Good morning Frontier Church. I personal experience, I think
is shared. I think that the Midwest we
experience a fairly noticeable and common thing.
I think, in fact, that it seems so normalized that it has become
a stereotype in this area. I'm not talking about that
Midwest kindness or that it's not the heat that'll get you.
It's the neither of those, none of those jokes, none of the none
of that Midwest kindness. What I'm really talking about is
some sort of kind of like bastardized or shunted stoicism
where we will often go out of our way to quote, maintain the
peace, bottling up problems, thoughts, issues, fears and
concerns and often letting them consume us.
I know it seems crazy because I'm like unequivocally the most
profound over share in this room.
I cook all of you any day of the week on my worst day, Hall of
Fame over sharer. And most of you, as you know,
have borne the brunt of that. So I'm sorry, but I hope you can
believe me when I say that this was not always how I was.
And let me show you what I mean. When I was a young teen, I was
in the midst of crisis. Things were changing in me and
and most noticeably, something, something bad was happening.
Something was wrong. I certainly acted out in like
small or weird ways, but I was never really explosive until the
winter of 22,000 and four. It was February when when it
kind of all came to head my 8th grade year.
It is like when it became really dire.
I escaped to a video game. And when I say I escaped, I'm
not talking like, you know, if you're a kid and your mom says
you play too many video games in a day, it's like 2 hours.
And that is a lot. But for me, I was like, skipping
school and playing the game for like 16 hours a day, sometimes
more. Sometimes I wouldn't sleep.
I retreated from social interactions, like sports.
I started having panic attacks in public unprovoked, even
collapsing and hyperventilating during basketball tryouts.
Everyone around me knew something was wrong.
I was going to doctors for it, but no one and and especially me
at the time could put a word to it.
And this all came to head unfortunately in a series of
suicide attempts where my mother finally caught me and I was
shortly thereafter admitted to a psych ward.
I was hospitalized and looking back on it now, the reason I say
this is because with many years of experience in coping and
becoming better at dealing with my problems, I want to be
critical of my younger self. I don't, I don't.
I don't want to be unfair, I don't want to bully that kid,
but I want to be a little more honest.
In retrospect. I knew what was wrong.
I did. I understood it not perfectly
like I do now. Not professional or clinical or
in that precise wording that I use where I over share to
explain things. But even still back then I had
enough to say about what was going on inside and around me
outside and how I was experiencing it.
The deeper issue had nothing to do with a lack of ability to
communicate. But as I look back more I see
that I had a fear of rejection from the choice few people who
are around me. My mom, my dad, a few of my
friends and family. A part of me came to despise
them because I blame them for my inability to communicate.
But really church, I was just scared of what they would think.
I don't say this to alarm anyone and I want you all to know that
I guys, I'm OK. I'm super well loved.
Friends from other churches have come out to even support me
today. I'm well loved by you here and
by my friends and by my family. But a part of me has recently
felt that same fear of communication.
Work has been eating me alive, and so instead of trying to put
words to real concerns, it becomes easy to just say, look
at my work. Don't you see why I'm tired or
exhausted? However, church family, this is
not the way. I think that the problem with
Midwest Nice is sometimes to preserve an image or the peace
we neglect or short communicate what is really going on.
So today with the last Psalm of this miniseries, I want to look
at a true emotional vulnerability.
I want to invite you to consider a psalmist words and shape of
their thought as a template for difficulties, whether self
caused or by an outsider. More importantly, I want to
invite you church, into the freedom of emotional and
complete vulnerability with God your Father.
I want to help you see the safety you have in Him despite
bad words, misplaced frustrations, anger or vile
thoughts that we can all experience.
I want you all and myself, church, as much for you as it is
for me today to know that whatever the circumstance,
whatever our darkest thoughts, God has not rejected you and He
is listening. And now, in order to do this, I
actually have to ask you guys a favor.
You see, the Psalm I will be covering is likely and
exceedingly familiar Psalm with most of you in this room.
