Got to talk fast. Got to talk fast.
Got to talk faster, faster, faster.
Got to talk fast. Welcome to an oral review of
Archie Comics Sonic the Hedgehog reminding you that even an era
of rampant, unabashed fascism, local judgment calls still can
be prudent. Just because the dominant
religion, America is Christianity, doesn't mean all
Christians are beyond hope. They might even be on your side.
Your neighbors and community are still your neighbors and
community. There's a limit, but it's not
0%. I'm Nick and except for this
intro I didn't write the script actually.
Oh, OK. And I'm Dominic.
And except for this intro, I haven't read any of today's
mystery script. That's lovely.
OK. So I, I didn't tell you this
ahead of time, but do you, do you know what today is?
Do you know, do you remember what today is?
Today is D-Day plus one, June 7th.
Yes, that. That's how I normally remember
June 7th, but it's also our one year anniversary of doing Gotta
Talk Fast. Holy shit we did.
We started GTF on D-Day plus one.
That's awesome. No, we actually didn't.
The first day we uploaded was June 2nd so.
Got it. Yeah, honestly, funnily enough,
the episode we did last week, which was supposed to go up
before June 2nd, ended up going on on up on June 2nd.
So we actually to the day uploaded Gotta Talk Fast
episodes one year apart. Awesome.
Do do a mistake. But to celebrate our one year
anniversary, we thought we'd do something a little bit special.
And we thought we'd get a guest writer to do today's script.
So I've reached out to our dear friend Mike F and we're going to
I'm going to sit back. Honestly, it's been very nice
not having to stress about writing a script.
So I'm going to sit back, relax, and listen to Dominic's smooth
voice. OK, here we go, we are reading
Archie Comics. Sonic the Hedgehog #33 Release
date January of 1996. Publication date April of 1996.
Let's get small. Part 1.
Written by Mike Gallagher, Penciled by Dave Monach, inks by
Harvo. We open on our We open on our
hasty hero sprinting into the village of Knothole, bouncing
around and narrating his actions in what must be given the
premise of this comic, an homage to the 1993 McDonald Super Bowl
ad featuring Michael Jordan and Larry Bird playing an
incredulous game of horse. In the ad, Byrd sees Jordan with
a Big Mac and challenges him for it.
Jordan, a slave to Gambler, the gambling monster living inside
him, has no choice. Sorry I I forgot about gambler.
Gambler. Has no choice but to accept the
game quickly reaches absurd heights, literally, with Jordan
narrating his next shot atop the Sears Tower.
We do have a link for reference. Should we?
I don't know if we should play that or should we skip that.
I I let's insert the clip now. Over the second rafter, off the
floor, nothing but net. Through the window, off the
wall, nothing but net. What you want is that you get
and it got off the dead. Off the Expressway, over the
river, off the Billboard, through the window, off the
wall, nothing but net that that's actually really cool.
I I don't know if I have seen that before.
I don't think so. That probably that aired well
before I was born, but. It's just a classic commercial.
Like, I, yeah, I mean, obviously I, I've never, I didn't see it
live, but I mean, I just know it because it's a famous one.
I mean honestly, like that New Jack, new Jack swing soundtrack
is is iconic and you've got 2 greats right there.
I don't know why Larry Bird wasn't in.
Why wasn't he wasn't in Space Jam?
But anyway, back to Knothole, we see Sonic, who, not receiving
the attention he desperately craves, is yelling for his
comrades to no response. Behind him creeps the silhouette
of Rotor. He was in Space Jam.
Sorry. I was like 90% sure he was, but
I was like, I don't know enough about basketball to like, say
that definitively. So I quickly went on MDB.
Yeah, he's, he's in Space Jam. He's the tall white guy.
He was one of the six. Yeah.
So it was, was it? It was Bugsy Malone.
Patrick Ewing. Or I wonder if it was just like
a cameo. I don't know if he was actually
on the team itself, but he's he has IMDb credit for.
You're right. Behind him creeps the silhouette
of Rotor, his next. His next action is an homage as
well, this time to Nick's pickup technique at bars, when he
quickly covers Sonic's mouth and a piece of cloth from behind.
Holy shit dude. I didn't know Mike F knew about
that, but. Rather than an ether soaked rag,
Rotor supplies Sonic with a surgical mask and with his
strength fading, guides him into the lab where the entirety of
the Freedom Fighters are lying bedridden.
Should know that was a bit the the, the, the, the ether soak
drag thing is a bit OK Rotor. Snap out of it pal.
Tell me what happened while I was out of patrol.
So this is sick Rotor, right? It all started when we ordered
take out from the new fast food restaurant.
We see a festering bag of food on the table, flies swarming and
green liquid seeping out. Pictured on the bag is a
familiar red R Mcrobos that sounds like a set up by
Robotnik. Why didn't you eat the stuff I
left in the fridge? Rotor explains that the crew is
so tired of eating chili dogs, they would rather risk it all on
a trap so obvious even Sonic immediately clocked it.
Gosh, Robotnik must have mastered microbionics.
Tiny little robot germs. He sprinkled them onto our deep
fried potatoes so they'd get inside of us, which they did.
We've all got the French Fryrus. Sonic, pretending to know what
French Fryrus is, gasps. In his last moments of lucidity,
Roeder begs Sonic to save the Freedom Fighters, flopping
forward with his tusks driven into the ground like stakes.
Knowing this problem must be solved at the microscopic level,
Sonic runs to the storage closet and pulls out a shrink ray the
Freedom Fighter salvage from 1 of Robotnik's machines.
He powers up the machine and shrinks himself.
End of Part 1. OK, because we're still on Larry
Bird. In my mind, I went, and while
you're doing that, I wasn't listening.
I went and just looked up his scenes in Space Jam.
He's playing golf with Bill Murray and Michael Jordan.
OK, OK. He OK.
Thank you. You're right.
I remember it now.
He was not one of the one of the six or so that got their powers
that their skills stolen. OK, good.
And then on top of it, he's he, he watches a game with Bill
Murray on the sideline. Those are his two scenes.
OK, now to the actual comic. I'm going to open with.
My favorite part of this, and maybe even most annoying part of
this, is I like the implication that Sonic is for some reason
the chef of the group. Yeah, that's I did not, I did
not think that. Yeah, it makes makes no sense.
