It's good to see you. If we haven't met, my name is
Cole. I'm the lead pastor here.
I've only got 25 minutes to preach, so I'm going to, I'm
going to jump. If you know me, you know there's
a challenge for me, so I'm going to, I'm going to jump right into
it. If you've got a Bible, go ahead
and get that open to the book of Titus that's in the New
Testament. We're going to be in just a
couple verses in chapter 2. There should be an index on the
inside of your Bible. If you don't have one, that's
OK. We'll have all the relevant
Scripture verses on the screen for you so that you don't miss
them. We are on like week 7, maybe
week 8 in the book of Titus. And this morning is going to be
a doozy. I want to talk about, I don't
know how much I'm be able to hit, but I want to talk about
neurology. I want to talk about data.
I want to talk about statistics, and I also want to talk about
the two indomitable desires that are planted in every male heart.
They are in every male heart. You can ignore them, You can
bury them, but these two desires are planted within every male
heart. I'll give you the first one at
the beginning of the sermon. I'll hide the second one until
the end of the sermon. I was I was at Mars Cafe earlier
this week on Wednesday getting ready to prep my sermon.
I pulled into the parking lot ready to drink my cold brew.
As I pulled into the parking lot, I, I put my car in in, in
break. I, I responded to a couple text
messages on my phone and, and then suddenly as I was
responding to a text message, I hear on my car door.
It was like a horror movie. I like, I look like I look right
next to me and there's this kids face.
He's probably like a 10 year old.
He's got these big doughy eyes. His face is pressed up against
my window like this. So there's a, there's a knock.
I look and this kids face is pressed up against my window.
So I roll down my window and say, hey, what's up?
Because how do you start that conversation?
And he says, is there anything that I can do to earn 5 or 10
bucks? And I say why?
And he's like, my mom's birthday is coming up and I want to buy
her something nice. And I was like, I would be a
terrible human being if I said no.
I was like, here's the deal, bro.
I don't have any cash on me right now.
I'm going to this coffee shop. Are you comfortable following me
into this coffee shop? It's a public space.
I'll give you the cash there. He's like, yeah, totally.
I'm like, all right, let's do it, bro.
And so he follows me into the coffee shop.
I'm like, hey, grab yourself a Coke or whatever you want.
He grabs himself a bottle of Coke, and I'm like, hey, Malik,
can you put ten extra bucks on this and just give me, you know,
$10 in cash? He's like, yeah, so here's that.
I was like, ah, bro, I would give you 10 bucks if in 10
minutes you can tell me what the meaning of life is at that table
over there. He's like, all right, let's do
it. It's like, the most cool thing
ever. And so he comes in and he sits
down and I'm like, all right, dude, like what's your pitch,
man? What's the meet coach me?
What's the meaning of life? And his answer was it was great.
He was like, I think the meaning of life is to be successful.
I'm like, tell me more about that.
He's like, I think that you should become really good at
something in life so that you can love your family and you can
pay all of your bills. It was a fantastic answer.
And so we just kind of kept on talking and I was like, OK,
ma'am, outside of pursuing the meaning of life, what do you do
for fun? And he's like, I like making
money. I was like, I was like, you've
made that abundantly clear this morning.
I was like, OK, apart from making money, dude, what do you
like to do? And he's like, I like
basketball. I was like, are you any good at
it? He's like, yes, I'm great at it.
I'm really, I don't know how to dribble and I don't know how to
shoot. But I was like, I'm not a
basketball player. I don't know if you can tell by
my height, not a basketball player that's like 99% of
basketball. He's like, I don't know how to
dribble, I don't know how to shoot, but I'm really good.
Apart from those two things. I was like, I, I bet, I bet.
And so we, we kept on talking and we talked, I talked about
God and do you believe in God? And it was just a really fun 10
minute conversation and I gave him a high 5 and 10 bucks and he
went on his way. But the reason why I bring that
that story up to you is because that was the best part of my
day. I have a dream job, I have a
dream family. I love preparing sermons.
I love counseling you guys. I love making strategy,
strategic decisions for the local church, right?