It is quoted in the New Testament 17 times and has
prophetic and theological foresight into the life of
Jesus. But before I read it, I want to
make a contract with you. I don't want to neglect that
part of the Psalm, but first I want to invite you all to
examine the Psalm. It's words, emotions, and
structure as the please of a man who is deeply emotionally
exhausted. And I want you to hold that in
tandem with the knowledge that God did not forsake David the
author. In fact, through his lineage,
the world Savior came as we know.
So even when David's language seems so emotionally charged and
even violent towards God, God did not look away.
Today we're going to be looking at Psalm 69, Frontier.
But before I read it, I want to give you an overview and some
quick context. There is a divide in thinking
about when the Psalm is penned or written.
And for my purposes here, I kind of actually like that.
I'm, I have an opinion. I'm just going to state where
the scholarly, scholarly theologians throughout history
have kind of landed. I'm not going to give you a
concise answer. I want you to wrestle with it
could be either. And the truth is, what I have to
say will kind of tell you that it doesn't matter even if we
have the answer, that the the response wouldn't wouldn't
change. Some scholars think the Psalm
was penned during Absalom's rebellion.
Many of you will remember when David's own son attempted to
usurp David and rule the Kingdom.
The other side of the divide is that David may have penned it
during his sinful time with or shortly after the events with
Bathsheba where he ultimately had one of his friends and
commanders killed so that he could be with her.
To be honest, I like that that the the scholarly community is
split on this throughout time because on one side it is David
being afflicted by the outside that is an experience we all
know, while on the other side it is David dealing with the
ramifications of his own sin. And either way, like I said, I I
want to show you, no matter how which historical context you
read it in, what I have to say does not change.
The song can be separated neatly church into two different and
equal parts. The first part will be verses
one through 18, and the latter part would then obviously be
verses 19 through 36. The first part we will call the
plea for aid and then the second that latter half will call
imprecations. Can you say imprecations?
Do any of you know what that means?
I, to be honest, didn't at at at the time.
It means spoken curses. Yeah, violence.
Literally cursing somebody to like doom to death.
So again, call for aid. I'm going to ask God to kill
people for me. The latter half does conclude,
however, with an exaltation to God.
So David will actually pivot at the very end from those
imprecations to to worshipping God.
And now with a little bit of context, if you would please
stand, whether in body or spirit, for the reading of God's
Word, we'll be reading Psalm 69 in its entirety together.
It's a long 136 verses. Bear with me.
To the choirmaster, according to lilies of David, Save me, O God,
for the waters have come up to my neck.
I sink in deep mire where there is no foothold.
I have come into deep waters and the flood sweeps over me.
I am weary with my crying out. My throat is parched.
My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God.
More in number than the hairs of my head are those who hate me
without cause. Mighty are those who would
destroy me, those who attack me with lies.
What I did not steal must I restore.
Oh God, you know my folly. The wrongs I have done are not
hidden from you. Let not those who hope and you
be put to shame through me, Oh Lord God of hosts, but not those
who seek you to be brought dishonor through me, O God of
Israel, For it is for your sake that I have borne reproach.
That dishonor has covered my face.
I have become a stranger to my brothers and alien to my
mother's sons. For zeal for your house has
consumed me, and the reproaches of those who approach you have
fallen on me. When I wept and humbled my soul
with fasting, it became my reproach.
When I made sackcloth my clothing, I became a byword to
them. I am the talk of those who sit
in the gate, and the drunkards make songs about me.
But As for me, my prayers to You, O Lord, at an acceptable
time, O God, and the abundance of Your steadfast love, answer
me in Your saving faithfulness. Deliver me from sinking in the
mire. Let me be delivered from my
enemies and from the deep waters.
Let not the flood sweep over me, or the deep swallow me up, or
the pit close its mouth over me. Answer me, O Lord, for Your
steadfast love is good according to Your abundant mercy.
Turn to me. Hide not your face from Your
servant, for I am in distress. Make haste to answer me.