I would. I feel like I clocked either
Antoine or Roeder as being the person who cooks.
Or Uncle Chuck at this point. I mean, Uncle Chuck doesn't
exist until he's in frame. I think it's like a point.
Of situation, yeah. Yeah, definitely a like.
Unless observed, Uncle Chuck does not exist.
This comic has object permanence, yeah.
Exactly what do you think the Part 1 here?
I mean, sure, it's it's a silly setup, but it's so silly where I
can buy into it, surprisingly enough.
Yeah, sure. And I appreciate the the
continuance of like, OK, well we have a shrink ray, so let's use
the shrink ray. This might be a little nitpicky,
but I don't think Sonic got small enough 'cause when you
look at the size of his shrink like when he's small like, he's
still the size of a tiny pencil. Yeah, they they did not clock
microscopic properly. Like microscopic means like you
cannot see it with your eyes. You need to make microscope
bacterial level. Yeah, he's not.
He's not small enough at all. Yeah, but that's just me.
Well, and then he gets inside and then he is small enough.
But that's just me being nitpicky.
Yeah, yeah, same. We can buy into it.
But for the record, the the the the sizes are completely wrong.
Yeah, like I guess that's technically the the beginning of
the next issue, but. I I think he's like 2/3 of the
way to microscopic, if that like microscopic is truly
microscopic. I'm surprised the the writer
didn't go down some sort of like COVID route with all the masks
and whatnot. Yeah, COVID in in 1996.
Making a reference you. Know.
No, I don't know what are you talking.
Wow. I was.
I would have made a reference that Sonic is wearing a diaper
on his face. Oh, you're talking about Mike?
You're talking about Mike F You're talking about Mike F?
Yeah. I'm sorry.
I thought you were talking about being the comic writer.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, no, Sonic. He he at this?
Either he is it's a COVID reference or an ICE officer
reference. Oh who?
Who are the? Same the same mother fuckers who
were complaining about masks on their face are not wearing masks
on their face to commit horrible war crimes against humanity.
But. Hell yeah.
Yeah, some good concentration camp shit.
There's two random animals on the sick bed that we we don't
really know. OK, OK.
Thank you. Thank you for mentioning that
because we've got the the core group of freedom fighters,
including Bunny, thank goodness. But you've also got others that
I have just genuinely never seen in my life.
I'm assuming that they are representative of other freedom
fighters. I I just assumed they were
representative of other people in that hole.
Sure, sure, yes. Who may be freedom fighters or
not or just regular citizenry. You're right.
All right. But do you think you mentioned
that if they wanted to? No.
OK, so something interesting here.
DARPA, or the Defense Advanced Research Project Agency was
founded in 1958, so it's very possible that the folks at
Archie Comics may have been clued in to microscopic to to
nanites. Now they call it microbionics
here. This is 2 years before Metal
Gear Solid is unleashed into the world.
Do they mention do they mention nanites in Metal Gear?
Nanites. No nanites.
Nanomachines. Nanomachines.
OK, OK, got it. Got it.
Yeah, not nothing about. They don't use the term nanite
specifically. OK, it's nano machines.
Got it. OK, you're right.
But they do use in Metal Gear Solid 5 microbiology kind of
warfare in that sense, like controlled micro where it it
attacks like certain parts of the body specifically.
'Cause that game is, is based on, that game is based on in, in
the 60s. It takes place in the 60s.
I mean, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I honestly, I was the whole time I was reading, I was
trying to sneak in a fox dye reference, but I also, but I I
didn't want to mess with Mike's pretty damn good script.
I I'm enjoying this so far. Mike, good job.
I don't, I don't know if Nick can say the same thing
considering you called him a a very questionable individual
with the ether rag, but you know, that's a bit and a funny
one. What was I gonna say?
I, I, I was like, I didn't pre read this.
I was like, maybe I should have pre read this and punch it down
a little bit just so that it's not as funny so people don't get
used to funny scripts. Let's get small Part 2.
We return to a scene Nick is all too familiar with, A small hog.
A small hog, A shrunken Sonic finds himself standing between
two ivory columns, staring down the gaping maw of Rotor's mouth.
Wasting no time, he sprints down Rotor's throat with record
speed. In fact, it's safe to say that
surely no one could outrun Sonic down a throat.
He's simply the greatest to ever do it.
He is the throat goat. Move over Nancy Reagan.
Sonic continues on but becomes lost.
Just then a walrus looking like rotor in a white wig, blue dress
and a cane appears. OK so this is old lady walrus
voice. I'm I'm channeling golden girls.
I'm I'm doing Bea Arthur here. Nah, not really, Bea Arthur.
What should I be Arthur or should I do?
Should I do the Iron Lady? Let's let's let's do the Iron
Lady. I have No Fear.
I'm not here to fight just to tell you to give up.
I Rotor's antibodies and it's antibodies spelled AUNT i.e.
like an Ant. So.
Antibody. That's a really good bet.
Yeah, yeah, I actually, I actually didn't find that
genuinely funny. Yeah, I did too.
I actually laughed out loud. But you're the body's natural
defense system against disease and infection.
You can't. So that that is that is quoted
straight from the comic itself. That is such an unnaturally
intelligent line from Sonic. But you're the body's natural
defense system against disease and infection.
You can't give in to this machimality.
Sorry, sorry, this French virus. Sorry, this French virus is too
much for me for Putnik's won this time.
And all my fellow antibodies inside the other freedom
fighters agree. Sonic, refusing to listen to the
antibodies help hopelessness, sprints down Rotor's digestive
tract before succumbing to a barrage of green French accessed
and pustules. They explained they are French
foreign legions LESIONS. Another good joke.
And threaten another round of blasts before Sonic goes Naruto
mode and spin dashes to victory. Standing atop a pile of popped
pus pockets, Sonic believes he has taken care of the French
Fryrus. Just then, the fastest thing
alive is knocked backwards by the swing of a crowbar.
The attacker speaks so so the name of this creature is called
Paris Site. So it's another French themed
thing. You was a bigger fool than Jerry
Lewis. The foreign legions were million
my body guards. Now you face me into the end of
Part 2. So.