It was a great day. I went home afterwards and ate a
great dinner with my family, but preparing the sermon, doing the
rest of my work that day, the dinner I had, the baseball game
that the Seattle Mariners won that night, none of those things
were as fun or as rewarding or as meaningful to me as those 10
minutes I had with that kid in the coffee shop.
That is what that is. One of the two indominal desires
that are planted in every male heart, In every male heart, is
this desire, this muscle to be a father figure.
Important statement, then, important qualification.
Here's the important statement. If you do not grow into the role
of spiritual father or father figure, if you do not exercise
that muscle as a man, there will always, always, always be a hole
in your life. Neurologically, there will also
be a hole in your brain. I'll talk more about that later.
You were made to be a spiritual father.
Important qualification. You do not need to be a
biological father to be a spiritual father.
In fact, some of the most important father figures in
human history were not biological fathers.
The apostle Paul, he wrote Titus not a biological father.
He's going to exhort Titus to be a spiritual father.
Titus is not a biological father.
Jesus not a biological father. And yet all of these men were
extraordinary spiritual fathers to many.
You don't need to be a biological father to be a
spiritual father. And also you can be a biological
father and fail at your role of being a spiritual father.
And Paul knows that. And that's why Paul says to
Titus, kind of the resident church planter, pastor in the
island of Crete, He says, hey, be a spiritual father and invest
in the next generation. That's what he says.
He doesn't phrase it exactly like that.
Why don't you stand for the reading of the Word of God, and
we'll hear Paul's real words. Paul singling out all of these,
these people groups. He's spoken to older men, he's
spoken to older women investing in younger women.
And this morning he's going to focus on the younger men in the
church. And so ladies, last week I
preached a long sermon about older women investing in younger
women. If you missed that, go back and
listen to that. I think it will bless you.
So I am going to focus specifically on what this text
is, which is Paul exhorting Titus to be a spiritual father
to the next generation of young men.
Ladies, that doesn't mean that there's nothing in this sermon
for you. What you need to do is you need
to practice what's called creative listening, creative
lives. Holy Spirit, what do you want me
to learn from this? OK, I, I'm not a spiritual
father. I'm not a spiritual son.
What, what about this is applicable to my life?
You get it, Creative listening. But here's the text.
He says likewise so that the same way that older women should
invest in younger women is the likewise likewise urge.
This is urgent urge the younger men to be self controlled.
And then he says be a role model.
That's what this is about. He says, show yourself in all
respects to be a model of good works.
And in your teaching, show integrity, dignity and sound
speech that cannot be condemned so that an opponent may be put
to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.
Invest in the next generation and be a role model.
Heavenly Father, would you breathe your breath of life into
the preaching this morning? All I have are words.
Words can't do squat without spirit.
So I ask that you would light each of these words on fire like
a dart, and that that flaming dart would Pierce the human
heart. That can only happen if you're
at work, Lord. So it's in the precious name of
Jesus that all God's people prayed.
Amen. You can have a seat.
Oh, hey, I'm not going to spend a lot of time explaining the
text. I usually do.
The text is pretty easy to understand.
OK? There's no surprising Greek
words hiding in here. There's no surprising meaning
that's hiding in here. Essentially, if you look at this
text, what Paul is saying is really simple.
He's saying invest in the next generation of young men and be a
role model to them. That's, that's what the text is
about, right, right. He's, he's saying urge the
younger men to be specifically, he's saying help them be self
controlled. Why?
Here's the reason I, I think why I think because every, every
place, every geography, every church, every nation builds its
own unique culture, a culture around young men and their
expectations for young men. The island of Crete is a
dumpster fire, right? There's like, if, if you've
studied it, if you've made one of those early sermons, you know
that there's some crazy stuff happening on island of Crete.
It's dominated by dishonest mercenary soldiers.
It's dominated by literal pirates who get their living by
stealing. That means that the expectations
on this island for young men are really low, right?
My guess is that on the island of Crete, if I had to guess, my
guess is that it would be kind of like a, well, you know, boys
will be boys type of culture, right?
And those types of cultures, boys will be boys.
What they do is they they tend to reinforce on helpful gender
norms of things like bullying and domineering and being sexual
predators and stealing and being thieves and being dishonest.
