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Welcome to Keith Knight, Don't 
tread on Anyone in the 

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Libertarian Institute. 
Today I'm joined for part four 

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of my discussion with Stefan 
Molyneux of Free domain.com. 

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Links will be in the description
below. 

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Mr. Molyneux, of all the taboo 
topics, which one do you think 

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is most important to discuss? 
What I think the most taboo 

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topic at the moment is that if 
we don't reason with each other,

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violence ensues. 
I don't know why people don't 

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get this connection. 
Maybe it's because of child 

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abuse, maybe it's because of bad
schooling, maybe it's because of

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the media. 
But we really only have the 

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choice of reason or violence. 
And if we can't negotiate with 

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each other according to some 
relatively objective rules, all 

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that is left is bullying, 
manipulation and escalation. 

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If we can't find win win 
situations. 

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I mean, if if you desperately 
need food and you can't trade or

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voluntarily beg and get 
resources that way, you have no 

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choice but to steal. 
And everybody who says that oh, 

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reason is a prejudice and who is
willing to escalate to character

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attacks and AD homonyms of other
kinds or escalation or abuse or 

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like all those people are paving
the road down to hell itself. 

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And I don't know why people 
don't see that. 

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Maybe it's because their 
personal relationships are so 

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crappy or something like that. 
But the most taboo topic is 

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shouting people down, getting 
them deplatformed, saying that 

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they should be unpersoned, 
saying that violence is an 

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acceptable response to certain 
ideas or arguments, no matter 

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how bad or terrible or horrible 
those arguments are. 

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I mean, we as a society should 
be confident enough that even if

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some absolute corrupt lunatic 
comes along and says, oh, I 

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think slavery is the most moral,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, we

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should be like, hey, you know, 
we've dealt with this a couple 

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of 100 years ago. 
Here's all of the reasons as to 

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why you're wrong and we should 
lay it out. 

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But censorship and deplatforming
and aggression and escalation 

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and mass flagging and all this 
kind of stuff is a confession 

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that arguments are weak. 
And you do not make an argument 

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stronger by destroying its 
opponents. 

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You strengthen an argument by 
engaging in the public square. 

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And of course, when you have bad
arguments, ideas or data, 

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sending it underground, removing
it from the public square where 

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competent people can debate 
these lunatics, sending it 

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underground simply creates a 
parallel Society of people who 

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can't be corrected. 
It's a terrible idea. 

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So everybody who has the 
impulse, oh, this idea is so 

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terrible and offensive, I must 
shout it down, I must destroy 

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it, I must get people out. 
You are absolutely confessing 

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that you don't have a good 
answer. 

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Now then of course, people also 
have a funny thing where they 

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say, well, there are so many 
people in society with really, 

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really bad ideas. 
You know, there's these far 

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right extremists or whatever you
want to say. 

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There's, you know, a huge half 
of America are the deplorables 

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and have these terrible ideas of
racists and and someone and it's

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like, well, who's been 
responsible for educating these 

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people? 
And so funny. 

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I don't know why people don't 
see this connection, but maybe 

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it's just me, But it's like if 
you're saying half the country 

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is full, the minds of half the 
country are full of absolutely 

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terrible, appalling, wrong 
ideas. 

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Well, y'all had them as kids for
12 years straight. 

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Thousands and thousands and 
thousands of you can't teach 

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them how to think better, You 
can't teach them how to reason. 

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Well, there's all these people 
in society, they won't listen to

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reason. 
They're just prejudice and 

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bigoted. 
It's like y'all educated them, 

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the government. 
And So what you should do if you

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genuinely think that people are 
just have terrible, terrible, 

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terrible ideas is you should 
completely change your 

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educational system. 
Because if it's just cranking 

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out people who are just bigots 
and, and appalling and 

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unthinking and uncaring and 
selfish. 

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And it's like, well, you're 
educated. 

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And it's not like it's reading, 
writing and arithmetic these 

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days. 
It's foundational moral 

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education that occurs in 
schools. 

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So all of the taboo, the most 
taboo idea is that if you want 

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reason with people, you are 
setting the stage for violence. 

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And everybody who contributes to
that, you know, everybody's got 

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to put a log on that fire to 
burn down the whole world. 

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And I don't know why we have 
such a passive acceptance of 

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people who reject reason, 
because we know, we absolutely 

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know every single factor of 
history and philosophy and 

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morality tells us where this 
goes. 

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We either reason with each other
or we come to blows. 

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And blows were bad enough in the
past. 

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Now we've got weapons of mass 
destructions, You know, those, 

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those blows could be fatal to 
the planet as a whole. 

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And I don't know why people 
don't see that this escalation 

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is almost inevitable if we don't
find a way to reason with each 

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other. 
What actions can people directly

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take in their personal lives to 
increase their income and 

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overall standard of living? 
Well, in most things there's 

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theory and there's practice. 
Like there's the hypothesis, 

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there's the business plan, and 
then there's the the execution. 

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So there's two things that you 
need to say, increase income or 

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gain more value in a 
relationship of some kind. 

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Number one is you have to have a
way of making the case that you 

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provide more value. 
So if you're a salesman and you 

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have doubled your sales from 
last year, you can go to your 

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manager and say, hey man, I'm 
assuming you're not on pure 

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Commission. 
Hey, man, I've doubled my sales.

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I should get a raise. 
So the first thing you have to 

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have is some reasonable proof or
at least a compelling case that 

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your value has increased. 
And what that means is you 

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actually have to increase your 
value, right? 

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Like you actually have to 
increase your value. 

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So when I first was in the 
business world, I spent 

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countless hours reading, you 
know, Harvard Business Review, 

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reading books on business, 
reading books on sales, on 

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marketing, on management, 
because I kind of came in from 

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academia with a graduate degree 
in the history of philosophy to 

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growing and running a software 
business in the 90s. 

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I ended up with like, I don't 
know, 35 employees or something 

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like that. 
So there was a lot for me to 

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learn. 
I'm a, I'm a little bit of a 

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loner when it comes to thinking 
and acting. 

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So learning to work and manage 
people was a real challenge. 

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So I actually had to increase my
value with knowledge and skills.

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And then I had to make a case as
to why I should be paid more. 

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And then I actually had to ask 
for it, right? 

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So you have to increase your 
value. 

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Find a way to measure that 
because everybody's, you know, 

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infinite $1,000,000 an hour in 
their own heads, right? 

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So you have to increase your 
value and then you have to make 

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that case. 
And if you can find someone who 

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agrees with you, then you can 
get more income, you can get 

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more pay. 
And it's the same thing when it 

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comes to, you know, this woman 
that you like and you want to 

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ask out, Then you have to find a
way to be valuable to her. 

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And then you actually have to 
ask her out and see if she 

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agrees with your assessment of 
your value to her, right? 

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That's like that old song says, 
I'm not perfect, but I'm perfect

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for you. 
And so you have to actually 

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increase your value. 
And then you have to validate 

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it, find a way to prove it, make
your case. 

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And then you have to have a 
belief. 

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If you've convinced yourself the
drone value has increased, like 

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you have doubled your sales 
output, And if somebody says, 

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well, I'm not going to pay you 
more than you have to have the 

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confidence to start looking 
elsewhere. 

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Because without competition, 
there really is no such thing as

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quality. 
You don't know who the fastest 

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runner is unless everybody gets 
to run the race, then you'll 

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find out who the fastest runner 
is. 

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And so if you have empirically 
and genuinely increased the 

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value of whatever it is you have
to offer and people in 

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particular niche fields, I mean,
I know this in managing a bunch 

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of tech people, there are people
who just, they go in with their 

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horse blinders on. 
And I was like, well, I have 

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this code to complete and I have
this project to do, and I have 

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this report to write and this 
PowerPoint to produce. 

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And they just do that. 
And it's just input output and 

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they just focus on a particular 
task. 

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You are never going to add that 
much value to a company doing 

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that. 
What you want to do as an 

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employee is you want to 
understand the business, 

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understand the value of what the
business is providing, and then 

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work with your boss to make sure
you're not performing specific 

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tasks, but you are serving the 
customers by maximizing the 

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value that the business is 
providing. 

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So when I had people who were 
working for me as programmers, 

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some of them you just give them 
a task, give them a task, they 

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grind through it. 
Others would be like, well, 

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what's this for and what is the 
customer looking for? 

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And I even had a couple of 
people who I mentored who came 

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along with me on sales calls, 
who came along on service calls 

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so that they could meet the 
customer, understand what the 

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customer is looking for, and 
understand the value proposition

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of the business. 
Rather than just doing your task

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like you're just eating 
chocolates on a conveyor belt or

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something, you want to actually 
figure out what the business is 

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doing and what the value 
proposition is. 

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And that way you can ask 
yourself the most fundamental 

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question, which is how am I 
serving the customer? 

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How am I adding value to the 
customer? 

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I always used to say to my 
employees, don't come to me for 

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a raise. 
I'm not paying you. 

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I'm not digging into my bank 
account and paying you out of my

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own cash, right? 
Who is paying you? 

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And it took a depressing amount 
of time for some people to get 

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this is like, who's who's paying
you? 

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The customer is paying you. 
And so if what you're doing is 

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serving the customer, right? 
Because we're not taking money 

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from the customer, we're handing
money back. 

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So you know, briefly one of the 
value propositions was there's a

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particular business task that 
was about $3000 and using our 

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software and it happened 
hundreds of times a year in a 

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business using our software. 
It cut the cost 40% and we 

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validated that and we'd got the,
so we had the spreadsheet the 

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the whole presentation. 
So we could so you know, give 

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me, you know, $200,000 for my 
software and I'll give you 3000 

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three $100,000 back this year. 
And the rest of it is all 

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profit, right? 
So we're not taking money from 

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the customers. 
We're giving money to the 

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customers by reducing their 
costs. 

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And the way in which we're 
saving money for the customers, 

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the, the delta for that is what 
you get paid from. 

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So getting to understand the big
purpose, don't just be like this

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hamster wheel person who's just 
like, oh, I got a task, I got a 

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task, but figure out how the 
task helps the customers. 

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Because of course, if you help 
the customers, your boss look 

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good, looks good, the company 
makes more money, and then you 

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can legitimately ask for that. 
So understand the larger context

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of what you're doing in the 
business world. 

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And that way you can also be in 
a partnership with your boss. 

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Your boss says, well, I think 
this will help the customers the

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most. 
And you can say, well, that 

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certainly will help the 
customers. 

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Here's another thought. 
Let's run it through the 

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metrics. 
Let's figure out what can 

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happen. 
And that way you can be a 

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participant. 
And it's much more fun that way.

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It's much more creative. 
The hamster wheel eating 

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chocolate tonic, conveyor belt 
stuff is why people get 

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depressed and feel alienated 
from their labor. 

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You know, the old Marxist 
criticism that you're alienated 

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from your labor, that in the 
past you used to make a whole 

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chair. 
Now you just bolt on one leg, 

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you know, 100 times a day. 
But one of the reasons people 

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feel alienated from their own 
labor is they don't know what 

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it's for. 
What are you? 

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What are you doing this project 
for? 

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What is this piece of code for? 
What is this PowerPoint for? 

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What is the goal? 
And if you are just doing this 

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hamster wheel chocolate on a 
cabebell stuff, then you can't 

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00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:54,120
add that much value and your 
life becomes progressively more 

228
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,560
meaningless because you're doing
a series of incomprehensible 

229
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:59,960
tasks because you're ordered to.
It's like being a well paid 

230
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:02,480
serf. 
So figure out the purpose of 

231
00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:05,400
what you're doing. 
Figure out how you can add value

232
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,920
to customers and document, 
document, record, record, 

233
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:10,080
record. 
Because your boss is not 

234
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,600
psychic, he doesn't know 
everything you're doing. 

235
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:15,120
Record stuff and then 
continually check in with your 

236
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:16,840
boss. 
Is this actually adding value to

237
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the customers? 
Is this valuable? 

238
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Is this the maximum value that I
can provide? 

239
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,360
And if your boss is constantly 
agreeing with you that you are 

240
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:26,080
providing maximum value or the 
most value that anyone can think

241
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,760
of, then when it comes to a 
raise, you say, hey man, you 

242
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,960
keep telling me I'm providing 
maximum value, which means the 

243
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,720
customers are paying you more 
for my time. 

244
00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,920
I'd like a little taste of that,
my friend, right. 

245
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,680
So you've got to just make a 
case. 

246
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,880
But just going and feeling like,
well, I, I, I, I deserve more 

247
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:41,040
money. 
I want more money. 

248
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,560
That's all very petty and 
childish. 