So we're getting some. French things.
Yeah, I thought the same thing because it, because it's like,
OK, you've got some, some fun old auntie and then you've got
oh OK, some French thing and then you've got another French
thing. Also the name of this thing is
called the French Fryrus. OK, sure.
It it it tilted heavily towards towards the the French.
What what, what do you think sparked it?
What was it they came up with the idea of the concept like
like big level and they're like, well, what we got to like make
these antibodies something. Do you think they were just like
what, what? What was the pun that really
drove it? Was it the French fries that
they ate or was a did he come up with that French Legion like
pun? And it was like we got we got to
work on that. What do you think was the like
start of these jokes of the French?
First of all, I want to underpin how hilarious it is, and we've
seen it a number of times here where they do one pun and they
just run away with it. For the rest of the story, I
just want to. Point that out.
That's how you should always. Do puns, but but the most likely
1 is probably French Fryrus because there's a good chance
one of the writers or you know, Gallagher himself was just like,
hey, I got some French fries from McDonald's because, you
know, this is the 90s. So McDonald's or Burger King or
whatever is huge at this point. Do you think?
Do you think he had some bad fries?
And he was like shitting his brains out.
And as he was shitting his brains out, I was like, man,
this is a bad French Friaris. And then he like wrote it down
and he's like calling, calling the other Sonic Riders like
guys, guys, I'm literally shitting out gold right now.
I'm imagining him literally on the toilet.
Yeah, yeah. And he has.
My phone and everyone had wall phones in the bathroom or he
carried his car phone into the back which is like a giant.
For those who don't know, is would be huge.
Yeah, that's the most likely or, or if this was Ken Pender's
writing this, which it isn't, but if it was Ken, I might, he
might have known about French foreign legions because he's
that kind of autist. I feel like.
Like me, like me and because I also knew what the French
Foreign Legion was, which is kind of a messed up system, but
regardless, yes. That did feel like a Ken joke.
It does make me think. There's like a little they like,
granted, there's a head writer, but they send the script around
to be like, hey, what do you guys think?
And Ken was just like, you got, you got to get a French Legion
joke here. Yeah.
It, it is it the thing about the French Foreign Legion that I
just, I just find really funny is that they are literally the
Starship Troopers thing where it's service guarantees
citizenship, where if you serve three years in the French
Foreign Legion, then you, you can be, you can apply for French
citizenship because it is, it is literally what it is.
It was, I believe it was started during the Napoleonic era where
Napoleon was like, Hey, if you join this, this thing, you can
be a, a citizen of France, our great empire in three years,
give or take. And they have maintained that.
They have maintained that to today.
It is a continued colonial project that France is is still
pulling off because it works for them.
But is that something I? Can join so I can get EU
citizenship I don't think. Well, first of all, no.
But second of all, I'm pretty sure I don't, I don't think you
want, I don't think you want French citizenship.
It's I, I, I will say this, the French definitely know how to
protest. I do appreciate them for that.
However, they are still Snooty racist sons of bitches.
A lot of them are not all of them.
Some of them are very, very based and we applaud them for
it. But God damn, they can be
really, really Snooty sons of bitches.
Like they, they still got that spirit from the revolution.
Man, where that, that was honestly one of their biggest
flaws. The the French is that they they
did a pretty base thing with the whole, you know what they did to
Louis, But at the same time they they really got in their own
heads and and being really racist and really colonial while
while claiming to be free. So I don't know.
I mean, very American is the bad guy.
So how, how, how bad could they be?
They they. Really hate Americans.
No, what you want to be, you want to be a Danish citizen?
The Danes love Americans. They they straight up do because
of because of the, the, the liberation of I mean, to be to
be frank, we also liberated France.
We, we did that too. But but we, we liberated.
Did I say Danes? I'm so sorry.
I meant to say Netherlands. The the oh goodness.
What's the name for the Netherlands?
Not another it is, are you? Talking about Holland, yes.
Dutch land. Dutch, sorry.
Thank you. Did I say Dutch?
Did I say Danes? I think I said Danes.
You said Danes. Or I have to say Danes.
Were you just asking? For the Dutch, that was the main
you were. Looking for.
Yes, I didn't realize that. No, that doesn't.
Mean no, you wouldn't because I I was Dutch, that's what.
Well, I mean, I'm American, I'm just born here, but you're 100%
you're. American.
You're American as apple pie, like me.
But you do come from Dutch ancestry.
OK, maybe that'll help you. Yeah, it won't.
I know that The Luxembourg, if you if you have ancestry there,
you can apply for citizenship. I know, so I'm 50% Dutch, I'm
50% Polish and I tried. Seeing if my.
Mom can get Polish citizenship and then I could sneak my way in
through there because technically her my great grandma
came over during the 1930 whenever everyone was coming
over. But from from my research that I
saw now, I I'm you, you, you, you.
Actually give off you give off a little more Dutch than you do
Polish, but you I do see both in you that that that that checks
out. But anyway, yes, the Dutch do
like Americans for the most part compared to at least the French
just because of, of the, of the, of the Normandy campaign or not
Normandy, but rather the, the, the liberation of of Europe.
They, they very much like, like us for that.
And I, I, it's, it's pretty cool.
All right. Are we good here?
I think so. OK, here we go.
Let's get First of all, let's get small.
What do you think about that title, about that, the name of
that? Of this story?
Is there a joke I'm not getting that's?
Exactly what I'm trying to to get and I can't.
The closest I can get is Let's Get Lost, which is a Chet
Baker's song from the 50s, but that's that doesn't feel like it
at all. Let's get small it it.
Is a Steven Steve Martin album that came out in 95.
So that oh wait, no, no, no, maybe that.
Maybe that was a remaster because this came out in 90770.
OK, so I mean it. Still, could be a reference to
that could be. And they could they pull from
literally anything. So it's very possible they
pulled from that. It could also just be because
this is the 90s, they're like, let's get small.
I don't know. But that's, you know, let's get.
Is that a thing people said? No, just like this.
Just in general, like, hey, let's get crazy or let's get
nuts, let's get stupid. Yeah, it's very 90s coded well.
According to archiesonic.fandom.com, when
again we don't support fandom, they don't.