And what Paul is saying to Titus is don't have low expectations
for these men. Urge them to be better.
Urge them to be self controlled. Urge them to be like Jesus.
I know these men are pirates. God's real, he can change them.
You can have godly expectations for them.
Urge them to be self controlled. So of course, that's why Paul
says to Titus, invest in the next generation of men.
Why did he have to say that? Probably because it's not
happening. Why?
Why doesn't this happen then and and now?
Why is it so rare for older men to invest in younger men?
Where's the rub? I spent a lot of time this week.
This is probably a rare sermon that needs to be more common for
me, but it was rare because I probably spent more time praying
about the sermon than actually studying and preparing the
sermon, which should probably be more normal for me.
But as I, as I prayed and fasted over that question, why is, why
does this not happen in the church?
I do feel like the Lord gave me an answer.
Like I do feel like the Spirit gave me something.
And so I think there's something in here for you as as a man.
I think the reason why older men struggle to invest in younger
men and younger men struggle to have friendships with older men
is is simple. I think it's because most men
choose loneliness over awkwardness.
Those are the two choices, either loneliness or
awkwardness, right? If you want to have these type
of relationships and friendships, you're going to
have to endure some level of awkwardness.
There's always a level of awkwardness to starting these
types of discipleship relationships because they
always start the same way. It almost always starts with a
younger man's life falling apart, which it doesn't have to,
and then him saying, hey, dude, you're one step ahead of me.
You're 2 steps ahead of me, you're 3 steps ahead of me.
I've got to be honest with you, I suck at being a husband.
I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to be a good
dad. I thought I was going to be a
good dad and I'm not. I can't stop watching porn.
How do you invest your money? I don't know how to be a
Christian, right? If you're going to embrace that
type of honesty, you're going to have to endure some level of
awkwardness. And some dudes are like, no, I
don't want to do it. I would rather just rot in
private. It's a lot of men just they
choose loneliness over awkwardness.
And if you don't want to invest in the men at your local church
as a man, that's fine. You're welcome.
We love you still show up on Sunday mornings, worship with
us. Seriously.
I mean that that's great, but you are.
You're not just rejecting awkwardness.
I need you to know that you are also choosing loneliness, and
there's always a price to pay for this.
Like one of the things I've said, and I think it's wrong,
not that it's wrong, I just don't think it's true enough.
One of the things I've said in the past is the church needs
good men right along the the yearly men's gathering we do is
called Iowa Needs Good Dudes. Yeah, Heck yeah.
Heck yeah, bro, Iowa needs good dudes.
And it's not that that's wrong, it's just that it's not true
enough. Like, the more that I've thought
about that sentiment, I would take it one step farther.
I'm not positive that what the church needs are good men.
We have Jesus, Amen. What the church needs are men
who at least want to become good.
If that's there, if the desire is there, if the hunger is
there, if the want is there, like I just, I want to become a
good man. Everything else tends to fall in
place. And if it doesn't, everything
else just tends to go to hell in a handbasket.
Like I didn't recognize how much of A threat a bored man is to
his family and his church until I became a pastor.
I wish you could. I wish you could be a family on
the wall in some of these conversations as as a as a
pastor there, I have had moments where women have reached out to
me and they've said my marriage is it is falling apart.
I am miserable right now. We need help.
And I've reached out to the man
like his wife feels like she's on fire, fire.
And I've reached out to the man, he's been like, Nah, I don't
want help. Men would rather some men would
rather drag their whole family into hell than just admit that
they need help. And if that's you, if you're not
self controlled, if if your marriage is not flourishing, you
don't know how to follow Jesus. I am pleading with you.
I'm begging brother, I will wash your feet.
I will get down to my hands and knees, Then I will kiss your
feet. Please don't be that guy.
Be the guy who at least has the want to be a good man who at
least can embrace the awkwardness and say, hey dude,
you're like one step ahead of me.
I know you're not perfect at this, but I see you at church
and it seems like you're kind of crushing it at marriage.
It seems like you're doing a good job as as a dad.
I will buy you coffee. Can we hang out?
That's how it's done. It's actually not complicated.
You just have to endure the awkwardness of making it right.