249
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:46,640
You need to make a business case
and you need to sell yourself in

250
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,240
this life. 
And you don't want to be a 

251
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:49,760
fraud, right? 
You don't want to say, well, I 

252
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:52,680
deserve more money when you're 
not actually verifiably adding 

253
00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:55,680
more value because that's going 
to be non sustainable to put it 

254
00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:58,680
mildly. 
But yeah, add value, make the 

255
00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:02,600
case, have the documentation, 
and be willing to walk if people

256
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:07,320
won't recognize your value. 
Yeah, it's important because you

257
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,400
see that, well, businesses will 
just pay the least amount of 

258
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,280
money, and that's why we need a 
minimum wage. 

259
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:15,480
Turns out a microscopic 
percentage of workers actually 

260
00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:18,280
earn the minimum wage. 
So how do you explain all these 

261
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:21,480
people getting paid more? 
And this was such an important 

262
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:24,320
lesson for me because the first 
time in an early job that I 

263
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:27,400
asked for a raise, it was I have
a lot of bills. 

264
00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:29,400
Can you guys please give me more
money? 

265
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:34,160
And recently when I asked for a 
raise, I said here's where I was

266
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,280
when I started. 
Here are things I have now that 

267
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,920
I didn't previously have. 
Here's the value I could add to 

268
00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:41,120
the company. 
I didn't say customer, but I 

269
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,680
should have said customer. 
Here's the value I could add to 

270
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,800
the company. 
If I stay on, could I please get

271
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:49,760
this raise? 
And then it was fortunately 

272
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:55,120
accepted. 
So that is just so, so important

273
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:58,840
for people to have. 
The amazing thing is that the 

274
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:02,320
last two jobs that I worked, the
number one reason people lost 

275
00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:04,840
their job was because of 
attendance. 

276
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:08,400
So, so much of this is actually 
within our grasp. 

277
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,080
People showing up late, people 
not showing up at all. 

278
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:15,480
So I had just previously had 
this idea that while the poor 

279
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,400
stay poor and the rich get rich 
in society and there's not much 

280
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,480
you can do, you could, you know,
have a revolution and change the

281
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:22,960
system. 
But other than that, your hands 

282
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,520
are just tied. 
The fact that I thought that was

283
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:30,360
just so unproductive for so long
that I think that these messages

284
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,280
are so vitally important. 
Well sorry just to interrupt 

285
00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:36,600
this for a second because the 
people don't understand how 

286
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:40,880
radical resentment of work is 
and resentment of bosses is. 

287
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:45,600
So how is it that I was able to 
succeed in the software field 

288
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:48,680
even though mega mega 
corporations were doing the same

289
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:49,840
thing? 
Well. 

290
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:53,400
Because I was broke. 
And I know this sounds kind of 

291
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,520
odd, but there's this constant 
churn in society. 

292
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:59,000
So many people when they get 
money, they just increase their 

293
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:01,760
spend, right? 
It used to drive me crazy with 

294
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:04,080
people that that I worked with, 
they'd get they'd get their 

295
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:06,480
hands on some cash and they'd 
just immediately buy more stuff.

296
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,440
And I'm like, no, freedom is a 
buffer. 

297
00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:11,560
You got to have some savings. 
Otherwise you don't really have 

298
00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:14,160
anything to negotiate from 
because you've got to eat what 

299
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,720
you kill in the moment. 
There's no storage, right? 

300
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:22,760
So when you have a bunch of rich
people, they can't compete with 

301
00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,600
the talented poor. 
Because when I first started my 

302
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:31,280
software company, my my rent was
$275.00 a month. 

303
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:36,600
I mean, I was living in one room
in a house with five other 

304
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:40,320
people in a pretty rough section
of town next to an abattoir. 

305
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:47,280
I mean, I had no car I had, I 
mean, I've never been a big one 

306
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,840
for, for clothing or, or sort of
ostentatious spending or 

307
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:54,440
something. 
So, so I could live on less. 

308
00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,880
And when you can live on less, 
you can sell your product for 

309
00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,520
less. 
If you've got to pay someone 

310
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:04,200
$150,000, then you have to pass 
that cost along to the customer.

311
00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:08,160
So poor people are a constant 
threat to the wealthy because 

312
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:10,520
the wealthy get comfortable, 
they get complacent, they get 

313
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:15,240
lazy, and there is a churn in a 
free market because the wealthy 

314
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:18,760
have particular talents, their 
kids are unlikely to inherit all

315
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:20,800
of those talents. 
You know, like the the kid of a 

316
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:23,040
great singer is probably going 
to be a better singer than 

317
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:24,840
average, but not as great as the
great singer. 

318
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,080
It's just a regression to the 
mean. 

319
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:29,520
It's called, right. 
So rich people who become 

320
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:31,400
wealthy, they want to hang on to
that privilege. 

321
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:36,760
And in a free market, the best 
way to hang on to that privilege

322
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:43,200
is to make poor people resent 
working, resent bosses resent, 

323
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:46,720
feel exploited, you know, 
because resentful workers are 

324
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:48,680
not very productive. 
They don't like coming into 

325
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:49,960
work. 
They don't want to understand 

326
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:51,640
the business. 
They dislike their boss. 

327
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,280
They're obstructive. 
They're difficult. 

328
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:57,000
They spread negative rumors. 
They they don't do a they're not

329
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,400
focusing on productivity. 
They just kind of hate being 

330
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,720
there. 
So this propaganda and it's a 

331
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:04,560
kind of funny thing that the 
people who are doing well in a 

332
00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:07,839
relative free market have a huge
incentive to sow the seeds of 

333
00:17:07,839 --> 00:17:10,640
resentment among the poor. 
And I saw this because I grew up

334
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:13,359
in a very, very poor 
environment, you know, like 

335
00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:16,200
welfare, really the bottom and 
dregs of society. 

336
00:17:16,599 --> 00:17:19,160
And you could see this 
resentment was just being sown 

337
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:22,000
all the time. 
You're just being exploited, 

338
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,800
man. 
The boss makes 10 times what you

339
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,560
make, but you're the one who 
actually produces the goods, 

340
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:27,960
right? 
There's a a line from an old 

341
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:33,440
police song, which is I work all
day in the factory making a 

342
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:36,400
machine, but not for me. 
Must be a reason that I can't 

343
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,920
see, right. 
And this, so this idea that 

344
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,640
you're the ones doing the real 
work, man, the bosses are just 

345
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,320
parasites. 
And then you don't like the 

346
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:45,800
bosses, you don't learn, you 
don't get mentored by the 

347
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:47,360
bosses. 
And it's a way for the wealthy 

348
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:49,400
people to stay wealthy. 
It's just so although these 

349
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:52,480
seeds are some resentment among 
the poor because they know the 

350
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:56,080
poor can radically outwork and 
out compete them because the 

351
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,720
poor are hungry and lean as 
hell. 

352
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:02,160
And that is the thing that, you 
know, the mammals overtake the 

353
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:03,800
dinosaurs. 
There's a constant churn in the 

354
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,360
free market. 
But if you can convince all the 

355
00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:08,800
poor people who have low 
overhead and a huge work ethic 

356
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,880
that they're just being 
exploited and they should resent

357
00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:14,040
their bosses and hate going to 
work and it's all terrible and 

358
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,800
and so on, man, you're crippling
a lot of people who would out 

359
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,320
compete you. 
And it's a it's a beautiful 

360
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:21,560
thing for the wealthy, but a 
terrible thing for society as a 

361
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:25,480
whole. 
You had an excellent video 

362
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:29,880
called The Best Dating Advice 29
minutes Long, worth every 

363
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,480
second. 
What is the best dating advice 

364
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:34,200
you have? 
Could you please summarize it 

365
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,560
for us? 
Well I'll I won't just summarize

366
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,200
the video if people should go 
and watch it. 

367
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:43,960
Maybe put the link in below. 
So the best dating advice is 

368
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:48,960
what do we date for? 
We date for love. 

369
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:52,080
Dating exists because pair 
bonding is needed. 

370
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:57,360
Two best raised children, right?
We have these children that just

371
00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:59,720
take a ridiculous amount of time
to grow up. 

372
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:03,360
I mean, it's completely mad. 
You know, you see these videos 

373
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:07,320
of like these foals a day or two
after they get born with these 

374
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:10,000
long wobbly stick legs, they can
get up and walk around. 

375
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:14,320
You know, it takes human babies 
an average of a year to, to be 

376
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,560
able to walk, even though we've 
got these, you know, sturdy 

377
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:20,280
trunk legs. 
And it takes the male brain 

378
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:23,200
about 1/4 of a century to reach 
full maturity. 

379
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,680
Women, it's a couple of years 
less. 

380
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:28,520
I mean, it is completely mad. 
And I've been a stay at home dad

381
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:31,360
and I've seen this, this 
progress and process going on. 

382
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:36,440
It's it's absolutely wild. 
So the reason why we're able to 

383
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:39,000
develop so slowly, and that's 
because we have this giant brain

384
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,800
like that, which in nature ends 
up more complex, takes longer to

385
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:46,240
evolve, no longer to grow. 
So we have this amazing, 

386
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,840
wonderful, incredible brain. 
And the reason we have that is 

387
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,920
because we have pair bonding and
romantic love. 

388
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:57,720
So we date for the sake of pair 
bonding marriage, whether you 

389
00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:00,280
consider it legal, which I 
don't, but I do consider it a 

390
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,120
public declaration of we're 
going to stay together no matter

391
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:06,000
what so that your family and 
friends keep you together should

392
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,800
you run into trouble. 
So we, we date for those 

393
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,120
reasons. 
And So what we want to do is 

394
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:13,600
date with the greatest pair 
bonding we have now. 

395
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:17,480
Love, of course. 
Is admiration, it has to have. 

396
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:19,680
I mean, it's not, it's not that 
all admiration and love, but 

397
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,920
all, all, all love has to 
involve admiration. 

398
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:24,840
What is most admirable about 
people? 

399
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,800
What do we most admire about 
people? 

400
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:32,360
Well, we admire moral qualities.
That is the most admirable. 

401
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:34,800
I mean, we can have some respect
and admiration for certain 

402
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:38,160
athletic skill and so on, but 
what we absolutely fall in love 

403
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,400
with is virtue. 
So I've defined and I've got a 

404
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,280
whole book about this called 
Real Time relationships. 

405
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,680
People can get it for free at 
freedomain.com/books. 

406
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:51,200
Love is our involuntary response
to virtue if we're virtuous. 

407
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:54,400
So if we and virtuous just means
striving for virtue and having 

408
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,800
objective standards, it doesn't 
mean being perfectly virtuous 

409
00:20:56,800 --> 00:21:00,200
because then we all fall short. 
But if you have objective, 

410
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,680
decent moral standards and you 
know, non violence, moral 

411
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:05,080
courage, telling the truth, 
they're standing up for what you

412
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:08,240
believe in, promoting virtue, 
opposing evil, we're reasonably 

413
00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:10,400
safe. 
All of these things are things 

414
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:14,920
that we admire. 
And so love involves virtue. 

415
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:19,720
So the best love involves the 
greatest virtues. 

416
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,840
So what you want to do when 
you're dating is you want to 

417
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:27,240
find someone whose morals, whose
virtues you admire. 

418
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:30,400
The other thing too, is that, 
you know, a lot of people base, 

419
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:33,240
and Lord knows I've been guilty 
of this myself on more than one 

420
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:34,440
occasion with very little 
excuse. 

421
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:37,920
But a lot of people base their 
attraction simply on looks. 

422
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:42,840
Now, it's complicated, like 
'cause it's easy to dismiss 

423
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:46,280
looks, but looks and our 
attraction to looks exist for a 

424
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,760
reason, right? 
I sort of, I, I, I demonstrate 

425
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:51,000
here on my own face like I'm the
best looking guy on the planet, 

426
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:52,960
which is nonsense. 
But just to sort of give an 

427
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:56,960
example, even as a feature, 
symmetry between the features 

428
00:21:57,080 --> 00:22:00,800
and so on indicate healthy 
genetics, good genetics, right? 

429
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:04,840
There is a very, very 
fascinating study that 

430
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:08,800
correlates objective measures of
intelligence with how good 

431
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,320
looking someone is. 
And between reasonably good 

432
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:13,600
looking and not very good 
looking. 

433
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:17,440
You can get up to a standard 
deviation of intelligence data 

434
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:19,480
different. 
So it's quite important. 

435
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:23,400
Good looking people tend to have
higher verbal skills. 

436
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,640
They tend to be better at 
negotiating, which is very 

437
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:28,280
important for marriage. 
They tend to be healthier, they 

438
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,600
tend to live longer, and they 
tend to make more money. 