They don't make reference to the title, so I assume no one knows
it's so vague. That you no one can know.
Yeah, let's get small Part 3. Sonic, regaining his senses
after being knocked backwards, glares at his acoster.
A yellow nugget with a pencil thin moustache and a green beret
stares back in a somehow less lecherous fashion than your
typical Parisian. Nice the hedgehog.
That was your first lesson. The next, the next one will be
fatal. So says parasite.
Sonic, noting the heavy French accent, immediately reaches for
the classic insult, the F slur. It'll take more than one cheap
shot to put me down, froggy boy. Come on, you invasive imbecile.
Put up your Dukes. Yes, that is the Efsler.
Yeah. Monday, me petite Boo boy.
Sorry. Monday me.
No, not even Monday, me madman Petit Boo boy Boo.
It it OK? It's actually boy blue.
So I'm actually I I'm getting some.
I'm flipping the words here. You're on top of the accent.
OK, men, not petty boy blue. I will not sell in my arms with
you. I will absent job to my hench
men. I will leave that job to my
hench men at that moment, French men.
That's. True.
That's true. That's true.
At that moment, a burst of flame passes through Sonic's legs,
burning his little blue tush. Sonic leaps into the air.
Yeah, I wasn't. So if I wasn't so fast, I would
have been French toast. Parasite introduces Sonic to
fever and anthropomorphic wisp of Fire, who is hot to trot and
lashes out at Sonic, leaping into the air.
Sonic responds by throwing a punch immediately, reacting the
same way one does when grabbing a baking tray in the oven while
forgetting to put on oven mitts with a burn hand and feeling
stupid as hell. That felt a little
autobiographical, yeah. While Sonic stands there nursing
his blackened hand, Parasite winds up for the final blow.
Observe as I finish him off with a blow from my micro bar.
Observe as I finish him off with a blow from my microbe bar.
What is a microbe bar? Or, oh, is it like micro bar?
Is it a joke on micro bar? Yeah.
Yeah, Micro bar, yeah. My.
Crowbar, OH. I'm so I thought it was making
like a mini bar reference or something like that.
OK, like literally OK, OK, but it's spelled micro bar.
That's a. It's something.
Where you don't really hear it until it's said out loud.
Yeah, you're right. You're right, you're right.
I don't know about that Sonny boy soccer.
Blah. Make that soccer black and blue,
you ruffian. Antibody Yanks away Parasites
crowbar and defeats him in one blow, explaining all the way how
Sonic's bravery inspired her to continue to fight as well.
Sonic then runs circles around Fever, drawing out the oxygen
and suffocating the fire out of existence.
Sonic and Antibody stand victorious over the corpse of
Parasite and the smoldering embers of Fever.
Nice job kiddo, you broke the fever.
Thanks for showing up ma'am. Now about the other infected
freedom fighters. Don't worry Sonic, I'm going to
call each one of their antibodies on my 1 celled
cellular phone. We return to the freedom
fighters with X-rays showing their respective antibodies.
Their respective antibodies defeating the invading forces.
Historians will surely document this decisive French loss as the
Battle of Water Blue with his famous recovering Sonic.
Is that is that a comic joke or is that a mic joke that I feel
like that it it could go either way.
That's really good. Mike that's really good with his
friends recover. With his friends recovering,
Sonic bids adieu to Antibody and gallops up the gullet of his
walrus friend. As he reaches daylight, he
realizes that he is still tiny and won't be seen or heard by
his comrades, and he can't reach the enlarger switch on the
machine. Thinking fast, Sonic bounces
into Rotor's nose, gives him a little tickle, and then rockets
out on a jet propelled sneeze right into the enlarger switch.
Sonic stands before his friends, now normal size and somehow not
dripping in walrus snot. You did it, you cured us.
No big thing, Rotor. In fact, it was a very small
thing. With his friends groggily waking
up, Sonic speeds away to grab some food.
Chicken soup. The secret ingredient revealed
to us by Rotor is chili dogs. Thus the reader is clued in on
the grim dynamics of this relationship, as the freedom
fighters cannot escape the childish color culinary demands
of their spiky saviour and of Part 3, so he is like.
Force feeding them chili dogs, like, even if they don't want
it, it's definitely like they're prisoners to Sonic the Hedgehog.
The world's strongest being. Yeah.
The. Older and he truly is like a
teenage thing or like a young person thing, because for me, as
the older I get, the, the more I really need to space out the,
the really heavy greasy foods like that.
It's, it would, it would be bad. I, I that would feel gross
having that many chili talks all the time.
I mean, granted, he does we've, we have implied in the in the
past that he has a higher metabolism.
Sonic does because he because he runs so fast.
So it's like a flash situation. So maybe he can take it, but the
others can't. If that's the case, that's
actually pretty good. But yeah, how did how did we
feel about about this story? I'm gonna before we do that I'm
gonna do a quick auto correct, auto correct correction on
myself really quickly In 95 they had small cell phones.
OK yeah they, they like if it was five years earlier, my joke
would have made more sense. Yeah 'cause it cause. 95 they
definitely. Had like.
They're a. Smaller.
Phone. Yeah, no, no, like actual like.
This big? Oh, OK, OK.
Because in the 80s you were thinking like the brick phone
from the 80s. Yeah, OK.
Which, you know, maybe Gallagher didn't upgrade his phone yet, so
maybe he still had that. It's very possible.
I don't know his life. These are common.
Traders, they're not making that much money out.
Of all of the like, fun nonsensical issues we've had so
far, this is definitely a top tier one.
This is this is S rank. This is one of my favourites.
Fantastic puns all the way down. It's such a.
It's such a complete not non sequitur, but rather like random
ash genre switch that I'm I'm cool with it 'cause they're
they're copying. It's a classic story.
This has been done to death a million times.
The story of the characters osmosis.
Jones, yeah. Imagine school buses, but yeah.
Yeah, everyone does. This is very osmosis Jones coded
well before that movie came came out.
So yeah, no, I'm with it. There's a it is it is from AI.
Think 60s movie. Journey, not journey to the.
Center of the earth, they they. Go.
They shrink the spaceship into when they fly into the body.