Draw near to my soul. Redeem me, ransom me.
Because of my enemies, You know my reproach and my shame and my
dishonor. My foes are all known to you.
Reproaches have broken my heart so that I'm in despair.
I looked for pity, but there was none.
And for comforters, but I found none.
They gave me poison for food and for my thirst.
They gave me sour wine to drink. Let their own table before them
become a snare, and when they are at peace, let it become a
trap. Let their eyes be darkened so
that they cannot see, and make their loins tremble.
Continually pour out your indignation upon them, and let
your burning anger overtake them.
May there camp be a desolation? Let no one dwell in their tents,
for they persecute him who you have struck down, and they
recount the pain of those you have wounded.
Add to them punishment upon punishment.
May they have no acquittal from you.
Let them be blotted out of the book of the living.
Let them not be enrolled among the righteous.
But I am afflicted and in pain. Let your salvation, O God, set
me on high. I will praise the name of God
with a song. I will magnify him with
Thanksgiving. This will please the Lord more
than an ox or a bull with horns and hooves.
When the humble see it, they will be glad.
You who seek God, let your hearts revive.
For the Lord hears the needy, and does not, despite it,
despise His own people who are prisoners.
Let heaven and earth praise Him the season everything that moves
in them. For God will save Zion and build
up the cities of Judah, and people shall dwell there and
possess it. The offspring of His servants
shall inherit it, and those who love His name shall dwell in it.
Church, His word is good. You may be seated like I alluded
to. I am not going to break down
each individual verse word by word, but we will be covering
the flows and thoughts. And I really want to ask you
guys kind of like that contract we made in the beginning to be
sensitive with how David speaks to God.
Right in the beginning. David does not mince words.
Save me. Oh God.
There's nothing more straightforward than just crying
out for help. Why does he need saving?
Well, depending on the context, there's a few answers, but David
actually describes it more. He says that he's in deep water,
and it actually gets worse than that.
Not only is the water up to his neck, but he's sinking in a deep
mire. Church in a deep mire is like a
bog. It's not just water, it's mud.
It's the thing you can't move in.
You don't have the mobility. You can't even like, grab at a
limb or a branch to pull yourself out.
It is pulling you in. You're not just drowning.
You're being consumed. He can't move his feet.
He is trapped and he is growing tired.
He says his vision is blurring. His voice is broken.
And then what? What is that final clause for?
Why his eyes grow dim with waiting for my God?
Let's stop right there to me in my prayer life.
If I'm being honest with you, Church, that sounds
transgressive. What do you mean that you're
tired of waiting for God? David, God is God and you are
man regardless of circumstance. God is gracious and perfect and
it is your duty to wait and receive what God gives.
You can't express exhaustion in God for waiting.
Straighten up man, is what a part of me wants to scream when
I read this. Why is David talking to God like
this? So let's keep going.
And the next segment, David's going to lay out that those
against him are in numerous and they build a narrative of lies
and hatred without cause, so much so that even like drunkards
are writing song about David's reproaches.
So like even like the lowest of the low, just like Tavern
dwellers are are singing about David's fallen.
And what does David ask? God, what I did not steal?
Must I now restore the entitlement, the indignation,
like asking a parent when they ask you to do a chore or to do
something? I didn't even make that mess.
Why are you having me clean it up?
Dad? This is another instance for me
where a part of my Midwest brain sees David as the transgressor
against God. And I hope you do too if you
read it in a certain tone. Imagine you were pleading with
God. You just got telling, got done
telling him you are tired of waiting for him.
And now you move on to acknowledge the actual situation
and immediately ask God. OK, so all this that I didn't
do, am I the one who is supposed to fix it doesn't sound so good.
That makes my that makes me nervous if I think about talking
to God. But let's move along once you've
got another instance here in verse 7 and 8 where I'll find
another instance. Depending on how you emphasize
the words or play with them, or even without emphasis, you can
certainly hear now for sure a child blaming a parent for it is
for your sake. I have borne reproach, God, it's
because of you that this is happening, Dad.