439
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:32,720
Now some of that's the Halo 
effect that people just like 

440
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:33,840
having good looking people 
around. 

441
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,360
So maybe they'll pay them a 
little bit more. 

442
00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:38,280
But given that it also 
correlates with intelligence to 

443
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:41,440
some degree, which correlates 
with income, it's interesting. 

444
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:45,760
So if you want to know how 
intelligent someone is, you 

445
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:48,080
could either, and you had to 
choose between two metrics, just

446
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:51,400
see how good looking they are or
know their educational 

447
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,560
attainment. 
Those two things are about equal

448
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,720
in predicting somebody's 
intelligence. 

449
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:59,600
So it's not that looks or oh, 
looks are so shallow they mean 

450
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:01,560
nothing. 
No, no, no, they do. 

451
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:05,960
They do mean something. 
I mean, obesity is negatively 

452
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,640
correlated with intelligence. 
And again, of course there are 

453
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:11,240
very smart people who are very 
fat and there are not so smart 

454
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:14,360
people who are very lean. 
But in general, it's a proxy. 

455
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:18,040
So a lot of the things that we 
find attractive are proxies for,

456
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,680
you know, healthy genes and 
intelligence and and so on. 

457
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:25,520
So it's not like looks are 
completely unimportant, but if 

458
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:30,600
you are not focusing on the 
person's virtue, then you are 

459
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:34,080
not focusing on that which will 
foundationally cement your pair 

460
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,920
bond. 
And of course, I think most of 

461
00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:39,880
us have known people over the 
course of our lives who've had 

462
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:43,880
children with somebody who's 
corrupt or immoral or shallow or

463
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:47,560
selfish or narcissistic. 
And man, it's a brutal life. 

464
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,720
It's AI. 
Just had dinner the other day 

465
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:53,040
with a friend of mine I've had 
for like over 30 years. 

466
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:56,520
And, and we were just talking 
about this man and we all know 

467
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:59,200
people who've just, they've just
had kids with the wrong person. 

468
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,600
And it is an absolutely brutal 
life. 

469
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,760
And it's even worse for the 
kids, which is the, that they 

470
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,720
are the real victims because 
they didn't have a choice about 

471
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:09,760
it at all. 
So if you're just somebody sexy,

472
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,280
somebody sexy, again, nothing 
wrong with sexy that, that's a, 

473
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:17,160
that's a good thing. 
But you will spend a fairly 

474
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,880
significant time over the course
of a marriage. 

475
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,360
You'll spend a fair amount of 
time not having sex. 

476
00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:26,440
I mean, it's, you know, you 
could say, I don't know, half an

477
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,280
hour, 3 * a week, that's an hour
and a half of having sex. 

478
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,840
That's a what, 1% of your week? 
Less than 1% of your week. 

479
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:35,520
So you're going to spend a whole
lot of time not having sex and a

480
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:37,360
whole lot of time having 
conversations. 

481
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,840
And so you want someone good 
conversation that's good at 

482
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,280
negotiating. 
If they've had childhood trauma,

483
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:44,480
they've found a way to deal with
it. 

484
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,200
They've done therapy or 
something that's helped them 

485
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,960
deal with that childhood trauma.
Somebody with a good sense of 

486
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:53,280
humor, somebody who doesn't flip
out, somebody who's not overly 

487
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:56,520
triggered by by things and can 
talk through their emotions. 

488
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:59,200
Somebody who can interrupt their
impulses to act out aggression 

489
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:02,440
and say, instead of saying 
you're an A hole, they say, I 

490
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,800
feel really angry at the moment.
I'm not sure why, but let's talk

491
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,000
about it so that you can have a 
reasonable conversation. 

492
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,240
And last thing I'll say is you. 
The reason I think it's so 

493
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:14,280
important to focus on virtue 
over the course of a marriage 

494
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:19,480
which you know, hopefully lasts 
from, you know, 25 to 75 or 20 

495
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:22,880
to 80 or something like that, 
Like that's 50-60 years, right? 

496
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:27,520
Is that you ever look at old 
people and say. 

497
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:31,080
Well. 
Nobody wants to make out with 

498
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,000
them. 
You know, she's, she's 80, he's 

499
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:36,480
78 or whatever it is. 
But what it is that keeps old 

500
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:43,280
people together is if you found 
your attraction and your love 

501
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:50,400
and your commitment on virtue, 
virtue tends to increase over 

502
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:53,440
the course of lifespan. 
If you just base it on looks, 

503
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,240
well, you know, I'm going to be 
58 now. 

504
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,480
I don't look like I did when I 
was 18, right? 

505
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:04,440
So if you base your attraction 
on looks, looks are going to 

506
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:05,760
fade. 
They just do. 

507
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,120
I mean, just a fact of life. 
And nobody ever believes it when

508
00:26:08,120 --> 00:26:09,480
they're young, and neither did 
I. 

509
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:13,160
But just a fact. 
If you base, oh, he's so 

510
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:15,960
athletic. 
Well, athleticism declines over 

511
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,680
time. 
And you could say, well, I base 

512
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:21,240
it on his wealth. 
And it's like, yeah, and wealth 

513
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:23,800
can increase over the course of 
a life, but then you retire and 

514
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:26,240
income goes down and all of 
that, right. 

515
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:29,400
So what is the one thing that 
you can hook your heart into 

516
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:31,640
that is going to grow and swell 
over the course of life? 

517
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:34,560
Well, that's virtue because we 
can always be better. 

518
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:38,480
We can always have more 
integrity and apply yourself to 

519
00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:40,880
spreading virtue and opposing 
immorality even more. 

520
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:46,240
And so if you look at moral 
qualities, and moral qualities 

521
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:49,680
don't have to fully manifest 
when you're young, but you do 

522
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:51,200
have to have the principles in 
general. 

523
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:53,000
So does the person believe in 
morality? 

524
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:55,560
Do they believe in objective 
principles? 

525
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,400
Do they have good verbal skills?
Because good verbal skills means

526
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:01,560
that you can negotiate, which is
very, very important. 

527
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:03,040
Marriage is a lot of 
negotiation. 

528
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:07,440
And if you marry a woman, say 
with good verbal skills, then 

529
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:11,000
she will negotiate with your 
children rather than yell at 

530
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:14,520
them or hit them or punish them,
can find them, take away their 

531
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,200
dinner or jam them down on 
stairs for these fairly 

532
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:20,440
aggressive timeouts and so on. 
Just negotiate with your kids. 

533
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:24,120
So somebody with morality, good 
verbal skills, that is who you 

534
00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:28,680
want to get involved with. 
You know, if you, my wife and I 

535
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:32,840
go for these like, I don't know,
2 hour hikes and just Yammer and

536
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:34,840
chat the whole way and it's just
absolute. 

537
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:38,360
It's an absolute joy. 
And you have that as the basis 

538
00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:40,760
of your relationship. 
Man, you're doing well. 

539
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:43,240
And beauty, the last thing I'll 
say is like physical beauty. 

540
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:45,760
I mean, it's a wonderful thing. 
I've had no particular issue 

541
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:47,440
with physical beauty. 
It's a wonderful thing. 

542
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:52,360
But man alive, it is so out of 
bounds at the moment. 

543
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:56,680
You know, when you think about 
our evolution, you know, let's 

544
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:59,680
just say girls over the course 
of our evolution would get 

545
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:03,200
married in their teens, right? 
I mean, in general, right? 

546
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:10,320
And so physical beauty was 
supposed to be at its maximum 

547
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:16,360
coinage or of significant import
for maybe 6 to 18 months, right?

548
00:28:16,360 --> 00:28:19,760
So a woman is of marryable age 
in our evolution, whatever that 

549
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:22,160
was in the tribe. 
And then she'd get picked fairly

550
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:24,360
quickly. 
And I guess the most beautiful 

551
00:28:24,360 --> 00:28:27,320
and most attractive woman would 
get more quick, would get picked

552
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,280
more quickly. 
So you'd be out of the 

553
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:33,680
marketplace in six months, 12 
months, maximum 18 months, and 

554
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:36,280
you'd probably be out of the 
marketplace by the time you hit 

555
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:38,800
20. 
And then what happens? 

556
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:43,440
Well, then you have this endless
conveyor belt of of kids and all

557
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:45,880
of the ravages that that does. 
You're out in the sun with no 

558
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:48,120
sunscreen. 
You know, you just you get kind 

559
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:52,080
of crypt peeper, you get kind of
crypt keeper pretty quickly over

560
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:54,840
the course of. 
So beauty is like supposed to be

561
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:56,640
this eclipse. 
It's not supposed to just last 

562
00:28:56,640 --> 00:29:00,480
and last and last. 
And so one of the reasons why 

563
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:03,600
beauty is such an intense draw 
is because it's supposed to be a

564
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:06,000
very short lived flame. 
I mean, that's how we evolved. 

565
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:11,240
But now, oh, and also, sorry, 
not only, but also also a 

566
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:15,640
woman's beauty in a relatively 
small tribe of 100 or 200 people

567
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:18,280
or maybe a small village of up 
to 500 people or whatever, 

568
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:22,000
there'd only be a couple of 
dozen young men who would really

569
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,640
be interested in your beauty 
from a wooing and marriage 

570
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:29,320
standpoint. 
So the woman's beauty was very 

571
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:33,920
short lived and of importance to
a very small number of people, 

572
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,440
again, for a very short amount 
of time. 

573
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,680
And that's one of the reasons 
why it burns so brightly and why

574
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:40,000
we're so immeasurably drawn to 
physical beauty. 

575
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:42,320
But now two things have 
happened. 

576
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:45,160
I mean, number one, of course, 
is that with social media, a 

577
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:51,520
woman's beauty can be available 
both in I'm pretty and you know,

578
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:55,680
here's me topless in in a pretty
sordid manner to hundreds of 

579
00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:58,040
millions of men around the world
like that. 

580
00:29:58,040 --> 00:29:59,520
That's not what we're designed 
for. 

581
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,000
That's like straight up sugar to
the eyeballs. 

582
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:06,360
And also a woman's beauty now, 
instead of it being a short 

583
00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:08,760
flame that draws a man for 
parent bonding so that you can 

584
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:10,960
start with the real business of 
beauty, which is the having and 

585
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:14,800
raising of children. 
Now beauty just goes on and on 

586
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:16,840
and on and on. 
And I mean, it's wow, look at 

587
00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:20,120
Salma Hayek in her like mid late
50s and she's, you know, 

588
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:23,040
cryogenically preserved every 
night or whatever she does or 

589
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:25,920
Jlo or Jennifer Aniston and so 
on. 

590
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:29,160
They just have all this wild 
technology and these diets and 

591
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:32,000
this Botox or whatever it is 
that they're doing to create 

592
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:36,200
this, you know, youthful skin 
and, and figures and so on. 

593
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:40,440
And so we've taken this immense 
power that's supposed to be a 

594
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:44,080
flash in the pan for a very 
small number of people. 

595
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:48,320
And we've made it a multi decade
semi exploitation available to 

596
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:50,200
hundreds of millions or billions
of people. 

597
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:54,560
And I think that's driven a lot 
of beautiful people kind of 

598
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:58,720
crazy because it's just way too 
much power and it's not really 

599
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:01,400
what beauty was designed for, 
which was very short and limited

600
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:04,200
in scope and duration. 
And it just goes on and on. 

601
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:06,800
And that I think that just 
drives people kind of kind of 

602
00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:09,720
crazy. 
And it's no longer to me as much

603
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:12,000
of A mark of attractiveness, 
especially sort of post social 

604
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:14,760
media, but rather the mark of 
somebody who can't pair bond 

605
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:16,280
because they have option 
paralysis. 

606
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:22,080
What differentiates good parents
from bad parents? 

607
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:27,000
Well, what different good 
parents from bad parents? 

608
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:30,680
I like to pause, to prioritize, 
not because I Huh, interesting 

609
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:31,840
question. 
I've never thought of that 

610
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:33,320
before. 
I wonder what it could be. 

611
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:40,920
So I think the best parents, you
know, you wake up in the morning

612
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:44,040
and you're not a parent yet. 
Is that right? 

613
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:49,200
Oh no, I'm not OK. 
So if you're not a parent yet, 

614
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:51,560
it's Wildman again. 
I was just talking about this 

615
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:53,600
with my wife the other day. 
You become a parent. 

616
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:55,880
Your old life is gone, man. 
Like it's gone. 

617
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,240
And it's not even gone like the 
stage of a rocket where you 

618
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:00,200
still have something that's 
that's part of it. 