And here's about probably as practical as I'm going to get
this morning. If I think there's 2 levels of
men investing in men at the local church.
There's a formal level and there's an informal level.
Let's walk through the formal level really quickly.
If if you're in a place where you have an extra hour or hour
and a half of time to invest in the next generation of men in a
formal discipleship relationship, I've got three
things I want to say to you. Here's the first thing.
If you're a spiritual father, do not overlook the men in this
church who are just one step behind you.
They seem like peers to you. I think you'd be amazed at how
many men who are one step behind you because of us being such a
young church would look to you as a spiritual father.
Don't overlook them. Second, if you're like on the
bottom 50th percentile in terms of age in our church, as a man,
what I would say to you is the second point, which is as a
spiritual son, do not despise and don't overlook the man who's
just one step ahead of you. You don't need a man in your in
his 60s or 70s, even though everybody does.
Like here's the thing, you like Kent, Kent Young and Carl
Maxwell, those guys, those guys are lottery tickets that we
didn't even have to scratch. And the thing about being a
young church and having men like that is that everybody wants to
be best friends with them. Everybody like all the dudes in
our church is like, dude, I want to be like Carl.
I want to be like Kent. And the thing about a sermon
like this is I don't want to, like, fill their entire
calendars and have everybody be like, hey, can we be best
friends now, Carl? It can't, even though I know you
want that to be true. What?
That would be great. But also, you would be amazed at
how much wisdom a man who's one step ahead of you has.
And so like, like if you're in your 20s and you're single, a
young man who is married without kids can be a spiritual father
to you. If you are young and married and
have kids, a person who's young and married and has one or two
kids more than you can be a spiritual father to you, right?
Those are the first two points. The Third Point is this.
If this if you're going to invest in the next generation of
men or if you're going to be invested in by the generation
before you, the key is for both men to have the posture of
learners or to say a different way.
Don't try to impress each other. The the bond, the friendship.
It will not take if you sit down with an older man and try to
impress him. The best way is to take the
posture of a learner and to just be like, OK, I'm going to come
with some questions and I'm going to be the learner.
If you can do that, you'll create kind of a formal
discipleship relationship that's intergenerational.
Are you guys with me? Feels hot in here right now.
Maybe that's the spirit. Let's keep pressing.
There's also this informal level though, where if you're you're
hearing what I'm saying and you're like, yeah, yeah, bro,
that all sounds good. I don't have the time to invest
in that type of relationship. That's OK.
I hope it's a season and not a lifetime commitment.
But if you're if you're there, you're like, I don't have the
time to give to that. I totally understand.
My advice to you is simple. Take the Sunday gathering and
reimagine it. As Western Christians, we've
been taught to believe that the Sunday gathering, it's for me.
I want to come. And I want my needs to be met
and that always leads to dissatisfaction.
Just a heads up. If you can reconceptualize it by
thinking OK, this is our grandchildren's church and start
to think 1-2 generations deep, then you can show up to church
and think, OK, this is for me to invest in other men in my
church. Let me tell you 3 things you can
do to cultivate that type of spiritual father aura in the
church #1 if you're an older man at the Sunday gathering, I want
you to notice a young man who is crushing it.
It can be at anything, right? It could be at parenting.
It can be at husbanding. It can be at worshipping.
Maybe the bar is so low that you saw a guy tie his shoes.
That brings me to step #2 tell him he's crushing it.
Brother, I saw you tie your shoes.
I thought you were going to stop.
And then you double nodded them. You're crushing it.
You'd be amazed at how little encouragement young men need
from the older generation of men.
I'm joking. Maybe keep it somewhere in the
realm of I saw you crushing it as a as a Christian or, or
whatever it is. You would be amazed at how
hungry young men are to hear that from men who are like one
or two steps ahead of them. And here's the third step.
This is how you seal the deal. After you tell them that they're
crushing it, I want you to reach out your hand, put it on their
left shoulder, and then pray over them, preferably a prayer
of gratitude. And if you do that 52 Sundays a
year, you will become a spiritual father in the church.