Yeah, I remember watching. Part yeah, parts of it on like
some random channel, but yeah it's it it's it it works it
works because it's so silly it's so not not random, but the the
the subject matter is so random. This plot, this classic TV plot
of going into someone's body and.
Yeah, and even the setup, like hey, we just had bad fast food
sabotage, but fast food but from Robotnik.
OK, sure. We're not in the.
This is not a Ken Pender's realm of semi seriousness or try hard
seriousness where it's. It's just I, I, I every
criticism I have of it just goes back to yeah, but it's a, it's a
silly Mike Gallagher's grip, you know?
Yeah, I. It's there's no real criticisms
on this one. It's just a fun, fun little romp
through Rotor's body, that's all.
Which, yeah, OK, you ready to you want to move on?
Yeah, I, I actually, I really don't have any notes, so this is
a fun one. I liked it.
Yeah. What?
Do you think about Mike's script?
I mean, technically it's not done yet.
It's true. You're.
Right, all right, all right, here we go.
But I was right. I should.
Have punched it down a little bit.
The Big Picture Script by Mike Kanturnovich and Ken Penders.
Penciled by Ken Penders, a cloaked figure looking like a
multar from Space Ghost Coast to coast.
Pretty good stands. Totally sorry, that's I didn't
get. Yeah, that's great Stands.
Before a control panel and multiple video screens across
the monitors are Knuckles and the Chaotics crew and a shadowy
figure wearing a Crocodile Dundee like hat whose name will
be revealed shortly. The hooded Observer monologues.
OK, so I actually have to look up Multar.
He's he's the grasshopper guy. No, no, no.
He's. He's not the grasshopper guy.
Oh, oh, oh, he's the. The hooded, the hooded guy who's
in like the center of the volcano.
So so. Yes.
So I'm sorry, are you talking about the comic or are you
talking about Maltar? Maltar.
Yeah, yeah. So.
Maltar, yes. Yeah, he was the he's the guy
basically in like a a hazmat suit, but black and red.
Yeah. Space.
Ghost, let me ask you something. How come you never introduced
me? Do what now?
At the beginning of each show, you introduce yourself.
You introduce Zorak. I just thought it would be nice
one time if you introduced me to I.
Yeah, OK. I had to.
Look up Maltar from Space, specifically the Adult Swim
Space ghost. Yes, and also 'cause he also.
Hangs out in front of like a control panel.
Yes, he does. I.
Think that's. Why, Yeah, I remember his.
Role I forgot his voice and I'm listen.
I was listening to it just now and it's pretty good.
I need to watch some space Ghost.
Man that shit was classic Space ghost is.
Perfect. Yes, it really.
Was he was also the one time host of Toonami?
He was, he was in 3D for a bit and he was a Toonami host I
think for one or two seasons, one or two years, so.
Are you gonna have this guy's voice be multar?
It is. I'm I'm going to try and do
multar space ghost voice right now.
Hell yeah. It's it's it's tough.
It's it's it it's it's pretty like a darker voice and graggly
too. Archimedes has captured Knuckles
allies the chaotics and sent the and and it.
I'm trying not to do Knuckles Brooklyn.
Archimedes has captured Knuckles as allies, the chaotics, and
sent the Guardian of off the floating island on a wild goose
chase. All of them beautifully ignorant
of the big picture. I could be helpful point
Knuckles in the right direction, but at what cost?
By imparting knowledge, I would deny him the opportunity to
acquire wisdom. No, whatever answers he seeks,
he must find from within. And though his path appears to
lead away from Revelation, appearances can be deceiving.
I was trying to do that. The head flips that malter.
The hooded figure points to a screen that one must assume are
their plans. Though they are so simple, it
begs the question as to why write them down at all?
So I really have to. That was a yeah.
Really. You're the word throat coat.
Now that's. That's much more than robotic.
On the screen are the crudely drawn heads of Archimedes
Knuckles and an arrow directing Knuckles towards a Bond villain
esque destination featuring a skull on a mountain is the
hooded figure attempting to lead Knuckles to their favorite
roller coaster, Skull Mountain in at Six Flags Great Adventure
in Jackson Township, NJ. I just love that because he does
what I do. He's like, yeah, let's let's
type in Mount Fate and see what comes up on Google.
So for the record, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a great America kid, so I'm
not familiar with Skull Mountain, but he did provide a
link. Actually, he did put a link in
the script. OK.
And it's straight to the Wikipedia picture.
Thank you. Mike Affleck.
Sure. Unfortunately not, as the ride
did not open until later that year in June 1996.
Perhaps the hooded figure was able to experience the ride in
some manner prior to its opening to the general public, you ask?
Yep, I totally was asking. Well, now you're grasping.
Well, now you're grasping at straws trying to justify
something that just isn't the case.
For if you had taken just a moment longer to read this
panel, you would see that the name of this destination is
Mount Fate, which is decidedly not Skull Mountain.
The story is left to be continued, leaving the reader to
ponder whether they themselves are about to embark on some sort
of narrative roller coaster, while simultaneously leaving the
narrator to ponder. Why the reader is seemingly so
obsessed with roller coasters and now that that actually.
Makes me think he knew of that roller coaster.
The I've come around on this, I'm full circle.
I think this is genius because this is so fucking dumb, this
story. Yeah, this story.
They're trying so hard to be like, there's something pretty
fucking crazy going on here. Conspiratorial.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and then the fact that the Chaotics crew is being watched
by Archimedes, who's being watched by this guy is just so
fucking dumb. I'm in love with it.
It's it's and, and like he, he had, he clearly has the mind of
a child because the plans that he drew are like who has the
minds? Of a child, Ken Penders or this
character, I mean. Ken Penders wrote it so you,
you, you. Extrapolate from there.
Yeah. Well, MM Kanternovich helped, so
he probably, Mike probably punched it up a bit and.
Because the plan. Is literally just a picture of
Knuckles and a picture of Archimedes with an arrow going
to mount fate like that's the plan.
Like so. And he's got like inhibition
poor. And he's got like 1000 monitors
in front of him. Like watching.
It's just, it's so obnoxious and dumb in a way that I'm like, OK,
this is actually pretty good now.
So stupid. I saw that I'm like you are
fucking joking me That is so stupid.