It's because of your, your existence that I'm getting
yelled at, Dad. You're mad at me because of who
you are. There's a few ways to read that
truthfully, I don't know and and some of the scholars actually do
interpret it differently. But in my first read of it, it
certainly makes me itchy as a as a reader, as somebody who prays
and talks to God, that there are multiple ways to read that that
would sound indignant. David is saying, God, it is in
the interest of you that I have borne reproach.
It is because of you that this is happening.
Because of you that my family no longer recognizes me.
My mother's sons, my brothers no longer know my name.
David, brother, we need to get back on track.
We are in the weeds and it is not a good look to blame and
point the finger at God, man. Not at least here in the
Midwest. No, no, no.
And thankfully church for my social peace minded self.
David does get back on track. You heard it.
He returns in this segment to worshiping God.
Your steadfast love is good. That's what we sing about.
That's what we're shouting at church.
That makes sense. Bam, right back in tow.
Good job David, hide not your face from me.
You're so back on track. We're worshipping God.
Wait, wait, wait. What's going on here in the
second section? I read it, you heard it, you've
probably read it as well. Look what David calls for with
regard is regarding his enemies. I said this is the imprecations
part and it makes me very uncomfortable.
Verses 22 to 28, the segment I referenced earlier as
imprecations, David just unleashes A plea with God for
the entire annihilation of those who persecute and reproach him.
Those who deny Him and who hate Him, he says, trap them in their
peace, blind them as David is feeling blinded, his vision
dulling, blind them. Pour out your anger on them as
they poured out their anger on me.
Destroy their abode so it is a barren and desolate place.
And this isn't even enough for David.
That's that's like a that's like abominable in this church to to
like ask for that on somebody. But for David, he actually
doesn't stop with that. He says he punishment after
punishment on them, give them no acquittal and wipe their name
from the book of life entirely. And then to make matters worse,
church right after he just like lays out these requests of doom
and destruction against his adversaries.
He gives us from a literary and a poetic sense, what I can only
describe as one of the biggest whiplashes that I have ever read
in any genre. The pivots from verses 28 to 29
to 30 is a wild emotional riot. And if you have your Bible in
front of you, just read them really quick.
If you don't remember, I'm going to summarize it for you. 3
verses, 51 words. Here we go.
Kill them. Save me.
You are worthy of praise. That is just.
That is so big and it seems so dark and sure, he pivots to what
I'm comfortable with. You know, in my own personal
worship that you are worthy of praise part, maybe a little bit
of the save me. I'm a bit of a masochist, so
sometimes I don't even like asking for help.
But definitely the the first part, the kill them.
That kind of book ends those imprecations where he starts
kill them. Save me.
You are worthy of praise in 51 words.
David cruises through those three things and ends the Psalm
where we are most comfortable, as I said, worshipping God.
However, to get that comfortable familiarity, we have to
reconcile the fact that David has told God he is tired of
waiting for him and even maybe has blamed him.
He then pivots to asking God for his enemies to just be
obliterated and then jukes back to worshipping God.
It's hard for me, and I wonder if it's hard for you guys to
reconcile all these thoughts and emotions as they are portrayed
in the Psalm, as they are for me, especially when I operate or
exist in that fear that governed me when I was younger.
Maybe that is a shared fear, the fear of rejection, that fear
that lurks behind the stereotype of the Midwest.
Nice. Not that we don't know what to
say when things are hard or emotions are high, but that we
fear we are going to be rejected, that those who love us
will turn their faces from us. I have a suspicion that many of
you carry that weight, carry that fear into your prayer life.
But real quick, church, just take a pause.
Before I get into that, I want to make a distinction.
I'm not saying all prayer or corporate prayer should model
something like what we find here that could be read as
antagonistic, especially in the beginning, towards God.
What I'm talking about is your personal prayer, that quiet
place. Many of you, and definitely
myself, approach God with such a fear of rejection that when
things are difficult or we are mad with Him, we default back to
the safety of universal truths and recognitions and prayers.
