 711 00:38:49,720 --> 00:38:54,120 I, I call it a hole in the soul and it can only be filled by a 712 00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:59,000 relationship with a perfect parent, a perfect heavenly 713 00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:01,280 Father. You see, I want to close by 714 00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:03,480 telling you, as Paul Harvey would say, the rest of the 715 00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:07,320 story, how did my sweet wife turn out to be the wonderful 716 00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:11,080 godly lady that she is, in spite of how she came into this world 717 00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:13,800 in a broken home? Well, when she was 10 years old 718 00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:17,240 at the children's home, they took the children every Sunday 719 00:39:17,240 --> 00:39:19,560 to church and they would go to the First Baptist Church of 720 00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:21,640 Fairman, Georgia. And when she was? 721 00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:25,440 10 On a Sunday morning just like this, the pastor presented a 722 00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:27,280 message and presented the gospel. 723 00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:29,880 And that morning the Holy Spirit spoke to her heart. 724 00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:33,200 And my sweet wife came forward at the time of the invitation, 725 00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:34,960 and I love the way she said that. 726 00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:39,960 She says, that morning I gave my heart to Jesus and Jesus gave 727 00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:43,960 his heart to me and God became my perfect heavenly Father. 728 00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:47,280 And if you were to sit down and talk with my wife and ask her 729 00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:49,840 these very simple questions, I love the answers that you would 730 00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:52,760 get if you said, Charlotte, when you got saved as a 10 year old 731 00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:55,960 little girl was the most wonderful thing knowing all your 732 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,120 sins are forgiven. And she would say, well, that's 733 00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:01,160 wonderful, but it wasn't the most wonderful for me. 734 00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:04,400 So you might say, well, was it knowing that when you die you go 735 00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:05,600 to heaven? And she would say, well, that's 736 00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:08,040 wonderful too. But that wasn't the most 737 00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:11,280 wonderful for me. So you might say, OK, well, then 738 00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:12,760 what was the most wonderful thing? 739 00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:16,800 And she would say, when I got saved, I got a new daddy. 740 00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:21,400 And my new daddy made a promise to me that he's never, ever 741 00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:25,680 forgotten and he never will. His promise to me that he's 742 00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:29,840 always kept is I will never leave you. 743 00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:35,280 I will never forsake you. And folks. 744 00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:38,680 That that's a. Pretty precious promise to a 745 00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:43,120 little orphan girl, but it's also the same promise that God 746 00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:46,360 makes to every single one of us in this room today. 747 00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:51,360 All you have to do is ask, and He will gladly and delightfully 748 00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:56,520 become your perfect Father. Father, I thank you so much that 749 00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:58,720 we can call you that and know that it pleases you. 750 00:40:59,240 --> 00:41:02,360 And I thank you that every man and woman boring girl can know 751 00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:05,160 you as their perfect Father through a relationship with your 752 00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:08,800 Son, Jesus Christ. So Lord, now during this time of 753 00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:13,080 invitation, Holy Spirit, you do your work, You speak to hearts. 754 00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:17,040 And Lord, I pray with all of my heart that not a single person 755 00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:19,080 will leave today without the assurance. 756 00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:24,960 Jesus is my Savior, God is my perfect heavenly Father, and I 757 00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:27,760 have His word. He will never leave me and He 758 00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:30,480 will never forsake me. We ask and pray this in your 759 00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:34,080 name, Amen. Amen. 760 00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:37,520 Well, thank you, Doctor Aiken, Thank you so much for sharing 761 00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:41,880 with us from God's Word. Maybe you're here this morning, 762 00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:45,280 you're listening online and maybe you've come from a broken 763 00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:49,680 living hell type of house. Maybe you're in one now. 764 00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:53,800 Maybe you're the partial cause of one of those. 765 00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:57,600 All of us at some point in our life, we're broken. 766 00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:01,400 All of us need restoration in our lives and that only comes to 767 00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:03,640 Jesus Christ. So we're going to give you an 768 00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:07,000 opportunity to respond to what God might be saying to you this 769 00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:09,400 morning. We're also going to take up our 770 00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:10,880 offering. Our usher's are going to come in 771 00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:14,960 just a moment and if you're a guest here today that that's not 772 00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:16,680 for you to give money, it's for you. 773 00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:18,920 If you want to put that Next steps card in and put prayer 774 00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:21,320 requests in there and we'll pray for you. 775 00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:24,640 We'd love to meet you. But as that offering plate is 776 00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:26,720 being passed, I just want you to think, what is it I need to 777 00:42:26,720 --> 00:42:29,080 offer? What is it I need to give to God 778 00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:33,160 and how can I surrender to him, give him my life? 779 00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:36,400 So pastors are going to be standing here with our next 780 00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:37,840 steps. Room will be open right over 781 00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:39,120 here. You can go straight to that 782 00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:40,200 room. Someone have a private 783 00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:42,640 conversation with you there. You can come here and pray. 784 00:42:43,640 --> 00:42:45,280 Whatever you need to do to respond. 785 00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:47,840 You heard testimonies and baptism. 786 00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:50,200 What powerful testimonies from these young people. 787 00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:53,280 Maybe that's what God is speaking you. 788 00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:56,000 Maybe you need to be baptized. Maybe you need to surrender in a 789 00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:59,280 new way. So whatever it is, let's do that 790 00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:01,840 right now. So let's stand together, and our 791 00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:04,240 worship team is going to lead us as we respond.