It's so funny and and. The character is pointing at it
too. It's like, yes, yes, they're
doing the thing, you know? What oh do do do do dude, I'm
just noticing the layout of this dude that he's he the the
grandmaster whatever control column Moltar and Zorak by the
name is the grasshopper. I I forgot it like it just thank
you. I was.
Confused. Are you talking about the
Archimedes in the No, no, no, no, no?
So. Doesn't the?
Layout of the monitors kind of look like he's in an emerald.
I do not trust Ken Penders enough for that to be true for
that dude, look at that. Look at that.
No, no. No, that is by.
Design. I concur.
I concur, it does look like an emerald and you're good for
pointing that out. I don't trust Ken Penders.
There's that's no I, I'm saying. I'm saying that would be so
cool. I see to say like what would.
It what if he's like a tiny dude inside like the Master Emerald?
That would be so dumb. I am now wrapped around to this
being the thing. I'm now wrapped around to that
being the thing 'cause. They haven't introduced the
Master Emerald yet, right? You're right.
You're. Right.
What if the Master Emerald is literally a master?
Yeah, no. That's where I'm at.
That's where I'm fucking at because I'm thinking this dude
is like there is always an echidna who protects the Master
Emerald and there's always echidna inside the Master
Emeralds pulling the strings of fate, man.
This is that would I'm. I'm calling it.
I am. I am I am calling that that is
inside the Master Emerald that. There is a Master inside the
Master Emerald itself, and that's why it's called.
The Master Emerald watching. OK.
And. Oh man, I bet they could get
crazy with it. I bet the only reason why it's
called the Master Emerald is because it has someone inside it
and that means all the other chaos emeralds could become
Master emeralds if it had a master inside them.
What? Because it gets.
The lore here is isn't following Sonic lore.
It's doing its own thing. So you gotta you gotta think.
But still think. Outside the box.
Like why? Why?
How could the Master Emerald set up security cameras throughout
everywhere? That's your problem, like I
would think. It would be like some kind of
energy. It's a master.
Emerald dude can't can it do. That much can it like manipulate
items out of? Out of thin air.
That's that's pretty. Low on my problems list of what?
The Master Emerald? Probably more.
Sense can't do. That theory would.
Make more sense if it was like energy readings like he can just
like telepathy, like telepathy or whatever.
But any it would any extremely. Real answer is I bet this is
just a lab and he's just obsessed with emeralds.
That's true. That's very that.
That is probably more likely the case.
I would. It would make more sense to me
that your theory, if it was the like a a Fortress of Solitude
looking thing and all the feeds that he's getting from like the
cameras. It was like, yeah, it's like a
hologram, like a a Marlon Brando situation.
Sure, sure. Sure.
There's also. OK, so he's got a live monitor
feed of the emerald that keeps the island afloat.
And I think the implication is that I and the emerald that
keeps the island afloat is the Master Emerald.
Yeah, even though they haven't said it yet, But dude.
How awesome would that be? It'd be so fucking.
Dumb. I'd be pretty into it.
Like I said this. Is wrapped around to being
genius because of how dumb whatever whatever thing you're
trying to set up. I'm already like this is.
This is honestly like the, this is so indicative of the
espionage kind of stuff Ken Peters just tried to write,
which is the, which is like someone watching someone,
etcetera. Yeah, I, I will say if this is
the angle someone watching someone, I do think it's a, a
little bit of a better conspiracy than Ken Pender's
trying to do the, the, the double whatever with the Sally
miniseries. If you remember that with
Jeffrey, not the Jeffrey relationship, but just Jeffrey.
Being a double. Agent.
Yeah, You know how we could really make it next level if
someone was watching this guy. I'm just saying that was.
That is, that is my hope, that that is what I'm hoping for.
And I I hope it's not something stupid like the freedom fighters
are watching this guy. No, no, no.
I want a third level of some new person.
Yeah, I mean. It would have to it would have
to be another echidna or Jeffrey Saint John or if it OK.
If it was Jeffrey Saint John. That would be cool.
That's exactly. What I was going to say, bro,
OK, All right, let's just stop right there because we're
running away with it. All right?
Up next, Sonic shot script by Ken Penders and pencils.
Pencils by Ken Penders. And boy boy does it show the The
story begins on an open ice rink with Antoine Roeder and Sonic
playing hockey. Antoine accuses Sonic of being a
puck hog, while Roeder remains silent, likely agreeing but not
willing to lose St. cred for supporting the torpy fox.
Sonic tells him to chill out, reminding him it's all fun and
games, which is typical puck hog behavior.
Sonic Sonic winds up and takes a shot at goal slack.
That's that's like the onomatopoeia comic style.
So Slak Slack. The noise we all know and agree
is the universal sound made when a puck is hit.
He shoots, he scores, the puck bounces off Rotor and slides
into a pair of metallic hands. Not quite Sonic, although I
admit it was a nice save on Rotor's part.
Rotor is dumbfounded by the compliment, seeing as he never
gets any from his comrade. Sonic identifies the voice as
Snively. It's not what you think,
hedgehog. Even assistance to the great and
powerful robotic need a break now and then.
What do you mean? This better be good.
You think it's fun fighting against your freedom fighters
all the time? Think of it, no TV over video
games, long hours, bad food, and worst of all, no football or
hockey. Despite having the the frame and
appearance of a tuberculosis stricken orphan, Snively reveals
that he is a sports freak and that when he is checking
monitors, he saw them playing and is now itching to join in on
the game. Rather than just come alone and
play alongside the Freedom Fighters, however, he has
brought a posse of SWAT bots to challenge the heroes.
Sonic grows multiple sets of eyes in response.
What? You're right.
Yeah, he does on that frame in that panel.
For the record, the panel is him looking back and forth between
Tails and and Antoine. But it does look like he has a
lot of eyes. This is Sonic speaking this on
the level strictly on the up and up.
No tricks, no tricks. Well, well, I guess games on.
I just want to compliment strictly on the up and up.
That's that's some good slang there, man.
All right, the puck is dropped and the game begins.
Meanwhile, Dr. Robotnik stumbles upon the monitors that Snively
left running, and he sees them all playing hockey.