We plea on the behalf of others, but never plea or argue or be
honest about ourselves with God because we are afraid.
If David's striking words in the Psalm are contained in the
Bible, the very word of God itself, then we actually have to
evaluate our trepidation at the language in question.
Why am I afraid to approach God like this?
It's not the other way around. So real quick, let's take
another look and I'm not going to turn to it, but just give you
a quick narrative of another place in the Bible and I can't
even read it all to you because it's literally 12 chapters what
I'll be referencing. But if you just remember with me
the the story of Job and I know I'm clicking so I'm sorry, the
end of Job 12 chapters, chapter 29 or 30.
It starts with Job, with Ali, who there, who's like Job's like
one actual like resolute good homie who honors God and doesn't
just leave Job the wrong way. Job airs his frustrations with
God at his situation and he does not mince words.
Job says to God and Alihu, look at my life.
I was wise, I was fair and just. I was charitable to those in
need. I did not turn away the
stranger. I blessed those around me and
gave sacrifices to God and now everything is gone.
I'm disdained and mocked. I have nothing.
Look at my life, there are no transgressions.
I am above reproof. What charge is against me?
You can hear Job screaming before Ali.
Who And God, You can see him desperately trying to make sense
of the calamity that befell him as a good man.
And a part of me wants to ambitiously like correct Job or
myself. When I adorn my personal prayers
with language like that, where I'm challenging God or I'm
frustrated, I would say that impish part of me would say what
charges against me? That's hilarious.
I am a fallen man, so it's like every charge, duh.
Why even say that? How can I tell God that I am
above reproof or ask him where the punishment comes from?
However, in the story Job does exactly that.
He he tries to say he's a good man and even God earlier says
he's a good man to to Satan. God doesn't destroy Job for the
outburst for being incorrect. Through those 12 chapters, after
Job lays out his case and says, where have I gone wrong to
deserve this? Job isn't destroyed.
Ali who rebukes him, he does. And God reminds Job of his
place, saying that God is God and the place of man is as man.
But at the end of the story, if you'll remember, God restores
Job. He doesn't condemn Job for this
frustration that Job experiences with God.
In fact, he he, he restores him. And what I want you to see
church is in that both of these narratives there is a striking
similarity. Man in conversation with God,
lashing out with God, lashing out against others, and openly
airing perceived grievances with God about circumstances of life.
In both of these narratives, God does not reject his child.
I think many of us would shrink at the thought of employing
language like that in our personal prayer lives.
Maybe some of you are awesome at this.
I'm I'm not, I'm I'm not. And it's been really difficult
recently. But in both of those instances,
God does not turn his face away from his child.
In the case of David, as promised, God built his eternal
Kingdom from the line of David to Job.
God restores his land, his livestock, more abundantly than
he had before. He blesses him with 10 more
children, seven sons, three daughters.
And all of this to say, God will not reject you if your prayers
in the quiet place with Him traverse accusations,
frustrations, disgust, or even petulant childlike finger
pointing church. God will not turn his face away
from you. But Casey, how can you know I
have some awful things stored up?
I'm angry at God. I can't tell him or anyone else
I know I have it mixed up, but I can't reconcile how I feel with
what I know. So I guess I'll just reject what
I feel and stick to what I know and just ignore it.
I got at church. Maybe some of you are there.
I'm feeling the same way right now.
So if you would whiplash with me back to what I said about
neglecting the familiar of Psalm 69.
Let's just UN neglect it right now.
Let's hit it with the lamp light.
Many of you will know that this Psalm is often seen as a
prophetic text for the life of Jesus.
Hidden in plain sight of the Psalm, you have sour wine,
poison or gall being fed to David, his enemies numerous and
mocking him, false accusations. It is very simple for a reader
who knows their Bible to overlay David's pleas with Jesus Christ
life. The only difference is that
David was far from perfect, far, far from perfect.
David was not forever above reproach.