619
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:03,600
That's kind of the same. 
When you become a parent, you're

620
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:06,520
never the same again and you can
never just think for yourself 

621
00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:07,600
again. 
It's sort of like when you get 

622
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:09,000
married. 
When you get married, you become

623
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:12,240
one flesh and you can't think of
your own pleasure without 

624
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:14,600
thinking of your partner's 
happiness and what is best for 

625
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:17,640
both of you in the long run. 
You become one flesh, right? 

626
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:20,080
I mean, you, you don't work out 
saying this is really good for 

627
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:22,160
my left arm, but I could care 
less about my right arm. 

628
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:25,040
Like working out is good for all
of you as a whole, right? 

629
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:26,480
So you, you just become one 
flesh. 

630
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:30,600
And then when you add a kid to 
that mix, I mean, it's, it's 

631
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:32,760
just, it's kind of a cliched 
thing, but it's really true. 

632
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:35,440
Like I wake up in the morning, 
I'm like, OK, what's what, what 

633
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:37,520
can I do today that's going to 
be best for my family as a 

634
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:40,360
whole? 
And you, you can turn it down a 

635
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:42,480
little bit like a dimmer switch 
that doesn't go off, but you 

636
00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:45,240
just, you can't turn it off. 
So if you wake up in the morning

637
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:48,200
and you say, OK, what's best for
my my kids? 

638
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:52,120
What's best for my kids? 
Well, you have to study, you 

639
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:54,120
have to do your research. 
You have to read, you have to 

640
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,120
read books on parenting. 
You have to read some, maybe 

641
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:58,080
some science books. 
You have to figure out what is 

642
00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:02,880
best for your kids. 
And the studies are very clear. 

643
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:08,720
And as far as correlations in 
the social sciences, it's about 

644
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:12,560
as good as you can get in terms 
of like spanking is bad for your

645
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:16,480
kids, verbal abuse escalation is
bad for your kids, not 

646
00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:18,000
breastfeeding is not great for 
your kids. 

647
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:21,400
Putting your kids in daycare is 
very bad for your children in in

648
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:24,160
many ways. 
I think that modern government 

649
00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:27,800
education with the propaganda 
and all of the creepy sex stuff 

650
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:31,920
for kids is really toxic. 
So you have to say, OK, what's 

651
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:34,920
best for my kids? 
Well, what's best for my kids is

652
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:37,960
having the mom stay home, 
breastfeed for about a year and 

653
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:41,800
a half on average and not put 
them in daycare. 

654
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:45,280
So what's best for my kids is to
have the mom stay home and you 

655
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:47,200
could say the dad and that could
happen if that's what's 

656
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,280
absolutely necessary. 
But you know, mom's got the 

657
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:53,240
breastfeeding equipment. 
We're all taps and no plumbing. 

658
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:58,920
So you have the mom stay home 
and raise the kids right. 

659
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:01,840
Even nannies are tough man, 
because nannies, they come and 

660
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,680
go and the better the nanny is, 
the more the kids hearts going 

661
00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:07,400
to get broken when the nanny 
inevitably leaves to go do 

662
00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:09,440
something else or have her own 
kids or something like that. 

663
00:34:10,159 --> 00:34:15,400
So a a pair bond skin contact, 
eye on eye contact, you know, 

664
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:19,320
kissing and, and hugging and 
singing and language and so on. 

665
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:22,679
Just I was reading, I was 
reading stories to my daughter 

666
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:27,639
when she was still in the womb 
because especially male voices, 

667
00:34:27,639 --> 00:34:29,679
which are deeper, they transmit 
fairly well through the 

668
00:34:29,679 --> 00:34:32,560
placenta. 
And the studies show that women 

669
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:34,800
did, babies who are read to in 
the womb recognize their 

670
00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:36,800
father's voices when they come 
out. 

671
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:40,159
So there's a continuity there 
that's really nice. 

672
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:45,000
So focusing on what's best for 
your kids and getting the data 

673
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,320
to find out that what you're 
doing is in fact best for your 

674
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:51,320
kids is really great. 
And people who refuse to upgrade

675
00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:53,840
their parenting while I parent 
the way that I was parented, 

676
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:55,920
it's like, but that's not just 
how people live. 

677
00:34:55,920 --> 00:34:59,200
I mean, the people who say, 
well, I, I just parent the way I

678
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:01,000
was parented. 
I bet you they don't have Rotary

679
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:04,600
dial phones and still a little 
modem going when they want to 

680
00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:07,160
connect to the Internet, right? 
They they've upgraded their cell

681
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:09,760
phones, they've upgraded their 
cars, they've upgraded their 

682
00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:12,040
Internet access, they've 
upgraded their computers. 

683
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:14,120
So yeah, we just need to to 
upgrade. 

684
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:17,720
So focusing on what's best for 
your kids and getting the data 

685
00:35:17,720 --> 00:35:22,400
to recognize it and then just 
doing that, just doing that, 

686
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:28,240
that's I think the basic thing. 
You really have to, I say you 

687
00:35:28,240 --> 00:35:32,960
have to enjoy your kids company.
But if your kids know that you 

688
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:36,840
really enjoy their company, that
gives them a great sense of 

689
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:41,160
security. 
And if your kids know that the 

690
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:45,240
dysfunctions that they may have 
in their personalities are your 

691
00:35:45,240 --> 00:35:47,640
fault as the parent, then 
there's a real pair bond. 

692
00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:51,880
Because for children to grow up 
happy, they need to feel secure 

693
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:54,240
and they need to experience 
their parents devotion is 

694
00:35:54,240 --> 00:35:56,400
absolute. 
Now, that doesn't mean never 

695
00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:59,280
correct your child or never 
suggest, hey, no more candy 

696
00:35:59,440 --> 00:36:01,200
today or we got to go to the 
dentist, right? 

697
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:03,680
Because that is helping your 
child in the long run. 

698
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:08,360
But if your, if your kids know 
that you, you love them, you 

699
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:11,320
enjoy their company, you're 
always focusing on what's best 

700
00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:14,360
for them and that you're not 
going to blame them for 

701
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:16,960
personality dysfunctions because
you as the parent are 

702
00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:20,440
responsible for how your 
children develop to some degree.

703
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:22,520
I mean, you obviously can't 
really control their height 

704
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:24,000
except by who you choose to 
marry. 

705
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:27,840
But the in terms of the moral 
contents of your child's mind, 

706
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:30,800
that's, that's your deal. 
So if your kids know that they 

707
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:33,720
really enjoy you, you really 
enjoy their company, then they 

708
00:36:33,720 --> 00:36:36,320
will of course, warm to you. 
And they kids love to please 

709
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:38,040
their parents. 
We we evolve that way. 

710
00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:41,400
And so you don't have this 
conditional thing where you say,

711
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:44,040
well, I like you when you do 
this, but I don't like you when 

712
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:46,360
you disobey or you don't do this
or you don't do that. 

713
00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:48,600
That's man, that's real 
conditional. 

714
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:51,040
And that's very tough for kids 
because they can't be secure. 

715
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:54,000
That kind of conditional 
approval for parents to take 

716
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,640
responsibility for their own 
lives is really, really 

717
00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:58,080
important. 
If parents play the victim, 

718
00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:00,560
that's going to transmit to the 
kids and paralyze them in terms 

719
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:03,840
of self ownership. 
And I would also say that 

720
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:07,800
whatever kid, whatever you want 
your kids to do, you have to 1st

721
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:10,000
consistently model yourself for 
years. 

722
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:12,960
I mean, if you if you want your 
kids to identify the difference 

723
00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:17,960
between a tree and a driveway, 
you have to consistently use the

724
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:21,120
right word for tree in driveway 
for quite a long time for them 

725
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:22,800
to get that. 
If you want your kids to tell 

726
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:26,160
the truth, then you have to 
consistently model telling the 

727
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:28,280
truth for years. 
If you want your kids to have 

728
00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:30,680
integrity, if you want your kids
to talk about their feelings, 

729
00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:34,120
then you have to do the same in 
sort of age appropriate ways. 

730
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:37,640
So if you whatever you want in 
your kids, well, you want your 

731
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:40,040
kids to respect you, it's like, 
OK, well, have you respected 

732
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:45,960
them for years? 
And if you understand that, that

733
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:48,240
your kids are a reflection of 
your own consistency and 

734
00:37:48,240 --> 00:37:50,680
integrity, then rather than 
trying to fix your kids or 

735
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:53,560
change your kids, you focus 
really on changing your own 

736
00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:57,520
behavior and modeling that which
it is that you want in your 

737
00:37:57,520 --> 00:37:59,240
kids. 
And then the last thing I would 

738
00:37:59,240 --> 00:38:01,840
say is of course like no 
violence, no aggression. 

739
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:04,960
I think that's sort of taken for
granted, but try not to live 

740
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:07,960
automatically. 
And that's why I was saying 

741
00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:09,320
figure out what's best for your 
kids. 

742
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:11,960
Sorry, have the dedication for 
what's best for your kids and 

743
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:14,640
then figure it out through 
research because, you know, so 

744
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:17,840
many parents are like, well, 
well, people, OK, I graduated 

745
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:19,920
from high school. 
I guess I, I, I, I got to go to 

746
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:21,640
college. 
OK, then I've got to try and I 

747
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:23,040
get a job. 
I got a date, I've got to get 

748
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:25,680
married and then, you know, 
we're going to have some kids. 

749
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:27,720
And then I got to get back to 
work because I only have this 

750
00:38:27,720 --> 00:38:30,120
long a maternity leave and I got
to get my kids in daycare. 

751
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:32,080
Like you're just living 
automatically. 

752
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:41,520
And the problem with that is if 
you live according to society's 

753
00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:47,280
blind habits, then you are, as a
parent succumbing to peer 

754
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:49,840
pressure. 
Well, all my friends put their 

755
00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:51,240
kids in daycare and went back to
work. 

756
00:38:51,240 --> 00:38:54,280
So that's, that's what you do. 
And the problem is like all 

757
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:57,320
parenting comes down to the teen
storms right when the hormones 

758
00:38:57,320 --> 00:39:01,560
hit, you know, 12/13/14, 
whenever it is, the hormones hit

759
00:39:01,720 --> 00:39:04,640
and the focus of the child 
naturally, evolutionarily, 

760
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:07,240
biologically shifts from parents
to peers because parents of the 

761
00:39:07,240 --> 00:39:09,800
past and peers of the future. 
Peers are where you find your, 

762
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:13,160
your partner, your person, your 
your love interest, your future 

763
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:16,120
family. 
So kids are going to switch in 

764
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:20,760
their teens, not 100%, but their
focus is going to switch from 

765
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:26,040
parents to peers. 
And you want your kids to not be

766
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:29,840
susceptible to peer pressure for
negative outcomes, right? 

767
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:33,000
Some peer pressure is fine. 
You know, don't look weird, 

768
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:35,680
don't you know, don't be weird. 
Like, I get there's some peer 

769
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:38,440
pressure, that's fine. 
But it wasn't, you know, what's 

770
00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:41,520
not fine is, hey, I, I found 
these pills under the couch. 

771
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:44,040
Let's take, you know, that's not
the peer pressure you want your 

772
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:49,880
kids being susceptible to. 
So the way that you protect your

773
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:54,120
kids from negative peer pressure
is you think for yourself as a 

774
00:39:54,120 --> 00:39:57,720
parent and you don't just follow
society's blind habits and say, 

775
00:39:57,720 --> 00:39:59,600
well, we have to do this because
other people do this. 

776
00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:01,600
So what's the justification? 
Well, I parent the way I was 

777
00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:03,240
parented. 
Well, that means you're not 

778
00:40:03,240 --> 00:40:05,800
thinking for yourself and you're
just copy pasting the past. 

779
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:09,520
Well, don't do that because if 
and also, you know, it's kind of

780
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:12,360
funny that parents, it's funny, 
like sad funny. 

781
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:15,320
The parents say about their 
kids, oh, you know, they're just

782
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:18,720
so susceptible to peer pressure.
And those same parents put their

783
00:40:18,720 --> 00:40:22,040
kids in daycare when the kid was
a baby, like a year old or 18 

784
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:25,120
months or two. 
And it's like, but when you put 

785
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:29,320
your kids in daycare, their 
primary contact is with peers, 

786
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:31,840
not with adults. 
I mean, I worked in a daycare 

787
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:34,240
for many years, as I mentioned 
before, so I know this one very 

788
00:40:34,240 --> 00:40:35,960
well. 
There were two of us and 25 to 

789
00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:37,560
30 kids. 
They spent way more time 

790
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:41,400
interacting with each other than
interacting with the adults. 