He is momentarily enraged, but logic takes over and he senses
an opportunity to strike. Robotnik pilots his ship to the
ice rink, announces himself, and Snively bemoans his boss's
arrival. Robotnik has come with a
proposal for a hockey match. My team against your team.
Winner take all. Winner take all.
What? What's the prize if we beat you?
Exactly what I said, hedgehog. If you win, you and your friends
win. Your freedom and eternal peace,
love and tranquility. And if you win, this is the part
I really like. You and your entire band of
freedom fighters submit to the roboticization process, becoming
my personal slaves. Sonic, despite having no prior
evidence that Robotnik would honor such a deal, accepts one
final rule is established. In the event of a tie, the game
goes to sudden death. Overtime, this will have no
bearing on the match. The puck is dropped and play
begins. The SWAT bots, perhaps in a nod
to the contemporary style of the NHL in the 90s, all begin
playing the enforcer role, elbowing, checking and tripping
the Freedom Fighters, knocking them down to the ice.
Tails attempts to retaliate by tripping a SWAT bot, a perfectly
acceptable style of play, but Sally scolds scolds him,
reminding him that they are the good guys once again harkening
to the timeless Space Wall quote.
Evil will always triumph because good is dumb.
The SWAT bot is on a breakaway, one-on-one with Rotor in the
net. At the last possible moment,
Sonic swoops in, steals the puck, drives to the opponent's
net, and nutmegs the defender, an easy task since the bot opted
to play goalie without a stick. The Freedom Fighters rejoice
because they've won somehow. Typical hockey games last for
three periods and often feature multiple goals, but evidently
everyone is on the same page because Robotic acknowledges the
win. Predictably, he does not honor
the bet, though he allows his enemies to live another day.
Snively smiles on, comforted by getting to watch his boss get
pucked. And I refuse.
To believe that Snively is like low key a sports nerd.
Yeah, I'm same. Here also, why is he dressed so
cool? Yeah, I was I.
Was going to bring that up but Snively 100% seemed like the
type that would be like I would never bring myself down to the
level of brutes that use athleticism to try to like.
You know. One up other people.
So that's why I'm like, I I this whole fucking but like.
He is when he is first introduced.
He is an egor like henchman. Sniveling.
Literally sniveling. And here he's wearing a cool
leather jacket and playing hockey.
Like bro dude I I'm inclined to think this is like alternate
universe Snively. This is cool Snively.
But from like cool Sonics universe from cool Sonic.
Yeah, I don't get it. I I that was a complete like
wow. Do you think someone, do you
think like another group of people should have been the ones
playing hockey with the freedom fighters?
Who could? Do you think of the chaotics?
I honestly, yeah. Anybody the chaotics are I?
Know the technical the chaotics are preoccupied with their story
right now, but I don't think we care about continuity right now
we we have. Well I mean this is just fun
side thing so it could have happened whenever.
I personally would want to see Hamlin on the ice rink, yes.
There would be no steaks because it's it's pork.
But no, there would be no steaks because it's it's Robotnik would
would providing the the, the the bet.
But yeah, it could have been. It could have been anyone.
I, I mean, I don't, I don't have much to say.
I've already it was kind of nothing, nothing issue nothing.
Issue. Well, I mean no.
Nothing. Well, yeah, actually in terms of
in. Terms of the main plot, you're
right, I meant. I meant the hockey one.
The story shout out to. Mike for the Spaceball quote,
which feels very much an attack on neoliberalism.
I forget the context of the Spaceballs quote.
I don't know if they're I, I feel like they it could be
attacking the neoliberal order and just being like cool with
whatever, but that could just be a joke on on on Star Wars in
general. But yeah, for the most part, the
the do you think they would have honored the bet the freedom
fighters? I mean, yeah, I don't.
Know Sonic's pretty fucking dumb, yeah.
Sonic. Dom.
And Sally was like, hey, don't, don't, don't do that.
Tales play nice, play nice. Yeah, that's me trying to.
Extrapolate something from here, I know.
Let's go. To emails, but I'll let's shout
out to Mike F for this kick ass script that was that's pretty
good. Very much written like Nick
would very closely, very closely.
It's like you guys share some kind of humor here.
It's it's awesome. I I.
He's just some guy I met once. Grab my grab your guitar.
Oh, grab your. Grab your guitar.
OK, now it's time for Sonic Grams.
You can right to sonograms. Oh yeah, it's a legally distinct
sonograms. It's an unaffiliated sonograms.
We made our own sonograms, OK. All right.
We have some emails, but I'm going to, I normally try to do
them in the order we receive them.
But concerning the fact that this has been a Mike F centric
episode, I figured I would jump to the e-mail Mike F wrote this
morning at 2:15 AM, which I could only which I'll prelude.
It's a prelude to maybe the state of the e-mail state that
he was in when he sent this e-mail.
I don't know. Years ago, an infamous debate
took hold of the Internet surrounding Ant Man and Thanos.
Fans questioned why couldn't Ant Man shrink himself, enter Thanos
ass, and then enlarge himself ripping Thanos apart from the
inside you're talking about. Thanos, right?
Yeah, Thanos, I I thought. Thanos was also acceptable, so
no. One in the entirety of the whole
franchise or in popular culture, says Thanos.
Well, from my universe. You can't even.
Blame your reading comprehension skills on that one.
I've. I've always said Thanos.
OK. And I'm not going.
To stop now. OK, OK, Regardless of the
answer, I bring that up because in issue #33 the one we just
read, Sonic shrinks himself down and enters Rotor's internal
organs. With all that in mind, what is
stopping Sonic from shrinking himself and entering Robotnik's
asshole and then spin dashing his way through his innards?
Lead. Underwear you think?
Just 24/7 he's wearing lead underwear probably.
Considering how much radiation he's probably around, you think
you think the only thing he's. Protecting is just his balls.
What if? What if his whole lower half
from his waist down is completely roboticized except
for his Dick and balls? That was actually going to be my
answer, but ironically that was my answer was his entire bottom
half. He has no asshole.
That's why. That's why Sonic hasn't done
this. Otherwise that's like game plan
number like 1. Well.
You don't jump straight to the asshole plan.
Excuse me, what's your first plan?
I think I. Think I'm out to dinner first,
Nick? And then throat goat.
So do you think instead of an do you think he still has to?