And the degree to which you can do this and invest in the men
around you is the degree to which you will enjoy the church
or despise the church. If you do not do this, you will
be bored in church. It doesn't matter how good the
worship is, it doesn't matter how many church events there
are, It doesn't matter how good the preaching is.
Whatever, if you are not actively investing in the men
around you as a man in church, you're just going to be bored.
It's like God has built it into your brain.
Like there was a there was a study done in 2020 called, I
can't remember what it was. It was people transitioning into
parenthood and they discovered something amazing, which is they
discovered that there's literally something that they
called dad brain. That dad brain literally exists.
What they discovered through through a neurological stance
scan of men transitioning into fatherhood was that there's
actually this nest of neurons. It's not gigantic.
It's not like half of your brain or like 25% of your brain.
It's, it's relatively small, but there's this nest of neurons in
your brain. Can you picture this?
There's this nest of neurons in your brain as a man that is
inactive. It's dormant, it's asleep, and
there's only one thing that activates it.
Can you guess what? Becoming a dad.
When you become a dad, that nest of neurons that was dormant, it
lights up, it comes to life, it wakes up.
And they discovered that you don't need to be a biological
father in order to activate that part of your brain.
If you are actively investing in younger men to any degree, that
part of your brain can and will light up.
And so I'm not trying to be mean when I say this.
I don't mean this in a mean spirited way whatsoever.
I'm just saying like neurologically, as a man, if you
are not investing in other men, there will be a hole in your
brain. Just a you won't there will it
will feel like there's something missing in your life because
there is. And that's why Paul says Titus
be a spiritual father. Oh boy, 1113, OK, I'm going to
do it. There was pandemonium.
There was chaos. There was people screaming and
yelling at each other in the year 1912 as the Titanic began
to sink. But as the Titanic was sinking
into the icy cold waters, there was a man named Daniel Buckley
who made his way to one of the 20 lifeboats.
There were only 20 lifeboats, famously, right?
There were famously not enough lifeboats on the unsinkable
Titanic. And Daniel Buckley found his way
all the way on to lifeboat #13 they all filled up.
And there were still hundreds of people left on the Titanic.
So famously the officers went around enforcing the women and
children first rule, which you know, is existentially just,
it's right. There is something built into
your heart that's like, Yep, if anybody's going to die, it
should be men and not women or children.
You can even try and make an argument, but you need to be
motivated by another agenda if you want to disagree with that.
Like if you want to be like, you know, I actually think it should
be men and women 1st and children should drown on the
boats because because men and women, man, they're more
valuable to the workforce and the economy.
Dude, you don't mean that inside of every male heart, and this is
the second of the two indomitable desires inside of
every male heart. Inside of every male heart is a
desire to give up your life and sacrifice it so that other lives
can flourish and live. It's in there.
You can bury it, you can ignore it, but it will be to your own
peril. In fact, that's exactly what
Daniel Buckley did. He ignored that and he buried
that desire within his heart. He was on Lifeboat 13.
And as as the the guards went around from lifeboat to
lifeboat, forcibly removing the men sometimes from the lifeboats
on to the sinking ship, they eventually arrived at Lifeboat
13. And for Daniel Buckley, it hit
him. Uh oh.
These guys are about to forcibly remove me from this safe and dry
lifeboat, and they're about to place me onto a ship that is
going to sink to the bottom of the ocean where I breathe my
last breaths in frozen water. And so Daniel Buckley, he had an
idea. He was sitting next to a a
loving, thoughtful, generous woman and he decided that he
wanted to exploit her generosity.
And what he did was he convinced the woman that was sitting next
to him to give him her shawl. So he took the shawl, he
disguised himself as a woman and when the officers arrived at
lifeboat #13, he put his hands in his face and fake cried.
And it worked. And depending on whatever
historian you read, the numbers vary from historian to
historian. But based on whatever historian
you read that night, 150 to 175 women and children sunk and met
their deaths at the bottom of the ocean on the Titanic.
But not Daniel Buckley. He arrived safe to shore.
Why? Because he was wearing a shawl.
I'm only speaking to the men when I say this.