791
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:45,920
And so if you're going to put 
your kids in a situation where 

792
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:49,200
peers dominate their life 
because of daycare or school for

793
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:52,760
that matter, then if they let 
their peers dominate their lives

794
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:56,280
as teenagers, it's really hard 
to find a rational reason why 

795
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:57,680
the parents can complain about 
that. 

796
00:40:57,680 --> 00:40:59,160
That's just reaping what you 
sow. 

797
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:03,280
So live consciously, have good 
values, model those values, 

798
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:06,560
those kids, those values then 
flow down to your kids. 

799
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:10,800
And it's just so much more fun. 
You know, I mean, I grew up with

800
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:14,160
a fairly aggressive parent and I
do think it's one of the things 

801
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:16,880
that's actually kind of sad 
about all of that is how much 

802
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:19,200
fun aggressive parents give up 
on with their kids. 

803
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:23,560
You know, having a kid you get 
along well with is, is such a 

804
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:25,560
pleasure. 
It, it, there's such an ease 

805
00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:30,560
and, and sense of fun and joy in
the in the family. 

806
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:33,240
I mean, particularly when your 
kids become teenagers. 

807
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:37,920
My daughter's impression of me 
or impersonation of me has me 

808
00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:40,600
literally rolling on the ground 
with tears coming out of my eyes

809
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:43,440
in laughter sometimes. 
The way she ramps up the British

810
00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:46,720
accent and complaints it is just
absolutely hilarious. 

811
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:50,840
And what a what a huge amount of
joy to have in your life. 

812
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:53,960
And boy, what a what a bad deal 
it is being aggressive. 

813
00:41:55,680 --> 00:42:01,840
Yes, I have unfortunately 
reluctantly kicked my dad out of

814
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:07,000
my life and I was wondering what
criteria should I use when 

815
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:10,520
deciding whether or not to 
disassociate from a friend or 

816
00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:13,240
family member? 
I'm sorry to hear about that. 

817
00:42:13,240 --> 00:42:16,480
It is a very, very sad thing. 
And I often think about how much

818
00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:18,960
harm has to be done in the 
parent child relationship by the

819
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:22,720
parent in order for that most 
primary relationship to be 

820
00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:25,880
expendable. 
Now, I mean, this is something I

821
00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:32,320
started talking about this the 
voluntary family that morals are

822
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:37,800
higher than blood relations. 
And it's a funny thing because, 

823
00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:39,240
you know, I got into a lot of 
trouble. 

824
00:42:39,240 --> 00:42:40,880
People got really mad at me 
about this. 

825
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:44,160
Well, not the people I was 
helping, but the people who were

826
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:47,240
in general, I would consider 
abusive got mad at me about 

827
00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:49,840
this, which I again, it's one of
these things. 

828
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:53,880
It's like, but if a woman's in 
an abusive marriage, we will 

829
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:55,200
tell her she doesn't have to 
stay. 

830
00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:56,960
In fact, we might even encourage
her to leave. 

831
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:59,760
Now that's a relationship she 
chose voluntarily. 

832
00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:03,520
We didn't choose our parents. 
So it's saying, well, people in 

833
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:06,120
abusive relationships that they 
voluntarily chose, maybe it's a 

834
00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:09,280
good idea for them to get out. 
But people in involuntary 

835
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:12,320
relationships that they never 
chose just have to stay forever 

836
00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:13,080
and ever. 
Amen. 

837
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:14,800
And And that just doesn't make 
any sense. 

838
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:19,000
We know for a simple fact that 
moral standards are higher than 

839
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:23,560
blood relations because family 
members go to jail even though 

840
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:26,040
it breaks up the family. 
Like if they do something deeply

841
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:29,680
immoral like that, the dad is a 
bank robber, then we arrest the 

842
00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:32,080
dad and we put him in jail, even
though that quote breaks up the 

843
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:35,000
family. 
So we know that moral rules are 

844
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:41,000
higher than family relations. 
But then when I talk about it as

845
00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:42,640
a philosopher, well, I don't 
know. 

846
00:43:42,880 --> 00:43:45,880
I, I have this special ability. 
I don't exactly know where it 

847
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:50,000
comes from to generate maximum 
love and maximum hatred. 

848
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:53,880
It's like everybody has their 
special superpower. 

849
00:43:54,240 --> 00:43:58,640
Suppose my massive loyalty, I, I
either have people who think I'm

850
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:00,800
the greatest thing since sliced 
bread or people who want to 

851
00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:02,400
chase me off a Cliff with 
pitchforks. 

852
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:05,520
I just have that kind of 
personality. 

853
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:11,160
And so the question of like 
whether you dissociate from a 

854
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:16,000
friend or family member, My own 
particular experience has been 

855
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:19,160
this, and I don't want to make 
it anecdotal, but I want to 

856
00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:20,840
start with something that's more
empirical. 

857
00:44:21,240 --> 00:44:23,920
My own particular experience has
been this. 

858
00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:28,960
The people who I've ended up not
being in contact with, I did not

859
00:44:29,720 --> 00:44:32,400
have any big stormy, you know, 
you are dead to me. 

860
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:35,520
I see you no more. 
Like I have no father. 

861
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:37,760
And you know, whether you did 
that or not, it's totally fine. 

862
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:39,520
I'm just telling you my own 
particular experience. 

863
00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:45,960
What I did was I just said, you 
know, I don't want to lie 

864
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:47,840
anymore. 
I don't want to pretend to be 

865
00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:51,160
someone other than who I am. 
You know, like every time I 

866
00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:53,400
would get together with my 
mother, who I have not seen in, 

867
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:57,440
I don't know, 25 years or so, 
whenever I'd get together with 

868
00:44:57,440 --> 00:45:02,320
my mother, she would talk to me 
about topic X. 

869
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:03,760
And it doesn't really matter 
what it was. 

870
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:05,880
And it was just obsessive. 
Like an hour or two. 

871
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:09,520
I'd just be like sitting there 
kind of trapped, like a sailboat

872
00:45:09,520 --> 00:45:11,320
trying to attack against the 
wind of her words. 

873
00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:15,840
And I didn't like it. 
I didn't like that it was so one

874
00:45:15,840 --> 00:45:17,440
sided. 
I didn't like it that it was her

875
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:18,960
obsession. 
I didn't like that I couldn't 

876
00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:21,040
get a word in edgewise. 
I didn't like that I felt 

877
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:22,400
invisible. 
I didn't like that. 

878
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:25,800
And of course, when I was a kid 
I had to put up with it because 

879
00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:30,440
that's the only home I had. 
But as an adult, I didn't have 

880
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:33,600
to, and I did for a while. 
You know, you like, you try to 

881
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:35,280
be nice, right? 
You try to be reasonable and, 

882
00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:37,360
and, or at least try to, you 
know, everyone's got their 

883
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:39,880
little quirks and you try to 
indulge them as if if 

884
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:42,800
reasonable. 
But after a while I was like, I 

885
00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:46,400
don't want to do this anymore. 
I, I don't want to just sit and 

886
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:49,480
pretend to listen to something 
that I find creepy, unsettling, 

887
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:55,240
boring and weird. 
And so I said, hey, you know, I 

888
00:45:55,240 --> 00:45:56,800
know you're really interested in
this topic. 

889
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,160
I appreciate that. 
I'm sure there's stuff that I 

890
00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:02,200
talk about that maybe isn't 
always super interesting to you,

891
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:04,040
but I just, you know, my 
experience has been that it's 

892
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:06,320
like 100% of the time we get 
together, you talk about this 

893
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:09,520
topic and I kind of space out 
and I don't want that anymore. 

894
00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:12,160
I, I want to have a more 
involved and back and forth, 

895
00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:14,920
blah, blah, blah, right? 
So I had that sort of speech and

896
00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:19,640
boy, did it ever not go well. 
And then of course, the next 

897
00:46:19,640 --> 00:46:21,680
time I saw my mother, she 
pretended nothing happened. 

898
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:23,880
And I said, well, you know, we 
did have that last conversation 

899
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:25,120
that didn't go particularly 
well. 

900
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:28,200
Let's end it, right. 
So what happened was I simply 

901
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:31,080
stopped lying and then people 
stopped wanting to have anything

902
00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:34,760
to do with me. 
I mean, so it wasn't some big 

903
00:46:34,760 --> 00:46:38,920
thing where I, you know, kicked 
people off the plane or off the 

904
00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:42,160
island and and flew on or, you 
know, went on alone. 

905
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:45,280
It was, well, look, I have some 
criticisms. 

906
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:46,920
I have some issues, I have some 
problems. 

907
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:49,120
I have some things that I want 
to talk about that maybe I'm 

908
00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:52,320
super comfortable for you. 
And I found out very quickly 

909
00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:56,080
that if I was honest, people 
didn't really want to spend time

910
00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:58,000
with me. 
Some people, I mean, obviously I

911
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:01,640
have people now who do my hand 
puppets, of course, and my 

912
00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:07,000
inflatable friend. 
But if you're just honest and 

913
00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:13,520
tell people what you think and 
feel, do they actually want to 

914
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:17,360
spend time with you? 
Are are are you in a quote 

915
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:20,280
relationship that is only 
acceptable to the other person 

916
00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:22,200
because you don't speak your 
mind? 

917
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:26,080
You don't, you're not honest 
about your experience of the 

918
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:29,080
relationship, right. 
So there's a cup I wrote down a 

919
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:32,000
couple of things here to sort of
summarize it. 

920
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:35,480
One of the things is that is 
this person going to block me 

921
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:37,280
from having a quality person in 
my life? 

922
00:47:37,800 --> 00:47:40,800
You know, my mom has some 
positive qualities, but on the 

923
00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:42,400
balance, the negatives are a 
little more. 

924
00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:47,960
And so if I, you know, when I 
meet a really great quality 

925
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:50,760
moral woman and then I like 
here's your mother-in-law for 

926
00:47:50,760 --> 00:47:54,080
the next 50 years. 
Is that going to have her run 

927
00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:56,320
for the hills? 
Well, I can't sacrifice my 

928
00:47:56,320 --> 00:47:59,080
future for the sake of my past, 
I can't sacrifice love for the 

929
00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:02,200
sake of history, and I can't 
sacrifice a chosen relationship 

930
00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:03,880
for the sake of an unchosen 
relationship. 

931
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:09,040
So if say, my mother being in my
life is going to prevent me from

932
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:15,040
having a quality wife, sorry. 
Like that's not even that. 

933
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:16,600
That's not even a close choice 
for me. 

934
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:20,680
You can do a search at 
fdrpodcast.com for the Against 

935
00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:24,160
Me argument, which is more 
around politics and statism. 

936
00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:28,000
Of course, if there's violence, 
aggression, coldness, a lack of 

937
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:31,800
empathy, a lack of curiosity 
about you, that's not a very 

938
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:35,000
good thing at all. 
If people have destructive 

939
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:38,280
addictions, and politics can be 
a very destructive addiction. 

940
00:48:38,280 --> 00:48:40,720
But if people have destructive 
addiction addictions, obviously 

941
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:43,560
if they're sex addicts, gambling
addicts, drug addicts, 

942
00:48:43,560 --> 00:48:47,280
Alcoholics and so on, that's 
probably not particularly wise. 

943
00:48:47,280 --> 00:48:49,440
I think it's worth putting it on
the line and saying look, you 

944
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:51,320
got to go get help. 
Like the intervention thing. 

945
00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:53,920
There's this whole show about 
that everyone gets together with

946
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:56,200
the addict and says you've got 
to get get help or you're out of

947
00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:59,960
our lives that can help. 
Is it a one way relationship 

948
00:48:59,960 --> 00:49:02,240
overall? 
I mean, relationships have, you 

949
00:49:02,240 --> 00:49:03,920
know, tide comes in, tide comes 
out. 

950
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:05,880
Sometimes you focus more on what
your partner needs. 

951
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:08,240
Sometimes they'll focus more on 
what you need for various 

952
00:49:08,240 --> 00:49:10,120
reasons. 
You know, your partner has some 

953
00:49:10,120 --> 00:49:12,480
big upset, you'll spend a couple
of days talking to them at the 

954
00:49:12,480 --> 00:49:14,000
exclusion of your own thoughts 
and feelings. 

955
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:16,520
But does it balance out overall?
I think that's important. 

956
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:22,480
And can they accept you for who 
you are? 

957
00:49:22,680 --> 00:49:25,000
You know, when I was younger, I 
don't know. 

958
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:26,480
I mean, I think it's true for 
most people. 

959
00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:28,200
Like, you got to fake a whole 
bunch of stuff. 