Do you think he still has to expel waste or has he completely
removed that from his process? I think he has designed his body
in a way where he is very efficient and doesn't need to
expel waste because it is fueling his roboticness, robotic
innards. Because it was either that.
Or some kind of compromise where his asshole opens and closes
like an airlock do. You think he has like a button
that he pushes or does he have? Oh, he can just.
He can just, he can just think it.
Yeah, OK. How big of a?
OK, OK, buddy. All right.
We we have. Fun here.
And that's the issue. Only 300?
No, no, there's got to be another.
E-mail from someone, right? I mean, there is, but OK, we've
been we've. Been holding them back our next.
E-mail is from Plasma K Dear Dom and Rick Diaz.
That's a that's it's a good little Gundam joke.
Oh, OK. Yeah.
Dom is one of the major suits in Gundam, and Rick Diaz is just
one of them. I want, I want, I want.
The jazz. The jazz soundtrack to that one
Gundam. You should watch Thunderbolt.
Yeah, Thunderbolt's good 'cause they, apparently.
Like it's not just a random. It's not just a random jazz
soundtrack. They are like the characters are
listening to free jazz while the fighting.
It's great. That's awesome.
It's yeah. I honestly, I don't know why I
didn't even think of yeah, you need to watch Thunderbolt.
What am I doing? We'll record.
That shit? That's Patreon content baby.
I've caught up to your podcast and question in episode 44
inspired one of my own. How would you integrate freedom?
Sorry, how would you like to integrate Freedom Fighters,
possibly sans sans Sonic entails into modern slash IDW continuity
pie in the sky version or somewhat realistic version?
I asked this question right now while they are still in their
plane state before they are developed by penders and
bowlers. That's.
From Plasma K So I I want to clarify in case we are reading
this question incorrectly, but here's how we're reading this is
that you're asking about the the current IDW run, which we have
not read, right? Nick and I have not read.
Yeah, I think. Yeah, I think you're right.
I think that's how I'm interpreting the question too,
which we haven't read that at all.
Yes. So I don't think we can answer
this question and although I did do think it's interesting I
asked this question right now, I'm quoting them while they are
still in their plain state before they are developed by
penders and bowlers. So the premise, again, we could
be reading this question wrong, apologies.
But for those who are just jumping in as well, the basis of
this show got to talk fast is that we haven't read any of this
shit at all. So literally we are reading it
comic by comic, issue by issue. I should say, like from the very
beginning. So we don't know how Penders and
Ballers are going to develop the Sonic crew.
We don't know how they could be. We don't know their modern IDW
continuity. Go ahead.
So I rewrite. It, yeah, you can interpret it
with the IDW continuity. I think he's asking how do we
interpret the Freedom Fighters into both IDW or the Sonic games
themselves. OK, we can.
Answer that, we can answer that Frontiers stuff.
Like that. OK, well, we haven't played.
Frontiers well. I I played the first like, yeah,
hour of it or so. OK.
We do you do you want to answer first so.
In my mind, the how I interpret the Freedom Fighters is they
only come together under the context of a world under control
of Robotnik, right? And so most of the games and
everything is Robotnik trying to take over the world.
So I don't think they're like actual like they're a group.
I think they would be like fun side characters you would run
into, but they're not part of like the core main team.
I think like. Rotor would have.
A shop, right? And tales would go to that shop
to buy like tools, gadgets. That he needs to build.
His new plane and they talk shop while he's there or like Amy
buns just happened to be friends and they go I.
I hate the fact that I went straight to shopping 'cause I'm
a old boomer sexist asshole. And don't you forget it, you
were just talking. Shop.
Like literally, you said the word talking shop.
Yeah. Exactly.
So like that, that's kind of how I interpret it.
We're like Sally would be, well, there's never been like a
monarchy in the newer version of the Sonic game, so I don't know
who. Yeah, clearly.
The president. I see where you're going.
Yeah. So you're saying they would have
to be side characters? I I would say getting into the
meat of the question, I would integrate them.
You could just make it a nation. Just make it a nation.
The freedom. Fighters Nation.
No, no, no. Just.
Like I know the whole separate whole separate country slash,
nation slash, maybe even continent where it's the same
dynamic freedom fighters, underground rebels versus some
dominant power. Maybe not Robotnik.
I think it would make the most sense with Robotnik.
You the plot could be right. Sonic Forces too.
Did you ever play Sonic? No, he didn't play Sonic Forces,
no. I have.
I have watched the plot, most of the plot to Sonic Forces and
it's a crazy fucking. I won't even spoil it.
Yeah, please don't. But.
You could make their The Freedom Finder's introduction.
Hey, Robotic has taken over this country, right?
And Sonic is dispatched, not dispatched.
But maybe just like he sees this 'cause he's a good guy.
It's like this is wrong. And then he joins forces with
the freedom fighters and that's how you, that's how you connect
them. And I can't.
I do like that. Idea of Sonic and team trying to
go liberate this like country from robotics rule which.
Is a little bit of what Sonic Forces is the plot of that.
That is kind of the plot. I can't spoil anything more
'cause I do want us to experience this together, but I
think we should play that soon, honestly, because now that I'm
thinking about it, it's pretty, pretty awesome.
The the plot, the game, not so much.
But yeah, anyway, OK. That's how I.
Would do it, yeah. I, I think, I think you're not
wrong. I think that's.
Yeah. All right.
And that's the issue. Only 382 left to go.
I'm Nick, I stream at twitch.tv/mojosaurus and my
personal is Blue Sky is at Mojosaurus and I'm.
Dominic, you can follow my Jazz and People power adventures in
Chicago at Blue Collar Jazz. You can also find me on Blue Sky
at Domguan. You can follow us on social tech
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Don't forget to like and subscribe to our channel.
And remember when life keeps going fast, you gotta talk fast
and just get through it. I love you.
Gotta Talk Fast was written by Nick Folkerts and edited by
Dominic Guanzon. Intro and outro themes recorded
by Dominic Guanzon gotta go fast.
Originally composed by Norman J Grossfeld, Joseph Garrity and
Russell Velasquez. Gotta talk, gotta talk, gotta
talk, Gotta talk, gotta talk, gotta talk fast.