Please hear me. The obvious question that you
have to ask when you think about this story is are you wearing a
shawl? Man, there are too many men in
the modern church who are just way too comfortable being safe
and dry on the lifeboats while the next generation of
Christians drown on a sinking ship, making way too few
investments, encouraging way too little.
And I know that sounds dramatic. It's a Titanic analogy I've been
preaching for nine years. I've never used the Titanic
analogy. It's so dramatic.
The data supports it. You don't even need data.
You have the Scriptures. The scriptures are so clear.
Tell the next generation about the works of God from one
generation to the next. Titus, be a spiritual father.
You don't need data, but there's data.
Barna, Actually last year they did a landmark study where they
decided, let's see if we can find if there's any single
defining factor that differentiates people who grow
up in the church and abandon it later on in life and people who
grow up in church and keep the faith for their entire life.
And you know what they discovered?
They discovered there was, there was 1 defining factor.
You know what it wasn't? It was not denomination,
although that's important. It wasn't a youth ministry,
though. We'll need one of those.
It wasn't whether or not they played dodgeball, though I would
love to flatten some faces with some dodge balls in the future.
None of those things were the defining factor.
The defining factor for kids who grew up in the church and
remained in the faith their entire lives was simple.
They had three to five adult believers who played significant
roles in their life and were open and honest about their own
struggles with the faith. That's what kept.
That's what God. I mean, God kept him.
God alone keeps people, but that's what he used, so the data
is clear. If you don't want to invest in
the next generation, say goodbye from your lifeboat.
Watch them sink, but they'll sink.
I know there's some awkwardness you like there's there's part of
you that's like, yeah, I know. But gosh, man, it just feels
sometimes so awkward to reach out and encourage a younger man
at church on Sunday. It just feels shawl.
I know. I just don't have a I got a busy
schedule. I just don't have a lot of time.
Shawl. Those are all shawls.
They're ways of avoiding responsibility and becoming
spiritual fathers in the church. Here's the way it works.
Men, Older men die and younger men get to flourish.
Older men sacrifice and younger men get to live, and that's how
you create a beautiful, beautiful, vibrant local church.
Spurgeon, of course, says it more powerfully than me.
The 19th century's preacher, Charles Spurgeon says, quote, if
the Lord does not speedily appear, there will come another
generation and another, and all these generations will be
tainted and injured. If we are not faithful to God
and his truth. Today we have come to a turning
point in the road. What's the turning point,
Charles? If we turn the right way, our
children and our children's children will go that way.
But if we turn the wrong way, generations yet unborn will
curse our names for having been unfaithful to God and to his
word. They'll show up at college
someday and their buddies will be like, what was it like
growing up in the church? And they'll say, I don't know,
man. I always just kind of felt like
I was a distraction there. It just never really felt like
the church was like really interested in me or that they
were passionate. I do have good news for you this
morning. Here's here's my good news for
you. My good news for you is simple.
Jesus did not wear a shawl. Jesus did not stay on his
lifeboat. That's the gospel.
Jesus was on the lifeboat in eternity, in heaven, in
paradise, apart from sin, apart from suffering, apart from pain,
in the perfect presence of the Father in the Spirit in the
heavenly realm. That's a lifeboat.
Did he stay on it? No, He incarnated himself.
He got off the lifeboat and placed himself on our sinking
ship. When the world went to hell
through sin and pain and suffering, and the ship started
to sink, Jesus took on flesh, came after us, lived the perfect
life, died in our place to take away all of our sins, to absorb
the wrath of God, and to give us his lifeboat to cover us in the
righteousness of God. So that by faith alone in
Christ, if you believe in Jesus, you get his lifeboat.
And that means that you're going to show up safe and secure at
heaven in new creation forever because of Jesus.
There are two indomitable desires in every male heart, the
desire to be a father figure and the desire to give up your life
so that others may flourish. Use both of those for the good
of your church. In the glory of God.
Heavenly Father move in US powerfully.
For a lot of us it just means it.
Developing an informal friendship with the men at a
church where we are praying for them, encouraging them, lifting
them up before the throne of God and telling them that we love
them and we believe in them and that God's at work in them.
And so, Lord, in our world, that does take a miracle.
So, Lord, would you do that? In the precious name of Jesus,
All God's people prayed.