960
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:31,920
I mean, even if you have a good 
family at school, you have to 

961
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:33,160
fake it. 
You have to fake being 

962
00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:36,200
interested in all of the 
nonsense that they're talking 

963
00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:37,640
about. 
And school's way worse now than 

964
00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:39,280
it was when I was a kid. 
When I was a kid, it was just 

965
00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:40,440
boring. 
Now it's like mentally 

966
00:49:40,440 --> 00:49:41,840
dangerous. 
It's like toxic. 

967
00:49:42,560 --> 00:49:46,600
And so you got to pretend to be 
interested in school and care 

968
00:49:46,600 --> 00:49:48,800
about it as opposed to rolling 
your eyes and saying to the 

969
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:51,480
teacher, you're really boring. 
And this stuff means nothing to 

970
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:54,120
me. 
So you got to lie that if you 

971
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:58,040
have families, sometimes you 
have to pretend things that you 

972
00:49:58,040 --> 00:50:01,200
don't particularly believe or 
want or like and so on. 

973
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:05,600
And so at some point in your 
life, and this happened to me, I

974
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:09,040
think it was in my late 20s or 
so where I was just like, I 

975
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:13,640
don't want to spend the rest of 
my life not telling the truth. 

976
00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:18,440
And some of the greatest highs 
and some of the lowest lows have

977
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:20,320
come out of that sort of just 
basic decision. 

978
00:50:20,520 --> 00:50:24,360
Like when I was a kid, I, I had 
to falsify things because 

979
00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:28,200
telling the truth is pretty 
volatile when you're a kid, 

980
00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:29,240
right? 
Especially if you have 

981
00:50:29,240 --> 00:50:35,160
aggressive parents. 
And in university, I had to, I 

982
00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:38,280
was pretty good at, at being 
honest, but you still had to not

983
00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:39,640
talk about a whole bunch of 
things. 

984
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:45,800
And so at some point I was just 
like, what's that line from 

985
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:47,680
Risky business? 
Sometimes you just got to say 

986
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:51,400
what the heck or heck it. 
So at some point I was just 

987
00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:53,680
like, you know what, there's 
billions of people around the 

988
00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:58,160
world who don't tell the truth. 
I, for various reasons, could 

989
00:50:58,160 --> 00:50:59,760
not tell the truth when I was 
younger. 

990
00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:02,720
I'm just going to try this 
telling the truth thing. 

991
00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:05,320
I'm just going to try being 
honest about what I think and 

992
00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:08,600
feel the research that I have, 
the conclusions that I've come 

993
00:51:08,600 --> 00:51:10,320
to. 
I'm just going to tell the 

994
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:13,320
truth. 
And this was like this, like, 

995
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:17,240
you know, when they test some 
nuclear weapon and you can feel 

996
00:51:17,240 --> 00:51:20,480
the tremors in like, half a 
world away, It was kind of like 

997
00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:22,320
that. 
Telling the truth is just like 

998
00:51:22,320 --> 00:51:26,560
this radical thing that sets off
these weird secret hidden 

999
00:51:26,560 --> 00:51:27,640
detonations. 
Nothing. 

1000
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:29,800
Nothing's obvious. 
No house falls down. 

1001
00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:33,280
The clouds don't vanish. 
The seas don't pot in front of 

1002
00:51:33,280 --> 00:51:34,680
you. 
People don't burst into flames. 

1003
00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:36,840
So there's nothing real obvious 
and visible. 

1004
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:40,000
But there's like this hidden 
earthquake that goes through 

1005
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:44,160
your life, like this subtle 
shockwave where people's neurons

1006
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:46,440
just get rearranged in one way 
or the other. 

1007
00:51:46,760 --> 00:51:50,800
And through the process of just 
telling the truth, it, it acts 

1008
00:51:50,800 --> 00:51:55,160
as an A hole repellent and a 
signal to bring virtuous people 

1009
00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:57,360
to you. 
And it is really the greatest 

1010
00:51:57,360 --> 00:52:00,240
decision that you can make. 
It's straight out of Hamlet, 

1011
00:52:00,240 --> 00:52:02,960
right above. 
Above all, to then own self be 

1012
00:52:02,960 --> 00:52:04,120
true. 
And then it follows as night 

1013
00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:06,160
follows day. 
You can't be false to anyone. 

1014
00:52:06,560 --> 00:52:08,760
Just tell the truth and be 
honest. 

1015
00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:10,760
And that will drive the bad 
people away. 

1016
00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:13,640
It will win the good people 
close to you and it will draw 

1017
00:52:14,160 --> 00:52:17,560
virtuous people to you. 
And there's a lot of volatility 

1018
00:52:17,560 --> 00:52:20,320
in that process. 
But I tell you man, I would not 

1019
00:52:20,320 --> 00:52:24,440
have it any other way. 
Absolutely, and that's why I 

1020
00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:27,240
think this topic is so important
to discuss. 

1021
00:52:27,240 --> 00:52:30,520
My dad once asked me is there 
something I could do differently

1022
00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:35,400
as a dad and I stupidly answered
this question accurately. 

1023
00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:38,560
Oh, no, wait, you you, you took 
him at face value. 

1024
00:52:38,760 --> 00:52:39,560
Oh. 
No, I took him. 

1025
00:52:39,840 --> 00:52:42,800
I don't know why I did that. 
I want to say I was 16. 

1026
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:48,120
It led to a another rageaholic 
episode and I and at first it 

1027
00:52:48,120 --> 00:52:50,040
was really scary, but it was so 
clarifying. 

1028
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:53,720
I go, oh, This is why my sister 
doesn't talk to you anymore 

1029
00:52:53,720 --> 00:52:58,040
because unfortunately for my 
dad, I came across Henry 

1030
00:52:58,040 --> 00:53:00,080
Haslet's book Economics and one 
lesson. 

1031
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:04,600
So I learned about opportunity 
cost and I go, this is a 30 

1032
00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:07,880
minute rant. 
What could I be doing with my 

1033
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:12,600
other 30 minutes of this scarce 
time that I have on this earth? 

1034
00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:15,760
So, so my things were the 
opportunity cost of being around

1035
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:17,960
the person. 
Second thing was have I 

1036
00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:20,800
clarified my criticisms to this 
person in the past? 

1037
00:53:21,120 --> 00:53:25,120
Hey, I drive all the way up here
and I walk on egg shells for 16 

1038
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:29,600
hours straight, and then I run 
to my car started like I'd like 

1039
00:53:29,600 --> 00:53:32,120
to jump in the window like 
Starsky and Hutch to get the 

1040
00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:35,080
hell out of there, right when 
I'm like, I'm off the clock. 

1041
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:38,520
I got to go. 
And then the third thing was how

1042
00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:41,000
much time they had to process 
the criticisms. 

1043
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:44,480
It's not like change right now. 
Here are my criticisms of you. 

1044
00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:46,560
All right, it's now dinner time.
I'm out of here. 

1045
00:53:46,960 --> 00:53:52,120
It was I think 14 years from the
day I was real clear with my 

1046
00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:55,640
first criticism his his other 
child, my sister had stopped 

1047
00:53:55,640 --> 00:54:00,280
speaking to him and I just lost 
all the energy and I said I 

1048
00:54:00,280 --> 00:54:05,280
don't ever want to talk to him 
again, but let me wait 24 hours 

1049
00:54:05,280 --> 00:54:09,000
before really telling him. 
I ended up waiting a month 

1050
00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:11,200
before saying it. 
From the day I made that 

1051
00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:14,280
decision officially to when I 
actually told him. 

1052
00:54:14,280 --> 00:54:17,640
So it has been so liberating. 
It might have been too 

1053
00:54:17,640 --> 00:54:20,480
liberating cause I've done it to
like six other people in my life

1054
00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:22,640
since then. 
I'm just like, I keeps freeing 

1055
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:24,440
up time. 
I'm like more books to read. 

1056
00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:26,880
I might have to kick out that 
guy who was a prick to me. 

1057
00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:30,120
I'm, I'm, I'm kidding, of 
course, but that was my thought 

1058
00:54:30,120 --> 00:54:32,920
process behind the whole thing. 
It took a lot of time. 

1059
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:36,240
Yeah, I've just had an urge to 
be a lot nicer to you. 

1060
00:54:36,760 --> 00:54:40,440
So excellent. 
No, and I'm, I'm really, I mean,

1061
00:54:40,520 --> 00:54:45,600
obviously kudos to having these 
standards, but as a parent like 

1062
00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:51,200
you, you have your, you have 
your voice right up against your

1063
00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:54,280
kids ears. 
You're and so to me, parents who

1064
00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:59,440
yell, scream and, and and so on,
it's absolutely overwhelming to 

1065
00:54:59,440 --> 00:55:02,360
the nervous system because we 
desperately want to please our 

1066
00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:05,320
parents. 
I mean, evolutionarily speaking,

1067
00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:07,680
kids who didn't please their 
parents didn't tend to do very 

1068
00:55:07,680 --> 00:55:10,880
well over the course of 
protection and food and and so 

1069
00:55:10,880 --> 00:55:15,280
on. 
So we are very desperate to to 

1070
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:17,080
please our parents. 
And one of the things I really 

1071
00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:23,320
got as a parent was you need 
such a light touch because we're

1072
00:55:23,320 --> 00:55:25,240
so close. 
Like if you've got your lips 

1073
00:55:25,240 --> 00:55:28,440
right against someone here, you 
got to whisper, otherwise you're

1074
00:55:28,440 --> 00:55:31,440
going to hurt them. 
And this screaming stuff when 

1075
00:55:31,440 --> 00:55:35,000
people, it's so overwhelming and
it comes from such a sense of 

1076
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:39,040
helplessness and and lack of 
self-control that it is just 

1077
00:55:39,040 --> 00:55:41,320
dangerous. 
But that level of parental 

1078
00:55:41,320 --> 00:55:44,360
hostility and anger is, is just,
it just short circuits the 

1079
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:46,760
emotional system to the point 
where you kind of have to 

1080
00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:49,480
retreat just so you can gain the
ability to feel normally. 

1081
00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:51,640
Like, you know, if you go to a 
concert, you get that ringing in

1082
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:53,880
your ears. 
You got to treat your ears well 

1083
00:55:53,880 --> 00:55:56,880
for a while so you don't damage 
them in any permanent way. 

1084
00:55:56,880 --> 00:56:01,240
So I, I really, that's a very, 
very sad story. 

1085
00:56:01,240 --> 00:56:03,400
But I mean, really, what are 
your options? 

1086
00:56:03,680 --> 00:56:06,520
What are your options is you 
imagine you meet some wonderful 

1087
00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:10,240
woman and if your dad was still 
in your life and is wonderful 

1088
00:56:10,240 --> 00:56:13,320
woman, you take her over to your
dad's place and your dad yells 

1089
00:56:13,320 --> 00:56:15,760
at you and you got to I'm so 
sorry. 

1090
00:56:15,760 --> 00:56:18,680
I like you got to fold and be 
and what's going to happen to 

1091
00:56:18,680 --> 00:56:21,200
her level of respect for you and
when she sees what you're going 

1092
00:56:21,200 --> 00:56:23,520
to take or you tell you have 
kids, you take your kids over to

1093
00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:26,880
somebody who treats you badly. 
Your kids are going to see that 

1094
00:56:26,880 --> 00:56:29,480
and lose respect for you and 
what are you going to say? 

1095
00:56:29,480 --> 00:56:31,360
You got to have standards and 
values in your life. 

1096
00:56:31,360 --> 00:56:34,240
When you let someone treat you 
badly and that you don't have 

1097
00:56:34,240 --> 00:56:39,280
to, it's bad for everyone. 
And it is really sad that people

1098
00:56:39,280 --> 00:56:42,040
take that choice. 
And the I mean the other thing 

1099
00:56:42,040 --> 00:56:45,920
too, like in relationships, you 
constantly got to ask people how

1100
00:56:45,920 --> 00:56:47,840
you're doing. 
You don't just leave it life 

1101
00:56:47,840 --> 00:56:49,760
fallow. 
I shouldn't have to wait till 16

1102
00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:50,960
for your dad to say how I'm 
doing. 

1103
00:56:50,960 --> 00:56:53,280
Like every couple of weeks with 
my family. 

1104
00:56:53,280 --> 00:56:55,280
I'm like, hey, what have I been 
doing good? 

1105
00:56:55,280 --> 00:56:56,600
What have I, what could I 
improve? 

1106
00:56:56,600 --> 00:57:00,120
Like, I mean, you, you go, you 
go order a slice of pizza like 

1107
00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:01,880
on the receipt. 
It'll be like, give us your 

1108
00:57:01,880 --> 00:57:04,360
feedback and we'll give you a 
dollar up for your next pizza. 