David did not lead this perfect life despite David having to ask
God, do not turn your face from me.
God never did. In fact, the interesting thing
about that and this is that God only turned his face once from a
beloved child and in one of the most literary, like perfect
literary, most beautiful things in written and experience
history, just a a truly cosmic moment of subversion.
God only has turned his face away from one person and it was
never an unperfect person in this subversion of expectations.
While God did not turn his face from David or Job, despite their
outlashes and misunderstandings, God did turn His face in one
moment from the only One who was above all of that, the One who
this Psalm foreshadows Jesus in that moment of cosmic justice
and ultimate satisfaction in the destruction of sin that Jesus
Christ took on the Father in heaven who crushed his only
begotten Son, turned his face and crushed him.
He crushed him and turned his face so that you, now, beloved,
would not have to fear the face of God averted from your needy
frame. Because of Jesus, you are
completely in shelled in the safety and love of God.
God will not turn His face away from you, regardless of how
frustrated you become with him, how arrogant you can be, or how
quick you are to blame him and others, He will not look away.
That doesn't give you a free pass to just be terrible and
word and deed. Just like Joe, if you say awful
things to God, you should acknowledge and repent like Job
does. At the end, however, you can
live in the freedom of true and open dialogue with God.
You can trust that despite your deepest darkest fears, sins,
regrets, hatreds, all of that, when coming before God, He will
not reject you because of Jesus Christ.
Work on the cross. You do not have to live on some
quasi or budget Midwest stoicism where you are afraid to be
honest with God because you are a turd and like no, you're
wrong. So whatever.
No church, God has not turned his face.
He will hear your cries, you will receive your angers and
your frustrations, your horrible words.
I told myself I couldn't tell my parents or my friends all the
way back in 2004 what was wrong. That isn't true.
My words may have been limited, not so precise and numerous as
now, but I could have said something.
It's like, it's not like I didn't know how to talk.
It's not like I couldn't understand.
I couldn't think, but it's scary to say things to your parents or
to your friends. I want Jeremy and Nick and Eric
and Ian and the rest of my bullies to die.
I hate how everyone talks behind everyone's backs.
I hate to feel like I'm, to feel like I matter in this world.
I have to be good at a sport or be the best in class when I'm
barely average at both. And that means that I, I, I'm
worth nothing. I guess I don't matter because
I'm not good at them. Mom and Dad, I hate you both for
fighting. Please stop.
There's so much inside of me going on that feels like a dark
mess of disorganized hatreds. Mom, Dad, I hate myself.
I want to die. What if they reject me?
What if I say that to them and they reject me?
Beloved people may reject you just like David.
Your family may reject you for some of those dark things.
Your friends may turn away from you.
I don't know. It happens to David.
However, what I do know is that because of Jesus, God will not
reject you for those dark things.
He will not. The only non dark thing to walk
the planet took on all of darkness and was crushed so that
you may speak to God, yes in fear and trembling, but with
great trust that He will not turn his face away from you.
So Church, my plea with you and even with myself as I wrestle
with this for the last few months is don't hamstring your
prayer life, especially in difficult times because you are
afraid to be honest and vulnerable with God just like
David is. I want to share another story
with you from when I was even younger.
It's when I was in first grade, I started karate.
My first grade teacher actually lived a few houses down and she
had a son who is my age. Obviously, we were in different
classes because she was my teacher.
You can't be in your mom's class at that time at least.
Anyway, he came over, we were goofing around in the yard while
my dad was doing yard work, and I wanted to show my friend all
the sick karate moves that I learned.
Remember, I've been doing karate for like one session.
This was like 3 days after session 1.
I don't even think I had a key at that point if I remember
correctly. So we're out in the yard, I'm
showing my buddy all the sickest karate moves you can think of,
and I have my dad come over. I call for him because I wanted
to demonstrate for my friend the Super 6 stuff that I was taught,
obviously. So my dad obliged and got down
on his knees and I began to just like wail on him with abandoned
and we're talking overhead chops, you know, the most
effective attack in like human history.