1109
00:57:04,360 --> 00:57:07,280
Like they'll, the pizza place 
will ask people have, but people

1110
00:57:07,280 --> 00:57:09,400
actually who are parents 
provided the most essential 

1111
00:57:09,480 --> 00:57:11,480
service to their children. 
They don't ask how they're 

1112
00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:14,360
doing, what the children like or
don't like, what's been good and

1113
00:57:14,360 --> 00:57:17,880
bad, what could be improved. 
My gosh, we do this all the time

1114
00:57:18,280 --> 00:57:20,520
in life. 
And to not do it with your own 

1115
00:57:20,520 --> 00:57:24,000
children is foundationally 
incomprehensible to me. 

1116
00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:26,800
And that you would then your 
father would have to wait until 

1117
00:57:26,800 --> 00:57:29,800
you were 16 to try and get even 
any pretend feedback. 

1118
00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:32,440
It's like, no, that should 
happen all the way along. 

1119
00:57:32,760 --> 00:57:34,000
It should happen all the way 
along. 

1120
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:36,520
It's not that hard to have good 
relationships. 

1121
00:57:36,680 --> 00:57:40,480
You just need to be reasonably 
virtuous and ask people how 

1122
00:57:40,480 --> 00:57:45,040
you're doing and get feedback. 
And if you're not getting 

1123
00:57:45,040 --> 00:57:49,240
feedback, you are undermining 
the entire relationship because 

1124
00:57:49,240 --> 00:57:52,640
people who aren't giving you 
feedback are not giving you 

1125
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:53,960
feedback because they're scared 
of you. 

1126
00:57:54,120 --> 00:57:56,120
And if people are scared of you,
they can't love you. 

1127
00:57:56,480 --> 00:57:59,080
And your relationship is being 
eaten out from the inside. 

1128
00:57:59,080 --> 00:58:02,840
So, so very, I mean, I'm massive
sympathies, but you know, it 

1129
00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:07,320
sounds like a, a very wise 
decision to get that level of 

1130
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:09,200
aggression and abuse out of your
life. 

1131
00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:12,320
Absolutely, we're almost at 
time. 

1132
00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:13,760
Do you have time for one more 
topic? 

1133
00:58:13,840 --> 00:58:17,880
Do it. 
Why are people humble in general

1134
00:58:17,880 --> 00:58:19,840
when you ask them how do I build
a car? 

1135
00:58:19,840 --> 00:58:22,880
How do I build a house? 
They tend to respond with, I 

1136
00:58:22,880 --> 00:58:26,000
don't know, haven't studied it, 
but they seem to have no 

1137
00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:29,440
humility when it comes to 
politics, economics, history, 

1138
00:58:29,560 --> 00:58:31,960
foreign policy, labor markets, 
etcetera. 

1139
00:58:32,160 --> 00:58:35,560
Why is there such a disparity in
what people are humble about? 

1140
00:58:36,360 --> 00:58:39,560
I think it has to do with 
whether things are testable or 

1141
00:58:39,560 --> 00:58:44,080
not, right? 
So if somebody says, here's how 

1142
00:58:44,080 --> 00:58:48,120
you build a wall, you can say, 
oh, what's your experience and 

1143
00:58:48,120 --> 00:58:51,360
and where did you learn this and
and so on right now, if they 

1144
00:58:51,360 --> 00:58:55,400
say, well, I don't have any 
experience, but I saw a wall 

1145
00:58:55,400 --> 00:59:00,000
once on CNN, you'd be like, 
well, you know, so stuff which 

1146
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:03,520
people can have personal 
experience with, they tend to 

1147
00:59:04,640 --> 00:59:06,200
tell you about that experience 
and they tend to have 

1148
00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:07,920
credibility because they've done
that right. 

1149
00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:10,640
So, you know, I could talk a 
little bit about how to have a 

1150
00:59:10,640 --> 00:59:13,760
reasonably successful podcast. 
I could talk a little bit about 

1151
00:59:13,760 --> 00:59:15,720
how to run. 
I've been an entrepreneur for 

1152
00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:17,280
like 30 years. 
So I could talk a little bit of 

1153
00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:20,160
how to how to start and run a 
business, how to manage people. 

1154
00:59:20,160 --> 00:59:22,440
I can talk a little bit about 
marriage and success. 

1155
00:59:22,440 --> 00:59:25,720
I've been very happily married 
for like 22 years. 

1156
00:59:25,720 --> 00:59:29,400
And this is coming from a parent
who divorced when I was a baby. 

1157
00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:31,000
That's, you know, fairly decent 
improvement. 

1158
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:33,680
I can talk a little bit about 
some parenting stuff because I 

1159
00:59:33,680 --> 00:59:36,680
mean, I'm being a stay at home 
dad and my daughter and I get 

1160
00:59:36,680 --> 00:59:38,760
along very well. 
People can hear her from time to

1161
00:59:38,760 --> 00:59:42,160
time on my show. 
So this is not, you know, I'm 

1162
00:59:42,160 --> 00:59:44,360
not claiming something without 
any evidence. 

1163
00:59:44,960 --> 00:59:48,640
So when people have personal 
skills, then they have to have 

1164
00:59:48,640 --> 00:59:51,160
some credibility with it. 
But people can have all of this 

1165
00:59:51,160 --> 00:59:55,440
windbaggery nonsense about stuff
that doesn't have any 

1166
00:59:55,440 --> 00:59:57,680
verifiability to it. 
Well, I think that the Fed 

1167
00:59:57,680 --> 01:00:00,040
should raise interest rates. 
OK. 

1168
01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:03,400
Have you ever been in charge of 
an institution that can raise 

1169
01:00:03,400 --> 01:00:05,600
all lower interest rates and 
been personally responsible for 

1170
01:00:05,600 --> 01:00:08,480
the consequences? 
Well, well, no, but someone on 

1171
01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:10,960
CNN who was standing on a wall 
told me that the Fed should 

1172
01:00:10,960 --> 01:00:12,440
raise interest rates or 
something like that. 

1173
01:00:12,440 --> 01:00:15,400
Right. 
So the more abstract and the 

1174
01:00:15,400 --> 01:00:19,000
less personal. 
And the less consequential, 

1175
01:00:19,280 --> 01:00:22,640
right, this is the skin in the 
game argument is that if people 

1176
01:00:22,640 --> 01:00:28,040
don't have skin in the game, I 
don't particularly care what 

1177
01:00:28,040 --> 01:00:30,560
they have to say about a topic. 
It's just noise. 

1178
01:00:30,920 --> 01:00:33,280
So if you know, somebody says, 
and you, you've seen these 

1179
01:00:33,280 --> 01:00:35,200
videos, right? 
We should take migrants. 

1180
01:00:35,200 --> 01:00:36,720
Oh, here's a migrant to come to 
your house. 

1181
01:00:36,720 --> 01:00:39,760
Well, I can't, right? 
If people say we should do more 

1182
01:00:39,760 --> 01:00:43,000
to help the poor, right? 
I'd be like, OK, So what? 

1183
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:46,840
What have you done? 
Because the poor is not some 

1184
01:00:46,840 --> 01:00:50,120
weird abstract category. 
They're actual people with 

1185
01:00:50,120 --> 01:00:53,120
virtues and flaws. 
And one of the people, the only 

1186
01:00:53,120 --> 01:00:56,520
people who genuinely think that 
the government can help the poor

1187
01:00:56,520 --> 01:01:00,400
are people who've never really 
really tried to help the poor. 

1188
01:01:00,400 --> 01:01:05,080
I mean, I grew up poor and I 
created companies and created 

1189
01:01:05,080 --> 01:01:08,920
jobs and I hired some of my, 
some of the people I grew up 

1190
01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:13,920
with because I was able to give 
them jobs and I helped the poor,

1191
01:01:14,160 --> 01:01:17,360
you know, by, by I've, you know,
created like 100 jobs over the 

1192
01:01:17,360 --> 01:01:19,840
course of my entrepreneurial 
existence. 

1193
01:01:19,840 --> 01:01:21,840
I mean, it's not massive, but 
it's not nothing. 

1194
01:01:22,320 --> 01:01:29,400
And so there are people who have
gotten jobs and income because I

1195
01:01:29,640 --> 01:01:32,680
started and ran companies. 
I got raises for people when I 

1196
01:01:32,680 --> 01:01:36,440
worked for other companies, got 
some people 30% raises, 40% 

1197
01:01:36,440 --> 01:01:39,800
raises, which takes them out of 
lower middle class to middle 

1198
01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:42,520
class. 
I've put a lot of time and 

1199
01:01:42,520 --> 01:01:45,600
effort and energy into people 
who call in in shows and say, 

1200
01:01:45,600 --> 01:01:48,680
you know what? 
I'm, I'm 25 or 30 and I don't 

1201
01:01:48,680 --> 01:01:50,840
make any money. 
And I sort of tell them the ways

1202
01:01:50,840 --> 01:01:54,400
that they can do to, to improve 
their, their income and their 

1203
01:01:54,400 --> 01:01:57,440
potential. 
So, you know, I've done a lot to

1204
01:01:57,440 --> 01:02:00,360
help the poor. 
And so when I say the government

1205
01:02:00,360 --> 01:02:02,560
can't help the poor and somebody
says, no, no, no, the government

1206
01:02:02,560 --> 01:02:05,480
should help the poor. 
My question is, OK, tell me your

1207
01:02:05,480 --> 01:02:07,000
history of actually helping the 
poor. 

1208
01:02:07,320 --> 01:02:09,480
Tell me about the neighbourhoods
you went to, the people you 

1209
01:02:09,480 --> 01:02:12,600
talked to and their success or 
failure based upon following 

1210
01:02:12,600 --> 01:02:17,680
your advice. 
And it's a great clarifying bar 

1211
01:02:17,680 --> 01:02:20,080
for people to get over. 
And it's not that complicated. 

1212
01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:22,640
I mean, we do this all the time,
right? 

1213
01:02:22,640 --> 01:02:27,280
I mean, if somebody says send in
a resume, I, I, I want to be a 

1214
01:02:27,280 --> 01:02:29,680
surgeon, right? 
Do they just say, sounds good? 

1215
01:02:29,840 --> 01:02:32,880
You know, I've seen you cut an 
apple off you go, go and take 

1216
01:02:32,880 --> 01:02:34,960
somebody's appendix out. 
No, they'd verify it. 

1217
01:02:35,160 --> 01:02:36,720
They'd say, OK, what's your 
education? 

1218
01:02:36,720 --> 01:02:39,080
We need to talk to your previous
boss, we need to verify your 

1219
01:02:39,080 --> 01:02:41,880
education. 
We need to see your statistics 

1220
01:02:41,880 --> 01:02:45,400
on success or failure in your 
your surgeries and so on. 

1221
01:02:45,400 --> 01:02:49,160
People ask for verification 
before they let people be 

1222
01:02:49,160 --> 01:02:51,960
surgeons. 
And before I take any advice 

1223
01:02:51,960 --> 01:02:54,520
from someone you know, you don't
take diet advice from the fat 

1224
01:02:54,520 --> 01:02:57,720
guy and I would not give advice 
on how to seamlessly regrow your

1225
01:02:57,720 --> 01:03:00,440
hair, right? 
So you, you just look for 

1226
01:03:00,440 --> 01:03:04,000
personal experience and if 
people are talking about, you 

1227
01:03:04,000 --> 01:03:07,040
know, history or as you say, 
foreign policy, the economy as a

1228
01:03:07,040 --> 01:03:11,040
whole, I'm like, OK, if you, if 
you really, really understand 

1229
01:03:11,040 --> 01:03:15,600
the economy, then you should be 
an incredible investor. 

1230
01:03:17,680 --> 01:03:21,440
Like wow, Like the people who 
have these global warming models

1231
01:03:21,440 --> 01:03:24,080
is like, well, we know what the,
the temperature's going to be 

1232
01:03:24,080 --> 01:03:27,160
worldwide in 100 years. 
And I'm like, wow, if you're 

1233
01:03:27,160 --> 01:03:30,760
able to model the future that 
accurately, you must be a 

1234
01:03:30,760 --> 01:03:33,280
zillionaire because you you 
should be able to model the 

1235
01:03:33,280 --> 01:03:35,240
short term stock market. 
I mean, if you know what the 

1236
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:38,200
temperature's going to be in 100
years, surely you know what the 

1237
01:03:38,200 --> 01:03:40,760
price of Apple stock is going to
be 5 minutes from now. 