The auto killer, the thing that David needed when he was praying
for the destruction of his friends, that kind of thing.
Spamming him, Bam bam. He had his arm up just chopping
the mess out of him. It's incredibly powerful stuff.
I'm surprised I didn't kill him. But as you all know how I am, I
kind of, because I wasn't killing him, picked up in
intensity. So he employed another overhead
block. So it was like 2 arms and just
allowed for me to just spam these chops, hundreds of chops.
You couldn't even see my hands moving, they were moving so
fast. It was dangerous.
We were worried for my friend Michael.
He was too close. But my dad was just smiling and
encouraging me, telling me I was doing a good job, which as you
know, for a lot of kids, propels them to like become more
violent. I became upset.
I became distressed because I wasn't killing my father.
So finally I tried to switch it up from the certified lethal
overhead chop to a jab in the face.
I tried to hit my dad in the face.
Mind you, I'm just like 7. I'm like a true child.
He's down on his knees chopping at him and I'm in my brain.
I'm like, we'll switch it up. I'll punch him in the face but
my dad being an adult who's been in fights and me being 7 and
while using the most, you know, lethal known attack on the
planet didn't kill him. I tried to switch it up.
He snatches my wrist before I can connect with his face, which
is good because I would have bought them good.
But like a kid who is angry when they are grabbed, I wrenched
free and my dad didn't want me to hurt myself with the force of
his grip, so he casually let go and I punched the mess out of
myself. Bad.
Big bloody nose, both, both nostrils, blood everywhere, face
shirt covered in blood bad. I was mortified.
I immediately started crying as kids are want to do, and I ran
off to my room in the house. I'd completely forgotten about
Michael in the yard who was there watching me try to kill my
father and I was just like screaming and wailing in my
room. And the truth is it actually
didn't really hurt. I was more scared because there
was blood everywhere. And I was, to be honest, ashamed
because once I got up to my room, I realized, Oh no, Michael
saw me just be a freak. So I'm just crying in my room
and my father appears with seems like in seconds.
I didn't hear him come in. He just like appears.
He wrapped me up in a tight hug just so hard.
It didn't hurt, but he just squeezed me.
And my kids do when they're upset and they're misplacing
their frustration. You can imagine what I did.
I bit at him. I head butted him.
I kicked at him. The only thing I couldn't do was
overhead chops because he had my arms pinned to my side.
But I attacked him finally as I was starting to exhaust myself
and I'm still bleeding by the way all over him.
I screamed out as a 7 year old that I hated him and as I cried
I remember him saying I am so sorry Casey I'm not mad at you.
I love you and it took me forever to calm down.
But I remember that because what stuck with me was the silent and
firm love that my father showed me.
I will never forget that Christ died.
Church, so that when you are hurting, God can scoop you up in
firm love while you are gnashing at him, kicking, screaming, even
saying things like I hate you or this is your fault and he will
reply, I am not mad at you. I love you my son.
I love you my daughter. Church, let us pray.
Heavenly Father, if I had one prayer the past few months is
that we would not be afraid to approach you.
Yes, with fear and trembling, but knowing and with trust that
because of Christ's work that you will not turn your face from
us, just like you didn't turn your face from Job or from
David. You will see us.
You'll receive our anger, our frustrations, our misplaced
frustrations, our Miss Blamings of you, and you will tell us
that you love us because your son died on that cross.
You will bless us abundantly despite our many misgivings and
frustrations, despite our many outlaw outlashes and and bad
words towards you in prayer. What I ask that when that does
occur, that we would repent and quickly, but that we would not
be afraid to be honest with what's going on inside of us in
our prayer lives, Lord, because you're the only one who can help
us. And if we're not honest with
you, what are we even doing? We're going to pray for this
church. That we would have rich prayer
lives where despite any age or time or disposition or portion
of life, that we trust that we can come to you and that you
will not turn your face from us. Say, I love you, my son.
I love you my daughter. Amen.
Yeah.