1238
01:03:42,200 --> 01:03:45,760
So let's take your predictive 
models to go out to massive 

1239
01:03:45,760 --> 01:03:47,480
complex systems. 
I mean, the weather's more 

1240
01:03:47,480 --> 01:03:50,360
complicated than the economy, 
certainly more complicated than 

1241
01:03:50,360 --> 01:03:52,400
the stock market. 
And if you can project the 

1242
01:03:52,400 --> 01:03:55,640
weather 100 years out, I want to
see how your model predicts the 

1243
01:03:55,640 --> 01:03:57,560
price of Apple stock 5 minutes 
from now. 

1244
01:03:57,560 --> 01:04:00,640
Because you can make a zillion 
dollars longing or shorting, 

1245
01:04:00,680 --> 01:04:03,000
going long or short on Apple 
stock 5 minutes from now. 

1246
01:04:03,640 --> 01:04:06,280
So let's see your model work. 
And if they can't predict the 

1247
01:04:06,280 --> 01:04:09,600
price of Apple stock 5 minutes 
from now, why on earth would I 

1248
01:04:09,600 --> 01:04:11,920
listen to them about the 
temperature 100 years from now? 

1249
01:04:11,920 --> 01:04:13,680
So it's just a matter of 
testability. 

1250
01:04:14,280 --> 01:04:18,520
If you're wrong, what happens? 
Like what negative thing happens

1251
01:04:18,520 --> 01:04:22,720
to you if you're wrong, Right. 
So, you know, if you say, well, 

1252
01:04:22,720 --> 01:04:26,880
I'm a big fan of the, you know, 
we the, the, the war in Ukraine 

1253
01:04:26,880 --> 01:04:31,280
is, is a positive, right? 
OK, well, you're not going to 

1254
01:04:31,280 --> 01:04:35,360
get drafted. 
So what's your skin in the game,

1255
01:04:36,360 --> 01:04:37,800
right? 
You're not personally paying, 

1256
01:04:38,120 --> 01:04:39,200
right? 
You're not going to get drafted.

1257
01:04:39,200 --> 01:04:40,640
No one you know is going to get 
drafted. 

1258
01:04:40,920 --> 01:04:44,360
So what is your what, what is 
skin in the game? 

1259
01:04:44,360 --> 01:04:46,680
Do you have? 
And if people don't have skin in

1260
01:04:46,680 --> 01:04:49,360
the game and generally don't 
listen to what it is they say, 

1261
01:04:49,360 --> 01:04:50,840
you have to have direct 
experience. 

1262
01:04:50,960 --> 01:04:52,360
You have to have skin in the 
game. 

1263
01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:56,920
Otherwise, it is what they call 
virtue signaling, right? 

1264
01:04:56,920 --> 01:04:59,120
So we've got to do more to help 
the homeless. 

1265
01:04:59,120 --> 01:05:01,880
OK, How many homeless people 
have you taken into your house 

1266
01:05:01,880 --> 01:05:03,520
or allowed to camp in your 
garden? 

1267
01:05:05,400 --> 01:05:09,640
If the answer is none, then it's
just noise. 

1268
01:05:10,080 --> 01:05:13,320
Because if you know 
specifically, I, I got this 

1269
01:05:13,320 --> 01:05:16,920
straight out of the trial and 
death of Socrates, right? 

1270
01:05:17,360 --> 01:05:21,320
So Socrates, of course, have 
brought in trial for impiety and

1271
01:05:21,320 --> 01:05:23,120
corrupting the youth, right? 
And Melita says here, you 

1272
01:05:23,120 --> 01:05:25,520
corrupt the youth. 
And Socrates says to him, oh, so

1273
01:05:25,520 --> 01:05:27,800
if you know that I corrupt the 
youth, you must know what 

1274
01:05:28,160 --> 01:05:29,360
ennobles the youth. 
What is it? 

1275
01:05:29,360 --> 01:05:30,920
That's the opposite of 
corrupting the youth? 

1276
01:05:30,960 --> 01:05:34,040
And he doesn't answer because he
doesn't know because he's just 

1277
01:05:34,040 --> 01:05:37,240
using this word as slander. 
You know, it's funny because 

1278
01:05:38,040 --> 01:05:40,240
let's let's go to Puff Daddy 
because you knew that was going 

1279
01:05:40,240 --> 01:05:44,280
to be the next topic, right? 
So Puff Daddy, the notorious 

1280
01:05:44,280 --> 01:05:47,600
rapper who allegedly, even 
though there seems to be 

1281
01:05:47,600 --> 01:05:53,360
recordings, allegedly has been 
hosting these absolutely vile 

1282
01:05:54,480 --> 01:05:58,720
sex slash exploitation slash 
potential rape allegedly parties

1283
01:05:58,720 --> 01:06:02,680
for like 15 years, right? 
And you can see Puff Daddy, if 

1284
01:06:02,680 --> 01:06:07,000
these allegations are true, you 
can see Puff Daddy in pictures 

1285
01:06:07,000 --> 01:06:09,440
with just about every famous 
person known to man, right? 

1286
01:06:09,760 --> 01:06:12,600
Some of whom have called me a 
really bad guy, right? 

1287
01:06:13,480 --> 01:06:17,320
So all of these really, really 
famous people don't have any 

1288
01:06:17,320 --> 01:06:21,240
idea if this guy turns out, even
if 10% of what he's accused of 

1289
01:06:21,240 --> 01:06:23,480
is true, then he's, you know, 
really, really evil guy. 

1290
01:06:24,960 --> 01:06:28,000
So all of these people are like 
shaking his hands and, and 

1291
01:06:28,000 --> 01:06:31,160
taking his money and, and not 
just, you know, in passing at 

1292
01:06:31,160 --> 01:06:35,680
one party, but, you know, like 
heavily involved with the guy. 

1293
01:06:36,240 --> 01:06:39,240
So they can't tell this kind of 
guy, but boy, they know I'm a 

1294
01:06:39,240 --> 01:06:44,160
bad guy, you know, And again, 
it's just like if if you have a 

1295
01:06:44,240 --> 01:06:48,560
stone evil person in your 
environment, I don't care what 

1296
01:06:48,560 --> 01:06:50,520
you say morally about anyone 
ever again. 

1297
01:06:51,520 --> 01:06:54,000
And this lack like this 
credibility, right? 

1298
01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:58,040
I mean, like the Epstein thing 
or or you know, the the Puff 

1299
01:06:58,040 --> 01:07:00,200
Daddy thing or just a variety of
other things. 

1300
01:07:00,200 --> 01:07:05,240
It's like, if you don't know 
that this guy's corrupt and 

1301
01:07:05,240 --> 01:07:08,520
evil, why would I care about 
your opinion just at the Bill 

1302
01:07:08,520 --> 01:07:10,920
Gates question, right, Which is 
maybe why Melinda kicked him to 

1303
01:07:10,920 --> 01:07:12,840
the curb, right? 
It's like, well, you're just so 

1304
01:07:13,600 --> 01:07:16,120
interested and dedicated in the 
virtue and positive, blah, blah,

1305
01:07:16,120 --> 01:07:17,680
blah. 
The guy had a relationship with 

1306
01:07:17,680 --> 01:07:20,720
Jeffrey Epstein that went a long
time even after the guy was, you

1307
01:07:20,720 --> 01:07:25,680
know, anyway, So I just look at 
do you have direct experience? 

1308
01:07:25,680 --> 01:07:27,160
Do you have any skin in the 
game? 

1309
01:07:27,400 --> 01:07:30,200
And have you made terrible 
decisions in the past? 

1310
01:07:30,560 --> 01:07:33,320
And have you figured out why you
made those bad decisions? 

1311
01:07:33,320 --> 01:07:35,920
You know, I can't imagine this 
would ever be the case. 

1312
01:07:35,920 --> 01:07:40,400
But let's say I've been friends 
with someone for like 15 years 

1313
01:07:40,560 --> 01:07:45,120
who turned out to be evil. 
I think I'd shut up about. 

1314
01:07:45,120 --> 01:07:48,480
Moral choices. 
Like for a long, long, long 

1315
01:07:48,480 --> 01:07:50,960
time, and I'd have to sit there 
and say, Oh my gosh, how could I

1316
01:07:50,960 --> 01:07:52,400
fail to see this? 
My gosh. 

1317
01:07:52,400 --> 01:07:56,000
I mean, the guy literally rapped
about abusing people. 

1318
01:07:56,520 --> 01:07:58,840
How could I have missed that? 
He was an abuser, You know, 

1319
01:07:58,840 --> 01:08:01,840
like, I would have some 
humility, but people. 

1320
01:08:01,840 --> 01:08:02,840
Don't man. 
This is what? 

1321
01:08:02,840 --> 01:08:04,840
You're saying they just like 
just move on, right? 

1322
01:08:04,840 --> 01:08:07,960
And, and the, you know, all of 
the people who were hanging 

1323
01:08:07,960 --> 01:08:11,800
with, with Puff Daddy and so on,
if it turns out that he's guilty

1324
01:08:11,800 --> 01:08:13,800
of what he's accused of. 
And you know, they're not even 

1325
01:08:13,800 --> 01:08:16,279
giving the guy bail, although I 
think he offered 50 mil. 

1326
01:08:16,279 --> 01:08:18,640
So I assume that they have a 
fairly solid case. 

1327
01:08:18,640 --> 01:08:22,240
And apparently the whole house 
was wiped and my was, was miked 

1328
01:08:22,240 --> 01:08:26,479
and, and had had camera footage 
and all that, like Epstein's. 

1329
01:08:26,880 --> 01:08:29,800
So I, I assume that the proof is
fairly incontrovertible if 

1330
01:08:29,800 --> 01:08:31,200
they've got a hold of this kind 
of stuff. 

1331
01:08:31,760 --> 01:08:35,399
So then all the people who were 
friendly with this guy, and I 

1332
01:08:35,399 --> 01:08:37,439
don't just mean, you know, met 
him at a party and there's a 

1333
01:08:37,439 --> 01:08:40,640
picture of them together, right.
But all the people who hung with

1334
01:08:40,640 --> 01:08:43,399
the guy, he were relatively 
friendly with the guy and the 

1335
01:08:43,399 --> 01:08:45,560
the rumors have been around 
forever and ever. 

1336
01:08:45,560 --> 01:08:49,160
I mean, I, I'm nobody in this 
music rap circle, but I even 

1337
01:08:49,160 --> 01:08:53,520
I've heard the rumors years ago.
So in any sane universe we'd 

1338
01:08:53,520 --> 01:08:57,760
look at those people and say, so
you have no moral. 

1339
01:08:57,760 --> 01:08:59,359
Credibility at all? 
You can't tell. 

1340
01:08:59,359 --> 01:09:01,640
A bad guy when he's right in 
your face and rapping about what

1341
01:09:01,640 --> 01:09:03,720
he's doing. 
So why would I listen to you 

1342
01:09:03,720 --> 01:09:06,399
about anything moral ever again?
Maybe you can shake your booty 

1343
01:09:06,399 --> 01:09:11,160
and maybe you can rhyme well, 
but in terms of moral issues and

1344
01:09:11,160 --> 01:09:13,399
questions, you have no 
credibility. 

1345
01:09:13,680 --> 01:09:17,279
And because the big question is 
like, if this guy's been doing 

1346
01:09:17,279 --> 01:09:20,479
this stuff for 15 years, well, 
it's like the BBC with Jimmy 

1347
01:09:20,800 --> 01:09:26,240
Seville, like an absolute 
horrendous pedophile who 

1348
01:09:26,439 --> 01:09:28,960
operated in fairly plain sight 
for decades. 

1349
01:09:29,479 --> 01:09:33,279
And the BBC has the nerve to 
lecture people about moral 

1350
01:09:33,800 --> 01:09:38,600
values. 
And this is who they covered up 

1351
01:09:38,600 --> 01:09:41,960
for and protected in many ways. 
So, yeah, I mean it. 

1352
01:09:41,960 --> 01:09:44,080
It's the credibility. 
And you got to be really 

1353
01:09:44,080 --> 01:09:46,040
skeptical about most people's 
credibility. 

1354
01:09:46,040 --> 01:09:48,640
Be skeptical about mine. 
Be skeptical about yours, 

1355
01:09:48,920 --> 01:09:51,359
because you've really got to 
have some skin in the game. 

1356
01:09:51,479 --> 01:09:54,200
And you really, really have to 
have some direct experience that

1357
01:09:54,200 --> 01:09:57,360
can be verified. 
That's for me before I listen to

1358
01:09:57,360 --> 01:10:00,800
anyone. 
Thanks to everyone for watching.

1359
01:10:00,800 --> 01:10:03,600
Keith Knight, Don't tread on. 
Anyone in the Libertarian 

1360
01:10:03,600 --> 01:10:05,880
Institute? 
Mr. Molyneux, thank you so much 

1361
01:10:05,880 --> 01:10:07,280
for your time. 
You're welcome.